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A collection of work by young artists and writers.

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LA.FAIMBLACK DIAMOND

A collection of work by young artists and writers.

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Petrichor

In guilty misconduct, warm bodies touch,my make up stains the pillowcase,as you whisper I love you so much,we’re explorers in a sultry embrace.Later, slow dancing on the patio,and with nobody else about,our shadows flickering mementos belowwith the tea lights burning out.Hangover hugs, with toast and tea.Singing songs as you wash my hair.Please don’t forget to remember me,now I don’t even see your ghost there.You were my comfort, the smell before rain.I’ll pretend you’re still here, again and again.

Cloey Biggs . 20


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Petrichor

In guilty misconduct, warm bodies touch,my make up stains the pillowcase,as you whisper I love you so much,we’re explorers in a sultry embrace.Later, slow dancing on the patio,and with nobody else about,our shadows flickering mementos belowwith the tea lights burning out.Hangover hugs, with toast and tea.Singing songs as you wash my hair.Please don’t forget to remember me,now I don’t even see your ghost there.You were my comfort, the smell before rain.I’ll pretend you’re still here, again and again.

Cloey Biggs . 20Georgia Yiapanis . 20

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Loo Loo Rose . 20

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Writers block

Immersed in darkness,commas fall like raindropsas you run along the lines.

Don’t turn your back,or leave any sentence unfinished;

He will come for you,silent, with stealth,ready to swoop.

Trapped between full stops,he’s got you cornered.

Open your eyes,pick up your pen,

try again.


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Cloey Biggs . 20

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Emily White . 20

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This Love

Feel like I am deadA gunshot to the headGuess we cannot change what’s doneAnd what’s been saidWish I could stop the painBut just like the autumn rainCan’t control it falling from the skyDriving us all insane

Cannot concentrateYou made my mind constipateBurning in my heart no more loveIt’s turned to hateYou’ve left your fiery affectionCoursing through me from injectionRising up I can’t controlThe armies of insurrection


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I am ripped in twoAll because of youLying to me about allThat you say and doI keep going aroundNothing new is foundThe sound of my breaking heartDoesn’t seem to make a sound

Chris Davies . 23

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Jose La Torre . 20

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Jose La Torre . 20

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Mark Chanter . 20

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As I blew the candles outon your first bir thday cake,I wished you happinessand love, like any sister would.

The wishbone at Christmas,I would try to let you win,and when you didn’t, you’d still smile,so I’d make my wish for you.

When we saw that shooting staron holiday in Cape Town,the sky was lit as thoughthe galaxies were melting.You asked me if that’s wherewe go to when we die.

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When we saw that shooting staron holiday in Cape Town,the sky was lit as thoughthe galaxies were melting.You asked me if that’s wherewe go to when we die.

Remember the timewe stood at the endof Southend pier.You told me to make a wishand scream it to the gulls,while I threw my final pennyinto the Thames.

Catch 11:11, in a momentof panic and nostalgia,I’ll wish for you to come back.One more wasted prayer.

Cloey Biggs . 20

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Miss Cheltenham:Living Life on the EdgeYou won the titles of ‘Miss Cheltenham 2011’. How do you feel this has helped you in life, and what have you gained from the experience?

Winning the title definitely gave me the confidence to peruse modelling fur ther, so it has helped me in that aspect. It has also made me realise that confidence is they key, if we do anything with confidence its guaranteed to be 10x better!

Now as you know you can’t be Miss Cheltenham forever. Will you be sad to pass the crown down?

Of course not, I still have my sach and crown to look at. I never expected to win, and I wish all the best for the next miss Cheltenham in the miss England competition.

Will there be any resentment towards the new Miss Cheltenham?

Definitely not, I’m not that kind of person, I wish her all the best.

Are you scared people will forget about you?

Not really, I don’t think many people know who I am anyway haha! Ive had fun being miss Cheltenham, its always fun to drop into conversation!

Do you have any words of wisdom to anyone wanting to go into modelling or pageants?

One thing in common – self belief. If you don’t believe in yourself, and that you can do it, nobody else is going to!


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Loo Loo Rose . 20

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Do you feel this experience has given you enough opportunities, or do you feel you could’ve achieved more from it?

It gave me the opportunity to meet a lot of new people and to see a world which I knew nothing about. it also gave me the opportunity to go to the miss England semi finals – and I got to meet miss England 2010 who was lovely!

So from pageant to model of the editorial world. How does this make you feel? Was it a big change?Have you had any creepy or negative experiences with photo shoots?

It’s a massive change. Editorial modelling for me is much more fun. I had never really been interested in pageants before because the judges just see you at that one moment in time, and judge you on it. Whereas with modelling, you obviously have a portfolio showing you with a variety of different looks and styles.

You’ve been featured in upcoming online show ‘Cheltenham’s Top Model’ as guest judge and model. Tell us about that.

I think it’s a fantastic competition, Cheltenham is quite a small town so its giving local girls an opportunity of a life time. I have so much fun working alongside the whole team. The stylist and make up artists are absolutely fantastic, probably the best work I’ve personally been exposed to. The models all have something special about them, but there are definitely a few which are my favourite!

Does it sometimes feel like you are living in a fish bowl, or do people generally leave you in peace?Have you received any negativity for winning Miss Cheltenham or from modelling? Well I’m not exactly famous haha! The only time I think I have ever been recognised was outside of Boots by an older lady days after I won the title, asking me for my autograph! She was so sweet!So delving into the private life of Fiona Kiffin, you’re living with your boyfriend in student accommodation.

Is that stressful, coping with deadlines and a man with no escape?

Not at all, sometimes juggling work, university, modelling, friends and family can be difficult but you just have to get on with it.

Obviously couples argue, how does a young pair cope with the arguments of everyday life when living under the same roof?

Like any other I suppose. We obviously wouldn’t have proceeded to move in together if we thought we couldn’t handle it, we bicker like anyone else but never anything too serious!

Did you not worry you were too young for the commitment of moving in?

It’s a student contract not an engagement ring.

Do you see yourself with your boyfriend for a long time?

