Vol. 3, No. 69 Friday, May 16, 2014

Some serious concentrationScotty shot-putter Dana Hughes gets set for her wind-up at Glasgow’s annual Top Ten Track & Field Meet held last week. Dana currently holds the third best heave in the state in the Class B ranks, a 35’6” mark thrown at the Top Ten. “She’s a fierce competitor,” says Scotty Volleyball Coach Lori Dailey, who

added, “I’ve got some big plans for her this fall.” But first things first. Hughes and the rest of the Scotty tracksters play host to the District 2B Track & Field Meet this Saturday, May 17th. Events get underway at 9:00. Concessions are available. Come out and watch some seriously good athletes in action.

Vol. 3, No. 69 Friday, May 16, 2014

Political Buzz...

THE LONGEST DAY

continued on page 4

BUZZValley View home is haVing a community rummage sale, bake sale & car wash: Saturday, May 17th, 8am-12pm. We would like to see you there, our community’s support is appreciated! Money raised goes to resident-centered projects. Valley View home - 1225 Perry ln, glasgow.

BUZZgarage sale: Saturday, May 17th, 7am-Noon. Thousand ft 1” old fir lumber, antique baby chair, 8’x10’ braided rug, and much more! one walleye st., Fort Peck (aboVe duck creek). 367-5339.

BUZZlarge 2 Family garage sale! Saturday, May 17th, 8:30am-3:30pm. Home décor, toys, books, baby clothes, etc., highchairs, baby-size 7 clothes, women’s & men’s clothes Small to 2XL. 129 bonnie st.

BUZZgarage sale: Friday, May 16th, 5pm-8pm; Saturday, May 17th, 8am-? Everything but the kitchen sink! 340 4th aVe north.

BUZZJob oPening: First Community Bank, Glasgow, has an opening for a part time Teller with benefits. aPPly at Job serVice. eeo/aa emPloyer.

BUZZed’s storage: For Rent: One 12’ x 10’ Storage Unit open immediately in Nashua. ed’s storage is For sale. call 746-3366.

BUZZFor sale: Large dining room table, dark brown, 3 leaves, 6 chairs, $150 OBO. Dark brown china hutch, $200. call 406-679-3866 or 228-4866.

BUZZcommercial building For sale: 5,500 sq. ft. with storage. Large shop, office, and nice 3 bedroom apartment with yard all in one building. Large .62 acre lot with good Hwy 2 visibility. City sewer and water. 275k. 228-2016.

BUZZIFIEDS

Sounding good for track on

SaturdayTonight: Mostly cloudy, with a low around 42. North northeast wind 5 to 8 mph.Saturday: Mostly sunny, with a high near 68. Light and variable wind.Saturday Night: A 20 percent chance of showers after midnight. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 46. East southeast wind 6 to 8 mph.Sunday: A chance of showers, then showers likely and possibly a thunderstorm after noon. Partly sunny, with a high near 71. East southeast wind around 8 mph. Chance of precipitation is 70%.Sunday Night: Showers and possibly a thunderstorm before midnight, then a chance of showers. Low around 48. East southeast wind around 5 mph becoming calm after midnight. Chance of precipitation is 80%.Monday: A chance of showers, with thunderstorms also possible after noon. Partly sunny, with a high near 67. West wind 13 to 17 mph, with gusts as high as 23 mph. Chance of precipitation is 40%.Monday Night: A slight chance of showers and thunderstorms. Partly cloudy, with a low around 43.Tuesday: A slight chance of showers. Mostly sunny, with a high near 65.Tuesday Night: A slight chance of showers. Partly cloudy, with a low around 43.Wednesday: A slight chance of showers. Mostly sunny, with a high near 66.Wednesday Night: A slight chance of showers. Partly cloudy, with a low around 44.Thursday: A slight chance of showers. Mostly sunny, with a high near 68.

