r.y

►•

0

fED TO HUM— 1

A small group of cheering frillswaved a joyous good-bye to the Stu -dents' Council as the mighty PrinceWilliam palatial Burned Inlet liner,slipped silently away from the docks

of False Creek."Aneltccn swdgh firWier

— ailed the Osumi membersecdadsb, "far Cadwnkn, mmsbhe and Recnck'And thus dared a tragic chapter

m tire history of the Alma Mater So-ciety of the University of B.C. TheStudents' Council bad absconded wit h

the entire 180,000 Brock Memorialloan and was on its way to spend thefortune at the riotous Treasure Isl-and Exposition in San Francesco.

Interviewed in an exceedingly in-dividualistic manner, the variousmembers of Council expressed com-

plete satisfaction with the manner inwhich Treasurer Bob Smith had fin-anced the trip

TRiP FiNANCIS"The total cost of the trip was, "

claimed Smith, "to be approximately$70,000, and the extra $10,000 wouldbe taken by himself as, shall we say, 'commission ." Any extraordinary ex-penditures would be cared for, appar-ently, by a letter of credit which hehad drawn up by the Alma Mater So-ciety's solicitors and Carson McGuire,giving the travellers complete privi-lege to dissipate the Board of Gover-nors' budget for the nest sermon .

MGM= tiMEPTICALCarson McGuire was, of come, a

trifle skeptical as to the ultimatesuccess of the voyage, but he intend-ed to at last make the best of N.He informed the inquisitive reporterthat actually be had made certainnot less than $20a000 would be setaside as his own pommel account.Any other spare monies would bespent according to his discretion .

Evan apfoberts was similarly en-thusiastic about the prospects of thetrip, and had conceived the idea thathe might buy a plane in San Fran-cisco and spend his time advertisingthe Brook Memorial Building, be-cause he felt, in spite of the fact tha tthere was no poaalglity of buildin git after the money had gone, that itwould be a good thing for U.B.C. toput on a bit of a show down South.The remaining members of Councilwere, of course, in hearty agreementwith this scheme.

Rua Mapiiun and Peggy Mac-Leod were caseload Shia the bestway in spend their slices of thedough was to hire done= of proles-signed athletes in order to thor-eugl y e mmser louse our athletics>slea w BC.

DOLT GOOD"After all," said Rana, "every one

knows that we need some good dirtysports up here, together with a few"pipe degrees" to lower the standardof the University. It cannot help butbe beneficial."

But Jean Wordy, Gertie Pitman,3traan Robertson and Jack Daviswere a little disappointed about thewhole affair_ After the hard termthey felt lire relaxation of some sortThe main trouble was that they couldnot quite reconcile the businen ofabsconding. It didn't seem quite right

to the Hadn't the student bodycontributed the money' Yes theybad, but then why give sackers a

square deal? Wasn't the student body

merely a group of suckers? Undoabt

19aA t isl find bP 'vn qnd Jaa ' .MO*Off OA 0.10H young

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—MOM 01 GM

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tot . . . or to state it madly the organ-

ization has just succumber to cereb-ral anemia.COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BALL

AFRQ,26 — MOTEL VANCOUVER .

HED TO KUM-

Jahn Garrett, editor of the 1938-39

Totem, was appointed Editor-in-Chief

of the Publications Board on Wed-

nesday afternoon at the annual

spring teaTraditional daffodils were present-

ed to the retiring Editor-in-Chief ,

Miss Dorothy Cummings, who wore

a feat pin. Following the present-ation of pins, and announcement of

promotions, Darwin Baird, another

ex-dictator who now earns an hones t

living (the sucker), gave an addres s

which was indeed boring, on an i ~

spiring theme : "Radio News."Other screwballs roped into office

were: Editor of the Ubyssey—Orme

W. ('they went that way) bier ;

News Manager—Irene (Salvation )

Eedy; Editor of the Totem- O zyy

Durkin ; CUP. Editor—James Mac-

Farlane ; and Editor of the Handbook

and Directory-Janet Walker.

MARY ANN

REVEALS

Chang Suey for president next

gear! That is the cry of the Caf-

lmmgers these days, as the great

impresario of the campus begins along-term campaign which he hopes

will land him the position of Presi-dent next spring .

The platform of the great heel o fheels consists of the following points :

(1) Bars providing free beer to be

erected in the Caf and the Applied

Science Building .

(2) A pipe-line to be laid from the

Union Building to the nearest brew-ery, so that all fountains in the

buiiding will now beer instead of

aqua para.

(3) Chesterfields to be provided in

the Library, with space on each fortwo couples. A s,rict rule of nostudying allowed" an duo lights o n

after 7 p.m . in the Library .

(4) Every fourth graduating class

to present a case of assorted grape-

fruit and lemons to Prof . Pretty

Woodcut as a valedictory gift.(5) Mixed dormitories, which wilt

not be under the supervision o f

either of the Deans .

(6) All juniors and seniors to be

provided with a freshman to act as

flunky. One faculty member to be on

"fatigue" duty each day in aech

cnmmon-room.HIS NOMINATION IS SEC-

ON13 BY MARY ANN .

COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BALLAF IL 2$ — HOTEL VANCOUVER.

Aggies Make Dais y

Chains An d

Nngs

FIELD DAY FROLIC

FOR FICKLE

FARMERS

The aaooai Aggie Field Day.other-wise known as the Plow-Pusher'sRodeo, will be held at Agassia, to-

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aeouom

I Will Rudkin ; Bashful, Betsey La-velle ; Sneezy. Dune . MacFayden . an dSleepy . Honor Vincent..

Euy your tickets now for "Snow

White and the Seven Dwarf" beforeThey go the wrong way .

COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BALLAPRIL 28 — HOTEL VANCOUVER.

AINT LOVE GRANDPRAHA . March 24. 1939 (via TUP)

--All Europe celebrated the greatestsocial event of the year. In what hasbeen called the most extravagant .the most stupendous, the most co-lossal wedding of all time—the Ger-man

•Lothario Adolf Hitler took unt o

him another wife to his already over-flowing harem—a blushing and back-ward bride, Miss Ruth Thenyia .

At one time in her life, MissThenyia had been the devoted ad-

mirer and lover of her guardian

ex-President Belles, but times had

changed rapidly and the girl suf-fered a change of heart. Swept

right off her feet, she could nothelp but succumb to the persistentadvances of the German Sweet-heart of Europe.

To celebrate this surprise weddin g

the self-elected president of theneighboring nation graciously offere d

as a dowry innumerable airplanes—

fighting pursuit planes ; ammunition ,

armaments of all shapes and formsand descriptions to the groom .

This president, as be gave the

bride away in all formality of the

military wedding, stated that such

a gift would be needed by the

groom in order to curb the tur-bulent spirit of the bride.

