Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

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BAR/BAT MITZVAH A supplement to the Jewish Standard · Summer 2016

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Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

Transcript of Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

Page 1: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

BAR/BATMITZVAH

A supplement to the Jewish Standard · Summer 2016

Page 2: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016
Page 3: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

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On the cover: 4Sixty6 Caterers in West Orange

The basics ....................................................... 4A 7-point guide to the traditional Jewish coming-of-age ceremony

Joyful Jewishing ............................................. 6Approaches to celebrating the bar/bat mitzvah

Oh, the places you go! ................................10

Talk the talk ..................................................12Crafting the best bar or bat mitzvah speech

Gratitude attitude ........................................14A little gesture made big impact

Food, glorious food .....................................16What’s being served up at the simcha

Twice as nice .................................................19Planning a celebration for more than one child

Dressing up ..................................................20Clothes make the man and the woman

Best-laid plans ..............................................22Ideas to help get the most from the party

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A 7-point guide to the traditional Jewish coming-of-age ceremonyRaBBI SHRaGa SIMMOnS

Caterer? Photographer? What is the essence of a bar or bat mitzvah? Here are the seven key points to know.

1. Bar mitzvah basicsFirst, let’s understand what the words “bar (or bat) mitzvah” actually mean. The phrase translates as “son (daughter) of commandment” — i.e. the young person becomes responsible to observe the com-mandments (mitzvot) of the Torah.

The purpose of the commandments is to keep our lives focused on what’s truly important: family, community, and a rela-tionship with God.

Although we commonly refer to “hav-ing” a bar mitzvah, technically speaking, this is impossible. The term “bar mitzvah” refers to a status, in the same way that being a student or parent is a status.

A Jewish boy automatically becomes bar mitzvah when he turns 13 years old, and a girl at age 12. (In general, girls tend to mature earlier than boys.)

On a deeper level, just as their bodies are growing and changing, so too their souls are growing and changing. Kabbalis-tic tradition says that a person’s spiritual being has several levels of soul. A new level of soul comes into awareness at bar/bat mitzvah time. This is the time when moral awareness and sensitivity fully develops, enabling young people to take responsi-bility for their actions.

One’s actions after reaching this stage of life are considered more significant for

another reason: The Talmud explains that a mitzvah performed because one is com-manded is considered greater than a mitz-vah performed voluntarily. This is because a person has a natural aversion to fulfilling an obligation. Overcoming this aversion is a sign of maturity, and this is what the bar/bat mitzvah celebrates — reaching the stage of obligation.

2. Synagogue eventOn Shabbat (and various other days), the Torah — a scroll containing the Five Books of Moses — is read publicly. The Torah is divided into 54 portions, following an annual cycle, with one portion read each week in the synagogue.

The weekly portion is further sub-divided into seven sections. At Shabbat morning services, people are called up and honored with saying the special bless-ings before and after the reading of each section.

The Torah is removed from the holy ark, and then carried to the bima, the raised platform from where the Torah is read. While the Torah is being carried, everyone stands out of respect.

Colloquially speaking, when people say, “I had a bar mitzvah,” it means that they had an aliyah to the Torah in synagogue. “Aliyah” means to “go up” to the bima.

The Torah scroll is meticulously written by hand by a God-fearing scribe. A num-ber of rules ensure that the Torah is writ-ten with perfect accuracy, thus maintain-ing the unbroken chain of tradition back to Mount Sinai.

On the Shabbat following his 13th

birthday, the young man is called up to the Torah. This calculation follows the Jewish calendar. At the conclusion of his final blessing, some synagogues have the custom to good-naturedly pelt the young man with candies.

At this point it is customary for the father to recite the following blessing: “Blessed is the One who has freed me from the punishment due this boy.”

Following this, the bar mitzvah boy reads a portion from the biblical prophets, called the haftorah. During a period of persecution 2,000 years ago, Jews were forbidden from reading the Torah, so they instituted a reading from the prophets that corresponds to the theme of that week’s Torah portion. The haftorah is read with a unique traditional melody.

Following services, the congre-gation usually joins in a kiddush, a small lunch that begins with a bless-ing over wine.

3. The receptionOne popular feature of the bar/bat mitzvah celebration is a reception. This should ideally be held on the day that the young man/woman becomes 13/12 years old. If necessary, the celebration may be postponed somewhat.

There are different practices regard-ing what is done at a bar mitzvah celebra-tion. It is proper for the young person to relate some Torah thoughts at the cel-ebration — i.e. the famous bar mitzvah speech. The speech usually contains ideas

from the weekly Torah portion, and emphasizes the young person’s commitment to Jewish values.

And what about that Titanic-themed party with Hollywood-style special effects? It’s important that the festivities should not become so ostentatious that the spiritual signifi-cance becomes secondary. The new adult should appreciate that this is a celebration of maturity and responsi-bility, a message that will carry through for the rest of their life.

4. The giftNow what about the ubiquitous bar mitzvah gift? In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walk-man, and today an iPod or another of the latest, greatest devices.

Those are just fine but there are much more meaningful gifts for a bar/bat mitz-vah. Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and

enables one to better perform the mitz-vot. (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.)

With that in mind, my favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every

Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regu-lar basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution — in your hometown or in Israel (every Jew’s “hometown”). There are beautiful tzeda-kah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here.

