Act 1-In Flames:

1990:

-As dawn beckons, an 8 year old boy arises from bed being drawn to the rear window of his family home, by the sound of hellish screams. With his hands now pressed firmly against the glass he stares out into the backyard, as the atmosphere becomes saturated with a deep red.

[ Upon the pool water’s surface the reflection from above creates an illusion of blood ]

-Observing as hell spawn hover beneath the bloodied clouds, the boy becomes fearful when they swoop down in his direction, and project flames from their hands. With each of his breaths becoming more frantic, he then desperately seeks refuge behind the rear door, as to become unseen to the enemy.-Moments later the hellish screams seemingly subside, and the boy then re-approaches the window cautiously, in the vain hope they have taken their leave. Slowly, he peers out to be met beyond the the glass with a solitary hell spawn, which greets him with a devilish grin as it penetrates his soul.-Now paralysed with fear, the boy becomes engulfed in flames and lets out a desperate cry.

[ Darkness ]

Current day (2014):

-Suddenly awakening from his slumber, Andy feels his heart palpitating as he quickly sits up in bed, and wipes sweat from his brow:

Andy:

“Shit...”

[ It was just a dream ]

[ The alarm clock sounds, it’s 6:00am ]

-Perturbed by the incessant noise, Andy bashes the clock with his fist like a hammer, rendering it useless.-With a discontented grunt as he reaches over to the bedside table to pick up a notepad and pen, Andy proceeds to jot something down. Thereupon with a swift, strong stroke of the hand he underlines these words; Alarm Clock.-Andy arises from bed and turns the light on in his room, creating a narrow, illuminated path as he opens the door. He then makes his way along this path into the kitchen, fetching a bottle of distilled water from the fridge.-Unbeknownst to Andy, a shadowy figure looms behind him, and as he takes a sip from the bottle he is greeted with a gentle tap on his shoulder. Startled, he drops the bottle and water spills across the floor.-Andy turns quickly to catch a glimpse of this unexpected visitor, only to find that no one is there:

Andy:

“I should have never agreed to take on this assignment...”

:::End Act 1: Begin title sequence:::

Act 2-Piss Take:

-Andy tidies himself up, and dresses in a janitor's uniform with a name badge reading; “Jacob”, neatly stitched on a polo shirt which is left untucked. Shortly thereafter, he descends the stairs to the ground floor of the apartment complex where he resides. -Continuing out the front exit to his vehicle; a 1975 Buick Riviera, Andy looks around cautiously to ensure no one is watching, and opens the boot to examine equipment he has stored inside a hidden compartment.-Satisfied that everything is in good order, Andy shuts the boot then enters the vehicle, and starts on his way to the Sturt & Arbridge law firm.

~7:15am~

-Arriving at Sturt & Arbridge, Andy makes his way to the rear of the building, revealing an unused lot of land, where a section of the surrounding fence is missing. There he parks his vehicle, and disembarks to once again examine the contents of the hidden compartment, from which he procures a suppressed Beretta M9. The gun is then holstered at the back of his trousers, and he proceeds to the rear entrance of the firm.-As Andy approaches the door he produces a set of keys from his right trouser pocket and unlocks it, therein gathering janitorial equipment from a utility closet.

~7:30am~

-Whilst Andy undertakes janitorial duties in the gentlemen's wash room; a sizable man in his mid 30s, wearing business attire enters, and casts an expectant glance toward him.-Andy nods in recognition then proceeds to lock the door from the inside, and continues to sanitise the area:

Andy:

“Mr Tenzano, nice to see you again.”

Mr Tenzano:

“Likewise, Jacob. How's the family?”

Andy:

“Yeah, they are holding up alright considering the accident and all...”

Mr Tenzano:

“It must break your heart to watch someone die so young...I couldn't imagine...”

-Andy nods in agreement:

Mr Tenzano:

“Do you mind?”

-Mr Tenzano taps the side of his nose:

Andy:

“I know your routine by now, everything is cool.”

Mr Tenzano:

“Jacob, I know I say this consistently on a mostly daily basis, but I can't have Sturt or Arbridge finding out about this “routine” of mine, or my career is finished. There's not a law firm in the country that would hire me again if this becomes public knowledge.”

Andy:

“Don't worry, Mr Tenzano. Your secret's safe with me.”

