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Nostalgia of the Infinite

When did you decide that you wanted to get rid of me?he spoke bluntly, glancing over his

shoulder as they stood on the edge of the quiet promenade with the rain puddles throwing

splashes up her long legs. Her long red hair escaped from the green scarf as they fluttered on her

neatly made up face with more than the usual application of rouge that glowed wildly from the

cheeks.

He blew off the cigar effervescently.

In the distance a train hooted and approached and approached a platform.

Astounded she stumbled on her feet and looked eerily at him then peered fearfully.

From his overcoat he took out black and white photographs of her with another man in intimate

casual moments.

She slowly paced back until she was far from him.

Pause

The wind howled.

She shook her head making the blue eyes and hoop earrings do a sparkling dance.

Sighing dejectedly as tears and the mascara started running down the cheeks.

He took another long drag of the cigar, as the ash on the one end, glowed bright amber.

You had me followed?she whispered.

And to think that he had paid six hundred pounds for tonight and the week after for coming to

this godforsaken hotel in the middle of nowhere, he grumbled to himself.

How long? seems like centuries!he reminisced.

To come each day and be so deeply understood by you would have been the greatest gift of

my life. Alas -

A Pinter moment

He bowed his head and heard the waves lash against the rocks by the levee.

Itsnot like that-

-How is it like? What is deceit like?

Pause

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He turned swiftly and threw the photos, hitting her face.

You know it was going anywhere us it is finished.

Pause

We cannot go on Jack is a good man.

He gave a cocky grin, dragged the cigar again and marveled at the bland acceptance of

everything.

Pause

It was a long time before anyone of the two answered the room service and he noticed the grey

vestibule and the frayed carpet at the foot of the heavy oak door with stained panels made of

green emerald glass.

She paced and slowly sat at the dressing table and added another layer of lipstick, gone pale. He

watched her properly and lit another cigar and blew a cloud of smoke straight to the ceiling thatwent over to the window and raised it a little.

Suddenly he rushed to the dresser and shoving her leg aside he pulled open a drawer and took out

a half empty vial.

He dangled it in front of her. Aghast, she tried to look away and lowered her gaze.

And this how Im supposed to be out of your life!

A Pinter moment

Why Dana why?

Pause

Have I not loved you enough?

Pause

He stood up now, stood defiantly and kept billowing his cigar and tried to sense the roar of his

broken heart.

The atmosphere had become detached.

He tried to catch her gaze. She didnt stir even when hetraced his finger on her arm, tempting to

burn it with the cigar.

Joseph turned to leave but hesitated. He settled in his chair.

How did you plan to execute me?

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Pause

After a while he held up her chin. She looked up with tears.

He pulled away and put out his cigar.

The room was musty with smoke and hopelessness.

David was breathing slowly as he poured a drink of whiskey not facing her.

She was still shaking and with ambivalence she rose.

There is no cure after all1, she thought, walking absentmindedly outside the room and into the

hallway.

Now we have drifted apart and it cannot be changed.

Pause

He has ceased to love me now and where love ceases there hate begins.

A Pinter moment.

She remembered him exactly as he stood before hermild, dull, lifeless, the blue veins of his

white hands, his convulsing fingers and shook with revulsion.

I am the cause of his unhappiness and he of mine.

She thought she loved him but had exchanged it for anothersand didnt argue because she was

satisfied with the other lovethat very idea taunted her now.

Dana didnt know where she was going or why but only that she had to. What could one do?

That she was to suffer and tried to deceive herself. She had to escape her troubles and it lingered

long and hard in her mind.

Drenched in the heavily beating rain she kept walking.

He finds it repulsive to look at me.

As she moved along the crowd, she recalled all her resolutions. It brought up hope and despair at

once and the sounds of her tortured and violently fluttering heart.

She thought of writing a note to him. How tormentingly she loved and hated him.

She passed the platform. The bell rang. Then a movement of luggage, noise and shouting was

heard. The engine whistled and creaked and the coupling chains gave rhythmic jerks as the sound

of wheels slightly ran against the rails.

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Dana shunned the crowd as if they were lepers and tried to remember why she had come.

Everything that was possible was now so difficult to grasp.

The station master asked her whether she was getting on.

She tried to make some audible remark but her rapidly beating heart stopped her breathing for a

while. She walked further along the platform and stood at the bottomat the large iron wheels.

She obliged to wait. A lonely feeling seized her.

Some memories then darkness obscured everything. But she didnt lose sight of the wheels.

Horror struck of what she was doing? Why?

God forgive me for everything! she struggled to say and then threw herself at the wheels.

END