Modern Family - House of Cards Fix.pdf

MODERN FAMILY “House of Cards”

By Ville Huoponen

Contact: ville.huoponen(at)gmail.com

iwishicouldlikethat.blogspot.com/

ACT ONE

INT. CAMERON AND MITCHELL’S PLACE - DAY

Cameron and Mitchell in the kitchen.

MITCHELLI know, I know.

CAMERONI’m behind you one hundred and ten percent.

MITCHELLI know. Even though you actually can’t give more than one hundred percent.

CAMERONWell, Lou Ferrigno gives one hundred and ten every time.

MITCHELLYeah.. but he’s not a lawyer.

INTERVIEW CAMERON AND MITCHELL - DAY

Cameron and Mitchell on the couch.

CAMERONAs you probably know, my Mitchell is an environmental lawyer.

MITCHELLAt least for now.

CAMERONThe thing is that Mitchell had a case which he thought he was going to win.

MITCHELLYes.

CAMERONBut for some reason it doesn’t look that good anymore.

MITCHELLNo.

2.

CAMERONIn fact the chances that Mitchell is going to win are as high as..

Cameron waiting for Mitchell to answer. Mitchell’s got nothing.

MITCHELLI’m sorry, I’m a bit nervous.

CAMERONHe thinks he doesn’t have much of a chance.

Int. Mitchell and cameron’s place - bedroom - day

Mitchell putting his papers together.

MITCHELLI mean, I think the judge might be biased, doesn’t listen to my arguments.

Cameron nods.

MITCHELL (CONT’D)He’s basically taking the side of the defendant.

CAMERONThe big money.

MITCHELLWell, not exactly big..

CAMERONBut money.

MITCHELLYes, the defense team is really good. My former employers. I don’t know. So much for not bringing your work to your home.

INT. PRITCHETT HOUSE - DAY

Jay on the couch talking on the phone and going through some sort of a collection.

JAYI know Claire. I know. (THEN) Right. Sure. I understand. If you want me to look after Phil, I can do it. (THEN) No, it’s not a problem.

Then Manny comes in from the school.

3.

MANNYHoney, I’m home.

Finally.

JAYGloria’s not here, Manny.

Then back on the phone.

JAY (CONT’D)We’ll talk about this later, okay?

Ends the phone call. Then Manny goes to the living room where Jay is.

MANNYJust trying to be funny.

JAYYou did amuse me so you’re doing fine.

Manny comes closer to look at Jay’s collection.

MANNYWhat’s that?

JAYOh this?

MANNYYes.

JAYIt’s the whole, well almost the whole set of nineteen fifty two Topps baseball cards.

MANNYI didn’t know you collected those?

JAYYou didn’t because I haven’t shown you these before.

MANNYSo, why are you looking at those now?

JAYFor decades I’ve been one card short of having a full collection.

MANNYYes.

4.

JAYAnd today I’m thinking of buying that card. From a charity auction.

MANNYInteresting. Is the card expensive?

JAYLet’s just say that if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.

MANNYDoes Gloria know about this?

JAYNone of the women know about this. Which is a good thing. Because they might not understand.

MANNYDon’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Can I take a look?

JAYYou may. (THEN) (softly) Careful.

Manny being careful.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - ALEX’S ROOM - DAY

Haley shows up while Alex is doing stuff.

HALEYHey, how’s it hanging?

Alex gives Haley a look.

ALEXFine, I guess. I’m going out soon.

HALEYWith a boy?

ALEXDoes it look like that?

HALEYYeah. It looks like you’re going to clean up something. So I hope not.

ALEXWhy do you care?

HALEYWell..

5.

ALEXThere’s nothing good on tv?

HALEYNo.

ALEXYou can’t talk with your friends?

HALEYI forgot my iPhone at Jenny’s.

ALEXSo?

HALEYAlso, Luke is with the xbox playing some stupid game.

ALEXYeah.

