Multiple mattersW I N T E R I S S U E / d E c E m b E R 2 0 1 2

T H E O F F I C I A L M A G A Z I N E O F T A M B A

PLUS: New discouNters • tAMBA GiVeAwAYs • News ANd More

LoVe iN A coLd cLiMAteNurturing your relationship in tough times Hey, teacher!

should multiples start school together or apart?

Handling differencesupporting older multiples’

abilities and ambitions

Special deliveryone pregnant mum’s

unforgettable christmas

cHriStMaS

aPPeaL

Please help us

to support families in

crisis by supporting

the christmas

Appeal with this

magazine

what’s inside: winter 2012

The highlight of my job is meeting expectant parents at our regular Preparing for Parenthood classes. Often parents are excited but also worried, and many leave saying it was nice to hear about the positives of having multiples because they have only ever heard the negatives.

Our plans include trying to change this perception and you’ll see this edition focuses on some of the

positives. Apologies if we couldn’t fit in your story, but please do keep sending them in and we will try to include them in the future.

Now to our other work. Studies have shown that advice on feeding babies is often poor. As a result, lots of mums who would like to breastfeed never try or give up earlier then they wished.

Our policy is to support everyone regardless of what method they choose for feeding their babies. Our Breastfeeding More Than One guide has just been rewritten and is due to be published shortly. We have trained up breastfeeding counsellors to deliver classes to expectant parents so those that want to breastfeed get the help they need. We are also training breastfeeding peer supporters to assist parents once their babies are here.

Our campaigns around improving healthcare and childcare have been gaining attention. You can see on pages 4 and 5 that NICE has announced new standards for multiple pregnancies and parliamentarians have been debating the difficulties our families face trying to go back to work.

It’s not just in England that we are busy. Our Movement For Multiples exercise programme is being tested in Northern Ireland, while in Scotland we are looking at campaigning to ensure that neonatal services better meet the needs of our families. In Wales, we will be pressing to ensure the School Admission Code is updated.

We look forward to involving you next year with our many campaigns. My thanks for your ongoing support and season’s greetings to you all.

Yours faithfullyKeith Reed

PS. Have you visited our new website yet? It’s had a complete overhaul so it should be much easier to find what you’re looking for.

Welcomeletter from the chief executive

Multiple matters

eSSentiaL contactS: twinline and support groups co-ordinator: carol clay courses and support officer: Kate Valentine advertising and fundraising officer: Lucie Wigley Membership: debbie Ross tamba in northern ireland: Rachel Wiffen 028 9023 9050 nioffice@tamba.org.uk tamba in Scotland: Helen Peck 01786 465744

helenpeck@tamba.org.uk to advertise in the magazine ring 01483 304442 or email Luciewigley@tamba.org.uktamba office: 2 The Willows, Gardner Road, Guildford Surrey GU1 4PG telephone: 01483 304442 Fax: 01483 302483

email: enquiries@tamba.org.uk Website: www.tamba.org.uk. office Hours: monday to Friday 9.30am to 4pm. twinline: telephone freephone helpline 0800 138 0509 (10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm seven days a week)

designed by mdesign marieclaredesign@gmail.com

REGULARSNews ANd cAMPAiGNs New standards for multiple pregnancy care ..........04cLuBs How to throw a party for 180 families ................. 13FuNdrAisiNG A big thank you for all our supporters ................... 14dAd’s corNer Toys, boys and a rickety wooden bike ................. 19FioNA GiBsoN How not to have a perfect Christmas ................. 23Photo GALLerY Autumn firsts at school and at home ................... 26Four PLus oNe Emma Campbell on counting one’s blessings ..... 28Letters Baby-led weaning, starting school and dads together ...................................................... 29MY dAY todAY The day of a volunteer Twinline listener ............. 30

FEATURESsPeciAL deLiVerY One pregnant mum’s unforgettable Christmas ... 06More thAN A coLd What to watch for in sick babies ......................... 07surroGAte jourNeY Two dads set forth on family life.......................... 08surViViNG tANtruMs Handy tips on getting through ............................ 11workiNG 9 tiLL 5 How to find a good childminder ......................... 12LoVe iN A coLd cLiMAte Nurturing your relationship in tough times ......... 16ANd reLAx... How to enjoy family holidays .............................. 20heY, teAcher! Should multiples start school together or apart? 21hANdLiNG diFFereNce Supporting older multiples’ abilities and ambitions ..24

mULTIPLE mATTERS - ISSN 2049-5765charity number 1076478, Scottish charity Number Sc041055, company number3688825.

Tamba’s individuality policy encourages the development of multiples’ individual identities, for example by dressing them differently. Whenever possible we use photographs that promote this policy.

www.tamba.org.uk 0504 / WINTER 2012

news: campaigns

LateSt roUnD-UP

Nice treAtMeNt For MuLtiPLes MuMs

tamba is using the welsh Assembly’s consultation on school admissions to press for an amendment ensuring parents of multiple birth children have a greater say in allocating schools and classrooms.

the english code now contains a specific reference to twins and higher order multiples stating they can attend the same school even where this means classes exceed the maximum size permitted. Although splitting multiples across schools is not as widespread in wales, we want to make sure the problem doesn’t develop. As things stand, the proposals do not address the problem.

we have also received legal advice that national admissions codes can include a provision to ensure that if there is more than

one reception class then primary schools have a duty to consult families as to how their children are placed. we know that many schools apply arbitrary policies, splitting multiples without regard to parental wishes.

if you live in wales then please response to the consultation by emailing schoolsManagementdivision3@wales.gsi.gov.uk before 4 january 2013.

weLsh AsseMBLY coNsuLts oN schooL AdMissioNs

We are delighted to report that the National Institute for Health and clinical Excellence (NIcE) has taken up Tamba’s proposal to produce new quality standards for multiple pregnancies.

As the structure of the NHS changes, these standards become even more important as they will provide a framework for commissioners to use when buying services and developing local networks. Tamba’s cEO, Keith Reed has also been selected as a member of the group so he will be able to make the case for our families directly. For more information go to www.nice.org.uk/aboutnice/qualitystandards/qualitystandards.jsp

better healthcare for pregnant mums and more say for parents when multiple birth children start school: just two of our campaigns making progress

tAMBA’s New weBsite is BriMMiNG with iNFoAfter months of hard work, we are delighted to announce Tamba’s new website is launching this december. The relaunched site will provide our members with a great deal more information, but set

out in an easily navigated form so that it is all much easier to find. While our new video resources and online guides are all there, the site has been made

more mobile-friendly, so that members can tap our resources more easily on the move. Signing up to and joining Tamba is now much easier, while members looking for

discounts in specific areas can use a search function to find what they want – whether it’s deals in kids’ clothes, nursery equipment, holidays or much more.

Finally, the new website incorporates our social networking sites, meaning that parents can hook up more easily than ever before.

We hope to make the website even better in the near future by improving the updates sent to registered users and members. In the meantime, we hope you will visit to check out all the new information on offer and use our resources. Your comments are welcome – please email any thoughts to debbieross@tamba.org.uk.

Free PAreNtiNG workshoPs

Free workshops for families with multiples aged 1-5 years are set to roll out across Northumberland following a partnership agreement with the Prudhoe children’s centre.

The collaboration means Tamba’s ‘Parenting with multiples in mind’ workshop will now reach new locations. Janet Rimmer, our parenting educator, has already visited Prudhoe to train staff there, including Gemma briggs, Andrea Alder, Jackie mccormick and Jenni Holland. details of upcoming courses will appear on Tamba’s website shortly.

LiBerALs urGe heLP For PAreNts oF MuLtiPLes Liberal democrats at the party’s conference in brighton this September debated an amendment to a childcare motion calling for ‘a feasibility study to consider ways in which parents of multiples (twins, triplets or more) could be supported to return to work earlier through additional childcare vouchers or tax credits’.

The motion was passed and Tamba will be asking ministers to conduct this review as a matter of urgency.

As a charity Tamba depends on the energy and dedication of volunteers, among them the many members who run two-hour ‘Practical Preparing for Parenthood Seminars’. While they all come from different backgrounds, every volunteer is a parent of multiples and can help prepare new parents for what to expect.

One volunteer, Helen Turier, said: ‘Having my twin girls has been a joy even though the circumstances surrounding their early days was fraught with stress. Tamba was a lifeline; just getting the magazine made me feel connected and supported.

‘Volunteering is a way to give back to Tamba and help other families who may be reeling from the shock of their news. It also helps me to focus on the achievements I have made over the years of parenting my kids as a lone parent. If I had been able to get the amount of teaching, advice and support that is now available it would have made life so much easier.’

if you’d like to know more about volunteering with tamba please email kate Valentine at katevalentine@tamba.org.uk

our VoLuNteers: MAkiNG A diFFereNce

Tamba says schools must listen to families before placing children

Thank you and farewell to national board members camille de Stempel, Tamba’s chair for the past two years, treasurer Karen mears and fellow trustee and identical twin catherine deakin, who stood down at the recent AGm.

Tamba’s cEO Keith Reed said: ‘Our sincere thanks to camille, Karen and catherine who have given an enormous amount of time and effort to the charity over many years. As chair, camille has overseen a considerable expansion in our services and helped to secure historic legal changes which will benefit thousands of families in the years ahead. They have all left their mark and will be greatly missed.’

Taking over as chair is Julia davenport, mum of twins and vice-chair for the past two years who has led the way on producing the charity’s strategic plan. Owen Hamnett, a father of twins from cardiff, joins the board bringing his expertise as financial controller for South Wales Water to the role of treasurer.

