Title:The LivesWe Lost Series: The FallenWorldAuthor:MeganCreweImprint:Hyperion

In-storedate:2/12/13ISBN:978-1-4231-4617-9Price:$16.99US/$18.50CANTrimsize:5½×8¼Pagecount:288Ages:12–18Grades:7–12

ATTENTION,READER:Thisisanuncorrectedgalleyproof.Itisnotafinishedbookandisnotexpectedto look likeone.Errors inspelling,page length, format,etc.,willbecorrectedwhenthebookispublishedseveralmonthsfromnow.Directquotesshouldbecheckedagainstthefinalprintedbook.We are pleased to send this book for review. Please send two copies of anyreviewormentionto:

DisneyBookGroupAttn: Children’s Publicity Department 44 South Broadway, 10th FloorWhitePlains,NY10601dpw.publicity@disney.com

THEFALLENWORLDBOOK2

THELIVESWELOSTMeganCreweHYPERIONNEWYORKTextcopyright©2013byMeganCrewe

Allrightsreserved.PublishedbyHyperion,animprintofDisneyBookGroup.Nopartofthisbookmaybe reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, includingphotocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,withoutwritten permissionfrom the publisher. For information addressHyperion, 114FifthAvenue,NewYork,NewYork 10011-5690.FirstEdition10987654321V567-9638-5-11319PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmericaISBN978-1-4231-4617-9ReinforcedbindingVisitwww.hyperionteens.com

Tochanceslostandrisksworthtaking

vi

Dec23This is how theworld ends:With the boywho used to bemy best friend

steppingofftheferry,hairshaggyandtangled,facetoothin,lookingatmelikeheisn’tsurewhoIam.Likeheisn’tsureofanything.

IwassoexcitedwhenIspottedLeocrossingthestrait,Ididn’twonderhow

he’d gotten past the patrol boats that were supposed to be enforcing thequarantine.Orwhyhewasalone.IjustgrabbedTessaanddashedfortheharbor.

Thenhewas limpingdown the rampwith themanwho’ddriven the ferry,andTessawasthrowingherarmsaroundhim,andhewasstaringatherwiththatuncertainexpression—andaninklingofwhatitallmeantroseupinsideme.ForasecondIwantedtoturnandrun.AsifIcouldoutrunthetruth.

But I stoodmy ground.A few people from town had gathered around us.“Youmade it from themainland!” someone said. “Is the government sendinghelp?Theelectricity’sout,andthephones...”

“Did they find a cure?” someone else broke in, with a sort of desperatehopefulness.Tessa stepped away fromLeo, her gaze flickering to the opposite shore. “Myparents,”shesaid.“Didyouseethem?”Helookedatmeagainthen,eventhoughIhadn’tspoken,andthistimeahintofrecognitioncameintohiseyes.Toofainttotellwhetherhewashappytoseeme,whetherhewasstillstingingfromourlastargument,whetherhecaredatall.Evenbeforehespoke,myguthadknottedandmymouthhadgonedry.“There’snohelp,”hesaid,witha rasp inhisvoice.“Thevirus, it rippedrightthrough the country—the States—maybe the whole world. Everything . . .Everything’sfallenapart.”Thedoctorsdidn’tcontroltheepidemiconthemainlandanybetterthantheydidhere.On theothersideof thestrait,everybody’s justasbadoffasweare.Nooneiscomingtofixtheelectricityorthewater,tobringthesuppliesweneed,oranyoftheotherhopesI’dmanagedtoholdonto.I startedwritinghere forLeo, topractice sayingwhat I couldn’t tohis face. Ikept going because I thought it was important to keep track of the awfulnesswe’vebeenthrough,tohavesomesortofrecordfortherestoftheworld.ButtheworldIwaswritingfor—it’slost.TheboyIstartedforlookslosttoo.Sowhatisthepointinwriting?Thisjournalisn’tgoingtohelpmefindthem.Ihavetobelievethere’ssomethingelsethatwill.one

IdecidedbeforeIcamedownstairsthatIwasn’tgoingtomentionwhatdayit was. I got choked up every time I even thought about it. Tessawas in theliving room, pruning the bean plants on the window ledge. The smell of hotoatmealwaswafting from thekitchen.Gav stoodover thepotwith awoodenspoon,histawnyhairsleep-rumpled.Ihadtoresisttheurgetogooverandrunmyfingersthroughhistawnysleep-rumpledhair.

ItwasmorethanaweekagoIsuggestedhecrashontheairmattresshereatwhatusedtobemyUncleEmmett’shouse,consideringhewasoverallthetime

anywayandIcouldn’thelpworryingwhenhewenthometohisfamily’semptyhouseatnight.Inspiteofallmyotherworries,Istillfelta littlegiddyfindingmyboyfriendhereeachmorning.

“Hey,”Isaid,andheglancedupandgrinned.“Goodmorning,Kaelyn!”Meredithcrowed,boundinginfromthediningroomwithanincredibleamountofenergyforakidwhojustrecoveredfromadeadlyvirus.Iwasstartingtowonderifshewasmakingupforallthattimelyinginahospitalbedbymovinginconstantfast-forward.Butseeingthehealthyflushinherdarkcheeksmademesmile.Shehoppeduptopeerintothepotofoatmeal.“Istherebrownsugar?”“Meredith,”Isaid,mygiddinessdampening.Gavhelduphishand.“Notbrown,”hesaid,“butIcansprinkleonalittleofthewhitestuff.”Meredith’slowerlipcurled,butshepressedhermouthflatbeforeitcouldturnintoapoutandliftedherchin.“Awesome!”shesaid.“Thankyou,Gav!”“Ipickedupanextrabagfromthestoragerooms,”GavsaidtomeasMeredithscamperedovertothetable.“Figuredifanyonedeservedatreat,itwasher.”“Thankyou,”Isaid.“Andforbreakfast,too.”“Hey,Iknowyouonlykeepmearoundformycooking,”hesaid.“Anddon’tyouforgetit,”Isaid.Slippingmyarmaroundhiswaist,Ileanedinforakiss.Inthediningroom,Meredithsnortedinamusement.As I releasedGav, he started spooning the oatmeal out into the bowls on thecounter. The floor creaked behind him, and Leo emerged from the tinydownstairsbathroomwherehe’dbeenwashingup.HelookedatusforasecondwiththeuncertainexpressionI’dfirstseenwhenhecameofftheferry.Likehewasn’tsurewhyhewasevenhere.ThenGavturned,andtheendofhisservingspoontappedLeo’sarm.Leoflinchedback,hishipsmackingthecounter’sedge.“Crap,”Gavsaid.“I’msorry.”Leoduckedhisheadandsteadiedhimselfwithahandonthecounter.“I’mfine,”hesaid.“Crazyreflexes.”Helaughedawkwardly,andmystomachtwisted.TheLeoIgrewupwithusedtojokeeffortlessly.ThisLeomadeitlooklikework.His gaze lingered on me as I picked up my bowl, and my stomach twistedtighter.Ifanyonewasgoingtonoticethesignificanceofthedate,it’dbeLeo.“Holdonasec,Kae,”hesaid,hurryingpastustothelivingroom.Clothrustled—the backpack he’d brought back fromhis parents’ place, I guessed.His oldhome, likemine, didn’t have a generator, so he’d been sleeping on the couchhere.Gavraisedaneyebrowatme,andIshrugged.HeknewtheshortstoryofmyandLeo’s friendship, an abbreviated version I’d told him and Tessa after we’dwalkedLeoback to thehouse twoweeksago. I’dsaid Ihadn’t talkedabout it

before because I’d been so worried about what was happening on the island.Whichwasmostlytrue.Ihadn’tmentionedhowLeoandIhadarguedandthenstoppedtalkingafterI’dmoved to Toronto for one of Dad’s jobs. Not even to Leo. He’d seemed somessed up when he got back, I’d been trying to avoid all painful topics ofconversation.Our argument hardly seemed significant, considering the friendsandfamilywe’dlostsince.Butthenonthefourthday,he’dsaidtome,“We’reallrightnow,aren’twe?”likehewasafraidtoask.AllI’dmanagedtogetoutwas,“I’msorry,thatwholefightwasmyfault.”“I’lltakehalftheblameandwe’llcalliteven,”he’dreplied,andhuggedmesotightIlostmybreath,andjustlikethat,itdidn’tmatter.Butevenifwewereallrightnow,Iwasprettysurehewasn’t.AsGavcarriedhisandMeredith’soatmeal to the table,Leosteppedback intothekitchenwithonehandbehindhisback.“Closeyoureyes,”hesaid,withasmilethatlookedalmostreal.“Leo,”Isaid,“Idon’t—”“Comeon,”hesaid.“Foroldtimes.”If I protested more, I had the feeling his expression was going to stiffen upagain.SoIclosedmyeyes,holdingmybowl.Therewasagratingsound,andaclink,andthesoftpatofsomethingdroppingontotheoatmeal.“Okay,”Leosaid.Ilookeddown,andmybreathcaught.He’d placed a dollop of blueberry preserves in the middle of the bowl. Irecognizedtheangularhandwritingonthelabelofthejarheheldashismom’s.“Happybirthday,”hesaid.I hadn’t even had store jam in at least a month. The juicy-sweet smell wasmakingmymouthwater.Atthesametime,myeyesprickled.Whenwewerelittle,Leo’sfamilyandmineusedtogoberrypickingtogether—mewatching for rabbitsbetween thebushes,Leopracticing leapsand tumblesontherocks.HismomwouldgivemyparentsacouplejarsofpreserveseveryAugust,andDrewandIwouldpolishthemoffbytheendofSeptember.Back before the virus had taken all of them away. Gnawing throughMom’smind,makingDrewfeelhehadtosneaktothemainlandtotrytofindhelp.AndDad, struck downby the gangof islanderswho’dwanted to burn the hospitalandalltheinfectedpatientsinside.“Icouldn’tbelieveit,”Leowassaying.“Ourpantrywasamess,butthisonejarwaslyingbehindaboxinthecorner,likeitwaswaitingforme.”“Youshouldhaveit,”Isaid,offeringthebowltohim.“It’syourmom’s.”Andshewasn’tgoingtobeabletomakemore,everagain.Thevirushadtaken

bothofLeo’sparentstoo.Heshookhishead,nudgingthebowlbacktowardme,buthissmilefaltered.“Ithinkshe’dhavewantedmetoshareit,”hesaid.He’dhardlyspokenwhenhe’dcomebackfromtheirhouse,andIhadn’tpried.He still hadn’t even offered us more than a vague summary of how he’dhitchhikedandwalkedhiswayherefromhisdanceschoolinNewYork.Mostof what I knew about the mainland I’d heard from Mark, the other islanderwho’dbeenstuckacrossthestraitandcomebackwithLeo.ButwhatcouldIdoexceptgivehimtime?AsIhesitated,Gavpokedhisheadintotheroom.“It’syourbirthday?”hesaid.“Youshouldhavetoldme.”“Ididn’twanttomakeabigdealaboutit,”Isaid,carryingmybreakfastovertothetable.“Seventeen’snotanimportantoneanyway,right?”“Ithinkseventeen’sprettygood,”Gavsaid.“ButthenImightbebiased.”“Iforgot!”Meredithsaid.“I’vegottomakeyouacard!”“Youdon’t have to,” I said, but shewas alreadygulpingdown the last of heroatmealanddashingintothelivingroom,whereconstructionpaperandcoloredpencilslitteredthecoffeetable.“Tess,breakfastisready,”Leosaid,cominginafterme.IsatdownnexttoGav,whohookedhisanklearoundmine.“I’mgoingtothinkofsomething,”hesaid.“Really,”Isaid,“youdon’t—”“I know, I know. Still going to.”He turned to Leo. “So, any other secrets ofKae’sthatIshouldknow?”Leopaused,asiftakingthequestionseriously,andthenputonagrin.“IthinkIshouldstopnow.Shemightsicthoseviciousferretsonme.”The teasingsoundedweak tomyears,butMeredithspunaround.“MowatandFosseydon’thurtpeople!”shehollered,andtherestofuslaughed,thetensioncracking.But as Tessa slipped into the room and everyone started eating,myeyesprickling.“No matter how busy we get,” Mom used to say, “we shouldn’t forget thatfamilymattersmorethananythingelse.”OnmyandDrew’sbirthdays,sheandDadhadalwaysarrangedtogointoworklateandforustoskipthefirstperiodofschoolifitwasaweekday.We’dcomedownaftersleepingintothepresentsDad had stacked on the table andMommaking whatever we’d requested forbreakfastthenightbefore,andwe’dalleattogether.Icouldn’trememberwhatbreakfastI’daskedforwhenIturnedsixteenlastyear.Ithadn’tseemedimportantatthetime.I swallowed a mouthful of oatmeal, the blueberries sliding in a sticky clump

downmythroat.Thetastewasbothachinglyfamiliarandcompletelyalientotheliveswehadnow.“Leaveitinthesink,”TessasaidasIfinished.“I’lltakecareofthedishes.”Imighthaveargued,butIneededtogetaway, just foramoment.“Thanks,”Isaid.“I’llbeupstairs.”Meredith’sbedroomfeltalotsmallernowthatshewasbackfromthehospital.I’dsetupthecot,givingherthebed,andittookupnearlyhalfthefloorspace.ThecardboardboxholdingeverythingDadhadleftatthehospitaloverthelastfew months sat in one corner. I’d collected it from his friend Nell, our onlyremainingdoctor,ononeofmytripstovisitMeredith.Isankdownonto thecotandpushedopentheflapsof thebox.WhenI’dfirstbroughtithome,I’dgonethroughitasquicklyaspossible.NowIpulledoutthewoolcoatthatwasfoldedontopandpressedmyfaceagainstthescratchycloth.It smelled likemydad, likeoak and coffee and citrusy aftershave.Likebeingbackinhisstudy, talkingwithhimaboutsomecuriosityofanimalbehaviororenvironmentalphenomena.Onlythreeweeksagohe’dwornthiscoat.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundit,willingbacktears,andahardshapedugintotheundersideofmyarm.I ran my hand over the inside lining and found the slit of an inner pocket.Reachinginside,myfingerstouchedacoolmetaledge.ThetwokeysIpulledouthungonadelicatering,withaplasticfobimprintedwith the emblem for the research centerwhereDad hadworked, a half circlesplitbyawavyline.Istaredatthem.WhenI’dcollectedhispossessions,I’dbeenhopingI’dfindthekeytotheresearchcenter,butI’dthoughtIwasoutofluck.I’dtriedeveryoneon thebig ringNellhadhandedover,andnonehadfit in thekeyhole.They’dbeenhere,separateandhidden,allalong.AndnowIhadthem.Icould finallycheckwhathe’dbeenworkingon,all the timehe’dspent therebetweenhisshiftsatthehospital.Ifhe’dbeenevenpartwaythroughdevelopingan experimental treatment, Nell could try it out. Or at least I could bringequipment from the labs over to the hospital. There had to be something wecoulduse.Gav’svoicecarriedup thestairs faintly. If I toldhimwhereIwasgoing,he’dwant to come along. They allmight. The thought of having to sharemy firstglimpseofthislastpieceofDad’slifemademetense.Ifoldedthecoatandlayitbackinthebox,thenheadeddowntothefrontdoor.It wasn’t far. I’d just pop in and look around. We could explore it morethoroughlytogetherintheafternoon.

“I’mgoingouttostretchmylegsabit,”IcalledasItuggedonmyboots.“Youwantcompany?”Gavaskedfromthelivingroomdoorway.Ishookmyhead.“Iwon’tbelong.”Outside, the airwas cool but not brittle againstmy face. Itwas amelt day, acouple degrees above freezing. The snow that’d fallen last week wasdisintegratingintoatrickleinthegutters.Otherwise, the streetswere quiet.Last year therewouldhavebeenpeople outshovelingorde-icingtheirwalks.Nowtherewasnoone.Jaggedglassglintedinthewindow frames and battered doors leaned ajar, in thewake of the gang’slooting. The twenty or so volunteers who helped at the hospital mostly slepttheretoo.Overthelasttwomonths,thefewhundredhousesGav’sgroupusedtobringfoodtohaddwindledtoacoupledozenwherepeoplewho’dmanagedtoavoidtheviruswerestillhangingon.Therestwereempty.I skirted thehospital.Beyond it, anarrowstretchofpavement ledme throughfieldsspottedwithfirtreesandcragsofreddishrockpeekingthroughthesnow.Pawprintscrossedmypathhereandthere,mostlysquirrelandcoyote.AnotherdayImighthavestoppedtoexaminethem,butthekeyspressingagainstmyhipurgedmeonward.Whowas leftwho’d carewhat I observed anyway?Therewasn’t going to bemuchcallforwildlifebiologistsforagoodlongwhile.Theresearchcenterstoodamidasemicircleofpines,abroadrectangleofbeigeconcrete. A few steps from the door, I stopped. Footprints marked the snowaroundtheentrance—dozensof them,withthethicktreadsofwinterboots.Atleastafewpeoplehadcomearoundheresincethelastsnowfall.Spidery scratchmarks scarred themetal around the door’s keyhole. The thickglassinoneofthewindowslookedchipped,asifsomeonehadtriedtosmashit.Theintercommountedonthewallbythedoorhadbeenbrokenopen,thewiressnapped.Myhandsclenchedinmycoatpockets.Sotheganghadfinallygotteninterestedinthisplace.Asiftheyhadn’talreadytakenenough.The stream of footprints rambled off toward the trees on a diagonal from thelane.Notiretracks,whichmeantthetrespassershadprobablybeenkillingtimeratherthanonanofficialmission.Therewasnosignofanyoneelseherenow.Shivering,Ipulledoutthekeys.Thelargeronefitinthelockandturnedeasily.Ipushedopenthedoor.Thebackupgeneratorwasstillrunning—thelightsblinkedoninthehallwhenItapped the switch. I guessed thatwasn’t surprising.Being thenewest buildingaroundhere,itprobablyhadthebestmachineryintheisland.Past a row of emptymail cubbies, I found a kitchen that held only a box of

orangepekoetea,andwhatappearedtobeameetingroom,withaflatscreenTVfillingmostoftheoppositewall.Athincrackrandownthemiddleofthescreen.Withavagueuneasinesswashingoverme,Icontinuedontothestairwell.Upstairs,thesecondroomIpeeredintohadtobeDad’soffice.Aframedphotoofyoungerme andDrewon thebeach stoodonone sideof his desk, and theleatherglovesMomhadgivenhimourlastChristmastogetherlaybesideit.The computer asked for a password I couldn’t supply. I pawed through thedrawers,findingonlyreportsonmarinebacteriaandplanktonpopulations,andthensaggedbackinhischair.How many hours had Dad sat here, puzzling over the virus? MissingMom?WorryingaboutmeandDrew?Iblinkedhardandpushedmyselfontomyfeet. If I took too long,Gavwouldstarttoworry.The door three down led to a laboratory.When I flicked the light switch, theflorescent panels flooded the room with flat colorless light. Microscopes andpetridishesdottedtheshinyblacktabletopbeneathawallofcabinets.Ahugestainlesssteelfridgestoodinthecorner,withanelectronicdisplayreportingtheinternaltemperature.ThiswasclearlywhereDadhadspenttherestofhistime.A styrofoam cup sat next to one of the microscopes, half full of cooled tea.Notebookswerescatteredonthetablebesideit,oneofthemopentoapageofDad’sloopyprinting.IpickedupthenotebookDadhadleftopen,andmygazesnaggedononesmallword.Vaccine.Ileanedoverthetable,skimmingthepage.IfIcontinuethreemoredayswithoutany side effects from the vaccine, I’ ll discuss the next step with Nell, he’dwritten.Andatthetopofthepage,ProjectWebVac,Day18.

Heartthudding,Idroppedintooneofthechairsandflippedbackthroughthebook.After severalminutes reading, Iwalkedover to the refrigerator andopened it.Onthesecondshelf,fivesealedvialsofapaleambersolutionstoodinaplastictray.IclosedthedoorbeforeIletintoomuchwarmth,andleanedagainstit.Myhandstrembled.Theretheywere.ThesamplesofDad’snewvaccine.He’dkeptworkingoncreatingone, evenafterhis teamhadsent theiroriginalattempt over to the mainland, even when he was the only person left at thecenter.He’drecordedthewholeprocessinthenotebook.Tryingnewmethodsofinactivatingthevirus,incorporatingproteinsfromitsearliermutation,he’dcomeupwith a formulahewas almost surewouldbeboth successful and safe.But

firsthe’dhadtotryitout.AndbeingDad,hehadn’tfeltrightlettinganyoneelsetakethatrisk.So without telling anyone, without telling me, he’d injected a sample intohimself, eighteen days before he’d died. And he never got sick. Even thoughhe’dbeenwithinfectedpeopleinthehospitaleveryday.Wehadavaccine.Wehadavaccinethatmightwork.two

The hospital was a lot less crowded than it used to be, but in the emptyreceptionroomIcouldheareverystageofthevirus’sprogression.Thecoughsandsneezesandraspingoffingerschasingendlessitches,intheroomsjustoffthe hall. The bright babble of voices in the farther rooms, saying things thepatientswouldhavecringedtohearwhentheywerewell:awomanravingaboutherinfatuationwithaneighbor’shusband,aboygloatingoverhowhe’dbrokenhisbrother’sfavoritetoys.Andfromthesecondfloor,thescreamsandshoutsofthosethevirushadgrippedthelongest.Wehadnosedativeslefttochaseawaytheviolenthallucinationsjustbeforetheend.

Acoupleweeksago,Nellhadtoldmethey’drunoutoffacemaskstoo.“We’renotreallysupposedtoreusethem,”she’dsaid,“butwe’llstillhavethepatientswear them—it does help protect us, and it can’t hurt someonewho’salreadyinfected.”Therestofushadbeencoveringuphoweverwecouldwhenoutofthehouse.BecauseI’dbeensickandsowasnowimmune,Iwent tothedoorsfirstwhendeliveringfoodaroundtownwithGavorscavengingforsupplieswithTessa,incaseweranintosomeoneinfected.Gavgrumbledabout it,butIwasn’t takingchances.Catching theviruswasallbut adeath sentence. I’d survivedbecauseI’dcaughtanearliermutationthathadgivenmepartialresistance.Meredithhadonlymadeitbecauseofanexperimentaltreatmentinvolvingmyblood.Ididn’tseeNellonthegroundfloor,soIheadedupstairs.Athinwailroseabovetheothers,piercingthroughthewalls.Isuckedinabreathandclimbedon.IfI’dhad enough blood to give, I would have tried to cure every patient here, butdyingintheattemptwouldn’thelpanyone.JustsavingMeredithhadweakenedmeenough toputmeback in thehospital foraday. IfDad’snewvaccinedidwhat he’d hoped, maybe it wouldn’t matter. Because no one else would begettingsick.When I came out of the stairwell, Nell was standing halfway down the hall,talkingtooneofthevolunteers.Theybothhadstripsoffabrictiedacrosstheirlowerfaces.Nell’swasstarkwhiteaboveherstain-mottledlabcoat.AsIstartedtowardher,shesawmeandmotionedtothefloortosayshe’dmeetmebelow.

ThecriesrattledinmyearsasIhurriedbackdownstairs.Nell followed me a couple minutes later. She popped out her earplugs andtuggeddownhermouthcovering.“Everythingallright?”sheaskedwearily.Her face lookedwornandherhairwas fallingoutof itsbun. Iwonderedhowoftenshewenthome,slept,ate,evennowthatthehospitalhadonlyafractionofthepatientsit’dheldacouplemonthsago.Sheandtwonurseswereallthatwasleftoftheformerstaff.“Yeah,”Isaid.“Ihadtotellyou—”Thelightsoverheadflickered.Ilookedupatthem,startled.Nellsmiledthinly.“We’rehavingafewissueswiththegenerator,”shesaid.“Nooneexpectedittohave to run this long.Howard thinks he’ll have it back to normal in a coupledays.Whatdidyouwanttotellme?”Ipulledmygazeaway from theceiling, suppressing thenervous flutter inmychest. “I found the keys to the research center today,” I said. “Iwent to lookaround,and—Dadmadeanewvaccine,Nell.”Sheblinkedatme.“Avaccine,”shesaid.Sohehadn’ttoldher.“For the virus,” I said, as if that wouldn’t be obvious. “He was testing it onhimself, andwhen hewas sure itwas safe hewas going tomake enough foreveryoneleftontheisland.”Nomoredeaths.NomorefeareverytimeGavorTessaorLeosteppedoutsidethehouse.Ifeltlikedancing,butNellseemedfirmlyplantedontheground.Sheshookherheadandgaveashockedlittlelaugh.“Iknewhewastryingtofindaformula,buthenever...Heneversaidhewasthatclose.”Sherubbedherforehead.“Howmuchisthere?”“It looks like only five doses,” I said. “Hewasn’t finished taking the data onhimself,soIguesshedidn’twanttowastetimemakingmoreuntilhewassure.Buthehaditinhimforeighteendaysandhewasfine.Thatmeansthevaccineprobablyworks,right?”“There’s a good chance it’s safe, then,”Nell said. “But hewas taking all thesameprecautionsasbefore—wearingamaskandglovesandaprotectivegownwiththepatients.Toknowwhetheritactuallyprotectsyou...”To know that, someone would have to take the vaccine and then allowthemselvestobeexposedtothevirus.WasthatwhatDadhadmeantbytakingthenextstep?“But itmightwork,” Isaid,andpaused,agnawingquestionwrigglingpastallmy other thoughts. “Why was he trying to make another vaccine, Nell? WeknownowfromLeoandMarkthatthefirstone,theonehemadewiththeWorldHealthpeople and sent over to themainland,wasn’t effective.ButDaddidn’t

knowthat.”“He did know,” Nell said softly. “His contact at the Public Health Agencyreportedbackafewdaysbeforewelostsatellitecontact.”Forasecond,Icouldn’tspeak.He’dknown?Dadhadknowntheviruswasstillspreading on themainland, and he’d letme hope theworld outside the islandmightstillbeokay,forweeksandweeks.Butthatwasn’timportantnow.“Well,nowwehaveit,”Isaid.“Heleftalotofnotes—could you use them to make more of the vaccine? Or, now that thesoldierswhowereguardingthestraithaveleft...”OrIdie.“...wecouldbringthesamplestothemainlandandfindsomeonetherewhocan.There’sgottobesomeone.”Nomatterhowbadthesituationhadgotten,noteveryonewouldhavegivenup.Wehadn’there.“Yes,”Nellsaid.“You’reright.IwishIcoulddoit,Kaelyn,butIdon’thavethetraining. I’d be more likely to make a mistake than replicate the vaccineproperly.We’ll have toorganize agroup to take it to themainlandand locatewhoever’s stillworking on the virus.” She paused. “Iwonderwhen they’d beabletogo.”“Theyshouldgonow,”Isaid.“Thesoonerwecandistributeavaccine...”“Kaelyn,”shesaid,“wehavetothinkpractically.I’vetalkedtoMark.Theroadson themainland aren’t plowed, thegas stations are closed, theremight not beanywheretotakeshelterfromthecold.Thereareatleasttwomonthsofwinterleft. Sending someone now, it could be a suicide mission. And if somethinghappenedtotheteam,we’dlosethevaccinetoo.”“We could lose it here if we don’t do something soon,” I said. “What if thegeneratorintheresearchcenterdies?”“Wecanmovethesamplestothehospital,”Nellsaid.“Where thegenerator’salreadyhavingproblems,” Ipointedout,and the lightsflickeredagainasiftoprovemypoint.Nell’smouthflattened,butIkeptgoing.“Andsomepeoplefromthegangwerealreadytryingtobreakin—wherecanwekeepthevaccinethat’llbesafe?Whatifsomethinghappenstousinthenexttwomonths?”Nell touchedmyarm.“We’regoing tobe fineuntil spring,”shesaid.“I thinkwe’ve provenwe canwithstand an awful lot. It’s fantastic that you found thevaccine,Kaelyn,andwe’llkeepitsafe,butIdon’tthinkwehaveanychoicebuttowait.”Shesaidthewords,butIdidn’thearevenahintofjoybeneaththeexhaustioninher voice. Nell had beenworking in the hospital so long, and seen somuch,maybe shecouldn’tbelieve inavaccineappearingoutofnowhere to save theday.Maybeitfelttoomuchlikeafairytale.

Maybe itwas.Andmaybe shewas right about the risks.Buthowmanymorepeoplewould get sick between now and the spring? Ifwe even survived thatlong.“We’llbe fine,”Nell saidagain,pattingmyshoulder.Butasshe turnedaway,thesensecreptovermethatshewassayingittoconvinceherselfaswellasme.

ThesunwasglaringoffthesnowbythetimeIgotbacktothehouse,butthetemperaturehaddropped,thebreezegrazingmyfacewithicyfingers.Ihesitatedwithmyhandonthedoorknob.AsI’dwalkedfromthehospital,theknowledgeofwhatIneededtodohadcreptuponme.Nowitsatlikeastoneinmygut.

Ihadno ideahowto tell them.Tessamightsupportme,but Ididn’tknowwhattoexpectfromLeo.AndGav...Isetmyjawandpushedinside.TessaandMeredithweresittingby thecoffee table,Meredithmutteringat theknitting needles shewas stringingwith yarn, andTessa frowning at the fadedinstructions that had come with the old kit we’d found. Her gaze flickeredtowardmewithahalfsmileofgreeting,andthenshesaidtoMeredith,“Ithinkmaybeyouwindittheotherway....”In the kitchen,Gavwas sprawled on the floor half under the sink,while Leocrouchednext tohimwith the toolbox.“Can’tgetagoodgrip,”Gavsaidas Islidoffmyboots.Leocockedhisheadandthenofferedawrench.“Trythisone.”Therewasaraspymetalsound,andGavletoutabreath.“Perfect!Youdonethisbefore?”ThecornerofLeo’smouthquirked.“Mydadwasalwaystryingtogetmeinto‘guythings’—tools,boats,guns—hisideaofcounteractingthedancing,Ithink.Afewthingsstuck.”“Worksoutforus,”Gavsaid.Heknockedthepipeandsquirmedout.“Mydadwasaplumber,sothisisabouttheonlythinghedidaroundthehouse.GuessIshouldhavepaidmoreattention.”Seeingthemchattingtogethersoeasilywarmedmealittle.ForasecondIforgotthe difficult conversation I was about to start. ThenMeredith sighed and setdownherneedles.“Kaelyn!”shesaid,snatchingupafoldedpieceofconstructionpaperfromthecouch.She dashed over,waving it. “Imade everyone sign it,” she said. “AndI’mgoingtomakeyoumittensorahatwiththeknittingstuff.Foreveryoneelsetoo,butyoufirst.AssoonasIfigureouthow.”She’ddecoratedthebirthdaycardwithshinystarstickersandadrawingofme,withjaggedhairandout-turnedfeet,surroundedbyacircleoflinesliketheraysofa sun.For thebestcousinever! she’dwritten inside.Theweight inmygut

swelledwithguilt.Ididn’twanttogetheroverexcitedabouttheideaofavaccine,orworriedaboutwhatIwasplanningtodo,notwhileIwastryingtoexplainittoeveryoneelseanddealingwiththeargumentsIknewwerecoming.Iwasn’teventotallysurewhatmyplanwasyet.ButI’dtalktoherwhenthearguingwasover,whenI’dfiguredoutthedetailsandcouldsayexactlywhatwasgoingtohappen.Soon.IwonderedifthatwaswhatDadhadbeenthinkingwhenhe’ddecidednottotellmeabout testing thevaccine.ButMeredithwasseven,andI’dbeensixteen. Itwasn’tthesame.“Thankssomuch,Mere,” I said,bendingdown tohugher.“Youwant to takethe ferrets outside for a bit? I’vegot someother things I need todo, but theycouldusetheexercise.”“Sure!”shesaid,beamingatme.Anyrequest todowith theferretswasprettymuch a guaranteed yes. She scrambled up the stairs to collect Mowat andFossey,andIwenttothediningroomwindowasshedashedwiththemintothebackyard.“Youweregoneforawhile,”Gavsaid,comingin.“I stopped at the hospital,” I said.The rest of thewords stuck inmy throat. IglancedoutatMeredithagain.Ionlyhadsolongtodothisbeforeshe’dcomeracingbackinside.“Actually,Ineedtotalktoallofyou.Let’ssitdown.”Whenhe,Tessa,andLeohadgatheredatthetable,IexplainedbrieflyhowI’dfoundthekeysandgone to theresearchcenter.WhenImentionedthevaccinesamples,theireyeswidened.Tessa spoke first. “It’s so luckyyou found them,” she said, brightening. “If itworks—”“Wecouldmakesureeveryone’sprotected,”Gavjumpedin,catchingsomeofher enthusiasm. “It’sworth a try, anyway.Youwent to the hospital to talk toNell?Isshegoingtostartmakingmore?”Leo justwatchedme, silent, a stiffness inhisposture.As if heknew Iwasn’tfinished.“Nellcan’t,” Isaid.“Shedoesn’tknowhow.Mydadwas theonlyone leftonthe islandwhowould have.” I paused. “But there’s got to be someone on themainlandwhodoes.A scientist, or a doctor.Peoplewere still trying to find acureoverthere,weren’tthey?”Leonodded.“LastIheard,”hemurmured.“Soshe’sgoingtosendpeopleover?”Tessaasked.Andherewasthehardpart.“Notnow,”Isaid.“Shethinksit’stoodangerousforanyonetogoduringthewinter.Shewantstowaitatleastacouplemonths,untilit warms up. But the generator at the hospital’s acting up. The one in the

researchcentercouldfailtoo.Ifthesamplesaren’tkeptattherighttemperature,they’llberuined.Idon’tthinkit’ssafetowait.”Gav shrugged. “I know a few of the guys on the food run have been gettingrestless,especiallyknowingthearmy’sabandonedthestrait.IbetifItalkedtothem—”“I don’t think they’ll listen,” I said. Most of the remaining volunteers wereadults,andwhiletheyrespectedGav,Iwassurenoneofthemhadforgottenwewereteenagers.“Especially ifweaskthemtokeepitsecret.Youknowoneofthemwillmention it toNell, and she’ll tell themnot to do it, and then she’llprobablyinsistonlockingupthevaccinesonoonecangettoituntilshedecidesit’ssafetogo.”“Maybeshe’sright,”Tessasaid,swipingastrandofcarrot-redhairawayfromherface.“Itisgoingtobedangerous.Acouplemonthsisn’tthatlong.”Leolaughedweakly.“Inacouplemonths,thepeoplewhomightbeabletomakemorevaccinecoulddie,” I said. “In a couplemonths,who knowswhatwill have happened to ushere?”“Sowhatareyousaying,Kae?”Gavsaid,butIthinkhe’dalreadyguessed.Idrewinabreath.“I’mgoingtotakeit.I’mnotgoingtobeabletothinkaboutanything else until I know the vaccine’swith someonewho canmakemore.”Gavlookedlikehewasabouttoargue,butIpushedon.“Mydadwasworkingonthisvaccineuptothedayhedied.Heriskedhislifetotestit.Ican’tjustletitsitinsomefridgewhilemorepeopledie.I’mgoingtobecareful,I’mgoingtomakesureI’mprepared,butIhavetodothis.Nooneelseisgoingto.”“Youcan’tprepareforeverything,”Leosaid.Mychesttightened.“Maybenot,”Isaid.“ButI’mgoingtotry.”Hemetmyeyes.Astrangeheatwashedoverme,seeingthelookinhis—startledbutawed.Thenheblinked,andtheonlythingIsawwasfear.“Kae,”hesaid.Hismouthstayedopen,butnoothersoundcameout.Hejerkedbackhischair,standingup.“Sorry,”hemanaged,andwalkedoutoftheroom.Tessa’sfacewentevenmorepalethanusual.“He’sjust...”shestarted,thentrailedoff,obviouslynotknowinghowtolabelwhatwasgoingonwithhimanybetterthanIdid.Gavclearedhisthroat,breakingthesilence.“Youshouldn’tgoalone,”hesaid.“That’djustbecrazy.”“But—”Isaid,andhetookoneofmyhands.“So I’ll gowithyou,”he said. “We’ll do it together.”Hepaused. “Imean, aslongasyou’dwantmethere.”

Thetensioninsidemereleased.“Ofcourse,”Isaid.“Butareyousure?Thefoodrun,everythingyouorganizehereontheisland—”“The restof thevolunteerscan lookafter the food runand thedrop-offs for awhile,”hesaid.“I’mnotgoingtobemuchuseifI’mspendingthewholetimeworryingaboutwhatmightbehappeningtoyou.”Iintertwinedmyfingerswithhis.“Thankyou,”Isaid,andglancedatTessa.Shenoddedbefore I even asked. “I’ll look afterMeredith until you’re back. Idon’tmindatall.She’skindoflikemycousintoo,now.”“Thankyou,”Isaidagain.Alightnessfilledmethatcouldhavebeenexcitementorterror,orboth.I was really going to do this. I was taking the vaccine off the island, intowhateverwaitedontheothersideofthestrait.three

Gav found a car the nextmorning—anSUVsomeonehaddonated for thefoodruns,solidwithwidesnowtires.Ratherthanriskemptyingthelastworkingpumpattheisland’sgasstation,wetookarubbertubeandsiphonedwhatwasleftinthetanksofthetown’smanyabandonedcars.Afterafewfailedattemptsand amouthful of gas that leftme sputteringwhen I didn’tmove fast enoughaftergettingthesuctiongoing,wemanagedtostockupanextra tengallonsinjugsthatwestashedintheback.

“I’llseeifwecanfindsomeheavysleepingbagsforthenights,”Gavsaidasweclosedthehatch.“Andwe’llwanttohavemorethanenoughfood,incasewerunintotrouble.Howfararewegoing?”

“I’mthinkingOttawa,”Isaid.“Sinceit’sthecapital—ifthegovernmentstillhasscientistsworkingonthevirusanywhere,it’dbethere,right?”

“Sure,”hesaid.“OrwecouldtryHalifaxfirst,sinceit’scloser.”Heshrugged.“WhatyousaidaboutOttawamakessense.Ifthere’snoonewhocanhelpinthecapital,thereprobablyisn’tanywhere.”He said it so casually, I stopped and looked at him. “You don’t think we’regoingtofindanyone?”

“We don’t really know, do we?” he said. “Look at how quickly thegovernmentabandonedushere.”Atmyfrown,hesteppedtowardme,restinghishandsonmyarms.“Iget thatyouneed todo this,Kae,”he said. “And Iwant togowithyou. I don’t thinkanythingelsematters.”“Iwasalwaysplanningonleavingtheislandsomeday,”headdedwhenIdidn’tspeak. “Me andWarren, wewere going to travel the country, see what we’dbeenmissing.”Aroughnesshadcomeintohisvoicementioningthebestfriend

he’dwatcheddie,butthenhetuggedthecollarofmycoatplayfully.“IfIhavetogowithaprettygirlinstead,IguessIcandeal.”Thewarmthinhisgazemademeflush.Heleanedintokissme,andIpulledhimevencloser.Inthatmoment,nothingmatteredmorethanthetinglingofmyskinandtheheatwherehisbodytouchedmine.

Before dinner, Leo knocked on Meredith’s bedroom door while I wasrefillingtheferrets’fooddish.“Hey,”hesaidfromthedoorway.“Hey,yourself,”Ireplied,tryingtokeepmyconcernoutofmyvoice.“I’msorryaboutyesterday,”hesaid.“Iwasn’tjudgingyou,orwhatyouwanttodo.Ijust—whenIeventhinkaboutwhatthingswerelikeoverthere,sometimes...”“It’sokay,”Isaid.“No,it’snot,really.”Hedraggedinabreath.“IwantedtoseeifIcanhelp.Withwhateveryou’replanning.”Ihesitated.AsifsensingthatIwasevaluatinghisstability,hestoodstraighter.Thoughhisbodyhadalwaysbeenlean,helookedtoothininhissweatshirtandjeans.Buthisjawwasfirmandhiseyesclear.“You’re the only person I can talk to who’s been off the island since theepidemic started,” I said. “If I ask Mark too many questions, he’ll probablymentionittoNell.Icouldusesomeadvicefiguringoutthebestroutetotake.”“Okay,”hesaid.“Icandothat.”SothenextdayIscroungedupamapbookandsatdownwithLeointhelivingroom.Hetracedhisfingerfromthegrayedoutareaof theUnitedStatesacrossthespreadthatshowedallofCanada.“Icamethisway,”hesaid,“throughMaineandintoNewBrunswick.Ifyou’regoingtoOttawa,Ithinkyou’llwanttoheadupintoQuebecandthendownbytheSt.LawrenceRiver.”“Howbadweretheroads?”“There wasn’t too much snow yet. But there’s definitely no one plowinganymore, and there won’t be lights. You’ll probably have to get aroundabandonedvehicles.Ithinksomepeoplejustdroveuntiltheyranoutofgas.”I bit my lip, studying the map. My grandparents on Dad’s side had lived inOttawa—we’d done the drive in a day and a half before. But that was onproperlycared-forroadswithworkinggasstationsalongtheway.“Youmusthavegonethroughafewtowns,”Isaid.“Whatweretheylike?Didyouseemanypeople?”Leoopenedhismouth,andhiseyeswentbrieflyglassy.Heloweredhishead.“It’s okay if you don’twant to talk about it,” I said quickly. “If it’s too hard

thinkingaboutit.”Heexhaled,andthenhelookedbackatmewithasmalltightsmile.“Youknow,Ihaven’tthankedyou,”hesaid.“You’vebeentryingsohardtomakesureI’mokay—Iknowthat.So,thankyou.”Hesqueezedthetopofmyhand,whereitwasrestingonthecouchbetweenus.Thenthestairscreaked,andhisarmjerkedaway.IfeltmyfacewarmasTessawalked into the room, even though we hadn’t been doing anything friendsshouldn’t,eventhoughIhadn’tthoughtofLeoasmorethanafriendinmonths.He’dreactedbecausethesoundstartledhim,thatwasall.AsTessabenttokissLeoandturnedtotheseedlingtrayshe’dstartedsettingupbeforebreakfast,Ithoughtofmyoldjournal.AllthefeelingsI’dpouredintoit—about Leo, about every horrible thing happening aroundme. I didn’t knowhow I’d have stayed sane during the last fourmonths without it.Maybe Leoneeded more than time and space. Maybe he needed to get the memorieshauntinghimoutofhishead.“Ifyoudowanttotalkaboutwhatyousawoverthere,I’ll listen,”Isaid.“It’snot that I don’t want to hear it. It’s totally up to you, whatever you’re okaywith.”Leoranahandthroughhisdarkhair,whichhadbeenshortandspikysincehe’dtakenUncleEmmett’selectricrazortoitthedayafterhe’dmadeitbacktotheisland.HisAdam’sapplebobbedinhisthroat.“It’snot theroadsthatarereallybad,Kae,”hesaid.“It’s . . . It’speople.Youcan’t trust them,even if theyact like theywant tohelp.Youshouldn’t talk toanyoneifyoucanavoidit.Justkeepdriving.”“Iknow tobe cautious,” I said. “We’vedealtwith enough,with thegangandtheircraziness,hereontheisland.”He shook his head. “Everyone here is stillmostly looking out for each other.Onceyouget to themainland, it’snotgoingtobelikethat.”Hepaused.“Yourememberhowyoualwaystoldme,whenwewerekids,thatthemostimportantrule with wild animals is keeping your distance, making sure they don’t feelyou’rethreateningtheirhomeortheirfood?Youhavetotreateveryoneyouseelikethat.Theywon’tcarethatyou’retryingtosavethemfromthevirus.They’lljustseeacarwithgasandfoodinthetrunkthatcouldkeepthemalivea littlelonger.Andtheywon’tcarewhattheyhavetodotoyoutogetit.”Tessasetdownherwateringcanwithaclunkloudenoughthatbothofourheadsturned toward her. “Do you really have to talk like that?” she said to Leo.“Kaelynalreadyknowsit’llbedangerous.”“Ithinksheneedstoknowjusthowbaditis,”Leosaidcautiously.“She’llbecareful,”Tessasaid.“Shealwaysis.Howisgoingonandonaboutit

goingtohelp?”AshadowpassedoverLeo’sface.“Maybe,”hesaidquietly,“Ibelieveintellingpeoplethetruth.Sotheycandecidehowtodealwithitforthemselves.”Tessa stiffened. Without another word, she left her plants and headed backupstairs.Iwatchedhergo,baffled.Leodroppedhisfaceintohishands.“I shouldn’thave said that,”he said,hisvoicemuffledbyhispalms. “Iknowwhyitbothersher.Shestilldoesn’tknowwhathappenedtoherparents.”“IfeellikeI’mmissingsomething,”Isaid.“We’ve argued a couple times,” he said. “About—shewaswriting e-mails tome,whileIwasatschool,youknow?Beforetheepidemicwasbigenoughnewsthat peoplewere talking about it inNewYork.And she pretended everythingwasfine.Nevermentionedpeoplegettingsick,orthequarantine,oranyofit....ThelasttimeItalkedtomymom,Ihadnoideaitmightbethelasttime.Wehadafightaboutwhethershe’dcookturkeyorjustachickenforThanksgiving.Sothat’smylastmemoryofher.”Iwaited for the rightwords to come.When theydidn’t, I leaned forward andsqueezedhishandthewayhehadmine.“Tessadidn’tknowhowbaditwasgoingtoget.Noonedid.”“Yeah,”hesaid.“Butyou’dhavetoldme.Ifeverythinghadbeennormalwithus,you’dhavetoldmerightaway.”It felt like betraying Tessa somehow to admit it, but Iwasn’t going to lie. “Iwouldhave,”Isaid.“I’msorry.”He smiled atme for a second, less forced thanbefore. “It’s thepast now,”hesaid,reachingforthemapbook.“We’vegotthefuturetoworryabout.Let’sgetyourroutefiguredoutalready.”

WhenIwentupstairsahalfhourlater,Tessawasinthemasterbedroom.“Hey,”Isaid.“How’reyoudoing?”Sheturned,brushingherovergrownbangsawayfromhereyes.“I’mfine,”shesaid.“Ishouldprobablyfinishupwiththoseseeds.”“You know,” I said, “I’ll look for your parents on themainland.Ask around.MaybeI’llbeabletofindthem.”I didn’t realize howmuch Iwanted her to smile and say shewas sure they’dmakeitbacksomeday,untilherfacefell.“Youdon’tneedto,Kaelyn,”shesaid.“Iknowthey’redead.”“Youdon’t,”Iprotested.“Theyweresmart—theyknewaboutthevirusearlyon—they’dhaveprotectedthemselves.Youcan’tassumetheydidn’tmakeit.MybrotherDrewisstillouttheresomewhere,andyeah,Iknowthechancesaren’tgreat,butIhaven’tgivenuponhim.”“That’s different,” Tessa said, so calmly I felt suddenly cold. “Your brother

couldbeanywhere.MyparentswererightthereontheothersideofthestraitthelasttimeItalkedtothem.Theywouldn’thaveleft,they’dhavebeenthereontheferryiftheywerestillalive.Whichmeansthey’renot.”“Tessa...”Istarted.“It’sallright,”shesaid.“I’veknownsinceLeogotback.Iknewitmightbetrueforweeksbeforethat.Nothing’schanged,notreally.Soit’sbetternottodwellonit.”Thatwas Tessa. Practical, unemotional.Maybe she’d talked through the griefwithLeo,gottenoutallthepainshemusthavefeltwhenneitherofherparentssteppedofftheferrythatday.Ormaybeshewasjustpushingitdownsodeepshecouldalmostforgetitwasthere.“Ifthere’sanythingyouwant—orneed—metolookintowhileI’mgone...”Isaid.“Iknow.”Shetouchedmyelbowasshewalkedpastmeintothehall,whichwasascloseasTessagottohugging.“Thankyou.”

IdroveouttotheresearchcenterintheSUV,gettingusedtohowithandled,thewipersswishingbackandforthoverthewindshieldwiththegustsofsnow.

Inside,Iwentstraighttothesecondfloorandrummagedthroughtheofficesfor books I thought might be useful. Unless we kept the samples in viablecondition,therewasnopointinleavingatall.

One of the manuals had a chapter on vaccine transportation. After I readthroughit,IsearchedthroughthelabroomuntilIfoundanindustrial-gradecold-storage box in the cupboard beside the fridge. I grabbed a smaller plastic boxtoo, toprevent thevials fromtouching thecoldpacksandfreezing.Beside thecoldbox,IstackedthethreenotebooksofDad’sthatweredatedafterthevirusappeared,andaddedaboxofpetridishes,acontainerofsyringes,andapackofmicroscopeslidesIfoundinoneofthecabinets.Whoknewwhatsuppliesthey’dstillhaveonthemainland?

Isetitallinfrontofthefridge,whereI’dbeabletograbitquicklyassoonastheweatherclearedupenoughthatwecouldsafelytaketheferryacrossthestrait.Leo thoughthe’dbeable toget itgoing,afterwatchingMarkstart itupbefore.Untilthen,thevaccinewouldbesaferherethananywhereelseintown,withthespeciallycalibratedfridgeandmoderngeneratorbehindtheunbreakablewindowsandthedoorthathadalreadystooduptothegang’sprying.

In themiddleof thecounterwhereanyonewouldnotice themIplaced thepapersontowhichI’dcopiedallofDad’snotesaboutcreatingthevaccine.I’dgivethekeystoTessawhenIleft.Ifwefailed,Ididn’twantDad’sworktobecompletelylost.

Thereweresomanythingshehadn’ttoldme.Heshouldhavebeenpreparedfortheworst,forthepossibilitythathemightnotalwaysbehere.

Heprobablywouldn’thavethoughtIcouldhandlethis.Hewouldhavesaidtowait,likeNellhad.Andhemighthavebeenright.TheroadscouldbesobadGavandIwouldgetstuck.Wecouldrunoutofgasinthemiddleofnowhere.Wecouldgetheldup,likeLeosaid,becauseallpeoplewouldseewasacoupleofteenagerswithresourcestheywanted.

Butbigger than thosedoubtswas the feeling thathadbeen swelling insidemesinceI’dwatchedNellturnaway.ThatifIdidn’tdosomethingnowandwelostthevaccine,I’dspendtherestofmyliferegrettingit.four

ThelastthingsIpackedintheSUVweretwobagsofsidewalksalt,whichIthought to check the garage for afterMeredith complained about the slipperyfrontstep.

The bagsweighed forty pounds a piece.Despite the chill in the air, Iwassweating undermy coat by the time I’d carried them to the clear area by thedoor.ButI’dalsofoundajugofwinterwindshield-wiperfluid,soIfiguredtheeffort had been worth it. I’d paused to stretch my arms when Leo steppedthroughthedoorway.

“Hey,”hesaid.“Meredithsaidyouwereouthere.Lookingforsalt?”“Yep,”Isaid,nudgingoneofthebagswithmyfoot.“Ah!”hesaid.“Thatkindofsalt.”Thesilencethatfollowedfeltawkward.Ilookedathim,andhelookedbackatme,hisexpressionsoseriousmyheartskipped.BeforeIcouldwonderwhy,hedroppedhisgaze.“YouwanthelpbringingthosetotheSUV?They’reforthetrip,Iguess?”“Thanks,”Isaid.“Graboneandwe’regood.”Iheftedthefirstbagontomyshoulderandtrudgedalongthesnowydriveway.Flakeswhirledaroundus.“You’re ready to go?”Leo asked aswe shoved the bags into the back of theSUV.“Completely,”Isaid.HefollowedmeasIheadedbackforthewiperfluid.“Allweneednowisabreakintheweather.”Weduckedintothegarage.“Kaelyn,”Leosaid.WhenIturned,heopenedhismouthandcloseditacoupleof times, as if he’d forgotten what he’d wanted to say. Then he smiledcrookedly.“Youwouldn’tbelievehowmuch Imissedyouwhenyou left forToronto,allthoseyearsback.”

