MILL HILL NEWS BULLETIN

Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 1

WELCOME TO ISSUE 6 OF OUR

WEEKLY NEWS BULLETIN

We are putting out this News Bulletin for several reasons:

1. We feel that, at this strange time with many people

feeling isolated, it will be helpful to keep our U3A

members in touch;

2. There may be useful information that we can share

about what is going on locally;

3. We hope to be able to provide a little light relief.

Phil Joiner1 continues to share his ‘Jokes’ Bulletins with U3As around the country. This week it’s No. 7 (see bottom of this News), with some answers to questions in No. 6 and a new quiz for you. He has already distributed Nos. 8 and 9 and has told us that he will stop with No. 10. Thereafter, we shall almost certainly cease regularly sending out this MHU3A News Bulletin and will only be in touch when there is important news about the future of Mill Hill U3A.

1 Chairman and Newsletter Editor of Wanstead & Woodford U3A

Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 2

Linda Louisa Dell continues to be the rare MHU3A member to send in offerings; here are two jokes to cheer you up: Fish tank There were two fish in a TANK. The first one said to the other, “You drive and I’ll man the guns.”

The Rope Eleven people were hanging onto a rope under a helicopter; ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided one of them had to drop off, otherwise they all were all going to fall. The woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men applauded.

Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 3

Here are a couple of brain teasers for you to try: No. 1:

Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 4

No 2:

Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 5

Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 6

Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 7

Read the (National) U3A Newsletter – full of very good stuff! You can register to receive it via email by clicking this link:

https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385

AND FINALLY…….

If you or anyone you know are feeling a bit gloomy and in need of a chat at this difficult time for everyone, get in touch by email:

enquiries@millhillu3a.co.uk) and someone will ring!

If you have anything that you think will help our fellow members, do let us know.

https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385

‘CHEERFUL’ BULLETIN NUMBER 7

WORDS OF WISDOM

It takes a great person to be a good listener The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds

Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today When you make a choice, you change the future.

Prediction is difficult, especially about the future Lost Time is never found again

Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom Never complain, never explain

TO MAKE YOU SMILE

Traffic Wardens. Are they staying 2 meters apart? Shopping for vegetables. Mind your peas and queue

I fired my masseur. He rubbed me up the wrong way It makes me sick when people call me a hypochondriac

British Nuclear Scientists love Fission Chips The computer said 'Hello.' It must be A Del

My password is ’14 days' but it was too weak I bought some Harry Potter games. They were a quid each

A Pub called ‘The Fiddle’ was horrible. It was a vile Inn! Blind people don't go skydiving as it scares their dogs

Kylie Minogue walked into a bar ‘I should be so lucky’ Two male lions were cuddling. Have they no pride?

Sold my homing pigeons for the 17th time on eBay Drink in daytime and I’m alcoholic. So I only drink at night

JERUSALEM (APOLOGIES TO WILLIAM BLAKE)

And did those feet in modern times walk into a local superstore

And did they take all toilet rolls yet they came and wanted more

Didn’t think or even care of those without how they would fare

Was toilet paper buried there among their empty barren shelves

Bring back my rolls of quilted joy, bring back my rolls of triple ply

Bring back the ten score packs you took and I won’t even ask why

For in my fight I will not fall nor will I use my Nectar card

But I’ll rebuild those toilet roll in England’s greedy selfish land

Poem by Pat White of Bushey first published in the Daily Mail

A neighbour of mine had this sad tale to relate. ‘This has not been a good morning. After spending the last four weeks quarantined inside the house, I decided to go horse riding, something I haven't done in many years. It turned out to be a horribly big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slowly but then we went a little

faster, before I knew it we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off and caught my foot in the stirrups and got dragged along....The horse just would not stop. Thankfully the manager at Tesco's came out and unplugged the machine. He actually had the nerve to take the rest of my coins off me so I wouldn't try to ride the Elephant.’

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UPDATED VERSIONS OF TUNES YOU WILL KNOW

HOMEWARD BOUND

https://youtu.be/k0ci5EYb9qA

I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxOJ7hh3H-I

STAYING ALIVE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmUXntGlqFI

SOUND OF SILENCE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdWMEe6sLDY

BOHEMAIN RHAPSODY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ymMuCtowLk

I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9pQ-9XCwoQ

DAD’S ARMY THEME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_yQRTZjBo0&t=15s

FRIENDS THEME

https://youtu.be/NmQbfWhW8mE

REFLECTIONS OF STAYING AT HOME

Half of us will end this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half with a drinking problem.

I need to practice social distancing with the refrigerator.

I have to decide where to go for my holidays. The living room or the bathroom..