Well obviously, I don’t think people would bother being in a relationship if they didn’t think it was going anywhere!

Lots of young girls are jumping out of their miniskirts and into the bedroom far too young. What would you say to these girls?

Just don’t grow up too fast, young girls are always trying to act older than they are but trust me I’m only 20 and I wish I was 10 again! Enjoy being a young girl, there is plenty of time to be an adult.

So living the student lifestyle you must party hard. Have you ever had any bad experiences when drinking has gone too far?

I don’t actually; I honestly don’t have time to go out that often, ill probably go out maybe once a month at most.


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And would you be mortified if you were snapped falling out of a club, or is it just part of students growing up?

I don’t think anybody would want to be snapped and reminded of a terrible night haha, it is definitely an important part of growing up. If we don’t go wild whilst were young, we will end up being those 40 year olds out in a club on a Saturday night.

So finally, you’ve been Miss Cheltenham for almost a year now, which has spurred you into the modelling worlds. Which do you prefer and why?

Definitely prefer modelling, I did enjoy being apart of pageants, but there are people out there that pagenats mean everything to. Although I had a good time, I wouldn’t say I would have been devastated not to win, whereas as I have witnessed tears in peoples eyes! I personally feel more comfortable modelling as there are so many aspects and different types, also pageants can become quite expensive.

What’s the next step for you? Any dreams for the future?

I will continue to model for free until I finish university, maybe see where that goes. I also plan to do a child psychology masters which will take around 7 years, so who knows!

We wish you the best of luck!

Loo Loo Rose . 20

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Loo Loo Rose . 20

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Anonymous . 20

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Jodanna Bird . 20

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Loo Loo Rose . 20

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Allure

Sat inside with my books and words

Look outside and listen to the birds

Feel the sun burning to tell me

To ‘Go beyond and be free!’

Capture the view using your lens

Become one with nature, like true friends

This is our wedding, raise a glass to toast

Here’s to the world, our inspiring host!

Ryan Farnham . 20


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Emily White . 20

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Loo Loo Rose . 20

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The metaphor on a hillI see a treeSo many on the hill top, but this tree stands alonewithdrawn, desolate.Settled, yet unsettling to observe.My view is intriguing In the distance, and yet not so distant, but longing to be close.Further back from a forest of trees, it lingers.But are they of equal size? This tree appears smaller,Or perhaps that is just how it has been made to feel.

Although it protects many leaves and encourages new ones to grow,Will they remember it once autumn comes?Once the wind has carried them on their wandering wayWill they ever return? Or simply forget their roots.

Is it in the summer of its life? Yet feels like the winterWould its bark fall and crumble with the gentlest touch?Yet deep in the middle its green stems flourish beneathCould it be an evergreen? Or just forever unseen

If a tree falls but there is no one to hear it, Does it make a sound?If a tear is shed but there’s no one to catch itHas the tear drowned?

It stands still and yet is swayedIt offers support and yet gets nothing backReacts to kindness and yet receives less than someSupplies resources and yet asks for noneOn the lonesome hill of many trees.

The Tree That Stands Alone


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Sturdy yet secluded. A recluse by choice?yet still feels forsaken by its equals. Surrounded by those the same,Yet never seemed more different.Will I remember this single tree when I consider my view?Or is it just a thought soon to be abandoned?

Will someone new come across this landscapeAnd miss the tree completely?Blending, fading amongst more pleasing woodlandExisting, but not truly living. Is this any life for a tree?Is this just nature’s way? Or the nature of life?

What would come of it if this tree... turned out to be me.

Loo Loo Rose . 20

Ciara Farrell . 20

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Hana Martin . 20

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Georgia Yiapanis . 20

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I lift the cup to my lips and take a slow sip of my coffee, having a quick glance at the town hall clock across the road. He was late. This isn’t new information to me, he’s always late. He’ll use work as an excuse but I know the real reason. Most people believe, and I used to also, that cheating on your partner is blasphemy. But to me and Roderick it’s a way of life, we believe that it’s a curse not to take the chances that are presented to you through our time on this revolving rock. The last thought on our mind is what the consequences could be, because it’s always alright in the end. Why do we feel the need to be held back by others? But then why do we grab others as life goes on? It’s because we are humans. We never know what we want until we have it or when the opportunity has passed. The waitress comes to my table and asks if I would like anything else. I order two beers as I know Roderick will arrive shortly. As she walks off, my natural instincts draw my eyes to the outline of her body and I oblige. This is one of the reasons why we sway off the line of life. Not just a sexual attraction but a sexual need. We all suffer from the desire for it. We try to kid ourselves that there is more to life than this but it’s all a part of our instincts.

I get distracted from my thoughts by the outline of another body. This time it belongs to a split screen VW camper van. Pastel green in colour and a beautiful specimen of its kind. Its Roderick’s baby or as he calls it his Phoenix. Saved from the jaws of the scrap yard crusher, he’d nurtured and cared for

her. The first time I saw her was just after Roderick’s seventeenth bir thday, he had saved up all his money from various dead end jobs to afford the price. At the time, she wasn’t even scrap worthy but he saw something in her.

This also jogs another memory. It was just before my eighteenth bir thday, me and Roderick were messing about near the quarry throwing stones over the edge and chasing each other. We decided to see how close to the edge we could get before chickening out, Roderick got so close that I felt that I couldn’t beat him but I gave it a go anyway and at first I was elated that I had won but the next moment the soil beneath me fell away and I was falling. My heart shot up to my mouth, and then I felt someone grab my hand. Roderick had caught me I looked up at him and saw a flash of fright which was quickly replaced with a big smile.

As he pulled me up he said ‘what is it you’re always saying about consequences?!’

‘Wilfred!!’

I jolt out of the past and awake to the present.‘Roderick, how’re you man? What time do you call this then?’

I say it with a hint of sarcasm and a knowing to what his reply will be.

‘Apologies bro, apologies! Just had to make a couple of detours’

He winks at me after saying this and picks up his drink and takes a big chug from it. I mirror his actions and set my drink down.

‘Man we need to decide what time we are leaving tomorrow?’

In The EndBy Ryan Farnham


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Roderick ponders this for a moment and takes a smaller sip from his drink.

