Finally admitting to myself that I'm a manipulator. I get a rush from that feeling of control over people and situations. Always using the right words and checking people's faces, tone, expressions, actions, etc. to make sure that they percieve me and behave the way I want them to. I've built up a great facade over the years: my family thinks the sun shines out of my ass (despite insidiously bleeing them for money and resources), my collegues think I'm generous and knowledgable (despite undermining all of them to get ahead), and my 'love life' sucks, but people truly believe I'm some sort of player. In fact, for the past three years I've never had a romantic relationship that lasted more than a month, despite wanting something substantial. Once thought I was really into a woman and had her for almost two years, but she discovered what I really am and left me. Right now, the only person in my daily life that I'm truthful to 90% of the time is my best friend. I discuss my plots with him, he either encourages me or tells me to back off/where the trouble spots are, etc. Funny, because he's actually a pretty generous, thoughtful, and decent guy. You wouldn't expect that from him.

All that said, my latest conundrum is with a woman I met at a company event. She gave me her number and from then we became very close. After gathering clues, I went in for the attack and discovered she's also a manipulator. She's nowhere near as callous as I am, but she is engaged and cheating on her fiance. We talked last night after she went on a date with her other man and she told me everything; the whole plot and how she's not ready to give up the scheme, keeping her fiance around for the house, car, and money and is leading the other guy on for his time, money, and energy as well. It's driving me nuts now because she's gorgeous, I like her, and want her even if only for one night, but I have a feeling it's not gonna happen.We've been flirting since she met, and she admitted that she's very attracted to me as well but doesn't want our relationship to change. Told her I didn't do the 'friends only' deal with women I find attractive, just sex, but she repeated numerous times that she doesn't want me to go because I'm the only person who has seen and knows her for all she is and has called her out on her lies. (the fucking "friendzone" plus a taste of my own medicine.) My best friend think's I'm playing with fire here and I'm starting to agree, but damn, I hate not winning.

And that's the problem. I'm obsessed with winning at these things. I want to stop. I'm tired of thinking of her, I'm tired of trying to control the situations, I'm tired of thinking so much about everything. Any current/former manipulators out there? How can I stop this obsessive behavior? Or how do you deal with yours? Thanks.