Key stage 3 English Writing

Presentation 2:Composition and Effect 

Analysis of pupil performance 2004

Aims of the session   To introduce the implications for

teaching and learning for AFs 1 and 2 and for each level.

  To illustrate these with examples from pupils’ scripts.

Assessment Focuses forComposition and Effect (CE) 

• AF1: write imaginative, interesting and thoughtful texts

• AF2: produce texts which are appropriate to task, reader and purpose

AF1 Implication for teaching and learning for levels 4 to 5 Help pupils to:Use description of setting and details of character to develop a story rather than relying solely on plot. AF1

So I was driving back to the police station when I saw a guy with a silver neckles I said oi he looked and saw my badge and ran I went after him.

• Rapid action gives list of unelaborated incidents

Inspector grouse was taking finger prints from the safe and seeing which way he could have gone. He ended up near the broken window he took finger prints from the hammer.

• Plot supported by few details

D.I grouse then ponded wethre it was possible to get to the house power without already being there because they had the best security systems in england that isn’t for political purposes surley they would have spotted him they have night vision and thermal vision.

• Detail of security systems used to evaluate situation

It was quite a nice area but the mansion was covered up by a lot of trees. It was like a load of gaurds garding something secretive and important, there was a very nicely mowed lawn, you could hear lots of bird’s twitering a lot more than usual It almost felt like they knew what was going on and they were all talking about it.

• Descriptive / reflective passage

AF2 Implication for teaching and learning for levels 4 to 5 Help pupils to:Establish viewpoint at the start and maintain it throughout. AF2

Dear Sam and any other young people out there, My advise to you is to spend time with your friends but only at break, dinnertime and after school hours.  

• Rudimentary advice letter format

• All the advice comes at the beginning

In Conclusion, in lessons Sit away from your friends if they are the ones who are making your school results lower than they Can be. Use your ability and you Can achieve great thing.

• Concluding a piece of advice

• Pupil has carried through the viewpoint to the conclusion

I am writing this letter as a formal apology to you and the rest of the staff at my school. I want to apologise for the incident, concerning shaving foam, that happened last night. But first let me explain how it happened.

• Opening of apology in formal style

AF1 Implication for teaching and learning 1 for levels 5 to 6 Help pupils to:Integrate the different aspects of narrative (plot, setting, characterisation), for overall impact. AF1

The wind blew the curtains up as he ran towards the open window. The shadow climbed over the fence and was gone. He stopped to catch his breath for a moment enjoying the cool wind flowing past his face .

• Atmosphere created economically: by alluding to the wind and describing the burglar as ‘the shadow’; some characterisation of Grouse – enjoying the chase - though ‘he’ ambiguous

The news was splashed over every front page. The stories, aligations, gossip, facts and fiction. The disaster of the missing diamonds hit the towns of Cheshire. Police raded every room in the £3000,000 mansion, searching and hoping for even the smallest detail of evidence.

• Accumulation/summary of events builds up atmosphere/sense of drama

The lights were all out, so were the family. The silence was only broken when a car drove past, to get to the next village.

• Arresting opening gives atmosphere and information simultaneously

During my pleasant drive over to the mansion I felt tense as if something in the atmosphere was abnormal. The winding roller coaster lanes seemed never ending after that corner there was another corner it never unbelievably stopped. It was like someone or something was holding me back from reaching my desired destination.

• First person narrative facilitates characterisation of and empathy with central character, building atmosphere into observations

AF1 Implication for teaching and learning 2 for levels 5 to 6 Help pupils to:Sustain and develop a viewpoint to guide readers’ reactions eg moving between narration and characters’ reflections in a story, or anticipating objections when offering advice. AF2

D.I.Grouse was the sort of man that was never late for anything; and was alway’s immaculatly dressed. He was a short man and his hair was like steal.

• ‘Immaculatly’ describes the man’s appearance succinctly; ‘steal’ suggests silver-grey, shiny and hard simultaneously

• ‘Actually’ and ‘ever’ emphasise the point; ‘mischievous’ provides a contrast with the much less formal, ‘hanging around’; ‘found myself’ almost shifts the blame

I actually made friends quicker than I ever thought I would. I loved hanging around with my friends but they were very mischievous and I found myself getting into a lot of trouble.

• ‘Abandon’ repeated to create a balanced sentence, joined by the little-used ‘nor’; ‘predicament’ is an apt choice to describe the dilemma; ‘slipping away’ is an interesting phrase to apply to intelligence

These are things you must think about, you cannot choose to abandon your friends, nor can you choose to abandon your education. I was in such a predicament myself, when I was in year 8 my intelligence was slipping away as if I no longer wanted to do well in school.

AF2 Extra implication for teaching and learning for levels 5 to 6

Help pupils to:

Sustain and develop a viewpoint to guide readers’ reactions eg moving between narration and characters’ reflections in a story, or anticipating objections when offering advice. AF2

• Cheerful tone sits awkwardly with the task

Anyway I will get on with telling you about D.I. Grouse. He was a happy Chap he woke upon the Spring morning. When he got up he did every thing a normaly person would like get up.

• Empathy through central character

Although the house was nice from out, detective inspector Glouse could help but smell a really stayall smell, it smell like something had gone off.

• Choice of verbs directs reader’s interpretation

Grouse sighed and narrowed his eyes at John Hinton. Grouse stepped away from the door to let him in. Hinton strode in and followed Grouse to a small room leading off the main corridor. Hinton seemed nervous.

• Draws on opinion of others to add weight to argument

All teenagers like spending time with their friends. I know, I have been there once!

My Mother used to day the same thing your form tutor said;

AF1/2 Implication for teaching and learning 1 for levels 6 to 7

Help pupils to:

Sustain a distinctive voice which presents and interprets ideas and events, eg by use of reflective, humorous or ironic comment. AF1/2

• Reflective, quirky comment

For onced I was confused. Bamboozled even!

For I was unaware that mystery had only just begun. 

• Direct speech used for humorous interlude

Once again he came to a sharp 180° turn he swirved round it almost colliding with a pedestrian and his dog.

“Crazy pedestrians!” He exclaimed.

• First person narrator addresses reader personally

You see, I wasn’t meant to be here really it was after working hours but I was going to need all the time I could get if I was to solve the case

• Assertion plus question used to set up dialogue with reader

My advise to you would be to stop and think. Do you think your work is suffering?

We only mean’t to get the ‘harmless’ shaving foam on a few people that we knew would take it a joke. As it happens these people didn’t find the joke as funny as we thought they would.

• Understatement used to create humour

 

AF1/2 Implication for teaching and learning 2 for levels 6 to 7 Help pupils to:Integrate a range of stylistic devices to signal viewpoint and to guide readers’ reactions. AF1/2

Not only was he able to catch the criminal quickly and to solve the mystery through only a few clues; he also had the look to emphasise his greatness. He was tall, dark, mysterious – every girls dream. His name would send a chill down everyone’s spine. Who is he you ask? He is Detective Inspector Grouse!

• Build-up of main character to raise reader’s expectations; avoids clichéd description by replacing ‘handsome’ with ‘mysterious’; name deliberately withheld until end of paragraph.

That was the last moment of piece he would get for a while. Although he didn’t know that at the time.

• Omniscient narrator device, pre-empting events from beginning of chapter

I do think suspension is too much. I would rather have internal suspension, where I follow the teacher around. I have visited Sarah in hospital several times and she has accepted apology and we have become rather good friends.

• Having made light of the seriousness of the situation, the pupil then puts alongside, in the same paragraph, that one of her victims is still in hospital, creating some dark humour for the reader.