Pictures at an Exhibition:

Friendship Throughout the Ages

By: Nora Polaski

What is friendship?friend·ship

ˈfren(d)SHip/noun

● the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.

● a relationship bewteen friends

● a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations

Friendship in Human Development

Friendship is something we share with those around us. It is something we feel; we trust, love, and depend on our friends. Friendship has played an important part in our development since a young age. Whether we realize it or not, friendship is versatile and meaningful to us at each stage of our life. However, friendships also take different roles as we grow.

Prebirth: Inside the WombWhile inside the womb, we have no sense of what anything is. We are simply part of our mother: she decides what happens to us on a daily basis. At this point, we don’t really have “friendship” with anyone, besides ourselves, but we are not even aware of it. We are growing and developing at a great rate and that is all we have time to focus on, although we are not really focusing at all. Some may consider our mother to be our friend at this stage, while others would say that we are a part of her. While we are inside the womb, we are unaware of others and therefore cannot fathom or focus on building relationships with those around us.

Birth: NewbornWhen we come into this world we are very overwhelmed. We are instantly trying to adapt to our new environment and new people around us. After a couple weeks, we become used to a routine. We are constantly with a man or woman who is comforting us and catering to our every need. This is our first friendship. We may not realize it at the time, but we trust these people who are taking care of us. We cannot do anything for ourselves, so we must rely on others to do everything for us. This is not the traditional form of friendship that we form later in life, but it is still a connection with another human being. At this stage of life, friendship consists of solely depending on our mother to do everything.

InfancyAs we start to grow and develop, we still are very dependent on our parents. We are able to do more on our own but still need help. As time goes on our parents are still our only form of friends, for the most part. We start to interact with others, mimicking smiles, faces, responding to calming voices. These are the things that build the foundation for us to form friendships later in life. Much of what we do is imitation. We may be put into groups of other infant, and with them we imitate as well. We start to develop vocabulary, and attempt to communicate with those around us through that. Eventually we develop feelings such as happiness, sadness, and empathy. By having these we are able to connect with others that are not only our parents, but also fellow infants. These are the friendships we hold; people who we can share basic emotions and movements with.

Early Childhood(Ages 3-7)We continue to grow and develop physically and mentally, and our friendships grow as well. Sometimes we form imaginary friends, who are people who we think would be the “ideal” friend. We have special buddies that we build bonds with, especially those of the same sex. We start to consider how others feel about situations, and take their reactions into account before we do things. We are also starting school within our early childhood, and this is a place that fosters opportunities for friendships. We start to take risks and put ourselves out there, seeing who we want to be friends with and who we don’t. We form preferences of other children that we like to spend our time with, asking our parents for playdates. These are still the early stages, where we form beginning bonds of friendship.

Late Childhood (Ages 8-11)In late childhood we may or may not have a set group of friends. We enjoy spending time with our friends after school or on weekends, meeting at parks or playing outside at each others houses. At this time, we also start solidifying our beliefs and opinions and this may cause rifts or problems in friendship. However, these little arguments or disagreements do not last long and we are often back to playing and laughing before we know it. At this stage, friendship is a place where we can release energy and have fun with our peers. We can be creative and foster environments to use our imaginations, centering our inner selves and letting them come out.

Early Adolescence Before we know it we are teenagers and are becoming more and more independent. Some of us may be trying to push the envelope with our parents and make more of our own choices, and our friends are a source of help for this. We start making our own decisions and choices, whether they agree with those around us or not. As we become more independent, those who we surround ourselves with become more important. Although we are still close with our families and see them greatly we depend on our friends for a lot of support and advice. We feel comfortable telling them about our lives and seeking positive feedback. When our families may hurt or betray us, it is our friends we turn to for love.

Late Adolescence Going through high school and entering college, we become physically separated from our families. At this point our friends are the ones we spend most if not all of our time with. Some people say that “friends become our chosen family.” Without friends, many of us would feel very alone. Many people join clubs or sports teams that not only foster a sense of belonging but also friendship. These are the places where we feel most comfortable and like spending our time at. We know our interests and likes, and our friends usually hold the same ones as us. This is what makes our connections with them so strong.

MidlifeAfter college we often enter the workforce. During this time we are very focused on ourselves and our careers. We may go out with our friends on the weekends or have get-togethers periodically but it is definitely a change from college. If we are in a relationship with someone, they may be the friend we put most of our focus and attention into. Friendship is still important, but we are more focused on ourselves, our needs, and our wants. If we are in a relationship we may often be thinking about the future and families we would want to build. Our friends will always be there for us, but we contact them less. Since we have so much in our minds and lives we put our friendships on the backburner.

Mature AdulthoodBy the time we reach mature adulthood, we mostly have families and are settled down in our lives. Most of our energy goes to helping our spouses and children get through their daily routines. Our children are very dependent on us and this is where most of our time goes. Friendship, much like in midlife, is mostly on the backburner. However, we are now more likely to plan outings with our spouse or a night out with a group of friends, but this happens sparingly. We can consider our family our friends, but this is not the “traditional” type of friendship. Our children may also consider us their friends.

Retirement / Old AgeOnce we reach old age, we have lived full lives and have time to reflect on what we have been through and learned. Our families have grown and may have families of their own. If we have a spouse that is still living, we spend much of our time with them. We may also have friends who are deceased, or who are not able to maintain friendships anymore. For this reason, friendship is more of a luxury at old age. We may have to spend our time alone, but when we are able to go out with our friends or chat on the phone we really enjoy it and spend time catching up.

Death / Afterlife?Even though some of our friends may pass on, we do not forget about them. Sometimes we still have conversations with them, whether it is going to their grave and saying hello or just thinking about them as we do something that reminds us of them. Some of us believe that once we pass on ourselves, we will be reunited with them in an afterlife. Others believe that one someone is gone, they are gone, and you should be thankful for everything you had with them while they were here on Earth. I myself believe that what we do in life echoes in the lives of others that we have met in life. Whatever we believe in, once our friends are gone we do not forget about them, because they gave us the ultimate gift of friendship.

Citations:● image 1: http://familie-relatii.acasa.ro/relatii-de-familie-52/7-lucruri-uimitoare-pe-care-le-face-bebelusul-in-burtica-mamei-

196145.html● image 2: http://womensbrainhealth.org/?s=better+thinking&searchsubmit=Search● image 3: http://legend.az/26913-mum-baby-dad.html● images 4-7: personal pictures● image 8: http://wordsbecomesuperfluous.com/2014/06/02/my-life-as-a-movie-monday-freaky-friday/● image 9: personal picture● image 10: http://parenting-basics.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-secret-to-longer-life-puppy-happy.html● image 11: http://www.katiedidwhat.com/visiting-mom-les-mis-and-zack-doesnt/