“WE GET BACK WHAT WE GIVE”

• Give respect & take respect

• Give love & take love

Build the following characters

»Confidence»Respect others»Fairness»Openness»Competence»Acceptance of pluses and minuses»Courage

AVOID THE FOLLOWING

Stress suspicion conflict

Irritation anger frustration

Poor- self esteem prejudice unhappiness

ASK

Attitude

Skills Knowledge

Knowledge “Fear knowledge not power”

Who am I ???

My greatest achievement.My happiest day of life Most prized possession Most fun ever had

Knowledge cont.

Dream vacation Best book ever read Most admired person My message to the world My major limitations

Skills T

Planning skills Organizing skills Communication skills Decision skill Human Relation skills Motivational skills Chairmanship skills

Skills cont.

Supervisory skills Problem skills Adjustment skills Listening skills Time management skills Creativity

THE ICEBERG

HOW MUCH DO YOU SEE OF AN ICEBERG?

THE ICEBERG

ONLY 10 OF ANY ICEBERG IS VISIBLE. THE REMAINING 90% IS BELOW SEA LEVEL.

THE ICEBERG

SEA LEVEL

10 %

90 %

VISIBLEABOVE SEA LEVEL

INVISIBLEBELOW SEA LEVEL

• The Iceberg phenomena is also applicable on human beings …

THE ICEBERG

THE ICEBERG

SEA LEVEL

KNOWLEDGE&

SKILLS

ATTITUDE

UNKNOWN TO OTHERS

KNOWN TO OTHERS

• In other words,

THE ICEBERG

THE ICEBERG

SEA LEVEL

BEHAVIOR

VALUES – STANDARDS – JUDGMENTS

ATTITUDEMOTIVES – ETHICS - BELIEFS

KNOWN TO OTHERS

UNKNOWN TO OTHERS

WHAT MAKES YOUR LIFE 100% ?

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

A T T I T U D E1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5

K N O W L E D G E11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5

H A R D W O R K8 1 12 4 23 15 18 11

S K I L L S19 11 9 12 12 19 =

=

=

=

82

96

98

100

Let each letter of the alphabetic has a value equals to it sequence of the alphabetical order:

THE CAN DO ATTITUDE

• You CAN DO everything, but not all at once.• You CAN DO everything, if it’s important

enough for you to do.• You CAN DO everything, but you may not be

the best at everything.• You CAN DO everything, but there will be

limitations.• You CAN DO everything, but you’ll need help.

ATTITUDE

Positive mental attitude /proactiveWilling to lead by examples Willing to adapt to different situations and people Caring for the growth and development of group members Open minded and receptive to new ideas

ATTITUDE cont.

Modest and unselfish Understanding People loving Group conscious Empathetic

The MostThe Most

The most selfish one letter The most selfish one letter word...........word...........

"I""I"

Avoid it.Avoid it.

The most satisfying two-letter The most satisfying two-letter word.......word.......

"WE""WE"

Use it.Use it.

The most poisonous three-letter The most poisonous three-letter word.....word.....

"EGO""EGO"

Kill it.Kill it.

The most used four-letter The most used four-letter word...........word...........

"LOVE""LOVE"

Value it.Value it.

The most pleasing five-letter The most pleasing five-letter word.......word.......

"SMILE""SMILE"

Keep it.Keep it.

The fastest spreading six-letter The fastest spreading six-letter word...word...

"RUMOUR""RUMOUR"

Ignore it.Ignore it.

The hardest working seven-The hardest working seven-letter word..letter word..

"SUCCESS""SUCCESS"

Achieve it.Achieve it.

The most enviable eight-letter word....

"JEALOUSY""JEALOUSY"

Distance it.Distance it.

The most powerful nine-The most powerful nine-letter word....letter word....

"KNOWLEDGE""KNOWLEDGE"

Acquire it.Acquire it.

The most essential ten-letter The most essential ten-letter word....word....

"CONFIDENCE""CONFIDENCE"

Trust it.Trust it.

NPNP

5 Golden Rules

Be a front seater Walk 25% faster Develop eye contact Broadcast good news Smile big

QUALITIES OF A LEADER

– 1. Accept Responsibility– 2. Show Consideration– 3. Choose your words carefully– 4. Don’t criticize & complain– 5. Be pleasant & smile – 6. Be a good listener– 7. Be Enthusiastic– 8. Give honest & Sincere Appreciation– 9. Accept Mistakes– 10. Don’t Argue– 11. Don’t Gossip– 12. Turn your promises into commitment– 13. Develop an attitude of gratitude.– 14. To have a friend, Be a friend– 15. Develop a sense of humour.

