Mindful Compassionate Coaching in a VUCA world: developing ... · • The Mindful Path to...
Transcript of Mindful Compassionate Coaching in a VUCA world: developing ... · • The Mindful Path to...
Thissession• Intro:whymyinterest,whyme?• Settingthescene:whynow?• Whatiscompassion(andmindfulness)andwhatisitnot?• Mindfulness&compassion:twowingsofthesamebird• Research:benefits ofcultivatingcompassion(with
mindfulness)• Relevance/applicationtocoaching,particularlyinrelationto
VUCA- turningtowardsdifficulties• Puttingintopractice:howwecandevelop(self-)compassion,
somepractices&potentialobstacles• Resources
Theclimate• Growingevidencebaseforcompassion&mindfulness• Psychologyfallingoutoflovewithself-esteemasmarkerfor
+vementalhealth...andintolovewithcompassion• Goal-settingculture:blameselfwhenfail• “It’scrazyoutthere”- VUCA,BREXIT,refugeecrisis,climate
change…• Riseindepression&anxiety….andshifttakingplace:speaking
out• Highexposure- socialmedia,e.g.‘hotornot’app;FOMO
And nowcompassion• BuildingonMindfulnessRevolution• GrowingevidencebaseforCompassionFocusedTherapy(CFT)….showing
promiseformentalhealthconditionse.g.socialphobia,excessiveself-judgment,PTSD…andCompassionateMindTraining- grouptherapyforpeoplewithsevereshame
• CFTgivenbirthtoCompassionFocusedCoaching• CompassionCultivationTrainingatStanfordUniversityCCARE(Centerfor
CompassionandAltruismResearchandEducation)• Compassionineducation(e.g.Saltash CommunitySchool)• Growthincompassionateleadership(e.g.CompassionateMind
Foundation)• Goeshandinhandwithmindfulness- canbemissingingredient• Perfectforourtimes- VUCA,highstresslevels,lotsofself-criticism
Whatiscompassion?
• “ItrytotreatwhoeverImeetasanoldfriend.Thisgivesmeagenuinefeelingofhappiness.Itisthepracticeofcompassion” (DalaiLama,accessed2015)
• Com…pati....butwithACTION• Compassionis“asensitivitytothesufferingofselfandothers,withadeepcommitmenttotrytorelieveit”(DalaiLama,1995)
Twowingsofthebirdofawareness
• Twowings:compassionandmindfulnessareinter-dependent• Mindfulnesstrainingincreasescompassiontoselfandothers• Mindfulnesscorepractices:
i)single-focus;ii)openawareness,iii)loving-kindness&compassion(e.g.Germer &Siegel,2012)
• Withoutcompassion:Awareyetself-critical• Withoutmindfulness:Self-indulgent
Compassion:3elements/flows
Threeelements(Neff,2003)
1. Havingcompassionforothers2. Receivingcompassionfromothersorbeing
theobjectofcompassion3. Compassionforoneself- self-compassion(formultipleselves)
Self-compassion:3elements
• Mindfulness (vs.Over-Identification)• Commonhumanity(vs.Isolation)• Self-Kindness(vs.Self-judgment)
(Neff,2003)
Guidedself-compassionpracticeBringtomindstressfulscenario• Thisisamomentofsuffering(mindfulness:naming,turningtowards)
• Sufferingisapartoflife(commonhumanity)• MayIbekindtomyselfinthismoment?(self-kindness)E.g.Handsoverheart…whatwouldyousaytofriend?
Lettinggoofpractice,noticinghowyoufeel,allowingyourselftobe(Neff’sSelf-compassionbreak)
Whatcompassionisnot“Don’truntowardpainandsuffering.Justdon’trunawayfromthem”Sufisaying• Self-esteem• Self-indulgence• Self-pity• Passivity• Egotism• Empathy
Empathy
• Gatewaytocompassion• Compassionactivatesbraincircuitsassociatedwithpositiveemotion&reward,empathydoesn’tnecessarilydoso
• Compassionleadstoprosocial behaviour(=voluntarybehaviour intendedtohelpanother)moresystematicallythanempathy• Compassion=empathywithaction?
Goodbyeself-esteem…helloself-compassion
• Differentpictureemergingaroundself-esteem• Self-esteem=evaluatingyourselfpositively,
self-compassion=relatingtooneselfwithkind&forgivingattitude(Neff&Vonk,2009)
• Highself-esteemcancreatelotsofproblems(Baumeister etal,1996)….wecan’tallbeaboveaverage!....Thich Nhat Hanh:superiority,equality,inferioritycomplex.....Tryingtomaintainhighself-esteem…narcissism,self-absorption,self-righteousness,anger,prejudice,discrimination
“Self-compassionprovidesthesamebenefitsasself-esteeemwithoutitsdrawbacks” KristinNeff
Compassion:innate?