‘I was thinking about 7am, means we can have the roads to ourselves for a bit’

I nod my head gently and stare at the waitress again. This time tomorrow we will be driving towards Europe and the rest of the world. The only preparation we had done for this moment is save as much money as possible and made sure our passports were in order. Apart from this, we’ve left our journey in the hands of fate and consequence. I wasn’t always as Carpe Diem as this, I used to plan every single detail of any journey or event. Even the morning before work had its own timetable. I believed that planning everything would give me more time to be a socialite and to enjoy life.

The day I met Roderick I realised that I had been kidding myself all this time. His belief is that you can’t control time; it’s a continued event that will never be submissive but always dominant. He believes in making the most of every day, hour, minute and second. Life isn’t to be wasted on mundane activities or even on sleep. Roderick is someone who doesn’t need sleep to thrive on life. Sleep is something he needs to do but only for a few hours. 7am means in bed at 4am, but obviously he wouldn’t say that in such a matter of fact way.

‘Wow, wouldn’t you like to get on that?!’

Roderick was referring to the waitress. I’d have to act fast if I was to have any chance of getting her for myself. As if Roderick was reading my mind.

‘She’s all yours Wil’

‘Wow what’s wrong with you Mr Hill?’

He smiles at me ‘I’m getting to old for this bud, I’ve decided to give it a go with Nadia she’s the only girl I’ve ever loved’ He pauses then winks ‘It star ts to get to you all this heart breaking!’

-Silence-

I pick up my drink and stare right through Roderick, my mind distracted and take a sip.

I notice Roderick moves towards me and he proceeds to push my pint of beer on to my lap.

‘Argh man!’

He signals to the waitress that assistance is needed and she quickly obliges.

‘My friend here needs something or someone to clean him up’

After he says this he gives a quick but meaningful wink at her.

Roderick smiles at me as the waitress takes me by the hand and out of sight.

After finishing up, she gives me her number and says to give her a call sometime. I walk back outside to find Roderick on the phone. With my beer soaked top in my hand, he gives me the keys to the VW and mouths to me that there is spare clothing in the back. I open up the van and see that Roderick has put a few essentials in the back for the journey. Precisely- a certain amount of alcohol and a few bags of food. I grab a t-shir t which has a portrait of Jim Morrison on it and the slogan ‘Break on through to the other side’ along the bottom. I look over to Roderick and he’s immersed in conversation, he catches my eye and mouths ‘Nadia’ to me, I nod. I look up at the deep blue sky and an event which came around a couple of

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weeks ago forms in my mind.

It all began with a phone call from Nadia.‘Hey Wil, how’re you? Are you with Roderick?’Roderick wasn’t with me, but I knew where he was. He was with a particular favourite of his, Martha.‘Hey Nadia, I’m great thanks, you? I was with him but he had to shoot to the office due to an emergency. Is there anything I can do?’

‘Ahh this is why he isn’t answering his phone. Yeah you can help actually, the boiler is playing up and just wanted Roderick to have a look at it, do you mind coming over?’

She acts so trusting to my lie and a hint of guilt floats into my mind, which I eradicate straight away.

‘Yeah sure Nadia, I’ll be there in ten’

‘Thanks Wil, I really appreciate this’

I hung up, grabbed a coat and began to walk to Roderick’s place. When I arrived at his house, I find Nadia watering the flowers out front.

‘Hey Nadia!’

A big grin comes across my face, she’s looking sensational.

‘Hey Wil!’

She puts down her watering can and gives me a big hug.

‘Let me show you where the boiler is and you can give me your best diagnosis’

‘Ha ha okay, I can’t promise anything but will have a look’

She smiles to this and leads the way through the hallway and into the utility room which is attached to the kitchen. I notice that Nadia has been cleaning all day as every room looks spotless. She shows me the boiler and gives me access to all of Roderick’s tools.I kneel down and have a look at all the pipes, feeling for any leaks. Nadia is in the kitchen.

‘Wil, do you want a beer or I have some wine also?’

‘A beer would be great Nadia, thanks!’

She places a can by my feet and goes back into the kitchen. After a while of fiddling, I realise that one of the main pipes is leaking.

‘Nadia, I’ve found the problem, the main pipe is leaking! I’ll see if I can fix it’

I take out a wrench and begin to turn the nut, eventually the leaking stops and I make sure the nut is as tight as possible. I wipe the sweat off my forehead with the top of my wrist, grab the beer and have a big chug.

I get up and call for Nadia, she comes in from the garden.

‘I found the problem, one of the pipes was leaking but I’ve tightened it up and all should be well’

‘Aww thanks Wil! This calls for more drink and a mini celebration!!’

She runs off to the fridge and pulls out a crate of beer. She throws me another can, which I catch and she sits down at the dinner table.

‘Take a seat Wil’

As I sit down, my pocket vibrates and it’s a text


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message from Roderick, he’s decided to stay at Martha’s and he’ll text Nadia to explain. I text him back saying that I’m at his and explained the boiler situation. He replies saying thanks bro and that he’ll see me soon. I look up and realise Nadia has just received the text.

‘Oh shit, Roderick has to stay at work tonight and won’t be back until real late, oh well looks like it’ll just be the two of us, let’s go into the lounge it’s much more comfortable there’

After a lot more beers and random chat, the impossible happened; we ended up in bed together. The worse thing though was that I didn’t feel guilty at all. I knew if it was the other way round Roderick wouldn’t have felt guilty. Nadia also didn’t seem to care, maybe she knows about all of Roderick’s visits and wanted to get her own back. Whatever the reason I didn’t care. Nadia and I decided to never talk of this, so I left the house at about 3 am and walked home.

I was brought back to reality after feeling a clap on my shoulder.

‘Hey man, where were you? You seemed to be in another universe ha ha’

Roderick had crept up on me.

‘What? Oh sorry man, miles away! How’s Nadia?’

‘Well I don’t know, she seems to be in a weird mood, probably just the time of the month eh?!’

I feel a hint of trepidation as he says this, but take no notice of it.