HOW TO CHANGE –THE ACTION PART

Feelings determine actions.

Beliefs create attitudes.

Attitudes create feeling.

Programming creates beliefs.

Actions create results.

The Five Levels of Self- Talk

Level 1 Self-talk-The Level of Negative Acceptance (“I can’t…”)

♣ Level 2 Self-talk-The Level of Recognition’& need to Change

(“I need to….I should….”)♣

Level 3 Self-talk-The Level of Decision to Change (“I never….I no longer…”)

♣ Level 4 Self-talk-The Level of Better You

(“I am….”) ♣

Level 5Self-talk-The Level of Universal Affirmation (“It is…””)

♣

Assertiveness

Assertiveness

• Bold• Confident• Positive

Aggressiveness

• Hostile• Violating• Destructive

Assertive Philosophy

• Each entitled to dignity, respect and courtesy• Required to stand up for your rights• If not, encourage same treatment• If we don’t, can’t resent others who do• If don’t express feelings, build up and can be

harmful to us and others• Not letting others know how we feel is selfish

and denies them chance to change, grow and have a relationship with us

• Have right to express self unless hurt others

Rights and Responsibilities

• To speak up To Listen• To take To give• To have problems To find solutions• To be comforted To comfort• To work To do your best• To make mistakes Correct mistakes• To laugh Make others happy• To have friends To be a friend

Rights and Responsibilities

• To criticize To praise• To have efforts rewarded To reward others• To independence To be dependable• To cry To dry tears• To be loved To Love

Types-Assertive, Aggressive, Non Assertive, P/A

• Assertive - standing up for self without denying rights, hurting, manipulating others

• Aggressive - expressing ourselves at expense of others, hurting, humiliating, putting down others

• Non Assertive - not speaking up for self• Passive Aggressive - non-confrontive,

sneaky behavior to control indirectly

Assertive Vs Aggressive

• Does not hurt others

• Aims to balance power not winning

• Involves expressing your legitimate rights, wants, needs, feeling

• May involve negotiation and compromise

• Creates honest,open relationships

• Can be learned and practiced

Aggressive Behavior

• Seeks to dominate or control

• Interested in winning win-lose

• Generates negative, hostile feelings

• Causes resentment

• Non-verbal very important not only what you say but how you say it and actions

Passive-Aggressive Behavior

• Complaining• Ignoring• Sniping• Sarcasm• Forgetting• Procrastinating• Lateness• Sabotage

Assertiveness

• A Weapon or a Tool?

“I” messages

• Tend to be less threatening

• More effective in keeping communication open than “you” messages

• If someone is being unfair, Don’t take it personally-assume the best

• Get over it!

“I” Message Making an Assertive Statement

• 1) “I understand/know/can see…..”

• (show empathy)

• 2) “But I feel/need…..

• (express conflict on your end)

• 3) “So I would like/prefer/suggest….”

• (suggest specific plan of action)

Assertive Body Language

• Maintain direct eye contact

• Maintain erect posture

• Speak clearly and audibly

• Do Not Whine!!!!

• Use facial expressions and gestures to add emphasis to words

How to say “NO”

• State refusal at beginning of reply

• Be brief• Suggest alternative help• Communicate

understanding• Be calm, polite• Be Matter of fact• Repeat, Repeat

Do Not…...

• Give list of excuses• Stammer, hem and

haw, hesitate• Lose eye contact or

other nonverbal signs of discomfort

• Raise your voice or allow self to become angry

From Passive to Assertive

• No excuses

Advice

• Start

• Start small

• Start with Strangers

• Nothing succeeds like success

• Be persistent- stick to your guns, wear them down

• Use I messages

Assertiveness tips

• Nice to be tall• Dress like you mean business• Eye contact is crucial• Avoid nervous body language-keep hands

quiet and relaxed.• Not what you say but how you say it• Choose words carefully, speak clearly, be

concise• REMEMBER BOLD,

CONFIDENT,POSITIVE

Non Verbal Messages

• Be aware of which non verbal messages you are sending

• Appearance

• Dress

• “Clothing does have communication all its own” Notice in a hospital cafeteria, mall, campus - at the wordless messages

Choose Not to Assert Yourself When…….

