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SIZE 12 WEDDING DRESS/GOWN NO RESERVESURE IS A BEAUTY! CHEAP! USED ONLY ONCE!

I tem number: 4146756343

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Bidding has ended for this item (absolutsth is the winner)

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Winning bid: US $3,850.00

Ended: Apr-28-04 15:37:01 PDT

Start t ime: Apr-23-04 15:37:01 PDT

History: 113 bids (US $1.00start ing bid)

Winning bidder: absolutsth ( 80 )

Item location: Seatt le, waUnited States /Seatt le-Tacoma

Ships to: United States only

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horseplaypublishing ( 30 )

Feedback Score: 30Positive Feedback: 100%Member since Nov-24-00 in UnitedStates

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Description (revised)I tem Specif ics - Wedding Dresses

Sleeve Length: Sleeveless, Tank Color: WhiteSize: Large (10-12) New With Tags: --

For Sale: One SlightlyUsed Size 12 WeddingGown. Only worn twice:Once at the weddingand once for thesepictures.

Make: Victoria

Style: 611

Size: 12

Divorce forces sale

I found my ex-wife's wedding dressin the attic when I moved. She tookthe $4000 engagement ring but leftthe dress. I was actually going tohave a dress burning party when thedivorce became final, but my sistertalked me out of it. She said, "That’ssuch a gorgeous dress. Some luckygirl would be glad to have it. Youshould sell it on EBay. At least getsomething back for it." So, this iswhat I’m doing. I’m selling it hopingto get enough money for maybe acouple of Mariners tickets and somebeer. This dress cost me $1200 thatmy drunken sot of an ex-father-in-law swore up and down he wouldpay for but didn’t so I got stuck withthe bill. Luckily I only got stuck withhis daughter for 5 years. Thank theLord we didn't have kids. If theywould have turned out like her or herfamily I would have slit my wrists.Anyway, it’s a really nice dress asyou can see in the pictures. Personally, I think it looks like a$1200 shower curtain, but what do Iknow about this. We tried takingpictures of this lovely white garmentbut it didn’t look right on the hangeras you can see, so my sister says,"You need a model." Well, quitefrankly my sister isn’t exactly small,(like a size 12 is?) so she wouldn’tpose for the picture. Seeing as Ihave sworn off women for the timebeing and I ain’t friends with any, itleft me holding the bag. I took theliberty of blacking out my face - notto protect the ex-wife but to protectme from my bar buddies and co-workers finding out about it. I wouldnever live it down. Actually I didn’tthink my head would fit in the neckhole, but then I figured she got herTexas cheerleader hair through thereI could get my head in it. Though,after looking at the pictures, Ithought it made me look fat. How doyou women wear this crap? I onlyhad to walk 3 feet and I tripped

twice. Don’t worry ladies - I amwearing clothes on underneath it. Igotta say it did make me feel verypretty. So if it can make me feelpretty, it can make you feel pretty,especially on the most important dayof your life, right? Anyway, I wastold to say it has a train and a veiland all kinds of shiny beady things. Ithink it's funny that one picturemakes it look like the chest plate offan Imperial Storm Trooper. Did Imention that all I want is a ball gameand beer? Cheap at twice theprice. Ladies, you won’t regret this. You may regret the dude you marrybut not the dress.

Just a little side note - As I wasputting this ad in EBay, it asked mefor a color. Is a wedding dress anyother freaking color than white orivory??!! If it is it wouldn't be awedding dress, now would it?? Isuppose black would work...

On Apr-26-04 at 10:38:31 PDT, selleradded the following information:

Well, the auction is a littleover half over and I am justamazed. This thing has takenmore hits than that potheadthat lives in the next building. Man, oh man, if hits werebucks I’d be getting a suite atSafeco.

I also have received TONS ofemail. I don’t have the time toreply to all of them but I justwant to let everyone knowthat I appreciate the wellwishes.

Of the email I received:

Five or so were invitations toball games in other states. Two of those were for littleleague games. Do they havethose cushy executive boxeswith the free chicken wings at

those?

One email was fromScotland. It’s a good thing hewrote it because I wouldn’t beable to understand a word hesaid. Never did get throughBraveheart.

Most were thanking me for thelaugh. You’re entirelywelcome. Five years ofmisery was well worth thehearty guffaw that was mypleasure to give you.

Oh, yeah. I also got threemarriage proposals. Yes, youread it right - three marriageproposals. I feel like one ofthose mass murderers ondeath row. I neverunderstood how the hell theygot more chicks than I did. Now I know. They sold crapon eBay.

On Apr-26-04 at 23:45:56 PDT, selleradded the following information:

Holy Moly!

The hit counter is starting tolook like the odometer in mytruck! Not the new shiny blackfull-size 4-wheel-driveAmerican pick-up that I had topart with, but the somewhatolder, multicolored, lumpy,tiny, 2-wheel-drive foreignpick-up that belches smoke. Alittle something about thatvehicle, though: it’s absolutelyamazing! When I get inside itto go to the store, I am alldepressed. But when I arriveat the store, I’m so freakingloopy from inhaling the fumes,

I forget why I went there inthe first place. I’m savingbuckets of money. Of course,I will probably have to spend itall on the tuberculosis I willacquire, but hey, you can’thave everything.

I felt compelled to update thisad once more due to all ofyour emails. The first thing Ihave to say is thank you allfor your support in my time ofneed. It was a truly harrowingexperience. Some of you menknow exactly what I mean.

Seeing as this has turned intomy little public forum, I justwant to address a few of theemails that kind of left mescratching my head.

I now have five marriageproposals. You would thinkmy speaking of the ones Ialready got yesterday wouldhave put a damper on it, butyou women sure arepersistent. One womanactually said she doesn’t wantto marry me, but wouldn’tmind being my ex-wife.Hmmm. Let me think aboutthat. Nope. No thanks, alreadygot one. (Pssst. Didn’t Imention I had one? Whowants an ex-wife that can’tread? Now, I know what youguys are thinking - "If shecan’t read, then the divorcewould be smooth sailing."Well, that would be all welland good but I didn’t say herATTORNEY couldn’t read.You following me on this?)

Other emails are serious

buyers asking about thedress. "How long is the train?"and "Does the gown comewith the headdress and veil?"Yes, headdress and veil areincluded, but the do-rag stayswith me. And if the train waslong enough for my ex’scaboose, it’s long enough foryours. You will have to supplyyour own baggage, though. Igave mine to Goodwill.

There was this one womanwho wrote, "You should havecovered your tattoos. Peoplewill be able to recognize you,like on America’s MostWanted." HELLO!!! I’m a guyselling a dress. I’m not wantedfor war crimes.

Some of your emails mademe laugh. Like the bitterwoman that wished she hadher ex’s testicles to sell oneBay. I’m not too sure there’sa market for that, though.Then there was the guy thatgave his wife’s wedding dressto the Salvation Army bymistake, thinking it was aChristmas tree. Guess hedidn’t have any Christmasballs that year.

This has also been a learningexperience for me. I got a lotof messages correcting meabout the color of weddingdresses. For RussianOrthodox, they are blue. ForChinese they are red. Mexicohas multi-colored ones. All Iknow is, for my next wedding Iwill be wearing a hairy, flesh-toned ensemble because I will

be buck naked with a toe taglying on a slab in the morguebecause I would have killedmyself.

A lot of folks were asking meif I wear women’s dresses alot. I can honestly say that thisis the first time I have everdonned female attire. It’s alsothe first time I’ve been insidesomething feminine that didn’tnag me to take out thegarbage.

It seems a few people havetaken offense to my inferring asize 12 is big. One male evenpointed out that MarilynMonroe was a size 14. Now, Iwould agree with you that size12/14 is small if I livedelsewhere. But I live right herein the good old 48Contiguous, where bingingand purging is a way of life.American women do not wantto be double digits in size.Just ask any woman whatsize they want to be.Invariably they will say five orseven. Wealthy will be theperson that opens a store forLane Bryant-sized women butsews size 7 tags on all theclothes.

On the flip side of that, I havetaken offense to some of thepeople that told me I’m uglyand a loser. All I have to sayis you’d be ugly too if you hada huge white blotch on yourface. And as far as being aloser, I think you have it allwrong. I am such the winner.It isn’t every day an average

guy can make 50,000 peoplelaugh. Thanks to each andevery one of you from theheart of my bottom.

Because of the high profile of thisitem, I am changing the listing toPre-Approved Bidders Only. To bepre-approved, please contact meathorseplaypublishing@hotmail.comand include "Serious Bidder" inthe subject line of the email and Iwill return your email to pre-approve your bidding on theauction. Thank you for yourinterest.

Woooooooohoooooo! What a wildride! The emails are coming fasterthan the hits. And now personalappearances. First Star94 radio inAtlanta, then King5 in Seattle,nowthe Today Show with that I-used-to-be-a-fat-weatherman-but-now-I-am-as-skinny-as-Regis-but-twice-as-funny Al "I will turn this cararound" Roker.It is amazing; all this media hype.Hey, Al! Any relation to Roxy? EBay has graciously allowed meto update this page once more. SoI will keep it brief.

This one guy emailed me andsaid, "Hey, bud. What part ofTexas do you live?"Uh... Well, sir, I am from Seattle.Uh, Seattle, Texas. Right next toAreYouAFreakingMoron, Texas,which is a hop, skip and jumpfromIWasEducatedByGeorgeBush,Texas. Thanks for asking,neighbor.

We have a website coming thateveryone can check out. It will beup soon.

Please only bid if you are serious.Or really, really hot.

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