BoArd MoVes

WINTER giveaWayS This winter we mark the season of giving with two very practical giveaways from SnoozeShade and Nelsons. Why not send in an email and see if you get lucky...

NELSONS’ bLOOm cOcO GO LOUNGER

From the makers of Nelsons® teetha, Nelsons New teetha teething Gel is a homeopathic medicinal product used for the symptomatic relief of teething pain and the symptoms associated with teething. Nelsons teetha® is the only teething brand to offer consumers the choice of both granule and gel formats. Nelsons New teetha teething Gel has all the benefits of the Nelsons teetha Granules in a handy sugar-free gel format. £4.95 and available from Boots. Always read the label, suitable

for over three months.For your chance to win two of the Bloom coco

Go Loungers worth £140 each, please tell us what Nelsons’ new product is: Nelsons teetha teething Gel, Nelsons teetha teething ring or Nelsons teetha teething Granules. email your answer with your name, address and membership number to giveaways@tamba.org. uk by 30 december, with ‘Giveaway Nelsons’ in the subject line. Prizes go to the first names out of the hat after the deadline.

the awardwinning snoozeshade range helps

keep babies’ sleep routines on track whatever your schedule, while offering maximum sun protection (uP F50+) – perfect for being out and about or on your winter break. By creating a cosy, dark environment, babies can nap safely and comfortably free of visual distractions, making any time sleep time. Made from soft breathable fabric, snoozeshade twin fits all side-by-side prams and pushchairs including threewheelers, while two snoozeshade originals can be used on a tandem pushchair. snoozeshade is also available for infant car seats and travel cots (www.snoozeshade.com). to win a snoozeshade twin or two snoozeshade original sun and sleep shades just email your name, address and membership number to giveaways@tamba.org.uk by 30 december, with ‘Giveaway snoozeshade’ in the subject line. Prizes go to the first names out of the hat after the deadline.

SNOOzESHAdE

aUtUMn WinnerSwell done to those who scooped prizes in our autumn giveaways. A set of tug trios goes to julie Gunz from London, helen Mullan from Portstewart, and Lisa kyriacou Faulks from welwyn Garden city. rachel ingham from Nelson won our skibz giveaway, while our early readers prize goes to rebecca Padgett in Minehead. sets of Polarn o Pyret fleeces go to tamba members diana Beaumont in London and Anna dyson in Leeds. congratulations all!

07www.tamba.org.uk

health: illness

06 / AUTUMN 2012

pregnancy: early birth

what is bronchiolitis?bronchiolitis is a common condition affecting babies and young children. It is caused by an inflammation of the small airways in the lungs, making it more difficult for the child to breathe. In most cases bronchiolitis is not severe, but 3 percent of babies with bronchiolitis are admitted to hospital every year. babies at greater risk include premature babies and babies with heart or lung conditions.

what causes it?The airborne virus Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV) is responsible for 80 percent of bronchiolitis cases. Other viruses are sometimes the cause, such as the Adenovirus and Rhinovirus. The bronchiolitis season in the UK usually runs from October to march, mirroring the RSV season.

what are the symptoms?Early symptoms can be very like those of a common cold, but babies who may have a more severe case of bronchiolitis usually exhibit these four specific symptoms – the most significant is a distinctive rasping cough:

• Fast breathing: shallow, quick breaths, not taking in much air• appetite: difficulty feeding• cough: distinctive rasping cough• temperature: high temperature, usually with cold-like symptoms such as a runny nose

If your baby exhibits all of these symptoms, seek medical attention from a healthcare professional.

is it preventable?The viruses that cause bronchiolitis are common and easily spread, but these simple steps can reduce the chances of catching it or passing it on:

1. wash your hands regularly with soap and water, especially before you touch your babies. Make sure siblings and visitors wash their hands too.2. cover your child’s nose and mouth when they cough or sneeze.3. try to keep away from other children and adults who show signs of a cold.

A new campaign aims to make sure parents know about bronchiolitis, a common illness that can need medical attention.

April woodward was getting her son’s christmas presents sorted when two entirely different gifts arrived, somewhat ahead of schedule

help and infoprEGNANCy ANd BIrTH

• order or download tamba’s free Neonatal care, healthy Multiple

Pregnancy or twin to twin transfusion Guides from our website at

www.tamba.org.uk, and watch our specialist consultants answer your

questions online

• Book a place to attend an antenatal courses or our Practical Preparing for

Parenthood class well before your babies are due via the website or ring

01483 304442

• talk to other expectant parents via the online members-only

messageboard or visit the twins club page to find your nearest club

• use your tamba discount with around 50 companies: visit the website

for up-to-date discount codes plus tamba’s own online shop

• ring twinline, our freephone listening service, to discuss any

concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to 10pm daily

to me: it was such a wonderful feeling, my two little babies, but I missed Harry and Louis so much.

No one delivered a baby between the afternoon of the 24th and the evening of the 25th, So I had the delivery ward and midwives to myself. The midwives made that christmas the most wonderful time for me and my family. They let Louis and Harry stay all day and gave us christmas dinner – not quite my mum’s, but fine all the same.

Our christmas presents last year, Holly and Jacob, were truly wonderful. but what is so exciting this year is we are going to be spending christmas, all five of us, at home together.

sleep well; I was so upset that I was not going to see Harry opening his presents on christmas morning.

The consultant arrived first thing and started an induction with prostaglandin. At 5pm on christmas Eve they added a hormone drip but by 8pm, when I had an epidural, I was only 2cm dilated. Louis and the midwife agreed the twins would be coming on christmas day, but I really didn’t want that and I insisted they were wrong.

The contractions got stronger. At 10.15pm I told Louis I needed to push. I don’t think he believed me but he went and got the midwife, who was just as doubtful: ‘We only checked two hours ago, are you sure you’re ready to push?’

I was fully dilated. They rushed me to theatre and upped the epidural. It took 15 minutes to push Jacob out and then Holly came 7 minutes later. It was amazing, the best early christmas present you could ever have.

We spent some time in the delivery room together before going onto the ward. Louis had to go home but the midwives looked after the babies that night so I had a really good sleep. On christmas morning they brought them

the week before christmas last year was busy: everyone was coming to drop off presents and see Harry, our three-year-old son.

This would be our last christmas as a family of three. my twins were due on 20 January, though everyone kept joking that they would be born at christmas.

The day before christmas Eve I was busy round the house when I had a show. The books say labour can still be days or a week away, so I thought we would be ok till boxing day at least. Some friends turned up for drinks at 6pm so they could see Harry before he went to bed – this was such an exciting christmas, the first that Harry had been old enough to understand that Father christmas was coming. but at 7pm I felt something run down my leg. I convinced myself it was nothing more than bladder control, but it didn’t let up. I told my partner, Louis, and we called my parents to come and stay with Harry, then off to hospital we went.

I had no contractions but the hospital made me stay to see the consultant in the morning. I did not

Special delivery WHEN iS A COLd NOT A COLd?

the Bronchiolitis Awareness campaign, organised by Abbott, the global health care company, is seeking to educate parents about bronchiolitis, its symptoms and how to prevent its spread. the campaign has been developed in consultation with a number of healthcare professionals.

4. wash or wipe toys regularly to prevent the spread of germs.5. ensure your babies are kept away from tobacco smoke.

In some cases, babies with a high risk of developing severe bronchiolitis are given monthly antibody injections to help protect them from RSV infection. Your paediatrician or neonatologist will give you further information and advice if your child is at high risk.

To find out more about bronchiolitis visit www.morethanacold.co.uk

‘don’t be afraid to make a fuss’ONE MuM’s ExpErIENCE OF BrONCHIOLITIs

hannah’s son dewi was six weeks old when he got ill. his twin sister, eleri, was diagnosed with bronchiolitis at the same time but her condition was not serious so she was kept at home having small, regular feeds to keep her hydrated.

dewi’s condition got more serious with a slight fever and a chesty cough. ‘An out-of-hours doctor asked me to monitor his condition over the next few hours,’ said hannah. ‘i was not particularly worried and, like most new parents, i didn’t want to seem overprotective. But dewi’s condition got much worse very rapidly and he was struggling to breathe, which was terrifying. i immediately took him to Bristol children’s hospital.’

hannah stayed with dewi for five days in hospital as he needed oxygen and a feeding tube. her husband cared for eleri at home. ‘we were apart for two days and we both found the separation from the other twin very upsetting. By the third day dewi’s condition started to improve quickly and he made a full recovery.

‘it was a traumatic time for us and has fundamentally changed the way i think,’ said hannah. ‘At the time i didn’t want the doctors to think i was making a fuss and i thought it was just a cold, but now i don’t hesitate to seek help if i think they might be unwell.’

Hannah’s babies Dewi and Eleri were diagnosed at six weeks and made a full recovery

April and Louis with their children, Jacob, Harry and Holly (Above) Jacob and Holly sleep peacefully through their first Christmas

www.tamba.org.uk08 / WINTER 2012 09

after years of research and planning, and five weeks earlier than expected, my partner and i became daddies on June 5 to beautiful boy-girl twins. clara and reuben were born in california using donated eggs to a wonderful first-time surrogate mum who helped us realise our dream of having a family.

As with our journey to parenthood, the birth was not straightforward. my partner and I had planned to fly to America a fortnight before the due date. We knew our surrogate was carrying big babies as she measured full-term at 32 weeks. Nevertheless, it was a shock to receive a call in the night to say she was showing signs of pre-term labour and was in hospital for observation.