Thebasics

birthday, the young man is called up to the Torah. This calculation follows the Jewish calendar. At the conclusion of his final blessing, some synagogues have the custom to good-naturedly

At this point it is customary for the father to recite the following blessing: “Blessed is the One who has freed me

Following this, the bar mitzvah boy reads a portion from the biblical prophets, called the haftorah. During a period of persecution 2,000 years ago, Jews were forbidden from reading the Torah, so they instituted a reading from the prophets that corresponds to the theme of that week’s Torah portion. The haftorah is read with a

Following services, the congre-gation usually joins in a kiddush, a small lunch that begins with a bless-

One popular feature of the bar/bat mitzvah celebration is a reception. This should ideally be held on the day that the young man/woman becomes 13/12 years old. If necessary, the celebration may be postponed

from the weekly Torah portion, and emphasizes the young person’s commitment to Jewish values.

themed party with Hollywood-style special effects? It’s important that the festivities should not become so ostentatious that the spiritual signifi-cance becomes secondary. The new adult should appreciate that this is a celebration of maturity and responsi-bility, a message that will carry through for the rest of their life.

4. The giftNow what about the ubiquitous bar mitzvah gift? In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walk-man, and today an iPod or another of the latest, greatest devices.

Those are just fine but there are much more meaningful gifts for a bar/bat mitz-vah. Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and

enables one to better perform the mitz-vot. (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.)

Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regu-lar basis. The money can then be given to

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MazelTov!

The next obvious gift is a Jewish book. There are many hundreds of titles to choose from, so I’ve narrowed it down to the bar/bat mitzvah Top 10.

• Stone Chumash (published by ArtScroll), an excellent translation of the Five Books of Moses with running com-mentary on every page.

• Book of our Heritage by Rabbi Eliyahu Kitov (Feldheim), a beautiful overview of the Jewish holidays.

• The Bar Mitzvah Treasury, an illus-trated collection of customs and inspiring stories (by Rabbi Yonah Weinrib and Rabbi Yaakov Salomon; ArtScroll).

• The Thinking Teenagers Guide to Life by Rabbi Akiva Tatz (Targum), gripping essays on forging a path through life.

• Sand and Stars by Yaffa Ganz (ArtScroll), a two-volume book about Jewish history, written especially for teenagers.

• Shmooze by Rabbi Nechemia Cooper-smith, a fun book that provokes thoughtful discussions on essential Jewish issues.

• The Long Road to Freedom, by Avner Gold, an exciting historical novel filled with intrigue and insight into Jewish life.

• Bible for the Clueless But Curious by Rabbi Nachum Braverman (Leviathan), packed with wisdom on relationships, spirituality and more.

• Candles in my Window by Beth Fire-stone, a delightful fiction book about a young girl discovering her Judaism.

• Triumph, Aish.com’s popular book of inspiring true stories of challenge and spiritual growth.

If all else fails, you can always give money. It is a nice idea to give $18 (or some multiple thereof ), since the numeri-cal value of 18 in Hebrew is chai, which means life.

5. TefillinUpon reaching age 13, a boy begins the obligation to put on tefillin every day (except Shabbat and holidays).

Tefillin are two square, black leather

boxes, which contain parchments of Torah verses. Attached to each box are black leather straps. One of the boxes is worn on the bicep, and the other is worn on the front of the head.

The two boxes represent the two ways that we serve God in this world: thought (the head) and action (the arm). The arm-tefillin contains one parchment in one com-partment, whereas the head-tefillin is four parchments, each in its own separate com-partment. This is to signify that in service of God, the two powers must work congru-ently: We use the totality of our mind to gain the full perspective, and then we act with a singular clarity of purpose.

Inside each tefillin box are parchments containing four Torah sections, which speak about God’s unity, the obligation to observe the commandments, and the responsibility to transmit Judaism to our descendants.

If you’re really feeling generous, tefillin is a wonderful gift for a bar mitzvah boy. Own-ing a pair of tefillin (and wearing them!) is an important part of Jewish identity. But since they are expensive (about $400), not every bar mitzvah boy has a pair.

6. The first bar mitzvahNow here’s a Jewish trivia question: Who was the first person to have a bar mitzvah?

We could actually suggest three answers:1) Abraham — The first person to begin

observing some of the mitzvot was “the first Jew,” Abraham. However, he was older than age 13 when he started, so...

2) Isaac was the first person who was “Jewish” upon reaching age 13. The Torah writes, “And Abraham made a great party on the day” (Genesis 21:8), which the Midrash explains was a celebration for Isaac

becoming bar mitzvah.3) Mount Sinai — Only when the Torah

was given at Mount Sinai did Jews became truly obligated to observe the mitzvot. Therefore, the Sinai experience was actu-ally a mass bar/bat mitzvah of the entire Jewish people.

7. What’s next?Some have the misconception that Jew-ish practice is confined to the synagogue, or to an occasional holiday celebration at home. The truth is that Torah and mitzvot punctuate every moment of our lives: set-ting standards for business ethics, proper speech, honoring parents, what we eat, and even how to care for pets.

We refer to these laws as Torat Chaim, literally “instructions for living.” Torah is the ultimate “owner’s manual” for maxi-mizing our pleasure and potential in life.

Torah is a basis for life’s most important questions: How can I live a meaningful life? How can I build successful relation-ships, deal honestly in business, and fulfill my personal potential? How can I really make a difference in the world?

