Missionaries and Marriage Research Paper

8/13/2019 Missionaries and Marriage Research Paper

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2013 Lydia P Binghurst, Kristina Dikhtyarova, Janelle Etzel, CallyAnn D Hamilton and Leighton T Yuma. This is an Open Access article distributed under the termsof the Creative Commons Attribution License (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0), which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in anymedium, provided the original work is properly cited.

MISSIONS AND MATCHMAKING

HOW THE MISSION AGE CHANGE HAS AFFECTED

DATING AT BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY - IDAHO


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MISSIONS AND MATCHMAKING: HOW THE MISSION AGE CHANGE HAS AFFECTED DATING AT BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY - IDAHO 2

ABSTRACT METHODS FINDINGS DISCUSSION BIBLIOGRAPHY APPENDIXINTRODUCTION


AbstractBackground: In the October 2012 Latter-Day Saint (LDS) General Conference, LDS President and Prophet, Thomas S. Monsonannounced that 18-year-old men and 19-year-old women would be able to serve missions. This was a change from the previousmission eligibility ages of 19 for men and 21 for women. The two year change for women was especially notable since LDS womenoften marry young and dont serve missions. This change is certain to affect the dating lives of LDS adults.

Methods: To gain insights into how LDS college-age men perceive this change to affect their dating experience both temporarilyand long-term, a focus group was conducted with 14 participants. Through a series of questions, a consensus was formed aboutboth the benets and drawbacks the lowered mission age for women would have for men.

Results: Although some men are frustrated with the now limited supply of LDS women to date while in college, most see the changeas one for the better. Instead of a timely courtship and marriage, they anticipate stronger, more righteous and mature women willemerge into the dating scene in the next couple years as the rst batch of missionaries return home.

Conclusions: LDS men should be patient and understanding if their current dating situation is challenging. Women who areconsidering serving a mission should also be understanding if men decide not to pursue them before they leave.

Keywords: Mission Age Change, LDS Dating, Sister Missionaries


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MISSIONS AND MATCHMAKING: HOW THE MISSION AGE CHANGE HAS AFFECTED DATING AT BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY - IDAHO

IntroductionIn the LDS (Mormon) faith it is common for young single menbetween the ages of 18 and 26 to leave their homes for twoyears in order to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to others.Single females 19 and older can also do this, multiple times ifdesired, but only for a year and a half at a time. This practice issomewhat unique amongst Christian faiths yet has been a solidand steady practice for those members of The Church of JesusChrist of Latter-day Saints. As of October 2012 there have been

changes in the age requirement to serve a mission within thechurch. Previously young men had to be of at least 19 years ofage whereas young women had to be an astonishing 21 yearsof age to serve a mission for their church. This age changehas brought into play a revision in the way that LDS singlesdate and prepare for marriage. Much study has been done asto how successful relationships develop between young menand women, this study focuses more on the relationships ofLDS singles and how the recent missionary age change hasaffected their relationships in both the short and long term.

College age men are heavily affected by the choices thattheir female counterparts make during this time of life, theacademic literature says. From our research we were able todetermine more to exactly how each gender affects the otherin terms of a relationship.

Helgesons research in his work entitled Long-distanceromantic relationships: Sex differences in adjustment andbreakup provides candid insights into how men handlebreakups. The study was conducted with college students who

were in long-distance relationships. They were interviewed atthe beginning of the semester and the end of the semester. Themost relevant nding was that male college students actually

have a harder time handling break ups than women do.

Physical proximity was measured to be more important to menthan women in dating relationships. Women were found to beless satised in dating relationships and often experienced anincrease in happiness after the relationship ended. They arealso more commonly the ones to end relationships (Helgeson,1994).

From Sahlsteins data in the Journal of Social and Personal

Relationships it was found that though couples mayexperience disappointment from spending time and distanceapart, individuals may actually become more prone to beingmore productive in other aspects of their life. In this study, 20long-distance romantic relationship couples were interviewedas couples. They provided insight into the challenges andadvantages of long-distance relationships and about how theydecided to be together or be apart. Statistics show that nearlyhalf of those participating in exclusive dating in college arepart of a long-distance relationship. This has huge implicationsas it relates to our study on how the changed LDS missionary

age requirement for young women affects dating for mensince many of those men may already be in committed long-distance relationships.

There are many downfalls to a long-distance relationship;however, those in the study reported an average to highsatisfaction with their relationship, an amount comparableto couples that live close together. This is attributed to thoseparticipating in long-distance couples putting their partnerup on a pedestal since they arent present to witness manyof their partners character aws. For men with women on anLDS mission, this may be an even bigger problem than it is forcouples that are not in this situation.


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Many of those participating in a long-distance relationship(40.7%) felt disappointed after they separated. Time aparthowever, does help make partners more productive in otherelements of their life (work, school, etc.). This could be anadvantage of a young man waiting for a LDS sister missionary(Sahlstein, 2004).

