Talking Cow A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. \Vhcn the man gm our

to fix it , a cow came along and sropped beside him. "Your trouble is probably

in the carburetor," said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and fall down the road ulltil he met a

farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.

~ \Vas it a large red cow with a brown spar over the right cye~" asked rhe

farmer. "Yes. yes," the man replied.

"Oh! I wouldn't listen to Bessie ," said the farme r. "S he doesn't know a

thing about cars,"

,

THE DAY AU THE MISSING SOCkS CAME BACK.

Board O/Education \Vhile visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Educa­

tion became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the

next room.

Angrily. he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who

seemed to be doing most of rhe talking. He d ragged the boy to rhe next

room and stood him in the corner.

A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded,

"Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?~

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Open house. Body shapers toning salon. Free coffee and donuts. Of-< Free puppies. Half cocker spaniel, half sneak'Y neighbor's dog.

• •

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11 ·by tbe Cbh"ken Crossed tbe Road

••• 111 the Words of the Star IUlrs Characters.

VADER: Because it could not resist the power of rhe Dark Side.

YODA: Crossing the road makes nor a chicken great.

LElA: r don't know ... but I have a bad feeling about this.

1

3

5

HAN: Hurry up, colonel sanders, or you're gonna be a permanent resident!

T H REEP IO : I am fluent in over six million ways of cro.o;sing the road .

R2D2: beep beep be bop.

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of guts crossing that road, after what you pulled!

EM PEROR: Young fool. Only now, after getting hit by a car do yOll understand.

Celebrities

Ever wonder what the celebrities love doing in their spare time?

Keira Knightley

'" Film, Spending time with Family & Friends

U V}

~ '" ~ z :c '" '" ::J '-J U ::E

~

Cranium Cracker

Nancy is the youngest of the girls in the Johnson family. She has the exact

same number of sisters as she has brothers. Her oldest brother Eddie, has

twice as many sisters as he has brothers. Not including the paren[S, how

many are there in the family?

s,(oq ,).)Jlp pue

sp!2 lllO;:l - u.)JpWP lIosuL[or lI.)A:;I$ .)JC .)J.)lLL

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Often as we age, we arc faced with

~ having to take a variety of prescrip­

o cion d rugs in order to treat disease or

c: illness or to maimain our health. A~

biliry for adverse interactions with

non-p rescription medication as well.

Although over-the-caumer drugs

arc generally safe, often there can

;<l

Z

~ ~

the number of drugs taken increases,

so does the chance of an adverse

imeraction occurring between the

medications we take.

As a general rule of

he reactions to other drugs taken

at the same rime. It is importam to

treat any over-the-coumer drugs you

. .... " ... ,<> seriously as you

tp thumb. any time a drug V>

J .n"J'c,,'.,n .. Next time

you are prescribed a drug,

be sure ro include on your

list of medicarions all the

non-prescription drugs

you are taking. You should

also include any herbal or

vitamin supplements, as

these can also have some

surprising and adverse

effens with some prescrip­

tion medication.

- is prescribed, he sure ..., tTl

~ ::: n Cl c:: 'T1 'T1

;;i Z

~ .., ~ V> n ~ ;l n ;»

to give a list of current

medications you are

taking to your docror

and pharmacist and ask

speCifically whether

there might bc any cause

for concern.

What may be a

surprise ro many seniors,

however, is the possi-

It's Your Life

Making positive changes in your life, according ro your

will, not the will of others, will help you meet every new

day with a new eagerness. Being eager to starr your day, no

maHer the problems or struggles, is a sign of a happy life.

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S 8 ~ £ 9 L 6 Z ~

L ~ £ S 6 Z 8 ~ 9

9 6 Z ~ 8 ~ L S £

£ L 9 6 Z ~ 9 ~ 8

Z ~ 8 9 ~ £ 9 6 L

6 9 ~ 8 L 9 Z £ ~

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A Fresh

The Relational Journey Never Ends

My wifc, Karen, and I hit the big3-0 on June 21, 2010. Thirty years ofbliss!

Bliss. What a funny word. The dictionary says that bliss is th is: Supreme hap­

piness; utter joy or contentment.

That's quite a goal, eh? And a worthy one! You'd think Karen and I would've

achieved it, since we were completely set up for lots of bliss three hours arrer we tied the knot.Julia, a woman in her late 80's, attended our wedding, As Karen,

age 19, and I at 22, said good-bye ro her at the country church door, she shared:

"You should know that my husband, Ford, and I never had an argument in 60

years!" My young bride and I stared at this sweet woman, now seeing a bar that

was set pretty darn high, wondering if we could clear it. We didn't.

Bliss.