Mr Tenzano:

“That's what I like about you, Jacob. You don't fuck with other people's business.”

-Mr Tenzano turns to the wash basin producing a small bag of cocaine he had concealed inside his jacket. He thereupon carefully pours a small amount of said cocaine onto the basin table top, creating a neat line, and proceeds to snort it up his nose:

Mr Tenzano:

“Vastly superior to caffeine.”

“Would you care for a line? It's quite a rush.”

Andy:

“No thanks.”

-Mr Tenzano nods acceptingly and returns the bag of cocaine to his jacket:

Mr Tenzano:

“I suddenly feel the urge to urinate. Excuse me one second.”

-Mr Tenzano approaches the urinal and unzips his fly. At the point that urine begins to stream, he suddenly feels a gun pressed firmly against the backside of his cranium:

Mr Tenzano:

“You can't be serious, Jacob. Is this about the Lungwitz case that created such a media frenzy? I'm just doing what I'm paid to do, it's my fucking job! Whether my clients are guilty or not is of no consequence. It's all about the pay cheque, and with high profile cases such as these, especially if you're victorious, it's ample...and the publicity...”

Andy:

“Please don't take this personally. You're a cool guy, but like you I'm just doing my job.”

Mr Tenzano:

“Can I at least know who hired you before you release a brain piercing bullet into my fucking skull?!”

-Andy maintains his composure:

Andy:

“I'm sorry. I can't reveal who or why, but I think you know this isn't just about the criminals you represent.”

-Mr Tenzano calms himself and nods knowingly:

Mr Tenzano:

“I guess it was just a matter of time...”

“Jacob, could you do me one last favour and allow me a phone call before you pull that trigger?”

-Andy reluctantly agrees to Mr Tenzano's request:

Mr Tenzano:

“Appreciated.”

”Now, if you look inside my left jacket pocket, you will find my cell phone.”

-Andy utilises his left hand to reach into Mr Tenzano's pocket, and acquires his cell phone:

Mr Tenzano:

“Kindly dial home for me and hold the phone up to my ear.”

-Andy looks puzzled:

Andy:

“What?...”

-Mr Tenzano laughs:

Mr Tenzano:

“How do you propose I make a phone call mid stream? I haven't emptied my bladder since last night, and I have to handle my package with both hands.”

-Andy looks down awkwardly at Mr Tenzano's package:

Andy:

“I see why you would need both hands, Mr Tenzano. Right now I'm suffering from penis envy.”

Mr Tenzano:

“Being so well endowed is a blessing and a curse.”

-Andy promptly searches through Mr Tenzano's contacts and dials “Home”. He thereupon proceeds to hold the phone up to Mr Tenzano's left ear as it dials out, and stands in complete silence when a woman answers the call:

Woman:

“Honey, is everything alright? You never call me from work...”

Mr Tenzano:

”Hey sweetheart, this is one of those rare occasions, and I'm afraid this occasion is not a happy one...”

Woman:

“Why? What's happening?...Chris?...”

-Mr Tenzano regretfully sighs:

Mr Tenzano:

“It's the end of the line for me sweetheart. I've done appalling things I never cared to divulge, and I'm finally getting what I deserve...Please forgive me, I love you...”

-The woman is heard crying as Andy lowers the phone from Mr Tenzano's ear, and disconnects the call.-Andy squeezes the trigger of the Beretta M9 gently, firing a bullet directly through Mr Tenzano's skull. At that instant, his now lifeless body falls softly to the ground afront of the urinal, mid stream.

:::End Act 2:::

Act 3-James Carrington:

~8:15am~

-Cruising home in his Buick Riviera, Andy narrowly avoids collision with a vehicle afront of him, as he catches a fleeting glimpse of a shadowy figure, dashing across the street. Shortly thereafter, he regains his composure and continues on his way:

Andy:

“I call bullshit on no artificial colours or preservatives.”

~9:00am~

-Now arriving outside the apartment complex, Andy parks his vehicle with great care. From which point upon disembarking and approaching the entrance, his cell phone rings.-Andy reaches into his left trouser pocket to acquire his cell phone, and answers the call. A man's voice is heard on the other end:

Man:

“Is it done?”

Andy:

“It's done.”

Man:

“Come by the restaurant at 12.”

