louiseaznavour.com · - Louise Aznavour - Come and reach for the stars now with me, Capture your...

Copyright 2011 Louise Aznavour PhD,All rights reserved.

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GOODBYE STRESS - HELLO SUCCESS

PREFACE

On the Title Page how many Survival Tools did you see?

Most adults sampled randomly saw only “4” even after much help. In contrast, teenagers picked all “5” without batting an eye!

Besides eyesight, perhaps, in the adult world of forced structure, frustrating experiences and accumulated failures, we lose abilities that children have. When children fall they naturally bounce back.

So then, on the Title Page did you see all the “5” Survival Tools? If yes, then you have kept your youthful attitude and you are observant.

Humor, Optimism, Perspective, and Energy as Survival Tools are also accompanied by Hope, the essential binding ingredient.

After all, in life we need “Hope” to carry us through. Please, go back to the cover page and locate it.

This book will help you to say “No” to tension while reaching out for success.

Consider the following: “Winners Let Their Thinking Affect Limitations of the Environment. Losers Do Just The Opposite. They Let Limitations of the Environment Affect Their Thinking.”

1. We feel most energetic and empowered around some people yet totally exhausted with others.

2. Attitudes that we allow around or inside us may either energize or deplete us.

3. In a world where negative and pessimistic attitudes are rampant, it is essential to keep our resilience flowing.

4. Happy or miserable live in your mind. And, it is all in your mind!

5. Learning to deal with pessimism -in others and in you- develops your self-confidence and strength of character.

6. Winning Attitudes are learned. You, too, can be a winner!

As a team together let us bring out Your Personal Best.

Enjoy!

16

TIP:

posters and sharing them with family, friends and colleagues. You will create winners. You will have less number of complainers around you, too. *** Easy does it! Give time for positive changes to take place. After all, we did not arrive to this world along with a neatly written Instruction Manual. In our toolbox upon arrival we do not possess step-by-step instructions on how to use our minds without damaging our human machinery! You agree? ***Fair Play: Giving appropriate credits and without making any changes to the document, feel free to copy from this site to share with others. Thank you, LA

© Copyright 2005: Louise Aznavour, PhD Re-written in 2011

DR. LOUISE AZNAVOUR !"#$%&'()(*+'%!,-*".'./(,0

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5

Long ago I promised myself to keep enthusiasm and be a student of life. Our complex world, at times, makes the challenge difficult. Yet I get energized by creating momentum for others. The Boomerang Effect benefits me, too.

So, let us motivate each other To stay fascinated as students of life. May the Boomerang Effect be with you!

- Louise Aznavour -

Long ago I promised myself to keep enthusiasmand

Be a student of life.

Our complex world, at times,Makes the challenge difficult.

Yet I get energizedBy creating momentum for others.

The “Boomerang Effect” benefits me, too.

So, let us motivate each otherTo stay fascinated as students of life.

May the “Boomerang Effect” be with you!

- Louise Aznavour -

NOW, YOU ARE AN APPRENTICE SAGE.ARE YOU A FAST LEARNER?

An Invitation

5

An Invitation

Come and reach for the stars now with me, Capture your magic as it is out there free. The best of all possible worlds Is ready to mirror into our eyes The glitter of all the stars. This world is here for you and me. Come along making this promise to eternity To gently lick our collective wounds To softly heal our deep scars Within the glitter of all the stars. - Louise Aznavour -

Come and reach for the stars now with me,Capture your magic as it is out there free.

The best of all possible worldsIs ready to mirror into our eyesThe glitter of all the stars.



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An Invitation !

Come and reach for the stars now with me,

Capture your magic as it is out there free.

The best of all possible worlds

Is ready to mirror into our eyes

This world is here for you and me.

Come along making this promise to eternity

To gently lick our collective wounds

To softly heal our deep scars

- Louise Aznavour -

This world is here for you and me.Come along making this promise to eternity

To gently lick our collective woundsTo softly heal our deep scarsWithin the glitter of all the stars.

- Louise Aznavour -



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2

An Invitation !

Come and reach for the stars now with me,

Capture your magic as it is out there free.

The best of all possible worlds

Is ready to mirror into our eyes

This world is here for you and me.