Real Life Wisdom

Call Jolene Reyes390-3871

Hours: 10am-6pm, 7days/week*** Weather Permitting ***

$1 Plants Are Back!Get Them While They Last!

We’re Giving Away 2 Red, White & Blue Planters A Day from Friday, May 16th - Friday, May 23rd

Must Sign Up at the VFW to Enter starting Wednesday, May 14th

Located at the VFW Parking LotGift CertificatesAvailable

Valley County Pioneer Museum Job Opening

TOOL SALESaturday, May 17 th - All Day

DAILY CINEMAS: 4:00 & 4:10 PM - $5.75/PERSON

228-9239 www.polsontheatres.com

MAY 16 - 22SHOWINGS

FREE TREAT TUESDAY! FREE POPCORN WITH EVERY PAID ADMISSION AT THE 7&9PM SHOWINGS

This epic rebirth to Toho’s iconic Godzilla, this spectacular adventure pits the world’s most famous monster against malevolent creatures who, bolstered by humanity’s scientific arrogance, threaten our very existence.

123 Min.

Cast: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ken Watanabe, Elizabeth Olson, Juliette Binoche, Bryan Cranston

Christian man Josh Wheaton finds his faith challenged on his first day of Philosophy class by his professor. He begins class by informing students that they will need to disavow, in writing, the existence of God or face a failing grade. As other students begin scribbling the words ‘God Is Dead’ as instructed, Josh finds himself having to choose between his faith and his future. After offering a nervous refusal, Josh’s smug professor assigns him a daunting task: if Josh will not admit that God is Dead, he must prove God’s existence by presenting a well-researched, intellectual arguments and evidence ofver the course of the semester and engage his professor in a head-to-head debate in front of the class. If he fails to convince his classmates, he will fail the course.

4:10PM 7:00PM9:15PM

4:00PM 6:50PM9:20PM

Rated PG: for thematic material, brief violence and an accident scene

Rated PG-13: for intense sequences of distruction, mayhem and creature violence

113 Min.

Cast: Dean Cain, Kevin Sorbo, David A.R. White, Shane Harper, Willie & Korie Robertson

Another Legion Field Clean-Up Day on a Sunny Saturday All Babe Ruth and Reds American Legion baseball players & parents are asked to show up at the Legion ball field on Saturday, May 17th from 1-5 p.m. “We got in one day of our clean-up weekend but still have things that need to be done,” says Joan Thibault. Please bring your shovels and rakes and whatever else you may think will come in handy. Community members are also welcome to lend a hand.

Montana Tech alumni, Gary ‘85 and Janet ‘85 Kolstad, have gifted $1,000,000 to the university. Gary Kolstad is the CEO of CARBO Ceramics Inc. (NYSE: CRR), a global oilfield services technology company providing industry leading production enhancement products and services to increase the recovery factor in oil and natural gas wells. The proceeds from the Gary and Janet Kolstad Endowment will benefit the Petroleum Engineering Department and scholarships for petroleum engineering students. During the 2014-2015 academic year, the Kolstad’s Endowment will impact eight students. “It is with great pride that Janet and I have established the Gary and Janet Kolstad Endowment at Montana Tech,” noted Gary. “We are inspired by the students and graduates of Montana Tech and their life’s journey from ordinary to extraordinary, and the resulting impact they have in this world. Montana Tech is well known in industry as the premier STEM institution in Montana. Fundamentally, we believe higher education is one of the primary tools needed to continue to improve the competiveness and standard of living, of both America and individuals. Education always helps people understand the basics of what it takes to be successful and responsible for their life’s outcome.” “Gary and Janet are longtime supporters of Montana Tech,” added Montana Tech Chancellor Don Blackketter. “This gift is significant not only for Gary and Janet but for the university because it is the first individual $1 million gift in Montana Tech’s history. I want to thank Gary and Janet for their inspiring gift and leadership.”