“Please,” I said.“Ibet itwasn’thalfasmuchas Imissedyou.Youstillhadagazillionotherfriendshere,atleast.”“Yeah,”hesaid.“Butitwasn’tthesame.YouweretheonlyoneIknewreallywantedmearound.”“Whatareyoutalkingabout?Everyonelikedyou.”“Sure, they likedme,” he said, and hesitated. “But they never stopped seeingthis.”Hepointedtohisface,andIknewhemeanttheshapeofhiseyes,theolivetoneofhisskin.“TheyneverforgotIwasadopted,different,notarealislander.Iknewtheycouldn’thelpit,soIactedlikeIdidn’tnotice.ButwithyouIdidn’thavetoact.Youdidn’tjudgemebywhereIwasborn.”He’dalwaysseemedsohappy.I’dneverknownhe’dfeltthatwayabouttherestofthekids,thewholetimeweweregrowingup.Buthewasprobablyright.I’dfeltthesamesortofjudgmentaimedatme.It’dbeeneasyformenottocarethatLeo was different, because I had parents who were contrasting colors and amainlanderdadontopofthat.Iwasdifferenttoo.“Leo,”Isaid,buthekeptgoing.“Iwasso relievedwhenIgotoff the ferry,andyouwere there,andyouwereyou.WhenyoumovedtoToronto,youseemedtobegettingso...critical,andclosedoff,andIstartedthinkingyou’dchanged,orIhadn’treallyknownyouaswell as I thought. Especially when you came back and it was like you wereavoidingme. Ican’tbelieve I left forNewYorkwithout trying to talk toyou.And then thevirus startedwreakinghavoconeverything. . . .”Heswallowed.“Butyou’restillthesamepersonIremember.Evenmorethatperson.Thewayyou’vethrownyourselfintohelpingthetown—you’reamazing,Kae.Youknowthat,right?”Mycheekswarmed.“Lotsofpeoplearehelping,” I said.“It’sGavwho reallygoteveryoneorganized.”“You’retheonewho’sdecidedtogotothemainlandwiththevaccine,”hesaid.“Yousawsomeonehadto,andyou’redoingit,despitealltherisks.”“I’mgoingtobefine.”“Youcan’tbesureofthat.”Hesteppedcloser.“Look,Iknownothing’sgoingtochange;IknowyouhaveGavandIhaveTessaandthat’s—that’sallright.Butyou’releaving,andImightnoteverseeyouagainforrealthistime.Ineedyoutoknowwhat thatmeanstome,andhowsorryIamthatIdidn’t tryharder tomakethingsrightwithusbefore,andhowmuchIreally,reallywantyoutogetbacksafe.”Thenheraisedhishandstothesidesofmyface,andkissedme.Itwasagentlekiss,but so steadyand sure,my lips started topart againsthisinstinctively.Icaughtmyself,stiffening.Mybrainstalled.Leowasn’tsupposed

tobekissingme.Whatwashedoing?WhatwasIdoing?Iraisedmyarmstopushhimaway,andsuddenlyhewasn’tthereanymore.Heshifted back, his hands falling to his sides. A tremor passed through hisshoulders.“I’msorry,”hesaid.“Itwon’thappenagain.Pleasebecarefuloutthere,Kae.”Andthenheturnedandwalkedoutintothesnow.

Thenextmorningthewindhaddieddown.Wegotasprinklingofsnow,butby the timewe’d eaten lunch, that had cleared up too. “We shouldwait untiltomorrowandleavefirstthingifit’sclear,”Gavsaid.“Wewanttogetasfaraswecanonthefirstday.”Icouldhaveleftrightthen,buthemadeagoodpoint.AnditgavemealittleextratimewithMeredithbeforeIsaidgood-bye.Weallendeduptrampingouttothebackyardwiththeferrets.

Thehousebackedontothestrait,andsotheyardleddowntotheshoreline.Fossey scurried to the edge of the water, Meredith scrambling after her. IloosenedmygriponMowat’sleashashetrundledovertojointhem.Behindme,LeoandTessastoodtogether,Tessa’sarmhookedthroughhis.Iwastryingnottopayattentiontothem,buteverytimeLeomoved,Ifeltitlikeaprickleovermyskin,asifIhadanewextrasensetunedspecificallytohim.

Since thatmoment in thegarage,he’dpretendednothinghadhappened, soI’dpretendedthesame.EventhoughpartofmewasfuriousthathecouldleanintoTessaandpeckhercheeksocasually,likehehadn’tbeenkissingsomeoneelseyesterday,likehehadn’tbetrayedher.EventhougheverytimeGavsmiledatme, guiltwelled up insideme, as if Iwere the onewho’d done somethingwrong.ButmyheadwasfullofgnawinglittlequestionsIcouldn’tshake.Howlonghadhewantedtodothat?HadhebeenagonizingovermethewholetimeI’dhadwhatIthoughtwasahopelesscrushonhim?

Whatwould ithavebeen like if I’d letmyselfkisshimback? Iclosedmyeyes,shovingthosethoughtsaway.Leohadbeenthroughalot.Maybehewasn’tthinkingstraight.Ishouldn’tbeangry—Ishouldjustgetoverit,thewayagirlwho’sbeenkissedbyherbest friendwhopromised itwon’thappenagainandforwhomshehasnoromanticfeelingswhatsoevershould.

“It’sfunnyhowtheydon’tgetcold,”Meredithsaidastheferretstumbledinthe snow.Shegrinnedatme,andadifferent sortofache filledmychest.Thethoughtof tellingher Iwas leavingwasalmostaspainfulas remembering thenight I’dhad tocarryher into thehospital. I couldn’tevenpromiseher I’dbebacksoon.

“There’s someone on the water,” Tessa said. She pointed to the oppositeshore.Asmallboatwaspullingawayfromthemainlandharbor.Itveeredalittlenorth,

thenalittlesouth,asifthedriverwasn’tusedtohandlingit,butitwasdefinitelyheadedtowardtheisland.Tessa’sparents,Ithought.Drew.Someonefromthegovernment,finally.“Hey!”I shouted, even though therewas noway anyone couldhaveheardme at thatdistance,andwavedmyarm.Meredithspunaround.Assoonasshespottedtheboat,shestartedjumpingupanddown,wavingeagerly.“Comeoverhere!”“They’llgo to theharborwhere theycandock theboat,Mere,” I said.As theboat drew closer, I saw it was a speedboat with no cabin, just a wide glasswindshield with a lone figure behind it. My initial excitement dampened. Itcould be anyone. It could be amainlander hoping the islandwouldmake foreasypickings.“Maybe that isn’t someone we want on the island,” Leo said, echoing mythoughts.“Wecouldmeetthemattheharbor,bereadyincasetheytrysomething,”Gavsaid,andthenpaused.“ExceptIthinktheyarecomingthisway.”Theboatwasbobbingonthewaves,butithaddefinitelyturnedawayfromtheharbor,towardus.IeasedclosertoMeredith,restingmyhandonhershoulder.AfterafewminutesIcouldmakeoutthemandrivingwellenoughtotellIdidn’trecognizehim.Hetookhishandsoffthewheeltowavebothhisarmsatus,thewayMeredithhad,buthelookedmorefranticthanhappy.Astheboatapproachedtheshore,Gavsteppedtothewater’sedge.“Everythingallright?”hecalled.Themandrewtheboatasclosetousas theshallowerwaterallowed.Hisfacelookedpaleandthin,engulfedbythepaddedhoodofhiscoat.“Youhavetogetoutof there!”hehollered,cutting theengine.“Telleveryone!Youhave togetofftheisland!”“What?”Isaid.“Why?”Hemightnothaveevenheardme.“They’llbehereanyminute,”hesaid.“Theywanttodestroythewholetown.”Thebreezebroughtafaintsoundtomyears:thechoppyrumbleofahelicopterinflight.Wehadn’tseenafood-droporanewschopper inages. Imadeoutasmalldarkshapeinthenorthernsky,andwhenIglancedbackatthemanintheboat,my pulse stuttered.Hewas looking at the shape too, and his expressionwaslikethatofamouseintheshadowofahawk.Pureundeniableterror.Whateverhewastalkingabout,heobviouslybelievedthedangerwasreal.“Who’scoming?”Isaid.“Whataretheygoingtodo?”Butmywordswerelostastheboat’sengineroared.“I’ll meet you at the harbor, for anyone who doesn’t have a boat,” the man

yelled,reachingforthewheel.“Hurry!”“Holdon!”Gavshouted.Theboatturnedtowardthedocksandspedaway.“Doyouthinkweshouldlistentohim?”Tessaasked.“Hecouldbeinthehallucinatingstageof thevirus,”Isaid,butI’dneverseensomeonethatsickwho’dstillbecapableofhandlingaboat.Myheartstartedtothump.“Butmaybeweshoulddowhathesaid,justincase.”“Icanswingbythehospitalandtellthemsomething’sup,”Gavsaid.“I’llgowithyou,”Isaid.“Tessa,Leo,canyougetMeredithtotheharbor?We’llmeetyouthere.”Tessanodded,grabbingMeredith’shand.Iscoopeduptheferrets,letthemleapthroughthebackdoor,andcloseditbehindthembeforehurryingafterGav.Hehad hopped into the SUV. The growl of the helicopter’s engine was gettinglouder.“Whatdoyouthink’sgoingon?”IsaidasIscrambledintothepassengerseat.Gavhitthegas.“Idon’tknow.Let’shopehe’sjustalunatic.”I huggedmyself aswe followedTessa’s tire tracks through the thick layer ofsnow on the road. Her car vanished around a turn up ahead. We were justrounding a corner, halfway to the hospital,when the shadowof the helicopterslidbyoverhead.Asecondlater,theblockofhousesnexttousexploded.Ishrieked,clutchingatthedoorasthegroundrockedbeneaththetires,theblastringing inmy ears. Beside us, roofswere crumpling, flames spurting throughshatteredwindows.Asharpchemicalsmellfilledtheair.Gavdroveon,faster,hisjawclenchedbuthisarmstrembling.“Notalunatic,”Isaidshakily.“Whatthehellaretheydoing?”Another explosion thundered somewhere to our right. I cringed. Gav leanedforwardtopeerthroughthewindshield.“I think it’samilitaryhelicopter,”hesaid.“They’rebombingus.Afterall theotherwaysthearmy’sscrewedusover,they’refuckingbombingus!”Tears Ihadn’t felt formingwere leakingdownmycheeks. Iwipedatmyeyesand tried to breathe steadily.Then a single panicked thought shot throughmymindlikeanelectricshock.“Thevaccine,”Isaid.“Gav,whatiftheyhittheresearchcenter?”“Maybetheywon’t,”Gavsaid.“Weshouldgototheharbor,getoutofhere,likethatguysaid.I’mprettysurenooneintownneedstobewarnedthatsomethingbad’shappeningnow.We’llcomebackwhenthechopper’sgone.”“No!”Isaid.“Wecan’tleavebehindthosesamples.Ifwelosethem...”Ifwelostthem,weweremaybelosingouronlychancetobeatthevirus,togetbacktheworldweusedtohave.

“Kae—”Gavstarted.“Please,”Isaid.“Wehavetogetthem.Ifyouwon’tdrivethere,I’lljumpoutofthecarandrunforit.”Iwasserious.Hemusthavebeenabletotell.Hesworeunderhisbreath,butatthenextintersectionheturnedtowardtheresearchcenterinsteadoftheharbor.We’d already missed the hospital. As the SUV careened down the lane, thegroundshudderedwithathirdexplosion.Iclutchedthekeysinmycoatpocket.Theresearchcenterwasstillstandingwhenwereachedit.Thecarskiddedtoastop,andIleaptout.GavlefttheenginerunningasIscrambledoverasnowdrifttothedoor.Ifumbledwiththekeysandshovedthedooropen.Mybootsslidonthesmoothfloorinside.Thecold-storageboxandthesuppliesI’dsetasidewereallwhereI’dleft them.Istuffedthesamplevialsandthepacksfromthefreezerintothecold box, and dropped everything else in on top to make sure I didn’t loseanything.Smokewas billowing up over the trees as I dashed back outside, so thick thewhole town could have been burning. Not the hospital, I pleaded silently. Ihauledmyselfbackintothecar.The whole way to the harbor, I clutched the cold box on my lap, my eyessqueezed shut. The acrid smell of burning filled my nose. The helicopterrumbledbyoverhead,andIwinced,bracingmyself.Icouldn’ttellwhichofthetremors I felt were more bombs and which were buildings collapsing orsomething else I couldn’t even imagine. Gav’s breath started to rasp as heyankedthesteeringwheelonewayandthentheother.Tessa’scarwasparkedbytheharbor.Wepulledupbesideit,andItumbledout,draggingthecoldboxwithme.Thespeedboatwasbobbingbythefarendofoneof thedocks,Meredith and theothers sitting in it.Gav and I ran together, hishandonmyback.Tessatooktheboxfrommeandhelpedusin.“Hewanted to leavewithout you,”Meredith said, a sob in her voice, lookingaccusinglyatthedriver.“Wesaidwe’dthrowhimofftheboatifhetried.”Thedriver—oursavior—wastoobusystaringattheskytolookguilty.“We’regoingnow,”hesaid,graspingthewheel.“Beforetheynoticeus.”“Butotherpeoplefromtownmightcomeheretogetaway,”Isaid.“Therestoftheboatsarewrecked.Wehavetowaitandsee—”“No,”themansaid.“We’reluckywe’renotalreadydead.”He tugged the wheel, and the boat swerved away from the dock. As it spedtoward themainland, I turned.The townI’dspentmostofmy life inwaveredwithsmokeandflames,growingsmalleras thestraitstretchedbetweenusandtheisland.

fiveWhenwereachedthemainlandharbor,weallscrambledontotheendofthe

longestdock,watchingthestraitincasesomeoneelsecame.Therewasstilltheferry,andthoseboatsonprivatedocksthathadn’tbeendestroyedinthesoldiers’rampagetwomonthsago.Butnoneofuscouldquitebelievewhatwesaw.Sowestared,mindsblankwithshock.

That was our island burning. Our island flaring bright as the helicopterdropped another bomb. A faint glow flickered amid the distant shapes of thebuildings. A haze of smoke was replacing the clouds. Meredith shudderedagainstme,andIwrappedmyarmaroundher.

Afterwhat felt like ages, the helicopter turned andwhirred north again. Itdwindled into a dark speck, and vanished. The waves smacked against thedock’s supports. Speckles of icywater splatteredmy already numb face.Andstill,Icouldn’tmakeoutanyoneintheislandharbororalongtheshore.

Maybe, despite the chaos, themost important places had gone untouched.Maybe Nell and the others were just fine and all we’d lost were a bunch ofalreadyabandonedbuildings.Ormaybeweweretheonlyoneswho’dsurvivedtheattack.

It still didn’t make any sense to me. Turning, I realized the man who’ddrivenusherehadleft.Angersparkedthroughthehazeinmyhead.IpickedupthecoldboxfromwhereI’dsetitbymyfeetandmarcheddownthedock.

“Hey!” I shouted as I stepped onto the concrete loading area beyond thedocks.“Hey,guywiththeboat!”Thedoortotheharborofficeopened,andourrescuersteppedout.He’ddrawnback his hood, revealing a narrow face topped with a pale sheen of recentlyshavedhair.Hislipswerebadlychapped,andhisblueeyesflickerednervously.Hecouldn’thavebeenmucholderthantwenty.Iwonderedifhehadanymoreauthorityherethanwedid.“What’sgoingon?”Idemanded.“Youknewthathelicopterwascoming,whatitwasgoingtodo.”“Itriedtogetheresooner,”hesaid.“Ireallydid.Thesnow—theroadswerejustchoked.AndthenIhadtofindthekeystooneofthesegoddamnboats.”Theothershadcomeupbehindme.“Whoareyou?”Leoasked.“Rawls,”theguysaid,andgrimaced.“TobiasRawls.”“So you drove here,” I said. “Fromwhere?Howdid you know the helicopterwascoming?”GavtookafewstepspastTobiastowardtheoffice.Hestiffened.“Isthatwhatyoudroveherein?”Tobiasjerkedaround,butGavwasalreadystridingforward,toavehicleparked

justbeyondthebuilding.ItlookedlikeacrossbetweenanSUVandadeliverytruck,boxyandsharp-cornered.Anditwascoveredinsplotchesofcamouflagepaint.Myheartsank.“You’reasoldier,”Gavsaid,spinningtofaceTobias.“You’reoneofthem.”Tobiaslaughed,shortandbitter.“Ifyouhadanyidea,youwouldn’tsaythat.”“Thenwhydon’tyoutelluswhatthehellhappened?”Isnapped.Silence stretched until Tessa said, in a soft voice, “We just saw our homedestroyed.You’renotevengoingtotelluswhy?”“Youdon’tknowwhatit’sbeenlike,”Tobiassaid,lookingaway.Hebithislip.“Wehaveabaseacouplehoursnorthofhere.”“I didn’t think therewere anymilitary bases in the province,”Gav said. “Notanymore.”“It’s not official,”Tobias said. “It’s supposedlybeen inactive for decades, butthegovernmentreinstalledacontingentthereshortlyafternine-eleven.Atleastthat’swhat the commanders toldus.Therewere eighteenofus, but a fewgotsick,themajorgotsick,andabunchran.Meandacoupleotherguysfiguredwewere saferhidingout thereuntil thevirus situationwasunder control.Lotsofrations,lotsoffuelforthegenerator,wewereprettymuchset.”“Goodforyou,”Gavsaid.Tobiaswinced,buthekepttalking.“Wethoughtitwasjustgoingtobeforafewweeks.Butthenewskeptgettingworse.Theotherguysgotrestless.Wedidn’twanttogooutsidethecompoundbecausewewerescaredofgettingsick,buttheycouldn’ttakestayinginsideallthe time. They started going out and doing target practice through the fence:birds,deer,trees.Thentwodaysagothisguyshowsup—Idon’tknowhowhemade it there—hollering about howwehad to help him, howhe just tookofffromthegod-awfulislandwherethewholethingstarted,andthevirusgothim,andsomeonetherewouldhaveshothimifhe’dstayed.”Tobiaspaused,lookingatus,hisexpressionvaguelyaccusing.“Weweren’tshootinganyone,”Isaid.“Hemusthavebeen—therewasagroupthatstartedkillinganyonetheyfoundwhowasinfected.Hemusthavebeenwiththem.”Sostupid.Ifhe’djustwalkedintothehospital,someonetherewouldhavedonewhatevertheycouldforhim.Hemusthavethoughtwe’dknowhe’dbeenpartofthegang,thatwe’dturnhimaway.“Well, running didn’t do him any good,” Tobias said. “He ended up shotanyway.Hewascoughingandsneezingaswellashollering,sotherewasn’tanywaywewere lettinghimin.Mooredidhiminwithhisrifle like itwasa littlemore target practice.And thenhe andDonetelli got talking aboutyour island,abouttheplacewherethevirusgotstartedbeingsoclose,andafterabitthey’d

workedthemselvesupintoarealrage.Sayingifpeoplehadstayedontheisland,therestofuswouldhavebeenfine,andit’dbefairpunishmentforthemtotakethechopperoverandunloadafewmissiles.Biggertargetpractice.”“Therewerekids,”Gavsaid.“Therewereoldpeoplewhocouldn’thavegottenout of their homes if they’d wanted to.Wewere just trying to hang on, likeeveryoneelse.”“Iknow,”Tobiassaid,soundingmiserable.“Iwasn’tupinthechopper,wasI?After Iheard themtalking, Igotoneof the trucksandcamedownas fastas Icould.Ididn’tthinkthey’ddoitrightaway.Iwashopingmaybethey’dsimmerdown and forget the whole thing. But they must have noticed I’d gone anddecidedtheywouldbeatmehere.Whichtheydid.”“Youknewwhattheywereplanningandyouleft,”Leosaid.“Youdidn’teventrytotalkthemoutofit.”Therewasnoquestioninhisvoice.“Theywouldn’t have listened tome,” Tobias said. “They never did. They—Iswear,youdon’tknowwhatitwaslike.”“We know they blew upmost of our town,” I said. “You couldn’t have saidsomething?”Tobias’s shoulders hunched. “Look,” he said. “I screwedmyself over cominghere. You think they’re going to let me back on the base now? I did what Icould.”Meredithsquirmedbesideme.“Kae,”shesaid,“whatarewegoingtodonow?Arewegoingbacktotheisland?Whatifthehelicoptercomesagain?”“Of course we’re going back,” Gav said before I could answer. “Whoeversurvivedthat,they’llneedourhelp.”Iglancedtowardthestrait,thendownatthecold-storagebox.Everymuscleinmebalkedat the ideaofbringing thevaccineback to the island.We’dhadnoidea any of this would happen.What else was coming that we couldn’t see?Goingbacksuddenlyfeltlikeafarbiggerriskthanleaving.“Youcan,”Isaid.“ButI’mnot.Wecouldhavelostthevaccine.Ihavetogetittosomeonewhocanuseit,whileIstillhavethechance.”“Youwanttojustabandonthem?”Gavsaid,gesturingtowardtheisland.Mythroattightened.“OfcourseIwantthemtobeokay,”Isaid.“ButI’mnotasuperhero,Gav.WhatcanIdothattheycan’tfigureoutontheirown?Anyonewho’sokayknowswherethefoodis,howtofindshelter,andanyonewhoisn’t,Icouldn’thelpanyway.”“It’strue,”Tessamurmured.“We’renotdoctors.”“ButIcandothis,”Iwenton,nudgingthecoldbox.“Ihavetodothis.”“Wecan’tgoanywherewithoutsupplies—withoutacar,”Gavprotested.“Iknow,”Isaid.TheSUVcouldhavebeenblownup.Evenifithadn’t,Ididn’t

think I could set foot on the island, even for a fewminutes. Once I saw thewreckage,Imightnotbeabletoleaveagain.“MaybeIcanusetheboat.TheSt.Lawrencewouldprettymuchgetmethere.”“You’d freeze.What if there’s a storm?Kae . . .”He stoppedand studiedmyface.“You’renotgoingtolistentoanythingIsay,areyou?”Ishookmyhead.“NotunlessithastodowithgettingthesesamplestoOttawa.”Heexhaledinarush,andhisgazesettledonTobias’struck.Heturnedabruptly.“Givemeyourkeys.”“What?”Tobiassaid.“Thekeystothetruck.Iwanttotakealook.”Heheldouthishand.Tobiasblinked,andhesitantlyhandedoverasinglekeyonaring.TherestofuswatchedasGavstrodeoverandopenedupthebackofthetruck.Heclambered inside, themetal floorringingunderhisboots.ThesoundseemedtobreakTobias’sstupor.“Hey!”hesaid,headingover.“Thatstuff’smine.”Gavpokedhisheadout.“You’re pretty well equipped,” he said. “Tent, sleeping bags, an awful lot offood.”“Like I said, there’snowayIcangoback to thebasenow. I’vegot togetbysomehow.”“And that’s another reason youweren’t here earlier,”Gav said. “Because youwerestockingupyourtruckbeforeyouleft.”Tobias’sfacereddened.Gavjumpeddownandclosedthebackdoor.“Tellyouwhat,”hesaid,hisvoicestrained.“Youmakeituptous.YoutakemeandKaelyntoOttawa,thendriveusbackwhenwe’redonethere,andwecalliteven.”“Youreallyhaveavaccine?”Tobiassaidtome.“Wecouldgetridofthisvirusforgood?”“Ithinkso,”Isaid.Myhopeslifted.“Ifyou’dhelp...”Heloweredhisgazefromthefivepairsofeyestrainedonhim.“Okay,”hesaidafterafewmoments.“Yeah.It’snotlikeI’vegototherplans.”“AmIcomingtoo?”Meredithasked,squeezingmyarm.Mystomachtwisted.Ididn’twanttobringherplaceswherewecouldn’tbesureofbeingsafe.Buttheislandwasn’tsafe,either,notanymore.Theguys in thehelicoptercouldcomebackforanotherround.We’dbeenluckytoescapethefirsttime.“Weshouldallcome,”Tessasaidfirmly.“It’sdangerousforanyofustostayontheisland,that’sobvious.AndI’msurewecanscavengemorefoodaroundhereso there’s enough for all of us. Themost useful thingwe can do is bring the

vaccinetotherightperson.Themoreofusthereare,thefasterwe’llbeabletofindsomeonewhocanhelponcewegettothecity,right?”After a couple seconds, Leo nodded. “I want to help!”Meredith said. Tobiasshruggedas if itwasall thesame tohim. Ipaused,unprepared for thesuddenshowofsupport,andTessagavemeasmallsmile.Gratitudewashedoverme.Yes.Ifwewereall together,wecouldprotecteachother.Safety innumbers. Iwouldneverhaveasked them to risk itbefore,butnow, with the situation on the island becoming even more precarious, it feltright.Wecouldgetthroughthistogether,likewehadsomuchelse.six

Gavwastheonlyonefrowning.“Whatabouteveryoneelseontheisland?”hesaid.“Wecan’tallleavewithouttellingsomeonewhathappenedsotheycanbeprepared in case those psychoswith the helicopter come by again.” “I’ll go,”Leooffered.Heshrugged,hischintuckedbehindthebroadcollarofhiscoat.“I’vegotthemostexperiencenavigatingaboat,andthewavesaregettingalittlenasty.I’llgotothehospitalandfillthemin,andthencheckonyourcar.Ifit’sokay,Icanbringitoverontheferry—ifnot,I’llatleastbringanysuppliesthatsurvived.”Gav’sjawtensedasifhewasgoingtoargue,butthenheclosedhiseyesandinclinedhishead.“Ifthehouseisokay,itwouldn’thurttograbsomeofthefoodtheretoo.ButIdon’twanttotakemoreawayfromwhat’smeantforthewholeisland.”Hisgazeslidtome.Hedidn’twanttoleaveme,Irealized,notevenforacouplehours.Thatwaswhyhewasstillcomingwithme, even though it was clearly killing him not to go back. The words hurtcomingout,butIhadtosaythem.“Gav,I’llbeokay.Ifyouwanttostayontheislandandhelp,youshould.Wedon’tallhavetogo.”“No,”hesaid.“Ialreadydecidedbackwhenwefirsttalkedaboutit.Wecanleavetomorrowmorning,justlikeweplanned.”AsLeoheadeddowntothedock,ItuggedGavtotheside.“Areyoureallyokaywiththis?”Isaid,myvoicelow.“Youcantellmethetruth,youknow.”Heranahandthroughhishair.“Ofcourseitbothersme,leavingtheislandwhenit’spracticallydestroyed.Butleavingyouwouldbeevenworse.FromthefirstdayIaskedforyourhelp,when

yourefueledthecarsforthefoodrun,you’vebeentotallybehindeveryideaI’vehad.Nowit’smyturn.Iwanttodothisforyou.Youneedme,I’mhere—Iwantyoutoknowthat.”“Gav,”Isaid.Icouldn’tfindthewordstoexpresswhatIwasfeeling.ThepassionanddeterminationI’dwatchedGavputintokeepingtheislandgoing—tohaveallofitofferedjusttomeseemedincredible,impossible.Grippingthefrontofhiscoat,Ituggedhimtomeandtippedmyfaceuptomeethislips,tryingtoputeveryparticleofmygratitudeintothatkiss.Hewrappedhisarmsaroundme,holdingmetight.“Iknow,”IsaidsoftlywhenIeasedback,andhesmiledandkissedmeagain.“Ifthere’ssixofus,we’regoingtoneedmoresupplies,”hesaid.“Let’sseewhatwecanfindhere.”Soastheskystartedtodarkenwiththecomingevening,thegroupofusraidedtheharboroffice.Theconcessionstandneartheticketboothnowheldonlyafewcrumpledwrappers,butTobiasbrokeopenthelockedstorageroominthebackwithatoolfromhistruck.Soonwe’daddedskidsofbottledwaterandboxesofrecentlyexpiredchocolatebarsandhoney-roastedpeanutstohisstoresoffood.Tobiasstartedshiftingaroundthetruck’scontentstomakemorefloorspace.“We’llbebetteroffsleepinginhere,”he said. “Smaller space to trap the heat.” While he worked, Gav, Tessa,Meredith,andIheadeddownthemainlandtown’smajorstreet,checkingthestorefronts.Drewmighthavecomethroughhere,Ithought,allthoseweeksagowhenhe’dtakenoff.Ifhe’dmadeitacrossthestraitalive.Backthensomeofthesestoresmightstillhavebeenoccupied.Noweveryonewaslonggone.Mostofthedoorshungopen,swinginginthewind.Gavpointedoutaknitted-goodsshop,andTessapickedoutanextrasweaterand thickwoolenhats foreachofus. I startedgrabbingblanketswhileGavdugafewplasticbagsoutfrombehindtheregistertoholdourloot.Intheconveniencestorefartherdownthestreet,thelastnewspaperontherackwasdatedNovember5.Iguessedthatwaswhentheownerhadfled.Orgottensick.Thefrontpageheadlineread,Friendlyfluoverwhelmshospitals,thearticlebelowdescribinghowmedicalcentersacrossthecountrywererunningoutofroom.The

grainyphotoofpatientscrowdingthehallofahospitalinHalifaxgavemeajoltbackthroughtime.Acouplemonthsago,ourhospitalhadlookedlikethat.Allthosepeoplestaringanxiouslyatthecamera,theyweredeadnow.Imademyselfturnaway.Theshelvesthatwouldhaveheldfoodwerebare.Ipickedupahandfuloflightersfromtheboxonthecounter,andafewmagazinesforkindling.Meredithsquealedandrushedovertopresentmewithacanofbakedbeanspreviousscavengershadmissed.Nothingmadeasoundaswecontinueddownthestreetexceptthetwitteringofasmallflockofsparrowsclingingtotheuselesstelephonewiresoverhead. Ididn’t seea singlehuman footprintother thanourown.Nosmokerosefromthechimneysofthehousesaheadofus.Theplacefeltasifnoonehadlivedhereinyears.Itmadesense.Whywouldanyonehavewantedtostayjustacouplemilesawayfromourquarantinedislandanditsdeadlydisease?Maybesomeoftownspeoplehaddied,butmostofthemhadprobablyjustgonesomewhereelse.Untilthevirushadcaughtupwiththemandthey’ddiedafterall.“Doyouthinkweshouldchecksomeofthehousestoo?”Tessaaskedaswecametoastopattheendoftheroadwhereitbranchedintotworesidentialstreets.“Wemightfindsomefood.”“There’sonlysomuchroominthetruck,”Isaid.AndLeowasbringingbackmore.Butmaybeweshouldn’tpassupthechancewhenwewerealreadyhere.AsIwavered,asounddrifteddownthestreettowardus,faintbutdistinctive.Mybodywentrigid.Inoneofthosehouses,someonewascoughing.TessaandGavpulledtheirscarvestighteraroundtheirfaces.Butthescarveswereonlyintendedtokeepoutthecold,notkillermicrobes.Myheartthumped.“Let’sgobacktotheharbor,”Isaid.Gavpaused,andthennodded.“AslongasLeobringsfoodbackfromtheisland,Ithinkwe’reokay.”Iflinchedwhenthesparrowsleaptfromthetelephonewiresanddartedoff,butwedidn’tseeasoul.Still,whenwereachedthetruck,Isetmybagsdownandwentstraighttothecoldbox,which

I’dleftinsidetheharboroffice.Itlookedexactlythesameasbefore.Icroucheddownbesideitandrestedmyheadinmymittenedhands.MeredithandIshouldbeokay,withourpost-illnessimmunity.ButwhataboutGavandTessaandLeo?MaybewecouldmakeitallthewaytoOttawawithoutrunningintoanyonewhowassick,ifwestucktothesmalltownswhenweneededmoregas,butinthecity—inthecitytherecouldbemorepeoplestillalivethanhadeverlivedontheislandinthefirstplace.Wecouldn’tassumenoneofthemwouldbeinfectedorthatwe’dbeabletoeasilyavoidanyonewhowas.Ofcourse,theonlyotheroptionwasstayinghereandmaybegettingblownup.Iloweredmyhandsontothecoldbox.Maybetherewasanotheroption.Wehadfivesamplesofthevaccine.Surelyascientistwouldn’tneedallofthemtomakemore?Itwouldn’tbesoselfishtogiveafewtomyfriends,wouldit,whentheyweretheoneshelpingmegetthevaccinewhereitneededtogo?Anenginegrowleddownbythewater,andfootstepsrushedpastthedoor.Leowasback.Outside,everyoneelsewasalreadyonthedocks,exceptTobias,whohungbackbythetrucklookinguncertain.Eveningwasfallingfast,thelightdrainingoutofthesmoke-tingedsky.Afewsolarlampshadblinkedonthroughouttheharbor.Leohadbroughtthespeedboatback,soIguessedourSUVhadn’tsurvived.Butalongwithbagsoffood,hewashandingoutthejugsofgasolineGavandIhadfilled.“Howbadwasit?”GavaskedaswehauledLeo’splundertothetruck.“Thehospital’sstillstanding,”Leosaid,andIletoutthebreathI’dbeenholding.“Yourhousetoo.Butalotofotherbuildingsaren’t.Theremusthavebeenablastneartheharbor.YourSUVwastippedover,likeit’dbeenthrownalittle,andthewindshieldwasshattered.It’sluckyeverythinginsidesurvived.”“DidyoutalktoNell?”Isaid.Henodded.“Alltheshakingmadethegeneratorconkout.Shewastryingtofigureoutwhethertheycouldfixitorifthey’dhavetostartmovingpatients.”“WhataboutMowatandFossey?”Meredithsaid.“Arewejust

leavingthem?”“TheycameracingtoseemewhenIcamein,”Leosaid.“Seemedprettyhappyhavingtherunoftheplace.Iputthebagsoffoodonthefloorsotheycaneatasmuchastheyneedto.”“Thanks,”Isaid,withasecondwaveofrelief,andheshotmeahalfsmile.Thememoryofourkissflashedthroughmymind.MyfaceflushedandIdraggedmyeyesaway.“Nelldidn’tseemtooupsetwhenItoldherwhatweweregoingtodo,”Leowenton,showingnosignthathe’dnoticedmyreaction.“Shesaid...”HehesitatedandglancedatMeredith,whowasdiggingatthepavementwiththetoeofherboot.“Meredith,”Tessasaid,“couldyouchecktheboatandmakesurewegotallthesupplies?”Shefrowned,andthenseemedtoshakeherself.“Ofcourse!”shesaid, and jogged toward the docks. Leo lowered his voice. “She said it’sprobablygoodforustogetoutofthereforawhile—thetown’sinsuchbadshapeshemightenduphavingeveryonemoveacrossthestraitanyway.Andshesaidshereallyhopeswefindthepeopleweneed.”Alltheheatwashedoutofme.Noonehadbeeninterestedinleavingtheislandwhenwe’drealizedthestraitwasnowunguarded,becauseithardlyseemedworthgivingupaplaceweknewforsomeunknownacrossthewater.Nellmustbedesperatetobeconsideringevacuating.“Nothingleftintheboat!”Meredithcalledasshecamerunningback.“Thankyouforchecking,”Isaid,givingherasqueeze.“Iguessweshouldeat,andthencallitanight.We’llwanttoheadoutfirstthing.”“I’vegotakerosenecampingstoveinthetruck,”Tobiassaid.“Ahotdinnersoundsprettyappealingrightnow.”“Isawspaghettiinthebags,”Meredithsaid.“Canwehavethat?”“Sure,”Isaid.“Goonandgetoutafewcans.”“Weheardsomeonecoughingwhenwewentfartherintotown,”GavsaidtoLeoasMeredithscrambledintothebackofthetruckafterTobias.“Therearepeoplestillhere.We’llhavetokeepaneyeout.”AwearinesspassedoverLeo’sface.ForallIwastryingnottofocusonhim,Ifeltapangofconcern.He’donlyjustcomehome

afewweeksago,andnowweweredragginghimawayagain.Ifhedidn’tthinkhecouldtakeit,he’dsayso,wouldn’the?“We’llwanttoalternatewatcheswhilewe’resleeping,then,”hesaid.“Wecan’tbetoocareful.”Hewasright.AndmaybeIcouldtakeawayoneofthefearsthatmustbehauntinghim,thatwasgoingtohauntmeaslongasheandGavandTessawereunprotected.“Ithinkthethreeofyoushouldtakethevaccine,”Isaid.Gav,who’dbeenabouttospeak,stoppedwithhismouthhalfopen.Tessablinkedatme.“Therearefivesamples,”Icontinued.“Sowe’dstillhavetwo.We’reobviouslygoingtorunintopeoplewhoareinfected—wealmostdidtoday.Idon’twantoneofyoutocatchit.”“Wewillrunintopeople,”Leosaidcautiously.“I’dbesurprisedifwedon’t.Butareyousureyoudon’twanttoholdontothem,Kae?”“Wedon’tevenknowifthevaccineworks,”Gavadded.“Ifitdoes,thenit’llbeagoodthingyoutookit,”Isaid.“Andifitdoesn’t,thenitwon’tmatterthatyoudid.Eitherway,itcan’thurt.Wedon’thaveanyotherwayofprotectingourselveswhilewe’reontheroad.AndIcan’tseewhyanyonewouldneedmorethanonesampletounderstandwhatDaddid,whenwehaveallhisnotebookstoo.”“Theymakevaccinesusingpartsofthevirus,don’tthey?”Tessasaid.“Isthereanychancewecouldgetsickfromit?”Ihesitated.“Iguess.Mydadtrieditonhimselfandhewasfineforalmostthreeweeks.Hewouldn’thaveuseditifhewasn’tsurehe’dgottenitright.”“Ifanyonewasgoingtogetitright,I’dsayit’syourdad,”Leoagreed.“Okay,”Tessasaid.“I’drathertakeachanceonthevaccinethanseewhathappensifwe’reexposedwithoutit.”Leowaveredamomentlongerandthensaid,“Allright.Let’sdothis.”“Thenwe’llhavethreesamplesleft,”Gavsaid.“BecauseIdon’twantit.”“Gav,”Istarted,andhemotionedformetowait.“Giveusamoment?”hesaidtotheothers.HetookmyhandsasTessaandLeodriftedawaytohelpTobias

set up the stove. “Kae,” he said. “I can see why you want to do this. It justdoesn’tfeelrighttome.IfIgetsomefalsesenseofsecurityfromavaccinethatturns out not to be effective, maybe I’ll make a mistake I wouldn’t haveotherwise.Idon’twanttohavethatideainmyhead,thatI’msafe.”“Sojusttakeitandassumeitdoesnothing,”Isaid.“Wehavenoideahowbadit’llbeinthecity,Gav.”“Iknow,”hesaid,andswallowed.“ButIstill—youknow,mymomwasoneofthefirsttocatchit?Whenwestartedhearingthenews,allshe’dsaywas,‘Someone’llcomeupwithacureinafewdays,it’llallbefine,italwaysis.’Shewassoconvincedthatthedoctorsandthescientistscouldsolveallourproblemsthatshedidn’ttakeprecautions,shedidn’tworry.Andnowshe’slyingsomewhereinthequarrywithalltheotherthousandsofpeoplethevirushaskilled.”“You’dneverbelikethat,”Iprotested.“No,”hesaid.“ButtakingthevaccineisgoingtochangehowIthink.Noonehasthatmuchcontrolovertheirmind.Youknowthat.”Idid.Ialsoknewhowmuchitwouldhurthim,ifIsaidIwasn’tlettinghimonthetruckunlesshetookthevaccine,thatI’dratherhestayedontheisland.Itwasn’tfairofme,wasit,toforcesomethingonhimthathefeltsostronglyabout,sothatIdidn’thavetoworryasmuch?Itwashisdecision.Hewasalreadydoingsomuchforme.“You have to be incredibly careful,” I said. “No playing the hero.” “No herobusiness,”heagreed.“We’rebothcomingbackheresafe,Kae.Ipromise.”Theresolveinhiseyesmadeeverythingelsearoundmefadeaway.Thecold.Thelongroadahead.Theotherboywhomightbewatchingusrightnow.Islidmyhandaroundhisneckandkissedhim.Gavkissedmeback,hisglovedfingerscuppingmycheek.Andforthespaceofthatmoment,atleast,Ibelievedwhathe’dsaidtoo.seven

Ourfirstdayon the road,wepassedhomesandwarehousesandoff-rampsleading into towns, butweonly stopped twice, by stretches of vacant land, topourallourextragasoline into the tankand toswitchdrivers.Nowand thenIcaught a glimpseofwhat looked like chimney smoke in the distance, but thatwastheonlysignofanyonestill living.Thetruck’s tireshissedendlesslyover

thesnow-coveredfreeway.For the first time, the gravity ofwhatLeo had told us about themainland

completely sank in.The restof thecountryhadn’tbeencallously ignoringourisland’s plight. They’d been so overwhelmed they couldn’t even savethemselves.

In themiddle of the secondmorning, Tobias wiggled a finger toward thedashboardandsaid,“Weshouldstopatthenexttownwithaclearenoughexitramp.Gasisgettinglow.”

He’d been sounding more confident since he’d taken the wheel the daybefore.Guiltpinchedme.I’dsnuckTessaandLeointotheharborofficebeforeIgavethemtheirdosesofthevaccine,toavoidanyargument.Iwasn’tgoingtooffersomethingsoprecioustosomeoneIhardlyknewwhowasonlyhelpingusoutofobligation.Whomight run likehedid from thearmybase if thingsgottough. But it was harder to think that way with Tobias sitting next to me,drumminghisfingersonthewheelintimewithatunehewashumming.

IshiftedMeredithonmylapandpeeredatthemapbook.We’dpassedthesignsannouncingwewereenteringNewBrunswickjustafewhoursbeforewe’dstopped lastnight. It looked likewecouldmake it toOttawa in threedays,aslongasthesnowdidn’tgetmuchdeeper.

Aslongaswecouldfindgas.“Thatexitlooksgood,”Gavsaidfromthebackseat.Hepointedtoalanewherethewindhadleftthesnowshallow,andTobiasnodded.“Do you think there’s any chance some places still have electricity, Leo?” Iasked.His coat rasped against Tessa’s as he shifted behind me. “There were a fewpower stations still running, the last I heard,” he said. “Butmost of themhadbrokendown.Andthatwasmorethanamonthago.”“Ifwecanfindastationthathaspower,KaelynandIshouldbeabletogetthepumpsrunning,”Gavsaid,squeezingmyshoulder.“We’vehadsomepractice.”Mystomachtwingedaswepassedafrost-crustedMcDonaldssignattheedgeofthetown.Ididn’tevenlikeburgersthatmuch,butI’dhaveallbutkilledforonenow.Alittletasteofourold,normalworld.“Herewego,”Tobiassaid,turningthewheel.Hepulledupbesidearowofpumpsthatclaimedtohavefullservice,thoughtheshopacrossfromthemwasdark.Thehoseslayinatanglebesidethepumps.IeasedMeredithoffmylapandsteppedoutsideintotheJanuarychill,shakingthefeelingbackintomytravel-numbedlegs.“WhatshouldIdo?”Meredithasked,hereyeswide.“Justwait here, okay?” I said.Gav hopped out, andwe hurried to the station

shoptogether.The inside had been ransacked: shelves toppled, papers and boxes crushedunderfoot. Ipickedupanewspaper tocheck thedate.November16.Thatwastwoweeksafterwe’dlostallcontactwiththemainlandontheisland.Thepaper felt strangely thin, andas Ipaged through I realized itwasmissingmost of the usual sections. No sports, no entertainment. I wondered if thegovernmenthadcanceledthoseeventstopreventpeoplefromminglinginpublicplaces,oriftheorganizershadstoppedoutoftheirownfear.Afteraglanceoverthe headlines—US president pleads for calm in face of global pandemic.Utilities failure imminent—Idropped itonto thecounter. Iknew those stories.I’dseenthemformyselfontheisland;couldseethemnowinthedesolationofyetanothertown.Gav flicked the light switch on and off, getting no response. We squeezedbehindthecounterandpeeredatthevariouscontrols.Hesighed.“Doesn’tlookgood.”“Iguessitwouldhavebeentooeasyifwecouldhavefilleduptheusualway,”Isaid. “We’ve got the siphon tube.” Leo had brought it with the rest of oursuppliesfromtheSUV.Wescannedtheareaaswecameout,buttherewerenovehiclesinthestation’slotoroutsidethebigdiscountstoreontheothersideofthestreet.“Noluck,”Gavsaidtotheothers.“We’llhavetogofartherintotownandfindcarstosiphonfrom.”AsTobias reached to turn thekey in the ignition,Leograsped thebackofhisseat.“Wait,”hesaid.Hepeeredthroughthewindowtowardthetown.“Ifthereareanypeoplearound,showingupinanarmyvehicle...itmightstartlethem.Givethemthewrongidea.”“Youdon’tfigurewe’resaferinthisthanwalkingaround?”Tobiassaid.“Iwouldn’t count on it,”Leo said, his voice tight. “A lot of people are upsetwith themilitary right now. I’ve seen people jump a guywhowasn’t even asoldier,justforwearingacamouflagejacket.Okay?Ifyou’vegotweapons,let’scarrythemincaseweneedtodefendourselves,butI’dratherleavethetruck.”“Soundsallrighttome,”Gavsaid.“Keepalowprofile,getin,getout,maybenoonewillevennoticeus.”HeshotadarklookatTobias,wholoweredhisgaze.Atleast,Inoted,Tobias’sparkawasplaingray,withnothingclearlyarmyabout it.“Fine,”hesaid.“Butlet’smakeitfast.”Igrabbedthebucketandthenow-emptyjugsfromthebackofthetruck,handingsome off to Tessa and Meredith. When we came back around, Tobias wasshowingLeoaredplastic-lookinggun.

“Aflaregunwon’tdomajordamage,but it’ll at least scareaperson,”hewassaying.“Makesapretty loudnoise, though,sodon’tuse itunlessyouhaveto.Anyonewhodoesn’talreadyknowwe’rehere,theywillassoonasyoufireit.”Tobias must have had a weapon on him too. Probably one that fired actualbullets. I remembered thewomanI’dseengunneddownbyagangmember inthestreet,weeksagobutstillvividinmymind.“We’re not going to shoot anyone,” I said. “Not unless it’s that or get shotourselves.”“Idon’twanttouseit,”Leosaid,tuckingtheflaregunintohiscoat.Hisstancewastense.Gav joined us, holding a branch hemust have found, as thick as his arm andnearlyas long.“Better tobepreparedthannot,”hesaid, takingthelastcouplejugsinhisotherhand.Tobiascircledthetruck,makingsureallthedoorsweresecure.“Ourfood’ssafeinthere?”Tessaasked.Tobiasgaveherathinsmile.“It’sanarmyvehicle,”hesaid,pattingthesideofthetruck.“Noone’sgettinginwithoutabazooka.”Wetrampeddowntheroad,pastthefastfoodrestaurantsandaone-storymotel,toward themore tightly clusteredbuildings inwhat looked tobe the center oftown.Alayeroficecrustedthesnow,andourbootscrunchedthroughitaswewalked.Thesoundseemedhorriblyloudinthesilencearoundus.Wepassedacoupleofnicerrestaurants,aliquorstore,andajewelryshop.Allthewindowswere shadowed.Meredith had paused to look longingly at a fewbeads scattered in the jewelry shopwindow,when three dogs trotted onto theroadinfrontofus.We all froze. The largest dog, what looked like a German Shepherd–mix,woofedquietlyandcontinuedon.Theothers,abullterrierandabrown-spottedmutt,followedwithoutabackwardglance.Allthreestillworecollars.Theirtagsjingledlongaftertheyslippedoutofsight.“Mustbeanawfullotofownerlessdogsintheworldnow,”Tobiasmurmured.“Maybethey’dbebetteroffifthevirusgot’emtoo.”“Therecouldbemore,”Gavsaid.“You thinka flaregunwouldworkonwilddogs?”“They’renotreallywild,”Isaid.“Andtheydidn’tseeminterestedinus.”“Wedon’tknowwhatelseisaround,though.Orhowhungrytheymightbe.”“Well,weeitherkeepwalkingorwegobackforthetruckandannouncetothewholetownwe’rehere,”Leosaidmildly.“I’mallforthetruck,”Tobiassaid.“Therewerejustthree,”Tessasaid.“Andwe’realreadyhere.”

“Exactly,”Isaid,breakingfromthegrouptostrideondowntheroad.“Let’sjustgetsomegasandgo.”A few blocks up ahead, I spotted a couple of mounds of snow that lookedvaguelycar-shaped.Iheadedtowardthem,hearingtheotherscatchingupbehindme.Wewere just a fewstorefronts awaywhenmovementupaheadmademylegslock.A couple of figures in heavy coats were sauntering out onto the street fromaround a corner just beyond the second car. We waited as they approached.Fromthecornerofmyeye,IsawLeo’shandslipintothepocketthatheldtheflaregun.Mypulsestartedskittering.“Hey there,” one of the figures saidwhen theywere about ten feet away.Hispaleeyesgloweredatus.“What’reyoualldoing?”“We’renottryingtomaketrouble,”Gavsaid.Heheldthebranchlowbyhissidebutclearlyvisible.“Justneedsomegasforourcar.”“Thisisourtown,”themansaid,buthedidn’tmoveanycloser.Iwonderedifitwasjustthetwoofthem—therewasnowaytheycouldfightallsixofus,ifitcamedowntothat.“Wedon’tcareforstrangerscominginandtakingwhattheywant.”“Butweneedit!”Meredithsaid.Ireachedforher,butsheshiftedawayfrommygrasp.“It’sreallyimportant.WehavetogettoOttawa,togivethemthevaccine,sowecanstopthevirus.”Themanraisedhiseyebrows.“Vaccine?There’sneverbeennovaccineforthefriendlyflu.”Ididn’tseemuchpointinlyingaboutitnow.“Wehaveanewprototype,”Isaid.“Mydadwasascientist—hemadeit.We’retrying toget to the city to find someonewhocanmakemore.We just need alittlehelpgettingthere.”Themanstudiedusforamoment.“Well,” he said to his companion, “maybewe should just let them be for themoment,don’tyouthink?”Withoutanotherwordtous,theyturnedandambledbackthewaythey’dcome.Apricklecreptupthebackofmyneck.Iwasgladtheywereleavingusalone,and he seemed to be saying we could take what we needed after all, butsomethingabouthismannerfeltthreatening.“Theyweren’tsounreasonable,”Tessasaidafterthetwohadturnedoutofview.Itoremyeyesawayandhurriedontothenearestcar.The gas cap resisted my tugging fingers. Gav tried the door, grimaced, andraised the branch to smash in the driver’s-side window. Leaning inside, hepoppedthecap.Iunscrewedthesealandfedthetubedownintothetank.ThenI

broughttheotherendtomymouth,bracingmyselfforthetasteofgasolineIwasgoing to get if I wasn’t fast enough, and sucked in.Meredith hovered by thebucket.Allthatcameupwasair.Iwiggledthetubearound,tryingtogetitdeeper,andsuckedagain.Nothing.“It’sdry,”Isaid.“Letmesee.”Gavkneltdownbesideme,buthehadnomoresuccess.“Someoneelseprobablyhadthesameidea,”Leosaid.The second car proved to be as empty as the first.Wewalked a little farther,tryingapickuptruckthatappearedtohavestalledinthemiddleoftheroadandavanhalfablockdownoneofthesidestreets,butneithergaveussomuchasadrop.“Someone’sdrainedthemallalready,”Isaid.Themanwho’dtried towarnusoff?“Let’sgetbacktothetruck.Wecandrivetotheothersideoftown.Maybewhoevergotthegashereonlybotheredwiththemainroad.”“Noargumentfromme,”Tobiassaid,andGavnodded.“Meredith,”Leosaidaswetrudgedtowardthegasstation,“fromnowon,youshouldn’ttalkaboutthevaccinewithstrangers.Iknowyouweretryingtohelp,butpeopleareafraidofgettingsick,andsomeof themmightnotcare thatweneedthesamplestomakemore.They’djustwanttogetsomeforthemselves.”Meredithloweredherhead.“Okay.I’msorry.”“It’sallright,”Itoldher.“Justremember.”Hopefullytherewouldn’tbeanexttime.Therewasno signof anyonenearbywhenwe reached the station. If theyhadcome and gone, their footprintswere lost amid the oneswe’dmadewhenwearrived.Thetruck’swindowswereundamagedandthedoorssecure.Istartedtorelax as Tobias unlocked them. He hopped into the driver’s seat while wechuckedthebucketandjugsintheback.A shrill squealing split the air, so piercingmyhands leapt tomy ears. Just asabruptly, itcutoff.Tobias twistedthekeyintheignitionagain,but theenginewassilent.“What in hell?” hemuttered, pushing open the door.Hemarched over to thehoodandyankeditup,justasIreachedhim.Forasecond,webothstareddown,motionless.Every lid thatcouldhavebeen twistedoffwasgone.Every tubewassnapped,everywirecut.Gavhurriedaroundandstoppedwithahissofbreath.“Canwefixit?”Isaid,eventhoughIwasalreadyprettysureoftheanswer.Tobias’sshouldersslumped.

