“Thisisanexcellent,systematic,helpful,andpracticalworkbook.Doingthesepracticesbringsmanyblessings.Theywillreduceyourstressandtrulytransformyourlife.”

—JackKornfield,Ph.D.,authorofTheWiseHeart,APathwithHeart,andAftertheEcstasy,theLaundry

“BobStahlandElishaGoldsteinhavewovenaninspiringtapestryofilluminatinginsightsandpractical exercises that can transform your life and even help you build a stronger brain.Inspiredbytheirworkasteachersoftheresearch-provenMindfulness-BasedStressReductionProgram, the authors have provided a step-by-step approach to bringing this scientificallygroundedapproachintoyourdailylife.Mindfulnesshasbeendemonstratedtoeffectivelyhelpuslivewithlessstress,fear,andanxietyandtocultivatemoreease,connection,andwell-beinginourlives.Thisworkbookmakesmindfulnessunderstandableandoffersacarefullylaid-outplantoachieveahealthierandmoremeaningfullife.Thereisnotimelikethepresenttobringthesepearlsandpracticesofwisdomintoyourlife.Whynotstartnow?”

—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, codirector of the University of California, Los AngelesMindful Awareness Research Center and author ofMindsight andThe MindfulBrain

“Intheirwonderfulnewbook,BobStahlandElishaGoldsteinhaveprovidedeachreaderwithwise, clear, step-by-step guidance for cultivating a personal mindfulness practice and forapplying the resulting awareness to the stress and challenges of living. This workbook is aperfectcompanion toJonKabat-Zinn’swell-knownbook,FullCatastropheLiving,which isthefoundationtextforallmindfulness-basedstressreductioncourses.”

—JeffreyBrantley,MD,DFAPA,directoroftheMindfulness-BasedStressReductionProgramatDukeIntegrativeMedicine

“Ifoundthisworkbookinformative,helpful,anduser-friendly.Itisfilledwithpragmatictoolstokeepthepractitionerontrackandwouldbebeneficialtoallwhoreadit.”

—SharonSalzberg, author ofLovingkindness,AHeart asWide as theWorld, andFaith

“Thisfinebookisabouttheunburdeningofthemindandthereleaseofourinherentwisdom.Itbreaksthehardsternumofourresistanceandopensthelotusoftheheart.Themethodthatendsourmadness.”

—StephenLevine,authorofWhoDies?,AYeartoLive,andUnattendedSorrow

“Wearesuchastressedsocietythatmanyofusarestressedabouthowstressedweare.Booksabound thatgiveusmore information.ButAMindfulness-BasedStressReductionWorkbooktakesafarmorehelpfulapproach.It takesyoubythehandandleadsyoustepbystep.Ifyouwantyourlifetohavegreaterbalanceandpeace,ifyouwanttolivewithlessstressandmorejoy,Ican’trecommendthisbeautifulofferinghighlyenough.”

—JohnRobbins,authorofHealthyat100,DietforaNewAmerica,andReclaimingOurHealth

“The biggest challenge for any do-it-yourself course is to include exercises that peoplewillactuallywant to stop anddo. In this book, the exercises are skillfully introduced alongwithspaces that remind the reader, ‘This part is up to you to do now!’ I think readerswill startpracticingimmediatelywithconfidencethattheprogramwillshowresults.”

—Sylvia Boorstein, author ofHappiness Is an Inside Job, It’s Easier than YouThink,andThat’sFunny,YouDon’tLookBuddhist

“Thisbook is anexcellentguide to the life-changingpracticeofmindfulness. In thesepages,youwillfindthemissingpiece,thehiddentruth,andtheopensecret.Mindfulnesssavedmylifeand transformedmyworld. Thisworkbook offers the key to health, happiness and freedom.Readit,workit,practiceit,andbefree.”

—NoahLevine,MA,authorofDharmaPunxandAgainsttheStream

“Whatadelightithasbeentoreviewthisbeautifullywritten,deeplyimportantbookthatoffersreadersapathtowardanewlifebalance.Forthoseinterestedinknowingmoreaboutwhatitisthathasexcitedsomanyinthefieldsofmedicine,psychology,neuroscience,andeducation,thisbookisamind-openingvolumethatwillclarifythekeyconceptsofmindfulmeditation.Thosewhosimplywanttofindwaystoreducestressandanxietywillfindit tobeanextraordinaryaid.Thoseinaprogramofmindfulness-basedstressreductionwillfindthisbookaninvaluableadditiontotheirtraining.AMindfulness-BasedStressReductionWorkbookaddsdepthtothepracticeofmindfulness foreveryone, frombeginningpractitioners toexperienced teachersofmindfulnessstressreductionclasses.”

—MarionSolomon,Ph.D.,directoroftrainingattheLifespanLearningInstituteandauthorofLoveandWarinIntimateRelationships

“Thisbook,alongwiththe[weblink]givingmindfulnessmeditationguidedsessions,providesan excellent overview of how the practice of mindfulness can be a very effective stressreductionintervention.”

—G. Alan Marlatt, Ph.D., professor and director of the Addictive BehaviorsResearchCenterattheUniversityofWashington

“Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein’s AMindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook is apractical, user-friendly guide tomindfulnessmeditation and stress reduction. If you feel thatyourlifeisspinningoutofcontrolandyoucan’tgetperspective,ifyouaremovingtoofastanddon’tknowhowtoslowdown,orifyouarestartingtohavehealthproblemsrelatedtostress,thisprogram—whichincludesanexcellentcompanion[weblink]andaccesstoaninnovativeonlinecommunity—isforyou.Iamthrilledthatthisclarity,compassion,andwisdomwillbeavailabletoagreateraudiencethroughthisexceptional,life-changingguide.”

—LauraDavis, author ofTheCourage toHeal and I ThoughtWe’dNever SpeakAgain

“Thisisanincredibleresourceforanyonewhoisinterestedinreducingstressintheirlives.Weallliveinaworldwhereitiseasytofeeloverwhelmedanddiscouraged.ThisworkbookandtheaccompanyingaudioprogramisthebestresourceIknowofforhelpingusstaypresentandcenteredwhen somany forceswouldpushusoff balance. I highly recommend it for clients,fellowprofessionals,andanymanorwomanwhowantstohavemorecomfort,ease,andjoyintheirlives.”

—Jed Diamond, Ph.D., author of The Irritable Male Syndrome and MaleMenopause

“Foranyonedrawntoapathofmindfulness,thisworkbookwillprovideaclearandaccessiblecompanion. Authors Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein expertly guide readers through a richassortment of mindfulness practices and reflections, providing invaluable tools for handlingstressandlivinglifewithpresenceandheart.”

—TaraBrach,Ph.D.,authorofRadicalAcceptance

“BobStahlandElishaGoldsteinhavedoneasuperbjobbringingthecultivationofmindfulnesstolifeintheirexcellentworkbook.Thisworkbookisatremendousresourceforthosewantingtodevelopgreaterhealth,vitality,andpeace.Ihighlyrecommendit.”

—ShaunaL.Shapiro,Ph.D.,coauthorofTheArtandScienceofMindfulness

“A workbook perfectly poised between the promise and practice of MBSR. Replete withclinicalwisdomandhelpfulpractices,thisworkbookillustrateshowmindfulengagementwiththeinevitablestressesinourlivescantempertheirimpactonourmindsandbodies.”

—ZindelSegal,Ph.D.,authorofTheMindfulWayThroughDepression

Publisher’sNoteThispublicationisdesignedtoprovideaccurateandauthoritativeinformationinregardtothesubjectmattercovered.Itissoldwiththeunderstandingthatthepublisherisnotengagedinrenderingpsychological,financial,legal,orotherprofessionalservices.Ifexpertassistanceorcounselingisneeded,theservicesofacompetentprofessionalshouldbesought.Therecommendationsmadeinthisworkbookaregenericandarenotmeanttoreplaceformalmedicalorpsychiatrictreatment.Individualswithmedicalorpsychologicalproblemsshouldconsultwiththeirphysicianortherapistaboutfollowingtheprograminthisworkbookanddiscussappropriatemodificationsrelevanttotheiruniquecircumstancesandconditions.Lastly,inwritingthisworkbook,wehavetriedourbesttobeasaccurateaspossible.Ifthereareanymisrepresentations,theyarefromusandnotfromtherichteachingsofmindfulness.“TheJourney”fromDreamWork,copyright©1986byMaryOliver.UsedbypermissionofGrove/Atlantic,Inc.“LoveafterLove”fromCOLLECTEDPOEMS1948-1984byDerekWalcott.Copyright©1986byDerekWalcott.ReprintedbypermissionofFarrar,StrausandGiroux,LLC.WilliamStafford,excerptfrom“YouReadingThis,BeReady”fromTheWayItIs:NewandSelectedPoems.Copyright©1998bytheEstateofWilliamStafford.ReprintedwiththepermissionofGraywolfPress,Minneapolis,Minnesota,www.graywolfpress.org“Unconditional”byJenniferWelwood.Copyright©1998byJenniferWelwood.UsedbypermissionofJenniferWelwood“AutobiographyinFiveShortChapters”fromThere’saHoleinMySidewalkbyPortiaNelson.Copyright©1994byPortiaNelson.UsedbypermissionofBeyondWordsPublishing.DistributedinCanadabyRaincoastBooksCopyright©2010byBobStahl&ElishaGoldstein

NewHarbingerPublications,Inc.5674ShattuckAvenueOakland,CA94609www.newharbinger.com

AllRightsReserved.AcquiredbyCatharineSutker;CoverdesignbyAmyShoup;EditedbyNeldaStreet;TextdesignbyTracyCarlsonePubISBN:978-1-60882-145-7

TheLibraryofCongresshascatalogedtheprinteditionas:Stahl,Bob.Amindfulness-basedstressreductionworkbook/byBobStahlandElishaGoldstein.p.cm.Includesbibliographicalreferences.ISBN978-1-57224-708-61.Stressmanagement.2.Stress(Psychology)I.Goldstein,Elisha.II.Title.RA785.S732009616.9’8--dc222009051814

Whatliesbehindusandwhatliesbeforeusaresmallmatterscomparedtowhatlieswithinus.

—RalphWaldoEmerson

Toallthosewhohavedaredtolookintotheirfearsandfindtheirhearts.

contentsanotetoebookreadersforewordacknowledgments

INTRODUCTION1.WHATISMINDFULNESS?2.MINDFULNESSANDTHEMIND-BODYCONNECTION3.HOWTOPRACTICEMINDFULNESSMEDITATION4.HOWMINDFULNESSWORKSWITHSTRESSREDUCTION5.MINDFULNESSOFTHEBODY6.DEEPENINGYOURPRACTICE7.MEDITATIONFORANXIETYANDSTRESS8.TRANSFORMINGFEARTHROUGHLOVING-KINDNESSMEDITATION9.INTERPERSONALMINDFULNESS10.THEHEALTHYPATHOFMINDFULEATING,EXERCISE,REST,ANDCONNECTION11.KEEPINGUPYOURPRACTICEAFTERWORDresourcesreferences

anotetoebookreadersThe paper edition of thiswork comeswith a bound-in CD that contains audio tracks inMP3 format,whichcanbeusedtosupportthemeditationsyou'llfindasyoureadalong.Alloftheseaudiofileshavebeenmadeavailabletoyouwithaconvenientweblink.

Ifyou'rereadingthisonaweb-enabledevice,youcangodirectlytotheweblinkbyclickingthelinkabove. If your e-reading device is not web-enabled, you can still access the audio files from yourcomputerbypointingyourbrowserto21457.nhpubs.com.

forewordDearReader:

Therearemanydifferentandcomplementarydescriptorsthatmightbeusedtocharacterizethispreciousandexceedinglyusefulofferingyouhaveinyourhands.Itstitlesuggeststhatitisaworkbook,anditiscertainlythat.Itinvitesusintoandguidesusthroughapotentiallyprofoundandhealingundertaking,onethatinvolves,evenrequires,significantpersonalcommitmentandanongoingfidelityofengagement.Thisispreciselywhatmindfulnessteachersmeanwhenspeakingofinteriordiscipline.Theultimatefidelity,ofcourse, is toyourself—toyourverylife,yourmoments,andthebeautyofyourbeing,evenifyoudon’talways see it or even know it is here. It is humbling to think that being present and nonjudgmental isperhapsthehardestworkintheworld,andthemostnecessary.Allthemorereasonforustoundertakeitwholeheartedly.Ourverylivesandeventhewell-beingoftheworld,inwaysbothsmallandlarge,mayhanginthebalance.

Butitwouldbegoodifyoucouldalsothinkofthisbookasaplaybook,becausemindfulnessisreallyaplayfuladventuringwithinlifeitself.Thedisciplinerequiredneedstobetakenonasmuchinthespiritof play as in the spirit of hardwork, for it is both.Mindfulness and the curriculum and challenges ofMBSRandoflifeitself,andperhapsyourreasonsforpickingupthisbookinthefirstplace,arefartooserioustotaketooseriously.Theplayelementinvitesustoapproacheverything,especiallywhenbeingguidedby the formalmeditation instructions,with the lightestof touches,and tonot takeourselves tooseriously, or fall into idealizing either the process itself or the imagined and hoped-for outcomes ofMBSR training, even thoughyourmotivation forcoming to this engagement, and thepersonal stakes intermsofitspotentialbenefitsforyou,areseriousindeed.

Youarecertainlyinverygoodhandsinthisundertaking.BobStahlandElishaGoldsteinsoundjustthe right notes here, cognitively, emotionally, relationally, somatically. Even thoughwe are not in theclassroomtogetherwiththemweekbyweekinaliteralsense,inalargerway,wedefinitelyare,orcanbeifwethrowourselvesintotheworkandtheplayofthetextanditsreflections,suggestions,andwrittenexercises,andmakeregularandgooduseoftheguidedmindfulnesspracticesonthe accompanyingweblink,whetherornotwefeel like itonanygivenday.Wecanbenefitenormouslyfromtheirwelcominghospitality, their invitation toparticipate fully towhateverdegreewecanmanage,and theirwarmthasteachersandaspeople.Theirwarmthemanatesoffeachpageandfromeverypracticetrackontheweblink,remindingusintheveryfeelingofitoftheoverridingneedforustohonorourselvesandembraceourexperiencewithkindnessandcompassion,notinaninflatedorego-enhancingsense,butratherinthetrueandmatter-of-factsenseofseeingandacknowledgingourselvesasworthyandwhole,justbyvirtueofbeinghuman,nomatterhowconvincedwemaybeofourshortcomingsandinadequacies.Theauthorsknow,andyoucanfeel it in thesepages, thatallofusare,when itcomesrightdownto it,miraculousbeings, with unimaginable potential for learning, growing, healing, and transformation across the lifespan;thatwearemuchlargerthanwhowethinkweare;andthatweareperfectasweare,includingallthewaysinwhichweknowthatweareimperfect.

Haveyoueverwonderedwhetherthataspectofyourbeingthatisawareofyourshortcomingsitselfsuffersfromthoseorevenanyshortcomings?Orwhetheryourawarenessofpainwhenyoufeelpainisactually in pain? Or if your awareness of your fear, at times when it might arise, is afraid? This issomethingyoucanactuallyinvestigate,andseeforyourself,especiallyatkeymomentswhenyoudofeeloverwhelmedbyfeelingsofinadequacy,orbypainorfear,orbyanyotherexperience.Therearewholenewhiddendimensionsofbeingandofexperiencetodis-coverandinhabithereinthislaboratoryofour

lives unfoldingmoment bymoment, in this adventure in embodying that which is deepest and best inourselves,whichisalreadyhereandsodoesnotneedtobe“gotten,”andwhichwehaveperhapsignoredformostofourlives—thefacultywecallawareness,whichismysteriouslyandseamlesslybothmindandheart.

Mindfulnessinvolvesanelementalandspontaneousopennesstoexperience,groundedinthebody,inthetimeless,innotexpectinganythingtohappen,abefriendingandinhabitingofthispresentmomentforits own sake. When you rest in mindful awareness, you are participating intimately in life as it isunfolding,seeingwhathappens,experimenting,allowingtheoriginalbeautyandmysteryoftheworldandof yourself to speak to you,without shying away fromwonder, and awe, and joy—and themiracle ofbeingaliveinthesepreciouspresentmomentsthatareavailabletoallofusbutthatwesooftenignoreinthehopeofsome“better”onesatsomefuturetime.

Thisvolumeisaplaybookinanothersenseaswell: it isacollectionofwell-thought-outstrategiesandexercisesfornavigatingyourrelationshiptothetwistsandturnsandupsanddownsoflife,andthevarious challenges and obstacles that inevitably arise over the course of a day, or a lifetime, in thisincreasingly unpredictable and stressful world. These are practices that have been utilized by humanbeingsformillennia,andthathavebeendemonstratedtobeeffectivebothinclinicalenvironmentsandinthelaboratoryoverthepastthirtyplusyears,duringwhichtimemindfulnesshasbecomeanintimatepartofmodernmedicine and health care inmany different and continually expandingways (Krasner et al.2009;LudwigandKabat-Zinn2008;Didonna2008).

Youcanalsothinkofthetextasasupremecookbook—butnotintheusualsenseofacompilationofrecipesthatyoucanjustfollowandgetadeliciousresult,becauseeachpageandeachexerciseismissingthemostcriticalingredient:you.Themealsofferedupintheformofmindfulnesspracticesandtheentirecurriculum of mindfulness-based stress reduction are potentially lifesaving and life transforming.However, this book cannot perform itsmagic until you throwyourself into the pot ofmindfulness andbegincookingyourself.Youareatthesametimetherecipeandthemealandthecook;theauthorsyourloyalandcaring sous-chefs.Youcan regulate theheataccording toyourcapacityat anygiven time, inorder tomodulate your engagement as appropriate.Whenyou showup completely in anymoment, thepracticeswithin thesepages comealive.Youmaydiscover that theywill standyou ingood steadandwake you up in all yourmoments to the possibilities of healing, self-compassion, and compassion forotherswithineventhedarkestandmostdifficultofcircumstances.

Speakingofmysteryandmiraclesforamoment,recentresearchhasshownthatourhumanbrainisanorganthatiscontinuallychangingnotonlyitsfunctionbutalsoitsstructureonthebasisofexperience,andinparticular,repetitiveexperienceoverextendedperiodsoftime.Thisdiscoveryofaninherentplasticityinbrainarchitectureandfunction,knownasneuroplasticity,impliesthatwhatwecallthemindactuallyshapesthebrain,anddrivestransformationofourintrinsiccapacities,anditdoessonotjustinchildhoodbutacrossourentirelifespan.1

Iftherepetitiveexperiencesaretraumaticinnature,itcanleadtoactualshrinkinginpartsofthebrain,anddiminishedmentalandsocialcapacity.Thiscanhappenduetophysicalinjurytothebrainitself,orduetorepeatedemotionaltraumainchildhoodoradulthoodthatcanleadtodepressiveanddissociativesyndromesanddisorderedsocialrelationsandbehaviors.Happily,thereisalsocompellingevidencethatinterventionsbasedonrepetitivepositiveexperiencemayberestorativeandtherapeutic.Exerciseitself,whichtendstobehighlyrepetitivewhenengagedinregularly,isamajordriverofneuroplasticchangesinthebrain,whichiswhyphysicalexerciseisoneofthemostimportantfactorsinrestoringandmaintainingmental as well as physical health across the life span, starting from the moment one begins such aprogram. Increasing evidence from laboratory studies of meditators has shown that the repetitive

practicesat theheartofmeditativedisciplinescandrivepositiveneuroplasticchanges thatalsoreflectmentalandphysicalwell-being,suchasgreateremotionalbalance,compassion,andgenuinehappiness,aswellasapotentialbufferingofstressfulandtraumaticexperiencewhenitdoesoccur(Lutz,Dunne,andDavidson2007).

Sothemindcanchangethebrain(Siegel2007;Begley2008).Thismeansthatifwetrainourmindsthrough meditative disciplines such as MBSR, we can grow into seeing more clearly and actingspontaneouslywith greater awareness, compassion, andwisdom.And sincewhatwe callmind is notseparate from what we call heart, we can speak of mindfulness and heartfulness as complementaryaspectsofMBSR.Whatismore,sincewecannotspeakofmindorbrainwithoutabody,thecoreofthiswork,asyoushallsee,includesbefriendingyourbodywithgentlenessandacceptance,howeveritisinanymoment.Thisinitselfcanbeamajorattitudinalchallengeforanyonewhomightfeelbetrayedbyhisorherbodyandverymuch inneedofbefriending itor re-befriending it.Realizing that, as theauthorsemphasize,“aslongasyouarebreathing,thereismorerightwithyou(andyourbody)thanthereiswrongwithyou”inanygivenmomentmakesforaverygoodplacetobegin.Wecantrustintheprocess,wecantrust theexpertiseofBobandElisha,andaboveall,wecanplaceourtrust inourowncapacitytopayattentioninnewwaysandlearnandgrowfromthisattending.

Mindfulnessisthecontainerthatholdsitall.Therefore,yourcommitmenttopracticeiswhatismostimportanthere—and,paradoxically,yourwillingnesstoengageinpracticeforitsownsake,tobeintouchwith lifeunfolding, however it is in anygivenmoment, yetwithoutbeing too attached to attaining anyoutcome.Thisisatthecoreoftheinvitationtoenterintothisengagementwithanopenmindandanopenheart,withoutnecessarilythinkingyouknowwhatyouwillgetoutofit,andcommittingyourselfanyway—agestureoffaithinyourselfandyourtruestpossibilities,whicharealwaysunknown.Ultimately,asweshallcometosee,lifeitselfistherealteacher,andhowwemeetitmomentbymomenttherealmeditationpractice.

Sonow,itistimetorollupoursleeves,andbegin.Iwishyouallthebestinthisadventureofalifetime.

—JonKabat-ZinnOctober1,2009

1Evenasthephysical,materialbraininourcranium,ofcourse,allowsforthephenomenonwecall“mind,”includingtheabilityofthemindtoexperienceandknowitself.

References

Begley,S.2008.TrainYourMind,ChangeYourBrain:HowaNewScienceRevealsOurExtraordinaryPotentialtoTransformOurselves.NewYork:BallantineBooks.

Didonna,F.2008.ClinicalHandbookofMindfulness.NewYork:Springer.

