Language and Conversation Course (Workbook)

Dave Riker's

Speed Seduction Language and

Conversation Course

A structured training program that teaches the language and conversational skills of Speed Seduction .

Workbook Speed Seduction is a registered trademark of Ross Jeffries, used with permission.

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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course

Table of Contents Page Disk and

No. Track No.*

Title Page i Legal Notices ii Table of Contents iii Product Content vi Product Protection and User Consent vi Formatting and Conventions vii Acknowledgements ix Forward x Registration xii Important Note About Exercises and Assignments xii

1.0 INTRODUCTION AND GETTING STARTED 1 D1-T1

1.1 Overview 1 D1-T1 1.2 Why Is This Course Needed? 1 D1-T10 1.3 What We Will Handle, and How 2 D1-T15 1.4 Investing In Yourself, Or Not 3 D1-T24 1.5 Can We Change The Way You Speak? 4 D1-T26 1.6 Manipulation and Ethics Concerns 5 D1-T32

2.0 SPEAKING AND LANGUAGE 7 D2-T1

2.1 Speaking Pointers 7 D2-T1 2.1.1 The "Cool" Factor 7 D2-T1 2.1.2 Voice Tone and Tonality 7 D2-T2 2.1.3 Pacing and Pausing 9 D2-T15 2.1.4 Energy and Enthusiasm 10 D2-T26 2.2 Language Tools and Details 12 D2-T39 2.2.1 Adjectives and Adverbs 12 D2-T40 2.2.2 Trance Words 13 D3-T1 2.2.3 Weasel Phrases 15 D3-T14 2.2.4 Embedded Commands 17 D3-T25 2.2.5 Linking 19 D3-T42 2.2.6 Easy-Linking (This, That, These, Those) 21 D4-T1 2.3 More Tools 23 D4-T12 2.3.1 Pointing and Gestures 24 D4-T14 2.3.2 Linking Gestures (Towards and Away) 25 D4-T22 2.3.3 Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That, These, Those ...) 26 D4-T30 2.3.4 Easy Anchoring - Point Or Touch, On Positive 27 D4-T35 2.4 Review 29 D4-T46

3.0 LANGUAGE STRUCTURE AND TECHNIQUES 31 D5-T1

3.1 Pace and Lead 31 D5-T2 3.1.1 General Pace and Lead Techniques 32 D5-T9

* Disk and Track Numbers References to the CDs and the tracks on them are shown in a format such as "D2-T4", which in this example refers to Disk 2, Track 4.

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Table of Contents (continued) Page Disk and

No. Track No.*

3.1.2 Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects 33 D5-T12 3.1.3 Pace and Lead-Mindset Or Frame Of Mind 35 D5-T20 3.1.4 Pace and Lead - Current Reality 38 D5-T29 3.2 Give Them a Reason 39 D5-T32 3.3 Listing 41 D6-T1 3.3.1 General Listing 41 D6-T4 3.3.2 Listing - At The End 43 D6-T15 3.3.3 Listing - Burying Items 45 D6-T24 3.3.4 Listing, Pauses, and Emphasis.. 48 D6-T36 3.3.5 Listing Review 48 D6-T37 3.4 More and More 48 D6-T38 3.5 Compare and Contrast 51 D6-T54 3.6 Parts 54 D7-T1 3.6.1 Parts of a Subject 54 D7-T4 3.6.2 Parts of a Person 58 D7-T15 3.7 Opportunities and Challenges 61 D7-T34 3.7.1 Using Their Own Processes 62 D7-T36 3.7.2 What Do People Want? 62 D7-T38 3.7.3 Mini-Challenges 63 D7-T40 3.7.4 Opportunities and Challenges 64 D7-T43 3.8 Ambiguities 69 D7-T64 3.9 Summary 69 D7-T66

4.0 CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT 71 D8-T1

4.1 Challenges 71 D8-T1 4.1.1 Detailed and Specific Plans Are Just Not Workable 71 D8-T3 4.1.2 Navigation Example 71 D8-T4 4.1.3 Navigational Strategies Are Needed 72 D8-T5 4.1.4 She Must Be Engaged In The Conversation! 72 D8-T10 4.2 How Conversations Happen 72 D8-T12 4.2.1 Conversational Dynamics 72 D8-T13 4.2.2 Conversational Model 73 D8-T14 4.2.3 Topic Turning Point 77 D8-T15 4.3 General Conversational Management 79 D8-T16 4.3.1 Getting The Conversation To Go Where You Want 79 D8-T16 4.3.2 How To Steer Conversations, Moment To Moment 81 D8-T19 4.3.3 The Model With Strategy and Tactics In Place 82 D8-T23 4.3.4 Exercises and Assignments 83 D8-T25 4.3.5 Summary 86 D8-T32 4.4 Advanced Conversational Management 86 D8-T33 4.4.1 Getting The Conversation To Go Where You Really Want 86 D8-T33 4.4.2 Steering Conversations Moment To Moment 88 D8-T35 4.4.3 The Model With Advanced Strategy and Tactics In Place 88 D8-T38 4.4.4 Exercises and Assignments 91 D8-T39 4.4.5 Summary 93 D8-T46 4.5 More Advanced Conversational Management 93 D8-T47 4.5.1 More About Getting The Conversation To Go 93 D8-T47 4.5.2 Steering Conversations Using More Advanced 94 D8-T49

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Table of Contents (continued) Page Disk and

No. Track No.*

4.5.3 The Model With More Advanced Strategy and Tactics In Place.... 94 D8-T52 4.6 Conversational Fractionation 96 D9-T1 4.6.1 The 1-Shot Beeline Fallacy 96 D9-T2 4.6.2 How Fractionation Works 97 D9-T3 4.6.3 Using Conversational Fractionation 97 D9-T5 4.6.4 Dead Ends Come Back To Life! 98 D9-T6 4.7 Conversational Overview and Review 99 D9-T7 4.7.1 Conversational Management Approach 99 D9-T8 4.7.2 What If The Outcome Is Not What You Expected? 99 D9-T9 4.7.3 Summary 99 D9-T10

5.0 TOPICS 101 D9-T11

5.1 Topics Of Enthusiasm and Passion 101 D9-T14 5.2 Seduction Oriented Topics 102 D9-T15 5.3 Expanded Seduction Oriented Topics - SOTXs 104 D9-T24 5.4 Conversational Model With SOTXs 109 D9-T32 5.5 The Complete Conversational Model 111 D9-T33

6.0 PATTERNS 115 D10-T1

6.1 Pattern O v e r v i e w . . . . . . 115 D10-T1 6.2 Pattern Formula 115 D10-T7 6.3 Canned Patterns 116 D10-T12 6.4 Pattern Riffing In Real-Time 116 D10-T13

7.0 REVIEW AND SUMMARY 119 D10-T18

7.1 Review 119 D10-T18 7.2 Summary 119 D10-T26 7.3 Listen, Do The Exercises, and Follow The Course .. 119 D10-T27 7.4 Be Willing and Prepared To Put Energy Into 119 D10-T28 7.5 Congratulations! Well Done! 119 D10-T29

8.0 EXAMPLES, EXAMPLES, EXAMPLES 121 D11

APPENDICES

I Course "Cheat Sheet" 123

II Speaking and Language Tools "Cheat Sheet" 131

III The Complete Conversational Management Model 133

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Formatting and Conventions The following formatting, styles, and conventions have been developed and are used throughout this transcript/workbook.

A majority of the workbook is presented in an "outline" form. Although there are paragraphs of explanatory text, these are in most cases presented as a way to augment the content of the audio presentation. The written text is NOT a transcript. The audio is NOT an exact duplicate of the text shown in the workbook. The relationship between these two can be best described by considering the workbook text to be (for the most part) an "outline" of what is presented in the audio.

The graphics in the latter sections are significant in that they are an essential part of the understanding and leaning, and their use is key to many students' understanding of the concepts presented.

There are certain conventions used in the formatting of the workbook. However these conventions are guidelines; there may be instances when the conventions are not used for the sake of emphasis, or clarity.

Samples of the formatting and conventions used:

Typefaces - A majority of the workbook content is shown in this typeface (Times New Roman, a "serif typeface). This shows information that could be considered part of an overall "outline" of what the audio presentation contains.

Text within graphics, graphic titles, graphic captions, and the Formulas, Exercises, and Assignments are all shown using this typeface (Arial, a "sans-serif typeface).

Lists - At times, items are presented in a list-like fashion such as this: Item 1 Item 2 Item 3 Etc.