“Notunlessyou’vegotamagicwand,”hesaid.“Thetruck’sdead.”eightWe’donlybeenworryingaboutkeepingoursuppliessafe—ithadn’toccurredtousthatsomeonemightwreckthetruckitself.

“Theguysintown,”Gavsaid.“Youthinktheydidthistogetbackatus?”Ihuggedmyself.“Orto takewhatwehave.Theycouldn’toverpowerusallatonce. And they couldn’t get into the truck. So they stopped us from leavingwhile theydecidewhat todonext.”Like theywerepredatorsandwewere theprey.They’dwoundedus,andtheywerejustwaitingforthebestopportunitytostrikeakillingblow.Tobiasstartedtopace.“Weshouldn’thaveleftit,”hesaid.“WhatthehelldoIdonow?”“Whatdowedo,youmean,”Tessasaidquietly.“Wewalk,”Leo said.He jerked his hand toward the truck. “There’s a tent inthere,we’vegotthecampingstoveandfoodandwarmclothing.We’llmanage.ButIsaywegetoutofherebeforewhoever’safteruscomesbackwithhelp.”“We’regoingtowalkallthewaytoOttawa?”Meredithsaid,hermouthtwistingasifshe’dtastedsomethingsour.Wewerealmosthalfwaytherealready.Iswallowed.“It’dbepracticallyjustasfartryingtowalkbacktotheisland.Andthevaccinewon’tdoanyoneanygoodifweheadback.Let’s figurehowmuchwecancarry,quickly, andgetoutofhere.”“Wecanfindanothercarontheroad,”Gavsaidwithoutblinkinganeye.“We’llonlyhavetowalkuntilthen.”IwishedIcouldbesoconfidentnowthatourplanshadjustbeenturnedontheirheads.Hisconvictionsteadiedme.“Wecouldbringmoreifwehadbackpacks,”Isaid.Tessapointed to thediscountstoreacross thestreet.“I think I seesleds in thewindow.Thosewouldcarryalot.”“Ifwehavetimetogetthem.”Leoscannedthebuildingsaroundusandjoggedovertothegas-stationshop.Inafewsmoothmovements,heheftedhimselfontothe dumpster by the sidewall, leapt up to grasp the edge of the roofwith hishands and elbows, and swung his knee up. After a brief scramble, he wasstanding.Tobiasstaredupathim.“Yousomekindofrock-climbingexpert?”“Dancer,”Leosaid.Heturned,surveyingthetownandthefreewaybeyond.“Idon’tseeanyonerightnow.Grabthesleds.I’llshoutifthere’saproblem.”“Hey,areyouhelping,orareyougoingtostandaroundandmoanwhilewegetgoing?”GavsaidtoTobias.Tobias’sjawset.AsheclamberedafterGavtosort

throughthesupplies,IturnedtoMeredith.“Comeon,Mere,”Isaid,asbrightlyasIcouldmanage.Herbodystiffened,butshepressedher lips togetherandnodded.She,Tessa,and Ihurried toward thediscountstore.The lockon the doorwas broken, probablyby someone looking for food, buttheyhadn’ttouchedthesleds.Wepulleddownsixofthebiggestonesthathadropestopullthembyandranbacktothetruck.Theplasticbottomsraspedoverthesnowbehindus.Leogaveustheokaygesturefromtheroof.“Sowehavetotakethetent,”Gavwas saying. He started handing boxes and bags out to us. “And those twosleepingbags,andall theblankets.Thefood.Someofthewater.Wecanrefillthebottles.”“I have somepurification tablets,”Tobias said. “Here,we’llwant the first aidkit,andthestoveandtheextrakerosene.Andtheradio,ofcourse.”“Idon’tthinkthereareanystationstolistentothesedays,”Gavsaid.“It’s a transceiver,”Tobias said. “Goodone.Maybewe can get in touchwiththesescientistsinOttawa,ifthey’rethere,getthemtomeetushalfway.”Gavgavehimaskepticallook.“Wegotroom?”heaskedme.“Ithinkso.”ItookthebagofblanketsandfititintothesledIwaskeepinglightforMeredith.“There’sspaceonthatone,”Isaid,pointingtothenextsledover.“We’rebringingit,”Tobiassaid.“I’lltakethatsledifit’saproblemforsomeoneelse.”“You think there are any armybases on theway that could help us?” I askedhim.“Lendusanewtruck,atleast?”Tobiasduckedhis head. “Noone came to checkuponus inweeks,” he said.“Weweren’t getting anybroadcasts on the usual bandwidths, either. I think itwas thesamethingeverywhere.Peoplegotsick,or ranaway,orholedup justhopingtogetby.”“Thereweresoldiersattheborder,”Leosaid.“Assoonasafewofthemgotthevirus,mostofthemdeserted.”Iwasn’tsurprised,afterseeinghowthesoldierswho’dbeensupposedtoenforcethequarantinehadrunoff,buthiswordsmademecolder.Wereallywerealoneinthis.“Vaccine,” Gav said, sliding the cold box to me. I placed it carefully in themiddleofmysledandthenwenttothefrontofthetrucktograbthemapbook.“Thereareabunchof little townsdowntheroad,oneeveryfewmiles,”Isaidafter I’d flipped to the areawe’d stopped in. “Maybewewon’t even need tocampoutside.”“Iwon’targuewiththat,”Gavsaid.Hecamearoundandslidhisarmaroundmy

waist.“Ready?”heaskedsoftly.“Yeah,”Isaid,despitethenervousthuddingofmyheart.Hehuggedmeclose,asilentreassurance:Wecandothis.Wewillmakeit.Ileanedmyheadagainsthisshoulder,allowingmyselfasecond’scomfort.AnylingeringbitsofguiltI’dfeltoverLeo’skissmeltedaway.All thatmatteredwasgetting through this,and Iwasso,sothankfulIhadGavwithmewhilewedid.Leosliddownofftheroofontothedumpster,andthentotheground,rejoiningus. “Whatever they’re thinkingof pullingonus, they’re taking their time,” hesaid.“Let’snotgivethemanymore.”Wemarcheduptheramptothefreeway,haulingthesleds.Itwasalothardertopullone thatwas loadeddown.Myarmwasalreadystarting toachewhenwereached the freeway. One side of the road was heaped with snow, the othercovered with windswept ice. We kept to the latter, the sleds scraping alongbehindus,leavingnotrail.Aftera fewminutes,we leftbehind the lastof the town’sbuildings,pinesandspruces springing up in their place. Leo twisted his sled’s rope one way andanother,andfinallysteppedinsideittolethiswaisttaketheweight.Beforelong,therestofushadfollowedsuit.Ittooksometimetogetusedto,butafterawhileIwaspullingthesledalonglikeI’dbeendoingitmywholelife.Meredith strodebesideme,her lighter sledveeringa little tobump intomine,her chin tipped up and her face set in the most incredible expression ofdetermination.Asifshe’ddecidedshewasgoingtowalkallthewaytoOttawain one go. The twin braids I’d twisted her hair into the night before swayedwheretheypokedfrombeneathhertasseledhat.Beyond the road, I couldn’t make out a single building now. If not for thefreewayand theoccasionalmilemarker,wecouldhavebeenexplorers lost insome vast wilderness. The breeze licked under the back of my scarf, and Ishivered.Before the epidemic, I used to imagine wandering off the beaten track withnothingbutsomecampinggearandafewnotebooks,towatchthewildlifeawayfromhumanactivity.Butithadneverfeltthislonelyinmyimagination.Maybebecausebackthen,I’dalwayshaveknowntherewasatownwithrunningwaterandelectricityandpeoplewho’dactuallybehappytoseemenomorethanafewdayshikeaway.Ifsquirrelsandraccoonscouldmanagetosurviveweatherlikethiseveryyear,wecouldtoo,Itoldmyself.“Youmade itmost of thewayback to the islandon foot, right?”Gav said toLeo,afterwe’dbeenontheroadaboutanhour.Leonodded.“Aftertheborder,”hesaid.“Therewashardlyanysnowthen,butitstillwasn’ta

lot of fun. I didn’t have camping gear or a good stash of food like we do,though.”Meredith peered at him with open curiosity. “How did you do it, then?” sheasked.“Mere,”Isaid.“It’sokay,”Leosaid.Helaughedawkwardly.“Iguessitwasluck.Andallthosehuntingtripsmydaddraggedmeon—Iknewhowtomakeafire,catchthingstoeat.Andjustnotgivingup.”“Look,”Tessasaid,breakingin.“Ithinkthere’sacar.”Therewas: a grayminivan stranded in a drift of snow by the shoulder of thefreeway, theglintof its side-viewmirrorcatching the sunlight.Gav reached itfirst.Thedriver’s-sidedooropenedwhenhetriedit,andheleanedinside.Whenhereemerged,hewasfrowning.“Theownersmusthavetakenthekeywiththem,”hesaid.“Iguesstheyfiguredthey’dbecomingbackforitlater.”“Thecarsalonghereareprobablyalllostcauses,”Tobiassaid.“They’donlybelefton thefreewayif theywereoutofgasorbrokedown,right?We’dhaveabetterchanceinatown.Ifthere’soneparkedinadriveway,thekeysmightstillbeinthehousesomewhere.”“Andmaybethepeopleitbelongsto,too,”Isaid.Alive,ordead.Tobiaslookedaway.“I’dsayit’sworthtrying.There’llbepeoplewhojustdiedathome,didn’twanttobotherwithahospital—theydon’tneedacaranymore.Iknow my step-dad would have said screw you if anyone told him to staysquashedinsomeroomwithabunchofotherinfectedpeople.”“Guessit’sagoodthingyouwereoffatanarmybase,then,”Gavremarked.“Believeme,”Tobiasmuttered,“Ididn’twanttobethere,either.”We tramped on, crossing a bridge over a frozen river. The rope cut into mymiddleasweclimbedthelowarch,butafterwecrestedthetop,gravitypulledthe sleds so they chased us down the opposite side. We all ran, laughingbreathlesslybythetimewe’dreachedthebottom.“Iwishtheroadwentdownthewholeway,”Meredithsaid,settingoffanotherroundoftiredlaugher.ItwasonlyafewminuteslaterthatLeohaltedinmid-strideandmotionedforustodothesame.“Youhearthat?”heasked.Wehesitated.For a second, I couldonlyhear the breeze ruffling the treetops.Thenthefaintrumbleofanenginereachedmyears,gettinggraduallylouder.“Carcoming,”Gavsaid.“Thinkweshouldaskthemtogiveusaride,ifwecanallsqueezein?”

“I wouldn’t assume they’re friendly,” Leo said. “I’m not sure we even wantthemtoknowwe’rehere.”“Howarewegoingtoknowifwedon’tgivethemachance?”Tessaasked.Ithoughtabouthoweasilytheguyinthelasttownhadpretendedtomakepeace,andthendoubledbacktodestroyourtruck.“I’mokaywithnotknowing,”Isaid.“Let’sgo,then,”Tobiassaid.“Offtheroad,intothetrees.”“Quickly,”Leoadded.“They’realmosthere.”ThesoundoftheenginehadgrownloudenoughthatIcouldhearitevenwhenweweretalking.Mypulsestartedtothumpinmyears.Gavhelpedmeheftmysledovertheditch,andwescrambledwithitthroughthetrees.Wesliddownashortslope,settingthesledatthebottom.Ashehurriedbackforhis,IwenttohelpMeredith. She tripped comingdown the slope andplunged forward amidthesnow.Theendofhersleddroppedwithathud,butnothingfellout.“Youokay?”Iwhispered.Shenodded,herfaceturnedaway.Astheotherscrouchedbesideus,theenginenoiserosefromarumbletoaroar.Tiresthumpedcomingoffthebridge.Ifroze,peeringoverthetopoftheslopethroughthetrees.Apalegreenvangrowleddownthefreeway.Awomanwithlongflax-blondhairbeneatharedhatsatinthedriver’sseat.Shehadonehandonthewheelandtheotherbalancingathinobjectthatpokedouttheopenwindow.Thetipofarifle.Icaughtaglimpseofatleastoneotherfigureinthevan,andthenitslippedoutofsightfartherdowntheroad.Wewaited,silently,astheroarfadedbackintoagrumble.Iwasjustabouttospeakwhenitsuddenlycutout.We couldn’t see them, but the breeze carried every sound. The squeak of thedoorasitopened,thethudasitclosed.Theclompofbootsontheicyasphalt.Acrackle of static.And a hard voice that resonated through the trees, distinctlyannoyed.“You said they were heading for Ottawa?” the woman said. My skin wentclammy.Theyweren’tjustdangerous—theywerelookingforus.They’dtalkedtotheguyintown.Maybethiswasthehelphe’dbeenwaitingfor.The static crackled again, around a voice too distorted for me to make out.“Two-wayradios,”Tobiasmurmured.“Smart.”Whateverthevoiceontheotherendsaid,thewomandidn’tlikeit.“Well,Icansee tenmilesof freeway fromwhere I’m standing, and they’renoton it,” shesaid.“Theymusthavetakensomeotherroute,unlessyouthinktheygrewwingsandflew.”Morecrackling.“You’retheonewhodidn’tholdthemupwellenough.You’retheoneMichael’sgoingtobepissedat.”

Crackle.“Yeah,andupyours,”thewomanreplied.Thevandoorwhinedopenagain,andtheenginesputteredtolife.Tiresscreechedontheice.Halfaminutelater, thevanspedpastusintheoppositedirection,headingbacktowardthetown.Isankdownonthesnow,mybreathrushingoutinahuff,andrubbedthecoolsurfaceofmyglovesagainstmyface.WhenIopenedmyeyesagain,InoticedMeredithhadhunchedagainstthetrunkofoneofthetrees.Awetshineglintedonhercheeks.“Hey,Mere,”Isaid,“it’sokaynow.They’regone.”Sheansweredwithawhimperandstretchedoutherhand.Myheartstopped.Thepalmofhermittenwassoakedthroughwithblood.nine“Iwastryingtobequiet,”Meredithsaidshakily.“Iknewwedidn’twantthosepeopletofindus.”

IpeeledoffhermittenasgentlyasIcould,fightingtokeepmyownvoicecalm.“Whathappened?Whendidithappen?”Meredithwinced.Her small palmwas slashedwith a ragged cut,more bloodalreadywellingalongitslength.“IthinkitwaswhenIfell,whenweweregettingofftheroad,”shesaid.“Therewassomethingsharpinthesnow.Itreallyhurt.ButIsqueezedandsqueezedmyhand,andthatmadeithurtless.Iwasbeingstronglikeyou,Kaelyn.”Shegavemeapainedsmile.Stronglikeme.Ididn’tfeelallthatstrongrightnow.“Here,”Tobiassaid,offeringmearollofgauze,andIflinched.Ihadn’theardhim approach. “I think there’s a couple antiseptic wipes in here too,” hecontinued,pawingthroughthefirstaidkithe’dpoppedopen.Irippedopenthethinpackethehandedmeanddabbedthecut.“Thatwasreallybrave,Meredith,”Leosaid.“Youdidgood.Youhelpedkeepussafe.”Sheshiftedhersmiletohim,andbitherlipasIstartedwrappinggauzearoundherpalm.I’ddoneaprettyawfuljobofkeepinghersafe.Ihadn’tevennoticedshewashurt.Tobiassaidhehadacoupleofthosewipes—werewegoingtobeabletokeepthecutcleanuntilithealed?Whatifitgotinfected?Ididn’tevenhaveanewmittentogiveher.Heroldonewastoodamptokeepher hand warm now.Why hadn’t we picked up extras when we’d gotten theblanketsandhats?“Guesswe’veseentheback-uptheguysintownwerewaitingfor,”Tobiassaid.“Theyreallywantwhatwehave.”“Atleasttheygaveuponthisroute,”Tessasaid.

“Fornow,”Leosaid.“Therearen’tthatmanyroads.Iftheywanttofindusbadlyenough,they’llcomeback.”Gav kicked at the snow. “Maybe we should go back and settle this now.Convincethemwe’renotworthmessingwith.”I remembered themuzzleof the riflepoking through thevanwindow.“We’renotgoinganywherenearthosepeople!”Isaid,moresharplythanImeantto.Ipulledoffoneofmygloves,tuggeditoverMeredith’shand,kissedherforehead,andstoodup.“I’mgoingtolookatthemap.”Igrabbed themapbook from the frontofmysledandstalkedoff through thetrees.Afterabouttwentyfeet,Istoppedandleanedagainsttheflakingbarkofabirchtree’strunk.Mylegsfeltlikejelly.Foramoment,thefirmsurfaceofthetreebehindmewastheonlythingholdingmeup.Meredith’sokay,Iremindedmyself.Itwasabadscratch,butultimatelyonlyascratch. We had supplies, we had the vaccine, we had a map. Nothing hadchanged.Exceptthatatleastacouplepeoplewithagunwereafterus,andwedidn’tknowhowlongorhowfarthey’dchaseus,andanyoneofuscouldgethurtworseatany time.Byour pursuers, through another accident likeMeredith’s, from thecold. We hadn’t even spent one night without heat yet. How many of thosenightswould therebebetweenhereandOttawa?Wehadhundredsofmiles togo.WasIstrongenoughtogetallofusthroughthis?DidIhaveanychoice?IfIsuggestedweturnbacktowardtheisland,everyoneelsewouldprobablyagree,butthatjourneywouldn’tbeanylessdangerous.Anditwouldmeanpassingthetownwherewe’dlostTobias’struck.Idraggedthecrispwinterairintomylungs,hopingitwouldsettlemythoughts,buttheywhirledon.Iopenedthemapbook.IfwekeptgoingtowardOttawa,wecouldn’tstayonthefreeway.Asthewomanintheredhathadsuggested,therewerestretcheswherethey’dbeabletospotusfrommilesaway.The ground amid the treeswasmore uneven than the road, and coveredwithsnow instead of ice, but I didn’t think the goingwould bemuch slower. Thesleds might slide easier. We could follow alongside the freeway through theforestuntilwefoundanewcarandcouldputsomerealdistancebetweenusandthepeopleinthevan.The others’ voices rose and fell behind me, muffled by the trees. As Istraightenedup, footstepscrunchedthroughthesnow.I turned,expectingGav.ButitwasLeowhowaswalkingtowardme.“Youallright,Kae?”hesaid.Theconcerninhiseyesandthewayhesaidmynamemademyheartskipthe

wayithadthatdayinthegarage.Awaveoffrustrationrolledoverme,tensingmyshouldersandclosingmythroat.Ididn’tneedthistoo.Notnow.Notever.“Justwantedaminutetothink,”Isaid.“WhathappenedtoMeredithwasn’tyourfault,”hesaid,eventhoughhehadtoknowjustaswellasIdidthatitwas.“It’smy fault allofus arehere,” I said. “You toldme it’dbebad.Youknewpeoplewouldbethiscrazy.ButIdecidedtogoanyway.”Hedidn’tanswer,onlyshrugged,loweringhisgaze.Icouldseehimpullingbackinto that distant place inside his head, and all at once Iwas twice as angry. IwantedtherealLeo.TheLeowhocouldsmilethrougheverysnidecommentourfifth grade teacher made about “foreigners.” The Leo who practiced a spin ahundredtimes,stumbling,andjustlaughedandsaidhehadtokeeptrying.TheLeowho’dpulledoffhisfavoriteT-shirttouseasabandage,thetimeIfelloutofatreeandcutthebackofmyheadopen,whorantothenearesthousetocallforhelpandthensatwithmeandheldmyhandandtoldmejokesallthewaytothehospital.This boy standing in front ofme, looking beaten—this boywho’d kissedmewithhisgirlfriendjustabuildingawayandthenpretendeditdidn’tmatter—thiswasn’tmybestfriend.AndIhadnoideahowtogethimback.“You’redoingwhatyouhavetodo,”Leosaidfinally.“Becauseofthevaccine.Weallgetthat.”Iwasn’tsurethatwastrue,butIdidn’twanttotalkanymore.SoallIsaidwas,“Yeah.”Imovedtowalkpasthim,andhecaughtmewithahandonmyarm.“Areweallright,Kae?”heasked.Therewerefourlayersofclothbetweenhisskinandmine,butIcouldstillfeelafaintwarmthwherehetouchedme.Ipulledmyarmaway.“Sure,”Isaid,butthewordcameoutsoharshevenIwouldn’thavebelievedit.“I’msorry,”hesaid,hisvoicelow.“Whathappenedinthegarage.. .itwasastupidthingtodo.ButImeantwhatIsaid.I’mnotgoingtotry—it’snotgoingtohappenagain.”“Youshouldn’thavedoneitinthefirstplace,”Isnapped.Toomany emotions to count flickered across Leo’s face, but therewas one Icouldn’tmistake.Hurt.“I’msorry,”hesaidagain,stiffly.“Ididn’tknowitwasthatawful.”My fingers curled into my palms. “I didn’t say that. It’s so much morecomplicated,Leo.Tessa’smyfriend.You’re supposed tobemyfriend. Ican’t—”Icouldn’tkeepdiscussing this,notwhenGavwas turning towarduswherehestoodwiththegroupbytheroad.“Kae?”hecalled,peeringthroughtheforest.

Leowas looking atme almost curiously.Acold spot formed in thepit ofmystomach.“Forgetit,”Isaid.“We’vegottogetgoing.Itdoesn’tmatternowanyway.”Isteppedaroundhimandheadedbacktothethingsthatdid.

Wemade it sixmoremilesbeforewe stopped for thenight ina tiny townthatwasbarelymore thana scatteringofhouses, a church, andaconveniencestorealongaroadbranchingofffromthefreeway.Someonehaddrivenapickuptruckintothesideofthestore.Thestore’swindowwasshattered,andwhatwecouldseeofthetruck’sfrontendwassmashedflat.Iwonderedifthedriverhadbeensick,hallucinating,whentheaccidenthappened.

Eventhoughtherewerenofootprintsortiretracksonthestreet,wewalkeddowntheroadslowly,pausingeverynowandthentolisten.Nosoundreachedusbut thewind.Myeyes ached from thecold andmy legs from thewalking.Numbnesswas starting todull thenerves inmy feet despitemy two layersofsocks and thick boots.Meredith’s headwas drooping.Butwe still had a littlefarthertogo.

Tomyrelief,we foundanunlockedhouseonoursecond try.Wewent in,wipingourbootsontheinnermatoutofhabit.Noonewasgoingtocareaboutthe stateof the floors.Picturelessnailsdotted the living room, and the closetsandbedshadbeenstrippedbare.Thepeoplewho’dlivedheremusthavetriedtorunfromthevirus.Theemptinessofthetownseemedtoechothroughthewalls.

Gavpokedatthefireplace.“Lookslikeitsuseable,”hesaid.“Thereareevenacouplelogsherethatarehardlycharred.”“If the people in that van are still searching for us, won’t the smoke give usaway?”Tessasaid.“We’d be okay once it gets dark,”Tobias said. “I—I’ll go have a look at thetreesaroundhere.Ifwecangetsomesprucebranches,orelder,theydon’tmakeasmuchsmoke.”“Really?”Gavsaid.“Wood’swood,isn’tit?”Tobias shrugged,hishead low.“Wehadawholesectiononhow toevade theenemyifyou’restationedoutdoors.Isawitwithmyowneyes.”Withinanhour,wehadflamesdancinginthefireplace,waftingathinheatandtangysprucescent through the livingroom.Weallhuddledclose, taking turnswarmingcansofsoupattheedgeofthehearth.Thefeelingslowlyprickledbackintomyfeet.“We should be careful how much we’re eating,” Leo said. “Now that we’regoingtobeontheroadlongerthanweexpected.”“We can’t cut back too much if we’re going to have energy for walking,” Ipointedout.

“Armyrationsareprettyfilling,”Tobiassaid.“That’swhatthey’remadefor.I’dfigurewe’re good for another ten days.”Hepaused. “It’swater you’ve got toworryaboutmore.Wecouldmelt somesnowhere to fillup theemptybottlesbeforewego.”Afterwe’deaten,heandTessaandLeowentoutwiththethreepotswefoundinthekitchen,andcamebackwithheapsofsnow.“Careful,”Tobiassaidashesethisbytheedgeofthefire.“We’vegottopouralittlewaterinfirst.Otherwise—you’dneverbelieveit—thedamnstuffcanburnthebottomofthepot.”“Arewejustgoingtosleephere?”Meredithasked.“Onthefloor?”“Wecouldbringthemattressesdownfromthebedsupstairs,”Tessasaid.“Makeitmorecomfortable.”Tobiasnodded.“We’llstaywarmerthatwaytoo.”TessaandMeredithkeptaneyeonthemeltingsnowwhiletherestofusheadedupstairs.GavandLeo took thequeenmattressoutof themasterbedroomandhauleditdownwhileTobiasandIgrabbedthedoubledownthehall.Itriednottonoticetheknickknacksontheshelves,thebooksonthebedsidetable.Bythetimewe’dpushedthemattresstothetopofthestairs,sweathadbrokenout onmy forehead. “Better take your coat off if you’re getting hot,” Tobiassaid.“Whenyourclothesgetdamp,it’salothardertokeepwarmlateron.”Inodded,anddroppedthecoatovertherailingsoIcouldpickitupbelow.“Youknowalotaboutsurvivinginthecold.”“I’vebeenthroughtraining,”hesaid.“InCanada.Wouldn’thavelastedlongifIdidn’tpickupafewthings.”Ilookedathimthen—reallylookedathim,forthefirsttimesincehe’dtolduswhatwasgoingonintheharbor,whenallI’dbeenabletoseewasyetanothersoldierwhoshouldhavebeenprotectingusandfailed.HewasonlyafewyearsolderthanIwas.Hehadparentsoutthere,maybebrothersorsisters,friends—peoplehedidn’tknowwhether theywerealiveordead.He’dhad to leave theone certain shelter he had. Training or not, some part of himmust have beenscared.Andhewasstillhere.“Thanks,”Isaid.“Forhelpingus,witheverything.Ihatetothinkwhatamesswe’dbeinwithoutyou.”Hisheadjerkedaroundwithastart.Thenhisstancerelaxedandhegavemeashysmile.“JustdoingwhatIknowhowtodo.”Astherestofuslayouttheblankets,Tobiasturnedonthetransceiverradiohe’dinsistedwebringandtookitoutontothefrontsteps.Tenminuteslater,hecameback in, sprinkled with snow and shaking his head. “I’m not picking up anysignalstonight.”Weslept the samewaywehad in the truck,eachwrapped inablanketofour

ownandthensqueezedtogetherinarowundertheunzippedsleepingbags.Mybodybalkedatthecrampedpositioningforjustafewminutesbeforeexhaustiontookover,andIdriftedoffwithGav’sbreathbymyear.Ithardlyfeltlikeanytimeatallbeforetheearlymorningsunstreamingthroughthewindowwokeme.The fire had dwindled to embers, but the room still held a littlewarmth. Themuscles around my middle throbbed when I sat up, from pulling the sledyesterday.IsquirmedoutfrombetweenGavandMeredith,whowerestartingtostir,andwenttocheckonthevaccine.Thetemperatureinthecold-storageboxlookedfine,butthefreezerpacksweregettingsloshy.Itookthreeofthefouroutandsettheminmysled,hopingthey’drefreezewhilewewalkedthatday,andbrokeabunchoficiclesoffthehouse’swindowstorefillthebox.By then theotherswereup.Wegulpeddownacouple tinsofcannedpeachesbetween us and gnawed on granola bars while we packed the sleds. As wecarried them back outside,Meredith gave an excited yelp. “I see a car!” Shegestured to a shapeburied in the snow several drivewaysdown the road. “Doyouthinktherearekeysinthehouse?”“Can’t hurt to check,” Gav said.We all marched over.While he and Tobiasstarted wiping down the car, Tessa and I climbed the front steps. The dooropenedeasily.“Ifyouwereacarkey,wherewouldyoube?”Isaid.Tessa scanned the hall. “No key rack. No hall table. Maybe a drawer in thekitchen?”Apairofwoolymittenslayinabasketjustbeyondtheshoerack.IpickedthemupsoIcouldreplaceMeredith’sdamagedpair.Myheartbeatkickedupanotchaswecreptfartherintothehouse.WhatI’dsaidtoTobiasbeforewastrue—thefactthatthecarwasstillheremeanttheownersprobablyweretoo.Thefactthattheyhadn’t complained aboutusbarging into their housemeant, if theywere,theyweredead.Butthankfullywecameuponnothingexceptadustycounter,acoffeemachinewith thepot still aquarter fullbut ringedwith ice, and, in thethirddrawerTessachecked,acarkey.“Gotit!”shesaid,soundingsotriumphantIcouldn’thelpgrinningaswehurriedoutside.Thecar,anoldmaroonsedan,wasprettymuchunearthed.Tessaunlocked thedoorandclimbedinside.Besideme,Gavshiftedrestlessly.Theenginecoughed,sputtered,andthenroseintoasteadyrumble.Meredithletoutalittlecheer.Tessabackedituptwofeet,three,andthenthewheelsstartedspinningagainstthe snowpushedup in theirwake.Myheart sank.Sheeased thecarbackandforthafewtimes,makingonlyafewinchesofprogress,thencuttheengineand

gotouttostudytheproblem.“Thesnow’stoodeep,”Leosaid,statingwhatwewereallrealizing.“We’dhavetoshovelapathrightdowntothefreeway.”Andthenwe’donlybeokayaslongaspartoftheroadwasjusticeorshallowsnow.Wecouldhardlycountonthat.“Sowe’regoingtoneedsomethingbigger,”Tessasaid.“Likethetruck.”“It’snotgoingtowork?”Meredithsaid,atrembleinhervoice.“Lookslikeno.”Irubbedherback.“Don’tworry,Mere.We’lljusthavetowaituntilwefindonethat’sbetterequippedfortheweather.”As ifwe hadn’t been lucky just to find this car and its keys. I glanced to thewest, thewaywewereheaded,andOttawaseemedtoshrinkfarawayintothedistance.“Thenwe’ve got somemorewalking to do,”Gav said, reaching for his sled.“Bettergetstarted.”

tenWewalked for twodays, stoppingbriefly in the few townswepassedand

comingupwithnothingwecoulddrive.Mystomach,hips,andlegsperpetuallyached.Conversationdwindled,andthenstoppedalmostcompletely.

On the second afternoon we achieved a minor victory, finding a shelf ofcannedfoodinagarage,aswellasaspoolofsteelwire.Aswewalkedon,Leousedittodemonstratethesnare-makingtechniqueshe’dlearnedfromhisdad.“Ihated the hunting trips he plannedmore than anything,” he said, twisting thewire.“Buttheydidprettymuchsavemylifegettingbacktotheisland.Ifwe’relucky,wecancatchafewrabbits.”

Whenwestoppedforthenightatalonefarmhouseashortdistanceoffthefreeway,Leo,Gav,andIsetthesixsnaresaroundtheclosestfield.IwokethenextmorningtoGavslidingoutfromunderthesleepingbagbesideme.Onlyafaintglowofdawnlightlittheroom.“Upalready?”Imurmured.“Iwant tocheck thesnaresbeforeeveryone’sawake,”hesaid.“So theydon’tholdusupheadingout.”

Myeyelidsstillfeltalittleheavy,butIsuspectedIwouldn’tbeabletogetbacktosleep.IslippedawayfromMeredithtojoinhim.Thesunwasjuststartingtorisebeyondthetrees,butIcouldalreadyfeelthere’dbeen a shift in the temperature. The snow felt mushy under my boots as wecircledthehouse.Somewheretotheleft,Iheardafainttrickleofmeltwater.Itwouldn’tlast.Januarymeltsneverdid.Assoonasthetemperaturesfellagainovernight, the groundwould be slickwith ice formed over half-melted snow.We’dhavetowalkevenmorecautiouslytomorrow.Drewhadbrokenhiswristononeof thosedays—eightyearsago,but Icouldstill remember thecrackofbonewhenhisfeethadslippedoutfromunderhimonthefrontwalk.Drew,of course, had turned it into anopportunity.Hecouldn’twriteproperlywith the cast, so he’d talkedDad into “lending” him the oldwork laptop thatmostlysatinDad’sstudygatheringdust.Whenthecasthadcomeoff,Drewhadheaded off any request for the laptop’s return with the open audacity he’dpossessed even at ten years old. “Wasn’t it nice not having me and Kaelynfighting over the living roomcomputer anymore?” he’d said, andDadhad lethimkeepit.My chest tightened up at thememory. Drewwas so smart. So determined. Itwasn’ttotallycrazyformetothinkhemightstillbealive,wasit?“Nothinghere,”Gavsaid,bendingtotuganemptyloopofwirefrombesidethewoodenfencethatranalongthefield.“Well,wemightaswellholdontothem.”Heeyed thesnare forasecond longerbeforehooking itover thesleeveofhiscoat.“Youokay?”Iaskedaswetrampedtowardthenext.“Yeah,” he said. “Just . . . a little impatient, I guess. I miss the truck.” Helaughed,butitsoundedstrained.“Metoo.Atleastwehaven’trunintothatwomaninthegreenvanagain.”“Nokidding.”Hepulledupthesecondemptysnareandloopeditoverhisarmwiththefirst.“It’sfunny,”hesaidafteramoment.“Ikeepthinkingabouthowmuch I wanted to get off the island before. Have some long road trip withWarren,seethewholecountryandallthethingsIwasmissing.FigureoutwhereIfit in.Butthen,thisviruscomes,and. . . it’sall thesamenow.Everything’s

screwedup,everywhere.”Alumproseinmythroat.“Gav,”Isaid,quietly.“AnditturnedouttheoneplaceIcouldmakealittledifferencewasrightthereontheisland,”hewenton.“Whowouldhavethought?”“You’ve been amazing,” I said.Could he really not know that? “And it’s notgoingtostaylikethis.Ifthevaccineworks,ifpeoplecanstopgettingsick,wecanstartfixingeverything.”“Yeah,” he said.Hewrapped his gloved hand aroundmine and held it aswecontinuedourcircuitofthefield.Thenextthreesnareswereundisturbedtoo.“Iwashopingwe’dgetsomething,”Gavsaid.“When Leo was traveling back, it was still fall,” I pointed out. “Most of theanimalsarehibernatingnow.”“Right.”Hepausedasweheadedtowardthelastsnare.“Youandhim...Youweren’teveranythingmorethanfriends,wereyou?”“What?”Isaid,myfacegoinghot,gratefulforthescarfthathidmycheeks.Hadhe seen something, overheard something? But what had there been to see orhear, really? The fact was, I could say with complete honesty, “No. We’vealwaysbeenjustfriends.”Gav stopped, sliding his arms aroundme. “I’m sorry,” he said, his head bentbesidemine.“Idon’tknowwhyIwasthinkingaboutit.”“It’sokay,”Isaid.AsifIcouldproveit,Inudgeddownourscarvesandkissedhim.Hislipsweredrybutwarm.Heheldmecloseforanotherfewseconds,andIwishedwewere anywhere but in themiddle of an empty field, hundreds ofmilesfromanythingfamiliar.Somewherewecouldbeournormalselves,ifonlyforamoment.WhenGavdrewback,thelonginginhisexpressionsuggestedhewasthinkingthesamething.Atingleshiveredovermyskin.Buthejustcockedhisheadandgavemeagrin thatwas a little less strained, and said, “We’dbetter finishupbeforetheotherssendasearchparty.”Aswecameuponthelastsnare,Ispottedafurryshapebeneaththebushwherewe’dsetit.“Hey!”Gavsaid,hurryingforward.Ifollowed,slowingwhenImadeoutalongslendertail.“That’snotarabbit,”Isaid.IforcedmyselftotakethelastfewstepstoGav’sside.It was a cat, a brown tabby, its scrawny body rigid, head twisted where it’dstruggledtofreeitselffromthesnare.Iclosedmyeyes.Fromthelooksofit,thecatmight have died soon anyway, thanks to starvation or the cold.Wemightevenhavedoneitakindness.Whatmademystomachlurchwasthethoughtof

whatwemightdowithitnow.“Doesn’t look like it has thatmuchmeat on it,”Gav saiduncertainly. I couldfeel himwatchingme.And suddenly Iwanted to hit something. Thiswas allbecause of the virus. The virus had stranded us herewith no heat or food orpeople tohelp.Thevirushadputus in thepositionwherewehad to considereatingwhathadoncebeensomeone’spet.Ihatedit.Ihateditsomuch.TherewasnowayIwaslettingitbeatus,nomatterwhatittook.I made myself shrug, exhaling my anger. “A little bit of meat could be thedifferencebetweenmakingitonemoredayand...notmakingit,right?”“True.”Hecroucheddownby thebush. “I think it’smostly frozen.Wecouldpackitwithsnowsoitstaysthatway,notuseitunlesswehaveto.”Inodded.“Let’sgetabag.Idon’twantMeredithseeingit.”We didn’t speak, walking back to the house, but just outside the door, Gavturnedandtouchedmyface.Tearssprangintomyeyes.Iblinked,willingthemaway.“I’mokay,”Isaid.“I’mfine.Ijustwanttogetoutofhere.”“Thatmakestwoofus,”Gavsaidwithacrookedsmile.Hewentbackforthecatwithabag,andstasheditinthemiddleofhissled.Wedidn’tmentionitagain.

Thesixofusdidn’t reach thenext townuntil thesunhadarcedacross thesky and started slipping back down toward the trees. Tobias spotted it first,pointing to a ripple of snow-patched rooftops in the distance. Clouds werebunchingalongthehorizonabovethem.

Withoutspeaking,weallpickedupourpace tocross the last fewspansoffield. The warmth had let us open our jackets and loosen our scarves as wewalked,butthesoggysnowdraggedatthesleds.Everymusclebetweenmyfeetandmywaistburned.

Thetownlookedaboutthesamesizeastheonewherewe’dlostthetruck.IreachedforMeredith’shandaswemarcheddownthefirststreetwecameto,oursledsbumpingsides.Theemptinesswasalmostcomforting.I’dratherweweretheonlyoneshere.

Wedidn’tstop,butslowedtoscanthelanewaysandsidestreets.Onthefirstfewblocks,wepassedacouplecars,butbothofthemwereobviouslytoosmall.Then I noticed a black pickup truck at the back of a driveway, its bed full ofhalf-meltedsnow.“Youthinkthat’ddoit?”Iasked.

“Wemightaswelltry,”Gavsaid,hiseyesbrightening.“Let’stakealook.”Wetrampeddownthedrivewaytogether.Tobiastriedthedriver’s-sidedoor.Itopened,butheshookhishead.

“Lookslikesomeonealreadytriedtohotwireitanddidn’tknowwhattheyweredoing,” he said. Frayed wires dangled beneath the steering wheel. “I don’tsupposeanyofyouknowhowtofixthat?’CauseIdon’t.”Gavshookhisheadandkickedoneofthetires.“Sowekeeplooking,”Tessasaidcalmly.“Soonerorlater—”Shewas interruptedbya lowvoicefromtheotherendof thedriveway.“Hey!It’sbeenalongtimesinceI’veseenanyoneoverhere!”We spun around as footsteps thumped over the snow.A youngman, tall andbroad-shouldered,was lumbering towardus, snifflingand scratchinga spotonhiship.Hiseyesflickeredfromustotheopendoorofthetruck,andnarrowed.“Whatareyoudoing toMr.Mitchard’s truck?Youshouldn’tbemessingwiththat!”Hebarged towardus,his roundfaceflushed,andI instinctively flinchedback,grabbingMeredith’sshoulder.Tobiasfroze,goingwhite.LeoshiftedtoTessa’sside.OnlyGavwentforward.Hechargedbetweenoursledsasecondbeforetheguyreachedthem,throwingouthisarms.“Hold—”hemanaged.Theguylookedlikehemighthavestopped,butheslippedontheslushygroundandcrashedintoGav.They both tumbled over, a pained breath escapingGav as the guy’s shouldersmacked his chest. I shovedMeredith behindme and ran to help, not entirelysure what I intended to do. The guywho’d come after us rolled to one side,wheezingandthencoughing.Gavscrambledupandbackward,stayingbetweenhimandus.HewavedmebackasIcaughtupwithhim.Iignoredthegesture.“He’ssick,”Ihissed.“Yourscarf!”Gav’s hand leapt up. He tugged his scarf back over his lower face. Leo andTessacameupbehindus.Tobiashoveredbythetruck,staringatourattackerasiftransfixed.Itwasn’t theguyhewasafraidof, itoccurredtome.Ofcoursenot.Itwasthevirus.Theenemyallhisarmytrainingcouldn’tpreparehimtofight.“Man,”theguysaid,pushinghimselfupontohisknees.Hisjeansweresoakedthroughfromthemeltingsnow,buthedidn’tseemtonotice.“Whoa,I’mdizzynow.Why’dyoudothat?Ijustwantedtoseewhatyouweredoing.”“Matt?”avoicecalled.Asecondfigureappearedattheendofthedriveway:ayoung woman, slender and delicate-looking in her puffy coat. She blanchedwhenshecaughtsightofusandhurriedover,coveringasneezewithherglovedhand.“Heranatus,”Gavsaidasshetooktheguy’sarmtohelphimup.“We’rejustpassingthrough—wedon’twanttohurtanyone.Justdon’twantanyonehurting

us,either.”“Iwouldn’thavehurtyou,”theguyprotested.“Butyoushouldn’tbegettingintootherpeople’strucks.That’sjustnotright.”“We were wondering if we could . . . fix it up for him,” I offered, wincinginwardlyattheweaklie.Thewomanlookedatus,tight-lipped.“I’msorry,”shesaid.“Iunderstand.Matt,you freakedme out,wandering off like that!You don’t even have a coat on.Let’sgetbacktothehouse.”“Butthere’speople,”Mattsaid.“Wehaven’tseenpeopleinages!Iwanttotalktothem.Getskindofboringonlyhavingyouaround,youknow.”Evenashetalked,Icouldseethecoldseepingthroughhisfever.Heshuddered.“Maybeyouallcouldcomebacktoourplaceandhangoutabit?We’relucky—gotagenerator—it’sniceandwarm.There’s thatbottleofwhiskeyJill’sbeenmakingmesave.”Thewoman,whoIguessedwasJill,tuggedathisarm.“Wecangobackandgetyousomedryclothes,andthenthesekindpeoplewillstopbyinafewminutes.Right?”Shesmiledatus,hersadeyessayingtheopposite.“Sure!”Isaid,alittletoobrightly.“We’dbehappyto,”Gavadded,andthen,softly,“Youtakecare.”Shenoddedtousthankfully,andMattsighedandturnedtofollowher.“Don’tforget!” he called as they reached the street. “We’ve got lots to talk about. Idon’tevenknowyournamesyet!”When we heard their door shut, I let out my breath. Tobias jerked forward,grabbingtheropeofhissled.“Let’sgetthehelloutofherebeforethatguydecideswe’vetakentoolongandcomesback.”Wedidn’tbothercheckingformorecars.Wejustwalked—throughtownandonintothestandofpinetreesbeyondthelastfewhouses.Thecloudsloomedoverus now, stretching across half the sky and dimming the sun. The breeze hadrisen.Izippedupthecollarofmycoatandpulledmyhatdownovermyears.Myheartwasstillthumping.I peeked sideways atGav.Hewas striding alongbesidemeas if nothingwasdifferent, as if he hadn’t just thrown himself into what could have been awrestlingmatchwithaguyhalfafoottallerandatleastfiftypoundsheavier.Aguywhowassick.IwatchedthetrailappearingfromunderTessa’ssledinthesnowaheadofme,feelingtheminutesslippast,unabletospeak.MyemotionsweresochurnedupIdidn’t know how much I was angry or afraid or just plain upset. Maybe weshouldn’tgointothetownsatallanymore.Butwewerenevergoingtomakeit

thewholewaytoOttawaonfoot,werewe?Thewindwhistledthroughthetwigsofthetrees.Snowflakesdrifteddown.Onelandedonmynoseandmeltedthere.“Youshouldn’thavedonethat,”Isaidfinally.“Youranrightuptohim—”“Wedidn’tknowwhathewasgoingtodo,”Gavsaid,anedgeinhisvoice.“Hecouldhavewreckedthesleds,grabbedourfood—brokenthevaccinesamples!Isn’tthatthemostimportantthing?”Iwanted tosayno. Itwasn’tmore important thanhis life.ButI’dbeen lettinghimriskhislifeforthevaccinejustbyagreeingtohavehimcomeoutherewithme,hadn’tI?“I’mnot saying itwassmart,”hewenton.“It’snot like Ihad time to think itthrough.Ithappenedinasecond—Ireacted.”“Iknow,”Isaid.“Ijustwishyournaturalreactionwassafer.”He laughed, a little shortly. “Hey,” he said, “at least I did something useful.MorethanI’vedonesincewelefttheisland,anyway.”“That’snottrue,”Isaid,butmaybeitwas.Ontheislandhe’dhadthefoodruns,thevolunteershekeptorganized,theamateurfirefightershejoinedinwithwhenthegangtriedtoburndownanotherbuilding.Nowtherewasonlyonethingweneeded:togettoOttawa.Andsofartherehadn’tbeenasinglethingGavcoulddotomakethattripquickerorlessunpleasant.He hadn’t evenwanted to be here, not really. He’d wanted to be back there,helpingtheislandrecoverfromthehelicopter’sattack.“Thank you,” I said. “Maybe I’d rather you didn’t do that again, but I’m stillgladallourstuffissafe,andustoo.”I tookhishand,and thesideofhismouthcurledup, justslightly.As the treesthinned around us, the sky came into view. The cloudswere choking it now,thickandgray.Iblinkedawaythesnowflakesthathadstartedplummetingdownevenfaster.“Ithinkweshouldgetinsidesoon,”Leosaid.“Itfeelslikearealblizzard’sonitsway.Howfartothenexttown?”Themapwasallbutburnedintomybrainnow.“Atleastacouplemiles,”Isaid,lookingaround.“Thereshouldbefarmhousesalongtheway,though.”“I thinkIseeabuildingover there,”Tessasaid,pointing. I followedhergaze.WhenIsquinted,Icouldmakeoutthefaintanglesofastructureinthedistance,overthefields.Itlookedstrangelytranslucent,asifitwasn’ttotallyreal.“Idon’tknowifweshouldgothatfarfromtheroad,”Isaid.“Whatifwecan’tfindourwayback?”Hereyeshadlitup.“It’sagreenhouse,”shesaid.“It’llbewarmerinside.Idon’tthinkit’sthatfar.”

“I’ll takewarm,”Tobiassaid,hunched insidehiscoat. I lookedatGavandheshrugged,hisexpressionresigned.“Let’s hurry, then,” I said.The falling snow already felt heavier than it had amomentago.The next time I looked up, I couldn’t make out the greenhouse at all. Coldprickled over the skin aroundmy eyes. The freezewas settling in.With eachstep,mybootseithercrackedthroughtheformingiceorskiddedonit.Mysledbumpedandjarred.Meredithslidalongbesideme,pushingoutasifshewereonskates.Gavhadpulledaheadofus.Thesnowkeptwhirlingdown.Itpatteredagainstmyface,coatingmyeyelashes.Ituggedmyscarftighter.Then I blinked, and Tobias and Gav all but disappeared in front of me.Snowflakesclottedtheair.Itwaslikeswimmingthroughablankpage,nothingbut white all around. My breath came heavy through the wool scarf. For asecondIfeltasifIweredrowning.Behindme,Tessayelped.Ispunaround.Leostoppedbyhersideasshegropedalong the ground. “I tripped,” she said, a frantic note in her voice. “I lost therope.Where’sthesled?”Iscannedtheground,butallIcouldseewassnow.“Itdoesn’tmatter,”Leosaidafterafewseconds.“We’llcomebackfor it. Ifwestop to lookwe’ll loseourdirection.”Meredith was already slipping out of my view. “Mere!” I shouted. Leo andTessapushedforwardwithme.Thefrigidairpiercedthroughmyscarf,stingingdownmythroat.Theropeofmysleddugintomywaist,andinthatmomentIwishedIcouldthrowmineawayandjustrun.Thenthreefigureswaveredintosightjustahead.Theothershadstoppedtowaitforus.Aswecaughtupwiththem,afourthfigureshiftedoutofthewhite.Itraisedanarm,thebusinessendofarevolverpointedstraightatGav’schest.“Hello,”anasalvoicesaid.“Goingsomewhere?”eleven

Weprobablycouldhaveoverpoweredhim—sixofusagainstone,theoddswere inourfavordespite thegun—but thestranger’snextwordswere,“Comeon,let’sgetoutofthiscrap,”andtheideathathemighthavesomewhereforusto go to overrode every other impulse.Without him,wewere still lost in theblizzard.

It only took a few steps before hewas opening a door ahead of us. Lightstreamedthroughthefallingsnow.“Inyougo,” he said,motioningwith the hand that held the gun. “Leaveyour

sledsoutside,there’snoroom.We’renotthekindofpeoplewho’lltakewhat’syours.”I turned and gripped the handle of the cold box before I followed the othersthroughthedoorway.Iwasn’tlettingthatoutofmysight.We shuffledoutof theblizzard and into anarrowwood-paneled room,hardlybigenoughforthesevenofustostandcomfortably.Aplatformononesideheldabaredoublemattress, and aplastic crate stood inone corner.Otherwise, theroomwasempty.A light fixtureshonedimlyoverhead.Whoever thesepeoplewere,theyhadelectricity.Thestrangershutthedoorwithabang.“Sitdown,”hesaid.“Itlookslikewe’llbehereawhile.”Melted snowwasalreadypuddlingundermyboots, the frostonmyeyelashesdrippingawayliketears.Theroomwasheatedtoo.Meredithploppeddownontheedgeofthemattress,soIjoinedher,tuckingthecold box between my feet. Tessa sank down beside me. The guys stayedstanding,Gavcrossinghisarmsinfrontofhim.Tomyrelief,hewaskeepingahealthydistancebetweenhimselfandtherevolver.“Whatthehell’sgoingon?”hedemanded.“Whoareyou?”“I’msupposed tobeaskingyou that,” the stranger said. “You’re theones thatcamebargingintoourturf.”Hehunkereddownonthecrateandpulledbackhishood.Iregisteredhisface,andlookedagaininsurprise.Hewasjustakid.Atleastacoupleyearsyoungerthanme,Iguessed,hisfacesoftandboyishandhisforeheaddottedwithzits.Beneathhisorangehat,whichwasstitchedwithahockey teamlogo,hisdarkhairwaspulledback ina limpponytailthatcurledatthebaseofhisneck.Whenweallstayedsilent,hetappedthegunagainsthislegandnarrowedhiseyes.“Isawyoucomingassoonasyouwereoutofthewoods,youknow,”hesaid.“Icouldhaveshotyou.”“Youevenknowhowtofirethatthing?”Tobiasasked.“I’magoodshot,” theboysaid.“Youbetterbelieve it.Practicedon the firingrangewithmydadeverymonthafterIturnedthirteen.You’dhavebeendeadifyou’dlookedlikesomeof thoseassholeraiders.Goodforyouthatyoudidn’t.So,whereareyoucomingfrom?”“SouthofHalifax,”Isaid.Hiseyebrowsrose.“Youwalkedallthewayfromthecoast?”“Wehadatruck,”Gavsaid.“Itbroke.We’vebeenwalkingthelastfewdays.”“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoingwithallthatstuff?”theboyasked,motioningtothedoor.

