MilestonesSeven marks of a growing faith

Tim FilstonNext

What is a MILESTONE?!!LITERAL: A marker of progress along a route of travel.!FIGURATIVE: A threshold to a new stage of personal growth. !

!

The following SEVEN MILESTONES invite you to confront your life’s interruptions head-on, and at those junctures, discover a clear path ahead. A milestone moment can become the first step past the stuck places of your past and present. Each of the following chapters here reinforce the main question of this book: !

What opportunity lies ahead which would not have been possible apart from challenge, crisis, or change?!

Milestones {ˈmīlˌstōn}

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Contents! I n t r o d u c t i o n The “why” of a milestone. 5!

1. The Messenger A voice of Authority outside you. 10!

2. The Burning Bush Opportunity amidst danger. 15!

3. The Desert A season of silent confrontation. 20!

4. The Anvil Gain through pain. 26!

5. The Rub A fierce moment of fellowship. 32!

6. The Checkpoint Temptation as test. 38!

7. The Tuning Fork A change of heart. 44!

C o n c l u s i o n 49!

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Milestones

!

“Under the circumstances? What are you doing under there?”

- Howard Hendricks

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Introduction!Time does not heal all wounds. Like the soldier who still feels the presence of an amputated limb, the hurt of expectations torn away can hang around for a lifetime if you allow it. Some people even savor their pain, nursing it like a lozenge. Their breath becomes tinged with bitterness and doubt. !

One reason people hoard hurt is to give themselves permission to do their own thing—to shrug off accountability. Along with the poet William Henley, they declare, “I am the captain of my soul!” And they set out for the freedom of the sea apart from any tie to the compass. That kind of freedom feels compelling at first, but the aimlessness of it becomes a tyranny, not liberty.!

Sometimes people get hurt and stuck.

Sometimes people get hurt and stuck.

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Leaving pain unattended is like setting aside a good book at its main point of crisis. The tension of a story interrupted never resolves on its own. !

!It’s like a music teacher I knew who could not stand to hear an incomplete phrase of a song played on the piano (“O-oh say can you see...”). He would step to the keyboard and finish it. So too with those broken plot lines of your past and present. They create tension and anxiety. Without some kind of resolution, life’s interruptions can act like free-radicals, doing damage we cannot detect, corroding our world and life view.!!The Urge of “Why”!!We all crave meaning. From our earliest moments we ask who, what, where, when, and how. Yet more than these, we want to know why. Why questions, even simple ones, can be difficult for a parent to answer. When my children were younger, they would ask why to the point of exhaustion--sometime theirs, sometimes mine.

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Parenthood should come with a handbook of snappy answers to inevitable why questions, standard issue. I often have been stumped when children ask about things we all take for granted, like the classic, “Why is the sky blue?” or something random like “Why do they call it cheese?” !!When my kids were quite young and easily satisfied, I used to poke fun with my answers. It went something like this:!!“Daddy, why is the sky blue?”!“Because the grass is green.” !“Why is the grass green?”!“So elephants can blend in without being noticed.”!“Huh? …ha!”!!As we grow older, the same urge of why continues to drive us, but not always in healthy directions. The most common way people get derailed by why is, “why me?” This question is not a sincere pursuit, but more of a complaint decorated with a question mark. We need permission to keep asking why questions; however it is crucial we learn to ask good ones.!

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Milestones

Milestones of perspective !

Each of these seven milestones approaches the Urge of Why from a different angle. They help make sense of the people, events, and circumstances that shape life. A milestone marks a place where we allow an ordinary experience to stir up extraordinary faith. !

Not all of life’s turns can be made tidy and brought to closure. Closure is the feeling you get when all the pieces spilled on the floor are back in the box. But sometimes we have to face the fact that all the king’s horses and men cannot get it done. Closure should not be forced upon the mysteries of shocking interruptions and chronic uncertainties. Instead, sometimes when things change, we must change too. !

Realizing the impossibility of getting life back to where it was, we can either stand in disillusionment or step into the threshold. !