Stuck on the other side of the world, we felt totally powerless. Rather than sit around at a loss, we took leave from work and flew to America there and then, feeling an overwhelming pull to be nearby.

baby: surrogacy

He looked blue, sleepy, floppy, and made no noise. The delivery doctor reassured me that breaches always come out floppy and then wake up – and he was right. A few seconds later Reuben started to cry, but there was no intensity to his sound. What followed was perhaps the most traumatic part of our surrogacy journey. While on my chest in the recovery room, Reuben

clara and Reuben were eventually born at 35 weeks after our surrogate mum developed preeclampsia. before labour was induced, she had magnesium via an intravenous drip to treat her symptoms – by far the worst part of the pregnancy as the side-effects included vomiting and hallucinations. We were able to hold her hand and support her alongside her own family, who were also there.

The birth took place in an operating theatre in case an emergency c-section was necessary. Fortunately, it wasn’t. clara was born first weighing 7lbs 1oz, emitting the most piercing scream you ever heard. We were in awe at how big and healthy she looked.

Six seemingly endless minutes later, Reuben was born by breach extraction.

started to hyperventilate. He had suffered a pneumothorax (collapsed lung) and was rushed to the Neonatal Intensive care Unit (NIcU) where he was ventilated and remained for nine long days. during that time, we were trained to tube-feed him and eventually how to teach him to nipple feed. It was a painfully slow process and even today he struggles with feeding.

Thankfully, my partner’s mother flew out to be with us, so she looked after clara while we cared for Reuben in hospital. despite knowing on some level the risks involved in twin pregnancies and the possibility that one or both babies might need a stay in NIcU,

nothing prepares you for the reality when this actually happens, especially in a country that is not your home.

Following the birth, our surrogate mum made a speedy recovery. during the pregnancy, our relationship with her deepened into a trusting friendship. When we left hospital, she saw the babies several times a week for cuddles and we now skype regularly so she can see the babies and catch up. She plans to visit us in Yorkshire.

Having negotiated the initial weeks of life in America and a nine-hour flight back to the UK, we are now settling in as a family of four. Lots of children have a dad and a stepdad; in our case, our children are fortunate enough to have two daddies that love one another and live together. I’m sure that when clara and Reuben reach school age our family set-up will be a point of curiosity among their friends – perhaps more so for the parents, as children tend to be more accepting. That said, we recognise that being same-sex parents in a conservative Yorkshire town is different from being a gay parent in one of the most liberal

SURROGATE JOURNEYFour years after starting to research surrogacy, dr Stephen bainbridge,

his partner and their newborn twins are home at last

My Story

Dr Stephen Bainbridge (left) and his partner Rick Larkin became daddies this summer after a surrogate mum using donor eggs gave birth to Clara and Reuben

states in the US. A nurse on the mother and baby unit there told us that having two daddies is now so commonplace in california that same-sex families are considered the new nuclear family. Her comment illustrated to me how being a gay parent can be a very different experience depending on where you are in the world. After Reuben left hospital, we enjoyed pushing our twin pram and not encountering any curious glances; this inattention came with a general acceptance that we were a family first and foremost rather than two gay men with twins. It felt liberating to see other same-sex couples out and about in the californian sunshine parenting their precious little ones as it gave us a sense of connection.

As a clinical psychologist in the NHS and in private practice in York, I often work with patients who are struggling with issues around fertility. Having

gone through surrogacy, I can say with confidence that our journey has changed us as a couple as well as how I work as a clinician. Through my private work, I now plan to help other gay and straight couples considering surrogacy, as there is limited psychological and social support in this country.

clara and Reuben are now four months old. As new parents we are still finding our feet amid the exhaustion. At the moment we are trying to define what each of our roles within the family will be and who will be called ‘daddy’ and who will be ‘papa’, or whether this even matters. more problematic is that there are no models for us to base our particular family on, so it’s a case of making it up as we go along.

Irrespective of who does what and how, though, it’s nice to be back home among our family and friends. Yes, we are the focus of glances and occasional whispers from some people when we are out in our local town, but this is a small price to pay for becoming daddies, which undoubtedly is the best decision we ever made.

Our journey has changed us as a couple as well as how I work as a clinician

Please

respond

to our

christmas

Appeal

for issy

11www.tamba.org.uk

sponsors: yoomi preschool: behaviour

TANTRUmS and how to survive them

tantrums in young children are an expression of frustration. they occur most often because the child is not emotionally equipped to cope with challenges and has no other way to express it. Most children grow out of tantrums as they learn to manage things better for themselves and to express themselves in language, often after they turn three.

In the meantime, take it one day at a time and enlist support for yourself where you can. don’t add a burden of guilt to things by expecting never to lose your cool. bear in mind that parents who have one baby find tantrums tough, so having two or more venting their frustration one after the other, or occasionally all at once, really is tough. Grit your teeth, try to stay calm and consistent, and remember – because it is true – that this phase will pass.

You can limit tantrums to some extent by dealing with the causes. A routine that keeps the children rested, regularly fed and with regular changes of occupation helps avoid the kind of tired, hungry or

bored scenarios where they are less able to cope. Keep an eye out for things that tend to trigger tantrums and avoid them. Tantrums often happen at predictable times of day, so avoid shopping trips or outings at those times.

If the cause is less obvious, it may be that the children feel frustrated at being clumsy, or at being unable to communicate. be aware that the children may have tantrums for different reasons, so they need different coping strategies.

Giving limited choices can often help to prevent a child feeling frustrated and allow him or her to develop his or her own sense of identity. A toddler having a tantrum when you dress her may be feeling frustrated at the lack of choice she has as she struggles to explore her sense of independence. Giving her more choices may resolve that problem. but the younger the child the more overwhelming choice can be, so it is best to give limited choices for young children such as ‘do you want peas or carrots for lunch?’ or ‘do you want to wear pink or blue socks?’

our year with tamba is up and we are happy to report that our red collar campaign has raised £1,000 for our favourite charity.

A bit about yoomi...

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• safe: as well as being entirely bPA free, yoomi means there’s no more guesswork and no more overheating the feed. The warmer has been specially designed to warm to the exact temperature of breast milk every time preserving the nutrients in every drop of your baby’s feed

• no-fuss latch on: thanks to its natural breast shaped and super-soft silicone teat, yoomi allows for a breast-from-breast experience

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A yEAR FOR TAmBA

It saved time, money and my sanity Sophia, mum to twins Teddy and Betty

They’re one of the commonest parenting headaches. Read on for some handy tips or visit Tamba’s website to read more

help and infoprE-sCHOOLErs

• Visit the preschooler section of our website at www.tamba.org.uk to

download factsheets on ‘Good enough’ Parenting with Multiples in Mind;

dealing with differences in Multiple children; Being a Father of Multiples;

enhancing individuality; Family relationships in Families with Multiples;

Managing Behaviour in Multiples; Parenting triplets or More – the

toddler years; Play with Multiple Babies and toddlers and much more

• watch our ‘Parenting with Multiples in Mind’ dVd online or sign up for

tamba’s one-day parenting workshop for those with children aged 1-5 via the

website or by ringing 01483 304442

• Find your nearest twins club under ‘clubs’ at www.tamba.org.uk, or download tamba’s guide ‘twins,

triplets and More (Years 2, 3, and 4)’

• ring twinline, tamba’s freephone listening service, to talk to someone

about any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to

10pm daily

Think about how your children react to each other. does one set the other off? Try separating them as soon as a tantrum seems likely. do the children use tantrums to compete for your attention? Stay calm and pay attention to the child who is not having a tantrum. make sure you don’t reward the child having the tantrum with extra attention, whether positive or negative.

Experiment with different approaches and find what works. Here are a few pointers some parents find helpful:

• distract them with a song or story, or switch on the radio or television.• Cuddle the children. • Use humour to diffuse things. • Put them in separate rooms for time out. Calmly visit to check on them but don’t let them leave until they are calm.• Take time out yourself if you can leave the children in safety. Take out your own anger on a pillow or cushion.• if tantrums always occur at home, they may stop if you go out for a walk.• However public the tantrum, don’t get upset. Be calm and firm; if safe, ignore the outburst.• if tantrums are a ploy for the children to get their own way, don’t give in or you teach children that tantrums work.

A big thank you to yoomi. Every year Tamba has to raise £200,000 above and beyond the money that comes in from membership fees in order to stay in business and keep providing support to families of multiples. Our sponsors make a valued contribution towards keeping our charity running, and our thanks go to all those at yoomi who have helped with their support.

For AN excLusiVe 15 PerceNt

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12 / WINTER 2012 13www.tamba.org.uk

pre-school: childcare

Bournemouth twin club found themselves hosting a rather big event in august – what turned out to be a meeting of over 180 families with multiples!

The seed for the event was sown many months earlier after an unsuccessful attempt to get our club and Salisbury Twins to meet up (nasty winter bugs got in the way!) and we decided it would be nice to use our regular outing venue as a place to network with other clubs. So we used Facebook to invite Southampton Twins and Supertwins along, and the whole thing snowballed.

Social networking made it easy to open the event to other clubs along the south coast and message threads started talking about making a world record attempt! before we knew it we had an events page with potentially more than 120 families saying they planned to come.

We managed to negotiate free use of a picnic area and Fareham and Gosport club got Little Kickers to come on board at no charge. We used the moors Valley

problems with getting everyone to register on the day, and with trying to fit in all our planned events. We have also learnt lessons about how we could use corporate sponsorship to make it a real fundraiser, but overall I think we did very well.

I have already been asked to make it an annual event and the jury is still out – relying on our dear old british weather terrifies me, and I have discovered that you need an army of people to plan such a big event!

So, shall we do it all again? Answers on a postcard please!

pre-school: clubs

WORKING 9 tiLL 5...i had to find a childminder in a hurry because my work were so disorganised about my hours, so i went with one my sister knew of but hadn’t used. in retrospect i wish i’d shopped around and asked myself what i wanted from a childminder: it certainly wasn’t this.