“Whydoyouneedtoknow?”Leosaidquietly.“Areyouplanningonlettingusleavewhenthestorm’sover?”“Weonlycamethiswaytofindshelter,”Tessasaid.“Wedidn’tmeantodisturbanyone.”“Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingtohappen,”theboysaid.“Idon’tgettodecidethatonmyown.Iwasjustkeepingwatch.”“So who does decide?” I said. “You’re saying ‘we’ and ‘our’— where iseverybody?”HelookedatmeasifI’daskedthemoststupidquestionhecouldimagine.“Intheothercabins,”hesaid.“Youwon’tseemostof’emforawhileevenifyoustickaround.Thisisthequarantinecabin.Newpeopledon’tgoanyfartheruntilweknowthey’renotsick.Weallhad todo it.”Hestopped,someof thecolorwashing fromhis face. “Oh shit, I forgot.”He fumbledwith his coatwith hisfreehand,diggingoutacrumpledfacemaskandjerkingitoverhishead.“Youdon’thavetoworry,”Isaid.“Noneofusaresick.”“I’drathernottakethechance,”hereplied.Hisgazedroppedtothecoldboxatmyfeet.“Howcomeyoudidn’tleavethatwiththerestofyourstuff?What’veyougotinthere?”Islidmylegs in frontof it instinctively.“Youdon’tneed toworryabout that,either,”Gavsaid,athreatplaininhisvoice.Theboystoodup.“Look,”hesaid.“Itoldyouwedon’tstealhere.ButI’vegottocheck.Youcouldhavegunsinthereorsomething.”While it was hardly normal room temperature in the cabin, it felt well abovefreezing. I didn’twant himpoking around in the box, letting the cool air out.Whoknewwhen I’dbeable to repack itwith ice?Butashestepped forward,Gavmoved in front of him, and I could see neither of them intended to backdown.SoIdidtheonlythingIcouldthinkofthatmightstopthesituationfromgettingworse, if the boywas being honest about the peoplewewere dealingwith.“It’svaccinesamples,”Isaidquickly.“Butthey’vegottostaycold—everytimeIopentheboxthere’sachancethey’llstartspoiling.”Theboycockedhishead, buthedidn’t comeanycloser. “I heard thevaccinewasadud.”“Thisisanewone,”Isaid.“We’retryingtofindsomeonewhocanreplicateittomakeenough for everyone.That’swhywewerewalkingbyhere—that’swhywe’ll leave as soon as the storm’s over. If you’ll let us.” I paused. “Unlessyou’vegotdoctorsherewhomightbeabletodoit.”FromwhatI’dseenofthearea, it hadn’t looked developed, but I hadn’t expected electricity or heating,either.

Theboydidn’tgiveanindicationonewayortheother.“Youcouldbelying,”hesaid.“Socouldyou,”Leoanswered.“We’vehavetobesomespecialkindofidiotstokeepourgunssealedawayinaboxinsteadofonuswherewecanactuallyreachthem,don’tyouthink?”Tobiassaid.Theboyrolledhiseyes.“Yeah,yeah,”hesaid.“Allright,calmdown.Butdon’tthinkyou’regoinganywheresoon.LikeIsaid,that’snotmydecision.”Hesankbackdownontohiscrate.“Youshouldprobablygetcomfortable.Fromthelooksofoutside,Ithinkyou’rehereuntilmorning.”

The sunlight beaming through the cabin’s open door woke me. My neckpinched when I raised my head. Sometime during the night, four of us hadslumpedacrossthemattressatoddangles:Meredithhuddledinaballagainstmyshoulder, Gav at my other side with his arm bent around his head, Tessasquishedintothecorner.Leohadcomeoverbesideher,dozingagainstthebed’splatform.Even in sleep,his face looked tense.Tobias still satby thewall, hisskinnylegsdrawnupinfrontofhim,hiseyesalertandwaryashewatchedthewomaninthedoorway.

Shesteppedinside,studyingusthroughdark-framedglassesthatrestedoverthetopofherfacemask.Herhair,chestnutbrownlacedwithgray,brushedthetopsofherbroadshoulders.Theboywiththerevolverhoveredbehindher.

They looked alike, I realized.The hair, the shoulders, theway they stood.Motherandson,ifIwasgoingtoguess.Ipushedmyselfupright,myfeetbumpingthecoldboxat theedgeof thebed.Thewoman’sgazefelltoit,thenliftedtomeetmyeyes.Gavstirred,yawning.“Justintoldmeyouhaveavaccine,”thewomansaidbriskly,andGavflinchedupwardattheunfamiliarvoice.“That’sright,”Isaid.“Aworkingvaccine?”“It hasn’t been thoroughly tested,” I said. “Butmy dadwas confident enoughthathetriedthevaccineonhimself.Henevergotsick.”Thewomanscrutinizedus.“MayIseeit?”sheasked.Ididn’tlikeit,butwecouldn’texpectthemtotakeeverythingatourword.Atleastthiswomanseemedlikesomeonewhocouldmakedecisions.“Quickly,”Isaid.“Wehavetokeepthesamplescold.”Shenodded, crossing the room.Meredith shiftedbesideme,blinkingawake. Ipoppedopenthelidandtuggedupthetopoftheplasticcontainerthatheldthevials.“Allright,”thewomansaidafteronlyasecond,andIclosedthebox.“Isuppose,

ifthatreallyisavaccine,youknowenoughaboutittotellmewhatitdoes?”It was a test, I suspected, but one I could easily pass. I’d read more aboutvaccinesinthelastcoupleweeksthanI’deverwantedtoknow.“Thevaccinecontainsaninactivatedformofthevirus,”Isaid.“Onethatcan’tmakeyou sick,but stillprovokes the immune system toproduceantibodies tofight it.Whichmeans ifyou’reexposed to theactualvirus lateron,yourbodycan recognize it rightawayandmake theantibodies fight itoff fastenough tokillitbeforeitgetsarealhold.”“Whatifwehavesomeoneherewho’sinfected,”sheasked,“andwe’dofferyousuppliesforoneofthosesamples?Presumablyyoudon’tneedallthree.”Ithoughtofourdwindlingstashoffood,butitdidn’tmatter.Iwasn’tgoingtolie.“Itwouldn’tdo themanygood,” I said. “Like I said, thevaccineprepares theimmunesystemincaseyougetinfectedlater.Ifaperson’salreadyinfected,it’stoolate—itcan’thelp.I’msorry.”HermaskcrinkledwithanunseensmilebeforeI’devenfinishedspeaking,andIrealizedthathadbeenpartof thetest too.Ifwe’dbeenlyinginthefirstplace,wewouldn’thavehesitatedtotradesomeofourfakevaccineforwhateverelseweneededtosurvive.Thereprobablywasn’tanyonesickhere.“Wonderful,”thewomansaid.“Ithoughtbynow—”Sheshookherhead,asifrecallingherself.“IwishIcouldofferyoumorewhileyou’rehere,butmostofourfacilities—thediningarea,theshowers—areshared,andI’mafraidit’sourpolicy thatanynewcomershave to stay in thequarantinecabin for twoweeksbefore joining the rest of us. We can bring you a hot breakfast to eat here,though.Itakeityoudon’tintendtostaylong?”“No,”Isaid.Atthementionofshowers,Icouldsuddenlyfeeleveryinchofoiland dried sweat thatmust be clinging tomy skin and hair.And to be able towash Meredith’s hand properly . . . “We’re safe,” I continued, getting up. Igestured to Leo and Tessa. “About as safe as anyone can get. Tessa and Leohavetakenthevaccine,andMeredithandIareimmune.Webothhadthevirusweeksago,andrecovered.”Atthementionoftheirnames,Tessasatup,wincing,andLeoopenedhiseyes.“Bothofyou?”thewomansaid,hereyebrowsarching.“Kaelyn was lucky,”Meredith said. “And the doctors used her blood to helpme.”“We’dbesograteful ifyou’d letus justgetcleanedupbeforewego,” I said.“Mycousincutherhand—Ihaven’tbeenabletoreallytakecareofit.”Hereyessoftened.“Andyoutwo?”sheasked,glancingatGavandthenTobias.“No vaccine, haven’t been sick,”Gav answered for both of them. “Butwe’re

fine.Youseeuscoughingorsneezing?”“Well,I’mafraidIcan’tjustifybendingtherulesthatfar,”thewomansaid.“Wecanbringa fewbucketsofwarmwaterand somesoapouthere, if thatwouldhelp, as well as the food. For the other four of you, though, I think we canrescindthequarantine,asaspecialcase.”“Whatiftheywearmasks?”Isaid.“Wecan’tjustgooffandleavethemstuckinhere.”Thewoman’s jaw tightened,butbeforeshecouldspeak,Gavnudgedmyarm.“It’s okay, Kaelyn,” he said evenly. “I get it. It’s not like we’ll be stickingaround.”Then,tothewoman,“We’llbehappyjusttogetsomefoodandwater.Thankyou.”Inhiscorner,Tobiasshrugged.Meredithhadalreadysprungtoherfeet.“Wecantakearealshower?”shesaid.“Where?”“I’llshowyou,”thewomanreplied,hervoiceamused,andsteppedbacktothedoor.Gavshooedmeaway.“Justcomebackquick,”hesaid,andtappedthecoldboxwithhisheel.“I’llkeepwatchovertheseforyou.”Meredithwasalreadyscamperingout thedoor.“Okay,”Isaid.“We’llberightback.”“Stepcarefully,”thewomansaidaswecameoutofthecabin.“It’sallice.Wespraydowntheyardregularlytokeepitthatway—nofootprints.It’soneofourprecautionarymeasures.We’veonlyhadafewunfriendlyintruderswanderoutthisway,butwecan’tbetoocareful.”I found my balance on the slick ground. We were standing in a clearingsurroundedbyforestonthreesides.Asemicircleofcabinsliketheonewe’djustleft arced around a larger wooden building. The tall greenhouse Tessa hadspottedyesterdaystoodbehindit,glintingintheearlymorningsun.Thewomanmotioned to the forest at our left. “Wemovedyour sleds into thetreeswhere the sprayingwouldn’t reach them.But you should find they’re asyouleftthem.”“Nooffense,”Leosaid,shadinghiseyesagainsttheglareofftheice,“butwhoareyou,andwherearewe?”“Oh!”shesaid,soundinghonestlysurprised.“Myapologies.Myname’sHilaryCloutier.Andyou’vemetJustin.”Shepattedherson’sshoulder,andhescowled.“This was once an artist colony,” Hilary explained as we started toward thelargerbuilding.“Aplaceoffthegridforpaintersandwritersandcomposerstospend amonth or two focusing on their craft. There’s quite a large generatorunder the gathering house. For themost partwe rely on natural light, butwe

haveheatandenoughpowertorunthestove.”“That’sconvenient,”Isaid.“Wedidn’tendupherebychance,”Hilarysaid.“I’masculptor—Iworkedhereforamontheveryyear.Whenservicesstartedfailingandpeoplewerepanickinginourtown,thiswasthefirstplaceIthoughtof,somewherewemightbesafe.Everyoneherecameforthesamereason.”A sculptor? “So how do you know I wasn’t just making things up about thevaccine?”Iasked.Shelaughed.“Oh,mysisterwasanurse.I’mnaturallycurious.Ibadgeredherwithsomanyquestionswhenwefirstheardaboutthismysteriousvirus.Before,well...”Herlaughhadbeenalittlestiff,andthe“was”didn’tescapeme.“I’msorry,”Isaid.“Haveyougottenanycropsgrowinginthegreenhouse?”Tessaasked.Hilary nodded. “Oh yes. We have precautions there too, of course. In casesomeonecomesthroughwho’dtrytorunusoutandtakeoveriftheyknewthecolonywas functioning.We keep the vegetable plants spread out, and let theweedsgrowaroundthemsoitlooksasifitwasabandoned.Butwe’veproducedsomecarrotsandbeansandpeasandtomatoes,andthepeartreeisjuststartingtobearfruit.”“Whereareyouplanningontakingthevaccine?”shesaidaswereachedadoorinthesideofthegatheringhouse.Ihesitatedautomatically,butMeredithhadobviouslydecidedthesepeopleweretrustworthy.“Ottawa!” she announced. “We’re going to find scientists and doctors so theycanmakemorevaccineforeveryone.”“Ottawa.”Hilary’seyeswentdistant.“WehaveacouplefromOttawawithus.Maybe you should talk with them.” She opened the door. “Well, this is ourbathingarea.Thewaterwon’tgettoohot—wehaveallourheatsettingsturneddownsoasnottostrainthegenerator—butthere’splentyofit.Thereshouldbesoapinside,andextratowelsontheshelf.Comearoundtothefrontwhenyou’refinished.Everyone’shavingbreakfast.”Ontheothersideofthedoorwefoundarackwithtowelsthatweredrying,andashelfholding folded towelsandbottlesof liquidsoap.Twohallwaysbranchedofffromthatsmallroom,markedwithsignsformenandwomen.“Prettyamazingwhatthey’vegotsetuphere,”Isaid.“Theycouldprobablybetotallyself-sufficientwithjustthegreenhouse,”Tessasaid. “Grow fruits and vegetables and grains for bread . . . though the spacerestrictions would be a problem, depending on the number of people. With

lentilsforproteinandspinachforiron,theywouldn’tevenneedmeat.I’dliketotakealookatwhatthey’vegot.”“Ibetshe’llgiveyouatourifyouask,”IsaidaswepartedwayswithLeo.At the other end of the hall, we stepped into a change room linedwith openshower stalls. Imighthave felt awkward showeringwith company,but seeingTessastripoffherclotheslikeitwasnothing,Ifiguredifitdidn’tmattertoher,itwouldn’tmattertome.Thefirstblastoflukewarmwaterfromtheshowerheadjoltedabreathlessgiggleoutofme.Grinning,Iscrubbedthegrapefruitscentedsoapovermybodyfromhead to toe. I hadn’t showered in weeks, not since the water filtration brokedownontheisland.I’dforgottenwhatagloriousfeelingitwas:thedrummingofthesprayonmyskin,theslipperyfrothofsoapundermyfingers,thelightnessofhairthat’ssqueakyclean.WhenI’dworkedmyselfthoroughly,IjoinedMeredithandhelpedherrinsethelather out of her thicker hair. Then I examined her injured palm.The cut hadscabbed over, the edges already starting to flake away over healed skin. Noinfectionredness.“Youtookgoodcareofit,”Itoldher.Shetippedherfaceintothespray,smiling.“Do we really have to go right away?” she asked as we were toweling off.“MaybeTobiascancall someoneonhis radio fromhere,and they’llcomegetthevaccinefromus.”Somethinginmychesttwisted.Icouldhardlyblameherforhoping.“Iwishhecould,Mere, believeme,” I said. “But I don’t know if anyone’s still trying toreach out on the radios. Our best bet is to keep going.” My nose wrinkledinvoluntarily as I pulled onmy travelworn clothes.At Tobias’s advice,we’dbeen using a little melted snow to wipe ourselves down and rinse ourunderthings each night on the road, so they weren’t gross, but they weren’texactlycleaneither.“Okay,”Meredithsaid,butsheshotonelastlonginglookattheshowersbeforeweheadedout.Shedidn’thavetogo,Irealizedabruptly.IfweaskedHilarytotakeherin...Andleftherwithstrangers?Hilarymightseemnice,but I’dhardlyknownherhalfanhour.Leo was waiting for us in the towel room. “Ready to go?” he asked, hisshoulders hunched inside his coat. I wondered whether he thought we couldcompletelytrustthepeoplehere.“WeshouldtakeourbreakfastovertothequarantinecabinandeatwithGavandTobias,” I said as we stepped outside, “so they know we haven’t forgottenthem.”

We half walked, half skated along the icy ground to the other side of thebuilding,andalmostslidintoJustinaswecamearoundthecorner.Icaughtmybalanceonthewall.“Hey,”Justinsaid,hisvoicelow.“Areyoureallygoingtotakeoffagaintoday,tokeeplookingforsomeonetoclonethatvaccineofyours?”“That’stheidea,”Isaid.Heopenedhismouthasifhewasgoingtocontinue,butthenHilaryleanedoutofthedoorwaybehindhim.“Thereyouare,”shesaid.“Comein.Youmustbestarving.Justinbroughtatraytoyourfriends.”“Iwasjusttalkingtothem,”Justinsaid.“Youcantalkinsidewhereit’swarm,can’tyou?”Hesighed,buthefollowedusinwithoutcomment.Westeppedintoahugeroomwithwood-paneledwallsthatmatchedthoseinthequarantinecabin.Severalroughpicnictablesstoodinrowsacrossthetiledfloor.Twooldercouplesweregatheredaroundoneof the tables,murmuring toeachother.Theclatterofdish-washingechoedfromadoorwayattheothersideoftheroom,whichIguessedledtothekitchen.Arichdoughysmellfilledtheair.Mymouthstartedtowater.Leohadgonestillbesideme.Ifollowedhisgazetoasmallblackshapesittingon a ledge near the kitchen door. A speaker, I recognized, as a faint melodyreachedmy ears beneath the voices and the clinking of dishes. It had a smallMP3playermountedinit.ThesongwasoneIvaguelyrememberedasbeingontheradioalotafewyearsago,adance-popone-hitwonder.“One of our youngermembers brought the player,”Hilary said. “The speakerwasalreadyhere.Ican’tsaythemusicistomytastes,butit’sallwehave.Wedecided it was enough of a morale boost to outweigh the electricity usage.Wouldyouliketositnearit?”“No,”Leosaid,shakinghimselfasifcomingoutofadaze.“That—that’sokay.”Butaswewalkedacrosstheroom,Icaughthimswayingslightlywiththebeat.Heusedto liveonmusic. Itmusthavebeenweeks,maybemonths,sincehe’dheardany.Ihadtheurgetograbhishandandsqueezeit.ThenTessadidexactlythat.MythroattightenedandIlookedaway.Hilarystoppedata tablewhereawomanwho looked tobe inher thirtieswassitting.“IthoughtyouwouldliketospeakwithLauren,”shesaid,noddingtomeand then to thewoman. “She and her husband,Kenneth, are the couple fromOttawaItoldyouabout.JustinandIwillgetyouroatmealwhileyoutalk.YouwerethereuntilDecember,isn’tthatright,Lauren?”Thewomannodded,pushingherhairbackbehindherears.Herfacewasdrawn,her eyesdeep-set, givingher an almost skeletal appearance. “Muchgoodas it

didus,”shesaid.Excitement sparked insideme,overridingmydiscomfort. Ifwegot thedetailsfromsomeonewho’dactuallybeen living there,maybewecouldmakeup forsomeofthetimewe’dlost.“IguessHilarytoldyouwe’reheadingthatway,”Isaidaswesatdown.“Wherewasthegovernmentoperatingfromwhenyouleft?Shouldwejustgototheparliamentbuildingstofindsomeoneincharge?”Laurenlaughed.“Government?Operating?”“Well,it’sthecapital,”Isaid.“There’ssomeonestillthere,isn’tthere?”“Therewere riots at ParliamentHill a couple ofweeks beforeKen and I left,when the epidemic was getting severe,” she said. “Violent riots. People werebeingturnedawayfromthehospitals,youknow—havingtocampoutintentsintheparkinglotsandonthesidewalks—peopleweredyingonthestreet....”Shecringed. “The rioters, they broke right in. MPs and senators were shot. Thebuildingsweredamaged.Afterthat,allthegovernmentofficialsstillleftclearedout. Idon’tknowwhere theywent.MaybeToronto?Maybe theyallhad theirown little hideaways likewe do. Even the soldierswho’d been protecting theplacevanished.”Myheartplummeted.“But...”Shelookedaroundthetableatus,hereyesdarkening.“Icanseeyouhadyourhopesup,andI’msorry.ButKenusedtoworknearParliamentHill,andhesawthempackingupoutfrontanddrivingoff.Icantellyouforsure,there’snoonetryingtohelptherestofusinOttawa,notanymore.”twelve

Lauren’swordssentmythoughtsintoatailspin.NoonewithauthorityleftinOttawa?Eventhehighestlevelofgovernmenthadfled?

Thenwe’dcomeallthiswayfornothing.Iwassohungrymystomachwaspracticallygnawingonitself,butIhadtoforcedown the porridge Hilary brought. As soon as I’d finished, I went to thequarantine cabin to tell Gav and Tobias what we’d learned. Gav nodded as Irepeated Lauren’s account, as if he wasn’t at all surprised. Which maybe hewasn’t.Oneofthefirstthingsheeversaidtomewasthatwecouldn’ttrustthepeopleinpowertolookoutforus,thattheywerealwaysgoingtolookoutforthemselvesfirst.“Comehere,”hesaidwhenIwasdone,holdingouthishand,andTobiasturnedtheotherway,lookingawkward.IsankdownonGav’slapandlethimfoldhisarmsaroundme.Tearswelledupinmyeyes.IblinkedthembackaswellasIcould.Iwastheonewho’ddraggedusouthere.Icouldn’tbreakdownnow.“I’msosorry,Kae,”Gavsaid,huggingmeclose.“Atleastweknownow,beforewewentanyfarther.”

“Yeah,” Imurmured.Andwe’d foundout inaplacewithpowerandheatandfood, and space enough for us to stay as long as we needed to. Hilary hadsuggestedasmuchoverbreakfast.Butnoneof that tookaway theache inmychest.WhenI’dpulledmyselftogether,IfoundTessaandMeredithinthegreenhousewithHilary.Itwashardtotelltheywereactuallygrowinganyplantsonpurpose,with all the boards lying around and the weeds sprouting between the actualcrops.“We’renotharvestingasmuchaswecouldotherwise,”Hilarysaid,“butit’ssafertoleaveitlookingasuncultivatedaspossible.”We walked from board to board to keep from leaving footprints. Meredithswayed,armsout,asiftheywereaseriesofbalancebeams,whileTessaambledbetween the plots, asking questions like, “Have you tried spacing onionsbetween thecarrots?”and“Whatdoyouhavefor fertilizer?”Hilary justaboutjumpedforjoywhenTessasaidtheycouldgetlettuceseedstosproutiftheyjustputtheminaspotwithmoreshade.Whenwewentbacktothegatheringhouseforlunch,Leowasstillthere,sittingwithhiseyesclosedas themusicwashedoverhim, lookingmorerelaxedthanI’dseenhimsincewe’dlefttheisland.Thedecisionshouldhavebeeneasy.IftherewasnopointingoingtoOttawa,ofcoursewe’dstayinthecolony,atleastuntiltheweatherwarmedupandwehadabetterchanceofmakingitbacktotheislandalive.ButwhenIlaydownnexttoMeredithintheemptycabinHilaryhadofferedusforthenight,theacheinsidemehadonlygottenbigger.Thegreenhousewaswonderful,butitwasn’tcompletelysupportingthetwentyorsopeople livingin thecolony.Theoatmeal, thecrackerswithoursoup, thepastaatdinner,thosehadbeenscavenged.Whatweretheygoingtodowhenallthehousesintheareawerebare?Whentheoilfortheirgeneratorranout?Hilaryacted like theyweregoing togetby like this forever— like theycouldlivehere inabubble,untouchedby the restof theworld.But lifedidn’tworkthatway.Everygroupoflivingthingswaspartofitsecosystem.Ithadtodealwith predators and competitors,with the demands of the environment.Maybethecolonycouldkeepthisupforanotherfewmonths.Maybeanotheryear.Butsoonerorlater,nomatterhowmanyprecautionstheytook,therestoftheworldwas going to come crashing in. Like a helicopter dropping missiles on anunsuspectingisland.Weretheyreallyokaylivinglikethis,as ifafewmonthsagotheydidn’thaverealhousesandjobsandlives?DadandNellandthevolunteersatthehospitalhadkeptworkingevenwhenthehallswereoverflowingandwehadnosupportfromthemainlandatall.Surely

therewereotherpeopleoutherewhohadn’tgivenup?What if theonly thingstanding between fixing theworld and it staying like thiswaswhether I keptcarryingthevaccineuntilIfoundthosepeople?ButasIclosedmyeyes,anotherquestionfollowedmeintosleep.WhatifIkeptgoingandwedidn’tmakeit,andeveryonewho’dcomewithmediedbecauseofthechoicesImade?

The nextmorning,we all gathered in the quarantine cabin.Leo sat on themattress,Tessabesidehim.Tobiaswasstandingbythesmallwindow,andGavleanedagainstthewall,hiselbowproppedonthecold-storagebox.IsankdownnexttohimwhileMeredithhoppedontothebed.

“Ithinkit’sprettyclearthere’snopointingoingtoOttawa,”Isaid.“IfthesituationwasasbadasLaurensaysmorethanamonthago,it’llonlyhavegottenworse.Soweneedtodecidewhatwearegoingtodo.”

Tessanodded.“I thinkHilaryandtheotherswouldliketoknowwherewestand.Whetherwewanttostay.”“So.”Ilookedatmyhands,andthenaroundattheothers,tryingtogaugetheirreactions. “That’s one option. Staying, at least until the weather’s better fortraveling. They have room. And we could keep trying to contact someonethroughtheradio.”Tobiassteppedawayfromthewindow.“Sowejustthrowinthetowel?”hesaid.“I—”Isaid,caughtoffguardbythevehemenceinhisvoice.Hedidn’t letmecontinue.“Thechanceswe’regoingtocatchtherightpersononthatradioatthetimetheyhappen tobeon, this far in themiddleofnowhere, areprettymuchnone,”hewenton.“Peopleneed thatvaccinenow,don’t they?That’swhyyou leftyourisland in thefirstplace.Justbecauseonecity isano-godoesn’tmean theyallare.”“What’s it toyou?”Gavsaid.“Aweekagoyoudidn’tevenknowtherewasavaccine.Allyouwantedtodowashideonyourlittlearmybaseandwaitfortherestoftheworldtopickupthepiecesforyou.”Tobiasflushed.“Okay,that’strue,”hesaid.“AndIsuredidn’tplanonjoiningup with a bunch of teenagers. But for once in my life I know I’m doingsomethingimportant.Iwanttokeepdoingthat—don’tyou?”HesoundedsodeterminedthatIfeltashamedforconsideringgivingup.Buthewashereonhisown,andIhadmyfriendsandMeredithtoconsidertoo.Ofcourse,ifhewantedtokeepgoing,maybeIdidn’tneedtodragallofthemalong. Maybe I could do what I needed to without risking their lives in theprocess.“You didn’t let me finish,” I said, sitting up straighter. “I said that was one

option. The other is to keep going. I’ve been thinking. . . . Lauren said thegovernmentmighthavemoved toToronto. It’s thebiggestcity in thecountry.Thatmeans themost hospitals, themost doctors—themost police to keep thepeace.Andifwecanfindacar,it’sonlyaboutfivehoursfartherthanOttawa.”Therewasapause,andthenLeosaid,“Soundsworthashot.”“Toronto,”Gavsaid,withawearinessinhisvoicethatspokeofthehundredsofmileswehadlefttotravel.BeforeIcouldsayanything,Tessabrokein.“I’mnotgoing.”Leo’sgazejerkedtowardher.“What?”“I’mstayinghere,”shesaidsteadily.“IfIkeepgoingwithallofyou,I’mjustanothermouthtofindfoodfor.Here,Icanhelp.Thecolonyneedssomeonewhoknowsaboutfarming,ifthey’regoingtomakeit.”“Whydidn’tyousaysomethingbefore?”hesaid.“I decided right before we all came over here,” she said. “It doesn’t reallychangeanythingfortherestofyou,doesit?”Hurt flashedacrossLeo’s face.“Canwe talk foraminute?”hesaid, standing.“Justyouandme?”“I know the vaccine’s more important to you than what the colony’s doing,”Tessasaid.“That’sfine.”“Canwejust—”Hegesturedtowardthedoor.Tessahesitated,thengotupandfollowedhimout.Meredithfrowned.“Idon’tthinkweshouldbefighting,”shesaid.“We’rethegoodguys.”Just a second ago, I’d been thinking about leaving everyone behind.But nowthat the possibility was real, it made my stomach churn. I should have seenTessa’sdecisioncoming.From thesecondshe’dspotted thegreenhouse in thedistance,Ishouldhaveknown.Gavshrugged.“It’sherchoicewhethershecomesorstays,isn’tit?”Ilookedathim,hard.“Youdon’treallywanttocome,either.”Heopenedhismouth,andthencloseditagain.“Idon’twant tostayhere,”hesaid,andthentappedthetopofthecoldbox.“AndIknowhowimportanttheseare. But I get how Tessa feels. This whole trip, I’ve pretty much been extrabaggage. I don’t know where to find a car. I don’t know how to get us toToronto or anywhere else. That doesn’tmatter, though.Whatever the plan is,I’mpartofit.You’renotdoingitonyourown.”“Gav,”Isaid,“Iwouldn’tbe—”He touchedmy cheek before I could finish. “I told you before, and I’ll keeptelling you: I’m not leaving you,” he said softly, and kissed me. His fingersgrazedmyskin,andhis lipswerewarmandsteadyagainstmine.ThenTobias

clearedhisthroatandMeredithgiggled.Ieasedback,blushing.“Youshouldprobablygosee if those twohaveworkedoutwho’s stayingandwho’s not,”Gav saidwith a smile. “Then come back and tell uswhenwe’releaving.”“Wecanmakeitthere,”IsaidasIstoodup.“We’regoingtofindaway.”“Ofcourseweare,”Gavsaid.Meredith trailed after me out of the cabin. Leo was standing by the nearestcluster of trees, his face tucked into his scarf and his arms tight at his sides.Alone.“Mere,”Isaid,“canyougobacktothecabinandseeifweleftanything—hatsormittensorwhatever?”“ButIwanttoknowwhathappenedwithTessa,”shesaid.Iraisedmyeyebrowsather.“Mere.We’lltalkaboutitlater,okay?”Sheletoutahuffofbreath,cloudyinthecoldair,andskiddedoffacrosstheicyclearing.IwalkedovertoLeo,stoppingafewfeetfromwherehestood.Hedidn’tlookup,buthehadtoknowIwasthere.Afteraminute,heraisedhisheadenoughtouncoverhismouth.“Shedidn’tthinkitmattered,”hesaid.“IthinkshewashonestlysurprisedIwasupset.Shesaidofcourseitdidn’tmakesenseforustostaytogetherifweneedtododifferent things.Shesaidhardlyanyonedoes stay togetherwhen they’resixteen,anyway.Whywouldweexpectittobeforever?”Helaughed,haltingly.“I wasn’t expecting forever. I was expectingmaybe she’d at least talk tomebeforemakingadecisionlikethis.”“I don’t think Tessa’s very good at that,” I said. “Giving people a chance todisagree,whenshe’salreadydecidedwhatshe’sgoingtodo.”“Yeah,”hesaid.Hismouthtwisted.“Iknowyoumightthinkthisisn’ttrue,butIcareabouther.Alot.Ifthat’smorethanshecaresaboutme,well...Ohwell.She’sgottodowhat’srightforher.”“Stillhurts,though,”Isaid,andsayingitIrealizedIwashurttoo.I’dseenTessaasa friend.We’dbeen throughanawful lot together the last fewmonths.Butshe hadn’t said anything to me either, even though she’d probably beenconsideringstayingsinceshefirstaskedHilaryaboutthegreenhouse.Iwasn’tsureIwouldhavetriedtoswayherdecision.Probablynot.Whichwasprobably why she hadn’t bothered bringing it up. Life always looked sostraightforwardtoher.Itmustbenice.“You know,” I said, “you could stay with her. The vaccine—it’smy thing, Iknowthat.Idon’twantyoutocomeifyou’dratherbehere.”Hepaused,hisbrowneyessodarktheylookedalmostblack.

“Youdon’twantmetocomeifI’dratherbehere,”hesaid,“oryoudon’twantmetocome,period?”Mythroattightened.“Leo...”Istarted,butIdidn’tknowwhattosay.“Idon’twantourlivestostaylikethis,”hesaid.“Idon’tknowifthisvaccineisgoingtomakeadifference,butitcould.It’sthebestchancewe’vegot.Iwanttofightforthat.ButifI’vemessedeverythingupsobadlythatyoudon’tfeelrightevenhavingmearound,thenI’llhangback,outofyourway.Youjusthavetotellme.”Therewas a certainty in his voice that I hadn’t realized I needed to hear.Hedidn’tsoundbeatenorscared.Hesoundedlikehimself.Andthatwasenoughforalittlelighttoopenupinsideme,likehope.“Everything’sweirdwithusnow,”Isaid.“ButIdon’twant it tobe.Maybe itsoundsstupid,butIjustwanttohavemybestfriendagain.”Thecornerofhismouthtippedup.“Okay,”hesaid.“Watch.”Hesmoothedhisfingertipsovermyforehead,soswiftlyIhardlyhad timetofeel them,anddidthesametohimself.Thenheflungouthishandtowardthetrees,asifthrowingsomethingawayasfarashecould.“There,” he said. “All theweirdness, gone.Nothing left but plain old friends,likewe’resupposedtobe.”Ithadonlybeenagesture,butrightthen,Ifeltreleased.Asifhe’dscoopedoutall theawkwardandunpleasantfeelingswiththatbrushofhishandandtossedthemaway.Igrinned.“Work thatmagic to find us a car, andwe’ll really be getting somewhere,” Isaid.Iwasabout toaskhim ifhewantedmore time,maybe to talk toTessaagain,when Justin came running through the open end of the clearing. He stoppedwhenhesawus,panting.“Takeshelter!”hesaid.“Vanstoppedaboutahalfamiledown the road fromhere,threepeoplegotoutandheadedthisway.Theydon’tlookfriendly.Oneof’emhadarifle.”Istiffened.“Whatcolorwasit?Thevan.”JustinlookedatmeasifI’daskedwhetherthegunwaspretty.“It’sgreen.Go!Underthebedsinthecabins—youcanpulloutthesidingandhideunderneath.I’vegottotellthemtoshutoffthegenerator.”Agreenvan.AsJustinscrambledtowardthegatheringhouse,Iwentcoldfromtheinsideout.“Meredith,”Isaid,andranacrossthefieldasfastastheiceallowed.thirteen

I burst into the cabin, the rush of the door fluttering the sheet on the bed.

Meredithwasn’tthere.“Mere—”Icalled,andcaughtmyself.Whatifthepeoplefromthevanwerecloseenoughtohear?

Something was scraping over the ice outside. I hurried out, swaying as Idashedaroundthesideofthecabin.Meredithwaspushingherselfbackandforthontheicebehindit.Shesquealedassheslidintome,andIfoldedmyarmsaroundher,thereliefthatwashedovermealmostascoldasmypanic.“Wedidn’tleaveanything,”shesaid.“IsLeookay?”“He’sfine,”Isaid.“Comehere,fast.”Ituggedherbackintothecabin.Bendingdown,Ipressedmyhandsagainsttheside of the bed, feeling until my fingers caught on a notch I could grip. Thewoodenpanelpoppedout.Thespaceunderneathcouldn’thavebeenmorethantwofeethigh,buttherewasenoughroomforbothofustosqueezeinevenwithourcoatson.“Getin,”IsaidtoMeredith.“Wehavetohide.Someone’scoming.”It was almost sad how quickly her attitude changed from playfulness toobedience—shecrouchedbythebedwithoutstoppingtoaskwhowascomingorwhy.Igrabbedtheblanketandsheetsoffthemattress.Iftheideawastomakethe place look uninhabited, it’d be better to hide those too. Then I squirmedunderthebedafterMeredith.Thepanelslidbackintoplacewithatug.Lessthanaminutelater,footstepsclatteredbyoutside.Thedoorswungopen.Itensed.Thepeoplefromthevancouldn’thavecrossedhalfamilealready,couldthey? A chill slipped around the cracks in the bedframe, and I understood.Someonewas letting the air out of the cabins so noonewouldbe able to tellthey’dbeenheated.Sothewholecolonywouldlookdeserted.AllthatbravadoJustinhadgivenustheotherday,abouthowhe’dhaveshotusif we’d looked dangerous, that had been for show, I realized. Of course theywouldn’tgoaroundkillingintrudersonsight.Ifnothingelse,thesoundoftheirgunshotswouldhavetoldpeopleformilesaroundsomeonewashere.Meredith wrapped her arms around me, her breath sounding ragged in thenarrowspace.Ihuggedherclose.Ididn’tknowifTessaandLeoandeveryoneelsehadmadeitintohidingintime.WouldsomeonehavethoughttogotothequarantinecabinandtellGavandTobiaswhat todo?Gavwouldremembertohidethecoldbox,wouldn’the?Woulditbeenough?Hilaryhadsuggestedthey’dmanagedtomakeraidersdismissthecolonyinthepast,butthesepeoplewerelookingformorethanjustfood.Theywerestillafterus,thewomanwiththeredhatandwhoeverwaswithher.Maybesomeonehadseenusinthetownwherethatsickcouplehadapproachedus,andpassedwordon.Maybe theywere justcheckingeverygroupofbuildingsbetween that first

townandOttawa.Eitherway,theyclearlyhadnointentionofstoppingbeforetheyfoundus.Istartedtosweatinsidemylayersofclothing,butIdidn’tdaremove.Meredithcurledherfingersintomycoat.Outside,therewasonlysilence.Thenavoicerangoutintheyard.“What’swithallthegoddamnice?”“Who knows?” a woman replied. “Check the buildings, look for signs thatsomeone’scampedhere.Youfindanyone,haulthemout.Wecanhurt’em,justdon’tkillanyoneyet.”Yet.Thewordranginmyears.Ibitmylipasthecabindoorsqueaked.Footstepsclompedinside.Meredithclutchedatme,andIsqueezedherback.Thethinbeamsofsunlightaroundtheedgesofthepanelshiftedastheintruderwalkedfromoneendofthecabintotheother.Thedeskdrawerraspedopenandshut. The chair toppled over with a clatter that made Meredith flinch. Thefootstepsapproachedthebed,andIcringedatthesuddenthumpoverourheads.Checkingunderthemattress,Ithought,myeyelidstightlyshut.Thatwasall.Theintrudershifted,andkickedatthesideofthebed.Myeyespoppedopenintime to see the panel tilt, just slightly, the sliver of light widening.My heartstopped.Don’tnotice,Iprayed.Don’tnotice.Don’tnotice.There was a moment of silence, and then the intruder stomped out again. Iexhaled in a rush, my lungs burning, and hugged Meredith tighter. Shewhimperedintomycoat.Moredoorscreakedoutside.Therewasascritchingsound,asmack,andagroan,andIsuspectedsomeonehadjustfallenontheice.Despitemyself,Ismiled.“Theplaceisdead,”someonesaid.“Let’s get going before we waste any more time, then,” the woman’s voicereplied.The footsteps faded away. I counted to a hundred, then a hundred again, andtherewasn’tanothersound.“Aretheygone?”Meredithwhisperedinmyear.Inoddedagainsther,butinsideIfeltsick.Theyweregonefornow,notforgood.AndIdidn’twanttofindoutwhatthey’ddoiftheyfinallycaughtus.

AfterHilarycalledintousthatitwassafeagainandwe’dcrawledoutfromunder thebed, I satMeredithdownon themattress.She staredup atmewithstill-frightened eyes. Of all the choices I’d had to make since the epidemicstarted, thiswasoneof theeasiest, but thatdidn’tmake seeing it through lesshard. I swallowed and said, “What would you think if I said you could stayhere?”

“Whataboutthevaccine?”Meredithsaid.“Ifwestay,noonewillgettouseit.”“Notwe,”Isaid.“Justyou.AndTessa.I’llhavetotalktoher,butIthinkshe’llbeokaywithkeepinganeyeonyouwhileI’mgone.It’sprettysafehere,right?You’ll have lots of food and somewhere warm to sleep. And when I findsomeone who can work with the vaccine, I’ll come right back and get you.Okay?”Herchinwobbled.“Youdon’twantmetocome?”“Mere.”Ikneltdowninfrontofher.“Idon’t like leavingyou.But thepeoplewhocametodayaregoingtokeeplookingforus.Yourememberhowmeanthegangontheislandwas?Leosaysthesepeoplecouldbeevenworse.”“Whatiftheyhurtyou?”“We’ll be careful,” I said. “Tobias is a soldier, remember?He knows how toprotectpeople.Butit’seasierwhentherearen’tsomanyofustoprotect.”“Icouldlookaftermyself!”shesaid.“I’malotmorebravenowthanIusedtobe.”Andthensheburstintotears.“Mere,”Isaid,pullingherintomyarms.Forasecond,Idoubtedmydecision.“Hey,hey,it’llbeokay.”“I’mtryingtobebrave,”shesaidbetweengulps,“andstrong,soIcanhelp,butI’mscared,Kaelyn.I’mscaredsomethingbadwillhappentoyou.”Alumproseinmythroat,andmyowneyesprickledwithtears.“Youarebrave,andstrong,”Isaid.“Evenstrongbravepeoplegetscared.It’llbeeasierformetolookaftermyself if Iknowyou’resomewheresafe, Ipromise.Waitingformeanddoingyourbestnottoworrymeansbeingbravetoo.Doyouthinkyoucandothat?”Shechokedbackasob,andthennodded.“I likeithere,”shesaid.“Butyou’llcomebacksoon,right?”“FastasIcan,”Isaid.Tessa didn’t even hesitatewhen I asked her aboutMeredith. “Of course,” shesaid.“I’llgethertohelpmeinhere,keepherbusy.”

Shebeamedatmeasshecrouchedoverabedofseedlingsinthegreenhouse.Herkneesandfingersweresmudgedwithsoil,andshelookedtotallyathome.Icouldn’tbeangryatherforwantingthat,butIfeltlikeIhadtosaysomething.

“Seemsstrange,”Isaid.“Goingoffwithoutyou.We’vestuckitouttogetherforsolong.”“You’renotleavingmehere,”Tessapointedout.“I’mchoosingtostaybehind.Like I would have stayed on the island with Meredith, if it wasn’t for thebombing.”I’dalmostforgottentheoriginalplan.Ithadstartedtofeelsonormalforallofus

to be traveling together.But thiswasn’t quite the same. Shewas planning onstayinghereaslongastheyneededher,Icouldtell.AndwhenIcameback,I’donly stop in long enough to pick up Meredith. We were parting wayspermanently.The weight of all the things she didn’t know sank into my gut: my jealousytowardherwhenI’dstillbeenpiningoverLeo,thekissinthegarage,thetensionbetweenhimandmethatwe’donlyjustresolved.“IwantyoutoknowIneverthoughtyouwerejustanextramouth,okay?”Isaid.“Iwasgladtohaveyouthere.”“I’m glad I was there too,” she said. “Deciding to stay here—it’s really onlyabout me, Kaelyn. Since we lost the greenhouse on the island, and then myparentsdidn’tmake it backwhenLeodid, I’ve felt . . . lost, I guess. I hardlywantedtomove.Andthenwegothere,andit’sthefirsttimeI’vereallyhadtheurge to dive in, to get to work, in so long. I can’t let that go. I know youunderstand—it’slikethevaccineforyou.”Itfeltsostrange,beingchokedupandwantingtosmileatthesametime.ButIdid.“Yeah,”Isaid.“Igetthat.”Wedidn’thug,becauseweneverdid,butIreachedoutandshetookmyhandandgrippeditjustforamoment.

Withthepeoplefromthevanpossiblystillinthearea,itdidn’tseemsafetoleave right away. SowhenHilary invited us to stay until the nextmorning, Ithankedher.ButIhardlyslept.

I’d toldMeredith I’d be back soon, but thatmight not be true. This nightcouldbe the last time I spentwithher, if thewoman in the redhat caughtupwithus,ifablizzardtookusunawarestoofarfromshelter,ifweranoutoffoodbeforewefoundaworkingcar.

Somanyifs.Somanyofthemawful.But if I was leaving for all the people who needed the vaccine, then I wasleavingforMeredithtoo.Withoutawaytofightthevirus,theworldwouldstaylike this forever. Probably it would get evenworse. How couldwe rebuild ifeverytimepeoplecametogether, theyhadtoworryaboutgettinginfected?Bygoing,Iwastryingtoprotecthernotjustnow,butforherwholelife.Asscaredas Iwas, Iwanted tobe thatstrong,bravepersonshesawwhenshe lookedatme.SoIwouldbethatperson,foraslongasIneededtobe.

Thatthoughtsettledovermelikeasortofcalm,andIfinallydriftedoff.We ate an early breakfast of staleCheerios and powderedmilk—Leo,Tessa,Meredith,andI—aloneinthediningroom.IhuggedMeredithandkissedheronthecheek.Afterwesaidourgood-byes,HilarywalkedwithmeandLeotothequarantine cabin, carrying a traywith cereal forGav andTobias.Noone else

hadcometoseeusoff—notevenJustin.Iwonderedifhewasonwatchagain.Gavwassittingonthebed,coatzippedandhoodup,likehewasreadytoheadoffthatverysecond.Buthepulledoffhisglovestoacceptthebowl.Iknewhimwellenoughtorecognizethetensioninhisshoulders,theslightstiffnessinhisexpressionthatbetrayedhisapprehension.Guiltcurdledinmystomach.Itwasmyfaulthewasstartingtofeeltrapped,useless.He’dcomeallthiswayforme,andIdidn’tknowhowtomakethejourneyeasierforhim.AllIknewhowtodowaskeepgoing.Tobiaswas fiddlingwith the radio transceiver on the floor.He’d askedme tobringitinfromthesledforhimyesterdaysohecouldgiveitanothershot.“Anything?”Iaskedhim.Heshookhishead.“Justalotofstatic.”Hilaryhoveredwhiletheygulpeddownthecereal,andthencollectedthedishes.Shepausedinthedoorway.“Iwishwecouldofferyousomefoodfortheroad,”shesaid.“I’mafraidwe’rejust not at the point where we can safely spare any. But you’ll always bewelcomeback.Just,please,don’tmentiontoanyonethatwe’rehere.Andtakecare!”Gav stoodup, stretching, after the door closedbehindher. “I have the feelingthey’rejustgladtogetridofus,”hesaid.Leoshrugged.“Theydidn’thavetohelpusatall.”IswappedtheicepacksinthecoldboxfortheonesI’dleftoutsidetorefreezeovernight.Tobiaswrappedtheradioinitsplasticcasing,andwesteppedintotheforestwhereoursledshadbeenstashed.“There’sonlyfive,”Tobiassaid.“Theblizzard,”Isaid.“Tessafellandlosthers,betweenhereandthefreeway.Whatdidshehave?”Hestudiedoursupplies.“Thesecondboxofrations, theonethatwasfull,”hesaid.“NothingelseimportantthatIcantell.”“Wemightaswell lookforitwhilewe’reheadingthatway,”Gavsaid.“ButIdon’tthinkweshouldhangaroundtoolong.”We shifted our supplies sowe could fit the blankets and empty gasoline jugsfromMeredith’ssledontotheotherfour.Thenwesetofftowardthefreeway.Aswepulledoutintothefieldwe’dcrossedintheblizzard,IscannedthedriftsforanysignofTessa’ssled.Alotofsnowhadcomedownthatnight.Itwasfluffy,puffing out as I pushed through it, but it would have buried anything on theground.Whenwecametothethinstretchoftreesthatborderedthefreeway,Ihesitated.Icouldseethedeeptracksthevan’swheelshadcutthroughthesnowyroad.We

couldspendalldaysearchingthefieldandmaybestillfindnothing,orwecouldspenditputtingmoredistancebetweenusandthepeoplewiththerifle.“I’mnotsureexactlywhereweare,”Isaid,checkingthemapbook.“Butaslongaswe’renearthefreeway,Icanfigureitoutassoonaswegettoanothertown.”“Let’skeepmoving,then,”Gavsaid.Wemarchedalonginsilence,theskybrighteningasthesunroseoverthetopsofthehillstoourright.Thesledswhisperedovertheloosesnow.Everynowandthenoneofuswouldholdupahandandwe’dallstop,listening.Butwedidn’thearasingleengine.Aflockofchickadeeschatteredatusfromthebranchesofajuniper tree. Occasionally, the wind rose enough to rattle the bare twigs.Otherwise,theonlynoisewasourfeet.Gav and Leo started discussing the possibility of using the snares when westoppedfor thenight,andTobiasaskedmeafewquestionsaboutDad’swork.Thememoriesdidn’tstingquiteasmuchastheyusedto.Wepausedatthecrestofaslope, therooftopsofasmall townvisibleupahead,andpushedthesledsdownbeforefollowing.Iwentfirst.Abouthalfwaytothelowerground,myfeetcaughtonaslickpatchbeneaththesnowandwhippedoutfromunderme.Ifellonmybutt,slidingtherestofthewaydown.“Youokay?”Gavcalled.Aninstantlater,heyelpedandwhoosheddownbesideme.AsIgotup,wincingandbrushingthesnowoffmyjeans,Leoskiddeddownsidewaysasifonaninvisiblesnowboard.“Dancer’sreflexes,”Isaid,pointingathim.“That’scheating.”AmischievousglintIhadn’tseeninageslitinhiseyes.“No,”hesaid,“it’dbecheatingifIdidthis.”Hescoopedupahandfulofsnow,gaveitaquicksqueeze,andtossedthehastysnowballmyway.Ithitmesquareinthechest.“Allright,”Gavsaid,scramblingtohisfeet.“Thisiswar.”“Comeon,Tobias,”Isaid.Hewasstillstandingatthetopoftheslope,glancingbackthewaywe’dcome.“Weneedthesoldieronourside.”“Threeagainstone?”Leoprotested,andGavandIbothpeltedhimwithsnow.“Youstartedit!”Isaid.Tobiasdidn’tmove.Hisforeheadhadknit.AsLeoballedupanotherhandfulofsnow,Iwavered.“Tobias?”Heturnedandsaid,evenly,“There’ssomeonefollowingus.”fourteen

WeallwentstillthesecondTobiasspoke.“Thevan?”Isaid.Tobiasshookhis head. “No. One person, on foot.” He unsnapped a couple of the buttonspartwaydownhiscoat,

slidinghishandinsideashewatched.Ibracedmyfootagainstasolidchunk

ofsnowandcranedmyneck,tryingtoseeoverthetopoftheslope.ThenTobiasrelaxed.“It’sthekid,”hesaid.

Wescrambledbackup.Afigureinablackcoatwastrudgingalongthepathwe’d trampled, his face turned toward us, the sled that had been Meredith’sdraggingbehindhim.Hisorangehatwasablazeofcoloramidthesnow.“Justin,”Isaid.“What’shedoing?”

Whenhesawusallstaring,Justinwavedandtrudgedfaster.Heranthelastshortdistancetotheedgeoftheslope,hisbreathcominginhuffs.

