Non Verbal Advantage

8/14/2019 Non Verbal Advantage

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HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED...

What kind of impression am I making?

Should I believe what my boss told me?

Am I dealing with a potential buyer, or am I just wasting my time?

Did my whole team understand what I said?

What did the customer mean by that?

How do I know if he really supports my idea?

Is the audience angry, frustrated, interested, or bored?

The answers to such questions are right be ore your eyes.That’s because people in pro essional settings are constantlytelling each other exactly what they think and eel—and ito ten has nothing to do with the words they speak. Yourboss may say that you’ll be considered or a promotion, buti she’s leaning back with crossed arms and a orced smile,she’s sending the opposite message. The customer may sayhe’s not interested in buying that new car, but i he keepsglancing at the contract on the table, he’s telling you that he is interested.

Introduction

The most important thing in communicationis hearing what isn’t said.

—Peter F. Drucker



2 The Nonverbal Advantage

The silent signals o nonverbal communication tend toreveal underlying motives and emotions— ear, honesty, joy,

indecision, rustration—and much more. The tiniest gestures,like the way your co-workers stand or enter a room, o tenspeak volumes about their con dence, sel -worth, and cred-ibility. And the way you sit, stand, or look at others revealsmore about your true intent than you may realize.

Body Language Expertise I’ve been an expert at using body language rom the day I wasborn. You may be surprised to learn that you have been, too.As in ants we displayed a variety o acial expressions to sig-nal our moods and needs, pointed at objects o interest, andbonded with our mothers through the power o eye contact.As children we assimilated those gestures and expressionsthat were appropriate in our amilies and in our cultures.Then, as we grew older, we learned to re ne (and disguise)signals that were too obvious or unwelcome.

We did most o this unconsciously.It wasn’t until I was in a master’s program in college, pre-

paring to be a therapist, that I became aware o the nonver-bal signals that I’d been sending and receiving all my li e.Training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Ericksonianapproaches to hypnosis and psychotherapy taught me howto observe people’s eye movements, acial expressions, andbody postures to discover their inner motivation and resis-tance. When I began consulting to business organizationsand speaking to national and then international audiences,I paid more attention to my own body language so that thegestures, postures, and expressions I used would accuratelyrefect the message I wanted to get across. I use these sameinsights and techniques with the executives and managers Inow coach.




On the other hand, those who have mastered theseskills—not only to accurately decode the silent signals o oth-

ers but also to use body language that is aligned with the atti-tudes they want to project—gain a competitive advantage inbusiness. And that applies to whatever business they are in!

I you are among America’s 2.3 million executives,4.3 million salespeople, 6.8 million waiters, 735,000 lawyers,567,000 doctors, 212,000 coaches, 842,000 police o cers,3.8 million teachers, 1 million security guards—or everyone

else who deals with the public, makes presentations, or nego-tiates with or manages people—your pro essional success istightly linked to your use and knowledge o body language.

The ollowing are just a ew examples o that link inaction.

Leadership The e ectiveness o command-and-controlmanagement tactics declined dramatically with the end o the Industrial Age. Today’s leaders, whether chie executivesor rst-line supervisors, must lead through infuence ratherthan rely on the control (or the illusion o control) that amanagement position implies.

Infuence relies on two things:

the ability to really understand the employee’s perspec-tive, which in turn means listening to what’s being saidand knowing how to read the messages that are beingdelivered nonverbally; and

the ability to communicate congruently, to align thespoken word with body language that supports, insteado sabotages, an intended message.

Education When it comes to motivating students to com-plete their work, nonverbal behavior is a prime actor inteacher e ectiveness. Research studies with th-grade, highschool, and college students ound that learners at all levels



5Introduction

reacted more avorably to teachers who used nonverbalimmediacy cues: eye contact, a rmative head nodding, lean-

ing orward, and smiling. Increasing immediacy behaviorsdramatically improves students’ motivation, how much theylike a class, and their willingness to ollow the teacher’s orpro essor’s recommendation.

Sales The moment salespeople meet prospective custom-ers, the customers are being judged by how they look andwhat they do. The process takes about seven seconds, butthe impression lasts. Making or breaking a sale o ten dependson the nonverbal signals that are exchanged during this ini-tial contact. Attire, body positions, expressions, acial move-ments, and eye contact are all actors to be understood andmanaged by the success ul salesperson.

Negotiation Master ul negotiation results rom being able

to correctly read between the lines o what people are saying.One o the most power ul ways to do this is to acquire anunderstanding o body language. E ective negotiators recog-nize when they need to slow down or speed up the nego-tiation process. They know how to relieve anxiety and calmdi cult situations. Rather than relying solely on verbal cues,however, the primary way they gauge what is happening is

by watching or nonverbal behavior that signals someone’sunconscious, and there ore unmonitored, motivation.

Healthcare The relationship between physicians’ nonver-bal communication skills and their patients’ satis action withmedical care is substantial. Although the physicians’ nonver-bal communication skills won’t a ect patients’ ratings o thetechnical quality o care, doctors who are more sensitive tononverbal cues and who express what the Medical College o Virginia calls “clinical empathy” create higher overall patientsatis action—and are sued less o ten!




Law enforcement When interrogating suspects, insteado just listening or inconsistencies in what is said, trained

police o cers look or minute physical reactions on the aceso people being questioned, such as feeting smiles that mayindicate when a suspect believes he has ooled a questioner.

Customer service It has long been believed that a positiveattitude among employees is key to the e ective delivery o customer service. Research shows that an employee’s abilityto detect nonverbal cues is just as important. An employeewho is adept at reading body language is better equipped toidenti y what customers are truly thinking or eeling.