These seven, biblical milestones of faith can help you make peace with life’s unexpected turns. You may even find that one of the benchmarks behind you is your own heart of stone.

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!“Samuel  took  a  large  stone  and  placed  it  between  the  towns  of  Mizpah  and  Jeshanah.    He  named  it  Ebenezer—‘the  stone  of  help’—for  he  said,  ‘The  Lord  has  helped  us  this  far.’”    

          —1  Samuel  7:12,  ISV  

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THE MESSENGER

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A voice of Authority outside you.

{ˈme-səәn-jəәr}

Q: Have you made yourself the measure of all things?

Milestone One:! The Messenger!!It’s becoming familiar to see some public figure in denial over an old skeleton or breaking news. Watergate, travel-gate, whatever-gate.  We keep unlearning this fact: the cover-up can be more damaging than the crime.!!We all have a powerful instinct to defend ourselves, fight or flight. It’s a natural reaction in a fallen world which requires discipline to overcome. And when a leader fails to take responsibility for a personal error, that broken value cracks throughout their entire sphere of influence. Sadly, it’s becoming rare to see a public person respond well to a mistake.!!So when the story surfaced about a college boyfriend circulating old photos of Dr. Laura Schlessinger in the buff, I expected the normal spin.  In fact, she did quite the opposite.  Dr. Laura captured a very dramatic, teachable moment.  She said something which sticks with me to this day. When confronted with the allegation, Schlessinger responded,!!“When I was young, I was my own moral authority.  The inadequacy of that is painfully obvious today.”

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Under authority? Where’s the fun in that?!

Some people think we have too much accountability already—whether the landlord, the police car hiding in the median, or the IRS.  Why would anyone willingly submit to a moral authority above Jiminy Cricket* or the rule of law? Why give up any measure of independence, bending to the authority of Scripture or a formal belief system?!

Dr. Laura suggests true freedom expands under such authority.  How so?!!An experiment in boundaries paints a surprising picture of what she implies. Across the country social scientists studied habits of children at recess, giving them many toys and plenty of room.   At each school, students remained in close proximity to the buildings, ignoring the vast space beyond them.  Later, fences were built on the distant perimeter of the yard. At every school, these same groups of students spread out into the grounds far beyond where they had ventured before.!!The boundaries limited their potential to roam, but they brought freedom to thrive and play. !

* Carlo Collodi, Pinocchio:  "Let your conscience be your guide.”

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Could the moral limitations of the Bible actually be intended to maximize freedom?!!Today, “authority” is kind of a dirty word. Most people assume greater freedom requires fewer restrictions--socially or morally. If that’s you, then you may be surprised to learn the moral vision of Scripture is not about moralism. It’s not centered upon do’s and don’ts, should’s and shouldn’ts. !!The unifying message of Scripture is a call to relationship, not rules. The storyline centers upon the relentless pursuit of God for a world He so loves. Religion, literally, means to “retie.” If you believe in a Creator, it stands to reason that maximum freedom is found in learning to function His design. So what is the first step to line up with that design?!!Augustine of Hippo, a rebel whose life turned around and who became one of the great, early leaders in the faith, put it this way: “God has made us for Himself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in Him.” Jesus as God in the flesh did not enter a broken world, suffer, and die in order to be your co-pilot. “Follow me,” Jesus said. He confronts the authority over your life (you) and invites you to switch seats. The invitation is to a magnificent exchange.

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T h e M e s s e n g e r !S u m m a r y Q u e s t i o n s : !!!!Who are you following, really? Is it your own little voice?!!What person, event, or circumstance is challenging you as your own moral authority? !!What freedom would be possible if you laid down your arms in surrender to an authority above you? !!

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THE BURNING BUSH

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Opportunity amidst Danger.

{ˈbəәr-niŋˈbu̇sh}

Q: Are you blind to the possibilities?