“YouwalkfasterthanIthoughtyouwould,”hesaid.“Issomethingwrong?”Isaid.Meredith,orTessa—“Everything’sgood,”Justinsaid.“I’mcomingwithyou.Whereveryou’regoingnow.”Forasecondwealljusteyedeachother.“You didn’t think your mom would let you come,” Leo said, breaking thesilence.“Soyousnuckoffinsteadoftalkingtousaboutitupfront.Yeah?”Justinflushed.“Shedoesn’tget it,”hesaid.“I’mtiredof . . .ofhidingall thetimewhileprickslikethoseguysinthevanwalkin,lookingtotakeourstuff,tomesswith us. It’s stupid. I don’twant to sit around and pick beans and cookoatmeal and pretend it’s okay. It isn’t. It sucks. I want to do something, likeyou.”“Butyourmommustbefreakingout,”Isaid.“She’llknowwhereIam,”Justinsaidobstinately.“Ileftanote.”Whichmighthavehelpedalittlemoreifweknewwhereweweregoingtobe,betweenhereandToronto.Orifwewereevengoingtogetthere.“Howoldareyou,anyway?”Tobiasasked.“Fifteen,”Justinsaid,andpaused.“Nextmonth.”Iwinced,butGavwasstudyinghim.“That’snotthatmuchyoungerthanus,”hesaid.“There’saprettybigdifferencebetweensixteenorseventeenandfourteen,”Leosaid.“Andthat’snotthepoint.Thepointishedidn’ttalktoanyone,hejusttookoff.”HeglancedatJustin.“Ifyou’dtalkedtousfirst,Imightfeelokayaboutit.Butnot like this.Doyouhaveanyideawhat this isgoingtodotoyourmom,howmuchshe’sgoingtoworryaboutyou?”“Youdon’tthinkheshouldgetafewpointsfordetermination?”Gavsaid.“He’sherenow.It’snotlikewecanmakehimgohome,unlessyouwanttohaulhimallthewayback.Wemightaswellkeepgoingandgivehimachance.”“Youwanttoberesponsibleforhim?”Tobiasputin.“Icantakecareofmyself,”Justinprotested.“Who’sinchargehere?JusttellmewhatI’vegottodotoproveit,andIwill.”

LeoandTobiasbothlookedatme,asifitwasmydecision.Whyshoulditbeuptome?Therewerefourofus.“Ithinkweallhavetoagree,”Isaid.“Itinvolvesallofus.”“Sowhatdoyouthink,Kae?”Gavsaid.Ihesitated.Hilaryhad trustedusenough to takeus in, feedus,andshelterus.She’d accepted Tessa andMeredith into the colony. I didn’t like the idea ofrepayingherbyhelpingher son run away.Fourteen . . . Fourteenwasyoung.Three years ago, I couldn’t have imagined going on a road trip without myparents,letalonewalkingacrossthecountryinthemiddleofwinter.But then, I couldn’t have imagined that sixmonths ago, either.The virus hadchangedallofourlives.Maybe,thesedays,fourteenwasn’tsoyoungafterall.“Are you really okaywith what you’re putting yourmom through?” I asked.“Wedon’tknowhowlongit’llbebeforewecancomeback.Wedon’tknowifwe’llbeabletomakeitbackatall.”For a second, Justin looked like a scared kid, even younger than the almost-fifteenheclaimedtobe.Thenhismouthset.“Yeah,”hesaid.“Igotit.Anythinghappenstome,it’sonmyshoulders,notyours.It’smylife.”Itwasn’t,though.Whathedidcouldaffectallofus,aslongashewaswithus.ButGavwasright.Wedidn’thaveanywayofstoppinghimfromfollowing,notunlesswegaveupawholedayof traveling to takehimback.Andeven then,whowastosayhewouldn’tcomerunningafterusagain?“Fine,”Isaid.Tobiasshrugged.“Aslongashecarrieshisownweight.”Leowasfrowning.IcaughtmyselfhopinghewasgoingtocomeoutwithsomereasoningsoperfectitwouldconvinceJustinthiswasn’tagoodidea.Buthejustsighedandsaid,“Allright.Idon’tlikeit,butIcanlivewithitifyoucan.”Wemovedsomeof thesuppliesbackonto the fifthsledandsetoffacross thesnow. As Justin hurried to join Gav in the lead, an uneasy feelingwelled upinsideme.One more person’s life was on the line because of Dad’s and my unprovenvaccine.

MyuneasinessoverJustin’sarrivalfadedabitwhenhepulledfivepearsoutofthebaghe’dbroughtwithhim.“Rightoffthetree,”hesaid,handingthemoutaswewalked.

I raised thepear tomy face and smelled it.Saliva filledmymouth.WhenwasthelasttimeI’deatenfruitthatwasn’tfromacanorajar?Icouldn’tevenremember.

Iallowedmyselfonebigbite,unabletoholdinahumofpleasureasthetartjuicesliddownmythroat,andatetherestinnibblessoitlasted.

ThetastelingeredinmymouthlongafterI’dfinished,aswepassedthroughanothertownthatdidn’tofferanyviablecars.Tobiasspottedatransporttruckonthefreewayinthelateafternoon,soweveeredovertotakealook,buttherewasnosignofthekeys.Aseveningfell,wefoundourselvesinaparticularlylonelystretchofforest.Iwasstartingtoworrythatwe’dbecampingoutsidethatnight,whenwecameacrossamobilehomeinawideclearing.

Thealuminumdoorwasswingingopen,whiningsoftlyinthebreeze,buttheownershadbuiltadeckoutfrontwithanawningthathadkept thesnowfromgetting inside. Squeezed onto the benches in the cramped dining room, wewarmedcannedstewandpeasoverthecampingstove.Withthedoorclosed,thethinheatthatroseofftheburningkerosenetooktheedgeoffthechillyair.Afterwe’dgulpeddownourmeal,Tobiasgotouttheradio.“Youeverhearanyoneonthat?”Justinasked.

Tobiasshookhishead.“Itcan’thurt to try, though,”hesaid.“It’snot likeI’ve gotmuch else to do. I’d better take it outside—don’t think it’ll like themetalwalls.”

Heslippedout,andIheardhimsetthetransceiverdownonthedeck’spatiotable.Amomentlater,hisvoicefilteredthroughthedoor,usingthenameofthefreewaytoidentifyus.“ThisisRoute2NewBrunswick.Cananyonehearme?Over.”

There was no reply. Tobias paused and then repeated his message. Gavpoured a little water into a pot full of snow, and Leo set it over the stove. Ipaddeddownthenarrowhalltocheckthebedroom.Itheldadoublebedwithatwinbunkovertop.We’dmanage.Atleastwehadwallsaroundus.

Iwasjustheadingforthedoortogetthesleepingbagswhenasharpfemalevoicecrackledontheotherside.“Wehearyou,Route2NewBrunswick.Over.”Istarted, jarringmyelbowagainstacabinet,andGavstoodup.Asonebeing,thefourofusinsiderushedontothedeck.Tobiaswasstaringattheradio.Justinshuffledaroundhim.“Sosaysomething!”hehissed,andthenreachedforthemic.Tobiasjerkeditawayfromhim.“ThisisRoute2,”hesaid,hishandshaking.“Whoisthis?Over.”“Group of concerned citizens, trying to look out for each other,” the voicereplied.Itwastinnyandlacedwithalowbuzzofstatic,butclearenoughthatIcouldmakeouteveryword.“Whereareyoucalling from?Doyouneedhelp?Over.”“Askthemwhatkindofpeopletheyhaveintheirgroup,”Isaid,droppingintothechairbesideTobias.Herepeatedmyquestionintothemic.“Allsorts,”cametheresponse.“Wemakenojudgments.Thereareafewdoctors

here,ifyou’reneedingmedicalintervention.Over.”The right kind of doctor would know how to formulatemore of the vaccine.“Howclosedoyouthinktheyare?”IaskedTobias,myheartthudding.“Idon’tknow,”Tobiassaid.“This is thebest radiowehadon thebase—onaclear day we could get signals from overseas. Depends on how good theirtransmitteris.”Gavrestedhishandsonmyshoulders.“Whocareshowclosetheyare?They’rethere.”“If we can trust them,” Leo said. “We don’t know anything about them. Thepeopleinthevan—theyhadradios,didn’tthey?”“Two-ways,”Tobias said.“With those thingsyou’re lucky ifyougetacouplemilesofreception.There’snotmuchchancethey’dbecloseenoughandhappentobelisteningrightwhenIbroadcasted.”“Itdoesn’tsoundlikethewomanwhowasinthevan,”Iadded.Hervoice,don’tkill anyone yet, echoed in my head, low and flat, without any of the nasalsharpnessof thewomanon the radio.“Butwedon’tknow if theycanhelpusyet.”Even if they didn’t have anyonewith themwho’d know how to replicate thevaccine,couldwehopetheymightknowwheretofindsomeonewhocould?Orlendusavehiclesowecouldlook?Staticfizzled,andaman’svoicecutin.“Stillthere,Route2?Over.”“We’rehere.Over,”Tobiassaid.“What is ityou’re looking for?” thevoiceaskedcalmly.“If there’s somethingyouneed,wemaybeabletohelp.Over.”He sounded so reassuring that I started to relax. Maybe the walking and theworriesabout thecoldand foodand thepeople in thevancouldbeovernow.MaybeI’dgettogobackforMeredithassoonastomorrow.“Tellhimwe’relookingforascientistordoctorwho’sworkingon...acureforthevirus,”Isaid.“Idon’twanttosayexactlywhatwehaveuntilwe’vegottenachancetotalkwiththemface-to-face.”Tobiasrelayedthemessage.“Ican’tsaywehavethefriendlyflulickedyet,”thevoicereplied.“Butwehavepeopleheretrying.Whereareyoulocated?Wecangiveyoudirectionstous,orwemaybeabletosendsomeonetopickyouup.Over.”Ilookedaroundattheothers.“Whatdoyouthink?”“Idon’t seeany reason to think they’re lying,”Gavsaid. “This iswhatwe’vebeenlookingfor,isn’tit?Whywouldn’twegocheckthemout?”“Westilldon’tknowwhotheyactuallyare,”Leosaid.“Evenifthey’renottheoneswho’vebeenfollowingus...”

Justinscratchedhishead.“Theysoundallrighttome.”“Theydon’tevenknowwehaveanythinguseful,”Isaid.“Theyprobablyfigurewe’re asking about doctors because someone here’s sick, and they’re stillofferingtoletuscometothem.Whywouldtheybotherunlesstheyreallywanttohelp?”“Idon’tknow,”Leosaid.“Whyaretheyrandomlyscanningtheradiointhefirstplace?”“What’s the point in being out here if we’re not going to trust anyone wemanagetogetincontactwith?”Gavsaid,throwinguphishands.“Hell,ifwe’renotgoing tobelieve anyone,we shouldhave stayedon the island and tried tomanufacturethevaccineourselves!”Therewasamomentof silence, andLeo loweredhishead. “You’re right,”hesaid.“I’mbeingparanoid.ButIstillthinkweshouldgocautiously.”“Wewill,” I said, and turned toTobias. “Tell them thenameof that townwepassed—thatwas,what,aboutfourmilesback?Iftheycancometous,that’llbeeasier.”“We should be able to manage that,” the voice said after Tobias gave thedirections.“Giveusanhourorso.Youhangtight.Over.”Tobiassetdownthemic,butwhenhereachedtoturnofftheradio,Isaid,“Let’sleaveitonfornow.Whatiftheyneedmoreinformation?”Iglancedoveratthesledswe’dpulledoutofviewbehindthetrailer.Weweren’tgoing to be able to take all our supplieswith us—Idoubted theywould fit inwhatevervehicletheysent.Maybewe’dbeabletocomebackforthemlater?Ashiverofexcitementracedthroughme.“Wedidit,”Isaidaloud,needingtohearthewordstomakeitcompletelyreal.“Wefoundsomeone.”“Youdidit,”Gavsaid.Hewrappedhisarmsaroundme,kissingthespotbehindmyear.“ItwasTobiaswhoactuallymadecontact,”Ipointedout.“Iwouldn’thavehadanyreasontocontactthemifitwasn’tforthose,”Tobiassaid,tippinghisheadtowardthecoldbox.Isetmyhandsonit.“Maybeweshouldhidethemuntilwe’retotallysurethesepeoplearelegit,”Isaid.“We’llmeettheirdoctors,I’llaskthemsomequestions,thenwe’lldecidewhattodo.”Nothingabout thiswascertain,afterall.Even if thesepeoplewere friendly, itcouldbeanotherdeadend.Butat thevery least, theyseemedwilling to try tohelp.MaybeIcouldfinallyhandoffthisresponsibilitytosomeonewhoactuallyknewwhattheyweredoing.“Ifthat’swhatyouthinkwe’vegottodo,”Gavsaid.“Yeah,”Isaid,pickingupthebox,butIcouldn’thelpgrinning.

“Iguessafterthisyou’reallgoinghome,”Justinsaid,soundingdejected.Leogavehisshoulderalightshove.“Ifyou’dbeenthrougheverythingwehave,you’dbehappyaboutit.”“Forallweknow,wemightstill—”Istarted,andavoiceleaptfromtheradiospeaker.“Hello?”IspunaroundasTobiassnatchedupthemic.“Route2stillhere.Over.”“Good.Good.”Arushedbreathhissedthroughthespeaker.“Ineedtoaskyousomethingthatmightsoundkindofstrange.Doyouhaveavaccine?”Itwasn’teitherofthepeoplewe’dspokentoearlier,thewomanortheman.Thevoicesoundedlikeayoungerman’s,oranolderboy’s.Hiswordshitmelikeaslap,butIsteppedforward,feelingtherewassomethingIshouldbehearingthatIwasn’tquitegrasping.“Whatvaccine?”Tobiassaid,raisinghiseyebrowsatme.“Over.”“Look,”thenewvoicesaid,“whetheryoudoornot,theythinkyou’retheoneswhohaveit.Thepeopletheysenttopickyouup,it’sthevaccinethey’llwant.Idon’tknowifthey’llbelieveyouifyousayyoudon’thaveit.They’regoingtoexpectyoutojusthanditover.Andthey’regoingtohurtyouifyoudon’t.”Myheartthumped,painfullyhard.“Whoisthis?”Tobiasasked.“Itdoesn’tmatter,”thevoicesaid.“Itisyou,isn’tit?Look,thesearen’tpeopleyouwanthavingthevaccine.ThebestIcantellyouistoheadeast.There’sanislanddownbythesouthendofNovaScotia—people therewerestillworkingonthevirus—mydad—”Withthosewords,recognitionclicked.BeforeIevenknewIwasgoingtomove,I’dyankedthemicfromTobias’shand.“Drew?”IsaidTherewasapause.“Howdoyouknowmyname?”I laughed, tears springing to my eyes. “Drew, it’s Kaelyn. The vaccine, it’sDad’s.Buthe—therewasn’tanyoneleftwhocouldmakemore, that’swhywebroughtitouthere.Whereareyou?”“Kaelyn? But you—you were sick. I thought you must have— Shit. She’scomingback.Kae,getoutofthere.Whereveryoutoldthemtofindyou,leave.Please.I’lltry—I’lltrytogetbackonanotherday,aroundthistime.Pleasejust—Crap.”Thestaticfizzledandfadedawayintoafainthumthatsaidnothingatall.fifteen

Forafewseconds,westoodtherefrozen,butDrew’svoicedidn’treturn.“Youknowhim?”Tobiasaskedme.“He’smybrother,” I said.“He left the islanda fewmonthsago. Ididn’teven

knowifhewasalive.”Andhe’d thought Iwas dead.Butwewere both alive and I’d found him.Hecouldbesoclose.IfonlyI’dbeenabletotalktohimlonger—Leo’svoice,lowand urgent, broke through my shock. “He said we have to leave.Whoever’scoming,theycouldbehalfwayherebynow.Wherecanwego?”“Idon’tget it,” Isaid.“HowwouldDrewevenknowabout thevaccine?Whoarethesepeople?”Gavhadgonetothesideofthedeck.Ontheothersideoftheclearing,aboutahundredfeetaway,theopengroundgavewaytopineforest.“I’dsoonertrustaguyfromtheislandthanabunchofpeoplewenevertalkedtobefore tonight,” he said. “The forest looks pretty thick—we could take offthroughthere.”Ipeeredovertherailing,andmystomachdropped.“Thesnow,”Isaid.“Lookatthemesswe’vealreadymadearoundthetrailer.Ifwetakeoffforthetrees—foranywhere—ourfootprintsaregoingtobelikeaneonsignpointingourway.”“There’ssnoweverywhere!”Justinsaid.Tobiaswalkeddownthestepsandaroundthehome,surveyingthelandscape.“There’sthefencehere,”hesaid.“Itlooksold,butI’dbetit’llholdaperson’sweight.Wecouldclimbalongitasfarastheforest—won’tleaveanytracksthatway.”“Whataboutoursupplies?”Isaid.“Wecan’tcarrythesledslikethat.”“Wecanpushthemunderthehome,”Leosaid,followingTobias.“There’sagapbetweenthecinderblocks.We’llhidethemandcomebackforthemlater.That’sprobablythebestwecando.Just...bringthevaccine.They’lltakethatforsureiftheyfindit.Iftheydon’t,iftheyjustfindtheplacelookingabandoned,maybethey’llthinkit’sthewrongone.”He soundeddoubtful, but hewas right. Itwas thebestwe coulddo. I hurriedinsidetograbthecoldboxandthebagwithDad’snotebooks.Tobiasshovedhisradiointooneofthekitchencupboards.Thenwetrampedaroundthehomeandstudiedthefence.Thelineofweatheredwoodranfromnearthefreewaytosomepointbeyondthetrees on the other side of the clearing. It didn’t look very sturdy. I turnedmyhead,strainingmyears.Ihadn’theardamotoryet,andthemanontheradiohadsaidthey’dbehereinanhour.Butmaybehe’dlied.“Let’sdoitoneatatime,”Isaid.“Sowedon’tputtoomuchweightonit.”“Youshouldgofirst,withthevaccine,”Leosaid.“Yousureyoudon’twantmetocarryit,Kae?”Gavasked,offeringahand.The thought of letting go of the cold boxmademy chest tighten. “No, I canmanage.Canyoutakethebag?”

Heaccepteditfromme,andIturnedtothefence.Itshouldn’tbethathard.Howmany branches had I clambered across as a kid, searching for bird nests andsquirrelhollows?I placed the cold box on the top railing and gripped thewoodwithmy otherhand.Bracingonefootagainstthelowerrailing,Iswungmylegover.Iteeteredforasecond,thensteadiedmyselfagainstthepostbehindme.Sofarsogood.Testingmybalance,IfoundIcouldletgowithbothhandsandholdmyself inplacewithmylegspressedtightlyagainstthesidesofthefence.Iliftedthecoldbox,setitdownafootfartheralong,andshuffledafterit.Onestepatatime.ThefirstpostIcametoproveddifficult.ThecoldboxstartedtotipasIheftedmyselfover,andmybreathrushedout inagasp.Igropedafter it,clutchingatthefencewithallthestrengthinmylegs.Forasecond,Itippedtoo.Mylegtwistedaroundthepost,shinslammingintothewood,catchingme.Thecold box jerked to a stop, dangling by its handle frommy fingers, just a fewinches above the snow.The sudden joltmademy shoulder throb.Grittingmyteeth,Iyankedtheboxbackontothefenceandscootedforwardanotherfoot.“Kae?”Gavcalled.“I’mgood,”Isaid.“Gettingthehangofit.”My shoulder kept aching as I climbed onward, but I wasmore careful at thepostsnow,andtheboxstayedinplace.Iscrambledpastthefirstfewtrees,thenhoppedoffintothesnow,swallowing,mythroatrawwiththecold.Backbythemobilehome,Gavwasalreadysteppingontothefence.The guys came less tentatively, having less to carry and having seen how I’dmanaged. When Gav was halfway to the trees, Justin followed. The boardscreakedbutheld.As soonasGav jumpeddownbesidemeandholleredback,Leoclimbedon.Heshuffledalongquickly,hardlybrushingthetoprailwithhishands.Gavhanded thebagback tome,andwecroucheddownamid theunderbrush,wherewecouldstillmakeout themobilehomeacross theclearing.Nighthadfallen, the snow graying as the stars glinted into sight overhead. Justin pacedbackandforthbehindus.Afterhe’ddoneitafewtimes,Isaid,“Staystill.Youcan’tbemovingaroundwhentheyshowup,ortheymighthearyou.”Hemade a noise of annoyance, but after a couple seconds he hunched downbesideus.Leoreachedusamomentlater.“IfeellikeI’minaJamesBondmovie,”hesaid.“It’snotasmuchfunasitlooksonthescreen.”Thetensioninhisvoicedrainedthejokeofallhumor.WhenTobiashadjoinedus,Justintuggedhishoodlower.

“Sowhatdowedonow?”“Whatdoyouthink?”IaskedTobias.Hewastheonlyoneherewithtraininginavoidinganenemy.“Shouldwegofartherin?”He eyed the trees. “I’d figurenow that it’s darkout, ifwe just stay still, theywon’t be able to see us without coming right into the forest. And there’s noreasonforthemtodothat,sincewedidn’tleavetracks.I’dratherstaywhereIcankeepaneyeonthem.”Wehuddled there, silent, as the indigoof the skydeepened intoblack.A fewwispsof snowdrifteddown from thebranchesoverhead.Gav foldedhishandaroundmineandsqueezedit.Andsomewhereinthedistance,anenginerumbledfaintly.Inamoment,Ihearditagain,gettinglouder.Tobiasreachedintohiscoatanddrewoutalargeblackpistol.Justinwhistledsoftlythroughhisteeth,andGavelbowedhim.Tobiasrestedthegunonthetopsofhisknees,themuzzlepointedawayfromus.Ifoundmyselfstaringatit.“I’mnotgoingtouseitunlessIhaveto,”hemurmured.“ButifIhaveto...”HeglancedatLeo.“Youstillgottheflaregun?”Leonodded,hisjawclenched.We waited. The engine’s growl crept steadily nearer. Lights flickered by thefreeway.Thegrowlebbed,andcutout.Cardoorsslammed.“Hello?” a woman’s voice called out. “We’re here about a call on the radio.Pickingyouup,aspromised.”Thehingeofthemobilehome’sdoorraspedasitopened.“Noone,”amansaidamomentlater.“Maybethisisthewrongplace.”“It’s amobile home, a littlemore than fourmiles outside town, just like theysaid it’d be,” the woman replied. “And look at the footprints. Someone washere.”Theycamearoundthesideofthehome,theglowoftheflashlightsonthesnowsplashingbackat them,andmybreathcaught inmythroat.Thewomanin theleadstraightenedherredhatoverherblondhair,tuckedherrifleunderherarm,and nudged at one of the cinder blocks with the toe of her boot. Two menambledalongbesideher.ItwasthewomanI’dseeninthevan.Of course itwas.Drewhad said they justwanted thevaccine.Howcould thepeoplewe’dtalkedtoontheradiohaveknowntherewasavaccineiftheyhadn’talready heard? These people and the ones we’d talked to, they must all beconnected,moreorganizedthanI’deverhaveguessed.Howmanyofthemwerethere,workingtogether?AndwhatwasDrewdoingwiththem?

“They’rearound,”thewomansaid.“Musthavegottenspooked.”Sheraisedhervoice.“Hello?Route2?We’rehererespondingtoyourradiocall.”The flashlights skimmed theclearing.Thewomanshiftedher rifle,andoneofthemendrewoutapistol.“They going to be armed?” the other asked, so quietly I barelymade out thewords.“Patersondidn’t think so,” thewoman said. “Butwhoknows?You rememberhowtohandlethis.”Wecanhurt’em,justdon’tkillanyoneyet.“Butoncewe’vegotit?”thefirstmanmurmured.“Yeah,” thewomansaid. Iguessed thatwas the‘yet.’Myfingersclutched thehandleofthecoldbox.“Hello?” the woman called again. They started into the clearing. She walkedstraight down themiddle, themanwith the pistol following the fence and theother edging along the far side of the field.Theywere all heading ourway. IheldasstillasIcould,tuckingmychinintomycoatcollar,myheartpounding.Theyhadn’tstoppedtothinkaboutfootprints.Theyjustknewwe’dbeenhere,andtherewereonlysomanyplaceswecouldhavegone.IfIhadn’tbeensureI’ddonetherightthing,leavingMeredithatthecolony,Iwasnow.Thewomanwashalfwayacrosstheclearing.Inaminutethebeamofherflashlightwouldbegrazingthetrees.Thenshestopped.Shelookedupattheforest,thenathercompanions,scanningthe entire area.Shewasgoing to turn around, I thought.Shewasgoing togoback,stakeoutthemobilehome,checkalongtheroad,Ididn’tcare,aslongastheyturnedandwalkedaway.Please.“Wecan’thelpyouifyouwon’ttalkwithus,”shesaid.Keepingupthecharade.Theydidn’tknowwe’dseenthembefore, I realized.Thatwewouldrecognizethemastheenemy.She tookonecasualstep toward the trees,noteven lookingourwayanymore,andJustinbrokefromourhuddle.“Give me the gun,” he said to Tobias, so low and fierce Tobias seemed torespondautomatically,hishandtwitchingupward.Heblinked,catchinghimself,notquicklyenough.Justinyankedthepistolfromhisgrasp.“Justin!”Ihissed,throwingoutmyarmtotrytograbhim,buthedodgedme.“There’s only three of them,” he said. “Three.We can take them. I can takethem.”Thewomanwaswalking toward us faster now, gesturing to her companions.She’dheardhim.“Ifsomeone’sthere,”shesaid,raisingtherifle,“comeout.Wecanhaveanice

calmconversation.”TobiaslungedatJustin,andJustinran.Therestofusscrambledtoourfeetasheracedtowardtheedgeofthetrees.Theflashlightbeamwaveredoverhim,andthewomanstrodeforward,hermouthtwistingintoafakesmile.“Hey,kid—”shesaidasJustinjarredtoahaltattheedgeoftheclearing.Isawinherexpressionthemomentsheregisteredthegun.Sheyankedupherrifle.Inthespaceofaheartbeat,Justinsquaredhisshoulders,aimedthepistolwithbothhands,andfired.Thesoundoftheshotrattledmyeardrums,andmypulsehiccupped.Thewomanfell,bloodstreakingdownherface.She’donlybeentenfeetaway,andhe’dhitherrightbetweentheeyes.Justininhaledashakybreath.Thetwomenwererunningtowardusnow,andhedidn’tmove, just stared. “Justin!”Gav shouted.As the four of us reached thefield,Justinliftedhisarmandpointedthepistol,single-handed,attheguywiththehandgun.InthetimeittookTobiastograbhisshoulder,hefiredonce,twice,threetimes.Thefirsttwoshotswentwild,butthethirdhitthemaninthethigh.Hedoubledover,groaning,buthewasstillholdinghisgun.Asheraised it,Tobias rippedthepistol from Justin’s tremblinghand, sighted, and shot theguy in the head.Themanslumped.“Theotherone!Theotherone!”Justinstartedbabbling,wavinghisarmtowardthe thirdfigure,whohadspunaroundandwaschargingback toward theroad.Towardtheirvan.“He’sseenus!Wecan’tletanyofthemgo,right?He’llcomebackwithmore,and—”“Shutup!”Tobiassnapped.Hetooktwostepsforward,stopped,andfiredatthesecondman. Ididn’t seewhere thebullethit,but theguy’sbody flinchedandtoppledover.Ibroughtmyhandstomyears.Gavslidhisarmaroundme.Tobiasexhaled,droppinghisgunhandtohisside.The weight of the silence settled over us, alone in the clearing where threecorpsesmarkedthesnow.

sixteenThree people dead, because of us. Because we’d killed them. As the

realizationsankin,mylegswobbled.Idroppedtotheground, huggingmy knees.Gav crouchedwithme, the gentle pressure of hisarmaroundmefeelingterriblydistant.Anacidtasteroseinthebackofmythroat.Inthatmoment,itwasallIcoulddotokeepmydinnerdown.

“Wow,” Justin said to Tobias. “That was some shooting.” Tobias whirled onhim.“Whatthehellwereyoudoing?”hesaid.“Thatwasafuckingmess,andit’syourmess.Icouldhavemissedthatlastshot.Icouldhavegottentoyoutoolatetostoptheotherguyfromshootingyou!”“Theyweregoingtofindus,”Justinprotested.“Nowwe’resafe.Isaved us.Noneofyouhad theballs todoanything.” “Wedidn’tneed todoanythingyet,”Leosaidquietly.“Theywerelookingliketheymightturnback.Andifweweregoingtodosomething,therearebetterplansthanrunningoutintoplainsightandthenfreezingup.”Justinflushed.“Igother,”hesaid,pointingtothewoman’sbody.“ThatoneIdidperfect.Ididn’tknow—I’venevershotanyonebefore.Itshookmeupalittle.Nexttimethatwon’thappen.”“Nexttime?”Isaid,raisingmyhead. “Howmanypeople areyouplanningon shooting?Wecameall thiswaysowecouldstoppeoplefromdying.We’renotsupposedtobekillinganyone!”Gavdraggedinabreath,straighteningup.“Well,it’sdonenow,right?Itwasdonestupidly,butit’sdone.Itsoundedlikethey’dhavebeenhappy tokillus,once theygot thevaccine.”“Theymighthave justgivenup,”Isaid,knowingthatwasmoreawishthanapossibility.“Idon’tthinkthey’dhavemovedontooquickly,”Tobiassaid.“Theyknewwewerehere.Butthatdoesn’tmeanwecouldn’thavehandleditbetter.”“Look,I’msorry,okay?”Justinsnapped.“NexttimeI’llletallofyougetshotinstead,ifthat’llmakeyouhappy.”Ipressedtheheelsofmyhandsagainstmyeyes.MythoughtsweresoscatteredIcouldn’tseemtocatchholdofanyofthem.Thespacearoundmefeltstrangelyempty.Thecoldstoragebox.I’dleftthevaccinesamplesintheforest.Igotup,alittleshakily,andwalkedbackthroughthetreestopickuptheboxandmybag.TheotherswerestandinginthesamesemicirclewhenIreturned.“If there’s anyone within a few miles of this place, they probably heard thegunshots,”Leosaid.“Someonemightcometoseewhat’sgoingon.Andwhoeversentthosepeople,whentheydon’treportback,anothergroupmightheadheretocheckthingsout.Wecan’tstay.”

Hewasright.Ihuggedthebag.“Wherearewegoingtogo?”Gavlookedtowardtheroad.“Thevan,”hesaid.Hisfacehadgonehard.“Oneofthemmusthavethekeys.Wemightaswellusewhatwehave.”“We know it can handle the snow,” Tobias said, nodding. Every bone inmybodyresistedthethought.Thethoughtofgettingintothevanwherethewomanhadsatwithherrifle—thewomanwhowaslyingtheredead—mademeshudder.“Won’titdrawattentiontous?”Isaid.“Anyonewhoseesusgoingbymightrecognizeit.Thisgroupseemstohavepeopleallovertheplace.Howcanwestayoutofsightifwe’reusingavanthey’llknow?”“Wecouldonlydrivewhenpeoplewouldn’tseeiteasily,”Leosaid.“Travelatnight,restduringtheday.”“Idon’twant to stay in ahousewith that vanoutside like a signpost,” I said.“That’scrazy.It’s theonethingthey’llbelookingfor.”“Sowetakeit justfortonight,”Gavsaid.“Wecouldgetprettyfarbeforethesuncomesup.”“Whattheheckelsecanwedo?”Justindemanded.Ibitmylip.Theanswerwas:nothing.“Okay,”Isaid.“Wegetasfaraswecanandditchitbeforeitstartsgettinglight.Right?”Everyonenodded.TobiasturnedtoJustin.“You’rethereasonthesepeoplearedead,”hesaid.“Youshouldbetheonelookingforthekeys.Seeupclosewhatkillingsomeonereallymeans.”Justin’sfacelookedalittlepinched,buthepressedhismouthintoaflatlineandtrudgedovertothewoman’sbody.Notwantingtowatch,Ihurriedtowardthemobilehome.Therewasathumpasherolledherover,andIcringed.Thebodyofthesecondmanwasadarkblotamidthesnow.Iwalkedpastitwithoutlettingmygazestrayfromtheplacewherewe’dhiddenthesleds,myhandscurledtightinmypockets.Theotherscaughtupwithmeatthehome.Wehauledthesledsoutfromunderneathitonebyone.Isetthecoldboxinmineandpulleditovertotheroad.Thegreenvanwaswaitingthere,parkedonthegravelshoulderofthefreeway.Ihesitated,andthentriedthedoor.Theyhadn’tevenlockedit.Notthatwecouldhavedrivenitanywherewithoutthekeys.Atwo-wayradiolayonthedashboard.

As I went around to open the back doors, it crackled. “Brunswick ThirdDivision,anupdate?”awoman’svoicesaid.Thesamenasalvoicethathadspokentousonthetransceiver.Theonewho’dofferedushelp.Leavingthesledbythebackofthevan,Ipulledmyselfintothepassengerseatandpickedupthetwo-way.Whenitstartedtocrackleagain,Iswitcheditoff.TheseatwasmorecomfortablethantheoneinTobias’struck.Iguessedthewomanintheredhat’s“division”hadbeenabletobepickier.BrunswickThirdDivision.Thatsuggestedtherewereatleasttwoothergroupsonpatrol,didn’tit?We’dgonefromhuddledinthedarkwhilethreepredatorsstalkedus,tobetteroffthanwe’dbeensincewelefttheisland.EvenifJustinhadn’tgoneaboutitthebestway,Ihadtoadmitwhathe’ddonehadhelpedus.WastheresomethingwrongwithmethatIstillwishedithadn’thappened?MaybeIwastoosoftforthissurvivalstuff.ToostuckinthemoralityofthelifeI’dleftbehindtodoIneededtokeeptheliveswehad.Ididn’twanttobesoft.ButIdidn’twanttobelikethepeoplewho’dhuntedusdown,either.“Let’sleavethattwo-wayhere,”Tobiassaid,comingoverwithtwooftheothersleds.“Atthispoint,I’dbelievethey’vegotsomewayoftrackingthosethings.”IrealizedIwasstillclutchingit inmymittenedhand.Isteppedoutof thevanandhurledtheradiooverthefence.Itpatteredintothesnow.Tobiaswatcheditfall,hiseyesdistantandhisjawtightbeneaththeshadowofhishood.“Isthatthefirsttimeyou’ve...”Istarted,andtrailedoff,uncomfortablewiththequestion.“Killedsomeone?”Tobiasfilledin.“Yes.Imanagednevertogetshippedout,andtherearen’tawholelotofenemysoldierstoengagearoundhere.”Hetossedsomeoftheemptygasjugsintotheback.“Justinwasright,you’regoodwiththegun,”Isaid.“I’msorryyouhadtouseit.”“That’swhatthetraining’sfor,”hesaid.“IjustgotasgoodasIcouldateverythingsothesergeantswouldn’thaveasmuchtoharassmefor.Totellyouthetruth,IonlysignedupforthearmedforcesbecauseitwastheonewayIcouldputsomedistance

betweenmeandmystep-dad.ItturnedoutIhateditalmostasmuchasIhatedhim.”Hesteppedbacktomeetmygaze.“ButIdon’thatethatI’mhere,”headded.“Youjustdowhatyou’vegottodotogetby.”“Yeah,”Isaid,mythroatdry.Andfromtheothersideoftheclearing,Justin’svoicerose,strainedbuttriumphant.“Foundthekeys!”I woke up in the dark, my cheek cold from pressing against the window. Iblinked,searchingforsomesenseofequilibrium.

Wewere in the van.Gavwas driving, Leo looking at themap book—themap book I’d given him last night after I’d traded seatswith him. JustinwasdroopedagainstTobias,eyesclosedandlipsparted,afaintsnoreescapingthem.Tobiashadballedhisscarfintoapillowtosleep,buthewasstirringnow.

Outside, the glow of the headlights streaked across the road. The skywasdullandovercast,onlyasmudgeofmoonlightshowingthroughtheclouds.TheglimpsesIcaughtofthetreesliningtheroaddidn’tlookallthatdifferentfromwhat I’dseenshortlybefore I fellasleep.ForasecondIhad theuneasysensethatwe’dbeendrivinginplace,goingonandonandgettingnowhere.

Gavmust have noticed me lift my head. “If the clock’s right, it’s almostfive,” he said. “We just turnedoff onto a local highway sowe can look for aplacetodropthevan.Thetank’salmostemptyanyway.”“Howfardidweget?”Iasked.

“WecrossedintoQuebecaroundtwo,”Leosaid.“Justonemoreprovincetogo!”Onemoretogo.Weweresomuchcloserthanwe’dbeenevenadayago.ForamomentIcontemplatedkeepingthevan.WecouldmakeittoTorontoinjustafewmoredays....Butthepeopleontheotherendoftheradiowouldbelookingforitsoon,iftheyweren’talready.Therewasn’texactlyawholelotoftraffictoblendinwith.Andtoleaveitsitting insometownwhilewesearchedforgas, likeasignalflag—we’dbeaskingtogetcaught.“There’samailbox,”Leosaid,pointingtoashadowyshape.ThevanslowedasGaveasedonthebrake.Werolleduptothemailboxandcarefullyturneddownthedrivewaybesideit.Thevanlurched,andJustinsputteredawake.Theheadlightsslidovertheedgeofaporch.Thedoorstoodajar,onlydarknessbeyondit.Noonehome.“I’llbringthevanaroundbacksonobodycanseeit fromtheroad,”Gavsaid.Whenhe’dparked,weallclimbedout,Tobiascarryingtheriflehe’dtakenfromthedeadwoman.A frigidbreeze cut acrossmycheeks. I tuggedmy scarfup.Theheatfrominsidethevanwasalreadyseepingoutofmybones.

GavandLeo turnedon their flashlights, and I triednot to thinkabout the lastpeoplewho’d been holding them.ButGav’s lightmust have caughtmy face,because he stopped while the others went around to unload our supplies. Heloweredtheflashlightandtouchedmyarmwithhisotherhand.“Hey,”hesaidsoftly.“How’reyoudoing?”Thedriveseemedtohavedonehimgood.HelookedmoreateasethanIrememberedseeinghimthelastfewdays.“I’mokay,”Isaid.“Just,youknow,nervous.”Ayawnstretchedmyjaw.“Andtired.”“Wecouldcrashhereforafewhours.”Ishookmyhead.“I’mnotgoing tobeable to restuntilwe’reawayfromthatvan.Let’sputacouplemilesbetweenusandit,atleast.”“Ithinkwecanmanagethat.”Heleanedforwardtokissmeandthenpulledmeintoahug. Ihuggedhimback,myeyessqueezingshutagainstsudden tears. Ihadn’tknownhowmuch Ineeded someoneelse toholda littleofmyweight,justforamoment.“Youthinkthere’sanygasleftinthetank?”Tobiasaskedaswesteppedapart.Hehelduptheemptyjugs.“Wemightbeabletofilloneortwo,”Gavsaid.“It’dbegoodtohavealittleonus.”Asheunscrewedthegascap,Iturnedtowardtheloomingpresenceofthehouse.Maybeitwasn’ttotallyempty.“While you’re doing that, I’ll take a look inside,” I said. “See if there’s anyfood.”“Goodidea,”Gavsaid.“I’ll come too, Kae,” Leo said. “I don’t think we should be going anywherealonethesedays.”Gavdidn’tspeak,justlookedatLeoandthenturnedbacktothevan.IfollowedthebeamofLeo’sflashlightontotheporch.Asthelightsweptthefronthall,itcaughtaseriesofgrimybootprintstrackedacrossthehardwoodfloor.“Lookslikesomeone’salreadybeenthroughhere,”Isaid.We searched the kitchen quickly, finding nothing but a few dishes in thecupboards.Thestairscreakedasweheadedtothesecondfloor.Itlookedasifsomeonehadstrippedtheblanketsoffthebeds,butthequeeninthemasterandthetwosinglesinthesecondbedroomwerestillwrappedtightintheir sheets.TheclothgleamedwhitewhenLeoran thebeamof the flashlightoverthem.Ipaused,thinkingofourdarkcoatsaswewalkedacrossthesnow.“Weshouldtakethese,”Isaid,fingeringthecloth.“Wecanwrapthemoverourcoatssoweblendinbetter.We’llbehardertospotfromfaraway.”“Likearcticfoxes,”Leosaid.Whenmyeyebrowsrose,heheldupahand.“Hey,

youpoundedjustabouteveryfactaboutthemthereisintomyheadthatmonthwhenyouwereobsessedwithhavingoneasapet!Irememberthings.”I cracked a grin, and hismouth curvedwith a hint of a smile.Right then, helookedlikehisoldselfagain.Atwingeofwarmthflutteredinmychest:apulltowardhim,amemoryofhislipsbrushingmine.I hadn’t forgotten the kiss, or how it hadmademe feel.Well,maybe I neverwould.Buttheairseemedclearerbetweenusafterourtalkatthecolony,likewebothknewwherewestood.Soitwaseasiertobreatheinandnudgethefeelingaside.“I really thought itwasgoing towork,” I said,untucking the sheet. “Howoldwerewe, seven?ButDrewhad tooverhear andcrushmydream. ‘Theyarrestpeoplefortakingendangeredspecies,youknow.’”“Sothat’swhyyougaveitup.”“Yeah.” My amusement dampened. Thinking about Drew and where he wasnow.Whohewaswith.I should have been happy he was alive. I was happy. It was just that thehappinesswaskindofnumbedbytheworryandfearthathadcomewithit.“Whatdoyouthinkhe’sdoingwiththesepeople,Leo?”Isaid.Leo’sexpressionwentserious.“Wedon’tevenknowexactlywhotheyare,”hesaid.“Weknowthey’drathergetthevaccineforthemselvesthanletusfindsomeonewhocanmakeenoughforeveryone.Andthey’rewillingtolietopeople,tohurtthem,togetwhattheywant.”Leoshruggedandlookedtowardthewindow.Hisfacewaswaninthereflectedglow of the flashlight. “You probably just described almost every person stillaliverightnow,Kae.Maybehehadtojoinupwiththemtosurvive.”“But this isDrew,” I said. “You know him.Hewas like a freaking crusader,posting all over the internet, challenging injustice. It was kind of annoyingsometimes,butthat’showheis.Howcanhehelppeoplewhogoaroundstealingandkilling?”“Peoplechange,”Leosaid.“Whentheworld’sgoingtohelllikethis,sometimesyoudothingsyouwouldn’thaveeverthoughtyou’ddo,becauseyoudon’tseeanyotherchoice.”“YoumeanlikeJustin?”Icrossedmyarmsovermychest.“Hewantedtoshootthosepeople.Itwasn’tjustaboutsurviving.”“Maybe,”Leosaid,hisvoicestrained.“ButIcan’tjudgehim.I’vedoneworse.”Thewordshung in theair foramoment.ThenIscoffed.“Idon’tbelieve that.Youwouldnever—”“Youdon’tknow,Kae,”heinterrupted.“Youhavenoidea....”Hesatdownon

theedgeof thebed,hisheaddrooping.“IknowyouthinkIhaven’twanted totalkabouthowIgotbacktotheislandbecauseofeverythingIsaw.Butit’snotthat.It’sbecauseofwhatIdid.”Myheartstuttered.“Sowhatdidyoudo?”Isaid.For a few seconds I thought he was going to clam up again. He sucked in araggedbreath.Andthenhestartedtalkingwithahollownessthatwasalmostashardtohearashiswords.“Ihadtogethome,backtotheisland,”hesaid.“ButIhardlyhadanymoneyatschool.Istoleallthecashoutofmyroommate’swalletsoIcouldpayforabusmostofthewaytotheborder.IthoughtIwasgoingtohavetowalktherest,butawomanwhowasheadingtheretoo,shesawmeandofferedmearide.Shewassick.Shewaswearingoneofthosemasks,butshekeptcoughing.IwasterrifiedIwasgoingtocatchitfromher.SoItookoff.Atareststop.Ijumpedinthecarand just lefther there. I toldmyself shewasgoing todieanyway, so itdidn’treallymatter.”Hestopped,swallowed,andwenton.“Andthentherewasthequarantinecampat the border. Itwas supposed to be just for aweek, but the soldiers changedtheir minds every other day—it was two weeks, and then three—it startedlookingliketheywerenevergoingtoletuscrossover,andtheplacewasgettingcrowded,andsupplieswererunningout,andtheykepthaulingpeopleawaywhostartedshowingsymptoms....Igrabbedaguy’scoat,theonlyonehehad,andabunchoffoodthatwassupposedtobeforeveryone,soIcouldmakearunforit.”“Leo,”Isaid,andheshookhishead.“IhadthisideaIwasagoodperson,youknow?LikeyousaidaboutDrew.Thatwas justwhoIwas. Iwouldneverhavebelieved Icouldbe that selfish.But Iwas.AllIcouldthinkaboutwasgettinghome,gettingtherealive.Idon’tevenknowifIwouldtakeitbackifIcould,becauseIdon’tthinkIwouldhavemadeitotherwise.”Helaughed.“Iwassoscaredtoseemyparents—likethey’dknowwhat I’d done—to see theway they’d look atme. Some little part ofmewasrelievedthattheyweredead,soIdidn’thavetofindout.Howawfulisthat?”Hekeptstaringatthefloor,asifhewasafraidtoseemyexpression.ImaginingLeostealing,abandoningsomeonewho’dhelpedhim,itmademystomachache.ButIcouldn’tsayI’dratherhe’ddiedthanmadeithome.LikeTobiashadsaidlastnight,Youjustdowhatyou’vegottodotogetby.“Youweretryingtogetbacksoyoucouldhelpyourparents,Tessa—everyone,”Isaid.“Thatpart’snotawful.“Idon’tknow,”hesaid.“ItseemslikeIscrewedthingsupevenmoreafterIgot

back.IwanttobethepersonI’msupposedtobe.Tessa’sboyfriend.Yourbestfriend.Ifeelalmostnormal,nowandthen.ButthenIthinkofwhat’shappenedandthehorriblenessjustrisesupandIcan’tpullmyselfout.”I thought of how angry I’d been at him for not being himself, and my eyesprickled.He’dbeencarryingallthis,everyminuteofeveryday.“Youcan’thelphowyoufeel,”Isaid.“You’vebeenthroughalot.Iwasupset,yeah,andbutitwasn’ttotallyfair.Ishouldhavetriedhardertotalktoyou.”“Ididn’twanttotellyou,”hesaid.“Anyway,maybeI’mnotthepersonIusedtobeanymore.MaybethisishowIamnow.Athiefandacheatandpracticallyamurdererandnotreallyagoodpersonatall.”“You’renot—”Isaid,buthewentonwithoutlettingmecontinue.“Maybewhenlifegetstoughenough,weallturnintobadpeople.Iusedtothinkmostpeoplewanttodoright,whentheycan,butnow...”Isatdownbesidehim.“Whatifyou’rewrong?Whatifitjusttakesawhileforpeopletostopbeingscaredandstartthinkingstraightagain?Yourememberyoutoldmetothinkofpeoplelikeanimals?”“Well,they’reactinglikeit,aren’tthey?”hesaid.“Yeah.Andyoudon’tsayananimalis‘bad’ifitfightswithanotheranimaloverthe same food or a place where they both want to live. It’s survival. Peoplepanic, instincts takeover.” I paused. “Like Justin, I guess.But if therewasn’tanymorereasontopanic,peoplecouldstartactinglikepeopleagain.That’swhywe’rebringingthevaccineallthisway,isn’tit?Solifecangetbacktonormal.”Hefinallylookedatme.“Youreallybelievethat?Thateverythingcouldgobacktohowitusedtobe?”“Yeah,”Isaid.“Ido.”“Ihopeyou’re right,”hesaid.“BecausemostdaysIdon’t feel likeIcouldgobacktotheoldme,thegoodone.Notever.”seventeen

JustineyedthesheetsskepticallyasIexplainedhowwecouldusethem,buthedidn’t arguewhen Ihandedhimone.Wecutup thequeen-sizedoneswithTobias’sarmyknife,coveringeachofthesledswithawhiteclothandknottingtherestaroundthecollarsofourcoats.Theyrippledwiththerisingwind.

Thebrownishglowofthecomingdawntingedthecloudsalongtheeasternhorizon aswe backtracked to the freeway.My heart skipped. “Let’s keep ourdistance from the road, likebefore,” I said. “Andonly talk ifwehave to.Weneedtobelisteningsowecanhearanyonewho’scomingbeforetheyseeus.”

Wesetoffacrossthefields.Scatteredsnowflakesdrifteddown,brushingmyface with tiny nips of cold. The air above the chimneys of the few distantcountry homeswas still and clear, and no tracksmarked the snow except the

oneswemade.We’dcrossedintoanewprovince,buteverythingwasjustasdead.

Even people who hadn’t gotten sick had probably ended up heading to thehospitals in the townsandcities, I toldmyself.Bringing familymemberswhowere ill, and staying in thehopes they’dbe able to take themhomeagain.Orgettingstrandedwhengasranout.Noteveryonewho’dlivedherewasdead.ButI thought of what I’d said to Leo just a fewminutes before, about theworldgoingbacktothewayitusedtobe,andthecertaintyI’dfeltthenwavered.WhatdidIknowabouttheworldanymore?Ihadn’texpectedtocomeacrossagroup like the colony, or this network of marauders, or to find out that thegovernmenthadabandonedOttawa.Thetruthwas,Ihadnoideawhatwe’dfindinToronto.Ihadnoideawhethertherewasenoughleftofourworldforanyonetopickupthepieces.We passed the last field and wove through a mile of spruce forest. As wetramped out the other side, the wind whipped over us, spitting a gust ofsnowflakes into our faces. There weren’t many coming down, but they werewhirling faster now, mingling with puffs of snow the wind whisked off theground.Iwipedmyfaceandadjustedmyscarf.“It’sgettingalittlenasty,”Isaid,eventhoughmygutknottedatthethoughtofstoppingalready.Irememberedhowquicklythefirstblizzardhadoverwhelmedus. If it got thatbad,ourpursuerswouldhave to stop too. “Maybewe shouldfindaplacetoholeupuntilthewinddiesdown.”Justinsquaredhisshouldersandpulledinfrontofme.“Thisisnothing,”hesaid.“How’dyoumakeitallthewayfromthecoastifyoucan’ttakealittlewind?”IfitstaysthiswayI’llbefine,Ithought.Ifitgetsworse...“Thecloudsdon’tlookthatdark,”Gavsaid,trudgingon.“Ithinkwe’llbeokayforalittlelonger.”The cloudswere lighter than those the other day. Still, I started scanning thelandscapeaswewalked.Maybehalfamileaway,agroupofhousesclusteredaround a laneway off the main road. Beyond them, a farmhouse stood aloneexceptforthebarnsquattingbehindit.Itwasclosertothefreewayandfartherfromusthantheothers,butsomethingaboutitmademelookagain.Isquintedagainstthewind.Bythesideofthehouse,alumpybrownheapleanedagainsttheyellowsiding.Firewood.Iglancedatthechimney,buttherewasn’tevenatrickleofsmoke.Abandonedliketheothers,Iguessed.Butitmusthaveaworkingfireplace.Thewindblastedastingingwaveofsnowatme.Ishookitoff.Theflakesintheairseemeddensernow.WhenIlookedatthehouseagain,Icouldn’tmakeout

thewoodpileanymore.Justinkeptstridingalongaheadofus.Ifthestormheldoffalittlelonger,we’dbefine.I’d takenmaybeadozenmorestepswhen thewindshifted, shriekingpastmyears,peltingmewithsnowfromallsides.Tearsleakedfromthecornersofmyeyes and froze onmy skin. The houses had vanished from view. Even Justinhesitated,lookingbackatus.Thechillcutdownmythroatandintomylungs.Iloweredmyhead.Wecouldstandhereandhopethestormdieddownasquicklyas ithadcome,buteverysecondwewasted,weweregettingcolderandmoretired.Theimageoftheyellowhouselingeredinmymind.Itwasn’t thatfar.Ifwecouldfinditwhenwecouldn’tevenseeit.I closedmyeyes, picturing thehouse.Birds couldmigrate acrosshundredsofmiles and always return to the same spot. Cats and dogs could cross vastdistances of unknown territory to find their homes.Whatever innate sense ofdirectiontheyhad,maybeIhadittoo,somewheredeepinmybrain.Mychesttightenedasthewindbuffetedme,butImademyselfmove.Onestep,and then another. Picking my way through the snow. I waved to the others,pulling thewhite sheet around in frontofme so theycould seemycoatmoreeasily.Numbnesscreptupmy legswhere theypressedagainstmy jeans,but Iignoredit.Justwalktothehouse.Don’tthink,justwalk.ItfeltasthoughI’dbeenwalkingforhourswhenthetoeofmybootsnaggedandIstumbled.Ahandcaughtmyarm,steadyingme.Ididn’tevenlookbacktoseewhoitwas,Iwastooafraidoflosingmysenseofspace.Myteethhadclenchedtokeepfromchattering.Butthehousewasoutthere—ahousewithwoodandafireplaceandwallstokeepoutthewind.IpressedonwardasfastasIcouldmanage.IhadtogettherebeforeIlostit.The wind twisted, pummeling me from behind, and I staggered forward. Myhandshitasolidsurface.Istareddownatthem,atthesurfacebeneaththem,foramomentbeforeIrealizedwhatIwasseeing.Awallcoveredwithpaleyellowsiding.

