Journey Through the Chakras: First Chakra€¦ · Web view44 (Still More!) Short & Sweet Essays....

Inner Journeys- Volume 3with Anne Marie Bennett

44 (Still More!) Short & Sweet Essayson Allowing SoulCollage®

to Wake Up Your Lifeby Anne Marie Bennett,

SoulCollage® Facilitator and Facilitator Trainer

Inner Journeys Volume 3, copyright 2013by Anne Marie Bennett. All rights reserved.

1Copyright 2013, Anne Marie Bennett www.KaleidoSoul.com Please do not share this work in written or

electronic format without written permission from the author.

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IntroductionThis is a bouquet of 44 stories, each one telling a little bit about my inner life as it relates to the world of SoulCollage®. Some of the stories in this bouquet are about our inner voices; some are centered on the mystery of the spiritual, some are about our Animal Companions, still others are about the power of Community, and some are simply about living our best, sweetest, most authentic life.

SoulCollage® is the fragrance that unites all of the stories in this bouquet. My passion for this simple yet powerful process is not limited to those happy moments when I am sitting at my art table making cards for my deck. It flowers through my life in many ways and in most circumstances.

Each of these stories has appeared in the “Inner Journeys” column of our KaleidoSoul Kindred Spirits Members’ weekly newsletter, Soul Treasures, in one of our issues from 2010-2011.

My wish in offering you this e-book is that you will become more and more aware of the blessings that SoulCollage® offers us moment to moment, day by day, year after year. May you pick up this book when you need a lift, a hug of encouragement, a smile, an understanding, a creative jolt, a knowing that you are connected.

I hope that you will use the Reflection Activities and Journaling Questions to enliven and awaken your own SoulCollage® practice in the days and weeks to come.

And… I wish you much peace & joy on your inner journeys. May they be abundant and rich. May your own SoulCollage® story bouquet be fragrant and ever-lasting.

Anne Marie BennettBeverly, MAFebruary 2013

Scars





In 2002, when I was recovering from nine months of surgeries and treatments for breast cancer, I attended a four day retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health. The retreat was specifically for breast cancer survivors, and while it was exhilarating, it was also emotionally exhausting.

I'll be honest with you... I was feeling far from beautiful. My scarred and slightly deformed left breast had totally disrupted any good feelings I'd once had about my body, not to mention the weight I'd gained from comfort eating during the treatments.

On our last evening together, we were invited to join our leader and her assistants in the retreat center's huge hot tub. At first I didn't think I could possibly do this (let others see my deformed, ugly body), but Spirit guided me to trust our fearless leader and so I allowed my curiosity to guide me.

All 18 of us took off all our clothes and made a sweet ritual of adorning our bodies with temporary tattoos. I put a lovely pink rose right over the big scar on my left breast and seeing it there made me smile. That was the first time I'd smiled about my breasts in a very long time.

Then we sat together in the whirlpool- singing, laughing, shouting to one another above the roar of the water. Women surrounded me. All of us were stark naked. We had bodies and scars of varying size, shape, and hue. Women's bodies, all scarred but unbearably beautiful. Each of us scarred, but each of us mysteriously sacred.

There were all kinds of bodies- tall, short, light, dark, thin, heavy, lumpy, slender, smooth, marked, unmarked, breasts, no breasts, reconstructions in all stages of the game. There were women who still couldn't bear to get undressed in front of their hubands. Women who had never shown another living soul their cancer-carved bodies.

As I looked around me, sweating in the humid steam rising from the water, I felt privileged to be standing in the company of these women. Each of them scarred, yet each of them sacred. And for the first time since my diagnosis, I felt beautiful again.

(Note: The above story is an excerpt from the book: Bright Side of the Road: A Spiritual Journey Through Breast Cancer, by Anne Marie Bennett. Bright Side of the Road offers comfort, companionship and many blessings for anyone on a similar journey. More information here.

Reflection Activities:

1. How do you feel about your body?




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2. Draw a picture of your body in your journal. Be emotionally honest with your rendering. If you don't like a certain part of your body, allow that to be expressed in your drawing.

3. What would happen if you chose to believe that your body is beautiful, just as it is right now? Listen for any inner voices that have something to say about this fact.

4. Make a SoulCollage® card that expresses Colette's quotation about why we express our own inner and outer beauty. Live with this quotation, and your card, very close to your heart this month.

Everything I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Television: Part 2- Grey's Anatomy

Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me




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I haven't always been a Grey's Anatomy fan. A friend of mine emailed me about it the second season and I watched one episode and was hooked! Then I rented the entire first season and watched every episode, one right after the other. I loved the show for its characters, its rich stories: about life and death, about relationships, about survivors, about love.

But there was one episode that caught me so deep inside, it brought me up short and made me wonder what had hit me. It's the show where Doctor Shepherd (aka "McDreamy") is confronted by Meredith (the intern he's falling in love with) because his ex-wife has come back into his life. She is hurt because he is considering "doing the right thing" and going back to his ex-wife. She gives him a speech about how much she loves him, and then lays it on the line, asks him to choose. "Pick me. Choose me. Love me."

She said these words with so much passion and conviction that I found myself on the edge of my seat, hugging the couch pillow to my stomach, doubled over and weeping. Not just a tear trickling down but gut-wrenching cries. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach.

And so the episode ended and I cried a little more and went to bed, slept, woke up, and went on with my days. But that whole incident was now imbedded in my mind, my heart, my soul. And I realized that it had to do with a whole lot more than a television show about doctors and interns and love affairs.

I realized this because the scene kept re-playing itself in my mind. Over and over and over. And the feelings that those six words (Pick me. Choose me. Love me.) evoked in me ran a whole lot deeper than an ordinary television show scenario would suggest.

I remained curious about my response to that seemingly innocuous scene. I knew that there was some wisdom inherent there, something for me to learn about myself. So I stayed open and curious. I didn't berate myself for reacting so viscerally and emotionally to a TV drama. I just let it be.

And then one day, it came to me. I can't tell you what triggered this new knowing (although I'm sure my openness had plenty to do with it), but all of a sudden, a few weeks later, I realized the impact of those words, and then my exaggerated response made sense.

As some of you may already know, a big part of my identity is that of "stepmother." My husband (Jeff) has three children from his first marriage and I helped raise the two older ones, Amanda and Jeffrey. Jeff's ex-wife made all of our lives very, VERY difficult for most of those growing-up years.

And it took a fictional character in a TV drama to help me admit to myself a big source of my own pain and sorrow during the kids' adolescence. I had secretly hoped, all along, that they would pick me, choose me, instead of their mother. But every time, no matter how she treated them, they always chose her.





This was a huge learning for me. I was able to really see that my own unrealistic (although certainly understandable) expectations were the cause of so much sadness and struggle for me as I tried to help Jeff bring Amanda and Jeffrey into a sane and loving adulthood. And I was able to really see and accept for the first time how and why the kids did choose their mother every time.

I was finally able to embrace that part of me who only wanted to love Jeff's children wholly and fully and be loved fully in return. I was finally able to HEAR that wounded little voice inside of me. I even created a SoulCollage® card to express that part of me (see above).

And I am still totally amazed at (and grateful for) these six simple words from a fictional television character, because they allowed one of my own locked-away inner voices to see the light of day again.

Reflection Activities: Are there any parts of your personal history that still hold sorrow and pain for you? If so, journal about the parts that unrealistic expectations (however reasonable at the time) played in that distress. Create a card about that time in your life and allow it to speak to you and tell you its story.

The next time you seemingly "overreact" to something (a song on the radio, a line spoken on TV, a paragraph in a novel), don't judge yourself. Simply watch and wait and be with the feelings, be with whatever your reaction is bringing up for you. Allow it to just be there in your heart. Trust that eventually, if you give it room to breathe, its lesson will be clearer to you.

All Shall Be Well

I first stumbled upon the above quotation many years ago while at a small Catholic Retreat Center in New Hampshire. I purchased a little prayer card with these words and tucked it away for safekeeping. Julian's words made me feel so comforted and safe, even though my life was going along pretty well at that point in time.





Then, as these things go, I misplaced the prayer card and forgot about it.

It resurfaced several years ago right before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Great timing, I thought, reading the words over and over as I waited for my doctor to call me with the biopsy results. I copied the quotation onto many pieces of card stock and stuck them up everywhere: my desk, the bathroom mirror, the computer monitor, the kitchen window. I wanted to be reminded. I clung to those words like a drowning woman clings to a life raft in the middle of an icy cold ocean.

My whole understanding of the words "All shall be well..." changed forever the day my doctor told me that I did indeed have breast cancer. I realized I was thinking that if I believed those words hard enough, the doctor's news would be positive. But that wasn't the case at all. The quote, to me, has come to mean that no matter what is happening, all really is well at the deepest core of me, at the place where Spirit resides.

And I still use All shall be well... as a meditative mantra today.


You might want to journal in response to the questions/activities that follow. Or simply print them out and set them where you can see them often. Sometimes just reading ideas like these is enough:

1. Spend 5 minutes meditating one day this week. Use this Julian of Norwich quotation as a mantra. Breathe IN on the words All shall be well and all shall be well. Breathe OUT on the words And all manner of thing shall be well. Whenever you find your mind wandering (and it will wander), just be gentle with yourself and bring your mind back to the words. See if you can do it more than once a week.

2. How do you feel when you repeat those words over and over to yourself? What other inner voices come up to distract you from accepting the power and wisdom of these words? Try dialoguing with these other voices in your journal as they come up.

3. Create a SoulCollage card that expresses the part of you who truly believes the wisdom in this quotation

Silently Drawn

I'm a firm believer in intuition, and I have been nearly all my life. I can honestly say that most of the hurt I've felt and the "mistakes" I've made on my journey so far have been caused by the singular fact of not trusting/following my inner guidance.




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I love how Rumi describes it as a "pull" towards what you really love. Do you remember playing with magnets when you were little? I thrilled every time the little filaments or paper clips would just jump- ZING!- as soon as the magnet got close enough.

And so it goes with my own inner intuition, my "gut" instinct as some people call it. Rumi's words remind me that this inner guidance is absolutely to be trusted, at all times. And we trust it by allowing ourselves to be "silently drawn" to those things and people we truly, deeply love.

!ZING! Let yourself be drawn forward on your own path as well.


1. It's not a coincidence that Rumi included the idea of silence in this poem. Spend at least a few minutes in silence each day this week. You'll find it's an incredibly important practice that will help you become more aware of and rooted in those things that light you up from within.

2. Make a list of things and activities that you truly love doing. Include people whom you adore spending time with.

3. Circle all of the things on your list that are a consistent, regular part of your life right now on your journey.

4. How could you add some of the uncircled activities/people on your list into your life this week?

5. Make a commitment to yourself to add just one of these things into your life on a regular basis this month, and then watch what happens.

Over the Rainbow

My excitement over rainbows is somewhat of a family joke. I have been late for more than one occasion because I've just had to pull my car over to the side of the road to watch a rainbow arching in the distance. We've come close to an accident or two as I've suddenly spied a rainbow out the car window and cried out (rather loudly) with delight. Once I even stopped a professor in the midst of a lecture and made the entire class come with me to the window because ... you guessed it... there was a rainbow brightening the sky in the distance.





I really don't mind when people think this is odd. The thing is, I find it rather odd when everyone else doesn't get excited over rainbows. It seems to me that a rainbow is an extraordinary gift from a universe that can at times be dull and obstinately predictable. I want to always be on the lookout for rainbows, and for anything that makes the ordinary into something astonishing.

Yesterday I saw a butterfly that was like a fragile piece of neon yellow paper, fluttering its wings from here to there, and it made me smile. Last week our oldest granddaughter flung her arms around me and hung on for several minutes. From time to time I pause and watch the birds at the feeder in the back yard. Each of these moments is its own precious rainbow.

Reflection Activities:When you pause throughout your day today, what "rainbows" do you see? How can you consciously create a space for more rainbows to break through in your life?

Why not make a SoulCollage® card for the part of you who notices rainbows, or to honor someone in your life who is a rainbow-bringer?

Negative Voices in Our Heads My self-image still isn't that alright. No matter how famous I am, no matter how many people go to see my movies, I still have the idea that I'm that pale no-hoper that I used to be. A pale no-hoper that happens to be a little lucky now. Tomorrow it'll all be over, then I'll have to go back to selling pens again. ---Johnny Depp

The first time I read this, I could hardly believe that these words came out of Johnny Depp's mouth. Johnny DEPP! A gifted actor and handsome (ok, gorgeous!) man. How




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could he possibly call himself pale, a no-hoper? How could he be worried that his success and fame and fortune will be gone tomorrow?