Milestones

Milestone Two:! The Burning Bush !!Thirteen years ago, I was booked to appear on “Larry King Live.”  !The movie Unbreakable had come out, and the producers at CNN wanted someone to appear on King’s show along with the director of that film--someone who had survived an actual, recent catastrophe.   I fit that description.  !!Nine months earlier, I had planned a retreat for several churches to Crested Butte, Colorado.  On the way home as our charter bus made its way towards Cañon City, we hit a patch of ice, spinning over mile marker 273. At 70 miles per hour we tumbled over one hundred feet down into a ravine. !!The resulting injuries and deaths put dozens of families into a long season of grief and recovery.   Over the course of the next year, we assembled everyone into small groups as a place to work through their stuff.  And there was a lot of stuff.  Many of the kids had post-traumatic stress disorder.  Formerly outgoing, straight-A students shifted into neutral in almost every way.!

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The chinese word for “crisis” blends

two characters: danger &

opportunity.

!The event stood in our path like a burning bush, turning us aside for a season. It forced everyone to see the world a little differently. It opened our eyes to possibilities we had not known were possible. !!For instance, even though no organization can fully prepare for this kind of crisis, as an organism, we became more than the sum of our parts. In the days following the crash, people self-sorted into roles fitting theirs gifts and experience. Egos and personal agendas remained in check. Everyone showed up ready to contribute, whether leading or serving.!!In Colorado, churches in the area had a similar response. Victims of the crash were housed, outfitted, and transported. Spontaneous prayers were offered, wounded friends visited, and small groups formed. !!All this activity required only slight coordination. For a time, we glimpsed the church as described in Acts 2, “holding all things in common.” We tapped into a deep reservoir of community. Relationships developed which years of programming had not yielded. We enjoyed high trust and transparency, bearing burdens and marking progress. These families made tremendous progress in a short period of time, healing at every layer. !

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Milestones

!During that season, we embraced and achieved a vision for healing larger than any human community alone could provide. An ancient story of loss and renewal helped clarify the big picture for us and provide some direction.!!In the account, a boy named Joseph, the youngest of twelve, is betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. Even after an extended period of suffering, he came to believe and to experience that what was intended for harm was being used for good. We too, following our crash, experienced the grace of this mystery, that although not everything is good, all things can be redeemed for the good. It may take a lifetime, but the principle aligns with a promise. !!To live by a promise is to embrace the human necessity for hope. Some interruptions shock us back to the reality that there is far more to life than meets the eye and can be managed under our controlling thumb. Such experiences stretch what we consider plausible or possible. They stand near our path like a burning burning bush, calling us aside to ask bigger and better questions than the ones limited to our experience or circumstance.

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T h e B u r n i n g B u s h !S u m m a r y Q u e s t i o n s : !!!!Is the vision for your life an enduring vision, inspired and tested over the course of centuries and across cultures? !!What person, event or circumstance challenges you with a need for greater vision?!!

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THE DESERT

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A season of silent confrontation.

{ˈde-zəәrt}

Q: Do you need a “time out?”

Milestones

Milestone Three:! The Desert !!Even if you’re not claustrophobic, a half-hour in an MRI tube can test your will. An itch on the nose or a deep breath reminds you that you’re locked in and must endure the process. !!Some periods of life seem this way. We step into them expecting to pass quickly through a threshold and find ourselves trekking mile after mile without a change in scenery. We begin to feel constricted or trapped by conditions out of our control—by an illness, a career cul-de-sac, or a difficult relationship.!!This kind of season is descriptive of a pilgrimage. In ancient times, they were long, often monotonous journeys across desert wastelands with only the hopeful promise of a dynamic city and a noble temple beaconing the pilgrim to press on. !!Like those journeys, an extended period of uncertainty can strip us down. It can expose motives and clarify priorities. When options are limited, we tend to dig deeper into our prevailing beliefs, discovering what lies at our core.!

