Life the Book2

8/2/2019 Life the Book2

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PREFACE

When I write anything really, that is what is in my mind. What is in my mind might be what is not

in your mind! The goal of it all is to make you enter my mind and learn what I have learnt.

When I dont write, you will guess what I am. When I dont write, you will not know me and I

will remain a stranger yet written down as your friend. My writing is a privilege for you to enter

my world. Not a way of leading you anywhere. That will be your choice should you like what I

have. I enjoy thinking aloud for the benefit of some. I take pleasure in sharing and I never gettired. You see, if your mind has something, you never run out of steam. As long as my mind is

working, there will always be something coming out of it. What I write is free to be shared by

anyone. I have a free mind. Im not afraid of people copying my mind. If you copy, you will

always come back to the source. At the end I will never lose you as a friend. What keeps us

together is what we share in our minds. What brings us together is the value we place on what is

in our minds. If you protect your mind and you dont want people to copy your work, then your

words will not go anywhere. Your mind will not make a difference and you will not grow. When I

share my mind, I still stand to be corrected. My word is not final but it is what I am thinking. If u

agree with it great, if you dont then show me your mind!

This book is about life as seen through my eyes. Experiences coupled with interaction withdifferent people at different stages of my life, have seen me develop a keen sense of awareness. It

is the awareness of the forces that govern our existence. Whether we believe it or not they is

nothing new under the sun. What we experience today has been experienced before. By gathering

facts about yesterday and looking at today, we can then map out our tomorrow. We can accurately

predict the outcome of situations and the consequences of our actions.

This book discusses themes that affect us in life. It draws its energy from the unending spirit of

mans wish to achieve, in the face of adversity. It seeks to correct the anomalies of life. The book

points to the misconceptions we have about situations in life. The book connects with the true

people of today and every reader is a player in this book. What I shall talk about are issues that

you will identify with. They will be issues that seem to point to you individually. This only shows

us of the universal nature of lifes principles. The principles are not confined to one group of

persons but affect us all. The book thus transcends all boundaries, cultures, races and prejudices in

life. It is targeted at you the reader with the hope that what is discussed here will impact on your

life positively. The basis of the writing is a foundation of love. It is love that is a force for

bringing people together. It is love that bridges the gap between different people. It is love that

makes us to reason and not fight like animals.

Read the book to get inspiration. Read it to have a better loving relationship. Read it to

understand why things happen the way they do in our life. Read it with an open mind knowing

that the source of ultimate wisdom is God. God is the author of all things and we are just, but anextension of His unending well of infinite knowledge.

The inspiration for writing this book was drawn from the thirst of men seeking to find answers as

to why life seems to be a struggle for survival in most spheres of existence. There seems to be a

struggle to have a better love life. There is a struggle for a better understanding in marriage. There

are conflicts between the young and the old on their outlook of life. There is a power struggle

between men and women. The inspiration is derived from the principles of life. Life is a

summation of knowledge that circulates from the old to the new. Each generation has new truths

revealed to it. These truths do not annul the old truths but build upon them. Future generations

would seem more advanced but the basis of their advancement is a consequence of what we do

today. Today is the foundation for building the future. The future will be built by people of soundmind that understand the principles of life and are able to live in harmony with each other. It will

be a life without discrimination on any basis what so ever, be it on gender, race, ethnic

background, educational standing, financial position or social standing that will see the progress


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of the human species. The premise of this writing is that all people are born equal and as such

have an equal voice in life. This book is my voice. As you read it be prepared to be thrown into a

different way of looking at life. The end result is the proper understanding of why things happen

the way they do.

This book is dedicated to all those that are trying to make a difference in life. Your endeavour will

be remembered for generations to come. In trying to change the world, the first stop is to changeourselves!


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CHAPTER I

DO WHAT YOU LIKE BEST

If you really want to make a mark in life, do what you like and have your own brand. Just because

someone is doing well using a certain method, it does not guarantee the same results for you. If

you stick with your style for long, someone is bound to notice. Dont give up because at first noone is interested. Your aim is not to get people interested but to do what you like. If along the line

somebody likes it, then its an added bonus to you. If you do something from your heart, then you

will maintain it for a long time. Passion moves mountains. Do what u like best not what others

like. If you do what you like then there is a guarantee that the momentum will not stop. Doing it

gives you pleasure. What gives you pleasure can be repeated all over again. You will not tire and

you will not give up. This becomes a habit and habits can lead to culture. That is the reason why

culture has such a strong influence on people. It is people doing what they like. It pleases them to

do what they do.

If you do something because you have to, then you dont do it with passion. Your attention is

divided and as a result you dont do your best. You really dont care whether you make a mark ornot. This is not your brand and as such, you dont identify with it. If you dont identify with

something then it has no value in your life. Doing it involves no creativity but a set out course to

follow dogmatically. The consequence is a dull and uneventful life. Such monotony has no

positive development on the brain and sees no progress in the condition of men. Such a sorrowful

state can not be perpetuated for a long time. In time resistance is built around the forced activity.

