Last Lecture -- Living a Happy Life
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Transcript of Last Lecture -- Living a Happy Life
10 things three people in Heaven taught me about
living a happy life on Earth
-- or --
TGIT!!
Professor Sheri BridgesLast Lecture
Wake Forest UniversityFebruary 13, 2008
Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!
• Of marshmallows . . . – A “tenderheart” who cries at TV ads is
going to talk about losing loved ones????
• Memories . . .– Remembrances of them are with me
still
• And legacies– Lessons they taught me changed my
yesterday, my today and my tomorrow•A gift that makes me happy, not sad
The first angel
• My fiance, Chris Dippel– a.k.a. Honey Baby, HB, The HB– Big man w/big appetite for life
– From New Orleans•Rex, King of Mystic Krewe of Comus
– Died in 2001, one month before our wedding date
Angel #2
• Julia Nicolazzo Bridges, my mother– High-spirited, 1st-generation
American
– Teller of truth w/a capital “T”
– Giver of Italian hugs and kisses
– Died in May 2007, just before Mother’s Day
The third angel
• My father, James Bridges– Semi-soft-spoken southerner
– Veteran, patriot, inventor, fixer of broken things
– Died in June 2007, just before Father’s Day, 34 days after mother
– Parents divorced >20 years•Relationship: from chemistry to combustion
What the angels had in common
• An approach to life– They didn’t have everything they
wanted, but they wanted everything they had
– They smelled the roses, saw the glass as half full, and counted their blessings
They TGITed: Thank(ed) God and goodness it’s today!
How did they do it?
• The answer is simple (but not easy!)
• It takes practice
• It will work (if you want it to)
• It comes with a “money-back guarantee”!
#1 Attend a happy hour every day . . . and go by yourself
• “I just can’t get that monster out of my mind.” ~ Movie heroine– Thoughts, worries, concerns plague us– We can’t clear our heads– Stress is a constant companion
• Mind your Ps and Qs (peace and quiet) – Find, make, take time for being
How?
• Identify your ideal way of relaxing– A way of taking a mental health break
• Plan, protect, practice till it’s routine – Could you go a day w/out brushing your
teeth? Don’t go w/out p + q time!
• What did the angels do?– Walked around garden; took coffee
break at 4 p.m.; lunched outside w/birds and bees
# 2 Just say “no”
• Avoid the disease to please– When opting out is never an option
• It’s a matter of mathematics– Subtract from, don’t add to, your to-do
list– Keep the yes-to-stress ratio low
• In the words of Meville’s Bartleby the Scrivener, say “I would prefer not to”
How?
• Know – and respect – your limits– Draw a line in the sand
• Learn to say “no” in several languages– Non, ne, nein, ni, nyet . . . ?
• What did the angels do?– They said “no,” without apology or
explanation
#3 Don’t wait for milestones; find magic in moments
• Refrain from wishing your life away– Can’t wait for weekend, break, graduation
• Psychologist William James’ view – We’ve been there, done that so many
times, we don’t notice ordinary events of daily life
• According to Baba Ram Dass– Learn to savor each second, Be Here Now
How?
• Don’t look back w/regret or forward w/fear, but around w/awareness– a la James Thurber
• Remember: Yesterday’s a memory, tomorrow’s a mystery, today’s a gift– Which is why it’s called the present
• What did the angels do?– Made pizza from scratch, took karaoke
machine to chemo, cooed over tomato plants
#4 Quit complaining
• Griping, grumbling, groaning as a habit– Unhappiness → complaints, or vice versa?
• Constructive vs. destructive complaints– Complaints as means to achieve needed
change, or complaints for sake of complaining
• Ask yourself: Do I see a rosebush w/thorns or a thorn bush w/roses?
How?
• Ask if complaining will make a difference– Change what you don’t like or change
your attitude. ~ Maya Angelou
• Try purple bracelet experiment: switch from one wrist to other w/each gripe– KC pastor tired of parishioners’ criticism
• What did the angels do?– Not a single whimper over kidney stones
or broken bones
#5 Close your eyes + visualize peacefulness
• Go “Far from the madding crowd”– Stray from strife . . . and stress of
everyday life ~ Thomas Gray
• “ . . . keep your head when all about
you Are losing theirs ~ Kipling • Let “the force be with you” ~ Star
Wars
How?
• Escape to personal oasis in your mind– Remember a calming memory or
thought
• Listen for “the sound while a butterfly’s eating – such quietness” ~ Takahama Kyoshi
• What did the angels do?– Brought Zen-like approach to fishing,
cooking, fixing!
