LET US BUILD

STRONG FAMILIES

Allah (SWT) commands us

O ye who believe! save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah but do (precisely) what they are commanded. Tahreem, 66:6

Family is a test and trial

Your riches and your children may be but a trial: but in the Presence of Allah is the highest RewardTaghabun, 64:15.

Strong Family System

• Family is the foundation of a strong society. It requires:• Proper division of responsibilities & loving relations

between husband and wife. • Proper upbringing of children.• Provide the environment under which human values and

morals develop and grow in the new generation• Human desires find satisfaction, as well as high moral values

are practiced and taught to the children• Future generation be brought up in such a manner that it

will continue the human civilization, in which human characteristics flower to their full bloom.

Disintegrating family system• Free sexual relationship • Illegitimate children become the basis of a society• Relationship between man and woman is based on lust, passion and

impulse.• Division of work is not based on family responsibility and natural gifts.• Role of women is merely to be attractive, sexy and flirtatious• Women are freed from their basic responsibility of bringing up

children• Women prefers to become employed thus using their ability for

material productivity rather than the training of human beings• Meaning of ethics is limited to economic affairs or political affairs.• Immoral teachings and poisonous suggestions are rampant, and

sexual activity is considered outside the sphere of morality,

Home is a place of peace and tranquility

“And Allah has made for you in your homes an abode.”Nahal’16:

It has been reported by Ibn Abi Aldunia and others (Sahih al-Jaami) that, “When Allah loves the people of a household, he introduces kindness among them.”

How Muslim homes are being affected by anti family environment

• 1) Separation and divorce rates• 2) Percentage of families headed by a single parent• 3) Teenagers issues• 4) Disagreements, tension and conflict among

married couples • 5) Intergenerational conflict • 6) Rate of depression, particularly among wives • 7) Domestic violence involving teens.

Reasons Behind These Problems.

• Almost everything around us tends to minimize positive family values and principles

• Couples choose to have an “I, me” orientation of life, rather than a “we, us” perspective

• Both father and mother are working outside of their homes for economic reasons

• Care and education of their children are shifted to childcare providers and teachers

Reasons Behind These Problems

• Both parents don’t understand that their family’s well being must be a major priority and that they must sacrifice to build, protect, and reinforce their family

• When spouses forget the rights that Allah (SWT) has given their mates over them, their love disappears. Instead, anger, disagreements, and conflict take its place

• Fathers and husbands do not set aside a special time for their families to talk, laugh, communicate

• Patience, kindness, understanding and forgiveness is not practiced.

How to Solve These Problems

• Sense of hope and the belief that it is never too late to change

• Good intentions and ideas are not enough. We must develop a new mindset based on Islamic principles and practices

• Marriage requires collaboration, commitment and a sense of responsibility

• Develop a deeper knowledge of the importance of the family and family values in Islam in order to deal with the powerful forces that surround us

How to solve these problems

• We must set aside a special time each week for our family members to enjoy one another, communicate, plan, and study

• Our tempers can get us into big problems. • Patience and forgiveness are the best gifts that we

can use to correct mistakes• We can have rich family relationships through

listening and understanding• Husbands and wives should avoid discussing their

personal problems and private matters with others

How to solve these problems

• Need to encourage each other in their obedience to Allah

• Raise their kids according to Islamic values• Children get much of their sense of security

and tranquility from the way their fathers and mothers treat each other; hence, the greatest thing we can give to them is through our loving and being kind to one another

Steps towards a strong Muslim family

• 1-Choosing the Right Partner For the Man“The whole world is a place of enjoyment and the

best enjoyment is a righteous wife.” Muslim no. 1468 and An-Nisaee from Ibn Amr

A righteous wife who will help you in religious and worldly affairs is better than all the treasures the people have collected.” Ahamd 5/282 at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Majah from Thawbaan.

1-Choosing the Right Partner

• “From the joys of a righteous woman is when you look at her she pleases you, when you are away from her, she safeguards herself and your wealth. From the difficulties of a bad woman is when you look at her she displeases you and she answers you back, when you are away from her she does not safeguard herself and you wealth.” Ibn Majah 1861 and others. See Silsilah as-Saheehah 282

Choosing a wife

• “A woman is married for four reasons; her wealth, her family, her beauty and her faith. So, marry the one who is religious and you will prosper.” Saheeh al-Bukharee vol.9 no. 132.

• “Marry women who are loving and prolific in giving birth, as I shall outnumber the other Prophet's (nation) through you.” Ahmad 5/245. Al-Albaane said it is authentic in Irwaa al-Ghaleel 6/195

Choosing a husband

• “If somebody comes to you and you are pleased with his character and religion then marry him. If you do not, there will be discord on earth and widespread corruption.” Ibn Majah 1967.