Gary & Janet Kolstad gift $1 million to Montana Tech

St. Marie Happenings

Quality at a Fair Price

NORTHEAST MONTANA’S FORD HEADQUARTERSCall Jerry, Josh or Norm • 228-2141 • 866-528-2141

Check us out on the web for more great deals www.hilineford.net

Come See Us Today!

NE MONTANA DRIVING

HEADQUARTERS

Your

VOTE KULCZYK for JUSTICE of the PEACE My name is Ronnie Kulczyk of Glasgow, and I am running for Justice of the Peace. I strongly believe there is a loop in the justice system and I plan to fix it. I may not have the experience with the law, or background in the court systems like some of my fellow candidates, but I strongly believe I am the right fit for the job. Sometimes it isn’t always best to have a background and experience; we need new blood in that position with a clear outlook to change things. My main goal is to be fair, I want to make sure that everyone is treated the same. I have heard many times that someone was treated unjustly by the judge because they weren’t liked or because of whom their family was. I myself know how it feels to be judged by someone without them even knowing who I am or what I believe. I have lived in this community my whole life and love being a part of it. I want to protect the citizens of this community and make it a safe place for children to grow up in and become our future leaders. I have two children of my own; they need a good example of how the justice system should work. If you have any questions, concerns or suggestions, feel free to contact me by phone, email or my Facebook page. My phone number is 263-2377 and my email is flicks@nemont.net. My Facebook page is Ronald W Kulczyk for Justice of Peace.

Congratulations Valley County

Graduates!I wish you well in your future

endeavors, for your future is the future of Valley County.

But please be responsible. As a pilot But please be responsible. As a pilot for Stat Air Ambulance for the past 20 years, too often we have seen tragedy around this time. DO NOT drink and

drive, DO NOT get in a vehicle with a driver that is under the influence of

drugs or alcohol. Be safe, buckle up, Be safe, buckle up, and have a great summer.

Among a full agenda to consider at its May 22 meeting in Fort Peck, a late addition now includes potential commission direction for a voluntary wolf conservation stamp or decal for anyone to make a contribution to Montana wolf management. If approved, FWP would initiate rulemaking to define a voluntary wolf conservation stamp and how donated funds would be allocated to specific wolf conservation efforts. That process would include opportunity for public comment. The commission meeting will begin at 8:30 a.m. on May 22 at the Fort Peck Hatchery in Fort Peck, 277 Highway 117. The public may also participate via video conference from FWP regional offices and FWP’s headquarters in Helena. FWP ensures its meetings are fully accessible to those with special needs. To request arrangements call FWP at 406-444-3186. The full agenda and additional information on the scheduled topics may be found on the FWP website at fwp.mt.gov, then click “For Commission Information.”

Fish & Wildlife Commission To Consider Wolf Stamp Donation

Ideal commercial corner lot location with 2.88 acres on US Highway 2 and 8th Street North in Glasgow, Montana. Located between Shopko and Scottie`s Car Wash, this location is ideal for banks, fast food services, ofast food services, office and retail businesses. Some business restrictions apply.

Asking $450,000US Hwy 2 & 8th St N

www.hellandagencyinc.comCALL TODAY 228-2114

20-923

BEST COMMERCIAL LOCATION

Shoes - $110 .00

Trim - $40 .00

Garth Lenci (406) 230-1009 Glasgow, MT Cash Only Please

ORGANIZATIONS NEEDED

For more information contact Doris Ozark367-5243 (after 7pm)263-5243 or 230-0663

Valley County Fair Commission

needsFOOD VENDORS & BEER GARDENS

FOR THE FOLLOWING DATES:May 31 & June 1 - Sand Drags, Mud Bog & Sat. Night Boogie