Come along making this promise to eternity

To gently lick our collective wounds

To softly heal our deep scars

- Louise Aznavour -

HIGHLIGHTS

GOODBYE STRESS - HELLO SUCCESSPREFACELEARNING FROM THE WILD CAT

OUR BELIEFS FILTER THE REALITY FOR USPRACTICE EXERCISE: SELF-TALKEXERCISE: THE GRIPES BASKETSOME PEOPLE ARE MORE RESILIENTMOVING TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT

ASKING GOOD QUESTIONSYOUR SELF-TALKEXERCISE: SELF-THERAPY

THE HABIT OF BEING HAPPYCONDITIONS FOR HAPPINESSEXERCISE: GRATITUDE JOURNALEXERCISE: OBSERVING FACIAL EXPRESSIONSCOUNTER - CONDITIONING TECHNIQUE

THE POWER OF LAUGHTERBE AS LIGHT AS A BUTTERFLYHUMOR IS EVERYWHERE: SEEK AND YOU SHALL

FIND!THE HOURGLASS OF CREATIVITY

OPTIMISM: A SERVING OF HOPE, A TOUCH OF PERSPECTIVE

WHERE IS THE PONY?EINSTEIN THE OPTIMIST WITH PERSPECTIVE!RESILIENCEA SELF-ENERGIZING EXERCISE

EXERCISES TO BUILD RESILIENCECHARLIE CHAPLIN IS YOUR COACHVISUALIZATION EXERCISE: AFTER THE RAIN COMES

THE RAINBOWEXERCISE: THIS TOO SHALL PASS!“SO WHAT IF” TECHNIQUEAWARENESS - MINDFULNESS - RELAXATIONSHAKE YOUR SYSTEM

WARM-UP PERIOD BEFORE THE WORKOUTVISUALIZATION EXERCISE: STRETCHING THE

MUSCLES OF YOUR BRAINBUILDING STRENGTH OF MINDNARCISSISM - THE TALE OF NARCISSUS“BOOMERANG EFFECT”YOUR ONLY TIME: A SURVIVAL TECHNIQUE

TARGET: REDUCING STRESSDO YOU REACT OR OVERREACT?THOUGHT STOPPING TECHNIQUEPAVLOV’S DOGS & CLASSICAL CONDITIONING

ANGER MANAGEMENTTHE SHOVELANGER: THE MISUNDERSTOOD EMOTIONHOLD THE MIRROR OF REALITYDOWNSIZING ANGERANGER REDUCTION TECHNIQUES USED BY

BUSINESS MANAGERSSTIMULUS CONTROL TECHNIQUEEXERCISE: GET FOCUSED

ON STAYING UPBEATEXERCISE: HOW UPBEAT ARE YOU?SAY WHAT YOU MEAN OWN WHAT YOU SAYTHE WORLD IS OUR MIRRORSELECTIVE PERCEPTION

MY WAY OR NO WAYSTOP! CHANGE YOUR FOCUSTHE BEAUTIFUL VIEW OR THE DIRT ON THE

WINDOW

KNOW THYSELF! -Socrates-SELF-DISCOVERY EXERCISESEXERCISE: YOUR TRAVEL COMPANION

TECHNIQUES TO CONTROL WORRYINGEXERCISE: FIND YOUR COINED PHRASEUSING COGNITIVE THERAPY TECHNIQUES TO

CONTROL WORRYINGPRACTICE SESSION: HANDLING WORRIES

THE MORE PREPARED YOU ARE THE LUCKIER YOU GET

YOUR OWN CD BURNEREXERCISE: PULL YOURSELF TOGETHEREXERCISE: YOU ARE THE BOSSEXERCISE: MENTAL REHEARSALVISUALIZATION EXERCISE: SUNFLOWERSEXERCISE: YOUR WINNING MOMENT

EPILOGUEOPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

21 TECHNIQUES & EXERCISES

ADDITIONAL TECHNIQUES & EXERCISES

SELECTIONS

LEARNING FROM THE WILD CAT

WILD CAT is an acronym to memorize. Each letter stands for a wise thought which you can use in your daily problem solving when you talk to yourself. And yes we all talk to ourselves.

Here is a collection of Adaptive Self-Talk dispersed throughout this book.

They invite you to focus on solving problems without carrying an added emotional burden.

WILD CAT

W hat Is, Is... I Can Handle It

I f Pain Is Inevitable Suffering Is Optional

L ive, Love, Laugh

D on’t Get Mad, Get Focused

C ool- Calm- Collected

A lert - Aware - Able

T his too shall pass

Did you memorize what WILD CAT stands for?

W hat Is, Is... I Can Handle It

I………………………………

L ………………………………

D …………………………….