The communication was poor, the location a nightmare, and while I had to provide a packed lunch every day, they wouldn’t keep nappies/wipes for my twins so I had to bring these each day too. They hardly ever went out; I felt like the children were trapped in the house watching the clock until I came to collect them.

So I started again. This time I contacted a head childminder in my town who gave me a list of childminders with spaces available. I picked three and went to see each one. We did two settling-in sessions, for which she didn’t charge, and they have probably done more activities and excursions in the past eight weeks than in the previous nine months. And she cooks them a lovely lunch every day.

Of the many challenges of going back to work, here’s my list of stuff I wish I’d known about The Return from maternity Leave:

• There are three options: nursery, childminder, family. Ask friends and

family what they do. Are they happy? What would they do differently?• Speak to your employer as soon as possible about your hours, but don’t let this dictate your choice. most importantly, secure your children a place where you want them to go. Exact hours can be sorted out afterwards.• Visit every setting you are considering and ask LOAdS of questions.• be selective. If you are not happy about something, or you don’t get a good feeling, look elsewhere.• bear in mind you will pay for childcare even if you are on holiday. Ask for discounts: negotiate! Ask that they include meals in the price.• Ask your childminder to keep nappies/wipes/spare clothes/drinks bottles at their house.

• Have a back-up plan in case your childminder is sick.• Think about whether you want your childcare close to work or home.• Register for childcare vouchers: these are part of your salary (up to £243 per month) which goes straight to your childminder or nursery before tax. both parents can register.• When deciding whether to go back to work, weigh up the soft options (a route back to sanity) as well as the hard options (cold, hard cash).• beware of nurseries that charge if you are late to collect your children. If you have a job where you could frequently be delayed, you might need a more flexible option.• If you have a random day off, and you’ve already paid for childcare, for goodness sake drop them off and go and have a nice day to yourself.

Overall, my advice is: don’t feel guilty if you enjoy going back to work. It’s lovely to feel like a real person again, and don’t get me started on the utter heaven that is drinking a hot cup of tea from start to finish. At first you will probably feel like you’ve had one of your arms cut off, which is perfectly normal after having babies attached to you, and of course you will miss them, but I firmly believe that I’m better at my full-time job of mummying by having a part-time job as well.

You can read Clare’s blog at twinmumramblings.blogspot.co.uk

clare rudland remembers her hunt for a good childminder, the trials of getting it wrong and how she eventually hit the jackpot

country Park as we knew it would keep costs down for families as they would only need to pay for parking. To make sure everyone had some fun we booked our very own mr merlin and the Okey dokey dragon, a dad to baby twins, to come and entertain the troops.

The event was not planned as a fundraiser but as a networking and social occasion, so we were pleased when we unexpectedly raised over £300 via a raffle and face painting and glitter tattoos. This allowed us to pay our expenses and donate a chunk to Tamba. We had fantastic press, newspaper, radio and TV coverage and the weather was so kind.

Feedback on Facebook was overwhelmingly positive, with families enjoying the chance to meet others in the same situation and have a day out together. We had some teething

180 families? No sweat...When bournemouth Twin club planned a summer jolly, they had no idea their party was going to grow so big. by Anna cuccia

Above: our very own Keith Reed, CEO of Tamba, came along to supportBelow & left: families enjoy a spot of entertainment in the sun

Clare’s children Jonah and Lydia; right, with mum and dad as newborns

14 / WINTER 2012 15www.tamba.org.uk

focus: fundraising

GiviNG BACkA tough economic climate this year left many of our families struggling to keep their heads above water, but members were still willing to brave the elements and get out there to raise money to keep Tamba’s work going. So we say a big ‘Thank You!’ to all those who took to the waves, the racetrack or the roads

for Tamba in 2012. And to any other dauntless spirits interested in taking on a challenge for Tamba in 2013, please get in touch with luciewigley@tamba.org.uk. We’d love to hear from you and we’ll help in any way we can. In the meantime, we wish you happiness at christmas and a good year ahead.

Fun day brings in the funds

A fun day at the christopher Robin Nursery in burpham, Guildford raised a cheering £322 for Tamba while creating lots of fun for all the children, parents and staff who attended.

Activities included face painting, arts and crafts, a raffle, tombola, jolly jars and refreshments.

many thanks to all those who came along to show their support and raise money for such a fantastic cause.Every year our fantastic

members take part in a whole raft of events. Not only do they

get fit and have fun, but the money they raise helps fund

Tamba’s work for multiple birth families when they really need it.

Become a Tamba Team fundraising hero by taking part in one of our events. We will fill out the paperwork and help you set up a fundraising website so

you can get on with training, gathering support, trying on your fancy Tamba T-shirt and

enjoying the experience.

if you’d like to get involved with any of these events, please get in touch with luciewigley@tamba.org.uk. We are currently recruiting participants for the Nightrider summer event – a 100k London cycle ride that takes place by night – as well as the Great North Run, Great

South Run and the London British 10k. So, drop us a

line and you can cycle, run, jog or walk your way into our

fundraising hall of fame!

tAMBA Needs You!rAIsE MONEy TO HELp

MuLTIpLE BIrTH FAMILIEs

this christmas why not give yourself a 1 in 63 chance of winning a cash prize with our new lottery.

For every £1 ticket sold, half goes to tamba to help us raise the £200,000 a year over and above membership fees we need to run our services – things like twinline, our freephone helpline, and all the free booklets and factsheets we provide via our website.

to play the unity lottery and support tamba, visit www.unitylottery.co.uk and don’t forget to choose tamba as your charity.

PLAY tAMBA’s

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Sue, second from right, with her friends Lou, Charlie and Jane

Nanny raises £885 for triplet family

A Norlands Nanny who gave her time voluntarily this spring to help a bereaved dad of triplets has just raised £885 running the bristol half marathon to help pay for their care.

Sue corfield started looking after Sarah, Lukas and mattias in April after their mother died when they were just eight days old.

‘You cannot come into contact with these gorgeous little babies without being touched by their sad story,’ said Sue. ‘We were hoping to raise as much as we can through Tamba to help with their future care.’

Sue completed the half marathon in

2 hours and 12 minutes along with two friends, achieving her goal of running all the way. ‘It was a great experience,’ she said. ‘It got a bit tough as we got to the last couple of miles – I’d only got up to seven miles in my training so it was a fair bit further. but we did all feel great afterwards because we’d done something that none of us were 100 percent sure we could do. The crowds cheering us home were just great and it really spurred me on, especially at the end. We all felt a bit emotional as we came through the finish.’

Tamba has ring-fenced the money raised to be used for the triplets’ care.

Norlander puts on her running shoes to fund bereaved babies’ care

£322 raised by parents and nursery staff

£100 pays for 20 expectant parents to attend a class to prepare them for their babies being

in neonatal care

£500 pays for 30 families to receive intensive support by phone

£1,000 pays for detailed advice and campaigns to stop families from being split up across

different hospitals

£3,000 pays for us to provide free booklets to 5,000 families with one or more of their babies in

intensive care

£9,000 pays for in-depth research into the needs of our expectant families

£15,000 pays for a campaign worker to raise awareness of twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome

and ensure parents get life-saving treatment at the right time

whAt’s it ALL For? HOW TAMBA spENd yOur MONEy

running riot Former Shewsbury Town Footballer and his wife take on the Great North Run

dawn and Andrew Tretton have raised an astonishing £1,657 so far by taking part in the 13 mile Great North Run in September in aid of Tamba.

The couple have three children: Ethan aged 7 and twins Grace and Jake aged 3. While dawn is new to punishing training regimes, Andrew as a former professional at Shrewsbury Town Fc is well used to keeping in shape. due to the demands of a very busy household, though, they weren’t able to train together for their first-ever long-distance sponsored run.

dawn said: ‘Twins create challenges but the pleasure of bringing multiples into the world is amazing from pregnancy to their first day at nursery. They always have each other and add so many dimensions to your life, including chaos !’

dawn and Andrew’s path to having a family did not run smoothly, and they lost several sets of twins before their three children were born. dawn said: ‘We have been given the opportunity to do the GNR this year and I know it will be extremely tough but we (I say “we” but I know my hubby will fly round) are determined to finish this tough run and make lots of money for a charity that is so often forgotten.’

Keith Reed, Tamba’s chief executive, added: ‘Our families are more likely to face complications during pregnancy and birth, and to have babies prematurely. dawn and Andrew’s fantastic effort will help us to support thousands of families this year.’ the couple’s sponsorship page is at www.justgiving.com/dawnandAndrewtretton.

16 / WINTER 2012 17www.tamba.org.uk

focus: relationships

LOVE IN A cOLd cLImATE multiples are gorgeous but their arrival does put parents under pressure. Tamba honorary consultant and twin mum Vikki cohen offers advice on dealing with heavy weather

Parents of multiples tend to be ultra-prepared ‘whatever the weather’ types – because we have to be. So what is the outlook for your relationship when multiples arrive?

As a twin parent and a counselling psychologist, I would say you may well need some all-weather survival gear, but it is worth remembering that as parents of multiples you will also get to enjoy all the colours of the rainbow.

Our journey began on a balmy August morning as we sat beside the ultrasound screen. After what seemed like hours the technician swivelled it round to us with an air of jubilation and exclaimed ‘congratulations! You’re having twins!’

With tears raining down my cheeks I felt a mix of emotion: elation, fear, shock and secret smugness (that my hunch was right!). The sunshine blazed on our shoulders, our special connection was further entwined, we were getting our whole family at once. We had never been closer.