One scholarly study entitled, Hooking Up at College, DoesReligion Make a Difference?, discussed mainly the dating andhooking up patterns by young women whom attend religious

college institutions. The research focuses on the correlationbetween the frequency in which these students hook-up orhave casual relationships or dates. This study primarily focuseson the women of this particular age group and their religiousinvolvement. Over a thousand women varying in religiousdenomination were included in the sample. Surveys showedthat religious involvement does reduce the amount of non-committal hook-ups or relationships. The pattern showedthat the amount of religious service attended mattered moreso than the afliation of a particular religion in this study.An interesting nd from this study actually showed that the

percentage of relationships happening at religious institutionsis actually higher than that of non-religious institutions; thending being that individuals at religious institutions tend tohave similar religious norms and expectations. In conclusion,the study shows that religious involvement contributessignicantly towards physical encounters amongst collegestudents (Burdette, Ellison, Hill, & Glenn 2009).

In an article about how age-gaps affect romantic relationshipsamongst individuals of the discussed college age inPsychology Of Women Quarterly, Lehmiller addresses some

of these issues. Drawing on evolutionary and socio-culturalperspectives, the present study examined normative beliefsand commitment processes among heterosexual women

involved in age-gap and age-concordant relationships. Resultsindicated that woman-older partners were the most satisedwith and committed to their relationships, relative to woman-younger and similarly aged partners, consistent with socio-cultural predictions. This could show us the relation to themissionaries and their loved ones left behind. Whether a girlwould date the guy who did not serve a full time mission yet.Additional analyses revealed that satisfaction, alternatives,investments, and normative beliefs accounted for differingdegrees of variance in the prediction of commitment amongage-gap and similarly aged partners, with greater explainedvariance among partners of similar ages. Thus, among femaleheterosexual age-gap partners, factors beyond traditionalpredictors of commitment may be important in understandingthe maintenance of these relationships (Lehmiller & Agnew2008)

One study performed by L. Shanhong reviews the researchdone to determine the role that couple similarity plays indetermining the satisfaction experienced in a relationship.Previous to this study the only research conducted was

on subjects that had already had been in well-establishedrelationships. The research done in this article was performedon that of subjects that had been in a relationship no longerthan six months. The 117 couples that participated in the studyhad an average age of about 20 years. The subjects were testedusing different likert scale survey questions to determine the(ADS) Absolute Difference Score and (PSC) Prole SimilarityCorrelation between couples. Several different measures suchas demographics, political attitudes, personal values, religion,personal interests, self-esteem, relationship satisfaction, andadult attachment were questioned as to reveal similarities

and differences between individuals in a young relationship.Studies showed that demographics, personal interests,personal values and political attitudes played moderate to


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signicant roles in relationship satisfaction. Religion tendedto play a less signicant role in relationship satisfaction. Mostresearch has been done to search remedies for ongoingrelationships whereas this research was done to understandhow partners choose each other and possibly learn to forecastsuccessful relationships. (Shanhong 2009)

The Journal Of Marriage & Family explains that though the ageat which individuals rst marry in the US has been increasingover the years, there is still a signicant portion of the population

that marries young. This longitudinal study investigates thedemographics of these young marriages. Depth interviewswere conducted with nationally representative samplesdrawn from one hundred and thirty-two participating schools.Correlations were sought between marriage age (dependentvariable) and gender, religious afliation, socioeconomic statusof parents, family characteristics, personal characteristics,education, race, and cohabitation. As predicted, womenwere more likely to marry younger than men; conservativeProtestants and Mormons were more likely to marry youngerthan mainline Protestants, Black Protestants, Catholics,

Jews and the nonreligious; individuals from more afuentfamilies were less likely to marry young; individuals of highersocioeconomic status (higher parent education, higher income,college aspirations) were more likely to delay marriage; andHispanics and Whites were more likely to marry younger thanBlacks and Asians. The reasons and rates of early marriages in ademographic that is otherwise trending toward later and latermarriage ages is not insignicant, and deserves attention fromresearchers and policymakers (Uecker & Stokes 2008).

Though all of these studies correlate very closely with the

question at hand, still nobody has ever done a study on theeffect that the LDS missionary age change has had on youngsingle adults in universities. Additional studies do provide

more information on the Mormon society and their missionaryservice.

Hammarberg summarized a brief history on that of the LDSfaith and missionary service in an academic article entitled The World of Latter-day Saints: A Life Plan Model. Missions arementioned in this article but only for males stating that whenthey are 19 they are able to serve. In the early history of thechurch women were able to go as well, but not until the ageof 21. This is interesting to the meta-question because before

the mission age change for women, a mission was almostdiscouraged for those women wanting to serve a mission. Thereason for that is mainly so women would have a goal to getmarried and have children rst before thinking about servinga mission. This article also goes on to talk about the Mormontraditions with marriage and family. Marriage in the temple islikely only when both people are worthy. When on a missionyou must also be worthy and repent of sins before serving(Hammarberg 2002).

Therefore the meta question for this paper is: How has the

decreased minimum age for female LDS missionaries affecteddating for male LDS college students?

The research questions for this paper include the following:

What are the short and long-term positive and negativeeffects of dating a Mormon return missionary?

What do men suspect that women return missionaries willbe like after having served a mission?

How will the missionary age change effect the averageage of marriage amongst college age LDS individuals?