I laugh and nod. He walks around to the driver’s side and I jump in the passenger’s seat.

‘Fancy going for a drive before going home?’

‘Yeah that sounds good to me Rod’

He proceeds to star t up the camper and pulls out on to the main road. I wheel down the window and close my eyes. The feel of the cool air on my face is amazing. I open my eyes and see that were heading for the old quarry. We used to go there when we first met, perfect place to chill and get up to no good. We enter the main part of the quarry and stop about fifty metres from the edge of the quarry.

Roderick opens his door, gets out, slams it shut and strides to the edge of the quarry. Shocked, I mirror his actions and catch up with him.

‘Hey man, what’s up?’

He takes a deep breath.

‘Maybe you can tell me?!’

I’m confused by his sudden change in mood and personality.

‘What do you mean?! Man I have no idea what’s going on’

He takes out his phone and shows me a text message which is from Nadia, telling him all about our night together. She’s spilled the beans, before I try to explain he cuts me off.

‘She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved. I know I’ve been off with other girls but I’ve cut them out of my life. I trusted you man, she has every reason to hate me but you had no reason to break our friendship by betraying me, especially after everything I’ve done for you!’

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I stand there looking at him; my brain trying to piece together a sentence like it’s a two thousand piece puzzle.

‘I looked at you as a little brother Wilfred, someone I could tease and mess around with but also confide in. But now all I see is a liar and someone who’s only ever thought of themselves’

He moves closer to the edge looking out over the quarry. I decide to move to his side cautiously not knowing how he’s going to react, but my foot slips on a stone and I lose my balance, I try to regain my composure but I fall over the edge. This time I grab hold of the quarry edge and hold on tight.

Roderick looks over the edge and sees me holding on, he looks frightened but then he smiles at me. I feel reassured and smile back. But I see his smile turn sinister but before I can react he talks:

‘So here we are again eh bro?!’ He says bro with a big hint of sarcasm, my grip is slowly loosening.

‘Please Roderick help me up, we can sort this mess out and go back to how it was’ I try to tighten my grip but it only worsens. Roderick stands over me and then kneels down. He grabs both my hands, taking all my weight. Finally he’s come round.

‘Things will go back to how it was, but you won’t be around to witness it!’

He lets go of my hands, as I slowly fall back the only thought in my mind is….


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In the end, everything does have its consequences.

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‘Zombieland’

Creatures emerge from the depths of despair, crazed beings of the night, moaning and groaning and wincing as the harsh sunlight beats down on their sullen, pallor-coloured faces. Their warpaint smudged, partly masking their bloodshot eyes.

But this isn’t a disaster zombie film, the world hasn’t ended as we know it, this is 7 o’clock in the morning in St Pauls, Cheltenham and these aren’t zombies-they’re possibly even more scary... they’re students! And these booze-filled banshees are partaking in an everyday student ritual...’the walk of shame.’

The ‘walk of shame’ is the journey a student would embark upon to their own house after being a ‘bed buddy’ to someone else the night before and in most cases, after consuming copious amounts of alcohol!

You see girls clutch at their stiletto heels like a primal caveman dragging his club in hand after a successful hunt. They hide their faces in the hopes to keep the fact that they didn’t quite make it home to their own bed last night as secret as possible but the male jumper which is swamping their tired bodies and making their mini-skir t look even more mini would suggest otherwise! Boys glug down family-size cartons of orange juice that they’ve just picked up from the closest newsagents in the hopes to tend to their headaches that just won’t quite go and their throats that feel like they’ve been filed down by an industrial sheet of sandpaper.

The ‘walk of shame’...the not so glamorous catwalk of the hungover student

Chloe Stewart . 19


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Ciara Farrell . 20

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When she left, we knew. This woman who had fed us, changed us, clothed us, raised us, and in the end, lost us; would not be coming back. Our Mother didn’t want to be.

My earliest memory is the same as my later ones. She would sit on the kitchen bench, cigarette in one hand and a glass of Pinot Noir in the other and we would ask her how she made her juice that color. She would sit there and embrace the immaculate silence that seemed to consume us, all of us, and we didn’t dare break it. She would sit there, shoulders hunched forward so that her back bones jutted out and when I’d trace the defined lines of bone on her skinny frame, she would get annoyed and remind us that it was ‘my time.’ She didn’t wake us, why would she. But we did wake up. I think it’s the sound we all fear ; the clumping of her old clogs, the ones I used to drown in, down the stair case and the shuffling, oh the dreaded shuffling of the family suitcase that no longer belonged to the family. The sound of knowing. We knew we were being abandoned. We watched from the window in denial, disbelief. Our Mother didn’t want to stay, no, she couldn’t, and we knew that, but we wished she would stay for us. She put her things in her station wagon and left- just drove away- drove her car into the rising daylight and didn’t look back once.

None of us cried.

Our Mother was not like our friend’s Mothers. Well, not that we ever really had many. Other parents banned their children from playing with a house of bastards. It was like we had a contagious disease they didn’t want their spawn to catch. And Mother, she would just laugh, defenseless but without a care and we would stare at her thin face, into her cold, lost eyes and ask ourselves, “who is this woman?”

I always think she must have planned it this way. She waited- waited until we could all ride a bike without breaking a limb, and until we all knew how to press ‘star t’ on the microwave, until we were able to survive without her.

My Sister, the oldest, was seventeen and a replica of Mother. She had the same frail frame and desolate eyes that pained me to look into. My brother, the middle child and fourteen at the time of her departure, looked like nobody and we didn’t talk about it because nobody knew who he came from.

And then there was me, the youngest, the runt of the family; if you could even call it that. I was a mistake that I knew she must have regretted. I was never smart or particularly pretty, no, I was a plain old Jane who looked like my father. When she looked into my eyes, searching for answers maybe, I knew she resented me, and herself, I knew she blamed me. I was just there unwanted, air, and a waste of it at that.

Mother hated where we lived, and I wondered why we stayed. I found out later it was because the house was left to her by a deceased relative, one who must have known and cared, or felt guilty enough to. It was a picture perfect suburban home fit for 5, but we never needed the extra space since the men she brought home for ‘play dates’ never stayed long.