...that is simply to show a list of related items, and to make it easier to reference those items at a later time.

Boldface Text - Boldface Text is used to emphasize certain text or passages. It is also used for subject headings so that these stand out and apart from the normal text.

Italicized Text - Italicized Text is used for emphasis in many cases where boldface text may by nearby, and the italics are simply used as a way to show a different manner of emphasis. Italics are also used to point the reader towards specific content of the audio CDs, i.e. Listen to the audio where an example is presented.

CD Track References - As shown to the right D3-T5 Towards the right margin of section titles and headings, CD Location References are shown using terms such as "D3-T5" in the text. This shows (for example) the Disk (3) and the Track number (5) that corresponds to that part of the workbook contents.

Not every track number is listed. Since the work book is an "outline" and not a transcript, there is not an exact place in the book that correlates to the start of each and every track on the audio CDs. Therefore most of the track references are shown at the start of major sections, or major points in the workbook.

Graphics are used in the workbook as well. Usually the graphic is shown on the page immediately following where that graphic is first mentioned in the text. If the graphic cannot fit there (due to page breaks) then the graphic is placed on the next available page.

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Each graphic has a number and a title of some type. The number is in the format of "XYZ-A" where "XYZ" denotes the number of the section where the graphic is placed, and the "A" indicates the number of the graphic within a section itself (i.e. - 1 , -2, -3) to account for multiple graphics in one section of text. This is shown below.

Candidate Topics

Figure XYZ-1: Graphic Title Sub-paragraph - If a graphic has text that helps to further explain that graphic, then that text is shown immediately below the graphic using an indented paragraph such as this.

Text Boxes - Text boxes are used for very specific purposes in the workbook.

Formula, Exercises, and Assignments are shown inside boxes such as this.

A Formula is a way to present a concise explanation of some item, fact, or technique. Each Formula is presented in its own "text box" as shown here.

Exercises are a series of instructions that call upon the reader to do or perform certain actions. Most exercises can be done alone.

Assignments also call for action on the part of the reader. Assignments usually requier the reader to go out and interact with other person(s) in order to perform them correctly. Although the difference between Exercises and Assignments is maintained through most of the workbook, there are instances where the definitions may be clouded to some degree. For example, an Exercise may require interaction with other people, or maybe and Assignment can be done alone by the student.

Page Breaks - The workbook is laid out to minimize the amount of blank space where reasonably possible. This may require that a graphic be placed on the next page after where it is first mentioned (instead of being directly below where the graphic is first mentioned in the text). This also may result in some page breaks being in places which are not optimal, but that is a necessity due to the complexity of the book. Similarly, there are cases where text boxes may actually "break" across two pages. Although this is not optimal, it is required in order for the "flow" of the book content to remain consistent.

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Acknowledgements The first and foremost acknowledgement goes out to Ross Jeffries himself, the creator of Speed Seduction . Ross's developments have lead not only to helping many men with this part of their lives, but have also shown many the way to a new way of living, opening the door for many into the world of self improvement.

To Dr. Yates Canipe, who was the business genius that brought Speed Seduction to the masses through seminars and products, and who has also contributed greatly to helping men change their minds about themselves, and what is possible in their lives.

To the many experts out there who have augmented the SS teachings by showing me other aspects of the mind, and have opened the door for me to find many ways of self-improvement and understanding, most notably Hypnotica, EVS, SP, MC, and MD.

To those in the original SD Lair group, who helped me by allowing me to help them, and for the assistance they provided with this product.

To my coaching clients, who have placed their trust in me and allowed me the experience of showing them new and wonderful possibilities for what their lives may have to offer. Working with these clients was especially instrumental in formulating and perfecting the concepts and teaching methods used in this product.

Special thanks to my friends, colleagues, confidants, associates, mentors, teachers, and students (we are each all of these and more) in the TAGR Group, JL, DM, SM. / must apologize to some degree for the time it has taken to finish this product. The main reason is that I do not wish to release any product until I believe that I am able to provide the level of quality,insight and teaching that I think is possible. I may miss a few sales because of such a delay, and this wait may have annoyed a few people, but I sincerely hope that the results will prove to have made the wait worthwhile.

... and to all of the Students out there who I have met at Speed Seduction seminars, those who have read what I have written, and those who have entrusted me to teach you and to guide you, and to help you in finding the Women or Woman of Your Dreams.

To all of you,

Thank you,

Dave Riker

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Forward

One of the most wonderful things about life is the idea of connecting with others, spending time with them, and sharing experiences with them. Whether that be as friends or acquaintances, whether this time has any sort of romantic or seductive component or not, some of the most wonderful moments of life are brought about by people, having and sharing experiences with, other people.

One of the biggest tragedies of life is that there are things, teachings, information, (and more importantly a LACK of information in some cases) that can prevent such connections and moments from happening.

Sadly this is most apparent when it comes to men. Many men through no fault of their own have grown up to be adults and have had little instruction or assistance in a very important area of their lives; the idea of simply communicating with and sharing experiences with the other half of the human population; women.

This is so sad, and in many cases the efforts of men to solve this problem on their own have been met by small-minded criticism and slander. As if the interesting, good-natured and well-intentioned man, who was simply deprived of an means to "learn about" how to meet and talk with women, should somehow not improve himself, and set forth upon a path to improve this area of his life.

I think that is not correct. And I am here to help correct it.

I think that many men, the best men, are the ones that really DO look at this area of their lives, and decide to move forward, take action, learn, and grow, so that they really may share wonderful experiences of ALL types with women, or with that special woman of which they have always dreamed.

I know of many women who are always distraught that they seem to not be able to meet good men. Good, interesting, intelligent, charming men, for some reason seem to be in short supply. And it's a shame for these women to be wanting for their company.

Such men, in fact, are NOT in short supply. There are many such men out there.

They are the ones that really don't know how to introduce themselves, or don't know how to present themselves in the best way. They don't know how to keep a woman's interest. They just have not been taught such things. So, there are a lot of great men out there who would like to meet interesting women.

And, there are a lot of wonderful women out there who would love to meet interesting men.

It's for these men, and for those women, that I create products such as this.

Whether a man decides to use this information as way to embark upon a period of his life which involves casual romantic interludes, or whether a man uses this information as a means to improve his chances of finding one special woman, is up to him. At least then he will be in a position of choice. He will be able to decide for himself which he feels is the best option for him.

The women of the world will be better off in their own way, as well. A woman should never "settle", or "compromise"; she should decide to be with whom she wants to be with by having opportunities, and options, to make an informed choice. Having many interesting men available, and introducing themselves, and showing themselves in the best and most honest light, helps to provide these women with an even better choice. From that position, most women will be far better off and have much better chances with the kind of men, or the kind of man, that they will want to spend time with as well.

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So, even though this product is intended to be read, understood, and applied by men, the benefits are meant to be for both men and women alike.

So in my own way, my goal and my hope is that this product will make men, and women, somewhat happier and able to enjoy their lives even more than before.

So guys ... read. Learn. Study. Apply, Have fun. Get out there. And good luck in finding The Women, or Woman, of your dreams.

Dave Riker

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1.0 INTRODUCTION AND GETTING STARTED

1.1 OVERVIEW Dl-Tl

Welcome and Thanks.

Welcome to Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course. This workbook is meant to studied along with a series of audio lectures that are recorded on CDs. The purpose of this workbook is to:

Provide an outline of the material covered in the audio program. Provide additional explanation of some points that are covered in the audio program. Present a series of exercises and assignments. Instructions for each are provided, along with spaces for

written responses where necessary.

This program is based upon experience with countless students, seeing what is needed, and what works in the field.

Language Skills

What works? What makes the successful guys able to use these technologies? Partly it's the ability to actually "talk" in this manner, to use these language skills naturally as just a part of the way they speak. If you follow along and do the exercises, you can change the way you speak as well. We will be teaching you the detailed language skills that will really help you.

Conversational Skills

The ability to manage conversations is needed as well. We will teach you ways to easily manage conversations so that they go in interesting directions.

You are already on your way!

This course works on many levels, consciously and subconsciously. So even this "intro" section is starting to work for you, and on you as well. Listen to it, pay attention, and get the full benefit of everything this course has to offer.

1.2 WHY IS THIS COURSE NEEDED? D1-T10

If you are here, then on some level, there is a need.

Some guys don't need this, some people do this naturally. If you are her "type" you don't need this, but this will help you if you are not.