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Do men prefer the idea of marrying a return womanmissionary after the missionary age change to one whomhasnt served a mission?

Do men in general feel discouraged or encouraged aboutthe age change to female missionaries and how it willaffect their dating life?

College age male members have accepted the missionary agechange within the LDS faith rather positively with hopes for

many long-term benets.


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MethodsAs a start of the research quantitative data was gathered.After obtaining and analyzing this data, the ndings wereused in order to obtain a more solid understanding of howthe decreased minimum age for female LDS missionaries hasaffected dating for male LDS college students.

For the purposes of the research a focus group was selectedto be conducted, distributed through the Brigham YoungUniversity-Idaho email system to 50 randomly selectedmale students. The emails were obtained from InstitutionalResearch Director, Scott Bergstrom. All of them were invitedto participate in a focus group, but unfortunately only a fewhave committed to attend. Because of that the convenientsampling was used in order to gather more male studentsto conduct more accurate research. As a result the total of 14male students decided to participate in the focus group andhelped to gather the ndings for the research.

Focus Group

A day, a time and a room were scheduled in advance to conducta focus group. Release forms for the participants were printedto be signed and give the permission to use the ndings andthe information gather for the research without disclosing theidentity of the male participants.

A total of 10 main questions were asked mixed with themoderator questions. A variety of questions were asked: yes

or no questions, open-ended questions as well as the scalequestions, to make the nding more precise and reliable.

The entire focus group was recorded by a multiple media toolsincluding video camera, cellphones and laptops and thentranscribed to sort the ndings.

Questions

1. What word comes to your mind when you think of returnedwoman missionary?

2. Do you think of a woman serving a mission as a good thing,or a bad thing? And then follow that response up with a reason.

3. Have you ever broken off a relationship because of a girlgoing on a mission?

4. How do missions negatively or positively impact relationshipsuitability for the short term, and for the long term?

5. What are the differences in the dating scene for youpersonally since the announcement of the age change?

What differences do you think there will be?

6. How is your perception changed on female missionaries,now since the age change?

7. Would you rather marry a return missionary at this point inyour life, or would you rather marry more promptly and not areturn missionary?

8. On a scale of 1 to 10 how has your dating life changed inresult of the mission age change? Why?


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9. How has this change affected communication in dating?

10. In what way will the mission age change for the womenimpact marriage among LDS young adults?

(For a complete review of questions used for the focus group,please see Appendix.)


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Findings

1. Men Largely Perceive ReturnedFemale Missionaries in a PositiveLight.

The word cloud demonstrates participants responses toquestion number one for the focus group, what word comesto mind when you think of returned female missionary?

The most common answer (three out of fourteen) wasspiritual. Dictionary.com denes the term as characterizedby or suggesting predominance of the spirit; ethereal ordelicately rened. Spirituality is placed at a high priority as acharacteristic of a potential spouse in the Mormon faith. In fact,Mormon leaders encourage and admonish members to seekmates that put spirituality at the center of their relationships.It is important that husbands and wives pray and study thescriptures together. They should attend their meetings andgive service in the Church in order to avail themselves and theirfamilies of the spiritual growth and blessings that come from

activity in the gospel (Christensen 1981). Thus, the attributeof spirituality is clearly understood as a positive and desirabletrait in women, and is perceived as especially prevalent in

returned female missionaries by male respondents. Theresponses of marriage and marriage material further attestto this, as marriage and family is considered central to theMormon faith. When asked why returned female missionariesmay be preferable as spouses, responses included their goalsin life are higher, theyre more mature and theres just adifference in the relationship.

2. The Short-Term Effects of theMissionary Age Change on DatingAre Negative.

It seems that it is no longer what is your name? that is the rstquestion you ask when on a date. It is now more of where areyou going on your mission? Male focus group participantsexpressed their opinions toward the missionary age changeand how it will effect dating negatively and positively. After

It seems that now you dont ask agirl for her name, you just ask herwhere shes going. It just makes it

harder for a guy to expect anythingmore than just friendship.

Dating life kind of

sucks right now.


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listening to what they had to say the majority of the participantsagreed that in the short term dating life and communicationwithin dating has changed for the negative.

Dating life kind of sucks right now, said one of theparticipants. When hearing the announcement about themission age change most men were worried about what theirdating life would be like for the next couple of years. Wouldtheir girlfriend decide to go on a mission? Will there be a lotless woman to date, due to them going on a mission? These

concerns have been proven to be legitimate concerns.

Some girls are just going on dates but with no thoughts ofgetting serious or going further in a relationship becausetheyre set on leaving. Youre just less likely to nd a relationshipwith a girl because theyre leaving on a mission. The shortterm has been rough for the men out in the Mormon-datingworld.

3. The Long-Term Effects of theMissionary Age Change on DatingWill be Positive.

In the long term most men agree that the effects of themissionary age change will be greatly positive.

When dating a returned missionary you have a strongerfoundation, I think, it strengthens your relationship. said aparticipant. I think they make better mothers as well, becausetheyve had to learn to live with others before themselves.Strengthened relationships and better motherhood are acouple of the reasons men feel a female returned missionaryis a positive thing. Men have also opened up about the idea

that women will be more mature, spiritual, and easier to talkto and relate to.