As the pregnancy continued we both experienced swings of ecstasy and terror as we contemplated what this new life with twins was going to look like: would l be able to return to work? Would grandparents want to take on childcare for two babies?

The complications that a multiple birth brought us just seemed to bring us closer. We talked and jointly planned how we would dress them, what names to give them and what was important in our approach to parenting. And doing this in the mild breeze of pregnancy turned out to be a wise move, as on the horizon a whirlwind was moving in.

Our gorgeous boys arrived safe and healthy and we drove them carefully home through snow and quiet stillness. but our united winter cosiness didn’t last. Sleep deprivation, the enormity of the challenge of caring for these tiny helpless

enveloping our home. The colours that multiples bring is something truly to behold. There is the guilty pleasure of sometimes dressing them alike, to be treated like a minor celebrity when walking through the town. There was the improvement in my self-esteem and identity as a woman and a mother, especially as time passes and you realise you can actually take care of your multiples. This also helped strengthen us as a couple.

We have become more efficient people: raising multiples is a two-person job that forces team work and joint problem solving. Plus, we could focus on one developmental stage at a time rather than having siblings at different stages.

So, what tips would I offer to other multiples parents trying to stick together through tough times? There is plenty you can do to help your relationship. Start off by attending pre-natal workshops to prepare yourself for the special challenges of the pregnancy, birth and raising of multiples. And join a support group for parents of multiples. Research has shown that parents who are not part of such groups may face greater challenges.

Try to be honest and talk about how you really feel the challenges of parenting multiples are for you; often parents feel shame or guilt at making any admissions, especially if they have struggled to conceive and have been lucky enough to create multiples through IVF.

Get help for babycare (shopping, cleaning, meal preparation) and involve

things and the sheer volume of tasks involved in every second of the day hit us hard. Finances were strained as our expenses more than doubled overnight. Tempers flared, and under an oppressive mist of tiredness, tasks, routine and physical discomfort, the lightning strikes were vicious and certainly struck in the same place more than twice. Who was doing more? Who was sleeping more? Who knows the best way to stop two screaming infants? We each relied on the other to pick

up where we couldn’t, and the intensity of caring for multiples made it difficult to talk about anything else. compounded by the lack of sleep, reduced sex drive, and a general inability to make good decisions, the threat of separation seemed to crackle in the air.

but the storms did pass. We withstood the battering and can now see the wonderfully vibrant rainbows (double, of course)

help and inforELATIONsHIps

• several of our free guides have sections on maintaining a good relationship. You can download

these, as well as our booklet Family relationships in Families with Multiples, from the website at

www.tamba.org.uk

• Parents can book a place on our Parenting with Multiples in Mind course

(for parents with multiples aged 1-5 years) via the website or ring

01483 304442

• talk to other parents of multiples online via tamba’s members-only

messageboard or visit the twins club page at www.tamba.org.uk to find

your nearest club

• ring twinline, tamba’s freephone listening service, to talk over any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open daily 10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm

both parents in the care of the infants. develop a routine between you that works for your family, but try also to spend time away from the kids together as a couple. commit to a date night once a week, whether you go out or just have a special meal in together, and let your multiples help you get ready for it. Retaining and reclaiming romance and intimacy gives important messages to your offspring that their every need does not entirely supersede the need for closeness between their parents.

Try not to let your ‘celebrity status’ as a multiple parent be the only feature that defines you, to the exclusion of all other relationships. make room for your partner: they are special too.

Show each other respect and try to communicate honestly and openly. Apart from having a beneficial impact on your relationship, your multiples will learn these essential relational skills. check with each other and act as a single front to your multiples. This will strengthen the image of your togetherness to your children and will help you to feel more unified.

If things are deteriorating, seek professional help to discuss relationship issues before it gets out of hand. If a separation occurs then seek family counselling so you all get support and can achieve the best possible outcome.

Finally, know that you are doing the best you can and that however hard it

Vikki Cohen with husband Chris and sons Kai and Jasper

We withstood the battering and can now see the wonderfully vibrant rainbows (double, of course) enveloping our home

may sometimes be, things are likely to improve between you when your multiples start sleeping through the night.

As for us, although we feel weather-worn, the creation of our stunning rainbows makes the clouds roll back out of sight. And we all dry out eventually!

Please

respond

to our

christmas

Appeal

for issy

feature: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

19www.tamba.org.uk18 / WINTER 2012

TOYS, bOYS ANd A RIcKETY WOOdEN bIKEten years ago this month my wife and i went to rwanda for a year … and no, we didn’t accidentally get the wrong flight. it was in fact an intentional trip, to spend a year teaching english to children in a secondary school in a small village.

I was hugely hesitant. I’m hesitant about going down from Newcastle to London to see my dad nowadays so you can imagine how hesitant. but my wife had the volunteer bug and talked me into it. I was a qualified teacher of English and was happy to do the teaching, just a little concerned about the location. However, we got there, survived the year and both thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

The direct memories are hazy now, but I still sense its importance in teaching me valuable lessons. How lucky I am to have a healthy family, a home, a job. counting my blessings, you see, is not something that comes naturally to me. I’m more prone to complaining and whinging. And since having three children, I complain and whinge a lot more than I ever used to.

As the memories fade ten years on, it’s worth reminding myself of some of

A trip down memory lane reminds david Bootle what good fortune is all about

column: dad’s cornersponsors: products

mORRCk makes life that little bit easier

born in July. christine says: ‘Having to wake a baby up to put a snowsuit on goes one of two ways, they take it in their stride or they get cross. The great thing about the baby Hoodie is that it lives in my car seats, and when I go out I just put them in and off I go. I don’t have to worry about constantly adding or removing layers, I just adjust their temperature according to where I am, whether that’s in a coffee shop or the car.

‘For me, initially I just had to go out to show myself I could do it. I plan days out with military precision the night before, from packing the change bag to working out where I’m going to feed them that’s family friendly.’

Anita Reed is mum to George and Edward, also born in July. She agrees with christine that the key to leaving the house is to get organised the night before. One of her key challenges has been dressing her boys for the weather. She says: ‘before I had my baby Hoodies I used to walk to the park and then into a shopping centre, and I was always dressing and undressing the boys, often disturbing them as I did it. Our baby Hoodies have taken that away, now I just wrap them up and off we go.’

Tamba sponsor offers a helping hand to get you out and about with young multiples

Having twins or more is an exciting, overwhelming, exhausting, happy, expensive, unique experience. However, it can also be quite isolating; your best friend doesn’t understand what you’re going through when you actually have time to chat, and getting out of the house takes so much effort it’s often easier to stay at home, especially when the weather’s cold and miserable.

Isobel Thompson, founder of morrck, couldn’t believe how long it took her to leave the house with her twin girls, and so invented the baby Hoodie – a hooded travel wrap that fits into any car seat or buggy and replaces the need for fiddly coats or snowsuits. You simply pop the Hoodie into the car seat, feed the safety harness through slits in the back of the fabric, pop your baby in, secure the straps and wrap the Hoodie around them when somewhere cold, or fold back the layers when somewhere warmer. It’s as easy as that.

As the weather’s turns cold, we asked some new twin mums to road test the baby Hoodie and give us their advice for getting out and about this winter.

christine Perrett is mum to chloe and cailley, who were

George and Edward Reed: snug, sleepy and

all wrapped upBelow: Chloe and Cailley

Perrett show off their Baby Hoodies the things I saw that year. For instance,

these days, toys are a fairly big feature of our lives. constantly tidying them up for starters, endlessly seeing adverts for them on kids’ channels, and in fact playing a fair bit (I’m fond of Star Wars lego and remote control cars especially). With five-year-old twin boys, toys are a constant demand and one of the main things on their minds, especially in the lead-up to christmas. Thinking back to our time in Rwanda, it’s hard to believe

that in the lives of the kids we knew, toys did not exist. No children had any manufactured toys whatsoever and even homemade ones were scarce.

I recall seeing a bunch of Rwandan children playing with a small bike carved from wood. No pedals but wooden wheels enabling a boy to free-wheel in a rickety sort of way. I now see

pedal-less bikes selling for huge sums to help teach UK children how to cycle. It tickles me that these are desirable items when the homemade bike we saw in Rwanda was so similar.

We’ve done our best to teach the kids that toys and money don’t grow on trees and that there is more to life than material things. but to be honest, I feel like I’m talking to the wall. The world we live in here is so full of material stuff it’s almost impossible to stop the kids

wanting things. I try to tell them about the children in Africa when we were there and the few homemade toys they had. When the kids played football there they used a ball made from lots of plastic bags bound together with string. I can see that our kids find it hard to grasp what I’m talking about, but as they get older they seem to take it on board a little more. They nod, anyway (whilst secretly thumbing through the Argos catalogue under the table.)

What I want to explain to them – and what I need to keep reminding myself – is that toys, goods, stuff, accessories, bling ... ( whatever you want to call it) doesn’t really make us happy. What makes us happy is our good health and our loving relationships, and if we have these we should count our blessings.

Having said that, if we could afford it I would love a season ticket/new car/Ipad for christmas. better get those photos of Rwanda out and remind myself what really matters…

When the kids in Rwanda play football they use a ball made out of plastic bags bound by string

Morrck donates £1 from every

online sale to tamba.

our members also receive

a 10 percent discount

with Morrck. to order or

for more information

please visit

www.morrck.com

David Bootle with his children Ruth, John and Toby; above, two Rwandan boys get stuck in with a wooden ride-on bike

21www.tamba.org.uk20 / WINTER 2012

feature: tots to travel primary: school admissions

And relax...Most of the time we parents rush around with little or no time to stop and reflect how fortunate we are, and this is even more so when it comes to busy households with multiples.