-Andy hangs up the phone then proceeds through the entrance to the stairwell, and ascends to his apartment. Upon entering he takes his shirt off and slumps on the sofa to watch daytime television. Much to his disgust they are showing repeats of Oprah Winfrey. -Despite his discontentment with current viewing, Andy remains on the same channel, and within mere minutes falls asleep on the sofa.

~12:00pm~

-Arriving at the rear entrance of The Carrington, Andy is greeted by a guard who pats him down to check for any weapons. Upon verification that he is not holding the guard then leads him through the door, promptly locking it behind them.-Both the guard and Andy make their way through an unused kitchen, continuing to a seemingly empty dining area where the radio is playing. Therein from a dimly lit corner a man's voice is heard over the music:

Man:

“Thanks, Dave. Now get back outside and keep watch for me.”

[ The guard returns to his post aback of the restaurant, and lights up a cigarette ]

-Andy approaches the aforementioned dimly lit corner; revealing a sharply dressed, middle aged man with receding hairline, seated at a table:

Man:

“Andy, take a seat.”

-Andy obliges and seats himself opposite the man:

Man:

“Would you like a drink?”

Andy:

“No thanks, Mr Carrington.”

-Mr Carrington takes a swig from a snifter of Bourbon:

Mr Carrington:

“Thanks for doing this last job for me, Andy. It means a hell of a lot, especially considering your planned retirement. I wouldn't have requested you to take this on, but there was no convincing the others due to the personal nature of this assignment. I'll have payment ready for you tomorrow.”

Andy:

“No problem.”

Mr Carrington:

“As for Mr Tenzano, how did you leave him?”

Andy:

“With a hole in his head, covered in his own urine.”

-Mr Carrington laughs:

Mr Carrington:

“Our client was hoping for Mr Tenzano to be humiliated in his own death.”

“So what do you think?”

-Andy looks confused:

Andy:

“What do I think?...”

Mr Carrington:

“About the restaurant. Do you think it's coming along nicely?”

Andy:

“Oh yeah, no, It's looking good, Mr Carrington. Still no date for the opening?”

Mr Carrington:

“Still no. Refurbishment has been held back for another 3 months, so no work is being done at this stage. It's beginning to be piss me off because I have the money, but apparently the construction company doesn't have the time! In saying that, temporarily at least it gives me somewhere I can be with my own thoughts.”

-Mr Carrington takes another swig from his snifter, at that point emptying its contents. He then places it back down, firmly on the table:

Andy:

“I won't ask...”

Mr Carrington:

“And Andy, I told you so many times to stop calling me Mr Carrington. I've known you since you were a prepubescent little shit head. So please, enough with the formalities. Call me James.”

Andy:

“So, JAMES. Any luck finding my replacement yet?”

-Mr Carrington shakes his head:

Mr Carrington:

“Putting all business aside, how's life in general?”

Andy:

“Everything is cool.”

Mr Carrington:

“So what are your plans now that you've retired?”

Andy:

“I've already booked a ticket to London. I'll buy a house over there and settle down. You know, start over.”

Mr Carrington:

“But, what will you do with your car when you leave the country? It's your most treasured possession.”

Andy:

“As you know I inherited it when my parents passed away, it's all they had to their names. I love that car and it's served me well, but for myself there's not so many fond memories attached to it. Mostly death, and I'm moving on from this business of death...”

Mr Carrington:

“Where are you headed with this, Andy?”

Andy:

“I want you to have it.”

Mr Carrington:

“I couldn't possibly accept that. It must at least have some sentimental value to you.”

Andy:

“It's cool. Consider it my gift to you, Mr Carrington, James, for everything you've done. You took me in when no one else would. Besides, I'm over being sentimental. I'm learning to move forward with my life.”

Mr Carrington:

“If you insist on it I will take good care of it for you, Andy. I promise I'll try my best not to stain the interior when I take my wife out for a ride.”

-Andy chuckles to himself:

Andy:

“Aren't you a bit old to be screwing around in the back seat of a car?”

Mr Carrington:

“You might be surprised. I'm still quite active for my age, and my wife, she has no complaints.”

-Andy raises his eyebrows mockingly:

Mr Carrington:

“Brushing all bullshit aside, Andy, I admire your strength. I couldn't possibly imagine what it was like for a 12 year old to be living out of a car in such a derelict neighbourhood. You've come a long way since the day I found you smoking a joint in the back seat.”

