Kick Review by Mihir Fadnavis ()

7/25/14 8:10 PMKick review: Bhai and Sajid Nadiadwala melt your brain, burn a hole in your pocket

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(http://www.firstpost.com/bollywood/kick-Last night, through the rustling wind and pounding rain, I heard the faint strains of a

song. It was the Spirit of Bollywood crooning a melancholy melody, reflecting upon the

newest product it had just belched out.

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface.

Consuming, confusing.

This lack of self-control I fear is never ending. Its controlling.

I can't seem to find myself again,

My walls are closing in



know-before-watching-salman-khans-kick-1629069.html)

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View more (http://www.firstpost.com/author/mihir)

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(without a sense of confidence

and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take).

I've felt this way before, so insecure.

It might also have been an insomniac neighbour playing Linkin Park, but since Id just

watched Kick, I prefer my Spirit of Bollywood version.

Sajid Nadiadwala, the producer of arthouse classics like Housefull; Chetan Bhagat,

Indias modern literary genius; and Salman Khan, the unparalleled successor to Orson

Welles, teamed up for one project and it is known as Kick. In the mystic Dead Sea

Scrolls, it was written that such a union could melt polar ice caps, burn gigantic holes in

the ozone layer and cause tsunamis that could engulf the whole planet. Kick is almost

there: it melts the brain, burns a hole in your pocket and causes a tsunami of rage

within you.

Which is why I found myself

singing along with the Spirit of

Bollywood last night:

Crawling in my skin, these

wounds they will not heal.

Bhais films is how I fall,

confusing what is real.

Nadiadwala may have parted

ways with Sajid Khan. But in

Kick, his debut film, he proves

something historic: he is a

much worse filmmaker than

Khan. For years Khan has been well regarded as someone who doesnt try very hard

while acting in a film. With Kick, Nadiadwala shows what it really means to not make

an effort. To say that he phones it in would mean he actually made the effort to make a

call on sets. From the look of things, Nadiadwala couldnt be bothered.

Kick is a Salman Khan film, which is exactly like every other previous Bhai film, made

for Bhai fans. This means

a) The script would depress a dull primate

b) All women in the film are utterly stupid,

c) Bhai is an angelic godlike creature sent to us by Lord Xenu only to be worshipped

d) There have to references to previous Bhai films. Its called being meta.

Whats that you say? This Bhai film is different and good because it has a huge budget

and is set in phoren locations? If Jai Ho was a smelly sock, then Kick is a smelly sock

placed in an fancy box and wrapped in a silver foil. You open the box and the effect is

still the same.

The massive budget of the film doesnt much manifest itself into the visuals in a

convincing manner. There is an appalling animated sequence and the CGI looks like it

was made for a few rupees in a basement Pentium 2 PC. In a scene where Bhai drives a

bus through parked cars, the cars fly around like video game rag dolls.

But once again, this is a masala commercial film and I shouldnt expect anything smart

or classy. Right? Wrong. You can choose to have a good script. You can choose to

entertain audiences by not insulting their intelligence. You can choose to not have

Jacqueline Fernandez playing a psychologist whose idea of treating a patient is to bring

him home and then take him to a bar. You can choose to not show Saurabh Shukla bent

(http://s4.firstpost.in/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/kick11.gif)A poster of the film.

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over an exercise ball with a hulking, tattooed yoga instructor looming over him.

The only agenda that Kick has is to squeeze Bhai into every frame of the film and make

him a contrived superhero. Ill avoid making any Kick puns about how hard the blows

feel, but I can tell you the film does contain one interesting scene. Bhai dances in a club

to Saat samandar paar and jeers at Randeep Hooda by showing him the text on the

back of his T shirt it reads LOSER. Is that meant for the audience or Khan being self-

deprecating? I dont think so.

The supporting cast in Kick, despite looking decent on paper, doesnt work very hard

either. Considering the script, its not surprising since everyone in the Kick universe

exists only to make Bhais idiotic superhero look cool. Hooda sneers his way through

the film and Nawazuddin Siddiqui hams to the hilt every time theres a manic bark of

laughter from him, its like hes imagining the sound of his bank account being credited.

As is the case with most Bhai films, none of the setbacks are going to matter as such,

because for diehard Bhai fans, they're trifles in a box of goodies. And a review of the

film is hilariously useless, because no known force on this planet can stop a Bhai film

from sending the box office registers ringing. Bhai seems to have discovered the elixir of

life with the Eid release strategy. In the annals of time whether or not the chaand shows

up, a Bhai film certainly will.

No wonder then that the Spirit of Bollywood wandered through the city last night,

drunk and depressed. The last words of its song are a haunting echo:

I tried so hard and got so far. In the end, it doesnt even matter.

