Liar Liar Script

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    "LIAR, LIAR"

    Rough Working DraftbyTom Shadyac and Mike Binder

    April 18, 1996

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    INT. FULGHAM KINDERGARTEN -- WEDNESDAY MORNING

    Two dozen KINDGERGARTNERS listen to their teacher, MS.BERRY. The word "Work" is on the blackboard.

    MS. BERRY"Work." Today we're going toshare what our parents do for

    work.QUICK CUTS of a series of five-year olds standing besidetheir desks, addressing the class:

    JEFFMy dad is a truck driver.

    MELINDAMy mommy is a doctor.

    CAROLYNMy dad is a librarian and my

    mom is a vegetarian.

    THEODORE(with difficulty)

    My father is a struck-sher-al-engine-ear.

    CRAIG -My mother is an actress. Sheworks at Denny's.

    KELLY

    My daddy works at a placewhere they make stuff, and mymommy is a mommy.

    ELLIOT(looking a littlecrazed)

    My father is a postal worker.

    The QUICK CUTS end with MAX:

    MAXMy mom's a teacher.

    As Max starts to sit:

    MS. BERRYAnd your dad?

    MAX(hesitant)

    My dad? H e ' s . . . a liar.

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    MS. BERRY(taken aback)

    A liar? I don't think you !

    mean "a liar."

    MAXWell... he wears'a suit andgoes to court and talks to thejudge and--

    MS. BERRY(relieved)

    Oh! I see-- you mean he's alawyer.

    Max shrugs.

    INT. COURTROOM .-- DAY

    FLETCHER REID, early 30's, stands before the JUDGE. Hismanner is utterly genuine and convincing.

    FLETCHERA dark street. . . a stormynight... two desperate menstruggle... one man is takento the hospital, the other tojail. The prosecutor wantsyou to believe this is anopen-and-shut case of a poorman, brutally victimized.

    He nods at the victim - - a fragile OLD MAN in his 70's.

    FLETCHER (CONT'D)Well, for once I agree withthe prosecutor. This is anopen-and shut case -- but thetrue victim is my client.

    Fletcher's CLIENT is a 250 pound brute in a suit.

    FLETCHER (CONT'D)Put yourself in his shoes for

    a moment--walking home fromchurch, alone, in afrightening part of thesuburbs.

    As he describes his client's movements, Fletcher ACTS THEM

    J

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    FLETCHER (CONT'D)You're nervous, timid, lookingover your shoulder -- whensuddenly, you encounter him--

    (pointing at theold man)

    pouncing from the shadows.You quiver in fear. Thestreetlight flashes onsomething shiny in his hand--a knife?

    Suddenly Fletcher becomes the attacker, brandishing aweapon. The jurors RECOIL.

    FLETCHER (CONT'D)And in that terrifying instantyou do what any respectablecitizen would -- you defendyourself. Only after youshatter his arm and collarbone

    do you realize it's all amistake... the man was merelywalking away from an ATMmachine, the apparent flash ofmetal caused by his bank card.

    He reveals the weapon in his hand is only a credit card.

    FLETCHER (CONT'D)(concerned)

    As you stand over hiscrumpled, though potentially

    still-dangerous form, yourheart goes out to him. Youwant to help. First, yougather up the many bills hedropped, to stop them fromblowing away. Second, in aneffort to get the name andnumber of someone to notify,you take his wallet. Finally,you leap into the man's Lexusto head for assistance, whensuddenly a police car speedsup. You breathe a sigh of

    relief: "Someone to look -afterthe injured man! Oh joy!"But do the police applaud yourinitiative? Do they hail yourheroism? No-- they arrest youand throw you in the slammer!

    He walks along the jury box:

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    FLETCHER (CONT'D) And why? Why does the Stateturn its massive power againstthis individual?

    (takes animpressivemoment, thenanswers his own

    question:)Discrimination,

    (to a blackjuror)

    But this time it's not basedon race.

    (to a femalejuror)

    Not based on gender.(to a man wearinga crucifix)

    Not based on religion,

    (to a heavy setjuror)No--this time it'sdiscrimination based on size!

    . I know what the prosecutionwants you to think - -it'salways the big guy's fault.Is that what we've come to asa society -- persecutingpeople because they're large?