-Mr Carrington reaches over to acquire an extra snifter, and a but slightly emptied bottle of Bourbon from a tray centred on the table. He thereupon pours two serves of the alcoholic beverage, and passes one over to Andy:

Mr Carrington:

“This time I insist.”

“To your retirement!”

-Andy follows suit as Mr Carrington raises his drink:

Mr Carrington:

“Scull!”

-Andy & Mr Carrington quickly scull their snifters in unison, and slam them down on the table:

Andy:

“Sculling Bourbon always gives me a head rush.”

Mr Carrington:

“You never could handle your alcohol.”

-As laughter between them ensues, Andy briefly observes a shadow, seeping into that of which is cast by Mr Carrington under the dim light.-Passing it off as an alcohol induced hallucination, Andy regains his focus on Mr Carrington's face, and laughing ceases soon thereafter:

Andy:

“I want you to know I appreciate everything, James. I love you, man.”

-Mr Carrington rises from his seat and approaches Andy with open arms:

Mr Carrington:

“Give me a hug you sappy bastard.”

-Standing to the occasion, Andy reaches in to share a friendly embrace with Mr Carrington:

Mr Carrington:

“Take care of yourself, alright?”

“I'm going to miss you, Andy. You're a good man.”

-Without warning, Mr Carrington abruptly snaps Andy's neck.

[ Darkness ]

:::End Act 3:::

Act 4-The White Room:

-Andy regains consciousness to find himself laying down in complete darkness, surrounded by silence. Becoming distressed he gets up on his feet, and attempts to shout, hoping to gain someone's attention, only to discover he is unable to speak. He thereupon strikes the palms of his hands together in an attempt to produce sound, at that point realising he has entered an inaudible environment.-With no sense or understanding of where he may be, Andy walks in a northward direction, unknowingly drawing further into a vast emptiness.

[ Andy has now entered into a world where the passage of time is accelerated. Therefore hours pass in minutes, and days pass in hours ]

~A few days later~

-Andy feels he is getting nowhere as he loses himself further into the darkness, when he suddenly notices a luminescent, humanoid figure standing in the distance.-In a desperate state, Andy runs toward the figure as it remains stationary. However the closer he approaches, the further it seems.-Giving up his pursuit, Andy stops to find himself standing near the edge of a cliff, with a sea of glistening, blue diamonds awaiting him below.-Awestruck by its sheer beauty, Andy walks nearer to the edge as to attain a better view, only to be interrupted by the feeling of a presence nearby. Cautiously backing off from the cliff's edge, he turns to see what is approaching from the dark landscape. Once again, the luminescent being makes itself known.-The humanoid runs toward the edge of the cliff as if to jump and Andy rushes in to stop it. He is too late however, as he watches helplessly when the humanoid falls into the diamond sea.-As soon as the luminescent being impacts with the diamonds below, there is an abrupt wave of blue light, and the sea of diamonds then shift into the shape of Mr Carrington's face. Overwhelmed with emotion at this display, Andy falls to his knees. A circular object is then spat out of Mr Carrington's mouth, landing directly afront of him.-Andy's attention becomes drawn to the object as it illuminates, he then reaches down to pick it up carefully with his left hand. Upon closer observation it is discovered to be a seemingly broken compass.-Using his right index finger, Andy taps the face of the device hoping to provoke a reaction. At that instant, a burst of light spreads throughout the darkness, creating a luminescent, earth like environment against the pitch black canvas.-Andy feels a slight burning sensation down his left arm as the device disappears from his hand. He thereupon twists his arm around to the underside, observing as an illuminated blue compass becomes imprinted on his wrist.-The needle on the compass starts spinning in an anti-clockwise direction, and within a brief moment's time it abruptly stops, pointing toward the north east. Andy then gathers himself and starts on his feet to the heading indicated. Upon his journey forth he observes a vast array of luminescent environments, including that of complex city scapes and natural wonders.

