May 2008 SUBURBAN ESSEX MAGAZINE 15

Joan Scoville watched her “Paul Bunyan” husband, as she aff ectionate-ly called Barry, walk through the door with slumped shoulders and then head straight to bed. It hurt to recall the days when Barry would

come home full of energy, laughing and eager for the evening’s plans.Now a silent killer was stealing a little more of Joan’s husband each

day. He had polycystic kidneys, the genetic disease that had taken his father’s life. Barry never complained, but neither could he work in his Basking Ridge backyard anymore nor toss his grandkids in the air. And one morning as Joan watched Barry struggle to get out of bed, she made a decision.

“I can live without my kidney, but not without my heart,” she would soon tell a transplant coordinator. “I’m giving Barry my kidney.”

Not far away, another family was facing a similar crisis.Rob Murray, who grew up with fi ve siblings in Upper Montclair,

had consulted a doctor about a backache, only to discover his kidneys were failing. As he began dialysis, tests revealed something even more ter-rifying: he had Stage IV multiple myeloma, an aggressive cancer that kills 90 percent of its victims. Rob was given six months to live.

A grueling stem cell and bone marrow transplant put Rob into re-mission from cancer. And dialysis did the work of his failing kidney. In time, however, it wouldn’t be enough, and Rob’s name was added to the transplant list—with an eight-year wait.

When word reached Rob’s sister Sharon, she worried that she still

Transplant donors offer the ultimate gift: life

continued on page 16

Miracle Miracle The Miracle L veL veL ve

Miracle Miracle Miracle L veL veof

By Naomi Kenan, photos by Dan Epstein

Sharon Murray and her brother, Robert.

16 SUBURBAN ESSEX MAGAZINE May 2008

hadn’t gotten her test results. Yet suddenly it didn’t matter. She knew what she was going to do.

“I called Rob in Florham Park [where he now lives] and told him I’d made a decision,” Sharon re-calls. “I said, `I’m giving you one of my kidneys.’”

A Last Hope for Thousands

Organ transplant operations aren’t new, but as waiting lists grow longer—and patients die waiting—living donors like

Sharon and Joan have become the last hope to thousands of people who are running out of time. “Every person who steps forward to donate an organ is truly a hero,” says Diane Meehan, RN, the living donor coordinator at St. Barnabas Medical Center in Livingston. They are risking their health,

possibly even their lives, to save someone else. “Kidney transplants double a person’s

lifespan,” asserts Dr. Shakant Mulgaonkar, Chief of the Transplant Division at St. Barnabas. Still, the surgery is complicated, the recovery is painful, and there is always the chance that the donor’s re-maining kidney will one day fail. “Donors are the ones who are taking a loss,” explains Debbe Hop-kins, MSW, St. Barnabas’ transplant social worker. That’s why St. Barnabas’ transplant team—Diane, Debbe and Dr. Mulgaonkar—does everything possible to ease the process.

Cathy Black, a Livingston resident and Sha-ron and Rob’s sister, felt deeply comforted by the team, which answered all the family’s questions, gave both reassurance and hard, cold facts, and

were always available. “They were so kind,” Cathy notes. “I don’t see how we could have gone through this without them.”

Nothing could have stopped Sharon or Joan anyway. “Barry and I love each other and that’s all there is to it,” Joan asserts. “Besides, I’m Irish and I’m stubborn. Once I make up my mind, well, don’t even go there.”

There was a catch, however. Because Joan and Barry are not blood relatives, they had a mere 1 in 20 chance for a successful match. But tests showed their match wasn’t just close. It was so close, in fact, that the odds of Barry finding a donor as compat-ible as Joan were 1 in 20 million.

“You thought you married a woman who’s 1 in a million,” Dr. Mulgaonkar joked. “Turns out she’s 1 in 20 million.”

Rob’s Living Angel

Doctors had rarely seen a match as perfect as Sharon and Rob’s, either. Rob was worried about his sister, though. His fears

were silenced only after Sharon asked their dad whether he thought their mom, who had passed away three years earlier, would have approved of the transplant.

“Sharon,” she remembers their father reply-ing, “your mother’s up in heaven orchestrating this whole thing.”

It didn’t seem far-fetched, considering the “coincidences” that had spared Rob’s life until this point. His kidney failure had been diagnosed only because of a backache. And his cancer was discov-ered only through the tests on his kidneys.

The unspoken words hung in the air. If Rob’s kidneys hadn’t failed, his cancer might have gone on, undetected, until it killed him. “I asked God, if You do nothing else, let me see my son graduate from college,” Rob says.

Rob’s prayer was answered: though weak, he was there to watch Ryan graduate.

Now Rob needed a new kidney or his time might run out after all. His family stayed close, supporting him with loving care every step of the way. When the hospital called a meeting, every member of the large family joined in.

“It’s heartwarming and satisfying to see a family give so much support,” Dr. Mulgaonkar says. “Rob, Sharon and their family were truly wonderful people.”

Adds Rob: “My family’s love kept me determined to stay alive. That kind of love is what we’re here for.”

Meanwhile, as the transplant date neared, Sharon had no doubts about her part, noting that the rest of her family had children and other

The Miracle of Love continued from page 15

Joan Scoville and her husband, Barry.