C ool- Calm- Collected

A ………………………………

T his too ………………………

Use Adaptive Self-Talk as often as you can. (fill in the gaps)

Part I

OUR BELIEFS FILTER THE REALITY FOR US

196

You are the child of the universe, No less than the trees and the stars;

You have a right to be here. And

Whether or not it is clear to you, No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should

- From Desiderata by Max Hermann -

!

WARM-UP PERIOD BEFORE THE WORKOUT

!



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!


…You are the child of the universe,No less than the trees and the stars;

You have a right to be here.And

Whether or not it is clear to you,No doubt the universe is unfolding as it

should…


Faced with problems, people go hiding; they duck, they complain.



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11

!


Ultimately Our Beliefs Become Our Reality

A patient at the hospital where I worked believed that it was impossible for her to find a job since she belonged to a certain minority group and, therefore, she was systematically being discriminated against.

So, she did not even apply for a job. I brought it up to her attention that perhaps part of her problem was the messages she was sending out to the world with her attitude and her dress code.

Perhaps, her attire and attitude did not promote invitation from certain circles.

Perhaps, her pink and blue coloured hair lacquered with gel and stiffened by hair spray looked like the spikes of a porcupine ready to attack.

Perhaps, her baggy pants with chains and tattoos all over her body frightened the prospective employer.

Her prompt reply was: “It is because I am scared of people out there that I wear these things as protective shields for me!”

My heart went for her. This was a terrified child building up fences between her and the world.

It took a long while for her to learn a more useful attitude and say:

“I see, since I am the one who wants a job, perhaps I better look into how others see me, too.”

She learned to focus on her goal and adapted herself to reach that goal.

Previously, she focused on the effect others had on her. She learned to take into consideration the effect she had on others, as well.



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21

The victim is trapped into highlighting suffering, unhappiness, and wrongdoing to keep the status quo. Then, the stage is set for perpetuated misery to play the Walking Wounded. TIP: How about making several of the same posters and sharing them. You will make winners out of people.

Somewhere in my home very visible to me, I have the following poster.

Practice Exercise: Self-Talk

Who wants to be exhausted using lots of energy by complaining?

This is a reminder for me to do something about problems without self-pity and feelings of helplessness.

In this world there is no shortage of self-pity. In fact it is almost becoming a daily diet of some people. They waste their precious energies. Proactive action is better than inaction.

The victim is trapped into highlighting suffering, unhappiness, and wrongdoing to keep the status quo. Then, the stage is set for perpetuated misery while playing the Walking Wounded. Say:

“You are never a victim”“Save your energy”“Stop complaining”

“Focus on solutions instead!”

This does not mean that there is nothing to complain about. In fact there may be an abundance of issues to complain about.

This book invites you not to waste your precious time and energy.

Get focused, analyze the problem and use your energy to solve it or go around it.

Now, this is a self-talk to repeat often whenever drowning in self-pity.

TIP:

How about making several ‘Focus on Solutions’ posters and sharing them with family, friends and colleagues. You will create winners. You will have less number of complainers around you, too.

16

TIP:


***

Easy does it! Give time for positive changes to take place. After all, we did not arrive to this world along with a neatly written Instruction Manual.

In our toolbox upon arrival we do not possess step-by-step instructions on how to use our minds without damaging our human machinery!

You agree?

16

TIP:


***Fair Play: Giving appropriate credits and without making any changes to the document, feel free to copy from this site to share with others. Thank you, LA

= CHECKPOINT =

• Do you see yourself as someone who is overwhelmed?

• Are you mainly focused on the effect others have on you?

• Do you find life too demanding?• Do you want others to see you as someone who

cannot cope? Do you have a high dose of “self-pity” hmmm?

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= CHECKPOINT =

Do you see yourself as someone who is overwhelmed? Are you mainly focused on the effect others have on you?

Do you find life too demanding? Do you want others to see you as someone who cannot cope? -

Exercise: The Gripes Basket

Get a “Gripes Basket”

When in the mood to complain put it in writing. Throw the folded paper into the “Gripes Basket.”

Empty the basket at the end of each day

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It is better to say:

Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find

Your Own Personal Examples: It is better to say:

..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

This exercise can also be done with an imaginary “Gripes Basket,” too.

16

TIP:


Meanwhile, always ask yourself: “so, you are unhappy about the situation. What are you going to do about it?”

Be solution oriented.