This resistance manifests itself in the way people become unyielding to authority. They move

from fear of reprisals to a state of actually looking forward to being relieved of their occupations.

As such humans need to be fed what they identify with if they are to produce the best results. Not

only will they produce the best but they will also advance and find new ways of doing things.

Principle 1

In order to achieve your best in life, do what you like best. When you enjoy doing something

then you do it with an open mind, with possibilities of advancement to attain a higher level of

success.


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CHAPTER 2

SOCIAL HABITS DO NOT DEFINE US

Social habits do not define us and as such cannot be used to describe our character. Society has

certain expectations on its people based on the culture of the day. These expectations try andmould an individual according to a predetermined scheme that has been in that culture since its

birth. Such a scheme does not take into account the individual needs of its people but a collective

approach. This collective concern is for the survival of the said culture. Any attempt to live

outside the set parameters of the culture is seen as a violation of the code of ethics. In some cases

this violation is remedied by casting out the rotten apple. So in an attempt to conform, generations

forsake their needs for the perpetual existence of the culture.

It is not proper to call someone a drunkard since this attacks the character rather than habit! A

habit is a preference, pattern, routine, or practice. The character is your nature, personality, moral

fibre or make-up. What makes you to be who you are can not be defined by what you practice.

What you practise is society approved and driven. In order to conform to that society, you thenneed alter your habits but your make-up or character is still the same. The reason why certain

people seem to be different outside their culture is a result of finding a different environment to

freely express who they are really. What would be observed as change by the mother culture is

actually the true nature of the individual. Cultural parameters that have been used for centuries

can not be expected to work in this ever changing world. If individuals cannot freely express

themselves in their own culture, then they move and adopt other cultures that suit their characters.

Principle 2

The social habits are a consequence of our culture. In trying to live within the expectations

of society we might live outside who we are really. So what you do does not define you. When

you live outside your culture and be who you are, you are labelled an outcast. Bottom-line,

before we pass judgement, we should understand where the person is coming from.


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CHAPTER 3

SERVE A FELLOW HUMAN AND YOU WILL BE GREAT

It is not by fame that we contribute to society. It is not by popularity that we are recognised. It isnot by wealth that we make an impact. It is not by how educated one is, to make a difference. It is

not by gender that we achieve. It is not by looks that we become icons. These are a result of what

we get after being of service to people.

Our first and foremost task is our duty to fellow men. What makes us stand out is what we do to

each other. The human nature inside of us only manifests in the way we behave towards each

other. The calibre of our development and recognition is pitied against our ability to have

brotherly love. It is of most importance that in as much as we want to be recognised, the

recognition only comes from our servitude. It comes from our unending quest to serve each other

in times of need. The needs of people are varied and we can all provide something for our fellow

brother or sister. If it is not moral support then it becomes financial. People will uplift us if wecare enough just to listen to their needs and identify with them. Society rewards accordingly if we

make a difference by being of service to one another. If you cant be good to your fellow men

then fame would only remain an idea for you.

People talk about works. Your works become common knowledge. Your works become the

unspoken resume for you. Your works erase all the talking you might do, in trying to show who

you are. When people recognise you, then they cant stop talking about you. Fame is born as your

name travels from mouth to mouth like a wild fire. It becomes uncontrollable and ignites

everything on its path. Such is your destiny if you are good with people. Your name can never be

suppressed. Those that dont know it feel out of place in this era. People do not serve the famous

but the famous serve people. You can be the best there is if you are good with people, nothing

beats that. Just be good and the world will be at your feet. Jesus, Nelson Mandela, Mother

Theresa, Gandhi, Martin Luther King to name just a few, all served people. History can never and

will never erase these names from the mouths of people in every generation because they were

good with people.

Principle 3

Do not seek fame and fortune but seek to serve a fellow human being in the best way you

can. Your service can never be undone and your name will live for ever!


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CHAPTER 4

EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER

I believe that we are all here for a reason. We could all make this world a better place, if we new

our purpose. No matter where you are, you might realise that you always end up doing the same

thing. The change of place and people does not seem to affect what you do. Each time you

relocate you eventually do what you are comfortable with. The inbuilt ability and affinity for whatyou end up doing seems to follow no boundaries. You seem to influence your surroundings to

conform to what you like doing. This is a sign of your true calling and once you realise what it is

then you will move mountains. I am a teacher by profession and no matter where I go, some how

I end up teaching this and that. Even if its not formal teaching, as in a class room, I still teach

everywhere. If I dont do it willingly, sometimes circumstances force me to teach. I have since

accepted that, teaching is my true calling. All the knowledge I have gained at school as well as in

life must go out there and bear fruit. This is the reason I put pen to paper and share what is inside

of me.

Life experiences have been my teacher and if you are young, I have done what you are about to

do! I have the possible outcomes for your actions Experience can only be the best teacher if therewas any learning associated with it. For some experience comes with a familiarity and know how.

Only then can the knowledge thus acquired be useful as a future reference point. It is not just an

event or encounter with no lessons learned or taught. For others experience becomes knowledge,

skill, and understanding. Only then can the experience be more than a mere reference point. It

becomes a concrete manifestation of acquired information. Experience then produces results.

Individually we have different experiences; as such what you can do might not be done by all.

Your purpose can not be fulfilled by anyone else. You are important in that regard, hence finding

and doing your purpose will benefit all. Collectively our experiences bring about a better life and

advancement for all.

Principle 4

You can read all the books in the world but nothing beats experience. You must go through it

and learn from it. You have a purpose in life. Your purpose can not be done by another.

Know what you are good at and do it. Collectively our purpose brings about advancement in

life.


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CHAPTER 5

LIFE HAS RULES AND EXCEPTIONS

Life has rules and exceptions. The rule is what normally happens in life and is expected or

followed, just like a statute. The exception is a rare deviation from the rule or an anomaly. Life isabout rules and not exceptions. Exceptions give you exemption, omission, immunity or exclusion

from what normally happens or is expected of you. If most girls have kids while at school while a

few dont have, they become the rule and the few are the exception. It means that having kids

while at school becomes fashionable or becomes a rule. Rules of life are determined by the

majority. Most people want to be with the majority. They want to follow rules and not be the

exception. Most exceptions become the outcasts. The reason why most young people look down

upon marriage is based on this principle. Most of the youth isnt getting married, so marriage

becomes an exception. If you do get married it seems not to have value since the majority is not.

The good thing about exceptions is that they change the way people think and after a while they

become the rule. If you are the exception right now and what you are doing is good, stick with it.The majority isnt always right. The majority was wrong in Noahs time. The majority was wrong

in Jesus time. The majority is still wrong today. Remember, Enter ye with the narrow road and

few be they that find it. And .wide is the way and many do find it that leads to destruction.

You can help bring about change. Exceptions show decision making and skill. Rules are just

followed without any objection or thought. There is no creativity. In any situation if you stand

out, then you are the exception. Through you, change will come. All great people are exceptions

and not the rule, which is why they are few. Great talent lies in the exceptions. Follow your heart

and not what every one else is doing. Evil is happening because a lot of people are doing it. It is

becoming a rule; those not doing it feel out of place. Be the exception, be good and stand out. You

will bring change.

Principle 5

Life is about rules and exceptions. Those that stand outside the rules of life, become a force

for change. By looking beyond what is expected of you, you can rise above the ordinary. By

analysing rules, you can make a decision based on the worth of the rules and not by the

majority that follow it.

CHAPTER 6


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THE YOUNG ARE AS INTELLIGENT AS THE OLD

When we get older, we get wiser but that doesnt mean that we get smarter. The young people of

today might not be wise but they are smarter than the old folk. Without taking the argument too

far, when my girl was a two year old she could speak whole sentences like an adult; sing song

words that we normally played. I have never seen anything like it. I checked out a few more two

year olds and the trend was the same. They were very smart. So in dealing with the young we

need to take away the premise that we are more intelligent than they are. We are not and we needto talk to them on equal basis, in terms of thinking capacity. If you think that you are more

intelligent and they notice your shortcomings, then they wont even listen to you. If you show

them that you are on equal thinking capacity, they will respect you for that. Once you get their

respect then you can walk all over them and they will listen to you.

In any confrontation if you undermine your opponent then you will lose. Take them up on equal

terms. If they are worth as an opponent, then they should account for something. They can stand

their ground. The young have good ideas as well and as such they need to be respected. The

young are the future and they need to be groomed now. When they get older it becomes much

more difficult to change their minds. They will form their personalities according to the

influences outside of you. Once they lose trust in your judgement, then they seek it elsewhere. Ifthey dont get your respect, then they will confide in people out there. Their personalities will be

moulded around what they respect and trust.

The same principle works in relationships. If you undermine your partner and you always think

that you are smarter than them, then you will lose. You need to talk to each other on equal terms.

That way both of you feel important. If you feel important then you will strive to do well. If one

of you feels smarter then the other just waits for your mistakes and they will grill you for them.

Principle 6

In our dealings with people, age is not a factor to despise the ideas of the young. The young

people have the thinking capacity of grown ups. They need to be given a fair hearing in

everything they say. Undermining their thinking capacity makes them lose confidence and

trust in the old, hence become rebellious. Partners also need to take each other as having

equal thinking capacities. These breeds love and understanding.


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CHAPTER 7

WHO DECIDES WHAT IS BEST FOR ANOTHER?

Many times you might have heard people say that you could have done better. They look at you

and think that you are not suited for what you are doing right now. They say it to you with such

conviction that you could end up having an inferiority complex. The statement makes you feel

inadequate in your achievement. It nullifies what you are doing currently, relegating it to thehouse of under achievers in life.

The big question is, Who decides what is better in someone elses life? Be it in educational

qualifications, the job they have the house they stay in, the car they drive if they have one, the

type of cell phone they use, the partner they have chosen for life, the social habits they keep, etc.

The list of choices is endless. So when you say to someone that they could have done better, is it

really better for them or for you? Your best is also limited by your achieving capacity. If you

didnt make it in life, they are few chances that anyone would take you seriously. Anyway, how

does one know what is good for another? Does it not occur to some that what a person finally

does might be what they want? The reason people use that statement, is to assume that we all

want the same thing. If we all wanted the same thing, life would be monotonous and uneventful. Itwould be a run of the mill always without incident. Our life would be nothing to write home

about!

If I choose what I want right now, then it is sufficient for me. Only I, knows my needs. Only I,

knows what would satisfy me. Only I has set goals for my life. Only I, has the path to achieve

those goals. What you want might not be what I want. Your needs might not be my needs. Your

goals might not be my goals. The path I choose is my path, it is not our path. Before saying that I

could have done better, ask me what I want out of life.

Respecting a persons choice is the first step in getting rid of prejudice. Prejudiced minds lead to

discrimination, narrow-mindedness, bigotry, intolerance, unfairness and injustice. People are

grilled because they dont conform to your standards. What about their expectations of their own

life?

Principle 7

Before you say to someone that they could have done better, know of their needs, goals and

patterns to achieve them. Give others the free choice that you would also desire for yourself.

What is good for you might not be good for another. Respecting each others choices is a key

in getting rid of prejudice.


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CHAPTER 8

ALL MEN ARE THE SAME AND ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME

I have learnt the truth of the statement that, all men are the same and that all women are the same.

Men and women are endowed with blue prints for their gender. As such, they all portray common

features peculiar to that gender. These blue prints are what make us all to easily identify a woman

or a man. There are set parameters for man and women to operate on. If a man crosses the line tothe other side, then they are labelled as being womanly. The same goes for women that act beyond

their set parameters, they are thought of as men!

Deep down every man or woman there is that feature that clearly defines your gender. It is not the

obvious outward appearance. It is the inward self that manifests itself in the things that we do or

how we behave. This clearly defines us. So principally all women will have similar tendencies

and all men will have the same as well. What we actually see coming out are the stronger points

of each gender that have been allowed and accepted to grow by society as well as culture. If a

man gets a woman that is obedient, faithful, caring, then those are the characteristics that have

been taught to her. Deep down she is still a woman and would want to be loved. She is no

different from the woman who has no respect, is unfaithful and doesnt care much. These are justoutward manifestations of the societys influence. That woman also wants to be loved as well.

She has the cravings of other women as well. Underneath all the rebellion, there is a good heart

waiting for the best opportunities to express itself in a positive way.

Social habits dont make us different. Social habits also dont change us. Habits can be changed

but we are who we are! Behind all this drama of social habits like drinking, smoking, Christianity,

You are still a woman or man. You will act like all other women or men. If you are not finding

the right man or woman then you havent noticed this. You are probably looking for yourself in

the other person. You are not accepting them the way they are! A man or woman can change a lot

of partners looking for a different blue print but will never find any. There is none. The best thing

to do is to look for someone you get along with in a good way.

Principle 8

All women will have the same cravings and common behaviours. The same goes for men.

There is nothing like a different man or woman. The difference is only what society has

taught them. Deep down, all men and all women are the same. In looking for a partner, do

not look for a partner who is different within their gender but a partner you can get along

with. People of the same gender have similar tendencies.

CHAPTER 9

FEAR DOES NOT HOLD RELATIONSHIPS TOGETHER


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Some relationships are held together by blackmail. There is a constant fear of being dumped! This

method of keeping someone with you can never be the best. This is like driving a car with a small

amount of oil. Anytime the engine might give up. The relationship is clearly not a healthy one.

The love is not reciprocated the same way. Such an imbalance is a root for a shaky future. One of

the parties has exclusive rights to the relationship if I may put it like that. The other is there for

the comfort of having someone. The conditions, under which such a partnership lives, are a recipe

for disaster.

Fear has never and will never hold a relationship. Fear can never hold anything together for long

in life. Fear is not a good feeling and as such can not prevail for eternity. The fear quickly

destroys the person and in time they lose sight of the relationship. Fear also breeds a lot of

negative habits around you. The fear makes the person more cunning in their dealings with you.

The fear the other person has also blinds the one who thinks that they have an upper hand. They

lose sight of a lot of things thinking that the other can never dare do them. If you are feared you

might think that you have an upper hand but all along you are being taken for a ride! When people

are scared, they might also lie a lot to avoid punishment.

It is easy to teach and learn someone who not scared of you. They have no reason to hide. Theyhave no reprisals waiting for them for the mistakes they do. They become open and what you see

in them is exactly what you get. Relationships without fear have a lot of respect and open

mindedness. The pair has better chances of advancement as they work things out without any

restrictions.

Principle 9

The best relationships are those were fear is not the master. Mutual understanding of the

fallible nature of men is key. Man is mortal and imperfect. We should not use the

imperfections to hold each other to ransom in our relationships.

CHAPTER 10

MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT YOU HAVE


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People that are happy dont have the best of everything but they make the best of everything so it

has been said. This statement is powerful. It nullifies all the negatives associated with not having

enough, in the eyes of people. Life is not measured against the success of others or the acquisition

of what others have. Being happy is not satisfied materially. It is a state that we build around

ourselves based on what we value. If we value family then we are happy around our loved ones.

This state is independent of material possessions.

Depending on what you value most; life will have meaning regardless of your situation. In

everything that happens to us, we can stay positive and be happy. Sometimes life is bitter or

people will hurt us. It is how we react to situations that will make us happy or sad. Life has a way

of testing us. When someone says that they dont need you, go where you are needed. If you are

not needed, then you dont have value to that person. Stop wasting your time trying to show that

you are valuable. You know that you are and if someone doesnt see it, its their loss. Move on.

When insulted smile and know that you are better schooled. You can not indulge in negatives. Say

something positive instead; you cant fight fire with fire. Some will know you for your temper but

it is better to be known for the love we have. In love you smile but in anger you anguish in pain! I

choose not to be angered by anyone.

Principle 10

Being happy is a state that you create for yourself depending on what you value most. We all

value different things. What makes us happy will therefore be different. Our measure of

happiness is not universal but specific to the needs of a person. If you can find happiness in

what others dont value, you have a formula for life. This is your life after all!

CHAPTER 11

REJECTION IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE!


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Rejection is a reminder that we can not always have what we want in life. Rejection in love shows

us that we are never too good for anyone really. It reminds us that sometimes you wont be

wanted. This is not the end of the world. Rather it is the beginning of another. The past belongs

there, in the past! The past has no relevance to the present except that you learn from it. Rejection

will happen even to the best of us. Do not live with the fear of rejection but deal with it when it

happens. Being dumped is not a death sentence but a life changing phase. As such, it is part of life

for everyone. It is not only for certain people. I used to think that rejection was bad. Years later I

discovered that, It is because of rejection that I am alive today.

Rejection actually leads to a better healthy life. Remember that when you are rejected someone is

replacing you. Dont waste your time trying to change their mind. They want out. Rejection is like

a detour on the road. A detour closes a section of the road that needs fixing but does not change

your destination. A detour is temporal. Within the detour sometimes the section of the road is

completely hanged and the old one rejected. This works to provide a better road. It is very

inconvenient to take a detour but necessary to pave way for a new and better road. Rejection in

love is just a detour, needed, to make way for new and better love. Your old love is like an old

road. It has cracks, potholes and uneven ground. It gives you a bumpy and uncomfortable ride. It

is unreliable to use and dangerous. So sometimes you want to take a detour and repair or replace

your love. This is a temporal phase and it works out for good in your life.

When your loved one says that its not working with you, they need a detour. You might be

rejected, replaced or repaired during this period. Generally when someone wants a break from

you, consider yourself replaced or rejected! Dont give up, take a detour and make a new path for

yourself. It is painful, but then again, giving birth to something new has never been easy. If

someone leaves you now, in a few years time you will realise that it was worth it.

Principle 11

Rejection is a stepping stone to a new and brighter life. The significance of rejection becomes

evident when your life changes for the better in time. Rejection is a fact of life. One needs to

pick up from where they are left and forge a better life. Life has rejection so that we fix our

mistake. If someone rejects you then there are not good for you.

CHAPTER 12

WHY DO SOME PEOPLE HAVE A HOLD ON US?


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Some people will always have a hold on you, no matter what you do. Even if they disappointed

you in love and didnt treat you well. Somehow you wont get over them. Your heart still skips a

beat when you see them. You pretend as if nothing is happening. I have no idea why the hold

continues and why all your efforts to erase the person are fruitless. It is normal to feel like this.

Dont think that you are alone. Getting over what hit you at the centre of your core isnt easy.

What attracted you to the person resurfaces each time you see them. Know that this is your feeling

and not theirs. As such do not expect them to understand what you are going through. They have

no part in your life now.

All the common sense of moving on disappears once you see them. When you talk about them,

you make it absolutely clear that you dont care about them anymore. You try by all mans to act

normal when their name is mentioned. The truth though is that, when you are alone you cry

behind closed doors. You wonder why things never worked out the way you wanted. If you have

had a feeling like that or you have a feeling like that now, the experience teaches us that we also

have people out there wondering why we left them! They are also wondering why they cant get

over us. If you know how it feels, then you become a better person. You are able to understand

why someone might keep coming back to you, when you dont even want to see them. This

experience, though bad, actually makes you a better and understanding person.

While you are wishing for another person to be in your life but they dont want to, there is

someone wishing to be in yours but you dont want to have them!

Principle 12

Some people will always have a hold on us. We wont forget them. They continue to affect us.

This shows us why other people also continually want to be with us, despite our refusal to be

with them.

CHAPTER 13

TIME IS NOT A FACTOR AFFECTING MARRIAGE PROPOSALS


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The amount of time that you take dating someone is just that-time! No matter how long the time

is, it will never be a guarantee for marriage. The needs of marriage are not determined by time.

They are determined by what we do to each other, while we date. Our relationships are governed

by the ability to love the other person to the extent that, nobody else can make a difference in

loving them the way you do. Only then do they feel like they need you for the rest of their life.

The sooner this is realised, then the sooner the marriage will take place. Other than that, then

other forces are at work. This could be just having fun and as such leads to no union.

The mistake that we all make is to use time as an excuse for marriage. The idea that; once you

have been together for years, it should end up in marriage, does work for some. It is not however

a rule. I have found out that in most cases, too much time works negatively towards your goal.

Many have been left for new relationships that turn into marriage overnight. This is a clear

indication that time is not the best factor affecting marriage proposals. It is what we do to each

other that matters.

It is pathetic to say that you are still learning each other after years of dating. You must be very

slow in learning! Chances are; you are keeping each other company until you find the right person

to marry! If you are not marriage material now, you wont be in four years time.

Principle 13

For those working towards marriage, it is not the time that you are together that determines

the outcome. What makes people lead to marriage is what they do to each other and how they

love each other. The marriage proposal can take any amount of time. The length of time is

not an indication that the relationship will always end up in marriage

CHAPTER 14

HOLD ON TO THOSE THAT SEE YOU WHEN YOU ARE INVISIBLE TO OTHERS


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You can stay for months alone with no lover. You lose hope and you wonder why no one even

approaches you. No matter what you do or where you go, the people seem to react the same way.

Not giving you much notice. You become worried and when friends talk about it, you lie n say

that you dont need any one at the moment. Deep down you know that there is a longing for

someone special but you jus cant get them.

The tide finally turns after a long wait and someone notices you and want to be with you. You

hook up and life takes a new and better meaning. You are happy, then all of a sudden it seems asif the flood gates have been opened. You get other people approaching you as well. You find

yourself being the centre of attraction and you cant even believe it. With your new found

attraction, you forget the one who saw you and rescued you from the drought. You see the good in

others and you stop caring. You disappoint the genuine one and run after others. You think that

now you have it under control. That is the mistake that we as people make. We do not value the

ones that truly love us. We want to chase after illusions that will soon turn into shadows. In time

you learn a bitter lesson. You learn that those you sought after did not love you but wanted to use

you, and dump you. You cry of a broken heart. U forget the heart you broke. The heart that saved

you from sleepless nights alone. The heart that saw you in your sad state and loved you for being

yourself.

No one wants u because your fame led you to multiple partners. Your good image is gone. You

are alone again. Such is life. Value what you have right now. A bird at hand is better than two in

the bush! The best person is the one that sees you when others dont. The worst person is the one

that sees you because you have something good going for you. The best person wants to build

with you. The worst person waits until you have built. The best person sees you when you have

nothing. The worst person sees you for something. The best person cares for you. The worst

person cares for themselves.

The best person will not stick with you if you are bad. You dont deserve them. Its only a matter

of time before they move on. The choice is yours.

Principle 14

The best people in our lives are those that see us when others dont. They are those that add

value to us, when we feel value less. They are the ones that approach us when we need to be

cared for. They show us that despite how bad our life has been, we sill can be happy. These

are the people we should value and hold on to with our dear life. We will then know

happiness for the rest of our life.

CHAPTER 15

HOLD ON, DONT GIVE UP YET!


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Do you feel like a plane whose pilot has fallen out of the cab? An oversized accident smashing

into everything it meets? Does it feel like a tragedy is waiting to happen? Do you feel like you are

out of tune and you have no idea what tomorrow will bring? Sometimes life weighs heavily on us

and all we see is darkness. Are there too many things that are just not happening the way you

want them to? Have you done your best but it seems as if its not good enough? Are you not

receiving gratitude for the good that you do? Are you saying, This is it to life?

You might be feeling down right now. Many of your expectations have not been met. Your ideaof an ideal life hasnt shown itself. You feel detached from the world almost like an island at sea.

You are constantly asking questions, but the answers dont come. The hardest thing to accept is

why this is happening to you. It seems as if life has a vendetta of some sort on you. Such is the

human mind when confronted by things it doesnt comprehend. Nothing bad with it. You are

normal after all.

This is a test of you resilience. It is the fire to purify you. This is you can make it or break it. If

you make it then you will have a turn of events. The darkest hour is before dawn, we have been

told. When we cant hold it together anymore. When we have reached our breaking point. Just

before we snap. That moment is the turning point. It is the hardest and the most painful but

something good is about to happen to you. Hang in there a little longer. You cant stretch anyfurther so hold on. Your life is about to change for the best.

Principle 15

When we are at our breaking point in life. When everything seems not to work for us. That

there is the time to hold on and be strong. Our moment to shine is about to be realised. So

just hold on!

CHAPTER 16

COMPLIMENTS ARE FOOD FOR ACHIEVING HIGHER!


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Do not stop giving compliments to someone because you are always doing it. You might think

that they know it next time you dont compliment. You might feel like you have done it enough.

Compliments are not carried forward, but they are for that one occasion. If there is another

occasion to compliment, then do not hesitate to do so. If it means that you do it everyday, then

that is your life. We normally think that we have overdone it. The truth is that compliments can

never be enough. Its just like saying thank you each time you receive. You cant say that you

have overdone the thank-you part and you keep quiet after receiving. The other person will feel

unappreciated and that weakens their spirit of giving. They will not think about all the otheroccasions you have said thank-you, but will feel that what they gave you is not worth a thank-you.

Say thank-you even when it is the duty of that person to do it. Say thank-you to the lady or

gentleman cleaning your office. Even if you are paying them, they will do it with pleasure. Say

thank-you to the taxi driver. With all the stress he gets from passengers, you will be the first to

make him feel good. Say thank-you to the till operator in a supermarket. They will feel

recognised. Say thank-you to your daughter for cooking food for you. They will do it with pride.

Say thank-you to your son for taking out the garbage and he will do it over again.

Compliments are the Like button of life. They reinforce the person receiving the compliment into

continuing with excellence. When you dont give a compliment, then the void is felt. The person

then concludes that whatever they did does not deserve a compliment. Hence it will not be worthrepeating. If you want people that have things that you like and you would like them to continue

doing them, then show appreciation. Do not be silent and hope that they will think of your

previous compliments. Life is about the moment. It is not about what you did before, but what

you are doing now. If I am good today, then tell me today. I need to hear it just like you need to

hear it, it will make us want to achieve even higher.

You can never get tired of telling your partner that you love them. They know it, but it is nice to

hear it over and over again. That is what keeps them close to you. They do feel that you are closer

to them. It is a reminder that all is well.

Principle 16

Give compliments each and every time people deserve them and you will see a lot of

achievements in the one you compliment. Compliments are the food for propelling us to do

even much better tomorrow as compared to yesterday. Do not stop complimenting thinking

that you have been doing it for long. It is good each time you say the compliment.

CHAPTER 17

RESTRICTIONS HAVE A POSITIVE SIDE


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Having a partner might seem to be limiting you in many things you want to do. It has never been

an easy thing to be answerable to some one. When you are finally free of the restrictions from

home and you are now independent, you get into a relationship. Some form of conformity is also

expected. Some people would not commit for the sake of having restrictions. May be you want to

meet a lot of people. You want to be out till late. You dont want to report to anyone. You dont

want to be told what to do. You want to date ore than one person.

The freedom that we grant ourselves can easily turn to what might destroy us. When we lose

control, we might lose our dignity. We also sacrifice our health in the process. We lose all the

things that brought us this far and dwell on the new. To the one recently granted freedom, there is

nothing that deserves the answer NO! Everything is a YES! That might look fine and exciting, but

it wont last. Soon everyone in the area knows what you are. The bad that you would have done,

makes people avoid settling with you when you are tired of your freedom. You now must pack

your bags and go elsewhere. You must go to a place where you are not known in order to get new

love-tough life!

What you do when you are single determines your future. Do not waste yourself because it will

come back with a vengeance. It is better to have restrictions and live a longer and happy life thanto live without restrictions, become reckless a die young. If you have a reliable partner and you

are true to each other, then you will know happiness for the rest of your life.

Principle 17

Partners and their expectations help us to be more responsible with our life. The respect that

we have for each other offers restrictions on temptations of the youth. Restrictions might

seem negative but they have positive results!

CHAPTER 18

FORGETTING IS NOT EASY

Some people think that you are failing to move on with life after a heart break. They seem to have

the notion that you are grounded and that you have run out of ideas. Its as if your thread of life has


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been broken and somehow you have been disconnected from reality. Your solace makes any

observer suspect that you have reached your last. It isnt that but the little things you used to do

together, keep on reminding you of that person. The places you used to frequent also become a

reminder. When you meet people that you used to see together, their memory comes back. Even

the clothes that you wear will remind you of your shopping experiences together. If you get into

the kitchen, there is a distinct and visible absence of the one who used to move up and down

preparing food. The sound of the pot will bring back memories.

Memories do not just fade because you are apart. Forgetting the memories is one tough nut to

crack! The brain simply doesnt let go but stores the information permanently. When in sight,

anything that used to join the two of you brings back memories. When you are together you

become lime one person.

When you are apart, you must now forget that, when the phone rings its not them. You must try

hard not to look at them when you meet. You must accept that someone else is with them. You

must learn not to ask for them. It becomes very hard to see them walking with another. Once you

are with someone, life changes forever!

Principle 18When someone is naturally low after a separation, it is not proper to assume that they cant move

on. They might not be themselves but all this is how they are coming to terms with their loss. In

time they will be ready to move on.

CHAPTER 19

LET THE LOVERS DECIDE


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Be careful when you are offering advice to people in love. If it can be managed then wait until

they have tried out their own medicine. Do not take sides as a precaution and help to fight the

problem. Many times your advice doesnt count when the two are making up. You might regret it

when you see your friend doing exactly what you said they shouldnt do. Remember that when

someone has a problem, all they need is to let it out and be comforted. They want a shoulder to

cry on. This is the time they are wrestling with their thoughts and are not really open to advice.

They are intoxicated by their problem and that, clouds their senses.

When someone has a problem, all they want to do is to let it out. They want to be comforted.

