Managing emotional intelligence

®

Managing Emotional IntelligenceManaging Emotional Intelligence

© 2011 Learning Tree International. All rights reserved. Not to be reproduced without prior written consent. 359X-1-2 ®

Session ObjectivesSession Objectives

• Introduce you to Learning Tree International

• Introduce you to Emotional Intelligence— Identify five emotional intelligences— Leverage emotional intelligence to augment your personal leadership style— Apply emotional intelligence in a management role


About Learning Tree InternationalAbout Learning Tree International

• Learning Tree International was founded in 1974 — More than 2.1 million technology professionals and managers from more

than 65,000 organizations trained to date

• In-depth course curriculum—more than 225 titles and growing— Includes more than 90 management titles

• Courses are developed and taught by technology and business professionals actively working in the field


About Learning Tree International(continued)About Learning Tree International(continued)

• Public and on-site courses are available at Learning Tree and client locations worldwide

Ch00US/C.3/101/C.2

Atlanta

Ottawa Paris

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Course DeliveryCourse Delivery

• All courses are presented using MagnaLearn®, our proprietary, patented* instructional enhancement technology

• We also provide courses via our Learning Tree AnyWare™ platform— Our (patent pending) training delivery solution that connects online

participants to a live, instructor-led classroom

• With AnyWare, you can do everything the in-class participants do— Participate in classroom discussions— Perform hands-on exercises on the same equipment as in-class participants— Participate in breakout sessions— Get individual help and advice from the instructor—immediately as needed

—just as in the classroom

*Covered by one or more of the following patents: United States 7,058,891, 7,131,068, 7,134,079, and 7,454,708; South Africa 2005/09799; India 222822; and Australia 2002310120 and 2005266901. Other patents pending in EU, Israel, India, and Australia.


About Your InstructorAbout Your Instructor

• Background and education

• Current position

• Experience


Emotional Intelligence in ActionEmotional Intelligence in Action

Emotional Intelligence at Work

Developing Emotional Intelligence


Your Role in Building Great PerformanceYour Role in Building Great Performance

• In management, it’s imperative to— Be clear about what’s expected of you as a manager— Build purpose for your team— Be clear about the specific things that managers do

• How you do these things will have a direct impact on— Whether or not you can evoke great performance in the people you are

managing

• Emotional Intelligence is the essential skillset that helps ordinary managers do extraordinary things


Causing Great Performance: Leadership and Emotional IntelligenceCausing Great Performance: Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

• Effective leaders leverage their EI skills to do some basic things right— Delegating— Negotiating— Facilitating — Team building— Managing performance— Coaching & mentoring— Redirecting poor behaviour


The Connection Between EI and Bottom-Line ResultsThe Connection Between EI and Bottom-Line Results

• EI-skilled managers are more in touch with feelings, emotions, and thought processes — Their own

– In control of their emotional responses– Able to adapt how they react in interpersonal situations

— Other people’s– Empathetic to others– Better able to read and interpret body language– Cognizant of personality types


Additional BenefitsAdditional Benefits

• Better able to bring out the best in individuals and deal with people problems— This leads to:

– Higher productivity – Better communication– Shared success across the entire organization– Lower staff turnover– Higher morale – Greater cost savings– Higher profits– Less need for controls


Emotional IntelligenceEmotional Intelligence

• The term emotional intelligence was popularized by Daniel Goleman* to describe the cluster of skills that effective leaders use to manage themselves and the people they work with— He found that managers with good EI skills produced better bottom-line

results

• These skills are the foundation on which your management success will be built

• Goleman has identified five components of emotional intelligence— Three concerned with self-management, two with working with others

*Goleman’s books are Emotional Intelligence (Bantam, 1995) and Working with Emotional Intelligence (Bantam, 1998). For information on applying EI, and papers on the background of EI development, see www.eiconsortium.org.


The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence:The Three Self-Management SkillsThe Five Components of Emotional Intelligence:The Three Self-Management Skills

1. Self-awareness: The ability to recognize and understand one’s moods, emotions, and drives, and their effect on others— Characterized by self-confidence, realistic self-assessment, clarity about

personal goals, candidness about personal feelings

2. Self-regulation: The ability to control or redirect disruptive moods and impulses and to suspend judgment; to think before acting— All managers work in situations involving strong emotions (their own and

others’)– Dealing with mistakes– Handling tensions and conflicts with and between others– The temptation to make a hasty response

— The ability to mentally step back andrespond thoughtfully under pressureis likely to build a climate of confidenceand respect in the team

Are you aware of

your emotions?


