Joan Rivers Quotes: 10 Quotes To Remember This Sharp Tongued Hilarious Comedian

1.Yesterday is history,

tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's

why we call it the present.

2.I succeeded by

saying what everyone else

is thinking.

3.I enjoy life when

things are happening. I don't

care if it's good things or bad

things. That means you're alive. Things

are happening.

4.I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was

'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my

husband and I slept in bunk beds.

5.Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until

you feel as deeply in your spirit as

you think in your mind that the

counsel is wise.

6.I told my

mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said,

'Get the hell off my property.'

7.I'm in nobody's

circle, I've always been an

outsider.

8.Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us

with anything else, and we

strive to swim on top.

9.It's so long

since I've had sex I've

forgotten who ties up who.

10.I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my

body to Tupperware.

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