Whenwe’dtalkedaboutbook-burninginschool,I’dcringedatthethought.ButIfeltnoremorseasIpulledbooksofftheshelvesinthelivingroomoftheyellowhouse.Wewerecold.Therewasacastironstovebehindus,andacoupleof logs in the firewood holder, but nothing smaller. And paper made easykindling.

I rippedseveralpagesoutofadog-earedcopyofGonewith theWind andstuffed them into the stove.Gav lit theclosestone.Weclosed the stovedoor.Theflamesflickeredagainstthecloudedglass.

“Youthinkthelogswillcatch?”Iasked.“Iftheydon’t,wecanhelp’emalongwithsomeofthecampingstovekerosene,”Tobiassaidbehindme.Heshiveredandshuffledcloser.

Snowwaswhippingpastthewindowinawildfury.“Atleastnoone’sgoingtoseethesmokethroughthat,”Isaid.ButIdidn’tthinkwecouldrisksendinganyoneouttofindthewoodpileeither.I’dheardstoriesofpeoplegettinglostinablizzardjustafewfeetfromtheirhouses.

The big snowfall whenwe’d stumbled on the colony had only lasted onenight.Maybewewouldn’tneedmorelogs.Whentheflamesstartedtodim,weshovedinmorepages.Afterafewrounds,the fire started seeping into thewood. It crackled, heat emanating through theroom.“I don’t see any vents or radiators,” Leo said. “I think they heated thewholehousewiththestove.”“Ibetwecouldcookonittoo,”Gavsaid,tappingtheflattopwiththepoker.Westoodaroundit,soakingupthewarmth,atinglingspreadingthroughmylegsandfaceastheskinthathadnumbedcamebacktolife.AfterawhileIshruggedoffmycoatandlayitonthemarigold-printsofa.“Itlookslikewe’rehereatleastuntiltomorrow,”Isaid.“Let’schecktheplaceout.”“Someoneshouldkeepaneyeonthefiresoitdoesn’tdie,”Tobiassaid,andGavhandedhimthepoker.“Thanksforvolunteering,”hesaidwithacrookedgrin.“I’llfillupthepotswithsnowtomelt,”Justinsaid.“Mywaterbottle’sempty.”“Justdon’tgoofftheporch,”Leosaid,andJustinmadeaface.“I’mnotstupid.”Therewerenoshoesorjacketsbythefrontandbackdoors,butwhenGavandIpokedaroundthebedroomsupstairs,wefounddressersfullofclothes.Thebedswereneatlymade.Afamilyphotohunginthehallway:motherandfather,olderson and two younger daughters, all with dark brown hair and freckles. Gavcaughtmestudyingit.“Youfiguretheyran?”hesaid.“They’dhavetakenmoreoftheirthings,”Isaid.“Probablyoneortwoofthemgotsick,andtheyallwenttothehospital.”“Andnevercameback.”“Yeah.”Becausethey’dbeenstranded,orbecausethevirushadleaptfromonetoanotheruntilithadkilledallofthem.WemetLeointhekitchen.“Ifoundabagofpotatoesandacoupleturnipsinthebasement,”hesaid,settingthemonthecounter.“Mostofthepotatoesaresoft,buttheremightbeafewwecanuse.”

“Potatoes and turnip for dinner,”Gav said, flexing his hands. “I canmake anactualmealoutofthat.We’vegotsomecannedturkey,don’twe?Didtheyleaveusanyspices?”“Ionlysawsaltandpeppershakesinthecupboard,”Leosaid.Gavgrimaced.“Iguessthat’llhavetodo.”Theheatofthestovewasdriftingintothekitchen.“Ishouldputmoresnowinthecoldbox,”Isaid.“MaybeI’llkeepitontheporchtomakesureitstayscoolenough.”We’d left thesleds in thefronthallandoneendof the livingroom.Minewasjustoutside thekitchen.I lifted thesheetcovering it,andfrozewithahitchofbreath.“Somethingwrong?”Leoasked.“Thecoldbox,”Isaid.“It’snothere.”“What?”Gavsaid,hisheadsnappingaround.I stood up,mymind spinning. I couldn’t have lost it in the storm, could I? Iwouldhavefelttheloadlighten...ormaybenot,withthewindblastingagainstme.ButI’dwedgeditinsotightly,andtherestofmycargowasthere.“Neitherofyoumovedit?”They shook their heads, and I marched into the living room. Tobias wasadjustingoneofthelogswiththepoker.ThepotsJustinhadfilledsatinaringaroundthestove,theheapsofsnowalreadydisintegrating.“Haveyouseenthecoldbox?”Iasked.Tobias’sbrowknit.“It’sonyoursled,isn’tit?”“Not anymore.” I swallowed, my mouth dry. Maybe I’d moved it withoutthinking.We’dcome into thehouse insucha rush. I jogged to the frontdoor,bracedmyself for theonslaughtofwind,andchecked theporch.Onlysnow. Istrodeback into thekitchen.GavandLeo joinedme,openingandclosing thecupboards.Nothing.Ithadtobehere.Ihurriedtothesmallsunroomoffthekitchenandjerkedtoastopinthedoorway.Justinwassittingona lawnchairby thewideglasswindows, thecoldstorageboxathisfeet,thelidonanearbytable.Theinnercontainerwasopentoo.Hewasholdingoneof the samplevials levelwithhis eyes, squinting in the faintsunlightthatpenetratedthestormoutside.Hestartedwhenhesawme.Thevialslipped inhis fingers,andforoneheart-poundingsecondIthoughtitwasgoingtofallandsmashonthetiledfloor.Thenhishandclosedarounditmoretightlyandheloweredittohislap.“What are you doing?” I said,my pulse still racing. “You can’t justwalk offwiththose.”

Justin’s lip curled petulantly. “I was only looking at them. Doesn’t look likemuch,doesit?Notlikesomethingthat’llsavepeopleslives.Youcouldalmostthink someone just peed in these.” He wiggled the vial so the amber liquidrippledagainsttheglass.“Put it back,” I said, stepping forward. Iwas so angry andpanickedall at thesame time that my voice shook. “You’re letting all the cold air out—you’regoingtoruinthem.No,youknowwhat,letme.”Iheldoutmyhand.Hesighedandgavemethevial.Theothertwosamplesweresecureintheir tray.Islidthethirdinbesidethemandclosedtheplasticcontainer.“They’llbefine,Kaelyn,”Gavsaidbehindme.“Ithasn’tevenstartedwarmingupbackhere.”I snapped the lid into place and straightenedup.Hewas right.The cold fromoutside was radiating through the windows and into my sweater. When Iexhaled,theairinfrontofmyfacemisted.“Thatdoesn’tmakeitallright,”Isaid.“Ifhe’dlefttheboxopentoolong,theycouldhavefrozen.”“ButIdidn’t,”Justinsaid.“Iwascareful.”“Howcanyoubecarefulwhenyoudon’tknowanythingabout them?” I said.“Just taking them out was careless!” I grabbed the handle of the cold box,glaringathim, and turnedmygazeonGavandLeo,who’d joinedhim in thedoorway.“Fromnowon,nobodytouchesthisboxexceptme.Okay?”“Kae,”Gavsaid.“Okay?”Irepeated.Heshrugged.“Ofcourse.”“Neverwouldhaveinthefirstplace,”Leosaid.IglancedbackatJustin.“Fine,”hemuttered.Itwas enough. I hauled the cold box to the front hall and set it on the porchhiddenbehindtherailing.ThenIstompedupstairs,pushingopenthedoorsuntilIfoundtheoneroomIwassurenoonewouldfollowmeinto.Sinkingontotheclosed toilet seat, I droppedmy head intomy hands. Tears started to dribblethroughmyfingers.Inthequiet,Icouldstillhearyesterday’sgunshotsringinginmyears.Thethudof thewoman in the redhat falling.The roarof thewindoutside reverberatedintomybones.Itwastoomuch.I let out a long shuddering breath.The tears slowed, and Iwiped atmy eyes.Gradually,thewaveofemotionsrolledback,leavingasortofcalminitsplace.I

stoodupand leanedover thesink,examiningmyreddenedeyes in themirror.Betweenthemandmyhat-flattened,wind-tangledhair,Ilookedlikeamess.ButIlookeddeterminedtoo.I’dhadarighttobeangryatJustin,hadn’tI?TherewasalotIdidn’tknow,Icould admit to that, but I knewhow to handle the vaccine better than anyonehere.IftherewasonethingIshouldbeabletocalltheshotson,itwasthat.AndIhad.Hecouldn’thavetakenthesamplesoutformorethanaminute;I’dcaughthimbeforetheyweredamaged.Ididn’t thinkhe’ddoitagain.Theyweresafenow.“That’swhat’simportant,”Isaidtomyreflection.Westillhadsomuchfarthertogo.SomuchfartherIhadtokeepthatvaccinesafe.Iwasn’tgoingtoletthereasonwe’dcomeallthiswaygetscrewedup,whateverIhadtodo.Becauseifwelostthat,wehadnothinglefttohopefor.eighteenIwokethenextmorningtothewindspittingsnowagainstthewindow.

Only a dull light penetrated the storm still blustering outside. But the airagainst my face was faintly warm. Thanks to the stove, for once we hadn’tneededtospendthenightallsquishedtogether.

Irolledovercautiously.Gav’seyeswereshut,hisshaggycurlsdriftingoverhisforehead,onehandreachedtowardme.We’dtakenthemasterbedroomlastnightwithout really talking about it, and I’d been so exhausted that I’d fallenasleep themomentmy body hit themattress. But now, even thoughwewerebothdressedandhewassleeping,myheart skippedabeat. Iwas lying inbedwithmyboyfriend.Forthefirsttimeinweeks,wehadaroomtoourselves.

We’d never done more than make out on the island. Being constantlyworriedabout thevirusdidn’t exactlymake for themost romanticmood.Andwe’donlybeendating,ifyoucouldcallitthat,foracoupleofmonths.Iwasn’tsureIwantedmoreyet,andGavhadseemedhappytofollowmylead.ButI’dthought about going further. I was thinking about it now, about what couldhappenifhewokeupandpulledmecloser.

AfterafewminutesGavhadshownnosignofstirringandIwasnoclosertofallingbackasleep.Anxiousthoughtsstartedcreepingintomyhead.Hadthefiregoneoutovernight?Howwerewegoingtogettothewoodpileformorelogs?

Icrawledoutofbed,pulledonmysweater,andheadeddownstairs.Tomyrelief, the stove’s windowwas flickeringmerrily. Three fresh logs lay in themetalholder.Leowassittingonthelivingroomfloor,onelegbentbesidehimand the other stretched out straight, his head tipped to his knee. He easedupright,swiveledtoswitchlegs,andsawme.

“Hey,”hesaid.

“Yougotmorewood.”“Ifoundsomeropeinthebasement.”Hepointedhisthumb

towardacoilrestingagainstthesideofthelogholder.“Itiedoneendaroundmywaistandtheothertothedoorknob.Thatwindiswicked.I’mnotsurehowmuch it’s bringing snow down and how much it’s just whipping up what’salreadyontheground.”

He leaned over his other leg. I slipped past him and sank onto the sofa,pullingmyfeetupbesideme.Watchinghimstretchsomehowfelttotallynormalandtotallystrangeatthesametime.Butitheartenedme.

“I haven’t seenyouwarmingup in awhile,” I said.Not sincehe’dgottenback to the island.Maybeour talk yesterdayhadmade a difference—releasedhim,insomesmallway,toreturntothethingshecaredabout.

“WehadaprettystrictmorningroutineinNewYork,”Leosaid,twistinghistorsoaroundpretzel-likeandshootingmeasmallsmile.“IrealizedImiss it. IguessI’mjustasuckerforpunishment.”

“Always were.” He’d been pretty strict with himself before anyone hadtalkedabouttryingforaNewYorkdanceschool.Butbackthentherehadbeentheatersandbigcityperformancestodreamabout.Whowashegoingtodancefornow?

“Tessasaidyoureallylikedtheschool,”Isaid.“IloveditassoonasIwalkedinthereformyaudition.Itwaslikeaworldwhereeveryone slept and ate and breathed dance. I could mention techniques orchoreographers,andeveryoneknewwhatIwastalkingabout.”Hebentonearmbehind his head and pressed down on the elbowwith his other hand. “Not toknockMrs.Wilce’s teaching—shewasprettywith it for someonewho’dbeenout of the industry for a decade—but there’s somuch I had no idea I didn’tknow.”And thevirushad stolen thatperfectworldaway fromhimafter just a couplemonths.Allthosethingshedidn’tknow,hemightnevergetthechancetolearn.Anacheformedbehindmycollarbone.“Whatdidyoudofortheaudition?”Iasked.“Acontemporarypiece,”hesaid,stretchinghisotherarm.“Choreo-editmyself,with some suggestions from Mrs. Wilce. I used a Perfect Mischief song—‘Orbits,’youknowthatone?”I knew it by heart. Leo had been obsessed with that song the last summervacationwe’dspenttogetherontheisland,whenwewerefourteen.Beforewe’dfought.He’dplayed it formeonhis iPod,sharinghisearphoneswithme,andeventhoughthat’dbeenafewdaysbeforemyfeelingshadleaptfromfriendshipto more, I’d listened to the song over and over when I got back to Toronto,

rememberinghowclose togetherwe’d stood. I’dkept listening afterour fight,eventhoughthemelodycouldbringtearstomyeyes.“We’re on different orbits,” the choruswent, “but in the endwe alwaysmeetagain.Wealwaysmeetagain.”Andintheend,herewewere,evenifitwasunderprettycrappycircumstances.In spiteof the awkwardness, the feelings spoken andunspoken, thewaywe’dbothchanged,Iwashappyforthat.Lookingathim,arushofaffectionIdidn’thavetofeelguiltyaboutsweptthroughme.Hewasstillmybestfriend.Iwasn’tgoingtolosehimagain.“It’sagoodsong,”Isaid.“IwishIcouldhavebeentheretoseeit.”Leo paused and glanced around the room. “I could showyou, you know,” hesaid.“There’senoughspaceifIpushthearmchairovertothewall.”“Youdon’thavethemusic.”“Ithoughtthattoo,”hesaid.“Misseditmorethananything.ButthenIfiguredout I still have it, up here.” He tapped his head. “This is one excellent brainradio.”Icouldn’thelpsmiling.“Okay,let’shaveit,then.”Heshovedthearmchair tothesideandtuggedoffhissocksandsweatersohestood barefoot on the hardwood floor in his T-shirt and loose jeans. Then hecrouched, his arms relaxed, his head bent forward. “Cuemusic,” he said, andhummedtheopeningnotesof thesong.InmymindIheardtheguitarswell tojointhepiano.AndthenLeomoved.Heunfoldedhisbodyandleaptandspun,thewaythevocalsspiraledoutfromthe drumbeat, falling back to earth and seeming to topple but then twistinghimselfbackontohisfeet.EvenifIhadn’tknownthesong,Iwouldhaveheardit,watchinghim.Therhythmplayedoutinthepatterofhisskinagainstthefloorand the jerks of his breath, themelody in the flow of his limbs.At the placewherethechoruswouldhavebegun,hewhirledaroundsix,seventimesbeforecatching himself and then tumbling over, reaching up into the empty spaceabovehishead.Hishandfell.Iknewwithouthimspeakingthatthiswaswhereitended.Hestoodup,pantingbutgrinning.Therewasaglowinhisfaceandalightinhiseyes Ihadn’t seensinceyearsago.Since,probably, the last time I’d seenhimdance.IwishedIcouldholditthereforever.Thiswaswhywehadtofixthings.Becauseinaworldwherepeopleweretooscaredofgettingsicktoeventalktoeachother,wheretherewasnomusic,noaudiences,andnostages,theviruswaskillingLeoandeveryonelikehimeveniftheynevercaughtit.I’d been so focused on him that I hadn’t noticed the figure coming down the

stairs.“Whoa,”Justinsaid,clappinghishands.“How’dyouevendothat?Thatthing, where you jumped right into that roll—that was freaking awesome.You’relikeasecretninjaorsomething.”Leolaughed,andinthatmomentIforgaveJustinforatleastpartofwhathe’ddone.Ilookedbehindme,outthewindow,feelinglikerightnowtheviewcouldn’tletmedown.Butbeyondtheglass,theairwasstillswirlingwithsnow.

Sometimeintheafternoon,Tobiasfoundapackofcardsinadrawer,andhe,Leo,andJustinsatdowninthediningroomtoplaypokerforscrapsofpaper.IwaswalkingovertojointhemwhenGavgrabbedmyhand.

“Come ’ere,” he said, looking at me like there wasn’t anyone else in thewholeworld,andawarmtinglingracedovermyskin.Ifollowedhimupto thebedroomwe’dshared.AswesteppedinsideandGavkicked the door shut, a funny feeling rose in my stomach, excitement andnervousnessanduncertaintyallflutteringtogether.Hekissedme,andthenervousnesswentaway.Isteppedbacksomyshouldersrestedagainstthewall,pullinghimwithme,tanglingmyfingersinhishair.Hekissedmeagain,onthemouth,andthenonthecheekandthesideofmyjaw.“Youknow,”hemurmured,“theonethingIwaslookingforwardtoabouttakingoffacrossthecountrywasitbeingjustthetwoofus.I’mverydisappointedwithhowthatturnedout.”“Andwhatdidyou thinkwe’dbedoing if itwas just the twoofus?” Iasked,raisingmyeyebrows.Insteadofanswering,heleanedforward,his lipsbrushingmine.Whichmaybewasananswer.Asthekissdeepened,hishandsslidaroundmywaist,tracingtheskin beneath the edge of my sweater. A heat welled up inside me, from theplaceswhereourbodiestoucheduptothetopofmyheadanddowntothesolesofmyfeet.Thesnowandthewindandourmeagerpileoffoodfadedaway.Partofme,aprettybigpart,wantedtomeltintohimandstumbleovertothebedandletthemomentcarrymefarfromhere.Butwheneverythingelseslippedaway,Icouldstillfeelthelongroadbetweenme andwherever the vaccine needed to be, stretching into the distance inmyhead.LikealeashthatkepttuggingatmeevenwhenIcouldn’tmove.Itwasarigidlittleknotinthemiddleofmychest.My arms tightened aroundGav. I kissed him harder.His hands edged upmyback, and I didn’t want them to stop. But the knot wouldn’t loosen. It onlytuggedtighterasItriedtoignoreit.Iloweredmyheadandleanedintohim,tuckingmyfaceagainstthecrookofhisneck.Hisheartwasthumpingevenfasterthanmine.

“Kae?”hesaid,andthen,“Ididn’tmeanitlike—Iwasn’ttryingtopush.”“Iknow,”Isaidquickly.“There’s just . . .There’s toomuch inmyhead.Toomanyworriesthatwon’tshutup.CanI,like,getaraincheck?Untilafterwe’redone,we’vehandedoffthevaccine,andthisisover?”Gavlaughedandhuggedme.“Isthatapromise?”hesaidintomyear.Ismiledagainsthisskin.ThenIeasedbackjustfarenoughthatIcouldkisshimasmyanswer.Beyondthebedroomwindow,thesnowkepttumblingdown.

Threedayslater,theblizzardwasstillraging.Everynowandthenthesnowlightenedenoughthatwecouldmakeouttheswayingtreesbytheroad,butsoontheydisappearedagain.Andthewindneverstoppedhowling.

“Ididn’tknowastormcouldlastthislong,”Isaid,whenweweresittingatthe dining table eating lunch. Or what passed for lunch these days. Mineconsistedofatinoftuna.Itwasn’tmuch,butifwe’dbeeneatingnormally,we’dhaverunoutoffoodalready.

“I livedupnorth for a coupleyearswhen Iwasakid,”Tobias said. “Thisisn’ttoounusual.”Thetunastuckinmythroat,butIforceditdown.Iwastryingnottothinkaboutthe small stack of jars and ration bars left in the kitchen. Leo’s snares wereuseless in this weather. I foundmyself eyeing the paper wrapper on the can,wonderingiftherewereanycaloriesinthat.Orinthefrozengrassoutside.Stomachs could adapt. Koala bearsmanaged to live completely on poisonousleaves.Ofcourse,they’dhadhundredsofyearstoevolve,andwehadlessthanaweek.“Ifitkeepsupmuchlonger,wecantrytogettooneoftheotherhousesnearby,checkformorefood,”Gavsaid,butnoneofushadcaughtsomuchofaglimpseoftheneighboringbuildingssincethestormhadstarted.Theropeweusedtogetthefirewoodwasn’tgoingtostretchthatfar.“We’llsee,”Isaid,tryingnottothinkaboutthattoo.Tryingnottothinkabouthow aimless the rest of the daywould be.To pass the time,we’d get out thecardsortheboardgamesJustinfound:RiskandBattleshipandClue.Gavmightplay,orhemightgoupstairstopaceandstareoutside,asifasupermarketwasgoingtoappearinthesnow.Afterdinner,Tobiaswouldgetouttheradio.Thestaticwaswarpedandwhistlingnow,andheadmittedthestormwasscramblingany signals heading ourway.Butwe kept trying, kept hoping to hearDrew’svoicecomecracklingoutofthespeaker.Igotuptothrowawaythecan.Andoutsidetheendlesswindbeatatthewalls,andtheendlesssnowraspedagainstthewindows,onandonandon.nineteen

I’dlostcountofthedaysthemorningIwokeuptoblueskyoutsidethebedroomwindow,likeasurpriseChristmasmorning.

Ileaptupandpaddedovertotheglass,halfafraiditwassomesortoftrick,amirage.Itwasn’t.Thefieldsstretchedoutcrispandwhite,reflectingtherisingsun.Notasinglecloudmarredtheperfectsky.

ItwasthebestpresentIcouldeverremembergetting.Iwavereda littleonmy feet, hunger-driven faintness catching up with me. All I’d eaten the daybeforewasacanofcornandasmallportionofthestewGavhadmixedupoverthewood stove, after frying somemeat I’d decided not to ask about. I hadn’tbeenabletostoppicturingthecatfrozeninthesnareasI’dchokeditdown.Butnoneofthatmatterednow.IthrewmyselfontothebedbesideGav,asifitreally was Christmas morning and I was ten years younger, and shoved hisshoulder.“Wakeup!”Isaidashewinced.“Thestorm’sover.Wecanleave!”Hiseyespoppedopenandheshotupright.“Let’sgetoutofhere,then,”hesaid,scramblingoutfromundertheblanket.Ipulledonmybootsandhurrieddownthehall,bangingonthebedroomdoors.“Storm’sstopped!”Icalled.“We’reheadingout!”BythetimeGavandIhadcarriedourblanketsfromthebedroomdowntothesleds, the others were up. We gathered in the kitchen, my gut twisting as Ilooked at the row of food left on the counter. Five ration bars. Two cans ofpeaches.Threecansofpeas.Thatwasit.Butwe’dbeonthemoveagaintoday.We’dfindmore.Wehadto.“Save the rationbars,”Tobias said. “Wecanbreak ’emup ifweneed to.Butwe’dbetteralleatbeforewegetwalking,orwewon’tmakeitfar.”“Maybeweshouldcheckthebarnbeforewego,”LeosaidasIpeeledthelidoffatinofpeaches.“Theremightbesomethingusefulinthere.”I’dbeensoexcitedaboutleavingI’dforgottentherewaspartofthepropertywehadn’texplored.“Goodidea,”Isaid,sippingsyrupoutofthecan.Mystomachpinched. I’dnever realized,whenyougot this hungry, eating couldhurtmorethan going without. When I wasn’t eating, the hunger faded into a dullwoozinessinthebackground.Atthetasteoffood,itgrewclaws.“Let’sdoitquickly,”Gavsaid.“We’relosingdaylight.”Wehadtoshovethefrontdoorafewtimesbeforewecouldpushitthroughthesnowthathadbeenblownontotheporch.Sloggingthroughtheknee-highdrifts,wecrossed theyard to thebarn.Thewall that facedushadawidegaragelikedoorononeside.Justinhurriedovertoabuttonontheframeandjabbedat it.Thedoorcreakedup,thegearswhining.Isuckedinabreath.Justafewfeetaway,inside,stoodatruckwithasnowplowmountedonitsfront.

Tobiasletoutalowwhistle,andGavlaughed.Ijuststared.ThisreallywassomesortofChristmas.“Are therekeys?” Justin said,bounding inside.Theothersguys followedhim,peering through the truck’s windows, examining the tires. I stepped into theshelter of the barn.A second carwas parked deeper inside: a small two-doorwithpatchesofrustalongthebumper.Thesurgeofexcitementfadedintoanuncomfortablechill.Therewasonlyroomforthetwovehicleshere,andIhadn’tgottentheimpressionfromthehousethatthefamilywaswealthyenoughtoownthree.Whywouldtheyhaveleftonfoot?Maybeafriendhadbrought themto thehospital.Ormaybesomeof themhadmadeitback,headedouttosearchtheneighbor’shousesforfoodonfoot,andbeenlostinastormliketheonethatbroughtushere.“Gotit!”Gavshoutedfromthefarcorner.Thekeyjingledagainstitsringashelifteditoffthehook.“Let’smakesurethisthingruns.”He hopped in and turned the key. The engine rumbled. “Still has a third of atank,”hesaid,leaningout.“Wecangetprettyfaronthatandwhatwesiphonedfromthevan.”ThesmellofexhaustcloudedtheairasGavpulledthetruckoutofthebarn.Hefiddledwith thecontrols, raisingand then lowering theplow.“That is sweet!”Justin said. He clambered into the passenger seat and peered over the back.“Roomforallofustoo.”Ofcoursetherewas.Thefamilywouldhavegottenatruckthatcouldholdallofthem:MomandDad,brotherandsisters.Thephotointheupstairshallswamupinmymemory.Iturnedawayfromthesunlight.Thegarageareaonlytookuppartofthebarn.Nowthatmyeyeshadadjustedtothediminterior,Icouldseeadoorsetinthesidewall.Istoodthereforaminute,while the guys experimented with the plow. This was the last room on thepropertywehadn’tchecked.Ibalkedforasecond,withoutanyrealreason.Someoneneededtolook.Itmightaswellbeme.Forcingmylegstomove,Iwalkedoverandpulledopenthedoor.On theother side, a short rowof empty stable stalls led toward abroadhigh-ceilingedroom.Balesofhaywerestackedagainst the farwall.The light fromthehighwindowsmade themshinepalegold. I tooka step forward,mybodyrelaxing,andmygazestutteredoveradarkstainonthecementfloorjustbeyondthestalls.Adarkstain,and,intheshadows,thecurveofanupturnedhand.Istrodepastthefirsttwostalls,andjerkedtoahalt.Imusthavemadeasound,butIdidn’thearit,onlyfelt theclappingofmyfingersovermymouth,asifIcouldcramtheshriekbackin.AsifthatwouldmakewhatIwasseeinglessreal.

Thehandonthefloorbelongedtoasmallfigurewithherheadturnedawayfromme, long dark hair fanned out around her bluish face. Three other bodies layclosertothewallamidtheshredsofhaythatscatteredthefloor,reddishstainsbeneaththem.Twohadthehoodsoftheircoatspulledup,obscuringtheirfaces,but the other, theman, was sprawled as if holding his hand out tome, driedbloodcakedinhishairandaroundhishead,theangularshapeofarevolverjustinchesfromhisoutstretchedarm.Feetpoundedacrosstheconcreteintheroombehindme.Istumbledbackward,bracingmyselfagainsttheframeofthestablestalls.“Whathappened,Kae?”Gav’svoicesoundedasifitwerecomingfromfaraway,muchfartherthanthethuddingofmypulseinsidemyhead.Ispunaround.“Hey,” he said, his eyeswideningwhen he sawmy expression. I openedmymouthtotellhim,andallthatcameoutwasasob.Hewrappedhisarmsaroundme,pullingmetohim.“Hey,whateveritis,we’reallokay.”Theyaren’t, I thoughtasIshiveredagainsthim.Weate their foodandburnedtheirwoodandsleptintheirbeds,whiletheywerelyingouthereinthecoldandtheblood....Someonebrushedpastus.Thefootstepsstoppedwithasharpintakeofbreath.“Whatisit?”Gavsaid.“Fourofthem,”Leo’svoicereplied.Heswallowedaudibly.“Fourbodies.Lookslike....Lookslikethewholefamily.”“Therewerefive,”Isaid,curlingmyfingersintoGav’scoat.“Inthephototherewerefive.”Gavsqueezedmecloser.“Fromthevirus?”heaskedLeo.“Shot,”Leosaid.“Ithinkbythedad,andthenheshothimself.”“What?” Justin said, pushing past us. “What’s going on?” I looked up as hebargedpastLeo.Heflinched,backpedaling,whenhesawthebodies.“Howcouldhedothat?”Isaid.Thescenewasburnedintomybrain,tooneatforme to blame it on some crazed hallucination. He’d brought them out herepurposely,inordertokillthem.Hisownkids.Hiswife?“Wedon’tknowwhathappened,Kae,”Gavsaidquietly.“Maybetheywereallsick,andhethoughtthiswasbetterthanlettingitgetanyworse.”“Hehadtheplow,”Isaid.“Theycouldhaveatleasttriedtofindhelp.”Insteadhe’djustdecided,forallofthem,thatitwasn’tworthgoingon.Maybe I should have understood. There was a timewhen I hadn’t wanted tokeeptryinganymore.WhenI’dthoughtIwasaloneandtherewasn’tanypoint.ButI’dbeenwrong.Ihadn’tbeenalone—I’dhadGavandTessaandMeredith.If I hadn’t kept trying, Meredith would probably have died, and the vaccine

samplesmighthavelingeredintheresearchcenter’slabuntiltherewasnoonelefttofindthem.Andeveninmylowestmoment,I’donlymadethechoiceformyself. Iwouldneverhavebroughtanyonewithmeoverthatedge.“Let’sjustgo,”Leosaid.“Wecan’tdoanythingforthem.”Thatmuchwastrue.“Yeah,”Isaid,turningmyheadaway.Justin had regained his usual enthusiasm by the timewe’d walked out to thetruck.“I’mthefirstdriver!”hecalled,holdingupthekeyhemusthavesnatchedoutoftheignitionwhenGavhadleftit.“You’refourteen,”Tobiassaid.“There’snowayyouhaveyourlicense.”“I’vepracticed,”Justinsaid.“MydadusedtotakemeoutonSundaymorningsandwe’ddrivearoundthesideroads.It’snotlikethere’sanycopsaroundtopullusoverandcheck.”“I’mgoingtobetyoudidn’tpracticeonunplowedfreeways,”Leosaid.“Anyway,”Gavsaid,“Ifoundthekey.I’lldrivefirst.Let’sgetgoing.”Heheldouthishand,butJustinsteppedback,foldingthekeyintohisfist.“Givemeachance,”hesaid.“Ithoughtyouallwantedmetopullmyownweight.”Tobiassighed.“Iguessyourdaddidteachyouhowtoshootagunallright.”“Idon’tthinkthisisthebesttimetofindoutifthatgoesfordrivingtoo,”Leosaid.“Comeon!”Gavsaid.“We’rewastingtime.”HesnatchedatJustin’shand,andJustinshovedhimaway.ButGavhadbeeninplentyofskirmishesbefore.Asoundofprotesthadn’tevenleftmymouthwhenhe’d grabbed Justin’s other arm and twisted it behind his back. As Justinthrashedoutwithhisfreeelbow,thekeyslippedfromhisfingers.Asilverglintarced through the air and pattered into the snow beyond the edge of thedriveway,vanishing.Myheartstopped.Gav’s grip loosened, and Justin yanked his arm away. “Now look!” he said.“Whatthehellwasthat?Youmademeloseit.”“Ifyouhadn’tbeenactinglikeafive-year-oldinthefirstplace,”Gavsnapped,scanningthesnow.“Ishouldhave—”“Stop it!” I shouted.My voice seemed to echo in the silence that followed. Ipushedmyhandsbackthroughmyhair.Ifwekeptsquabblinglikethis,wewerenevergoingtomakeittothecity.Thetruckcouldbeuselessnow.Mymind tripped back to theman in the barn, the decision he’dmade for hisfamily, and I pushed the image away. Puttingmy foot down about this didn’tmakemetheslightestbitlikehim.Iwaskeepingusalive.“Wehave toget toToronto,” Isaid.“Nothingelse is important.So thepeople

who’vepassedtheirdrivingtestswilldrive,andthepeoplewhohaven’twon’t,and we’re not going to fight about it. We’re not going to do anything at allunlessitgetsusclosertothecityorstopsusfromstarvingtodeath.Andanyonewhodoesn’tlikethatcanjuststayhereanddowhatevertheywanttodoinstead.Okay?”ImusthavesoundedmorefiercethanIfeltinside.“Noargumenthere,”Leosaidmeekly, and Gav said, “Sorry. I got carried away.” Tobias nodded, his eyesdowncast.AfteramomentJustin’sshouldersslumpedandhemumbled,“Right.Gotit.”We converged around the areawhere the key had fallen, sweeping our handsoverthesnow.Iglancedupatthesky,pleading.Don’tletthedayendlikethis.Leogavea cryofvictoryandpluckedup thekey. I rockedbackonmyheelswithagaspofrelief.Gavstraightenedup,acceptingthekeyfromLeowhenheofferedit.Hereachedouttosqueezemyshoulder.“Toronto,herewecome.”

twentyThe last hours beforewe reached Toronto ticked awaywith the shrinking

numbersnexttothecity’snameonthefreewaysignswepassed.156.117.78.33.

Aswerolledcloser,buildingsreplaced thefieldsandforests thathad linedtheroadsformostofourjourney.Thesunsank,darknesssettingin,butnoneofussaidawordaboutstopping.We’dhardlyrestedsincewe’dpiledintothetruckyesterdaymorning, juststoppingoncethatafternooninasmall towntosiphongasandsearchthehousesforfood.Otherwise,we’dbeentradingoffdrivingand

navigatingduties,whoeverendedupinthebackseatdoingtheirbesttonap.Tobiaswasdrivingnow,findinghiswaybymoonlightandthesweepofthe

truck’shighbeams.Ipeeredoutthewindowsfrommyseatinthemiddleoftheback, only groggily awake but too wound up to sleep. Here and there, lightsflickeredinthedistance.Maybelanterns,maybefires.Myhopesleaptwitheachglimpse.

Lightmeantpeople.We’dspentsomuchofthetriptryingtoavoidmeetinganyoneelse,butnowourmissiondependedon it.Onfinding the rightpeople,here.

ThesignwelcomingusatthecitylimitswassocrustedwithsnowIalmostcouldn’tmakeoutthewords.“We’rehere!”Isaid.“Wemadeit!”

Justinpoundedthedashboardwherehesatupfront,Tobiaspumpedhisfistin theair,andLeoletoutaweak“Woohoo!”Gav,who’dbeendozingagainstmyshoulder,shifted.“Myturntodrive?”hemurmured.

“Go back to sleep,” I said, leaning the side ofmy head against his. “Thedriving’salmostdone.”Hestraightenedupinstead,blinking.“Wheredoyouthinkweshouldturnoff?”Tobiasasked.“Idon’tknow,”Isaid.Iwastheonlyoneofuswho’dlivedinToronto,butthesize and busyness of the city had intimidatedme somuch I hadn’t wanderedmuchoutsideourwest-endneighborhood.Isquintedthroughtheglass,myheadfoggy.“There’snopointintryingtolookforpeopleatnight.Iguessweshouldfindaplacetocrash,andgetstartedinthemorning.”Justinrespondedwithajaw-poppingyawn.“Sleepsoundsgood.”“We don’t want the truck to catch anyone’s eye,” Leo said. “It’d look like aprettygreatprize.”“Let’s take the next exit, then,” I said. “It’ll be harder to find somewheresecludeddowntown.”“Herewego,”Tobiassaid.Wefellsilentasheeasedthetruckoffthefreewayanddowntheexitramp.Wepasseda setofdeadstreetlightsandcrawledalongawide road linedwithstripmalls. All of thewindowswere smashed, and trails of footprints loopedthroughthesnowinthevacantparkinglots.Tobiasclickedoffthehighbeams,leavingonlythedimglowofthetruck’srunninglightsandthemoonoverhead.Afaintbutshrillsoundpulsedsomewhereinthedistance.ForasecondIthoughtitmightbeasiren,thattheremightbeactualpoliceofficersstillhere,butaswedrewcloserIrecognizeditastheharshbeepingofacaralarm.Iwonderedhowlongit’dbeengoingwithnoonetoturnitoff.Howlongitwouldgobeforeits

powersourceranout.“Hey!”Justinsaid.Icaughtaflashofmovementfromthecornerofmyeye.AsIturned my head, two figures darted around one of the stores up ahead. TheyvanishedintotheshadowssoquicklyIwouldhavethoughtI’dimaginedthem,ifJustinhadn’tbeenstaringafterthemtoo.“Theydon’tseemtoofriendly,”Tobiassaid.“Let’sputsomedistancebetweenusandthembeforewestop,”Gavsaidgrimly.Thebuildingsslippedpastthewindowslikeghosts.Ihuggedmyself.Before,thecity had felt big and busy, but also bright and energetic—alive, like all thatactionwasthepulseofalivingthing.I’dknownitwasn’tgoingtobethesamenow,butIhadn’texpectedittofeelsoempty.Sodead.It had to be betterwhen the sunwas up.Darkness couldmake any place feelhaunted.We’ddrivenafewmoreblockswhenascreamsplit theairsomewherebehindus.“No,no,no,no,no!”thevoiceshrieked.“Theycan’t,theycan’tdoit!”Icringed.Someonecaughtintheviolenthallucinationsthevirusbroughtattheend,Iguessed.“Jesus,”Justinsaid.Theshriekingbrokeoffabruptly,asifsomeonehadmadeitstop.Leo’sshoulderhadtensedagainstmine,hismouthapaleline.IwonderedhowmuchthecityremindedhimofNewYork,ofwhathe’dgonethroughthere.Ifoundhishand,restingbyhisknee,andcurledmyfingersintohis.Heexhaledandsqueezedback,tightly.Thestripmallsgavewaytosmallerstoresandoffices,theroofsofaresidentialneighborhood beyond them. “How about here?” I said, and Tobias nodded,turningdownthenextstreet.Wepassedtwo-storyhomesandbungalowsaswewoundaroundthecorners,leavingthemainroadfarbehind.Finally,wepickedadetachedhousewithawidedriveway.Tobiaspulledaroundandparkedonthebacklawnsothetruckwashiddenbehindthehouse.“Notmuchwecandotohidethetrailfromtheplow,”hesaid.“Weshouldtradeoffwatchesinshiftslikeusual.”Theknobonthebackdoorhadbeenbashedoff,butwesearchedthehousefrombasement to attic and found no sign anyone had stayed. After a hurriedmealoverthecampstove,Leopulledablanketaroundhimselfandwenttositonthedining room radiator, where he could see the truck through the dining roomwindowandthestreetthroughthelivingroom.“WakemeupinacouplehoursandI’llswitchoffwithyou,”Tobiassaid,andLeojustnodded.With no fire,we set up the tent to hold our bodyheat closer, and crawled in,

cocooning in our blankets under the sleeping bags. I pulledmy hood up andhuddled against Gav. Even as my eyes drifted closed, my heart raced on, afranticdrumminginmychest.Wewerehere.We’ddoneit.The excitement lingered, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that was creepingthroughit.Thefeelingthatwewereabunchoffishswimmingintoacrocodile’smouth,andallwecoulddowasprayitsjawsdidn’tsnapshut.*WhenIwokeup,coldandstiff,andpokedmyheadoutofthetent,lightfilledthelivingroom.Ishookofftheblanketsandsteppedout,goingtothewindow.Thesceneoutsidelookedlikeanormalwinterday,serenelywhite.Thesunlightflowedintome,warmingtheicytendrilsoffearthathadsprungupinsidemethenightbefore.Gavwas sitting by the doorway.Hemust have taken over thewatch at somepoint in the early morning. He smiled at me, but his eyes looked tired. Iwonderedhowmuchhe’dslept.“Youshouldhavewokenmeupforoneoftheshifts,”Isaid.“Youneededtherest,”hesaid,asifhedidn’t.Theblanketsrustledinsidethetent,andinafewminuteswewereallup,passingaroundaboxofstalecrackersaswepackedourthings.“What’stheplan?”Tobiasasked.“Iwant tosee if thehospitalsare functioning,” Isaid.“It’llbeeasier to figureoutwhattodoonceweknowexactlywhat’sgoingonhere.”“Thetruck’sgoingtobeevenmorenoticeablenowthatit’slightout,”Leosaid.Iconsideredthemapbook.“Therearen’tanyhospitalsnearby.Ithinkwehaveto do a little driving. Let’s seewhat we find, and if we need to stay anothernight,we’lllookforagoodplacethat’scentral,sowe’llbeabletodomoreonfoot.”Weclamberedintothetruck,Gavatthewheel.“It looks like there’saprettybighospitalacouplemileswestdown thatmainroad,”Isaid.“I’llletyouknowwhentoturnoff.”The footprints outside the stores were even more visible in daylight, but thepeople who’d made them stayed out of sight. Smoke drifted up from thechimneysofafewhousesoffthemainstrip.Aswe turned up the street toward the hospital,we passed a couple of figuresbundledincoatsandscarves,trudgingalongthesidewalkinthesamedirection.Theystaredatthetruckanditsplow,nothingoftheirfacesvisibleexceptfortheglintofapairofglasses.Thenonebentover,glovedhandpressedtowherehisorhermouthmusthavebeenbehindthescarf.Coughing.Tire tracksmarked the road in front of the hospital, but they looked old, half

filledwith fresh snow. The lotwas cloggedwith the snow-covered shapes ofcars.Weparkedoutsidethefrontentrance.Gavreachedforthecardoor,andIgrabbedhisarm.“No,” I said. “We can already see there’ll be sick people here. I’m immune.Leo’shadthevaccine.Therestofyouarevulnerable.Soyoushouldguardthetruck,andwe’llgoin.”IlookedbackatLeo.“Ifthat’sokaywithyou.”“Makessense,”hesaid.“I’mnotgoingtositherewhileyougoalone.”“I’mhappytostayawayfromthesickos,”Justinsaid,leaningbackinhisseat.Tobiasdidn’tsayanything,butrememberinghowhe’dreactedwhenwe’dmettheinfectedcoupleintheothertown,Iwasprettysurehedidn’tmind.“Youdon’tknowwhoyou’regoingtorunintointhere,”Gavsaid.“Whatiftwoofyouaren’tenough?”“Ifitcomestothat,”Leosaidquietly,“Ihaveoneoftheguns.”Gav’sshoulderswere tensed,andhishandhadn’t left thedoor.“All right,”hesaid.“ButI’mgoingtowatchtheclock.Youtakemorethanhalfanhour...”“Fine,”Isaid,raisingmyhands.“Justbecareful.Andifyouseeanyonegobywholooks,Idon’tknow,official,grabthemandexplainwhywe’rehere,okay?”Ileftthecoldboxwithourpreciouscargolockedinthetruck’scoveredbed.Thehospitaldoors,highandglassy,stoodhalfopen,proppedbyacoupleofconcreteblocks.Amanslippedout asLeoand I approached,his armsclutchedaroundsomething I couldn’t see. As he disappeared around the corner, he let out asneeze.Forasecond,mylegslocked.EvenafterI’drecovered,I’dnevergoneintotheisland’shospitalwithoutprotectivegear,justincasethevirusmutated.AndLeohadevenlesssecurity,onlytheprotectionofanunprovenvaccine.Ipulledmyscarftightlyaroundmyface,andLeodidthesame.“Let’sgosavetheworld,”hesaid.Weeasedpastthefrontdoorsandintothereceptionarea.Agirlwhodidn’tlookany older than twelvewas pawing through the drawers behind the admissionscounter. She stopped to scratch at the back of her head. Papers scattered thecounterandthefloorbeneathit.Thehalls beyondweredim,onlyoccasional streaksof sunlight reaching themfrom windows within open rooms. Coughs and sneezes echoed from fartherinside.Wepickedadirectionandstartedwalking.Beneaththescarf,mybreathfeltthickagainstmyface.Downonehallway,outof sight, someone was sniffling and banging what sounded like two metalobjectsagainsteachother.Fartheron,amanwitharednoseandflushedcheekshustledfromoneroomtothenext.Boxesandvialsclattered.HejerkedaroundwhenIpeekedin,andsnarled,“Backoff!Iwasherefirst.”

Wehurriedon.Amomentlater,ayellbouncedoffthewalls,andtwowomenscrambledaroundthecorneraheadofus.“Isawit!”onewasshouting.“It’smine!”Leo reached formyarm, andwe leaptbackagainst thewall as they stumbledpast us. The first woman skidded, and the second tackled her. She squirmedaway,grippinganamberbottle.“It’smine!”shespat,andranforthefrontdoors.Thefirstwomanpushedherselfto her feet, her breath coming in little sobs, andwavered back theway she’dcome.Ileanedagainstthewall,mypulsethudding.Leowasrigid.“I’mstartingtothinkwe’renotgoingtofind—”Hestopped,hiseyestwitchingtowardsomethingbehindme.Iturned.A different woman had come up beside us. Tangled gray-andblack hair fellaroundherface,andasmallsadsmiletwistedhermouth.“Lookslikewegotheretoolate,”shesaid.Myshoulderssaggedinrelief.Soweweren’ttheonlysanepeopleinthecity.“Wherearethedoctorsandnurses?”Isaid.“Whathappenedtothisplace?”Thewomanshrugged.“Whathappenedtoallthehospitals,Isuppose.Iheardit,but I didn’t know how bad it was. Soon as themedicine started running out,everyonewantedtotakewhattheycouldwhiletheycould....Itwasn’tsafeforanyoneworkinghere.’Course,theydidn’tseemtobehelpingmuchasitwas.Idon’tsupposeIcan’treallyblamethemforleaving.”“Sothey’reallgone?”Leosaid.She inclined her head. “If youwanted to find a doctor here, you should havecomeacouplemonthsago.”“Wheredidtheygo?”Iasked.“Beatsme.Maybethey’rejuststickingclosetotheirfamiliesliketherestofusstillalive.”Shesighed.“Idon’tknowwhyI’mevenhere.WallaceandIwerefine for so long, you know, but the itch came on himyesterday, and then thecough,and I thought, Ican’t justwatch. Ihave togooutandsee if Ican findanything.ButitlookslikeI’mfindingalotoftroubleandnotmuchelse.”Her dark eyes flickered toward the hall and back to us, and narrowed withdeeperconsideration.“Youdon’tlooksick,eitherofyou.”“Afriend,” I saidquickly.“Wewerehopingsomeonecouldhelphim. Iguesswe’reoutofluck.”Asiftoemphasizemywords,threemenbargedaroundthefarcorner,haulinganelectronic device the size of a bar fridge.What did they think that thingwasgoing todowithoutelectricity? Ihad thesinking feeling theywere just takingwhateverhadn’talreadybeenstolen,indiscriminately.

“Comeon,”Isaid.“Let’sgetoutofhere.”And,tothewoman,“Thanks.Goodluck.”“It’sjustoneplace,”Leosaidaswehurriedoutthedoors.“Iknow,”Isaid,andmyfootbumpedagainstasolidobjectinthesnow.TheimpactjoltedsomeofthesnowoffthethingI’dhit.Itprotruded,anarrowbrown shape, from the drift beside the trampledpath leading to the doors. I’dbeenstaringatitforafewsecondsbeforerecognitionsankin.Aboot.The toeof aboot. In the ripplingof the snow, I could almost see theoutline of a leg, a chest—I looked away. There was snow everywhere. Howmanybodieslaybeneathit?Mystomachlurched.“It’s just one place,” I repeated softly. I strode on toward the truck withoutglancingback.GavreadmyfaceasIclimbedin.“No?”Ishookmyheadandpickedupthemapbook.Thelinesandstreetnamesswambeforemyeyes.Iblinked,tryingtofocus.“Some of the hospitals could still be working,” I said. “And there’d begovernmentlabsandcorporateones,right?Thosewouldbemoreprotected,thepeopleworkingtherewouldn’thavehadtoleave.”Ofcourse Ihadno ideawhere those labsmightbe,whichwaswhatprotectedtheminthefirstplace.Drewmighthaveknown.He’dexplored the city farmore thoroughly than I’deverwantedto.Ifhewasstillokay.Ifwecouldmanagetoreachhimagain.Iswallowedthelumprisinginmythroat.“Wecouldtrycityhallnext,”Isaid,tapping the curved shape down near the waterfront on themap. “Theywon’thavelabs,Idon’tthink,buttheremightbegovernmentpeoplearoundwhoknowwheretogo.”“Iftheyhaven’talllefttoo,”Gavsaid.“Youhaveabetteridea?”Iaskedhim.Hegrimacedapologetically.“No.You’reright,itmakessensetotrythere.”He pulled the truck back into the middle of the road. We wove through thestreetstowardcityhall,followingwhicheverwereleastcloggedwithsnowandcars. Somewere packed solidwith vehicles in a permanent traffic jam, like aparadeoficesculptures.“Freaky,” Justin said as we backed out of one choked road we’d mistakenlyturneddown.“Where’dtheyallthinktheyweregoing?”Itwouldn’thavemattered,Ithought.Bythetimepeoplehadgottenthatscared,therewouldn’thavebeenanytrulysafeplaceleft.WewereonlyafewblocksfromthehallwhenLeostiffened.“Cuttheengine,”hesaid.

“What?”Gavsaid.“Justcutit!”Gavyankedthegearstickintoparkandtwistedthekey.Thesecondourenginestilled,Iheardanotherrumblinginthedistance.“Goodears,”Tobiassaid.Leodidn’tanswer.Aswelistened,theenginesoundgrewlouder,thengraduallyfadedawaywithoutcrossingourpath.“Couldn’t that have been some of the government guys we’re trying to trackdown?”Justinasked.“Anyonewho’skeptacarrunninginthecitythislong...They’llhavehadtofighttodoit,”Leosaid.“Foughtandwon.”“Let’snotrunintothem,then,”Isaid.Theroadthatranpastthesquareoutsidecityhallwasdeserted.Moundsofsnowcoveredthecourtyardwhereotheryearsahugeskatingrinkhadbeensetup.Mymiddleschoolhadtakenusthereonfieldtrips.Tobiasstayedwith the truck, takingover thedriver’sseatwith the rifleacrosshis lap, and the rest of us picked our way toward the building through theshallowestdrifts.Itriednottothinkaboutwhatmightbelyingunderthesnow.I couldn’t see beyond the line of windows and wooden doors. As weapproached,Irealizedtheywerebarricaded,cabinetsandcubicledividespushedupagainsttheglass,crisscrossedwithboardswhereithadstartedtocrack.Someone had been in there. Someone who really hadn’t wanted anyone elsegettingin.Itlookedlikethey’dbeensuccessful.Whichmeanttheycouldstillbethere.Justinjoggedtothenearestsetofdoorsandtuggedonthehandles.Theydidn’tbudge.Hesmackedthewoodwithhisglovedfist.“Hey!”heshouted.“Openup!”I hurried to the next door and pounded on it. “Please!” I said. “We havesomethingthatcanhelpthecity.Wejustneedtotalktosomeone!”Onlysilenceansweredus.Iwaitedaminute,thenbangedonthedooragain.“Lookatthewaytheyshutthemselvesoffinthere,”Gavsaid.“Theydon’tcareaboutthecityanymore.”“Soweforceourwayinandmakethemhelp!”Justinsaid.“No,”Isaid,turning.“We’llgivethemtime,andifnoone—”Myvoicefailedandmybreathcaughtinmythroat.Gavhadtakenoffoneofhisglovesandpulledbacktheoppositesleeveofhiscoat.Hefrownedatthebuilding—Iwasn’tsurehe’devennoticedwhathishandwasdoing.Hewasscratchinghisinnerforearm,sohardthepaleskinwasgoingpink.

twenty-one“It’sokay,”Gavsaid.“It’snothing,Kae.”

