Lifeskills Program for AdolescentsWelcome Communication with Others Organised and Supported by “On...

Lifeskills Program for Adolescents

WelcomeWelcome

Communication with Others

Organisedand Supported by

“On Track” Community Health Project

Mallee Track Health & Community Services

Presented by

Bernard DennerSpecial Projects Manager

MTH&CS


What WE are looking at today

• A bit about me

• Communication

• Drinking

• Sex / Lust / Choice

• Depression

• Parents / Teachers

• Girls / Boys / Dating


Who am I?

Bernard DennerHealth Educator /Projects Manager

Bloke 52 yearsDivorced 12 yearsDaughters - 15 and 17 years

Vietnam Veteran 3RAR…Infantry


My work since 1994 focuses on providing Programs that address issues associated with:

Men

Adolescents

Workplace Health

Women Understanding Men

and Farmsafety in Primary Schools


mannet.com.auAverages monthly:

80 to 90,000+ hits

5,250+ sessions

40% interest from North America

Rated in Top 15% of 1.7M www domains

“Who said men weren’t interested

in their health”


Australian Mortality Rates National - 1999

15-24 years

Cause of Death Males Females %Rate

Suicide 398 71 435%

Cancer 95 47 202%

Leukemia 35 11 318%

Transport Accident 407 116 350%

Drugs 68 27 251%

Source: Causes of Death, ABS, 1999


Australian Mortality Rates Loddon Mallee Health Region - 1994Cause of Death Males Females %Rate

Suicide 25 7 357%

Cancer 309 230 134%

Heart Disease 122 49 248%

Source: DHS, Measures of Health Status and Health Services in Victoria, 1994


Communication


Communication in all aspects of Life is Important

Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex

Good communication is the Solution to lots of problems


Know yourself•Get to know and like yourself

•Become aware of your feelings and values; don’t be pushed into betraying them

•If you’re not sure what you think and feel, WAIT; don’t rush yourself


•Think about the decisions you make, their consequences and their effect on yourself and on others

•Talk to the people you care about, let them know what you think and feel


•Accept that you will make mistakes, and learn from them

•BE YOURSELF

Source: Be yourself, Love Sex and You, A Guide for Teenagers, Vicki Wootten


SwearingThe constant use of the “F” or “C” words:

•Doesn’t make you an Adult

•Doesn’t make you tough

•Doesn’t attract nice girls/boys


It makes you:

•Ugly

•Aggressive

•Impolite

•Unattractive


Constant Swearing is

UNATTRACTIVE

Swearing at teachers is

UNACCEPTABLE


Other unacceptable language is:

Put downs of other people, especially females:

e.g idiot, bitch, slut, spastic, dickhead, moron, son of a bitch, poofter, dyke,’You’re Gay’

What other words do you dislike?Source: Bernard Denner


Other unacceptable BOY THINGS

Labelling

Girls don’t like it!

Source: Bernard Denner


Who are Parents?

What is a Parent?

What is Parenting Love?

Parenting is important!


How to talk to parents


• Pick the right time

• Prepare yourself

• Work within the Boundaries

• Prepare some alternativeoptions

• Remind Parents - You’re older


• Don’t lose your cool

• Negotiate calmly

• Give and take

Don’t put one parent against the other - remember you will never win doing this.

Source: Bernard J. Denner


• Use Good examples to get your

Point Across

• Like someone your Parents

Respect and Like


How important areTeachers?

What’s their job?

Maybe your future partly depends on

them!


How to talk to teachers


•Pick the right time

Ask for an appointment / suitable time in advance

Don’t try to solve a problem or argue in front of the whole

class


•Prepare yourself

What do you want to say

What do you hope to achieve

Alternative outcomes that are acceptable to you and the

Teacher


•Work within the boundaries

•Don’t lose your cool

•Negotiate calmly

•Understand that teachers are human and can make mistakes


•Don’t promise what you can’t deliver - be realistic about your goals and work towards them

•Give and take

Source: Bernard J. Denner and Gail Allan


DisciplineBoundaries

Rules

By Parents,Teachers

and other adults … You Should ask yourself ...

WHY?


IT MEANS …...

That they ... CARE

Want to ... GUIDE

EDUCATE

and SUPPORT YOU


Thoughts for Adolescents - …………...School

School is also chance to develop:

• Lifeskills

• Form opinions

• Learn about themselves

• Be educated for Life

• Socialise


School is a chance to work on:

• Coping with difficult people

• Coping with difficult situations

• and to LISTEN AND LEARN


How to talk to girls


•Approach

Not to be threatening or Aggressive

•Smile

•Don’t Act too cool

•Speak in a lower tone of voice


•Don’t

Act too cool

“Bullshit”

Be a Hero

Talk only about yourself

Talk about how tough you are

or what a legend you areAdvice from 3 teenage girls


•Talk about

Music

Sport

TV Programs

Their interests

Your interests

Ask questions


•Don’t act stupid

•THINK before you SPEAK

•Have something sensible to Say

•You don’t have to swear

•Talk about their things

•Ask about things


Most of all

Introduce yourself properly to a new friend

and

Smile



Dating - How to Ask


“Unthreatening” approach

Speak clearly

Invitation to be made with warmth

Such as …….