The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence:The Three Self-Management Skills (continued)The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence:The Three Self-Management Skills (continued)

3. Self Motivation: A desire and drive to achieve, seek out challenges, and learn from both success and failure— Characterized by commitment and persistence


The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence: Two Skills for Working With OthersThe Five Components of Emotional Intelligence: Two Skills for Working With Others

4. Empathy: The ability to understand the emotional situations of others and treat them according to their reactions to a situation— A crucial skill for managers, since so much of a manager’s work is about

working with others in situations of tension and pressure— Empathy skills enable managers to relate to the feelings and situations of

others– In mentoring and coaching– In working and building managerial relationships with talented people – In listening to the emotions expressed in difficult situations and

responding in a way that acknowledges and deals with those emotions in a productive way


The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence: Two Skills for Working With Others (continued)The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence: Two Skills for Working With Others (continued)

5. Social skill: The skill of applying the four preceding skills to build and maintain relationships with a wide range of people

— Skilled in persuasion, using different approaches according to the situation— Good at building networks— Comfortable with and interested in a wide range of people, whether or not

they are directly involved with the manager’s work


Emotional Intelligence in ActionEmotional Intelligence in Action

Emotional Intelligence at Work

Developing Emotional Intelligence


The Value of Personal Emotional HonestyThe Value of Personal Emotional Honesty

• To be emotionally honest, we must first be emotionally aware

• Expressing your true feelings also takes— Self-confidence— Courage

• Being honest with ourselves helps us— Be more self-accepting— Decide how to spend our time, and whom to spend it with

• Being honest with others— Encourages honesty in them— Reduces the tendency of others to pressure us— Helps us find out who respects our feelings


Self-Awareness and Personal HonestySelf-Awareness and Personal Honesty

• Patterns of disclosure and honesty— Unintended repression— Complete disclosure— Intentional manipulation— Emotional fraud

• Self-awareness and self-disclosure— When being emotionally honest is in our interests— When it is not healthy or safe to be emotionally honest— Therefore achieving discretionary disclosure

• Dishonesty— Takes more effort!— Creates tension, distrust, and stress


Recognizing and Affirming Your EmotionsRecognizing and Affirming Your Emotions

• In our daily life, we don’t pay much attention to what’s happening now— Looking without seeing— Eating without tasting— Hearing without listening— Talking without focusing on what we are really saying

• We spend much of our time focusing on — What has happened— Or what will or might happen

• For emotional competency, it’s important to remember that there are many things going on for you right now

“Emotions are only temporary… they always pass on like clouds in the sky.”

—The 14th Dalai Lama

“Emotions are only temporary… they always pass on like clouds in the sky.”

—The 14th Dalai Lama


MindfulnessMindfulness

• This is an active process— It means paying attention to what is real for you right here and now— Without thinking that it’s good or bad, important or not, right or wrong

• The simple goal is to become more aware of both internal and external environments

• You can choose to become “mindful” with any experience

• Choosing to become mindful of your emotional experiences

“The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.”

— Jon Kabat-Zinn, Professor of Medicine Emeritus, University of Massachusetts Medical School

“The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.”

— Jon Kabat-Zinn, Professor of Medicine Emeritus, University of Massachusetts Medical School

Kabat-Zinn, Jon. “Mindfulness-based Interventions in Context: Past, Present, and Future.” Clinical Psychology, Vol. 10 (May, 2003), pp. 144–156.


Mindfulness and EmotionsMindfulness and Emotions

• It is important to disengage from the “story” of the emotion— What or who caused it, whether we like it, whether it’s justified— All this focuses on the past or the future— We spend too little time paying attention to what is happening now!

Paying attention to the “story” of the emotion tends to fuel the emotion, and we become consumed by it. We need to learn to pay attention to the emotion and the experience, not the story.

Paying attention to the “story” of the emotion tends to fuel the emotion, and we become consumed by it. We need to learn to pay attention to the emotion and the experience, not the story.


Mindfulness and Emotions(continued)Mindfulness and Emotions(continued)

• Four steps to mindfulness— Recognize— Name— Accept— Explore

• Our goal is to experience the emotion— Not to repress or deny it— Nor to express or act it out


Dealing with Conflict: Fight or FlightDealing with Conflict: Fight or Flight

• Many people have difficulty with workplace conflict

• The typical response is “fight or flight”

• We learn to respond to conflict long before we realize it is present

• Examples of how this causes “flight” behavior include— Avoiding difficult situations and meetings— Not speaking up when we disagree with what is being said

• Examples of how this causes “fight” behavior include— Reacting defensively to an innocent request for more information— Deliberately providing the wrong information