The crowds in the streets cheered .

as the wedding was over.At home they cried . At home they

talked. In their souls they felt that

this marriage was a military one i n

the true sense of the word ; but what

could they do .Miss Thenyia and her Adolf were

now man and wife.He had promised to love. honor

and obey.She said "I will obey."

FLASH! PRAHA, March . 1939 (vi aSUP)—It was rumored in best Czec h

circles that Adolf and his bride of

yesterday have come to a misun-derstanding; he now is after anothe r

bride to the east ; one of greater cap-ital, interest and with an infinitely

more amount of patients and re-

sources .r

w

:

ALL THE WORLD TODAY IN A

BURST OF ANGER AT THE VAC -ILLATION 0 FTHE GERMAN LO-

THARIO FORCEFULLY AND DI-RECTLY DENOUNCED HIM FOR

HIS UNFAITHFULNESS TO HI S

ONE-DAY-OLD WIFE .

All we can say is"AIN'T LOVE GRAND? "

COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BAL L

APRiL 28 — ROTE! VANCOUVER.

VARSITY CHRISTIAN UNIO N

The annual meeting for election o f

officers . discussion of work an y, Fyn

gram . will be held Wednesday at 173.)

in Arts 206 .

COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL B 1L L

APRIL 28 — HOTEL VANCO[Vt R .

4TVS'IVISOM:R NJOIiU O13it )Out For Foo

ads

nayaq; PoPu!Pugs Aagp os awry

ltl2ldaq paw 11 van 'aaht 'saA dppa

-

Two THE UBYSSEY Friday, March 24, 1939

STUDENT'SSENT-',TO. -J A

U

EditorialsDon't say we didn't tell you . If you don't believe us the n

that is your shortcoming. We have ever tried to disclose all factsof all cases to your uninitiated oars. So now we are telling yo uthat we have told you. We can understand that it may be difficul tfor you to realize the full significance and import of the stupendou smessage we have revealed to you but in after years we want yo uto be able to state that WE DID TELL YOU .

Others may come and go and not expose the facts, but we i nour great sympathy and confidence in your hearing ability hav eabolished whispering.. campaigns and have not only told you, bu tprinted it as well so that not one single soul should remain in ignor-ance. In fact we have told you, that this is the last issue of th eUbyssey for this term.

WANTED Twenty Students JailedCo-Education FeaturedLet's Go To_~

nCOME TO BROCK MEMORIAL. BAL LAPRIL 98 — HOTEL VANCOUVER .

ON THE TELEPHONE

It ,. been swell knowing you all.If you are ever back to the Univer-sity of Western Ontario during ' thenext four or five years, drop in andsee me .

POEMS . . .and STUFF

Compiled by LEWIS ROBINSON

GRAD MEETINGImportant meeting of all gradu-

ating classes, Friday 12 .30, Art s100.

Business includes Fees, Function sand Choice of Valedictory Gift .

COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BAL LAPRIL 28 — HOTEL VANCOUVER .

And So GoodbyeI shall forget your voice

In a little while ,And the quick wakenin g

Of your smile .

NOTICECarnegie Presentation of Easte r

Music, under direction of Professo rIra Dilworth, will be held at 12 :80Tuesday, April 4, in Arts 100. As asecond Easter activity of the S .C .M .an open Communion Service will tak eplace in Union College Chapel, Wed-nesday, April 5, at 3 :80.

I shall forget your eye sIn other 1pnda ,

And the swift touchin gOf our hands.

There shall be no remembranc eOf the way,

The dream of you walked with m eThrough the day.

You shall be goneForever, dear and yetThe florist and the taxi company, the

Jeweller and the ledgerkeeper atthe bank

Won't letMe quite forget.

Thought of the week : You can'talways tell how far a couple hav egone by looking at the speedometer.

e • •I'm through with all women ,

They cheat and they lie ;They prey on us males

Till the day that we die ;They tease us, tormet us ,

And drive us to sinSay, who was that blond e

That lust walked in?

"Let me serve your oar and your oar will serve you ""Prank„ Pioke

U.B.C. SERVICE STATION24-Hour Emergency Service.

Complete Repair Facilities.SOUTH END OF McGILL ROAD

. PT. GREY 53

Ah gee, Baby, It was all in fun .nuuuuuauen",eeu.uu."anu ."unuuauueueu""uuunu.,nn"eu"ae"u"u . ." .eeu"eeu mmuumu"."eu

FINANCIAL STATEMENT UNIVERSITY BOOK STORE

Ex-Warden C. W. Topping escort-ed his entire Sociology class to Okal-Ia this week, In order to Inspect itsfacilities as a two year holiday re-sort for the other half of the city'spopulation .

The students were refrained by anumber of young and handsomeguards from entering into a rlproar-ing baseball game .

Score 24-2 In favor of the truisticteam .

"My-my Isn't this a lovely place, "squealed the ten girls as they watch-ed the brawny convicts racing aroundthe baseball diamond .IS THIS TRUE ?

"Oh yes, they're all healthy boys, "replied Okalla's worden, "you seethey have such regular hours, lots o fsleep, regular meals and supervisedrecreation . "

We don't allow them to have an yof the late nights which wreakshavoc with their complexions, whenthey are staying here.""And now you must see the ac-

commodation," burbled the guard ,"Such nice rooms, every cell with abath, "DICTATORSHIP '

The students gasped and awed, a sthey looked at the neat row of cell swith bars all controlled from a cen-tral wheel .

Hamburgers and onions for dinner ,along with, scalloped potatoes, an-nounced the chef as the thrilled troo pburst into the kitchen with its highpiles of metal dishes and fifty gallonvats .

There were twenty of them whenthey started and they haven't beenseen since .

STUDENT CAMPAIGN COMMITTEEas at March 28, 1989

ReceiptsSalaries $812.90Meals 12.88Travelling 200.16Stationery & Printing

189.7 4Advertising 232.0 0Incidentals 00Broadcasts 214 .7 0Telegraph and Telephone 81 .80Postage 20.00Balance on hand as at March 23, 1989 871 .19

COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BAL LAPRIL 28 — HOTEL VANCOUVER.

$1,798 .80

Hrs . : 9 a .m. to 5 p.m . ; Saturdays 9 a .m. to noon

LOOSE LEAP NOTE BOOKS, EXERCISE BOOKS ANDSCRIBBLER S

AT REDUCED PRICES

VALEDICTORYXMAS CARD S

NOW ONSAL E

Graphic Engineering Paper, Biology Paper ,Loose Leaf Refills, Fountain Pens and In kand Drawing Instruments .

SPECIAL UNIVERSITY RATESaturday Night—$1,00 per person° PRESENT YOUR STUDENT PAS S

$1,798.89 $1,795.80

Last issue--but not last rea-son to get flowers. For restof term and during summer,remember — Brown Bros, 'flowers and service hav eclass, and are inexpensive .Be seeing you! S

THE UBYSSEY Commodore CabaretJOE BROWN (Arts '28) Mgr.