    Fletcher points accusingly at the opposition.

    FLETCHER (CONT'D)Shame on you, MisterProsecutor! Shame on you!

    (turning back tojury)

    The state is trying tobarbeque my client on the spitof Justice. Only you can dousethe flames. The decision isyours. And please...don't letyour emotions run away withyou. The fact that my client

    is a family man, raising hissons alone after the tragicdeath of their mother, hasabsolutely no bearing on thiscase.

    In the front row we see two sad-faced YOUNG CHILDREN.

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    FLETCHER (CONT'D)Instead, let cold reason beyour guide as you decide thefate of this church-going,orphan-rasing widower!

    Fletcher returns to his seat. Jurors, dab their eyes.

    EXT. COURTHOUSE -- AFTERNOON

    Fletcher bounds down the stairs, passing a fellow LAWYER,

    LAWYERHow's it going, Fletcher?

    FLETCHER(he' s won)

    Another gratifying day servingJustice.

    Fletcher's huge client catches up to him.

    CLIENTHey great job, Mr. Reid. Iwish there was some way Icould show my appreciation.

    FLETCHERStay out of my neighborhoodafter dark.

    A PUBLICIST carrying, a clipboard approaches Fletcher.

    PUBLICISTMr. Reid, do you have a moment-?

    FLETCHERNo, I'm late picking up myson.

    PUBLICIST-Because a couple of reporterswant to interview you aboutyour big win today.

    Fletcher instantly shifts directions.

    FLETCHER . .How's my hair?

    And he's off to woo a GANG OF REPORTERS.

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    EXT. SUBURBAN PORCH - AFTERNOON

    A sad Max and his mother, AUDREY, wait silently on thesteps.

    MAXWhat time is it?

    AUDREY(checks herwatch)

    I'm sure he just got tied upin court again.

    Finally, Fletcher's BMW pulls up. Max races to him,delighted.

    MAXDad!

    FLETCHERMaximillian!

    (calls out acommand)

    TRANSFORMERS!! .

    Fletcher instantly becomes a human version of theTRANSFORMER TOY making ROBOTIC MOVEMENTS and SOUNDS. Maxnows t e rout ne we , moves n per ect s ne w t a . . ...Until -- .

    FLETCHER

    Malfunction in vector 3 ! !

    Malfunction in vector 3!!(pretends to losecontrol of a'robotic' arm)

    Look out! It's on ticklemode!!

    Fletcher's "mechanical arm" becomes CLAW-LIKE, TICKLING MAlike crazy! Max loves it.

    Audrey watches these two kids, smiles.

    FLETCHER(re: Audrey)And who is this lovely lady?Max, could you introduce me?

    MAXThat's no lady, that's mom!

    AUDREY. Thanks, Max.

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    FLETCHERMom? !

    breath)

    Himnm. . . I don't remember herlooking that good,

    (becomes therobot again)

    Malfunction in Vector 4!Malfunction in Vector 4!

    Fletcher's other robotic arm becomes a "pincher", comesafter Audrey.

    AUDREY(playfully)

    Keep Vector 4 away from me.Unless you want Vector 4chopped off.

    FLETCHERYou know, you were much easierwhen we were married...

    (re: her luggage)So where are you off too?

    AUDREYStanford. I'm delivering apaper.

    FLETCHEROh really? Where I live, weuse a boy on a bike.

    MAXHey mom, dad's taking me tosee wrestling!

    AUDREY(mildlyprotesting)

    Oh, Fletcher!

    FLETCHER

    (playfullymimicking her)

    Oh, Audrey!

    AUDREYDo you have to take him tothose things? They're soviolent.

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    Fleccher IMITATES the familiar wise, old INDIAN CHIEF DAGEORGE.

    FLETCHER/DAN GEORGEThe boy must learn the way ofthe warrior. And who betterto teach him than Rowdy Rod- .Piper and Big John Stud?

    Audrey can't help but LAUGH.

    FLETCHER/DAN GEORGEHe must be schooled in the wayof the face-claw, the sleeper-hold, and the purple nuxple.For only then--

    AUDREY(playfully)

    Shut up!!

    FLETCHER/DAN GEORGE(to Max)

    The squaw will neverunderstand us.

    A HORN HONKS. It's the good-natured, affable JERRY. Maxruns up to him.