June 14 - Spring DerbyAugust 2-5 - Northeast Montana Fair

“Gary and Janet represent extraordinary individuals from ordinary upbringings that are living extraordinary lives and providing incredible levels of support,” explained Montana Tech Foundation President Joe McClafferty. “I thank them for their continued dedication to advance Montana Tech. The petroleum students receiving the awards from the Gary and Janet Kolstad Endowment now have opportunities to live extraordinary lives.” Janet (Tuss) is a native of Great Falls, MT and started her career with ARCO Oil and Gas Company. During her eight years with ARCO, she served in several production operations positions in California, Oklahoma, and Texas. Gary is a native of Glasgow, MT and started his career as a field engineer with Schlumberger. Serving in numerous domestic and international leadership positions in operations as well as marketing and sales, Gary held positions with Schlumberger as Vice President, Oilfield Services-U S Onshore and Vice President, Global Accounts. His experience allowed him the opportunity of working in North America, Russia, Indonesia, and the Middle East. In 2006, Gary was recruited by CARBO to be their Chief Executive Officer. In the seven years under his leadership, CARBO has more than tripled in terms of revenue, profit and market capitalization. CARBO’S primary mission is to improve production and recovery rates in oil and natural gas reservoirs, by providing industry leading technology through their Design, Build, and Optimize the FracTM technology platform. They are most widely known for being the world’s largest supplier of high quality ceramic proppants, which are used in the process of hydraulic fracturing to stimulate oil and natural gas wells. For his contribution to his career and his community, Gary was awarded the Distinguished Alumni Award from Montana Tech in 2002. He currently sits on the Montana Tech Foundation Board of Directors, the Montana Tech Petroleum Department Industry Advisory Board and is a Board Member for Spindletop Charities. Gary and his wife Janet are generous contributors to Montana Tech as members of the Council of 600 and the Gary & Janet Kolstad Endowed Scholarship.

Gary & Janet continued from page 2

Fred Wratislaw (inset above) blew into his old hometown of Glasgow earlier this week in his tricked-out W140 Mercedes S500 that he calls his “BIG BAD BULLSHIPPER”. The retired truck driver says he took the parts of his semi to convert his Mercedes into quite the eye catcher. “It gets more attention

than the Wienermobile,” he chuckled. In fact, some rich dude with a 35-million dollar helicopter just had to have photos with his black whirley-bird setting next to the black Bullshipper; and then off they flew. Fred’s got the video on his smart phone of the helicopter taking flight following the photo shoot!

Come HangOut & EnjoySome Live Music!

Starting at 9pm

THIS FRIDAY NIGHT

MAY 16TH, 2014TRIAL BY FIRE

Guess the Bottle Caps for a Chance to Win a FREE Ticket to

Blues and Brews!

May 13th ~ May 16th, 2014

get in on your

chance to win!

We have a big glass jar full of bottle caps, and all you need to do is stop in and write down the number of caps you think the jar

contains, your name and phone number, and you will be entered to win a FREE ticket to

Blues & Brews Fest this weekend! Winner will be notified after 8pm on Friday, May 16th.Winner will be notified after 8pm on Friday, May 16th.

For more information:Glasgow Chamber of

Commerce & AgricultureBox 832

Glasgow Montana 59230 406-228-2222

chamber@nemont.netwww.glasgowchamber.net

Bonnie City

Blues & Brews

Featur

ing

Dirty

Power

Doors Open

4 PM

Live Music

5 PM

REYNOLDS MARKET

B.S. CENTRALCAPE AIRKLTZ/KLANCREATIVE ELEMENTSNEWTON MOTORSEL COR DELGLASGOW COURIERJ&M DISTRIBUTING

SYSCO

ALL SEASONS HOME CENTERMIRROR IMAGEBLUE ROCK BEVERAGE RED FOXX REAL ESTATE

AAA GLASSHI-LINE COLLISIONALLISON MOLVIG INSURANCENEMONT BEVERAGE

FOOD SERVICES OF AMERICA

COTTONWOOD INN

JEFF COLE INSURANCEGLASGOW DISTRIBUTORSHELLAND LAW FIRM PLLC

DALE PLUMBING & HEATING

SCOTTIE EXPRESS WASH

NORTHERN PRAIRIE AUTO

SPONSORSSaturday, May 17, 2014

Cottonwood InnGlasgow Montana

$40 Presale$45 at door

Non-alcoholic beverages & complimentary transportation available upon request

Over 30 Micro BrewsMerchandise - Raffles

Wine Available!