Returned missionary girls will consider more in their desire tomarry and who they marry and theyll make a better choice. The girls that will have served missions, theyll know more sowhat they want specically in a guy, it will keep guys on theirtoes more and they will try to be better.

If this is the case the missionary age change for women willbe greatly positive in the long run. It is hoped the missionage change will result in smarter choices in dating and moresuccessful marriages.

4. Men Anticipate the Average Ageof LDS Marriages Will Change

I think women coming home will be more goal oriented andit will result in more marriages. Male returned missionariesusually experience a lot of pressure to marry after returningfrom their missions. Focus group participants felt that womenwould experience the same eagerness to date and nd aneternal companion once they return from serving missions forthe church.

I think women coming home willbe more goal oriented and it willresult in more marriages.


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The participants also pointed out that the lowered age formen to leave on mission along with the lowered age for

women will contribute to younger marriages in general. A lotmore marriages will fall to missionaries and people will marryyounger because um, just like, he meant, the men will comeback, um younger, but there will still be more mature, but beable to have um searching to date.. um younger.. and there is just more opportunities to date.

One participant expressed that he believed there will be

Stronger and longer marriages cause both will be cominghome earlier. He added, And I feel like with an equal, moreequal ratio of men to women going out, they will just bestronger. They will just be more changed then they werebefore. Both men and women will be developing andmaturing at accelerated rates. When they return, they will bemore interested in marriage and being the best spouse theycan to each other.

It might seem counter-intuitive that men would believe thissince many of the women who might have gotten married

at eighteen or nineteen have either planned or already leftfor missions. In fact, not all men were of this opinion. Somebelieved quite the contrary. I think there will be a lot of girls

getting married at an older age, which is better, because I met alot of girls who are not married at like 22 and theyre like an oldhag and so, it will be more of a cultural theme to get marriedat an older age... and then once they do get married, it will bemore spiritual and it will be more of a deeper relationship.

Although these men believe marriages will be older, theyalso believe the women will be more prepared for marriage.I thought that the girls will get married when they get older,but that they will have better relationships. Additionally, there

would be fewer LDS teen marriages. Marriages would be moresolid. Youll have a lot less teen marriages, like 18,19. Youll havewomen getting married.

5. Men Feel Serving a MissionHas Become a Trendy Thing forWomen

Perceptions about women serving missions have denitelychanged for men. While the participants expressed that they

originally thought missions were primarily for diehard spiritualgirls who had planned on serving or women who aged upto 21 without getting married and werent sure what to dowith themselves, they have now come to believe women seemissions as a self-discovery process. I feel like it became atrend to go on missions.

A lot of missionaries, female missionaries like are followingtrends again. But it also... I also It also kind of feels the samewith as I think that who the girls that are spiritual and wantto go are still going and there might be, My mom was even

telling me that its weird she when saw sister missionaries inOrem that it was just so trendy and she was just kind of likefashionable.

Marriages would be moresolid. Youll have a lot less teen

marriages...


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Many women who werent planning on serving at 21 areputting their mission papers in now. One participant voicedhis opinion that peer pressure or motivation from the noveltyof the change should not be a reason for women to leave ona mission.

I agree with them saying that the sisters going out now aremore enthusiastic about going on a mission, but I also agreethat unfortunately they have the stereotype of the reasonwhy they are going is because of a change in policy. And I

personally dont believe that a change in policy is the reasonfor thousands of women to believe revelation was given tothem to go on missions. I think they still need to think it outand pray about it rather than, a change in policy happened Ican go earlier, I need to go now.


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DiscussionConclusion #1: It may be too soonto adequately measure perceptionsand effects of the age change.

While the responses seem to indicate a largely positiveperception of returned female missionaries, it is still unclearwhether this will hold for the younger group of female

missionaries that are currently serving. It remains to be seenafter these younger female missionaries return from theirmissions how these perceptions will hold. It is worth questioningwhether the positive aspects described by male respondentssuch as spiritual and mature are not in fact dependent onthe previous age gap. Previous to the announcement of theage change, returned female missionaries were at least 22 anda half years old. Females will now be able to attain the statusof returned missionary as young as 20 and a half years old. Willthese younger missionaries still be perceived as more maturethan their non-mission serving female peers? Unfortunately,

these questions will be difcult to answer until the womenserving under the new mission age minimum have returned. Asimilar research method might be used in the future to gatherperceptions on the returned female missionaries and comparethem to the results found here.

Conclusion #2: Men are Hesitantto Date Women They Know MightLeave on a Mission

Men feel that it is not worth it to pursue women who areconsidering serving a mission. Well, when youre going ondates with girls that havent gone on missions you have to

consider the fact that theyre going to be leaving, and that setsyour thoughts about whether or not to pursue that person,you know. Women who intend to leave on missions shouldnot expect to have a very active dating experience before theyleave if they have been forthcoming about their plans.

This lack of interest in getting emotionally attached to awoman who might leave was fairly universal throughout theparticipants. It seems that now you dont ask a girl for hername you just ask her where shes going. It just makes it harder

for a guy to expect anything more than just friendship.