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Indian an hour agoDon't blame Salman for these movies, its the audience who's to be blamed.There is a very large group in our country who like these non-sense movies.I think it all started in 08 when Ghajini came out, usse pehle tak ye bollywood wallethik thak time pass movie bna lete the.07-08 k baad to jaise line laga di inhone wahiyaat movies ki.Salman, Akshay pehle thik the yaar, itne irritating nhi the.But ab to inn dono se jyada thik to Tushaar kapoor bhi lagta hai.Aamir was good untill D:3, i mean what Was that?Hrithik's amazing but he do a movie in what like a Decade?Uske baad to koi actor dhang ka nhi aaya except ranbir.Mainstreme bollywood was good in the 90's and early 00's, they gave us someenjoyable movies & music. Now, all they want to do is make money and they aremaking loads of it.

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Cosmic an hour agoIf Salman is bent on pleasing his fans (chaps who like to get a kick by addressinghim "bhai" and try to emulate a tapori style when talking to fellow "fans") he shouldstop making films and should make arcade video games starring himself. As it is,making cars fly, super human punches, lion noise grunting and senseless belttwisting dances will come out even better on video games. And why wait for aSalman movie, his "fans" can enjoy his antics daily by visiting a video game parlorand Salman will end up making crores every day. Why only 200 crores from a filmin 5 days, he should be able to make 200 crores every week if he really has somany "fans"!! For us simpler people, we will just be happy remembering his "MainePyar Kiya" and smile fondly.

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Reply

Sathya an hour agoHahaha .... Enjoyed the review!!

I hope you write more :-)

Reply

Aayush 2 hours agoGo Get your life Firstpost. From morning you are posting 3 times the same articlethat KICK is crap, blah blah. You really sucks. If u didn't liked this movie then itsfine, you gave review one sided(seems like paid review by Salman's hater or maybe you all are the media person whom Salman had asked to go out of the SongLaunch because of that u r showing your vengeance here) that is also fine but whyagain and again for being in Google News Top Stories with just Headlines change.You fools just watch and review your own company and the loopholes inFIRSTPOST.

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ashu 2 hours agocritic is just way too too much logical thinker, trying to find logics in action moviesand thats bollywood action movie, which are just made for fun 'watch and forget' .

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Bill Joe 2 hours agoHahaha using the lyrics of a song by a degenerate band like Linkin park to showyour dismay over an equally trashy film? Ingenious!!!

Reply

Keere 2 hours agoHow many times will firstpost use the same article with different headings? We getit. You saw Kick and absolutely hated it. You also wrote an article about it. Now letit go and get back to your job.

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gegrws an hour ago KeereThis is his job. Sounds like a nice job.

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jatin sai 3 hours agobhai mazaa nahi aaya!worst movie of the year...very sad being your fan..

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Asim Mohamed 4 hours agoEvery review from FirstPost for this movie is negative, while all other websites andreviewers have given it a thumbs up..Quite quite clear this website is desperately hoping to get some traffic by goingagainst the trend.. there is a word that was created just for guys like you- LOSERS :)

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manik 4 hours ago Asim MohamedAgreed...And this looser fits best to the guy named Hitesh in the comments below. ...:)

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Asim Mohamed 4 hours ago manikyeah, jobless nonsensical morons desperately hoping to get someattention :)

Reply

manik 4 hours agoThis critic must be a (or I am damn sure) a BJP or shahrukh fan....NAAM BADE AUR KAAM CHHOTE..Pitty you.. ;)

2

hitesh 5 hours agojust as congress got 'congressed' normal public (other than retired salman fans)

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Reply got 'Kicked'='congreesed'

Reply

Subhashis Chowdhury 6 hours agoWhy review a Bhai movie? Isn't it a waste of effort. But, the movie will be a flop.Hope it's a colossal flop

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hitesh 6 hours ago Subhashis Chowdhuryif not now, wait for another one and iska bhi 'congress' hoga.

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Ram Lakshman 6 hours agoIs this by any chance remake of Telugu/Tamil movie named Kick.....

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hitesh 6 hours ago Ram Lakshmanunfortunately 'Yes'

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Ram Lakshman 4 hours ago hiteshThe Telugu original was good and watchable considering it waswritten for Raviteja's personality.... However the Tamil remake was adisaster with that lamp post Jayam Ravi in it..Were they crazy tomake a remake of a remake.....

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hitesh 3 hours ago Ram Lakshmanthat is why it is said, to copy even one needs brain

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hitesh 6 hours agobhai original creation/film se itnee dushmani achhi baat nahi. be human show somesymapathy to masterpieces.

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Rikesh 6 hours agoThis review makes me weep for critics. They clearly don't get the concept of"masala". They should stick to reviewing arthouse flicks.