#6 Laugh loudly and often
• Laughter (is) the Best Medicine– Reduces stress hormones, relieves
pain, promotes relaxation, produces endorphins
• Lighten up! It is a laughing matter.
• Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can. ~ Elsa Maxwell
How?
• Look for humor in situations- “Joe, I’ve decided to make you the plant manager,” the boss told his employee. “Gee, thanks,” Joe gushed. “What do I have to do?” “Just water them every day,” the boss replied.
• What did the angels do?–Giggled when scammed, howled at obscene phone caller, guffawed at movies
#7 Fire it up!
• We have intense workouts; what about intense playouts?– Extreme, consuming, exquisite fun
• Engage in passionate pursuits– Don’t love what you do? Then be sure
to find time to do what you love!
• Don’t be afraid to make joyful noises– Remember squeals of excitement on
the playground?
How?
• Send a signal to yourself, others that it’s time for FUN– Turn up the music, buy balloons . . . .
• Abandon all inhibitions, ye who enter here (with apologies to Dante)– Give yourself permission to go “crazy”
• What did the angels do?– Danced in the living room, lit fireworks
on birthdays, sang (loudly!) to Frank Sinatra
# 8 Look down, not up
• Reference point affects our satisfaction – Sister’s allowance $10/week, yours is $5???
• Framing situation as a loss produces more extreme reaction than framing as a gain– I get less than she does vs. without the
money my parents give me, I’d have zilch!
• Beware to whom you compare– Fact: you have less than some, more than
most
How?
• Recognize envy as a “deadly” sin– Clouds thoughts, precludes hope of
serenity, shrivels the heart, no fun at all ~ Joseph Epstein
• Use internal, not external, mile marker– You vs. your goals, not you vs. Joneses
• What did the angels do?– They didn’t make comparisons!
#9 Keep track of rocks + pebbles, let sand slip thru
your fingers
• What’s on first?– Top priorities in life are . . .
•Family, Faith, Health, Lifestyle, Vocation matters, Money, Achieving Success, Friendship, Leisure Pursuits, Influence
(Bharna Group)
• It’s all a matter of perspective– Today the “catastrophe” seems HUGE,
but will you remember it/will it matter a year from now, or even next week?
How?
• Consciously save room for dessert– Favorite people, pastimes, projects,
pursuits
• Learn to forgive, forget and laugh– Don’t brood; see your life as an
anthology of humor not horror
• What did the angels do?– Exactly as they pleased!!
#10 Always remember who you are and what you
represent• When I say skunk, what comes to mind?
– Black + white, smelly are strong, immediate
• For brands, associations are expectations – All Harleys are loud and rumbly
• You’re a brand– What can others count on you to do/be;
what can you count on yourself to do/be
How?
• Put pen to paper– Who am I? Who do I want to be?
• Build and protect your reputation– Consistency is neither foolish nor the
hobgoblin of little minds!
• What did the angels do?– They were consistently unique!
P.S. Another angel
• Tallulah Morrow (LuLu), my best friend– Beautiful, happy, fun, serene Southern belle
– 24K gold heart, big blue eyes, colorful clothes
– Everyone thought we were sisters . . .and in our hearts we were!
– Died suddenly of medical mistake in February 2008, five days after Last Lecture
#11 Give thanks
• It’s our heritage– “The Pilgrims made seven times more
graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.”
~ H. U. Westermayer
• They had abundant appreciation for abundant blessings – Family, friends, faith, freedom, food,
health, home, love, LIFE
How?
• Develop an attitude of gratitude– Be aware
•Notice when things are going well (and search for the silver lining when they aren’t)
– Be appreciative•Say out loud, “If this isn’t nice, what is?” ~ Kurt Vonnegut’s Uncle Alex
• What did the angels do?– Appreciated everyone and everything!
#12 Give back
• Do not only well, but also do good– “Care and share.”
~ Earl Woods, Tiger’s father
• Recognize the benefits of helping others – Ayn Rand, avid proponent of self-
interest, says helping others can give us reason, purpose, self-esteem
How?
• Find a “care”– A person, place, policy, program
• Make a donation– Of your time, expertise, ear, heart,
hand, shoulder, $
• What did the angels do?– Opened their doors, hearts, wallets
to others in need
Almost-last words of last lecture
• I asked: How will I get along without you, Mother?
• She replied: Honey, you’ll just have to figure it out for yourself
• But I didn’t; my angels had it all figured out for me
Remember: This is no dress rehearsal
• Say “I want to do it”
• Say “I can do it”
• Say “I will do it”
• Just do it! (with thanks to Nike)– Use a checklist every day
Last words of last lecture
Goodbye, my angels.
Hello, happiness!