No Small Thing

by Tom SomaPhotography by Bob Ray

SmallThingNo

and other periodic musings

This began as an experiment. For years, our Communications Managers have encouraged me to consider a blog. While not averse to the idea, I never had the time. Then, in early 2011, our staff read Daniel Pink’s, Drive. The book challenged us to devote a portion of each week to an activity that was relevant to the organization but outside our job description. That motivated me to make the time to write. Thus were born my weekly “Musings”—not-so-random reflections on the many wonders that transpire or are inspired here at Ronald McDonald House Charities® of Oregon and Southwest Washington (RMHC®).

I never intended to compile them—until I received a photograph from Bob Ray and wrote the July 9 piece, “A Shot of Courage.” That effort made me think that the pairing of my favorite musings and Bob’s favorite photos might be appreciated by friends of RMHC.

So, here they are: nine photos and 24 essays. Though presented by calendar date, the pieces were actually composed and posted between August, 2011 and July, 2012. I hope you enjoy the reading (or re-reading, as the case may be) as much as I have the writing.

Tom Soma

Tom has served as Executive Director since February, 1999. His weekly musings can be found at rmhcoregon.org.

from the writerRMHC: nO SMAll THIng

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If they make a highlight film of my life, shooting images for Ronald McDonald House will be top of that list. All of us are so easily lost in the maelstrom of our own lives. But our daily struggle is nowhere near the difficult days of these special kids and their families at Ronald McDonald House.

I am a professional photographer in California and eight years ago followed my heart to new York City—then again, nearly two years ago, to Portland—all to shoot images pro bono of these little heroes who fight every day to live another day. My images here were all captured at both Ronald McDonald Houses in Portland—printed and given to the kids and their families at no charge—and offer a glimpse into their lives through their eyes and expressions.

Capturing these moments is the reason I’m a photographer. And I could talk for the rest of my life and not convey the powerful impact these images—and these kids—have had on me. I am blessed to have this opportunity and to have met the wonderful people at Ronald McDonald House in Portland.

So, welcome. Tom and I, and the special kids and families at Portland’s Ronald McDonald Houses—we’re all very glad you’re here.

Bob Ray

Bob is shooting and teaching photography around the world. He can be reached through his web site: www.bobray.net.

from the photographerRMHC: nO SMAll THIng

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Dedication ............................................................................................. vii

essays

no Small Thing ...............................................................................08

love in Action ..................................................................................09

On Birth and life..........................................................................10

leaping Mindfully ........................................................................13

grandma’s Here ...............................................................................14

To Have and To Hold ................................................................15

Destined to Serve ...........................................................................17

naming Your Days .......................................................................19

Story Crossings ................................................................................21

One good Word ............................................................................23

More than Just a House ...........................................................24

A Shot of Courage ........................................................................25

Deaths in the Family ..................................................................27

Interruptions ......................................................................................28

Unexpected Pleasures .................................................................30

Security Blankets ............................................................................32

Circling ...................................................................................................33

Images of October.........................................................................35

Healing Power ..................................................................................38

Magnetic Force ................................................................................40

nice-giving ........................................................................................41

Conversations with Paul ..........................................................43

Real Meaning ....................................................................................44

Wonder and Hope ........................................................................46

Acknowledgments .............................................................................48

contentsRMHC: nO SMAll THIng

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TO OUR gUeSTS—who offer daily inspiration.

TO THe STAFF—who create such a wonderful environment of comfort and care.

TO THe BOARD OF TRUSTeeS—whose enthusiastic service gives me strength and whose friendship and support are rare gifts.

TO OUR vOlUnTeeRS—who truly “make the House a home.”

AnD TO OUR DOnORS—whose generosity enriches the lives of thousands of children and families each year.

dedicationRMHC: nO SMAll THIng

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eARlIeR THIS MOnTH, in Tucson, I joined 105 executive Directors from the U.S. and Canada for our annual gathering. It’s always helpful to compare notes, commiserate, and catch up with colleagues who’ve become friends over the years. And it’s refreshing to hear the heartwarming stories that make our jobs so rewarding.

This year, I was especially impressed by the increasing sophistication of our organizations—particularly Chapters like ours with larger Houses and multiple programs or facilities. Despite the economic pressures, changes in health care, and challenging family dynamics that effect operations, we’re all persevering with confidence and hope.

What’s most encouraging is the reminder that what we

do here is also occurring at more than 300 Ronald McDonald Houses® around the world! every day, up to 8,000 families are being cared for by thousands of staff members and volunteers, and tens of thousands of donors.

Everywhere there are sick children far from home. Everywhere there are worried families who need a place to stay while their children receive medical treatment. And nearly everywhere (in more than 50 countries), Ronald McDonald Houses are helping.

I’m reminded of Mother Teresa’s observation: “We can do no great things—only small things with great love.”

There’s great love here. In the end, that’s no small thing.

original post date JAnUARY 23 | essay 01/24 | RMHC

no small thing

08

I JUST FInISHeD THe BOOk, Peace is Every Step, by the vietnamese monk and teacher, Thich nhat Hanh. In a concluding chapter, “love in Action,” nhat Hanh offers 14 principles to encourage mindfulness.

“Do not avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes before suffering,” is the fourth principle. “Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. Find ways to be with those who are suffering, by all means, including personal contact and visits, images, and sound. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.”

That’s a good description of what occurs here. We certainly see our share of suffering. Yet, the Ronald McDonald Houses are not sorrowful places. Those who work, volunteer, and donate here are relatively happy people.

Which made me wonder: What’s the other side of suffering?