872 Granville Street Sey. 41 for Reservation s

Advertising Offic e

Standard Publishing Co ., 1037 Ponder Street West, Vancouver, B .O .

COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BALLAPRIL 28 — HOTEL VANCOUVER.

Through an unfortunate error I nth• telegraphic system across Cana-da, the full University of H .C. con-tingent of the C.O .T .C . under Colone lG. M. Shun left for England on aChinese train late last night .

It Is reported that Q .M.S.I.A.A.Smith of the P,P.C .L .I ., etc., willbe Ih terrible control of the unit ,and will probably manage to hav ethem suitably drilled by the tim eof their return to B .C. in about tenyears.

TO STOP DRIVEThe B.C. outfit Is the first to be

called to the front to put a halt t othe /earful drive of His ExcellencyAdolph Swastika, . .who is reported tohave crossed the railing into 13&1 -cents and is now, as It were, in th edress circle .

But after the train had pulled ou tof the station in Vancouver it wasrealised that really Swastika mean tno harm whatsoever, and there couldnot be a war after all . So, you see ,they needn't have gone at all .

The was quite certain ,however, that there, would be a warin a matter of a few weeks or month sor something, and that there wa severy reason for the contingent t oget out of its rut .FUN TO KILL

The student officers were, natur-ally, thrilled at the opportunity toget out and kill people, for, they ex-plained, "they get so little practic earound the city. "

"Peacetime is a cramping conven-t Don," claimed one of the stalwart In -fantrymen, "and war must not bedone away with, even If we have t ogo to peace about it. "

At this remark the soldiers let ou ta cry of elfish glee, and one of themshot his companion through the headto hear the sound of a gun going off .The enthusiasm was marked, and oneand all they decided that they mus thave more of this . So they all shoteach other through the head unti lthere were no more bullets loft. Thenthey found that there was no contin-gent . So there is no C .O .T.C. anymore .

Isn't that a tragedy ?COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BAL LAPRIL 28 — HOTEL VANCOUVER .

Telephone : SEYMOUR 448 4All advertising handled exclusively by Standard Publishing Co .

CONVENIENT BANKIN Gfor University people . . .

Students and members of the faculty of th eUniversity of British Columbia will find thewest Point Grey Branch of the Bank o fMontreal convenient to the University, an dwill find a friendly helpful service awaitingthem hero.Diamonds, Watches, Personal Gift s

FIRBANK and LANGEUSE OUR CREDIT PLAN

Seymour and Dunsmuir

Opp. the Bus Depot

BANK OF MONTREAL

LAST INSTITUTE LECTUR ESaturday next at 8.15, Arts 100.Speaker, John Rldington, Pres.Subject, "The Menace of Propa -

ganda,"Mr. Justice Manson will preside .

COMPACT LOSTLost, a Yardley compact, square ,

silver and black, in or around caf onnight of Wednesday, March 15 . Willfinder please return to Mr . Horn' soffice, or to Mary Dunfield .

ESTABLISHED 181 7

Vl'r,tit Point Oroy Hrnnch : 4 :ANAVIA'r AND TENT HA . H. JIOORI'1, b:pnngnT

ALL WINTER SMy dearest Chang .At last you've fell .And now you knowI think you're swell !

—by MARY ANN.

AH SPRING !Moses are purple.And daffodils are blue I►Cause Jr love Mary Ann,And she loves me too.

—by CHANG SUZY .

Dear Sob Sister :My daughter is going to University

next year to get a husband . Shewants a useful and ornamental one .Can you suggest how she could findone and where?

MOTHER 0 FTWENTY.

Dear Mother of Twenty :Our institution offers many of the

sort your daughter desires . They in-habit What is celled the auditoriumstage, i especially during that vulner -able aeon called spring . They areterm "The Stage Crew," and aremadep of a number of Stage Hands ,They Are modest creatures and veryreligious . They can make a home outof a couple of pieces of wood andsome paper.

They can turn dull days into brigh tones by directing light through col-ored media onto cycloramas. (Don'tget alarmed, dear mother of 80, thatis only a wall with the cornersdrooped in) . If your daughter wantsto go to Europe all she has to do isblindfold herself for Ave days, plugher ears and wait until her stagehand husband has painted a numberof flats, of European ' architecture .

Perhaps she wants to go rustle. Alittle log cabin will next be paintedon flats and attached to the walls o ftheir all-round home .

There is one hitch to it all, dearmater, lighting apparatus and syn-thetic sunsets of cellophane paper Iswell underestimated at 88 ,hundreddollars, so start saving your penniesnode.

It hoe a delight.ful satisfying devour—this new mixture ofchoice Virginia andBurley tobaccos,blended with Periqueand Latakia . Try it.

m I P E TO DAC 1 O

MAA AGENAAMENDMENTS

Amendments in the • constitution ofthe Men's Athletic Association withregard to Freshmen Awards andAwards to Senior Managers will formthe main business of a general meet-ing of the M.A .A. the first week inApril .

The Freshman Award system ,suooessful In its trial this year, willbe established.A freshman athlete, according to

Alma Mater rulings ineligible for th eBIg Block, may be awarded a Bi gBlock sweater with. the numerals ofhis graduating year on the chest ofthe sweater .OTHER CHANGES .

Also up for discussion will be pro-posed changes in the ManagerialAwards. These are that a SeniorManager be awarded a light blu esweater With a gold chenille "M" onthe left sleeve at the beginning of histerm of office .

That he may apply for his BigBlock Award at the same time asathletes, his qualification determinedby the Men's Athletic Directorate.

That he shall receive his award onAwards fay, and become a memberof the Big Block Clttb with the lamestanding as those members who havewon their awards from athletic par-ticipation .

NOTICES.C,M. Annual Spring Camp will

be held at Camp Firoom, GamblerIsland, April 81 to May 6. Outstand-ing speakers from all parts of Can-ada will be present. Cost of thecamp will be $7 .50 and registrationshould be made In the S.C.M. Room,818 Auditorium, before April 14.

'YEMOONVA't9,LOH — 88'1111JV'MU 'IVUOIIII g 310011U OJ, 8111100

PASS SYSTEM PLAYSFUMED OAK

DireotorB. S. Gilchris t

Cast' Hope Denbigh

Joyce SmithConstance HobbsDon Jacobs

WS WERE DANCINGDirector

(Wilbur Sparrow) Mrs. WaldoShillings

CastJack ButtonHonor BensonVictor dl CastelIalla HarrisDon JacobsConstance HobbsDennis Harris

MARRIAGE PROPOSALDirector

Raymond GuylerCast

Don JacobsGloria WilsonW. B. Crawled

Auditoriva—Friday, March 81, 5 :1 6p.m.

