Negotiations: Separate the People from the Problem
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Transcript of Negotiations: Separate the People from the Problem
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Getting to YesSeparate the People from the Problem
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Chapter 2
Separate the People from the Problem
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Difficulty
• How to deal with a problem without:
• People misunderstanding each other
• Getting angry or upset• Taking things personally
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Negotiators are People First
• Human Beings– Emotions– Deeply Held Values– Different backgrounds
and viewpoints
• Unpredictable
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The Other Side is Prone to:
• Cognitive Biases• Partisan Perceptions• Blind Spots • Leaps of Illogic
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So Are We
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Blind Spot TestTo draw the blind spot tester on a piece of paper, make a small dot on the left side separated by about 6-8 inches from a small + on the right side. Close your right eye. Hold the image (or place your head from the computer monitor) about 20 inches away. With your left eye, look at the +. Slowly bring the image (or move your head) closer while looking at the +. At a certain distance, the dot will disappear from sight...this is when the dot falls on the blind spot of your retina. Reverse the process. Close your left eye and look at the dot with your right eye. Move the image slowly closer to you and the + should disappear.
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Human Aspect of Negotiation
Helpful Hindrance
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Helpful
• Process of working out an agreement:
• Produce commitment to a mutually satisfactory outcome
• Relationship of trust, understanding, respect and friendship
• Later dealings smoother and more efficient
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Disastrous• People get:• Angry• Depressed• Fearful • Hostile• Frustrated• Offended• Egos are threatened• See the world from personal
vantage point• Confuse perceptions with
reality
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Misunderstanding
• Fail to interpret what you say in the way your intend
• Do not mean what you understand them to say
• Reinforce prejudice• Lead to reactions • Produce
countereactions
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Vicious Cycle
• Rational exploration of possible solutions becomes impossible and
• Negotiation fails
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Game
• Scoring Points• Confirming negative
impressions• Blaming• Legitimate, substantive
interests of both sides no longer addressed
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Preparation Refocus
Before starting…• craft a simple
statement you can use to explain the goal of the negotiations. Something you can use over and over during the negotiations to refocus the players.
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Example
• Something like, “My client is interested in buying the house and your clients are interested in selling the house. What can we do to get this deal done?”
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Throughout the Process
• Am I paying enough attention to the human aspect?
• Deal with others sensitively as human beings prone to human reactions
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Two Kinds of Interests
Substance Relationship
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Relationship
• Maintain a working relationship good enough to
• Produce an acceptable agreement
• And effective implementation
• If one is possible given each side’s interests
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Disentangle
• Unbundle the relationship from the substance
• Base relationship on • Mutually understood
perceptions• Clear two-way
communication• Express emotions without
blame• Forward looking• Purposive outlook
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3 Categories of People Problems
• Perception• Emotion• Communication
• Be aware of these tendencies in yourself
• Your anger and frustration may obstruct an agreement beneficial to you.
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Perception
• Differences are defined by the difference between your thinking and theirs
• Conflict lies not in objective reality but in people’s heads
• You don’t necessarily need to focus on knowing more about the object or event
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Optimist/Pessimist
• Each represent half the reality; each has it half right, and half wrong
• The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.– F. Scott Fitzgerald
• Anything less is delusional
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Perception
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Truth
• Truth is simply one more argument
• Perhaps a good one, perhaps not
• For dealing with the difference.
• Fears and hopes are real.
• Facts may do nothing to solve the problem.
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Put Yourself in their Shoes
• Try on the other side’s point of view.
• How you see the world depends on where you sit.
• Try to see the situation as the other side sees it.
• Withhold judgment and try on their views
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Biases
• Cognitive bias• Anchor bias• Distance bias• Confirmation bias• Amos Tversky and
Daniel Kahnemann
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Reduce the area of conflict
• Understanding their point of view is not the same as agreeing with it.
• To influence them you need to understand empathically their point of view.
Their View
TruthYour View
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Perception
• Don’t deduce their intentions from your fears• Don’t blame them for you problem• Discuss each other’s perceptions• Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with
their perceptions• Give them a stake in the outcome by making
sure they participate in the process• Make your proposals consistent with their
values
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Emotion
• Take stock and understand emotions
• Theirs and yours:– Nervous– Angry– Confident– Relaxed
• Careers may be at stake• What is producing the
emotions; why are you feeling this way?
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Core Concerns• Autonomy
– Desire to make choices and control your fate
• Appreciation– Desire to be recognized and valued
• Affiliation– Desire to belong
• Role– Desire for meaningful purpose
• Status– Desire to be acknowledged and
understood
• Identity– Self-image and self-respect
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Emotion
• Make emotions explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate
• Allow the other side to let off steam• Don’t react to emotional outbursts• Use symbolic gestures
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Communication
• Negotiation is a process of communicating back an forth for the purpose of reaching a joint decision.
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Communication Problems
• May not be talking to each other in a way to be understood
• They may not be hearing you; not paying enough attention to what you say
• Misunderstanding• Misinterpretation
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Listen
• Actively and acknowledge what is being said
• Pay attention• The cheapest concession
you can make to the other side is to let them know they have been heard.
• Repeat what you understand them to say and phrase it positively
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Communication
• Speak to be understood– Reduce distractions with
private and confidential means of communicating
• Speak about yourself, not about them– Describe a problem in terms
of its impact on you
• Speak for a Purpose– Sometimes the problem is
not too little communication, but too much.
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Good Will
• Prevention works best• Build a working
relationship• Face the problem, not
the people• Sit on the same side of
the table
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Summary
• Keep working at it.• Deal with the people as
Human Beings and the problem on its merits.