Live

Music!

FREE TRADER

Trial B

y

Fire

Scott H

olt

Band

HI LINE FORD

TRICIA’S TRADEREZZIES WHOLESALE

On a golf tour in Scotland, Tiger Woods rents a Mercedes S500 and drives into a petrol station in a remote part of the Scottiesh countryside. The pump attendant, who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Scottish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ toyer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “Hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “Vhat be dose little sticks of wood?” asks the attendant. “They’re called tees,” replies Tiger. “Vell, vhat on dis God’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Scotsman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving,” says Tiger. “If ‘dat don’t beat all,” says the big Scotsman, “Dose fellers at Mercedes tink of everyting!”

Gladys Theo “Jody” Opheim, 84, died Saturday, May 3, 2014, at the Help for Health Hospice Home. Memorial services will be held at a later date with inurnment of the ashes taking place at Lawndale Cemetery with her husband in Opheim, Mont. Cremation has taken place under the direction of Davis Funeral Home. Jody was born June 26, 1929, in Helena, Mont., the daughter of James Paul Martin and Lorna Belle Hallock. She attended first and second grade in Norris, Mont., third through sixth grade in Great Falls, seventh and eighth grades in Portland, Ore, ninth through 11th grades in Opheim, and 12th grade in St. Ignatius, Mont., when she received her GED in 1979. She also attended Salish Kootenai College in the 80s, studying early childhood development course (Headstart). On Sept. 1, 1946, she married Rex O’Neal Opheim in Glasgow. She was of the Lutheran faith and was a Sunday School teacher while raising her family; four sons and one daughter. She was a member of the Eastern Star in Opheim, the Senior Center in St. Ignatius (a quilter) and was a member of the Riverton, Wyo., Senior Center (housing) socializing

Gladys Theo ‘Jody’ Opheim

OBITUARY

and volunteering services. Jody enjoyed quilting, painting pictures, sewing clothes for family and making quilts for seniors. She had a passion for serving people. She managed the ENCO Club kitchen at the Radar Station in Opheim, and was also a head cook at Glasgow Air Force Base. She managed the Legion Club kitchen in Billings, was a Headstart teacher and cook at St. Ignatius, and created “Learning flannelgraphs and stories” for Headstart. She also enjoyed adventure such as snowmobiling, camping and hot air ballooning. She was a lifelong resident of Montana until she moved to Riverton in November, 2010, to live

near her daughter. She was preceded in death by her husband, Rex; and her parents. Survivors include four sons, Jerry Opheim and his wife, Vicki, of Billings, Jim Opheim of Glasgow, Mikel Opheim of Kalispell, and Berney Opheim of Missoula; a daughter, Loni Freese and husband, Terry, of Riverton; 12 grandchildren; 21 great-grandchildren; and two great-great-grandchildren. Memorials may be made to Help for Health Hospice in care of the Davis Funeral Home, 2203 W. Main Street, Riverton, WY 82501. Online condolences for the family may be made at theDavisFuneralHome.com.

ATTENTION GLASGOW AREA IRRIGATORS 

Jody Opheim with her kids Jerry, Berney, Jim, Loni and Mike

www.jobs.pizzahut.com

619 First Ave N. Glasgow, MT 59230

NOW HIRING ALL POSITIONS! Team Members, Servers,

Delivery Drivers, Management We’re looking for enthusiastic, fun and friendly people to

join our team. Competitive wages, flexible hours, and great benefits all in a fun work environment!