These techniques all need to sound and be "natural" to actually be effective.

You are not going to sound like this or talk like this all of the time! Just in the way that you shift and change how you speak now in different situations, you will do so in the future and use these techniques as well. You will have this way of speaking as a PART of who you are and what you can do!

Guys need to be trained, and "reprogrammed" in a way.

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You have to be PROGRAMMED to do this so you can have a conversation, listen, and be a part of it. In a way, some of the ways that you speak now will be reprogrammed so that speaking in a new way will be natural. Other parts of the language tools you may have to "think" about... for a while at least.

Guys need to be able to just "do this" and "talk this way" in REAL-TIME.

This is a term that will be used throughout this course, so let's define and explain it for you. Real Time -"Occurring immediately ... respond to input immediately ... must react to a steady flow of new information without interruption."

Guys need to stop the worrying about "Doing something wrong"

It's only "wrong" if you are TRYING to do or be something you are not. You need to integrate skills to the degree that they ARE a part of who you ARE, not a "trick", but it's really YOU talking!

Guys are too focused on "how can I use this" when in a conversation.

Sure, that is important, but if you are "thinking" too much, then you are not actually IN the conversation! You need to be engaged in a conversation, talking, listening, interacting, responding. Not inside your head "thinking" about "how can I use this?"!

1.3 WHAT WE WILL HANDLE, AND HOW Dl-Tl5

Major Topics Speaking Pointers Language Tools and Details Conversational Management Conversational Fractionation Topics - Enthusiasm and Passion Topics - Seduction Oriented Topics Patterns and Riffing Examples

What Methods Are Used Describe and explain the details of the techniques Explicit examples of how the details work Examples throughout and within the discussions Examples section at the end. Exercises to develop understanding and skills Assignments for you to do in the field. Working on several "levels" of you mind at once Models to arrive at an overall understanding Left brain and right brain are both addressed Conscious and subconscious minds are both given what they need for real understanding and retention. Things may seem to "repeat", but that's your left brain talking! We are reprogramming many years of

your experience, so we need to approach this in many ways, many times! In fact we have already started!

Where Does This Material Come From From SS Teachings, some things will sound quite familiar. Other teachings about language, how it is learned, and how people speak.

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From personal experiences and how I used the materials. From working with clients and seeing what worked and how they were able to change. Applying a structured methodology of step-by-step methods, to give you a real roadmap to actually learn

the material. Is this information, new, or revised? Yes, there IS some overlap and duplication with other products and

systems. However, the emphasis here is training you to do it for yourself, making it a part of YOU, that YOU just DO.

The Ways To Study And Use The Product Listen to the CDs. Follow along in the workbook if you can Do the exercises and assignments! Listen over and over, do the exercises over and over, do the assignments over and over! Be patient. We are reprogramming years and years of you "speaking" in a certain manner. Changing that

will take some time. Is there an "optimal way" to use the product, or not? There are various ways, see what works for you.

However, the more you put into it, the more you will get out of it. This may seem complicated but the point is to get you SO familiar with the tools that you become the guy

who does this!

Some Very Important Points Find all of your current SS products and inventory them, both audio and written materials. You will need

them because you will have assignments that deal with these. Listen to other products in conjunction with this product, as assigned or as required. Get some other written material to work with for this course. Other SS products will work well. Also

maybe get a romance novel or two, and a few women's magazines as well. Be prepared to have a place to practice for this course! You will need to be able to speak out loud to do

many of the exercises. Having a good social life will help you. Many of the assignments will deal with talking to people, and this

is much easier if you have an active life where you can have many conversations.

The Mind-Momentum Principle At Work Get energy, effort, and engagement into your effort to really learn and use these materials. Get that "Mind-Momentum" going to help you change and improve.

1.4 INVESTING IN YOURSELF, OR NOT D1-T24

Any real change requires you to make an investment in yourself using energy, effort, and engagement, a concept that was brought up earlier. By embarking upon this course, and this journey, you are doing just that.

The best way to listen to this course is while also reviewing the workbook (especially in the conversational management sections). However, listening multiple times in any setting also has a lot of benefit. So, do whatever you need to do to listen to this course a LOT. If you need to make your own copies for use in multiple locations, do it! But please, keep those copies to yourself.

Be wary of those people who may want to "borrow" a copy, and who may "try" to listen to the course. If they just "try" it, they aren't really putting themselves INTO it. In addition, many of these people will be those negative types of people that will then dispute the benefits of this program! Why? Because THEY have not invested anything into it! Not just in terms of dollars, but in terms of THEM really being willing and ready to change, and being open to what benefits this program can bring.

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People must be engaged in the process to get its benefits. Those who are not, will not benefit. Don't let their lack of willingness to improve themselves, hold you back.

1.5 CAN WE CHANGE THE WAY YOU SPEAK? D1-T26

Is this really possible? This sounds difficult. Can we literally change the way you speak?

How you select words Create phrases - Form sentences Pick topics Speak passionately, at will Engage in conversation Manage conversations

Yes, It Is Possible! - But This Is A Different Type Of Learning.

Most people want to approach this by learning bits and pieces

That's good in a way, because it addresses that analytical part of your mind. But it's tough to do that. Imagine having to "think about" how to talk, at every moment!

Some people want to try to memorize.

This might be good as a learning TOOL, but to then USE it in conversation is difficult. You keep trying to "remember" things. Plus it's not YOU talking, its a memorized "thing". It's less effective. Not as congruent. It makes guys nervous, trying to "remember" what to say. Then it's about a "performance." So, consequently, there is a "right" and "wrong" way to do it! But if you are just TALKING, just being YOU, then its easier, there is no "right" way or "wrong" way, its

YOU being YOU! You cannot fail at being YOU!

The approach in this course is different.

You will get some details, some models, some structures. You will end up "memorizing" thing to some degree, but only indirectly, because you will hear it so

much! But a LOT of what is being conveyed here is learning by EXAMPLE. Immersion is the key. Also progressive exercises, where you learn skills piece by piece. And actual assignments, where you use the skills in the real world.

How People Initially Learn How To Speak

Sure in middle school, kids are taught about language, about grammar, sentences, paragraphs, etc. But that's not how you learned to talk! You learned to talk when you were a child - by hearing others around you speak! You were IMMERSED in language, you heard it, you heard it a lot, you heard it in context, and you

started to form the ability to speak and communicate based upon that!

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This Course Uses Many Techniques To Train You To Have Workable, Real-World Skills.

Examples

Explicit examples, like when I say "here is an example"

Implicit examples, where I am just DOING these things all during the program.

Exercises and Assignments to Teach You the Skills

Skills Training like any sport, trade, or craft. Break it down into small parts, which we go over and over.

Various Training Methods

We use a lot of repetitive training methods so that these techniques have a better chance of becoming "automatic".

We will have you become familiar with the range of ways of speaking and sounding, so that you will have more ability and more flexibility to do what is appropriate

1.6 MANIPULATION AND ETHICS CONCERNS D1-T32

Many guys have been uncomfortable with using many of these skills, based upon feelings that when using them, "it's not me" or "I am just using a trick or technique".

This causes some real, deep ethics issues and blocks many guy's success.

With THIS approach HERE, it's not about throwing something AT her, we will change the way you talk so that it will be easier, more natural, more a part of YOU, how you communicate, and who and what YOU are!

Using these skills will be less of an "act", and be more of WHO YOU ARE.

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2.0 SPEAKING AND LANGUAGE

2.1 SPEAKING POINTERS D2-T1

2.1.1 The "Cool" Factor D2-T1

Guys want to sound "cool", calm, reserved, etc. This is good as long as it's not BORING. That "cool" feeling comes from being calm and speaking in a relaxed fashion, but giving the impression that there IS more, that there is a "fire" beneath the surface. That's the "allure". That's what women like, and what people like in general.

Too many guys "try" to be cool but actually come off as COLD or even worse, BORING. "Cool" comes from being calm and sure of yourself. Cool does NOT mean to be boring and to put people to sleep while talking! The coolest people are the ones that are FUN to talk to and fun to be with!

You don't have to be cold, to be cool.

2.1.2 Voice Tone and Tonality D2-T2

Listen to some examples of different tones of voice, how they sound, how they make you feel.

Your tone of voice really conveys a lot about who you are, how calm you are, how interesting you are, and says a lot about you. If this is a challenge for you, there are great products and examples of this elsewhere. We will work on this here in this course, but if you really want to work on this even more, there ARE products that focus JUST on this area and you may want to invest in those.