For some guests, it’s relief; for others, exhaustion. In most cases, eventually, there’s triumph; in a few, for a while, deeper grief.

For staff members, volunteers, and donors, the other side of suffering is compassion. By opening our eyes and hearts to the pain of others, we heighten all our senses to the beauty and joy with which we’re also surrounded.

If we go far enough—embracing both the suffering and whatever exists on the other side—I believe we eventually experience love in its most profound sense. Which, I suppose, is another way of saying that love is its own reward.

original post date FeBRUARY 6 | essay 02/24 | RMHC

love in action

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One OF OUR gUeSTS is going to have a baby tomorrow. After delivering the child by C-section, doctors will perform the first of several surgeries to repair a diaphragmatic hernia. Twelve other families are here with newborns—welcomed into the world with compromised hearts, lungs, and other organs that make the first days, weeks, or months of life far more challenging than anyone would wish.

Twenty-nine years ago today, I became a father. kate’s birth remains the defining moment of my life.

As a parent, you bleed differently. It’s the most amazing and befuddling and awesome of responsibilities. Once you’ve taken a step down that road, the journey never ends—even when your children grow up.

I’ve been lucky. Five hours after she was born, kate was home, napping on my chest. Since then, she’s spent just four days in a hospital—two for an infection when she was 20, and two after the birth of her son in September. neither of my other daughters has ever been hospitalized.

Why is one child born with an affliction that may compromise her for life, and another reaches 29 with barely a scratch?

In my 13 years here, I’ve yet to meet anyone who can answer that question.

What I have come to appreciate is that our supporters fall into two categories: those who’ve been touched by our hospitality (either directly or indirectly), and


on birth and life

10

continued

those (like me) who’ve been fortunate enough never to have required the loving embrace we extend. Together, we persevere—despite our inability to understand the unanswerable mysteries evoked by the cause that unites us.

Today, I celebrate kate’s birth and her continued health. As I anticipate the arrival of our newest guest tomorrow, I’m reminded that neither of those gifts should ever be taken for granted.


11

continued

As a child, I was taught that, if I knew, really, that today is the only day that I’ll have in the world, with what care would I live that day—with what care would I look at you; with what care I would talk with you; how carefully I would listen to you; how I would look at the world around me! And I think that is a good approach to life, because then if tomorrow comes, you will have lived a very full yesterday, and you’ll be much better prepared to live anew today.

– Yul Brynner


leaping mindfully

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We geT An exTRA DAY this month—24 more hours to enjoy. How will you invest the time?

I’ve already made appointments for breakfast, lunch, and dinner on February 29—with old friends, new friends, and the “friend of a friend” I’ll be meeting for the first time. no matter how the rest of the day plays out, I intend to heed Yul Brynner’s advice and try to take better care of how I look at and listen to those around me.

Here, where existence hangs in the balance for

many of our children and families, it’s hard not to be cognizant of life’s tenuous nature. But even that heightened awareness doesn’t fully capture the essence of Brynner’s childhood lesson. Who really knows what might happen the next day or hour or minute?

leap day is a quadrennial reminder of our inherent good fortune. But each day offers occasion to adopt a more care-filled approach to life. Hopefully, we embrace the opportunity more than once every four years.

OUR DAIlY HOUSe ROSTeR has a section for notes, in which we share critical updates for each of our guest families. I couldn’t help but smile when I read this recent entry: Grandma’s here from Las Vegas.

grandma’s here! Just the sound of that makes me happy. As it turns out, we currently have three grandmas in residence.

Among their numerous virtues, grandmas are especially attentive—not only to their own grandchildren, but to all children. kids gravitate to grandmas—and grandmas are uniquely suited to manage the pull.

The thought of my own late grandmas evokes decades-old memories. Cherished sights, smells, and sounds weave themselves into a virtual security blanket—one that can be instantly re-summoned whenever I long for that distinctive warmth.

Passing through the kitchen Thursday, I watched one of our grandmas playing games with four children—only two of whom belonged to her. It felt like home—or at least the next best thing.

Sometimes, the next best thing isn’t so bad.

grandma’s here. It’s sure nice to have her.

original post date MARCH 05 | essay 05/24 | RMHC

grandma’s here

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SABRInA gOT TO HOlD HeR DAUgHTeR for the first time on March 9. What made the event noteworthy is the fact that the aptly-named “Stormy” was born 23 days earlier.

We see many high-risk births—and infants who remain in critical condition for an extended period of time. But it’s rare for a child to be so seriously challenged that her parents can’t hold her for three weeks.

Stormy endured a nine-hour “life-saving surgery” on March 5. For the past week, Sabrina has had scheduled holding times. And while she enthusiastically shares plenty of photos, she’s not sharing any of the holding time! not even with her mother, who’s been with her throughout the ordeal!

I don’t blame her. I’ve never encountered a baby I

didn’t want to hold—and have to restrain myself from reaching out whenever I’m in the vicinity of almost any child! I can’t imagine how difficult it would be waiting 23 days to embrace my own…

I’m sure Stormy’s feisty name—which has helped her weather these arduous early weeks—will continue to serve her well in life. And, as a parent myself, I also know there may be moments when her mother longs for a less spirited child! When that inevitable time comes, I hope Sabrina can quickly re-summon the gratitude she feels now whenever she simply holds her daughter.

There’s a lesson here. To have a baby is one thing. To hold that child—as Sabrina learned and we witnessed—is another gift entirely. We do well not to take it lightly.

original post date MARCH 19 | essay 06/24 | RMHC

to have & to hold

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No Small Thing

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