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anonymous 6 hours agothe writer went to catch the movie on the first day itself... seems like a die hardsallu fan eww

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Xman 6 hours agoPseudo critic who likes only pseudo movies.

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Hitesh 6 hours agothis is a high alarming time, Bai sorry :-) Bhai should stop acting in films, perhapshe should also avoid guest appearances for some time. please sir give us a break.there should rating like U/A etc as 'Only for Bhai's stupid Fans'

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manik 4 hours ago Hiteshbhai tu to aise bol rha hai jaise tu koi subhash ghai hai... And u stupid guy,these are his stupid fans for whom he is making these films.. Not for insaneslike you ..

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hitesh 4 hours ago manikthat is what i am saying, they should rate it 'onlyfoSalmanstupidfans',insane people will not even think of it then. this purely cheating doneto normal insane peoples like me than artistic/ osacar jury like you. ifcriticizing this movie is insane. i am obliged.

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Salgay zindabad 6 hours ago

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Reply mindless movie from a mindless actor......RIP kick

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Logical Indian 6 hours agoHahaha.... Sarcasm at its best. Just the majority of public ain't gonna agree withyou.

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hitesh 6 hours ago Logical Indiani agree, 101%. review is perfect. even better than film itself. :-)

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Chinmay 6 hours agoThis Reviewer called Shuddh Desi Romance a Superb Love-Triangle and a PathBreaking Film....I hv stopped reading his reviews after that...Just came to read thecomments.

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Ayan Chowdhury 4 hours ago Chinmayahahaha

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Pradyumna 7 hours agoBetter not reveal the true identity of the reviewer,or he might be beaten up byBhai's fans, but neverthless it was an awsome piece. Despite knowing aboutSallu's movies, I wanted to go to the movie for the sake of watching a movie, butthe smell of the stinking sock has reached me and I am like "I've become so numb,I can smell you there"

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helloworld 7 hours agoin these no body thinks abt what critics say..no body care..because we all knowthey are getting money for what they post...salman has huge fan following..andmovie will be a big hit..as i have seen south movie and its nice

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Chk 7 hours agoNot sure about the movie..but my qstn for the reviewer is....ok....let it go...not worthit!! :)

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hitesh 6 hours ago Chkare but meran paisa?? uska kya. being alcoholic ki ek shirt toh free milnichahiye yaar.

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Vamshi 7 hours agoI guess firstpost have to change their reviewer. This guy seems to be a pessimisticfellow!! Not this one, all of his reviews are like that

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Chirag Shah 6 hours ago VamshiWell....It's not like he criticized some MASTERPIECE...He only criticizedanother typical bollywood masala type, mindless film which bollywoodmakes over and over and over again.... Any person who has seen filmsbeyond bollywood would turn into a cynical person....Witnessing theintellectual degradation within this country is very disturbing........Watch thetype of films getting appreciated around the world, then you will see whyany person would be pessimistic regarding bollywood....

India claims to be a sophisticated and intelligent society and our cultureclaims to appreciate art, literature and philosophy....Clearly our films don'treflect that...Commercial bollywood masala flicks are meant for the lowestof the lows....You can't expect a critic to blindly say it's good just because itdoes well in the Box Office.....

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hitesh 6 hours ago Chirag Shahagree 100%. ye films ek din dhanda band karwa dengi bollywood ka.bollywood = congress hoga.

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helloworld 7 hours ago Vamshireviewer is illegal child of kamal r khan

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Joker 7 hours agoI mean..really..have you ever watched chennai express or dhoom 3? How do youdel about those "intelligent" movies?

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gintama2806 2 hours ago JokerNobody called that movies masterpieces, both D3 and CE got around 2.5stars.

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hitesh 6 hours ago Jokerbad taste also has levels. this one is out of the phrase for 'bad taste' for thismasal mixture. ohh there is a phrase 'JaiHo' i just found.

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Shammi 7 hours agoLooks like someone's on their period.

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helloworld 7 hours ago Shammilol..nice one dude

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Kal 7 hours agoI guess people from this website don't like Salman, 2nd article bashing Kick, whileother credible critics like Raja Sen have given it 3 stars.

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Srini R 7 hours agoVery well written. I liked the prose and thanks for the Linkin Park lyrics.

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Varun 7 hours agoOk now i get what he meant by "mein dil mein aata hoon, samajh mein nahin"

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Abhijit 7 hours agoLooks like the writer is a huge Linkin Park fan. As for Salmans films...they areboring anyways which his mindless fans will watch doesn't matter how bad the filmis.

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Raj 7 hours agoSalman already had his best in Dabbang....All these movies now is just a piece ofcrap.....

1

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The Shiv Sena and the great Chapati-gate scandal

Kick Review by Mihir Fadnavis ()

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