I think a level of mindfulness really only happens when you stop and relax for long enough to consciously enjoy family time together. And for many of us, this only happens on holiday. Which means that a family holiday is doubly precious and needs to be chosen with care.

Happy family moments can’t be scheduled, they happen when you least expect them. The best way to get more of them is to spend more time together, preferably with everybody in the right frame of mind. This means that we need to spend more time together doing things that we all enjoy. For my family this means cycle rides, family walks picking blackberries, eating out and lots of silliness in the pool, but for you it may mean something completely different.

There are various questions to bear in mind when you are trying to plan a successful break. What will make your kids really happy? What do your children really love doing? mine are never happier than when playing in a pool so that

wendy shand, founder of multiples-friendly holiday villa company www.totstotravel.com, advises on how to get the most out of family holidays

becomes a ‘must have’... and when they are happy, then I’m at my most relaxed.

What will make us as parents really happy? We need space and time to ourselves, right? Look for a holiday that gives you something of what you want. This may be a quiet corner with a good book and a hammock, it might be places to walk, it might be a place with bikes and cycle routes to enjoy the countryside. Whatever it is, do give this some thought and communicate with your partner to ensure that some quiet moments in the hammock actually happen.

Go for longer: every year I hear about how long it takes for mums and dads to remember how to relax and how they wished they’d gone for longer. It takes time to wind down, learn how a place works and to get into the swing of things. Particularly out of peak weeks, many places offer flexible lengths of stay so opt for ten nights rather than seven. An extra few days can make all the difference.

ban the blackberry or any other work-related smartphone. To enjoy quality family time you need to be present in the moment and not distracted by work

HEy, TEACHER!

Should multiples start primary school in different classes or do they do better setting off on this new adventure together?

Research suggests there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Each set of multiples is unique, and as parents know their children best, best practice for schools is to listen to what parents have to say and take each case separately. Alas, this can mean that parents have to oppose school policy, as all too often where a policy exists at all it is to split multiples automatically.

This was the experience of Tom and maddie blackwell in the Isles of Scilly. The Five Islands School had reassured their mother, Lynn, that she would be consulted and kept informed, so she was astonished when a letter arrived in the summer advising that the year would be split and the twins placed in different classes.

Lynn and her husband met the head of early years and asked why they hadn’t been kept in the loop. ‘We explained it was not in Tom and maddie’s interests to be parted as although they were not dependent on each other, they thrived with each other around,’ said Lynn. ‘The early years head said the decision was

Too many schools decide to educate multiples separately or together without knowing the facts – or consulting the parents

final and the headteacher was unlikely to reverse it, but she would set up a meeting if we wished.’

Lynn checked Tamba’s website for information on educating multiples separately or together and rang our office to talk it over. We forearmed her with information about the latest research at Kings college London, a study of 2,232 twin children which found that twins separated at the start of primary school (age 5) had more emotional problems on average (symptoms of shyness, withdrawal, depression and anxiety) than non-separated twins. The effects of early separation were still detectable at ages 7, 10 and 12, and were consistent whether rated by the parent, teacher, or the child.

The study showed that both identical and non-identical twins could experience long-lasting problems as a result of early separation, but the effect was strongest among identical twins. Identical twins separated at the beginning of secondary school (age 12) also showed more

be preparedTrAvEL TIps

• Pre-book highchairs, cots and car-seats as some providers have only

one of each.

• using reins can prevent twin toddlers dashing off when you’re

juggling passports and cases.

• A buggy, even for slightly older multiples, for when they run out

of steam in transit leaves a second parent’s hands free for luggage.

• An adult sitting between children prevents squabbling and makes

them more likely to nod off.

• cheap new toys (try mini crayons and colouring books, stickers and plastic animals) buy downtime and

stop children running amok.

Tom and Maddie Blackwell won a place in the same classroom, but only after a fight

starting schoolFACTs ANd FIGurEs

Almost a third of multiples start primary school in separate classes, according to a tamba survey, but this figure is lower for identical children and those born prematurely.

Most schools with two classes for entry give parents a choice, but 20 percent do not: 4.3 percent of parents said school had insisted on keeping their multiples together, and 15.2 percent said school had insisted on separating them.

tamba believes every multiple relationship is unique. our survey showed parents were happiest when teachers involved them in decision-making.

help and infoprIMAry sCHOOL

• download tamba’s ‘schools Admissions and Appeals’ pack from our

website at www.tamba.org.uk

• Visit the website for factsheets including: starting school – Advice for Parents; starting school – discussion Prompts; school Policy for twins and

higher order Multiples; Maths at home; Meeting the educational Needs of

Multiple Birth children; and together or Apart – A checklist for Parents

• For referrals to Anne thomas, tamba’s honorary consultant on primary

education, ring 01483 302483

• ring twinline, tamba’s freephone listening service, to talk to someone

about any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm

and 7pm to 10pm daily

emotional problems than non-separated twins; this finding did not apply to non-identical twins. Although not all twins were affected and some may benefit from early separation, the finding strongly supports the importance of treating multiples on a case-by-case basis.

Lynn discussed Tamba’s evidence and the Kings college study with the school. To her surprise, the headteacher apologised and reversed the decision to separate Tom and maddie.

‘We have since had a meeting with the headteacher with a view to helping draw up a twins policy for the school,’ said Lynn. ‘I cannot thank Tamba enough for the support on the phone and key information provided, which ultimately saw the decision to split our children reversed.

‘It was clear that Tom and maddie’s twin relationship had been treated with a disregard born of ignorance,’ she added. ‘It is vital that the knowledge parents have should be shared with

schools on entry and listened to. As Tamba says, there can be no one rule for all multiples. All children are different, all multiple relationships are different. School policies need to be flexible and place great importance on the knowledge parents have of their children.’

For more

free tips on

planning your

multiple-friendly

holiday visit

www.tttmultiples.co.uk

and chores. Your body and mind needs time to re-charge and you deserve a proper break. Switch off completely and leave the worrying to someone else.

How not to have a perfect Christmas

i’m in awe of friends who have the perfect christmas. they seem so unruffled, ordering gifts online weeks before the big day. their homes are decorated with homemade silver-sprayed seed heads and, come christmas day, everything happens just as it should.

Even their tree decorations are coordinated. I have one friend who will only ‘allow’ silver baubles, and another who sticks to a strict colour scheme of ‘jewel shades’ – vivid pinks, sapphires and emeralds.

Ours is a mish-mash. In fact, since we’ve had children, our entire lives have been a mish-mash, so it’s hardly surprising that our christmases are too. but accepting that nothing will run according to plan also means we can kick back and relax. Neither J nor I are professional cooks – we’re just

F IONA GIbSON

column: teenagers

and I don’t think I ever managed to sit on my rear for more than ten seconds. Oh, and my homemade yule log resembled – in the words of one of my children – ‘a giant poo’.

‘Why do I bother?’ I raged, nursing a burn from manhandling a huge tray of hassleback potatoes from the oven. Why indeed? It wasn’t really for us. I just wanted to appear impressive. Really, what was the point?

by the time our boys reached their teens, I’d used up my festive energies and vowed to make the whole deal less stressful by cutting what corners I can.

So the house isn’t decorated? As long as we have a tree, festooned with ancient decorations, then the place looks... well, christmassy enough. We pile our presents around it and, while they’re not arranged like some magazine photo, it does look inviting, and often prompts young visitors to shout, ‘Wow!’.

christmas dinner is a vast bird with trimmings and posh ice cream to follow – none of our children like christmas pudding anyway. Like pretty much every family in the land, we spend the day tearing off wrapping paper, admiring our presents, watching movies and chatting in a fug of white wine and fun.

When our sons were younger, I tried to make our own decorations – more to impress visitors than anything else. my pathetic, silver-sprayed twigs looked like a blue Peter project gone wrong and my homemade biscuit tree decorations tasted of cardboard. I’ve ditched all that now, and focus on the essentials: stockings for everyone, bulging with presents, and a lunch that can easily stretch for three hours. beyond that, all I have on my wish list is some kind of present from my husband (we have vowed never to do that ‘Let’s not buy each other anything this year’ thing). Add a steady stream of festive tipples and a tree groaning under the weight of tacky multicolored lights, and that’s christmas for me.

No, it’s not colour-coordinated, it won’t feature in a glossy magazine anytime soon. but our mish-mash affair seems pretty perfect to me.

Once upon a time I would cook lunch for fifteen and make my own decorations. Not any more, writes Fiona Gibson

My pathetic, silver-sprayed twigs looked like a Blue Peter project gone wrong and my homemade biscuit tree decorations tasted of cardboard

beleaguered parents of fifteen year-old twin boys and a twelve year-old daughter, and will have been working virtually up until christmas Eve. The fact that it happens at all is a miracle.

Way back, when our sons were hectic toddlers, I put on a front of being Supremely capable. most mums of multiples seem to do this – we’re desperate to show the world we can cope, and of course we can host christmas lunch for fifteen. Naturally it would always descend into chaos: our sons would fling sprouts, the beautifully set table would be reduced to rubble

www.tamba.org.uk 23

Fiona’s latest novel, The Great Escape, is

out now (Avon)

25www.tamba.org.uk

older multiples: secondary

the relationship between multiples is something that grows and changes, just as they do.

When the children are young, outsiders will often remark on the cuteness of two or more and be fascinated in a way that leaves parents feeling positive and blessed. but past a certain age it can cease to be seen as a positive thing if multiples spend too much time together.