• Individual is overly sensitive

• The person has already fixed problem

• The person is having an off day

• You are in the wrong!!!!!

PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!!

Role Play

Ask for what you want

Avoid negative phrasing “I don’t suppose you would let me leave

early today?”

Assertiveness/Manipulation

• People can only manipulate you if you let them!!!!!

• Watch out for– helplessness– obligation It is your duty– flattery– criticism can cause you to doubt– insecurity making use of your worse fears– guilt

ASK

Attitude

Skills Knowledge

Knowledge “Fear knowledge not power”

Who am I ???

My greatest achievement.My happiest day of life Most prized possession Most fun ever had

Knowledge cont.

Dream vacation Best book ever read Most admired person My message to the world My major limitations

Skills T

Planning skills Organizing skills Communication skills Decision skill Human Relation skills Motivational skills Chairmanship skills

Skills cont.

Supervisory skills Problem skills Adjustment skills Listening skills Time management skills Creativity

THE ICEBERG

HOW MUCH DO YOU SEE OF AN ICEBERG?

THE ICEBERG

ONLY 10 OF ANY ICEBERG IS VISIBLE. THE REMAINING 90% IS BELOW SEA LEVEL.

THE ICEBERG

SEA LEVEL

10 %

90 %

VISIBLEABOVE SEA LEVEL

INVISIBLEBELOW SEA LEVEL

• The Iceberg phenomena is also applicable on human beings …

THE ICEBERG

THE ICEBERG

SEA LEVEL

KNOWLEDGE&

SKILLS

ATTITUDE

UNKNOWN TO OTHERS

KNOWN TO OTHERS

• In other words,

THE ICEBERG

THE ICEBERG

SEA LEVEL

BEHAVIOR

VALUES – STANDARDS – JUDGMENTS

ATTITUDEMOTIVES – ETHICS - BELIEFS

KNOWN TO OTHERS

UNKNOWN TO OTHERS

WHAT MAKES YOUR LIFE 100% ?

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

A T T I T U D E1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5

K N O W L E D G E11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5

H A R D W O R K8 1 12 4 23 15 18 11

S K I L L S19 11 9 12 12 19 =

=

=

=

82

96

98

100

Let each letter of the alphabetic has a value equals to it sequence of the alphabetical order:

THE CAN DO ATTITUDE

• You CAN DO everything, but not all at once.• You CAN DO everything, if it’s important

enough for you to do.• You CAN DO everything, but you may not be

the best at everything.• You CAN DO everything, but there will be

limitations.• You CAN DO everything, but you’ll need help.

ATTITUDE

Positive mental attitude /proactiveWilling to lead by examples Willing to adapt to different situations and people Caring for the growth and development of group members Open minded and receptive to new ideas

ATTITUDE cont.

Modest and unselfish Understanding People loving Group conscious Empathetic

Assertive Exercise

• Describe an example of situation in which you wish you had asserted yourself.

• Do not sign your name

• Put note on top of card if you do not want example mentioned in class

Saying No…..

• Your Aunt Pearl calls to say that she is coming to visit and staying at your house for 2 weeks during final exam period.

Perception Checking Checklist

• One behavior

• Two interpretations

• Requests feedback

• Non-verbal and verbal behavior

• Realistic

• Non threatening, non defensive

•TEN RULES FOR INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

New

Speak to people

Smile at people

Be Cordial

Be helpful

Be cautious with criticism and lavish with praise

Do not broadcast your personal problems

Enjoy your work

Make people important

Do not talk about your health unless it is good

Add to this a sense of humour

Ten Ten Commandments Commandments

To Feel Good To Feel Good Every DayEvery Day

BE A KID AGAINBE A KID AGAIN

EXPAND YOUR HORIZONSEXPAND YOUR HORIZONS

LIST FIVE OF YOUR LIST FIVE OF YOUR STRENGTHSSTRENGTHS

HELP SOME ONE WITHOUT HELP SOME ONE WITHOUT TELLING THEMTELLING THEM

CHANGE SOMETHING ABOUT CHANGE SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELFYOURSELF

ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING SMALL ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING SMALL THAT YOU HAVE BEEN AVOIDINGTHAT YOU HAVE BEEN AVOIDING

TALK WITH A GOOD FRIENDTALK WITH A GOOD FRIEND

GET SOME REGULAR EXERCISESGET SOME REGULAR EXERCISES

GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR SPIRITUAL SIDESPIRITUAL SIDE

““RELAXRELAX

VEVVEV