I've concluded that it's pretty hard ro achieve. Sure, we've had good times,

bur we've had some bad days, too, I didn't say that Karen is bad Of that I am bad.

We've just had-in thirty years-some lousy days. Probably because .. ,

We're differem.

I know, I know-some call it "incompatible," then type it into legal doc and

go their separate ways. Nah, we're JUSt different. Really different. I mean, Karen

has ... feelings !!!

I had a feeling once; I didn't like it. In fact, it made me mad. So, in the inter­

est of full disclosure, I guess I've had two feelings: 1hc first one that made me

mad and then dle being mad part!

JUSt kidding, I do have feelings. Really, I do. But Karen sometimes doesn't think chat I do-and I don't blame her. I wasn't raised ro reveal them. Most

kids growing lip in the home of an alcoholic aren't. It was more like, "Don't

talk back to me!! !" iff attempted to share a feeling. Ofcoufse, I wasn't able to

shafe a feeling with any great skil l. Maybe that's why when I was really angry

at my German teacher in 9th grade, I didn't know how ro handle it-so I JUSt

called her a nasty name.

Right in front of the class. I was then sem, like a speeding bullet, straight to

John G. Miller Author of ... 'QBQ! Tbe Question 1

of Personal /1([011 nlability; 'Ou (standing

http://www.qbq.com/ Denver. Col

Don't You Hate ...

those awbvard momems when you're walking your dog and she StopS ro

squat in the only yard whose owners are sitting on the from porch?

Hopefully you brought a bag with you or you're not gonna be a huge hit

with the neighbors ...

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erspective

the principal's office!

\'({hen I speak from the platform, I-with Karen's blessing-share th is:

"Our marriage isn't perfect. Go ahead, email my wife and ask her. Trust me,

she'll respond! She'll Wfite back. 'Nope, it isn't, We have good and bad days.

111e lousy ones are always based on tiS rrying to change each other, and rhe

good ones are based on The Ultimate QBQ! I hope my husband shared it

with yOll today!'''

And what is TIle Ultimate QBQ!? Well, let'ssrcp back and define QBQ! It's an idea, a tool, chat enables people to practice personal accountability at

work, at home, at church, in their cOllullunity-wherever. In many ways, it's

based on this;

~estion; "\,<,ho's the only person I can change?"

Answer ; "Me!"

By understanding that truth ( I wish I'd learned it years ago), we can use TIle

~estion Behind the ~estion (QBQ) to avoid asking, "Why doesn't she

(or he) change?" bur rather ask, "What can I do today to change me?" That is

QBQ! in a nutshell; A bener question that always coma ins the personal pro­noun "I" -because I can only change me.

So what exactly is The Ultimate QBQ!? It's this: ~How can llet go of what I

can't concrol?"

\'<'ow, outstanding question-and gready needed by any mall and woman

who commit to each other for a lifetime.

EspeciaHy if ... they're d ift-ereru.

I think I've finally figured Out what Karen and I sometimes do ( it 's only taken

me 30 years) ; She tries to get me to feel more, and I try to get her to feel less. By

doing this, we've really wasted some time and energy. Bur, we're learning. Learn­

ing to ask a question that I should've been asking when Disco, John Travolta, and Pet Rocks were hot, and it's this; " \,<,hat is it that I do and say in this rela­

tionship that doesn't work so well-and how will I change these behaviors?!"

Since I can only change me, it's the right question. In fact, 30 years into this

wonderfully imperfect journey-it's the only question.

~ehind the 0ustion.., 'Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power

;! 47 lfays to Make Jour Organization Exceptiona/',

'orado, USA 303-286-9900 John@QBQcom

Good Q!Jestion

• A stitch in time saves nine what?

• Do jellyfish get gas from eatingjellybeans?

• Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?

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SAM'S BRASS RACKS

live Entertainment - Billiards - Darts - Shuffleboard Big Screen - NHL Package - NFL - Nascar Sundays

Monday's • Pool League 7pm Thurdays . Karaoke

Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm -12pm

Sam's May Line-Up:

, , , , , • , , ,

May 4 Real Deal

May 17 Backlash

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I Believe

I Believe ... 1ha[ you should always leave loved ones wich loving

words. It may be the last time you sec them.

Marveling At The jl100n

Astronaut Alan Sheppard h it a

golf ball on the moon, sending it

2,400 feer.

JUSt 22 seconds' worth of fuel

remained when Apollo 11 's lunar

module landed on the moon.

Riddles

Q; \Vhere does the one legged waitress work?

A: At lhop

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?

A: lllCY rake the psycho path.

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VeryPunny

r Two ducks were crossing the road in Belfast. One

looked back at the other and said u~ack. quack".