Why is this important? Great voice tone conveys comfort, a sense of being relaxed and calm It also allows you to express some energy and excitement at different times, not out of nervousness, but

because it's appropriate to the situation.

The audio section demonstrates these options quite well, and even goes a bit over-the-top to really help you to understand what is being discussed.

Examples: One way to think of this is to consider "where" your voice is generated from in your body. Listen as the examples demonstrate:

Speaking through the nose Speaking through the mouth Speaking from the chest

Exercises for Speaking Pointers

Grab some reading material of some type, something you are interested in, even some of the materials from other products.

1) Take some of that reading material, and read it aloud, focusing on generating your voice from your nose. Read several paragraphs, do this for several minutes.

2) Read some more of that material out loud, and this time focus on speaking by generating the sound from within your mouth (or, focusing on the back of your throat might make this easier to do).

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3) Now read some of the material, but this time really focus upon generating the sound from deep within your chest. Relax. SOUND relaxed. See how relaxed it actually makes you feel and how you really need to BE relaxed to do this!

4) Take a moment, and recall some time in the recent past when you were kind of nervous or fearful. Can you recall how you spoke? Did the way you sound in that situation sound like any of the examples you just did? See the similarity?

Assignments for Speaking Pointers

These are your first real assignments in the course. Assignments are where you are given a real task to go out and do - in the real world! To get the most benefit from this course, it's important that you do what you can to REALLY make a point of doing these assignments. Real-world experience will really help you to not just "know" the skills, but to actually HAVE the skills, and make them a part of who you are.

1) Over the next few days when speaking to anyone, make a note to yourself as to how you are speaking, and where you are speaking from (your nose, mouth, or chest). Also, make note of how you felt (nervous, comfortable, relaxed-confident). Make notes below for some of the conversations and see if you can see a correlation between these items.

Day/Time Who you spoke to Speaking from? How you felt.

2) In the next few conversations you have with people, really make a note to speak lower. Focus on dropping your voice down from your nose/mouth, and really focus on having that voice generated from your chest. Make notes below as to when it happened, with whom, where you were, and whether or not you DID it!

Day/Time Who you spoke to Situation (Where) Did you DO it?

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2.1.3 Pacing and Pausing D2-T15

Listen to the examples where some various pacing is demonstrated, first very very fast, and then far far too slow.

Why is this important? Correct pacing and speed of delivery conveys comfort, and shows that the speaker is relaxed. Speaking too quickly can show tension, or almost a sense of panic. Being able to vary your pacing and pausing can help a lot to convey a sense of intrigue and create interest.

There are many variations: Listen as these are demonstrated Hurried showing nervousness Hurried showing excitement Slow as in hesitant and/or confused Slow in a way that is deliberate and relaxed

Exercises for Pacing and Pausing

Grab some reading material of some type. Something you are interested in, even some of the materials from other products.

1) Take some of that reading material and read it aloud. Focus on reading in a very hurried fashion as if you are very nervous. Read several paragraphs and do this for several minutes.

2) Read some more of that material out loud, and this time focus on reading in a quick and hurried fashion, but go ahead and convey excitement in your voice!

3) Now read some of the material, but this time read it slowly, in a manner that makes you sound as if you are very confused, or don't quite understand the content.

4) Now read some of the material, but this time read it in a slow, deliberate, relaxed, comfortable manner. (Maybe even be aware of where your voice is coming from, as we discussed in the past section.)

Assignments for Pacing and Pausing

1) Over the next few days when speaking to anyone, make a note to yourself as to how you are speaking in terms of your pacing and pausing. Too fast? Too slow? Hurried-nervous? Hurried-excited? Slow-confused?

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Strategic Formula for Speaking Pointers

Use your best tone of voice (speaking from your chest) to convey a relaxed, powerful, and charismatic presence.


Slow-relaxed? You don't have to change it yet, just make a note of this after-the-fact and write that down below.

Day/Time Who you spoke to What type of pacing and pausing?

2.1.4 Energy and Enthusiasm D2-T26

Listen to some examples of how this can sound ....

Who cares? Why does this matter? Most guys are just TOO BORING. It's good to have the ability and range to display passion, enthusiasm,

energy, and excitement when appropriate. If someone else is being interesting, YOU can show an appropriate amount of energy and enthusiasm. This also allows YOU to convey how interesting someone ELSE is as well. When someone else is being

boring, YOU act boring, or bored. By doing this, you get stuck in fewer boring, dead-end conversations. If they do or say something that is interesting to YOU, then you can show more enthusiasm.

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2) For the next few days, start to focus on changing your pacing and pausing, to convey a more relaxed and deliberate manner. Make note of when, who, where, and if you DID it!

Day/Time Who you spoke to Situation (Where) Did you DO it?

Strategic Formula for Pacing and Pausing

Use variations in pace, and well-placed pauses, to convey a sense of drama and intrigue in what you are saying in a way that "captivates" people and makes them want to listen to you.


The audio section demonstrates more details about sounding boring/bored and also sounding as if you have energy and enthusiasm.

Exercises for Energy and Enthusiasm

Grab some reading material of some type, something you are interested in, even some of the materials from .. other products.

1) Watch and listen to some speakers talk about a boring, dry topic. Watch on either TV, taped lectures, technical presentations, etc. Really pay attention to how they speak, their tone, their pace, and how much (or little) energy is conveyed.

2) Watch and listen to some speakers who use a lot of energy and enthusiasm when they are talking! Really pay attention to how they speak, their tone, their pace, and how much (or little) energy is conveyed. Note how even if the material is something you do NOT care about, that a good speaker can really grab your attention with their energy and enthusiasm.

3) Get some written material that you have NO interest in, which bores you. Read it OUT LOUD in a boring, monotone, bland voice with no energy or enthusiasm. Do this for a good 10-15 minutes.

4) Get some written material that really DOES interest you, and that are excited about, maybe sports, your work, your car, women, whatever it is, make sure it is something that YOU are passionate about.

Read it OUT LOUD in an exciting, animated, energetic voice. Think as if YOU are convincing a group of people how great this is! Maybe your Dream Job of a lifetime is dependant upon YOU speaking well and showing how passionate YOU are about this! Do that for a good 10-15 minutes.

5) Take that written material that really does interest you, and read that aloud in a boring, bland, monotone voice. Again, do that for 10-15 minutes.

6) Take that earlier written material about the subject that you are NOT interested in and that really bores you, and read THAT aloud in a way that DOES show energy and enthusiasm! Make that sound as convincing as #4 above. Again, do that for 10-15 minutes.

Assignments for Energy and Enthusiasm

1) Over the next few days, whenever someone is talking about something boring,... go ahead, and BE BORING. When you respond or talk back, BE BORING and show no enthusiasm at all.

2) For the next few conversations you have with people where you ARE interested in the subject, go ahead and SHOW your enthusiasm! Be energetic in how you speak, how you listen, and how your respond.

Strategic Formula for Energy and Enthusiasm

Using energy and enthusiasm when speaking so that people can become energized and enthusiastic about listening to and being with you.

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2.2 LANGUAGE TOOLS AND DETAILS D2-T39

These are the Bit And Pieces These are the sort of things that can be powerful, but must be done over and over. Their use must be automatic, because to have to "think about" using them is almost impossible! You need to be TRAINED TO USE THEM automatically.

2.2.1 Adjectives and Adverbs D2-T40

Listen to an example where many of these are used in descriptive language.

These words modify or in some way describe, nouns and verbs.

Most guys are too dry in their speech. They sound cold, boring, and uninteresting, or they are too factual and left-brained. Most men could be helped by having more descriptive speech, and more ways of talking about processes, feelings, and sensations. Remember, we are working to appeal to the emotions, not the logical side of a person.

Most Adjectives and Adverbs are qualitative, they are not things that can be measured or specified.

Adjectives will describe THINGS (nouns), while Adverbs will describe ACTIONS (verbs).

Examples Car reviews Movie Reviews This course!

Exercises for Adjectives and Adverbs 1) Find some written material that deals with something where people are speaking passionately about some

subject. It's good if YOU are also interested in it; Cars, sports, movies, whatever... 2) Read it, and make note of the adjectives and adverbs in it. (Maybe highlight them in some manner.) 3) Read that text OUT LOUD, and stress the adjectives and adverbs in it. Maybe say those adjectives or

adverbs and put more energy into those words and emphasize them in some manner.