But he is no different from us, really. Deep inside each of us lives a kernel of doubt, a seed of suspicion that we are not as wonderful, as worthy of love, as people tell us we are. Deep inside each of us (even in the most talented, beautiful people apparently) is a voice of negativity that is intent on keeping us from living a life of joy and self-love. It's our job to recognize this voice for what it is, to listen to it and decide for ourselves if it is telling us the truth or not.

Reflection Activities: Have you ever said to yourself words similar to Johnny Depp's? What words did you use exactly? Write them in your journal and read them out loud. Would you say those words to a friend or family member whom you love?

What voice inside of you says things like that to you? When was that voice born? Why does it exist?

Give that voice a name, and have a conversation with it in your journal.

Does this voice have a brighter purpose, a more positive intent in your life?

Make a SoulCollage card for this negative voice and let it speak to you. What message is it trying to give you? What part of you is it trying to protect?

Pausing on the Journey

While I was working on the "new and improved" KaleidoSoul website in 2009, I had a chance to look back on the last five years of my life (I began creating the website in 2005). This looking back started when I began editing and re-writing the 189 pages of content that make up the heart of KaleidoSoul.

I found that I was remembering where I was when I wrote a certain page, how I was feeling when a particular blog entry was created. At that time, I was still using my husband's computer in his study. Two of my stepchildren were living with us and I stayed upstairs most of the time, churning out the pages, taking the creation one baby-step at a time.





When I look back to 2005 and even all the way up until 2007, I realized that I had no idea how big an entity I was creating when I began building KaleidoSoul. Kindof like when you're painting a huge mural that takes up the side of a building, and you can only really see the little brick that's in front of you at the moment. Except, in this metaphor, I didn't even know there was a whole building attached to what I was "painting!"

I began creating KaleidoSoul simply because I wanted a place for my workshop participants (here in eastern Massachusetts) to "land" after leaving the warm safe womb of our workshop space. But after a while, people from all over the world began finding KaleidoSoul online, and using it for their own safe SoulCollage® space. And little by little, brick by brick, the community began to grow. Inch by inch, baby step by baby step, I moved forward, following that little (ok, sometimes booming) inner voice of wisdom which guided me every step of the way.

Now, as I pause and look back, I can see the journey more clearly. I can see, in hindsight, the value of trusting that inner voice that says, "Let's try this," or "What about that?" or "What would happen if we...." But in the midst of the journey? I had no idea how far I was being taken. I had no idea what was really claiming me. I had no concept of the scope of what I was creating.

I am finding much value in pausing to take a breath as I look back over the last five years. As I was plodding along all that time, doing the daily work, writing web pages, posting messages on the yahoo group, making and reading new SoulCollage® cards... I couldn't really see where the journey was taking me. And I think that's true for all of us. Every day we put on our hiking boots or high heels (as the situation demands!) and sweep off into the details. We can't see the forest for the trees, as my dad used to say.

I'm not the only one who is on the amazing journey. And I KNOW I'm not the only one who has made huge inner and outer strides in the last five years. Every one of us has come a long way, and maybe now is a good time for YOU to pause and look back as well.. Reflection Activities:

Take some time this week to pause in the midst of your own journey. Look back over the last five years of your own life and see what comes up for you. You might automatically think, "Nothing's changed for me. My life is the same ol' same ol'." But wait. Pause a bit longer. Play with these questions a bit. See what arises.

Where were you and what were you doing in 2005?

How has your outer life changed since then?

How has your inner life changed since then?





What part does SoulCollage® play in your life in 2010 as opposed to 2005?

Would you do anything differently if you could have a "do-over" on the last five years?

What tools or ideas or people have accompanied you on your journey since 2005?

Make a SoulCollage® card that represents the essence of the last five years of your own journey.

Make a SoulCollage® Community card for someone who has been an important piece of your 5 year journey.

Lessons in Forgiveness

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. --- Lily Tomlin

In the 80’s, I was involved in a "scandalous" situation in the small Virginia town where I was teaching second grade. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't very big of a deal, but at that time in my life, things were being done and said by two of our school districts' administrators that were untruthful and hurtful to myself and another teacher. After the initial hurt wore off, I knew that I needed to forgive them and move on with my life, but I just couldn't see how.

A few years later, I was attending an Al-Anon Conference and wandered unknowingly 13

Copyright 2013, Anne Marie Bennett www.KaleidoSoul.com Please do not share this work in written or electronic format without written permission from the author.



into a workshop session on... you guessed it, forgiveness! (We do indeed get what we need.)

Anyway, I learned some huge lessons in that little workshop: 1. To forgive doesn't necessarily mean I have to forget how I was wronged.2. To forgive doesn't mean that I have to condone another's words and actions.3. To forgive means that I am letting go of my attachment, my self-justification, and

the past, because I finally realize there is nothing I can do to change it. It is what it is. It was what it was.

That was a lovely awakening for me and I'm happy to say that I was able to forgive those two administrators during that workshop, and it felt very heart-lightening and sweet to be able to do so.

In the years since then I have been able to apply these forgiveness principles to several people in my life, including my mother who emotionally abused me when I was 12, a boss (she was the best boss I ever had) who stole money from our company and was fired, and another boss who demoted me unfairly (via email) after I'd been working for her for ten years. Each time that I get to that place inside where I can let go of hoping for a better past (as Lily Tomlin so eloquently says in the quote above), I am able to forgive and truly let go.

Flash forward now to 2010.

I have been struggling for years to forgive my husband's ex-wife, Cheryl, for the way she hurt his kids (and me in the process) a long time ago. It's one of those things that I know I need to work on, but just can't seem to do.

And guess what? Last month in a sister facilitator’s workshop on the chakras, we were focusing on the Heart Chakra. And guess what topic came up? Forgiveness. (Am I not living proof that we get what we need?!?)

So the time has come for me to forgive Cheryl. This is a big one. Bigger than the others I have had to forgive throughout my life. And I know it's going to take some time. But I feel like I am ready, more ready than I have ever been.

I have been doing some inner dialoguing with Little Brown Bird and Black Crow, my Heart Chakra Companion Animals, and they have much wisdom to teach me about forgiveness, compassion, unconditional love and empathy. I have also been asking Spirit for help, because I don't believe that I can do this on my own.

I can tell that forgiveness is beginning to happen because I can feel the difference in my body now when I talk about Cheryl, when I run into her at a family gathering, or when I bring up memories of that hurtful time. I can feel something shifting inside my body and my heart. I find that I can remember the good, sweet times along with the bad a little more often each time I "go back" there.





I will never completely forget how she treated me. I will never ever condone how she treated her children. But I see now that for years I have been yearning for a "better past." For years, I have been holding onto the wish that it all would have been different. But I don't have the power to change the past. It is what it is. It was what it was.

My mind is ready, and soon my heart will follow completely.

Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die. - Anne Lamott from Traveling Mercies

You know you have forgiven someonewhen he or she has harmless passagethrough your mind. - Rev. Karyl Huntley


Is there someone you need to forgive? Spend some time this week journaling about that person and what he/she did to you. Get ALL of your feelings out. It's so important to feel and express all of the anger, the sadness, the fear...etc. It's necessary to acknowledge these feelings to yourself, and/or to a friend who is a good listener.

Spend some time breathing into and from your heart. If you already know who your heart chakra companion animal is, close your eyes and imagine this being with you. Ask it what it knows about forgiveness. Ask it what wisdom it has for you about forgiving that particular person.

Do a three-card reading with your deck. Ask one of these questions: How can I move towards forgiving ________? Who will help me understand how I can forgive ________?

Be gentle with yourself. Sometimes forgiveness takes time.




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My Summer of Skunks

Several years ago, I was continually seeing skunks in our yard, even in broad daylight. This is highly unusual skunk behavior, believe me. A few times I actually also glimpsed a white skunk with a black stripe, which is a rather unusual site (in New England, anyway).

I wasn't practicing SoulCollage® at that time, but it did pique my curiosity.

Later, I learned that skunks are really about self-respect, self-esteem, and inner protection through intuition. And I was seeing them at a season of my life when I felt completely powerless and unprotected regarding some difficult stepfamily situations which directly affected my self-respect and self-esteem.

Coincidence? I think not! I haven't seen them brazenly walk across my front yard since that summer several years ago. I believe that the totem animal Skunk had a message for me that year, and I believe that if I need him again, he will be there.






Take some time this month to consciously pay attention to any animals (welcome or unwelcome) that are crossing your path as you go about your daily business. Look up in the air too. Don't discount any animal, large or small, who piques your curiosity. Maybe they are one of your Companion Animals . Or maybe they just have a message for you in your life right now.

Take the time. Pay attention. What is this animal saying to you today?

Lost and Found

Several years ago after my mother died, I found it difficult to get back into my art. Some of it was the day to day difficulty of dealing with paperwork, probate, and dismantling her apartment with my brothers. And some of it was due to my depression and grief. She was an artist herself and I couldn't seem to bring myself to sit at my art table and do the things that she also loved to do.

Several months after her death I saw a musical at the theatre where I worked, and was so caught up in the magic of it that I wanted to make note cards for the cast as a thank you for an evening of laughter and delight. When I got home I went immediately to my art table and began creating a design that reflected the theme of the show, then duplicating it into 23 thank you cards. My heart was content and all was well. I was swept up into the act of creation. I could hardly believe it when I looked up at the clock and saw that it was 4 a.m.!

I am glad that I trusted my inner yearning to create again. For as those five hours flew by, I completely lost all sense of time and place. All that mattered was the creating. And I am grateful for following my inner leading, because this creating also enabled me to find myself again. After so many months of holding myself back from the paper and the ink




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and the creative juices bubbling within me, I allowed myself to be led back to it, and in doing so, I found myself again.


When was the last time you lost track of time while you were creating art?

* How did that feel?

* What kinds of art do you do that enables you to connect with yourself at your deepest core? Be sure to make time to do a little bit of this art sometime this week. (Note: It's okay if it's not SoulCollage®!)

* Do you have a SoulCollage card for the part of you who loses yourself and finds yourself in your art? Your Inner Artist? The One Who goes with the flow? The One Who loves to create? This week, start gathering images for a card like this for your Deck.

Simple Pleasures

At first I thought I would include this quotation (see above) from one of my favorite artists just for the sake of a good laugh. But when I meditated on it for a while, I could see a deeper truth shining through.

So many times we deny ourselves the simple pleasures of life, for what we think are good reasons. Hot apple pie with vanilla ice cream? Too many calories, better have just the apple instead. A bubble bath by candlelight? Not enough time today, maybe tomorrow. The turquoise shawl with embroidered dragonflies? Kindof expensive, I can't afford that.

But you know as well as I do that there is no substitute for what your soul has named as its truest pleasures. Why do we hesitate to give ourselves what we really desire? Sure, eating apple pie with ice cream for dessert three times a day could be hazardous to our health (not to mention the thighs!). And we can shop ourselves into bankruptcy court if we're not careful.

The key here is simply this: balance.

Listen to your soul. This means spending some part of each day or week in what passes for silence in your world. The quiet of an early morning walk, 10 minutes in bed at night





before you fall asleep, three short yoga poses at lunchtime. There is no right way to silence, only your way.

As you practice this silence, your soul will gradually be more and more willing to tell you what it wants, what it finds pleasurable, what it deeply desires. Be still. Listen. Then give yourself permission to give yourself the gift of Oreos once in a while.


* What is it that your deepest self is asking for?

* Make a list. Or cut out pictures from a magazine and make a poster or a page in your art journal dedicated to this question.

* Is there an inner voice that is holding you back from giving yourself pleasure?

* Take this part by the hand and listen to it. Why does it hold back pleasure? What is it afraid of? Make a SoulCollage® card to honor it.

Things Happen

Every time I think that I'm getting old, and gradually going to the grave, something else happens. ---Elvis Presley

Isn't this Elvis Presley quote (see above) just the God's honest truth?

I remember a week about five years ago when everything was going smoothly for me. I thought my life was perfectly on track. I had left my job at our local nonprofit theatre, having been there way too long and feeling like I was being called in another direction. Yet the theatre was a home-away-from-home for me, so I decided to volunteer as an usher.

Then, just as I was smugly congratulating myself for solving the problem of how to let go without actually letting go, something else happened! A person I'd thought of as a close friend spread some lies about me to some people at the theatre and I was notified that my services were no longer needed as a volunteer. Talk about shock! I was flooded with feelings of anger, betrayal, and loss.

In the wake of this inner chaos, I went to my SoulCollage® deck and tearfully pulled two




http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Dy4bh&m=1dLi7DtKqadT3b&b=8R_RDIHt_XSp5mvwr_Mrrg


cards out. As I randomly chose the cards, I asked the question, "Who is going to help me with this situation? Who is going to help me get through this?"