Some People Are More Resilient

Contemplate on the following important questions: Elaborate on your answers. Know Yourself!

• When faced with difficulties, why do some people fall apart more often than others? Do you fall apart often?

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

When faced with difficulties some people ‘bleed all over the place.’ Instead of dealing with problems related to work at work, they carry the problem with them everywhere.

They may fight with everyone at home, they stop exercising, they don’t eat well or they sleep too much or they take their frustrations out on their dog.

• Do you know someone who behaves like that?• Do you carry your problem everywhere?

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

• How is it that, often such people make sure everyone else around them gets a negative charge, too?Do you give a negative charge to others around?

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

• Now your task is to help such a person. What would you say? Use the techniques learned from this book.

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

Self-pity and whining are energy vampires!

Rather than feeling defeated and depleted, bring positive change in others and in you. When faced with challenges, focus on finding as many Solution Oriented Options as you possibly can.

You will become a creative individual on the way to staying upbeat. You will feel energized when faced with problems knowing that each challenge boosts your resilience muscles.

Be a ‘can do’ person.

PUT YOUR THOUGHTS DOWNBE WRITING FRIENDLY

I know, I know…if you are like me, you are very much tempted to skip over the writing part. Yes?

16

TIP:


You see if I summarize the benefits of writing your thoughts down at least once in a while, it will read something like this:

• Writing your thoughts down may act as an antidote to distortion.

• Writing will slow you down and this may allow you to focus.

• Your ideas get a better chance to become more orderly.

• Seeing the written word on paper may help you exaggerate less.

• Now, I will ask you to go back to the above exercise and complete it.

• Do it now, please! Thank you.

16

TIP:


Thank you again for

Putting down your thoughts…..

Veeery important!

16

TIP:


TIP:

Catch people doing the right thing.Do this often. And, if course, practice the three Cs -

Cheer up, Commend, Compliment!

Be real in your heartfelt comments. No fake compliments please. You are the real deal filled with integrity.

So, catch people doing the right thing.

By genuinely empowering others, you will be catching yourself doing the right thing, too.

16

TIP:


27

TIP:

Catch people doing the right thing. Do this often. And, if course, practice the three Cs -

Cheer up, Commend, Compliment! Be real in your heartfelt comments. No fake compliments please. You are the real deal filled with integrity. So, catch people doing the right thing.

By genuinely empowering others, you will be catching

Practice Exercise:

Moving towardsWhat you want

Instead ofAway from

What you don’t want

Read the following examples. Do the practice exercises. You will focus your attention towards what your goals are. It is energizing and empowering when you move towards what you want instead of away from what you do not want.

Moving Towards What You Want


“I want to keep active and learn continuously”

Instead of:

“I do not want my brain to become lazy and rot away.”

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............


“I like it so much when we find quality time together like this.”

Instead of:

“I don’t want you to ignore me.”

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............


“At 130 lbs. this bathing suit will look great on me”

Instead of:

“I am so fat, I need to lose weight.”

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

Now Your Turn. FindYour Own Personal Examples:


29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

Instead of:

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

Or it is better to say

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

Instead of:

29


Instead of:

It is better to say

Instead of:

Now Your Turn. Find


..............

.............. Instead of:

..............

..............

= CHECKPOINT =

Overall, what do you think others hear when you talk?

• A person who reacts reasonably, with justice, enthusiasm, empathy, fairness?

• Someone who over reacts to things, is excessive, obsessive, and has no sense of humour?

• Someone who is disinterested, negative, finding faults with everything and everyone around?

• While you are discharging your problems, are you aware that you are giving the listener a negative charge. Just like batteries!

• Are you on automatic pilot? When with others usually do you talk mostly about problems?

• Do you think a poster “Save Your Energy - Stop Complaining - Focus on Solutions” will be useful for you to have?

• If so, it is very easy for you to make your own. Make several and place them in strategic locations, i.e. inside the medicine cabinet, close to your desk, on the fridge door, etc.

Pass the good word around. Imagine the energy savings for all concerned.

It is certainly better to budget your energy while you become a Solution Oriented Person.



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21

The victim is trapped into highlighting suffering, unhappiness, and wrongdoing to keep the status quo. Then, the stage is set for perpetuated misery to play the Walking Wounded. TIP: How about making several of the same posters and sharing them. You will make winners out of people.

VICTIM WITH A TWIST

This is a good time to introduce a light touch.