Delivery Drivers must have an acceptable driving record, personal vehicle & current auto insurance. Background required for all management positions. EOE/M/F/D/V

APPLY ONLINE APPLY ONLINE TODAY!TODAY!

Northwest Farm Credit Servicesis seeking a crop insurance agent to

join their glasgow, mt office

These lots total 26,940 sq. ft. and is a perfect level building site.

Cherry Creek Water association. Call for more information!

Highway 2 West, Glasgow, MT$55,000

Offered by: Karen Waarvik, Broker/Owner(406) 228-2525 -

www.redfoxxrealestate.com

CLOSE TO GLASGOW!

#205

Custom Carpentry • Roofing Repairs • Windows • Doors • Kitchens • BathsCall Shawn Beard • 230-1025

Email: beardhi@gmail.com • Licensed & insured • Free Estimates

Wednesday’s teaser: I am a nice word composed of five letters, but the Romans would call me a numbers. What word am I? Hint: The word is polite.Answer: Civil. Today’s teaser: I cannot be seen, cannot be felt,Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.I lie behind stars and under hills, And empty holes I fill.I come first and follow after, End life, kill laughter.What am I?

Riddle Time with Red

Speaking of Mercedes...

53999Hwy 2 W

Call 228-2715 or 263-1249Batteries • Towing • Repair

GLENN’S AUTO REPAIR &

WRECKER SERVICE

Hairstyles for All AgesCuts, Colors & Perms

(406) 853-5100LeAnn Murnion

Cosmetologist330 4th Ave S. • Glasgow, MT

TanglesSalon

Sue BakerThe difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

Rates:$60/hour: Room to room in the same location

$75/hour: Moving from your home to Prairie Ridge, Nemont or Valley View

$100/hour: Moving from your house to a different house

Call Shawn Beard • 230-1025

Feeling overwhelmed?Moving to Prairie Ridge, Nemont or

Valley View?

Let us help.

A GREAT BIG VALLEY COUNTY THANK YOU

Sr. Citizen Menu

Call for reservation by 10 AM 228-9500

MONDAYHam & Yams

GLASGOWSCHOOL MENU

BreakfastBreakfast Pizza • Tri Tater

Peaches • MilkLunch

Chicken Salad w/Lettuce and Cheese • Salsa • Snap Peas

Pineapple • Choice of Fruit • Milk

MONDAY

CouponGraduation

SAVE 20% ON ALL Silver Jeans,

Tops & CaprisCongrats, Grads! Expires May 31st, 2014

We’re On Facebook!

SPECIALS:

A GREAT PLACE TOHANG OUT!

THE HANGAR Hwy 2 East228-8280

We Have Soft-Serve Ice Cream!Have Your Parties Here

BOOK NOW!

FRIDAYSoup: CLAM CHOWDERLunch: SHRIMP BASKETDinner: HALIBUT STEAK

SATURDAYSoup: COOK’S CHOICE

Lunch: PORK CHOP BURGERDinner: 8oz SIRLOIN

SUNDAYSoup: COOK’S CHOICE

Lunch: 3pc CHICKEN STRIPSDinner: 2pc PORK CHOP

MONDAYSoup: CHICKEN NOODLE

Lunch: SMALL CHEF SALADDinner: 8oz CHICKEN FRY Athletic Physicals

at the

Glasgow Clinic

If you do not have health insurance or if your insur-

ance policy does not pay for this exam, financial assis-tance is provided as a ser-vice to our community.      

You will not have an out of pocket expense for this 

service. 

SCHEDULEYOUR

APPOINTMENT NOW BY CALLING 228-3400

2014-2015 SEASON

Fall Sports Please schedule your appointment between

May & August, 2014 Only one physical per school year is required.