One of the cards I drew was my archetype of the Peaceful Warrior (Council Suit), who spoke to me of protecting my inner tribe, and of standing centered so as not to be thrown off balance, and of settling arguments peacefully without violence. The other card I drew turned out to be the Angel of Sorrow, also from my Council Suit. This voice told me there was grieving left undone from choosing to leave a job I'd had and people I'd known for ten years. I journaled with these two cards and even propped them up by the phone for a shot of visual courage when I called my ex-boss at the theatre in order to speak the truth.

Yes, things happen. Confusing, hurtful things. Sad, grievous things. Shocking, horrible things. Usually when we least expect them to. It's a fact of life. And our job is not to rail against these things when they happen, but to somehow find the inner grace and courage to accept them. And for me, SoulCollage® is a splendid path that helps me to accept and embrace everything that happens to me on my inner and outer journeys.

Reflection Activities: * What has happened to you so far this year? Name some things that you weren't expecting, good and/or bad.

* Has something "happened" to you recently that you are still resisting? What would happen if you let go and invited it in?

* Go to your SoulCollage® deck and choose two cards at random, then listen to what they have to say to you about your situation. (If you don't have your own deck yet, go to SoulCollage.com and click on the cards in the upper right corner of the screen to use the random reading that is available there).




http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Dy4bh&m=1dbpYtOT9adT3b&b=ijc9VLys1YAx28TvbLVjjg


The Transformation of Lucius Malfoy

I love it when a SoulCollage® cards tells me an important story about my life. And I love it even more when several cards together tell one story. The story I'm sharing with you this week involves a deep look at 2 dark, shadowy parts of my inner world. It's a wonder-full healing story of transformation that happened inside of me with the loving guidance of my therapist, Fran.

Click here to read this short but powerful story told by 4 cards in my Deck.

Reflection Activities: Flip through the cards of your Deck. Notice if any of them were made at around the same time. If you look at these cards together, do they have a story to tell?

Notice if any of them tell different pieces of a story about your life, or about your soul.

Notice if any of your cards have similar "characters" on them. Maybe these cards have a story to tell you about your life.

Choose 3-5 cards (or more if you have the time) and put them in the order that you made 21



http://www.kaleidosoul.com/story.html


them or the order that feels right for them to be telling you a story. Write the story that they have to tell.

OR...

Choose one card that shows a shadowy aspect of yourself. Spend some time journaling with it, getting to know it, finding out what its gifts to you are...etc. Then create a card that represents its brighter side. For example, in my story there is a card for the part of me who believes I am not enough, and after I worked with that for a while, I made a card for the part of me who believes that I AM enough. The same with Malfoy, and creating the Lucius card to honor the gifts that he gives me as a wise teacher.

If you'd like to, please share your story and/or cards with us on the KaleidoSoul Yahoo Group.

No Such Thing as a "Bad" Image

A while back, someone in the SoulCollage® Community emailed me this question:

Anne Marie, I am wondering if there is any such thing as a bad image. Last week I found an image in an old nursery rhyme book that is almost the exact image of how I feel about myself and my body/weight issues. But somehow I can't find myself able to create a SoulCollage® card with it. It's so ugly and heart-sickening. Shall I just throw it away and try to forget it or just make a card and hide it? It speaks no positive talk at all. It's like it's haunting me.

Perhaps the same thing has happened to you? I know it has happened to me! Don't we all have a couple of similar images (or more) stashed away at the bottom of our SoulCollage® drawers? Images that remind us of ourselves at our very worst? Images that haunt us with their ugly familiarity? Images that we wish had not found us? Images that won't go away no matter how much we ignore them?

With this in mind, here is how I responded to the above question:

First of all, I applaud you for cutting out the image and for saving it, even though it is nagging at you in an awful way. And I applaud you for listening to your own deep wisdom and keeping the image anyway, and for emailing me this question and letting someone else know what is going on with you.




http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KaleidoSoul/



If it were me, I would keep the image and not do anything with it yet. Do you have a folder or envelope or drawer... a place to put images that you've been drawn to, that you're saving for future cards? If so, add it to that pile, even place it at the bottom if you want to. You don't have to make a card with it right away. When the time is right, you will know, because you will find other images to go with that first image, and it will feel right to you.

Another suggestion (if it were me): I would look for an image or images that show the opposite of that first image. An image that might give vision to the way I'd like to feel in the future about my best, brightest self, an image that portrays how I feel when I feel good about my body and my weight. And then I would make that card first. So when it's time to make the other, darker card, I would have this brighter one to dialogue with the darker one.

I applaud you for hanging on to the image. You were drawn to it for a reason, so it does have something valuable to say to you. It might even be a whole year (or more) before you make a card with it. Just give it... and yourself... lots of time and space and gentle love.

Five days later I heard from this woman again and here is what she told me: The image has stopped scaring me already.


1. Find a scary or haunting image in your stash of images, an image that you are drawn to but that you particularly dislike.

2. Keep it out on your desk where you can see it often. Sometimes this alone will lessen its power over you.

3. Intentionally seek out images that represent the opposite of your "scary" image's energy. For example, if you have an image of a bloody bird locked away in a cage, look for images of birds flying free. If your scary image is of a woman plunging a knife into another woman (I have one like this!), find an image of a woman with her arms around another woman. And so on.

4. Create a card that represents the opposite of your "scary" image, and then dialogue with it and see if it's easier now to create a new card with the image that you don't like.





Good Girl, Bad Girl

A while back, my four year old granddaughter, Tori, was sitting in her car seat waiting for her mother (my stepdaughter, Merri) to settle in her two younger siblings. As Merri was lifting little Lissy, age 2, into her car seat, Tori reached over and slapped Lissy on the arm, hard.

Merri reprimanded her sharply, saying, "Don't do that. I told you not to do that. It's not nice to hit your little sister."

Tori immediately announced with loud conviction, "I'm a GOOD girl."

"Well, you're not being a good girl when you're smacking your sister on the arm," said Merri with a frustrated sigh.

Tori is still a little young to carry on an intellectual argument with her mother about what constitutes good and bad behavior, but I could see in her eyes that she was convinced she was a GOOD girl, no matter what her mother said, and that was that. She was not disturbed in the least that she had hit her sibling, nor was she upset that her mother had reprimanded her. She was completely settled in the sure knowledge that she was a GOOD girl.

I have called this scene to mind many times since it happened, and it makes me smile every time. Not that I am endorsing hitting and slapping! No, it makes me smile because at the tender age of almost-4, this little girl seems to have latched on to a wise truth: that we actually are GOOD at the exact same time that we are doing something naughty.





And if I truly believe this, I can be so much gentler with myself. If I live from this belief, then every time I have a bad thought about someone else, or eat 15 cookies when I only need 2, or yell at my husband.... Every time I do those things, I can much more easily forgive myself and move on. It seems to me that the more I live like this, the more it becomes not even an issue of "good" or "bad," but simply accepting myself for being the human that I am.

Reflection Activity:Some day this week, when you are having an off day, or when you have slipped up with some "bad" behavior, take a few minutes to flip through the cards in your Deck. Pull out the darker, shadowy cards that are making you feel bad about yourself. As you do so, pay attention to the cards that represent the golden, bright, GOOD parts of yourself. And rest in the assurance that "bad" behavior doesn't mean that you are bad. Repeat to yourself, in the light of your darker behaviors, "I'm a GOOD person, I'm a GOOD person." Because it is true.

Me and Renee Z.

Everyone usually chuckles when I show them my Renee Zellweger card in my Deck. I usually show it when I am leading a workshop and talking about the Community Suit. It's not a particularly amusing card, but they think it's funny that I have created this card to honor her, and that she holds a special place in my Deck, in the same suit as my parents and brothers, nieces, teachers, and friends. Maybe you think so too! I don't mind.

My card honoring Renee Z. was one of the first I created for my Deck. I have no idea why, but I have always felt drawn to her as an actress and as a human being. Perhaps we knew each other in another lifetime; perhaps it is more to do with the "nettedness" that Seena talks about in her book.

I did spend a good deal of time fretting over my decision to make a card for Renee Z, and then I happened to watch her being interviewed on "Inside the Actor's Studio" with James Lipton. He asked her what other profession she might like to attempt if she couldn't be an actor and she immediately responded, "I'd like to be a writer." Something settled inside me then. Ah. I felt our connection more deeply in some unique way after hearing her say that.

And I decided right then and there that it didn't matter how we are connected, or why. That I could just accept it as one of the great mysteries of my life, make the card, and enjoy it. So that is what I did! And I must say, when her card comes up in readings, she speaks to me of integrity and honesty, hard work, commitment, privacy and deep friendship. So I'm happy that I created this card for my Renee. (I also have one for Robert Redford, and his card speaks to me of creativity, story, power, balance, integrity and privacy. I also have a card going in my mind for Josh Groban, and one for John Denver, whose music has deeply touched and transformed my life.





These cards are particularly valuable to me because they help me to embrace the great mystery of the fact that we truly are all connected .


Look through the cards in your Community Suit. Do you have a card that represents a public figure who has touched your life in some way? If so, do some journaling with it. What does this person have to say to you today? What gifts does he/she bring to you?

If you don't have a card like this, make a short list of actors, actresses, comedians, musicians, or other public figures whose work or life resonates with you in some way. Then choose one, seek out images, and create a card to honor their place in your life.

Art That Fits Just Right

Art should be something like a good armchair in which to rest from physical fatigue.---Henri Matisse

My husband bought a recliner several years ago. He tried it out in the store, chose a color that went with our bedroom decor, and had it delivered. I loved his enthusiasm for this chair, but when I sat in it, I couldn't seem to get comfortable. It turns out it suited him perfectly because he has short legs and a long torso, but my body is the opposite.

I kept this in mind when I was shopping for an easy chair for my study a while back. I made sure to not only look at colors, fabrics, and price, but to how it felt when I sat in it. Believe me, I sat in quite a few before I found the right one! I knew immediately that it "fit" my body because as soon as I sank into it and pushed back into reclining mode, my body and mind echoed the same chorus: "Ahhhhhhhhh, yes!"

According to Matisse (see quote above), I should look at my art in the same way. There are so many modes of artistic self-expression, so many paths of creativity to choose from. Pottery, sculpting, scrapbooking, altered books, beadwork, jewelry making, altered art, rubber stamping, watercolors, oil painting, knitting, furniture refinishing, crayons, chalks, gardening, cooking, collage..... The list goes on and on. And it's my job as an artist to fit my artwork to my inner and outer needs, at any given moment. It's my job to find a manner of self-expression that "fits" me just right. Reflection Activities:

Spend some time this month living with and answering these questions:

Which kinds of creativity serve you with physical, emotional, and spiritual rest?





How can you incorporate more of this type of art into your life?

Is there an art form you are using that doesn't serve you in this way? In what way is it serving you instead? Do you need to continue with this art form or can you let it go?

Is it possible for you to ask these questions from day to day, from project to project?

Do you have a SoulCollage® card for the part of you who is an artist?

Whispers of the Seasons: Autumn Transformation

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been drawn to the season of autumn. At first it was just about the magic of the leaves changing colors. I live in New England, and never cease to be thrilled when the lush greenery of summer warmth turns to the amazing bright colors of autumn.

When I discovered that leaves change colors due to the lack of chlorophyll because they are actually dying, I was dismayed at first. That seemed a harsh lesson in reality for a mere ten year old! But as I got older, I realized that this is all a part of the tremendously beautiful life cycle we are all gifted with. Birth. Growth. Life. Death. It's all entwined. Without the dying leaves, the starkness of winter, there is no spring, no summer.

And as I've gotten even older (!), I have come to love this season of autumn for reasons that go beyond the crimson, orange and deep ginger-colored leaves that crunch under my feet on my brisk morning walks. As JaiKaur so eloquently says in the above quotation, autumn is a time for harvesting and composting.

As the air I breathe turns crisp with hints of winter's chill, and as the nights begin to get longer, I find myself beginning to move inward, rooting around inside myself for a warm place to "land." I feel myself thinking about the year I've just lived, going back over my activities of winter, spring, and summer. What have I harvested? What will I take with me into the coming season of winter? And as well, what needs to be turned over, released, composted for the richness of my inner life?

There was a wonderful scene in a recent episode of The Middle, a realistic little American sitcom that I have grown very attached to. The seven year old boy named Brick has been given the task of raking up all of the leaves in his family's yard. It takes him a week to do it, but he does it with pride and joy. When he is done and he finds out his father is going to burn the leaves, Brick is heartbroken. "Can't we just take them to the forest and let them go?" he says through his tears. At first his father laughs at him. After





all, they are "just leaves." But in the end, father and son take the bags of leaves to the forest and indeed, they let them go.