When Social Services came one September afternoon, when the leaves had just star ted to fall and when my sister made me wear a scarf to the corner shop, she told them to “fuck off.” When they came a second time with a warrant, she let them in and they were so surprised we weren’t abused or feral or dead. Mother used to collect things. Trinkets and whatnot, memories. She kept them in a wooden box under her bed and none of us were allowed to look inside. We always tried to get it out when Mother wasn’t home, to get a glimpse inside ‘Pandora’s box,’ but when we did open it all we found was an old photograph and coins of a foreign currency. The picture, it had to be of her but it was unrecognizable, undated and only a half. She never talked about her family but we knew.

Pandora’s BoxBy Caitlyn Clarke


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There were no family portraits and no grandparents that came over for holidays bearing gifts. We never celebrated Easter or Independence Day or New Years. And at Thanksgiving, when the children in our classes would describe feasts fit for kings, we would nod along but know that when we got home, we’d be eating leftovers from Monday night.

In the months before Mother left, we sensed a change. Her packs a day increased and she slept more and forgot to make us dinner and stared at postcards of places we could only dream of. She was never happy, she didn’t have to say anything, we saw it in her eyes. Those lost eyes that caused us so much pain; that left so many questions unanswered.

We dreamed up possible life stories for Mother, rekindled childhoods. Tales of royalty and travel and riches so glorious we only ever saw them in our storybooks. We summoned a whole life for her, another beginning, but when it came down to it, we knew all she had was the empty nothing we had found in her wooden box.

It wasn’t our fault, or maybe it was; but either way, we never blamed ourselves for her abandonment or who she was. We didn’t cry ourselves to sleep or sit by the lounge room window and pray for her return. We never tried to contact her, nor did we check the mailbox more than the standard once a day.

When she left we were scared and at first confused but we didn’t mourn. In all truth, we hadn’t really lost anything.

Joe Ward . 21

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Ciara Farrell . 20

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Ciara Farrell . 20

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Zoloft

She flew with cracked wings and her feathers scattered on the pavement,

She too scattered; turning shades of grayAnd bleeding shades of white.

Invalid, she weeps insincerely,She sees herself detach,She lingers in the dark.

Soulless, she flees with sullen eyes, and walks With broken limbs,

Returning only to feel.

Caitlyn Clarke . 19


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Ciara Farrell . 20

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Loo Loo Rose . 20

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Paper Birds

Up the steep cobbled lane.Thorn filled hands, nettle stung shins, I remember.They were eaten by a yellow-orange monster.The house fell like shattered bones.No escape and no goodbyes.

I watched the place melt.A strand of hair under a matchthat contorted and shrunk;It wasn’t my fault.Out of shape and out of time.

Now a flock of cranes hangfrom my bedroom ceiling.Horizontal lines of string from each delicate back;perched on invisible branches,watching over me.

Cloey Biggs . 20

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Ollie Johns . 20

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Ollie Johns . 20

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Herpes boy was one of the most hilarious characters I’d ever had the luxury to be friends with. We met at Churchill car park drunk- the sign of a fantastic friendship. He was an extremely tall, broad, emo-styled guy with a huge nose kind of like a dog (which he insisted he got because his dad was black). In truth he was a white, camp-as-fuck, posh kid who spoke like a rude boy and was constantly flicking back a greasy side fringe from his eyes. We loved him for his sense of humour (and because he was the only one who could roll). We were always wasted together on whatever we could get our greedy young mitts on and were constantly in hysterics. I enjoyed his company like a fat kid enjoys picking cake crumbs out of his belly button.

One night his friend Camaia from Blackheath was having a bir thday par ty whilst her parents were away. Latisha and I decided to be bitches and take Emi’s ex Duran to the par ty, as par ties in that friendship group only ever consisted of gay teenage boys and faghags, us included. We all trekked there, drinking cheap wine on the bus and complaining about how we expected it to be a shit par ty. Oh how wrong we were! Already pissed as we arrived, we sat awkwardly on the sofa and ten minutes later Duran was getting on with one of my girl mates. Latisha and I decided we would use this as ammo to wind Emi up, and I snapped a shot up of their cringe-worthy snog- I could have got a job as paparazzi. We then decided it would be funny for us to pretend to dance so that Latisha could shove me into the kissing couple which we attempted to do without laughing. I went flying

into the flat screen TV and had to be helped back up in a ball of hysterics. All of a sudden we heard an almighty crash and we looked towards the noise. Herpes boy was up to his knee through the wooden floor and was screaming in the campest manner about his ankle. It was such a funny image due to his size and his girly shrieking. Thank God it was on the bottom floor or I would have died of hysteria. The entire par ty fell about with laughter and continued to do so up until he was resting on the sofa with an icepack. You would have thought that breaking the floor would have been the worst thing that would

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had to be done. Seconds later, the bear was in a running bath with shampoo all over itself, us and the floor, being shaved with Camaia’s mum’s razor. Deciding it would be more fun to leave the bath and bubbles flowing with a drowning bear, we ran downstairs. Some time passed in the smoking area and we heard a scream from inside. Giving each other a knowing look, we all ran inside and upstairs. Camaia was standing over the bath with soaking wet heals and bubbles up to her elbows. To our surprise there were 3 stuffed Dalmatians in the bath along with the giant now patchy bear (with all their fur still attached). She looked like she was about to cry and we looked as though we were about to shriek with laughter so I said “it smells like wet dog in here” and we couldn’t help but release the cackles. Spending about five insincere minutes convincing Camaia they would dry out and whoever did it was a right cunt, we then went on a mission to cause more disruption. Someone super cool had invited a random guest- a bright green blown up alien which somehow became one of the crew, and I am only slightly ashamed to admit we had a bit of a dance at some point.