Krasner,M.S.,R.M.Epstein,H.Beckman,A.L.Suchman,B.Chapman,C.J.Mooney,andT.E.Quill.2009.Associationofaneducationalprograminmindfulcommunicationwithburnout,empathy,and

attitudesamongprimarycarephysicians.JournaloftheAmericanMedicalAssociation302(12):1338–40.

Ludwig,D.S.andJ.Kabat-Zinn.2008.Mindfulnessinmedicine.JournaloftheAmericanMedicalAssociation300(11):1350–2.

Lutz,A,J.D.Dunne,R.J.Davidson.2007.Meditationandtheneuroscienceofconsciousness:Anintroduction.InTheCambridgeHandbookofConsciousness,editedbyP.D.Zelazo,M.Moscovitch,andE.Thompson.Cambridge,UK:CambridgeUniversityPress.

Siegel,D.J.2007.TheMindfulBrain:ReflectionsandAttunementintheCultivationofWell-Being.NewYork:Norton.

acknowledgmentsI’d like to acknowledge my parents Marilyn and Alvan Stahl, who gave me the gift of life andunconditionallove.Theytaughtmethatwearen’tislands;we’reconnectedtoallbeings.Iwanttoexpressendlessgratitudetomywife,JanLandry,andourtwosons,BenandBodhi,whohavebeenmygreatestteachersandlovedandsupportedmethroughandthrough.Ialsogivethanksforalltheloveandsupportfrommybrother,Barry,andsister,Kim,and their families.Endlessgratitude tomygrandparents,NettiandBen, Ida andSamuel,who taughtmekindness and levity and seeded somuch love into all of ourfamilies. I also want to express my boundless homage to my beloved meditation teachers TaungpuluSayadaw,HlaingTetSayadaw,PakokkuSayadaw,andDr.RinaSircar.Iwouldn’tbeonthismindfulpathwithoutthem.MuchgratitudetomybeloveddharmafriendsMaryGraceOrr,SteveFlowers,SkipRegan,Melissa Blacker, Florence Meleo-Meyer, Tom Williams, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and Saki Santorelli, whocontinue to inspire and supportme in thiswondrous path ofwisdom and compassion, and also tomyMBSRteachercolleagues inNorthernCaliforniaandat theCenterforMindfulnessat theUniversityofMassachusettsMedicalSchool.IalsowanttoacknowledgethethousandsofstudentsI’vehadthehonorofworkingwiththroughtheyears,whohavehumbledmeandhelpedmegrowtobecomeabetterpersonandteacher.

ManybowstoElishaGoldstein,mycompadreandcowriter.Elishaisaverykindandwiseman,andIhave learnedmuch fromhim. Ithasbeensuchagift towrite thisbookwithhimanddeeplyhonorourcollaborationsandfriendship.

—Bob

I’d like to expressmy love and gratitude tomywife, Stefanie,who continues to showme the path ofinterpersonalmindfulnessandinspiresmedaily.Iwouldalsoliketothankthenewadditiontomyfamily,myson,Lev,whoremindsmeofbeginnersmindandbecomingpresentonadailybasis.Iwanttoexpressappreciationformyparents,Jan,Jane,Steve,andBonnie,andtheirunwaveringbeliefinme.Mysisters,Yaffa,Batsheva,andShira,andbrother,Ari,havealsobeenatremendoussourceofinspirationandlove.I’m grateful to my in-laws, Judy and George Nassif, and to Audrey and Karl Jacobs for theirencouragement, love, and support. Last but not least in respect to family, I’d like to thank my cats,ShechinahandMr.Butternut,whohavespentendlesshoursonmylapkeepingmecompanywhileIwaswritingthisbook.

I alsowant to extendmany thanks to TrudyGoodman andChristianeWolf, at InsightLA, for theirfriendship,support,andwiseguidance,andtofellowteacherandkindredspiritRogerNolan.Inaddition,ithasbeenmyprivilegetoteachandbetaughtbyallofthestudentsandpatientswhohaveallowedmeintotheirlives.

IthasbeenatrueblessingtowalkthispathwithBobStahl.Bobisnotonlyaninsightfulteacher,butawisemanwithanawakenedheart.Writingthisbooktogetherhasbeensuchameaningfulprocess,andI’mgratefulforhisfriendshipandsupport.

—Elisha

Wewant to thank our first editor, JohnMalkin, who helped launch this journey, as well editors JessO’Brien,JessBeebe,JasmineStar,andTroyDuFreneatNewHarbinger,whohelpedusmakethisbookthebestbookitcanbe.BiggratitudetodharmabrotherSkipRegan,whomasteredtheaudiorecordingsfor our workbook. Deep thanks to Karen Zelin, who posed for the yoga illustrations, and to BillUnderwoodandBenStahl,whodidthephotographythattheillustrationsarebasedon.Manythankstoouragent,StephanieTade,whoiscompassionate,wise,andsavvyinguidingusintheworldofpublishing.

Thankyou to thefollowingpeoplewhohelpedshape thisbookorgaveus important feedback:JonKabat-Zinn, Dan Siegel, Melissa Blacker, Steve Flowers, Richard Davidson, Sara Lazar, BruceEisendorf, Ed Plonka,Karen Zelin, JasonOng, JanettiMarotta, StefanieGoldstein, Jan Landry, SusanChamberlain,TomLane,IvanSokolov,NancyGill,CelesteBaross,PattiBreitman,B.JaneWick,SteveNelson,JanGoldstein,andBonnieGoldstein.

Much appreciation to our colleagueswho have supported and endorsed our book: JackKornfield,Sharon Salzberg, Tara Brach, Stephen Levine, Sylvia Boorstein, John Robbins, Noah Levine,MarionSolomon, G. Alan Marlatt, Shauna Shapiro, Laura Davis, Dan Siegal, and Jed Diamond. We extendespecially deep gratitude and respect to Jon Kabat-Zinn and Saki Santorelli for their profoundcontributions inbringingmindfulness intomedicine,health, and society.Wehonor their commitment tointegrity, wisdom, and compassion. They are the embodiment of walking the talk, and their vision,leadership,andpracticehavehadatremendouseffectonusbothpersonallyandprofessionally.

—BobandElisha

introductionWelcome to A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook. We thank you for purchasing thisworkbookandwanttofullyaffirmthatindoingsoyou’retakinganactiveroleinyourhealthandwell-being. If you’re feeling any signs or symptoms of stress, such as anxiety, irritability, muscle tension,burnout, apathy, restlessness, headaches, fatigue, stomach distress, difficulty in concentrating, worry,overwork,substanceabuse,smoking,eatingproblems,sleepdisturbances,orfeelingoverwhelmed,thisworkbookcanhelp. Itcanalsohelpwith thestressesassociatedwith livingwith illness,chronicpain,and conditions such as AIDS, arthritis, asthma, cancer, fibromyalgia, gastrointestinal disorders, heartdisease,highbloodpressure,migraines,andmanyothermedicalconditions.

Simply put,mindfulness is the practice of cultivating nonjudgmental awareness in day-to-day life.Thiseducationalandexperientialworkbookwillintroduceyoutomindfulnessmeditationandteachyousimple,profoundpractices thatcandecreasesufferingandbringyougreaterbalanceandpeace.You’llfind that these toolshelpyoumaximizeyour lifeandexperience,even in themidstof stress,pain,andillness.

As an affirmation of the healing path you’re embarking upon,we’d like to dedicate the followingpoembyMaryOlivertoyou:

Onedayyoufinallyknewwhatyouhadtodo,andbegan,thoughthevoicesaroundyoukeptshoutingtheirbadadvice—thoughthewholehousebegantotrembleandyoufelttheoldtugatyourankles.“Mendmylife!”eachvoicecried.Butyoudidn’tstop.Youknewwhatyouhadtodo,thoughthewindpriedwithitsstifffingersattheveryfoundations—thoughtheirmelancholywasterrible.Itwasalreadylateenough,andawildnight,andtheroadfulloffallen

branchesandstones.Butlittlebylittle,asyoulefttheirvoicesbehind,thestarsbegantoburnthroughthesheetsofclouds,andtherewasanewvoice,whichyouslowlyrecognizedasyourown,thatkeptyoucompanyasyoustrodedeeperanddeeperintotheworld,determinedtodotheonlythingyoucoulddo—determinedtosavetheonlylifeyoucouldsave.

—MaryOliver,“TheJourney”(1992,14)

thehumanconditionDespite considerable research into stress and anxiety and seemingly innumerable approaches to stressmanagementandreduction,stressisanunavoidablefactoflife.It’sthehumanconditionandalwayshasbeen.We all livewith and cannot escape from uncertainties, difficulties, illness, aging, death, and aninabilitytofullycontrollifeevents.

Though it’s always been this way, our modern times are laden with new threats, such as nuclearwarfare, terrorism, globalwarming, and other environmental catastrophes in themaking, aswell as agrowingsenseofalienationanddisconnection.Weoftendon’tfeelcomfortablewithinourselvesordon’tknowhowtoconnectwithoneanother,andweoftenfeelestrangedorisolatedfromthenaturalworld.

Inrecentyears,technologyandatsunamiofinformationhaveacceleratedthepaceofliving,andthecomplexityofeverydaylifeseemstobemounting.Wenowhavetheoptionofcommunicatingwithcellphones, email, instantmessaging, textmessaging, and social networking sites,making us all available24/7 to a mad rush of daily activities and demands.We also face an onslaught of news, often pipedthrough thesegadgets,withan imbalancedfocuson traumaandgloom,overexposingus toworryaboutworldevents,healthcarecosts,theobesityepidemic,sleep-deprivation,economiccrises,environmentaldegradation,andsomuchmore.

Thefactis,ourbrainsgetoverwhelmedbythispaceoflifeandbombardmentofinformation,leavingussusceptibletofrustration,worry,panic,andevenself-judgmentandimpatience.Giventhiscontext,itisn’t surprising that many people become so worried or depressed that they demand or are givenmedicationstohelpbalancethemout.Whiletakingmedicationscansometimesbeessentialforhealthandwell-being,it’salsoimportanttocultivateinnerresourcesfordealingwithstress,pain,andillness.

Ourimprovementsintechnologyhavebroughtadvancementsthatborderonthemiraculous,andatthe

sametime,manyofusnolongerevenknowourneighbors.Wepurchasemoreandmorethingsyetoftenfeel likewedon’thaveenough.Oureducationalsystemsandsociety teachusfactsandinformationbutoftendon’tteachushowtolive,andvalue,alifeofintegrity.Thishasleftmanyofusfeelingseparated,disconnected,andunsafe.

Infact,stressandanxietyhaverisentoapointwherewe’rebeginningtoworryaboutourworrying!TheNationalInstituteofMentalHealthreportedthatapproximatelyfortymillionAmericanadultssufferfrom anxiety disorders (National Institute of Mental Health 2008). Stress and anxiety affect physicalhealth and have been associatedwith numerousmedical conditions, including cardiovascular disease,cancer,andreproductivedisorders.Onasocietallevel,theincreasingneedfortreatmentofstress-relatedproblemshasledtoescalatingmedicalcosts,withtheresultthatmanypeopleareunabletoaffordbasichealth care. And, of course, the various difficulties created by stress can have detrimental effects onqualityoflifeandwell-being.

HerbertBenson,MD,apioneerinthefieldofmind-bodymedicine,maintainsthatmanypeoplearen’tadequatelyequippedwith coping strategies fordealingwith stress (Benson1976).Approximately fivebilliondosesof tranquilizers areprescribed everyyear (Powell andEnright 1990), and experts at theAmericanInstituteofStressestimatethattheannualcostofstressintheUnitedStates—toindustriesalone—isamonumentalfigureofapproximately$300billion(AmericanInstituteofStress2009).Clearlythecostswouldbemuchhigher ifweconsideredall impactson individualsandsociety.Thisunderscoreswhythere’ssuchanurgentneedtofindalternativewaystocopewithstressandanxiety.

In1979,JonKabat-Zinn,Ph.D.,amolecularbiologistwithalong-termmeditationpractice,foundedtheMindfulness-BasedStressReduction (MBSR)Programat theUniversity ofMassachusettsMedicalCenter. His early research with patients suffering from anxiety and chronic pain showed significantreductions in symptoms (Kabat-Zinn 1982; Kabat-Zinn et al. 1992). Since then, an exponentiallyincreasing amount of research has accumulated on the benefits of mindfulness in dealing with stress,depression,substanceabuse,pain,andillness.Recently,thiseffectiveapproachhasfinallymadetheleapintomainstreamculture.Thenumbersspeakforthemselves:AGooglesearchfor“mindfulness”resultsinmillionsofhits,andmindfulness-basedtherapiesaregrowinginpopularity,withprogramsinover250hospitalsaroundthecountryandmanymorearoundtheglobe.

whoweareWewanttotakeafewmomentstointroduceourselves.Wefeelit’simportantforyoutoknowabitofourstoryandhowwecametowritethisbook.Asyou’lldiscover,bothofuscametomindfulnesspracticeoutofourownstressandpain,andinsearchofgreaterunderstandingaboutthiswonderfulmysterycalledlife.Wehopethatsharingthesestorieshelpsyoufeeladeeperandmorepersonalconnectiontous.

BobStahl

Myspiritualjourneybeganattheageoffour,whenIhadmyfirstrealizationofdeath.Overthenextfewyears,Ihadotherpowerfulexperiencesthatemphasizedthatdeathcanhappentoanyoneatanytime.By the time Iwas ten, I had experienced the deaths of three peoplewhowere very close tome:myyounger brother, Buddy, my best friend, Ellen, and my grandfather, Ben. Impermanence and thefleetingnessoflifearekeyconceptsintheBuddhistworldview.Mostpeopledon’tunderstandthesetruthsdeeplyuntilthey’readults,perhapswhentheyorsomeonetheylovehasaseriousillness.It’sdifficulttolearn these frightening truths about the world as a child, when you don’t yet have the tools, such asmindfulness,toworkwiththem.Consequently,Igrewupprettyconfused,filledwithgriefandfear,and

wantingtounderstandthemeaningoflife.InhighschoolIhadanimportantlearningexperiencethatpointedmeintherightdirectiontoworking

withfearandmystery.WhenIwassixteenyearsold,Idrovemyparents’1964FordGalaxyaroundtheBostonareainthewinter.Afewtimesthecarskiddedoutofcontrolonthesnowyroads,andeachtimeItrieddesperately to straightenout—butwithoutmuch success, since Iwas turning away from the skid.OnedayIwastellingmydadaboutthis,andhesaid,“Bob,ifyoureallywanttogetoutofaskid,youneed to turn into it.” I thought thiswas a crazy idea, since it seemed itwould only increase the skid,whichscaredme.SothenexttimeithappenedIstilltriedtosteerawayfromtheskid.

TheNewEnglandwinterboreon,andoneicydayItookaskidthatseemedtobeheadedfordisaster.Withnothinglefttolose,Iturnedintotheskid,andloandbehold,thecarbegantostraightenout.Ifeltthataremarkableseedwasplanted thatdayandcametosee itasametaphorfor life—that ifyouturn intoyourfears,youcanovercomethem.Althoughitmayfeelnaturaltoturnawayfromfearanddiscomfort,doingsoisoftenfueledbydenial,aversion,repression,andsuppression—strategiesthatseldomleadtosuccessfuloutcomesinthelongrun.

AftergraduatingfromhighschoolIbecamedeeplyinterestedinEasternphilosophyandreligion.TheTaoTeChingbyLao-tzu(translatedbyWitterBynner,1944)deeplyaffirmedmyinnerjourney.Readingthis small book of eighty-one epigramswas like finding a long-lost friend. I realized that I had beenlookingforanswersaboutlifeoutsideofmyselfandthattheycouldonlybefoundwithinme.Epigram47(55)hadanespeciallyimportantimpactuponme:

ThereisnoneedtorunoutsideForbetterseeing,Nortopeerfromawindow.RatherabideAtthecenterofyourbeing;Forthemoreyouleaveit,thelessyoulearn.SearchyourheartandseeIfheiswisewhotakeseachturn:Thewaytodoistobe.

Eventually I moved to San Francisco and enrolled in a masters program in psychology at theCalifornia Institute of IntegralStudies.Thatwaswhere I tookmy first formalmindfulness (vipassana)meditationretreat.

After graduating in 1980, I received an invitation frommy first vipassanamindfulnessmeditationteacher,Dr.RinaSircar, togo toBurma (nowMyanmar) tomeether teacher, the renownedmeditationmasterTaungpuluSayadaw.InNovember1980,IordainedtemporarilyasaTheravadanBuddhistmonkwiththenameUCandima(AngeloftheMoon)inaremoteforestmonasteryincentralBurma.Duringmytime there, I hadmany opportunities to work onmy attachments, fears, and pain, instead of trying toescapefromthem.

In1981,IdisrobedandheadedbackhometotheredwoodforestsofNorthernCaliforniatohelpstartthe TaungpuluKaba-AyeMonasterywithDr. Rina Sircar, her students, and theBurmese community. Ilived in that monastery for over eight and a half years, studying withmy primarymeditation teacher,Hlaing Tet Sayadaw. I also went back to school and received a Ph.D. in philosophy and religion,

specializinginBuddhism.In1989, I left themonasteryandmarriedmybelovedwife,Jan,and in1990,anex-monkfriendof

mine, Bruce Mitteldorf, sent me a copy of Full Catastrophe Living, by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, whichdescribes the mindfulness-based stress reduction program that he developed at the University ofMassachusettsMedicalCenter(Kabat-Zinn1990).Thisbookrevealedwhatmylife’sworkshouldbeandforeverchangedmylife.

Since 1991, I’ve taught mindfulness-based stress reduction programs and currently teach at threemedical centers. I’ve worked with thousands of people and many hundreds of health professionals,teachingthemmindfulnesstohelpthemmaximizetheirlives,eveninthemidstofpain,stress,andillness.I’m very happy to extend this approach to a wider audience through A Mindfulness-Based StressReductionWorkbook.

ElishaGoldstein

WhenIwassixyearsoldmyparentsdivorced,whichleftmeanangryandconfusedlittleboywithoutthe tools tounderstandandexpressmyhurtand frustration.As Ibecameanadult, Ioften foundmyselfwithsomesortofself-helporself-developmentbookinhand,searchingforwaystounderstandmypain.

Inmymidtwenties,IwaslivingandworkinginSanFranciscointhemidstoftheInternetboom.Whilemybackgroundwasinpsychology,Ifeltdrawntotheseexcitingdevelopments,soIenteredtheworldofsales andmanagement. I soon realized that Iwas actually quite good at sales, and before long Iwasgettingalotofattentionandrecognition.Igotcaughtupinthematerialworld,makingmoneyhandoverfist,butsomethingalwaysseemedtobemissing.Istartedspendingmytimelivinginaccordancewiththemotto“Workhardandplaymuchharder.”Isurroundedmyselfwithpeoplewhopracticedthatsamebattlecryandavoidedthosewhodidn’t.IincreasinglyavoidedmyfamilyandfriendsandhadtotakemoredaysoffworkbecauseIsimplycouldn’tfunctionwiththehangovers.Thingsseemedoutofcontrolandasmallpartofmewasalwaysnagging,“Howlongdoyou thinkyoucando this?You’redestroyingyourself.”Whispersaboutmyerraticbehaviorstartedcirculatingamongfamilyandfriends,andeventuallyphonecallscamepouringinexpressingtheirworryandconcern.

IfinallyrealizedIwaswayoutofbalanceanddecidedtotakesometimeoffworktogoonaone-monthretreat.Duringmytimeaway,IwasabletotakeastepoutsideofmymadnessandbecomemoreawareofthedestructivehabitsIhadbeensoblindto.IdeeplyfeltthetruthintheologianAbrahamJoshuaHeschel’s saying “Life is routine, and routine is resistance towonder” (1955, 85). I realized that if Icouldcultivateawaytobreakoutofmyunhealthyroutineofavoidingpainandfear,Icouldcomebackintouchwith thewonderof lifeandseewhat life reallyhad tooffer.Thatwas thestartofamindfulnesspracticethathasgroundedmeandhelpedmereconnectwithwhatmattersmosttomeinlife:supportingmyselfandotherstolivetheliveswewanttolive.

After returning to SanFrancisco, I realized I needed tomake some changes. I applied to graduateschoolattheInstituteofTranspersonalPsychology,whichintegratesanEast-meets-Westphilosophyinitscurriculum.DuringthattimeIalsotrainedasamindfulness-basedstressreductionteacher.Icurrentlyrunmindfulness-basedgroupsandaminprivatepracticeasaclinicalpsychologistintheWestLosAngelesarea.

IthasbeenmypleasuretoworkwithBobStahl,ahighlyrespectedmindfulnessteacher,tointroduceyoutoapracticeofmindfulnessthatcouldverywellchangeyourlife,asithasmineandtensofthousandsofothers.

whothisworkbookisforThis educational and experientialworkbook is for anyone livingwith stress, anxiety, pain, or illness.Weavingmindfulness into your everyday lifewill not only help reduce stress and anxiety, itwill alsoguideyoutoalifeofgreatercompassion,health,peace,andwell-being.

Inaddition,thisworkbookmaybehelpfulfortherapists,clinicians,andeducatorswhowouldliketobringmindfulnesstotheirclientsorstudentsasanadjuncttotherapyoreducation.Itcanalsobeusedinthe workplace to help alleviate job stress. You may also want to do this workbook with a group offriends. Mindfulness has become very popular in the worlds of psychology, medicine, neuroscience,education,andbusiness.Wehopethatthisworkbookwillinspireyoutomakemindfulnessanimportantpartofyourlife,asawayofbeing,andbelievethatasyougrowinyourownmindfulnesspractice,you’llbebetterabletosupportothersonthispath.

Althoughthisworkbookwasinspiredbythepioneeringmindfulness-basedstressreductionprogramscreatedbyJonKabat-Zinn,Ph.D.,assistedbySakiSantorelli,Ph.D.,attheUniversityofMassachusettsMedicalCenter, it isn’t a substitute for taking theprogram. (See theResources section forguidance infindinganMBSRlocationinyourarea.)Thatsaid,wedobelievethatthisworkbookwillbeanavenuetogreaterpeaceandhealinginyourlife.

howtousethisworkbookWestrongly recommend thatyouwork through thisbooksequentially,as itsorganization isbasedonawell-established and effective program. As you work your way through the book, you’ll engage in avariety of mindfulness practices to help reduce the stress and anxiety you feel in response to life’schallenges,buildingyourownmindfulnesspracticealongtheway.Manyof thechapterscontainformalmindfulnessmeditationpractices,initiallyofafairlyshortdurationandbecominglongerasyouprogressthroughthebook,andallchapters(otherthanchapter11)includeaninformalpractice.

Often,changedoesn’thappenasquicklyaswewould like.Beassured thatchangewill comewithtimeandpractice,andunderstandthatpracticeisthekeytotrueandlastingchange.Wesuggestthatyouworkwith each chapter for at least aweek beforemoving on to the next.Thiswill help integrate thepracticesintoyourdailylifesothatthey’remoreaccessibletoyou,especiallywhenyou’redealingwithstressorstress-relatedconditions.

Inadditiontobasicbackgroundinformation,mostofthechaptersincludecertainelementstohelpyougain a greater understandingofmindfulness, developyourown formal and informal practice, scheduleyourpractice,andstayontrackwiththatschedule:

Journal.Wheneachformalpracticeisfirstintroduced,weincludespaceforyoutojournalwhatcameupforyou.Ifyoulikejournalingorfindthatthisenhancesyourpractice,considerdedicatinganotebookorjournaltoyourmindfulnesspractice.

Mindfulexploration.Throughout theworkbookyou’llfindspacesformindfulself-reflectiononvariousquestionstohelpsustain,deepen,andsupportyourpractice.

Justdoit.Inthesetextboxes,weoffersuggestionsonhowtobringmindfulnesstovariousday-to-dayactivities.Whenyoucomeacrossone,readit,thenputdownthebookandjustdoit!

FAQ. Over our many years of teaching mindfulness-based stress reduction, we’ve found thatcertainquestionscomeuptimeandagain.Thesetextboxesanswersomeofthequestionswehearmostoften.

Planning your practice. At the end of every chapter you’ll find a checklist reminding you toschedule formal and informal practices over the nextweek.We recommendusing some sort ofsystemordevice,suchasadaytimer,phonealarm,orelectroniccalendar.

Formalpracticelogs.Afterdoingyourscheduledformalpractices,takethetimetousetheselogstobrieflyrecordwhatyouexperiencedduringeachpractice.

Reviewing your informal practice. After the formal practice log, we’ve included a space toreview how your informal practices are going. You can use this information to guide you inmakinganyneededadjustments.

Attheendofthebook,inchapter11,we’llgiveyousuggestionsonhowtomaintainyourmindfulnesspracticeasawayof life.Toenhance theeffectivenessofyourpracticeand theworkyoudowith thisbook, we recommend that you connect with a larger community of your peers atwww.mbsrworkbook.com.Thereyou’ll findlike-mindedpeoplewhocansupportyouin theprocessofcultivatingyourmindfulnesspractice.You’relikelytofindthatothersappreciateconnectingwithyouforyoursupport,andtoshare,discuss,andlearnmoreaboutmindfulness.You’llalsofindvideoblogsfrombothofusandfromothermeditationteachers.

FAQ

What’s the difference between mindfulness meditation and other forms ofmeditation?

Thereareessentiallytwoformsofmeditation:insightandconcentration.Mindfulnessisconsideredinsightmeditationsince itbringsfullattentionto thebodyandmindin thepresentmomentwithouttryingtoalterormanipulatetheexperience.Whateverisoccurringin the body (sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations) or mind, the task is simply toobserveitsever-changingnature.Withthepracticeofmindfulness,youbegintodiscoverthecausesofyourownsufferingandfindapathwaytogreaterfreedom.Inconcentrationmeditation,ontheotherhand, thefocusisonconcepts, imagery,oramantra.Asenseoftranquilityisoneofthebenefitsofthemindbecomingdeeplyabsorbedwiththemeditationobject in a one-pointed way. The distinguishing difference is that with concentrationmeditation, you become one with the object of focus, leading to greater meditativeabsorption,whereaswithinsightmeditationyoubegintoseetheever-changingnatureofbodyandmindandthedifficultiesthataregeneratedfromgrasping,aversion,andtheself-limitingdefinitionsofwhoyouthinkyouare.Theseinsightsdeepenyourunderstandingofwhatfuelsyourstressandsufferingandleadtogreaterbalanceandpeace.

meditationpracticesuggestionsHerearesomesuggestionstohelpyouprepareforanddevelopyourpractice.Werecommendthatyouusetheaudiofilesontheweblinkincludedwiththisbookasyoulearneachnewpractice.Itincludestwenty-onedifferentmindfulnessmeditationpracticesthatadduptoovereightandahalfhours.ThetracksareinMP3format,whichcanbeplayedonacomputerorMP3player.Listeningtotheaudiotrackswillallowyoutodeepenyourpractice,sinceyouwon’thavetoreadandreferbacktothebookasyou’repracticing.Continueusingtheaudiotracksuntilyou’rethoroughlyfamiliarwitheachpractice—orlongerifyoulike.Another advantage to using the audio tracks is that it paces the practice for you. If youmust practicewithouttheaudiotracksorchooseto,simplysetatimerforthelengthofthepractice.Forlongerpracticesdonewithouttheaudiotracks,you’llneedtopauselongeraftereachparagraphoftext.

Asyougothroughthebook,weofferasuggestedscheduleforpracticetohelpyouestablishagoodfoundation.Dothebestyoucantosticktothisschedule.Asyoumovethroughthebook,you’lllearnmorepracticesandhavegreaterflexibilityinchoosingthepracticesthatworkbestforyou.Inchapters1,2,and3, you’ll learn a mindful eating practice, a three-minute mindful check-in practice, and a five-minutemindfulbreathingpractice.You’ll findlengthierandmorein-depthmeditations inchapters4 through8,somewithoptionsforpracticingforfifteen,thirty,orforty-fiveminutes,dependingonyourscheduleorpreference.Inchapters9and10,on mindfulnessinrelationshipsandmindfulnessforwell-being,we’lloffermoreinformalpracticestohelpyouextendmindfulnesstotheseaspectsoflifeasyoucontinuewiththeformalpracticesyoulearnedearlierinthebook.

Read through the first three chapterswithin a couple ofweeks.With the introductory practices inchapters 1 through 3, it’s fine to experiment and vary the way you practice them. For example, afterpracticingthemindfulcheck-inonceadayforaweek, thesecondweekyoucouldpracticethemindfulcheck-inafewtimesadayoralternateitwiththefive-minutebreathingpractice.Youcouldalsocombinethem into one practice, beginning with the mindful check-in for a few minutes and then adding thebreathingpractice.Themainpointistopracticeregularlyandmakethepracticeyourown.Later,whenweintroduceyoutolongermeditationsinchapters4through8,wehighlyrecommendthatyouworkwitheachofthemforaweek.

Ifatanypointyounoticethatyouhaven’tpracticedfordays,don’tbehardonyourself.Justletitbeandnoticethatyouarepresentonceagainandcanmakeaplantopracticethatday.Ultimatelyofcourse,it’suptoyoutoworkwiththepracticesinawaythatfeelsrightforyou.

explore:WhyDidYouPurchaseThisWorkbook?

This is the first of manymindful explorations in this workbook. In these exercises, we pose variousquestions and invite you to sit, reflect, and then write about whatever arises for you in the presentmoment. As youwrite, there is no need to analyze, judge, or figure anything out. Simplywrite aboutwhatever thoughts, feelings, or bodily sensations you experience in the moment in response to thisexploration.

Whileworkingwith theexplorations,wesuggestmoving through thequestionsslightlyslower thanyoumightnormally.There’snoneedtohurrythroughthis.Takeyourtimeandfeelintoyourlife,andknowthatdoingtheseexplorationsisanincrediblegifttoyourself.Youcanwritebriefanswersifyoulikeor,to deepen your experience, trywriting longer,without stopping, and seewhat surfaces.Write to yourheart’scontent,knowing thatwhateveramountof timeyouspendwith this is right foryou. Ifyouneed

morespace,youcanwriteonaseparatepageorinamindfulnessjournal.Whathasbeengoingoninyourlifethatledyoutopurchasethisworkbook?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Whatareyouhopingtochangeinyourlifeasyouworkthroughthisbook?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What are some positive things you can say about yourself?Whenever you feel you can’t think ofanything more, squeeze out something else. Feel free to come back to this page later to write downadditionalpositivethingsaboutyourselfasyouthinkofthem.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Throughtheyears,we’vewitnessedthousandsofpeopleansweringthesequestionsastheybegintheirjourney of mindfulness. Some come to our classes because their level of stress is so overwhelming.Othersfaceenormouschallengesbalancingworkandpersonallife.Peoplecomebecausethey’reangry,sad,scared,orconfused,andothersbecausethey’relivingwithpainorillness.Allcomewiththehopeformorebalance—awaytoeasestressandtoexperiencemorepeace.Manyofusgetsoboggeddownorbeatdownbylifethatweforgetwhat’spositiveaboutourselvesandneedtobereminded:“Ohyeah,Iamagoodperson.Idoactwithkindnesstowardothers.Ilikemysenseofhumor.Iamagoodparent,sibling,orfriend.”

Before you read on, take a moment to compassionately reflect on, acknowledge, and integrateeverythingyouwroteinthisexploration.

HowStressedAreYou?

Beforeyouturntochapter1,takeamomenttoexplorethestressorsinyourlife.Thisinformalassessmentisn’tmeanttoreplaceaclinicalassessment;it’ssimplyintendedtohelpyoudeterminewhatthecurrentstressorsareinyourlifesoyoucanbegintoworkwiththem.Therearetwostepstothisprocess:

1. Usingtheformonthenextpage,listuptotensituationsthatyouperceivetobecurrentstressorsinyourlife.(We’veincludedextraspacesincaseotherstressorsariselaterinyourlifewhileyouworkwiththisbook.)Instep2,you’llratethesesituationsonascaleof1to10,with1beingnotverystressfuland10beingextremelystressful.Forthisfirststep,justbesuretoincludearangeofsituationsfrommildlystressful(rated2to4)toextremelystressful(rated8to10).Althoughit’sfine to be general, listing things likework, school, spouse, traffic, crowds, news, being alone,finances, physical pain, unhealthy eating, poor sleep, and so on, we recommend being morespecific. That will give you something more definite to track as you determine whether thesituationoryourstresslevelhaschangedlateron.Forexample,insteadof“work,”youmightsay,“Whenmy boss asks me to do the quarterly reports,” or instead of “crowds,” you might say,“WhenIgotothegrocerystoreintheevening.”

2. Inthecolumnimmediatelytotherightofeachstressor,rateeachonthescaleof1to10describedabove,with1beingnotverystressfuland10beingextremelystressful.Leavetherightmosttwocolumnsblank.Midwaythroughthebookandthenagainattheend,we’llaskyoutocomebacktothispageandratethesesamestressorsagainasawayofmonitoringwhethertherehavebeenanychangesinyourperceivedstresslevelinresponsetothem.

Here’sanexample:Sarah,whowasinvolvedinanMBSRprogram,feltahighdegreeofstresseverytimeherbossaskedhertodoquarterlyreports.Sheratedita7,indicatingfairlyhighstress.Whenshewashalfwaythroughtheprogram,sheratedherperceivedstressaboutthisagain.Throughherworkwithmindfulness,shefeltbetterabletohandlethechallengeatwork,butstillfeltmoderatelystressedaboutit,sosheratedita5.Towardtheendoftheprogramsheratedherdegreeofstressaboutthesameissueonceagain,andthoughshestillnoticedsomestress,itwasminimal,sosheratedita2.

Oneimportantnote:Ifyouratemostofthestressorsyoulistasextremelystressful(8to10),youmaywanttousethisbookinconjunctionwithahealthcareormentalhealthprofessional.

Nodoubtthestressorsyoulistedonthepreviouspagearetheverythingsthatledyoutopurchasethisworkbook.Knowthatthepracticesyou’lllearnherehavebeenagreatgifttomanypeopleindealingwithstress,pain,andillness.Oftenwediscoverourgreateststrengthswhileworkingwiththesedifficultiesinlife.

summaryAs youmove through this workbook, try to engage in the readings, explorations, and practices in thetimelines indicated,andconnectwithotherswhoaredoingthesameatwww.mbsrworkbook.com.Mayyoudeeplyknowthatthetimeyousetasidetoengagewiththisbookisawonderfulgifttoyourself.Astheold sayinggoes, “A journeyof a thousandmilesbeginswith a single step.”Congratulationsonhavingtakenthatfirststep,andwelcometoyourjourneyofmindfulliving.

Asyouembarkuponthissojourn,maythesewordsfromavisionaryseventeenth-centurypoetinspireyoutocontinuemeetingthemostamazingpersonyou’lleverencounter—yourself:

Directyoureye-sightinward,andyou’lefindAthousandregionsinyourmindYetundiscover’d.Travellthem,andbeExpertinhomeCosmographie.

—William Habington, “To My Honoured Friend Sir Ed. P. Knight” (1634[1895],93)

1

whatismindfulness?Mindfulnessisaboutbeingfullyawareofwhateverishappeninginthepresentmoment,withoutfiltersorthe lens of judgment. It can be brought to any situation.Put simply,mindfulness consists of cultivatingawareness of the mind and body and living in the here and now.While mindfulness as a practice ishistorically rooted inancientBuddhistmeditativedisciplines, it’salsoauniversalpractice thatanyonecan benefit from. And indeed, being present and mindful is an important concept in many spiritualtraditions, including Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, and Taoism. In Sanskrit, it’sknownassmrti,fromtherootwordsmr,meaning“toremember,”andinPali,thelanguageoftheearliestBuddhistscriptures,it’sknownassati(mindfulness).

Today,mindfulnesshasexpandedbeyonditsspiritualrootsandevenbeyondpsychologyandmentalandemotionalwell-being.Physiciansareprescribingtraininginmindfulnesspracticetohelppeopledealwith stress, pain, and illness.Mindfulness has entered the mainstream in theWest and is exerting aninfluence in a wide variety of contexts, includingmedicine, neuroscience, psychology, education, andbusiness.Asan indicatorof itspopularization, ithasevenmadeanappearance in theblockbuster filmStarWars,with justoneexamplebeingJediMasterQui-GonJinn telling thenoviceObi-WanKenobi,“Bemindful!”

In the words of Walpola Rahula, author of the Buddhist classic What the Buddha Taught,“[Mindfulness]issimplyobserving,watching,examining.Youarenotajudgebutascientist”(1974,73).Youcancertainlyapplythisapproachtosensoryinformationandtheworldaroundyou,andinthisbookwe’llguideyouinpracticesthatdojustthat.However,someofthegreatestbenefitsofmindfulnesscomefromexaminingyourmentalprocessesinthisway,observingthemdispassionately,asascientistwould.Because this allows great insight into habitualways of thinking, it has a profound power to alleviatestressandsuffering.

Afterbeginninghermindfulnesspractice,apsychologistfriendonceremarkedthatobservinghermindrevealed it had two modes of operation: either rehearsing or rehashing her life. Before she beganobservingherthoughts,shehadn’trealizedhowbusyhermindwasandhowoftenshewasn’tpresentforwhatwashappeninginthemoment.Shesaid,“Canyouimagineifwecouldbottlealltherehearsingandrehashingwe do?Wewouldn’t have an energy crisis.”We’ve told this story often in ourmindfulnessclasses,andmanypeoplenod,laugh,andacknowledgetheirowncompulsiontorehearseandrehash.Yetthepresentmomentistheonlyplacewherelifemaybefullylived.Hereinliesoneofthegreatestbenefitsofmindfulness:helpingusliveinthehereandnow—andhelpingusbecomemoreawareofourselves.

It is stunning to read thesewordsofSt.Augustinewrittenover1,600years ago: “Mengo forth tomarvelattheheightsofmountainsandthehugewavesofthesea,thebroadflowoftherivers,thevastnessof theocean, theorbits of the stars, andyet theyneglect tomarvel at themselves” (2002, 180).WhilemanythingshavechangedsinceSt.Augustine’stime,clearlysomethingshaven’t.Howcanitbethatallofthesecenturieslater,westillsoseldommarvelatourselves?Thisisapoignantreminderthatit’spartofthehumanconditiontotendtolosetouchwiththewonderormysteriesoflife.

AnalltoocommonexampleinWesterncultureisgettingsocaughtupinthematerialworldthatweforgetaboutlove,compassion,andgenerosity.Theantidoteismindfulness:asimpleanddirectpracticeofmoment-to-momentobservationofthemind-bodyprocessthroughcalmandfocusedawarenesswithoutjudgment.As you come to see life as a process of constant change, you canbegin to acknowledge allaspectsofexperience—pleasureandpain,fearandjoy—withlessstressandmorebalance.

Becausemindfulnesscanserveasapowerfulvehicleforgreaterunderstandingofthepsycheandthecausesofsuffering,it’saneffectivepathtoendingsuffering.TheancientBuddhisttexttheDhammapadasays,“Mindistheforerunnerofall…conditions.Mindischief;andtheyaremind-made”(Thera2004,1).Thisprofoundstatementmakesitobviousthatpayingattentionto,orbeingmindfulof,yourownmindisofparamountimportance.Itissaidthatintentionisthecruxofallactions—thatourintentionsshapeourthoughts, words, and deeds. If the intentions are wholesome, the results will be fruitful and skillful.Conversely,iftheintentionsareunwholesome,theresultswillbeunfruitfulandunskillful.Inthisway,ourminds,throughourintentionsandthoughts,arethecreatorsofourownhappinessandunhappiness.

Readoverthefollowingprogressionacoupleoftimesandtakeamomenttoreflectonit:

1. Intentionshapesourthoughtsandwords.

2. Thoughtsandwordsmoldouractions.

3. Thoughts,words,andactionsshapeourbehaviors.

4. Behaviorssculptourbodilyexpressions.

5. Bodilyexpressionsfashionourcharacter.

6. Ourcharacterhardensintowhatwelooklike.

Youmaybefamiliarwith this lineof thinkingin theformof thesayingthatby the timepeople turnfifty,theygetthefacetheydeserve.Ineithercase,thisisaninterestinginsightintooneofthemanywaystheminddirectlyaffectsthebody.

mindfulnessandwell-beingBy helping you begin to recognize your habitual thinking patterns and other ingrained behaviors,mindfulness can play a significant role in enhancing your psychological and physical well-being.However,itcanbedifficulttositbackandwatchyourneurosesandproblematicbehaviors,aswhatwediscover typicallydoesn’tfit theprettypictureofhowwewant toseeourselves.Inmeditationcircles,it’s said that Tibetan meditation master Chögyam Trungpa once likened this process to having brainsurgerywithoutanesthesia,ortohavingtohearoneinsultafteranother.

Itcanbequitechallengingtoremainanimpartialobserverwhenyousitinahallofmirrors,face-to-facewithyourfear,shame,guilt,andotherunwelcomebutfamiliarinternalvisitors.Mindfulnessoffersaspacetostepoutsideofthisparadeofmentalwounds,aversions,andfantasiesandsimplyobservethemas theycomeandgo.With time,youcan learn toacknowledgedifficult feelingsand thoughts,see theiroriginsmoreclearly,andexperiencedeeperstatesofacceptanceandpeace.

Althoughthisworkisdifficult,thejourneyofdiscoveringyourownheartisanoblepath.Theremaycomea timewhenyou realize, “Whatelse is there todo?”AsVietnameseBuddhistmonkand tirelesspeaceactivistThichNhatHanhsays,“Everymindfulstepwemakeandeverymindfulbreathwetakewillestablish peace in the present moment and prevent war in the future. If we transform our individualconsciousness,webegintheprocessofchangingthecollectiveconsciousness”(2003,56).Howcanyoueverbringpeacetotheworldifyoudon’tbeginwithyourself?

everydaymindfulness

Mindfulnessisawayoflearninghowtorelatedirectlytoyourlife.Becauseit’saboutyourlife,nooneelsecandoitforyouortellyouexactlyhowtodoit.Fortunately,itisn’tsomethingyouhavetogetoracquire.Youalreadyhaveitwithinyou;it’ssimplyamatterofbeingpresent.Infact,intheverymomentyourecognizeyouaren’tpresent,you’vebecomepresent.Themomentyouseethatyou’vebeentrappedbyyourthoughts,yougainthefreedomtostepoutofthetrap.

Mindfulness is a way of life that can be practiced in twoways: formally and informally. Formalpracticemeanstakingtimeouteachdayto intentionallysit,stand,or liedownandfocusonthebreath,bodily sensations, sounds, other senses, or thoughts and emotions. Informal practice involves bringingmindfulawarenesstodailyactivities,suchaseating,exercising,chores,relatingtoothers,andbasicallyanyaction,whetheratwork,athome,oranywhereelseyoufindyourself.

InAlcoholicsAnonymous and other 12-step programs, there’s a saying “Take one day at a time.”Mindfulness goes further, inviting you to take onemoment at a time. Sincewe really live only in thepresentmoment, why not be there for eachmoment? You canmiss somuch if you’re consumedwithanticipationof the futureor ruminationabout thepast.Andasyoubecomemoremindfulofyour innerstate—your thoughts, emotions, sensations, andmental processes—you’ll start to sleepbetter, bemoreabletocopewithstressfulsituations,improveyourself-esteem,renewyourenthusiasmforlifeandwork,andgenerallyjustfeelbetter.

JUSTDOIT!

Anounceofpracticeisbetterthanatonoftheories,sowhynotdosomepractice?Picksometaskthatyounormallydoonadailybasis, likebrushingyour teethorwashingthedishes,andtrytokeepyourattentiononthetaskasyoudoit,bringingallofyoursensestothe experience. If you’re brushing your teeth, remind yourself that you’re brushing yourteeth,feelandlistentothebristlesofthetoothbrushagainstyourteethandgums,andsmelland taste the toothpaste in your mouth. If you’re washing the dishes, know that you’rewashingthedishesandtakeinthefeelandsoundofthewater,thesmellofthesoap,andvisualdetailsyoumightnormallyglossover,suchastheiridescenceofthebubbles.Tryitoutandseewhatyounotice.

formalpractice:MindfullyEatingaRaisin

At thebeginningofmostmindfulness-basedstress reductionclasses,we introduce thispractice,whichinvolveseatingaraisinmindfully,todemystifytheconceptofmeditation.(Ifyoudon’thavearaisin,anyfoodwilldo.)

As you do this practice, put aside all distractions, turn off the phone, and focus direct, clearawarenessoneachaspectandeachmomentoftheexperience.Youcanpracticebylisteningtotrack1ontheweblinkorbyreadingthefollowingtext,takingsometimewitheachinstruction.Ifyouarereadingthismeditation,takefiveminutesorsotodothispractice.

Placea fewraisins inyourhand.Ifyoudon’thaveraisins,any foodwilldo.ImaginethatyouhavejustcometoEarthfromadistantplanetwithoutsuchfood.

Now,withthisfoodinhand,youcanbegintoexploreitwithallofyoursenses.Focus on one of the objects as if you’ve never seen anything like it before. Focus on

seeing thisobject.Scan it,exploringeverypartof it,as ifyou’veneverseensucha thingbefore.Turnitaroundwithyourfingersandnoticewhatcoloritis.

Noticethefoldsandwherethesurfacereflectslightorbecomesdarker.Next,explorethetexture,feelinganysoftness,hardness,coarseness,orsmoothness.Whileyou’redoingthis,ifthoughtsarisesuchas“WhyamIdoingthisweirdexercise?”

“How will this ever help me?” or “I hate these objects,” then just see if you canacknowledgethesethoughts,letthembe,andthenbringyourawarenessbacktotheobject.

Taketheobjectbeneathyournoseandcarefullynoticethesmellofit.Bringtheobjecttooneear,squeezeit,rollitaround,andhearifthereisanysoundcoming

fromit.Begintoslowlytaketheobjecttoyourmouth,noticinghowthearmknowsexactlywhereto

goandperhapsbecomingawareofyourmouthwatering.Gentlyplacetheobjectinyourmouth,onyourtongue,withoutbitingit.Simplyexplorethe

sensationsofthisobjectinyourmouth.When you’re ready, intentionally bite down on the object, maybe noticing how it

automaticallygoestoonesideofthemouthversustheother.Alsonoticethetastesitreleases.Slowlychewthisobject.Beawareofthesalivainyourmouthandhowtheobjectchanges

inconsistencyasyouchew.Whenyou feel ready to swallow,consciouslynotice the intention to swallow, thensee if

youcannoticethesensationsofswallowingtheraisin,sensingitmovingdowntoyourthroatandintoyouresophagusonitswaytoyourstomach.

Takeamomenttocongratulateyourselffortakingthistimetoexperiencemindfuleating.

MindfulEatingJournal

What did you noticewith the raisin (orwhatever food) in terms of sight, touch, sound, smell, andtaste?Wasanythingsurprising?Didanythoughtsormemoriespopupwhiledoingthispractice?Takeafewmomentstowritedownyourreflections.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________

informalpractice:MindfulEating

Eatingisagreatfocusformindfulness.Afterall,everyonehastoeat,yetweoftendosowhiledistractedbysomethingelse, like reading,working,orwatching television.Asa result,peopleoftendon’t reallytasteorevennoticewhatthey’reeating.

You can extend the approach in the formal practice of eating a raisin to any eating experience,allowing you to practice informally anytime you like. Simply give the experience of eating your full,undivided attention and intentionally slow the process down. Try to be like a scientific researcher,observingthemindandbodywithcuriosityandobjectivity,andwithoutjudgment.Goaheadandpracticethis several timesover thenextweek.You’re likely to find that you enjoy eatingmore,while perhapseatingless,asyoutuneintowhatyourbodyreallywantsandneeds.

Elisha’sStory:MindfulEating

Backinmymidtwenties,whenmylifefeltoutofcontrol,Iwentonaone-monthretreat.Eachtimewesatdowntoeatwewereinstructedtobeawareofwhatwewereeating,whereitcamefrom,andthepeoplewhoprepareditandtobethankfulforitandeatitmindfully.SinceIwasresistanttobeingthereinthefirstplace,IduginmyheelsonthisissueandjustcontinuedeatingasIalwayshad.Oftenmymindwouldbeswimmingwithdoubts,questioningmydecisiontoevencometothisplace,thinkingIhadmoreimportantthingstobedoing,andworryingaboutwhetherIreallyfitin.MostofthetimeIwouldbehalfwaythroughthemealbeforeIevenreallytastedthefood.

Oneday,asanotherparticipantintheprogramwastalkingtomeabouttheimportanceofbeingintentionalandpresentinalltheactivitieswedo,Iimmediatelythoughtoftheeatingandaskedhim,“Doesn’titannoyyouthattheymakesuchabigdealabouteatinghere?”Hegentlysmiledatme,broughtoutanorangefromhisknapsack,andsaid,“Treatthisasanexperiment.Takethisorangeandreallythinkaboutwhereitcamefrom,howitstartedfromaseedintheground,howrealpeoplecaredforthetreetomakeithealthyandthenpluckedthefruitfromthattree.Thinkabouthowthisorangewascarriedfromtherebymanydifferentpeoplebeforeitcametome,andnowI’mgivingittoyou.Now,takethisorangeanddrinkitinwithallofyoursensesbeforeevenpeelingit,muchlesstastingit.Whenyouarereadytotakeabite,chewitslightlyslowerthanyounormallywould,andthencomebacktomeandletmeknowhowitwasforyou.”Andthenheleftme.

AsIsatalone,Inoticedsomeresistancearisingbutdecidedtotryhisexperiment.Ireflectedonalltheeffortittookforthislittleorangetogettome,includingthefactthatitwasagiftfromhim,andnoticedthatIfeltatwingeofappreciationandasmilecametomyface.IhadtoadmitIlikedthat.Ilookedalittlecloserandnoticedallthetinyindentsintheskin.AsIslowlypeeledtheorange,Inoticedamistofcitrusspringintotheair,asthoughtheorangewasrejoicingtobeopened,whichmademelaugh,andthenIsmelledthepungentaroma.Inoticedthecontrastbetweenthevividorangeoftheoutsideofthepeelandthepale,whitishinsidesurface.Oncetheorangewaspeeled,Ibroughtitclosertomyeyesandsawthesmooth,veinedtextureoftheouter

membrane.AsIbrokeapartonesection,Ireallylookedatallofthetinyindividualpiecesofpulp,swollenwithjuice.WhenIfinallyputapieceoforangeonmytongue,tinglingsensationsranupmycheeks.Allofmyattentionwasonthetasteoftheorange,andasIbegantochew,Ifeltarushofsheerdelightattheamazingtasteofthisorange.Ihadeatenmanyorangesinmylife,butIhadnevertastedanorangeinthisway.AndthenInoticedthatthedistressIhadbeenfeelingwasgone,andthatIfeltcalmandatease.

formalpractice:MindfulCheck-In

Nowwe’ll introduce toyouabrief, three-minutepractice togiveyouanother tasteofmindfulness: themindfulcheck-in.Thisshort,powerfulpracticeallowsyou to recognizehowyou’re feelingphysically,mentally,andemotionallyandwillhelpyourecenteryourselfinthepresentmoment.Werecommendthatyou incorporate this practice into your daily life, using it as often as you like during the day and thencombiningitwiththebreathingpracticeyou’lllearninchapter3.

Dothispracticeinarelaxingenvironmentwithoutdistractions,suchasthephone.Youcandoiteitherlyingdownorsittingup,butifyouliedownandfindyourselffallingasleep,tryamoreuprightposture.Wesuggestpracticingwithyoureyesclosed, since themainpointof focus isyour innerexperienceofyourmindandbody;however,youmaykeepthempartiallyopenifyouprefer.Bringyourfull,undividedattention to this practice as you listen to track 2 on the web link or read the text, pausing after eachparagraph.Ifyouarereadingthismeditation,takethreeminutesorsotodothispractice.

Take a fewmoments to be still. Congratulate yourself for taking this time formeditationpractice.

Beginthismindfulcheck-inbyfeelingintoyourbodyandmindandsimplyallowinganywavesofthought,emotion,orphysicalsensationtojustbe.

Perhapsthisisthefirstbreakyou’vetakenamidstabusyday.Asyoubegintoentertheworldofbeingratherthandoing,youmaynoticethetrajectoryof thefeelingsthatyou’vebeencarryingwithinyourself.

Thereisnoneedtojudge,analyze,orfigurethingsout.Justallowyourselftobeinthehereandnow,amidsteverythingthat ispresent in thismoment.Spendabout threeminutessimplycheckinginwithyourselfinthisway.

Asyoucome to theendof thismindfulcheck-in,againcongratulateyourself fordoingthispracticeanddirectlycontributingtoyourhealthandwell-being.

MindfulCheck-InJournal

Assoonasyoufinishyour firstpracticeof themindfulcheck-in, takeamoment towriteaboutanythoughts,feelings,andsensationsyounoticedwhiledoingit.__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

FAQ

DoIhavetosittomeditate?Inmanypicturesofpeoplemeditating,they’resittinginintimidatingpostureswiththeir

eyesclosed,whichcanmakethepracticeseeminaccessibleorforeigntobeginners.Letusclarify rightnow that there’snoneed to assume specificorunusual positionswhenyoumeditate. The only instructions are to assume a position where you can remain alert,attentive,andcomfortable.Itisalsohelpfultohaveyourspinestraightyetnottoorigidorlax.Mindfulness isn’t about attaining a certain sitting posture or even a certainmentalstate;it’saboutwakinguptothemomentinwhateverpositionyouarein—physicallyandmentally.

awordaboutscheduleandreviewBelow, and at the end of each chapter, you’ll find a checklist entitled Planning Your Practice, whichremindsyoutodotwoimportantstepstosupportyouinapplyingmindfulnesstoyourdailylife.Thefirststep involves creating a schedule for your mindfulness practice and following through on yourcommitment to thisschedule.You’reprobablyfamiliarwith thesaying“Oldhabitsdiehard.”Itcanbequiteeasytojustgetcaughtupinyourdailyroutinesandnotfollowthroughonyourpractice.Scheduleyourformalpracticeinwhatevercalendaryouuseforyourdailylifeandtrytoobservethisspecialtimewiththesamedisciplineasyouwouldadoctor’sappointment.Afterall,it’ssomethingyou’redoingforyourwell-being,anditcanhelpimproveyourmentalandphysicalhealth.

The second step involves reviewing your practice to see how it went.When people begin a newpractice,they’reoftendedicatedandenthusiasticatfirst,andthenitbeginstofadeaway.Day-to-daytaskscangetintheway,andunexpecteddemandsandobstaclesmayarise.It’simportanttosetasidesometimetoreflectonwhat’sworkingandwhatisn’tsoyoucanadjustyourpracticeasneeded.Forexample,youmaynotice thatyou’reable topractice in themorningmoreoften than theevening,or thatyou’remorelikelytobeinterruptedatcertaintimes.Youmightnoticethatyouweren’tabletodoacertainpracticeoneweek,butyouweresuccessfulthenextweek.Whatwasthedifference?Thepurposeofthisreviewisn’ttojudgeyoureffortsasgoodorbad,buttocreateawarenessaroundwhatworksandwhatdoesn’t

workforyouandhowyoucanremaineffectiveinyourpractice.Schedulethereviewtooccuraboutoneweekafteryou’vebeguneachpractice.

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Inlaterchapters,you’llhaveawidervarietyofformalpracticestochoosefrom.Fornow,scheduletheformalpractice fromthischapteronyourcalendarover thenextweek.Try topracticeat least fivedaysaweek.Alsoscheduleatimeaboutaweekfromnowwhenyou’llreviewyourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractice

MindfulCheck-In

Again,you’llhaveawidervarietyofinformalpracticestochoosefromasyouworkforwardinthisbook.Fornow,starttointegratetheinformalpracticefromthischapterintoyourdailylife.

InformalPractice

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,filloutthefollowinglog.Asyoufillitout,andasyoulookbackover the previous week’s practice, think about how your practice has been going. Do you notice anypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?Incaseyou’reunsureofhowtousethelog,we’veprovidedanexample.

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanusewhatyou learn from these reflections to deepen your daily informal practice. Again, we’ve included anexampletohelpyouseehowtousethelog.

2

mindfulnessandthemind-bodyconnectionThesubstantialandsignificantlinkbetweenmindfulnessandstressreductioniscenteredwithinthemind-body connection. Although Western medicine has tended to view the mind-body connection aspseudoscience or a fringe concept, this attitude is changing as neuroscientists discover and chart theneural pathways that connect thoughts and emotions to physiology. This exciting field of science hasestablishedthatthoughtsandemotionsareindeedinterconnectedwiththephysicalprocessofthebody.

Whenyouexperiencestress,thebodyproduceshormonessuchascortisolandneurotransmitterssuchasepinephrineandnorepinephrine.Physiologicalresponsestostresshavebeencraftedbyourevolutionasa species. Inprehistoric times,whenapersonencountereda life-threateningsituationsuchasbeingattacked by an animal, the body needed to handle the emergency immediately. To do so, the body’sphysicalenergyisredirectedinwaysthathelpusfight,flee,orfreezeinresponsetoanydanger,whichiswhythisreactionhascometobeknownasthefight,flight,orfreezeresponse.

Lifeisdifferentnow,andwhilemostofusseldomfaceimmediate,life-threateningdangerssuchasanattacking animal, we do face a multitude of daily stressors, and the body doesn’t always know thedifference.Asaresult,thefight,flight,orfreezeresponsecanariseduetobeingstuckintraffic,feelingoverwhelmedatwork, orworrying about financesorhealth.Howwe respondhas less todowith theactualeventthanhowwemakemeaningoftheevent(Siegel2001).Ifyourbrainperceivesdangerevenwhen there isn’tan imminentphysical threatand thisautomatic reactionoccurs repeatedlyandremainsunchecked,yourlevelofstresscanbuildovertime.Whencortisolandtheneurotransmittersepinephrineand norepinephrine continue to surge through your body, you can go into a kind of hyperadrenalineoverdrive.Yourhealthwillsuffer,asthisconditiontakesenergyawayfromtheimmunesystemandotherimportantphysiologicalsystems,leavingthemlessabletoperformtheirfunctions.

theautonomicnervoussystemTo understand how stress harms the body, it’s helpful to become familiarwith the autonomic nervoussystem.Thispartofthenervoussystemworksataninvoluntaryleveltoregulatevitalbodilyfunctions,includingthebrain,heart,respiration,andmanyfunctionsoftheinternalorgansandglands.It’scomprisedoftwoneuralpathways:thesympatheticnervoussystemandtheparasympatheticnervoussystems.Thesepathwayshaveopposingfunctionsthatarecomplementaryandservetobalanceeachother.Youcanthinkofthesympatheticsystemasanacceleratorandtheparasympatheticsystemasabrake.

The brain seems to constantly be evaluating whether situations are safe or not.When it detects apotentialthreat,ithasthreeoptions:fight,flee,orfreeze.Whenthebrainthinksitcantakeactionagainstthe threat, whether by fighting or by fleeing, the sympathetic nervous system kicks in, creating manyphysiologicalchangestosupportheightenedactivity,suchasshallowbreathing,increasedheartrateandbloodpressure,andthereleaseofendorphinstonumbpain.Simultaneously,lesscrucialfunctions,suchas the immune, digestive, and reproductive systems, slow down or temporarily come to a halt. Thisresponsecanenableafirefightertocarryathree-hundred-poundmandowntwentyflightsofstairsorhelpyourunfasterandfartherthanyounormallycould.Ontheotherhand,ifthebrainthinksthesituationishopelessandnoactionwillhelp,itoptsforthefreezeresponse,activatingtheparasympatheticnervoussystem,whichlowersbloodpressureandheartrate,whichcanaidinimmobilizingthebodyandstoringenergy.Inextremesituations,thiscancausefainting.

Once thebraindecides that you’reout of danger, it activates systems that rebalance thebody. In apersonal communication, psychiatrist Daniel Siegel, codirector of the UCLA Mindful AwarenessResearch Center and author of The Mindful Brain, said, “The key to a mindful approach to stressinvolvesactivatingaself-engagementsystemthatlikelyinvolvesattuningtotheselfandcreatinganinnersenseoflovewithoutfear,whichmaybeattheheartoftherelaxationstate.”

Inneuroscience, emotionsand thoughts areviewedasbeingcomprisedof chemicals andelectricalimpulses that affect multiple physiological systems, including immunity, the musculoskeletal system,digestion,circulation,andrespiration,andasaresult,emotionsandthoughtscanbecontributingfactorsinboth health and illness. And because the brain doesn’t distinguish between psychological andphysiologicaldanger,activatingthesamephysiologicalresponsesineithercase(Siegel2001),somethingassimpleand innocuousaswaiting in lineordealingwith trafficcansetoff thestress reaction.Whenday-to-daystressisprolongedandseldomsubsides,yourbodydoesn’tgetachancetorebalanceitself,and theeffectscanbedisastrous,contributing toa long listofailments, includinghighbloodpressure,muscle tension, skin problems, anxiety, insomnia, gastrointestinal and digestive complaints, and asuppressedimmunesystem,whichcompromisesyourabilitytofightdisease.

stressreactionandstressresponseWhat if you could become mindful of your stress reactions and learn to respond to them in a moreconstructiveandharmoniousway?Whenyoubecomeawareofthestressinyourlifeandhowitaffectsyourbodyandmind,youcanbegin todevelopskills tobringgreaterbalance toyour lifeandhowyourespond to stress. InFull Catastrophe Living (1990), Jon Kabat-Zinn makes an important distinctionbetween a stress reaction and a stress response.Stress reactions are generally fueled by unconscioushabitualpatterns,oftenlearnedfrompastchallengesandexperiences.Thesepatternsincludemaladaptivecopingtechniquessuchassmoking,substanceabuse,workaholism,andgeneralbusynessandinthelongrun often lead to mental and physical breakdown. A stress response, on the other hand, involvesacknowledgingemotionsratherthansuppressingthemwhilealsodevelopingtoolsforworkingwiththem.Asyoulearntorespondtostressmindfully,youcangraduallybegintobreaktheolddefaultpatternsofunawarenessassociatedwithstressreactions,openingthedoortonewwaysofworkingwithstressandtransformingit.Awarenessislikebringingalighttothedarknessofmindlessreactions.Onceyoucanseethemmoreclearly,youcanchoosetorespondmoreskillfully.

Oneofthemanybenefitsofmindfulnessisthatitallowsyoutobewithawiderangeofexperiences,includingdifficultinternalstatessuchasagitationandfear.Becauseitbringsclarityandawarenesstoallinternalexperiences,itcanplayastrategicroleinbalancingtheacceleratorandbrakeofthesympatheticand parasympathetic nervous systems. In The Mindful Brain (2007), Daniel Siegel describes thisstabilizationof attention as an evenhoveringof awareness that allows for theobservationof differentmindstates,includingstressreactions.Further,hebelievesthatmindfulnessallowstheprefrontalcortexof the brain to balance the two branches of the autonomic nervous system in a flexible and adaptivemanner,creatinggreaterequanimity.Thiscombinationofobservationandequanimitycangoalongwayinhelpingyouavoidgettingcaughtupinyourmentalcontentandmindlessreactions.

Becauseofhowthemind-bodysystemissointricatelyinterwoven,thiscapacitytotransformstressandrespondwithgreaterequanimityalsohasprofoundimplicationsforphysicalhealth.Thebestpossiblemedicalcarebeginswithself-care,whichallowsyoutoexertsomecontroloveryourownwell-being.Practicingmindfulnessisapowerfulmeansoftakinganactiveroleinyourownself-careandimprovingyouroverallwellness.

mindfulnessanditspivotalroleinstressreductionToday, there are over 250 mindfulness-based stress reduction programs in major medical centersthroughout the United States, as well as programs throughout much of the world. Mindfulness-basedapproacheshaveproveneffective indecreasing symptomsofanxiety (Miller,Fletcher, andKabat-Zinn1995),obsessive-compulsivedisorder(Baxteretal.1992),andchronicpain(Kabat-Zinn,Chapman,andSalmon 1987).They’ve also been shown to be helpful in reducing the detrimental effects of psoriasis(Kabat-Zinnetal.1998),increasingasenseofempathyandspirituality(Shapiro,Schwartz,andBonner1998), increasing well-being (Brown and Ryan 2003), preventing relapse in depression (Segal et al.2007) and drug addiction (Parks, Anderson, andMarlatt 2001), and decreasing stress and enhancingqualityoflifeforthosestrugglingwithbreastandprostatecancer(Carlson,L.,etal.2007).

Youmightwonderhowmindfulnesscanbesobeneficialinregardtosomanydifferentdifficultiesanddisorders. The answer lies in its very nature. This practice of moment-to-moment nonjudgmentalawarenessbringsfocustowhateverishappeninginthemoment,anditisonlyinthepresentmomentthatyou can make changes. As you open your awareness to what is imbalanced and come to recognizeunconscious habitual tendencies, you can begin to make new choices that promote well-being andbalance.

GarySchwartz,apsychologistwhostudiesstress,hasdevelopedamodelofahealthfeedbackloopinwhich he attributes the ultimate origin of disease to disconnectedness from thoughts, sensations, andemotions, and theoriginofhealth toconnectednesswith these internalexperiences (Kabat-Zinn1990).Thefeedbackloopheoutlinessuggeststhatifyou’reunawareofyourinternalstressreactionsandhowtheyexpressthemselvesinthoughts,sensations,andemotions,you’redisconnected,whichcantakeyourbody and mind out of balance. Conversely, awareness automatically creates connection, helping yourecognizewhatyou’reexperiencingsothatyoucandowhat’snecessarytoreturntobalance.

An everyday example of how awareness can decrease stress is the common experience of gettingstuckintraffic.Becauseit’seasytobeunawareoftheimpactstresshasonthebodyandmind,youmaynothavenoticed tension throughoutyourbody, rapidor irregularbreathing,or thatyou’regripping thesteeringwheelsotightlythatyourknucklesareturningwhite.It’sevenlesslikelythatyou’llnoticeother,more hidden impacts of anxiety and irritation, such as elevated heart rate, blood pressure, or bodytemperature.However,onceyoubecomeawareofyourphysicaltension,you’vereturnedtothepresentmomentandcan releaseyourdeathgripon thesteeringwheel.Andonceyousee thatyou’rebreathingrapidly and irregularly, you can stabilize your breath by breathing mindfully, which will graduallyregulateotherinternalsymptomsofstress,includingheartrateandbloodpressure.

Becausemindfulnessallowsyoutoseeyourexperienceclearly,itcanhelpyoubecomemoreawareofhowstressaffectsyou.Thenyoucanchooseamoreskillfulresponse.Inthisway,youcanbecomeamoreactiveparticipantinyourhealthandwell-beingandexperienceanymoment,nomatterhowdifficultorintense,withmorebalanceandpeace.

mindfulnessandthebrainAnumberofstudieshavedemonstratedthatpracticingmindfulnesscauseshealthychangesinthebrain,supportinganecdotalevidencefromthereal-lifeexperiencesofthousandsofpeoplewe personallyhaveworkedwith,whohaveenjoyedincreasedwell-being,focus,andpeaceasaresultoftheirpractice.

Forexample,in2003,Dr.RichardDavidson,directoroftheLaboratoryforAffectiveNeuroscienceattheUniversityofWisconsin–Madison, JonKabat-Zinn,andcolleaguespublished resultsofa study thatexamined theeffectsof aneight-weekMBSRprogramon themental andphysicalhealthof agroupof

employees at a biotech company. Of the forty-one people in the study, twenty-five participated in theMBSR program and sixteen didn’t. The electrical activity of each participant’s brain was measuredbefore and immediately after the program and then four months later. The research found that themeditation group had significant increases in activity in the left side of the brain’s frontal area ascompared to the controlgroup.This regionof thebrain is associatedwithpositive affect andemotionregulation.Davidson’s research showed that individualswith greater activation in this region recovermorequickly followingastressfuleventcomparedwith individualswith lessactivation in this region.The2003studyalsorevealedinterestinglinkswithimmunesystemfunctioning.Attheendoftheeight-week program, all participants were given a flu vaccination. Those who meditated had significantincreases in antibodies compared to the control group, suggesting that meditation can help boost theimmuneresponse.

In2005,SaraLazar,Ph.D.,aninstructoratHarvardMedicalSchool,publishedresearchthatfoundameasurabledifferenceinthebrainsofpeoplewhoroutinelymeditatecomparedtothosewhodon’t.UsingMRIbrainscans, she found thicker regions in the frontalcortex,anarea responsible for reasoninganddecision making, in those who had a consistent mindfulness practice compared to those who didn’t.Additionally,shefoundathickerinsula,whichisinvolvedinsensinginternalsensationsandthoughttobea critical structure in the perception of emotional feelings (Lewis andTodd2005). She suggested thatbecausethecortexandinsulanormallystartdeterioratingafteragetwenty,mindfulnessmeditationmighthelpmake up for some of the losses due to aging. In a personal communication, she told us that shebelieves“meditationcanhaveaseriousimpactonyourbrainlongbeyondthetimewhenyou’reactuallysittingandmeditating,andthismayhaveapositiveimpactonyourday-to-dayliving.”

Based on a review of current research, along with personal accounts, Dr. Daniel Siegel (2007)suggests that thepracticeofmindfulnessuses thesocialneuralcircuitryof thebrain tohelpusbecomemore attuned to ourselves, which results in greater physical, psychological, and social well-being. Inessence,whenpayingattentiontoourminds,weusethesamemechanismsinthebrainthatwe’vealwaysusedtoscanforthefeelings,intentions,andattitudesofothers(socialcircuitry).Hesaysthatthewaywepayattentionaffectsneuralplasticity—theability to changeourneural connections in response toourexperiences.Inastatementthatmightblowyourmind,hesays,“Hereweseethenotionthatthemindisusing the brain to create itself” (2007, 32). Ponder that for a minute or a million. He explains thatmindfulnesspracticecanaffecttheprefrontalareaofthebrain,whichhasintegrativefunctionsthatimpactmanyareasofthebrainandbody,suggestingthatmindfulnesshasapositiveinfluenceonresilience,self-regulation,andwell-being.

Mindfulness and brain research is certainly a hot topic these days, and studies are ongoing. Forexample,theMindandLifeInstitutehasgatheredsomeoftheworld’sforemostscientists,theDalaiLama,andotherNobelPrizewinners,tocollaborateonresearchwithexperiencedmeditators.Otherresearchisbeing coordinated by the Center for ContemplativeMind in Society, which has recently developed aproject to work with Army caregivers. The Center for Contemplative Mind in Society also gathersinformationonvariousstudieswithabearingonmindfulnessandthebrain.Forexample,onerecentstudy(Brefczynski-Lewis et al. 2007) found that in long-term meditators emotional sounds caused lessactivationoftheamygdala,apartofthebrainthat’sassociatedwithprocessingfearandaggression.Thissuggeststhatalong-termmeditationpracticemaybeassociatedwithsignificantdecreasesinemotionallyreactivebehavior.

Anotherrecentstudy(Lutzetal.2008)foundthatmeditationhasasignificanteffectonregionsofthebraininvolvedwithempatheticresponses.WhenBuddhistmonkspracticingcompassionmeditationwerepresentedwithemotionalsounds,bothhappyanddistressed,variousregionsofthebrainwereactivatedinawaythatsuggestedenhanceddetectionofthesesounds,alongwithmorementalactivityinresponseto

them, in comparison to a group of novice meditators. Moreover, experienced meditators also had agreater response to distressed emotional sounds than novices, and all meditators showed a greaterresponsewhilemeditatingthanwhenatrest, indicatingthatmeditationhasadirecteffectonthementalcircuitryinvolvedinempathy.

This is just a small sample of the growing body of research on the psychobiological benefits ofmeditation. This scientific validation of what so many people have experienced firsthand not onlypromotestheunderstandingofthesciencebehindmindfulness,italsoopensthedoorforfurtherresearchintohowwemightbeabletousemindfulnesspracticestoworkwithandsupportmanydifferentformsofstress,pain,andillness.

mindfulnessandeverydaystressTogetasenseofwhatahugeimpactmindfulnesscanhaveonyourwell-being,considerhowoftenminordailystressesaffectyourthoughtsandemotions,whichinturnexerteffectsonyourbody.Youmayfeelstressed-outwhenwaiting in a line at the bank or the post office,when driving in traffic or along anunfamiliarroute,whenfacingadeadline,orwhenhavinganuncomfortableconversation.Youcanevenexperiencestressreactionsasaresultofanticipatingorrememberingsuchevents.Thoughthesestressesseemfairlyminor,theycancauseallsortsofsymptoms,suchasmusculartension,headaches,insomnia,gastrointestinalupset,andskinconditions.Long-termstresscanalsobeafactorinseriousdiseasessuchascancer,heartdisease,anddementia,particularlyifyourelyonunhealthystrategiestocopewithstress,suchassmoking,substanceabuse,overeating,oroverworking.

Oneof the gifts thatmindfulness offers is helpingyou recognize that there are choices in howyourespond to any stressful situation. Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist and holocaust survivor, describes thiseloquently:“Betweenstimulusandresponse there isaspace. In thatspace isourpower tochooseourresponse.Inourresponseliesourgrowthandourfreedom”(Pattakos2008,viii).EvenamidstFrankl’simprisonment,hefoundwaystoprovidecomfortandhealingtothosearoundhim,underscoringthat,withawareness, everyone has freedom of choice how to respond. The key is awareness. Of course,conditioningisapowerfulforcethatcanmakeitdifficulttochange.Justaswaterfindsthepathofleastresistance,you’ll tendtofallbackonhabitsbecause inmanyways this is theeasiestcourse tofollow.Thisincludeshabitualwaysofseeingandreacting.Tohelpprovidemotivationforthechallengingworkofturningoffyourautopilotandresistinghabitualreactionsandbehaviors,thenextexercisewillhelpyouexplorehowstress is impactingyour life.Becomingtrulyawareof thestress inyour lifeandhowyouinteractwithitisanecessaryfirststepinchoosingnewresponsesthatwillserveyoubetter.

FAQ

Howismeditationdifferentfromrelaxation?Whilemeditationcancertainlybringon feelingsof relaxation, it alsomaynot.Your

intentioniswhatmakesthedifference.Whenyouwanttorelax,youcanengageinawidevarietyofactivities,fromwatchingTV,readingabook,lyinginahammock,soakinginabubblebath,doingbreathingexercises…thelistgoesonandon.Inmindfulnessmeditation,theintentionissimplytoplacenonjudgmentalattentiononwhateverobjectofawarenessyou’vechosen.Soifyou’repracticingmindfulnesswitheatingaraisin,you’retuninginto

allofyoursenses,notforthepurposeofrelaxation,butforthepurposeoftrulyanddeeplyexperiencingthepresentmoment.Practicingmeditationfor thepurposeofrelaxationcanactuallybeatrap;ifyoumeditateanddon’tfeelrelaxed,yourmindmightstartracingwiththoughtsabouthowitisn’tworking.Thiscouldleadtofeelingsoffrustration,anxiety,anddisappointment,whichmaysendyouonadownwardspiraltowardbecominganxiousordepressed.

explore:HowIsStressorAnxietyAffectingYourLife?

Take some time to reflect on the following questions, noticing whatever comes up in your thoughts,feelings,andsensations.Whenyou’reready,writesomeofyourthoughtsbelow.Youmayhavemoretowriteforsomequestionsthanothers;thisisfine.

Howisstressoranxietyaboutpeopleaffectingyourlife?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Howisstressoranxietyaboutworkaffectingyourlife?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Howisstressoranxietyabouttheworldaffectingyourlife?______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Howisstressoranxietyaboutfoodandeatinghabitsaffectingyourlife?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Howisstressoranxietyaboutsleepandsleeplessnessaffectingyourlife?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Howisstressoranxietyaboutexerciseorlackofphysicalactivityaffectingyourlife?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wewanttoacknowledgeandvalidatewhateveryouwroteabouthowyourlifeisimpactedbystressoranxietyaboutrelationships,work,yourviewoftheworld,eatinghabits,sleep,andphysicalactivity.Asawarenessgrows,youcanbegintoseemoreclearlyhowstressandanxietyaffectssomanyareasofyour life.While this is normal, the fact that you are now becoming aware of its persuasiveness is animportantfirststeptowardgreaterwell-being.

Before you move on, take a moment to compassionately reflect on, acknowledge, and integrateeverythingyouwroteinthisexploration.

informalpractice:WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

Fromthemomentyouwakeuptothemomentyoulayyourheadonthepillowattheendofyourday,youhavetheopportunitytoengagemindfulnessasawayoflife.However,ifyou’relikemostpeople,assoonasyouawaken,themindisalreadybusycompilingto-dolistsandthinkingabouthowyou’llaccomplisheverything.Whenyou’reatwork,youmayfindyourselfthinkingaboutyournexttaskratherthanwhat’sbeforeyou,orjustwishingtheworkdaywasover.Afeelingofbeingrushedoroverwhelmedmayfollowyou intoyourhousehold tasks, relationships, andeven recreation, so thatnomatterwhatyou’redoing,partofyourmindisthinkingaboutotherthingsyouneedtodoorrehashingwhathasoccurred.

Bychoosing tobecomemindful throughout theday,youcanbringgreater focusandappreciation towhateversituationyoufindyourselfin.You’llalsofeelmorecalmandatpeace.Asyoucontinuetogrowinmindfulness,you’llseethepotentialforinformalpracticeinanysituation.Ifyouneedsomehelpgettingstarted,herearesomesuggestionsforinformalwaystoweavemindfulnessintoyourday:

Asyouopenyoureyesinthemorning,insteadofjumpingoutofbed,takeafewmomentstodoamindfulcheck-in.Bystartingthedaywithgreaterpresentmomentawareness,you’llsetthestageforagreatersenseofcalmandequanimityduringchallengingmomentsthroughoutyourday.

Asyoubathe,noticeifyourmindisalreadythinking,planning,andrehearsingforthedayahead.Whenyoubecomeawareofthis,gentlybringyourmindbacktothemoment:beingintheshower,smellingthesoap,feelingthesensationofthewateronyourbody,listeningtothesoundofitintheshower.

Ifyoulivewithothers,trytakingafewmomentstolistenandconnectwiththemmindfullybeforeyouheadoutfortheday.

Asyouapproachyourcar,walkmoreslowly,checkinwithyourbody,andnoticeanytension.Trytosoftenitbeforeyoubeginyourdrive.

Whenyoudrive,findopportunitiestotrydrivingalittleslower.Useredlightsasaremindertonoticeyourbreathing.

Walkingissomethingwedefinitelytendtodoonautopilot.Asyouwalktoyourofficeortorunerrands,walkdifferently.Forexample,youmightwalkmoreslowly,oryoucouldbreatheinforthree steps, thenbreatheout for three steps.Notice the sensationsofwalking—inyour feetandthroughoutyourbody.

Whendoingtasksatwork,blockouttimetofocusonagroupofsimilartasks.Forexample,blockouttimejustforplanninganddon’tattendtoothertasksduringthattime.Ifyoucan,turnoffyoure-mailduringtimeswhenyou’refocusingonothertasks.

Ifpossible,maybeonceaweek,haveamealbyyourselfinsilence,eatingslightlyslowerthanyouusuallydoandreallytuningintoflavorsandtexturesasyoueat.

Throughout the day, do mindful check-ins from time to time. You can schedule them on yourcalendar,oryoucanlinkthemtocertainactivities,suchaspriortocheckingyouremailorbefore

youdriveinrushhourtraffic.

It’scounterproductive to rushhome to relax, so trydrivinghomemindfullyandslightlyslower.Feelyourhandsonthesteeringwheel,andmindfullytakeineachmoment.Youcouldturnofftheradio and reflectonwhatyoudid thatday.Whatwaspositive, andwhatwouldyou like todobetter?Anotherpossibilityistointentionallyplanhowyouwouldliketobewhenyougethome,perhapsputtingmindfullisteningontheagenda.

Whenyougethome,doamindfulcheck-inbeforeyouwalkinthedoor,noticingifyourbodyistense. If it is, try tosoften thosemusclesbybreathing into themwithawarenessand just lettingthembe.

As you begin to integrate informal practice into your daily life, take some time to reflect on yourexperiences.Whatdidyoudo?Whatdidyounoticeaboutyourselfbeforeandafterthepractice?Howdidyouactorreacttoothers?Whatareyoulearningfrominformalpractice?Ifyoulike,youcanwriteaboutthisinyourjournal.

JUSTDOIT!

Takeamoment rightnowtonotice theconnectionbetweenwhatyou’re thinkingandhow you’re feeling physically and emotionally. Spend a few moments observing yourthoughts, emotions, andphysical sensations and consideringhow theymay relate to oneanother. Then take this practicewith you into your daily life. For example, notice yourinitialreactionswhenyou’restuckinlineorintraffic,andhowbringingmindfulnesstothesituationoffersyoutheopportunitytoresponddifferently.

awordonconnectingwithothersPracticingalonecanbedifficult.Weencourageyoutoconnectwithothersforsupportandmotivationandto benefit from their insights. If you haven’t already spent some time atwww.mbsrworkbook.com, goaheadandtryitnow.Seewhatothersaresayingabouttheirpractice.Sometimessharingwithothersandunderstandingtheirexperiencecanhelpyoumaintainanddeepenyourpractice.

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Inlaterchapters,you’llhaveawidervarietyofformalpracticestochoosefrom.Fornow,schedulethe formal practice from chapter 1, themindful check-in, on your calendar over the nextweek.Try topractice daily or near daily. Also schedule a time about a week from nowwhen you’ll review yourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractice

MindfulCheck-In

Nowyouhavetwoinformalpracticestointegrateintoyourdailylife.InformalPractices

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,filloutthefollowinglog.Asyoufillitout,andasyoulookbackover the previous week’s practice, think about how your practice has been going. Do you notice anypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanusewhatyoulearnfromthesereflectionstodeepenyourdailyinformalpractice.

3

howtopracticemindfulnessmeditationIntheprevioustwochapters,we’veintroducedyoutobothformalandinformalmindfulnesspractices.Inthischapter,you’llbegintodeepenyourpracticewithmindfulbreathing,afundamentalformalpractice.Becauseyourbreathisalwayswithyou,thisisapracticeyoucantakewithyouanywhere,andsomethingyou can integratewith informal practice.As you blend your formal and informal practices and extendthem, mindfulness will become a way of life. With time, you’ll learn to bring mindfulness to yourthoughts,words,andactions,andultimately intoeverythingyoudo,so thatwhateveryouexperience inlifebecomesyourpractice.

Inthischapterwe’lltakealookatthenutsandboltsofdevelopingaformalmindfulnessmeditationpractice,onestepatatime.Asyoumovethroughthisprocessandinvestyourtimeinit,knowthatthisisan incrediblegift thatyou’regivingyourself.Meditationwillhelpyouaccessdeep innerresourcesforyourwell-being.Inthisbusyandoftenstressfulworld,mindfulnessmeditationcanserveasanoasis,arefugeinthemidstofthehustleandbustlewhereyoucancomehometoyourself.

attitudesofmindfulnessThepracticeofmindfulnessislikecultivatingagarden:itflourisheswhencertainconditionsarepresent.In terms of mindfulness, these conditions include the following eight attitudes, which are essential tomindfulnesspractice:

Beginner’smind.Thisqualityofawarenessseesthingsasnewandfresh,asifforthefirsttime,withasenseofcuriosity.

Nonjudgment.Thisqualityofawarenessinvolvescultivatingimpartialobservationinregardtoanyexperience—notlabelingthoughts,feelings,orsensationsasgoodorbad,rightorwrong,fairorunfair,butsimplytakingnoteofthoughts,feelings,orsensationsineachmoment.

Acknowledgment.Thisqualityofawarenessvalidatesandacknowledgesthingsastheyare.

Nonstriving. With this quality of awareness, there is no grasping, aversion to change, ormovementawayfromwhateverarisesinthemoment;inotherwords,nonstrivingmeansnottryingtogetanywhereotherthanwhereyouare.

Equanimity. This quality of awareness involves balance and fosterswisdom. It allows a deepunderstandingofthenatureofchangeandallowsyoutobewithchangewithgreaterinsightandcompassion.

Lettingbe.Withthisqualityofawareness,youcansimplyletthingsbeastheyare,withnoneedtotrytoletgoofwhateverispresent.

Self-reliance.Thisqualityofawarenesshelpsyouseeforyourself, fromyourownexperience,whatistrueoruntrue.

Self-compassion.Thisqualityofawarenesscultivatesloveforyourselfasyouare,withoutself-

blameorcriticism.

Holding these qualities inmind—reflecting upon them and cultivating them according to your bestunderstanding—willnourish,support,andstrengthenyourpractice.Developingthesequalitiesisawayofchannelingyourenergies into theprocessofhealingandgrowth.Theseattitudesare interdependent;eachinfluencestheothers,andbycultivatingoneyouenhancethemall.

mindfulbreathingMindfulbreathingoftenservesasthefoundationformeditationpracticesbecauseyourbreathisalwayswithyou,whereveryouare,anditcanbeusedasananchortothepresentmoment.Inessence,allthat’sinvolved is simply being mindful when you breathe in and out. There is no need to analyze, count,visualize, or manipulate the breath in any way. Just breathe normally and naturally and be aware ofbreathinginandout.Thereareafewmethodsyoucanusetofocusonyourbreath.Youcanbemindfulofyourbreathinyournose,chest,belly,orevenyourentirebodyasitbreathesinandout.

Fordealingwiththechallengesofstressandanxiety,wesometimesrecommendabdominalbreathing—breathing from the belly, rather than only into the chest—as this can be very calming. However, ifanotherlocationispreferable,pleaselistentoyourownwisdom.Generallyspeaking,abdominalorbellybreathingisthewayweallnaturallybreathe,especiallywhenwe’relyingdown.Todetermineifyou’rebreathingfromyourabdomen,placeyourhandonyourbellyandfeelwhether itexpandsasyouinhaleandcontractsasyouexhale. If itdoesn’t, turnyourattention tobreathingmoredeeplyandfeelingyourbellyexpandandcontractwithyourbreath.

An important benefit of abdominal or belly breathing is that it helpsmoderate irregular breathingpatterns,which often arise due to stress or irritation.Anxiety can lead to shallow, rapid, or sporadicbreathing and even hyperventilation, and a full-blown panic attack can cause increased shortness ofbreath,thoughtsoflosingcontrol,andpainsinthechest.Bybringingthebreathbackintothebelly,youcanhelp thebody return tobalance.Sowhenanxiety arises, first acknowledge the feeling, thengentlybringattentiontotheabdomenandpracticemindfulbellybreathing.

wanderingmindInpracticingmindfulness,themindwillinevitablywander.Asyoustarttolookcloselyattheworkingsofyourownmind,you’relikelytoseefirsthandhowoftenyou’relostinthoughtsofthefutureormemoriesof the past. For example,when showering, youmay rarely just experience the shower because you’rethinkingofotherthings.You’veprobablyhadtheexperienceofdrivingsomewhereandrealizingthatyouhardlyrememberhowyougottoyourdestination.Therearesomanytimesduringthedaywhenyoumaynotbepresenttowhat’shappening.Howoftenareyouactuallyinthemomentwhilebrushingyourteeth,foldingthelaundry,orwashingthedishes?

In thepracticeofmindfulnessmeditation,youbringyour focus toaparticularobjectofawareness,suchasthebreath.Afterashorttimeofpracticing,themindwillwanderoff.Thisisnormal,especiallyforamindnottrainedinconcentration.Yourjobisnottojudgeyourself,butsimplytopatientlynoticeandacknowledgethemindwandering—lettingitbe—andthengentlybringthefocusbacktothebreath.Mostofusdo thisoverandover, againandagain.Rather thanberatingyourself, thinkof it thisway: Ifyouweren’tmindful,youwouldn’t evenknowyouhadwanderedoff.The fact is, in themomentwhenyourealizeyouaren’tpresent,youhavebecomepresent.It’sthatclose.ChristianmysticSt.FrancisdeSalesspoketothisdynamic:“Iftheheartwandersorisdistracted,bringitbacktothepointquitegently…And

evenifyoudidnothingduringthewholeofyourhourbutbringyourheartback…,thoughitwentawayeverytimeyoubroughtitback,yourhourwouldbeverywellemployed”(LeveyandLevey2009,64).

Note that bringing the mind back to the present moment is as much a part of the practice as isconcentratingontheprimaryobject.It’simportanttonotrepressorsuppressthoughtsandfeelingsastheyariseinthepresentmoment.Youarelearninghowtobewiththemastheyare,ratherthantryingtoforceanythingtobeacertainway.It’simportanttofirstacknowledgewithoutjudgmentwhereyourmindwent,andthengentlybringitbacktotheobjectoffocus.

Bringing themind back after it haswandered has threemain benefits: The first is that it providestraininginconcentration.Whenyourmindgoesoffandyoubringitbackagainandagain,graduallyyourconcentration grows. The second benefit is that by coming back into the presentmoment and noticingwhereyoudriftedoffto,youmaydiscoverthatyou’refilledwithself-judgment,worry,sadness,anger,orconfusion,perhapssignalingthatyouneedtopaycloserattentiontoanddealwithcertainthingsinyourlife.Thethirdbenefitisthatwhenyoucomebackfromwandering,youmayrealizeyou’vebeenworryingor experiencing other distressing emotions. Youmay then notice that you’re also experiencing relatedphysicalsymptoms,suchasaclenchedjaworanupsetstomach.Bycomingbackintothepresentmomentyoubegin todirectly seeandexperience themind-bodyconnection inhowyour thoughtsandemotionsexpressthemselvesinyourbody.

FAQ

Ican’tfindthetimetomeditate.WhatcanIdo?Many people have this challenge.May you grow to understand thatmaking time to

practicemeditationisanincrediblegiftyougiveyourself.Nooneelsecangiveyouthisgift. On a more practical note, just as you schedule appointments with others in yourcalendar,youcanscheduleadatewithyourselftopracticemeditation,evenifonlyforfiveminutes.Perhapsscheduleitnexttosomethingyoualreadydoonadailybasis.Ifyouhaveanelectroniccalendar,useapop-upalerttoremindyoutopractice.

As you continue working with this book, we’ll introduce you to longer practices.Althoughthirtytoforty-fiveminutesofdailyformalmeditationisoptimalforyourhealthandwell-being,justafewminutesofmindfulnessadaycanbebeneficial.Weincludeavarietyofpracticessothatyoucaneasilyincorporatemindfulnessintoyourday,whetheryou’resitting,standing,walking,orlyingdown.

postureandpracticeYoumay wonder how you should position your body for meditation practice, and how to work withsleepiness, which is a common problem in our on-the-go culture. Here are some tried-and-truerecommendations:

Youmaysitonthefloor,onameditationcushion(zafu),orinachair.Youcanalsositonafoldedtowelorblanketorcushionsfromyourcouch.Youcanevenstandorlieonyourback,butinthelattercaseitmaybeimportanttosettheintentiontobefullyawakeandpresent.

Mostpeoplemeditatewiththeireyesclosed,butifyoupreferoraremorecomfortabledoingso,youcankeepthempartiallyopen.Ifyouchoosetokeepthemopen,pleaserememberthatthefocusisonwhatevermeditationyouarepracticing.

Youcanfoldyourhandsonyourlaporplacethemonyourthighs.

Positionyourselfsoyoucanremainalertyetcomfortable.Justasthestringsonaninstrumentcanbewoundtootightortooloose,ameditatorcansittoorigidly,causingalotofdiscomfort.Thismayresultinnotsittingforverylong.Conversely,ameditatorwhosepostureistoorelaxedmayendupfallingasleep.

Ifsleepinessisanissue,youcouldmeditatewhilestandingorkeepingyoureyesopen.Orperhapstheansweristotakeanap—maybeyoureallyneedit—andthencomebacktothepracticewhenyou’remorerested.Havecompassionforyourselfandlistendeeplytowhatyouneed.

formalpractice:Five-MinuteMindfulBreathing

Nowthatyou’refamiliarwithsomeoftheimportantfoundationsofmindfulnessmeditation,you’rereadyto start practicingmindful breathing.Aswe said before, a beautiful oldwisdom saying advises, “Anounceofpracticeisbetterthantonsoftheories.”Beforewebegin,wehaveonefinalbitofadvice:Withanyofthesepractices,thedeepesthealingoccurswhenyoucometotermswiththewaythingsare.Thismightmeansimplynoticingandacknowledgingstressoranxiety rather than falling intooldpatternsofrunningawayfromit.Youmaydiscoverthatbyembracingyourfearyoufindyourheart.

Dothispracticeinarelaxingenvironmentwithoutdistractions,suchasthephone.Youcandoiteitherlyingdownorsittingup,butifyouliedownandfindyourselffallingasleep,tryamoreuprightposture.Bringyourfull,undividedattention to thispracticeasyou listen to track3on theweb linkor read thefollowing meditation, pausing after each paragraph. You can practice anytime throughout the day,combiningthispracticewiththemindfulcheck-inifyoulike.

Takea fewmoments tobe still.Congratulateyourself for taking some time formeditationpractice.

Bringyourawarenesstoyourbreathwhereveryoufeelitmostprominentlyinyourbody.Itmaybeatthenose,neck,chest,belly,orsomewhereelse.Asyoubreatheinnormallyandnaturally, be aware of breathing in, and as you breathe out, be aware of breathing out.Simplymaintainthisawarenessofthebreath,breathinginandbreathingout.

Thereisnoneedtovisualize,count,orfigureoutthebreath;justbemindfulofbreathingin and out. Without judgment, just watch the breath ebb and flow like waves in the sea.There’snoplacetogoandnothingelsetodo,justbeinthehereandnow,noticingthebreath—justlivinglifeoneinhalationandoneexhalationatatime.

Asyoubreatheinandout,bemindfulofthebreathrisingontheinhalationandfallingon

the exhalation. Just riding thewaves of the breath,moment bymoment, breathing in andbreathingout.

Fromtimetotime,attentionmaywanderfromthebreath.Whenyounoticethis,simplyacknowledgewhereyouwentandthengentlybringyourattentionbacktothebreath.

Breathingnormallyandnaturally,withoutmanipulating thebreath inanyway, justbeawareofthebreathasitcomesandgoes.

Asyoucometotheendofthismeditation,congratulateyourselffortakingthistimetobepresent,realizingthatthisisanactoflove.Maywebeatpeace.Mayallbeingsbeatpeace.

Five-MinuteMindfulBreathingJournal

Takesometimetowriteaboutwhatevercameupforyoumentally,emotionally,andphysicallywhendoingthispracticeforthefirsttime.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

informalpractice:BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

Try bringing the eight attitudes of mindfulness—beginner’s mind, nonjudgment, acknowledgment,nonstriving,equanimity,lettingbe,self-reliance,andself-compassion—toyourself,otherpeople,andtheactivities you do. For example, if you’re cooking, you can practice doing it as if for the first time.Approachingthetaskwithbeginner’smind,feelthetexturesandexperiencethearomasasyoucutonions,carrots,andgreens,withoutanyjudgmentsaboutyourself,thefood,oryourcooking.Acknowledgeyourself-reliance—thatyoucancareforyourselfandothersbycookingthismeal.Ifthisisdifficult,viewitasanopportunity topractice self-compassionandbeaware thatyou’remakingyourbest effort;don’tgetdownifanythingdoesn’tgothewayyouwantittogo.Ifyourmindkicksintohighgearandtriestorushthrough the experience of cooking, practice nonstriving, knowing that you’ve already arrived to thepresentmomentandcomingbacktothetaskathand.Watchingandunderstandingtheimpermanentnatureofthisprocessasitunfolds,andlettingitbe,isapracticeinequanimity.Noticehowyourbodyandmindfeelwhentheseattitudesarepresent,andhowyourmindandbodyfeelwhentheyaren’t.Trybringingthispracticeintootherareasofyourdailylifeandseewhathappenstoyourrelationshipwithyourself,others,andtheworld.

JUSTDOIT!

Practicemindfulnesswithyoursensesrightnow.Simplylookaroundtheroomoroutyourwindowandnoticewhatyouseewithbeginner’smind—asifyouwereseeingyoursurroundingsfortheveryfirsttime.Listentoanysounds,smellanyscents,andtasteanyflavorsstilllingeringinyourmouth;or,ifyou’rehungry,eatsomethingwithintentionandmindfulness. Feel into your body and acknowledgewhatever you’re feeling, physicallyand emotionally.Also bring your awareness towhatever thoughts come into yourmind.When you’re finished, thank yourself for taking this time to practice mindfulness, andacknowledgewhatiswasliketocheckinwithyoursenses,thoughts,andemotions.

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Herearetheformalpracticesyou’velearnedsofar.Goaheadandputthemonyourcalendaroverthenextweek.Trytopracticedailyorneardaily.Alsoscheduleatimeaboutaweekfromnowwhenyou’llreviewyourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractices

Five-MinuteMindfulBreathing

MindfulCheck-In

Nowyouhavethreeinformalpracticestointegrateintoyourdailylife.InformalPractices

BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,filloutthefollowinglog.Asyoufillitout,andasyoulookbackover the previous week’s practice, think about how your practice has been going. Do you notice anypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Asyouincreasinglymakemindfulnessawayof lifeandextend it intoyourday-to-dayactivities, itwon’tbepracticaltorecordyourreflectionsoneachinstanceofinformalpractice.Still,takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanusewhatyoulearnfromthesereflectionstodeepenyourdailyinformalpractice.

4

howmindfulnessworkswithstressreductionLivingwithstressandanxietyismuchmoreprevalentthanyoumightimagine.Millionsofpeoplesufferandlivewiththechallengesofstresseveryday,whetherfromday-to-dayevents,painorillness,difficultlifeevents,or,perhapsmosttypically,acombinationoffactors.Mostofusdon’twanttotalkaboutourstressandanxietyorfacethesethingswithinourselves.ActorandfilmmakerWoodyAllenoncesaid,“Idon’tminddyingaslongasIdon’thavetobethere”(BastianandStaley2009,9).Thoughsaidpartlyinjest,thisistypicalofourcultureandhowwesooftendenyoravoidfacingapprehensionsandfears.

Weallsharesimilarquestionsaboutthemysteriesoflife,suchaswhoweare,wherewecomefrom,andwherewe’regoing.Wewonderaboutthemeaningoflifeandtherealityofdeath.Wefacecountlessfearseachdayand,attimes,problematicphobias.Wemayhaveissueswithconfidence,andwemayhaveanxietyrelatedtorelationships,work,thestateoftheworld,food,orsleep,andthelistgoesonandon.Our relationships can suffer from breakdowns in communication, whether amongst family, friends,acquaintances, work colleagues or others. Work comes with deadlines to meet or other standards toachieve. It’s no surprise that wemight have anxiety about the world, given that we live amidst war,terrorism, global climate change, overpopulation, famine, the inevitable natural disasters, and somuchmore.Wemayevenhaveanxietyaboutouranxiety!

Asmuchaswemaywishtoignoretheseconcernsorpretendtheydon’texist,theunfortunatetruthisthat we can’t control the world around us, and there will always be situations capable of provokingworry,stress,andanxiety.Theanswer isn’t to turnaway; it’s to turn toward, like turning into theskid.Mindfulnessmeditationisextremelyusefulinthisregard,helpingyougetintouchwiththeseconcernsandlearning toworkwith themso that they aren’t soparalyzing.Ashundredsof thousandsofmindfulnesspractitionershavediscovered,itispossibletolivewithstressandalsowithlesssufferingandfear.Andalthoughyoucan’talwayscontroloreliminatestressors,youcanengagewiththemdifferently.Thekeyismindfullyexploringwhatmaybeinfluencingyourrelationshiptothechallengesinyourlifeandexaminingwhatworksandwhatdoesn’tworkindealingwiththem.

explore:WhatWorksandWhatDoesn’t?

Sometimesdifficultordistressingeventsyou’veexperiencedinthepastcaninfluenceyourcurrentstressand anxiety. For example, many people have been wounded, physically or emotionally, in childhood.Likewise,manyofushavewitnessedtraumaticeventsorhadexperienceslikebeinghumiliatedatworkornotbeingacceptedbyfriends.

Takeafewminutestoreflectonanypastchallengesthatyoumightcurrentlybecarryingaroundwithyou.Whenyou’reready,writeasbrieflyorasindepthonthisreflectionasyoulike.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

Asyou’vejourneyedthroughlife,you’vefoundwaystodealwithstress,pain,orillness.Forexample,youmighttalkwithfriends,exercise,meditate,eathealthyfoods,orwatchafunnymovie.Inaddressingyourstress,whathaveyoutriedthathasbeenhelpfulforyouinthepast?Takeafewminutestositwiththis question silently, noticing any thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Just letwhatever arises be therewithoutjudgment.Whenyou’reready,writeasbrieflyorasindepthonthisreflectionasyoulike.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sometimesyoumayhavechosenunhealthywaystodealwithyourchallenges.Perhapsyouovereat,worktoomuch,watchtoomuchTV,spendhoursontheInternetorengagedine-mail,orusedrinking,sex,ordrugstoexcess.Thesestrategiesoftenfeelliketheyhelpinitially,buttheydon’thelpinthelongrun.Indealingwithstressoranxiety,whathaveyoutriedthatultimatelydidn’tseemtohelp?Takeafewminutestositwiththisquestionsilently,noticinganythoughts,feelings,andsensations.Justletwhateverarisesbetherewithoutjudgment,orifthereisjudgmentthere,justletitbeandmakenoteofit.Whenyou’reready,writeasbrieflyorasindepthonthisreflectionasyoulike.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hopecanreducesufferingandsupportresiliencyinthefaceoflife’schallenges.It’sastrengththatweallhaveinside.Whatdoyouhopefor?Whatdoyouhopewillbedifferent?Whatkindoflifedoyouwanttomovetoward?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Getting in touch with what helps, what hasn’t helped, and your hopes is a powerful step in yourjourney toward well-being. You may be remembering and even learning for the first time what is

genuinelysupportivetoyou.Thiswillhelpyouutilizetheseresourcesmoreconsciouslyandeffectively.Conversely,youmayberealizingwhatdoesn’tserveyou,whichwillhelpmotivateyoutorefrainfromineffective strategies thatbring further sufferingandpain.Getting in touchwithyourhopesputsyou intouchwithavisionandyourpotentialtoblossomfullyintowhoyouwanttobe.

Beforeyoumoveon,takeafewmomentstoconnectwithyourbreathandmindfullyreflectonwhatyou just wrote, compassionately acknowledging, validating, and integrating everything you learnedfromthisexploration.

mindtrapsOnemajorwaythatmindfulnesshelpswithstressisbyenablingyoutoobservethemindtrapsthatmayplaya role inyour stressoryour reaction to stress.Mind trapsarecommonmentalhabits that tend toexacerbatestressandpain.Onceyou’vecometorecognizethesetraps,youcanmoreeasilyavoidfallingintothem.Itmaybethatinitiallyyou’llonlyrecognizethemonceyou’vefallenintothem.Butwithtimeandpractice,you’llbeabletocatchyourselfbeforeyou’reentirelyensnared.Andeventuallyyou’llbeable tosee these trapsasyouapproachthem—perhapsnotevery time,butoftenenoughtomakearealdifferenceinyourstress,well-being,andhowyouexperienceyourlife.

NegativeSelf-Talk

Self-talkis,naturally,thewayyoutalktoyourself.Italsoreferstohabitualstylesofthinkingandhowyouautomaticallyinterpretevents.Unfortunately,thisinternalmonologueisoftennegative.It’snosecretthateachofus isourownworstcritic.Peopleareoftenunbelievablyhardon themselves.Afterdoingsomethingthatyouregret,you’relikelytohavethoughtssuchas“I’msuchanidiot”or“I’mworthless,”oryoumayevengosofarastothink,“Ihatemyself.”Maybeyouanalyzeasingle,regrettableactionandmakeglobalassumptionslike“I’llnevergetthisright,noonecanhelpme,andthingswillneverchange.”Considerthis:Ifafriendsaidthesesortsofnegativethingsaboutyou,howwouldyoufeel?Youmightfeelhopeless,sad,orangry,oryoumightnotwanttohangoutwiththatpersonatall.

When feelings of stress, anxiety, or panic arise, it can be likewearing glasses that tend to distortreality and make it more worrisome. This keeps the anxious tape loops spinning in your head,exacerbating fears and possibly leading to panic. Take the internal thoughts “I’m not good enough,”“Nobody understandsme,” and “I’ll never find a partner.”Mindlessly entertaining these thoughts andbuyingintothemcanleadtoincreasedstress,anxiety,anddepressedmood.Thenextthingyouknow,self-judgmentsstart risingup, like“I’munworthyandjustabadperson,”“NoonewilleverunderstandmebecauseI’mdifferentandoddandIdon’tbelong,”or“I’mthemostundesirablepersonintheworld.Noonewillfindmeattractive.Nooneiseveninterestedinme.”Thebeautyofmindfulnessisthatitcanhelpyoulearntotreatthoughts,includingthesekindsofdistressingthoughts,asmentaleventsratherthanfacts.

When a thought pops into yourmind, you can thinkof it as an event in themind.You canbecomeawareofitevenasitarisesandalsonoticeasiteventuallypasses.Inthesamewaythatyoucansitbyastreamandwatchleavesfloatbyorlookupattheskywatchingthecloudscomeandgo,whilepracticingmindfulnessyou’lllearntobecomemoreawareofallthestuffthat’sinyourmindwithoutattachingtoit—justbeingawareofitasitcomesandgoes.

HabitualStylesofThinking

Inadditiontolettingnegativeself-talkrunrampant,it’seasytogetcaughtinhabitualstylesofthinking

thatcankeepyoufeelingstuckandmoody,whichisobviouslydetrimental toyourwell-being.Becausethesethinkingpatternsoftenoccurunconsciously,it’shelpfultobecomefamiliarwiththemsoyoucanbemindfulofwhenyoumightbefallingintothesetraps.Readthefollowingdescriptionsofvariousnegativethoughtpatternsbelowandcheckoffanythatyoumightengagein.Thepurposeofthisexerciseisn’ttojudgeyourselfforthenumberofcheckmarks,butsimplytoincreaseyourawarenessofastyleofthinkingthatmaybeoperating to keepyou stuck.With this increased awareness comes theopportunity and theabilitytochoosetolookatthesituationdifferentlyortoviewyourthoughtsassimplyevents,ratherthanasfacts.

Catastrophizing isastyleofthinkingthatamplifiesanxiety.Inchallengingsituations,itexpectsdisasterandautomaticallyimaginestheworstpossibleoutcome.It’sawhat-ifgameofworst-casescenarios.Anexamplewouldbe telling someone that it’s rainingprettyhard, and they respondwith “Yes, it seems like itwill never stop. It’sgoing to flood, andwe’regoing to lose all ourcrops.”

Exaggerating the negative and discounting the positive go hand in hand and contribute toanxious and depressed moods as positive experiences are downplayed or not acknowledgedwhilenegativedetailsaremagnified.Anexampleiswhenyousaysomethingpositive,thenusetheword “but” to lead in to a negative statement, such as “I’m doing better atwork, but I’m stillmakingmistakes.”Thisdiscountsthepositiveandgivesmorepowertothenegative.Experimentwithreplacing“but”with“and”togivebothaspectsequalweight.

Mind reading involves convincing yourself that you knowwhat other people are thinking andfeeling and why they act the way they do, without actual evidence. For example, you mayincorrectlyassumethatsomeonedoesn’tlikeyouorisouttogetyou.Suchinterpretationstendtocultivateanxietyordepression.

Beingtheeternalexpertisarecipeforheightenedstress,asitnecessitatesbeingconstantlyonguard.Whenbeingwrongisn’tanoption,you’recontinuallyontrialtodefendyouropinionsandactions.

The“shoulds”areanall-too-commonthoughtpatternthatcanleadtoguiltorangerinadditiontostress.Shouldsinvolvehavingalistofunbreakablerulesforyourselforothers.Ifyoubreakyourrules for yourself, guilt often arises because you haven’t lived up to your own expectations. Ifothersbreaktheserules,you’relikelytobecomeangryorresentful.

Blaming involvesholdingothersresponsibleforyourownpainorholdingyourself responsiblefortheproblemsofothers.Withblaming,there’salwayssomeoneorsomethingoutsideofyourselfthat’sthecauseofyoursufferingandpain.However,yougenerallycan’tchangeothers,andyoumaynotbeabletochangecircumstances—youcanonlyhopetochangeyourself.Ifyouperceivethatthesolutionliesoutsideofyou,youdepriveyourselfofthepowertoeffectchange.

Allowingthese typesof thinkingfreerein isarecipeforstress,anxiety,andevendepressedmood.Justbeingaware,withoutjudgment,ofyourstylesofthinkingallowsyoutostepoutsideofthemandgainmore insight into the inner workings of your mind. In other words, it will allow you to work moreskillfullywithyourmind,insteadoflettingyourmindcontrolyou.

NegativeInterpretations

Howyou interpreteventscanhavea tremendouseffectonyour levelof stress.Read the followingscenarios and notice your initial response.When a recent date doesn’t call back, does that mean theromanceiscooling,orthatthepersonhasbeenbusy?Doesgettingaspeedingticketmeantheworldisouttogetyou,or thatyouneed toslowdown? Is showingyouremotionsa signofweakness,ora signofcourage?Itisn’tatallunusualforthefirstresponsetobeanegativeinterpretation,andthisoftenhappenssoquicklyorunconsciously thatwedon’t realizewe’redoing it.However, this lackofawarenesscankeep you in a self-perpetuating cycle of anxious feelings and tense physical sensations. Again,mindfulness is thevehicle fornoticingnegative interpretations, andalso thekey to awarenessofotheroptionsorinterpretations.Infact,whatseemslikeadisastermightactuallybeagift.

Here’sastoryofawiseoldmanthatillustratesthispoint.Everyoneinthevillagelookeduptothiswiseoldmanandsoughthisadvice.Onesummerday,afarmercametohiminastateofpanicandsaid,“Wisesage,Idon’tknowwhattodo.MyoxhasdiedandnowI’munabletoplowmyfields.Thisistheworstthingthatcouldeverhavehappened.”

Thesagelookedhimintheeyeandreplied,“Maybeso,maybenot.”Inastateofdisbelief,themanreturnedtohisfamilyandproceededtotellthemhowthesagewasnosageafterallandthathehadlosthismind,becausesurelythedeathoftheoxwastheworstthingthatcouldhavehappened.

Thenextmorningthefarmerwentonawalktothinkabouthowhewouldmanagewithouttheox,andin thedistancehesawastrongyounghorsegrazing in the field. Immediatelyhehad the idea that ifhecouldcatchthehorse,histroubleswouldbeover.Eventuallyhesucceededandbroughtthehorseback.Herealizedhowblessedhewasbecauseplowingwaseveneasierthanbefore.Thisremindedhimofthesage,andathisfirstopportunityhewenttoseethesageandtoldhim,“Pleaseacceptmyapologies.Youwereabsolutelyright.IfIhadn’tlostmyox,Iwouldn’thavegoneonthatwalk,andIneverwouldhavecapturedthehorse.Youhavetoagreethatcatchingthishorsewasthebestthingthateverhappened.”

Theoldsagelookedintohiseyesandsaid,“Maybeso,maybenot.”“Areyoukiddingme?”thefarmerthoughtasheturnedtoleave.“Thisguyisanut.Idon’tthinkI’llbe

comingbyhereagain.”Afewdayslaterthefarmer’ssonwasridingthehorseandwasbuckedoff.Hebrokehislegandwasunabletohelponthefarm.“Thisistheworstthingthatcouldeverhavehappened,”thoughtthefarmer.“Howwillwegetby?”Realizingthatthesagehadspokenwiselyinthepastafterall,thefarmerwentbacktothesageandtoldhimwhathadhappened.“Youmustseethefuture.Howdidyouknowthiswouldhappen?Idon’tknowhowwe’llgetalltheworkdonenow.Thistimeyouhavetoadmit,thisistheworstthingthatcouldeverhavehappened.”

Once again, calmly andwith love, the sage looked into the farmer’s eyes and replied, “Maybe so,maybenot.”Thefarmerwasinfuriatedbythisresponseandstormedbacktothevillage.

Theverynextday,troopsarrivedinthevillagetoenlistallhealthyyoungmentofightintheongoingandseeminglynever-endingwar.Becauseofhisbrokenleg,thefarmer’ssonwastheonlyyoungmannottaken,andthushewassparedfromanalmostcertaindeath.

JUSTDOIT!

Notice if there’s any negative self-talk in yourmind at this moment. Youmay hear

thoughtslike“Thisisn’tgoingtoworkforme”or“WhoamIkidding?Thingswillneverchange.” If so, ask yourself if there’s another way you can view the situation. Whathappensifyoudoasthesageinthestoryandsay,“Maybeso,maybenot.”Overthenextweek, take thispracticewithyouintoyourdaily life, lookingout forautomaticnegativeinterpretationsandothermindtraps.

formalpractice:Fifteen-MinuteMindfulBreathing

Thispractice,afifteen-minuteversionofthemindfulbreathingpracticeinchapter3,willsupportyouinbringingyourselfback to thepresentmomentwithgreaterawareness,compassion,andpeace.Assuch,it’s a good antidote to all varieties ofmind traps and thereforeoften serves as a startingpoint for themeditationsinthisbook.Remember,atanypointintimeyoucanusethebreathasananchortocomebacktothepresentmoment.Simplyfocusattentionsolelyuponthebreath.Don’ttrytocontrolit;justbreathenormally and naturally, feeling it in the nose, belly, or wherever you feel it most prominently, beingmindfulofthebreathrisingasyouinhaleandfallingasyouexhale.

Dothispracticeinarelaxingenvironmentwithoutdistractions,suchasthephone.Youcandoiteitherlyingdownorsittingup,butifyouliedownandfindyourselffallingasleep,tryamoreuprightposture.Bringyourfull,undividedattentiontothispracticeasyoulistentotrack4ontheweblinkorreadthetextbelow,pausingaftereachparagraphlongerthanyoudidinthefive-minutebreathingpractice.

Takea fewmoments tobe still.Congratulateyourself for taking some time formeditationpractice.

Bringyourawarenesstoyourbreathwhereveryoufeelitmostprominentlyinyourbody.Itmaybeatthenose,neck,chest,belly,orsomewhereelse.Asyoubreatheinnormallyandnaturally, be aware of breathing in, and as you breathe out, be aware of breathing out.Simplymaintainthisawarenessofthebreath,breathinginandbreathingout.

Thereisnoneedtovisualize,count,orfigureoutthebreath;justbemindfulofbreathingin and out. Without judgment, just watch the breath ebb and flow like waves in the sea.There’snoplacetogoandnothingelsetodo,justbeinthehereandnow,noticingthebreath—justlivinglifeoneinhalationandoneexhalationatatime.

Asyoubreatheinandout,bemindfulofthebreathrisingontheinhalationandfallingonthe exhalation. Just riding thewaves of the breath,moment bymoment, breathing in andbreathingout.

Fromtimetotime,attentionmaywanderfromthebreath.Whenyounoticethis,simplyacknowledgewhereyouwentandthengentlybringyourattentionbacktothebreath.

Breathingnormallyandnaturally,withoutmanipulating thebreath inanyway, justbeawareofthebreathasitcomesandgoes.

Asyoucometotheendofthismeditation,congratulateyourselffortakingthistimetobepresent,realizingthatthisisanactoflove.Maywebeatpeace.Mayallbeingsbeatpeace.

Fifteen-MinuteMindfulBreathingJournal

Take some time towrite aboutwhatever arose for youmentally, emotionally, and physicallywhendoingthispracticeforthefirsttime.Howwasitdifferentforyouthanthefive-minutepractice?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

formalpractice:WalkingMeditation

Mindfulwalkingisanexcellentwaytogetoutofastressfulandanxiousheadandfeelyourfeetontheearth. Ineveryday life,walkinggenerallyconsistsofgoing frompointA topointB.Youmay feel thatyou’realmostconstantlyon thegoandonyourfeet.Walkingmeditation isdifferent. It’sdeliberateandservesadifferentpurposethansimplygettingfrompointAtopointB.Withwalkingmeditation,thepointistoarriveinthepresentmomentwitheachstep.

Ifyouhavetheabilitytowalk,yougenerallydosoeverydayofyourlifeandprobablyseldombringmuchattentiontoit.Althoughittookayearormoreforyoutolearnhowtobalanceonyourlittlefeetasan infant, if you’re likemost people, once you started walking you never looked back, and now youprobablytaketheabilitytowalkforgranted.However,justthinkofthesizeofyourbodycomparedtothesizeofyourfeet.Inaway,it’samiraclethatwehumanscanbalanceandwalkatall.

Walkingmeditationinvolvesnoticingthemovementofeachfootasyoulift it,moveitforward,andplaceitbackdownwitheachstep.Althoughit’ssimple,initiallyyou’llfindithelpfultofinishonestepcompletely before lifting the other foot: “Lifting,moving, placing. Lifting,moving, placing.” Slow theprocessdownandusethemovementtodevelopacarefulawarenessofyourbody.Overthecourseofaday,youcanexpectmanychanges.Sometimesyoumayfeel likewalkingmorequickly,sometimesveryslowly. Whatever the situation and your inclination, place all of your attention on experiencing themovementandfeelingthesensationsoflifting,movingforward,andplacingeachfootbackdown.Thisispresentedasaformalpracticebelow,butyoucanpracticemindfulwalkinginformallyineverydaylife.Andlikeanyofthepracticesinthisbook,youcanpracticeforjustafewminutesatatime,throughoutyourday.

Findaquiet placewhereyoucanwalkundisturbed for about tenminuteswithoutdistractions, andwhereyoucanwalkbackandforthforadistanceoftentotwentyfeet.Bringyourfull,undividedattentiontothispracticeasyoulistentotrack5ontheweblinkorreadthetextbelowandthenbeginthepractice.Startoffbywalkingslowlyandpayingattentiontosensationsonthesolesofthefeetaseachpartofthesole,fromheeltotoes, touchestheground.Noticehowthebodymovesasyouwalkandhowthearmsmayswingbackandforth.Ifatanypointyounoticethemindwanderingfromwalking,justacknowledgethisandgentlybringthefocusback.

Beginstandingandbytakingamomenttofeelintothebody.Feeltheconnectionofthebodytothegroundorthefloor.

Become aware of your surroundings, spending a few moments taking in any sights,smells, tastes, sounds, or other sensations. Also note and acknowledge any thoughts andemotions,andletallofthesesensationsandinternalexperiencesbe.

Nowmindfullybegintofocussolelyuponwalkingasyoushifttheweighttotheleftlegand begin to lift the right foot up, thenmove it forward, then place it back down on theground.

Andmindfullyshifttheweighttotherightlegandbegintolifttheleftfootup,thenmoveitforward,thenplaceitbackdownontheground.

Startoffbywalkingslowlyandpayingattentiontosensationsonthesolesofthefeetaseachpartofthesole,fromheeltotoes,touchestheground.Noticehowthebodymovesasyouwalkwithyourarmseitherswingingbackandforthorclaspedbehindorinfrontofyou.

Walkwithawareness,onestepatatime.Continuewalkingonestepatatimeuntilyoucometothedesignatedendpoint.Without

interruptingtheflowofmindfulness,bringawarenesstotheintricateprocessofturningandbeginningtowalkbacktowhereyoustarted.

Walkwithawarenessonestepatatime.Continuewalking,turning,andreturningonestepatatime.Walkwithmindfulness.

WalkingMeditationJournal

Assoonasyoufinishyourfirstmindfulwalkingpractice,takeamomenttowriteaboutanythoughts,feelings,andsensationsyounoticedduringthismeditation.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

informalpractice:STOP

AninformalwayofusingmindfulnesstodecreasestressandanxietyindailylifeisencapsulatedintheacronymSTOP,whichoutlinesaverysimpleandeffectivemethodforbringingthebodyandmindbackintobalance:

S=Stop.

T=Takeabreath.O=Observe.P=Proceed.Theremaybemany timesduring thedaywhenyou’reunawareofwhat’shappening insideyou.By

takingamomenttostop,takeabreath,andobservewhateverishappening,includingyourownthoughts,emotions, and sensations, you can reconnectwithyour experience and thenproceed and respondmoreeffectively.Thispracticecanbeveryrevealing.Perhapsyourshouldersaretense,yourjawisclenched,oryourbodyisotherwisefilledwithtension.Perhapsyou’rehungryortiredorneedabreak.Maybeit’ssimplytimetoremindyourselftocomebackintothepresentmoment.Youcanpracticeanytimeyoufeeltenseorupset,oranytimeyoulike.Youmightchoosetodothispracticebeforeoraftercertainactivities,oryoumightevenschedulevarioustimesduringthedaytoSTOPandcheckinwithyourself.Weknowpeoplewhohaveusedschedulingsoftware to setapop-up reminderonceeveryhour.BecreativeandfinddifferentwaystopromptyourselftoSTOPandcomebackintothemoment.Weeachcanbecomeanactive participant in the management of our own health and develop the potential to experience anymoment,nomatterhowdifficultorintense,withmorebalanceandpeace.

FAQ

SometimesIfeelangry,anxious,sad,confused,orafraidwhenImeditate.HowdoIacceptorletgoofmyemotions?

Firstofall,youdon’thavetoacceptthem.Acceptanceimpliesbeingokayoratpeace.Perhaps you can begin by acknowledging the feelings you’re directly experiencing.Mindfulness encourages you to acknowledge your emotions rather than trying to acceptthem,nomatterwhat theyare,withoutanycensorship.Beginbyobserving that theveryresistancetoemotionalpainoftencausesmorepain,andthatlearningto“gowithit”ratherthan fighting it causes thevery relationshipwithpain tochangeandoftendiminish.Thenotionof “goingwith thepain”means thatyouacknowledgewhatever is feltwithin themind and body. It’s the act of just letting the waves of sensations and emotions gowherevertheyneedtogoandlettingthembe.

As far as letting go of emotions,we suggest putting your energy into learning to letthembe.Thisisdifferentfromlettinggo.Ifyoucouldfigureouthowtotrulyletgo,lifemight be easier, but this is often difficult to do. By learning to let be, you begin toacknowledgethepainandprovideaspaceforittoresonateinwhateverdirectionitneedsto go.Whenyou learn to gowithwhat’s happening rather than fighting it, suffering andresistanceoften lessen.Whenmeditating, tryallowing theenergyof fearoranyemotionyou feel in the body ormind to just be, without striving to change it or push it away.Knowing how these feelings manifest in your mind and body is valuable information.Outside of practice, you can use these sensations as cues that you’re becoming fearful,anxious, or agitated.And as you sit withwhatever emotion is there and the associatedphysical sensations, you’ll come to understand that whatever arises, even difficultemotionsandtheassociatedphysicalsensations,doesindeedpassaway.

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Herearetheformalpracticesfromthischapter.Goaheadandputthemonyourcalendaroverthenextweek.Trytopracticeatleastfivedaysaweek.Alsoscheduleatimeaboutaweekfromnowwhenyou’llreviewyourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractices

Fifteen-MinuteMindfulBreathing

WalkingMeditation

Nowyouhavefourinformalpracticestointegrateintoyourdailylife.InformalPractices

STOP

BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,filloutthefollowinglog.Asyoufillitout,andasyoulookbackover the previous week’s practice, think about how your practice has been going. Do you notice anypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanusewhatyoulearnfromthesereflectionstodeepenyourdailyinformalpractice.

5

mindfulnessofthebodyIt’squiteobviousthatyouneedabodytoliveandthatyouwon’tgetanotheroneinthislifetime.Youmayperhaps have some parts surgically removed or replaced, but there’s no such thing as a total bodytransplant.Thebodyisthevehicleyoulivewithinthroughthejourneyoflife,andyoumustcareforittopromote its health,wellness, and longevity.Bringingmindfulness to the body can help you learnwhatyourbodydoesanddoesn’tneedinordertothrive.Itcanalsorevealagreatdealaboutyourworldandyourlife.Throughmindfulnessofthebody,youcanbegintounderstandhowstressandanxietyaffectyou,andalso learnhowto livebetterevenwithphysicalpainand illness.We’llhelpyouopen thedoor togreatermindfulnessofthebodyusingatime-honoredpractice:thebodyscan.We’llalsoexplorehowtoworkwithphysicalpain,aswellasthelinksbetweenemotionsandphysicalsensationsandhowyoucanusephysicalsensationsasakeytoyouremotionalstate.

benefitsofbodyawarenessThebodyscanmeditationisadeepinvestigationintothemoment-to-momentexperiencesofthebody.Bybringingawarenessandacknowledgmenttowhateveryoufeelorsenseinthebody,thebodyscancanbevery helpful in working with stress, anxiety, and physical pain. While you may have heard aboutmeditationsthatcreateout-of-bodyexperiences,theobjectofthebodyscanistohavean“in-the-body”experience. Most of us can benefit from developing this awareness. If you’re like most people, youprobably spend quite a bit of time living outside of your body while thinking of the future or past,imaginingall sortsof scenarios, contemplatingabstractions,orbeingotherwisepreoccupiedwithyourthoughts.Inashortstoryentitled“APainfulCase,”JamesJoycewroteaboutMr.Duffy,amanwho“livedatalittledistancefromhisbody”(2006,86).CanyouidentifywithMr.Duffy?

Inthebodyscan,youmethodicallybringattentiontothebody,beginningwiththeleftfootandendingat the top of the head.Youmay notice awide range of physical feelings: itches, aches, tingles, pain,lightness, heaviness, warmth, cold, andmore, as well as neutrality. Some of these sensationsmay beaccompanied by thoughts or emotions.As youpractice the body scan, thismultitude of sensations andinternalexperiencescanbeboileddowntothreebasicfeelings:pleasant,unpleasant,andneutral.Sincethebodyisadynamicorganismthat’salwayschanging,notwobodyscanswilleverbecompletelyalike.Butasyoucontinuetopractice,you’lldiscoverwhatMarthaGrahamsagelynoted:“Thebodysayswhatwordscannot” (Hanna2006,33).Thebodyhas itsownwisdom,and ifyou listen, itcancommunicatewhere physical tension, thoughts, and emotions lie within your body. This investigation into physicalsensations,thoughts,andemotionsissometimescalledthetriangleofawareness,sinceit’sajourneyintothetotalityofourhumanexperience.

Whenyoupracticethebodyscan,firstsimplybecomeawareofphysicalsensationsbyexploringtheirfeltsense.Thisisdistinctfromthinkingaboutyourbody.There’snoneedtoanalyzeormanipulateyourbody in any way; just feel and acknowledge whatever sensations are present. Through this deepinvestigation,thebodymaybegintorevealawholerangeoffeelings.Inthisway,thebodyscancanbringyouintouchwithmanyaspectsofyourlife.

formalpractice:BodyScan

Thebodyscanisawonderfulwaytogetintouchwithyourbodyandmind.Dothispracticeinarelaxingenvironment without distractions. We suggest lying down while doing the body scan, but if you findyourself sleepy or would just rather sit or stand, you are welcome to do that too. Bring your full,undividedattention to thispracticeasyou listen to theaudio track.Try todo the full forty-five-minutepractice (track8).However, ifyou’reshorton time, theweb linkalso includesa thirty-minuteversion(track7)andafifteen-minuteversion(track6).Ifyou’rereadingthetext,pauseaftereachparagraphtomaketheexerciselastforty-five,thirty,orfifteenminutes.

Take a fewmoments to be still. Congratulate yourself for taking this time formeditationpractice.

Doamindfulcheck-in,feelingintoyourbodyandmindandsimplyallowinganywavesofthoughts,emotions,andphysicalsensationstojustbe.

Perhaps it’sbeenabusydayandthis is the first timeyou’restopping.Asyoubegin toenter theworld of being rather than doing, youmay notice the trajectory of the feelingsyou’vebeencarryingwithinyou.

Thereisnoneedtojudge,analyze,orfigurethingsout.Justallowyourselftobeinthemomentwithallthat’sthere.

Whenyoufeelready,gentlyshiftthefocustothebreath.Nowbecomeawareofbreathing.Breathe normally and naturally and focus on the tip of the nose or the abdomen.

Breathing in and knowing you’re breathing in, and breathing out and knowing you’rebreathingout.

At times themindmaywanderaway fromawarenessofbreathing.Whenyourecognizethis,acknowledgewhereveryouwentandthencomebacktothebreath,breathinginandoutwithawareness.

Andnowgentlywithdrawawarenessfrommindfulbreathingasyoushifttothebodyscan.Asyougo throughthebody,youmaycomeacrossareas thatare tightor tense. Ifyoucanallow them to soften, let that happen; if you can’t, just let the sensationsbe, letting themrippleinwhateverdirectiontheyneedtogo.Thisappliesnotonlytophysicalsensationsbutalsotoanyemotions.Asyougothroughthebodybemindfulofanyphysicalsensationsandanythoughtsoremotionsthatmayarisefromsensations.

Bringawarenesstothebottomoftheleftfootwhereyoufeelthecontactofyourfootonthefloor.Itcouldbethebackoftheheelorthebottomoftheleftfoot.Sensingintowhatisbeingfelt.Feelingtheheel,ball,andsoleoftheleftfoot.

FeelintoyourtoesandthetopoftheleftfootandbackintotheAchillestendonandupintotheleftankle.

Nowmoveyourawarenessuptothelowerleftleg,feelingintothecalfandshinandtheirconnectiontotheleftknee.Beingpresent.

Let awareness now rise up to the thigh, sensing into the upper leg and its connectionaboveintothelefthip.

Andnowwithdrawawarenessfromthelefthipdowntotheleft foot,shiftingit intotheright foot and bringing awareness towhere you feel the contact of your right foot on the

floor. Itcouldbe thebackof theheelor thebottomof theright foot.Sensing intowhat isbeingfelt.Feelingtheheel,ball,andsoleoftherightfoot.

FeelintothetoesandthetopoftherightfootandbackintotheAchillestendonandupintotherightankle.

Nowmoveyourawarenessup to the lowerright leg, feeling into thecalfandshinandtheirconnectiontotherightknee.Beingpresent.

Letawarenessnowriseupintothethigh,sensingintotheupperleganditsconnectionaboveintotherighthip.

Gentlywithdrawyourattentionfromtherighthipandmoveintothepelvicregion.Senseintothesystemsofelimination,sexuality,andreproduction.Feelingintothegenitalsandtheanalregion.Beingmindfultoanysensations,thoughts,oremotions.

Andnowlifttheawarenesstotheabdomenandintothebelly,thehomeofdigestionandassimilation,feelingintoyourgutswithawarenessandlettingbe.

Nowwithdrawyourawarenessfromthebellyandmovetothetailboneandbegintosenseintothelower,middle,andupperpartsoftheback.Feelingsensations.Allowanytightnesstosoftenandletbewhat’snotsoftening.

Let the awareness now shift into the chest, into the heart and lungs. Being present.Feelingintotheribcageandsternumandthenintothebreasts.

Nowgentlywithdrawattentionfromthechestandshifttheawarenessintothefingertipsofthelefthand.Feelingintothefingersandpalm,andthenthebackofthehandandupintotheleftwrist.

Proceedupintotheforearm,elbow,andupperleftarm,feelingsensations.Now shift awareness to the fingertips of the right hand. Feeling into the fingers and

palm,andthenthebackofthehandandupintotherightwrist.Proceedupintotheforearm,elbow,andupperrightarm,feelingsensations.Lettheawarenessmoveintobothshouldersandarmpitsandthenupintotheneckand

throat.Beingpresenttoanysensations,thoughtsoremotions.Nowbringyourawarenessintothejawandthengentlyintotheteeth,tongue,mouth,and

lips.Allowinganyresonatingsensationstogowherevertheyneedtogoandlettingbe.Feel into the cheeks, the sinus passages that go deep into the head, the eyes, and the

musclesaroundtheeyes.Feelintotheforeheadandthetemples,beingpresent.Lettheawarenessmoveintothetopandbackofthehead.Feelingintotheearsandthen

insideoftheheadandintothebrain.Beingpresent.Now expand the field of awareness to the entire body from head to toe to fingertips.

Connect from the head through the neck to the shoulders, arms, hands, chest, back, belly,hips,pelvicregion,legs,andfeet.

Feel thebodyasawholeorganism,with itsvariousphysicalsensations, thoughts,andemotions.Beingpresent.

Breathingin,feelthewholebodyrisingandexpandingonaninhalationandfallingandcontractingonanexhalation.Feelthebodyasawholeorganism.Beingpresent.

Asyoucometotheendofthebodyscan,congratulateyourselffortakingthistimetobepresent.Mayyouknowthatthisisanactoflove.

Mayallbeingsbeatpeace.