4) Think of three recent conversations you had when you talked to someone about something that you REALLY liked. Note whom you were talking to, and the subject you were talking about. Day. Who you spoke to Subject

5) Now, out loud, talk about each thing or subject again, but this time, add more descriptive terms to it, use more Adjectives and Adverbs. Do this for each of the conversations listed above. Re-live it, talk about it in a descriptive way. If you really like this subject, you should be able to do this for at least 3-5 minutes each.

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Assignments for Adjectives and Adverbs 1) Make note of the next 3 times you are having a conversation which deals with something that YOU are really

into, that you really enjoy, that you are passionate about. Write down what the subject was, and with whom you spoke.

Day Who you spoke to Subject

2) Write down a few adjectives and adverbs that you could have used in each discussion (refer to a, b, and c above).

3) Practice out loud how you would have said those things in each of the three conversations. Act like you are really having the conversation again.

4) The next several times any of those subjects come up in conversation, make sure to use some of those adjectives and adverbs in your descriptions. Start with just a few of them, and then maybe add some more as time goes on. Be descriptive, "paint a picture" with your words.

Strategic Formula for Adjectives and Adverbs

Use more adjectives and adverbs in your speech to appeal to and excite the emotional side of the listener, so that their feelings, emotions, and processes awaken.

2.2.2 Trance Words D3-T1

Listen to an example where many of these are used.

Trance words are words that "call upon" the subconscious mind in order for them to be processed and understood. They are not "analyzed" in a conscious, factual, or objective manner. Trance words help to "open the person up" so that their subconscious, their emotional side, is listening and more engaged in the conversation.

Trance Word List Instantaneously Suddenly Find Yourself Convince Yourself Suppose

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Imagine Mysterious (-ly) Wonder (-ous) (-ously)

Think of any subject, even something concrete like your job, work, or school. Look at the Trance Word List above. Think for a moment about using those trance words to describe that subject. Doesn't that make it sound kind of "mysterious"? Maybe more exciting? Maybe you can take some normal, almost boring or mundane thing, and make it more interesting? Well, that's the point!

Exercises for Trance Words

1) Make a full list of Trance Words. Write them down below. You can copy the ones you saw listed earlier, but also see if you can add some to the list. Maybe refer to some of your other SS products and see how many more you can find.

Trance Word List

2) Watch or listen to some material where people are speaking passionately about something, like advertisements, sportscasters, political speakers, or religious speakers. With that list of Trance Words (above) in hand, see and hear if you can pick out when the speaker is using Trance Words. See how many you can notice.

3) Get out your written SS materials and look for Trance Words (maybe even use THIS course here). Highlight or circle the Trance Words in a few sections. See how many you can find and notice how they are used in context.

4) Get your SS audio materials and listen for Trance Words (maybe even THIS course here). Maybe play one tape or CD, and see if you can pick these out.

5) Take the written text from an SS product (maybe from #3 above) and read it out loud, placing an emphasis on the Trance Words when you see them.

6) Pick two subjects in which you are interested. Looking at the list of Trance Words above, talk OUT LOUD about that subject and see how many times you can use those Trance Words! Subject a.

Subject b.

7) Pick a subject that bores you, something that you think is dull. Now speak OUT LOUD about that subject, talk about it, and see how many of those Trance Words you can use.

Boring Subject

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Even though that may seem a bit strange, doesn't that make it-sound more "exciting", more interesting, and more fascinating?

Assignments for Trance Words

1) Pick two subjects in which you are interested. Practice working with those subjects out loud some more and see if you can get even more comfortable using Trance Words when talking about those subjects. The next time you are speaking with anyone about those subjects (in the real world guys!), make a point to use at least one of the Trance Words in the conversation.

Subject a. Subject b.

2) Integrate a few more of these words into your every-day description of those subjects. Use them when talking to different people. Just do whatever you can to start using some of them at first, and using more and more as time goes on.

Strategic Formula for Trance Words

Using Trance Words will help to get the subconscious mind of the listener to be more of a part of your conversation.

2.2.3 Weasel Phrases D3-T14


How do you talk about something without REALLY talking about it? How do you bring something up that may be a bit different, maybe even a bit odd? Maybe even a different topic or change of subject? Or maybe something that you were worried about bringing up, because it may be a bit too forward? Well, that's what Weasel Phrases are for!

Weasel Phrase List (see if you can add to the list by listening to the audio).

Have you ever ... What's it like when ... If I were to ... If you were to ... As you ...

These also work as transitional phrases, to get from one subject to another.

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Exercises for Weasel Phrases

1) Get some of your written SS materials and look for some Weasel Phrases in the text. 2) Get your SS audio materials and listen for some Weasel Phrases. Maybe play one tape or CD. See if you can

pick these out.

3) Take the written SS materials you had earlier, and read some of this material out loud. While doing it, make note of the weasel phrases. Take a moment and try to emphasize them in a way. Maybe pausing for a moment before one, after another, saying one slowly or quickly. Just read the SS material out loud, and do so with an awareness on some level that you are saying and using weasel phrases when they are in the text.

4) Pick a subject in which you are interested. In a moment, we want you to talk about how it FEELS, the experience of it, doing it, sensing it, getting into it, etc. This is necessary to have the kind of words and subjects that lend themselves to Weasel Phrases. (Weasel Phrases tend to provide ways to connect sentences and paragraphs that talk about how something is felt and experienced.) Pick 4-5 different aspects of this "experience" that you will talk about. For example, the subject might be "going to a ball game" (pick your own, don't use that one!)

Now talk about one of these 4-5 aspects for 1-2 sentences, and then use one of the Weasel Phrases and the bring up another "aspect". Talk about THAT one for a few sentences, then use another Weasel Phrase, etc. Do this until you use all 4-5 of the attributes that you listed.

5) Did that sound weird? Strange? Ok ... It will get easier. Try it again. Use different Phrases, and see if you can string things together so that they sound better, that it makes more sense, but selecting different Phrases to link the aspects together.

Assignments for Weasel Phrases

1) Look at the list of Weasel Phrases that you wrote earlier. Pick 3 of them that seem the most natural to you, that seem as if they fit best into your way of speaking about subjects that you may like.

2) Note the subject that you used earlier for doing some exercises with Weasel Phrases (exercise 4 above). The next several times that you talk about that subject with anyone, see if you can use some or all of your favorite weasel phrases when talking about it.

Subject

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3) Select another subject that really interests you, and incorporate Weasel Phrases into the next several discussions you have about that subject as well.

Subject

Strategic Formula for Weasel Phrases

Use Weasel Phrases to keep the conversation going, and to "soften" the way in which something is said, allowing you to say more (and maybe more provocative things) about a subject.

2.2.4 Embedded Commands D3-T25


These are small snippets of words and phrases which, when separated from the context, issue a "command" or statement that instructs someone do something, or feel a certain way.

Two key aspects of the use of Embedded Commands are often overlooked... Context - It's very important that the command be brought up in the context of a conversation that is

interesting, and where the person's emotions or feelings are somehow active (This "context" issue is discussed later in the product in great detail in Conversational Management sections.).

Repetition - It's not just about using one, once, its about multiple usage (bombardment)!

Exercises for Embedded Commands

1) Get our your written SS materials (written) and look for embedded commands in a few pages of the text. 2) Get your SS audio materials and listen for these. Maybe play one tape or CD. See if you can pick out

embedded commands while listening.

3) Take the written SS materials, and read some of this material out loud. While doing it, make note of the embedded commands. Take a moment and try to emphasize them in some way, maybe pausing for a moment before one, after another, saying one slowly, or more quickly. Make a point to "lean on it" a bit. Just say this stuff out loud, and do so with an awareness, on some level, that you are saying and using embedded commands at the time.

4) Pick a topic that YOU are very interested in. Pick something that excites you! Maybe the subject is sports, your job, your car, a place you have traveled, etc. Write down a list of embedded commands, things you would like a listener to think about, feel, or experience while they are thinking about that subject. These are not to be sexual or suggestive, but just general things (feelings or states). Write down things that would make someone interested, intrigued, excited by something. Like "feel excited", "get excited", "get into it", "see how fascinated" - just general things that would cause a person to be interested in something.

To make it easy, think of it like this, lets say you were selling something to someone, maybe a car. Think of general statements, feelings, etc, that you want them to experience. Again not "you like that color", instead "you like this" (car), or "you want this" (car), "this is what you have imagined having for yourself.

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5) Start talking about that topic out loud, and with that list that YOU wrote in hand, see just how many of the embedded commands in that list that YOU can say! First, work on just saying them and finding a way to bring them up, and make it sound natural.