HALEY..and even the refrigerator is empty. There’s really nothing in the house that would interest me - and that includes your secret stash of m&m’s.

ALEXSo after all those things failed, you decided to spend time with me.

HALEYYeah. (THEN) So is it okay if I hang out with you?

ALEXI sense that you’re trying to say something.

HALEYI just feel like I need to talk to someone.

ALEXOh.

Alex gives a puzzled look.

MAIN TITLES

INT. MITCHELL AND CAMERON’S PLACE - KITCHEN - DAY

Mitchell eating hurriedly. Cameron worried.

6.

CAMERONYou know, are you sure it’s going to be fine?

MITCHELLNo, I’m not sure, but I have to pull it off.

CAMERONIs it a big event? Is the press going to be there?

MITCHELLNo, not that big. (THEN) Well, maybe someone’s reporting. Haven’t paid that much attention.

Cameron looks at the newspaper.

CAMERONOh, I think it’s the one here. Look, closing arguments today, it says on the paper.

MITCHELLI don’t tend to read that stuff. What does it say?

Cameron reads.

CAMERONIt says, ...if I’m not wrong... that you’re probably going to lose.

Mitchell even more worried.

MITCHELLThank you very much.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - DAY

Then the doorbell rings. Claire goes to open the door. It’s Jay.

CLAIREHey, thanks for doing this.

JAYOne’s gotta do what one’s gotta do.

Claire not sure.

CLAIRE You kinda sounded like you wanted to go there when I talked to you.

7.

JAYWhat I said is that I can do it, it’s okay. Not a problem.

Jay pondering.

CLAIREYou have something that you want from the auction too?

JAYWhat would I want? I mean come on, look at me, I’m old.

CLAIREI don’t know, it’s just a female instinct. And when I get a hunch, I’m usually never wrong.

JAYExcept that time when you thought Sally Whalen had a crush on me. That time.

CLAIREYea, well..

JAYAnd when you thought Jimmy Boyd had a crush on you.

CLAIREYeah..

JAYLet’s just say that doing this won’t be a problem. I mean, if I bid for a hockey jersey, so what. A couple of hundred bucks at most.

CLAIREIt’s Phil that I’m more worried about. A couple of hundred bucks times ten.

JAYDon’t worry. I’ll handcuff him if I have to.

They reach Phil.

CLAIREHey, Phil, I hope it’s not a problem if Jay hops along with you to the auction?

8.

PHILNo, no at all. Awesome. (THEN) Just between you and me Jay, if I find something that I want, you’ll be my deep pockets, right?

Claire, annoyed, looks at Phil and then looks at Jay.

JAY(to Phil)We’ll talk about that later.

Claire not happy with the answer.

CLAIREI’d better go let out some steam.

PHIL(to Jay)Thanks, dad.

While going out, points with her finger to Jay, who nods.

END OF ACT ONE

9.

ACT TWO

EXT. SOMEWHERE NEARBY THE DUNPHY RESIDENCE - DAY

Alex and Haley together walking. Alex finding and picking up litter.

HALEYDo you really do this every week?

ALEXNot just every week, I do it almost every day. See.

HALEYYeah, it sounds, well, like the coolest thing ever. Not.

ALEXYou’re wrong. This is actually pretty cool.

HALEYI don’t see how it could be.

ALEXIt is. Trust me. Every piece of litter that you pick up makes you feel better about yourself.

HALEYRight.

ALEXSo what did you want to talk about?

HALEYWell.. I haven’t exactly felt good about myself lately.

ALEXYou haven’t?

HALEYNo. Nothing’s really gone my away. I mean, I think almost everyone sees me as a bad girl. Mom, you.. my college. The guys. (THEN)Sometimes it feels like the whole planet is against me.

ALEXYou know that’s not true.

10.

HALEYBut that’s how it feels. I don’t know. I feel like my whole life is so empty. I wish I could do something good for once and not just fail at everything I do.