If dating is a priority for women, they should considerpostponing a mission until they feel more ready to give upsomething they view as very important to them. Missions arenot required for women and they dont have to leave at 19,even though they can now. If they act irtatiously on theirmission, it could cause a number of problems. However, ifdating is something they are ready to put aside for later, theyshould lower their expectations for dating before they leave.

Conclusion #3: The Number ofFemale Missionaries May Begin toDecrease as the Novelty of the AgeChange Dies Down

Many women interpreted the announcement of loweredmission ages as a sign that they needed to go serve, withoutdevoting proper time to personal prayer or thoughtful andcomplete consideration. Thorough preparation is importantfor missionaries.

I think they still need to think it out and pray about it ratherthan, a change in policy happened I can go earlier, I need to go


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now. Participants hoped that women would go because theyreceived revelation that it was the right thing for them at thatpoint in their lives, not just because all of their friends weregoing and they thought that because they can, they should.

Women in the church have a number of different callings, all ofwhich are important. Although serving a mission could greatlybenet the church and help them develop personally, thereare other callings that could likewise be great experiences thatwould bless the lives of others. Marriage and motherhood are

not to be overlooked in value. There is still plenty for womento consider before deciding to serve a mission. Perhaps oncethe mission age becomes a normal thing, women wont feelas motivated to go without dedicating the proper time andattention to making the right choice.


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BibliographyBoyd, J. P. (2011). LDS youth in an age of transition. Dialogue : A Journal of Mormon Thought, 44(1), 207-218,227. Retrieved fromhttp://search.proquest.com/docview/858947990?accountid=9817

Burdette, A. M., Ellison, C. G., Hill, T. D., & Glenn, N. D. (2009). Hooking up at college, does religion make a difference?. Hooking Up atCollege, Does Religion Make a Difference?, 48(3), 535-551.

Christensen, V.R. (1981). Bringing out the best in marriage. Ensign.

Hamilton, L. D., & Meston, C. M. (2010). The effects of partner togetherness on salivary testosterone in women in long distancerelationships. Hormones and Behavior. 57(2), 198-202.

Hammarberg, M. (2002). The World of Latter-day Saints: A Life Plan Model. Expedition. 44(1), 7-15.

Helgeson, V. S. (1994). Long-distance romantic relationships: Sex differences in adjustment and breakup. Pers Soc Psychol Bull,20(254), doi: 10.1177/0146167294203003

Lehmiller, J. J., & Agnew, C. R. (2008). COMMITMENT IN AGE-GAP HETEROSEXUAL ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS: A TEST OF EVOLU

AND SOCIO-CULTURAL PREDICTIONS. Psychology Of Women Quarterly, 32(1), 74-82. doi:10.1111/j.1471-6402.2007.00408.x

Pope, D. G. (2008). Benets of bilingualism: Evidence from Mormon missionaries. Economics of Education Review, 27(2), 234-242.

Sahlstein, E. M. (2004). Relating at a distance: Negotiating being together and being apart in long-distance relationships. Journal ofSocial and Personal Relationships, 21(689), doi: 10.1177/0265407504046115

Shanhong, L. (2009). Partner selection and relationship satisfaction in early dating couples: The role of couple similarity. . Personalityand Individual Differences; , 47(2), 133-138. doi: Elsevier

Uecker, J. E., & Stokes, C. E. (2008). Early Marriage in the United States. Journal Of Marriage & Family, 70(4), 835-846.

Helgeson, V. S. (1994). Long-distance romantic relationships: Sex differences in adjustment and breakup. Pers Soc Psychol Bull,


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AppendixMeta-Question

How has the age change for young woman serving missionsaffected the dating life of LDS individuals in College?

Focus Group Questions

1. What is the rst word that comes to your mind when youthink of woman returned missionary?

2. Do you think a woman serving a mission is a good or badthing? (Write on a piece of paper lock them in.) Follow up withwhy questions:

3. Have you ever broken off a relationship because of a mission?

Do you know of others who have?

Do you think well see a rise of dear-john letters?

What about dear-jane letters?

What effect did that have on you or them?

4. How do missions negatively or positively impact relationshipsuitability? In the short-term for relationships. In the long

term for relationships.

5. What are the differences in the dating scene since the

announcement of the changed missionary age? Whatdifference do you think there will be? What do you think thedifferences are?

6. In what ways will the mission age change for women impactmarriage among LDS young adults?

7. Has your perception changed on female missionaries nowsince the age change?

AppendixMeta-Question

How has the age change for young woman serving missionsaffected the dating life of LDS individuals in College?

Focus Group Questions

1. What is the rst word that comes to your mind when youthink of woman returned missionary?

2. Do you think a woman serving a mission is a good or badthing? (Write on a piece of paper lock them in.) Follow up withwhy questions:

3. Have you ever broken off a relationship because of a mission?

Do you know of others who have?

Do you think well see a rise of dear-john letters?

What about dear-jane letters?

What effect did that have on you or them?

4. How do missions negatively or positively impact relationshipsuitability? In the short-term for relationships. In the long

term for relationships.