    JERRYMax, my man!

    Jerry gives Max "five", then kisses Audrey on the lips.

    JERRYFletcher, good to see you?

    FLETCHERWhat? No kiss for me?

    JERRY

    (re: luggage)What do you say, Max? Give mea hand?

    Fletcher grits his teeth as Jerry gives Max a piggybackride to get the luggage.

    FLETCHER(to Audrey)

    I didn't know the boyfriendwas going.

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    AUDREY

    Jerry. His name is Jerry andyes, he's going.

    Audrey heads inside.

    INT. HOUSE - DAY .

    Audrey enters, shuts the blinds.FLETCHER

    To Stanford? Overnight? Doesthis mean you two are...

    (cringes, can'tsay the words)

    AUDREYI've been seeing him sevenmonths, what do you think?

    FLETGHER

    I was hoping that after beingmarried to me, you'd have nomore strength left.

    AUDREY. Well you have to remember whenwe were married, I wasn'thaving sex nearly as often asyou were.

    FLETCHERMEDIC!! I've been hit.

    /-

    EXT. HOUSE - DAY ' '

    Audrey locks up.

    FLETCHERWell, great... I'm so happyfor you two. I am just MisterHappy man. Happy, happy,happy.

    AUDREY

    Relax, Fletcher. It lookslike Jerry's taking that joboffer in Boston.

    Fletcher turns sincere.

    FLETCHERAud, I am so sorry...

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    Behind her back, he FLAILS in celebration. She glancesback... He stops, whistles innocently.

    JERRY(calling toAudrey)

    Ready?

    Audrey and Jerry say goodbye to Max. They get in his

    Explorer.FLETCHER

    (to Audrey)You gonna be okay? Because ifnot, we could leave Max withyour sister and I could go outwith you two, does that appealto you at all?

    They drive off.

    FLETCHER

    Wave to the soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, Max.

    (flipping Max thekeys)

    You drive.

    INT. BMW - AFTERNOON'- MOVING

    Fletcher is driving, Max beside him.

    MAX

    Dad, are we really going to go

    to wrestling?

    FLETCHERAbsolutely, Maxattacker. Wejust have to stop by theoffice for one minute.

    Max SIGHS. He's heard this before.

    EXT. SKYSCRAPER - AFTERNOON

    Establishing the headquarters of ALLAN, STEWART &

    KONIGSBERG.As they head inside, Fletcher and Max pass a BEGGAR.

    BEGGAR'Scuse me, sir. Do you haveany change?

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    FLETCHER(patting hispockets)

    'Fraid not. Sorry.

    INT. SKYSCRAPER LOBBY - AFTERNOON

    Fletcher grabs The Daily Journal, paying for it with aHANDFUL OF CHANGE. His son takes this in.

    On their way to the elevators Fletcher and Max pass PHILIP,a dweebish bore.

    PHILIPFletcher!

    FLETCHERPhilip!

    PHILIPAnd this must be Max!

    FLETCHER(trying to brushhim off)

    . Yes. Yes it is. Well, it wasgood seeing you--

    Fletcher starts off with Max, when Philip calls after him.

    PHILIPYou know, Ethel and I had ablast at our last little get-together.

    FLETCHER

    Oh, me too. I can never getenough of charades. We'llhave to do it again sometime.

    Fletcher heads into an open elevator... only to find thedoor's closing impededby Philip's foot.

    PHILIPWhen?

    FLETCHERSoon.

    The door again begins to close... when Philip stops it.

    PHILIPHow 'bout tonight?

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    FLETCHERNot that soon. I'm taking Maxto see wrestling--

    PHILIPWe love wrestling. We could--

    FLETCHERI don't think so. See, Max is

    really shy around strangers.

    Max looks up at Fletcher. He isn't.

    FLETCHER (CONT'D)Tell you what -- give me yourcard as a reminder. I'll callyou. Soon. Promise.

    PHILIPGreat!

    Philip hands him his card just as the door closes.

    INT. ELEVATOR - AFTERNOON

    Max watches as his father TEARS PHILIP'S CARD IN TWO.

    INT. RECEPTION AREA OF LAW OFFICES - AFTERNOON

    The receptionist, JANE, greets them. Jane has an ODD,UNATTRACTIVE HAIRDO. A large GIFT BASKET is on her desk.

