7/21/2019 Let Us Show You Excerpt

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  et Us Show You

Written by

Paul Fisher

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7/21/2019 Let Us Show You Excerpt

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COLD OPEN

EXT. TOWN SQUARE, FRENCH LICK, IN - DAY

STEPHEN KINCAID - 50s, British, graying but still dashing;

think sarcastic and sweet, like Eric Idle - stands by a giant wooden sign that bears the name of French Lick, Indiana.

STEPHEN KINCAIDOur next stop in Indiana is thecharming township, French Lick. Andsince we’ve just come from the townof Santa Claus, we’ll now explorethe birthplace of someone just as

 magical and white, who looked great with facial hair: Larry Bird.

A large, male SUNGLASSED PEDESTRIAN walks past Stephen,

obscuring him.

STEPHEN KINCAID (CONT’D)What the hell are you doing?

Stephen was being filmed by a cameraman, CHIP - 40s, doofy,baseball cap - the whole time. The associate producer, HEIDIRALPHSON - 30s, blonde - stands off camera.

HEIDI RALPHSONStephen...

SUNGLASSED PEDESTRIAN

Who me?

STEPHEN KINCAIDNo, that phrase is my “safe word.”Yes, you. You just ruined the shot.

SUNGLASSED PEDESTRIANHey! I know you.

STEPHEN KINCAIDYou must be joking.

SUNGLASSED PEDESTRIANNo. You’re that, uh, Jerry Connel!

Stephen disgustedly runs his hand through his curly hair.

STEPHEN KINCAIDNo. I’m-

SUNGLASSED PEDESTRIANRalph Wimson!

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STEPHEN KINCAIDNo.

SUNGLASSED PEDESTRIANYes! You were in that sketch group.

STEPHEN KINCAIDThere were six of us.

Sunglassed Pedestrian looks upset; he turns to leave.

SUNGLASSED PEDESTRIANDon’t tell me what I know, Ralph.

He stands outside the shot, pouting. What just happened?

STEPHEN KINCAID(to the crew)

Can we start again?

They all go back to their spots. Stephen opens his mouth,but... A snarling OLD WOMAN holding a BABY walks up to theedge of the shot. He turns.

STEPHEN KINCAID (CONT’D)May I help you?

She walks right into the shot and up to him.

OLD LADYYou’re that Sean Monroe!

STEPHEN KINCAIDI’m Stephen bloody Kincaid!

She stares. The executive producer, RENEE ROY - late 30s,serious - walks over.

RENEE ROY(to the crew)

That’s a wrap for now. Production meeting at five p.m.

STEPHEN KINCAID

(to Old Lady)The Kincaid of comedy?

Nothing.

STEPHEN KINCAID (CONT’D)Oh, piss off!

The Old Lady startles and the Baby starts to CRY.

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SUNGLASSED PEDESTRIANStop being a dick, Ralph!

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