5. What are the differences in the dating scene since the

announcement of the changed missionary age? Whatdifference do you think there will be? What do you think thedifferences are?

6. In what ways will the mission age change for women impactmarriage among LDS young adults?

7. Has your perception changed on female missionaries nowsince the age change?

8. On a scale of 1 to 10 how has your dating life changed inresult of the mission age change? Why?

9. How has this change affected communication in dating?

10. At this time in your life would you rather marry a returnedmissionary, or a non-returned missionary?


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Focus Group Transcription

Leighton: My name is Leighton Yuma, this is part of my researchteam. Were in a communication research and statistics class.Were doing a study about missionary age change and how itsaffected people on campus as well as dating and other thingslike that. Wed like to start off with a prayer tonight.

-Prayer-

Leighton: Were gonna ask a series of questions. Were gonnahand out pieces of paper to everyone. If you dont have awriting utensil, will you raise your hand? And if you have morethan one

So, were just going to ask you guys a series of questions. Foreach question go ahead and just number it. Ill tell you whatnumber the question is. Some of the questions have multipleparts so be aware of that. Were going to go ahead and start.After each question we might ask the group as a whole what

were your responses out loud, sometimes we might just leaveit on the paper.

Question 1:

Leighton: What word comes to your mind when you thinkof returned woman missionary? Go ahead and just take amoment, rst word that comes to your mind, write it down. Becompletely honest, OK?

Question 2:

Leighton: So are you guys ready for the next question? So

number two: Do you think of a woman serving a mission as agood thing, or a bad thing? And then follow that response upwith a reason.

Real quick here, Im gonna start over here; were just gonna godown the line and then down this line too. Just give me yourone-word response for the rst question.

1. Maturity

2. Valiant

3. Beautiful

4. Courage

5. Marriage-Material

6. Smart

7. Strong

8. Spiritual

9. Spiritual

10. Great

11. Marriage

12. Spiritual


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13. Mature

14. Mature

Leighton: Perfect. Who thought that a woman serving amission was a bad thing? No one? So you guys all thought thata woman serving a mission was a good thing? Anyone on thefence on that?

(Participants 4, 9, 11, 12, 14 raise hands)

4: I put it depends on the situation; and I dont feel like in allsituations girls should go on missions, I dont feel like in allsituations girls should NOT go on missions. I feel like it dependson how they feel, whether they feel thats right for them or not.

Leighton: Who else was it?

9: I said unless theyre doing it for the wrong reasons; they haveto pray about it.

12: I said the same as him, just, like if an elder goes out for thewrong reason, hes not going to perform to the best of hisability. Its the same with the sisters. If theyre not going out forthe right reason, then their purpose isnt going to be fullled aswell as it could have been.

Leighton: And those that feel strongly that it is a good thing,raise your hands?

(Participants 1, 10, 11, and 13 raise hands)

Leighton: Alright, were going to go ahead and start with you.

Why?

1: I just put, now the woman wont act like a teenager.

(scattered laughs, gasps and scoffs)

Leighton: Who was the next one? Go for it.

2: My ance is a returned missionary, and its denitely apositive thing.

Leighton: OK. Why has it been positive for you?

2: Cause we can understand each other. Were on the samepage, spirituallyand in terms of the gospel.

Leighton: So youve served a mission, shes served a mission,so you guys are able to correspond. How has that affectedthe communication in your relationship? Have you seen adifference with other girls youve dated?

2. Yeah, for sure. I mean, every night we read scriptures andpray togethershes in Washington State right now, were nottogetherbut its denitely been a lot. Its been a more purerelationship in that were focused on the right things.

Leighton: OK. Great. Who else was strongly for?

13: It just helpstheyre already more spiritually mature thanmen I think, but it helps them become doctrinally mature. Theteachers that Ive had in Sunday School that have gone onmissions are really doctrinally sound.


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Question 3:

Leighton. OK. Great. Thank you for those responses. Weregoing to move on to the next question. Out of you guys, haveyou ever broken off a relationship because of a mission? This means, a girl going on a mission that you were dating;maybe youve seen it happen to a friend? Just respond to thatquestion, please. And if that did happen, could you write whateffect did that have on your friend or on yourself?

1: Its not if you yourself broke up to go a mission, but if youwere dating a girl and she was going on a mission?

Leighton: Exactly. It could be either party that causes thebreakup, or it could even be mutual. If thats happened to youor someone you know, what effect did it have on the peopleinvolved? Ill give you a second to think about it, write aboutitAlright, does anyone have a good response for that?Anyone have any examples of that happening?

4: In the situation that I saw, it was actually positive, had agood effect on both peoplethe person that broke it off andthe person that got dumped. The person that got dumpedlearned a lot of good lessons. It was hard for them, but theylearned a lot of stuff. The girl that broke it off, she was able togo on a mission and shes been good.

Leighton: Great. Thank you. Anyone else? Has it happened to afriend, family member?

11: My girlfriend went on a mission two months ago. Itsbeen hard. Its lonely. Trying to wait for herbut, its beengood overall. Just reading her letters, shes grown a lot in twomonths. And for me, its given me a chance to focus on school

and spirituality, so

Leighton: So would you say that both of you have grown fromthis experience?

