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theAGGIE College Stations Finest News Sourc

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Little over a year ago not many

people had heard of the name Johnny

Manziel. But a few months and a few

football games later, the Johnny

Football craze was sweeping the

nation. This high flying, pocket

scrambling, outspoken quarterback of

the Aggies was beating down the

southeastern conference (well except

for Florida and LSU but we wont talk

The Ascent

Johnnys onCampus!

Aggie Weather

Its a cool 97

degrees Fahrenheit.

Also, its another31 days until

Johnny comes back

to campus.

The iPhone

weather app

For the first time in months

Johnny Football steps foot

on the campus of Texas A&M

Johnnys Schedule

Throw FootballMon.

Run FootballTue.

Sleep FootballWed.

Defecate FootballThur.

TouchdownFri.

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more on 2

over twitter and social media;

posting pictures of crazy

Halloween costumes and

parties to the delight of

everyone watching. Hebalanced all of this with being

a student at a highly ranked

public university- Texas A&M

University. He must be great at

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theAggie April 19, 201

It can be a tough life living in the

shoes of Texas A&M football

phenom Johnny Manziel. I wake

up in the morning and I have so

many texts, snapchats, tweets,

and Facebook pokes from

sorority girls I cant get to them

all, says Manziel. When asked

about how he handles the

pressures of all the attractive co-

eds he says, taking all online

classes and not actually going to

campus helps, other times I

wear sunglasses and try to

convince people that Im not

Johnny Football, but usually my

big head (literally and

figuratively) give it away. If you

havent seen it (see: head) then

you haventlived, Johnny

added. Just this Tuesday his

package from fakeidman.com

suddenly disappeared. I think

some girl took it - I dont even

know how that package got to m

door. First my mail, what is

going to disappear next? Alread

forced off campus, and now he

cant even receive mysterious

packages. These co-eds are

causin more trouble than the

Johnny Recalls Prison

Experience

What is it like to get in a fist-fight

with a 47 year-old man? All I

know is that I kicked his ass,

said Johnny. Further probing

about his night, we asked how

jail went. Well it wasnt that bad

the food sure was better than thfood at A&M., he replied. He wa

released the next day;

unfortunately his 8 fake IDs we

not released with him. Its ok, he

probably learned his lesson

right?

Johnnys Problems: There are so many girls that loveme I dont know what to do problem

I love my

girlfriends

-Johnny Football

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theAggie April 19, 201

Johnny Goes to ClassJohnny goes to class?

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Since a Johnny sighting is a rare

occasion, I took the opportunity to sit

down with the legend and ask him a

few pressing questions.

Q: So how are you enjoying the

campus of Texas A&M on this

beautiful April day?

A: Its nice to finally see the place Iusually only see in pictures.

Q: So how do your online classes

compare to actual classes at the

university?

A: Well they are easier of course- I ge

to use Google.

Q: Do you feel that you are getting

the full Texas A&M student

experience?

A: I am getting to play football right?

And they are paying me to go here

(tuition).

Q: Do you feel that you are

undermining the university system b

bypassing the traditional A&M

education?

(continued)

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theAggie April 19, 201

We then headed over to the Jack

K. Williams administration

building to talk to a

representative of the university

about this unique situation

regarding Manziel.

Q: How in the universitys mind

is this system improving the

education of their student

athletes?

A: We are simply using the

technology of this new day and

age.

Q: Does the administration see

this as a problem?

A: I think Texas A&M is on the

forefront of education

techniques.

Q: How exactly is this attitude

addressing the fact that student

athletes graduate at 32.4

percentage points lower than

regular students across the

country?2

A: This is an easy one... his

classes are easier which gives

him a better chance at

graduating.

Q: But at what point does a

university become less of a place

for an education and more of a

football factory?

A: We are obviously a university;

if this were a football factor we

Breaking News!

Johnny Football is

a sophomore!

I honestly had no Idea.

People kept telling me

that I was a freshman.

Are they going to take

away my Heisman? (We

later informed Johnny

what being red-shirted

Johnny Football

Tragedy Strikes

Just the other day Johnny

Manziel announced it- he was

going to stop tweeting.

According to Manziel he

needed to just shut it all off.

But why Johnny? WHY? So

many loyal twitter followers.

You are just going to abandon

us - just leave us out to dry.

To help cope with our loss we

should reflect on Johnnys

most enlightening tweets:

"Started from the bottom nowthe whole team here...yuhhh"

Nothing illegal about being18+ in a casino and winningmoney...KEEP HATING!

Bought myself a littlebirthday present tonight stop

Obviously Johnny has started

from the bottom of the depth

chart and now hes starting. He

also likes to gamble his money?

And apparently he gets really

annoyed when people are

hating on him. Some of these

tweets have changed my life

forever. There will forever be a

hole in my heart where

Johnnys twitter account

belongs. Now that Johnny has

stopped tweeting who else is

going to stop? Justin Beiber?

Edit: Sources confirm that after

two weeks of fasting Manziel is

back on twitter.

Young dude just tyryn win

here again, if I like her I just fly

her to the city Im in. I gotta

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https://twitter.com/search?q=%23HEATvsMAVS&src=hash

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theAggie April 19, 201

I like burnt orange

-Johnny Football

Johnny Longhorn?

The picture to your right shows our lovely

Johnny Football sporting a Texas Longhorn tattoo.

Controversy? Yes. Drama? Check. The perpetrator

was recently overheard saying, I like how the hornsconnect to both sides of the head. Whats this

supposed to mean Johnny? I thought we were

friends. College Station is the place to be right?

Austin is so lame. Its only the live music capital of

the world; Austin can stay weird for all I care. All I

want is my Johnny back. Johnny please get a tattoo

of a thumbs up (our Aggie hand sign) and put it right

over that longhorn. Then we can welcome you backwith o en arms.3

Dr. Dietel-McLaughlin205 Coleman Morse

[Notre Dame], [IN][46556]

[Sources]1.http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/college/call-johnny-heisman-article-1.1215234

2.http://www.athleticbusiness.com/articles/article.aspx?articleid=3830&zoneid=8

3.http://gamedayr.com/gamedayr/johnny-manziel-spring-break-beer-pong-shorts/

4.http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1411249-who-is-johnny-manziel-mugshot-arrest-over-the-summer-falling-by-wayside

5.http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/johnny-manziel-lights-dallas-nightclub-buxom-blonde-article-1.1234798

6.http://collegefootball.ap.org/columbian/content/manziel-first-freshman-win-heisman-trophy

7.http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1582592-johnny-manziel-leaves-twitter-nation-mourns-loss-of-social-media-giant

8.http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikeozanian/2012/12/09/winning-heisman-trophy-winner-manziel-punished-by-ncaa-and-nfl/

9.http://throwtheflagblog.com/2013/02/johnny-manziel-is-partying-for-mardi-gras/

10.http://bm52.com/2013/01/texas-am-university-logo.html

11.http://blog.al.com/national/2012/12/heisman_trophy_debate_making_a.html

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