• Ourcapacityforempathy,compassion,kindness,andaltruisticbehaviourisinborn…onlylaterdowejudgewhoisworthyornotofourkindness
• What’sinitforme?SocialpsychologistDanielBatsonresearchonprosocialmotivation- ifwefeelempathyforsomeone,wewillhelpthem,regardlessofwhatwegetoutofit…Warneken&Tomasello (2009)-childrennaturallyhelp
• CooperationANDcompetition• Butforsomewhohaven’tencounteredcompassionwhileyoung,canbe
undeveloped(e.g.Davidson)&mostofushavetendencytobeself-critical....self-criticismveryharmful(oneofbiggestpredictorsofseriousmentalhealthproblems- Harter,1993)
• Untrained,compassionisreactive
Benefitsof(self-)compassion• Makesushappier,moreoptimistic&increasesrelationshipsatisfaction(Neffet
al,2007,2013)• Decreasesdepression&anxiety.. (Self-compassion) linked topsychologicalhealth
andwellbeing(e.g.Neffetal;Brach,2003)• Workswithaffiliative brainsystems(self-criticismworksthrough threatsystem)
(e.g.Weng etal,2013)• Associatedwithimprovedabilitytocopewithadversity(e.g.Sbarra etal,2012)• Senseofpurpose• Boostsconnectionswithothers..inorganisations,promoteshealingandbuilds
thequalityofrelationships… trustandstrengtheningsharedvaluesofinterconnectedness (Dutton,Lilius,andKanov ,2007) Greaterpresence,attunementandresonance (McCraty,2002;McCraty etal,1998)
• Aslittleas30minutesadayfor2weeksissufficient tochangethebrainandinducemoreprosocial&altruisticbehaviour (Davidson)
• Benefitmorefromothers’kindness• Greatercreativity(Zabelina andRobinson, 2010)
Theneuroscience:practising self-compassion• Strengthensthepartsofbrainthatmakeyouhappier,moreresilientand
moreattuned toothers• Cancomfort‘negative’emotionsinthepresent,reducingdistress…
recruitstheCareCircuit(Panksepp,1998- sevenprimaryemotionalcircuitsinthebrain)togenerateoxytocin&endogenousopioids
• Canpermanentlyhealpainfulmemoriesfromthepastorchangenegativecorebeliefs….Panksepp:ifdistressingmemoriesreconsolidatedwhileCareCircuitactive,theybecomelessdistressing
• Compassionmeditationstudies(Davidson,2012)- ….Inmonks,‘happiest’brainsverydocumented(e.g.LPFCmoreactivethantheright;extremelyhighlevelofconnectivitybetweenLPFC&amygdala;gammawaveswithhighestlevelsofamplitide&synchrony)...butevennovicesbecomehappier!
Compassion:cornerstoneofallgoodcoaching
• Compassion=importantfactorincreatingpositivechangeinpsychotherapy(Wampold,2013)
• Compassionleadstobetteroutcomes(Boyatzis;Fluckiger etal,2012)- leadstodesiredchange,enhancedhealth,andwell-beingincoaching(Boyatzis,SmithandBeverage,2012)
Compassionincoaching
“Aaaaggh….I keeptryingtocoachmyclientaroundhowtobemorecompassionate towardshimself,butI’mgettingnowhere…Imustbeaterriblecoach!”
TheinnercriticWhatisthisselfinsideus,thissilentobserver,Severeandspeechlesscritic,whocanterrorizeusAndurgeusontofutileactivityAndintheend,judgeusstillmoreseverelyFortheerrorsintowhichhisownreproachesdroveus?
T.S.Eliot,TheElderStatesman
CompassionatecoachesPractising self-compassionhelpsus:1.Helpourclientbecomeasourceofcompassionfor
themselves- e.g.role-modeling self-compassion,explicitlyhelpingthemdevelopself-compassion
2.Behappierandtogeneratemorecompassionforourclients…moreresilient&moreattunedtoothers....helpsusgenerateUPR(Welwood,2002)
Themoreourclientsfeelheard,understoodandcaredfor,themorelikelyitisthey’llbehealed/getpositiveoutcomes
MindfulCompassionateCoachingFoundations• Practice:Coachsupportedbyownmindfulness/compassionpractice
• Philosophy&stance:turningtowardsthedifficult;exploringemotions;emphasisonbeingmindful&self-compassionate
• CPD&supervision:Mindfulness&compassion/related
• Underpinnings- abletodrawonevidence-basedmindfulness&compassioncultivationapproaches
MCC:coachingrelationship
• Contracting forhowmindfulness&compassionmightshowupincoaching…ABC
• Modeling CARE,TRUST,RESPECT,MINDFULNESS,LOVE,COMPASSION….Turningtowardsdifficulty(lotusandthemud) etc
• Drawingonmindfulness/compassion-relatedunderpinnings&practiceswhereappropriate
MindfulCompassionateCoachingunderpinnings&practices:ABC
• AWARENESS/MINDFULNESS: e.g.traditionalmindfulness(Buddhist)teachings(e.g.Thich Nhah Hanh,DalaiLama);secularmindfulnessteachings(MBSR- Kabat-Zinn,MBCT- MarkWilliams);Liz’sFEEL/FELTmodel(Hall,2013/2015);Gestalt,CleanLanguage
• BODYWISDOM:e.g.somaticcoachinge.g.RichardStrozzi,EuniceAquilina);yoga;mindfulnessteachings&practices(e.g.BodyScan,MindfulMovement-WalkingMeditation)
• COMPASSION:e.g.Buddhism;KristinNeff’swork;CFC(e.g.PaulGilbert;ChrisIrons,StephenPalmer),TimDesmond-modularity/psychologicalparts
• PlusNEUROSCIENCE etc
CompassionFocusedCoaching• CFT(Gilbert)• Integratedapproach:includingevolutionarypsychology,neuroscience,
attachmenttheory,socialpsychology• CFCaimstohelpclientsnotice&understandimpactof‘negative’
emotions,self-criticism,ruminationetc;understandbenefitsofcreatinganalternativecompassionate&helpfulrelationshipwiththemselves&others,andhowtodothis
• WorkswithconceptssuchastheThreeAffectRegulationSystemsmodel;evolutionaryideasrehumanbrainbeingtricky…normalising
• UsespracticesincludingSoothingbreathing;CompassionateFocusedImagery
Outofbalance• OveractiveThreatSystem(anger,shameetc)• Overactive/underactiveDriveSystem• UnderactiveCaring&Affiliative System
LovingKindnessMeditation• MayIbesafe….kindtomyself...freefromsuffering...