Torah study emphasizes building a ratio-nal basis of belief, to engage one’s mind, stimulate the intellect through questioning and debate, and thereby nourish the soul. It does not endorse a leap of faith, all-or-nothing decisions, or disengagement from the world.

The goal of any Jew is not only to study the Torah, but to become a “living Torah,” who embodies the lofty ideals of “love your neighbor,” “peace on earth,” “justice for all,” “universal education,” “all men are created equal,” “dignity of the individ-ual,” and “the preciousness of life.” These concepts all originate from the Torah, and these have defined the moral makeup of humanity.

In Jewish life, a bar/bat mitzvah does not represent the culmination of one’s Jewish education, but rather a stepping-stone to a more mature and profound relationship with Jewish learning.

This is illustrated by the following idea: If even one letter is missing from a Torah scroll, it is rendered invalid. According to tradition, each Jew corresponds to one let-ter in the Torah. This teaches that each and every one of us has an integral role to play in the future of the Jewish people.

Bar/bat mitzvah means to become educated, and to strengthen one’s Jew-ish pride through knowledge and under-standing. It means to grow Jewishly, one step at a time. It means standing up for Israel and respecting every Jew. It means taking responsibility for the world, using the Torah as our guide, because that is the mission of the Jewish people. And most of all, it means to love being Jewish.

Success in achieving these goals is what we wish for the bar/bat mitzvah, and the beginning of that journey is what we cel-ebrate on this joyous occasion.

Mazel tov! Aish.com

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Joyful JewishingApproaches to celebrating the bar/bat mitzvah

RaBBI GOLdIE MILGRaM

It is a mitzvah to provide a celebra-tory meal and entertainment for your guests. This party also honors the bar or bat mitzvah student’s hard work

and accomplishments in preparation for a meaningful life of mitzvah-centered liv-ing. Our sages ruled long ago in the com-pendium of Jewish law called the Shul-chan Aruch that bar mitzvah is every bit as much as a simcha, “joyful occasion,” as a wedding and declared that having a seu-dah shel mitzvah, “meal of the mitzvah,” is indeed an authentic component of the mitzvah of a bar or bat mitzvah.

Yet another mitzvah is embedded in the party and process of having family and friends come to witness and celebrate with you from distances near and far. This mitz-vah draws on our Middle Eastern origins all the way back to Abraham and Sarah and is known as hachnassat orchim, “welcoming guests,” a process that is gracious, confort-ing, and filled with attention to detail. From invitations to accommodations to apprecia-tions, the challenges of offering hospitality on a fairly large scale await most of those preparing a bar or bat mitzvah.

It is often said that the bar or bat mitz-vah party is a rite of passage for those who prepare it. Moving from making a mitzvah by attending to making a mitzvah by host-ing is in itself a major life-cycle transition. Given that one is piling the stress of plan-ning the party and receiving guests atop the many activities of daily living, it’s real-istic to experience these matters as rather daunting. This will help ease your way with systematic guidance and support for finding and sustaining your vision for cre-ating a memorable party.

How festive is appropriate?This is a question that families and com-

munities often ask. Let’s reframe this ques-tion: What kinds of festive are appropriate? A glimpse back in time to before World War II can help with this line of inquiry.

In Eastern Europe’s thriving Jewish culture, klezmorim, or village musicians, would bring the passion and pathos of Yiddish music, lyrics, and dance to every simcha. There was the Broom Dance, the Mitzvah Dance, many “klutz” dances–and at weddings, even a dance for having mar-ried off your last child.

And let’s not forget the badhanim, the rhymesters, clowning and satirizing; diversely skilled, sometimes bard-like characters that moved through Jewish

parties lightening hearts with newly worked gems and favorites for which the audience would call out. Some were also fine magicians, making doves appear and watches, scarves, and kopecks disappear.

Other badhanim had keen political and relationship satire as their comedic bent. In every age the Jewish political and social con-dition is somehow still distinct from those of other peoples. It is helpfully healthy to be able to mock ourselves lovingly; on Purim it is even a religious obligation.

Skillful humorists who can be clever without being cruel can contribute to mak-ing a great bar or bat mitzvah party. Of a desirable badhan, it has been said no guest should leave the presence of such a one with “dry eyes or dry pants.” Clearly, full-bellied laughter is indeed meant to be part of a Jewish party scene!

In some times and towns, graphic artists are known to have been present among the after-Shabbat bar or bat mitzvah party entertainers. Among popular items were silhouettes of guests that the artist made on the spot, cutting them out from black paper and presenting them to each enchanted recipient. These take-home mementos might have been the image of a whimsical cat or the like captured in tatted lace or needle pricked tin; or an elaborate paper-cut image of a Torah, Lion of Judah, Star of David, or other such symbols.

To this day a Sephardic tradition is to decorate with henna, a temporary red dye, the celebrant’s arms, hands, and some-times feet and cheeks with regional sym-bols of good fortune, birds and flowers.

Then there were the storytellers:

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Joyful JewishingApproaches to celebrating the bar/bat mitzvah

parties lightening hearts with newly worked gems and favorites for which the audience would call out. Some were also fine magicians, making doves appear and watches, scarves, and kopecks disappear.

Other badhanim had keen political and relationship satire as their comedic bent. In every age the Jewish political and social con-dition is somehow still distinct from those of other peoples. It is helpfully healthy to be able to mock ourselves lovingly; on Purim it is even a religious obligation.