6) Do the same thing again, but now focus more on "leaning" on the embedded commands a bit. Maybe slowing down slightly, pausing, changing your voice, just enough to put the emphasis on the command.

Assignments for Embedded Commands

1) Look at the list of Commands that you wrote and practiced that deal with a subject in which you are interested (exercise 4 above). The next several times that you talk about that subject with anyone, start using a few of these commands when speaking.

2) Select another subject that is a part of your life. Maybe it's not a passion or real interest, but something where being influential may help. Maybe you work in sales, or maybe it has to deal with your job, or school. Write down a list of at least 5 commands that work well in that subject, that would assist you in being more influential.

Subject Embedded Commands

3) Practice the use of those commands, out loud, in the context of talking about that subject. See how natural you can make them sound. Start to place some emphasis on the command itself.

4) The next several times that subject comes up in your life, make some effort to use some of these commands in the context of a real discussion.

Strategic Formula for Embedded Commands

Use embedded commands repeatedly and in the proper context, to create a compelling will on the part of the listener follow you and listen to you.

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2.2.5 Linking D3-T42

Linking is a way to take the feelings, emotions, and experiences that are being discussed and associate or "link" them to you. In some ways, it's easier than you think!

Just talking about a subject and getting her to be a part of the discussion, and getting her to experience, recall, and feel emotions, will "link" them to you. If she is experiencing these feelings in your presence, while looking at you, and talking to you, then on some level that is creating this "link". However, the linking tools and techniques will add to this, and make this "link" even more effective.

The most common linking phrase/tool that guys think about is the phrase "now with me". You can also make reference to "in me", "in myself, also "this" and "these" as in "this feeling" of "these feelings", "this interest", etc.

What is this based upon? When talking, you are talking "about" a feeling or sensation, and then making an ambiguous reference to

that feeling using your words. For example, if you are talking about a great feeling of excitement that a woman has had or is having, you speak of "this feeling", which is an ambiguous way of referencing what she is thinking about.

In order for her to understand the feeling being discussed, she has to actually feel it to some extent. Just to "process" what is being discussed, she has to feel it on some level (and she will, as long as there is good rapport).

However, when you say "this feeling", you are being ambiguous, non-specific, and inexact. Are you talking about the "feeling" she had at some time in the past? Are you talking about the feeling she is having right now?

Because you are using terms like "this", which is ambiguous (non-exact), then to the deeper levels of her mind, ALL of those possible definitions apply! Then, on some level, you become more associated with those feelings.

Linking Phrases - While listening to the audio, see if you can add more phrases to the list below.

Now with me In me In myself with this these this belief these feelings

Exercises for Linking

1) Get our your written SS materials (written) and look for examples of Linking in the text. 2) Get your SS audio materials and listen for these. Maybe play one tape or CD. See if you can pick out Linking

Phrases while listening.

3) Take the written SS materials, and read some of this material aloud. While doing so, make note of where linking is taking place. Take a moment and try to emphasize the linking in some way, using some of the techniques that have been discussed in this course (pausing, change in voice tone, etc.)

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4) Take the list of embedded commands that you created in an earlier exercise (Exercise #4 in section 2.2.4), and see if you can "add" text to each to link them to you in some way. (Again, the linking is ambiguous and doesn't reference you directly.) For example, where you listed "feel excited", you could say "feel excited by this" or "feel excited now" (you can also link things by putting in a reference to NOW). Another example would be to take the phrase "Get excited" and turn that into "get excited by THESE things". You can even add the ever-popular "now, with me" after one of more of the commands in your list. A quick way of doing this is to simply add "this feeling", "these feelings", "this person or thing", etc. Write down the list of commands and an associated linkage phrase for each below.

Embedded Command Linkage Phrase

5) Pick a topic that YOU are interested in as we did before (it can be the same one you used in Exercise #4 in section 2.2.4). Start talking about that topic out loud, and using the list above, see just how many of the Embedded Commands and Linkage Phrases that you can use in your dialog. First, work on just saying them and finding a way to bring them up. In some manner.

6) Now do the same thing again, but now focus more on "leaning" a bit on the Linkage Phrases. Maybe slow down slightly, pause, or change your voice, just enough to put emphasis on the Linkage Phrase. This may seem strange and sound a bit "off". That's ok. Doing linking in an exercise like this is difficult and hard to make it sound "natural". This will sound easier for you as we go on. As you hear more and more examples of this throughout the course, this will come to you much more easily.

Assignments for Linking

No separate assignment for this, it's much better if picked up along-the-way. Plus the next section will make this much easier!

Strategic Formula for Linking

After getting someone to experience good feelings and emotions, link them to you so that YOU become something and someone that they feel good about.

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2.2.6 Easy-Linking (This, That, These, Those) D4-T1


This is a new and very effective way to do linking that is easy to learn and master, and it can be done a LOT, for that multiple-instance bombardment that we spoke of before!

The idea of linking wild, exciting, seductive feelings to you may be great but, in general, a GREAT strategy is to link anything and everything positive to you (and link negative things away from yourself.

Consider four words in the English language: This That These Those

These are forms of pronouns, they reference a "thing", but do so in a general manner, so you are not using a name or specific reference. This means they are ambiguous!

Consider this and that. This and that tend to refer to singular items, one "thing". This person, that person This direction, that direction This feeling, that feeling This sensation, that sensation

They differ though in that "this" seems possessive, and "that" is not. For example, "this person" tends to sound like the person that is there, with you, and included. Whereas "that person" refers to someone "away" some "other" person who is not in the immediate area, or not there at the time.

So, this & that are singular This - Possessive (sort of "includes" something) That - Non-Possessive (seems to reference something "else" or something "away")

Consider these and those. In this case, these refer to plural items, with "these" being the possessive form.

So, these and those are plural These - Possessive Those - Non-Possessive

For example, These people, those people These directions, those directions These feelings, those feelings These sensations, those sensations

So, who cares? Well these are almost interchangeable! You can switch this/that in sentences as you wish. (In some cases, there are times when they cannot be switched, but that will be quite obvious when you try to do that).

Given that one type is possessive, and one is not, use the possessive form when saying or talking about ANYTHING POSITIVE and use the non-possessive form when saying anything negative!

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This Singular possessive Anything Positive That Singular non-possessive Anything Negative These Plural possessive Anything Positive Those Plural non-possessive Anything Negative

You can learn to do this (to choose which of these words to use) in real-time through training!

Tactical Formula for Easy-Linking

Use "This" and "These" when referring to anything positive. Use "That" and "Those" when referring to anything negative.

Exercises for Easy-Linking

1) Say the lines below, out loud, for a good ten minutes. This is good. That is not. These are good. Those are not.

2) Say the lines below, out loud, for a good ten minutes. This person is good. That person is not. ' These people are good. Those people are not.

3) Earlier in the workbook, you have discussed a subject (and written a lot of text about it) that is important to you. Write down (below) ten attributes, or "things about" that subject. For each of these attributes or things, write a small sentence for each, using the correct versions of That, That, These, and those depending on whether the item is positive or negative, or singular/plural.

Subject:

Attributes or "things about" Small sentence that includes that attribute, that subject. and the correct form of This, That, These, Those

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4) Talk out loud about that subject for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.

5) Pick another subject, and once again, list ten attributes or things about that subject, and then write a small sentence for each, using the appropriate form of This, That, These, and Those.

Subject:

Attributes or "things about" Small sentence that includes that attribute, that subject. and the correct form of This, That, These, Those

2.3 MORE TOOLS D4-T12

Now we are getting into a different area, beyond the small bits and pieces of language. Great speakers use movement to their advantage, and their movement becomes a part of their communication. These sections help to train you in these types of techniques.

Anchoring D4-T13

Anchoring is associating a feeling or emotional state to a sensory experience.

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6) Talk out loud about the subject mentioned above for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.


Many different types of anchoring can be done and we are only going to cover some very basic tools. However we will focus on things that can create a LOT of effectiveness, and that are very very easy to do, and to do multiple times.

We will break down many of the component parts of this into skills that we will teach you bit by bit, so that the use of these becomes automatic.

2.3.1 Pointing and Gestures D4-T14

Good speakers use their hands, and some gestures, to help make their point. Most guys are too boring and too reserved when talking, so these techniques discussed here will help.

How to do this: Get your hands out of your pockets, and way from your sides. Don't flail about wildly. Move!

