Laws of Emotional-Energetic Couple Dynamics Heart IQ Network Ltd., Christian Pankhurst, Heart IQ Relationships Copyright 2014

LAWS OF EMOTIONAL-ENERGETIC COUPLE DYNAMICS

1) You are me cleverly disguised as you. This means that you are my medicine. However, in order to receive you as my medicine, I need to be both present to you and myself AND not in judgment with either of us. As you expand your range and claim more of yourself, I can be more of me in your presence. The more alive you become, the more Im invited to reveal my brilliance. Applying this truth to my daily life allows me to practice treating you as I would like to be treated. Therefore, in being more compassionate with you, I have the chance to practice being more gentle with me.

2) Whatever I repress, you will express for me. When I am too contained in my expression, because I cant or wont allow myself to feel specific emotional-energetic ranges, you will end up feeling and expressing those ranges for me. When I hold back and limit myself, I create a deficit in our relationship that causes you to hold more. If I am too uncontained in my expression, you will likely go numb in the presence of what I express. In both scenarios, I will be more likely to blame you for what Im feeling rather than recognizing the disowned judgments I hold on myself. This is called projection. The bottom line is that when we are not real with each other for too long, we will both go numb and our relationship will lose its spark. Balance can be restored when I take the time to reconnect to my own experience, so I can become more distinct in myself rather than being merged with you. When Im more connected to my own spark, my expression of who I am and what I want flows more authentically from my heart.

3) What I like in you, I like in me. What I dont like in you, I dont like in me. Mirror-Projection Principle: It is a fact that you, as my partner, will trigger me.

The Mirror-Projection Principle states that I will be drawn to the qualities in others that I like in myself, and I will feel resistant to the qualities in others that I dislike in myself. When I am triggered by qualities in another, this reminds me that I still have parts in my own emotional range that Im making wrong through judgment. Its from this ongoing judgment and resistance that my shadows are created. Heart IQ reminds me that all triggered states are beneficial when channeled through the heart. Accepting this allows me to take ownership of my shadows and bring them out in the open where they can be transformed into my deepest gifts. Given this, you, as my partner, hold the key to unlocking my greatest shadows and my greatest healing.

4) I can only be present with your emotion (what youre feeling) to the degree that I can

be present with my own emotion (what Im feeling). (Example) If you are expressing anger, and Im not okay with allowing myself to express my own anger, then your expressed anger will trigger my need to protect myself. As a result, I will go numb because Ive determined that this emotion is out of range to what feels safe for me to experience.

Laws of Emotional-Energetic Couple Dynamics Heart IQ Network Ltd., Christian Pankhurst, Heart IQ Relationships Copyright 2014

5) When in resonance, what moves in you, moves in me. Resonance principle: As my connection deepens with you, my partner, our hearts become more synchronized. As we entrain with each other, we come into resonance. Resonance is a state of being tuned in to each other where we start to think the same thoughts, feel the same feelings, and see through the same lens.

This process of entrainment is healthy, enjoyable and beneficial for growing intimacy. However, without clear emotional-energetic boundaries, we can begin to merge in this state of entrainment and start to lose ourselves in the presence of each others experience. When I make your needs more important than my own, resentment builds in me, causing our intimate connection to become depolarized. No matter how deeply connected we are, I still need to feel me and what I want in the present moment so that I can bring my inner polarity to our connection, as well as be nourished within me.

6) Energy & emotion loves specific direction. The more specific you are in sharing your love, the more real it will feel to me. Both love and pain need specific direction when being expressed. If your pain is expressed ambiguously, it will create defense in me because I wont know what Im dealing with, and therefore, I cant choose a better direction. If your love is expressed vaguely, then I wont feel the certainty of being claimed and received. A lack of specificity can come in the form of using too few words (coded), as well as using too many words (rambling). Clarity and specificity are needed both for pain to digest and for love to land.

7) Love is what it feels like to feel you feeling me.

In order for love to be received, energy does not need to be sent. The experience of love is not a transmission of energy. Love is an EMBODIED STATE that you can feel in me and I can feel in you. It starts with me feeling connected to my own goodness and then bringing my relaxed, contained, focused attention to you. The result is that you will feel loved. You feel loved because you can feel the energy of love being alive and available in me as I make my attention available to you. Embodiment is a state of available energy, so when you are feeling me be in love with myself, you receive this available energy in you, and we both feel nourished.

This is an important principle to grasp for the function of Holding Space for another which is the result of me feeling my own goodness while focusing my attention on you.