Skillful humorists who can be clever without being cruel can contribute to mak-ing a great bar or bat mitzvah party. Of a desirable badhan, it has been said no guest should leave the presence of such a one with “dry eyes or dry pants.” Clearly, full-bellied laughter is indeed meant to be part of a Jewish party scene!

In some times and towns, graphic artists are known to have been present among the after-Shabbat bar or bat mitzvah party entertainers. Among popular items were silhouettes of guests that the artist made on the spot, cutting them out from black paper and presenting them to each enchanted recipient. These take-home mementos might have been the image of a whimsical cat or the like captured in tatted lace or needle pricked tin; or an elaborate paper-cut image of a Torah, Lion of Judah, Star of David, or other such symbols.

To this day a Sephardic tradition is to decorate with henna, a temporary red dye, the celebrant’s arms, hands, and some-times feet and cheeks with regional sym-bols of good fortune, birds and flowers.

Then there were the storytellers:

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maggidim (Hebrew) or dertzeylerin (Yid-dish). Imagine how the children would fly over when a storyteller entered a party, just far enough into festivities to be per-fect times for reddening eyes and sore little feet. Can you hear them begging for

favorite stories, settling down on the floor in a circle with eyes widening in wonder at the newest tale?

And guests offered many toasts in honor of and descriptive of the bar or bat mitz-vah initiate’s qualities, the challenges the student had to overcome, and apprecia-tion of familial hospitality. Some toasts

were invited in advance; many more were given when a guest rose spontaneously from his or her seat, hoisted a glass on high, and offered praise that rang truthful and straight from the heart.

In some regions guests were expected to bring their own compositions of poetry, music, or skits to entertain the bar or bat mitzvah initiate, who was placed in the seat of honor.

Neither was there a shortage of comple-mentary popular culture from outside Jewish life; classical pieces and regional folk dances were generally welcome. The magic was in the mix.

And who ever forgets being lifted aloft in a chair, quaking with joy and release at being honored by those who really mat-ter most!

Although the bar or bat mitzvah student likely opened the meal by chanting the kid-dush prayer over wine and hamotzi prayer over the bread, the closing blessings for this magical day would likely be the birkat hamazon, the blessing of nourishment, given perhaps by an uncle with an oper-atic voice or the community’s cantor, who

would belt it out in power and beauty.Perhaps some of the traditional ele-

ments just mentioned speak to your devel-oping vision for entertainment at the seu-dah shel mitzvah, the meal celebrating the one who has become a bar or bat mitzvah. And yes, there is plenty of room to include popular influences. Throughout Jewish history our people’s life-cycle events have often included components representing the larger cultural setting in which we live. Ragtime, swing, jazz, rock — new cultural evolutions of music — were and are wel-come and often expected complements to creating an atmosphere of celebration at a Jewish life-cycle event.

The real trick is getting a satisfying bal-ance of general and Jewish culture so that a bar or bat mitzvah party retains a memo-rably Jewish character and clarity of pur-pose that distinguishes it from a secular party event.

From “Reclaiming Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a Spirtual Rite of Passage” (Reclaiming Judaism Press).

Joyful from page 6

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1. Field of dreamsThe Chase Club at MetLife Stadium, in East Rutherford, is a popular venue for bar/bat mitzvah celebrations. They’re experts in the field of celebration.

2. Tradition and StyleTradition mixes with contemporary style at the Richfield Regency in Verona. Experience the ambiance of tastefully appointed surroundings and the hospitable services offered by its highly skilled and attentive staff of catering professionals.

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Oh, the places you go!Choosing the right venue is a very particular choice. You want a space and a place that will accommodate your guests, be convenient and reflect the kind of celebration that you want to have for your bar or bat mitzvah. Here is a look at a few.

3. Hoop dreamsClyde Frazier’s Wine and Dine, occupies a full city block in Manhattan, and is a great spot for sports lovers and others. Named and owned by the famous Knick, the venue features a real basketball court, and if you care, you can even have Clyde Frazier make an appearance at the party.

4. Much ElanThe Elan, a newly renovated catering hall located in the heart of Bergen County in Lodi, would be thrilled to host your bar or bat mitzvah. To learn more information and to schedule your site tour today, contact a sales manager at 973-777-0503.

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5. up and awayHelicopter ride anyone? Pleasantdale Chateau in West Orange features a helipad and uses a helicopter service to give guests a lift while they come to celebrate. For bar and bat mitzvahs, guests take a short ride around the facility during the cocktail hour.

6. Club Style discoBoasting the biggest disco ball in the state, 4Sixty6 Caterers in West Orange offers a club-style atmosphere in a very unique setting. Once a nightclub, now a venue for all sorts of events, it features state-of-the-art lighting, sound, video and more, including two dance floors, seven private cabanas and five bars.

7. Racing awayPole Position Raceway, the premier indoor electric kart racing experience, is located three miles from Manhattan. The 80,000 sq. ft., two-track facility is an exhilarating venue for Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s, Private Parties & Corporate Events. Groups from 10 — 525 receive VIP treatment with private rooms/areas, catering, arcade games, and more.