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Psalm 84 paints a portrait of a season in the desert. These ancient lyrics offer advice for long periods of dryness. “As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs.” The particular valley mentioned here lies at the end of the wilderness en route to Jerusalem. This stretch was known to be an extremely arid and desolate place. The only way a pilgrim might “make it a place of springs” was to dig deep.! !As a teenager, I went through my first desert experience causing me to dig. One summer, my brother was killed by a drunk driver, I blew out my knee playing soccer, and had a harrowing car crash. For a time, I went to bed and awoke each day assaulted by the same troubling thoughts. Soon I began to toy with the big questions as an open skeptic. The quote below exposes the attitude behind my questioning:!!!!"One can ask with the intention of receiving an answer... or one can ask

without any interest in the answer except to suck out the apparent meaning by means of the question and thereby to leave an emptiness behind. The first presupposes there is a plenitude; the second that there is an emptiness."

- Soren Kierkegaard

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I scratch my head when people applaud skepticism as mark of intellectual authenticity. Better to call it emotional authenticity. I have pressed past this layer with people of all ages and backgrounds and found something personal. Cynicism often disguises anger, self pity, and pride. Reactions to truth claims are often more personal than intellectual. !!Resolving a conflict with ultimate truth is also personal.  You can’t argue yourself into belief any more than you can reason someone else into it. Famed mathematician Blaise Pascal said, “The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.” !!One night during my skeptical season, it occurred to me I wasn’t the first to wrestle with the big questions or with God. It was rather humbling to think how self-centered I’d become, and it seemed my circumstances had brought that fact to the surface. My small taste of humility began to quench a season of dryness. !!God may put us into the desert on purpose to create holy discontentment. A thirst for something bigger is hard to ignore, even if we deny the spring exists. When you do come to the end of yourself, this truth genuinely refreshes the soul: “There is a God, and it is not me.” !!

Sometimes pride hides in

ambiguity.

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T h e D e s e r t !S u m m a r y Q u e s t i o n s : !!!What person, event, or circumstance has cast you into the desert? !!What perspective might this season yield which otherwise would not have been possible? !!!!!

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!

“I  will  take  away  your  heart  of  stone  

and  give  you  a  heart  of  Mlesh.”    -­‐  Ezekiel  36:26  

!

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THE ANVIL

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Gain through pain.

{ˈan-vəәl}

Q: Are you content to manage only symptoms?

Milestones

Milestone Four:! The Anvil !!A pupil of Michelangelo once asked the artist if he had a plan for his masterpiece, “Moses.” He said he simply chipped away the parts which did not belong. !!This image has become a well-worn illustration of the way God shapes us through life experience and discipline. However, the picture gives a false impression that spiritual formation is only a matter of letting God remove our bad habits and traits. This moralistic image is like describing marriage as only a social contract, ignoring the intimacy and passion behind it.!!In Scripture, spiritual formation does not center upon a whittling process to improve the life you have, but rather, an exchange of one life for another. It’s often described as a change of heart because faith in Christ deals with the human condition and its desires, not just its symptoms. !!In other words, growing spiritually is not about the mere improvement brought by addition and subtraction of behaviors—it is about reforming our core identity.

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Forging metal and crafting it on an anvil is profoundly different from the work of a sculptor. Heating, pounding, and shaping actually changes the property of metal, altering it at its most basic, molecular level. So too with the work of the Spirit in the life of a Believer. John the Baptist describes the Holy Spirit’s work as a baptism of fire. The Spirit in the life of a believer destroys the old even as it strengthens as it regenerates the new.!!A blacksmith shop is also a better image for spiritual formation because on a certain level, personal growth can be a fierce experience. Character does not change apart from pain. It’s not about better information and affirmation, but rather, a yielding to the disruptive force of grace. Real change is possible, but it must begin at a foundational, personal level.!!!

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Christ says, “Give me all. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. ... I don't want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. ... I will give you a new self instead.” - C.S. Lewis !

