Dear Stephen,

Well, it’s year 2 and the ache is now dull, but the missing never leaves. The wondering why and what could have been done differently now comes into play more often though. So much has changed in the last two years and I normally feel like it would be nice to call you and send pictures and share those moments with you, but I have to remember in my heart you can see from heaven anyway. Not that it makes it any easier not to see the smile or smirk or hear that laughter….

How about I fill you in anyway so that I can know I shared this with you and somehow when I put things in writing it makes me feel like I have had a conversation in my heart. How about I share my wishes first…because I wish I would have called more, because I wish I would have made sure I told you that I knew how important family was to you and that was a passion I shared with you, because I wish I would have told you that you were special even through the hard times you and had I prayed for the best outcome, because I wish I would have shared with you how proud I was to be your sister-in-law and that you accepted us for who we were and not who you thought we should be, because I wish I would have shared with you how awesome it was for you to overcome such amazing obstacles… and then my greatest wish was that I could have known the pain you were in and I could have healed that because that is what you would have done.

Last year we hosted an exchange student from Germany, Stephanie, and in August it was just that…an exchange student, but in July when it came time to put her on a plane to go home, she took our hearts with her. She was undeniable joy, a blessing, laughter, sunshine and goodness that kind of snuck up on you. She became a daughter and a sister and a niece and granddaughter and friend….I never would have imagined in less than a year you could go from “getting to know you” to love in what felt like zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds. You would have loved her and she would have given you joy and love in return.

All the kids have grown like weeds in a field and each one has come into their own self being. Sarah is beautiful inside and out and school is great and before the end of this year will have her license…she is no longer that little girl and I will miss that, her innocence never ceases to amaze me though. Andy and Julia are engaged to be married and for now Andy is finished college and is working and saving for their future. Brittaney is doing well and has a job now and seems to be holding it together although our relationship has suffered, I know you have been watching over her and I am so grateful for that. Elijah, wow, he has changed so much in the last two years I think you would be amazed. He is 6’ tall and plays football now~yes, football. The change on the inside I am seeing is just remarkable and he is so much more confident and self assured. He is still that same intuitive thoughtful boy that always steals your heart though. Zach is finally growing and I see the leaps and bounds he has come through and is not that shy little boy anymore. School is going well and he has made some great friends. He is funny too and always makes me smile even when I am mad.

Alan and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary this year and we have had our share of tough times too. Sometimes I say to Al, please can you call your brothers…. and realize well, he cannot. I miss the threesome and I know he misses that too. I remember you took some video at the wedding and I have never seen it. I really need to get that from Mom so I can watch and remember and hear your voice in the background.

Thank God for family Stephen and thank God I know you are watching us from heaven. I miss your teasing and your laugh and all the things that made you…you. Say hello to Dad and remember how much we love you and I will always remember how much you love us. If God could grant me one thing it would be for Him to place me in the right place and to have the right words for someone who is struggling to be sure they know they are worth so much more than they believe at that moment.

Not many days go by that I am not reminded of you in some way and you are always thought of with great love. Miss you ~ Love you much, Diane