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NANOWRIMO

Tanya Adjeju walked down the road, a slight skip in her steps, she was dressed in a skirt suit and pinkish camisole with purple sandals and a large bag bearing her laptop and everything else that she needed. She had on a weave that was neatly done, salons were getting better in Nigeria, she thought to herself with joy in her heart. She thought back to the last four years and she had to give God thanks. She had fallen into the hands of the wrong person quite by mistake and she had literally gone through the wringer all because of a man’s ego. The bible didn’t lie when it said that the heart of man was desperately wicked that who knows it? If you had told her this exactly four years ago, she would not have believed.She did have one thing to be thankful for. She had gone into the situation a naïve, carefree young girl and emerged a beautiful young woman. She would have ended up bitter if not for the grace and mercy of God but God knew beforehand and had prepared her for the event and instead of evil, the situation had birthed something beautiful in her spirit. She had a depth that could not be measured and a definiteness of how she wanted her life to look. It had birthed a confidence in God that would not have come through if she was still the spoilt 18 year old college spoilt brat. God had a way of arranging

journeys that brought out the special things that He had already put in our spirit.

Tanya climbed the stairs murmuring to herself, she was humming to her omnipotent God because she knew that it was going to be a great day. In the last two years, her elder sister had gtten married and now had a beautiful nephew, gazing into his face was a miracle, the glee she saw in his face, restored her soul, she could stare at his face forever. It was now that she was convinced that she was indeed a woman, with a woman’s heart or maybe her babies were calling to her. She smiled to herself and mumbled greetings at the people she came across. The workplace had always been a mystery to her because there was either one conflict or the other always going on. She didn’t believe she belonged in a workplace, this after 3 years at a workplace, if it wasn’t the sabotage, it was the strife, quarrelling’s and name callings; they wearied her soul. You never quite knew what anyone wanted. It was cut throat all the way, you just had to wait and see. She had promised her God that she would keep and open heart and throw away that thought that had been lodged in her conscience for two years that everyone was a wolf out to get whatever they wanted at whatever cost. Her bestie assured her that such a

reasoning was too melancholy and that people who survived in the office environment had to have a little bit of detachment to their professionalism. Well that was the problem, wasn’t it? She possessed none of those qualities. She could produce excellent work at the right time, that was professionalism abi (yeah, as long as she maintained and emotional equilibrium of 50). See, how could she maintain a level equilibrium when her work thrived on her passion being on a high of about 500. If she stayed at 50, her work would be lacklustre. But if she gave her passion to pigs, they would manipulate and control her. What was the solution, she wondered as her hand massaged her head, trying to calm a non-existent headache. It might seem super human but she never had headaches, she had absolutely no explanation for this except that when she surrendered her life to the Lordship of Jesus, those were part of the things she asked for. Nobody gets their salvation like that, right? Wrong. Jesus had to practically beg her to allow Him lordship over her life because she did not want to trust Him. Why because she trusted herself too much and yeah, she wasn’t planning on giving up her fashion sense. So she took the lord through a series of questions and when she was satisfied, she had cried –she who never so much as shed a tear for anything, she was the ice

princess – she cried buckets and then surrendered her life. It wasn’t easy o, good thing about it was that the Lord was keeping his side of the bargain.

The only thing left was in the choice of a husband. She had so many options who were ready to tie the knot and start sharing a house and expenses but marriage was so much more than expenses now, the older ones made you see only the work, the younger ones made you see the benefit –having sex. Last time she wasn’t a guy so that was kind of not top of her list, talking to someone and actually enjoying her conversation was top of her priority. She had had enough of worship from her last boyfriend, worship and placing her on a pedestal had precluded the chance of having an honest conversation. To be worshipped but not have the joy of sharing minds and heart was not for her, no siree, now maybe she could concentrate on work for once and not live inside her own head, even if it was a pretty head.

