Marriage in AmericaMarriage in AmericaReal Problems and Practical Real Problems and Practical

SolutionsSolutionsSalah SoltanSalah Soltan

June 2, 2005June 2, 2005Presentation for Class 094Presentation for Class 094Prof. Melva SchottensteinProf. Melva Schottenstein

CSCCCSCC

Introduction: Importance of marriage between Introduction: Importance of marriage between men and womenmen and women

God created everything in pairsGod created everything in pairs– Adam and EveAdam and Eve

– All of creation: All of creation: Humans: God created human beings as males and femalesHumans: God created human beings as males and females

Animals: God created animals in the same way as matesAnimals: God created animals in the same way as mates

Plants: God even created plants in males and females Plants: God even created plants in males and females

Electricity: positive and negative (e.g. Car battery)Electricity: positive and negative (e.g. Car battery)

Magnetism: Opposites attractMagnetism: Opposites attract

– Pairs complement one anotherPairs complement one another

Introduction: Importance of marriage between Introduction: Importance of marriage between men and womenmen and women

“And of every thing We have created pairs: That ye may receive instruction.”

(Quran 51:49)

I. Goals of MarriageI. Goals of Marriage

I. Goals of MarriageI. Goals of Marriage

Tranquility, comfort, and affection.Tranquility, comfort, and affection.

– This is the foundation upon which the goals This is the foundation upon which the goals are built.are built.

IntimacyIntimacy

Giving birth and raising good childrenGiving birth and raising good children

Social cohesion – Marriage to strengthen Social cohesion – Marriage to strengthen bonds between extended familiesbonds between extended families

II. Marriage Problems in II. Marriage Problems in AmericaAmerica

II. Marriage Problems in AmericaII. Marriage Problems in America

1.1. Lack of marriageLack of marriage

2.2. Divorce and abuseDivorce and abuse

3.3. Intimacy problemsIntimacy problems

4.4. Problems with childrenProblems with children

5.5. Extended family problemsExtended family problems

1. Lack of Marriage1. Lack of Marriage

Men Women1970 13% 19%2002 42% 33%% increase 336% 169%

Unmarried 20-44 years old

Dramatic increase from 1970 to 2002

1. Lack of Marriage1. Lack of Marriage

More and more More and more people are deciding people are deciding not to get married.not to get married.

In 2003, there were In 2003, there were 7.5 marriages per 7.5 marriages per 1000 people1000 people

Age 1970 1999 2000 2002

Male:        

 20 to 24 yrs 35.8% 83.2% 83.7% 85.4%

 25 to 29 yrs 10.5 52.1 51.7 53.7

 30 to 34 yrs 6.2 30.7 30.0 34.0

 35 to 39 yrs 5.4 21.1 20.3 21.1

 40 to 44 yrs 4.9 15.8 15.7 16.7

Female:        

 20 to 24 yrs 54.7% 72.3% 72.8% 74.0%

 25 to 29 yrs 19.1 38.9 38.9 40.4

 30 to 34 yrs 9.4 22.1 21.9 23.0

 35 to 39 yrs 7.2 15.2 14.3 14.7

 40 to 44 yrs 6.3 10.9 11.8 11.5

Put reference here

2. Divorce and Abuse2. Divorce and Abuse

50% of marriages in America end in 50% of marriages in America end in divorcedivorce

33% of adult women have been abused33% of adult women have been abused

Every day, an average of 3 women are Every day, an average of 3 women are killed by husbands or boyfriendskilled by husbands or boyfriends

3. Intimacy Problems3. Intimacy Problems

For modesty reasons, I am not going to For modesty reasons, I am not going to

talk about this issue but it is one that talk about this issue but it is one that

many people have problems with. It many people have problems with. It

has a big effect on happiness in has a big effect on happiness in

marriage.marriage.

4. Problems for Children4. Problems for Children

One in three children is born to unmarried One in three children is born to unmarried parentsparents

50% of children will live in single-parent 50% of children will live in single-parent familiesfamilies

5. Extended Family Problems5. Extended Family Problems

New England Journal of Medicine indicated New England Journal of Medicine indicated

that 52% of all women and 33% of all men that 52% of all women and 33% of all men

who are now 65 will spend their last years in who are now 65 will spend their last years in

a nursing home. a nursing home.

III. Specific ProblemsIII. Specific Problems

III. Specific Problems – Muslim CommunityIII. Specific Problems – Muslim Community

Distribution of Problems

0%

5%

10%

15%

20%

25%

30%

35%

tranquility physical children socialcohesion

III. Specific ProblemsIII. Specific ProblemsCommon Problems for Married Men and Women

3.503.60

3.703.80

3.904.004.10

4.204.30

4.404.50

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IV. Practical SolutionsIV. Practical Solutions

IV. Practical SolutionsIV. Practical Solutions

1.1. General SolutionsGeneral Solutions

2.2. Specific SolutionsSpecific Solutions

1. General Solutions1. General Solutions

Take guidance from the divine revelationTake guidance from the divine revelation

– God created and has the right to commandGod created and has the right to command

Commitment to follow Islam

2.5

3

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1. General Solutions1. General Solutions

Revive the understanding of the Revive the understanding of the

complimentary roles of husbands and wivescomplimentary roles of husbands and wives

What do they look for?

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1. General Solutions1. General Solutions

Flexibility with jobs. Especially of the wifeFlexibility with jobs. Especially of the wife

– Society should put family ahead of workSociety should put family ahead of work

– Employers should give more time off for women who have Employers should give more time off for women who have

babiesbabies

– Adoption of social programs for supporting pregnant Adoption of social programs for supporting pregnant

women and new mothers as done in Germany and Francewomen and new mothers as done in Germany and France

– Giving women their rights as mothers not only as Giving women their rights as mothers not only as

employeesemployees

Three KeysThree Keys

Love in the heartLove in the heart Reaching a common understandingReaching a common understanding Harmony in intimacyHarmony in intimacy

Heart

Body Mind

ConclusionConclusion

There is a crisis today in American family life There is a crisis today in American family life and we need to work hard to fix both general and we need to work hard to fix both general society and individual families to achieve the society and individual families to achieve the goals of marriage: Love, understanding, goals of marriage: Love, understanding, good kids, and a strong society good kids, and a strong society

ReferencesReferences

The Holy Quran (The Holy Quran (www.quran.netwww.quran.net) ) US Census Bureau (US Census Bureau (www.census.govwww.census.gov)) Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected

FindingsFindings American Bar Association (American Bar Association (www.abanet.orgwww.abanet.org)) Women’s Educational Media (Women’s Educational Media (

www.womedia.orgwww.womedia.org)) Errold F. Moody Jr (Errold F. Moody Jr (www.efmoody.comwww.efmoody.com) )