ELECTIONSThe Women's Literary Forum, on

Tuesday . March 18, elected as offi-cers for the coming year :

President Emily Fraser ; Vice-President, 'Jan McArthur; Secre-tary-Treasurer, Elapeth Munro; De-bate Manager, Isobel Frost.WELL! WELL !

This year, for the first time, sym-posium debating has been attemptedon the campus. with excellent re-sults .

Two inter-university debates withthe University of Washington wereheld., one here and one in Seattle.Lemons 1h public speaking wer e

given by Mrs. W. S. Morgan, duringthe fall term .

LOW DOWN O NHONEY MOONER S

"They Dlsoovere¢ America" will b ethe title of the main feature of thelast presentation of the Film Societyto be shown today at 18 :88 in theAuditorium .

Tsk TskIt is the story of a young marrie d

couple taking a trip across Americaon their honeymoon.

Love InterestingNot only is the love interest pre -

sent but it provides ample scope fo rbringing in many of the scenic spotsof the continent .

MORE BRASSThe second feature on the program

is another in the series of presentingthe brass section of the symphonyorchestra.

The Auditorium will be open a t12 :20 and the film will heart at 12 :25sharp. All students are welcome asguests of the Film Society.

ueAtOt

.*

4co t

000M-BYE

NOTIC EB. C. T. F. business meeting Wed-

nesday . 18 .80, Arts 204 . Elections willbe held, consequently as many mem -bere as possible should attend ,

COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BALLAPRIL XS — HOTEL VANCOUVER.

NOTIC EOne bunch of keys lost about a

week ago, licence No. 9081 . Please

return to Mr. Horn's office or Nor m

Renwick .

NOTICELost: Wednesday, March 18, "Nth .

Ica for Use" from the U .B.O. Library.Please return to Auditorium 807 ,

'1181A0OONVA 'IELOH — 88 7IHJV

NOTICETO THE MEMBERS OF THE ALMA MATED, SOCIET Y

By resolution of the meeting of the Student Council ofThursday, March 88, the following General Meetings of the AlmaMater Society will be held :

Women's Undergraduate SocietyWomen's Athletic Association

Wed., March 29, 1989.A.M .S . ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING, Fri ., March 81, 1989AWARDS DAY, ALMA MATER SOCIETY, Tues ., April 4.

Men's Undergraduate SocietyMen's Athletic Association

Thurs., April 8, 1989.By regulation of the Alma Meter Society Student Council no

other meeting o savant shall be held on the above days.The Student Council will ask that lectures be cancelled o n

the day of the A .M.S. meeting prior to or succeeding the noonhour.

CARSON MoGUIRE ,President.

GERTRUDE PITMAN,Secretary .

Your in hopes,BOB SISTER .

U.B .C. PRESENTSDrams: "Detective Story 301

years old" by Pat Smiley and RobMcDougall. OJOR, Sunday 8.41 p.m.

EEDWRITINC AND THEUNIVERSITY STUDEN TAfter arnwt and sympathetic ef-

forts, extending over a period o fyears, given to the satisfactory solu-tion of the perennial problem of leeture notetaking for university stud-onto . Pitman Business College is nowglad to be in a position to offer tosuch students a happy solution in th enatural system of Speedwriting,

Speedwrlpng Is very easy to learn,easy to write, and Is transcribed withfacility and accuracy. It is a scien-tific development of the habits ofthought and speech natural to all ofuI; and is built upon a foundation ofknowledge that you already haverather than a foundation that wil ltake you months to acquire .

Speodwrlting. like all other moon-aimed systems, is phonetic. It userthe dominant sound to express th eword. But Speedwrlting recordsthese sounds In familiar letters rath-er than unfamiliar symbols . It Isshorthand expressed in writing In-stead of in drawing

The ambitious student must haveNome system of rapid note-taking.He has not the requisite time todevote to the mastery of any con-ventional system, nor, in all probabil -ity, has he the inclination. To wherethen shall he turn himself In his di -limns. To Speedwrlting only.

His academic year is almost ended ,his examinations are almost uponhim. Where are the all-importantpoints he listened to during the yearin the lectures upon which his exam-inations will be based? In his mem-ory we hope. Happy for him if it i sso. They will not be found in hisnotes because he could not write fastenough for that.

Will he find himself In the sameunenviable position at the end of hisnext academic year when sitting forhis examinations? He will If he hasno better means of note-taking thanhe had this year.

Between now and the beginning ofyour next year's university work,there is a long vacation which willafford you an opportunity to equipyourself with a sure and certainmeans of rapid writing.

Speedwrlting can be learned in 72hours . You an master this easynatural modern shorthand in si xweeks by giving two hours each dayto its study.

For the special benefit of univer-sity students, Pitman Business Col-lege has added this subject to itscurriculum and is prepared to offe rIt to them during the summer vaca-tion, combined with the renownedPitman system of rhythmic touchtypewriting. ' For full information ,apply by mai or telephone.

TOP-VALUE FOR DFEATURE S

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DELIVERED PRICES

In VANCOUVER begin of

$961 fee ford V .8 Coup e

,1025 ter De Wow ford V-e Coupe

theme and regbfruHon fee eely extra. Messhubude nay hems of desirable quiprnent.Wide shake of betty types and Wows.

No doubt you've watched the 1939 De LuxeFord V- 8 breeze by, and said, "There goesa grand looking ear!" Wait till you drive ityourself. You'll say, "It's a grand lookingear all right—and itperforms thesamewayl"

We've beard compliments like that aboutthis smooth-riding beauty. Another one is ,"I never expected so much luxury for solittle money!" Such comments as, thesehave welcomed the De Luxe Ford V- 8 intothe hearts of 1939 car buyers.

And no wonder! Its stunning streamlinedbeauty (inspired by the Lincoln-Zephyr) —

Ha smooth-running V- 8engineand smooth-stopping hydraulicbrakes—its restful quietand Triple-Cushioned Comfort—its gen-erous array of included equipment—allthese are skillfully combined to create anew high in Ford luxury and in Ford value.

The De Luxe Ford V-8 shown above, andthe Ford V- 8 differ only in appearance ,appointments and price . Both have thebrilliant 85-horsepower V-type eight-cylinder engine . Both are big, roomy oars.Your Ford dealer invites you to see them,and take a trial ride in the one you favour.

T

Four

TraditionalClass of '39

There are blue stockings and blue stockings we have found . . .and these are at Phoebe Hosiery Shop, 713 Dunsmuir Street . . . . It i sin the new Queen's blue which is so popular in dress fabrics, . . . Theprice of hosiery is $1 .00 per pair . . . . Other flattering shades are crom orose and sunrise . . . the former is the new crushed . tulip tint . . . .

Wonder what the Phi Dolt felt like, when he arrived home oneday only to find himself in the midst of an Alpha Phi rushing tea ?