We will start by generating SOME movement, and then we can work on deliberate movement such as Pointing towards and away from things Towards yourself and away from yourself

Exercises for Pointing and Gestures

1) Find a good speaker on TV, maybe a motivational speaker, political speaker, or even a preacher. Watch how they move. They may be a bit over-the-top (speaking to an audience is different than speaking one-on-one) but just watch them for a while.

2) Get one of the text lists from an earlier exercise (weasel phrases, embedded commands, etc). Read some of that text (from an earlier exercise) out loud, talking about a subject that YOU are interested in, and that you are passionate about.

Use your hands to accentuate certain points, point up, down, towards, and away from yourself, etc. Get your hands OUT of your pockets and AWAY from your body! Act excited, BE excited! Use your hands and arms for emphasis.

Assignments for Pointing and Gestures

1) For the next few days, make note of where your hands are when speaking. How often are they in your pockets? How often do they just lie by your side and never move? Make note of this after-the-fact, after the conversation has ended. Then later on see if you can start to become aware of what your hands are doing WHILE you are in the conversation.

2) List 3 subjects that you really enjoy, and that you end up talking about with people quite often. Pick something YOU are interested in, and hopefully the conversations are interesting, passionate, have energy, etc.

Subjects

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4) Talk out loud about that subject for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.

5) Pick another subject, and once again, list ten attributes or things about that subject, and then write a small sentence for each, using the appropriate form of This, That, These, and Those.

Subject: Attributes or "things about" Small sentence that includes that attribute, that subject. and the correct form of This, That, These, Those

6) Talk out loud about the subject mentioned above for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.

2.3 MORE TOOLS D4-T12

Now we are getting into a different area, beyond the small bits and pieces of language. Great speakers use movement to their advantage, and their movement becomes a part of their communication. These sections help to train you in these types of techniques.

Anchoring D4-T13

Anchoring is associating a feeling or emotional state to a sensory experience.

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For each of these subjects, recall a recent time when you had such a discussion. Do your best to re-enact that discussion (say what you said, etc,), but this time use your hands, arms, and MOVE! Do this out loud, and MOVE.

3) With these three subjects in mind, make a note to go ahead and move, gesture, and animate to some extent the next time you talk about them. Do something, ANYTHING, just start to MOVE. As you get more comfortable with this, make a point to get your hands OUT of your pockets, and AWAY from your sides and MOVE when talking about these subjects, and others.

Strategic Formula for Pointing and Gestures

Move, motion, gesture, and accentuate what you are saying in order to be more compelling as a speaker and to get even more attention from your listener or audience.

2.3.2 Linking Gestures (Towards And Away) D4-T22

This is a fast and easy way to link positive states to you, and to send negative things "away" from yourself. This technique allows you to do this many many times, very easily.

Bring Positive things toward yourself, and send Negative things away You can point towards or away from yourself, or You can place your hand on your chest or abdomen in a subtle manner (to link things to you) ... Or hold your hand away from yourself (to send things "away")

How to use it Good to do in the context of being a person that already MOVES when talking! Make this subtle, no need to WILDLY gesture! You can do this many many times, and the repetition works for you! Can do in various contexts; many people move when talking

This technique is most powerful when used at a time when emotions and/or imagination are engaged in the conversation.

Tactical Formula for Linking Gestures

Whenever you say something negative, point or gesture away. Whenever you say something positive, point or gesture towards yourself.

Exercises for Linking Gestures

1) Stand up, or at least be able to move. Say the following out loud while gesturing in the correct direction: Good, Bad, Good, Bad (gesture towards, away, towards, away, etc.)

2) Grab some of your written SS materials. Read that out loud, and every time something positive is being talked about, point towards yourself, and when anything negative is mentioned, point away.

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3) Remember the text we used in an earlier example here in the workbook? Read that out loud, and every time something positive is being talked about, point towards yourself and when anything negative is mentioned, point away.

Assignments for Linking Gestures

1) List 3 subjects that you really enjoy, and that you end up talking about with people quite often, (yes, these can be the same as the last set of assignments). Pick something that YOU are interested in, and hopefully the conversations are interesting, passionate, have energy, etc.

For each of these subjects, recall a recent time when you had such a discussion. Subjects

Do your best to re-enact that discussion, say what you said, etc, but this time when you are speaking of anything good or positive, gesture towards yourself or place your hand(s) on yourself. Conversely, when anything negative is mentioned, motion away or place your hands/arms away. Do this out loud, and MOVE.

2) With these three subjects in mind, make a note to go ahead and use these Linking Gestures to some extent the next time you talk about them. Start subtle, start with a few, it will become easier and easier.

2.3.3 Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That, These, Those ...) D4-T30

Now we bring together Linking Gestures and Easy Linking.

Linking Gestures and Easy-Linking together: Use the pointing/gestures on Positive and Negative things (point towards and away). Use "This, That, These, Those" correctly Combine these and use them at the same time!

When you say This or These, points towards yourself. When you say These or Those, point away. This is very-easy to do over and over for that repetitive effect, but you don't have to do it every time! That will seem strange!

Tactical Formula for Easy Linking Expanded

Positive statement, Say "this", Point to you Negative statement, Say "that", Point away Positive statement, Say "these", Point to you Negative Say "those", Point away.

Exercises for Easy Linking Expanded

1) Stand up, or at least sit where you can move. Do the following out loud:

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Point to yourself, and say "this". Point away, and say "that". Point back to yourself and say "these". Point away and say "those"

Repeat! This WILL help to train you!

2) Remember the text we used in an earlier example? Speak that text out loud, trying to add in more instances of This, That, These, and Those if you can.

Use the correct versions of This, That, These, and Those, while pointing towards or away from yourself in the correct manner.

Practice it enough and in connection with earlier exercises, it will become automatic.

Strategic Formula for Easy Linking Expanded

Combine the use of Linking Gestures (towards yourself when positive, and away when negative...) with Easy Linking (using This, That, These, Those in the correct ways) to associate even more positive feelings, states, and emotions to yourself.

2.3.4 Easy Anchoring - Point or Touch, On Positive D4-T35

Let's look at anchoring in light of the 80/20 rule (where 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort). Can we apply this to anchoring? Yes!

We need a way to do some basic anchoring that is very simple, and able to be done many many times.

It may be good to anchor feelings, specific states, and thoughts to you but in a general sense, it's very useful to -Anchor anything and everything positive to you!

In some ways, we are doing that already by pointing "towards" on positive things and "away" on negative things using Linking. But to get even more effectiveness when anything positive happens, or when the person you are talking to goes into a Positive state, touch them!

This "Easy Anchoring" works in any context: they laugh, touch them they smile, touch them they seem to go into a pleasant state, touch them

This is best done in a "moment" with some emotion, a laugh, a realization, an expression, etc. The more that "emotions" are being accessed, the more effective it tends to be.

Do this in a way that maybe makes it seem like you are doing it for emphasis, but actually, you are anchoring them in a subtle way.

This is more easily done if you are standing at the side or at an angle. If you are head-on directly in front of a person, it's more difficult. Also, it's good to be close enough (within arms-length) so that the "touch" is easy to do.

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You probably do this already in certain situations, without really thinking about it, such as... Think about when you greet a friend, maybe pat on the back. Think about when you meet and are introduced to someone, but yet have some degree of rapport already

(maybe this is a friend-of-a-friend, maybe someone who you have heard about). What do you do? You shake their hand, but in many cases, you grab their upper arm as well.

When joking with someone, you just touch his or her upper arm or upper back. This is the same type of thing, but a bit more "deliberate".

Tactical Formula for Easy Anchoring

When the person you are talking with displays a positive feeling of some type, a smile, laugh, interest, intrigue, etc., touch them to help anchor it to you.

Exercises for Easy Anchoring

1) Think about the last 5 times where you touched someone in this type of way. (Not romantically, just a touch.) Maybe a handshake Maybe a pat on the back Maybe a funny gesture

Make a note of the person, and the situation or topic being discussed. Write those down.

Person '" Situation, or Topic being discussed

2) Recall those 5 times, vividly. See if you can recall how it was, and note to yourself the correlation between how long the touch lasted and the level of rapport. Also note the degree of eye contact.

Assignments for Easy Anchoring

1) The next several times you shake someone's hand, make a point to hold it just slightly longer than usual, also make a point to make and maintain eye contact as well.

2) Spend some time looking for moments (positive ones) where a touch would be appropriate. A laugh A moment of recognition or realization When someone starts talking quietly, directly to you.

