MIAMI UNIVERSITYCOME TO THIS PARADISE, EVERYTHING A COLLEGE STUDENT NEEDS

By, Alec Ahee

IF YOU CAN READ THIS, WHO CARES?

Why Should You Come To Miami?

• GREEK LIFE• HOT GIRLS• PREPPY GUYS• BARS• FRAT PARTIES

FRAT LIFE• If your in a frat at Miami, it means one thing, you are not

a GDI. (GOD DAMN INDEPENDENT)• If you want to be in a frat, here’s some advice….

1. Wear expensive clothes

2. Drink until tomorrow

3. Your priorities consist of, Brothers, sisters, the woods, beat the clock

4. Memorize these phrases and you’ll be all set…

FRAT SO HARD

SORORITY GIRLSSSSSS

These are some of the hottest girls that you will ever see in your life. We got an A for girls, in pretty much every college handbook in the world….• Wear LULU lemon yoga pants• Tight with all the frat guys• NEVER WEAR ANOTHER SORORITYS LETTERS• LA PINATA, FIESTA CHARRA…yep… • Closer with their sorority sisters, than their own family

PLACES TO GO IN OXFORD1. JOHNNYS DELI (turn up liquids)

2. OXFORD SPIRITS (turn up liquids)

3. LATE NIGHT WILLS PIZZA (pizza live)

4. THE GOGGIN, (hockey guys are gods)

5. FOOTBALL GAMES…that’s a joke

6. ANYWHERE UPTOWN, YOUR GUARANTEED A GOOD TIME, as long as its not at the copy shop, who does school anyway?

FALL SEMESTER• King Library, a palace of education, is not a place to do

homework, but rather a place to people watch. No one does homework on time anyway, its college, there’s better things to do then get an education.

• Go out with your friends during the week, morning classes… they are in the morning, teachers expect you to skip them…

• CHECK OUT THE FRATS. FRAT HOUSES ARE HOLY PLACES OF FUN.

• HOCKEY GAMES, hockey here is like football to any big ten school.

• BEAT THE CLOCK, until it gets cold Fridays and Saturdays 1-5.

Spring SEMESTERPLEDGES, and BABIES

• Pledging is a brutal process, where hazing is a necessity. • Doing the dumbest things to get respect, and ultimately

become a brother• THERE ARE SO MANY BABIES IN THE SPRING

SEMESTER. OH MY GOD HOT PLEDGE CLASS. • Formals are proms on steroids, sorry GDI’s. • FRATLINBURG. Unreal opportunity. Abroad for a

weekend. • BEAT THE CLOCK SPRING WEATHER YEAHHHHH

STORIES. STORIES. STORIES• The college process is not about your academics• It is about the stories that you will have after your time at

THIS university• You will not have even close to the caliber of

entertainment from any other prestigious college • What did you do last night? That’s an everyday question

at MIAMI, not how was studying?

COLLEGE ATHLETICS…REDHAWKS DO WORK

• The hockey team, consistently getting girls, and going bar down.• Never miss a party at bar down, everyone who is anyone will be

there. Except for frat guys…• If the hockey team goes out, then the golf team will be there in

their polo’s, they are also known as the drinking team.• Appearances will be made by Blacki Chan, Chauncey, Ruppert,

and all the DP Buiis. Also known as OPERATION LIQUIDIZE.• Go to the hockey games, then hit the bars uptown, then go to bar

down late night. Bartenders are well known amongst this group of liquidizers.

Concerts at Miami

• Our school has a tendency to get unbelievable superstars because of our college “turn up” atmosphere

• Performaces by, Lee Brice, Luke Bryan, Wiz Khalifa, Three-Six Mafia, Florida Georgia line etc.

• And oh, barstool blackout comes…

Oh and we have a pretty good business school…..

After seeing this presentation… TURN UP