Hisscratchingfingershadstilledwhenhe’dseenmyexpression,andhewasgiving me his usual confident smile. But even as the words came out of hismouth, his jaw twitched and his hand clenched.And I knew. The itch hadn’tstopped.

“Whatthehell!”Justinsaid,backingaway.“It’snothing,”Gavinsisted.Hetuggedhisglovebackonandshovedhishandsintohispockets.“But there’snopoint instayinghere.Wekeepyelling,we’rejustgoingtodrawattention.”Attention we had already probably drawn with the truck. I narrowed mythoughts down to that one concern, blanking out the fear. “Wehave to find aplace to stay,” I said. “It looks like tracking someone downmight take a fewdays.”Leo watched me cautiously, but he didn’t argue. “An apartment or condobuildingwouldbegood,”hesaid.“Moredoorsbetweenusandthestreet.”“Weneedafireplace,”Gavpointedout.“Therearecondoswithfireplaces,”Isaid.“Realones,notjustgas.Wewenttoafriendofmydad’splaceacoupletimeswhenwelivedhere,hehadone.”Weall headedback to the truck, butwhenwe reached it, Justinhaltedon thesidewalk.“I’mnotgettinginwithhim,”hesaid,cuttinghisgazetowardGav.“Fine,”Isaid.“Thenyoucanwalk.”“What’s going onwith the kid?”Tobias asked aswe climbed in. I got in thebackwithGav,soLeotookmyspotupfront.Iwaitedasecondbeforeclosingthedoor,butJustindidn’tbudge.Tobiaswaslookingbackatme.Ididn’tknowhowtoanswer.AndthenIdidn’thaveto,becauseGavjerkedforward,sneezing,andsneezingagain.TobiasblanchedandLeoflinched,andGav’seyeswentsowideandfrightenedhe looked more like a little boy who needed his parents than a guy who’dorganizedanentiretowntosaveitself.“Fuck,”hesaid.“I’msorry, I’msorry.”Hefumbledwithhisscarf,whichwaswoundtightunderhischin.AsIreachedtohelphim,hishandsshivered,andhethrewuphisarmjustintimetocatchavolleyofcoughs.Whentheysubsided,hepushedopenthedoorandscrambledout,yankingthescarfupoverhismouthandnose.“IguessI’dbetterwalktoo,”hesaidstiffly.“Gav,”Isaid,butheshookhishead.SoIgotouttoo.Iwasn’tlettinghimwalk

alone.He kept coughing, on and off, as Tobias started driving. Leo must haveexplainedwhatwewere looking for.Westrodealongbeside thecar,GavandmeononesideandJustinontheother,joggingwhenweneededtocatchup.Alongseriesofcondobuildingsstretchedacrossthestreetsjustbeyondcityhall.Ateachone,Tobiasstopped,andJustindashedinsidetolookaround.Itwasn’tuntilthetwelfththathecamebackwithathumbs-up.Thedoortothebuilding’sundergroundgaragewasjammedopen.Tobiasparkedthetruckbytheback,andwegrabbedasmuchofourstuffaswecouldcarry.Itwasn’t until we’d climbed up to the fourth floor, trying to put some distancebetweenusandpotentiallooters,thatJustinmentionedourotherproblem.“We’regoingtohavetohangaroundinthesameapartmentashim,whenhe’slikethis?”hesaid,gesturingtowardGav,who’dhungbackafewpacesbehindtherestofus.“I’ll stay in the bedroomwith the door closed,”Gav said. “No one’ll have tocomenearme.”Justin scowled, but he didn’t say anything else.We dropped our bags in thelivingroomofthecondowechose,andheturnedbackwithLeoandTobiastogettherestofoursupplies.IfollowedGavintothebedroom.All the furniture matched the shiny black wood of the floor, the walls andcomforteracontrastingoff-white.Theairwasfrigid.Itfeltasifwe’dstumbledintoayuppieicepalace.Gavsankontothefloornexttothedresser,rubbinghismouththroughthescarf.“Iknowwhatyou’rethinking,”hesaid.“Stopit.”He couldn’t know, though. Because I hadn’t been thinking anything. I’d justwalkedbesidethetruckandcarriedwhatIneededtoandnotletasinglethoughtslipthrough.Itwasgettingharder.Iopenedmymouthandfoundmythroathadclosedup.Everythingfeltclosedupinsideme,asifallmyorgansweretryingtofoldthemselvesintohardlittleballs.Iswallowedandsatdownacrossfromhimashecoughed.Helookedatme,thelight-heartedtiltofhisheadatoddswiththeslumpofhisshoulders. I could see his jaw tensing and unclenching. The effort to be calmradiatedoffhimlikeitwasanactioninitself.He layhis fingersacrossmywrist and tuggedgently.As ifhedidn’t thinkhecouldask forcomfort. I shifted forward, andhewrappedhisarmsaroundme,pullingmeinwithasharplittlebreath.HepressedhisfaceagainstmyhairasIsettledintohislap.Ihuggedhim,blinkinghard.“You’rehere,”hesaid.“SoI’llbeokay.”

Iclosedmyeyes,butthetearsI’dbeenfightingslippedout,streakingdownmycheeks.Iwantedtosayofcourseit’dbeokay,he’dbeokay,hecouldbeatthis.ButIwasn’tsureIbelieveditenoughtosayitlikeImeantit.AndsayingitlikeIdidn’twouldbeworsethansayingnothing.Thetruthwas,Ididn’tknowanyonewho’dsurvivedtheviruswithoutsomesortofextraimmunity.IfIcouldhavetakensomeofmybloodandjustgivenittoGav,maybehe’dbeokay,likeMeredithwas.ButwhatNellhaddonewasmorecomplicatedthanthat,usingproceduresIdidn’tknow.“There’sgottobeatleastonedoctorleftinthiscity,”Isaid.“I’mgoingtofindhim,orher,andI’llmakethemdoatransfusionlikeNelldidforMeredith.Sincemyblood’stypeOnegative,theycanuseitforyounomatterwhattypeyouare.ItworkedforMeredith.”IfIcouldfindadoctorwho’ddoit inthetimewehad.If therewasahospitalsomewherethathadn’tbeenstrippedoftheequipmentweneed.Iftherewasanyplaceleftinthecitywiththeelectricitytorunthatequipment.If,if,if.IfGavhadn’tbeensostubborn.IfI’dbeenmorestubborn.Icouldhaveinsistedthatheeitherstayontheislandortakethevaccine,andmaybeallthoseotherifswouldn’tmatter.Becausehewouldn’thavegottensickinthefirstplace.Ilookedatthecoldbox,whichI’dsetdownbesidethebed,holdingthepricelessmaterialthathaddraggedusallouthere.Thevaccinecouldn’tdoathingforhimnow.Inthatmoment,Ihatedit.Gavclearedhis throatas if tryingtoholdbackanothercough.“Wecamehereforareason,”hesaid.“Idon’twanttobetheonewhomessesthatup.”IeasedbacksoIcouldseehisface,stillcloseenoughthatIcouldhavecountedthegreenflecksinhishazeleyes,andtouchedthesideofhisforehead.Hisskinwasalreadywarmer than it shouldbe,warmer thanmadeanysense in the icyroom.“Lookingfordoctorsiswhatwewerealreadygoingtodo,”Isaid.“You’renotmessingusup.I’vejustgotanotherreasonnow.”I slid down his scarf and kissed him. He hesitated for a second, and then hekissedmeback.Afterward,hetuckedhisheadnexttomine.Amomentlater,hestartedtocough.This time,hecouldn’t stop.Heshifted to theside,hackingandgasping,and Ipulledmywaterbottleoutofmycoat.“Here,” I said. “You should drink something. And I’ll see if I can get a firegoing.It’sfreezing.”In the living room, theotherswerealreadystandingaround the fireplace.“Wecan go out and gather somewood,” Tobias said. “There’s lots of trees in the

parks.”Leonodded.“Andwe’vegotawholebuildingfulloffurniture.”“Weshouldmeltsomemoresnowtoo,”Isaid,andtheyturnedaround.“We’regettinglowonwater.Andwemightaswellchecktheothercondosforfood.Ifwe’relucky,noone’sbotheredclimbingallthewaytothetopyet.”Inthebedroom,Gavsneezed.Justin’sgazedartedtothecloseddoor.“Ifwe’renotalllikehiminaweek,”hesaid,grimacing.Thenhewentstill.“Hey.Therewerethreecontainersofthevaccine.Thatmeansthreedoses,right?Icouldtakeit,andTobias,andthere’dstillbeoneleft.”Onesampleleft.Onechancethatwecouldloseaseasilyasglassbreaking.Tovaccinatetwopeoplewho,iftheyweregoingtocatchthevirusfromGav,hadalreadybeenasexposedastheywouldeverbe.“I’msorry,” I said, shakingmyhead.“Butwedon’tevenknowifonewillbeenough.What if it turnsout theonewekeep is ruinedfromthe timeyou tookthemout?Wecan’triskit.Gavwillstayintheotherroom—I’llbetheonlyonewho goes in with him.” I paused, remembering the pressure of Gav’s armsaroundme,hisbreathinmyhair.“AndI’llfindanothercoat,anduseadifferenthatandgloves,soI’mwearingdifferentclothesinthereandouthere.ThatwayIwon’tspreadit,either.”“He got to have the vaccine,” Justin said, pointing at Leo. “If he did, we allshould.”“Ididn’tknowhowhardatimeweweregoingtohave,whenIdecidedthat,”Isaid.“IfIhad...”WouldIstillhaveaskedhimtotakeit?AndTessa?“Iwouldhavesaidno,”Leosaid.“LikeGavdid.MaybeIshouldhaveanyway.”Tobias dropped onto the leather couch. “I’m with Kaelyn,” he said. “Thatvaccineismoreimportantthananyofus.”“Seriously?” Justin said.WhenTobiasmethisprotestwith apointed stare,hethrewuphisarms.“Youguysarecrazy!”“You can keep complaining, or we can do something useful,” Leo said. Hepickedupourpots.“Guessit’sbetterthanbeingstuckinherewithhim,”Justinmuttered.Itwaseasier to ignore thedesperateache inmychestwhenwewereworking.LeavingTobiastoguardthecondo,thethreeofustrampeddownthestairsandalong the streetuntilwecame toa smallparkwithacoupleofbenchesandaswing set.As I scooped snow into the pots, Leo and Justin poked around thebasesofthetrees,pickinguptwigs.“We’re not going to get much fire out of this crap,” Justin said after a fewminutes.Heeyedthetrees,thenreachedupandyankedononeofthebranches.

Withacrack,itsplitinthemiddle.Afteracouplemoretugs,hebrokeitfree.“Notbad,”Leosaid.“Howaboutthisone?”As he twisted his hands around another branch, footsteps rasped through thesnowbehindus.Iturned.Amiddle-agedmaninaparkawascomingacrossthestreet.Theedgeofafacemaskpokedabovethetopofhisscarf.Hecame toa stopon thesidewalkbesideus.“Whatchadoing?”heasked.Nogreeting, no pretense of friendliness. His voice was casual, but there was afirmnessinhisstancethatsaidheexpectedananswer.Itensed,wonderingwhathe’ddoifwedidn’tgivehimoneheliked.Whathe’dhadtodotogetthatmask.“Justgatheringsomefirewood,”Leosaid,histonelightbutcareful.“Gottokeepwarmsomehow,right?”Justin took a step forward, dragging the branch he’d snapped off. “You got aproblemwiththat?”Theman’seyesnarrowed.“Justin,”Isaid.“It’sfine.”“That’sright,”themansaid.“Youwatchhowyoutalktopeople.IfIwantedtomakeaproblem,Iwould.”“Maybeyoushouldwatchhowyoutalk,”Justinsaid,raisingthebranch.“Whatwe’redoingisn’tanyofyourbusiness.Sotakeoff!”Ishiftedbetweenthem,shootingaglareatJustin.Thelastthingwewantedwasevenmoretrouble.“I’msorry,”Isaidtotheman.“He’sjustakid.”“I’mnot—”Justinprotested,andIjammedmyfootbackontohistoesbeforehecouldmake thesituationanyworse.Hisvoicecutoffwithacurse.Theman’sfacecrinkledasifhewassmilingbeneathhisscarf.“Yougethimtokeepalidonit,”hesaid.“AllI’mdoingiskeepinganeyeout.”Andfromnowon,Isuspectedhe’dbekeepinganextraeyeoutforus.Iwaitedas he walked away. Even after he’d gone around the corner and disappearedfromview,myarmsstayedbracedbymysides.“Thathurt,”Justinsaid.“Iwasjust—”Ispunaround.“Youwerejustscrewingusover,”Isnapped.“Youmakethatguythinkwe’reathreat,youthinkhe’sjustgoingtoleaveusalone?Nowhe’sgoingtobewatchingforuswhenwe’retryingnottogetnoticed.”“Kaelyn’sright,”Leosaid.Justin’sgazedartedbetweenus.“Look,”hesaid,“it’snotmyfault the twoofyouaretooscaredtostanduptoaguy.”“It’s not about being scared,” I said. “It’s about being smart.We are not thebiggest fish in thepondhere, andmakingout likeweare isn’tgoing toproveanything,it’sgoingtogetushurt—maybekilled.Youknowwhatyoudowhen

you’realittlefishsurroundedbysharks?Youlaylowandhopetheydon’tseeyou,becausethey’llgoafterthemostobviousprey.Theonlyreasonanyonewasafterusinthefirstplaceiswecaughttheirattention.Andit’snotuptoyoutodecidewhenweneedtostandupforourselves.Thisismymission,thosearemydad’ssamples,andyouneedtostartactinglikeyouknowthat.Oryoucanfindsomeotherpeopletotagalongwith.”BythetimeI’dfinished,mythroatwasrawwiththewinterair.Iwantedtoturnaway,toletthetensiondissipate,butIcouldn’t,notyet.Hehadtoknowthatthechallenges and theposturingendednow.Wehad toomuchon the line to riskanothermistake.Justin’s facehadpaled.Heblinked,hismouthhangingopen,and thenhewasthe one who turned away. I drew in a breath, uncurlingmy fingers frommypalms,feelingsuddenlyshaky.“Let’s get a fewmore of these branches,” Leo said. He glanced at me and InoddedtoshowIwasokay.AsheandJustinwentbacktoworkonthetrees,Ileft the pots I’d filled and grabbed a recycling bin I’d spotted on someone’sporch.Itwasempty,anditlookedcleanenough,consideringweweregoingtoboilthewateranyway.Icarrieditbacktotheparkandpackeditfullofsnow.“Don’tthinkwecancarrymuchmore,”Leosaid,heftingabundleofbranchesandsticks.“Yougood?”heaskedJustin.“Yeah,”Justinsaidquietly.Hestayedsilentaswemarchedbackdownthestreetto thecondobuilding.Whenwereached thedoorof theapartmentwe’d takenover,hehesitated.Leowentit,butIstoppedandlookedback.“I’msorry,”Justinsaid.Hisgazewasfixedon thefloor.“You’reright. Itwasstupid.Butyoudon’tunderstand.”“Idon’tunderstandwhat?”Isaid.Heswallowed.“Mydad—hewasjustgoingtoseeiftherewasanyfoodleftinthegrocerystore,andsomeguyshothim.Iwasn’ttheretohelphimbecausehemademestayhomewithMom,likesomelittlekid.Idon’twanttobelikethatanymore, some kidwho runs and hides. But I guess I didn’t think; getting inpeople’sfacesisn’texactlythemostmaturemoveever,either.Ijustgetfreakedout,youknow,andIwanttodosomething.”Ileanedagainstthedoorframe.“I’msorryaboutyourdad,”Isaid,meaningit.“Ididn’tknow.”He’dmentionedhim,andIhadn’tseenhimatthecolony,butithadneveroccurredtometoask.“Yeah,well. I guess I probably couldn’t have done anything for him if I hadbeenthere.”I rememberedMeredith’s teary face as she askedme not to leave her behind.Picturedher here, amid the deadbodies and the looters. She’d beenworried I

wasleavingherbecauseIdidn’tthinkshewasbraveenough,butthesimplefactwas,Icouldn’thavelivedwiththeguiltifI’dkeptherwithmeandthencouldn’tprotecther.“Whoever killed your dad, if you’d been there, they’d have killed you too,” Isaid. “He probablymade you stay home just because he cared about you anddidn’twantyoutogethurt.Youcan’tbemadathimforthat,canyou?”“I...neverreallythoughtaboutitthatway.”Justinraisedhishead.“Youstillpissedatme?”“YougoingtolistennexttimeIsaytobackdown?”Hismouthcurvedup.“Yeah,”hesaid.“I’mgoingtoworkonthat.”“ThenI’mnotpissed,”Isaid.“ButIamcoldandtiredofcarryingallthissnow.Let’sgetinthereandseeifwecanmakethisplacelivable.”WesteppedinsidetothesoundofGav’scoughingechoingthroughthebedroomdoor.twenty-two

Overthenextfewdayswedevelopedaroutine.InthemorningsLeoandIwouldhiketoacoupleofhospitalsorclinics,whileTobiasandJustinscavengedthrough another few floors of the condo building. We all met back at theapartment toeat,and then the fourofusheadedover tocityhall to lookforawayin.Thenanotherhospital.Intheevenings,afterdinner,TobiasfiddledwiththeradioandIprayedtohearDrew’svoice.

Allourefficiencyhadn’thelpedusyet.Outofthedozenmedicalbuildingswe’d visited so far, Leo and I hadn’t found one staff person. Nomedication,either.Onthefourthdaywecameacrosstwobodiessprawledonthefloorinaward,bulletholesinthebacksoftheirjackets,anicyglazeovertheireyes.Wejustkeptgoing.

“Any luck?”Gavaskedwhen Icame into thebedroom tohave lunchwithhim,araspinhisvoicethatneverquiteleftnow.“We’re still looking,” I said, forcing myself to sound optimistic, and startedtalkingabouthowTobiasandJustinhadmanagedtoscroungeupanotherbagoffood.Ididn’tmentionthemedicinecabinetsthey’dchecked,allbare,whichwaswhy we didn’t have even the most basic painkillers or decongestants to helpGav’ssymptoms.Whentherestofusheadedoutforcityhallthatafternoon,Ilookedaroundattheemptystreetsanddarkenedwindows,andtriedtosummonupalittleofthehopethathadcarriedmesofar.EverytimeIsteppedoutintothatwreckofacity,itgotharder.“Everythingallright?”Leoaskedaswetrampedalongthestreets.Thequestionmademelaugh.“Yeah,”Isaid,eventhoughitwasn’t.Nothingwas

all right. Hell, even if we found someone who could replicate the vaccinesamples,Iwasn’tconvincedanymorethatthevaccinewouldfixallI’dhopeditcould.Theworldweusedtohave,theworldIwantedback,wasseemingmoreandmorelikeadream.Ihadn’tcaughtaglimpseofithere.Evenifwedefeatedthevirusnow,Leocouldn’ttakebackthethingshe’dhadtodo.Icouldn’tgobacktobeingapersonwho’dneverseensomeonedie,who’dneverstolen foodandclothesandcars thatweren’tmine.Everyonestill livinghad been changed—we couldn’t have survived and not been.And even ifwecouldchangeback,itwouldn’tundoalltheotherdamagetheviruscaused.Whowas left to run the power stations? To stock the stores, now that themanufacturingplantswere closed and the farmsgone fallowand the transporttrucksstalledwithemptytanks?Whenwe’dbeenonourlittleisland,almostholdingittogether,I’dbeenabletoimaginetheproblemwaslittletoo.Butitwasn’tjusttheisland.Itwasthewholeworld.Ishovedthosethoughtsawayaswereachedthehall.Thetemperaturehadrisenabovefreezing,theiciclesoverdoorwaysdrippinginasteadypatter.Wespreadout,rappingonthedoorsandcallingouttothepeopleIstillsuspectedmightbeinsideandalive,thentookturnstryingtopoundoneoftheboardsonthebrokenwindows loose.After an hour, no one had answered us, and the board hadn’tbudged.Finally,Tobiasbackedaway,shakinghishead.The shrinking drifts of snow scattering the courtyard revealed more than Iwanted to see. The green sheen of a coat shielding a slumped back.A bluishhandandthecuffofasleeve.Twosockedfeet,bentatpainfulangles.Becausesomeonehadwrenchedoffapairofboots?Iwincedandturned.“Let’sgo,”Isaid,“beforewebringoutmorescavengers.”Twodaysagoacoupleof lurking figureshadstarted trailingbehinduson theway “home.” Wondering where we were staying and what supplies we had,probably. Andwhether they could take them from us.We’dmanaged to losethembyweavingthroughaseriesofapartmentbuildingsandparkinglots,butIwasn’teagertoseethemoranyonelikethemagain.We were halfway across the courtyard when an engine sputtered somewheredownthestreet.Close.Leofroze,andIrememberedhiswarningthelasttimewe’dheardacar.Tobiasreached for his gun. Justin started forward, almost eagerly, but I grabbed thebackofhiscoat.“Betternot togetnoticed,” I remindedhim. Itwouldbea lotharder to loseavehiclethanpeopleonfoot.Iturned,searchingforsomewheretohide.Thecarwascomingtoofast,thesoundoftheenginethunderinginthestillair.Mygaze

slidoveroneofthehalf-buriedbodies,andIfoundmyanswer.“Playdead!”Isaid,alreadymoving.Ithrewmyselfontooneofthehigherdrifts,shovedsomesnowovermybacksoitwouldlookasifI’dbeenthereawhile,andlaystill.TherewasabriefshufflingaroundmethatIhopedwastheothersfollowingsuit.Iheldmybreath,thechillofthesnowseepingthroughmyscarf.Possums could hold themselves like this for hours. Other animals too. Mygrandmother onmy dad’s side used to tell the story of her big family trip toSouthAfricawhenshewasnine,rubbingthescaronthebackofherhandwhileshe talked. She’d seen a snake lying in the grasswith its tongue hanging out,pokeditafewtimeswithhertoe,andithadn’tlookedanythingotherthandeaduntilshe’dcrouchedbesideitandreachedouttofeelitsscales.Iwasn’t sure I couldpulloff aperformance that convincing,buthopefullynoonewasgoingtocomecloseenoughtopokeme.The ground vibrated faintly as the car rumbled by. It slowed, and my pulsehiccupped,butthedrivermustjusthavebeenturningacorner.Thenoiseoftheengineroseagainandfadedgraduallyintothedistance.When I couldn’t hear it anymore, I pushedmyself upright. The others pickedthemselvesofftheground,brushingbitsofsnowfromtheirclothes.Justinwasgrumbling, but suddenly I felt like smiling for real. At least he was listeningnow.We’dmanagedtostaysafeonemoretime,withouthavingtofight,withoutbeinghurt.Thatwasasortofvictory.My mind slid back to Gav, waiting for us at the end of our walk, and myexhilarationdampened.Itwasavictorythatdidn’tbringmeanyclosertosavinghim.“Youstillhaven’tseenanyphonebooksinthecondos?”IaskedTobiasaswesetoff.“I’d guess they weren’t sending out the printed ones anymore,” he said.“Everyonejustusedthe’net.”Alotofgoodthatdidusnow.“Weneedtofindone,”Isaid.“Itmighthavetheaddressforsomeoftheprivatelabs.”“You still think we’re going to find doctors somewhere here?” Justin said,kickingatachunkofice.“There are people here,” I said. “Lots of people, considering.There has to besomeoneleftwithabackgroundinscience.”Butwewererunningoutoftime.Gavwasrunningoutoftime.Ipickedupmypace.“I’mgoingtolookthroughthewholebuildingmyselfwhenwegetback.”Inmyhurry,Ididn’tcatchtheflickerofmovementbehindusuntilwe’dclimbedupthefirsttwoflightsofstairsinthecondobuilding.Fabricbrushedagainsttherailingbelowus,andIpaused,thebackofmyneckprickling.

Wehadashadow.I mademyself keep walking.When we reached our floor, I nudged Tobias’sshoulderandcontinuedpasthimupthenextflight.Theotherslookedconfused,buttheyfollowed.Onthefifthfloorlanding,IpushedpastthedoorsandbackedseveralpacesdownthehallbeforeIstopped.“What’s—”Justinstarted,andIjerkedafingertomymouth.“We’rebeingtailed,”Isaid.“Watch.”Westoodinarow,bracedandwaiting.Afewsecondslater,thestairwelldooreasedopenacrack.Whoeverwasbehinditmusthaveseenus,becauseitstilled.Therewasnohidingandnolosingthem,notwhenthey’dfollowedusthisfar.We’djusthavetohopetheywerepeaceful.“Youwantsomething?”Isaid.“Comeoutandwecantalkaboutit.”The doorwavered, and then yawned farther open. A hooded figure in a longblackcoatslippedintothehallway.“Don’tbemad.Ijustwantedtoseewhatyou’reupto.”Thevoicewasagirl’s,softandsqueaky.Shetookafewstepstowardus,placingher heavy combat boots so carefully they didn’tmake a sound. Then she slidbackherhood.Shewasolderthanhervoicehadmademethink—olderthanme,Iguessed.Hernosewas small and upturned, themouselike effect offset by the gray shadowsmudgedoverherwideeyesandthemaroonglossonherlips.Lightbrownhairstreakedwithbleachedhighlights fell aroundhernarrow face.She looked likesheshouldhavebeenwaiting in lineoutsideanightclub,notcreepingafterusthroughanabandonedbuilding.“I saw you at Mount Sinai,” she said. “You looked . . . nice. Not like mostpeoplethesedays.”Thenamesoundedfamiliar,butIhadn’tbeenpayingenoughattentiontoknowhowlongagowe’dbeenatMountSinai.“Therearea lotofassholesaround,”Justinsaid,watchingheras ifhe thoughtwemighthavetobreakintomortalcombat.“Wedon’twantanythingtodowiththem.”Thegirlofferedasmilethatmighthavebeenamusedorappreciative,itwashardtotell.“I’mAnika,”shesaid,spreadingherhandsinagestureofsupplication.Herfingernailswerepaintedthesamecolorasherlips.“Idon’twanttobargeinonyou,butit’ssobrutalinthecityrightnow.I’vebeenonmyownforweeks.Youallseemlikeyou’restickingtogether.IguessIhopedmaybeIcouldstickwithyou.Forabit?”Sheduckedher headwith a nervousness that lookedmore coy than authentic.Tobiasopenedhismouth,andthenlookedatme.Justinwasfrowning.

“Youcarryingweapons?”Leoasked.Anikablinkedwithwhatlookedlikehonestsurprise.Sheturnedoutthepocketsofhercoat,thenunzippeditandhelditopensowecouldseeshewasn’thidinganything under it other than a purple turtleneck and jeans tight enough that itwouldhavebeenobviousifshehadagunoraknifetuckedaway.“Icouldmaybeevenhelpyoualittle,”shesuggestedasshezippedthecoatbackup.“I’vebeenherethewholetime—well,I’velivedheremywholelife.You’relookingforthings,Imightknowwheretheyare.”Mypulseskipped.Maybeshewasjustwhatweneeded.Whethershewastellingusthewholetruthornot,shedidn’tseemdangerous.Andtherewasjustoneofherandfourofus—armed,taller,andprobablystronger.Itwasworththerisk.“Allright,”Isaid.“We’reonefloordown.”Whenwesteppedintotheapartment,Anika’seyesopenedevenwider,takinginthe leather couch, the granite countertops, and the crackling fire. I saw withreliefthatallthefoodwe’dscavengedwassafelyoutofsightinthecupboards.Thecold-storageboxstayedinthebedroomwithGav,allthebettertomakesureJustinwasn’ttemptedbyit.I was about to suggestwe all sit down and talkwhen the sound of coughingcarriedthroughthebedroomdoor.Anikatensed,herheadtwitchingtowardtheotherroom.“You’vegotasickone,”shesaid.“Yeah,”Irepliedstiffly.“It’sokay,”Tobiassaid.“Hestaysinthebedroom.We’rereallycareful.”“I’llbebackinasec,”Isaid,grabbingoneofthebottlesofboiledwaterwe’dlefttocoolonthewindowledge.Gavwas sittingcross-leggedon thebedwhen I came in.Hechuggedhalf thebottle I handed to him and tipped his head against thewall, closing his eyes.Eventhoughonlyathinheatseepedthroughthewallsfromthelivingroom,hisfeverwasbadenoughthathe’dstoppedwearinghiscoat.Sincelunchtimehe’dpulledoffhissweaterandtieditaroundhisshouldersoverhisT-shirt.Helookedleanerthanitseemedtomeheshould,andIdidn’tthinkitwasjustbecausehe’dtakenoffalayerofclothing.With a ragged breath, he straightened up and swiped at his nosewith the raghe’dbeenusingasahandkerchief.Anika’svoicestartedtoriseandfallontheothersideofthedoor.“Youbroughtsomeoneback?”hesaid.I traded my outer clothes for the sick room spares I left on the dresser, andclimbedontothebednexttohim.Hisarmslidaroundmeautomatically.

“Agirlfollowedusbacktotheapartment,”Isaid,keepingmyvoicelight.“Saysshewantstojoinourclub.Youthinkweshouldholdanaudition?”Gavcrackedasmile.“Maybeweshouldjusttakeheratherword.Thereseemstobealotofturnoverinthissaving-the-worldbusiness.”IthoughthemeantTessaandMeredith.Hemusthave,becausewestillweren’ttalkingaboutthefactthatsometimeinthenextcoupledays,ifIdidn’tfindhelp,hewasn’tgoingtobehimselfanymore.Butforafewseconds,mythroatchokedupandIcouldn’tspeak.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhimandhuggedhim,andhesqueezedmetighter,butafteramomenthisarmssagged.Thecoughingand the feverweresappinghisstrength.“Youthinkshe’sreallyokay?”heasked,moreseriously.“Shemightknowsomethingthatcanhelp,”Isaid.“Well,you’dbettergetout therebefore she’sdone tellingher story, then,”hesaid,“soIcanhearitfromyoulater.Idon’twanttobetotallyoutoftheloop.”“Ofcourse,”Isaid,kissinghischeek.“I’llbringthefullreportwithdinner.”I could feel his eyes followingmeas I steppedout, his hunger to takepart inwhatwashappeningapalpableweightonmyback.Anikawas perched on the couch. Justin and Tobias sat on either side of her,Justin as if hewere standingguard;Tobias as if hewere afraid if he tookhiseyes off her, she might disappear. Her hands flashed through the air as shespoke.“Andby the timeMomchecked into thehospital, theyweren’t lettingvisitorscomein.Thatwaswhentherewerestillpeopleworkinginthehospitalstostopus, right?And they’d cancelled all the classes at the college, andmost ofmyfriendshadgottensickorlefttown.ButIdidn’twanttojustabandonher,evenifIcouldn’tgoseeher.”Igrabbedachairfromthediningareaandsatdownbyoneofthelivingroom’stalluselessspeakers.Anika’seyesflickeredovertomeandthenbacktotherestofheraudience.“Musthavebeenrough,”Tobiassaid.Hisfacepinkedwhenshesmiledathim.“Yeah,”sheagreed.“ThenextthingIknew,peopleweretrashingthehospitalsleft and right, and thedoctorswere freakingout anddisappearing, and Idon’tevenknowwhathappenedtoMomintheend.ShewasatMountSinai,butwhenIlookedforher,Icouldn’tfindher.SoI’vehadtogetbyonmyown.”“Youlooklikeyou’vebeendoingallright,”Leosaidmildly.“Iguessitcouldhavebeenworse,”Anikasaid.“Ifoundaplacelikeyouhavehere,thatnooneseemstobotherwith,andDadwaskindofparanoid,heboughtthis camping stoveandabunchof fuelbefore thepanic really started, so I’ve

sortofbeenabletocook.I’mnot,like,starving.Butthepeoplearoundherearecrazy,mostofthem.It’sscary.That’swhyIwassohappywhenIsawyou.”“Who’s the makeup for?” Justin demanded. “It’s kind of weird, you goingaroundlikethat.”“It’s for me,” Anika said. Her eyes narrowed for just a moment before sheseemedtocatchherself,andtossedherhairwithalaugh.“Ifyoulookolder,andlikeyou’vegotyourself together,peopledon’tbotherwithyousomuch.Theygoaftertheoneswholooklikevictims.”Iwonderedwhatwelookedliketoher.“Yousaidthedoctorsweredisappearing,”Isaid.“Doyouknowifthereareanystill around, maybe in a smaller clinic or office that the looters could havemissed?”“Ifthereare,they’rekeepingprettyquiet.ButIcouldaskaround.”Shecockedherhead toward thebedroom.“Thatwhyyoucameall thewayhere fromouteast?”sheasked.IguessedtheguyshadtoldherthatwhileI’dbeenoutoftheroom.“Becauseofhim?It’salongway.”“Wefiguredwehadthebestchanceoffindingsomeonewhowasstillworkingonacureinthebigcity,”Isaid.She shifted, her knee brushing Tobias’s. He flushed even darker. “I did hearsomething about a week ago,” she said. “These guys were talking about avaccinesomeonefound,somethinglikethat?Idon’tknowifitwasreal,buttheysoundedprettyworkedupaboutit.”She glanced at each of us, her expression hopeful. Justin was staring at her,looking twice as suspicious as before,whichwas almost as bad as sayingweknewallaboutthevaccine.Leo’smouthhadpressedintoastiffline,andTobiaslooked down at his hands. I held my face carefully calm, but my breath hadstuckinmythroat.Ifsomeonehadbeentalkingaboutthevaccinehereaweekago,whenwe’dstillbeenholedupinthatfarmhouse,itcouldmeanonlyonething.Thegroupwho’dsent thepeople in thegreenvanafterus,who’d lied tousover the radio, theyhadalliesheretoo.“Ifthere’savaccine,that’dbeamazing,”Isaid,hopingIsoundedlikethiswasthe first I’d heard about it. “Who were these guys? Where’d you see them?Maybewecouldfindthemandaskwhattheyknow.”“Oh, they were just guys,” she said, lifting one shoulder and letting it fallawkwardly.“Idon’tknowthem.Theywerecheckingoutsomestoresnear theplaceI’mstayingat.IonlylistenedinbecauseIheardoneofthemmentionthevaccinething.”“Didtheysaywheretheythoughtthevaccinewas?”Leoasked.

Anika shook her head. “I don’t think they knew. It kind of sounded like theythoughtsomeonemightbebringingithere.ButlikeIsaid,theycouldhavejustbeenspeculating.Maybeit’sonlyarumor.”ImetLeo’seyesacrosstheroomandsawtheworryIfeltreflectedthere.Wehadn’toutrunourenemies.We’drunrighttothem.twenty-three

I’dbeenspendingmynightsinthebedroomnexttoGav.Theotherscampedout in the living room by the fire where it was warm, and Gav had tried toconvincemetojointhem,butIwasn’tgoingtoleavehimaloneinthedarkandthecoldwhiletheviruscreptdeeperintohisbrain.

“Iwanttostaywithyou,”I’dtoldhim,andwhenhe’dstartedtoprotest,I’dlookedhimrightintheeyesandsaid,“Shutup.”He’dstaredatmeforasecond,andthen,likeI’dhopedhewould,he’dlaughed.He’dpulledmecloserandkissedmeandadmitted,“Iwantyouheretoo.”Andhehadn’ttriedtomakemeleaveagain.ThenightafterwemetAnika,hedozedoffquickly,buthisarmsandlegsstilltwitched with the itches that never quite left him. I lay beside him, my eyesclosed andmymind buzzing. Iwas overly aware ofAnika’s presence on theothersideof thewall,an interloper inourmidst. It’dseemedcruel tokickherout once night set in, and she’d offered to take us to a couple of governmentbuildings thatmight have labs in themorning, but Iwasn’t sure how shewasgoingtofitinwithusyet.Mostly, though, Iwas thinking aboutGav.About how fewnightswehad leftlike this, before the virus gnawed into the part of him that controlledwhat hesaidanddid,andhestartedspewingouteveryuncomfortablethinginhishead,whetherhemeantitornot.Dad hadn’tmanaged to staywithMom overnight after she’d gotten that bad.WoulditbeeasierformewithGavbecauseIhadn’tknownhimnearlyaslong?Maybenothinghesaidwouldbeabletostingtoomuch.Maybewe’dreachsomeonewhocouldhelptomorrow,andIwouldn’thavetofindout.Mythoughtswerefinallyslowing,unraveling,whenmyearspickedupa faintsqueak.Theairshiftedagainsttheblankets.Someonehadopenedthebedroomdoor.Burrowedunder thecovers, I couldn’t seeevenwhen Iopenedmyeyes. I layquietlyandlistened.Footstepsbrushedoverthefloor.Withaclick,afaintglowseepedaroundtheedgesoftheblankets.Aflashlight?Plasticcrinkledasfingersexaminedourbags.Thefootstepsmovedaroundthebedandpaused.Itensed.

Thecoldstorageboxwassittingthereatthefootofthebed.Icouldhavethrownbackthecoversandconfrontedwhoeveritwasrightthen.ButIwantedtoknowexactlywhattheywoulddo.Howfartheywouldgo.Therewasa soft scraping soundas the lidwas lifted, andan intakeofbreath.Thesealssnappedback intoplace.The lightclickedoff.And theboxbumpedthewallasitwasliftedoffthefloor.Ididn’tneedmore than that. I flungback theblankets, throwingmy legsoverthesideofthebed.Thefigurewiththecoldboxwhippedaroundandranforthedoor.Icaughtthesleeveofhercoat,butnottightlyenough.Sheyankeditfrommygrasp.“Stop!”Iyelled.Anika’sbootsthumpedoverthefloortotheapartmentdoor.Ichargedafterher.Sleepingbags rustled in the living roomas theothers rousedwitha jumbleofvoices.“What?”“What’shappening?”“Someone—”Anikafumbledwiththedeadbolt.AsIgrabbedthehandleofthecoldbox,tryingtowrenchitawayfromher,shejerkedherarmtowardme.Herelbowsmackedmesquareintheforehead.Myheadspun,andmygriploosened.Shepulledtheboxclosertoherassheyankedonthedoorknob.But before the door had opened more than an inch, another arm shot out,slammingitshut.Anikaflinchedback,andfroze.A tall figure I dimlymadeout tobeTobias raisedhishand.The low firelightcaught theblack shapeofhispistol.His thumb roseand flickedoff the safetywithaclickthatsoundedincrediblyloudinthesuddensilence.Hisvoicecameoutstrainedbutsteady.“Ithinkyou’dbettergivethatboxbacktoKaelyn.”Anikaloweredthecoldboxtothefloorandreleasedthehandle.LeoandJustincameupbehindTobias,sleep-rumpledandfrowning.I touchedthespotwhereAnika’selbowhadjabbedme,andwinced.Steppingjustcloseenoughtohertoreachthecoldbox,Ituggeditawayandopenedit.Despitethescuffle,allthevialswereintact.“Kae?”Gav’svoicewaveredfromthebedroom.“Everythingokay?”Iexhaledandresealedthelid.“Yeah.Itisnow.”“They’regoingtoendupfindingyou,”Anikasaid.“It’dbebetterifyoujustletmetakethevaccine.Thentheywon’tbeafteryouanymore.”“What‘they’?”Justindemanded.“Whatdoyouknowaboutthem?”“TheWardens,” she said. “Michael’sWardens.”Her gaze slid over our faces,andhereyebrowsrose.“Youdon’tevenknowaboutMichael,doyou?”“Wewillifyoutellus,”Isaid.When she didn’t respond, Tobias shifted forward, the gun still pointed at herface.Anikacurledherhandsupintothesleevesofhercoatandliftedherchin.

“I’veneverseenhim,”shesaid.“ApparentlythisguynamedMichaelcamefromallthewayoutinBC,startedgoingacrossthecountryafterthevirushit,andhejustsortoftakesoverplacesashegoes.Likehere.”“Howdoesoneguytakeoveracity?”Justinasked.Anika shrugged. “He’s got food and generators andmedical supplies, and hegivesthemtopeoplewhohelphim.Thepeoplewhohelphimenough,hecallsthemWardens.Andthenthey—theWardens—theykeepaneyeontheplaceshe’sbeenwhenheleaves.”“Andhe’sinToronto?”Leoasked.“Idon’tthinkso,notrightnow.Idon’theareverything—I’mnotinwiththemlikethat—butitsoundslikehe’sgonedowntotheStates.TheWardenswillbetalkingwithhimontheirradios,though.Andthere’sawholebunchofthem,andthey’vegotcarsandguns—youdon’twanttomesswiththem.They’relookingforyouandthatvaccine.”“And you figured you’d get a reward if you brought themwhat they’ve beenlooking for,” I said, watching her face. The desperation shone clearly in hereyes.“Iwouldhave!” she said. “Iwouldhavebeen set.Youwant tobeguaranteedyou’llhaveenoughfood,youwanttobeinabuildingwheretheheat’srunning,youwantoneofthosemaskstoprotectyoufromgettingsick, they’retheonlyoneswhohavethatnow.OfcourseIwantin.”Myskinwentcold.Theguywho’daskeduswhatweweredoingthatfirstdaywhenwe’dgoneout for firewood,he’dbeenwearinga facemask.We’dbeenwithin talkingdistanceofoneof theseWardens,oneof thepeoplewhowouldkillforthevaccine,andwehadn’tevenrealized.AndifJustinhadsaidevenalittlemore,thatguymighthaverealizedwhowewere.“You’restupidifyouthinkyou’resafehere,”Anikasaid.“You’rejust luckyIfoundyou first.Goingaround toall thehospitals, shoutingatcityhall—Iwasguessing,butitwasn’tahardguesstomake.Oncetheyfigureoutyou’reinthecity...you’redone.”“Areyougoingtotellthem?”Justinasked.“I don’t know,”Anika said pointedly, glancing past the gun to Tobias’s face.“AmIgoingtohavethechance?”Tobiaswent a little pale, but his hand didn’twaver.He looked atme.Was itreallythatstraightforward?Igavehimthewordandhe’dshoother?Mystomachturned.Ididn’tlikewhatshe’ddone,butIcouldunderstandbeingthatdesperatetosurvive.Shedidn’tdeservetodieoverit.Butwehadtomakesurewesurvivedtoo.“We’renotgoingtohurtyou,”Isaid.Justinmadeasoundofprotest,buthecut

itoffwhenIglaredathim.“We’renotgoingtohurther,”Irepeatedtohim,andturnedbacktoAnika.“Butwecan’tjustletyoutakeoff,either.”Tobias lowered the gun slowly. “We could barricade her in one of the otherapartments,”hesaid.Leonodded.“That’dgiveusachancetodecidewhattodonext.”“And leaveme to starve?” Anika said, her mouth tight. “Just shoot me now,okay?”“No,”Isaid.“We’dletyouout,whenwe’rereadyto.”Justinsighed.“We’llneedacouch,orsomethingheavy,”Tobiasstarted.HiseyesflickeredoffAnika,andinthatsecondofdistractionshewhippedoutherhand.Shewhirled around, amist hissing from the tiny bottle she held. Justin leaptback,yelpingandclawingathisface,andIstaggeredtotheside,draggingthecoldboxwithme,asafewdropletsstungmyeyes.Pepperspray.Shemusthavehaditlodgedinhersleeve.Throughabluroftears,IsawTobiascoughingwithhisarmoverhiseyes,Anikatuggingopenthedoor,herslimfiguredartingoutintothehall.Ishovedtheboxtowardthebedroomandranafterher.Thedarknessof thehallwasbrokenonlybyafainthaze thatseepedfromouropendoorway.Withmyblurredvision, Icouldn’t seeanything.Anika’sbootsscrabbledacrossthefloor.Shewasalreadytoofarahead.Itookafewuncertainstepsandheardthethudofthestairwelldoorclosing.Sinkingbackagainstthewall,Iswipedmysleeveovermyeyes,againandagain.Intheapartment,Justinwasmoaning.Leoappearedinthedoorway.“Kae?”“She’sgone,”Isaid.“Areyouokay?”“Yeah.”Myeyesstillsmarted,butthetearswereslowing.“Itonlyhitmealittle.You?”“Shemissedme,”hesaid.“IthinkJustingottheworstofit.Tobiasisprettybadtoo.Hesayswaterwon’thelpmuch, so they’reboth just sitting therecrying.”Hehesitated.“Butwe’dbettergetmoving.She’sprobablyrunningrightbacktothoseWardenstoleadthemhere.”“Right.Hell.”Ishuffledbackinside.Justinwascrouchedbesidethecouch,Tobiassittinginthearmchair.“I’mgoingtokillher,”Justinwassaying,rockingslightly.“AndthenI’mgoingtokillheragain.”“Justkeepblinking,”Tobiassaid.“Themoreyougetthetearsgoing,thefasterthey’llflushitout.”“Getthesleepingbagsandtheblankets,”IsaidtoLeo.“I’llstartpackingupthe

food.”“We’regettingoutofthisfreakin’city,right?”Justinsaid.“Iamsosickofthisplace.”Ipaused.Ihadn’teventhoughtaboutwhereweweregoing,onlythatwehadtogetoutofthisbuilding.“Wecan’tleave,”Isaid.“We’llfindanotherapartment,nottooclosetohere.”“Why?”Justindemanded.“Nothingusefulhere,anyway.”Mythroattightened.Thebedroomwasquiet,maybeGavhadfallenbackasleep,butthedoorstillhungopenacrossfromus.Hedidn’thavemuchlonger.Aslongaswe stayed,wemight come across a person and the equipment to help himrecover.Ifwehittheroad...itwouldbelikegivinguponhimforgood.Givinghimupfordead.“Iftherearedoctorsandscientistsanywhere,ourbestchanceoffindingthemisstillhere,”Isaid,loweringmyvoice.“We’vegottochangehowwe’relooking,try other strategies, be even more careful than before, but we don’t haveanywhereelsetogo.Unlessyouwanttoheadbacktothecolonyandhelpwiththeplanting?”Justinmadeaface.“Ishouldn’thaveletmyguarddown,”Tobiasmuttered.“Sheshouldn’thavehadthechance.”Leowavered,andthensaid,“It’sthemiddleofthenight.We’realltiredandalittlemessedup.Wecanmakeafinaldecisionlater,right?Let’sjustgetoutofherewhilewecan.”

Wehadtoabandonthetruck.Asweheadedouttothegaragedoors,Justinstopped, his eyes still red, and said, “We told her. Anika.We told her aboutusingthesnowplowtogethere.”“They’llbelookingforit,”Isaid.“Anywhereweleaveit...”

Tobiasturnedhisflashlighttowardthestreet.Mostofthesnowhadmeltedduringtheday,leavingthepavementbare.“Wewouldn’tleavetracks,”hesaid.“Wecandrivenow,andthenoneofuscanditchitfarawayfromthenewplaceafterwe’vefoundone.”We putmore than amile between us and the old building, leaving the shinycondos of downtown behind for concrete low-rise apartments with rustybalconies.Tobiasstayedbesidethetruckwiththerifleandhispistol,whileGavslumpedintheback,coughingweaklyintothemanylayersofscarfhe’dwoundaround his face. Leo, Justin, and I made our separate ways into the nearestbuildingssowecouldcheckthreeplacesatatime.It took seven tries before Leo returnedwith a crooked smile. “Not the nicestbuilding,”hesaid,“butit’sgotafireplace.”

Wecarriedourthingsupasquicklyandquietlyaswecould.Thelobbyandfirstfloorstankofcaturine,thoughtherewasnosignofthecatresponsible.Bythetimewe’dclimbedupsixflightsofstairstothetopfloor,thesmellhadreceded.We barged into the first apartmentwe foundwith an unlocked door. Itwas atwobedroom,witha shabbypolka-dot futon foracouchandstainson the rug.Gavwalkedstraightintothecloserbedroomandcrashedonthebed,hisbreathcominginrasps,whileTobiasheadedbackdowntogetridofthetruck.Therestof us smashed up one of the rickety dining room chairs and sprinkled thevarnishedwoodwithourleftovertwigstogetafiregoing.“We’llhavetobeevenmorecautiousaslongaswe’restillinthecity,”Leosaidastheflamesstartedcrawlingoverthewood.“Someoneshouldbewatchingthestreetatalltimes.Weneedtofigureoutanescaperouteincasetheseguyscomelookingforus.”Herubbedhisface,hiseyelidslow,andIsuddenlyfelthowlateitwas.I’dbeenrunningonadrenalin,butitwasstartingtofade.“Wecanfigureoutanescaperouteinthemorning,”Isaid.“Noneofusisgoingtobethinkingclearlyrightnow.”“Still got towatch,” Justin said. “I’ll go first.Those assholesbetter hope theydon’tfindme.”Ashewentout, Istepped into thebedroom.Gav lookedasleep,butamomentafter I laydownnext tohim,hisarmslippedaroundme.He tuggedmywaist,andIrolledovertofacehim.Hishandstayedonmyside,his thumbtracingaslowloop,thepressurefaintthroughmylayersofclothing.“Wesafenow?”heasked.I’donlygivenhimasketchyexplanationwhenI’dwokenhimtocomedowntothe truck. Iwanted to sayyes, of coursewewere, but looking into his steadyeyes,Icouldn’tbringmyselftolie.“Idon’tknow,”Isaid.Therestofmywordsstuckinmythroat.Hadherealizedwewereconsideringleavingthecitycompletely?I’dbeen tryingnot to thinkaboutwhat itwouldmean ifwedidn’tmanage tofindsomeonewhocouldworkwiththevaccinehere.Ifwe’dcomeallthisway,gone through somuch, and accomplished nothing. IfGav had gotten sick fornothing,andIcouldn’tevensavehim.Iswallowed.“Maybeweshouldn’thavecomeatall.”Gav’shandstilled.“What?”“You figured it’d be like this,” I said. “That therewouldn’t be anyone left tohelp.Youalwaysthought...Andnow—”“Kaelyn.” He touched my face, his fingers sliding along my jaw. When heopenedhismouthtosaymore,hehadtoturnawayinstead,tocoughagainsthis

shoulder.Hisarmtrembled.Imovedtogetup,tofindhimsomewater,buthegrabbedmyhand,shakinghisheadasthecoughskeptsputteringoutofhim.Afteraminute,thefiteasedoff.Heshiftedbacktowardme.Hisfingersreturnedtomycheek,brushingstraystrandsofhairawayfrommyeyes.Myskintingledathistouch.“I’msorry,”hesaid.“It’snotyourfault,”Isaid.His breath hitched. “Not that. What you said before. I’m sorry . . . I didn’tbelieve you could do it. I’m sorry I didn’t hide that aswell as Iwanted to. Iguess,inaway,Ididn’twanttohideitbecauseIdidn’twanttopretend,becauseIthoughtIwasright.”“Gav,”Isaid,buthekeptgoing.“Iwasn’t right, okay?” he said. “I don’t everwant to hear you say youwerewrong to do this. I’ve had an awful lot of time to think the last few days.Everythingwasgoingtohellontheislandanyway,evenifIdidn’twanttoadmitit.Wehadtoleave.AndIreallydobelieve,ifthere’sanyoneouttherewhocanhelp us, then you’ll be the person to find them. I fell in lovewith a girlwhodoesn’tgiveup.Sopromiseme.Promisemeyou’renotgoingtostoptrying,nomatterwhat.”Ifoundmyselfgapingathim,speechless.“Sayit,”hesaid.Icuppedthebackofhisheadandleanedcloseenoughtopressmylipsagainsthis. He kissedme back, but I could feel the tension in his arm aroundme. Itippedmyheadforward,mynosebrushinghischeek.Gavdidn’t knowhowclose I’d come to givingup completelywhenMeredithwassick.I’dnevertoldhimaboutstandingontheedgeofthecliff,planningthenext step forward into nothingness. But I hadn’t given up after all, andwe’dmadeitthrough.Ihadtorememberthat.“Iwon’tstoptrying,”Isaidintothedarkspacebetweenus.“Ipromise.”Onlythendidherelax.Hekissedmeagain,andshruggedupthecovers,andwefellasleepfacetoface,ourbreathsmingling.twenty-four

In the morning, with fresh resolve humming through me, I took over thefront doorwatch fromLeo, and sent theguyson abuilding-wide search for aphonebook.Tobiascametorelievemecarryingathicksoftboundbook.