acceptmyselfasIam• Mayyoubesafe….kindtoyourself...freefromsuffering ...
acceptyourselfasyouare(lovedone)• Mayyoubesafe….kindtoyourself...freefromsuffering ...
acceptyourselfasyouare(neutral)• Mayyoubesafe….kindtoyourself...freefromsuffering ...
acceptyourselfasyouare(difficultperson- client?)• Mayyouallbesafe….kindtoyourselves...freefromsuffering
...acceptyourselvesasyouare(everyone)
LKMbenefits
• Positiveimpactonbody’sbiochemistry,enhancedresilience&empathy&self-compassion(e.g.Davidson,2007)
• Toolfordrivingpositivebehavioural change (e.g.Frederickson,2014)• UseinCFC(Gilbert)• Ekman(2008):powerfultooltohelppeoplerewriteinternalscripts• Marturtano(2014)recommendsaspartofmindfulleadership• LKMincoachinghelpscoaches‘quieten’theirinnercritic,andbemore
presentandlistenmoredeeplytoclient- helpedcreateanenvironmentwhichimprovedcoachingoutcomes….softening,easing,helpingmoretransformationalworktakeplace(Heardman,2016)
Potentialobstaclestoself-compassion
• Fear• Defensiveness• Pride• ‘Nearenemies’ofself-indulgence;self-pity;passivity;egotism
• Culture
‘Nearenemies’ofself-compassion
• Self-indulgence…won’tbothertodoanything...doesn’tactuallyserve
• Self-pity:wallowinginsufferingandnotwithwishingoneselfwell
• Passivity:Compassionleadstoaction(notalways)
• Egotism:beingoverlyinvolvedwithourownneeds...self-esteem
Stagesonpathtoself-compassion
• Backdraft:anger,negativity…worthlessselffightingforsurvival
• Infatuation stage• Trickymiddlebit- nomagicformulaL• Trueacceptance
MindfulCompassionateCoach
WhatdoesyourMindfulCompassionateCoachingpracticelooklike?Whatcanyoucommitto?Exploreinpairs
Practices&exercises
• Mindfulnesspractices• FEEL/FELTmodel(Hall,2013,2015)• CompassionateImagery(Gilbert)• LovingKindness(Befriending)Meditation• Self-compassionbreak(Neffwebsite)• http://self-compassion.org/test-how-self-compassionate-you-are/ (Neffwebsite)
Resources• MINDFULCOMPASSIONATECOACHINGMASTERCLASSwithLIZHALL:Thursday
15th December• Coaching inTimesofCrisis&Transformation (LizHall&others)• Mindful coaching:usingmindfulness totransformyourcoachingpractice(LizHall)• “CompassionFocusedCoaching”,HandbookofCoachingPsychology ( Irons,
Palmer&Hall)• RadicalAcceptance (TaraBrach)• Self-Compassion inPsychotherapy (TimDesmond)• SelfCompassion (KristinNeff)• TheMindfulPathtoSelf-Compassion (Christopher Germer)• Mindfulness:apracticalguideforfindingpeaceinafranticworld(MarkWilliams
andDannyPenman)• TheMindfulworkplace(MichaelChaskalson)• Themiracleofmindfulness (Thich Nhat Hanh)• Whereveryougo,thereyouare(JonKabat-Zinn)• Fullcatastropheliving(JonKabat-Zinn)• TheMindfulTherapist(DanielSiegel)
ContactLiz
Email: [email protected]: 08442092157Skype: liz.hall2
www.coaching-at-work.comwww.lizhallcoaching.com