***

What’s up with the boyfriend? She was listening to her baby sis giving her coaching lessons on relationships. She must have bagged an F in

relationships in college and an A in “ITK” short for ‘I too know’ in naija slangs. Her grandmother was always fond of scolding her and reprimanding her on her mouth speaking in her dialect and telling her how men didn’t like a woman who was too intelligent, just cook well in the kitchen and satisfy them in bed and you will be fine. She sighed in her heart as she remembered her grandmother’s word, her grandma had passed away not long ago, well into her nineties. Her grandma had been a belle and had married at the age of 15 to one man, left shortly after when her husband tried to prevent her only daughter from going to school. Her grandma was simply a treasure, her heart tightened at the thought that she did not give her grandma the best she could have. This simply taught her that she should be living her life in the present and not thinking too much. She moved to the kitchen made Indomie (a kind of pasta sold in Nigeria) and an orange drink and went upstairs to watch a movie on her laptop as she considered briefly the poverty in the nation at the time. Her joy was that she wasn’t going to experience the suffering. She intended to be the giver during this modern day famine in Nigeria. Her pastor always told her that people like her make it in life; she always screamed when she heard him but she never understood those words the way she understood

it now. She had had a long day at work, had just spoken with her boyfriend on the phone. She was with him because he was safe and wanted a simple life. He had great steady stable plans, something that she appeared to have on the surface but deep inside her, she was as impulsive as they come. So her unstable temperament and his stable one, she would have an easy time of it, no games, he was as simple as they came. All that remained was to check his endurance level and his commitment to God and she would decide, -not to forget his temper. It had not escaped her the number of women who had been killed by their husbands in 2012 and she kind of knew a friend or two whose husbands practiced boxing on them. Was domestic abuse on the rise? Or were women just being more vocal about it? Her bestie assured her yesterday that they weren’t; it was the dead ones that were making the deadlines.She grimaced to herself, this world was funny o, some people were out there creating new inventions and gracing the front of TIME magazine and the like and all some people wanted was to beat some woman. Well, it’s the devil. Or so the preacher on the street said. In her church, everyone was perfect, if the women got beaten, they never said anything about it as when a woman opens her mouth, she should

expect a beating. She did not agree but that was not the information that was going to dwell in her mind today, she had more important things to think about.

She changed out of her suits and told her sis Cara to help drop her plates in the sink; one of the few benefits of being older than Cara. She changed into her champagne teddy and lay down to retire for the night, work wasn’t quite as easy as she thought it would be, anytime the day was over, she hit the sheets and didn’t say holla until it was 4 am in the morning to a grateful, good morning Jesus. She prayed and thanked God she didn’t have to go through traffic that tied wrapper as one of her bb contacts was always saying, every day at about 8pm at night. Cos she never made it home on time. She remembered briefly the song that Bebe & Cece (gospel musicians) serenaded her with that afternoon at work. That was as much as a serenade she was going to have without any payback. The youths of her generation had twisted minds, most of them, so every good deed always expected a payback. It was a total rotten world but her bestie said, just be tough a little, not too much.O maybe she’s get it right tomorrow, she sure didn’t today. Her supervisor told her she wasn’t

friendly enough, sometimes she wondered, if he meant she should pretend to be friendly. Really this world did not deserve her heart of gold. She didn’t want to change it so much either because God was pleased with it this way.

***She was feeling a headache thingy and it was no one’s fault but hers, she had been confessing a headache for days thinking she was an American. Well she had it. It was strength and a weakness, whatever was before her eyes or anything she heard became her present hour reality. She had spent two weeks meditating on the wrong stuff and so the results she was getting she could not complain about. How did it feel to be surrounded by enemies? She didn’t have to wonder, it was something she lived with every day. Many times she just wanted to leave of her own accord so that everyone could continue living by sight and declaring what they did not believe. Until you believe a thing, life is meaningless. She believed in Jesus Christ and this was her choice, she wasn’t going to change it for anyone. It was really annoying, fighting a battle that wasn’t necessary. Everything was a mess of a battle, sometimes she wondered if any worth it- minister was going to visit her church again, she hadn’t heard any word of life in ages. She had grown up learning the ways of the kingdom, life lived in

any other way was frustrating. But in this she saw the truth, that narrow is the way that leads to eternal life and few there be which find it.By the grace of God, she had found her way to Jesus and to live the way He called to. She hadn’t mastered walking in love but she was still on the journey. She didn’t spend the precious time she could stay in the word, judging others, at least she tried not to.