Virtually Yours I a business leader is going to talk about new initiatives, stra-tegic opportunities, or organizational trans ormations—or i he or she has to deliver bad news—my advice is to do so aceto ace. Likewise, i a team (even one that is geographicallydispersed) is about to embark on a collaboration, I wouldadvise beginning that process with an in-person meetingthat allows team members to get to know one another.

In ace-to- ace interactions, our brains process a continu-ous cascade o nonverbal cues that we use as the basis orbuilding trust and pro essional intimacy—both o which arecritical to high-level collaboration. No such subliminal inter-pretation takes place with e-mail or other electronic discus-sion orums.

Until recently, that lack o subliminal interpretation incommunication technology included videocon erences, butnow Cisco Systems is one o several companies (Hewlett-

Packard and Apple are two others) working on products thatmake the virtual experience almost the same as a ace-to- ace



7Introduction

interaction. I saw an amazing demonstration o Cisco’s Tele-Presence Meeting. Using li e-size high-de nition video anddirectional sound technology, this new generation o video-con erencing makes participants like they are actually sittingin the same room with people who are on the other side o the world (or, in my case, across the Cisco campus in San

Jose, Cali ornia). Best o all, I was able to make eye contactwith my virtual partners, and we could respond to each oth-

er’s expressions and gestures.Videocon erencing is just one aspect o a larger visual

technology revolution that includes vlogs (video blogs—therequent publishing o videos on the Web, eaturing stream-o -consciousness content) and video-sharing Web sites suchas YouTube. What this means or business pro essionals whoused to hide behind their computer monitors is that they will

soon be viewed instead o read. And they will need to sharpentheir nonverbal communication skills.

Cisco’s TelePresence Meeting is the next best thing to being there.




Chapters Outline This book presents a subject that I have ound to be ascinat-ing and valuable throughout my pro essional li e. You’ll ndphotographs, cartoons, “Try This” suggestions, and real-li eworkplace examples. And, o course, in every chapter you’lldiscover the secrets o e ective body language with the sci-ence that backs them up.

Chapter 1: The Five C ’s of Body Language lays a rame-work or the book by giving an overview o actors—context,clusters, congruence, consistency, and culture—that needto be considered when decoding the messages in someone’sbody language.

The next ve chapters take you through the body romhead to toe. Chapter 2: Reading the Whole Body looks atemotional body language, physical postures, posing, andleanings to show how the entire body communicates. Chap-

ter 3: The Eyes Have It explains the power o eye contact,gives general de nitions or a variety o eye movements, andshows how to tell the di erence between a business gaze anda social gaze. Chapter 4: Face to Face covers acial expressionsand the emotions behind them. Included are the six expres-sions that are universally recognized and understood (joy,sadness, surprise, ear, disgust/contempt, and anger), how to

tell a real smile rom a ake one, and the meaning behindhead positions. Chapter 5: Talking with Your Hands looksat hand and arm gestures and shows how they play a partin displaying con dence, openness, resistance, and anxiety.Chapter 6: Feet First explores the ascinating body languageo the eet and the legs—parts o the body where gestureso ten go unnoticed.

Chapter 7: You’re in My Space looks at spatial zones—those distances between people that are most appropriate orintimate, personal, social, and public interactions. In this



9Introduction

chapter you’ll learn why seating arrangements are so impor-tant in business meetings and what someone’s o ce can tell

you about the person.Chapter 8: The Power of Touch examines touch cues,

with special emphasis on the elements o an e ective busi-ness handshake. It also looks at “touching etiquette” in theworkplace and why even a momentary touch can create ahuman bond.

Chapter 9: Translating Body Language across Cultures

looks at some o the cultural di erences in nonverbal com-munication. From greeting behaviors to hand gestures tothe use o personal space to body postures and touch, whateels right in one culture may be ine ective or even o ensivein another.

Chapter 10: Selling Your Message without Saying aWord lets you see how others are interpreting your body lan-guage signals. You’ll learn how to make a positive impressionin that crucial rst seven seconds o meeting someone, how toproject your natural charisma, and how to be more con dentleading team meetings or giving business presentations.

One note: I you think that body language skills are a way toool or manipulate people, you may be surprised to learn thatit’s just the opposite. The nonverbal advantage lies in learn-ing how to use body language to enhance sincere messages o candor, caring, and rapport. You can’t ake sincerity—at leastnot or very long. But then, neither can anyone else.

Skill Building Using nonverbal communication as a business tool meansbecoming conscious o what was previously a mostly uncon-scious process. Instead o just having a eeling about someone,you can learn which body signals led you to that insight—and then decide whether your conclusion was valid. Instead




o just hoping you are making a good impression, you canlearn the nonverbal signals o con dence and credibility.

Mastering this essential set o pro essional skills is not amatter o learning something new; rather it’s becoming awareo how power ul nonverbal communication is and honingyour innate instincts and talents to better harness that power.This means you can become more pro cient at understand-ing and projecting body language in a single reading o thisbook. And with practice you will be able to improve the reli-

ability o your rst impressions; decode eye, acial, and bodygestures with conviction; quickly build rapport with clientsand team members; understand what people are reading inyour body language; and take control o the nonverbal mes-sages you are sending.

Best o all—it’s un! You can sharpen your skills whilewaiting at the airport, during a business meeting or amilydinner, or at a party with your riends. You’ll be amazed atthe insights you’ll gain into what the body language o othersis saying to you—and how much you’ll learn about your ownnonverbal signals. And when you apply these new insights toyour pro essional relationships, you’ll nd that the nonver-bal advantage becomes a key to business success.

Non Verbal Advantage

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