‘How much is too much?’, you might ask. It’s a good question, but not one there is an answer for. Older twins may be criticised or seen as weird or freakish if they dress the same or spend all their time together. but this is less about how much time twins spend together and more about the nature of their relationship. Parents of multiples need to think about their children’s relationship throughout their childhood and be working with their youngsters to make sure they value it but don’t rely on it as individuals.

Going to secondary school is often

the moment when the relationship comes under pressure, particularly if the children have differing abilities. many parents worry about the impact of separating their children versus keeping them together at secondary school; this is sometimes the first chance for twins or more to be in separate classes or even separate schools.

There is a difference here between identical and non-identical multiples: identical twins or more are likely to veer towards similar preferences, as well as have similar abilities due to their shared genetic makeup; non-identical twins will be no more or less similar than siblings.

There are no rules about keeping the children together or separating them, it is really a matter of preference, but it should be their preference rather than the school’s choice. multiples always

Handling difference have an added layer of complexity to deal with because not only do they have to negotiate whatever situation they find themselves in, but they also have to negotiate their relationship with one another within that situation. So, for example, if they decide to stay together at school it will be important for them to be part of the class as a whole rather than sticking like glue to one other. Likewise, if they choose to be in separate classes it will be important for them to be able to meet up together with their respective friends outside of lessons.

I find it helpful to think about what the expectations would be like for siblings and best friends, as the multiples relationship is something like a combination of these two. Of course multiples who are in the same peer group are most likely to share at least some of their friends; this is not a bad thing. The conversations you might have with your children would cover what kind of friends they want to make and what kind of people they want to make friends with. A boy at secondary school told one of my

How can you support your children’s relationship as they grow from childhood into adolescence and beyond? by Tamba’s honorary consultant, systemic and family psychotherapist dr shelagh wright

help and infoOLdEr MuLTIpLEs

• Multiples over 16 years old can have free membership of tamba, entitling them to receive e-newsletters, access the

members’ only forum and download our magazines. they can also keep in touch with the world of twins via tamba’s Facebook page

• tamba’s guide, ‘twins, triplets and More – from 7 to 11’, looks at laying good foundations for handling difference and can be

downloaded free from the website at www.tamba.org.uk

• ring twinline, tamba’s freephone listening service, to talk over any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open daily 10am-1pm

and 7pm-10pm

sons: ‘I will be your friend if you are not friends with your twin.’ They both decided he was not the kind of person either of them wanted to socialise with.

As multiples grow older they might be subject to other people’s prejudices. People do like to share these prejudices with twins or more, however inappropriate that might be. my sons used to get teased for arriving at school together and walking home together, yet if different-aged siblings did this no one would comment. That is why it helps to have worked with

your children on how they might manage these issues: when twins are self-sufficient and comfortable in their relationship together, these comments can generally be laughed off.

In thinking about different abilities or achievements, it is worth remembering that any younger sibling is likely to feel

It can be tempting to categorise one as being ‘The one that does X’ or ‘The one that likes Y’. These kinds of statements need to be avoided

pressure to do as well if not better than an older sibling. This pressure can be intensified with twins as they are doing it at the same time – but the same rules apply: you focus on the child/teenager and what is particular to them, and give praise for that. It can be tempting to categorise one as being ‘the one that does X’ or ‘the one that likes Y’. These kinds of statements need to be avoided as it implies that there is no fluidity in these likes or abilities. It is important to use statements that differentiate them rather than using ‘you’ to mean both of them; for example ‘I noticed that you did that really well today’.

As multiples grow up, the differences in their personalities will become more apparent to others and will show in the choices they make. Some will decide to follow similar careers, others may choose divergent paths. When it comes to, for example, choosing subjects at school, choices will be governed in part by what they want to do later in life. As a parent, the skill in helping multiples make good choices is to keep the bigger picture in mind when focusing on the detail of the now. This keeps the pressure for the individual on what they want to achieve for themselves, rather than keeping up with each other.

24

Please

respond

to our

christmas

Appeal

for issy

26 / WINTER 2012 www.tamba.org.uk 27

Multiple joys

submissions: please take photos on a high resolution setting (300 dPi+) and email with ‘Photo Gallery’ in the subject line and 20 words to multiplematters@hotmail.co.uk by 28 december. sadly, we don’t have space to print all the photos we receive. tamba has a policy of building individuality which is used to prioritise submissions (www.tamba.org.uk/individuality).

The autumn brought many firsts for our families – first days at school, at nursery and, of course, the first days of many precious new lives

Sophie and Emma Holland born 29 February to adoring parents Jenny and dave and big brother Harry

William and Alice with big sister

Sophie ‘not at all tired’ on our

first glamping trip

Samuel and molly on their first day at pre-schoolOur wonderful boys, Harry James

Nicolson and Freddie Benjamin

George Roberts, born 24 may

Taylor James and dylan George Steadman, born 17 may at 24 weeks. Hurry up and get out of hospital Taylor!

photo gallery: celebrations

Jack and daisy Charlton, born 3 July. mum and dad couldn’t be more delighted

Asa and Fergus at 12 weeks,

ready for their first swim

Alexandra and maya born 1 may to Natalia and maxim, and acting in EastEnders

Our gorgeous identical boys, Edward Nigel and Stanley david, born 16 August to

Jemma and Pete

Rosie margaret and Ellie may, born 7 June to proud mum Linzie Bottomley. ‘i don’t know how i lived without you both, i simply adore you’

very much waited for George

and Edward, born 11 July to

Anita and ian Reed

dhilan and Elise arrived on 11th march bringing immense happiness to Ravi and Gabriella

James and Ben Ellis, born

on 25 July – the same

birthday as big sister

Annabel!

Hector and Angus davidson,

born 21 may to Jenny and Hugh.

Long awaited and much loved

Annabel and Florence Train,

identical twins with identical

birth weights

Emily, Grace and Alice Thomas

on their first day. mum and dad

extremely proud after all our

girls have been through

Evie and Georgia were

bridesmaids for their parents

Rachel and Russell on 26 may

‘Little twins’ Elliot and isla – the

youngest of nine – start nursery,

pictured with sister Rowan and ‘big

twins’ Owen and Aidan

Ryan, Gary and Cian mcLaughlin on their first day at nursery school. They were born at 28 weeks

Emile and Freya Woods entered

the world on 27 April. Having

a twin boy and girl has been a

magical experience

Oliver arrived in time for big brother Joshua and sister Emily’s first day of school

misha and Sienna, born 16 June

last year at 29 weeks, having fun

and causing mischief

An excited Ryan, Gary and Scott Burgess on their first day at school George and Harry’s first day at big school. mummy and daddy are so proud

Alexander and Zachary on their

first day of nursery with brother

max. mum and dad are proud to

have made it so far!

Ronara and Tinara, born 26 July on the third wedding

anniversary of proud parents Nadee and Ram Bellantuda

Jamie Charles and Louis max,

born 25 december to proud

parents Rachel and Harvey

28 / WINTER 2012 29www.tamba.org.uk

column: four plus one

multiple views: readers write

LettersThe joys of baby-led weaning, a first day at school together after years apart, and how one member founded a special page on Facebook just for dads

schooL: toGether At LAst This is Andrew and iain Thompson on their first day at school. Thanks to Tamba’s individuality policy it is their first day together in the same class after three years of being apart. it has been so much smoother a transition. i often get asked how many years difference there are between

the boys – it is only five seconds. i had written for Tamba’s help previously as the

nurseries refused to comply with our wishes, saying they knew what our twins needed. So i was quick off the mark to send information to their first school and luckily the school listened. We found that deadlines for sorting out classes were very early. The class has three sets of twins who have all chosen to stay together. What a difference it makes! One of our twins hated nursery and screamed whenever we got to the front gate. Now both boys cannot wait to get into school. They support each other and love being together. i get daily reports of how the other has achieved something special in their class. it’s funny how listening to a child’s concerns, and mother’s instinct, can make a huge difference.Terina

Maybe it’s a British character trait, but we tend to be quite bad at accepting help, bravely battling on sometimes with the odd touch of the martyr thrown in. But i’ve probably said ‘thank you’ more in the last two years than at any other time in my life.

In 2010, when my beautiful triplets were six months old, I was told I had breast cancer. Suddenly I had to surrender. I had no choice but to hand my gorgeous little trio over to others whilst I went through chemo and beyond. but with no spare funds for childcare, it was clear I’d need to find another way.

While I was reeling from a very frightening diagnosis, little did I know that in a coffee shop nearby a group of school mums, friends from my eldest son’s nursery days, were putting together a rota of childcare, cooking, shopping, cleaning, lifts to the hospital – everything you could think of short of actually having the treatment for me.

They carried me through the next few months, along with many other

precious friends and family members, with daily acts of kindness. I would come home from chemo to find a chicken pie had been dropped off for our supper. On another occasion, every bit of dirty washing was taken away, only to be returned the next day clean, dry and neatly folded.

‘I’m on my way to the supermarket, do you need anything?’ would come in the form of a quick text or, ‘I’m passing by and I’ve got a spare hour – would you like some company?’

And then something even more amazing happened, people I’d never even met started to help. As word of my situation spread, the kindness of strangers just blew me away. Synchronicity proved itself to be a vital force in my life. A maternity nurse who’d never met me offered her services for free when I’d had my mastectomy and was unable to lift the babies. my old work colleagues (some of whom I’d barely spoken to – it’s a big company!) did a huge cake bake to pay for

Lessons in perspectiveWith four children and in recovery from cancer, single mum emma campbell knows that when people offer help, sometimes you just have to say Yes Please

childcare. I was even the recipient of funds raised at a charity tennis match.