The other said uAh cain't goo any quacker".

Letter "z"

Across 1 O. Scheduled 1. Monthly snout o r nose

3. Popular ltal- debt payment publication 12. Bacon frying

ian pie 13. Magician 2. Electric Signal sound

5. H eavy 17. Not Ener- 4. Zany 14. Blue color

drinker getk 7. Awesome 15. 12 things

6. Public square 19. Enigma 9. Bear 16. Effervesce

8. Stupefy DOW1J II.Animal 18. Destroy

Cheap Flights

You K1JOW You 'fie Booked A Clleap Fligbt WlwJ ... • The Ground Crew are seen lIsing pennies to check t ife wear

• A man with an Oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his difty

coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, rurns Out to be the airlines

C.E.O. • A voice on P. A. system warns you to keep your heads and arlllS

inside the aircraft at aU rimes, while the plane is in marion.

• The air sickness bags have the Lord's

Prayer printed on them.

• Jumper Cables are dangling from the

door to the cockpit.

• A man in clerical garb waLks thru the

plane, sprinkles all the passengers with

water, 1l1umbling something in Latin

& exits.

• A telephone with a really long cord con­

nect.~ the plane to the control tower.

:5 V> -...; o c: ::0 Z

~ ~ tl' V> -...; In

~ ~ () Cl c: .,., .,., ;;1 Z

~

Images Of A Mother

4 years of age My Mommy can do anythillg~

8 years of age

My Mom knows a lor ! A whole lor!

12 years of age

My Mother doesn't really know q uite everything.

16 years of age Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 years of age

That old woman? She's way om of date!

2S years of age Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 years of age

Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 years of age

\Vander what Mom would have thought about it?

65 years of age

\Vish I could talk it over with Mom .....

r /

~l •

~

/

Net Crazy

Give a man a fish and you

feed him for a day; teach him

to use the Net and he won't

bother you for weeks.

j...,J

Penn.Y For Your Ihoughts

You Take Care of rhe Pennies, rhe Dollars T.1.ke Care of Themselves! ""d Somc say the road is paved with gold bur in onc small town in Kansas. it's ~ paved with copper! Hundreds of people in the rown of Fort Scort Kansas set {/) a llew world record for the longest continuous chain of pennies ... 64 kiJome­(") rers of them rotalling $33,790.

~ The money raised will go a long way to help wirh needed improvemems at ~ the school where the evem {Ook place. 11,is omdid rhe record by 8 kilome­(") rers, the old record being 55.6 ki lometers set in 1995. > Even though lots of folks simply turned Out to watch,

most ended up helping lay the pennies. It was a real commu­nity efiorr with hundreds of volunteers laying pennies end to end for hours. One question remains: who is going to roll all those coins? Penny for your thoughts .....

Rebus

A Rebus is a picture or word representation

of a name, work or phrase. How fost can you guess this one?

Answer: d JH S 1!lIl:U1!g

BAN ANA

.. ,/o\lf ~oO" 1\41\ • • • ~efSO d .... \ •

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StopLight

Why did the stoplight rum red?

H1mldn't YOIl if you had to change in the middle of the street?

Statistics

Statistics arc to baseball what a flak" crust is to

Mom's apple pie. ~ Hmry Reasoner

Open Daily llAM · 2AM

Varies Sunday

Live Bands Sports on

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MayS Full Nelson (9:302am)

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•

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~ Pete's Music Exchange Sales - Renta ls - Repairs

MUSIC LESSONS

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po~'t

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Empowering Ihoughts

A mother is a person who seeing [here are only four pieces of pic for five

people, promptly annowlCC;S she never did care for pie. ~ Tenneva}ordan

Being a full -time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs ... since rhe pay­

ment is pure Jove. '" Mildred B. Vermont

Thc swCCtCSt sounds to mortals given Are heard in Mother. Home. and

Heaven . ... William Goldsmith Brown

If yOIl have a mom , there is nowhere yOIl are likely to go where a prayer has

nOt alrcady been. '" Robert Brault

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car

forever after .... Peter De Vries

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said:

' Keep oA-'the Grass'

Job Search Jargon Whether yOll are a student looking for that first time or slimmer job or a

long timc veteran looking for a change of pacc, this job search jargon should

help yOll gCt on your way., .

COM PETITIVE SALARY \Xle remain competitive by paying less than our competitors,

FLEXIBLE HOURS, Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

ReallvIothers

Real Mothers know that their kitchen mensils are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky Roors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers somctimes ask "why me?" and get their answer when a little

voice says, "because I love YOll best,"

Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or

ycars or grade ...

It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mother.

Finish The Slogan

Don't t rear your puppy likc a dog. Answer: