Lighter, Brighter, Tighter Descriptions

Barbara McLachlanNov 4, 2009

For Fall 2009 Web Conference Series

Executive Summary

Style Guide standard for Description field Elements of Description Dos and don’ts Strategies and planning Questions and answers

What We’ll Cover Today

Traditionally – sentences, lots of punctuation, variable length and detail

Changing times – point form; browsers not readers; wider audience

Probably the most challenging aspect of data management

Only small portion of provincial collection currently reflects this standard

Our Descriptions

The Good, The Bad & The UglyThe Good….

Private adoption service * handles both matched and unmatched adoptions * offers counselling for birth parents * information on adoption placement * conducts home study assessments for domestic and international adoptions

The Bad….

There's no reason to live with pain. You can do something about it. We have more than a dozen advanced services and therapies to restore and maintain your optimum health. Whatever your

symptoms, you are guaranteed an honest assessment of your needs.

& The Ugly….

Stella Dean Crisp brings to her work in the field of Grief and Bereavement, knowledge that has been learned through personal life experiences, extensive and varied volunteer involvement and ongoing academic training. Offers Grief Support - one on one or in groups, workshops & training of volunteers, presentations on grief & bereavement and coping skills. Pet loss support. Guest speakers available on all aspects of grief and bereavement.

Structure

Be obvious about purpose or function› Not all services use the same name

Don’t assume readers will already know about the service› Audience includes:

newcomers of all kinds different users literacy levels knowledge of social services

Precise and short (avg 6 words); lots of examples in Style Guide

capitalize the general statement only

Structure -- General Statement

Examples of vague vs preciseA small, family-run day program for children sanctioned by....

› becomes….licenced day care

Clients, released from federal and provincial correctional institutions, are supervised by ....› becomes….Probation and parole services

If a child is in danger, contact us to investigate for abuse and neglect...› becomes….Child protective services

Structure -- General Statement

Heart of the service Clear, plain language (no jargon) Relevant Information avoid using all CAPITALS; try bolding capitalize appropriate words

(program name but NOT generic name)-- Breaking Loose (name of program) vs foot care

clinic (generic service)

Structure -- Service Details

Optional details in most cases Capacity info for shelters, hostels, meal

programs, child care centres, residential/group homes, and long term care facilities – eg 16 beds

use ‘licensed’ all child care centres Indicate accreditation, and the specific

accrediting body, for home support services and retirement homes

Structure -- Capacity/ Licensing

In order of importance (primary before minor services – eg. counselling before resource library)

split up large, multi-service listings when a strong division is needed between programs (if all info kept within 1 record; otherwise, make new ones)

Identify any relationships, memberships, etc as required (service of larger group when connection is not obvious; member of Chamber of Commerce)

Supplementary details

Structure -- In Order of Priority

You’ll be surprised to discover all the things a service DOESN’T do as you make your

descriptions “lighter, tighter and brighter”Before:Our wonderful agency offers literacy training, child care, food bank and

much more

After:Literacy classes for immigrant women * child-minding for registered clients *

provides vouchers for food bank

And won’t that make indexing / taxonomy work easier!!!

The Real Story

Use of * between phrases (preferred for online; can be changed in wordprocessing)

Minimize use of commas No periods, question marks or

exclamation points Follow HTML rules

Other Pieces – Punctuation

Consider other related fields, such as:› Eligibility › Application› Fees

Repeat portions as needed for clarity but ensure all details are in the appropriate field

Are your details consistent between and among fields?

No Description is an Island

Source of Information› Organization representative› Their brochures or flyers› Their website

It’s tempting to just block and copy but….› Our info is 3rd party neutral› Just the facts ….leave the PR to others› You’re the editor, so edit for content

Is it Real or Copied?

Description Etiquette

Replace this…. With this……

please call ahead call ahead

I, We, Ours, My

We welcome walk-in patients to use this service as well as our current patients if they are unable to schedule an appointment to meet their schedule.

third party neutral statements

service for registered and non-registered patients of the practice

Description Etiquette (cont’d)

Mission statements…We are committed to promoting the growth of midwifery in Ontario by providing learning opportunities for students of the Midwifery Education Program.

An opening, summary statementMidwifery education and support services

PR statements- Real help, right now! - This award-winning service- we have bright, cheery rooms and friendly staff/highly qualified staff

- delete it! Right now!- licenced; accredited- 2-bed suites, shared rooms * licenced staff

Strategies towards Standard

In-house› Develop a plan› Give yourself lots of time› If service details are unclear, ASK! › Do in sections

All health organizations All child care services

DON’T do in A-Z order; you need that consistency between records

Strategies towards Standard

For Service Providers› Give explanation for change (ie switching to

new standard) In e-mail Cover letter update form

› Benefits - easier to comprehend; easier to update; more compact (less work)

› Provide the new Descriptions; don’t expect the agency to do that work

Strategies towards Standard

For Service Providers (continued)› Expect resistence› Expect extra work› Embrace opportunity to:

Educate providers on data needs Educate providers about online updating Educate providers on YOUR service

Strategies towards Standard

Net results› easier, streamlined updating next time

around› Improved data› Smaller, more consistent publications /

online data› Improved customer satisfaction› Savings for hardcopy materials ($, paper)

Questions and Answers