Managing Children’s Anxieties: A New Opportunity for Parents as Coaches

The F.O.R.C.E. Society for Kids Mental Health Care

Think of what you’ve felt like when you’ve had a positive experience …

STOP

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What kind of experience do you want your child to have?

Truth versus Belief Approx. 9,000 children and youth

in BC have an anxiety disorder. Truth

Poor parenting is the cause of the disorders. Belief

Parents of children ill with a mental disorder are treated with less respect. Truth

Parents can help prevent kid’s worries from developing into anxiety disorders. Truth

Almost 1 in 10 babies in a hospital nursery will exhibit signs of stress or anxiety. Truth

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Who We Are… We are parents whose children’s lives are touched by mental disorders

When We Learned We Weren’t Alone… January 2000…and every day since  Why We Formed a Society… To ensure mental health care and services are provided to children and youth and to assist their families in finding information and support

The F.O.R.C.E. History

Anxiety is Normal….Everyone has it

Approach & avoidance

behaviours

Safety signals

Normal emotional response

essential for survival

Threat cues

Individual differences in the

experience of anxiety

Rate it on a fear thermometer of 1-5

What are your body clues when you are feeling anxious?

Form circle and exchange papers

Group ExerciseWhat is your secret /not so secret

fear?

Now, imagine… You had learned skills

to cope with your fears or worries at age 9!!!

Your children can have that chance

You can learn how to coach your kids in these skills

FF eelingsRR emember to RelaxII can do it! I can try my best!EE xplore Solutions and Coping Step Plans NN ow reward yourself! You’ve done your best!DD on’t forget to practice!SS mile! Stay calm for life!

Why “FRIENDS”…… FRIENDS is an acronym for the skills and

strategies taught in the program

Our body is our friend

Be a good friend to ourselves

Make new friends

Talk to our friends

Program Approach All feelings are normal

What we DO with our feelings is what counts the most

FRIENDS in the classroom Offered to all school districts in BC

Based on prescribed learning outcomes for grades 4 & 5 in personal planning

First time ever offered in the classroom, versus individual or groups outside of class setting

Parent component being offered for first time this year

I = I can do it! I can try my best!

Thoughts - feelings - behaviours Self talk Helpful, powerful, positive, optimistic green

thoughts Unhelpful, negative, pessimistic

red thoughts Attention training exercises

think like a winner !!

The link between thoughts and feelings

Unhelpful Red Thoughts

= Sad, worried, angry

feelings

Helpful Green Thoughts

=

Happy, confident feelings

I’ll give it my best shot!

I can do it!

Second place is a great effort!

I will get better!

I = I can do it! I can try my best!

FLEXIBILITY in THINKING

FeelingsUnhelpfulthoughts

DifficultSituation

Reactive

Behaviours

Problem Solving

Generate many solutions as a family/school group

Helpful thoughts Feelings Proactive

Behaviours

Changing Unhelpful Red Thoughts page 30

DifficultSituation:

Finding someone to play with

Behaviours• crying• seeking reassurance• withdrawing• annoying others• giving up

Problem Solving

Generate many solutions as a

family/school group

• relief

• increased confidence

• empowerment

• happy

• Feeling OK

Behaviours• smiling• approaching others• courage• assertive• taking risks• having fun

Thoughts:• no-one likes me

•I’m going to be alone•Everyone thinks I am a

geek•I’ll have no fun

Feelings:

• fear• sadness

• Helplessness• lonely

• find someone before play time begins• Older buddy / mentor• bring toy / game to share• teacher intervene• find ways to initiate play with others• Keep chart monitor success

• I can be a good friend

• Teacher cares and knows

• I played the other day

• I can be happy doing something I enjoy

Thought Exercise Provide group

with scenario

List ‘red’ thoughts that may occur

List ‘green’ thoughts that can replace ‘red thoughts’

Ways Others Can Help Encouragers

Just try your best! You can do it! You did that really well! I’m proud of you for trying hard! You’re doing great, keep practicing!

Encourage children to pay attention to positives To focus on the positive aspects of every situation.

Positive things from within, from others, or from the situation itself.

To expect good things to happen

Why Is It Important to Involve Parents? (leader manual p. 107)

Encourage more time with their children: Listening to their children’s solutions Discussion of positive consequences Reinforcement of proactive plans

Model approach and assertive plans Establish routines, quiet time, adequate sleep

time and appropriate diet Monitoring and mentoring supportive

friendships

Knowing what to do… helping families help their kids

Benefits of Parent Training Become aware of their coping style & cognitive style Development of stress management strategies Practice modelling positive brave behaviours Development of realistic expectations Enhancement of family teamwork Learn to help their children think in helpful ways Awareness of child’s difficulties / fears; “at risk”

times Catch their child being brave, and reinforce them Help their children/youth form support networks

Parent Training in BC Led by The F.O.R.C.E. Society for Kids

Mental Health (with funding from MCFD) Offered to 15 school districts across BC –

new component for 2005 2 sessions for 2 hours Ideally facilitated by school counselor Collaboration with PAC and Mental Health

Team

Contact : Donna Murphy:bellgirl@telus.net Keli Anderson: kcadja@telus.net

PAC Role To advocate for The FRIENDS program in

your school/school district

To talk about and ask for presentations on The FRIENDS program at your PAC meeting

To co-facilitate the parents’ training with your school counselor and MCFD therapist

What makes a difference Talking to other parents

Making connections and building relationships in the school and community

Having some easy, practical tools to apply

Learning to react differently

Finding one person in the school who can act as a ‘safe’ person for the child

Continuum of Care The skills learned in grades 4 or 5 with the

FRIENDS become life skills to be used forever.

Parents can also use the skill when they hit a rough patch or situation

Just because your child is doing well today, doesn’t mean they don’t need skills for managing stress and anxiety tomorrow.

Community

Our Kids, they’re counting on us To act as a community to support and

help them

To see them through a different “lense”, and think of them beyond their behaviour

To help their parents get through the really tough times

We need to be WITH and

FOR children, not

AT them.

Resources & Contact Info Some helpful websites: www.anxietybc.com www.adaa.org www.friendsinfo.com.au www.childanxiety.net

Resources & Contact Info “Taming the Worry Dragon” Series

Includes books, manuals and videotapes 604.875.3549

“Anxiety Disorders in Children and Youth” Special issue of VISIONS (BC’s mental health journal) www.cmha-bc.org/content/resources/visions/issues/

14.pdf Self-test for Teens experiencing anxiety problems

www.adaa.org/Public/selftest_ADA.htm Self-test for parents of a child experiencing anxiety

problems www.adaa.org/Public/selftest_children.htm