Milestones

The work described here is inside-out work. In order to replace self-love with the love of God, we must internalize and personalize truth, not just understand or apply it in action. Grace must get into the place of our deepest desire and will. That which drives us must change. This change is so significant, Jesus uses an extreme image to capture it: being reborn. Literally, he says we are to be born “from above.” !!Why can a Believer continue to take courage even as he sees more of his corrupt nature? Because real repentance comes with this assurance: when we die to self we make more room for new life. Paul, in a letter to the Corinthian church says “strength is perfected in weakness.” It’s a description of a man who has spent time on the anvil to deal with the source of guilt, not just feeling guilty.!!Even though old habits continue to call us backward, new desires can rise. To repent means to turn away and towards. We miss out by thinking of repentance as just a mental exercise to assuage guilt. True repentance can increase our sorrow over our moral condition. But it does not leave us there. Godly sorrow recognizes a better, richer life. It brings the motivation to run towards that life and not just away from the old. It makes us ready and willing to be different rather than improved.

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T h e A n v i l !S u m m a r y Q u e s t i o n s : !!!What is heating you up which might result in transforming the hardened places of your soul? !!What painful, un-welcomed experience might become the very means of regenerating hope, which otherwise might not have been possible?!!!!!!

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!

“As  iron  sharpens  iron,  so  one  

person  sharpens  another.”    

-­‐  Proverbs  27:17  

!

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THE RUB

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A fierce moment of fellowship.

{ˈrəәb}

Q: Are you teachable?

Milestones

Milestone Five:! The Rub !!Someone I know just completed what is called a 360-degree review. She asked thirty people to respond to a list of personal and pointed questions. Ironically, the main bit of criticism she received had to do with not receiving criticism well. Requesting feedback is a little like asking for a good paddling. “Thank-you sir! May I have another?” !!Some complaints say more about the giver than the receiver. The critic does not always filter out his own stuff. Sometimes what really needs to be adjusted are people’s expectations of us. Even feedback we invite can be wielded as a weapon, where the critic becomes an opportunist venting some lingering resentment, indirectly. !!Nevertheless, all kinds of critiques can sharpen us when we discern what part or percentage we own. An oft-quoted passage of Scripture brings a redemptive vision to the rub of relationships. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). Criticism can be chafing, but it is one of the ways that God Himself sharpens us.

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When we encounter someone who does rub us wrong, occasionally the fight-or-flight instinct kicks in (Acute Stress Response). Reactions, when flooded with this kind of emotion, range from counter-attack on one end to stonewalling silence on the other. Obviously, fight-or-flight creates distance. !!In that gap, we disconnect from potential messages needed to achieve a significant milestone. We miss the honing benefit of the rub. We all have blind spots. Learning to receive feedback, whatever the intent, takes emotional maturity and yields spiritual health.!!When someone who really knows us can speak hard truth in love, a couple of messages come across. The first one is an affirmation beyond the issue. It says in effect, “I believe in you even when you fail.” The second one is a message of confidence about the issue. It says, “I believe you can benefit from this failure.” A friend loves us as we are but doesn’t expect us to stay that way.!

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To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.    ― Timothy Keller

Milestones

Another one of Solomon’s Proverbs says, “The wounds of a friend are faithful.” A friend, whether a jogging partner or a spouse, shows us tough love at great personal risk. Risking the relationship to deliver an important message puts the other person above oneself.!!In college, one of my closest friends confronted me about a girl I had been seeing for a few months. He said I appeared to be cowed by her, stuffing my opinions and blunting my personality to keep peace. He strongly implied we were not a good match. At first I was taken aback by the audacity. Later, I recognized he had nothing at all to gain and a lot to lose in delivering this message. !

! Long after the relationship ended, his words continued to benefit me. He ! sharpened my expectations along with my character.!! When someone who cares about you steps up to deliver a difficult ! message, something unique and even sacred may be afoot. This type of ! feedback can become a milestone, the means by which God Himself ! intervenes. !

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T h e R u b !S u m m a r y Q u e s t i o n s : !!!Consider, what needed character quality is being exposed because of a rub you have with someone? !!What sharper picture is required to make the relationship work?!!!!!!!

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!

“If  you  have  raced  with  men  on  foot  and  have  been  defeated,  how  will  you  compete  with  horses?”      

-­  Jeremiah  12:5  

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THE CHECKPOINT

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Temptation as test.

{ˈchek-ˌpȯint}

Q: Know thyself. Do you?