Do you know that it is possible to get lost while working in a church? If you did not KNOW that the word of God is the final arbiter, you would get so lost that it would be difficult finding you again.Just the other day, a guy who had been a pastor’s assistant got in touch with her and told her his issues, she had no concrete answers for him, other than that he hold on to God. The boy/man was on the brink of losing his faith inn God. Maybe because his faith wasn’t in God so much as it was in his pastor. That young man was messing with enthusiasm. It underlined one fact to her, that only by the anointing resting on you can you solve the issues of man. It is God who solves the issues of man, in order that you don’t destroy anyone, you must be putting your trust in Jesus every day.

She needed to talk to her sister right now. she did not want to carry anyone’s load, she was not in the mood to carry anyone’s issues, she wasn’t that nice. Carrying the load of another, go read in the bible, that is the sole responsibility of Jesus Christ, he says come unto me all ye who are weary… only Jesus can handle weary people. He has a PHD in handling weary people. people with messes and baggage, He handles them good. Everyone else will get tired because human strength wasn’t created for carrying baggage. Holy Spirit, help me understand that I can’t carry another’s load and I shouldn’t try, instead, I should trust you with the baggage of others and be satisfied with giving a word that would direct their heart to you.

***Saturday, any time I start my day full of joy, there’s always one person or the other who wants to intrude and bring to your notice their opinion or their advice wanted/unwanted. Why can’t they just understand that sometimes you just want to be heard and other times you want to be. Some people can pick at you so much with their thoughts and judgmental attitudes when they don’t have anything better to offer. They just want to tell you how to wear your own shoes. They should be busy with their shoes but your

own shoes kind of look better to wear. They can tell you all kinds of ways to wear your shoes. Those kinds of people were the most tiring.Another kind of people were the ones who were born again but only knew how to live judgmental, they picked at every and any one, no one was good enough for them, they had this imaginary standard that everyone had reach or be condemned to hell, a hell of their own making no doubt. She heard about the fight that happened in the office when she wasn’t around. One guy accused the other of his salvation not being complete; he became literally a raving lunatic. He was spitting accusations at the other guy.Why? Same old story. He was wondering why God had given sonship to this former bad boy and he hadn’t graced him, a former good boy, I don’t even know how true that is; with sonship. That is simply because sonship is not for sale. Sonship is the prerogative of the father, he gives it to whom He chooses and you can’t earn it either. Kinda of like a call! This former bad boy is anointed and I can bear him witness, because I knew him when he was a kid and all of the things he got up to and I know that he has been touched by God. Maybe because I have sonship too so I know that he does too. In bible circles, it is said that the people who know you are the ones who don’t believe in your calling because of

the familiarity. Well, maybe cos I am called, it is easy to believe in another’s calling. I just don’t know what I have been called to do. I also didn’t have any idea that I would have so many adversaries, it is scary.It is easy to almost give in to fear but if David could have God waging war on his behalf and preserving his throne, so can i. I believe in the God of my salvation or like I said this morning, I believe in my Father who stood up to have mercy on me, when I had been calling on Him for nine years. What stops me from having faith in Him after I have come so far?Well, yeah, you got it; I am having faith in my father.

I can be so temperamental, yeah I met with the boyfriend possibility and he’s laid out his plan, he wants to get married, so do I, it is just that I do not want to get married to him, that would be murder/suicide, literally a disaster. The longer I take to tell him I aint interested, the more stressful it would be right, right! I knew I wasn’t interested the moment he met me, my bff said, give guys a chance and so I did. This guy said all the right things but something inside me was just dead, it didn’t respond.Ever since I got born again, when I want to do something, my spirit responds, this time my spirit

was just dead inside, no response. So I know that if I married this guy I would become spiritually dead. Right now, I feel like I am in a coma spiritually so what difference would it make? I am disobeying my soul.

***Another day, another naira, am I deceiving myself? I am surrounded by enemies. I feel like David in the bible. Just a note to self, I am so not interested in the David in my office and I refuse to steer clear of the topic of the ‘David’ in the bible just because of him. He is so unimaginative, he would stifle me. I would disappear, yeah, I know there’s more to marriage but I don’t fit the textbook, I never have, plus I have my parent’s marriage as a reminder that the end does not justify the mean. I got a new one today; I owe my kids a good dad. Yeah, that sounds right. So I am still interviewing prospects but I wonder if mr right might not slip by while I am busy interviewing prospects because my spirit tells me that I would know mr right immediately I see him. For my sisters sake and my various bff’s I have to keep interviewing them. I am also going to have to be downright nasty to some brothers in church even though they are giving me a nasty reputation, but if “I no do, I no do”. (Pidgin of ‘not interested’).