Chamois gauntlet gloves are a trim accessory for the sprin gtailleur and appear in the new warm colors . . . at S 1 .2 f per pair . . . .Spring can be worn on every suit or dress in the form of gay flowerswhich Phoebe specializes in . . . sweet peas and the sophisticated broadleaf daisies . . . . Good-by children . . .

tl

!~

ttlWe're sick of gossip but here it is.Who was the thespian that brought the wrong lunch bag out t o

varsity, only to find that it contained a dozen or more bananas ?C11

tfA popular freshette was the recipient of flowers the first day o f

spring. Her ardent admirer had an original idea and had them deliv-ered to the young lady in the middle of a Si . 1 lecture.

d !if dA player's Club electrician received a jolt. He was driving tenth

avenue and discussing his love of control of machines, situations, etc . ,when he was stopped by a 'prowler' for speeding .

• dA chem. student affiliated with the stage crew has slept throug h

both mid terms in Chem. Another industrious student preferred tospend his German 2 period sleeping rather than translating TonioKroger.

d d • ~Never despair. Love has entered the pub . again . A red head in

winter couldn't make any impression on a callous Phi Kappa Sigma ,but a red head in spring is a different thing it seems .

"We don't like to mention names, but what sophomore an dwhat vocalist associated with Western Gentlemen were seen to-gethe rat •the Cave on Wednesday wek?"— "Pardon the secrecy, but if theperson involver ever found out I gave you the information he'd mur-der me . . . ." This is the content of a sample note that we receive drecently .

YOUNGMEN'SSUITS

The Class of '39 1s . beginning tothink of exams, but co-incident withthem come thopghta of graduatingweek and its social functions .

Tentative plans have been laid forthe round of activity . These include :

Saturday, May 8: Boat trip toBowen Island . Sunday. May 7 : Bac-calaureate service, First Baptis tChurch . Monday, May 8 : GraduationBall and Banquet, probably at theCommodore . Tuesday, May 9 : ClassDay. Valedictory, class will and pro-phecy, planting of the class tree . Inthe evening the Alumni Players wil lproduce "Tweedlea." Thursday, May11 : Graduation Day.

Suggestions for the ValedictoryGift are a contribution to the lib-rary fund or the Union Buildingfurnishing fund. Another possibilityis the establishment of Inter-com-munication between the UnionBuilding and other campus build-ins'.A meeting of the class will be hel d

in Arta 100 at noon today for thepurpose of completing plans. AUthose graduating are asked to comeand bring suggestions.

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TWO & THREE ,AT INSTITUTE

We went to an institute lecture .People straggled in, by twos andthrees . Minutes pass like centuries .More people come in . Their wet um-brellas shut with a shower .

Minutes more pass . More stragglersappear. The speaker arrives amidstdesultory applause. A cough and in-troductions are delivered. Avid fea-tures of the vulture audience turntoward the person of the evening .

High brows and try-to-be-high-brows gaze at the victim placed be -fore them. A voice rises and falls ,hiet the three walla and rebound sinto apace.

The door to the right creaks . Thesea of faces turn toward the inter-ruption. People furtively enter intothe precincts of speech .

The voice resumes dominance. Acreak to the left . With one sweepheads turn and eyes peer in thatdirection. Footsteps steal softlythrough the suspended space andstillness.

Radiator gurgles . Helpful personrises to go to the rescue. Machinestops rattling . Boy scout retreats .More gurgles . Advance again of aux-iliary . Successfully he wrestles withthe piping . All quiet again . Liquidvowels tumbled hastily over them -selves .

The voice stops . Another rumbling

GRADUATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY 'Annual Inhwmal Dinner Satur-

day, March II, 7 p.m.Speakers Professor H. W. Brad-

ley, Stanford University.Subject : "The New Deal—Reform

or Revolution?"Tickets from R. T. McKenzie,

Roans Z. Arts Building .Price: 90 cents.

Dear Sob Sister :I am in love with two Scienceme n

and one Artaman . I will not marry aman who snores . How can I find ou tif any of those I love, snore .

PERPLEXED .

Dear Perplexed :Bless your heart child, that is an

easy problem to solve . Visit the fam-ines or boarding places of each of theboys in turn.

During the conversation at th esupper table, if you're Invited forsupper, bring the topic around tosnoring and they will tell on the oul.prit if he snores.

If that doesn't work, plant a die-taphone in his room.

Blissfully ,SOB SISTER.

'BSAf1O051VA 79ZOH — SS 7111dV'17vg 'IVIYOIIITh 2100ES O,L SSW

continues from another set of voca lchords . Everyone rises . Applause en-sues . We leave .

What was the lecture about? . . .as far as we're concerned . . . a jum-ble of interruptions .

with Lightning

Tailored Trousers

YOU THAT BURNTHE MIDNIGHT OIL

A dismal figure huddled overpiles of long forgotten notes

. . digesting facto and for-mulae and frequent cups ofcoffee . . . burning the "mid-night ell" In desperationwhile the exams draw nearerand nearer. 011 burning Isnot a pleasant subjectwhether the oil Is "midnight "or automobile . In regard tothe latter you can buy nobetter when you ask for

HOMEGA S

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WAR — YES OR NO ?—By CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS .

(All students are asked to answer the following vita lquestions at once by placing an X opposite yes or no, andto place filled blanks in the Pub Office mail box . )

1. Are you in favor of military action to check the ex-pansion of totalitarian states ?

Yes No

2. If England becomes involved in a war should Canad aenter the war ?

Yes No

3. Would you go to war if Canada faced invasion ?

Yes No

4. Would you favor conscription of (a) Manpower ; (b)Wealth ?

(a) Yes (b) Yes

No No

NEW SPRING STYLES IN

ARROW SHIRTS - 3Men literally live in shirts—mardressed college men are fussy a ofthe kind and color of the shirts tlwear. That is why we suggest ychoose an "Arrow" from the laistock in Spencer's Men's Shop .

BE WELL "TIED" FOR SPRIN

NECKWEA R55c - 2 For $

Every conceivable spring patte rand color is represented in thsplendid assortment of spring nee)ties .

NEWEST NOTE IN SWEATE R

THE LONG-TAILSWEATER - $2.9!It's a college-man-style that's sweeting the country . The idea: the iontail, turns 'way up, looks snug a uslender, provides a handy cache ffnotebooks, pencils, combs, etc . Addsfeatures: Pure wool heavy rib stitclcrew neck. Colors: blue, maroon anblack. Sizes 36 to 42 .

A

If It's Value yQu want—here's one of the finestrecommendations in Vancouver for College men !Here's a high standard in fabric—in styling—i nfit—in tailoring that makes these suits "Tops "in their price class . Come in and see for yourself

DAVID SPENCE RLIMITE D

"Always the Best at Spencer's"

rida March 24 1939

UBYSSE Y

ON A QUILL PENTO G. J. S .