Pushing a triple buggy means you’re going to get noticed. Add a deathly white complexion and a colourful headscarf and even more heads turn. One day, ignoring my protests, an elderly lady pressed five pounds into my hand as we stood in the salad aisle of marks and Spencer. I felt unworthy of all this attention; I wasn’t doing anything special, just getting through each day, trying to still be ‘mum’ and attempting not to let cancer define me.

Thank you – two little words that feel so woefully inadequate. I remember when I was pregnant and a good friend of mine with four children of her own told me the advice she’d been given as her family grew: ‘just say yes to all offers of help, big or small!’ And she was so right.

And what about my four amazing children? Thank you to Jake, Ella, Louis and Theo for being the biggest motivator anyone could wish for, for getting me up in the morning, for being cheeky and challenging but a wonderful distraction from drugs and surgery and the misery of ill health. Thank you for not indulging me, for reminding me in all sorts of ways that life is to be lived and that time passes so quickly, and that all we have is now.

cALLiNG ALL twiN dAdsi run a page for dads of twins on Facebook with 66 members from all over the world. i started this group when we had twins as there was nothing around for us, and it is nice to be able to speak with people. do get in touch – i hope to hear from you. my email address is willmatheson007@hotmail.com and you can find me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/119173391487343/?fref=tsth.William Matheson (Hinckley Twins & Multiples)

BABY-Led weANiNG? it’s FuN Last summer/autumn when i was pregnant with our twin girls i was reading our first copy of multiple matters shortly after we joined Tamba. in it was an article about baby-led weaning. i read it with interest but knowing that that stage was a lifetime away still! However, it stayed in my mind and when it came time to start thinking about weaning i looked into baby-led weaning further as i wasn’t keen on the idea of trying to spoonfeed two little ones. The more i read about it the more i knew it was right for us, and so it has proved to be. Our girls love it, as do we, and best of all they’ll eat nearly anything and with no extra work making purees etc for me.

So, i just wanted to say a huge thank you to multiple matters for running that article, as i don’t think i would have heard about it otherwise. Thank you for helping to make our weaning journey so much fun.Anna Varela-Raynes

No rest For the PAreNts Coming to the end of another half term i wanted to write and thank you for the piece in Autumn multiple matters about keeping young kids entertained on rainy days. i have had drawing on lining paper all over the floor and a masking tape race track running through my sitting room. We’ve done balloon tennis over the sofa, and i have not had a moment’s peace, but at least i have not heard the dreaded words ‘mum, i’m bored’. Tina Browning

Emma with her older son, Jake, and triplets Ella, Theo and Louis

30 / WINTER 2012 31www.tamba.org.uk

feature: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My day todaynoticeboard: ads and more

vanessa campbell starts every day with the same question – ‘What day is it today?’

Not that she’s forgetful, merely very busy. Her job as a swimming teacher and aqua fitness instructor means every day takes her to a different pool. but it’s something she loves: ‘I teach swimming lessons for local schools, plus one aqua fitness class a day – I can only leap about and sing for an hour these days! I find both jobs energising though: either the buzz of helping children learn to swim or giving ladies a kick-start to their day.’

Her daughters Sasha and zara, aged ten, walk themselves to school before Vanessa heads to work: ‘We say goodbye at the door in our usual mad rush – them bickering their way down the road, me cursing because I can’t find my car keys and/or phone.’ The family regroups at home after school, but by five they are off out again.

‘I’m lucky in that I can take my daughters to work with me at nights now,’ says Vanessa. ‘They either swim or do their homework at the pool. It’s not ideal but it works for us as my husband

works shifts, and the payoff is that they’re competent swimmers.’

And then, on an evening when she isn’t poolside, Vanessa doffs an altogether different hat to become one of Tamba’s Twinline listeners, answering calls from parents of multiples who ring the freephone helpline to get assistance with any number of issues, or just for an understanding and sympathetic ear.

‘I think Twinline is an amazing concept and I wish I’d used it myself when my girls were babies,’ says Vanessa. ‘I had just moved into a new

wondering afterwards if I’d said the right thing. my approach now is to talk to the caller like a friend and give examples of things I did that didn’t go to plan; we all try so hard to be “perfect” parents when we are already doing our best.

‘There isn’t such a thing as a typical session. The type of calls can range from “I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with twins” to sleeping and eating issues, to mums in floods of tears because it’s all so tiring and hard. I’ve also had calls on relationship issues. The happiest outcome is just hearing someone say “Thank you, I feel better now”, and knowing they have the strength to carry on now they’ve offloaded. I remind myself that it sometimes takes a lot of courage to pick up the phone to talk to a complete stranger when you’re at your wit’s end.’

Our confidential phoneline, Twinline, is open every day of the year, even christmas. We caught up with listener Vanessa campbell for a day in the life of a Tamba volunteer

neW taMBa DiScoUnterSTamba has set up a number of discounts available exclusively to our members. Just visit the Tamba website at www.tamba.org.uk/discounts for details of discounts on holidays, clothing, equipment and more, and for the codes to claim your money off. Any organisation wishing to offer discounts to our members should contact LucieWigley@tamba.org.uk. meanwhile, here are the latest new deals available to our families:

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Apprehensive about taking your twins abroad?Why not rent our modern 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house in Spain? 30 minutes from Alicante or Murcia airport, 10 minutes drive from the beach. On the edge of a traditional Spanish village. Fully equipped for twins. Swimming pool. Roof terrace.

focus: volunteers

twiN hAtch BABY PLANNers (www.twinhatch.co.uk)is a baby planning service run by a Tamba member and twin mum in London and the South East, specialising in supporting twin parents-tobe. Your two-hour consultation can be at a time suitable to you, in the comfort of your home or location of choice. Tamba members receive 5% discount. Go to www.tamba.org.uk/otherservices

redBourN Auto soLutioNs (www.redbournautosolutions.com)is a car service and repair centre providing main dealer quality and standards whilst retaining independent prices. We are just two mins off m1 at junction 9 or 12 minutes off m25 and junction 21 (near St Albans). All Tamba members receive a 10% discount on all service and repair work carried out – more info at www.tamba.org.uk/otherservices

BABY BABY (www.babybabyshop.co.uk) is an independent retailer offering the personal touch. Specialist car-seat fitting centre. All staff fully trained by bromley Road Safety. Large choice of double buggies. Offering 15% discount on all purchases.

Photo iN cANVAs (www.photoincanvas.co.uk)offers Tamba members 20% off their range of stunning canvas prints. Visit today to create a striking canvas or even a montage of all your favourite twin moments, plus receive FREE next day delivery

area when they were young and didn’t know anyone. my mum lives abroad and so there was just me and my husband. It was incredibly isolating, and my saving grace was joining a local multiples club and meeting other mums who understood. I met my best friend there.’

Vanessa started volunteering for Twinline five years ago after attending training with Tamba. ‘It was unnerving at first,’ she says. ‘You never know what calls you are going to get and whether you’ll feel you can help. I used to give myself a hard time for not saying enough or

ring Twinline,

tamba’s freephone

listening service, to

talk over any concerns

on 0800 138 0509,

open 10am - 1pm

and 7pm-10pm

daily

It can take courage to pick up the phone to talk to a complete stranger when you’re at your wit’s end

reneWing DiScoUnterSA warm thank you to the following discounters, all of which have renewed their offers to Tamba members:

sMALLPriNt (www.smallprint.com)At Smallprint we create pieces of fine silver jewellery touched by someone you love, beautifully handcrafted to capture your children’s fingerprints, hand or footprints in polished silver. Tamba members qualify for buy-one-get-one free offer on their first item of jewellery purchased.

cudLedrY (www.cuddledry.com)makers of the award-winning supersoft cuddledry apron towel for stressfree baby bathtimes. A firm favourite with parents of twins and multiples as it makes bathtime so much easier. Tamba members receive 20% discount on all cuddledry products.

cooMBe MiLL (www.coombemill.com)Family Farm Holidays from tiny tots to grandparents on a 30-acre working farm. Join the daily tractor rides to help feed and care for animals. Self-catering cottages and lodges for every budget, play areas, play barn, river, fishing lakes, woodland and gardens to explore. Tamba members will be given a £30 discount, free cots and high chairs on purchases of a week’s holiday at coombe mill in any of their properties.

ski FAMiLie (www.skifamille.co.uk)makes family skiing holidays simple and fun. choose from high quality chalets with childcare, luxury hotels or self-catering apartments. Get free child ski equipment hire with all chalet packages booked.

PoLArN o PYret (www.polarnopyret.co.uk)Polarn O Pyret of Sweden have been making clothes for babies and children for over 30 years. Present a valid Tamba membership card at Polarn O Pyret stores or concessions in the UK and receive a 10% discount on your purchase or log in to www.tamba.org.uk/babyclothes to get your online code

rooF Box coMPANY (www.roofbox.co.uk/tamba11)Our prices are already massively discounted but for Tamba members we offer an additional 10% discount off any purchase on our website.

chArLotte & co (www.charlotteandco.co.uk)is a collection of reasonably priced luxury clothing featuring homewear and loungewear made from high quality natural fabrics such as cashmere, silk and cotton. Log in to www.tamba.org.uk/adultclothes to get your 10% discount code.

woodeN toYs shoP (www.woodentoyshop.co.uk)As parents of twins we understand the expense of birthdays and christmas and we’re delighted to offer 10% discount of wooden toys to Tamba members.

dreAMBAG (www.dreambag.co.uk)We at dream bag are delighted to offer Tamba members 10% on purchases of two or more sleeping bags and nursing chairs.

sAFetots (www.safetots.co.uk)offers a wide selection of safety products to help parents create a safe environment for their children to grow up in. Tamba members received 10% discount on all products – www.tamba.org.uk/nurserystores