O Holy Spirit, I need some inspiration, I need your help badly because I feel like my environment is draining me of inspiration. I just want you to kill him so that I would have a rest, he keeps pulling me from inside and I have no doubt that this is not godly, why doesn’t he expend his energy pulling on God and not man. Honestly I have no idea why men believe on what they see rather than on God? I believe in the almighty God because of my pastor who happens to be a man in every sense of the world and confident too. This environment is driving me crazy and all I want to do is leave. I don’t feel relationship any longer but I am having faith that Jesus hears me every day and that He loves me dearly, that doesn’t change.I think all great people get gossiped about and so I am going to live with it. They are trying to break me from inside. At least I know that my family are safe where they are, and the only way for me to win is to fix my eyes on Jesus in spite on what is going on outside.I always thought people would be happy to hear a prophecy but these ones weren’t expecting the prophecy, it was like a death knell and they fought against it with all they had. Honestly I didn’t believe in the prophecy one way or another, I took the part that concerned me and my family, ministry, who gives a hoot? I enjoy

preaching the gospel but this dog-eat-dog character where I cannot wait to tear down another soul, I am so not down with it. I am laughing but neither my eyes nor my teeth are laughing, I can’t wait to tear you down so I can become what I want to wait. Wait a minute; I will become what God has called me to be no matter your schemes. It’s called destiny.

***

***She was feverish all through Monday and Tuesday, it was frustrating and annoying only to get to work on Wednesday and they (the management) were frustrating her with office protocol. She was pissed angry at the protocol. Why couldn’t they just trust that she was telling the truth? A faith based organization for that matter. She had just endured a stressful weekend so she didn’t mind slowing down during the week. Back in the office and to her suspicious mind, everyone is acting up. Sometimes she didn’t think she belonged in this world. She did things because it was the right thing to do or it was what she wanted to do. Most people did things

because they were thinking of what it could get them in the nearest future.Was she praying recently? No. was she getting the right zings now that she wasn’t praying? Yes. Was it impressing her? No. she had waited so long that any nice thing she got now wasn’t a big deal. She didn’t need convincing to know that God is good. She had already gotten that through the years that she had lived as a Christian.Did she have a challenge as a Christian? O Yes. So many! But her main challenge was still the one she had always had. How do you know what anyone is really thinking? How do you know that peeps are not with you for the things that they think they are going to gain? How do you know your bff is not your friend because of how it will benefit her? How do you know that she’s not betraying you? How do you know that she does not gossip about you? Well you must have guessed it. I had a bff who proved not to be true after all. It is not a great loss because I had already been expecting her nonsense. From my tone, you should know that I cared about her, she was my best friend at one time, after a while though, there was no honesty between us, the transparency was missing and the friendship wasn’t worth it anymore.

I used to miss her but she is no longer the person she used to be, the smile has gone out of her, the light in her eyes has gone out, she is no longer happy. She told me she was getting hooked soon, and I am happy for her and worried at the same time because she is settling for someone she doesn’t feel anything for. I mean, you should feel friendship, platonic friendship ever before the sex-thing, you should feel comfortable but she feels nothing, she just knows that she’s getting married. She’s pretty and all that, so any guy should be happy to be getting married to her. I think she’s selling herself short but she’s so distant now, I don’t think my advice would mean anything. I think I will pray for her sha!See. I still love her. She’s just not my friend any longer. I have never been married but I know that at least after 3 months, you wake up to real life. I might just text her about it, she would have more things to gossip to her brother about me. It’s not my fault really, she trusted that the wolves were her friends over me and when they were done feasting on her carcass, they didn’t wait to crack the bones.I discovered how to cope with their bullshit, you walk in love like crazy or you would lose out and become like the wolves and then you would be no good to God or to yourself. There would be no point to the Christianity because you would be

wondering what kind of life you were living anyway because it would bear no resemblance to Christianity.Another day at work, what did she accomplish? The regular! She hadn’t accomplished anything spectacular today. It was as usual. This wasn’t the idea God had for her, God had a plan where every day would be special.