Holden Penaranda

Block 3

Grade 9

February 15, 2011

Now Recording

“What are you scared of? Many proud people will stand with their chin up, head held high

and answer, ‘nothing’, most will be honest and give a more common answer like ‘spiders’ or

‘heights’. Not me, no I’m different. This is a question I struggle to answer because I’m not quite

sure what it is that I’m not quite sure what it is that I’m scared of, I kinda know but I don’t know

what it is. You know when you’re driving home late at night, and you think you’ve seen

something in the road, it’s a thick shadowy figure and you swerve to avoid it but nothing was

there? Or when you’re walking, or looking at something to your side and when you turn to look

forward again you jump back because you think something’s in your way but again nothings

there, or what about when you’re lying in bed half asleep and half awake and your half having a

dream, in the dream you fall, so to stop yourself falling you kick out in your bed, then you sit

bolt upright wondering what just happened. Just any of those things that make your heart stop,

those things that cannot be explained and simply make no sense. Well that’s what I am scared

of,ßput a semi-colon here… use semi-colons wherever you have an independent clause. You

also should break this up into separate paragraphs. It will help with the overall flow of the piece.

Every four-seven sentences is a good measure to start with… or you can just end each paragraph

where your thought for that particular paragraph ends. I don’t know if it’s simply because of the

horrible symptoms it gives you or if it’s more than that, I sometimes wonder if I’m only scared

of it because I don’t know what it is. I suppose it could be many things really, maybe its God

punishing me for my sins, maybe its Death making me aware of his presence, maybe it’s an

unexplainable evil force taunting me before it makes its move? All I know is it’s getting pretty

scary, it’s starting to scare me now, it’s happening to often. It seems as if you resolved your

paragraph issues here…

I’ve spoken to friends and family about it and they all understand were I’m coming from but

they say it rarely happens, but with me its constant, every journey I take in my car, every walk,

every sleep, this whatever it is, is here with me. Other things have happened, strange

unexplainable things, for instance I walked into my mom’s house on mother’s day Mother’s

Day(.) I gave her giving her an a bunch of pretty flowers, my mom thanked me and took them

from my hands and said ‘I’m going to need a vase’ then from the top of the stairs, fell a huge

vase of the shelf, it rolled down the stairs and landed perfectly up right at our feet. I don’t

understand it.

I’m going to let you in on a secret now, I’ve never told anyone about this because I’ve been to

too scared of the results that would happen; seven months ago, a few days after my birthday I

was lay laying wide awake in my bed, my body was tired from my birthday night with my cool

friends, and so was my mind was burned from a hard day’s work but for some reason I could not

sleep, it was like something was stopping me, I did feel a presence but I was too afraid to believe

it. ßThis sentence could be broken up and rewritten for clarity. I looked over to my window and

the curtains fluttered in the corner, ßAgain, you need to double-check sentence structure and

sentence type. I thought nothing of it until I realized all of my windows and doors were closed, I

sat up in my bed and concentrated my mind on everything, every movement and sound or even

touch. The breeze came again but this time it was stronger, it flowed, fluently past my head. It

almost felt like it was whispering in my ear, ‘Paul’, ‘Paul’. My hands were shaking and my

whole body trembling by this point, my lips quivered and my body tingled, it was like nothing I

had felt before. I scanned my room again but was too scared to leave my bed, in the far corner I

saw a light, only a small one floating gently in the air, I blinked quickly and wiped my eyes to be

sure that this was real. As I turned my head back towards the corner it was still there but it was

growing, the light grew brighter and stronger, then… Tense wise this seems to be pretty well put-

together.

… Blackout.

Indent àEverything went dark and my body was at rest, but my mind was running wild. I don’t

know if I was sleeping or my eyes had been sealed, I can’t really remember what happened. All I

remember was a voice, a soft voice, almost gentle and kind. But the words that voice spoke were

far from gentle or kind. It’s strange really; I don’t remember anything other than this,

‘I have watched you closely and stayed in your presence,

I have watched you at low points I have watched you in essence,

These words I am speaking will stick with you dearly

So I am going to speak them ever so clearly

You have wronged in your life and you do not regret

Ever so soon your sun will sunset

You’ll be wiped from this earth

thirty years since birth

Your sins will be punished

This planet malnourished

I am you in your brain

Ill drive you insane

I will keep pushing, these visits will worsen

Not long from now you’ll no longer be person

End all this soon and all will be over

Nothing can save you.’

I’m scared for my life now, since then it got worse just like he said, I can’t explain whatever’s

happening, it makes no sense I remember those words like they are written on my palm yet I

don’t remember falling asleep, or waking up ß Some of these sentences seem like they could be

revised for clarity. You also need to maintain tense and double-space. I just remember being sat

(confusing word choice) in the same place in my bed still searching for that light but those words

were ringing in my head.

There’s a voice in my head that keeps telling me to do things, the same voice that spoke to me

that night, it tells me to do things, I try to fight it but this thing in my mind usually prevails. I was

reading an article yesterday about a woman who had voices in her head telling her what to do

and eventually it started telling her to kill herself, she tried three times each time by setting

herself on fire and then in the hospital claimed that this voice was telling her to but then on the

fourth attempt she succeeded, what if I’m like her. I don’t want to be a freak, I don’t want to be

front page news in the local newspaper, ‘SPLIT PERSONALITY PAUL SPLITS HEAD IN

NASTY FALL’ that’s not me.

Since these things have started happening it’s got me thinking, and I do remember being

mocked in school for having an imaginary friend, but it seemed so real to me at the time, he used

to tell me to do things as well, nothing bad, just little things like when to work hard in lesson and

when not to, maybe he’s back. They do say that certain mental problems can be there one day

and be gone the next, then it can come back again; no that can’t be it, it makes no sense.

I’m sick of all the psycho therapy they keep forcing me to attend, they just won’t listen. Ok,

the tablets do help my thoughts go way but not for long. It always comes back so it can’t be what

they say it is. I’m recording this message from my top floor bed room in the Hilton you see, I

thought I might as well end this with class, I’m holding the hammer I bought, there’s a reason

they don’t have open windows in top floor bed rooms.

OK! I’m going to leave the recorder on the bed

the recorder picks up more noise after Paul puts it down, first just the sound of the recorder

rubbing against the bed sheets. Then, a loud BANG. The door has been kicked in. Finally, the

recorder records the narrator Say in a voice containing pure horror, “Oh, Shit”

The voice recorder picks up a deep muffled laugh. The recorder is shifted around some more

than picks up the sound of a thud as it is dropped to the floor.

The voice recorder records nothing but silence for eleven hours, then at one o’clock the next

day, one of the workers begins to knock on the door to clean the room. ‘Mr. Croft (nock nock

nock) Mr. Croft, room service.’

Just as the voice recorder records the key card slide in the door, the battery dies.