ListeningListening““No one cares to speak to an unwilling No one cares to speak to an unwilling

listener. An arrow never lodges in a stone: listener. An arrow never lodges in a stone: often it recoils upon the sender of it.” often it recoils upon the sender of it.”

Listening and Hearing

• What is the difference between listening and hearing?

• How do you know if someone is listening to you?

• When the listener mirrors back the thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing.– “Are you saying …”– “You seem …”

• If the listener is wrong then the speaker can restate in a different way.

Reflective Listening

Listening Blocks• I must defend my position.• I’m looking for an entrance

into the conversation.• I don’t have time to listen to

you.• I already know what you have

to say.• I know what you should do.

Active Listening• Ask questions, not with yes, no or

one word answers (open ended).• Use appropriate eye contact.• Nod if understand or ask for

clarification.• Don’t cross arms or legs or lean

back.• Lean slightly forward.• Facial expressions and tone of

voice.• Be honest and sincere.

Active Listening

• Open-ended questions– Closed: Are you feeling bad today?– Open: How are you feeling today?

• Reflection (paraphrasing)– What is reflection?

Practice• Pair up – one speaker, one listener• Interview partner for 4 min.• Interviewers job is to encourage partner to

share information and feelings by using non-verbal signals and active listening.

• Interviewer needs to find out where person was born, favorite subject in school, have they ever cheated on a test, and feelings about marriage.

• Switch roles.• New interviewer needs to find out how

manysiblings they have, hobby, have they everstolen anything, and philosophy on dating.

Evaluation• Each person report the results of their

interview.• Evaluate your listening skills.

– Were you distracted while listening?– Did you feel heard by your partner?– How did you feel in each role?– Do you feel like you know your partner

better after this activity?

• Was there anything you noticed during this activity that made you feel your partner was or wasn’t listening to you?