Alex then sees an empty tobacco case.

ALEXYou wanna take it?

HALEYI don’t know.

ALEXTake it. You’ll feel better. I promise.

Haley struggles..

HALEYI don’t know..

..but decides to pick it up.

ALEXDo you feel better already?

HALEYI’m not sure.

ALEXOkay then. How about one hundred a day? Ninety-nine more to go.

EXT. CAMERON AND MITCHELL’S PLACE - DAY

Mitchell getting into his car. Cameron ready to step into his.

CAMERONHave a good day. Anything that you want from the store?

MITCHELLThank you honey. And no, unless you bring some good quality Swiss chocolate.

CAMERONCheck.

11.

INT. MITCHELL’S CAR - DAY

Mitchell trying to get his car started. It won’t start. It just won’t.

MITCHELLNot today. Please not today. (THEN) Oh man, I must have forgotten the headlights on or something.

Cameron watching.

INT. CAMERON AND MITCHELL’S CAR - DAY

Cameron driving.

MITCHELLOf course this had to happen.

CAMERONYou could have taken a cab.

MITCHELLI know. But we’re on a tight budget.

CAMERONYou know I heard you say before that you used to be a real ace at giving closing arguments.

MITCHELLI thought so too. But remember how it went. I gave, in my opinion a perfect speech to the jury ... and yet my client settled.

CAMERONMaybe it was the fault of your client.

MITCHELLYeah, sounds really plausible. I give the speech of my life and then my client chickens out. My client.

CAMERONI’ve seen you give some good speeches -

MITCHELLWell I really have to give one today.

CAMERONJust think what Ally Mcbeal would do.

12.

MITCHELLReal life isn’t like Ally Mcbeal.

CAMERONIt should be Mitchell. It should be.

Cameron emotional.

INT. AUCTION HOUSE - DAY

Jay and Phil getting to the room.

JAYYou know, I think I have to tell you something.

PHILYeah, I know.

JAYYou do?

PHILClaire sent you to look after me, right?

JAYYea.

PHILI mean, why else would you get here?

JAYWell, you never know how things turn out. Maybe I find something that might interest me.

PHILOh cool. (THEN) So you have something in mind then?

JAYYou’ll see.

Jay and Phil taking seats.

AUCTIONEERAlright gentlemen.. and ladies here too. Welcome.

PHILYou know, just because Claire doesn’t want me to buy anything from here, doesn’t mean that I can’t make my own decisions.

13.

JAYI know.

PHILI mean, we don’t prevent them from going nuts on the fifty percent off days.

JAYI know.

AUCTIONEERThe first item that we have on sale is the autographed hockey jersey, Los Angeles Kings, Kurri, number seventeen with a signed rookie card from nineteen eighty-two.

PHILIf it had been Gretzky I would have been interested in it.

Jay nods.

AUCTIONEROkay, the starting prize for this collector’s item is three hundred dollars.

Phil looks interested.

AUCTIONEERDo we get three hundred dollars?

Looks like no one is interested.

JAYIt’s pretty cheap if you ask me. Easily worth a thousand if you find a fan who wants to buy it.

PHILIt would look good in my office.

JAYFire away if you ask me.

PHILI don’t know. What about Claire?

JAYCome on, feel the rush.

PHILYeah..

Then, since Phil doesn’t do anything, Jay makes a bid.

14.

AUCTIONEERAlright, we have a three hundred dollar offer. Do we get more?

JAYNow it’s too late for you to offer.

PHILRight. I get you.

AUCTIONEERDo we get more? Going once.. going twice.. sold to the gentleman who just made a great deal.

Jay waving politely to everyone.

PHILYay, Jay.

END OF ACT TWO

15.

ACT THREE


Alex and Haley together.

Haley finds an empty cigarette case. Alex has one too. They show each other their findings.

HALEYI need a minute.

ALEXFeeling better?

HALEYYeah a bit. (THEN) Does anyone else know that you do this?

