Negotiating Skills

• Negotiation is the art of conferring to reach agreement

• Time and information are the keys

• Person with the most information will usually achieve the better outcome

Negotiating Skills

• Prepare well and listen for further information

• Avoid listening with intent to reply

• Ask questions to ensure you have understood

• Ideal outcome is win/win, then both parties feel positive about the way forward

Successful Negotiation

Show respect:• Success rests in accepting differences in values,

beliefs and perspectives

• Promotes understanding of another viewpoint without having to agree with it

• Genuine interest builds trust, making it easier to solve future problems

Successful Negotiation

Collaborate:

• All negotiated work is completed by consensus

• Usually both (or all) parties give something up to gain common benefit

Working with Others

• Need to handle your own and other’s behaviour

• Human interactions are complex …..

• Many potential outcomes to any situation, depending on behaviour of the parties

Working with Others

Range of behaviours:

• Passive

• Aggressive

• Assertive

Passive Behaviour

• Avoiding upsetting people • Stating needs in apologetic way• Covering up your feelings• Relying on others to know what you want• Avoiding commitment• Trying to win approval

They never get what they want and are frustrating to work and interact with

Aggressive Behaviour

• Ignoring other’s needs and feelings • Making decisions for others• Winning at all costs “My way is the only way”• Stating opinion as fact• Using ‘put-downs’, sarcasm, gossip• Invading personal space• Attacking others’ ideasAre constantly suspicious and emotionally draining

Passive/Aggressive

• Inability to approach the source of problem

• Try to rally support rather than tackle the problem directly

• Make negative comments about individual(s)

• Drive a wedge between individuals they see as a threat

Stressed individuals who eventually explode

Assertiveness

Assertiveness is saying what you think, want or feel without denying the

thoughts, needs or feelings of others

Assertive Behaviour

• Stating needs and feelings honestly

• Open gestures, even speaking pace/tone

• Identifying what they want (not don’t want)

• Giving/receiving feedback comfortably

• Think/talk positively about themselves

• Effective, active listening

Benefits of Assertive Behaviour

• You are more likely to get more of what you want more often

• It makes you feel good about yourself and your behaviour (can be as important as achieving successful outcomes from difficult situations)

• Perfect for dealing with aggressive and passive behaviour

Assertiveness

• Seems simple in philosophy and action, but is not necessarily easy to put into practice!

• Our genetic makeup and environments (previous and present) give us our unique set of feelings and behaviours

5 Steps to Assertive Behaviour

1. Understand the problem from the other person’s perspective

2. State your perspective

3. Suggest a solution

4. Ask how they feel about your solution

5. Listen to their solution if they don’t like yours

5 Steps to Assertive Behaviour

• In Step 2, you must establish anything that is not negotiable

• Steps 3, 4 and 5 can be repeated as often as necessary

• Sometimes necessary to re-state your perspective (especially if not negotiable)

The 5 Steps to Assertive Behaviour

1. “I understand that’s how you see it or what you think/want/feel”

2. “My understanding is or I think/want/feel”

3. “I suggest you/we do xyz”

4. “How do you feel about that?”

5. Listen to their alternative solution

The 5 Steps to Assertive Behaviour

1. “I understand that’s how you see it or what you think/want/feel”

2. “My understanding is or I think/want/feel”

3. “I suggest you/we do xyz”

4. “How do you feel about that?”

5. Listen to their alternative solution

The 5 Steps to Assertive Behaviour

NEVER USE BUT

(and however can be dodgy!)

Everything before ‘but’ is a lie!!

Assertive Behaviour in Action

• Making requests

• Broken record technique

• Scripting

• Fogging

Making Requests

• Everyone has the right to ask for what they want and everyone has a right to refuse

• Keep it short and concise

• Don’t sell on flattery

• Don’t apologise for you request “I’m sorry to ask, but…”

• Clear your mind and relax

Scripting

• Prepare a mental or written script

• Explain your perspective

• Acknowledge feelings and empathise

• Make few demands and compromise

• Outline potential consequences

Broken Record

• Repeating over and over what you want (use with non-negotiables, or when faced with clever, irrelevant arguments)

Fogging

• When you disagree, agree in part

• Introduce your counter argument

• Unexpected agreement deflates the other person’s argument

• Limits the hostility by highlighting common ground unexpectedly

Conflict Resolution

• From time to time conflict is inevitable

• Natural inclination to shy away

• Ultimately causes escalation

• Minor conflict becomes major conflict

Conflict Resolution

• Poorly communicated messages lead to negative interpretation

• A desire only to win the battle makes it harder to listen to and empathise with the opposing point of view

• People appear to be listening but aren’t

What Skills are Needed in a Conflict Situation?

• Active listening

• The use of I-messages

• The avoidance of you-messages

Active Listening

• Listener repeats (in their own words) what they think the speaker has said

• Speaker can confirm or clarify

• Good when there is potential for escalation

• Slows the conversation, allowing people to ‘cool off’ before responding

I-Messages and You-Messages

• I-messages only use statements about you and your feelings

• I-messages start with “I feel/felt”

• You-messages start with an accusation

• “You did/you are….”

I-Messages and You-Messages

• I-messages are more likely to be helpful and less likely to cause escalation

• You messages suggest blame and encourage denial and further escalation

I-Messages and You-Messages

• I-messages state the problem without blaming someone for it

• Easier for ‘opponent’ to help solve the problem, without admitting wrong-doing

• They are less likely to provoke hostility, blame back or defence

I-Messages and You-Messages

Very useful when for patient record audits!

I-message

“I feel, that as they stand currently, the minimal information recorded could cause you difficulties if another dentist were to see your patient in an emergency.”

“I also feel that if there was a complaint, you are leaving yourself vulnerable to potential litigation”

You-message

“Your record keeping is hopeless, no-one else would have a clue what you’ve done or said and you’re in real danger of being sued”

I-Messages and You-Messages

• The I-message allows the dentist to agree

• You have stated a fact and said how you feel about it without attaching blame

• It allows him/her to ask you for help and be involved in the solution

• You can imagine where the you-message conversation would go next!!

I-Messages and You-Messages

• Remembering to use I-messages can be difficult

• In an escalating conflict situation there is strong tendency to blame your opponent

• You-message is more natural and more consistent with your view of the problem

FeedbackFeedback

Affirmative Maintains good

performance .

Developmental

• Intended to communicate which behaviours are

working well and which are not

Helps people to see what they need to do better..

Giving Effective Feedback

• Balanced

• Objective

• Observed

• Specific

• Time bound

Balanced

• Praise sandwich

• Self disclosure recognising their own strengths and weaknesses

Works well /Change next

Ask the dentist:

1. What they are proud of (works well)

2. What needs to be improved (change next)

You then raise good points and areas for improvement

Objective

• Describe behaviour not opinions

Observed

• Focus on the here and now not hearsay/ reputation

• Use “I” statements not “you” statements

Specific

• Give accurate detailed information

• Avoid woolly statements and/or beating around the bush

Time Bound

• Given at the appropriate time

• Don’t give feedback and run!

• Give time for action planning

DENIAL

ANGER

RATIONALIZATION

ACCEPTANCE

RENEWED ACTION

Receiving Developmental Feedback