Reflection Activities

1. What have you harvested from your year just past that you want to take with you into the next cycle of seasons?

2. What do you need to let go of? What do you want to let go of?

3. If you are drawn to the archetype of autumn, make a SoulCollage® card for it for your deck and allow it to speak to you of change and transformation.

4. Visit Waverly Fitzgerald's Living in Season and see if you can find a way to celebrate the season of autumn this year (it's not over yet!).




http://www.livinginseason.com/


Every Picture Tells a Story

I was watching the Robert Redford interview from The Actor's Studio the other day and learned something new. One of his passions has always been telling stories. He spoke of growing up with stories being a part of the fabric of his daily life. Stories were told to teach lessons. Bedtime stories were a given. He grew up drawing and sketching and writing stories. I didn't know this about him (even though I have a SoulCollage® card to honor his creativity and integrity and passion for the environment)! And they all seem to be intertwined. His art informs his writing which gives him breadth as an actor and vision as a director. And all of it stems from a love of storytelling.

I gravitate towards novels and stories that tell deep, passionate stories about real human beings. Plays and musicals thrill me inside when they are burning to tell a powerful emotional story (Aida, Les Miserables, Into the Woods, Kiss of the Spider Woman... to name a few).

To me, a "good" piece of art tells a story too. Look at your favorite painting, your most-loved photograph, your most treasured SoulCollage® card. Are there not stories there? And are those stories not medicine to your soul? They are indeed. Medicine which soothes the spirit the way aspirin and a cool wash cloth soothes a headache. Medicine which takes our twisted journeys and straightens them into magnificent things of light and truth, stories worth loving and sharing.


What story does your favorite SoulCollage® card tell about you, about your journey on this earth?

Who can you share that story with today?

How does the story of your life show in your art?

Do you have a card in your Deck for your favorite storyteller?





Warming Our Souls

During my time at St. Peter's Episcopal Church in Salem, we were blessed to have with us a young rector named Randy, who remains to this day my favorite and "best" spiritual teacher. One of the brightest memories I have of Randy involves an older, mentally-challenged man named Ralph who appeared at our Sunday services regularly for a short while. After the 10 a.m. service was over, Randy would always stand in the back of the church, near the stairs, shaking hands with parishioners as they left. Ralph never got in the line of people moving towards Randy. No. He walked right up to Randy as soon as he got to the back of the church, and he stood as close to Randy as he could possibly get the whole time that Randy was greeting people at the door.

I observed this behavior curiously, without judgment, several times before it finally dawned on me what Ralph was doing. In his childlike simplicity, he was able to recognize the Spirit that was present, vitally alive within Randy's heart. And Ralph's natural inclination was to get as close to that Spirit as he could get. It seemed to me that Ralph was simply warming his own soul by getting as close to Randy's inner warmth as he could.

Looking back on this now, I smile with my own warm remembrance. I used to love being in Randy's presence as well. There was something so open and accepting and non-judgmental about him. I loved being near him as well. My own soul had had immense periods of winter before coming to this church; it was seeking warmth, and warmth it had found.

I think back on that scene often: Ralph in his shabby clothes and bright smile, tucking in close to Randy, shadowing him, soaking up the warmth of his spirit like a flower soaks up the sun. And it reminds me to pay attention to who I am staying close to. For there are those whose presence warms and nourishes me, and there are those whose company only distracts and subtracts from me. It is up to me to sense and know the difference. It is up to me to take action based on this.






1. During the upcoming weeks, pay attention to those whose company feeds, nurtures and warms your soul. Also pay attention when the opposite occurs.

2. Set an intention to "stay close" to those who warm your spirit. Take an action step towards this intention. Call a friend. Seek out a new community. Spend some time with someone whose place in your life you've been neglecting.

3. Make a SoulCollage® card for someone whose presence has warmed your own soul.

Here and There

Several years ago, I was on a peaceful weekend get-away at Kripalu, a Yoga Center that I love in the Berkshires of Massachusetts. The retreat leader asked us to imagine how different our lives were "at home" compared to our time at Kripalu. This thought immediately passed through my mind: "As different as a whole other universe." I said this aloud to my group and it elicited much laughter.

But then I had another thought. A surprising thought. IT'S NOT THAT DIFFERENT AT ALL! Home. Kripalu. They can be similar in sacredness because I carry "place" within me. I carry the sacredness within me.

I can feel just as quiet and spacious in my home town of Beverly as I can at a beautiful, spiritual retreat center. It's just a matter of mindfulness. And I am what makes the difference, not the place itself. Wherever I go, there I surely am. I carry the light within. Everywhere. Anywhere. And so do you.


Create a card for your deck that honors a sacred outer place in your own life.

Spend some time journaling with this card and allow its words of wisdom to create a sacred space inside yourself.





Every Every Minute

Goodbye world, goodbye Grover's Corners, Mama and Papa. Goodbye to ticking clocks and my butternut tree and mama's sunflowers, food and coffee, new ironed dresses and hot baths and sleeping and waking up. Oh earth, you're too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it- every, every minute?

---Thornton Wilder

I was only 14 years old when I first heard these words from the magnificent play Our Town. I was too young to have made any acquaintance with death but I intuitively knew that Emily's soliloquy held the key to the entire meaning of life. As I heard the actress on the stage say these lines, I grandly resolved that I was going to live my life differently. I was going to notice every, every minute of my life. When the end of my life came, I was not going to look back and realize I'd lived too quickly, realize I'd not participated in it.

But then of course, my life went flying forward and filled up with homework assignments and afternoon club meetings, college applications, dates and appointments. I forgot about the play and those words which had so deeply touched my heart. There were times when I paused, when I stood still and looked at the sky, but those times were terribly few, and for the most part, Emily's words were forgotten.

Once in a while I am reminded, though. I'll see Our Town on television, or I'll see this quotation used in another context, and then I will stop and remember. Ah, yes. This is what it's all about.

I stop then, and I look around me. I take in the wonder of a darkening night sky, the cheerful way my cat swaggers up the sidewalk, the pretty freckles on my stepdaughter's cheeks. I pause and listen to my heartbeat, smell the lilacs on a summer's breeze, taste the cool water as it tickles my tongue. It's all important, every last bit of it.






Stop for a moment now and look around you. What do you want to remember about this life you are living, in this moment, right now, today?

What kind of an intention can you set for 2011 in regards to living life to its fullest, every, every minute?

Make a list of the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches that you love.

Make a SoulCollage® card for the part of you that embraces life so fully and/or make a card that reflects your new intention. Keep the card up on your altar or desk, somewhere you will see it often during the New Year ahead.





Long Ago and Far Away Friendships

This is a short story of my friendship with Shelia, with whom I taught second grade in Virginia 30 years ago. A few years ago I met up with her again for lunch on a short trip to the town where I used to teach. I hadn't seen her in over 25 years; our only communications had been a few emails and a few greeting card exchanges.

But Shelia is one of those special kinds of friends: a friend for all time, a friend where separation doesn't matter. Perhaps you have a friend like this? Someone who is a kindred spirit at heart, someone you can just pick up with even if you haven't written or spoken on the phone for years and years? I hope you do, for friends like this are rare and precious.

After lunch together, Shelia showed me that day's quotation (see above) from her page-a-day desk calendar by Mary Engelbreit. The expression on her face was full of wonder and delight as she handed it to me across the table scattered with dishes and the remains of our meal. It was a picture of two young female chums, their arms around each other. And the quotation on it was the one above, from Beethoven. But it was more than just words to us. It was evidence of small miracles! No coincidences... only angels looking over our shoulders.

Challenge of the Week

1. Over the next few days, make a list of friends you once had who were near and dear to you.

2. Set an intention to resume contact with one of these friends. Look them up on Facebook, use the white pages and see if you can find an address. Do something. Reach out. Let them know how much your friendship meant to you.

3. Create a SoulCollage® card for a friend of yours from "long ago and far away" and let that card speak to you of how precious the friendship was and is, from that person's point of view.





Whispers of the Seasons-Winter: Gifts Beneath the Surface

I am writing this in the midst of yet another New England snowstorm. The sky is a heavy, steely gray and the snow pours down all thick and blowy. I can see individual snowflakes as they fall; they are large and wet and wild.

There is about 26" of snow on the ground here already and I expect that when this little blizzard is over there will be almost 3 feet of snow layered in our yard. I was talking with my stepdaughter last night (she's going through a really challenging time) and we were reminiscing about the happy summer hours spent with her children in our back yard- splashing in the kiddie pool, digging in the sandbox wearing nothing but bathing suits, chasing the dog in the hot sun.

I look out the window now and those memories of warmer times seem really hard to grasp. There is no space now for laughing in the sun, or warmth, or green grass. All is frozen, all is dark, all is still.

And yet.

What about the tulip and daffodil and crocus bulbs that we planted in November before the first frost? Are they never going to grace our front walkway with color? What about the cherry tree that sits covered in wet snow in the middle of our front lawn? Will it never bloom again? What about the crickets that sing to us softly on warm spring evenings? Are they gone forever?

I offer a loud "of course not" to all three questions! In spite of this harsh winter weather, it is vitally important to remember that there still is growth happening beneath the surface. There still is movement, however slight, in the bulbs beneath the earth, in the roots of the tree which seem frozen in the winter's harsh darkness, in the absence of the call of the crickets in the woods.

The bulbs that I planted in the fall, the cherry tree that blooms so beautifully in the spring, and the crickets that serenade us all summer... we cannot see them right now in the midst of the harsh winter cold, but they are still there, doing their work underground, their beautiful hidden work, guided by Spirit underneath the frozen soil.

So too, even in the midst of a wintery season of our own lives, there is growth happening, just below the surface. My stepdaughter is going through a really painful time right now with her husband. For her, it feels like winter, like nothing good will ever happen again in her life. She feels at a dead end, heartbroken and weary, bent over with the weight of sadness, like the barren trees in our front yard that are bowed over with the burden of the





snow. She cannot see or even think about the fact that life operates in cyclical movements, that nothing is static, that everything changes. She is stuck in the harsh reality of winter.

She is young, but I have been through many winters in my own life, and I know (I KNOW!) that eventually and gradually, the sun comes back out, the snow melts, the days get longer. I know (I KNOW!) that her sadness will lift, infinitesimally at first, then enough so that she can breathe more easily and see more clearly the little joys that pop up out in her life like crocuses in the first light of spring. And I know (I KNOW!) that she will emerge from this Winter season stronger, wiser, and more deeply rooted in her own being, because I know (I KNOW!) that there is growth happening even though she cannot see it right now through the severe blizzard that has stormed through her life.


1. Spend some time journaling about those times in your life when you thought you would never be able to dig out of the sadness, the darkness, the cold. What have you learned from the Winter seasons of your own life? What gifts has Winter given you?

2. What is growing under the layers of frozen snow in your own life? Can you sense the movement of growth in the stillness? If you can't sense the growth, can you have faith that it is there?

3. If you are drawn to the archetype of winter, make a SoulCollage® card to honor it in your deck and allow it to speak to you of gifts beneath the surface.

4. Visit Waverly Fitzgerald's Living in Season and see if you can find a way to celebrate the season of winter this year (it's not over yet!).






Holes

I've been drawn lately to thinking about the empty places, the holes inside of me. Where are they? Why are they empty? Is it okay to have empty spaces inside of me? How do I try to fill them? Can I let the emptiness just be, or do I have to fill it with something? What are the hurtful ways that I fill the emptiness? What are some good, more life-giving ways to fill it?

Meditating on this for several days in a row, I have named several of the empty places inside of me:

The hole where my parents used to be The hole that is the children I never had The hole that is the women friends who moved away (one for Barbara, one for

JoAnn) The hole where my cat Scooter used to be

These are all holes/craters/gaps that have happened to me because of life. It is hard to accept these empty spaces. Peering into them sometimes makes me feel like I am swallowing acid: a burning, tearing in my eyes, my throat, my spirit.

But there are also holes inside of me that I dug myself. Hollow, vacant places that I have created myself, usually unintentionally, but nonetheless they are there.

The hole where my art practice used to be Holes of hurt and indignation Empty places of longing and regret

And I wonder... can a hole also be an opening? If I am brave enough to enter the cold vacant craters of my own soul, can I find some clarity and ease in their emptiness? Can I be courageous enough to sit inside one of these holes and either a) accept its presence in my life just as it is or b) discern what I really need to fill it?

Here are the destructive things I try to fill my holes with: too much television, internet surfing, junk food, sugar, endless shopping, tasteless food.

And here are the life-giving "fillings" that remind me that I am whole: my writing, my art, dance, long walks, time with those I love, playing with the cats, theatre, music, time spent by the ocean.






1. Identify some of the "holes" in your own life.

2. Can you explore these empty spaces without judgment, without trying to fill them up first?

3. What destructive things do you use to fill these holes in your soul? 4. What life-giving things can you use to fill them instead?