With such a pen as 'this in years agoneShakespeare his .sonnets wrote and Spenser paidHis tribute to his Faery Queene. Its aidAttended Chaucer in the gracious daw nOf English verse as he set out upo nHis Canterbury journey . And t /playedIts needful part when Magna Charta staye dThe tyrant might of the usurping John .

The regal swan, the humble barnyard goose,Gave freely of their quills—the art of manTrimmed them with care and shaped them to his use ;And writing made secure what thought began .What once had served to speed the Tight of bird sFound nobler mission in the Tight of words .

—H. T. J. C .

HISTORY OF CHANG SUZYCHANG SUZY I S

The elder MaoSuey was jubilant ,and paused only to break a veryempty bottle over his brat's bowsprit,thus affectionately christening himChang.

Chang, in the original Esperantomeans "XXX, and put a cherry i nit . ,, Then he rushed triumphantl ydown to the local chapter of the"Save-a-Wee-Bit-Na-'nThln" Lodge,to inform the boys in the back roomof his complete success In solvin gthe touchy problems of Christmasand Birthday gifts with a wti-ono-and Birthday gifts with a two-in-onebundle . Thus . . . strike one on C.B. !VERY NICE AND

The tiny Oriental was for a time anormal child, bellowing about noth-ing with the same skill as any ordi-nary baby . . . But when he was threemonths old, he heard his father boast-ing loudly of his canny foresight re-garding the gift problem, and th esuspicion that he was about to finge rthe very dirty end of a stick reareditself in his agile mind.

His first birthday saw the bitterconfirmation of his fears, and thecanker thus Implanted in his soulbegan biting large chunks out ofhis faith in human nature.From this day on, the child Buo y

grew ever more sullen and morose.His secret resentment of mankindgrew into a hatred which soon mani-fested Itself in deeds .WE WOULD LIKE T O

At the age of two years one month ,he bit the finger of a gentle old ladyas she patted his curly head, and, a sthe outraged old roone wound up toslug him with the handle of herwheel-chair, he tightened his tartandiapers, laugh'd his first horribl elaugh, and vanish'd through the side -walk, thus displaying for the firs ttime his uncanny capacity for Hood-unit acts, and incidentally leavingthe aged babe swinging like a cornyJam-aessionalist ,MAKE HIS

At the age of three years, he firstexhibited a natural talent with hisancestral weapon, the wing-Jing, byneatly pinning an irate flatfoot to afireplug, because the bobble resentedhim parking his tricycle beside tha tdoggy heaven .

When he was 434 he broke hisown record by pushing thirteen ol dladies off the sidewalk In 29 min-utes 80 3 .10ths secondsFurthermore, he stopped smoking

when he was seven, and this, too,burned him up . . . . Strike two!!

ALONG THE MALL. . , ,By Proxy

It's been a long, hard winter, buthere we are again putting out the

goon issue .THE SUMMING UP. And I'm glad

it's all ove rfor another year . This, my twenty -fifth column, marks this, my twenty-fifth column .

Soon even the Mamooks and BigBlockers will forget that there ever

was such a guy a sJUST ABOUT Proxy . I wonderENOUGH .

who'll do the goodwork next year ?

Even if Garrett—next year's Editor-in-Chief—(nine going Johnnie c)1 'man of man of man nice goingJohnnie good luck) wants me towrite this column again next year,I won't do it. Dodging people halfyour life .and explaining to peoplethe rest of the time Is no fun. Nofun. Nope.

There's a big black crepe bow-ribbon on the pub office door.There's black crepe hanging In th epub office. Believe It or not, there'sblack crepe between every line ofthis column. Proxy Is being buriedfor all time. Poor Proxy. PoorProxy .

• Now Offr.d

In the familiar pouch or ne wslid, packages, A tastier, mildercigarette made from muc hbetter tobaccos. 11'y them .

Dear Sob Slater :I am a beautiful co-ed, whom no

one loves . What shall I do ?UNNOTICED BEAUTY.

Dear Unnoticed Beauty :There are several things you might

do, my poor, poor oheeild . Vint getyour eyes examined . Second throwsway all mirrors . Third, forget thatyou think you are beautiful or alter-nately, be notlfieable . Get Ins andtoream in the middle of a Latin leo-ure or laugh for twenty minutestiter a professor has told a joke . Ifthat doesn't work, go and join aaarem,

Insincerely,SOB SISTER .

'ear Sob Sister :My daughter arrives home at 4

Ian. after a party . My health is being'tithed having to wait up and let her

gyn . Can you help me?MOTHER OF ONE .

Dear Mother of One :Yes I can help you . Leave the door

unlocked and go to bed . The wors tthat can happen is that burglarscould enter, or murderers hide inyour home, but what is that when

CANADIA NRAILWAY SANNOUNC E

GREATLY REDUCED

EASTER FARESFOR STUDENTSAND TEACHERS

Single Pare and One-Quarter for Round TripFirst Class and Coach Fares

(Minimum Fare 25c )Coach Class tickets good inTourist Sleepers, where oper-ated, on payment of berthcharge .

TICKETS ON SALEMAR. 23 to APRIL 1 1

Good returning — leavedestination tan to andIncluding APRIL 18.

Certificate entitling yo uto these low fares may beobtained from your Prin-cipal or Registrar .

For complete information. askRailway Ticket Agent.

compared to the necessity of preserv-ing your health .

Truthfully ,SOB SISTER .

Dear Sob Sister :An electrician in a well-known

dramatic group has asked me to g oto a dance. He frightens me and I'msure that I will say the wrong thing .Oh please tell me what to do ?

LITTLE INNOCENT.

Dear Little Innocent :We feel very sorry for you. If you

haven't accepted him tell him youdon't like dancing and discourag edates that way. If you have alreadyanswered in the affirmative takeyour courage in both hands .

Flatter him . Tell him what a pow-erful position he has as master elec-trician. All such men like to bethought masters of situations andpower.

Avoid ludicrous examples. Don'tsuggest that he would make a power-ful steam-roller driver . He win fee lthat such a position isn't high enoughfor him .

Smear on the flattery and he'll la pit up, and talk shop. He'll thinkyou're the nicest person he has metin a long time and attribute yourfrightened attitude to your bubblingadmiration of the potentialities .

Hopefully ,SOB SISTER .

Dear Sob Stater :I am a young, intellectual Fresh -

man and now that spring is here Ihave a great desire to take a gir lout . However, never having done soI am at a loss to know how to g oabout it . Should I conquer this base rfeeling that spring has instilled with -in my veins or should I give in to it ?And if so how?

Perhaps I should add I can't danceand poppa won't let me have the car .Am I hopeless?

HOPEFUL .

Dear Hopeful :Why don't you bury yourself, you'd

be more use as a daisy pusher-upper .SOB SISTER.

CAMERA LOSTA Brownie 120 Kodak Camera o n

Wednesday in Arts 100. Finder pleaseturn In to Mr. Horn's office .COME TO BROCK MEMORIAL BALLAPRIL 28 — HOTEL VANCOUVER.