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Verona, nJ | 973-239-6234 | richfieldregency.com

A 50-year tradition of excellence makes Richfield Regency an ideal choice to host any of life’s most memorable events. Richfield Regency specializes in banquet catering for all special occasions including Weddings, Bat/Bar Mitzvahs, Sweet 16’s, and more. Our vast array of packages are tailor-made to fit a wide range of budgets, this includes an extensive Kosher catering menu (under Orthodox rabbinical supervision).

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Talk the talkCrafting the best bar or bat mitzvah speech

Your bar mitzvah is coming up, and you know what that means: delivering a speech in front of your family and all the guests gathered for the cer-emony. Before you book your ticket to Siberia,

reading about writing a speech is easier than you think. We’ll guide you through all the steps necessary to craft the

perfect bar/bat mitzvah speech.Here are the basics:

1. The IntroStart by offering a warm welcome to everyone joining in the ceremony and celebration. You can also tell a relevant

Tips and suggestionsmake the speech your own, and incorporate your own feelings, attitudes, and experiences.

Keep it snappy. It’s a very good idea to keep your speech between five and ten minutes long.

rehearse your speech many times in the weeks and days before your bar/bat mitzvah. ask your friends and family members to act as your audi-ence while you practice.

Your speech is an opportunity to show your ma-turity and insight to your friends and family. make sure they can hear and understand every word. Stand up straight, and speak slowly and clearly. Keep in mind that you always sound faster than you think.

fight nervousness by taking several deep breaths before you begin your speech.

make eye contact with your guests as you impart each thought. Chabad.org

joke or funny story to warm up the crowd.

2. Learn from the TorahThe most important part of your speech will be a d’var Torah, a story or i d e a from the weekly Torah portion. Try to choose one with a lesson connected to your bar/bat mitzvah. Check out our real-life lessons from the weekly Torah portion written especially for the speech.

3. Make it personalNext you’ll want to talk about what your bar/bat mitzvah means to you. Describe the impact that becoming a Jewish adult will have on your life. What will you do to show your growing commitment to Judaism? This is a good place to mention a mitzvah project that you may have undertaken in honor of your bar/bat mitzvah, or a good resolution you’ve made.

4. Roll the creditsNow it’s time to thank those who helped you make it to this day.

First up are your parents. You wouldn’t be here without them. Give them the credit they deserve. Don’t forget sib-lings, aunts and uncles. You know, the whole family. Spe-cial thanks should go to your grandparents. It’s likely that they made more than a few sacrifices to retain their Jewish identity and pass it on to their children and grandchildren.

Next, thank the rabbi or bar mitzvah teacher who helped you prepare for the ceremony, and for life as a Jewish adult.

Finally, a big shout-out to all the friends and family who came to share this moment with you.

That’s it! Now stand back and let the applause wash over you … Chabad.org

Page 13: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

Jewish Standard S-13S-2 Jewish Standard WINTER 2015 BAR/BAT MiTZVAH

S-2 Jewish Standard WINTER 2015 BAR/BAT MiTZVAH

Contact: Nicole CalabriaTel: (212) [email protected]

joke or funny story to warm up the crowd.

2. Learn from the TorahThe most important part of your speech will be a d’var Torah, a story or i d e a from the weekly Torah portion. Try to choose one with a lesson connected to your bar/bat mitzvah. Check out our real-life lessons from the weekly Torah portion written especially for the speech.

3. Make it personalNext you’ll want to talk about what your bar/bat mitzvah means to you. Describe the impact that becoming a Jewish adult will have on your life. What will you do to show your growing commitment to Judaism? This is a good place to mention a mitzvah project that you may have undertaken in honor of your bar/bat mitzvah, or a good resolution you’ve made.

4. Roll the creditsNow it’s time to thank those who helped you make it to this day.

First up are your parents. You wouldn’t be here without them. Give them the credit they deserve. Don’t forget sib-lings, aunts and uncles. You know, the whole family. Spe-cial thanks should go to your grandparents. It’s likely that they made more than a few sacrifices to retain their Jewish identity and pass it on to their children and grandchildren.

Next, thank the rabbi or bar mitzvah teacher who helped you prepare for the ceremony, and for life as a Jewish adult.

Finally, a big shout-out to all the friends and family who came to share this moment with you.

That’s it! Now stand back and let the applause wash over you … Chabad.org

Page 14: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

S-14 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2016 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

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A tradition in finetailored clothing

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Gratitude attitude: A little gesture made big impactEMuna BRavERMan

Something wonderful happened. It wasn’t something big. It wasn’t something dramatic. It wasn’t some-thing expected. But it was something lovely and wonderful. It was a small gesture that made a big

difference.I went to a bat mitzvah, a celebration for my friend’s

daughter. It was a beautiful and moving occasion, as a bat mitzvah should be. It was even more emotional because the couple had struggled a bat mitzvah’s worth of years (as the father put it) to give birth to this child.

There was extra joy in the air. But there was something else. Something much more basic and much more impor-tant. There was gratitude.

Now we’ve all heard many bar and bat mitzvah

speeches. Everyone thanks his or her parents (right after the out-of-town relatives and a list of where they came from). Some people thank the Almighty. Sometimes it’s heartfelt. Sometimes it’s pro forma. Sometimes it’s some-where in the middle. And sometimes it’s hard to tell if they really mean it.