2- Live with kindness & love

• “The best of you is the one who is best to his wives, and I am the best of you towards them” [Authentic At-Tahawee]

• “Let no male believer ever hate a female believer. Though he may dislike one of her attribute, he will be pleased with another” [Saheeh Muslim]

• “The believer with most complete faith is the one with the best character and the best of those are those who treat their wives in the best.” [Hasan - Tirmidhee]

3-Obligation on Woman to Obey Her Husband

• “If a woman prays the five prayer, guards her private parts (from anything illegal), and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any door she wishes.” [Authentic - at-Tabaree

• “It is not allowed for a woman to fast in the presence of her husband except with his permission, except in Ramadaan, and she may admit no-one in his house except with his permission” [Saheeh al-Bukhari

4-Spouses to fulfill their respective duties

• “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty and All-Wise.” [ Al-Baqarah (2): 228]

• “Those who do justice will be on thrones of light at Allah's right Hand, and both of Allah's Hands are right Hands; those who were just in their ruling with their families and in all which they were given authority.” [Saheeh Muslim)

5-“Making the House into a place of Remembrance of Allah (SWT)

• “The example of the home in which Allah is remembered and the home in which Allah is not remembered, is like comparing the living and the dead” [Saheeh Muslim (1/539)]

• “The voluntary (prayer) in the home is better then the voluntary (prayer) with the people. It is like the (obligatory) prayer of the man in congregation being better than praying (the obligatory) by himself.” [Ibn Abee Shaybah and Saheeh al-Jamee (2953)]

6-Teaching the Family

• “O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stone” [Soorah at-Tahreem: 6]

• Ali (radhi allahu anhu) said about this verse: “Teach them (family) and show them good manners.”

• Spare a time of the day for the family from busy schedule and establish regular sittings with the family to teach Islam

7-Establishing a Library in Your Home

• Enough resources to benefit the children, the elders, both men and women, relatives and guests

• Locate it in easily accessible place• Books and cassettes of reliable scholars, on the

issues of Islamic Creed, Qur'aan and its Sciences, Hadeeth and its Sciences, etiquettes in Islam, seerah of Noble Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam), his Companions (radhi allahu anhu) and previous Prophets (alaihi as-salaam)

8-Inviting the Righteous and the scholars to visit the HOME

• A good companion is like musk; even if nothing of it goes to you, its fragrance will reach you. A bad companion is like a man who has bellows; if its (black) soot does not reach you, its smoke will reach you.” [Abu Dawood (4811)]

9-Practicing Good manners and Gentleness in the HOME

• If Allah, the Most High and the Most Majestic, intends good for the people, He puts within them gentleness." [Musnad Ahmad (6/71)]

• "The one who is not merciful, will not have mercy shown to him." [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

•Being playful with one's wife and children is another reason of extending happiness in the house.

10-Discipline among the Family• Strict time keeping in the House: A Strict timetable in the house

should be formed, for example eating timings, all members of the family should eat together, sleeping timings, wake up early, no late-nights etc

• Duties for house chores assigned and everyone must be held accountable.

• Violations of Islamic rules and house rules may need disciplining. "Hang the sticks where they can be seen by the people of the

house, because it is a way of teaching manners to them." [Tabaree )

It could be symbolic in the form of suspending some privileges. It does not necessarily mean beating.

Qualities of Strong Families

1-Commitment • Trust • Honesty • Dependability • Faithfulness • Sharing

2-Appreciation and affection

• Caring for each other• Friendship• Respect for individuality• Playfulness• Humor

3-Positive communication

Sharing feelings Giving compliments Avoiding blame Being able to compromise Agreeing to disagree

4-Time together

• Quality time in great quantity• Good things take time• Enjoying each other’s company• Simple good times• Sharing fun times

5-Spiritual wellbeing

• Hope • Faith • Compassion • Shared ethical values • Oneness with humankind

6-Ability to cope with stress and crisis

• Adaptability• Seeing crises as challenges and opportunities• Growing through crises together• Openness to change• Resilience

7-Strong families have rhythm and pattern & are flexible to change

• They have routines, rituals, and traditions that give direction, meaning, and structure to the daily flow of life.

• There are rules or principles that they live by.• Healthiest families are also open to change• From both the past and the present grow new

traditions and new rhythm• The harmony and rhythm may change in creative

ways, but the beauty of the music continues

How to maintain strong families?

1-Have regular dates. • If you are married, make time for regular fun-

time with your partner. A strong marriage can add strength to the family.

• Some families also have regular date nights with their children.

• Regardless of your family circumstance, make time for the important relationships in your life.

2-Hold regular family meetings.

• . Family meetings help us give proper attention to our family.

• They provide a forum of discussion for family issues.

• They give opportunity to plan for family time. • Family meetings help us to be proactive

instead of reactive.

3-Make a point to express your appreciation more often.

• Leave thank-you notes around the house.• Incorporate an appreciation ritual into your

family meeting. • Celebrate special achievements of family

members. • Make a list of 101 things for which your family

can be grateful.

4-Make a plan for effectively dealing with conflict before you have conflict.

• Don't wait until the heat is on and tempers are high to decide how to best resolve a disagreement.

• Plan ahead. • When needed, put your plan into action.

5-Explore you family history

• Trace your family lines. Find out about roots.• Share the lessons of life from heroes in your

family line. • Find out what your ancestors stood for. • Family history is a wonderful activity for all

ages.

6-Keep a family journal or scrap book

• Keep a scrap book of significant family events and achievements.

• Remember the good times which give us strength to endure the tough times.

7-Celebrate! Recognize the achievements of family members.

• Remember significant anniversaries with parties or family rituals.

• Make time to bask in the joyful moments of life.

DU’A

“Our Lord! grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous Al Furqan, 25:74