Here are a few comic events where people see themselves as the victims of car accidents that are in fact, caused by them. These are accident reports sent to insurance companies.

Excerpts:

“The pedestrian didn’t know which way he should run, so my car drove over him! Me guilty?!!?!”



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42

VICTIM WITH A TWIST This is a good time to introduce a light touch. Here are a few comic events where people see themselves as the victims of car accidents that are in fact, caused by them. These are accident reports sent to insurance companies. Excerpts: « should run, so my car drove over him! Me guilty?!!?!

“I was simply driving…It was he who did not know which way to go.”



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42


“For 15 years I have been behind the steering wheel of my car. Well, I fell asleep, and I had an accident. That’s not my fault!”



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42


“To avoid hitting the car in front, I crashed the pedestrian. I did not have any other choice!”



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42


Finally, an example of the ultimate victim in life:

A young man who killed his parents, is brought in front of the judge. The man says:

“Have pity on me your honour, be kind, I am an orphan, I just lost both my parents!”

What audacity! What chutzpah! Obviously, it takes all kinds of people to make this world.



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44

Finally, an example of the ultimate victim in life: A young man who killed his parents, is brought in front of the judge. The man says: « Have pity on me your honour, be kind, I am an orphan, I just lost both my parents! » What audacity! What chutzpah! Obviously, it takes all kinds of people to make this world.

Part II

ASKING GOOD QUESTIONS

196

You are the child of the universe, No less than the trees and the stars;

You have a right to be here. And

Whether or not it is clear to you, No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should


!

WARM-UP PERIOD BEFORE THE WORKOUT

!



[email protected]

11

!


…You are the child of the universe,No less than the trees and the stars;

You have a right to be here.And

Whether or not it is clear to you,No doubt the universe is unfolding as it

should…


Faced with problems, people go hiding; they duck, they complain.



[email protected]

11

!


Life will throw curves at you to deal with. Make sure to include the following step before moving on.

Focus on the experience and ask yourself:

• “What message is this experience trying to send me about my life habits?”

• “What did I learn from this experience?”• “What to do differently, if necessary, next time?”

You may think this suggestion is so trivial that everyone does it automatically. Working with thousands of people in different settings, in projects and in therapy has taught me otherwise.

People do not stop to ask questions about their thoughts, behaviours and learned habits.

Many people just plunge head onInto each obstacle

Ending up with bumps and bruisesAnd

Next time aroundThey repeat similar

Self-Defeating RoutinesWithout

Slowing downBecoming mindful

AndAdjusting their Survival Skills



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44

Finally, an example of the ultimate victim in life: A young man who killed his parents, is brought in front of the judge. The man says: « Have pity on me your honour, be kind, I am an orphan, I just lost both my parents! » What audacity! What chutzpah! Obviously, it takes all kinds of people to make this world.

To finish off this segment, here is a light-hearted humorous take on life by comedians George Carlin, Woody Allen, and Sean Corey as they look at Living life Backwards. They have almost the same solution for the Next Life. However, each version is slightly different. You can find them in the internet.

Here is the version attributed to George Carlin. These guys are geniuses. Read on….

Living Life Backwards

I want to live my next life backwards:You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in a nursing homeFeeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work,You get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're too young to work.

You get ready for High School:Drink alcohol, party, and

You’re generally promiscuous.Then you go to primary school,

You become a kid, You play, and you have no responsibilities.

Then you become a baby, and then...You spend your last 9 monthsFloating peacefully in luxury,

In spa-like conditions -Central heating, room service on tap, and then...

You finish off as an orgasm.



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189

In therapy he adopted a new perspective. By becoming an upbeat and solution oriented person, he told himself:

The people you will see today

Are

This patient said that his whole outlook on life changed for the better when he adopted that single phrase.

Stop, slow down and think….

• How would you live your life in Reverse Order?• Along the way what would you do differently?

JUST LIKE BATTERIES

Sean Corey, George Carlin, Woody Allen make us laugh as they turn the humour on themselves. They add a light touch.

Yet there are people who are on automatic pilot. These people add doom and gloom to the room. They do not even think of adding a light touch. When you push the button, there come the problems!

Socially, often these people think they are carrying great conversations. In fact while discharging their problems, they are giving the listener a negative charge. Just like batteries! Go figure!



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59

= CHECKPOINT =

During troubled times, holding the reality mirror to yourself, do you in your hearts of hearts ask those two basic yet fundamental questions: = =

This is the end of 48 sample pages out of 322

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