But this bat mitzvah did something special and unique that clearly emanated straight from her heart. She wrote a thank you note to each of the guests — even before she received her gifts! The note wasn’t about the presents, it was an expression of what this particular attendee means to her. And the note wasn’t brief, a mere line or two. It wasn’t generic. It was a few paragraphs describing the role the family had played in her life, reliving some shared experiences and memories and expressing gratitude for the very specific ways in which we had enhanced her life.

It was unbelievable.There were 115 guests so you can imagine the time and

effort involved. Much as we try to avoid it, most bar mitzvah boys and

bat mitzvah girls get a little (or a lot) caught up in them-selves. With all that focus and attention, it’s hard not to.

This is a great way to avoid the trap of self-centeredness. It’s the perfect way to teach our children about showing appreciation. It’s a powerful means of giving our children an understanding of the meaning of community, that it really does take a village.

The party was a lot of fun. The speeches were simul-taneously funny and moving (we expected no less since the father is a writer). But what impacted me the most were those notes. When the rest of the evening fades, I’ll remember those kind and thoughtful missives. I was touched by what the guest of honor wrote to me and really taken with the idea.

I think it’s something we should all incorporate into our children’s bar and bat mitzvah celebrations. I wish I’d thought of it before my girls had their bat mitzvah celebra-tions. It would have enhanced and deepened everyone’s experience of the day, and no one more so than the bat mitzvah girl herself. Aish.com

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Page 15: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

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speeches. Everyone thanks his or her parents (right after the out-of-town relatives and a list of where they came from). Some people thank the Almighty. Sometimes it’s heartfelt. Sometimes it’s pro forma. Sometimes it’s some-where in the middle. And sometimes it’s hard to tell if they really mean it.

But this bat mitzvah did something special and unique that clearly emanated straight from her heart. She wrote a thank you note to each of the guests — even before she received her gifts! The note wasn’t about the presents, it was an expression of what this particular attendee means to her. And the note wasn’t brief, a mere line or two. It wasn’t generic. It was a few paragraphs describing the role the family had played in her life, reliving some shared experiences and memories and expressing gratitude for the very specific ways in which we had enhanced her life.

It was unbelievable.There were 115 guests so you can imagine the time and

effort involved. Much as we try to avoid it, most bar mitzvah boys and

bat mitzvah girls get a little (or a lot) caught up in them-selves. With all that focus and attention, it’s hard not to.

This is a great way to avoid the trap of self-centeredness. It’s the perfect way to teach our children about showing appreciation. It’s a powerful means of giving our children an understanding of the meaning of community, that it really does take a village.

The party was a lot of fun. The speeches were simul-taneously funny and moving (we expected no less since the father is a writer). But what impacted me the most were those notes. When the rest of the evening fades, I’ll remember those kind and thoughtful missives. I was touched by what the guest of honor wrote to me and really taken with the idea.

I think it’s something we should all incorporate into our children’s bar and bat mitzvah celebrations. I wish I’d thought of it before my girls had their bat mitzvah celebra-tions. It would have enhanced and deepened everyone’s experience of the day, and no one more so than the bat mitzvah girl herself. Aish.com

The Empty Vasea floral company

We Can Make Any Party Beautiful

Closter 219 Closter Dock rd.

201-750-7181

Page 16: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

S-16 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2016 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

Food, glorious foodWhat’s being served up at the simchaHEIdI MaE BRaTT

What, pray tell, is a Jewish celebra-tion without food?

Food, after all, is love, and who doesn’t love a simcha fea-

turing healthy — or let’s be honest, not always so healthy — aesthetically pleasing, artfully arranged, delicious and satisfying dishes that feed both body and soul?

One of the most sought after dishes, especially for a starter or buffet, is sushi. The rice-wrapped fish or vegetable nib-ble has gotten so artful and so creative that while something as tried and true as the tuna roll is still a sought-after sta-ple of the sushi bar, it has been sharing the sushi stage with other roll outs that more resemble desserts or other sweet confections.

Yamin Dayan, whose Estihana in Teaneck is known for its beautiful and fresh sushi displays, said that a new fan-gled look for the sushi is made with soy paper instead of the traditional dark green seaweed nori. The soy paper comes in a plethora of colors, including pink, white, yellow, bright green, among others, and its wrap makes an eye-popping display of sushi that “looks like candy or pastries,” said Mr. Dayan.

In addition to the colorful paper, sushi is now being made with different colored rice, such as brown rice or purple rice,

said Mr. Dayan.Sushi bars remain a centerpiece at bar

and bat mitzvah buffets and parties, he said. When Danny Mizrahi, owner of Sababa

Grill in Teaneck, caters a bar or bat mitz-vah, it’s soup to nuts, not literally, but he offers the “complete job. Full service. From the cocktail buffet to the sit down dinner to the dessert,” he said.

While the restaurant specializes in Medi-terranean cuisine with a bent to Moroccan food, Mr. Mizrahi said that he could tailor his menu to both the Sephardic and Ash-kenazi palate.

For a Friday night family Shabbat meal, a meal that would precede the Saturday bar or bat mitzvah, Mr. Mizrahi will offer a sit-down dinner with starters such as four to five varieties of salads, followed by Moroccan fish and other specialty dishes, and then a main course of meat or chicken and then dessert.

“We make sure that everything is very fresh,” said Mr. Mizrahi.

Another area glatt kosher caterer is RAVE Catering & Event Planning, which has catered events that range from celebra-tions at elegant venues to casual parties.