    JANEHi, Mr. Reid.

    (indicates, herhair)What do you think?

    FLETCHERFabulous! I love it.

    (indicates the basket)

    What's this?

    JANEI don't know who sent it. But

    it's for Mr. Allan. It's hisanniversary.

    FLETCHERAh... The PartnershipCommittee meeting stillscheduled for Friday?

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    JANE

    (as she goes)Yep...

    Fletcher quickly removes a gift card from his pocket,scribbles on it, puts it in place of the one already there

    MAXWhat are you doing?

    FLETCHEROh, I'm... fixing the card,

    (shows him theold card)

    Look, they spelled Mr. Allan'sname wrong. Have an apple.

    INT. MIRANDA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON

    ...Where a troubled FRED RAND is talking to MIRANDA, abeautiful, steely partner.

    FREDI can't do it.

    MIRANDAFred, it's your duty topresent the strongest casepossible.

    FREDThe strongest case possible,consistent with the truth.

    MIRANDALet the Judge decide what'strue. That's what he getspaid for. You get paid towin.

    FREDIf you insist on my taking itto trial, I'll represent Mrs.Cole aggressively andethically. But, Miranda -- Iwon't lie.

    Miranda looks out her window, calculating.

    MIRANDAThen we'll just have to findsomeone who'will.

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    INT. HALLWAY OF LAW OFFICES -- AFTERNOON

    Fletcher strides through the hallway with Max, calling outGREETINGS to his colleagues.

    FLETCHERHey, Pete! Great tie! .

    Max looks at PETE, -whose fashion-disaster tie startles him.FLETCHER

    Thomas--looks like you'relosin' weight.

    THOMAS glances up from a file. Max notes that he'scorpulent.

    THOMASGained three pounds.

    FLETCHER

    (wedging pasthim)

    On you, it works.

    Fletcher arrives at his office. WE MEET his secretary, thfiftyish, .worldly-wise and world-weary GRETA.

    GRETA 'Max! What's new?

    .MAXWell. . . it's my birthday

    tomorrow. We're having aparty and everything.

    Fletcher's EYES WIDEN. He has clearly forgotten.

    GRETA

    I'm sure your dad'11 give yousomething wonderful.

    Fletcher tries to wave her off, awkwardly stopping when Maxturns to him. .

    MAXYeah?

    FLETCHEROh, yeah. You're going tolove it. Uh, why don't youplay in my office for aminute? Fax something, suesomeone, have a good time.We'll be leaving in a second.

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    Max heads into the office. Fletcher closes the door behindhim turning it into a silly, two-handed wave.

    FLETCHER (CONT'D)Damn! I completely forgot.

    GRETAOh, there's a surprise.

    Greta produces a wrapped GIFT.

    FLETCHERYou're a saint. I should getyou something.

    GRETAYou did.

    She holds up another, smaller package.

    FLETCHERAh. Well, I always do theclassy thing. Any calls?

    She hands him a stack of mail.

    GRETA. Let's see.. .

    (checkingmessages)

    Judge Patterson's clerk. Heneeds your filing.

    FLETCHERTell him it's in the mail.

    GRETA(jotting down anote)

    Right. You'll do it nextweek. Mr. McKinley phoned,questioning that fourteenhours you billed on ChristinasEve.

    FLETCHERWrite him a long, explanatoryletter. Then bill him for theletter.

    GRETA(jotting down a

    . note). . .Done. Your mother called.

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    FLETCHERI'm on vacation.

    GRETAThis is your fifth week. . .

    FLETCHERIt's a long vacation.

    GRETA(jotting down anote)

    "Break mother's heart." Done.And that's it, exceptMiranda's looking for you.

    FLETCHER(checking watch)

    As if I don't have anythingbetter to do than bow and

    scrape at her royal perfumedpartner feet. Tell her I'm incourt.

    GRETACourt's closed.

    FLETCHERTell her I broke my leg andhad to be shot.

    GRETA(whispers)

    Why don't you tell heryourself?

    As Miranda approaches, Fletcher switches gears in aninstant:

    FLETCHER--And then send out a noticeof judgement on my win today!

    GRETA(dry)

    I'll get right on it.

    Fletcher turns -- and pretends to be surprised.

    FLETCHERMiranda! I didn't see you.Hey, you look lovely, today.Here, I bought you a gift.

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    He grabs Greta's gift and hands it to Miranda.

    MIRANDAThanks. I heard about yourvictory today. You're makingquite an impression on thepartnership committee.

    FLETCHER(feigningpuzzlement;then)

    Oh, that's right. You folksare meeting again soon."Allan, Stewart, Konigsberg,and Ried." There's somethingabout the rhythm of fours.It's like a full measure.Well, anyway, I've got aclient waiting in my office--

    MIRANDA .Actually, something importanthas come up. You're not busytonight, are you?

    Before Fletcher answers, we:

    CUT TO:

    INT. FLETCHER'S OFFICE - EVENING

    A sad Max sits on Fletcher's big sofa. His heart sinks

    further when Fletcher enters. . . carrying two boxes ofdocuments.

    MAXWe're not going, are we?

    FLETCHEROf course we are. A promiseis a promise. We are gonnasee wrestling or my name isn'tFletcher T. Reid.

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    FLETCHER(to wrestler)

    Could you hand me that?(the wrestlerdoes)

    Thank you.(without looking

    up)We are having some fun, ehMaxer?

    PUSH IN on Max; he isn't.

    INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

    Jerry paces. Audrey is on the phone, waiting. She noticesJerry pacing.

    AUDREYAre you alright?

    JERRYUh, yeah, just, uh... how longare you gonna be on the phone?

    AUDREYI just wanted to say good-night to Max, but he muststill be out with Fletcher,

    (hangs up)

    JERRY

    (suddenly)Will you marry me?

    She's SHOCKED.I

    AUDREYUh...would I . . . ? What did yousay?

    JERRY(nervous)

    I proposed, I . . . Look, I knowthis Boston thing is a greatopportunity, good job,money... everything. But Istarted to think about beingthree thousand miles away fromyou and Max. And I didn'tlike it. I-- Look, I knowit's a lot to ask, to move andeverything, but I .. . .I love

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    you. I love your son. Willyou marry me?

    She stares at him, excited, but nervous.

    EXT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT BUILDING - MORNING

    Early morning outside Fletcher's building.

    INT. FLETCHER'S STUDY - MORNING

    Fletcher types on his computer. He's been up all night.

    He leans back, rubs his eyes. When he opens them he seesMax standing there in pajamas. Fletcher SMILES.

    FLETCHERMax Factor... Happy birthday.How old are you today?Thirty? Forty?

    MAXFive.

    FLETCHERWell, you've held up well. Ionly wish there was some wayto commemorate such anoccasion, some small symbol tomark this day, like....

    Fletcher produces --

    FLETCHER

    . . . A present! .

    Max eyes it with wonder.

    MAXWhat is it?

    FLETCHER(no idea)

    It's... it's.(it hits him)

    a surprise.

    Max knows his father doesn't have a clue but he rips thebox open, revealing, a BASEBALL, GLOVE, DODGER'S CAP, andFULL MAJOR LEAGUE STYLE UNIFORM.

    MAXBaseball stuff!

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    _ J

    FLETCHERBaseball stuff.

    MAX(hugging his dad)

    Will you play catch with me?

    : FLETCHER '

    Absorootentootenlutely.

    Max beams.

    FLETCHERTonight. After your party,you have my word on it.

    Max nods sadly as Fletcher turns back to his work.

    EXT. JERRY'S CAR - MORNING

    Jerry and Audrey are driving. Audrey's holding a couple of

    airline tickets.AUDREY

    (re: tickets)Jerry, these are for tomorrow.

    JERRYThe company wants me to getstarted right away.

    AUDREYI can't just pick up and moveto Boston with two days

    notice.

    JERRYJust come check it out. Youand Max, see the town. Let's

    . pick out a place together.Then, if you want to turn medown and scar me for life,fine.

    AUDREYIt's just not that simple...

    What about my job? I've beenat UCLA three years.

    JERRYIt's New England. They'relousy with colleges. Youcan't swing a bat back therewithout hitting a college.

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    You'd get a job there in asecond.

    AUDREYThere are other factorsinvolved.

    (points)There they are now. .

    They pull up in front of Fletcher's building where Fletcheand Max are waiting. Fletcher's still reviewing a file.

    As Audrey gets out of Jerry's car, Max runs over.

    AUDREYDid you have fun? How werethe wrestling matches?

    FLETCHERBig fun. Manly fun. Am Iright, Maxie?

    MAX(half-heartedly)

    It was fun..

    FLETCHER(re: Audrey)

    So how were the wrestlingmatches? Did you have fun?

    JERRYMax, my man! My happybirthday man!

    Max and Jerry exchange "fives" and'a hug. Jerry gives Maxa light punch on the arm.

    JERRYOne-two-three-four-five... andone for good luck.

    FLETCHERDid you see that? He struckthe child!

    MAXLook what dad got me!

    (shows the glove)

    JERRYWhoa! Great! I have my glovein the car. We'll stop in thepark on the way home and playcatch. Then tonight we'll oil

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    it, wrap a rubber band aroundit. . . It'll be great.

    (to Fletcher)Great birthday present, dad!

    Fletcher hates him. Jerry and Max go to Jerry's car.

    FLETCHER .(makes a fist)

    When is it his birthday?AUDREY

    Something's come up. We needto talk.

    MAXMom, let's go. I want toplay.

    AUDREY(to Fletcher)

    We'll talk tonight.

    FLETCHERTonight?

    AUDREYMax's birthday?

    FLETCHER'

    Oh, yeah, right. Seven. Iknew that. I did. I blockedit out weeks ago. Theseventeenth of May. Max's

    birthday.

    AUDREYIt's the eighteenth.

    FLETCHERThe seventeenth of May is theday I .remind myself that theeighteenth is Max's birthday.See you tonight.

    They drive away.

    INT. MIRANDA'S OFFICE - NIGHT

    Miranda, and Fletcher's new client, VIRGINIA COLE, analluring woman in her early thirties/ review the documenthe spent the previousnight putting together.

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    VIRGINIAThis is good. This is reallysmart.

    FLETCHERThank you.

    VIRGINIA

    Only i t ' s . . . Like not true.Every word of it is a lie.

    Fletcher and Miranda exchange glances.

    VIRGINIA (CONT'D)I mean... isn't that aproblem?

    FLETCHERMrs. Cole, the only problemhere is that after you'veprovided years of faithfulservice and loving support, ofraising his children -- Theyare his?

    VIRGINIAHm? Oh yeah. One for sure.

    FLETCHERAfter all that, your husbandwants to deny you a fair shareof the marital assets based onone single act of

    indiscretion--]

    VIRGINIASeven.

    FLETCHERHm?

    VIRGINIASeven single acts ofindiscretion.

    FLETCHER--Seven acts of indiscretion,only one of which he has anyevidence of, and all of whichhe himself is responsible, for.

    VIRGINIAHe is?

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    FLETCHERMrs. Cole, I stayed up allnight last night studying yourcase. Not just your case...but you. And, by now, I feelI know you. You are thevictim here. The wife of acold, distant businessman.Starved for affection, driven

    into the arms of another man--VIRGINIA

    Seven.

    FLETCHER(not missing abeat)

    --Seven .other men. You're nottrying to deny him what isrightfully his. All you'reinsisting on is what isrightfully yours. And maybean idgy-smidgy bit more. Ithink you're bending overbackwards.

    VIRGINIAWell, I did agree to give himj oint custody of the kids...

    (to Miranda)He's always been a goodfather.

    FLETCHER

    And you've always been a goodwife.

    VIRGINIA(getting workedup)

    Yeah. . .

    FLETCHERThere's such a thing as beingtoo nice. That's why you needaggressive representation. To

    show the court that there ismore than one side to thisstory. All I'm asking is theopportunity to see thatjustice is done on yourbehalf.

    (takes her hand)Will you give me thatopportunity?

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    He stares into her eyes. A moment, then...

    VIRGINIAYes! I'm tired of gettingkicked around.

    FLETCHERGood for you!

    VIRGINIAThank you, Mr. Reid. I'm sograteful I have an attorney Ican trust.

    She gives him a HUG and momentarily grabs his ass. Withfarewell nod to Miranda, she leaves.

    Miranda turns, smiles at Fletcher, then shuts the door.She moves in on him.

    MIRANDA

    You're good. You're reallygood.