May 2008 SUBURBAN ESSEX MAGAZINE 17

Want to Know More About

Donation?Nearly 100,000 Americans currently

need an organ—and many of them will die before a transplant becomes possible. Sharon, Rob, Joan and Barry all told their stories because they hoped that others would be inspired to consider giving some-one a second chance at life. Stories like theirs—many of which appear in the book The Gift that Heals by Roy Green—have persuaded thousands to research dona-tion, according to the Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network (OPTN).

Yet the demand still far outpaces the numbers of organs available. At St. Barn-abas Medical Center in Livingston, the waiting list for a living donor kidney has increased 35 percent since 2005, accord-ing to Diane Meehan, RN, the hospital’s living donor coordinator. How great is the need for donors? The statistics, from the United Network of Organ Sharing, speak for themselves:

• As of mid-April, 98,729 Americans were waiting for transplants.

• In New Jersey, more than 3,000 are currently on waiting lists.

• Living donors like Sharon and Joan account for a growing number of successful transplants: out of 28,354 transplants done in the U.S. in 2007, 14,395—almost half—were possible because of the gift of a living donor.

Because of misconceptions, donor groups say they want people to know that:

• All major religions approve of organ donation.

• Even if you have signed a donor list or noted it on your driver’s license, your family will be consulted before dona-tion can take place, so be sure they know your wishes.

• There is no cost to donors or their families.

To find out more, log on to: www.organ-donor.gov, www.donatelife.net, www.unos.og, www.transplantliving.org, www.mar-row.org, or call 1-800-355-SHARE (7427).

obligations. “I didn’t think it was such a big deal,” she insists. In fact, she was so humble that most of her co-workers at the postal office didn’t know until they read it in the newspaper.

On the morning of the transplant, Rob and Sha-ron saw each other through the glass pane separat-ing their rooms. “I mouthed, `Rob, are you ready?’” Sharon recalls. “He just gave me the thumbs up.”

After the surgery, Rob was wheeled into Sha-ron’s room, where he cried and thanked her. “I told him, `Just do what you’re supposed to do,’” Sharon says. “Just live.”

That’s exactly what Rob has done. Since the transplant, he has celebrated Easter with his family, soaked up the sun on a Caribbean cruise and begun thinking of a new business venture. “Sharon is a giving, loving, caring person,” he says today. “She’s always proven that to us, but now she’s proven it to the world. Sharon is a living angel.”

Sharon says she’d do it again in a heartbeat. “I feel like I gave birth,” she says. “To have the chance to save someone’s life, to see my brother so alive, it’s an unbelievable joy.” She adds that it reminds her of times she would look up at the sky and wonder she why was here. “Now I have an answer. This was part of my purpose.”

A Match Made in Heaven

For Joan, the hardest part was on Father’s Day of 2006, when the couple told their three grown children that Joan was donating her

kidney to Barry, just in time. To Heather, Barry Jr., and Shane, their father was a saint, a hero of a man who never let them down. But they couldn’t save him in return—they were at risk of developing the same genetic disease.

So when Joan told them of their mind-boggling match, they knew their mother was making the only choice she could. By this point, Barry’s kidneys were functioning at a mere 10 percent.

On dialysis, he attended Barry Jr.’s wedding that fall. But he was exhausted, his complexion a

sickly yellow-gray. And on March 9, 2007, Barry’s 57th birthday, the hospital called: it was time for the transplant.

Four days before the surgery, the hospital arranged a family meeting, Joan recalls, where the surgeon, Dr. Stuart R. Geffner, explained every de-tail. “You do not have to worry about your parents,” he reassured the children. With the tension eased, Shane, the youngest, asked one last question. “Can my dad drink beer afterwards?” To which Dr. Geffner answered with a smile: “Yes… in moderation.”

In a joint program with The Liberty Science Center and St. Barnabas, Joan and Barry agreed to allow high school students to observe the transplant, without knowing the names of the patients.

On surgery day, Barry Jr. leaned his 6-foot, 3-inch body over his mom, and, weeping openly, thanked her for what she was about to do. Joan remembers a doctor in the room echoing her son’s sentiment: “Joan, you are giving your husband the greatest gift anyone can give,” the doctor said. “You are giving life. You’re an angel.”

Although Barry had complications for a few months post-surgery, today he’s Paul Bunyan again, out in the yard hoisting huge branches after a recent windstorm sliced one of their trees in half.

A month ago, Barry and Joan attended Shane’s wedding. This time, Barry’s complexion was rosy, and he danced all night along. “There he was, just like he used to be,” Joan says. “He was back to himself. It was all I ever wanted.”

Dr. Mulgaonkar told Barry his kidney should last at least 30 years, Barry says. “Then he told me, `Now go and enjoy your life!’”

Like Rob, Barry is following those orders. He’s planning a retirement home in the Carolinas and relishes every day with his “soul mate,” the woman who saved his life. With the one-year anniver-sary of his transplant approaching, Barry is feeling especially grateful.

“I’m a walking miracle,” he says. “I consider myself the luckiest person in the world.” s

The transplant team, from left: Diane Meehan, RN, Dr. Shakant Mulgaonkar, and Debbe Hopkins, MWS, of St. Barnabas Medical Center.