After many a drink, spliff and grind on the dance floor, (and of course giving Duran’s tonsil tennis par tner many evils) we had the munchies. Camaia made the mistake of providing her guests with par ty food and a chocolate bir thday cake (bit presumptuous) which was laid out rather foolishly on her kitchen table. The kitchen has been empty most of the night and instead of pulling up a seat in a civilised manner and sharing the food, we helped ourselves to the whole lot, me grabbing the huge bowl of crisps, Latisha the other, and Herpes boy hiding the cake under his coat. We knew we had to be alone whilst we indulged on our evil finds (in case we were judged- and we would be judged) and stumbled quickly out the front door. We sat on the green down the road

happen to Camaia’s house that night- you’d be wrong. It was an omen that the night was going to be something utterly brilliant– a hilarious disaster. Since the only straight cock in the house had his tongue down a girl’s (who looked like a troll with a constant pout- her choice) throat, Latisha, a now extremely drunk Herpes boy and I decided to spice things up a bit. When I say a bit, I mean fucking hell! The events that happened next are a drunken blur of hilarity. Casually browsing upstairs in Camaia’s room we found the world’s biggest stuffed teddy (almost as big as Herpes boy himself) and we just knew what

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and scoffed drunkenly, crisps and chocolate crumbs all over us- intoxicated heaven. After Herpes boy had decided he was done with the cake he threw it at a parked car, to which it stuck -Camaia’s own fault for picking a sticky cake I reckon. He urged us to go back inside (probably to dance of all those calories) but we weren’t done yet. Quick as a shot he snatched the crisp bowl from my hand and threw it down the road. The china smashed so loudly but he didn’t stop there, and sent the other one flying. We heard dogs bark and lights go on so we ran back into the house laughing once again. “Someone’s smashing plates outside!” he yelled at Camaia and we stumbled hysterically onto the dance floor. It was getting pretty late by now and even the plastic alien was star ting to look fit. Latisha and I decided to get the last bus home and grabbed Duran away from the claws of the troll (with her added creature slobber on his face). The alien was now on the roof and the hole in the floor had somehow gotten bigger. However, we knew one last prank had to be done.

We raided the fridge for eggs and grabbed one each and left without saying goodbye to the host for fear of being knifed. Only waiting till we were two houses down from the par ty, we launched our eggs upwards and missed any relevant aim (which at the time seemed far more hilarious). I don’t remember much of the journey home except all three of us being a messy lump of drunken teenagers at the back of the bus, exhausted from the drink and in cramps from the outrageous events. To this day it is still one of the funniest nights of my life, as it is just so utterly ridiculous. We were total cunts, but I wouldn’t change that night of great memories for the world. Sorry Camaia! (I’m not).


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Jose La Torre . 20

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Mark Chanter . 22

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Georgia Yiapanis . 20

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I lie there as a tear runs down from the corner of my eye, down the contours of my cheek and gently falls off my chin landing onto my collarbone. Every single bone has been broken or smashed. I close my eyes for a second to try and remember what happened. All I can recall is a blur of colour and the feeling of being tossed up in the air like a ragdoll. They tell me that I was hit by a truck at high speed, at least eighty miles per hour plus to cause this kind of damage. They tell me that I’m lucky to be alive but I can tell by the look in their eye that they are full of remorse. Lucky ha! Lucky if I ever walk again, lucky to be bed bound for an eternity. Oh lucky me!

I want to scream and kick but my body is non-responsive. I scan the white room with the only part of my body that isn’t broken, half expecting to see the devil in the white lab coat but all I see is three doctors, a nurse and a selection of medical machinery which will be my “way of living” from now on.

I shut my eyes and try to switch off my mind. At least they’re still working, maybe that was the only bit of luck granted to me. The only spec of light in my never ending tunnel. I try to make a sound but it hurts a lot. It feels like all those natural actions have been taken away and I’ll have to re-learn them again. I shut my eyes again and this time my mind allows me to drift off into a deep sleep.

I wake up with a star t. I kept having the same dream over and over, as soon as it finished it would star t up again like an old broken record player. All I see is the blurred colour and the knowing of what’s going to happen next. But the saving grace in these dreams is that the focus of the blur star ts to get clearer and clearer. If I can just bear the pain within these dreams for a few minutes longer I could have a chance to see what kind of truck hit me. I star t thinking about what happened before the truck hit me, I had just gone to lunch with a few friends. Of which one of them was my ex-girlfriend Ariel. We had only dated for about a year, but she was amazing. She was one of those ‘the girl next door’ types. She was always smiling, joking around and had a laugh that was so infectious that you couldn’t help but laugh with her. I wonder if she and the others have heard the news. I kind of hoped that they wouldn’t come in due to the state that I’m currently in. Especially with the fact that I can’t directly communicate with them, that would hurt the most.As I lie here in my thoughts I star t to hear the hospital wake up. I’m glad they’ve put me in a separate room from the other patients. I’m finding it hard enough to sleep without the moans and groans of other people going through their own hell. I look down at the smock that I’m wearing which even top models would find hard to pull off. I see

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at the bottom of the bed that there is a writing pad which will obviously have all my details on. I can imagine what it looks like; name Danny Hughes, age 31, reason for being here didn’t look before crossing the road. I could see myself and Ariel laughing at this if the consequences hadn’t come true. I look up as I see the door of my room open and a doctor walks in followed by two nurses. The doctor comes over to me and shines a small torch into my eye, checking for any response. I reply by moving my eyes towards it, signalling to him that it’s only from my neck down that is out of order.

‘Mr Hughes, I’m going to ask you a few questions. I can tell by the response of your eyes that you can understand what is happening around you. I would like you to blink once for yes and blink twice for no, blink if you understand?’

I feel a surge of positivity and blink once.

The doctor smiles and says ‘Good. My name is Doctor Jayaraman and I will be your main doctor through out your stay here. I want to give you some information about what happened after you arrived. You were in a very fragile state and we took you straight into theatre to save as much of your own bone structure and add titanium reinforcements where needed. So your body at the moment is about forty percent bone and sixty percent titanium, which isn’t what we wanted but it’s the only way we could keep you going. We then put you into a controlled coma for about three weeks which would give your body time to get used to all the changes we made. Also you had a couple of visitors but obviously you wouldn’t recall this. Right I will let you get back to your resting and I’ll be back later to ask a few more questions.’The doctor then picked up the writing pad and made a few notes, and then with a nod and smile to each of the nurses he made his exit.