“It’s some kind of commercial directory,” he said. “I figured it might beuseful.”The directory turned out to be a jackpot—whole sections devoted to differentsorts of laboratories. I paged through it, marking the most promising-looking

locationsinthemapbook.AssoonasLeocamebackfromanotherscavengingrunthroughtheapartments,Igrabbedhim.“Weshouldgooutandhitthesetworightnow,”Isaid,pointingtotheonesthatwereclosest.“Wecanbebackbeforeitgetsdark.”We stuck to the side streets andwalkedquietly, listening for cars.Oneofourtargets, amedical testing facility, had been looted, the doors busted open andoffices trampled.Theotherwasaneurological research lab inanarrowstuccobuilding that looked untouched, but all of the windows were dark. No oneansweredwhenIknockedonthedoor.“Wejustneedone,”Leosaidasweheadedback.Afterdinner,asIsatonthecouchplanningthenextday’stargets,Tobiassettheradiotransceiveronthecoffeetablebytheslidingglassdoortothebalcony.Leoand Justin snapped apart a couple more chairs and started feeding the fire.Tobiaswent through his usual process of calling out, switching channels, andcallingoutagain.Leohad just tossed in the lastpiecewhenTobias turned thedial,andavoicesnappedthroughthespeakerinmid-sentence.“—there,pleaserespond.”Idropped themapbookand leaned forward.Tobiashesitated,hishandon themicrophone,andthensaid,“Wehearyou.Whoisthis?Over.”Thevoice thatansweredwasDrew’s.“I’m lookingforKaelynWeber.Who isthis?”Tobiasofferedthemictome.Itookit,myheartthumping.I’dbeenwaitingforthismoment since the first timewe’d spoken,but suddenly Iwasn’t surehowmuchIwantedtoknowtheanswerstoallmyquestions.“Drew,”Isaid,“I’mhere.We’vebeentryingtogetaholdofyouallweek.”“I’m sorry,” he said. “There’s almost always someone in heremonitoring theradiosatthesametimeasme.Carmen’sonacigarettebreak,butI’veprobablyonlygotafewminutes.You’renotstillinthecity,areyou?Tellmeyouleft.”I was about to ask how he knew we had been in the city at all, but then Irealized.Anikahadgone straight to theWardens, aswe’dguessed shewould.AndDrewwasrighttherewiththem.ThereweresomanyotherthingsIneededtosay,butthewordsburstout:“Whyareyouwiththesepeople,Drew?Whatthehellareyoudoing?”Forafewseconds,thespeakergavemeonlyafainthiss.ThenDrewsaid,“I’mtrying to figureoutaway tohelp.Like Icamehere todo.Youhave toget inwiththepeoplewhohavepowerifyou’regoingtomakeadifference.”He sounded almost like Anika. A sour taste rose in the back of my mouth.BeforeIcouldanswer,hestartedtalkingagain.“What about you? The people they sent after you in New Brunswick—they

foundthebodies,Kae.”“Ididn’twantthattohappen,”Isaidquietly.“Well, everyone here is gunning for you now. They’re pissed. Hell, I’m gladyou’re okay, but I don’t know what—” He cut himself off. “You didn’t saywhereyouare.Kaelyn,youleftToronto,didn’tyou?”“Wecan’tkeepcarryingthevaccinearound,”Isaid.“Wehavetofindsomeonewho’llknowhowtomakemore.”“Soyou’restillhere,”hesaid.“Kaelyn, they’reout lookingforyourightnow.You’renotgoingtofindanyoneherewhocanrecreateavaccineandwouldn’tjustturnitovertousanyway.WhenMichaelcamethrough,thefirstpeoplehewantedonboardweretheoneswithamedicalbackground,andthere’snooneelseleft.I’vebeenherealmosttwomonths;I’dknowiftherewas.”Ishookmyhead.Iwantedtoerasehiswords,butIcouldn’t.“Sowherearewesupposedtogo?”Isaid,myvoicecatching.“I don’t know,” he said. “You could try . . . Right up until most of thecommunications went down, everyone was talking about how the CDC wasworkingonthevirus,tryingtocomeupwithatreatment.Michaelthoughttheymightstillbeatit—hewasplanningonheadingdowntherebeforehegotwordaboutyouguysandthevaccine.Ithink—”Hisvoicedropped.“Carmen’sinthehall.Sorry.I’lltryagaintomorrow.”Thetransmissioncutout,leavingonlyadullhumofstatic.Ifeltasemptyasitsounded.Tobiasswitchedofftheradioandranahandoverhispalehair.“TheCDC,”hesaid.“Whatisthat?”Justinasked.Leowas theonewhoanswered. “Centers forDiseaseControl.When Iwas inNewYork,thescientiststherewereonthenewsalot.It’sinAtlanta.”Atlanta. My heart sank even farther. This must be how Gav felt when IsuggestedcontinuingontoToronto.Howmanymorehundredsofmiles?“Theyobviouslydidn’tdomuch,”Justinsaid.“Theyweretrying,”Leosaid.“And...theyhavetop-notchsecuritythere—theyhave to.They’vegot samplesofall thosedeadlydiseases:Ebola,anthrax, thatsort of thing. So maybe the center wouldn’t have gotten overrun like thehospitalshere.”“Shouldweeven trust thisguy?”Tobiasaskedme.“Imean, Iknowhe’syourbrother,butdoyouthinkhe’sright?There’snoonehere?”MygazeslidtoLeo,andhemetmyeyes,hismouthslantingdown.Isuspectedwewerebothrememberingourtalkabouthowpeoplechanged.Leohadchanged.Drewhadchanged.Maybeinsomewaysfor theworse.But

whateverLeo thought, thatdidn’tmeaneitherof themwasabadpersonnow.DrewhadriskedhislifegettingofftheislandsohecouldfindacureforMomandforme.Bothtimesontheradio,he’dbeentryingtoprotectme.“Yeah,”Isaid.“Ibelievehim.”AndIdidn’twanttoleavehim.Ifwewaited,ifwecouldtalktohimtomorrow,wouldhebewillingtocomewithus?I let out a breath. I had no idea how far it was to Atlanta, but the distancecouldn’tbemuchshorterthanwhatwe’dalreadytraveled.Atripthatcouldhavebeentwodaysandendeduptakingtwoweeks.Wehadfood,butweweregoingtohavetofindgas,andavoidMichaelandhisfollowers,andkeepthevaccinecoolasweheadedfarthersouth.AndtherewasGav.He didn’t have two weeks. He didn’t even have one. In just a few days, thehallucinationswouldcomeon,andwehadnowaytocalmhimdown,nowayofrestraininghim.ButI’dpromisedhimI’dkeeptrying.Wecouldn’taffordtowaitforDrew.“Thetruck,”Isaid.“Ifwe’regoingtoleave,we’llneedtodrive.Wecan’twalktoAtlanta.”Tobiasfrowned.“It’saboutahalfhourfromhereonfoot.Ifit’sstillthere.Iheldontothekeys,but...”But if Anika had told them about us, she’d probably told them everything.They’dhavebeenlookingforthetrucktoo.“Well,there’snopointingoingforittonight,”Isaid.“DrewsaidtheWardensarepatrolling,andthey’dbeabletoseetheheadlightsfromblocksaway.We’llbea little lessobviousdrivingbydaylight.First thingtomorrowwegoget thetruck,andifwecan’tuseit,westartlookingforsomethingwecan.”

Gav woke me up so early only the dimmest of dawn light was seepingthroughthebedroomwindow.Hesquirmedoveronthebed,wrappedhisarmsaroundme,andpulledmeclosetohim.ForaminuteIwasglad.Happytohaveafewextrawakingmomentswithhim.

Hesneezedoverhisshoulder,andthenhetuckedhischinagainstthesideofmyneck.“Youareso,sopretty,”hesaid.“Andwarm.Andsoft.It’snice.DidIevertellyouthat?”Istartedtolaugh,butthesoundcaughtinmythroat.Itdidn’tsoundlikeGav’snormalteasing.“TheonlyothergirlIwaseverwithlikethis,”hewenton,hisbreathwhisperingpastmyear,“shewassoskinny.Allbonesandangles.Notcomfortableatall.”Atwingeofjealousyhitme,wonderingexactlywhathemeantby“likethis.”In

bedtogether?Whatelsehadtheydoneinthatbed?Thentherisinghorroroverwhelmedit.“Gav,”Isaidsoftly.“Wasn’t thesameanyway,”hesaid,as if Ihadn’tspoken,andyawned.Afewshortcoughsrattledoutofhischest.“Shewascute,andIthoughtIreallylikedher,butshealwaystalkedaboutthestupidestthings,andthenitturnedoutshelikedVincebetteranyway.ThefirstdayIcametoyourhouse,youdidn’tevenwanttoletmein,andyouweresomad,butyoulistenedtomeandyousmiledandIknew.Thisisthegirl.TheoneIwant.”Iturnedinhisarmsandkissedhischeek.Helookedatme,buttherewasasortofvaguenesstohisgaze,asifbehindhiseyeshewasn’tallthere.Becausehereallywasn’t.Sometimeduring thenight, thevirushadfinallybrokendownthatpartofGavthatlethimdecidewhathe’dsayandwhathewouldn’t,whatwasrealandwhatwasjustimpulse.Ipressedmyfaceagainsthiscoatandsqueezedmyeyesshut,holdingbacktears.“Ididn’tknowthat,”Isaid.Ithadn’tevenoccurredtometothinkofGavthatway, thatearlyon.Myheadhadbeen toofullofworriesabout thevirus,withfeelingsforLeoIhadn’tmanagedtoletgoofyet.Howlonghadittakenmetoseehim?“Evenmy parents,” Gav said, “theywere never interested in listening tome.Hardly even smiled, really. And now they’re gone too. You’re not going toleave,areyou?YoukeepgoingoutandIknowyoumightnotcomebackandIhateit.Iwantyoutostaywithme,Kae.Idon’tlikebeingalone.”A sob broke out before I could clamp down on it. My jaw tightened. Iswallowed,andbreathed,thetearsslippingoutandthetasteofsaltrisinginmythroat. “Youwon’tbealone,” Imanaged to say.“I’mstayingwithyou.Don’tworry.”“It’snotreallyfairatall,”hesaid.“Thoseguys,LeoandTobiasandthem,theyget to seeyouall the time, and I’mstuck inhere, and Idon’t like thatyou’reeventhinkingaboutthem.”“I’mnot,”Isaid.“I’monlythinkingaboutyou.”“Leo,hesayshe’syourfriend,buthe’sthinking,Icanseehimthinking,allthetime.Helooksatyou...”Gavstirred,suddenlyrestless.“It’snotdoneyet.Wehaven’t found any doctors, we haven’t given them the vaccine. I should behelping,notlyingaroundhere.I—”He paused and twisted to direct a coughing fit away fromme. I grabbed thewaterbottle from the floor.When I turnedback tohim,hewas sittingup.Hedrank and coughed and drank a littlemore, and then he pulled himself to the

edgeofthebed.Hisarmstrembledwiththeeffortofholdinghimselfupright.“Wecangotogethertoday,”hesaid.“Yousaidweneedtofindacar.I’llhelpyoulook.IfollowedyouallthiswaysoIcouldhelp.Maybewe’dalreadyhavefoundoneifIhadn’tbeensolazy.”Iwipedatmycheekswithmysleeveandgrippedhisshoulder.Theheatofhisfever radiated through his shirt. “Gav,” I said firmly, “you haven’t been lazy.You needed to rest, and you still need to, okay? When—when you’ve hadenoughrestwe’llallgoouttogether.”Hehesitated,shivering,andthensankbackontotheblankets.“Probablynotgoingtofindanyoneanyway,”hemurmured.“Thosegovernmentpricks,theyallranoffonus.Nevercouldtrustthem.Iknewit.Iknewtherewasnopoint.Wecouldhavestayedwhereitwassafe.”The words gnawed at me.Was that the truth, and not what he’d said to meyesterdaywhenhe’dtoldmeheunderstoodwhywe’dhadtocomehere?Iwasprobablynevergoingtoknow.“Trytogobacktosleep,”Isaid,pickingupthenow-emptybottle.“I’llgetyousomemorewaterincaseyouneedit.Okay?I’llberightback.”He loweredhishead,his eyelidsdrooping. I easedoutofbed, swappedcoats,andslippedoutthedoor.Thefirehaddieddowntojustafewtinyflamesflickeringovertheembers,andachillhadcrept throughthelivingroom.JustinandTobiaslaysidebysideintheirsleepingbagsinfrontofthefireplace.Ipaddedaroundthemtothewindowand the extrawater bottles.As I edged back along thewall to the bedroom, Ifoundmyselfevaluatingthefurniture.Thefuton.IfGavgotsetoncomingoutoftheapartmenttohelp,wecouldholdthebedroomdoorclosedwiththefuton.It lookedheavy.Ididn’t thinkhewasstrongenoughtopushverymuchnow.AndthenI thought,Iamplanningwaystotrapmyboyfriendinsidearoomtodie.The apartment door opened andLeo stepped inside.He stoppedwhen he sawme.“Thesun’scomingup,”hesaid.“IwasgoingtowakeupTobiassohecancheckforthetruck,whereverheleftit.That’stheplan,right?”Inodded,not trustingmyself to speak.Thebottlewobbled inmyhand.Leo’sgazefelltoitandthenrosetomyfaceagain,hisbrowknitting.“Kae?” he said, and somehow hearing my name broke the last of my self-control.Idroppedtothefloor,clutchingthebottle.Myarmsfoldedovermyknees,andImashedmyfaceagainstthem.Myeyesburned,anotherwaveoftearssurgingupandspillingout,hotandfierce.Igasped,chokingdownthesobs,notwantingthe

otherstowakeupandseemelikethistoo.Leodidn’tspeak.Hejustwalkedacrossthelivingroomandkneltinfrontofme,easinghisarmsaroundme.Iresistedforasecond,andthenIlethimdrawmeinsomyheadrestedagainsthisshoulder,mytearssoakingintohiscoat.IfI’deverneededmybestfriend,itwasnow.“Ifthere’sanythingIcando,”hesaidafteraminute,hisvoicethick.“Anythingatall,Kae,tellmeandI’lldoit.”But therewas nothing he could do.Nothing he or I could do except sit therehelplessly.twenty-five

It occurred tome an hour later, as Gav dozed and I waited for Tobias toreturn, that therewasone last thingIcoulddo. IclosedmyfingersaroundtheboxofsyringesI’dbroughtfromDad’slab.Weweren’tgoingtofindadoctorintimetohelpGav,thatmuchseemedclear.ButIcouldstillgivehimsomeofmyblood,withtheantibodiesitcarried.

Ididn’t letmyself thinkanyfurther.Irolledupmysweatersleevetowashthe skin around the crook of my elbow. Then I sat down with one of thesyringes,myhandinafist,studyingmyarm.

IrememberedhowNellhadslidtheneedleinwhenshe’dbeentakingbloodforMeredith.Ithadlookedsoeasy.Butshewasadoctor—ofcourseitwasforher. Gritting my teeth, I prodded the line of a vein with the needle tip, thenpusheditin.

Therewasastabofpain,andthenadullache.Isqueezedmyhandtighter.Thethickdarkredliquidseepedintothebodyofthesyringe.Itwouldonlyholdtwenty-fivemilliliters—anormalblooddonationwasalmosttwentytimesthat.Ishouldbefine.IjustwishedIcouldgivehimmore.ButitwasgoingtobehardenoughconvincingGavtotakeoneshot.

AsIslidtheneedlefrommyarm,wincing,Gavshiftedonthebed.Quickly,IstuckoneoftheBand-aidsfromthefirstaidkitoverthepunctureandpushedmysleevebackdown.

“Hey,”Isaid,sittingonthesideofthebed.Gavblinkedatmeandsmiledinthatnewvaguewaythatmademychestclench.“You rememberhowwehelpedMeredithwhenshewas sick?” I saidquickly.“Wegavehersomeofmybloodsotheantibodieswouldhelpfightthevirus.I’mgoingtodothatforyoutoo,okay?”His smile dimmed. “No,” he said. “You’re not going to hurt yourself forme,Kae.No.”“Itdidn’thurtthatmuch,”Isaid.“AndI’vealreadydoneit.Ijustneedtogiveittoyou.”

Heshookhishead,pushinghimselfback.“Whatkindofselfishjerkwouldtakehisowngirlfriend’sblood?”hesaid.“I’mnotthatguy.I’mnot.”“No,you’renot,”Isaid.“You’reaguywhounderstandsthathisgirlfriendneedstotryanythingshecantohelphim,andthatshe’sgoingtofeelguiltyfortherestofherlifeifshedoesn’tdothis.Right?”Hisexpressionsoftened.“Guilty?”hesaid.“It’snotyourfault.It’sthisfuckingvirus,god,ofallthethingsthatcouldhavedoneusin—”“Gav,”Isaidagain,grippinghishand,“Ineedtodothis.Please.Forme.”Hemetmyeyes,andthenhisgazewaveredaway.“Please,”Isaidagain.“Youhavetotryeverything,”hesaid,soundingresigned.“Youfell inlovewithagirlwhodoesn’tgiveup,”Isaidsoftly.Thecornerofhis mouth curved up. I wondered if, in his virusaddled state, he rememberedsayingthattome.“Yeah,”hesaid,“IguessIdid.”Hesighed.“Allright.Goahead.But just thisonce,okay?Idon’twantyouhurtingyourselfagain.Ever.”“Igotit,”Isaid.HeturnedhisheadandclosedhiseyesasIgavehimtheinjection.Iwatchedmyblood flow intohis armwith a twist inmygut. It hardly seemed like enough.Andmaybedoingthetransfusionthisway,insteadofusingwhateverserumNellhadcreatedbefore,wascompletelyuseless.ButI’dtried.AtleastI’dtried.IwassofocusedonGavthatIdidn’tnoticethevoicesoutsideuntilI’dfinishedandhe’dfloppeddownonthebed.Tobiashadcomeback.WhatlittlehopeI’dhadinmedeflated.Hehadn’timmediatelyannounceditwastimetogo.Whichmeanthehadn’tfoundthetruck,notinworkingorderanyway.A fewminutes later, Leo knocked on the bedroom door. “Tobias is going onwatch,andJustinandIareheadingouttoseeifwecanfindacar,”hesaid.“Thetruckisgone.”Therewasaquestioninhisvoice—whatabouttime?Animagepassedthroughmymind: joining them, barricading the bedroom door, Gav hollering out thewindowforsomeonetolethimoutsohecouldlookforme.Ishookitaway.“I’ll go too,”Gav said, scramblingup. I grabbedhiswrist. “I’mall right,” hesaid,evenashewaveredonhisfeet.“Icanhelp.”“We’restayinghere,”Isaid,tugginghimbackontothebed.“We’lllookatthemap and figure out the best route out of the city. I’m too tired to do muchwalking,”Iadded.The last bit seemed to convince him. He leaned back against the wall andsneezed.“Atlanta, right?”he said. “Right. I alwayswanted togo toCaliforniafirst, ifIevergottotheStates.Soundedlikeacoolplace.MaybeafterAtlanta

wecoulddoCalifornia.Whynot?”“Sure,”Isaid.“I’llgetyousomebreakfasttoo.”“Ugh,”Gavsaid.“I’msosickofthatcannedcrap.Mystomach’sall...ugh.”“I’llseewhatIcanfind,”Isaid,hidingthetrembleofmyjawwithasmileasIgotup.Hewouldn’teatthesoupIbrought,orevendrinkacupoftea.Hisvoicegrewhoarserasherambledon,andinthelateafternoonhedozedoffagain,slumpedoverthepillow.IstayedwithhimuntilIwassurehewasasleep,andthenpulledtheblanketupoverhimandwentout into theapartment. Iwas in thekitchen,staringatourrowsofcansandboxesandwonderingwhatIcouldgivehimthathe’deat,whentheotherscamein.Theywere talkingquietly, but an angryundercurrent ran through their voices.Assoonastheysawme,theyfellsilent.Ibracedmyself.“What?”Isaid.“Wedidn’tfindacar,notonewecanuse,”Leosaid.“Justinthinksweshouldleavenow,anyway.”“Forgoodreason!”Justinsaid.Hiseyesdartedtowardthebedroomdoor.WhenIcrossedmyarmsovermychest,waitingforhimtocontinue,hisjawclenched.“Iknowwhattheygetlike,peoplewho’vecaughtit,”hemuttered.“He’sgoingtogocrazysoon,yellingandscreaming,isn’the?HowarewegoingtostopthisMichaelguyfromfindingusthen?”“They’restillpatrolling,”Tobiasputin.“WhenIwasonwatch,Iwentaroundtothesidealleytotakealeak,andasIwasheadingback,anSUVcamedownthestreet:black,tintedglass.TheguydrivingrolleddownhiswindowandaskedifIwas onmyown. I said yeah, acted friendly.Hedidn’t look suspicious.But iftheycomebyagainandhearsomething...”“So youwant towalk?” I said, feeling cold. Iwasn’t sureGav could, not farenoughthatitwouldmatter.“Youdon’tthinkwe’dbekindofobvious,fiveofuswanderingaroundwithsledsfullofsupplies?Evenif theydon’tdriverightbyus,we’regoingtoleaveaprettycleartrail,andit’lltakeusatleasthalfadayjusttogetoutofthecity.”“There’snotmuchsnowonthesidewalksrightnow,”Leosaid.“Wemightbeabletomakeit.IfyouthinkGav’suptoit.”“Idon’tknow,”Isaid.ButIdid.Hecouldhardlystandup.EvenifIcouldgethimtoeat,evenifIsupportedhimthewholeway...“He’sprettyweak.Anditmightnotbeeasytokeephimquiet—”“Thenmaybeweshouldn’ttakehim,”Justinsaid.Hisearsreddened.“Ialreadytoldhimthat’snothappening,”Leosaid,touchingJustin’sshoulder,butJustinshookhimoff.

“Whathappenedto‘themostimportantthingisthevaccine’?”hesaid,awhinecreepingintohisvoice.“Weknowifwe’regoingtofindsomeonewho’llmakemore of it, we have to leave, right?” Hemotioned to the bedroom. “Andweknow he’s not going to get better. People don’t get better. We’re riskingeverything,andhe—hemightaswellbedeadalready.”One second Iwas standing therewith hiswords echoing inmy head, and thenext Iwas four steps across the room,my hands raised,mymind blankwithanger.Tobiassteppedforwardandgrabbedmyarm,pullingmetoastopafewinchesfromwhereJustinstood.Justinbackedaway,lookingterrified.“Kae,”Leosaid.My arms sagged, andTobias let go. Itwas true.And thatwaswhy it hurt somuchtohearit.ButGavwasn’tdeadyet.“Wouldyousaythatifitwasyourmom?”Isaid.“Yourdad?”BeforeJustincouldanswer,therewasaraponthefrontdoor.All of us froze. Tobias slid his hand into the inner pocket of his coat andwithdrew his pistol. Had whoever was knocking heard us? Or were they justtestingeverydoor,movingonifnooneresponded?Therappingcameagain,andwithitafamiliargirlishvoice.“Openup,already.It’sAnika.”Crap.Tobiaseasedcloser,andIlookedaroundforapotentialweapon.“I’mnot leaving,”Anikasaid.“You’regoing tohave to talk tomeeventually.AndIbroughtstuffyou’dprobablyliketohavesoonerratherthanlater.”Shedidn’tsoundlikeshewasbluffing—sheknewwewerehere.Ipickedupthesharperlookingofthetwocarvingknivesinthekitchenandsteppedtowardthedoor.“Whoelseiswithyou?”Iasked.“It’sjustme,”shesaid.“IsawTobiasoutsideearlier.”“Yousawmewhen?”Tobiassaid,andIrealizedtheimplications.Hehadonlygone out those fewminutes to relieve himself.What were the chances she’dhappenedtocomebyattheexactsametimeastheSUV?“Iwasinthecar,”Anikasaid,soundingfrustrated.“Intheback.IwassupposedtotellthemifIrecognizedanyoneorsawanythingthatmademethinkIknewwhereyou’dgone.ButIdidn’t,right?Yousawhimglanceatthebackseatafteryou answeredhis questions?Hewas checkingwithme, but I shookmyhead.That’swhyhekeptdriving.”Tobiaspaused,andsomethinginhisfacerelaxed.Itreadedpasthimtothedoorand peered through the peephole. All I could see was Anika’s hooded figuredirectly infrontofme,but therecouldhavebeenothersby thewall. Ipressed

myear to thegapbetween thedoor and its frame.Therewas a faint rustle offabricassheshiftedherweight,nothingelse.“So why didn’t you tell the guy?” I asked. “You told them everything else,didn’tyou?”“Youjustdon’tgetit,”Anikasaid.“Acoupleweeksagotherewasakid—akid—triedtoholdmeupforwhateverfoodIhad,withashotgunhegotwhoknowswhere.Idon’thaveanyfeelingleftinthefingertipsofmylefthand,’causeIwasstupid and fell asleep without mitts over my gloves one night, and it’s sogoddamn cold. And every time I go outside there are people coughing andsneezingandscreaming,andIknowthatcouldbemenext.IknewifIcouldgetingoodwiththeWardens,thenI’dbeokay.Ijustwantedtobeokayagain.”Hervoicefadedout.“Sowhydidn’tyoutellthemaboutTobias?”Leosaid.“It wasn’t okay,” she said softly. “Whenwe got to the condo and saw you’dtakenoff,oneof theguyssaidIshouldhavecometo themsooner.Heshovedmeintothewall—myshoulderstillhurtswhenImoveit.Andthentheymademegoaroundwiththemlookingforyouallnight,andthenextday,andtoday.Theyonlyletmesleepafewhoursatmyplacelastnightbeforetheycamebytogetmeagain.”“We feel so sorry for you,” Justin said, with blatant sarcasm. Anikawent onwithout acknowledging him. “I started thinking, I’m not really any saferwiththem than Iwaswith you.You’ve got guns, you’ve got food, you’ve got thevaccine.Andyou letme inwithout expectingme to paymyway.Youdidn’thurtmeevenwhenItriedtoscrewyouover.”Shepaused.“I’msorryaboutthespray.”Justinsnorted.“Wealsohaveawholebunchofpeoplewhowanttohurtusonourtails,”Isaid.“We’renotexactlysafe.”“Yeah,”Anikasaid,“butifMichaelgetsthevaccine,Idon’tknowifI’llevergettouseit.Youwanteveryonetohaveit.Idon’twanttobescaredofgettingsickanymore.”“You’renotgettinganyvaccineuntilwefindsomeonewhocanmakemore,”Isaid.“Idon’tknowhowlongthat’sgoingtotake.”“That’sokay,”Anikasaid.“It’sbetterthannever.”It might be never, I thought, but I didn’t say it. I didn’t trust her. I couldn’timagine letting the cold box out of my sight while she was around. But shesoundedlikeshebelievedwhatshewassaying.She believed in our way of doing things over Michael and his people. Shebelievedinme.

Tobiaswavered.Hehadn’tputawayhisgun,buthisexpressionwastorn.Justinshookhis head.Leo just looked back atme, evenly, as if he trustedwhateverdecisionImadewouldberight.Maybeshecouldhelpus.Maybeshe’dscrewusoveragain.Therewasnowaytoknow.Buttheywereallwaitingforme.Ihadtodecide.Shecould telluswhen theWardensmightpatrolnext,what theirhabitswere,helpus figureouta route through thecitysowecouldavoid them.Shemightevenknowwheretofindacar.Iremembered,suddenly,themomentwhenwe’dstoodintheharboracrossthestrait from the island,with Tobias and his truck.We hadn’t trustedhim then,either.He’dbeenpartytoacatastrophefarworsethananythingAnikahaddone.Butwithouthim,wewouldn’thavemadeitanywherenearToronto.Wemightallbedeadnow.Ireachedoutand,ignoringJustin’ssqueakofprotest,openedthedoor.Noonerushed at uswith guns raised. Therewas onlyAnika, standingwith her armswrappedaroundabundleofwhatlookedlikelittlebottles,herfacepalebeneathherdarkhood.“Thankyou,”shesaid,holdingoutthebundle.“Ibroughtthisforyou.Iknowitdoesn’tmakeupforwhatIdid,butIthoughtIshouldatleasttry.It’smedicine.Foryourboyfriend,Kaelyn.”LeoeyedthepackageasItookitfromher.“Medicinefromwhere?”“Aveterinaryclinic,”shesaid.“Idon’tthinkmanypeoplehavetriedthat.Thefirst one I went into was still totally stocked. My grandfather was a vet—Ilookedthroughoneofhisoldreferencebooks.There’snothingthatseemedsafethat’ssupposedtokillavirus,butIfoundsedatives.Ifthey’llcalmdownacatoradog,theyshouldworkonapersonifyougivehimenough.”An animal sedative. I should have thought of that. If we could be sure Gavwouldstaycalmandquiet,hemightnotbeabletowalk,buthe’dbeperfectlysafeinavehicle.Ifwecouldgetavehicle.Anikalookedatmehopefully,andIwasstruckbytheknowledgethat,underherlayersofmakeup,shewasonlyayearor twoolder thanme.In the liveswe’dlost,wewouldbothhavebeenhangingoutincafeteriaswithfriendsandarguingwithparentswhowerestillaliveandnotworryingaboutwhetherwemightdietomorrow.Butthiswaswhatwehad.“Thank you,” I said. “There is something else you could do. Something thatwouldmakeupforeverything.Doyouknowhowtogetusacar?”A slow smile spread across her lips. “Yeah,” she said, her eyes brightening.“YoubetIcandothat.”

twenty-sixAnikasaidshe’dbringthecar“sometime”thenextday.Bythelatemorning,

wewere all on edge. Justin started barking about her being latewhenTobiascameupfromhisturnatwatch.Hearinghim,Ileftthebedroomtosettlethingsdown.

“We want her to be careful,” I reminded Justin. “If she’s not, we’re allscrewed.”“She’llcome,”Tobiassaid.“You justwant her herebecauseyou think she’s hot,” Justin said, andTobiasblushed.Hewasstandingstrangely,hishandsinhispockets,hisshouldersstiff.“Ifyou’resoworried,”IsaidtoJustin,“whyaren’tyoudowntherekeepinganeyeoutforus?It’syourwatch.”Andthenheflushedtoo.He hurried out the door, and I was about to turn back to the bedroomwhenTobiassaid,“Kaelyn,canItalktoyouforasec?”WhenIsaid,“Sure,”heturnedandstalkedintothesecondbedroom.“What’sgoingon?”Iasked,followinghim.“Iwantyouto tellme,honest togod,whatyouthink,”Tobiassaid.Helethishandsfallfromhispocketstohover,clenched,athissides.“WhenIwasdownthereonwatch,Istarted...There’sthisspot...”Hiscontrolbroke.Hisrighthandleapttothebackofhisneck,andheclosedhiseyesashescratchedatthepatchofskinthatmusthavebeendrivinghimcrazy.Myheartdropped.“Tobias,”Isaid,andthenIdidn’tknowwhatelsetosay.He forced his hand down again, grimacing. “It’s been naggingme formaybehalfanhournow.”Hismouthtwitched.“Doyouthink—HaveIgotit?”“We’vebeensocareful,”Isaid.“Youhaven’tbeenanywherenearGav.”ThenIstopped.Becausehehadbeen.Attheverybeginning,inthecar.Gavhadsneezed and coughed after we’d left city hall, before he’d gotten out, withnothingshieldinghisface.“Leowastheretoo,”Isaid.Hewaslookingperfectlyhealthy,andnotatalllikehewashidingsomesecretitch.“Leo’sfine.Itcouldstillbenothing.”“Leo’shadthevaccine,”Tobiassaid.“Wedon’tevenknow—”Istarted,andcutmyselfoff. IfTobiaswassickandLeowasn’t,thenmaybewedidknow.Aswellasweeverwould,withoutmasstesting.Tobiasswallowedaudibly,andguiltwelledupinsideme.Hewasterrified,andIwasthinkingofhimasatestsubject.“MaybeIshouldstayback,”hesaid.“I’mputtingyouallatrisk....”“Don’tberidiculous,”Isaid.“Gav’scoming,andweknowhe’ssick.Just. . . .

justmake sureyoukeepyour scarf tightoveryourmouthandnose thewholetimewe’reinthecar.Andifthatspot’sstillbotheringyou,putsomesnowonit—thecoldmighthelp.”“Are you sure?” he said. “Imean, I’d get it—Gav’s your boyfriend, and I’mnobody.”“Tobias,” I said firmly, “we are not leaving anyone behind.We came this fartogether,andwe’llkeepgoingtogether.Okay?”Hiseyes flickeredwithwhat looked like relief. “Okay,”he said, and loosenedhisscarftopullitupoverhisnose.LeoglancedupasIcamebackdownthehall.Itriedtostudyhimsurreptitiously,pausingforasecondoutsideGav’sroom.Helookedalittletense,buthishandslayeasyandopenonhis legswherehesatby thewindow,andhisexpressionseemedunguarded.“Everythingallright?”heaskedme.“Ithinkso,”Isaid,andthen,beforeIcouldstopmyself,“You’vebeenfeelingokay,right?”The momentarily puzzled look he gave me dissolved all my fears. Thenunderstanding dawned in his expression. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m fine. Noworries.”Ashiverofexcitement raced throughme,asawfulas I felt forTobias.For solong,wehadn’tknown.Ihadn’tknownifallthedangerwe’dfacedbringingthevaccinefromtheislandwasworthit.ButmaybeI’djustgottenmyproof.“Areweleavingyet?”GavaskedwhenIcamebackintothebedroom.Hewassittingup,proppedagainst thewall,buthisfacewaswashedout,andeventhesneezeheletoutwasweak.Hewasstillrefusingtoeat.Icouldn’tseethatmyattemptedbloodtransfusionhadaffectedhimatall.Thebriefexcitementdrainedoutofme.“Thecar’snothereyet,”Isaid.Herubbedabsentlyathisknee.“Areyoureallysureweshouldgo?Idon’tlikethis placemuch, it smells and it’s cold, but it’s better thanwandering around,isn’tit?Unlesswegobacktotheisland.”“We’vetalkedaboutthat,”Isaid,sittingnexttohim.“It’snotsafetogobacktotheisland.Andwestillhavetotakecareofthevaccine.”“WeweregoingtotakeittoOttawaandthatdidn’twork,andwewerebringingithereandthatdidn’tworkeither,”hesaid.“It’sjustgoingtobethesamethinginAtlanta,isn’tit?Andwe’regoingtobeevenfartherfromhome.”Wedon’thaveahomeanymore, Iwanted tosay.Theworld thathadbeenourhome was gone. But I didn’t think this virus-afflicted version of Gav wouldunderstand.

“You’reright,”Isaid.“Ourotherplansdidn’twork.ButIthink—IreallythinkAtlantacouldbetherightplace.Wehavetotry.”Ibrushedmyfingersoverhischeek.Hisskinwasburningup.“I don’twant to go anywhere,” he said. “I’m tired.You draggedme this far,Kaelyn, but don’t you think it’s enough?This is crazy. The vaccine probablydoesn’tevenwork.There’snodoctorstohelpus.Theyalltookoff.Weshouldtoo.Weshouldgohome.Wewerehappythere.Iwas,anyway.”Myeyesgothot.“Iwastoo,”Isaid.Heturnedaway,coughing.Hiswholebodyshook.Irestedmypalmonhisback,wishingIcouldsendhimstrengththroughmytouch.Footstepsclompedpastthedoor.“Iheardsomething!”Tobiassaid.Gavstraightenedupandshiftedhisweightontome.Hecrossedhisarmsbehindmy neck, pulling me close. “We could let them go, and we could stay,” hemurmured.“Itdoesn’thavetobeyou.Theycantakethevaccine.Thenit’djustbethetwoofus,likeitwassupposedtobe.Youtoldme,before—yousaid—”Thefrontdoorburstopen.“She’shere!”Justincalled.“Let’smove!”Gavnuzzledhisnoseagainstmine,andanachespreadthroughmychest.Icoulddoit. Iknew, in thatmoment, Icould.Icould tell theguys to takethecoldboxwhileIstayedherewithwhatwasleftofGavuntiltheend,thewayhewanted.I let the ideahover inmymind formaybehalf a second,and then Ipushed itaway.WhatGavhad said about thevaccine, itwasn’t true. I knewaswell as I everwouldthatitprobablydidwork.AndwhatI’dsaidtoJustinthatfirstdayinthecity, that was true too. It was Dad’s vaccine. It was my mission. Myresponsibility tosee it through.LeoandTobiasandJustin, theywerecountingonmetoknowwhattodo,tokeepthemgoing.JustlikeGavhadbeencountingonmetokeepgoing,beforehe’dgottenthissick.“We’vegot to leave,Gav,”Isaid, takinghishandandintertwiningmyfingerswithhis.“No,”hesaidasIstoodup.Hesattherelookingupatmelikeapetulantkid.Mystomachknotted,buttherewasn’ttimeforthis.Ihadtomakehimcome,now.Evenifthatmeantbeingcruel.I let goofhis hand. “I have to,” I said. “Iwant you to comewithme. If youwon’t,I’llhavetogowithoutyou.You’llbehereonyourown.”If he’d called my bluff, I’m not sure how far I would have taken it. To theapartmentdoor? Into thehall?At somepoint Iwouldhave turnedaroundandcome back. But he didn’t make me. Panic flashed across his face, and hescrambledtohisfeet,swaying.Iadjustedhisscarftocoverhislowerface,and

wrappedthesecondoneI’dbroughtoverittwicetoo,sotherewerefourlayersoffabricbetweenhisbreathandtheair.ThenIslungmybagovermyshoulderandgrabbedthecoldbox.Leoopenedthebedroomdoor.“Youokay?”hesaid.“JustinandTobiashavebroughteverythingdown.We’rereadytogo.”“Ineedtositdown,”Gavsaid,hisvoicemuffledbythescarves.Ipulledhisarmovermyshoulderandwalkedhimintothelivingroom.“Comequickly,”Isaid.“Youcansitinthecar.”“Sobossytoday,”Gavmuttered,andIsawLeobitebackasmile.“Here,”hesaid, takingGav’sotherarm.“Youcanleanonmetooifyouneedto.”Wemadeitdownthestairsinfitsandstarts,stoppingsoGavcouldrestagainstthewallandbreatheateverylanding.Bythetimewereachedthefirstfloor,hewascoughingalittlewitheverystep.Outside, a few flakes of snowwere drifting past the lobby doors. Tobiaswasstandingonthesidewalk,besideablackSUVwithtintedwindows.“Well, what did you think I was going to get?” Anika was saying from thedriver’sside.“Iknewwheretofindthekeysforthisone.They’llallthinkoneofthe otherWardens took it out. If you get in already, we’ll be out of the citybeforetheyrealizeanything’swrong.”Tobiasstartedtoargue,butIcuthimoffbeforehecouldfinishthefirstword.“It’sfine,”Isaid.“Thisiswhatwehave—toolatetochangeitnow.”Ididn’tevenfeelsurprised.ItmadesensethatshewouldhavestolenfromtheWardens togetwhatweneeded, just likeshe’donce tried tosteal fromus forthem.Astheotherstossedoursuppliesintotheback,IsatGavdownontheedgeofthe backseat and pulled out the bottle of water I’d dissolved four of Anika’ssedativesinto.I’dstirredinsomepowderedorangedrinkmixwe’dfound,totrytohidethetaste.Gaveyeditsuspiciously.“It’llhelpthecoughing,”Isaid.“Yourthroat’sgottobeprettysore.”Hisnosewrinkled,butheshiftedhisscarvesandtookit.“Drinkasmuchasyoucan,”Isaid.Hegulpeddownseveralmouthfulsbeforestoppingwithagasp.“Ugh,”hesaid.“That’sawful.”“Yeah,well,medicinedoesn’tnormally tastegood,” I said.“Let’sget in.Youcanhavethewindowseat.”Ihelpedhimshuffleacrosstotheoppositesideofthecar.Thehatchbangedshutbehindus.JustinandTobiassquishedinafterme,Leoscramblingintothefrontwiththemapbook.Itwasatightfit.Gavendeduphalfwayonmylap.Hetipped

his head against the back of the seat, shuddering. A seatbelt receptacle wasdiggingintomybutt,butallIcaredaboutwasgettingoutofthere.“Okay!”Isaid.“We’reallin.”Weeaseddown the street amid the snow.Tobias twisted around, peering firstoutthesidewindow,thentheback.Hishandsstayedtightinhispockets.TherewasadarksplotchonthebackofhisscarfthatIguessedwasfrommeltingice.We passed stores, banks, a church with shattered windows. Gav squirmedagainstme.Hiseyelidsweredrooping.“Ifeelweird,”hesaid,andthensomethingelseIcouldn’tmakeout.Itookhishandinmine.Anikaslowedasweedgedaroundastreetcarstalledin themiddleof theroad,and my teeth gritted with impatience. As she pressed the gas again, Tobiasstiffened.“Acar justcamearoundthecornerafewblocksback,”hesaid.“Headingthisway.”“It’sprobablynothingtodowithus, justsomeotherWardenbusiness,”Anikasaid. “As long as theydon’t seewho’s driving,we’regood.Here,wehave toturnnow,they’llgorightby.”TheSUVslidalittleonthesnowasshetooktheleft,butshemanagedtoholditsteady. Justin and I craned our necks toward the backwindow. Iwatched theroad behind us,waiting for the other car to pass by.All I could hearwas thegrowlofourengineandGav’sraggedbreath.Anavybluetruckcruisedintoview.Insteadofpassing,itturnedontothestreetafterus.Myheartskippedabeat.“They’refollowingus,”Tobiassaid.“Fuck!”Justinsaid.“We’rescrewed.”“No,” I said, over the thudding ofmy pulse. “We’re not screwed unless theycatchus.Wejustwon’tletthemdothat.”“Howthehellarewegoingtostopthem?”Justindemanded.TheengineroaredasAnikaputherfoottothegas.Shetookanotherturnatfullspeed, skidding, and nearly plowed into a streetlamp. Gav’s head bumpedagainstmine.Hecoughedfaintlyandmumbled,buthiseyesweredriftingshut.“Idon’tknowhowtheyfigureditout,”Anikasaid.“Iswear,Iwassocareful.”“It doesn’t matter,” Tobias said. “Maybewe can outrun them. I think there’sonlytheonevehiclechasingus.”“Iftheyhavearadio,they’llbetellingtheothers,”Leosaid.Ipeeredoutbackagain.Thetruckhadcomearoundthecornerbehindus,onlyacouple of blocks away now. I could make out two figures through thewindshield. The one on the passenger side leaned out hiswindow, pointing a

narrowshapeatus.“They’vegotagun!”Isaid.Ashotranout,painfullyloud,withametallicdingas it hit the back of the SUV. Anika yelped. The four of us in the backseatduckeddown,meslidingmyarmacrossGav’sbacktokeephimstill.“They’regoingtokillus!”Justinsaid.They could. Another shot crackled past us, puncturing a stop sign we werewhizzingby.Theycouldn’taimwell,notwhiledriving,butwhentheygotcloserthey’dstarthittingtheirmark.Idoubtedtheycaredaboutkeepingusalive.“Whatshould Ido?”Anikaasked,hervoicesqueaking.“What thehellarewedoing?”Ididn’tknow.Thetruck’senginegunnedbehindus,anditoccurredtomethatthiswasgoingtocomedowntousdying,orthem.Thequestionwasonlywhichofusit’dbe.AndIknewIdidn’twantittobeus.Ijustcouldn’tseehowtosaveus.Aswetookanotherwobblyturn,IhuggedGavclose,andremembered.Afewdays ago we’d evaded one of theWardens’ cars by playing dead. Dead as apossum.Deadasasnakethatwasn’treallydead.Mybreathcaught.Tobiashadputtherifleinthetrunk,butIwassurehehadhispistol.Hewouldn’tbeabletoaimanybetterthantheguysinthetruckwhileweweremoving.Butwecouldstop,pretendingtobegivingup,andthen,astheycamecloser,strikewhentheydidn’texpectit.Icouldtellhimrightnowtogundowntwostrangerswho,intheend,werejusttryingtosurvive.Likewewere.I’d toldAnikaweweren’t likeMichael’s people, butmaybe thereweren’t somanydifferences,whenitcamedowntoit.Abulletscrapedovertheroof,andIwinced.I thoughtofathumbrubbingthescaronthebackofahand.Andsomethinginmybrainclicked.Noteverybitehastokill.“Tobias,”Isaid,“ifwestopped,they’dstoptoo,andgetout.Doyouthinkyoucouldshootbothofthem,beforethey’dhaveachancetoreact?”“Stop?”Anikasaid,butTobiaswasnodding,hisjawtense.“Icoulddoit,”hesaid.Icaughthiseyes.“Nottokillthem,”Isaid.“Just...Justsotheycan’tshootus,orkeepcomingafterus.Canyoudothat?”“What?”Justinsquawked.“But—”Ielbowedhimbeforehecouldgoon.Tobiashesitated,staringbackatme.Thenahintofasmilelitinhiseyes.“Yeah,”hesaid.“IbetIcoulddothattoo.”Hetippedhisheadtowardthefront.“Stopthecar.”

“Forreal?”Anikasaid.“Stopthecar,Anika,”Isaid,andshehitthebrake.Weslidtoahalt,bumpingagainstthesnow-coveredcurb.Tentatively,Iraisedmyhead.Theflakeswerefallingthickernow,butIcouldstilleasilymakeoutthetruckbehindus.IhopedTobiascouldseeclearlyenoughforwhatheneededtodo.Herolleddownhiswindow,thecoldairrushingin.Thebluetruckgroundtoastopabouttwentyfeetback.Tobiasshifted,leaningclosertothedoor.“Keeptheenginerunning,”hesaid,drawingouthispistol.“YouhavetodriveassoonasIsayso.”Heeasedhisarmalongtheedgeoftheopenwindow.Outside,thetwomenhadgottenoutof the truck.Onestill carried thehandgunhe’dshotatuswith,buttheywerebothgrinning.They thought we’d stopped because they’d scared us. They probably alsothoughtifwewantedtofightback,wewouldhavebynow.Thatwasthemostimportant part, if theywere going to let their guards down so Tobias got hischance.Theyhadtothinkwewerehelpless.“Pleasedon’thurtus!”Iyelledoutthewindow.“Justtelluswhatyouwant,andyoucanhaveit.”“Allright,”theonewho’dbeendrivingsaid.Theysaunteredcloser,scanningthecar.“Let’shaveyouallcomeout,andwe’lltalkaboutthisproperly.”ThelastsyllablehadhardlyreachedmyearswhenTobiasthrewhimselfpartwayoutthewindowandfired.Themanwiththegunjerkedback,hisarmgoinglimp.Thegundroppedfromhis hand as he clutched at his shoulder.Before the driver could domore thanflinch, Tobias’s pistol crackled again. The driver stumbled, blood bloomingacrossthekneeofhisjeans.“Drive!”Tobiassaid,yankinghimselfbackinside.“Drive,fast!”Anikadidn’tneedtobetoldasecondtime.HerfootslammedonthegasandtheSUV lurched forward. I gazed out the back aswe raced down the street. Thedriverfumbledforthepistol,dragginghisinjuredleg,buthehadn’treachedthegunbythetimewewhippedaroundanotherturnandleftthembehind.“Theywon’tbeable to followus like that,”Tobiassaid.“And ifwe’re lucky,anyonetheycalledisagoodwaysoff.”Thesoundoftheshotsechoedinmyears.I’dthoughtitwouldn’tmatternearlyasmuch,knowingwe’dleftthemalive,butmyheartwasstillpounding,nauseacurdlinginmystomach.IdidthebestIcould,Itoldmyself.“Thanks,” I said to Tobias, and the scarf around his face shifted with what

lookedlikeagrin.The SUV thumped over a crumpled cardboard box, and we pulled onto thefreeway. The snowflakes fell faster, coating thewindshield a second after thewipersbrushedthemaway.Fillingourtracks.“Icanhardlysee,”Anikasaid.“Youdon’tneedto,”Leopointedout.“There’snotraffic.Justkeepgoing.”IheldGav’ssleepingformagainstme,andthankedMotherNatureforworkinginourfavor,justthisonce.AsmallcoughbrokefromTobias’slips.Hecovereditupbyclearinghisthroat,buthisfacewentwhite.IglancedatLeointhefrontseat.Hestillhadn’tshownasinglesymptom.“Sowe’reheadingtoAtlanta?”Justinsaid.I sagged back, taking stock.We were all alive. Leo could still dance. Justinmight still rejoinhismother eventually, andmeMeredith.SomedaywemightevenseeNellandeveryoneelseontheislandagain.MaybeIhadn’tfoundwhatI’dhopedfor,maybetheworldwashorriblymessedupandwouldneveragainbehowitusedtobe.Butthepeopleinitwerestillworthfightingfor.Wehadn’tlosteverything.“Well,wecan’tgobacknow,canwe?”Isaid.Leometmygaze in therearviewmirror.“No,”hesaid,as ifheknewImeantmorethanjustthecity.“Idon’tthinkwecan.”“Allright,”Isaid.“Thenwegoforward.”

AcknowledgementsIowemanythanks:

To Cyn Balog, Amanda Coppedge, SaundraMitchell,Mahtab Narsimhan,and Robin Prehn, for their insightful eyes in pointing out what I was doingwrongintheearlydrafts,andjustasimportantly,whereIwentright.

Tomyeditor,CatherineOnder, forher thoughtful guidance in shaping thelaterdraftsintoastoryI’mproudtosharewiththeworld.

ToDeborahBass,AnnDye,TanyaRoss-Hughes,DinaSherman,HayleyR.Wagreich,andtherestoftheteamatHyperion,fortheirskillinturningsimpledocumentsintobeautifulbooks,andingettingthosebooksoutintothehandsofreaders.

ToMelanie Storoschuk and the rest of Hachette BookGroup Canada, fortheir perseverance in helping the book reach its audience here in my homecountry.

Tomyagent,JoshAdams,forhisincrediblededicationtoseeingthisseriesgrowandkeepingtrackofalltheimportantdetailsI’dforget.

ToJacquelineHoutman,forgenerouslyofferinghertimeandknowledgesoIcouldverifymyscienceatleastmostlymadesense.To the readersofTheWayWeFall, for sharing theirenthusiasmfor thebookandmakingmeevenmorepleasedtobeabletopresentthenextpartofthestory.Tomyfamilyandfriends,fortheirloveandsupportovertheyears.AndtomyhusbandChris,forstandingbymethroughbothgoodtimesandbad,andneverlettingmelosesightofwhyI’monthisjourney.