I saw my stupid neighbour talking to her cat again. I told my dog and we both laughed.

I'm so excited it's time to take out the rubbish to the dustbins. What should I wear?

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https://youtu.be/k0ci5EYb9qAhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxOJ7hh3H-Ihttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmUXntGlqFIhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdWMEe6sLDYhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ymMuCtowLkhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9pQ-9XCwoQhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_yQRTZjBo0&t=15shttps://youtu.be/NmQbfWhW8mE

COMICAL CUTS

LADYBIRD BOOK OF COVID 19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgcqhOzWnqY

NEW SHOP OPENED JUST FOR WOMEN https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTzzBzo_P20

Breaking news from the NHS. Next Tuesday at 10.00 p.m. a medical satellite is flying over the U.K.

to take everyone’s temperature. Please stand naked outside your front door.

THE ALPHABET OF EVERYDAY LIFE AT PRESENT

A is for Anxiety and feeling so tired B is for Boris who nearly expired C is for Corona we thought was a drink D is for Doomsday are we on the brink? E is for Excel with new hospital beds F is for fitness and taking our meds G is for Groceries if we get a slot H is for Healthy and not feeling hot I is for Isolation that we all need to do J is for Joy when all this is through K is for Killer virus so quick L is for Lockdown if we’re feeling sick M is for Mums with no time to rest N is for neighbours all doing their best

O is for Outbreak that affects quite a few P is for PPE which is well overdue Q is for Queues wherever you go R is for Recovery and not feeling low S is for Sleeping and Sitting I’m sure T is for Travel we cannot explore U is for Us each one doing their bit V is for Virus but hope we stay fit W is for washing, 20 seconds or more X is for Xtra hygiene although it’s a bore Y is for Youtube which is OK for some Z is for Zealous which the police have become That is the end of my sad little verse And hope my words have not made it worse!

TOPICAL ANAGRAMS

CAPTAIN TOM = MAIN TOP ACT COVID NINETEEN = NOT IN EVIDENCE

STAY AT HOME PLEA = EMPATHY, ALSO EAT WHERE IS ALL THE PPE? = HELP, ASLEEP, WITHER,

SELF ISOLATING = LIFE SO LASTING ISOLATE NOW BY ORDER = RELATIONS OBEY WORDS

KEIR STARMER LABOUR =. TERRIBLE SOUR KARMA

WELL DONE NHS = HELL ENDS NOW

STAY HOME SAVE LIVES =. MASSIVE VETOES HEAVILY CARE HOMES IGNORED = REDESIGN EACH ROOM

STAY IN YOUR HOME = HONESTY YOUR AIM NO CURE FOR VIRUS YET = OUTCRY FOR UNIVERSE

TOP 20 PANDEMIC HITS FOR THIS WEEK

Busy doing nothing Don’t stand so close to me Eve of destruction Every breath you take We gotta get out of this place In the air tonight The air that I breathe The Clapping song The times they are a-changin No particular place to go

Bing Crosby The Police Barry McGuire The Police The Animals Phil Collins The Hollies Shirley Ellis Bob Dylan Chuck Berry

Fever Staying alive Only the lonely Take my breath away Toxic School’s out I will survive All by myself I’m alive I want to break free

Elvis Presley Bee Gees Roy Orbison Berlin Britney Spears Alice Cooper Gloria Gaynor Eric Carmen The Hollies Queen

THESE SONGS WERE NOT CONSIDERED APPROPRIATE!

Leaving on a jet plane Sea Cruise It’s good news week

Peter Paul and Mary Herman’s Hermits Jonathan King

Come outside Summer holiday Happy together

Mike Sarne Cliff Richard The Turtles

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgcqhOzWnqYhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTzzBzo_P20

CULTURE PAGE For those of you who want some culture, the good news is that the Coronavirus has

caused many famous Museums, Tourist Destinations, Zoos and Entertainment Centres to

amend their webpages to let you explore their webpage and in many instances show FREE

ACCESS virtual tours. For a few of them you might need to upload the Google Arts and

Culture App. As of 20th April these web pages were accessible, but that could of course

change and these tours etc may possibly not be available when we are back to normal.

MUSEUMS

MORE MUSEUMS GENERAL SITES

Uffizi Gallery, Florence, Italy

Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam,

Louvre Museum Paris

Salvatore Dali Museum, Spain

Smithsonian, Washington DC

Museum Of London Docklands

National Gallery, London

British Museum, London

Natural History Museum, London

Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam,

The J. Paul Getty Museum, LA.