“Would you like to ….

go with me to the ice hockey?”

go with me to the basketball?”

go with me to the mall / shops?”

go for a walk?”

go to the pictures?


NOT

“Would you like to meet me somewhere”

or “I’m not doing anything Sat”

or “just broke up with”


Phone Etiquette

When phoning, speak politely to the parents, if they answer.

You need their support - having good manners impresses.

Remember to identify yourself clearly.



Drinking

If you choose to drink you should consider the following pieces of advice


•Be clear about why you are drinking

•Be responsible for yourself and others

•Don’t take risks with yourself or others

•Drink in a safe place


•Take a limited amount of alcohol with you

•Low alcohol beer is cheaper and tends to make you feel full before you are drunk

•Pour your own drinks / open your own bottles


•Finish your glass first, don’t “top” it up

•Arrange for safe transport home

•Make a safety pact with a friend before drinking

•Alternate alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks and avoid salty snacks


•Finish the night by drinking water - it won’t make you sober, but you will feel better in the morning

•Never drink and drive, climb or swim

Source: Rob and Kerry Grant


Unsafe DrinkingCould lead to:

•Unsafe sexual behaviour

•Aggression / Fighting

•Targetting / Harrassing Girls

•Drugs


•Stronger Drinks

•Risky behaviour such as:

unsafe swimming

unsafe driving

•Hospitalisation through injury from risky behaviour or alcoholic poisoning



Drugs

If you choose to take drugs you should consider the following pieces of advice


•Be clear about why you are taking drugs

•Be responsible for yourself and others

•Don’t take risks with yourself or others

•Take drugs in a safe place


•Don’t mix drugs and alcohol

•Don’t buy drugs from an unknown source

•Don’t experiment, by yourself

•Never mix drugs


•Arrange for safe transport home

•Make a safety pact with a friend before taking drugs

Best Advice

DON’T TAKE DRUGS


Ask yourself Why?

Do I need to?

Being cool, could KILL you



Unsafe Drug TakingCould lead to:

•Death

•Incapacitation for Life

•Jail

•HIV and Hepatitis C


•Stronger Drugs

•Risky behaviour such as:

unsafe swimming

unsafe driving

•Hospitalisation through injury from risky behaviour



Ask yourself

Is it worth it?

Get High on Life, not on Drugs


What is Sex?Male or Female

Communication between couples

Pleasure between couples

Demonstration of Feelings/Affection

Provides Intimacy

Making Babies or Just for FUN


So Why do

Adolescents

have Sex?


Why Girls and Boys Experienced Activities

46%

41%

6%3% 3%

1%

46%

40%

6%4%

1%3%

0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

50%

Fun Find Out Peer Pressure "It's Illegal" Forced Show Off

% o

f re

spo

nse

s

Girls

Boys


WHY NOT?

Reason Boys Girls% of Responses % of Responses

Not ready / interested 36% 35%

“It’s Illegal” 28% 11%

Safer 19% 39%

Parents 17% 15%


Year 10 Boys and Girls Experiences

87%

69%

40%33%

19% 18%

87%80%

52%

31% 29%24%

0%

20%

40%

60%

80%

100%

% o

f Yes

resp

onse

s

Boys

Girls


Would you practice safe sex?

98%94%

2%6%

0%

20%

40%

60%

80%

100%

Boys Girls

% o

f res

pons

es

Yes

No


Reasons For Not Practicing Safe Sex

0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

50%

60%

70%

80%

Affected bydrink / drugs

Forgot acondom

Pressure not to Think it’s betterw ithout acondom

Other

% o

f R

esp

on

ses

Girls

Boys


Do you need someone to talk to?

23%

88%

77%

12%

0%

20%

40%

60%

80%

100%

Boys Girls

% o

f res

pons

esYes

No


Who would you like to speak to?