5. Make a SoulCollage® card to express your hole-y holy self.

The Sounds of SoulCollage®

A few years back I led a SoulCollage® Facilitator Training in Connecticut. On Saturday night of our Trainings (no matter where they're held), new facilitators experience doing a





reading with their decks. They are seated in groups of 4 at long rectangular tables, and after I lead them through the first round, each group continues their reading in its own pace and time. Usually, after giving directions, I wander among the groups to see if anyone needs additional guidance or support.

In Trainings that I've led in the past, the tables were arranged in rows and I sat on a chair in the front of the room to hold sacred space for everyone as they were doing this sacred work. At this particular Training, however, we had arranged the tables in a large square with lots of space in between. So after I'd wandered among the groups and made sure everyone was okay, I moved my chair to the center of the square and sat down.

I actually love this hour of the Training weekend. Spirit is palpably present as people access their deepest intuition. Even though people are talking, there is a sacred hush in the room. Minds and hearts are opening all over the place! It is a beautiful thing to witness, to be a part of, and I love holding the space for that deep inner work and outer connections to happen.

On this particular weekend, however, I was given the gift of an added dimension to the experience. Because I was surrounded by card readers, I was being gently showered on all sides by the sounds of peoples' readings.

Imagine it! From front, the sides and behind me I was hearing the beautiful voices of women speaking in hushed reverent tones:

I am the one who... I give you... The thing I want you to remember is... I know that you can...

I want you to know that... Your journey is... My gift for you is....

And so on.

I felt like I was in the middle of a sacred chapel and all I had to do to access divine grace was close my eyes and listen, open my heart and take it all in.

I don't know if I'm explaining this well enough. When I was in the middle of that square of SoulCollage® readings, I wanted to capture the essence of that time-out-of-time experience, and figure out a way to share it with you, but I couldn't have captured it with a video camera or MP3 recorder if I'd tried. So I have turned to writing, in the hopes that this might be as inspiring to you as it was to me.

The sounds of SoulCollage® are all around you. Just listen, open and receive!






Do a reading with your own SoulCollage® deck this week. If you can, find a local group to do this with, or create one of your own! You can use the Search function on the upper right corner of the SoulCollage.com website to find facilitators and/or workshops in your area.

Telling All Your Heart

Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today's world, that's pretty extraordinary. --- Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection




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In her book (see above quotation), Brene Brown talks about the qualities that make up what she calls a Wholehearted life. One of these qualities is courage. Did you know that the root of the word "courage" is cor, which is the Latin word for "heart?" The original meaning of the word courage is "to speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." Isn't that just beautiful?

I love what Brene says about how we tend nowadays to get heroics confused with ordinary courage. We tend to think only of "heroes" as being courageous. And indeed they are because they have put their lives on the line. Think of the bystander who dives into the water to save a drowning child. Think of the firefighters on September 11. Think of the one who runs into a burning building to save a woman's dog.

Yet they are not the only ones who exemplify courage.

I thought a lot about courage when I was going through my surgeries and treatments for breast cancer in 2002. Friends often commented on how "courageous" I was and that puzzled me because I felt anything but courageous. I was full of fear, but from listening to my friends, I learned that the act of actually navigating that fear instead of giving in to it was another true meaning of courage.

For me, that really was a choice, and like Brene says in her book, it was a real example of putting my vulnerability on the line by allowing the fear, accepting it, living side by side with it, and learning to navigate it.

Take a look at the lives of others whom you admire and I'll bet that you'll see examples of courage (as defined by opening one's heart to what is) everywhere.

Recently I was participating in a committee meeting and we were trying to come to consensus on a certain matter. It seemed like we were all in agreement but at the last moment, one woman spoke up and told us why she wasn't in agreement with us. That was a heroic, courageous thing for her to do. It turns out that because she spoke her mind by telling us her heart, this opened up a brand new dialog, and we were able to come to an ever better consensus than we had thought possible at the beginning.

I am making my way through my days now, looking for ways to truly speak my mind and "tell my heart." I know that it's not always safe to do this, and part of caring for myself is knowing when to open up and when not to.


Make a SoulCollage® card for the part of you who is courageous in matters of the heart.





Pay attention for people in your life who speak their mind and their heart in courageous ways. Make a SoulCollage® card for one of these people and let it be a visual reminder for you to do the same.

Make a commitment this week to (just ONE time) speak up exactly what you are thinking and feeling, even though it might go against the flow of expectations. Be sure that you are in a safe environment, with people who are open to your truth. Watch what happens!

Stopping to Smell the Snowbanks

Winter walks with Suzy, our 7 year old yellow lab, have been fraught with frustration for me. She's always stopping to sniff around dirty snowbanks (among other things)! As the bitter wind whips around my ruddy cheeks, I keep trying to urge her on, to keep moving. What's going on in my mind is this, "Come on, keep moving, it's freezing out here, that is just a dirty, filthy snowbank, what could possibly interest you there?"





Then one morning a few weeks ago, I realized something important, something that put an end to my frustration:

My dog knows waaaaaaay more about being in the present moment than I do. I discovered that she was approaching the walk from a totally different perspective. I was looking at it as time to WALK, and she was looking at it as just TIME.

Ever since then, I've been much more mindful throughout these daily walks. I've made an agreement with myself to pause several times, or at least once on each street we encounter. And no, I'm not pausing to admire the dirty snowbanks (and believe me, even in mid March as I write this, there are plenty where I live!).

I have been known to stop still in the middle of the street and gaze upwards at the astonishing beauty of a perfect V formation of honking geese. Today I stopped completely under a towering tree and breathed in deeply that intoxicating fresh scent of wet pine. Yesterday I paused at the end of our driveway and took in our beautiful home, offering prayers of gratitude as I did so.

And yes, sometimes Suzy is pulling at the leash when I am taking my pauses. But I figure that if I have to wait for her while she pauses to admire something that fascinates her, then she can wait a moment for me too. There's so much out in our wide beautiful world that can be fascinating, if only I stop to admire it and breathe it in.

I am hoping that after a few months of this new practice while on my daily walk, that this pausing will transfer over into the rest of my day as well. To stop and just stand (or sit) still a few times, even if only 30 seconds, in the midst of a busy day... what a concept! I believe there is much power in this pause. As Arthur Rubenstein so eloquently says, I handle the notes no better than many others, but the pauses- ah! that is where the art resides.


Try to incorporate at least 2 very brief pauses into each day this week, even if for only 15 seconds at a time. Transition times are good ways to remember this. Stop and pause before you begin something new. It's not as easy to remember to do this as it sounds, so you might want to post some notes around to remind you.

Make a SoulCollage® card for the part of you who longs to "stop and smell the snowbanks" on your way through life. Ask her how you can slow down and enjoy your life more.





Completely Random, Completely Divine- Part 1: Daily Readings with Your Deck

I've been practicing SoulCollage® for 6 years now, and if there's only one piece of advice I would give people for working with their Decks, it would be this:

Use your cards to do Readings.

That is it, plain and simple. Reading your cards is the deepest soul work you can do with 44




SoulCollage®. And you will be absolutely amazed at how the answers are right there for you. Always!

One kind of Reading is a consistent practice that I call Daily Readings. Or Every-Other-Daily Readings, as the case may be. Go ahead and try it! Every day (or every other day) this week, draw one or two cards randomly from your Deck. Set them on your altar or bureau or desk and allow them to keep you company throughout your day. Better yet, if you have 5 minutes, do a little journaling with each one. Just a couple of I Am The One Who... sentences and a couple of sentences that begin with "What I Have To Say To You Today Is This..."

Here is an example of the writing I did with my own Every-Other-Daily reading today. I closed my eyes and took a few quiet breaths. I silenced the inner chatter and allowed myself to attune to my cards. I asked "Who has something to say to me today?" And then I waited for inner guidance about which part of the Deck to choose from.

The card I drew is pictured above. This is my card that honors my 29 year old niece, Stephanie. We share the same birth date, as well as the same passion for theatre, books, writing and art. As soon as I turned this card over, I took a sharp breath in and felt tears starting in my eyes. Why? Because two weeks ago, she had a stroke (yes, a stroke!) and is currently on a long road to recovery. She has been constantly in my thoughts and prayers and dreams. And now, here, suddenly, my SoulCollage® card for her rests in my hands as well. Coincidence? I think not. I haven't drawn her card in years in a daily reading.

So here is the writing that I did with this card, and it only took a few minutes to do this. I say this to point out the fact that some people think that they don't have time for Daily (or Every-Other-Daily) Readings. But you do!

I am the one who is your niece. I am the one who loves you and looks up to you and who shares many of the same soul prints. I am the one who is creative and colorful and who loves life passionately. What I have to say to you today is this: I am deeply connected to you. I am strong and vibrant and I will be okay. I will be more than okay because of the love and community of family and friends that surrounds me with love. I am remembering those months when you were going through your cancer treatments and I know that if you got through all of that, that I can get through the recovery that lies ahead for me. I am the one who loves you so much.

See! It's really that simple. And that powerful. Doing consistent readings like this is a beautiful way to stay connected to yourself, your community of love, and to the divine. There is nothing like it!

And now a word about the randomness of it all. It would seem like there is no rhyme or reason to the cards that you "randomly" draw every day (or every OTHER day). But there is a sweet divinity to the randomness. Why is it that I drew Stephanie's card today when it hasn't appeared in years? And why is it that my beloved cat Scooter's card showed up EVERY WEEK throughout the month before he went missing and died? I am so grateful





for that because it made me pay more attention to him during those weeks, and after he was gone I was so glad that I had spent that extra time with him.

As one workshop participant said several years ago, "the cards we draw are completely random, but completely divine at the same time."

In my next column, I'll share with you another kind of Reading and some recent examples from my own Deck.


Commit to drawing one or two cards every day (or every other day) this week. And maybe next week too!

Place the cards somewhere where you will see them often throughout your day.

And make time to do the very short journaling activity that I demonstrated above.

Completely Random, Completely Divine- Part 2: Focused Readings with Your Deck

I've been practicing SoulCollage® for many years now, and if there's only one piece of advice I would give people for working with their Decks, it would be this:

Use your cards to do Readings.

That is it, plain and simple. Reading your cards is the deepest soul work you can do with SoulCollage®. And you will be absolutely amazed at how the answers are right there for you. Always!





Another kind of Reading is what I call a Focused Reading. This is when you think of a question that you want answered, pose the question to your Deck, and draw cards randomly to help you answer it. There is a lot of info about this in Seena's new book, SoulCollage® Evolving, and on this page of the KaleidoSoul site.

Here is a focused reading that I recently did with my own Deck. Last month I was thinking a lot about my older brother, John, and how out of touch we've been over the last several years since Mom died, even though we had been very close when I was younger (he is 6 years older than me). I had emailed him a few times to see how he was doing and had not heard back from him. This worried me and made me anxious, so I went to my Deck and asked: Who has insight to share with me about my relationship with John?

These are the 3 cards that I drew RANDOMLY (images above) and what they said to me:

1. Patience - I am the one who is sitting still and looking out to see, waiting. I am the one who is sheltered in this cove. I am the one who is alone. I am the one who is calmly waiting for something or someone. What I have to say to you about your relationship with John is this: You have taken steps to reach out to him, dear one. You can't force what isn't happening. It's all about the tides, see? They come in and they go out. In nature as well as relationships. Trust. Be still. Focus within. Be patient. 2. Mystic - I am the one who is covered in a black cloak, holding a crystal ball. I am the one who is rising out of a multi-faceted diamond. I am the one who looks into the ball, who holds the ball reverently and steadily. I am the one who stands in front of Spirit, the Container of all things. I am the one who sees, who knows, who understands. My message to you about your relationship with your brother John is this: hold steady. Do not give up. Keep looking and searching for ways to reach out to him. He is dear to you and you are dear to him. The only thing you can do is honor yourself. Do you need to be very close to him now? Because you were close when you were younger, does that mean you need to be close now? What exactly is making you sad? Look within, and see! 3. Women w/Stripey Shadows - I am the one who is looking outside. I am the one who is looking towards the light. I am the one who is made up of light and shadow. I am the one who is accepting of the light and the dark parts of me. I am the one who knows that one cannot exist without the other. What I say to you about you and your brother is this: It is about balancing the light with the dark. You cannot have any relationship that is all golden, all the time. Do you see? Open your eyes and look around you. Closeness with others comes and goes. It must be worked at, held closely, intentioned into being. Do you have that intention with your brother? Does he? Do not think that all is light or all is dark. Simply remember that







all is well.