It bills itself as redefining “the differ-ence between ordinary and extraordi-nary” by “incorporating innovative ideas with the freshest ingredients, coupled with the understanding and implementation of the customer’s ideas and needs.”

Sushi is an art form at Estihana.

Page 17: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

Jewish Standard S-17

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Page 18: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016
Page 19: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

Jewish Standard S-19

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Twice as nicePlanning a celebration for more than one childSHERI LapIduS

Bar and bat mitzvahs are always a special day for any young adult and his or her family. When your plans include more than one

child, whether they are siblings, cousins or friends, it will be extra special because they will be celebrating together.

Not only can this save you money by having a single event, but also it certainly cuts down on the time and effort involved in the planning process. Another bonus is your guest list. Far away friends and

relatives, who may not have been able to make multiple trips, can come for this one special celebration.

Parents need to consider each child when planning for more than one.

Ask the youngsters them-selves how they envision their party. Their feedback and ideas are key to making every-one happy.

D o t h ey wa n t to b e announced separately when they enter the room? Do they want two themes? Would they like two cakes? Or would they rather share the event in every way possible?

Best friends may be the most excited teenagers to share a party. They will have to share ideas and be extra cooperative,

as will their party-planning parents. But most important of all is for their families to clearly agree on how they will handle all the details including money, guest lists, organizational tasks, etc., ahead of time.

Whether the celebration will be for sibling who are a year apart, twins, trip-lets or cousins or friends, everyone will need to work together to balance their expectations.

Sheri Lapidus is the founder of www.MitzvahMarket.com, an online resource for families celebrating a bar or bat mitzvah and one of the creators of www.MitzvahOrganizer.com, an online planning tool that keeps track of all Bar Bat Mitzvah details.

Simon Elliot Events created this graffiti entrance for Brooke and Jared’s celebration.

Page 20: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

S-20 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2016 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

B’nai Mitzvah Projects at Jewish Family Service!

Short Term Projects: • Participate in the Ride to Fight

Hunger. • Donate “Birthday in a Box” supplies • Hold a food drive for our Food Pantry. • Make craft packages for our School

Based Services. • Socialize with Holocaust survivors at

Café Europa. • Create holiday packages for Kosher

Meals on Wheels. • Collect and pack emergency supplies

for senior citizens. Long Term Projects:

• Create a Team for Wheels-for-Meals Ride – get your friends and family involved!

• Work with local synagogues as a Food Pantry Ambassador.

• Create a project of your own! Some of the best ideas come directly from our volunteers!

For more information call: (201) 837-9090

Long Term Projects:

Dressing upClothes make the man and the womanHEIdI MaE BRaTT

I remember a bar mitzvah that my son attended. It was the first one in his class. The bar mitzvah boy was a bit older than the others, and as the first one to get up on the bima, he set a precedent — a high one as I recall

— for leyning the Torah with aplomb and for leading the Shabbat service.

He also distinguished himself sartorially. The suit he wore was a light blue, three-piece one in a fabric that may have been, but I’m not sure, polyester. Its lapels were wider than the day’s look and the vest was quite a statement for a 13-year-old boy. The suit was circa 1980s, and while this bar mitzvah boy wore a necktie, one could

easily see a bowtie finishing the look.That suit, I later learned, was his father’s own bar mitz-

vah suit. The father had kept it all these years in pristine condition with the hope that his own son could wear it one day when he became a man. That father-to-son suit was not only an interesting fashion statement and senti-mental generational gesture, but it also underscored the import of the all-important “bar mitzvah suit.”

At Emporio in Teaneck, the selection of suits will defi-nitely impress shoppers. Said Aryeh Elbaum, one of the fashion savvy sales staff members, young men can choose from a variety of looks, from more conservative cuts and colors, such as navy and black, to more funky looks with colors that might suggest a more modern appeal.

“We carry a very large selection of boys suits,” said Mr. Elbaum. “We make the experience of buying the bar mitz-vah suit exciting no matter what. He is the main focus of the day. All eyes are on him so we make sure that the suit suits him and fits as if it was custom-made.”

Another advantage, said Sam Rappaport, general

Accessories by Emporio help to elevate the bar mitzvah suit.

Page 21: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

Jewish Standard S-21

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manager of Emporio, is that unlike a department store, the store carries a variety of sizes, from slim to husky to half sizes, perfect for a growing young man.

At Monte Carlo in Westwood, owner Diana Yomtobian

said that bar mitzvah customers run the gamut in their tastes and what they are buy-ing these days. They could choose a suit or many decide to wear a dress pair of slacks and a beautiful shirt. The styles run from very fitted to more relaxed, but not too relaxed.

When someone comes into Monte Carlo to buy a bar mitzvah suit, often the first suit ever, Ms. Yomtobian said she tries to make it a very practical experience, as well.

“They are spending so much money on a suit, I think they should get a lot of mileage out of it,” said Ms. Yomtobian.

To that end, she tries to create additional outfits by finding another matching pair of slacks, so the young man has different looks from the same suit.

While her store doesn’t bill itself as a haven for bat mitzvah outfits per se, Mishelyne’s Fashions in Teaneck, which carries very dressy to casual women’s clothing, has defi-nitely been a place for the bat mitzvah girl to shop.

“The girls are wearing a lot of pale pink, gold tones and light blue in fabrics that are beaded or stretchy and lengths that are

short,” said Sara, the owner of Mishelyne’s Fashions. For more modest wear, said Sara, a dress can be “built

up” adding sleeves or a higher neckline.