43%

20%

16%

8%

1%

5%7%

51%

17% 17%

7%5%

3%1%

0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

50%

60%

Your friends Your parent(s) Someoneelse

Studentcounsellor

Communityworker

Doctor (GP ) Your teacher

% o

f re

spon

ses

Boys

Girls


What is Love?It is based on friendship, affection, mutual respect, admiration, thoughtfulness, sharing and caring

Involves good communication and listening


Does not involve any physical, emotional or sexual violence

Is not instant or perfect

Love at first sight is more likely to be lust at first sight

Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy


What is Lust?Is a physical response that involves sexual arousal

It is being “turned on” sexually

Is a short-term emotion


Can get you into trouble (ie lust can make you do something you wouldn’t normally do, eg not using a condom)

LUST ...Is not always love

You can love and lust at the same time, but they are not the same thing



Do YOU have a

CHOICE?

YES or NO


The Choice is YOURS

3 A’s

Abstinence

Activity

All the Way


What is sexual activity?Masturbation …..?

Kissing, Pashing …..?

Feeling, touching someone else ….?

Mutual masturbation …..?

Oral sex …..?


Or

All the WAY

Anal intercourse …..?

Bonking, sexual intercourse …..?



Sexual Activity

Needs

Permission or Consent



Questions to ask ….

If you are thinking of having sex ...


Do I feel old enough and responsible enough to be doing this?

Am I doing this for me or for him / her?

Am I prepared to use a condom?


If something goes wrong and we become pregnant, am I prepared for that responsibility?

Am I just trying to prove something to myself or him / her?

How will I feel about him / her afterwards?


How will I feel about myself?

Has Sex - Solved the Problem?

Has Sex - made me Feel Better?



What is sex for?

There are several main answers to the question “what is sex for?” and many people feel that the ‘true’ answer is a combination of these:


•Sex is for the survival of the species (human beings).

•Sex is for making babies.

•Sex is part of partnership; it cements the relationship.

•Sex is showing feelings of love or affection between people.


•Sex is for pleasure.

•Sex is better between committed couples.

•Good Sex is more than just Bonking.


The Perils of Sex Without Love

and

Unprotected Sex


•Unwanted Pregnancy

•Sexual Diseases

•Interrupted Study

•Alienation from friends

•Depression

•Being used


Always check the Use By Date on condoms to ensure that they are effective.

Use a lubricant to ensure condom doesn’t break.


Depression


What is Depression?

Where you feel unhappy and it goes on longer than for a week.

A feeling of sadness/loneliness that you can’t snap out of or Brush it Off.


How do you recognise Depression?

Sometimes it is hard to recognise.

Some of the signs are:

•Isolating yourself from other people

•Feeling lonely / unloved - especially by family / friends

•Feeling that no-one understands or cares


•Feeling out of sorts / grumpy / irritable

•Feeling tired all the time

•Don’t really feel like eating

•Unable to concentrate

•Feeling like your life is out of your control

•Not really feeling happy


Depression can make you feel

or think about

SUICIDE or SELF Harm

As a way to stop That feeling

A way out of what is happening


What do you do whenyou feel like this?

•Admit to yourself that

this is the way you feel

•Find someone that you can talk to and who will listen

Your Parent/s Family Doctor

Your friend/s School Welfare

Relatives A Teacher


Depression is something that affects all of us from time-to-time.

We need to recognise that Life Sucks from time-to-time.

We don’t always achieve what we want.

We don’t always get what we want.

Relationships / Friends come and go.

School is only a part of Life.


We have to recognise that

‘Shit happens’

That we can move on

But sometimes some people

need support to cope


There’s no Shame in feeling

Depressed

Lonely

Pissed off with the world

Feeling like a loser

a Nobody

Sometimes we all have days and times

when we feel like that


But when those feelings are there

all the time,

day after day,

week after week,

get help.


How you can help a Depressed Friend

•Keep an eye out for them

•If you feel that they are having trouble coping with things and are drinking or drug taking more than usual - talk to an adult about what to do

•If your friend starts crying in front of you - hold them, let them talk and then see if they will seek some help or Allow you for them


Accessing Your ....

Family Doctor / Welfare Worker

Confidentially


Ring up for a chat first

or email him / her


Talk about your issue

Make a time that you feel is

Comfortable

and

Confidential


Communication in all aspects of Life is Important

Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex

Good communication is the Solution

to lots of problems


ALWAYS THINK ABOUT

How would you

Like to be TREATED

… OTHERS DESERVE

the SAME


As a personYOU need to be

Healthy and Happy

THAT YOU FEEL GOOD

About YOURSELF

Most of the TIME


Why .....?• So that you don’t put

yourself at risk,

• or your relationships

at risk


Who’s A Winner

The person who does their best.

That they achieve their Personal Best.

THEY are a Winner.Source: Bernard Denner

Inspired by Simon Madden


Adolescence

is a

GOOD TIME

of Life

ENJOY IT

Lifeskills Program for AdolescentsWelcome Communication with Others Organised and Supported by “On...

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