Discretionary Disclosure and Boundary ManagementDiscretionary Disclosure and Boundary Management

• Knowing your emotions vs. revealing your emotions

• There are times when it is not healthy or safe to be emotionally honest

• It is important to make conscious choices about when to disclose how you feel and be emotionally honest— Consider both what is in your interest and what is in the interest of others— Weigh the advantages of disclosure against any disadvantage


AuthenticityAuthenticity

• As the ancient Greeks said, “Be true to oneself”— Owning your own thoughts, emotions, needs, preferences, beliefs, and

values— Behaving according to them

• Inauthentic leadership is not being true to yourself— This involves leadership by

– Manipulation– Coercion– Deception

“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the day the night, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

—William Shakespeare, Hamlet

“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the day the night, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

—William Shakespeare, Hamlet


Authenticity and CongruenceAuthenticity and Congruence

• Authentic leader behaviors— Understand yourself, not just the organization— Practice your own values; don’t borrow from others — Lead with your heart, not just your head

• From an EI viewpoint, being open and authentic requires us to— Be aware of our emotions and feelings— Decide whether and how to disclose them— Let people know how we feel

• Congruence is judged by the match between— What we say— Our nonverbal behavior— The decisions and actions we take


Benefits of AuthenticityBenefits of Authenticity

• Credibility— Being real and genuine creates buy-in— People feel meaningfully connected to the leader— They will offer support under difficult circumstances

• It encourages others to be emotionally honest

• And promotes an emotionally intelligent organization


Basics of Self-ManagementBasics of Self-Management

• Having the ability to determine how we feel, think, and act

• In contrast to being a slave to our impulses — Routine patterns we have learned— Impulsive or automatic reactions

• Remember: management, not control— Control implies willpower— Management involves becoming aware of what is affecting us and then

deciding how to respond

• Becoming more strategic in how we respond— Allowing long-term benefits to overcome short-term gratification— Gaining mastery over how we respond— All the while remaining true to our values in the longer term


Self-Management and the Emotional Response TriadSelf-Management and the Emotional Response Triad

• Why care?— To be truly effective, we have

to manage how we respond

• Apply the emotional triad:— We experience an event— We interpret the situation— Then we react

• You can unlearn what you have learned— Behavioral self-control training— Cognitive self-regulation— Self-management techniques

Event

Feeling

Physiology

Expression

Action tendency

EmotionalResponse

ResponseReaction


The Emotional TriadThe Emotional Triad

Event

Feeling

Physiology

Expression

Action tendency

Emotionalresponse

Response (choosing

how to respond)

Reaction (based on past

experience)


The Marshmallow ExperimentThe Marshmallow Experiment

• A well-known experiment conducted at Stanford University in the 1960s

• A group of four-year-olds was given a marshmallow and told they could have another only if they could wait 20 minutes before eating the first one

• Some waited; others did not

• Following their progress into adolescence— Those who could wait were better adjusted and more dependable— They scored on average 210 points higher on the Scholastic Aptitude Test

(SAT)

Deferred gratification is an example of an emotional competenceDeferred gratification is an example of an emotional competence

Source: Shoda, Yuichi, Walter Mischel, and Philip K. Peake. “Predicting Adolescent Cognitive and Self-Regulatory Competencies From Preschool Delay of Gratification: Identifying Diagnostic Conditions.” Developmental Psychology, Vol. 26 (November, 1990), pp. 978–986.


Five Steps for Self-Management PreparationFive Steps for Self-Management Preparation

1. Recognize the emotion you are experiencing

2. Acknowledge any impulsive reactions you want to make

3. Anticipate the possible negative consequences of the action

4. Trade any immediate pleasure for long-term strategic advantage

5. Decide whether and how to respond


Additional Self-Management TechniquesAdditional Self-Management Techniques

1. Reframing

2. Self-monitoring

3. Affirmations

4. Working with your emotions

5. Apply IDEDA

6. Taking care of yourself


1. The Reframing Process: ABCDEF1. The Reframing Process: ABCDEF

• Activating event— “Sue doesn’t like me”

• Belief (irrational)— “Sue must like me”

• Consequence— “I am angry and feel foolish”

• Dispute— “Why must she like me? What evidence is there?”

• Effective belief— “I’d prefer Sue to like me, but I’ll survive if she doesn’t”— “I think it’s wrong of Sue not to like me”— “That’s just the way of the world, and nothing dreadful is going to happen”

• Feeling (new)— “I’m disappointed that Sue doesn’t like me”


2. Self-Monitoring: ABC2. Self-Monitoring: ABC

• Good for impulsive reactions— For example, used extensively in smoking cessation and weight control

• Keep a diary of your emotional-change episodes

• Use the following columns:— Activity: What happened that led to my change in emotions?— Beliefs: What beliefs led to the change in my emotions?— Consequences: How big was the emotional change on a scale of 1–10?

