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Transcript of Marriage & Communication
Communication In Marriage
“Speaking the Truth In Love”
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
• Definition: “Communication is the process
of sharing yourself, both verbally and
nonverbally, in such a way that the other
person can both accept and understand
what you are sharing.”
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
• Communication involves listening. When
we are truly listening to another person we
are not thinking about what we are going
to say when they stop talking.
• We are not busy formulating our response,
instead, we are concentrating on what is
being said.
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
• Listening is also complete acceptance
without judgment of what is said or how it
is said.
• Often we fail to hear the message
because we don’t like the message or the
tone of voice.
• We react and miss the meaning of what
was being shared.
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
• By acceptance, we do not mean agreeing with everything that is being said.
• Acceptance means understanding that what the other person is saying is something he/she feels.
• Real listening means that we should be able to repeat both what the other person has said and what we thought he/she was feeling when they were speaking.
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
Road blocks to Communication
Men and Women communicate differently.
The Anger & Resentment issues not resolved; but instead avoided in marriage.
Personal Agenda in marriages. (Domination issues, or Unrealistic expectations)
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
Different family backgrounds in
our families of origin.
Flawed Dependency
relationships.
Poor Listening skills.
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
Six Messages of Communication
1. What you meant to say.
2. What you actually said.
3. What your spouse actually hears.
4. What your spouse thinks he/she hears.
5. What your spouse says about what you said.
6. What you think your spouse said about what you said.
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
“It is important to become
proficient in communicating
in marriage.”
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
The Five Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
# 1-Words of Affirmation
• Verbal Compliments- Proverbs 18:21 Our
tongues have the power of life and death.
• Encouraging Words – Inspire courage…Affirm..
We need to encourage and inspire our mate.
• Speak Kind Words- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.
• Speak Humble Words (Honey, You are right!)
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
# 2- Quality Time
1. Quality Conversation
a. Maintain Eye Contact b. Don’t Interrupt c. Give Your Full Attention d. Observe Body Language e. Listen For Feelings
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
2. Quality Activity
a. At Least One of You Wants to Do it
(Don’t force it upon the other).
b. The other is willing to do it (Not out of
guilt or obligation).
c. Both of you know Why you’re doing it.
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
#3- Receiving Gifts
• Give Gifts To each other continually
• Love letters or Love notes
• Your Presence-just being together
(Remember You are each others gift)
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
#4- Acts of Service
• Remember-Attitude is Everything.
• Learn To Overcome Marital Stereotypes
(A Man’s role vs. A Woman’s role)
• Requests–Give Direction to love, but
Demands–Stops the flow of love
(Remember: You can attract more with
honey, than vinegar)
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
# 5 Physical Touch
(Two types of touches)
1. Implicit Touch
2 Explicit Touches
a. Casual Touch
b. Sexual Touch
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
Keys To Speaking the Love Language
• Focus on what I can do for you, not
what I can get from you.
This is not about manipulation or using
their love language as a weapon; it’s
about making your marriage partner feel
loved and cherished.
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
• Don’t try to place blame, but focus on
changing your expression of love.
If your expressions of love are not
working ~ Stop doing it! Find something
that works!
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
• Requests give direction to love;
Demands stop the flow of love.
Demands are demeaning. Requests show
that our Mate is valuable and has the
ability to meet your deepest needs
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
• A spouse’s criticisms are the clearest
clue to their love language.
Be sensitive to what they are
saying. Their criticisms are coming from
an unmet need which is probably their
primary love language.
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
Frankness in Communication(Speaking the truth in Love-Ephesians 4:15)
• It is important that you both feel you have “permission to speak freely.”
• Don’t let the sun go down on your anger
(Eph 4:26).
• Beware of conflict avoidance.
• Practice the Golden Rule.
• No issue should be off limits-you need to be able to communicate openly and candidly about anything.
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
• You should feel free to discuss ALL issues related to your past and present.
• Health issues
• Chemical dependency
• Sexual intimacy
• Sexual history
• HIV/AIDS Testing
• Children (current and future) Housekeeping habits and preferences
• Any past criminal activity
• Past financial/credit problems
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
Things to consider about frankness in
communication
• It must be received as well as it is offered
• It will greatly reduce the risk of divorce
• Consider the best context in which you
can have a truly frank discussion
• Proceed in this area with CAUTION-but
proceed in love!
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center
Communication In Marriage
Scripture Review
• James 1:19
• James 3:8-10
• Proverbs 18:18
• Proverbs 18:21
• Proverbs 25:11
• Proverbs 12:18
• Proverbs 14: 29
• Proverbs 21:23
• Proverbs 29:20
Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson
Empowerment Christian Center