~A month later~

-Andy reaches his destination, finding himself at the centre of a suburban parkland. There he sees before him a volcano enclosed in a sizeable, glass sphere structure, afloat six feet above ground. He then approaches said structure for a closer look at its centrepiece, and circles around it.-Upon completing a full circle, an indentation of a left hand appears on the glass afront of him. With his curiosity now peaked, Andy places his own hand into the indentation, finding it to be a perfect fit. The volcano thereupon erupts, seeping lava, which fills the sphere completely.-Andy begins circling the structure once more for further inspection, this time an indentation of a right hand appears half way around its circumference. Placing his hand into the newly formed indentation, he then steps back and observes from a safe distance, as the glass sphere shatters, leaving a ball of hot, molten lava afloat.-A hole then appears at the centre of the ball and begins to contract. At the point of reaching its thirteenth contraction, a large, luminescent whale is spat out into the air. The airborne whale then swims toward Andy, lowering itself to the ground as if to invite him to sit upon it. -Making his way around to the right hand side of the whale, Andy lifts himself upon its back. He then spreads his arms out wide to hold on to the creature.-The whale ascends into the air, and swims above the luminescent landscape in a north westerly direction, taking Andy to his next destination.

~The next day of night~

-Slowly descending as he arrives at the edge of darkness, Andy then climbs down from the whale when it lands safely on the ground. Shortly thereafter, the whale ascends slightly and darts forward, suddenly bursting into a ball of light which explodes, and transforms into an illuminated white door.-Now feeling a slight tingling sensation down his left arm, Andy twists it over to observe as the compass imprinted on his wrist, dulls slowly, taking on the appearance of a black ink tattoo.-Andy thereupon proceeds to the door afront of him with great caution, becoming fearful as it opens by itself. However, overcoming this feeling of dread he steps through the doorway into a darkened room. A slow creaking from the hinges is then heard as the door shuts itself behind him. At that instant, the room becomes an illuminated white as light from an unknown source saturates the area, revealing a now fully formed environment.

-Andy becomes emotionally distraught upon the immediate discovery of the lifeless bodies of a naked man and woman, hung from the ceiling by the neck. He then approaches near the bodies as he notices a piece of folded paper lying beneath them on the floor. Reaching down to acquire the paper he carefully unfolds it, revealing a note:

“You were our biggest mistake.”

-Andy thereupon rips the note to shreds, and falls to his knees, with tears now streaming down his face as he hugs his mother's ankles:

Andy:

“I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry...Everything is my fault.”

“I wish there was a way I could make it up to you.”

-As a familiar male voice is heard whispering his name, Andy raises his head and looks up to his father, whose eyes gaze down upon him. Andy's father then opens his mouth as his face becomes animated, and continues to speak:

Andy's Father:

“The only way is to kill yourself .”

Andy:

“No, I can't.”

Andy's Father:

“Yes you can, son and you will. To set things right.”

“Did you ever love us?”

Andy:

“Of course I did...I do.”

Andy's Father:

“Then do this for us, for your mother & I, Andy. You deserve to die just as we did. You have to take responsibility for our deaths.”

-Wracked with guilt, and overcome with an inexplicable urge to take his own life, Andy arises to quickly scan the room for anything of use in his plight to die. At which point he comes to realise that the room is in fact empty, bar the two bodies hanging from the ceiling.-Andy paces the room as his emotional state worsens, and he becomes increasingly agitated. He thereupon starts hitting himself in the head with the palm of his hand as he curses.

~A week later~

-Sitting in a corner of the room with his head down, and sobbing as he hugs his knees, Andy's body begins to convulse. Shortly thereafter, the light flickers off then on and the convulsions abruptly cease.-Andy raises his head and looks to the centre of the room, discovering the two suspended corpses have now disappeared. However, his attention becomes drawn to four words written in blood on the wall across from him:

“Die you useless cunt!”

-Noticing a desk with drawer under the aforementioned words, Andy arises to his feet and approaches it slowly. He then reaches down to open the drawer, revealing a suppressed Beretta M9 laying inside.-Andy picks up the gun, and releases the safety as he presses it against the right side of his cranium. With his hands now trembling, he slowly begins to squeeze the trigger. However, at that final moment, Andy hears the voice of his inner self as it shouts:

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

-Coming to realise his intended actions, Andy releases the trigger, and proceeds to place the gun back inside the drawer. His body then becomes paralysed as a shadowy figure approaches him from behind.-With an overwhelming feeling of dread as the figure gets closer, Andy closes his eyes when the palm of its hand is felt upon his head. He thereupon attains a sudden state of peace within himself, and with the darkness now behind him.