Of course, Sara said, her store is perfect for the bar or bat mitzvah mother, who can choose from many styles including the popular mermaid or trumpet dress in shades of navy, gold and blushes, among others.

Sara recalled selling dresses to three generations — grandmother, mother and bat mitzvah girl — on one occa-sion. The grandmother wore a black lace over silver cock-tail dress, the mother wore a silver lace cocktail dress, and the bat mitzvah girl got a magenta silk taffeta dress.

“I think we are very service oriented here, and we listen to what the customer wants,” said Sara.

At Marcia’s Attic for Kids in Englewood, funky and fun is the word, said Susan Silverstein, the buyer.

She said that boys are donning skinny suits, patterns and solids with skinny ties or bow ties. A sneaker as foot-wear caps off that look. For the summer, vests are replac-ing jackets for the more casual bar mitzvahs. Of course, boys are still going to their black jeans and patterned but-ton-down shirts for the party.

For the girls, rompers are the newest way to dress up for a party, as are cutouts on dresses. The cold shoulder is back, but modified a bit, to show some skin, but not the whole shoulder, said Ms. Silverstein.

A trendy and adorable bat mitzvah outfit, above, from Marcia’s Attic for Kids. At left, Mishelyne’s Fashions features elegant looks.

Page 22: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

S-22 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2016 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

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Best-laid plansIdeas to help get the most from the party

As one of the most sought-after venues in New Jersey for host-ing celebrations, the event professionals at Pleasantdale

Chateau in West Orange have a lot of experience creating over-the-top bar and bat mitzvahs, making each one more unique than the next.

Set on a 40-acre private estate, the historic chateau is unique in the state for offering an authentic, exquisitely detailed venue that is a ready-made space for events that impress. Their event experts have offered a few basic ideas for customizing any bar or bat mitzvah to help make your child’s celebration stand out wher-ever you host it.

• Create design and décor details featuring the child’s first and last name. For instance, you may have “Josh’s Teen Lounge” and the “Cohen Candy Bar” to highlight the dessert hour of your child’s bar mitzvah. Using both first and last names opens up many additional ways to personal-ize the celebration.

• Use lighting. Your child’s name projected onto the dance floor or onto the walls of the ballroom, even onto the driveway outside your event venue, creates a dramatic effect that impresses guests, and again, provides excellent photo opportunities. Know that special effects lighting compa-nies can help you design custom lighting effects going beyond your child’s name, such as a take on the bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah theme, or your child’s signature saying, a line from a movie, and many more

options. Specialty lighting can also direct guests to “Josh’s Teen Lounge” and other special party areas of your event venue and grounds.

• Offer signature drinks and dishes. Whatever you select for your bar mitzvah menu, give each dish a personalized name tailored to your child, such as “Hannah’s Hummus Station” or “Steven’s Sliders.” Drinks for kids and teens can be given a per-sonalized name as part of a signature drinks lists for young party guests.

• Display personalized signs. A tall chalkboard sign can welcome guests to “Brianna’s Broadway Celebration,” direct them to your party zones, and share the Instagram tag you’d like guests to use for sharing their photos. Signs can be designed for your party buffet or stations, for entertainment areas in your party venue, and for outdoor areas that extend the cel-ebration all through the grounds of your event venue.

• Cake and desserts personalized to your child. Cookies might have his or her name or initial on them — as can the cake — and the dessert list featuring your child’s favorite des-serts may also be personalized by giv-ing each sweet treat a special name in tribute to your child.

• A video presentation. As the party opens, a special video presentation created by your child and his or her friends, or by a professional video production company, your child shines on the big screen as the star

or his or her own mini movie or fabu-lously-edited photo montage.

• A live performance. If your child has amazing dance, music or other talents, he or she can open the bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah celebration with a live performance, either solo or being joined by friends or with a professional performer or group such as those that Pleasantdale Chateau regularly work with.

• Photos and video displays. Cre-atively displayed and lit photos can be placed around your ballroom or in other areas of your event venue, and a flat screen can play video of your child’s growing-up years or any video you’d like. A top trend in parties is to display real-time images being taken at the photo booth, so all of your guests can see and enjoy them.

• A “wow factor” surprise for hard-to-impress teenagers that will keep them talking about the event long after it’s over. Pleas-antdale Chateau for example, often goes above and beyond, whether it’s bringing in a fire dancer or using the helicopter pad on it’s estate to give guests helicopter rides, or countless other creative options.

• And a nice ending touch is a thank you sign, or hand-written thank you messages from your child, at your event venue’s exit, with those hand-written (or printed) notes from your child affixed to signa-ture take-home desserts bearing your child’s likeness, name or monogram.

Danny Rappaport of Teaneck, son of Sam and Mary Rappaport and brother of Joshua, collected about 250 children’s books as part of his mitzvah project. He will donate them to the Friendship Circle. Danny, who will be going into 8th grade at Solomon Schechter Day School of Bergen County, had his bar mitzvah on May 28 at Congregation Beth Sholom in Teaneck. Members of the congregation helped him collect the books. Donations are still being accepted. To donate, notify [email protected]. Pickup arrangements will be made.

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Page 23: Jewish Standard Bar/Bat Mitzvah Summer 2016

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