ALEXNo. Not really.

HALEYI thought you’d be running around telling everyone what a good person you are. At least I would.

ALEXI don’t think everyone needs to know everything about you or me.

HALEYEveryone seems to know everything about me.

ALEXWell..

HALEYYou know I don’t really know that much about you.

ALEXThat’s because we don’t really talk much.

HALEYMost people don’t anyway.

ALEXOkay. What do you want to know about me?

16.

HALEYI don’t know.

ALEXYou know there _are_ some things that people don’t know about me.

HALEYThere are?

ALEXWant to hear one of my bad secrets?

HALEYYeah.

ALEXAre you sure?

HALEYIf you’ll tell me.

ALEXI won’t tell you.

HALEYWhy? (THEN)

ALEXBecause I’m a good girl.

Alex fake-smokes a stub. Haley smiles.

EXT. PARKING LOT COURTHOUSE - DAY

Cameron has parked the car.

CAMERONDidn’t notice there’s a mall next to this place.

MITCHELLDid you park the car correctly?

CAMERONI did. Take it easy. Take it easy.

MITCHELLOh. I just hope that everything goes well.

INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY

Gloria putting their groceries on the line. Manny looking at some collectors cards.

17.

GLORIAI hope we got everything.

No response from Manny.

GLORIA (CONT’D)Manny.

MANNYYes. I think we did.

Manny still looking.

GLORIAWhat are you looking at?

MANNYNot much at anything.

GLORIAWere you looking at those collectors’ cards?

MANNYI don’t know. Maybe.

GLORIAYou know what Jay would say about those.


Claire running sees the girls.. and stops. She can’t believe what she sees. Are her daughters smokers?


The girls see Claire.

HALEYLook, there’s mom.

Claire jogs to them.

CLAIREHello girls.

HALEYHi, mom.

CLAIREHaving a good day?

ALEXIt could be more interesting.

18.

CLAIREOh is that so. What exactly were you doing here? (THEN)

ALEXOh, you saw us.

CLAIREYes, I did.

Haley holding an empty cigarette case.

HALEYOh this? Mom, if only more people did this, the world would be a much better place.

CLAIREO-kay. I’m a bit confused.

HALEYOur motto is one hundred a day.

CLAIREReally?

HALEYIt’s not something that you necessarily want to tell everyone about.

CLAIRERight. I’m sure you don’t.

HALEYThis is our fifteenth today. Eighty-five more to go. (THEN)

CLAIRELook girls, I have no idea what you’re thinking here, but that’s definitely a reason to get you grounded.

INTERVIEW - HALEY AND ALEX - DAY

Alex laughing. Finally..

ALEXI guess we had to tell her.

HALEYYeah, tell her.

ALEXBefore I’d be grounded for life.

19.


Claire, Haley and Alex.

CLAIREOh. Okay. (THEN) You know, you shouldn’t pick up those with your bare hands. You can get all kinds of bacteria from those. (THEN) I’m just saying you should be prepared.

ALEXYes, mom.

CLAIREBut anyway, good for you. I was a bit worried for a minute.

HALEYNot to worry mom.

CLAIRERight. Well, I’ll see you soon, I’ll finish my routine first.

Claire leaves..

ALEXBye mom.

INT. COURTHOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY

Cameron and Mitchell sitting on a bench, waiting. Mitchell nervous.

CAMERONHow much longer?

MITCHELLStill about fifteen minutes before the court will be in session.

CAMERONAre you feeling okay?

MITCHELLButterflies in the stomach.

CAMERONDon’t worry, just breath in and out.

Mitchell breaths in and out.

CAMERON (CONT’D)Do you want me to bring you something?

20.

MITCHELLNo, I’m fine thank you.

CAMERONA hot dog, a slurpie. A coke, Bubble gum?

MITCHELLI’m fine the way I am.

CAMERONIt’s just that I’ve never been here before and I’m kinda nervous too.