ACQUAINTANCE IFAll this time, he'd been acquirin g

knowledge for one purpose—the des-truction of mankind . His graduatingthesis, written when he wrs eleven ,entitled "How to Push an Old LadyOff the Sidewalk," earned him hi sDoctor's degree.

This massive work was laterpublished in book-form with tw ofacsimile manuscript pages and 1310x12 Illustrations of beautiful oldladles like that. Yes, it did.The one barrier between the young

Chang and a career of crime was hisbeloved family . However, when th eyouthful Doctor visited them on histhirteenth birthday, he found thathis old man had now become slug-nutty about his shekels . . . tightevery way you looked at him . . . .HE WOULD

When C . S. generously presentedhis aged parent with his first suc-cessful invention, the streamlinedpogo-stick for Christmas, that an-cient tightwad had the unmitigatedgall to give him a box of "Suey' sSudsy Soap for Slippery Srubbin' . .a Blub in Every Rub," and to tel lhim to go scour his pan . . . . Strikethree .CALL B 49

This was too much! Ancestor wor-ship made him stay his hand. buthis hatred of mankind clamberedright off the top of the graph . Swear-ing eternal vengeance, he renounce dthe "Mac," and, leaping into his p .-s . ,streaked off to his lab . to concoct afitting death-dealing weapon .

For years he searched with no

As a matter of fact, I'm trying tomake this column, my last, the worst

possible. I've beenDON'T YOU writing good stuffTHINK SO? all year, and it's

been appreciated .Now I'm writing goon stuff, andthat's not going to be appreciated .Not that I give a damn .

But before I close—and I'm sureyou haven't got this far,—I want tocongratulate the members of nextyear's council on their election.Also the people all over the tom-pus who have been elected to officeIn all clubs and societies, etc., in-cluding the Publications Board ,congratulations.Choose a beach—any beach—an d

choose a couple lying a little apartfrom the crowd. Over one-half ofthat two-some there is an invisiblesign which reads "Here lies Proxy

."

And , for Ave months he's gonna doJtut that . Not that he's done muc helse for the past seven months .

Oawd—thla column is even worsethan I thought it would be! But let's

go on. I thoughtOR DON'T "The Curtain Rises"YOU THINK? ' was lousy . "Seren-

ade" reminded meof dime-store perfume .

Last year's council didn't do adarned thing . Next year's will beworse . I hate the University .

I hate the people who attend . Ihate the faculty. I hate everything .

I think everything'sI DON 'T lousy. Down withBLAME YOU. everything. Who

wants a UnionBuilding, anyhow ?

Although that wasn't quite. Theother two were just about ready.He gave 'er the gun. It was used togood advantage (getting lousier) .The room is full of goons . And I

mean goons . There are goons sittin gat all the typewriters but this one .Goons are reading copy .

Goons are looking out the window .Goons are bumming smokes, crack -

ing lousy . GoonsI'M GOING

are goons . GoonsTHAT WAY TOO . are funny, aren' t

they? I hat egoons . They hate me .

Wasn't Blondie funny last Sunday ?Here they come . O.K., fellows, let's

get going . . . .

8—HURRY UP :The office of the President has

now made public the list of thes e

lecturers who have been obtaine dfor the session 1939.40 .

The most important t}dditionto the teaching staff has beenmade in the Aggie Faculty of

Agriculture.While the President was in" San

Francisco, he paid an official visi tto the great institution there . Afterhe had obtained the services of themost learned professor, he had littledifficulty In Interesting many othe rleading academicians to honor ourUniversity In the forthcoming winte rsession .WHAT FACTS

The Registrar has anticipated avery large enrollment In the Agrioul-ture Faculty next year because o fthose serious students who wish totake advantage of this golden op-portunity to learnt the facts fromsuch a distinguished person as thisrecently acquired member of th eFaculty.

Plans are already being madeto annex the Arts Building forthe use of the Aggie Faculty.

It has not yet been determinedwhat to do with those remainingstudents who may register In theFaculty of Arts. It I. possible thatthese students may be lodged in th epresent spacious quarters of the Pub-

THESIS TYPEDBY EXPERIENCED LAW

STENOGRAPHERPhone

Miss E . M. Wallace Trinity 4829Ev., Soy . 2900-L

"Say. this I. the 10thsuccessive day Henryhas come around In adifferent suit—what ' sthe answer,"

LIFE OF C SBy Shrdlu Etaol n

Far off In the mystic reaches ofancient Asia, in the sleepy little vil-lage of Wu Wu, the elan Suey haddwelt for untold ages In peace an dcontentment .WE THINK

But it came to pass, in the reignof that original reprobate, King Tsk ,that a youthful scion of the familywas sent as an emigrant to populateScotland. He did .

Thus there arose In the High-lands the elan Maguey, possessingwith that illustrious prefix, all theparsimonious . attributes which havethe !botch scotch.Here, too, one bleak Christma s

morn, a lusty wall, well-sprinkledwith old Chinese proverbs, proclaimedto a completely uninterested worldthe advent of the latest addition tothe elan ,

libations Board or in the basementof the defence Building .WHO CARES ?

Because of the wide Interest beingshown in this new professor, It isimperative that students registerearly In order not to miss this onegreat opportunity of their scholastic)career.SALLY DOES

In order to acquaint the studentbody with the methods of teachingof the new lecturer, the Presidenthas announced that Dean Sally Ran dof the Department of Nude Ranch-ing will deliver her first lecture atthe Brook Memorial Ball In the HotelVancouver on April 90.

If the crowd Is too large, arrange-ments have been made to open thebeautiful ballroom in the new hotelfor the occasion .

p tTEerPieoa 'tic1V/T// 60WP £/ gT/#6

Every boy and girl should hav eplenty of light to read and studyby—20 foot candles or more. Haveyour home lighting checked at once.

TRINITY 337 7

MACK A .STARK

LIFE INSURANCE

avail, but one day as he was mixingformaldehyde with reinforced con-crete and a pair of old rubbers hewas rewarded by the discovery o fa sticky, brown, corrosive Ilgpidwhich he promptly named "Ca tCoffee ." With this he was invin-cible . . . .He dedicated his life to destruction

always keeping in mind his motto :"He who, He who . . ." or "Let's givethe country back!" Thus thro' theinherent hoarding instinct in men ,was a brilliant mind twisted into aweapon dedicated to one purpose . . .Delenda est homo sapiens !84-Y.

So do your Christmas shoppingoily! Only 726 more shopping days'till Christmas, get yours today .

C. S. Publicity Enterprises Inc ., . . we also do hand laundry ,

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LeM-LExclusive Camera PORTRAIT'S

At Popular Pricesat the Spanish Grill

Tea DanceTomorrow—V,B,C,

After Re ttaBuy Your Ticket Now.