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At first, maybe you don't touch them, but as you notice these moments, think "I could have touched them THEN". You are noticing this after-the-fact.

3) Now that you have started to notice these "moments" where a touch would be appropriate, we want you to actually DO IT! So, see if you can have at least 5 instances of knowing, in-the-moment, that a touch is appropriate. Then, when you have the chance, DO IT!

Strategic Formula for Easy Anchoring

In general, anchoring and associating yourself to positive and intriguing feelings in other people helps to make them feel positive towards and intrigued by you.

2.4 REVIEW D4-T46

We are well on our way, and you have already learned a LOT of the detailed speaking, language, and movement skills that will be used later in the course.

SPEAKING POINTERS o The "Cool" Factor

You don't have to be cold, to be cool o Voice Tone And Tonality

Nose, Mouth, Chest o Pacing And Pausing

Slow, Fast Pause

o Energy And Enthusiasm Passionate or Boring?

LANGUAGE TOOLS AND DETAILS o Adjectives And Adverbs

Be descriptive o Trance Words

Instantaneously, Suddenly, Find Yourself o Weasel Phrases

If I were to .. o Embedded Commands

Can you do this now... o Linking

" with me... o Easy-Linking

This, That, These, Those MORE TOOLS

o Pointing And Gestures Move! Point!

o Linking Gestures Towards And Away

o Easy Linking Expanded Pointing With This, That, These, Those

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o Easy Anchoring Point Or Touch On Positive And Negative

With these parts behind you, we will move onwards to work on Language Structures, and later to Conversational Management techniques.

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3.0 LANGUAGE STRUCTURE AND TECHNIQUES D5-T1

We have been working on bits and pieces of language, the sort of things that you need to get used to doing automatically, all of the time. These were tactical details, things that you should not even have to really "think about", but will hopefully at some point, be able to just "do". Now we are moving "up" a level, into higher-level stuff, or "bigger chucks" as we say.

These techniques give you ways to use and arrive at languaging in a manner that will make you more persuasive, and more influential in general.

3.1 PACE AND LEAD D5-T2

Pace and Lead - A way to change directions In someone's way of thinking In the conversation

To make a change in direction in some manner, it's best to meet or join someone in some way, show understanding (does not have to be agreement necessarily) and then ... move them ... towards where you want things to go.

Fast and abrupt changes ... Are they useful and possible?

Trying to knock or jar someone into a different direction or way of thinking can be risky. You MAY be able to do that, but you can break rapport in the process.

Changing Topics and Subjects - Can you just abruptly jerk a conversation towards where you want it to go? Maybe, however you can break rapport.

Changing the Viewpoint or Frame if Mind - Can you just knock someone into agreeing with you? Can you be that bold? Yes, but you need a lot of power to do it and you risk breaking rapport.

Pace and Lead allows us to "join" someone, move with them conversationally for a while, and then take them in some direction.

Challenges

Can't you just bluntly offer a different view? Yes, but you must do so powerfully and do NOT look for "acceptance". The minute you do anything like that to get someone else's "approval", or to try to "impress" them, you are lost.

Agree or not agree? - Some people misunderstand and think that to "Pace" means to "agree". It can mean this, but agreeing is just a special case. To "Pace" means to just BE a part of the conversation. You might disagree, you might bring up a new way of looking at it, you might make comments (some that agree and some that may not) but the key is that you are "Taking part in" the conversation and topics at hand.

Don't argue! - Some people try to display higher knowledge or value by "arguing", telling someone they are wrong, incorrect, etc. You almost NEVER impress people that way! To pace/lead well, acknowledge what the other person is saying, then and give them another way of looking at it. For example, say things such as...

o That's one way to see it o I understand your point

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o That's interesting o I see what you are saying, I also think you can see ....

Impressing someone with your knowledge, or, Arguing!

Many smart guys study these techniques and technologies, and some of then want to go out and "impress" people with their newfound knowledge. That hardly ever works.

To TRY to IMPRESS is bad, the implication is that you NEED someone's approval. Instead - BE IMPRESSIVE!

People really don't like to be proven dumb or wrong! Most people are offended or "put off by such attempts. In addition, if you attempt to do that, it makes YOU look bad, as if you "need" their approval.

Strategic Formula for Pacing and Leading

Pacing and Leading allows you "be" in the conversation for a while and gain rapport and information, allowing you to move things more in your favor later on.

Tactical Formula for Pacing and Leading

Show agreement, understanding, acknowledgement, and/or interest, Then start to move or shift things in a different way, a way that you want.

3.1.1 General Pace and Lead Techniques D5-T9

Here are some examples of ways to do these steps with example wording for each. The point here is not to memorize these "lines", but to really get a sense of being IN the conversation, showing that you are a part of it, and then moving things forward in some manner.

Let them know you are listening and understand (using wording such as shown below...) Yes, I see That's interesting I get it Hmmmmm ... Ok ... Alright...

Maybe continue showing an understanding or interest So what you mean is ... So if I understand this ... Ok, I get it, ...it's like this... I read/saw/heard the same thing ... Let me make sure I understand ... So, what you are saying is ...

Then start to direct things in a different way ... Well, have you thought about this ...

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I hear you, and what else is interesting is .... -. That's a good way of looking at it, something else that is important is ....

The Formula for Pacing and Leading is ... acknowledge and then start to shift things ...

Maybe you want to shift things more and/or bring up another issue or viewpoint entirely (or maybe you actually disagree)

That's one way of looking at it, however I think ... Yes, I understand, I have also heard ... Ok, that makes sense, another way of thinking about it is .. Alright, but on the other hand...

Some general methods you can use to introduce the "leading" aspect, you can talk about... What you know, believe, understand What a friend or colleague has said What you heard What you read etc.

3.1.2 Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects D5-T12

Lets say you find some people talking about a topic. Do you walk up, interrupt, and start an entirely new topic? No. (Well, you can, but that takes a lot of power and has a lot of risk.)

A better way is to enter the conversation, talk about it (Pace), and then move the conversation into areas that you want it to go (Lead).

Examples: You are in a conversation and the topic is cars. People are talking about prices, loans, etc. You

acknowledge what is being said, contribute to that conversation (pace), and then start to bring in the idea of how a car handles, how it feels, and how exciting it is to drive certain cars (lead).

People are discussing clothes, various brands, types, etc. You talk about that with them (pace) for a while, and then start to bring up the idea of how clothes make you feel, how you feel differently when wearing different things ... etc (lead)

Tactical Formula for Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects Show agreement, understanding, acknowledgement, and/or interest in the topic or subject. Then start to move or shift topic or subject in a different way, a way that you want.

Exercises for Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects 1) Think about some recent conversations you have had with people about different topics, hopefully these

conversations and/or this topic is something that occurs a lot for you (based on interests you have, people you know, etc). Recall a specific "moment" in each conversation. Note what was being discussed, and what point was being talked about. Make a note of each of them. Also note, where did that actual conversation go next?

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What were you talking Conversation with whom? about in this "moment"? Where did it go next?

2) Pace and Lead Gently Out loud, practice as if you were talking in each of the discussions above, and paced the conversation and topic, and then lead it in some direction.

In this exercise, simply show agreement, understanding, and/or interest, and then lead in the same general direction. Maybe bring up a new example, new point, new issue, but just sort of "take over" the conversation.

3) Pace and Lead in a New Direction Next, for each of those instances, provide an example where you show agreement, understanding, and/or interest, but now start to "move" things in a new direction.

Maybe the conversation that you had started at this one "point" and went in a specific direction ... Now, for this exercise, practice taking it in a new and different direction. Maybe introduce a different aspect of the topic or subject, something not mentioned before, or not normally talked about.

The key is to first show agreement, understanding, and/or interest and THEN do this "shift", and you LEAD things in a different way.

Assignments for Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects

1) Make note of three conversations that you tend to have with people on a regular basis. Person or People Subjects we discuss

2) The next times these conversations happen, make a point to "Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest" (Pace). Then "Then start to move things" (Lead) in your own way,

Do this by introducing a different aspect of that topic, or a related topic/subject.

Don't make this shift or change really abrupt or different, just make a point to sort of "direct" where things move, even if that direction is close to where it was going anyway. Just make sure YOU are the one that moves it. Note the text and examples given earlier as a way to do that.

3) Once you can do the above, now make a point to have your "Lead" incorporate a real change of some type.

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Normally, even witho

Language and Conversation Course (Workbook)

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Transcript of Language and Conversation Course (Workbook)