As always, when I do readings like this, I was blown away by the answers I received. It was exactly what I needed! Because of the wisdom and guidance I received here, I was able to realize that he and I are very different now than we were when we were younger, and that it's OKAY for us not to be as close now as we were then. I found a way to reach out to him differently, and it has made a difference in our relationship. And last but not least, I am now holding an intention of kindness and compassion for him, for me, and for our relationship.

I strongly urge you to go to your Deck this week with a question (see below). And allow your own question to be answered.

Reflection Activity:

Think for a while about what is going on in your life. Make a short list of situations, challenges or difficult relationships you are facing right now. Turn one of these into a question, then go to your Deck, draw 3 (or 4) cards RANDOMLY, and do the above exercise with them. There is more information on doing card readings here.

Whispers of the Seasons - Spring: The Blossom Rule

By the time you read this it will be early May and everything (hopefully!) will be in full bloom everywhere. But as I write this in mid-April, the trees are only skimmed with the beginnings of green and the only things beginning to blossom are some purple crocuses and buttery yellow daffodils.

Here in New England, it feels like winter lasted a lot longer than usual this year. Perhaps I notice it more because I'm getting "older." Or maybe I am more aware of the turning of




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the seasons because of the daily walks I take with our dog Suzy. It was easy to ignore what was happening outdoors when I could stay inside if I felt like it, or only sprint from house to car and back again.

But braving the elements every day, no matter what, has made it hard to disregard the harshness of winter. I have been so aware, this winter, of the cold air, the frozen trees, the icy sidewalks. As the days and weeks and months went on, I became more and more aware of a deep yearning inside of me for warmth, for flowers, for spring.

And as it is with everything in life, the longer the period of bleakness, the more grateful we are when it ends. Because this winter was especially long and dreary, how much more joy I feel when I see a sweet crocus breaking through the dirt, or a burst of bright yellow forsythia around the corner. Because we just spent almost six months in long johns and sweatpants and heavy woolen turtlenecks, how much more glorious it is to be able to walk outside in short sleeves with no coat.

I am reminded of a beautiful lily plant that I brought home with me once many years ago. The buds on the plant were closed tightly when I set it on my kitchen table. I knew in my head that if I kept it warm and gave it water to drink, that the buds would open to full blossom. But still, I found myself worrying that this plant would be the exception to the "blossom rule." I was afraid that the buds would never open, that the time of fragrant opening would never happen.

I was much younger then. I had not weathered very many winter storms. Of course, those lily buds opened their beauty to me. Of course they did. That is the rule of blossoming. Buds burst open, with warmth and water and sunlight. They just do. The power of growth is too great to keep them closed forever.

And it is the knowing of this "Blossom Rule" that got me through this especially long, harsh winter in New England. When I didn't think I could take one more cold, windy day... .when I was sure that I couldn't stand to see one more inch of snow... I simply gave my thought and energy to the bulbs that lay dormant under the frozen dirt of our snow laden garden. I reminded myself that winters do NOT last forever. The Blossom Rule is always and forever true.


1.How are you experiencing this new season of spring?

2. Do you believe in the "Blossom Rule?"

3. What is blossoming in your own life right now? How can you nurture this new growth?

4. If you are drawn to the archetype of spring, make a SoulCollage® card to honor it in 49




your deck and allow it to speak to you of new growth.

Visit Waverly Fitzgerald's Living in Season and see if you can find a way to celebrate the season of spring this year (it's not over yet!).

Guilt vs. Shame

I learned a profound lesson about guilt and shame many years ago from an Episcopal priest. I had never thought much about the difference between these two words until he explained it in a sermon:

Guilt is saying "I made a mistake and I'm sorry." Shame is saying "I am a mistake and I'm not worthy of forgiveness."

This lesson engraved itself on my heart and I have taken it forward with me into my life. I now realize that it is natural and necessary to look at the mistakes I make and to feel guilty for making them. If I can admit my mistake and say I am sorry, that I can open to forgiveness, accept forgiveness and move on.






I also realized that it's not natural and it's totally unnecessary for me to be ashamed of myself for a mistake I've made, or for a part of myself that I don't like... because shame makes me less than myself. Shame takes me away from myself. Shame makes opening to forgiveness impossible.


1. Take some time this week to meditate on and journal with the quotation above.

2. Make a SoulCollage® card that expresses how you feel when someone else shames you, or when you feel ashamed of a mistake that you made.

3. Allow the person on the card to tell his/her story.

4. The next time you make a serious mistake, acknowledge the guilt and say you are sorry to yourself or to whoever was affected by your mistake. Do not allow shame to weasel its way in by ignoring the guilt.

This Is Your Life and It is Precious

If you've read a lot of my writing, you already know that a big part of my story is my relationship with Dan, an alcoholic, in the late 80's. Because of that relationship, I found myself going to lots of 12 Step (Al-Anon) meetings. This significantly changed my spiritual journey such that I was strengthened and enabled to grow in ways that I had never thought possible. One of the biggest aspects of growth for me during this time was in self-love and self-acceptance.

And the absolute biggest turning point for me in this growth was when I actually did the Fifth Step. Note the capital letters. For me, this was no ordinary experience.

To do the 5th Step, I spent hours and hours creating a list of my "liabilities." These could also be called flaws, or in SoulCollage® lingo, "shadow parts." And believe me, I had a





loooooong list, about two and a half pages, typed, single spaced. I also spent many hours writing my whole life story up until that point, and it was laden with mistakes I had made, regrets, and sadness. The final part of preparation for this important Step was to create a list of my personal "assets," inner characteristics that I liked about myself. And this list? Let's just say that it didn't even fill up half of a page.

Now, that was not the difficult part of this Step. The hard part was to sit down with "another human being" and share all of this. I chose Randy, the Episcopal priest at the church I was attending then. He was familiar with 12 Step programs, and he was absolutely the safest person I knew at that time.

With much anxiety and fear, I sat down with Randy one spring morning in 1988. I had never done anything like this before- shared my entire life story, my lists of good and bad, with another person.

At one point while I was telling my life story, I paused and apologized for going on and on about a really difficult part of the journey. And Randy gently responded, "That's okay. This is your life and it's very precious." No one had ever said anything like that to me before. Ever. I was stunned into a holy silence for a while! In fact, I had never been listened to like this before. While I was talking, he simply and actively listened to every word I said. It was powerful and healing simply to be heard and seen in this way. And I realized later that this is the highest form of validation- being listened to with such concentration and acceptance.

After about an hour and a half of telling my story and listing the parts of myself I did not like, Randy asked about my "assets" list. I read them to him and it took all of two minutes. Then he took the pages of my life story and my shadow parts from me. He nodded towards the list of assets that were still in my hands and told me to go home and:

a. give thanks to God for my assetsb. meditate on Psalm 139 (see above quotation)c. thank God for my life and for my journey

At first I was confused, annoyed, even a bit disappointed. I had thought we were going to sit there and discuss all of the mistakes I had made. I thought he was going to give me wise counsel and advice on how I could make my liabilities disappear. Instead, I was being told to go home and focus on my positive qualities, offer thanksgiving, and meditate on a Psalm that I had never heard of (see above quotation).

Here's what happened: I did exactly what he said. And my life has never been the same.






1. Make a list (long or short) of your own personal inner "assets."

2. Thank God (Source, Spirit, The One, Allah...) for these assets.

3. Meditate for a while on Psalm 139

4. Make a SoulCollage® card that visually expresses the ideas of this Psalm (or any other psalm or poem that you are particularly drawn to).

5. Make a list of the mistakes, losses, regrets, wrong turns on the road you've made on your journey so far. Next, add to the list all of the joys, blessings and bright things that have happened to you. Note which list is longer but DO NOT JUDGE any of it! Go somewhere quiet, hold the list gently in your hands and slowly say (preferably out loud) 10 times, "This is my life and it is very precious."

Looking for "Up" in All the Wrong Places

The other day at the dentist's office, I went into the lobby and pushed the "up" button by the elevators. I stood in front of that elevator door for a considerable amount of time, not understanding why it wasn't opening for me. After all, the number "1" above the door was lit up, indicating that it was on the first floor.

After a while, I stepped back to get a better perspective. And what a surprise! The other elevator door was open and waiting, and it had been all that time.

As I entered the door that was open, I was reminded of something I heard often at the 12 Step meetings I attended years ago: "It's just not smart to look for oranges in a hardware store."




http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+139&version=NIV


Many times in my life I've searched for a variety of things- affection, validation, acceptance- in people (my mother, boyfriends, stepchildren ...etc.) who could not give them to me because they just didn't know how. It has taken a lot of growing up, and a lot of inner work, to see that sometimes I have to step back to get a better perspective, and to see that there are other ways to get my emotional needs met.

Challenge of the Week

1. Name one or two emotional needs that you have right now in your own life.

2. Are you looking in any "wrong" places to meet those needs?

3. Can you take a step back and notice any other places you might look instead?

4. Take this question to your SoulCollage® deck and take note of which cards turn up for you and what answers they have to give you at this time: Who has wisdom to give me about where I might find validation (or love or acceptance or ______?)

5.Note: you will find more detailed instructions about doing SoulCollage® readings on this page at KaleidoSoul.

Passion vs. Reason

It seems that at times there are two distinct voices inside of us. One is brave and daring and passionate: Yes! Yes! Let's fly a kite this morning, take a dance class, move to Wyoming, get a puppy. The other is the one I call The Voice of Reason: No! Wait! It looks like it might rain. You're too old and clumsy. You don't know anyone in Wyoming. You might be allergic to the dog.

Sometimes these two voices can have quite an argument! Do you know what I mean? Have you heard them inside your head- the Passionate One and the Voice of Reason? Each of these Committee parts has something valid to say, and it's our job to listen. It's also our job to be a champion of the passionate part of ourselves, and to give it room to spreads its wings and fly.

Both parts are equally valid. It's up to us to keep clear boundaries and not let one




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overpower the other. The Voice of Reason needs to be noticed, to be heard, to know that you are safe. The Passionate One needs air to breathe and space to take risks.

It's time to pay attention to what's going on inside of you. Who needs to be heard? Who needs room to breathe? And what can you do to ease the inner struggle?


* If you could do anything, go anywhere, be anyone, what would that look like to you? What lights you up inside? What is your Passionate One urging you towards?

* Is there an argument going on inside of you right now, an argument where The Voice of Reason seems to be winning over your Passionate One?

* If you listen carefully to your Voice of Reason, can you discern why it is holding you back from following your passion? Is that part of you angry? Anxious? Frightened?

* What steps can you take to lovingly reassure your Voice of Reason that you will keep it safe, no matter what?

* Make a SoulCollage® card that honors the passionate part of you, and another one that represents the Voice of Reason. Have each one tell you who it is and what it wants, then allow them to speak to each other. What do you learn from this inner dialogue?

Leaning Into the Curves

When I first met my husband, he took me for a ride on his motorcycle. I'd never been on one before and was secretly thrilled and terrified all at once. Before we took off, he told me two things: "Don't let go of my waist" and "Lean into the curves with me."

I nodded and straddled the black leather seat, wrapping my arms around him. It certainly sounded easy enough.

Well, holding onto him was easy. But leaning into the curves proved to be beyond my comprehension. He had to yell this instruction at me into the wind more than once. Okay, I'm underestimating. He had to repeat it at least 15 times during our ride that day!

It sounded easy, but I found it almost impossible to do. For one thing, as we'd head into a curve, my body's natural inclination was to lean the other way to bring us back to





balance. I was frightened that if I leaned into the curve with him, we would tip over and wind up on the evening news and in the local ER.

Honestly, I don't know how we survived that ride, because he had to work twice as hard to maintain the balance of the motorcycle whenever I tried to bring about balance by leaning the other way! Of course, I can see now what he was trying to tell me, but at that time, my body simply did not want to let go of the controls.

That motorcycle ride was a big lesson for me in trust, first of all. I have since learned to trust my husband. Not blindly, of course, but when it comes to things that I know nothing about, I now know enough to trust his experience in the area and follow his direction.

It was also a crucial lesson for me in letting go of control. During the last six weeks, as some of you know, life has been throwing me a LOT of curves: emergency doctor visits, biopsies, high range and scary medical tests that involve large clanking machinery, surgeries and more.

During this curviest of "rides," I have had to put into action the lessons from that bike ride with Jeff twenty years ago. I have had to trust the direction of my own inner leading AND my medical team. And I have had to lean into these curves that life has thrown my way. Resisting the curve and trying to swerve the other way is cause for more stress and will stop me from being able to embrace exactly where I am right now.


In what ways are you trying to control your own life and your journey?

Are you having trouble "leaning into the curves" that mark your journey's path?

The next time life throws a "curve" at you, see what happens if you pause, notice your resistance, and then breathe right into it instead.

Do you have a "Leaning Into the Curves of Life" SoulCollage® card for your Deck yet? If not, seek out images for one soon!