MITCHELLWell don’t be.

CAMERONAre there any real criminals here?

MITCHELLIt depends on who you define as a criminal.

CAMERONWhere’s your client?

MITCHELLHaving a business meeting or something with his other clients. He’ll be in time, trust me.

CAMERONWhere’s your speech?

MITCHELLIn my head.

CAMERONHow can you remember that?

MITCHELLI have to. I can’t read it from a paper because that’s not allowed.

CAMERONOh. So can I come in and watch?

MITCHELLI don’t know. (THEN) Yeah...I’m not feeling good. Will you excuse me, I have to go to the restroom.

Cameron worried. Mitchell leaves.

END OF ACT THREE

21.

ACT FOUR

INT. AUCTION HOUSE - DAY

Jay and Phil on their places, waiting.

AUCTIONEERAre we getting seven thousand? Seven thousand, anyone, anyone.. going twice... sold for sixty-five hundred dollars.

PHILThat’s a lot of money to spend on a collector’s card.

JAYYou did collect those when you were young didn’t you?

PHILNot really. My dad didn’t like those and neither did my mom.

JAYWell, I’m not saying you had the wrong mom but you might have had the wrong dad.

Interrupts his thought when he sees about sixty year old man show up in the room taking a seat about fifteen feet away from them.

JAY (CONT’D)Oh geez.

PHILWhat?

JAY(almost whispers)That guy there is one of my business buddies.

PHILYea?

JAYI can’t really bid if he’s here.

PHILWhy?

22.

Then the man turns and sees Jay. He’s happy to see him.

JAYI just made a contract with him. It’s a good deal, but I think I only got the offer because I said I had just about every penny invested in it. (THEN) I mean, of course, I lied.

Jay greets the man again, almost reluctantly.

JAY (CONT’D)What am I going to do now? If I bid I’ll lose my reputation and reputation is everything in this business.

PHILYeah, I know.

He looks at the guy again.

AUCTIONEERAnd then perhaps our most wanted item in this auction. A nineteen fifty-two Topps number three hundred eleven, Mickey Mantle’s rookie card. Our starting bid is at fifteen-thousand.

JAYOh geez.

AUCTIONERDo we get fifteen thousand?

A hand rises up.

AUCTIONEERWe have an offer for fifteen thousand dollars. (THEN) Do we get more?

JAYI don’t think I can bid. This is awful. I waited for this for so long.. This can’t be happening.

AUCTIONEERDo we get twenty thousand?

Jay shaking his head.

23.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)And we have a twenty thousand dollar bid from a gentleman right there. Do we get twenty-five thousand?

PHIL(to Jay) You know, when we were at home, I asked if you’d be my deep pockets here.

JAYYeah?

PHILSo, how about it?

JAYWhat do you mean how about it?

PHILWill you be my deep pockets?

Jay still confused. Phil shows Jay his sign, that he’s willing to bid for him.

PHIL (CONT’D)Can I bid for you?

Jay looks at the guy again.

JAYGo go go.

Phil a bit scared but finally raises his hand.

AUCTIONEERWe have a twenty-five thousand bid.

People start turning their heads.

PHILOh, I can feel the rush.

AUCTIONERTwenty-five thousand dollar bid from the gentleman over there. Do we get a thirty thousand offer?

The person who made initial offer raises his hand.

AUCTIONEERThirty thousand from the initial bidder. Do we get thirty-five?

Jay nods as imperceptibly as possible. Phil raises his hand.

24.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)Alright, we get thirty-five thousand from the gentleman. Do we get forty thousand? (THEN)

The same guy again raises his hand.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)Do we get fifty thousand?

Phil looks nervously at Jay, who gives a slow thumbs up.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)Do we get fifty thousand?

Phil slowly rises his hand.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)And again our gentleman bids for fifty thousand. How about that. Do we get sixty thousand?

Nothing happens.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)Going once, going twice..