    FLETCHEROh, pshaw.

    (pronounces itwith the "p")

    She picks a piece of lint off.his jacket.

    MIRANDANo, I mean it. The Cole case

    is worth a truckload of moneyto this firm, not to mentionthe press it's going togenerate. You win this caseand I guarantee you'll makepartner.

    (straighteninghis tie)

    Actually, how would you liketo make a partner right now?

    FLETCHERExcuse me?

    She grabs his lapels and pulls him in for a deep KISS.

    INT, AUDREY AND MAX'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

    A PARTY in progress, KINDERGARTNERS being entertained by aMAN in a clown suit and clown make-up.

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    CLOWN(singing)

    Captain Fuzzy is my name,Making children happy is mygame,With a shake and a juggle,And a big belt buckle,You'll all be glad I came. '

    He flops down on his back causing something in his pants toHONK. Audrey and Jerry watch.

    AUDREY(indicating theclown)

    What do you think?

    JERRYWell, if you don't hire yourbrother, who will?

    She heads into... .

    INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

    JERRYThey called me again fromBoston. They really want methere tomorrow.

    AUDREY. . . I can't go to Boston.

    JERRYHow come?

    AUDREYMax.

    JERRYHe'll love it there.

    AUDREYIt's Fletcher.

    JERRYFletcher?

    AUDREYI can't move Max threethousand miles away from hisfather.

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    JERRYAudrey, I have never said abad word about your ex --

    AUDREYI know.

    JERRYBut how much responsibility

    does Fletcher take for Max,now? He'd never come over ifyou didn't remind him.

    AUDREYI know. But if they're threethousand miles apart they'llnever see each other.Fletcher will never come toBoston and how can I send Maxcross-country to him?

    .JERRYSo because your ex-husband isunreliable, we can't-'-

    AUDREYI know, it's not logical, it'semotional. I'm sorry.

    Pause.

    JERRYI still want to marry you.

    AUDREYAre you sure?

    Jerry picks up the PHONE, pulls out a piece of paper,dials.

    JERRY(into phone)

    Mr. Crisitelli, JerryShe!ton... I hope I'm notcalling too late... Mr.Crisitelli, I'm afraid I have

    to turn down your offer..'. Soam I . . . Well, I've fallen inlove with this beautiful womanin L.A. and she doesn't wantto leave and I won't leavewithout her... Well, thank youvery much... Yes, good-bye.

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    (hangs up)He wasn't there, but that's

    1 the speech I would've made.

    She smiles and KISSES him. The PHONE RINGS. Audreyanswers.

    AUDREYHello...

    INTERCUT WITH:

    INT. MIRANDA'S OFFICE - NIGHT

    AUDREYFletcher, where are you?We're getting ready to cut thecake.

    FLETCHERUrn, actually, something has

    come up. A problem on a newcaaa-- .

    Miranda bites one of Fletcher's nipples.

    FLETCHERA-h-h-h-!

    AUDREYWhat happened?

    FLETCHERNothing. I just nailed my

    knee into the desk... Listen,I'm really sorry I can't 'makeit.

    AUDREYMax is going to be sodisappointed.

    FLETCHERI'll make it up to him, Ipromise. I'll pick him upfrom school tomorrow, okay?

    AUDREYDo you want me to put him onthe phone?

    Miranda starts "reeling in" the phone cord.

    FLETCHERAh, no. I have to go.

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    AUDREYRight.

    ANGRILY, she hangs up. Fletcher stares UNHAPPILY at thephone, before Miranda THROWS HIM BACK ONTO THE COUCH.

    INT. AUDREY AND MAX'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT

    WE PAN DOWN from banners reading HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAX!. . . toa room full of guests... to a desultory five-year-old.

    Audrey finishes lighting the candles on the homemade cake.

    AUDREYAll right, birthday boy, makea wish.

    Max doesn't respond.

    AUDREY (CONT'D)

    C'mon, honey. It can beanything-- whatever you wantmost in the world.

    When he .doesn't respond, she leans down to him..

    AUDREY (CONT'D)Max, your dad is sorry. Hehad to work.

    MAXHe said he was coming. Hepromised.

    AUDREYYes, well, he... promiseshe'll see you tomorrow.

    Max doesn't believe it.