Breaking Into Flower

I want you to imagine this scene. Give yourself a few minutes, close your eyes and picture it:

You are standing in a crowded room at a party. There is music in the background; people are talking in pairs and groups all around you. Glasses are clinking, laughter and a savory aroma is coming from the kitchen. Someone is refilling your glass with a red sparkling liquid. The door opens and someone new walks into the party. You look up curiously. The door is clear on the other side of the room so you cannot see the person clearly until they are a few feet away.

It's YOU!

Imagine that this is on your DVD player and you can press the PAUSE button. Pause this scene now, and then pretend that the person who just walked into this party is your best, most wonderful, authentic, true self. What does this person look like? What is he/she wearing? How is he/she holding his/her body?

Then look at yourself, the one who was already at the party. How are you reacting to your 57




True Self who just showed up? Are you about to turn away, about to go find someone more interesting to talk with? Or, as Rebecca West so poignantly writes, is your heart breaking into flower at this very connection with yourself?


1. Write about the above visualization in your journal, or express it in your art journal.

2. How did greeting your Self feel?

3. Did you find yourself trying to change or limit some part of your Self in the conversation?

4. List five ways that you can you be more welcoming to yourself this week.

Four Simple Words

One time in college, a substitute professor walked into our classroom a bit late. We were all chatting amongst ourselves and he was trying, unsuccessfully, to get our attention. Finally he said, "You guys have a proclivity to verbalize." We quieted down immediately. Not only did he get our attention, he nailed the situation perfectly!

For some reason, this has always stayed with me and I always chuckle when I tell the story. Sure, he was showing off a big vocabulary. But I love the simplicity of it. Instead of going on and on about how yappy we were and going in to 15 reasons why it was time to settle down and pay attention, he just said a few simple words and we were able to focus.

This comes to mind now as I tell a piece of the story of what's been happening to me this summer (2011), healthwise (and otherwise as well). In the spring I noticed some discoloration of my left breast, the one that was operated on twice in 2002, followed up by chemo and radiation treatments for several months. In July a tiny little pimply bump appeared on the same breast. So I went to my surgeon. This began a string of doctor





appointments and several invasive (hurtful!) tests and procedures to determine a diagnosis. The July quotation on my Soul Colors Desk Calendar was "If things go wrong, don't go with them." That should have been a sign. But I digress.

On July 12 I was diagnosed with secondary angiosarcoma of the breast, a very rare (about 1 in 1000) cancer that appears sometimes in women who have had radiation treatments for breast cancer (that's me!). Frankly, I was expecting a diagnosis of breast cancer, but this scared me even more because angiosarcoma is a different kind of cancer. Usually more aggressive, faster moving. My surgeon requested a PET scan, so we could see if the cancer had spread anywhere else.

At this point, the fear was almost overwhelming. The fact that the cancer could be in different parts of my body was unfathomable, but, it seemed, highly possible. The very thought of it left me breathless, and not in a good way.

Let me backtrack for a paragraph. In January I had taken a wonderful class with Janet Conner called Soul Vows. Go ahead, google it, you will love it! Since I do indeed have a "proclivity to verbalize," my own Soul Vows were long and wieldy, and there were EIGHT of them! I had posted them all around and would say them out loud every morning and they were indeed lovely to behold. But I had to look at the paper to ever remember them exactly.

However, in this strange nightmare scenario that my life was turning into, I felt like I needed something shorter and more concise as my "Soul Vows." Something "quick and dirty" as they say. Something that I didn't have to think so much about to bring them into my consciousness.

I got the idea of boiling all of it down to just a few words. Three, maybe four. So I asked myself, "What words are the essence of what I am about right now? What words will be my anchors through this difficult week while I am waiting for the PET scan and the results?"

And these are the words that Spirit led me to: Breath * Gratitude * Kindness * Joy.

I felt so blessed throughout the rest of my summer's journey (which is not over yet!) because whenever I felt the thoughts in my mind turning toward fear (which was every other minute), I simply latched on to these four anchor words, saying each one to myself in the course of a full in-out breath. I also flipped through my SoulCollage® Deck and discovered that I already had a card that represented each word (see image above).

When I arrived at the hospital on July 18 for the PET scan, I was thinking I would just lie down on the table and be still for 30 minutes and it would be over. But that was not how this scan went. I had to drink several large bottles of interesting (!) liquid over the course of an hour prior to going into the scanning suite. I had brought a book with me just in case I had to wait for anything, but the technician kindly told me that I was not allowed to read or use an iPod or anything. In fact, he settled me into a comfy recliner and dimmed





the lights before he left me alone for the hour!

At first, I will admit, I was really annoyed. Then I thought to myself, "Hmmm... this will be a good chance to try those 4 little words for an extended period of time." And it was the most peaceful hour of the whole month for me. For the whole hour (okay, except for the few times I had to get up to go to the bathroom!), I kept my eyes closed, sipped the medical "beverage" and simply breathed in and out to the tune of "Breath... Gratitude... Kindness... Joy." Over and over again. I had to smile at the gift of this little oasis of peace and quiet in the midst of a dark month of high emotions and uncertainty.

On July 20, my surgeon told us the PET scan was clear, and on July 25 I checked myself back into the same hospital for a mastectomy. I am recovering well although I still tire very easily (could use a nap right now, actually!) and am still getting used to wearing a prosthesis in my bra.

If you would like to stay up to date on what is happening with me medically (my chemo journey begins this fall, and my prognosis is excellent), you can read or sign up for email updates on CaringBridge.org.


1. What is your own personal philosophy of life?

2. Can you condense this into 3 or 4 simple words or phrases?

3. Try out different sets or combinations of words to see which ones feel best to you.

4. Create SoulCollage® cards for each word or phrase that make up your own "Soul Vows."

5. Try breathing with each word, one full breath in and out for each word, whenever you find your mind racing or attaching to fear, doubt, worry or anxiety.

6. What other ways can you bring your own Four Words into your life in a way that grounds and anchors you into Spirit and into your own beautiful self?




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Extreme Gratitude

For several months, I have been practicing daily gratitude lists as outlined by Melody Beattie in her book Make Miracles in Forty Days: Turning What You Have Into What You Want . Her way of gratitude includes the usual way of looking at our lives, even when we are feeling down, and finding the jewels that we are grateful for. Her way of gratitude ALSO includes giving thanks for the crummy stuff, the crappy things, the people and events that cause us anger, heartache and even deep sorrow.

This has been an amazing process for me, a habit that has infiltrated everything I'm doing. I was well into this practice of saying "thank you" for everything when I was diagnosed with cancer in July of this year. Operable, yes. Good prognosis, yes. Successful surgery, yes. But still, there are uncertainties in my overflowing thought mind. And there is sometimes fear.

Soon after my diagnosis, I found myself writing another gratitude list, and I thought to myself, "Can I actually say THANK YOU for this diagnosis?" I found that I could. And when I said it, and wrote it, I found a whole world shifting inside of me. Something transformed in my mind when I said thank you, for I began to actively look for the gifts and lessons that the diagnosis was bringing to me, and those gifts and lessons (are) many. Would I rather have learned those lessons in some other way? You bet! Would I rather have received the gifts in a different fashion? Oh yes!




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And yet.

This practice of gratitude is helping me to turn what is happening to me around and see it in a whole new light.

Of course, I also said thank you many, many times for how angry I was feeling about the diagnosis and the grief I was experiencing from the losses that came with it (a breast, 6 weeks of healing time, the Facilitators' Conference...etc). So even on the days when I couldn't say "I am grateful for my diagnosis," I could say, "I am grateful for how scary this is. I am grateful for my anger. I am grateful that there is something to be learned here even though I don't know what it is."

And then in the middle of July, with all of this "stuff" happening with my health, my beloved Sasha (18 year old cat, see above) started having violent seizures and I made a difficult, sorrow-laden decision to say a final good-bye to her in the vet's office on July 15. This is when I experienced what I call "extreme gratitude," one of the "miracles" that Melody Beattie refers to in the title of her book.

Jeff and I had been in the vet's office for about an hour. I had said good-bye and held her for the last time. The vet assistant had given her the first injection and Sasha was lying on her soft green towel on the metal examining table, dozing off into a final slumber. Then the vet came back in to give her the final injection.

The miracle, for me, was that I was led naturally and easily to a state of gratitude. As he was gently giving her the last shot, I closed my eyes, knowing it would only be a minute or two before she breathed her last breath. The first thing that came to my mind was thank you, so I whispered it quietly. I was holding Sasha's paw and stroking her head as I often did when we napped together.

At first I was whispering thank you to the vet for being so kind, so gentle with her and with me. And then I said it a few more times, thanking Spirit for the gift that Sasha is in my life, and for the gift of her own spirit and presence for 18 years. It was SO powerful, to say thank you several times right at the moment that she transitioned. I could feel a sacred holy peace in the room and as heartbroken as I was, it was very comforting. It felt like such a holy, holy moment, like I was standing on the threshold of both worlds, in some way, in spite of (and maybe even because of) my pain.

It was an amazing miracle to me that in that moment of deep, scalding loss, I was able to hold something (gratitude) in my heart besides my grief. And even more of a miracle that I was led naturally to a state of gratitude during that time.

That's not to say that I haven't spent many hours sobbing my heart out these last several weeks, as this loss to me is even more of a loss than giving up my left breast. I have cried and ranted and raved and journaled and cried and cried some more. Some days my gratitude list has been as simple as this: Thank you for my tears. Thank you for soft Kleenex. Thank you that this hurts so much. Thank you for my grief. Thank you for love





that makes this hurt like hell. But as long as I keep my focus on gratitude, the more my heart is lifted from a place of sorrow and loss and fear and anxiety, to one of certainty and hope, love and joy.


1. Try starting a daily gratitude practice and try to also say "thank you" for the things that annoy you, anger you, and cause your heart to hurt.

2. Be sure you have a SoulCollage® card in your deck for the archetype of Gratitude, as well as for your own personal Inner Grateful One. If you already have these cards, journal with one or both of them this week and listen to what they have to say to you.

3. Go to your Deck and ask a question about gratitude. Draw 2-3 cards and see what they have to say about your question. You might want to ask:

How can I be more grateful for what I have?

What is blocking me from experiencing more gratitude in my life?

What are you most grateful for? (and let the Neter tell you from its point of view!)





SoulCollage® in Crisis Mode

As you may know, in 2002 I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer and went through two surgeries, plus 6 months of chemo and radiation as follow-up treatments. I did not discover SoulCollage® until three years later. Once I realized the healing power in making and working with these cards, I made several cards related to my previous dance with cancer. I found that even three years later, I was still processing the emotional and physical aftermath of the whole experience. And in the making of these cards, the emotional healing really began.

I wished then (in 2005) that I had had SoulCollage® during the whole experience of diagnosis, surgeries, and treatments, and I have often wondered if it would have made a difference to be using SoulCollage® throughout that experience instead of afterwards.

Now I can tell you that SoulCollage® does indeed make a difference during a life crisis. This past summer I faced some painfully surprising and health challenges related to the breast cancer radiation treatments from 2002. I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, had a mastectomy, and am now in the midst of 12 weeks of "just in case" chemotherapy (they call it adjuvant; I call it "just-in-case!"). I am being cared for by a wonderful medical team at Lahey Clinic in Massachusetts AND by an extraordinarily gifted Naturopathic M.D. who specializes in cancer. My prognosis is excellent and I am feeling very good about my treatment plan from both spectrums (traditional medicine AND naturopathic).




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However, in the two weeks between my diagnosis and my surgery (where my surgeon got clear and generous margins), my whole body-mind-spirit went into Crisis Mode. I am delighted to report that I instinctively reached for SoulCollage®. My mind was fairly cluttered, and I do confess here that I didn't do my Daily Readings during those weeks, although I did continue with my regular journaling practice. However, my hands and heart automatically reached for my pile of images and magazines!

Within that 14 day period I collected hundreds of images that spoke to me in some way of my diagnosis and my feelings around it. And in one late night card making spree a few days before the surgery, I created the 13 cards that you see on this page.

I am sharing these cards with you, dear Kindred Spirits, for two reasons: 1. To express to you in a visual way, what I have been experiencing these past few months and 2. To remind ALL of us that there is no crisis or situation or feeling that the process of SoulCollage® cannot touch and help to heal. If you ever face anything at all on your journey that feels like a setback, or that keeps you in an emotional holding pattern, or that feels life threatening, SoulCollage® can and will make a difference.

Here are the steps I followed to create the 13 cards that I linked you to above:

1. Gather as many images as you can that speak to what you are feeling. Notice that none of these images are of actual surgeries or doctors or chemo drugs. As you flip through magazines, tear out any image at all that touches you in your feeling place. Listen to your intuition which will guide you perfectly if you ask. Don't THINK about it!

