Love, Attraction, Attachment, And Intimate Lectur Notes

7/30/2019 Love, Attraction, Attachment, And Intimate Lectur Notes

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Love, Attraction, Attachment, andIntimate Relationships

What gets us

together and thenkeeps us that way


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Love

What exactly is it ?

An attitude ?

A phenomenon ?

Hard to define can it be measured ?


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The Love Scale Rubin tried by having hundreds of

couples respond to a questionnaire.

The Love Scalehad three components:

Attachmentthe desire for anotherspresence and emotional support

Caringconcern for the others wellbeing

Intimacydesire for close, confidentialcommunication


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Neurobiological Explanation of

Love & Infatuation LIMBIC SYSTEM EMPOWERED CORTEX

Neurotransmitters influence behavior

Epinephrine/norepinephrine

Oxytocin

PEA Serotonin

endorphine


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Types of Love Passionate

A state of extreme absorption with anddesire for another

Intense feelings sexual desire, thenuncertain from anxiety to ecstasy

wide-spread physiological arousal

Ignorance is bliss


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Passions Rapid Course Typically hits fast

Logic is pushed aside Can lead to premature

commitments

Or, the big fade


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Companionate Love Based on friendly affection and deep

attachment due to extensive familiarity

Less intense

Knowing and forgiving

Willing to work

Endures after passion evaporates


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Sex is rich, mature, communicative, willingto take risks

While occasionally passionate lovecanreemerge as companionate love,sometimes the reverse happens and oldfriends or co-workers can see theiraffections ignite sexually


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Sternbergs Triangular Theory

Loves Three Faces

Passion

Fuels romantic feelings and desire forsexual interaction and unification

Similar to an addiction, intensity causesa powerful craving


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More Sternberg

Intimacy

The emotionalcomponentA sense of bonding

Warmth, sharing, emotional

closeness Willing to help and share private

essence


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The Triangles Third Side

Commitment

The cognitiveaspectA conscious decision to love

another

The choice to maintain arelationship despite challenges


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Thats How It Works !

Putting it all together

Sternberg explains the transitionfrom

passionate to companionate love

Passionatelove develops rapidly and

intensely, then declines. Intimacyandcommitmentgrow. If they dont, thedrop in passion likely signals therelationships end.


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Taking It Apart

The interplay of these threecomponents and their varying power

over time results in differences in howwe experience love.

Isolating and combining the three facesgives us informative labelsfor differingtypes of love.


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Labels

Infatuation just passion

Empty (love)commitmentonly

Companionateintimacy & commitment

Romanticpassion & intimacy

Consummatelove that has it all


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Support for the Triangle ?

Research shows that:

1) the presence ofintimacyand

commitmentpredict stability andduration,

2) married have more commitment

3) intimacycontinually rises in longterm relationships

4) passiondrops more sharply forwomen


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Falling in Love

Why do we fall in love?

Is it to escape loneliness?

To answer our deepest need?

The ultimate extension of our socialnetwork?


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Proximity

Geographic nearness

The Mere Exposure Effect

repeated contact with novel stimulitends to increase liking for the stimuli

People also tend to meet in locations

engaging in activities that reflectcommon interests the NHSLS confirmsthis


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More Proximity

Work and school offer much timeshared together and many shared

common interests

Frequent chances to appraise and

predict


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Similarity

Lovers often share beliefs, values,attitudes, interests and intellect

Usually they have similar levels ofphysical attractiveness

Homophily tendency to have

relationships with those of equaleducation, social status, age, religion,etc.


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Reciprocity

We tend to like people who like us

Couples who show equal levels ofaffection last longer


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Physical Attractiveness

Attractive people ate both sought asfriends and lovers and perceived as

possessing many desired qualities We like to look at them

We think they have more to offer

We like being seen with them Maybe they are more confident

We think they are healthier


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Heloise and Abelard

Plenty ofproximity

Similar interests

Same social class

Abundant reciprocity

Both physically attractive


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Why are Looks so Important ?

Is this preference innate?

Men, world-wide, are especially

influenced by physical attractiveness inparticular youthand healthiness.

Desire to maximize reproductive

capabilities? But as time goes on the importance of

beauty fades.


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Attachment

An intense emotional tie between twoindividuals, usually, but not always, mother

and child

Three major styles

1) Secure Mom as base for exploration,only moderately distressed when she leaves,reassured at return, then more exploration


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Insecure Attachment

2)Anxious-Ambivalent markedby extreme separation anxiety

3)Avoidant cannot decide if theywant to be close to Mom or not

Both stylesresult from childstemperamentand Moms parenting


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Adult Effects of Attachment

Styles

Children with secure attachmentshow much greater socialcompetence

Easier to get close to people

No fear of abandonment


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Anxious-ambivalentchildren show

great uncertainty responding toothers

Marked by a poor self-image

Insecure in relationships Fear rejection


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Avoidantchildren often have negative

views of others and avoid intimacy Reluctant to trust

Overall, 50 to 60% of American adults aresecure, 25% avoidant, and 20% anxious-ambivalent

These patterns seem to follow intoadulthood and recur with romanticpartners


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Viewing Pairs

In a study involving 354 couples:

1) In over half, both had been

securely attached

2) There were no anxious-ambivalentor avoidantcouples!

Securely attached also communicatebetter

Love, Attraction, Attachment, And Intimate Lectur Notes

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