So I was out for three weeks, it felt like three days

to me. Its strange how time is always going at the same pace but it can feel like its going either very slowly or very quickly. Also I had some visitors, I wonder who it was. Most likely it would have been my mum and Ariel, they always had a strong friendship whilst we were going out and it continued afterwards. One of the nurses approaches my right side and star ts looking at the data output from one of the medical machines. She picks up a syringe and pushes the needle into a glass jar. She slowly pulls back the plunger and the liquid quickly exits the jar and makes its way into the barrel. She moves the smock up my arm and inserts the needle into a cylinder shaped contraption which has already been placed into my vein.

‘Here’s some more morphine Mr Hughes, this should eradicate any pain that you are feeling and will help you sleep better’ I blink at her to show a sign of thanks, she smiles at me and then exits the room followed by the other nurse.

I feel slightly more positive about the future, even though I know there will be ups and downs to follow. I decide to shut my eyes and sooner rather than later I fall into a deep slumber.

I awake to the noises of someone shuffling around my room; I slowly open one eye and see that the nurse is tinkering with the machines and making notes on the pad which normally resides at the bottom of my bed. I close my eye again and try to remember the details of my last dream. The truck was red with some detail which I recognised but couldn’t quite recall it from the depths of my mind. As I lay here trying to recall that familiar design, I feel a sharp pain in my leg which makes me twinge all over. It was a positive and negative sign, a sign that my body was star ting to react to the new bones. Before I could dwell on this anymore, I hear the door open and the familiar voice of my doctor. I open my eyes and see that he’s deep in whispered

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conversation with the nurses. As he talks he looks over to me and smiles, noticing that I was awake he finishes his conversation and walks over to my side.‘Good morning Mr Hughes, hope you’re well today, are you feeling any pain?’

I ponder this question for a couple of seconds, deciding that the pain is probably just part of the recovery process and nothing more serious I blink twice.‘This is good news, in the next few days you should experience some discomfort due to your body accepting the changes we made to your bone structure. But this will disappear after a while and we will try and make it as painless as possible. This afternoon you will be visited by two police officers, they want to ask you questions about the accident and see if they can find the culprit who did this to you. Is this okay with you?’

I feel a wave of relief come over me about the pain in my leg and on hearing that the police are keen to find the madman who put me in here, gives me a positive buzz therefore I blink once at Doctor Jayaraman.

‘Brilliant! I will send in a nurse to accompany the police officers, so she can help them and yourself with any communication problems.’ He smiles and leaves the room.

I close my eyes again and try to organise my thoughts so that I’m ready for the visitors this afternoon. As I do so the image of a very familiar woman comes into my mind. Ariel is standing there smiling at me and I smile back. She’s so beautiful with her golden brown hair and bright blue eyes. I star t to approach her but she moves away from me, I begin to pick up the pace but it’s no use she keeps gliding away from me. Then out of the corner of my eye, I see the red truck speeding towards me. I try to call out to Ariel, tell her that I love her and want her back but no words come out of my

mouth. Then the truck hits me and I’m thrown into the air but before I hit the ground I wake up.I open my eyes to the sight of four people in my room all in murmured conversation, every now and then glancing over at me. I catch the eye of my favourite nurse, Emily, and she gestures to the others that I’m awake. My doctor approaches my side and introduces me to the two uniformed visitors that I have.

‘Afternoon Danny, this is Detective Mills and Police officer Jenkins, they’re here as I said earlier to ask you a few questions and to confirm any details that they have already. They’re aware of the blinking communication that we have in place and will accommodate the questions to fit that.’I look up into the faces of the new visitors and I’m instantly reminded of the good cop, bad cop routine which is used in many police programmes including my personal favourite The Wire. I’m hoping Mills and Jenkins won’t be as hard on me as McNulty and ‘Bunk’ could be.

‘Hello Mr Hughes, we’re here as you know to try and find the suspect who put you in here. We’ve had a look at the CCTV footage of the area that the hit and run occurred and we have narrowed the description of the truck down to three. What I will do is describe the three we have and if you can just blink accordingly to each’. He pulls out a notepad from inside his suit jacket and flips through a few pages and stops.

‘Right the first truck is a nineteen eighty five blue LDV van, does that match anything that you remember?’ He looks at me intently awaiting the signal. I immediately blink twice and hope that they describe the familiar red truck that haunts my dreams. ‘Thank you, the other two trucks we have are quite similar, both red in colour but one is a post office truck and the other is just plain red.’ As he says post office, the image of the truck jumps into my mind and the detail that I recognised but


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couldn’t quite recall immediately takes the shape of the yellowy gold lines and writing which is upon every truck they own.

‘So I’m going to first say plain and then post office and please respond if anything is triggered’ I stare at him hard and listening hard just in case I miss the vital moment. ‘Plain?’ I blink twice as clearly as I can. ‘Okay, post office?’ I blink once and as soon as I do, a sense of justice flows through my veins.

‘This is great Mr Hughes we will immediately contact their head office and find out who was driving it that day’. He gestures to the other officer that it’s time to leave ‘Thank you Mr Hughes, when there are sufficient developments, I will come and see you again!’ He gives me a knowing nod and exits the room.

As I lay there thinking about the next moves that the police will make a sharp dagger like pain erupts in my right knee. I squeeze my eyes shut wincing from the pain wishing for it to stop. Eventually it dulls down to the slow throbbing ache that I’m beginning to get used to all over my body. I close my eyes again longing for this reality to be fantasy, hoping that when I wake up tomorrow that I’ll be in my own bed and this hell was all just a nightmare. I woke up to the usual sound of the machines tinkering away and the movement of feet around the concrete floor. I open my eyes and see that there is a mix of familiar and unfamiliar faces in my room. Before I can contemplate on what is happening, Emily walks over to me and explains ‘Good morning Danny, hope you’re feeling better today, Doctor Jayaraman has decided he wants to bring forward the day of examining your body to today. He feels that your recovery is progressing well and wants to confirm this by having you put through a MRI scan and see what is happening with your new structure’. Even though she hasn’t asked me a question, I blink once to show that I