2. Use magazines, and also don't forget to go through the stash of images that you've already collected, because you may not have looked at them in a while, and your original intention in collecting some of them may have changed since then. You may just find that they are speaking to you now in a whole new way.

3. Sort the images into piles according to themes, or colors, stages of the crisis, or any other sorting process that you feel led to create. A big part of this process for me was in this step, just listening to my inner wise voice which almost sorted the piles for me!

4. Choose a pile and make a card. For me, the images were sorted into piles chronologically, starting with the anger and the fear. So that is where I began. Only YOU can decide where to begin. The important thing is not to take so much time thinking about where to start, as to actually start!

Keep in mind that this is my process, and you can feel free to adjust this in any way, shape or form that assists you in your own process. The Big Picture, however, is the fact that SoulCollage® is a gift to us in all stages of our lives, including the sometimes torrential waters of a personal crisis.

Also keep in mind that if you have not made cards in a long time, or if you are feeling "stuck" creatively, there might be a crisis in your life that is over and done with, that




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might just be asking for a little SoulCollage® time!

It was really important for me, in the making of these cards, not to try to figure out what suits any of them were in. As I sift through these beautiful cards now, two months later, I can see that some of them will remain in my Deck, and some will be in my Reserve Deck as a visual remembrance of this life crisis/situation. So if you are in Crisis Mode and making SoulCollage® cards to express what you are experiencing, just let go of the idea of suits, and simply be with the process of creating. The rest will sort itself out later.


Think of a time in your life when you experienced a personal crisis of some kind. This could relate to health, relationships, career, pet loss...etc. Remember a time in your life when you felt very strong emotional upheaval.

Follow the steps above to create some cards around this issue.

More importantly, allow the cards to "speak" to you in your journaling. Listen to the gifts they have to bring you, no matter how resistant you are to the gifts.

If you don't have the energy at this time for making cards around a particular life crisis, try bringing a question to your deck and drawing 3 cards and seeing what they have to say to you about your situation (past or present). You might ask: Who has wisdom to give me about this situation? What Neters will help me through this crisis? Or simply listen inside and ask what is wanting to be asked.





The Power of Kindness

In one of my columns recently, I wrote about the four words that have been anchoring me in body, mind and spirit since my chaotic and difficult experiences in July. Those four words are: breath, gratitude, kindness, and joy. Today I want to share with you a bit about the transforming power of kindness.

Looking back over my life, I realize that I have been the recipient of much kindness. However, I have never thought to label it as such. I have never thought to focus on it per se, and I have never been inspired to practice it. Until this summer.

What was the turning point for me? Three months ago, when I said good-bye to my beloved cat Sasha. She had been having terrible seizures for a few weeks, and I just couldn't put her through that anymore. Making this decision and driving to the vet's office is truly one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Facing breast cancer, a mastectomy, and chemo was not nearly as hard as saying good-bye to such a treasured companion.

It's one of those things that I'd always wondered about: if the time comes when we have to put her to sleep, how am I possibly going to get through it? And I discovered, in that hour we spent in Dr. Friedman's examining room, that we get through these extraordinarily difficult times because of a couple of things: 1. We realize we are stronger than we thought we were, 2. We stay present in the moment with whatever is happening as it's happening, and 3. We realize we are not alone.

Because I asked for help in my heavy heart, I was able to be fully present in the midst of the pain of letting her go. I was even able to focus on gratitude for a few moments. I was able to realize that I was standing on the cusp of two worlds and able to grasp that this was a holy moment, not a disastrous one, the moment that she took her last breath on this





earthly plane.

And all of this was made possible by one thing, and one thing only: the extraordinary kindness of our vet and his assistant. I will always remember this kindness. Long after I forget the details of that day- what I was wearing, the temperature outside, the color of our vet's hair, the name of his assistant... long after these memories fade from my mind, I will still be remembering the way it felt to be enveloped by their kindness.

What a powerful thing kindness is. I felt it in my bones as well as the deepest regions of my soul on that day. There wasn't anything unusual about what our vet and his assistant were doing. There was kindness in their words, in their touch, in their very being. I don't know them personally, but there was a genuine connection that day, and that connection was born of kindness. And that connection is what made it possible for me to get through that difficult, difficult day.

I feel deeply blessed that as I looked around me in my heart-wrenching sorrow, I was able to ask myself, "What is happening here that makes it possible for me to get through this?" And as I asked, I was able to hear one word on the breath of Spirit. That word was Kindness.


1.Journal about some times in your life when someone's kindness made a difference to you.

2. How can you bring more kindness into your world?

3. Do you have a SoulCollage® card that expresses the Neter of kindness, either as an archetype or as an inner voice?

4. How does your own SoulCollage® process add kindness to the world?





Take Me or Leave Me

I had to get over my fear of running through the world naked and learn to say, "Take me or leave me." ---Steven Spielberg

Don't we all have a fear of running through the world naked (either literally or metaphorically)? Isn't that the stuff that real nightmares are made of? We're all a little bit afraid of the vulnerability that this suggests. And we also have a tendency to feel afraid of baring our hearts and our souls. What will someone think of me if I say what I really feel? How will they react when I do something that is in align with my deepest needs instead of what they think I "should" be doing?

There is something about the above quote (especially because Steven Spielberg said it!) that encourages me to let go of this fear, if only a little bit at a time. Spielberg's words make me feel feisty and smart and strong, like I have both my feet planted firmly on the ground, like it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Hey, if he has to tell himself this on a regular basis, it's okay for me to get over this fear as well!

If I can manage to stay deeply connected to my truest self, then I can plant my feet firmly on the earth and say with conviction, "Okay, everyone, this is who I am....take me or leave me." This buys me a precious inner freedom that gives me a wide open space to grow into who I really am.

Refection Activities:

Try saying "This is who I am... take me or leave me" out loud several times in a row. Try shouting it at the top of your lungs when you're driving alone in the car. Try whispering it. Try singing it!





Is there a part of you that is hiding itself away for fear of being hurt?

Is there another part of you that is ready to stand up and say, "Take me or leave me?"

Make SoulCollage® cards to honor each of these voices inside of you.

Will the Real Anne Marie Bennett Please Stand Up?

When I was little there was a TV show called What's My Line? where three people would all pretend to be the same person with an interesting story to tell. Panelists would ask questions to try and discern which person was the "real" one whose story was being told. I used to love the part at the end of the show, where the host would say, "Would the real _________ please stand up?" The three would make a show of pretending to rise. And then, finally, the "real one" would stand up.

I can really relate to this right now as my chemo treatments are 1/3 over, I've lost most of my hair, and most of the time I just don't feel like "myself." When I put these three images of myself together (see above) the other day, I stared at them in amazement and truly wondered, if they were on "What's My Line?", which one would stand up as the "real" Anne Marie Bennett.

At first I was sure it was the image of "me" on the left, with my hair intact and curly, before my surgeries and treatments and all these annoying side effects began. But then I paused, realizing my error.

It doesn't matter if I have a full head of hair and a healthy glow, or if I am completely bald with dark circles under my eyes, or if I am wearing a wig to try to blend in and look normal when I'm out in public and not feeling well. It's the same "real me" on the inside, no matter what is happening to me on the outside.

This whole experience (cancer, surgery, recovery, chemo, hair loss, side effects...) has given me a new understanding of that oft-quoted belief system that states we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather we are spiritual beings having a human experience. It has also given me a brand new awareness of what the SoulEssence card in our SoulCollage® Decks really represents. At this time I do not have a





SoulEssence card as I am still looking for the "right" images, but I believe (thanks to the above lessons) that I am getting closer to finding what I am looking for.

This is because, as I look at the three views of myself (above), I see many differences on the outside, but I also know that there is a "me" on the inside of each of them that is constant and true, regardless of whether or not I have hair, or whether or not my face is wan or bloated or smiling or frowning. This "me" on the inside is the light that shows up in my eyes; it's the reflection of that spark of the Divine that was planted inside this body when I was born.

So, if those three "Anne Marie Bennetts" were on a current version of What's My Line?, none of them would be considered imposters. They are all "real" because of the SoulEssence that is present in each one.


Look at some photos of yourself in different periods of your life, maybe even at different ages. If you like, string them together like I have done above, or create a little collage of several representations of your physical body.

What is similar in all of your own images? What is different?

Look beneath the physical appearances of yourself as imaged in your collage, and see if you can spend several minutes being with the unique, precious energy that makes you exactly who you are, regardless of your body.

If you haven't already made a SoulEssence card for your Deck, start looking for images that reflect the Divine Spark within your soul that makes you you.

If you HAVE already made a SoulEssence card, put it somewhere prominent this week- on your desk or kitchen table where you will see it often. Offer gratitude for the "real" you that is present, no matter what is happening on the outside.





Mystery IngredientsLately (in the wake of many chemo treatments) I've been spending an inordinate amount of time watching The Food Network. I've been seriously attached (that's my euphemism for "addicted!") to a show called Chopped where four professional chefs are given a basket of "mystery ingredients" and challenged to create an appetizer, entrée or dessert.

For example, in one episode they had to make a dessert using: boxed macaroni and cheese, apples, raw cashews and cane syrup. Another time they were given short ribs, lemon thyme, zucchini and gefilte fish and challenged to create an entrée. And can you possibly imagine what kind of appetizer you'd come up with if you were given peanut butter, granny smith apples and jumbo shrimp?

Each menu item is judged on presentation, taste, and creative use of the ingredients. In each round, the judges taste all of the chefs' food and say what they think. After everyone has had their say, they hold a discussion and agree on which chef is to be "chopped" from the competition. After three rounds, there is only one chef still standing and he/she is the winner.

Every time... every single time I look at the ingredients and am positively certain that they won't be able to come up with something edible that looks good on the plate. And every time... every single time, I am proven wrong.

It reminds me of when I was teaching second grade. I would sometimes give the children an assignment of combining unrelated spelling words into a sentence. For example, dime-lines-sky. Or dinner-thumb-bells. It always amazed me the sentences those kids would come up with! And it always required a different way of looking at the words, using them out of context. I like to think that this challenge helped them with their creative thinking





skills later on in life too!

It also reminds me of Paper Bag Dramatics, a fun game we used to play years (ok, who am I kidding... decades) ago in Girl Scouts. The leaders would bring in four paper bags of several unrelated items gathered from different rooms in their house. A bag might include: a toothbrush, a framed photo, a book of maps, a shawl, a piece of chalk, a broken radio and a ball of yarn. Each group of 3-4 girls was given a different bag of items and the challenge was to come up with a 10 minute skit using all of the items together. I loved this game because it brought about much laughter and playfulness as we tried to think of possible creative ways to thread these items into a plausible story.

So... back to Chopped. I love this show the way I loved Paper Bag Dramatics, and the way I loved challenging my students to combine their unrelated spelling words into interesting sentences because it reminds me of the power of creativity in our everyday lives.

And I can relate this show to the larger mysteries of life as well. At any given point on our journey, we are being handed a bag of "ingredients," and let me tell you, some of them are more mysterious than others. For instance, right now, my Life Ingredients include: a loving husband, grief work for Lis and Sasha, a growing business/work that I love, and chemo treatments that are sapping my energy. How do I combine these four things into my life in a way that brings me balance and inner peace? How do these mystery ingredients come together to make meaning, to activate growth, to bring me closer to myself, others and Spirit?


Stop this week and take a step back from your life.

Make a list of the 3-4 main "Mystery Ingredients" that are on your plate right now.

Keep your list out where you can see it often.

What are some ways that you can work with all of these ingredients you've been given in order to bring about more growth and meaning in your life?

Do a reading with your SoulCollage® deck to help you sort out some answers to the above question.

And relax! Unlike in Chopped, no one is judging you. It's all about noticing, being aware, and falling in love with yourself over and over again.





MoreSoulCollage®

FunFind a SoulCollage® facilitator near you.

Find out about becoming a SoulCollage® facilitator.

Sign up for Soul Songs, the free monthly SoulCollage® newsletter.

Take a peek at the KaleidoSoul Community Group over at Yahoo.

Try out one of our popular SoulCollage® e-courses. Get in touch with your inner artist, explore one of the SoulCollage® suits in more detail. Get to know yourself better!

See what’s for sale at the KaleidoSoul Shop . Great deals on mat boards, e-courses, and images await you.

If you liked this volume of Inner Journeys by Anne Marie Bennett, you might also like Volumes 1 and 2, on this page of the KaleidoSoul Shop.




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Journey Through the Chakras: First Chakra€¦ · Web view44 (Still More!) Short & Sweet Essays....

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Transcript of Journey Through the Chakras: First Chakra€¦ · Web view44 (Still More!) Short & Sweet Essays....