Date and time Activity Beliefs Consequences


2. Self-Monitoring: ABC(continued)2. Self-Monitoring: ABC(continued)

• Use the diary data to challenge your beliefs and interpretations

• Pessimism and perfectionism— Challenge your beliefs— Look for evidence of alternative ways to make sense of the situation

• Worrying— Challenge your beliefs about what is threatening— Look for less threatening interpretations of the situation— Experience the worry and let is subside— Prepare well— Practice relaxation

• Anger— Identify what is triggering the anger— Stand back— Focus on other aspects of the situation— If necessary—assert yourself


3. Affirmations3. Affirmations

• Turning negative self-talk into something more useful— Counters a lifetime of putting ourselves down, so no quick wins!

• Take the output from your reframing process— Create reframed statements about you in relation to the situation— Use a positive phrasing, make it personal, and start with “I”

– Say, “I am confident making this suggestion to the meeting”– Don’t say, “I am not as scared as I used to be when making this

suggestion” — Keep it in present tense—use “I am”— Avoid “should,” “must,” “could,” “can”

• Make sure it is possible and believable to you

• Write it down

• Repeat it to yourself every day while imagining the outcome


4. Working With Your Emotions4. Working With Your Emotions

• Find ways to work through the emotion— Experience the emotion rather than shying away or avoiding it

• Focus on the emotion, not the story— Notice the feeling—use the mindfulness technique— Silently describe the feeling to yourself

• Allow it to blow itself out naturally

• Only then do you consider options and actions— Talk through with a non-involved party— Allow yourself time out— Write the letter/e-mail, but do not send it!


5. IDEDA: A Rational Process Model5. IDEDA: A Rational Process Model

• Identify the emotion— Take time to experience it— Think about the wheel of emotion and emotional vocabulary

• Determine the real cause— Take time to assess and reassess the situation— Check your interpretation

• Evaluate options for action— Doing nothing may be a suitable action

• Decide— Consciously commit to an action

• Act: take action— Remember that changing the way we think is an action


6. Taking Care of Yourself6. Taking Care of Yourself

• Take care of yourself in order to care for others in your leadership role

• Centering yourself in your environment— Pause for a moment— Look around and notice five things you can see— Listen and notice five things you can hear— Notice five things you can feel in contact with your body

• Reduce your levels of stress and anxiety— Many different methods exist— Find one that suits you

• Breathing and relaxation techniques


If All Else Fails…If All Else Fails…

• Rubber band snap!— Put a rubber band around your wrist— Snap it every time you notice negative self-talk— Over time, the negative stimulus (pain) is paired with that thinking


Can Emotional Intelligence Be Learned?Can Emotional Intelligence Be Learned?

• Learning the skills of emotional intelligence is not simply a matter of reading a book— Emotion is not an intellectual mental process— Uses different parts of the brain than intellect— Proficient use of emotional intelligence is not as simple as learning a new

applied skill set like riding a bike, or using Oracle

• It is best learned through practice— Identify areas where your emotional intelligence can be enhanced

– Through your own or others’ observations of your behavior— Request feedback and coaching from others about your behavior and how it

could be more effective— Put the new behavior into practice and get more feedback— Hands-on coaching is the most effective way to learn or teach EI


Session Objectives RevisitedSession Objectives Revisited

• Introduced you to Learning Tree International

• Provided you with information on Emotional Intelligence— Identified five emotional intelligences— Leveraged emotional intelligence to become more self aware— Applied emotional intelligence to gain greater control over your emotions

• To learn more, Learning Tree offers the following courses:— Course 3411, Emotional Intelligence: Achieving Leadership Success— Course 222, Leadership Skills: Success through Teamwork— Course 290, Management Skills— Course 906, Management Skills for an IT Environment— Course 3405, Developing your Leadership Voice


Your Guarantee of SatisfactionYour Guarantee of Satisfaction

Unless you feel 100% satisfied that Learning Tree delivered even more than you expected, there is no fee for your course attendance. Our Guarantee of Quality lets you experience the value of the course—and then pay only if you feel the course was well worth the tuition.


Thank You for Your ParticipationThank You for Your Participation

• Any questions?— Visit us at www.learningtree.ca— Call us at 1-800-THE-TREE

• We wish you every success in the future

• We hope to see you in class soon!

Managing emotional intelligence

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Transcript of Managing emotional intelligence