understand what was happening. She smiled back at me ‘Good, well I’m going to put you under with a general anaesthetic just so you don’t panic whilst you’re in the scan’. She picked up a big syringe and placed the end of it in my arm and slowly pushed the plunger so the liquid entered my veins. ‘Just a few minutes wait and you’ll be in an undisturbed slumber’. The idea of an undisturbed slumber sounded like a heavenly place to be especially after what I’d been through. After a few minutes I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer and with open arms I embraced the anaesthetic. I awake from my slumber feeling rejuvenated and ready to conquer whatever is thrown at me, I take a breath in and realise that it hurts to breath, maybe it’s just my body reacting to being operated on. I open my eyes and notice my right leg is bandaged up a lot more than any other part of my body. I also realise that it’s aching much more than it had done before the scan. I remember the sharp pain that had travelled through my kneecap before and put two and two together. There must have been a complication and they’ve decided to operate. The door opens and Doctor Jayaraman walks in with Emily just behind him. Doctor Jayaraman was of Indian descent and had an air of total professionalism about him. He looked in his mid forties and I would say he’s a devoted husband and father. I don’t know anything about him due to my lack of communication but maybe once I’ve gotten through this mess I can talk to him about topics outside of this room. He looks over to me and smiles that professional smile companied by a nod. I would say this reassures me but looking at Emily’s face I can tell that there’s something wrong, she doesn’t look sad but just doesn’t look her usual contented self. I try to think what could have gone wrong maybe my recovery is just going to take a lot longer. I don’t know how much more I could take of being in here, madness wasn’t far off.

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Doctor Jayaraman approaches my side as usual and begins to explain ‘Hello Mr Hughes, as you’re aware I decided to take you in for a MRI sooner rather than later. I did this because the recovery was going much better than I had wished and wanted to check that all your bone and ligament replacements were progressing well. After the scan, we noticed that there seemed to be a problem with your right knee. So I decided to get you into the theatre as soon as possible, so we could eradicate the problem and get the recovery process star ted again. When we opened the knee up we found that your body had rejected the new implant and that a blood clot had formed within it. We fixed your knee as well as we could but after a few more scans we noticed that another blood clot was developing in your lungs and more will develop through out the rest of your body in the next few days’. When he stopped talking he looked at me with an air of letting me down and I realised then that there was nothing they could do for me.

As I lay there trying to take it all in, the only thing I could think about was my mum and Ariel. I longed to see them but also didn’t want them to see me like this. Before I could dwell any fur ther, the door opened and Dectective Mills walked in ‘I hope I’m not disrupting anything, I just wanted to tell you that we’ve arrested an employee of the Post Office. We questioned him and he admitted to everything, at least some justice has been dealt to you Mr Hughes’ He smiled and exited the room.

Doctor Jayaraman spoke again ‘Well at least they caught him Mr Hughes. I will call your mother now and bring her in so I can tell her the news and then she can come and see you’. I blinked once and then closed my eyes, eventually the doctor and Emily filed out of the room. Justice had been done, it may not change the situation but at least I know he won’t hurt anyone else.

I lay there for hours thinking of the journey that

I had taken since the accident, realising that I’ve come to the last road of my life and that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t recovery but the pearly white gates of heaven.

I dream of the bright red post office truck again and again that night but this time I hear a chorus of familiar voices in the background. I know these voices so well but don’t recognise them due to the atmosphere of the dream, then suddenly I know who they belong to and I open my eyes.

There sat beside me are the two most important women in my life, Ariel and my mother Jacqueline. They sit there in deep conversation, reminiscing about past times and laughing with tears in their eyes. My mother catches my eye and stands up immediately; she towers over me and then embraces me with a soft warm hug. I feel her shaking and with every inch of my body I wish I could return the favour ‘Oh Danny, I love you so much, you’re everything to me I don’t know how I am going to survive without you’ she says this with as much love as she can muster. She sits back down and takes my hand in hers and squeezes it. There’s so much I want to say to her, to try and reassure that I’ll always be thinking of her. I want to tell her that everything will be okay and one day we will be reunited. I try to smile but it turns into a smirk, she smiles back and I’m glad she understands.

I look at Ariel and even though she’s crying she still looks as beautiful as ever. She puts her hand on my face and gently strokes my chin, I move my head into her hand and try to put as many words and feeling into it. My mother stands up and excuses herself so that we can be alone. Before she leaves Ariel gives her hand a squeeze and she replies with a smile. She walks out and closes the door behind her.

Ariel turns back to me and holds my hand in both of hers. Her eyes are glistening with tears, she dabs


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the corners of them with a tissue then she takes a big breath in to steady herself ‘Danny I want to say a few things but I want to star t by reassuring you that I’ll always be there for Jacqueline. She’s been amazing to me all through the time I’ve known her since I was a child and even more so since we split up. She’s been a truly wonderful friend and I want to repay her generosity and love by being there for her.’ I squeeze her hand hard to say thank you for this. She smiles and steadies herself again ‘Since we split up, I’ve thought long and hard about if it was the right thing to do. You’re an amazing guy and never fail to make me feel on top of the world with a massive smile upon my face. I can tell you anything and know you’d never tell anyone else, you’re my soul mate and I can’t believe I’m going to lose you. I love you with all my heart Danny and there won’t be a day that goes by that you’re not on my mind. But this isn’t goodbye it’s just see you later’. She leans over and kisses me, I kiss her back and put as much feeling and love into it as I possibly can. She pulls away and then gives me a big hug; I can smell her and feel her heart beating against mine. The tears are star ting to come and I won’t stop them. She stands up ‘I’ll go get Jacqueline’ she smiles and goes out of the room.

I lie there as the tears run from my eyes down the contours of my cheeks and fall on to my neck. This is it. The time has come to go and surprisingly I feel ready for it. I think about all the events that have happened and deep down I feel like this was always going to be the way it ended. At least the bastard who did this to me has been caught and arrested, even though it was nothing compared to the injustice it had caused me.

I close my eyes thinking of my mother and Ariel, knowing that this time I won’t be waking up.

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SUMMER ‘12DOG DAYS


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