8/3/2019 No Clue? Look in the D.O.G.S.

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Not a Clue? Check the D.O.G.S.

By Dale Short

If you're an older person such as myself and you have occasion to talk to

people who are under the age of, say, 30, you've probably encountered the

phenomenon.

Without thinking, you insert into the conversation a figure of speech or acultural reference that makes their face go instantly blank.

This week I was talking to a young editor about the number of deadlines I

was juggling, and remarked: "I feel like the guy on Ed Sullivan with the dinner

plates."

Blank.

I explained to him that Ed Sullivan was the host of a popular variety show

on TV in the 1960s, and that one of the acts he featured was a man who could keep

a long row of dinner plates spinning on the tops of flexible steel rods.

A metaphor just isn't the same if you have to explain it. Explaining makes

the person's eyes shift from "blank" to "glazed over," and at that point your original

idea is done for.

A 20-something individual was talking about the sorry financial and political

state our country is in, when I commented "We have met the enemy, and they are

us."

Blank.

"Pogo," I said helpfully.

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Blank.

"Walt Kelly," I added.

I was on the verge of regaling her with my favorite Christmas song fromPogo, "Deck the halls with Boston Charlie / Walla Walla, Washington and

Kalamazoo / Norah's freezing on the trolley / Holly, golly cauliflower and Alley-

Garoo..." But I sensed that my work there was done.

All of which is why I propose a new reference source for use in such

situations--which, as our population ages, will only become more and more

widespread. True, you can Google most of this stuff and eventually end up with the

answer, but separating the digital wheat from the digital chaff can be time-

consuming.

That's where my reference volume "Dictionary of Old Guy Stuff," or

D.O.G.S., comes in. It's packed to the gills with the kind of stuff that old guys

know about, and it's alphabetized and cross-referenced to boot.

No longer will youngsters in the prime of their lives remain trapped in the

endless dinner table conversations of their grandparents and in-laws, without a clue

as to what's being discussed.

No more embarrassing mistakes, like thinking that Fibber McGee and Molly

are a thrash metal band whose drummer is in the closet, or that Riddle Me This is a

new drug for Attention Deficit Disorder.

Now they can go straight to the source. Because D.O.G.S. is exclusively

written and annotated by people my age and older, future generations will gaininsight into the thoughts that have been preoccupying their elders, all these years.

True, it's not a pretty sight. But then, nobody promised them a rose garden.

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(A reference, by the way, that in D.O.G.S. takes you to Joe South, Lynn

Anderson, Country Music, and Billboard Charts, No. 3, rather than what you're apt

to find on Google: Gardening Advice.)This breakthrough reference book also explains the origins of such cryptic

sayings as, "Grandma's slow, but she's old."

Speaking of which, an exact publication date has not been set. At first we

were thinking fall-ish, but that term has bad connotations for folks our age so we've

changed it to "in limbo." Not to be confused with the dance version.

Advance orders are welcome, of course. Just don't get your knickers in a

knot (page 174, et al) if it doesn't show up in your mailbox soon enough to suit

you.

Now, you know how it felt for us to ask, "Have you cleaned your room,

yet?"

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(Short is a native of Walker County. His columns, books, photos, and radio

features can be found on his website, carrolldaleshort.com. His weekly radio

program "Music from Home" airs every Sunday night at 6 pm on Oldies 101.5 FM,

is carried live online at the station's website oldies1015fm.com, and is archived

afterward on his website.His e-mail address is dale@carrolldaleshort.com)

http://carrolldaleshort.com/http://oldies1015fm.com/http://oldies1015fm.com/http://carrolldaleshort.com/