(No Foo's Allowed)

THE UBYSSEY

Friday, March 24, 1939

Tea DanceTomorrow—V,B .C ,

After Re ttaBuy Your Ticket Now.

(No Foo's Allowed )

Which Way Joe?Idaho. Do You?Yeah, They WentThat Way — Fooe

The Red Menace from Moscow will be , invading the Campus !Twenty-two Idaho traekmen roar into Vancouver in their big silverand gold bus on April 3, and they will parade into the stadium ,running to the tune of "Nov Smoz Ka Pop. "YUHVANTOHOtIDAHO!

aFifteen events are scheduled for FROex RUGBY

the gala day. Listed in order they

By DEAN FOOCANNO Nare: 100, 290; 440 and MO-yard race ,The mile and two-mile run, low hur-dles, high and broad jump, pole vault ,shot put, discus, javelin throw andone-mile relay, The Moeoowvltcherswill field some smart cinder pound-ers . Their star sprinters includeComrades Poole-sky, Young-ohuk ,Fleoheur-vltch and Rhode.-oweky.

What the Blue and Gold will pro-vide for the opposition will startlethe Volga Canoe paddlers no end .Back in the hills of Alberta, theycall Freshman Lionel Fournier, the"One-man Track Team". And thenthere is Hustling Howie MoPee toteam up with Campbell Williams tomake the century dash a real high -light.

They went that way Joe. O.K. ,Thanks!

Varsity Crewballs MeetWashington Dawggies .When the Springtime ComesAgain Down by the OldMill Stream —Foo Foo Foo .

nauuauusuusnnouufYeaaauaoaumauuuaualal

COED. SPORTSFoo Foo FOO

FO OBy MYRNE NEVIEON

Tea Dance FollowsRegatta Over Coa lBarbour Race ..CourseSeabiscult HotFavorite

POOE

Sports staff slam..–aa the new editor-in-chief of the esteemedPublications board pointed out so aptly at the "pub" tea thisyears sports editor spoke a language which only he and oneother member of the staff understood. In addition to this he hadthe unrivaled distinction of being the only sporta editor in historywho consistently knew absolutely nothing about the set-up ofthe page until said page was printed.WHAT THE ?

When his interests in certain feminine attributer of thedespised general staff permitted, he found occasional opportun-ities of saying nothing In ten inches of print, while he was arecognised genius at originating and permanently introducin gsuch raying. as ' AU right then." "No future In that," "she's go tabsolutely nothing between the ears," if it's free, I'm for It, ""take two—they're small," and finally ' They went that way" withan innocent point of his finger .

In spite of ail this, we love him and all that sort of thing ;and have greatly enjoyed the glorious uncertainty of workingunder him .

for the goal and sinks his foulshot to cop the American Openwith a net score of 288• for th emile .

Then on the other hand (yeah, fou rfingers and a thumb), it looks likerain to us from this corner. Gettingaround to the more reripur thingsin life, we have heard we have a rea l

at in our intramural competitionthe senior class ,

tell ur over at the gym tha td Anglican College are two

in the race for the Gov-for intramural su-

e last event is yet t o-of-war.

inisters have nowwhile the strongve no leas tha n

a photo finish .

The Frosh fluke again : : : Last Sat-urday the jittery greenshirte fumble dtheir way to the most uninspiring

victory of the year . Definitely the,weakest team and outplayed thewhole game, the black sheep of rug •ger circles on the campus, with totaldisregard for Twickenham principles ,up and slapped down the MightyMugs from Marpole, 9 .8 .

The lugs who were to blame forthis fiasco are (1) Don McLeod, (2 )Don Johnston, (3) "Don Juan" Wil-liamson . The wind carried Don M'spenalty kick from 85 yards out overthe bar . Marpole litreally pulled Do n

TEA FOR FOO.FOOED FOR THOUGHT .

J . over the line for a try, while DonJ. K. W. was simply soared to, atouchdown . "Never-miss" McLeod .muffed 'em both in attempted con -versions .

By reason of their scintillatin gspeed variety of attack, superb tackl-ing, marvellous broken pasture run-ning the Delta Dandies opened andfinished scoring with a couple oftries .

So the University adds the Bell -Irving. Cup to their list of hardware .

The Varsity Flounderbirds coppedthe Tindall Cup at the same tim ewith successive victories over WestVan (8.0), New Westminster (11-3 )and Rowing Club (11.8) .

Tomorrow the Frosh seek provin-cial honors when they tackle a Vic-torian aggregation for the intermedi-ate championship . They haven't go ta chance .

11111111111111,,a.,,,a alll,a,lllslll,11111111111111,111111111111111116,

For the general information,of al lunheeding ones the co-ed section o fthe sports staff would like to pointout that though practically all thevery superior male teams of this in-stitution of learning ended the yearminus any cups and cheers, the girlshave a team due tp play in the pro-vincial semi-finals on April 7.

The hockey team (U .B .C. one) hasOut For Foo

been playing weekly since the begin-ning of October and have lost onlytwo gamest—both of them last fall . Acouple of weeks ago, the girls defeat-ea the High School Reps 2-1 and thehigh school gals turned around andoverwhelmed the Women's LeagueRep eleven 8-2 . What does that makeus? Stooges .

Anyway, we'd like to see you thereand bring your boy friend and yourlunch. April 7 . Connaught Park . Teawill be served(?) .

Nov Shoos K. Pop

By FooBurn 'em up DlerThe only flat tireThat never could sayThey went that way!

MURALISTSGAVE PLENTY

PULLThey're coming down the

backstretch with War Admira lin flout by a nose. It looks likeovertime as Conaeher takes th epass at the blue line, streaks in

Greetings Gate, let ' s paddie an Eight .

The salt spray whips around th eharbour, the sailors are In port, theten ball in the corner pocket, and th efour-attar classic of the year, the roya lrowing regatta Is right on tap .

The Washington Huskies, who hav ebuilt up a great name for themselve son the water through the sterlin gcoaching or AI Ulterickson will tonetheir lightweight crew into a trai nand ship them up to race against theVarsity Firsts . The Flu®kios will leavetheir tire plugs at home.

When this race Is over, the Vancou-ver Yacht Club will race a picked cre wagainst the Varsity Seconds . Or prin-cipal interest and importance howeve ris the drunken brawl er that I stea dance to be held after the races I nthe Yacht Club . Tole out and beer o nfor Varsity, and attend the all-impor-tant Tea ance. Yachta be there ,

(Signed) THE SPORT STAFF

offsid e

to pass, we sincerely hope ou rpublic does the same. Au revoi rtoo all that. )

— pone din

EXAMINATION Sare like taxes—they are sure to come . Low marks in one subjec toften mean failure. Prevent that failure—get your "CollegeHelps" catalogue now and choose helps for your courses . Sendfor your free copy now.

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