11: Yeah.

Leighton: Kay. Next?

7: I have a friend that got home two months ago from hismission, and when he got home his girlfriend just got her call.She actually hasnt left yet, but his intention coming home wasto get her to stay. After a time and going to the temple andpraying about it, they were readyI think they are still readyfor marriage, but they felt that the right thing is for her to go,still, for him to wait. So I think it just depends on just prayingabout it, and receiving counsel.

Leighton: If they were in favor of this, what would the longterm effects be? Do you think theyd be better for your two

situations?

11: Yeah, I think so.

7: I agree.

Question 4:

Leighton: How do missions negatively or positively impactrelationship suitability? Answer for the short term and for the

long term; thats part A and B for this question.

5: Suitability as in?


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Leighton: Match-making. What positive and negative effectsare there for the short term, and for the long term.

Those of you that are done, could I have a couple responses?Any of you that feel strongly?

9: I put that its positive for both short-term and long-term.Short-term, I think, when I take girls out on dates and thingslike that, I see girls that have been out on missions and thosethat might not have worked out or anything, I see really great

qualities in them, and it makes me know a little bit more whyI want a future with them. And then, long-term, I think its justhaving, like everyone else has been saying, having both peoplebe spiritually mature in the gospel, and we have that.

Leighton: So you said for the short-term its positive too;these girls that youre taking out on dates, are they returnedmissionaries, or are the mostly pre-missionaries?

9: Ive took out more girls that have served.

Leighton: Alright, I want to hear an answer for negative effectsof the short-term.

11: Well, when youre going on dates with girls that haventgone on missions you have to consider the fact that theyregoing to be leaving, and that sets your thoughts about whetheror not to pursue that person, you know.

Leighton: OK, what about positive short-term? No? Kay, Long-term? What are the negative effects of long-term, if any? Kay,positive?

13: You have a little bit stronger foundation, I think, itstrengthens your relationship.

Leighton: Kay.

11: Another way I see it, is youre going to get married in thetemple, theyre going to get married in the temple, whether itsto each other or notit doesnt really matter. In the long run,as long as you both get married in the temple, its a good thing.

Leighton: So you feel like a returned missionary is more likelyto get married in the temple?

11: Yeah.

Leighton: And thats positive for any group?

11: And then they get to serve the Lord before that, too, sotheyre doing a greater good.

Leighton: Thank you for your responses.

1: I just think, girls that have served missions are better attalking more directly to you. Younger girls are always afraid,like, Oh, I dont want it to be awkward I feel like returnmissionaries are the kings of being awkward, so, now theyreat the same level.

Leighton: Kay, theyre more direct.

1: yeah.


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Leighton: Any other responses?

10: I think they make better mothers as well, because theyvehad to learn to live with others before themselves.

Question 5:

Leighton: Kay, excellent. Question number 5, now. What are thedifferences in the dating scene since the announcement ofthe age change? What are the differences that you guys haveperceived since the missionary age change has been put intoeffect? Thats open to you, how you want to respond to that.Im going to go ahead and get everyones response for thisone, just go ahead and say out loud what you wrote.

1: The girls who are not planning on going on missions, I feellike theyre more eager to get married now.

2: Some girls are just going on dates but with no thoughtsof getting serious or going further in a relationship because

theyre set on leaving.

3: Same thing with him, youre just less likely to nd arelationship with a girl because theyre leaving on a mission.

4: What Ive noticed among guys is a lot of times they avoidgoing on dates with potential

Leighton: Ok are you done with that?

4: Yah I was just I think it will affect it positively it shouldbe a more smooth transition into marriage. because of thecompanion plan, I think they will have more patience, more

street smarts.

Question 6:

Leighton: In what ways will the mission age change for womenimpact marriage among LDS young adults?

5: Um, I think there will be a lot of girls getting married at anolder age, which is better, because I met a lot of girls who are notmarried at like 22 and theyre like an old hag and so, it (laugh)and so... it will be more of a cultural theme to get married at anolder age.. and then once they do get married it will be morespiritual and it will be more of a deeper relationship.

Leighton: Ok

6: Ok there might be some girls who marry earlier! becausethey do not have to wait till like 21, and decide to go on amission, or want to get married instead of just waiting for 21so...

Leighton: K

7: Instead it will make better mothers and wives. Raise thestandard, and make better families for children and also girlswill be more mature.

Leighton: Kay

8: A lot more marriages will fall to missionaries and people

will marry younger because just like he meant, the men willcome back younger, but they will still be more mature, but beable to have searching to date younger. and there is just more


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now afterwards Since they are a bit younger and they do nothave as much experience and stuff, Experience on how stuffworks So... they are not as experienced...

4: Ive thought mostly just when get married, now more so justserve.. So..

Leighton: You guys kind of feel like a more dedicated group ofmissionaries is going out?

4: Uh Yeah

Leighton: Ok great

5: I say, again that I feel like a lot of missionaries, femalemissionaries, are following trends again. But it also kind offeels the same with as I think that the girls that are spiritualand want to go are still going. My mom was even telling methat its weird when she saw sister missionaries in Orem thatit was just so trendy and she was just kind of like fashionable.