:::End Act 4:::

Act 5-J.F.C:

-Andy opens his eyes when the figure's hand is soon lifted from his head. He then observes as the now seemingly empty room narrows and lengthens, transforming itself into a passageway. Taking a few steps forward he feels a presence lingering, and turns his head back to see Mr Tenzano, who greets him with a sly grin.-Unperturbed, Andy proceeds down the passage, shortly reaching the end at which he passes through a doorway. From that point he finds himself in a well lit living room, with a feeling of vague familiarity.-Disturbed by the ambience, Andy soon becomes anxious, as Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah is heard playing from a stereo, atop a Hi Fi shelf to his left.-Andy thereupon approaches the system, and presses stop on the CD panel, the music however, continues to play. Becoming panicked, he then pushes the power button frantically to switch off the unit, but his attempts again prove useless. With his state of anxiety now heightened, he reaches behind the stereo to pull out the power plug, and again this is to no avail as the song proceeds.-At that point, Andy's attention becomes drawn to a middle aged woman, seated on a French sofa bed nearby. He looks at the woman knowingly, and calmly seats himself next to her. With tearful eyes now focused on a CRT television set, they observe moving images of an infant child, crawling in darkness.-Shortly thereafter when the tears subside, Andy's focus turns to the front window. He thereupon arises from the sofa, and approaches it slowly, as the woman continues viewing the television. A white tunnel of light then passes through the glass; and the bust of a youthful, bearded man with long, golden brown hair appears at its centre.-The man reaches his right hand out invitingly. Andy accepts this invitation, and is suddenly flown through the vortex with his eyes covered, as the presence of evil is heard lurking on the outer.-Arriving on the other side of the tunnel, the man fades into non-existence when Andy opens his eyes to find himself on a silent, darkened stage. Therein a spotlight is focused on a single stool, and when he approaches to sit himself down he is welcomed by the familiar smell of marijuana, as a small cloud of smoke seeps into the light.-Andy looks awkwardly when a second spotlight is shone on a stool opposite him; upon which a youthful, clean cut man with long brown hair, wearing a crown of thorns, is seated comfortably in the nude.-The man inhales smoke from a small bong held in his left hand, and greets Andy with a smile:

Man:

“Andy Marterson! How are you bro?”

Andy:

“Uh..I'm ok. Where the hell am I? How did I get here?”

Man:

“Where you are, or how you got here isn't of the greatest importance right now. The question you should be asking is; “Can I have a smoke?” In answer to that question; it's cool, Andy, of course you can.”

-The man then passes the bong over to Andy, who proceeds to smoke from it:

Andy:

“Thanks, Man.”

“By the way, what's up with...”

-Andy points and waves his right index finger around in the man's direction:

Man:

“Come on, man. I thought the crown of thorns was blatantly obvious.”

-The man looks at Andy expectantly:

Andy:

“Jesus fucking Christ!”

Jesus:

“Damn right, bro.”

“Now, can I have my bong back?”

Andy:

“Oh yeah, sure.”

-Andy passes the bong back over to Jesus, and looks at him confusingly:

Andy:

“You're not exactly what I imagined...”

Jesus:

“I get that a lot. People are always surprised to discover that I smoke dope, no one considers I was a human being like the rest of you while I roamed the earth. I mean sure I'm the fucking Messiah, and my body was filled with the holy spirit, but that never denied me allowance to indulge in some earthly pleasures. Sometimes even the Messiah needs a fucking break, so I'd chill out with my buddy disciples, and we'd smoke a bong or two while we talk shit. As it turns out I enjoy smoking, so I continue to do it. Is that such a fucking hard thing for people to accept?!”

Andy:

“It's cool, man. Why are you so wired?”

Jesus:

“Wired? Fuck you, Andy! Yes, maybe I am a little stressed, but wouldn't you be in my circumstance? I'm the one true Messiah, yet I find myself under constant scrutiny despite my sacrifice for all you ungrateful arse holes. I was king of the mother fucking Jews for my sake. I even had my foreskin cut off to appease those bastards, though they still deny me as their true Messiah, along with half the earth's population. I tried my best to teach you all about spirituality, but you're so attached to the material aspects of life. What more can a man do but die for the sake of other's souls?!”

Andy:

“Ok ok, calm the fuck down, I get your point!...Jesus.”

“Can we get back to my initial question?”

Jesus:

“You're dead you perceptive son of a bitch, and before you ask, you're in neither heaven or hell. Those places don't even truly exist.”