Then the initial bidder raises his hand one more time.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)Ladies and gentlemen we have a sixty thousand dollar offer. (Then) Do we get more than sixty thousand.

Phil looks at Jay who doesn’t say anything.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)Do we get more? (THEN) No?

Jay frustrated.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)I know what you might be thinking. Sixty thousand dollars. That’s a lot for a card but it’s for a good cause.

PHILWhat do I do? (THEN)

JAYDon’t.

PHILThis is the moment that you had been waiting for.

25.

JAYI know.

AUCTIONEERGoing once... Going twice..

Then finally Jay decides to raise his hand.

JAYSeventy-thousand.

Phil looks at Jay. Crowd gets interested and goes ooh.

AUCTIONEERA seventy thousand offer.

Jay’s business acquaintance turns to watch him. Jay doesn’t know what to say.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)Do we get more than seventy thousand?

The auctioneer first looks at that initial bidder, who’s thinking but shakes his head. Then the auctioneer looks at Phil, who obviously shakes his head too.

AUCTIONEER (CONT’D)Going once, going twice, sold for seventy thousand dollars. Congratulations to our winner.

Applause for Jay who gives nods to the crowd.

INT. COURTHOUSE - COURTROOM - DAY

Mitchell opponent is giving his closing argument to the jury. Mitchell sitting with his client.

OPPOSING LAWYERAnd ladies and gentlemen, that’s why you should find in favor of my client.

The lawyer goes back to his seat. Mitchell in his own thoughts.

JUDGEMr. Pritchett?

Mitchell still sitting.

INTERVIEW - MITCHELL AND CAMERON - DAY

Cam and Mitchell sitting on the sofa.

26.

MITCHELLYou know, it didn’t seem like I was going to have any chance of winning. I felt nervous and all, the deck was probably stacked against me.. But then I thought about it .. and it came to me that I already knew everything that I needed to know and that all I had to do was to stand up and deliver.

INT. COURTHOUSE - COURTROOM - DAY

Mitchell stands up from his seat. He walks to the place where he is supposed to give his speech.

Then Cameron decides to sneak in.

MITCHELL (V.O.)And you know it went it pretty well.

Then music starts to play as Mitchell gives his speech. We don’t get to hear what he’s saying.

We get different gestures and elegant moves from Mitchell like pointing up his finger and showing his hands. Finally..

INTERVIEW - MITCHELL AND CAMERON - DAY

Mitchell and Cameron on the couch.

CAMERONSo tell us what happened. (teasing) Did we win. Did we win?

Mitchell takes a second.

MITCHELLIt turns out that we reached a settlement before the jury got to make its decision.

CAMERONAnd this time the settlement offer came from the other party.

MITCHELLSo my client didn’t chicken out this time.

Cam gives a thumbs up.

CAMERONCongratulations! I think we need to celebrate this.

27.

MITCHELLYes, I’ll go get some wine.

Mitchell walks away. Cameron looks at Mitchell walking away. Then he looks back at the camera.

CAMERONIt’s nothing like how it’s on tv. I have no idea how they make it look interesting. My advice is, don’t become a lawyer.

Then Mitchell comes back with his wine.

MITCHELLAlright, here we go. (THEN) Did you say something while I was gone?

CAMERONNot much, Mitchell, not much.

They enjoy the champagne.

END OF ACT FOUR

28.

TAG


Claire is taking his daily jogging routine. She has managed to pick up a cigarette case. She feels proud of herself.

Then she sees cigarette butt on the pavement. She decides to pick it up, like Haley and Alex did too.

Then an old lady nearby sees what Claire did. Claire sees her. The lady looks at Claire and shakes her head, thinking that Claire is a desperate smoker. Claire tries to gesture that that’s not what she’s doing but to no avail. The old lady keeps shaking her head.

Claire jogs away confused.

END OF SHOW

29.

Modern Family - House of Cards Fix.pdf

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