Musei Vaticani, Vatican City

Tate Britain, London

Met Museum, New York

MASP, Sao Paolo, Brazil

Guggenheim, Bilbao, Spain

Musée d’Orsay, Paris

National Gallery Of Arts,

Washington DC

Picasso Museum, Barcelona

Virginia Living Museum

Yale Centre For British Art

Royal Academy Of Arts, London

Hermitage Museum, St Petersburg,

I am indebted to Jane Brown for her

research on these places. She tells me

that ‘it gives me something to do in

between the wine and the chocolate’.

US Air Forces Museum

The Museum of Flight

Anne Franke Museum,

Amsterdam, Netherlands

US Holocaust Museum

3D Virtual Exhibitions

Bletchley Park

History Museum, Virginia

TOURISTS

DESTINATIONS

The Great Wall Of China

Street Art with Google

Taj Mahal, Agra, India

Stonehenge

Colosseum, Rome

Northern Lights

Tour of Rome, Italy

Buckingham Palace, London

Pyramids

Machu Picchu

Virtual Japan

National Aquarium, USA

AirPano

ExoPlanets Nasa

Walt Disney Parks

Legoland

Wellcome Collection

Berliner Philharominker

Langley Research Centre,

NASA

The Kennedy Centre

National Zoo, Washington DC

Hirakawa Zoo, Japan

Atlanta Zoo

Melbourne Zoo

Cincinnati Zoo

San Diego, California, Zoo

Osaka Zoo

Edinburgh Zoo

Yellowstone National Park

Florida Aquarium

Dublin Zoo

Kansas City Zoo

African Animals

International Wolf Centre

Explore.org Live Cams

Flamingo Land

STOP PRESS

Treasure Island is being performed live at the National Theatre on Youtube until next Thursday 23rd April.

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VEGETABLE QUIZ ANSWERS

SPORTING ANAGRAMS ANSWERS

1 . VALUES SUM WIN Venus Williams 2. A BLAND EGOCENTRIC Rebecca Adlington

3. FINER ANDROID Rio Ferdinand 4. BENDER POET Peter Ebdon

5. WARY BLUSH Ruby Walsh 6. SANE GOVERNOR SINKS Sven Goran Eriksson

7. CAPABLE OF OIL Fabio Capello 8. GRIM MOON ELECTION Colin Mongomerie

9. PARK LAND FARM Frank Lampard 10. BUS ON TAIL Usain Bolt

11. RACES WILL Carl Lewis 12. A RUGGED HORN Darren Gough

13. SURE BREAK Sue Barker 14. MACEDONIAN CIA Nadia Comaneci

15. SMELLING LEAN Nigel Mansell 16. GAVE KNEE INK Kevin Keegan

17. A WINOS MOAN Ian Woosnam 18. WEARS HENNA Shane Warne

19. MOLDY TEA Tom Daley 20. OWNED A HUNG COD Duncan Goodhew

Page 5

QUIZ 1. ALL ANSWERS ARE NAMES OF UNDERGROUND STATIONS

EMOJI CLUE ANSWER

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6. ⬛

7.

8.

9.

10.

11. 🇨🇦

12. ⬅ 🇮🇳

13. ⬛

14. ⬇

15. ⬜

16. ✖

17.

18. 1 ⃣2 ⃣3 ⃣

19.

20.

21.

22.

Page 6

QUIZ NUMBER 2. ANAGRAMS: EVERY JAMES BOND FILM INCLUDING ONE STILL TO BE SHOWN

EXAMPLE: EASILY CORONA (Very topical!) CASINO ROYALE (Even James Bond is not immune)

1. FRINGED LOG

2. VIEW FOUR HAILSTORMS

3. COT DONOR

4. DASHINGLY TIGHT VEIL

5. YELLOW UNITY VOICE

6. SOOTY CUPS

7. TOTTENHAM NIL WHEN HUGGED

8. WEAK VITAL OIL

9. SEAN ODD OVER FIREARM

10. GENE YODEL

11. DEVOTEE OWNS MIRROR

12. EMOTION DIET

13. RANK MOORE

14. SO WHY DEVELOP THEM

15. YOU SORELY FRY ONE

16. DEVIL DATELINE

17. LONELIEST LICK

18. THE DULL BARN

19. RESPECT

20. SLY FLAK

21. UNEQUAL FOAM COST

22. HYDRATE NO IDEA

23. OUTDO LENGTHWISE HORN

24. SEEM NERVY CHESS TRAJECTORIES

25. EVEN ANNIVERSARY AGE

AND FINALLY…….

WHAT A GUY !

CAPTAIN TOM MOORE

ALMOST 100 YEARS OLD

HIS DONATION FUND HAS NOW EXCEEDED £25,000,000

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