Milestones!Milestone Six:! The Checkpoint !!One particular phrase of The Lord’s Prayer seems confusing. At first blush, “...lead me not into temptation” looks like a contradiction. Why would a good God tempt anyone to bad behavior? Some scholars have done a little interpretive gymnastics to make the phrase say something more palatable, like “lead me away from temptation.” !!However, the original language of the New Testament (Koine Greek) is a straight-forward, functional trade language. The phrase clearly states, “Lead me not into temptation.” Did Jesus see a greater purpose in God leading someone into temptation? !!Temptations certainly can incite bad behavior, but they also can reveal corruption already present. On occasion, a person must see symptoms of whatever poison he has been drinking before he may develop a thirst for something better. Just as the work of a student is tested to measure progress, so too is the Believer tempted in order to test the metal of faith. We may not always like to see the results, but the exposure is necessary.!!* 1 Timothy 1:20

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Unforgiveness is the poison we swallow,

thinking it will harm our

enemy.

Milestones

A brutal example of exposing human depravity comes from the film “Apocalypse Now” (based on Thomas Hardy’s book, The Heart of Darkness). Marlan Brando plays a character named Kurtz, a model officer who becomes stranded in a remote jungle and worshiped by its inhabitants. Kurtz confesses he had “gone native.” He had taken on the social mores of that primitive culture, including cannibalism. “The horror, the horror,” he says. His depravity was exposed, first and foremost to himself.!

! Yet temptations also can have the opposite effect. They can ready us for ! greater responsibility. In another story, The Lord of the Rings, Galadriel the ! elf queen undergoes such a test of moral will. She encounters Frodo ! during a weak moment of his quest to destroy the great ring of power. !! Feeling the weight of its burden, Frodo offers her the ring. The temptation ! of power begins to work on her imagination. She compliments herself that ! she would use it for good but then exclaims, “All shall love me and ! despair!” The shock of her own statement brings her back to the reality of ! the peril at hand—that of her own broken desires.

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Milestones!!!We too must learn to consider our capacity and not just our track record, no matter how faithful we seem to have become. Sometimes what stands between us and a selfish act is not a desire for the good but merely fear of the consequences. That quality cannot always stand up under the crushing weight of temptation. We need to be honest with ourselves and know where we really stand. That knowledge alone can be the ounce of prevention needed to avoid “the horror.”!!It’s like the toothpick bridge my kids built in science class. Some of them looked outstanding, with beautiful symmetry and consistency in design; but the grade hinged upon the amount of weight each one could hold. Each one needed to be tested. !!The goal of spiritual growth is not centered upon outward appearance and behavior but upon inward desire. Desire drives action, shapes character, and sets our course. We need to see, and own up to, what drives and satisfies us if we are to learn how to invest in that which lasts--if indeed we are to develop an enduring strength. John Piper’s noted phrase sums it up: “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

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!T h e C h e c k p o i n t !S u m m a r y Q u e s t i o n s : !!!!What test is confronting the strength of your resolve right now? Are you up to the task? !!Who will catch you and coach you if you fall? !!What is possible for you by being tested which otherwise might not have been possible?!!!!!! 42/51

!“Leadership  is  getting  people  to  do  what  they  don’t  want  to  do,  to  achieve  what  they  want  to  achieve.”      

-­  Coach  Tom  Landry  

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THE TUNING FORK

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A change of heart.

{ˈt(y)ün-iŋ-ˈfȯrk}

Q: What are your ears tuned to?

Milestones!Milestone Seven:! The Tuning Fork !!Author C.S. Lewis tells a fictional story of a woman named Pam who had lost her son, Michael, many years before. In the scene, she herself has died and stands on the edge of heaven demanding to see him. The woman is but a waif, a shadowy ghost as compared to the weighty, glorious creatures of heaven. The reason soon becomes evident.!!In the scene, a distant relative greets her as an emissary of heaven. His message is confrontational and vital. The woman has allowed grief over her son to displace her love for God. The challenge for the messenger is to help her see how, as a result of becoming so identified with her loss, her soul has withdrawn into her bitterness. The question is whether there is anything left of her apart from it? A rather poignant conversation ensues:!! "Well. When am I going to be allowed to see [Michael]?" "There's no question of being allowed, Pam. You need to be thickened ! up a bit."!! "How?" said the Ghost. The monosyllable was hard and a little ! threatening.