Winter/Spring Sports Only

Please schedule your appointment between

August & November, 2014

Boneless BeefCROSS RIB ROAST.............. $2.99/lb.Stones 1lb. Pkg FreshGROUND BEEF PATTIES........... 5/$20Willamette Valley 1lb. Pork, Turkey or ChickenBACON WRAPPED FILLETS......BACON WRAPPED FILLETS....... 5/$20Johnsonville 19oz.SAUSAGES..............................5/$20Cache Valley 16oz. Select VarietiesCHEESE LOAVES...................... 5/$20

MAY 14 - 20

KD’sCorner

Men’s Age, as Determined by a Trip to Markle’s Hardware: Youare in themiddleof somekindofprojectaround thehouse,mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room orwhatever.Youarehotandsweaty,coveredindust,lawnclippings,dirtorpaint.Youhaveyouroldworkclotheson.Youknowtheoutfit—shortswiththeholeinthecrotch,oldT-shirtwithastainfromwho-knows-whatandanoldpairof tennisshoes.Right in themiddleof thisgreathomeimprovementprojectyourealizeyouneedtoruntoMarkle’sHardwaretogetsomethingtohelpcompletethejob.Dependingonyourageyoumightdothefollowing:

In your 20’s: Stopwhatyouaredoing.Shave,takeashower,blowdryyourhair,brushyourteeth,flossandputoncleanclothes.Checkyourselfinthemirrorandflex.Addadabofyourfavoritecolognebecauseyouneverknow,youjustmightmeetsomehotchickwhilestandinginthecheckoutlane.Andyouwenttoschoolwiththeprettygirlrunningtheregister...

In your 30’s: Stopwhatyouaredoing,putoncleanshortsandshirt.Changeshoes.Youmarriedthehotchicksononeedformuchelse.Washyourhandsandcombyourhair.Checkyourselfinthemirror.Stillgotit.Addashotofyourfavoritecolognetocoverthesmell.Thecutegirlrunningtheregisteristhekidsistertosomeoneyouwenttoschoolwith.

In your 40’s:Stopwhatyouaredoing.Putonasweatshirtthatislongenoughtocoverthehole in thecrotchofyourshorts.Putondifferentshoesandahat.Washyourhands.YourbottleofBruteCologneisalmostemptysoyoudon’twanttowasteanyofitonatriptoMarkle’s.Checkyourselfinthemirroranddomoresuckinginthanflexing.Thehotyoungthingrunningtheregisterisyourdaughter’sageandyoufeelweirdthinkingsheisspicy.

In your 50’s:Stopwhatyouaredoing.Putonahat,wipethedirtoffyourhandsontoyourshirt.Changeshoesbecauseyoudon’twanttogetdogdoo-dooinyournewsportscar.Checkyourself inthemirrorandyouswearnottowearthatshirtanymorebecauseitmakesyoulookfat.TheCutierunningtheregistersmileswhensheseesyoucomingandyouthinkyoustillhaveit.ThenyourememberthehatyouhaveonisfromBubba’sBait&BeerBaranditsays,“I Got Worms”.

In your 60’s:Stopwhatyouaredoing.Noneedforahatanymore.Hosethedogdoo-doooffyourshoes.Youhopeyouhaveunderwearonsonothinghangsouttheholeinyourpants.Thegirlrunningtheregistermaybecute,butyoudon’thaveyourglassesonsoyouarenotsure.

In your 70’s:Stopwhatyouaredoing.WaittogotoMarkle’suntilWesternDrughasyourprescriptionsready,too.Don’tevennoticethedogdoo-dooonyourshoes. The young thing at the register stares at you and you realizesomething’shangingouttheholeinyourcrotch.

In your 80’s:Stopwhatyouaredoing.Startagain.Thenstopagain.NowyourememberyouneedtogotoMarkle’s.GotoGordon’sFoodsinsteadandwanderaroundtryingtothinkwhatitisyouarelookingfor.Fartoutloudandyouthinksomeonecalledoutyourname.

Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do “PRACTICE”?