Leighton: So a trendier group of missionaries who are alsomore fashionable.

6: I was on the mission when they made the announcement. Somy rst initial reaction, was just kind of like, I was for it. Causeit was like other types of policys about girls. I was consideringit was going to be I mean there was just problems. And um just deal with that. But since Ive been home Im like been lookat the girls that are going to go out. I have a lot of friends thathave gone out on their missions or leaving on their missions. Ithink its great it has been it is a really positive experience andbecause they have prepared themselves, they just have time,like I had time before my mission to prepare myself and I think

they have done a good job. And I think that when they wereolder they had more time to prepare. Um, but, I dont think itsgoing to be a negative.

Leighton: Alright we are back on starting with you, (number12)

12: I agree with them saying that the sisters going out now aremore enthusiastic about going on a mission, but I also agreethat unfortunately they have the stereotype of the reason

why they are going is because of a change in policy. And Ipersonally dont believe that a change in policy is the reasonfor thousands of women to believe revelation was given tothem to go on missions. I think they still need to think it outand pray about it rather than, a change in policy happened Ican go earlier, I need to go now.

13: In one way I kinda see it as a trend, but I also think it shinesa really good light on the women of the church that theyrethat willing to go.

Question 9:

Leighton: How has this change effected communication indating?

14:(beginning cut off) When men nd out that a girl is goingon a mission, it is now viewed as a negative because theyrealized they lost another chance.

13: I feel like women are more straight forward and have a clearidea of what they want so they can be more open about that.I also feel that there is more dicussion on women serving amission.


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Leighton: So do you guys feel like a little bit of hope has beenlost for men during this period of time?

14:In the next year and the half, yeah.

12: For the short term, yeah.

12: I put communication is going to be more direct becauseon the mission when you are speaking to an investigatoryou cant beat around the bush you need to be very directwith everything you say. I feel personally that woman arevery indecisive and very beat around the bush, and I feel likethem going on a mission will help them overcome that. Notsaying either way is right or wrong, but for guys itll be betterbecause thats how we understand things. I also said they arewith companions all day everyday so they will learn how toovercome problems and contentions better. They will be moreunderstanding, they will be spending a year and a half to twoyears understanding where an investigator is coming from andtheir point of view of things, and learn how to over come that. Ithink they will be able to relate that back to a dating sense andthey will be able to see where their boyfriend is coming fromon a certain issue and how to overcome that together.

11: The guys are getting more forward, they are doing less ofthe hanging out and more of the dating, so that they can nd acompanion before they leave on their mission. Its getting theguys to kick it in gear.

10: I agree with that and I said that within my personal life withmy anc its been a lot easier to talk about the gospel

9:I said communication in dating will stay the same, its upto individuals to make conversations, and I think that some

of the best conversations Ive had are gospel conversationswith a girl that hasnt gone on a mission because she wasvery spiritually minded and I just think that people decide tochange themselves.

8: RM girls will consider more in their desire to marry and whothey marry and theyll make a better choice. I was talking to mymom the other day and I was mentioning to her that I feel thatsome of the girls just kind of marry because they are in lovewith the commitment more so than the guy. The RM guy wants

something more specic and a girl just wants any RM thatsa good guy. So the girls that will have served missions theyllknow more so what they want specically in a guy and theyllwant a guy who is good not just a guy who is a downgradedversion of an RM who has served a mission and is back. It willkeep guys on their toes more and they will try to be better.

3: Communication will improve. Missionaries havecompanionship inventories, which is working throughproblems through relationship. So they will be able to talkabout it better. So in the long term communication willimprove.

2. In short term dating, premies whether guys or girls, bringup the fact that they are going on a mission soon in therelationship so its not such an abrupt thing.

1. Its not so much a relaxed conversation anymore, you justhave to get right to screening, whats their future plans, whats

going on. So I see it as slightly negative.

Question 10:


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Leighton: Would you rather marry a returned missionary at thispoint in your life, or would you rather marry more promptlyand not a returned missionary?

1: Not a returned missionary

2:It doesnt matter

3: It doesnt matter

8: It depends on the girl and the situation

9: Id like to marry a returned missionary but it doesnt matter,as long as theyre spiritually minded.

10: Returned missionary


12: Doesnt matter to me


14: Either/or

Leighton: Why not a returned missionary?

1: I dont know. Its kind of personal. Theyre harder to mold. Thats just one thought, thats not my primary reason, Im just

thinking to myself right now.

Leighton: For those of you that said specically yes, you would

rather marry a returned missionary, whys that?

10: Because Ive dated both and theres just a difference in therelationship.

11: I think their goals in life are higher.

13:Because theyre more mature.

Leighton: Alright. Thats the last of it. Thanks for your time wereally appreciate it, have a great rest of the night.


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Focus Group Consent Form


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40MISSIONS AND MATCHMAKING: HOW THE MISSION AGE CHANGE HAS AFFECTED DATING AT BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY - IDAHO

Missionaries and Marriage Research Paper

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Transcript of Missionaries and Marriage Research Paper