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"I'm afraid the first step is a hard one," said the Spirit. "But after that you'll go on like a house on fire. You will become solid enough for Michael to perceive you when you learn to want someone else besides Michael. I don't say 'more than Michael,' not as a beginning. That will come later. It's only the little germ of a desire for God that we need to start the process.""Oh, you mean religion and all that sort of thing? This is hardly the moment... and from you, of all people. Well, never mind. I'll do whatever's necessary. What do you want me to do? Come on. The sooner I begin it, the sooner they'll let me see my boy. I'm quite ready.""But, Pam, do think! Don't you see you are not beginning at all as long as you are in that state of mind? You're treating God only as a means to Michael. But the whole thickening treatment consists in learning to want God for His own sake." !!The woman, Pam, is closed. She cannot really hear and commune with anyone. Her entire life has become a dissonant chord. Her desires have no relationship to her needs. Harmonizing in fellowship, especially with God, is out of the question because the sour notes she produces come from her own persistent willfulness.!!In contrast, consider the following true story of a woman with a different response....!

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MilestonesI first met Patti Meadows two years after her son had died. At that time she continued not only to grieve, but in her words, “to harbor a spirit of grief,” dismissing any sense of hope. She began to experience a profound disconnect as her emotions went into a deep freeze. Since then, I have seen her thaw. !!It was not a dramatic event, but rather, a small inclination to trust God again. In one of Jesus’ parables, He describes how true faith--even the size of a pinhead—is enough to take over and reorient your life.!!Recently Patti was diagnosed with cancer. Her situation has yet to be fully resolved. However, she said something which exemplifies the authentic healing she has experienced through faith. After receiving the news of cancer, she describes herself as weeping “tears of grace.” Not long ago, she felt nothing. Today, her heart, soul, mind and strength have been reintegrated and renewed. She has become one of the most caring, outward people I know.!!There’s an old saying that one thousand pianos tuned to the same fork are also in tune with each other. Patti, in communing again with her Heavenly Father, regained an earthly hope. Out from under her grief, she is available again to people around her, bearing even their burdens and celebrating their joys. !!A heart inclined toward God has the will to be comforted by His voice and the song to comfort others with the comfort received.!

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T h e Tu n i n g F o r k !S u m m a r y Q u e s t i o n s : !!!!What person, event, or circumstance is in your ear for good or ill? !!How might that situation prompt you to tune your ears again to ultimate things which otherwise might not have been possible? !!!!!!!!!

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Milestones!Conclusion !

That which does not kill you can make you stronger, or it could just make you jaded. It’s tempting to avoid the question altogether by lowering expectations. That self protection can also shut down your “Urge of Why,” your sense of wonder over the mystery and grandeur of life. Many people take this route. They strike a deal with God which says in effect: “If you don’t put more on me than I can bear, then I won’t expect too much of You.” !!God often does put on us more than we can bear in order to shake our foundations. Life’s interruptions can jar us back to the truth of God’s sovereignty and its corollary: you’re not in control. If we allow it to happen, these detours can become the path of spiritual discipline and growth. They may even mediate the very presence of God.!!We cannot always choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond. So, I encourage you to look back over the summary questions at the conclusion of each chapter and ask yourself:!!What opportunity lies ahead which would not have been possible apart from challenge, crisis, or change?

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Tim Filston is a presbyterian pastor. He and his wife Beth are parents to a train of triplets, David, Jameson, and Caroline, plus their “caboose,” Benjamin. !!!Tim blogs at www.faithanddoubt.com where he comforts the afflicted and afflicts the comfortable.

About the Author

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Copyright © 2013 by Timothy H. Filston. No portion of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means—except for brief quotations in published reviews—without the prior written permission of the author.