They are not ready for any decision making at that stage. They just need to let it out. Seeking a

friend is just to be made strong in order to face their problem. Ultimately they will come up with

the decision. So when you advise, give them the room to come up with the final decision. You can

not decide for them. In fact in most cases people dont tell you everything about their problems or

circumstances leading to the problem. You only have a half baked version of the root cause.

Partly because the victim, might also have a hand in the perpetration of the problem. So as a third

party you stand without the whole truth. You are in no position then to make the best decision for

the affected.

When lovers make up, your advice might make you to become the enemy. All you need to do is tocomfort those affected and ask them to make up their mind on the course of action that they want

to take.

Principle 19

Do not make decisions for people that have conflicts in love. Help the affected come to an

amicable conclusion. Our role in conflicts of love is to comfort and not offer decisions. We

should help the affected work towards finding a solution.

CHAPTER 20

HOLD ON


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Do you feel like a plane whose pilot has fallen out of the cab? An oversized accident smashing

into everything it meets? Does it feel like a tragedy is waiting to happen? Do you feel like you are

out of tune and you have no idea what tomorrow will bring? Sometimes life weighs heavily on us

and all we see is darkness. Are there too many things that are just not happening the way you

want them to? Have you done your best but it seems as if its not good enough? Are you not

receiving gratitude for the good that you do? Are you saying, This is it to life?

You might be feeling down right now. Many of your expectations have not been met. Your idea

of an ideal life hasnt shown itself. You feel detached from the world almost like an island at sea.

You are constantly asking questions, but the answers dont come. The hardest thing to accept is

why this is happening to you. It seems as if life has a vendetta of some sort on you. Such is the

human mind when confronted by things it doesnt comprehend. Nothing bad with it. You are

normal after all.

This is a test of you resilience. It is the fire to purify you. This is you can make it or break it. If

you make it then you will have a turn of events. The darkest hour is before dawn, we have been

told. When we cant hold it together anymore. When we have reached our breaking point. Justbefore we snap. That moment is the turning point. It is the hardest and the most painful but

something good is about to happen to you. Hang in there a little longer. You cant stretch any

further so hold on. Your life is about to change for the best.

Principle 20

The moments that define us are the times when we are so stretched out, that we feel we can

not hold it any more. When we have reached our breaking point, when we hold it no matter

how hard, we will be rewarded. So when we are hid hard, that is when we need to be strong.

CHAPTER 21

I BELIEVE


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I believe in the natural order of things.

I believe in the genuine smile of a friend.

I believe in the human spirit to survive no matter what the circumstances are.

I believe in the connections that we as a people have.

I believe that we are all good in a way.

I believe that our circumstances take away our innocence.

I believe that what we say and how we say it spells out our inner self.

I believe that hate destroys and that love builds.

I believe that no matter who you are, you are important in this world. Your existence is not acoincidence or by chance meeting. You have a purpose. That purpose can not be fulfilled by

another but you.

Principle 21

I believe in you! Believe in yourself!

CHAPTER 22

LEARN TO BE QUIET AT TIMES


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When you are in the habit of talking too much, many a time you are not taken seriously. Your

talking becomes your label and soon the recipients dont listen much. At the end the contents of

our speech and the frequency by which we deliver them should have a purpose. When this ceases

to happen then we should stop broadcasting anything really!

It pays to be quiet sometimes. Keeps the other person guessing. That would make them to be

curious. Curiosity opens the eyes and ears. That way you are always assured of an audience that isattentive. If its in a relationship, then you have a healthy communication channel.

In a relationship, when your partner does something to you, they already suspect what you are

going to do. When you do exactly as they predicted, then you are not taken seriously. You will

just be like an open book. Learn to be quiet and ignore certain things. Do not react to each and

every wrong. Give time to the person to realise their error. Let them correct it on their own. That

way it will have more meaning to them. They should feel the need to do good because they want

to be good. They should not do well because they want to please you or are afraid of punishment.

We should not always want to win arguments. The loser will never accept your win.

At times accept defeat. This is the order of life. If your loss brings about peace, they so be it!

Principle 22

As long as your mouth is open, you are not listening! Sometimes silence is also talking. We

should learn to lose if that brings tranquillity in our relationships

CHAPTER 23


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GIVE

When I came into this world, I cried when everyone else smiled. When I leave this world, I want

to smile when everyone else is crying. My smile is a consequence of how much I have given back

to the world and not how much I have taken from the world. Naked I came into this world and

naked of things I will depart from this world.

It is the giving that gives us satisfaction. When you give and see the smile of appreciation from

the recipient, then you know that you have made a difference. Giving is not about worth but the

spirit. The ability to let go and make someone feel better in the process. What we find meaning in,

is what makes life better, not worse. We find happiness from what we as people have achieved in

making this world a better place to live in. What we have right now is for a moment and when we

pass on, the future generation takes up ownership.

Principle 23

In as much as can receive, not all of us can give. The true test of humanity lies not with how

much we have made in this lifetime but how many people we helped along the way.

CHAPTER 24

Life the Book2

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