Andy:

“Jesus Christ! Could you speak to me with a little more respect?”

Jesus:

“I will as long as you stop using my name in vain!”

Andy:

“Ok, I apologise.”

Jesus:

“Accepted. I'm sorry too, bro. I've been under so much fucking stress.”

“We cool?”

Andy:

“We're cool.”

-Jesus has another smoke from his bong to calm his nerves:

Jesus:

“As to answer your question more seriously, after you died you passed on to another of five planes of existence, Andy. Most people are only aware of this on a subconscious level, however, spiritual beings are multidimensional. So not only are there multiple versions of oneself connected throughout the universe by one's consciousness, but if one can learn to harness their spiritual energies they can travel between dimensions at will. It's also possible to communicate with oneself from another dimensional plane. That's pretty fucking awesome right?”

Andy:

“You expect me to believe this bullshit?”

Jesus:

“Man, how do you think I enacted my own resurrection? Having the knowledge that we are multidimensional enabled me to do so. Andy, I know this whole concept is a lot to take in, but I assure you, I'm not speaking bullshit. You're physically dead on earth, but you're here conversing with me. How the fuck do you explain that?”

Andy:

“The only rational explanation is that I'm hallucinating. I'm probably in a hospital bed right now being fed through a fucking tube! There's no way any of this can be real!”

Jesus:

“The spiritual is not considered rational.”

Andy:

“Alright, alright. I believe you.”

“Why are you telling me all of this anyway?”

Jesus:

“I want to offer you a chance to redeem yourself. If you do as I say and assist me in vanquishing evil throughout the dimensions, I will ensure your place in a peaceful plane of existence. Otherwise I will imprison your complete fucking consciousness in limbo for all the sins you have committed.”

Andy:

“Limbo?...”

Jesus:

“Limbo is a plane of existence where there is nothing but a vast emptiness. You will be forever alone with your own consciousness in complete darkness.”

Andy:

“So, how long would I have to serve you if I take up your offer?”

Jesus:

“Roughly a thousand years. Give or take a few.”

Andy:

“Better than an eternity in limbo, I guess...”

Jesus:

“We have an agreement then?”

Andy:

“You haven't left me with much choice.”

Jesus:

“Alright. Before we begin there's just a couple of things I need to tell you. Firstly, see that compass on your left wrist?

-Andy twists his left arm over and looks at the compass confusingly:

Jesus:

“It will illuminate when I send you the spiritual energy pattern of your next target. This will lead you to a dimensional doorway you can pass through based on that energy pattern.”

Andy:

“Couldn't you just teach me to travel between dimensions using my own spiritual energies?”

Jesus:

“Once you agreed to my terms, the link between other parts of your consciousness was broken. You will be unaware of your existence in other dimensions, therefore unable to travel at will. This is to ensure the dark parts of your consciousness cannot manipulate you. Plus it's a fuck load easier for me to keep you in line.”

Andy:

“Fair enough. What else do I need to know?”

Jesus:

“Your sense of sight has been manipulated so you won't be able to recognise one's physical form. Once you leave this dimension all conscious beings will be distinguished by their spirits.”

Andy:

“So...When I take a woman home I won't know if she is physically attractive or not?”

Jesus:

“Andy, I think you'll find yourself to be a pretty useless fuck without genitals. So there's no need to concern yourself with such trivial bullshit.”

-Andy feels around his crotch to find his manhood still intact:

Andy:

“Arse hole!”

-Jesus laughs:

Jesus:

“Sorry, bro, I couldn't resist.”

“In answer to your question; you will be attracted to others on a purely spiritual basis. Anything else you'd like to know?”

Andy:

“Where am I expected to spend my days while I wait for your direction?”

Jesus:

“After completing your first assignment you'll be sent back to Earth. Just be aware that it will be impossible for you to inhabit your old body, and while you retain all memories of your life, it will be as though you never existed to those who once knew you.”

Andy:

“I feel like I'm getting the shit end of the stick, but there's just one more thing I need to know. Why did you choose me?”

Jesus:

“Because despite being a complete fuck up in life, Andy, your spirit is strong, and I could use a man of your talents.”

Andy:

“Ok, I really don't have any choice but to be cool with all this. So when do we start?”

Jesus:

“There is someone I need you to take care of as soon as possible...”

[ Darkness ]

The End!