BodyScanJournal

It’s truly amazing when you get in touch with your body and discover where you’re feeling andharboringstressandtensionandwherevariousemotionsmayreside.Asyousenseintothebody,amyriadoffeelings,thoughts,andexperiencesmayemerge.It’salsoimportanttoknowthatsometimesyoumightnotfeelmuchofanything,andthatthistoocanbeexplored.Whatdoesnothingoraneutralstatefeellike?As you feel into the body, acknowledge and validate all experiences, barring none.Many of us oftenexperience unexplainable aches and pains. By practicing the body scan, you may discover that thesereflectyourtensionoremotions,perhapsstoredinyourchest,neck,jaw,shoulders,back,orstomach.Didthebodyscanhelpyoubecomemoreawareofwhereyoucarrytensionoremotionsinthebody?Takeamomenttonotewhetheryoufeltstress,anxiety,elation,sadness, joy,anger,oranyotheremotioninthebody. Write about whatever came up for you mentally, emotionally, and physically when doing thispracticeforthefirsttime.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

FAQ

AmIdoingthebodyscanrightifIdon’tfeelanything?It’s important to know that neutral sensations can be part of the body scan. Human

beingsgenerallyfeelthreetypesofsensations:pleasant,unpleasant,andneutral.Ifyou’reexperiencinganeutralsensation,simplybemindful that it’sneutral.Asyoudeepenyourpracticeofthebodyscan,youmaybegintobeawareofmoreandmoresubtlefeelings.It’slikewhenyougototheoceanandinitiallyonlyheartheloudcrashingofthewaves;aftersome timeyoumaydistinguishsmallerandmoresubtle sounds thatmakeup theoverallcrashing.So it iswith thebody scan.Asyoudeepenyourpractice,you’llbegin to feelmoreandmoresensations.

howtoworkwithphysicalpain

Weallexperiencephysicalpainfromtimetotime.Ifyouhaveachronicpainproblem,thatmaybepartofthe reasonyou’reworkingwith thisbook.Orperhaps asyouworkedwith thebody scan,youbecameawarethatyouhavepainorthatyouhabituallyholdtensionincertainpartsofyourbody.Thefirststepinworkingwithpainistoassesswhetherit’sacuteorchronic.Acutepainusuallyhasaphysicalcauseandisoftenassociatedwitharecentinjuryorphysicalproblem.Itmayrequireimmediatemedicalattention.While chronic pain may also have a physical cause, it’s likely to be associated with cognitive andemotionalcomponents,aswell,suchasgrief,anger,fear,orconfusion.

Mindfulnessmeditation has been shown to be helpfulwith chronic pain (Kabat-Zinn et al. 1986).There are three important steps in applying mindfulness to chronic pain. The first is investigation—sensing into your body and feeling how you hold tension and pain. The second is working with anyemotionalreactionstothepainandtension.Thethirdinvolvestakingamorephilosophicalapproach—learningtoliveinthehereandnowanddealingwithpainonemomentatatime.

Step1:InvestigatingPainandTensionintheBody

It may sound counterintuitive or even frightening to bring focused attention to the body and itssensationswhenyou’refeelingpain.Isn’titnormalandnaturaltowanttoescapeordistractyourselffrompain?Whywouldyouwanttobringawarenesstodiscomfortwhenitseemssomuchbettertogetridofit?However,ifyoudon’tknowhowyou’reholdingpainandtensioninthebody,youmaybeincreasingitinadvertently.Thisiswheremindfulnesscomesin.

Acommonknee-jerkreactiontopainistoclenchandgettighteraroundit.Unfortunately,thiscannotonlyincreasethephysicalpain,itmayalsobeginaviciouscycleofreactionsthatleadtoincreasedanger,fear,sadness,andconfusion.Gettingtightaroundpainfurtherconstricts themusclesandrestrictsbloodflow,whichmaycausemore spasmsandpain, possibly even inother areasof thebody.This cycle isdifficulttostop,andintimeyoumaydiscoverthatyou’reconstrictednotjustaroundthepainfularea,butthroughoutthebody.

Thebodyscanprovidesanopportunityforyoutoreorienttowardlivingandworkingwithtensionandpain.Asyou reeducateyourself aboutyourpainbydistinguishingphysical sensations frommental andemotionalfeelings,youcanlearntorecognizestrongsensationsinthebodyasjustphysicalsensations.Thatsaid,livingwithphysicaltensionandpaincanbeverydifficultandcausehighlevelsofstressandanxiety,soit’simportanttolearnsomeskillsforbothcopingwithpainandlearningtoreduceit.

Onceyoubecomeawareofhowyouholdpaininthebody,youcanstartfiguringouthowbesttoworkwithit.Forexample,youmayhavelowerbackpainand,usingthebodyscan,discoverthatthetensionandtightnessexpandsuptothetopofthehead—thatyourentireupperbodyisaconstrictedmassofpain.Is thereaneed for theextra tensionand tightnessbeyond the lowbackarea?The truth is,youmaybefurtherexacerbatingyourpainbyholdingthismusculoskeletaltension.

Sohowdoyoudealwiththisextensiveareaofconstrictedtensionandpain?Mindfulawarenesswillnotonlyallowyou toseewhereyou’reholdingunnecessary tension,butwillalsohelpyousoftenandpossiblyreleasetensionintheseareaswherethere’snopainatall.Mindfulnessalsoteachesthatifyoucan’t release the tension, you can practice riding its waves, just observing them, letting them be, andallowingthemtoripplewherevertheyneedtogo.Justlikewatchingripplesinapondextendoutfartherandfarther,youcangivespace tosensationsand let themgowherever theyneed togo.Learning tobewith painmay feel counterintuitive, but it’s a fundamental step in healing. Rather than investing yourenergyinfightingorresistingpain, learntogowith it.This isanancientwisdomthatgoesbackto theBuddha,whotaughtthatwheneverthereisresistancetowhatis,there’ssuffering.

Step2:WorkingwiththeEmotionsinPhysicalPain

Whyisitthatwehavesuchahardtimedealingwithphysicalandemotionalpain?Isitbecauseofourupbringing?Doweliveinaculturethatpreferstodenytheexistenceofpain?Wecertainlyreceivemanyculturalmessages that encourageus tokeepa stiffupper lipandsuppress, repress, avoid,ordenyourpainandotherfeelings.

Mindfulness, on the other hand, offers a pathway toworkingwith the uncomfortable emotions thatoftenarisewhenyouhavephysicalpain,suchasanger,rage,sadness,confusion,despair,grief,anxiety,and fear.Bringingmindfulawareness toemotionsallowsyou tobegin toacknowledge them,nomatterwhat they are, validating and acknowledging themwithout censorship andwithout resistance.Aswithphysicalpain,resistancetodifficultemotionsoftencausesmorepain,whilelearningtoletbeandgowiththem, rather thanfighting them,canoftendiminishorchange thesufferingassociatedwith them.Ratherthan fightingdifficultemotions, simplyallowandacknowledgewhateveryou feel, letting thewavesofemotiongowherevertheyneedtogo.

Asmentionedearlier,thereareimportantdistinctionsbetween“acknowledgment”and“acceptance,”andbetween“lettingbe”and“lettinggo.”To“acknowledge”istosimplyseethingsastheyare,whetheryoulikeitornot.“Acceptance,”ontheotherhand,canbeseenasbeingokayoratpeacewiththingsastheyare.Ifyou’reexperiencingpain,itmaybedifficulttobeokaywiththepain,butyoucanacknowledgeitevenifyoudon’taccept it.Likewise,“lettingbe” isdifferentfrom“lettinggo.”“Lettinggo”impliesbeingabletorelease,whereas“lettingbe”simplyprovidesspaceforthingstobeastheyare.Justliketheskygivesspacetoastorm,youcangivespacetoyouremotions.

Acknowledgingemotionalpainhelpscreatethepossibilityfordeeperunderstanding,compassion,andpeace. As you gainmore understanding of your physical pain, your emotional reactions to it, and thedifferences between them, you’ll begin to see that there’s a difference between physical pain andsuffering. Even in times when you can’t change the physical sensations of pain, you can change youremotionalresponsestothemandtherebyreduceyoursuffering.Inotherwords,physicalpainisareality,butsufferingisoptional.Thebodydoeshavepainreceptorsandisdesignedtofeelpain;infact,insomecases itcanhelpprevent injury.However,youremotionalresponse topain is inyourhands.With timeandpractice,youcanlearntofeelthepainandsufferless.

Step3:LivinginthePresentMoment

Thethirdstepislivinginthepresentmoment.Thetruthis,youcanonlyliveinthehereandnow.Thisistheonlymomentinwhichyoucanmakeanychanges.Whenyouidentifywithstress,tension,orchronicpain,youmaythinkofitasalong-termproblemorlifesentence,andthisattitudecantakeyououtofthepresentmoment and increaseyour suffering.Mindfulness teachesyou tobeherenow.Youdon’t knowwhat the futuremaybring, andyou really don’t know if the stress andpainwill last forever.Throughmindfulnesspractice,youcanlearntobewithpainonemomentatatimeanddevelopanattitudeof“Let’sseeifIcanbewithpaininthismoment.Ifpainarisesinthenextmoment,I’lldealwithitthen.”

Asyoudeepenyourpracticeofmindfulness,you’llreconnecttoyourselfanddiscovernewstrategiestoworkwithtensionandpain.Ratherthanbeingheldhostagebyyourdiscomfort,youcancultivatetheattitudethatit’spossibletolearnfromit.Asyoulearntoletgoofthepastandnottoclingtoaspecificvision of the future, you’ll be able to see things as they are in themoment, with a growing sense offreedom and the possibility of new options. This perspective transforms you, your pain, and yourrelationshiptoyourpain.

informalpractice:MindingYourPain

When we experience stress, tension, emotional pain, or chronic physical pain, most of us have animmediatereactiontotrytogetawayfromtheunpleasantfeeling.However,youalsohavetheoptionofchoosingtorelatetoitinadifferentwaybybringingattentiontohowyou’reholdingitinthebodyinthemoment. If you can allow the area to soften, that’s fine. If not, see if you can adopt the attitude ofmindfulness,justridingthewavesofsensationsandlettingthembe.

Asaninformalpractice,throughoutthenextweekbringattentiontophysicalsensationsoremotionsinyourbodyand justnoticehowyou’re feeling.Bringbeginner’smindorgentle curiosity to the feeling,cradling it in your awareness and just letting it be. Allow yourself to experience these physical oremotional sensations and allow them to be as they are, without resistance or judgment. To help youremembertopractice,youcouldscheduleapop-upreminderinanelectroniccalendarthatsayssomethinglike“Howismybody?”

emotionsinthebodyThebodyscancanhelpyougetintouchwithdifficult,daunting,andevenoverwhelmingemotions.Thefirst step is to learn to identify these feelings more readily so that you can work with them morecreatively.Takeanxiety,forexample.Ifyou’reunawareofanxietyinthemoment,itcouldbeinfluencingyourbehaviorinwaysthatactuallyincreaseanxietyinsteadofrelievingit.Thebodyscancanalsohelpyoutuneintophysicalsensationsthatcanserveasasignpostastowhethercertainemotionsarepresent.Withanxiety,youmaynoticetightness in thechest, tensionin theshouldersorback,orcrampingin thestomach.Youcanuseawarenessofthesesensationstoalertyouthatyoumightbeanxious,allowingyoutoworkwiththatemotionbeforeitsnowballs.

Here’s a true story that illustrates this point. Joe lost several family members in an automobileaccidentandfeltasifhehadlosthisabilitytosmile.Hebecamesoself-consciousaboutthisthatwhenothersbegan to smile at him,he immediately turnedawayand lookeddown.Whenhis therapist askedhow his body feltwhen people smiled at him, Joe said he didn’t notice anything. So in session, theyworkedonJoebecomingmoreawareofthephysicalsensationsinhisbodythroughthebodyscan.Histherapist then led Joe throughan imaginaryexperienceofwalkingdown the street andnoticingpeoplesmilingathim.Duringthisvisualization,histherapistencouragedhimtonoticephysicalsensationsinhisbody.Joebecameawareoftightnessinhischest,tensioninhisshoulders,andhisneckturningashisheadfelldownward.Joecametounderstandthatthesephysicalsensationssignaledhisunconsciousreactioncycleoffear,self-judgment,andlookingaway.

As Joecontinued topractice thebodyscan,hebecamemorealert to thesephysical sensationsandbegantonoticethemoccurringwhenheactuallywaswalkingdownthestreet.Soonhewasabletousethesensations as a signal to step out of his unconscious reaction, become present, and choose a differentresponse.Hechosetoturnhisheadtowardpeoplewhosmiledathimandbegantopracticesmilingback.Soonhissmilesbecamemorespontaneous,whichledtoencouragingthoughts,feelingsofexcitement,andrelieffromchronictensionandtightnessinhisbody.

Bob’sStory:Ben’sOuch!

Someyearsagomyyoungson,Ben,felldownsomestairsandbumpedhishead.Fortunately,he

wasn’tseriouslyinjured,butitwaspainfulandhedidn’tlikeit.Hecriedvociferouslyandwasprettymad,andacoupleoffriendscameovertohelp.Onefriendpulledapieceofcandyfromhispocketandsaid,“Hereyougo,Ben.Eatthiscandyandyou’llfeelbetter.”IthankedmyfriendandaskedhimtonotgiveBenthecandy,sinceIfeltcryingwasareasonableresponse.ThesecondfriendcameoverandstartedmakingfunnyfacesatBen,tryingtomakehimlaugh,andsaid“You’llbeokay,Ben.”Ithankedhimaswell,thenaskedhimtonottrytomakeBenlaugh,againexplainingthatBen’sresponseofcryingwasappropriateafterbumpinghishead.

Bencontinuedtocryandrant,andIjustheldhimandacknowledgedandvalidatedhispain.Bentoldme,“Daddy,ithurtswhenyoubumpyourhead.”Irespondedbysaying,“YesBen,itdoeshurtwhenyoubumpyourhead.”Eventually,Benbecamequiet,andatsomepointhelookedupatmeandsaid,“C’monDad,let’sgetgoing.”

Drivinghome,IrealizedthatIhadwitnessedacompletedexperience.Bendidn’tneedtoprocessthisbumpingontheheadanyfurther.Itwasfinishedonthosesteps.Ontheotherhand,ifI’dallowedhimtohavethecandyorerasehispainwithlaughterandbegantodothiseverytimehehadpain,Benwouldhavelearnedthatitwasn’tokaytocryandbeangry.Whenwesuppressorrepressourfeelings,theeffectcanbedetrimentaltoourhealthandwell-being.

barrierstoawarenessofemotionsThereareanumberofbarrierstoawarenessofemotions,withfourbeingespeciallynoteworthy.Thefirstbarrier is thatsometimesemotionsare invalidatedorotherwisediscounted. If thishappenedwhileyouweregrowingup,andyouweretoldtherewasnoreasontobeanxious,fearful,sad,orangrywhenthat’showyoufelt,itmayhavetaughtyounotonlytothinkthatyouaren’tthebestjudgeofyourownemotions,but also that you should repress them.Emotions aremeant to come andgo like everything else.Whenthey’reconstrainedorrepressed,itcreatesstressinthemindandbody.

The second barrier to being aware of emotions is the common error of confusing thoughts withemotions.Whenever you say, “I feel that…,” you’re probably actually about to describe a thought orjudgment,ratherthananemotion.Forexample,aclientnamedJulieusedtosay,“Ifeelthatmylifeisoutofcontrol.”Asshelearnedtomakeadistinctionbetweenthoughtsandfeelings,shebecameawarethat“outof control” is a thought, not a feeling.Shebegan tonotice that emotionsof anxiety andconfusionwereconnectedtothethought“outofcontrol,”andthattheyalsomanifestedinherbody,astensioninherchestandshoulders.Sheusedthisasasignalofheremotionalstateandaremindertoturnherawarenesstodifferentiatingbetweenthoughtsandemotions.WhenJuliefeltanxiousandthenactuallylookedattheevidenceforherlifebeingoutofcontrol,sherealizedthatshewasactuallyincontrolofmanyaspectsofherlife.

To further clarify this point, consider statements like “I feel stupid,” “I feelworthless,” or “I feelhelpless.”Again, the thoughtmaybe I’m stupid (orworthless or helpless), but the emotionwouldbesomethinglikeshame,sadness,orfear.Whenthoughtsareconfusedwithemotions,it’softenbecausetheemotionsaremaskedbehindthoughtsinanunconsciousattempttoprotectyourselffromawarenessoftheemotion.Abig advantage todeveloping the capacity to see thedifferencebetween the thought and thefeeling behind it is that it allows you to look at the credibility of the thought that’s hijacking you bycoloringthewayyouseetheworldanddiggingyoudeeperintostress,anxiety,andpossiblydepression.

Athirdbarriertoawarenessofemotionsisthatthey’reintangibleandthereforechallengingtodefine.Youlearnedthataflowerisaflowerbecauseatsomepointsomeonepointeditouttoyouandtoldyouthename.Youcouldfeelit,seeit,andtouchit.Butnoonecandefinitivelypointtoafeelingoffear,sadness,

orguilt,soasyouweregrowingup,youhadtoexperienceanddeciphertheseonyourown.Thefourthbarrieristhatmostofussimplydon’thaveanadequatevocabularyinregardtoemotions.

Many of us grew up in a culturewhere experiencing and discussing emotionswasn’t encouraged andthereforewedidn’tlearntodescribefeelings.Thenextexercisewillhelpyoudeveloparicheremotionalvocabularyandgreaterawarenessofhowspecificemotionsmanifestinyourbody.

explore:IdentifyingEmotionsintheBody

It’ssometimessaidthattherearejustahandfulofbasicemotions,withallotheremotionsbeingvariationson these basic themes.While this doesn’t adequately address the complexity of the situation, it doesprovidesomestructureforbecomingmorefamiliarwiththediversityofemotions.Inthisexercise,we’vegrouped both comfortable and uncomfortable emotions into categories to provide a springboard fordevelopingabroaderemotionalvocabularyandbringingmoreawarenesstoyouremotions.Asyoureadthrough the listsbelow,circle theemotions that seemmore familiar toyou.Thenwriteaboutwhere inyourbodyyoufeeltheseemotions,howtheymanifest,andwhatthoughtsorimagescometomindasyoureadtheseemotionwords.Itmaytakesometimetodevelopsensitivitytoemotionsandhowtheymanifestinyourbody.Ifyouaren’tabletoconnectaspecificemotionwithbodilysensationsoryoucan’tthinkofanythingtowriteaboutit,knowthatyoucanalwayscomebackanddothislater.

Fear:apprehension,anxiety,distress,edginess,jumpiness,nervousness,panic,tenseness,uneasiness,worry,fright,feelingoverwhelmed.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Confusion:bewildered,uncertain,puzzled,mystified,perplexed,chaotic,foggy,orunaware.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Anger: aggravation, agitation, annoyance, destructiveness, disgust, envy, frustration, irritation,grouchiness,grumpiness,rage.______________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sadness: alienation, anguish, despair, disappointment, gloom, grief, hopelessness, insecurity,loneliness,misery,unhappiness,rejection.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Shame:guilt,embarrassment,humiliation,invalidation,regret,remorse,mortification.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Love: affection, arousal, attraction, caring, compassion, desire, fondness, infatuation, kindness,liking,longing,warmth,sympathy,sentimentality.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Joy: amusement, bliss, contentment, eagerness, elation, enjoyment, enthusiasm, excitement,exhilaration,hope,optimism,pleasure,satisfaction.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Noticingwhere emotions reside in thebodymaynot comenaturally.Know that asyou continue topracticethebodyscan,you’llbecomemoresensitivetophysicalsensationsandhowtheyrelatetoyouremotions.Fromtimetotime,rereadthelistsinthisexerciseandwatchforallofthesedifferentshadesofemotionasyougoaboutyourdailylife.Whenastrongemotionarises,trytotakeamomenttomindfullytuneintoyourbodytodiscoveranyphysicalsensationsassociatedwiththatemotion.

Beforeyoumoveon,takeamomenttoconnectwithyourbreathandmindfullyreflectonwhatyoujust wrote, compassionately acknowledging, validating, and integratingwhat you learned from thisexploration.

Elisha’sStory:ApproachingEmotionsWhileIusedtopridemyselfonbeingawareofmyemotions,inrealityI’vehaddifficultyinthisarea.Withoutmyrealizingit,sometimeswhensadnessorangerwouldarise,mynervoussystemviewedtheemotionasathreat.Myunconsciousreactionwastochangethesubject,trytofixthesituation,orjustturnonthetelevision—inotherwords,avoidingatallcosts.WhenmywifesuggestedthatIsometimestrytoavoiduncomfortableemotions,Ideniedit.Afterall,IfeltIhaddonealotofworkonself-awareness.

Still,overtheyearsI’velearnedthatmywifeisoftenright,andasIsatwiththeidea,IbegantorealizethatwhetherIwaswithfriends,family,oranacquaintance,attimesmybodywouldstiffenupormyfacewouldbecometense,andI’dlookforanyopportunitytoavoidbeingtrulypresentintheinteraction.AsIobservedthisreactionandinvestigatedwhatlaybeneathit,IrealizedthatthisusuallyhappenedwhenIwantedtoavoidapotentiallypainfulinteraction,andthatthishappenedmostoftenwiththepeopleIwasclosestto.Thismakessense,asthoserelationshipsgenerallyhavethegreatestpotentialtocausepain.

Withthisseriesofinsights,IrealizedthatIcouldusethestiffnessthataroseinmybodyortensioninmyfaceasacuethatIwasuncomfortable.ButthenIhitanimpasse.Myemotionalvocabularywaslimited,andtheonlywordsIcouldcomeupwithtodescribemyemotionalstatewere“uncomfortable”and“pain.”SoIworkedonbuildingmyvocabularyofemotionsandbegantoseethatIwasactuallyfeelingedginess,jumpiness,andapprehension—allfeelingsassociatedwithfear.AsIdeepenedmyexploration,Icouldfeelthefearburninginmychest,rightovermyheart.Thenanimageflashedinmymindofalittleboyinsideofme,peekingthroughacrackinawallandsaying,“Ohno,I’mnotgoingoutthere.”Ifeltgreatsadnessandcompassioninresponsetothehurtandpainofthatlittleboyinsideofme.

Intime,Icouldfeeltheimpulsetopullawayfromconnectingwithothersevenasitarose,whichallowedmetoacknowledgetheimpulseandthenbringmyawarenessbacktoexperiencingthefear—notjudgingitasgoodorbad,justlettingitbeandstayingconnected.Thishasbeenimmenselyhealingforme,andformyrelationships.

JUSTDOIT!

Right now, take a moment to check in with how you’re feeling in your body. Is itsendingyouanysignalsaboutyouremotionsorthoughts?Isthereanytension,tiredness,ortightness,ordoyoufeeljustright?Noticewhatariseswhenyoubecomemindfulofyourbody and its messages, and listen closely. Your body may be trying to communicateimportantinformationtoyou.

HowStressedAreYou?

Congratulations!You’vemadeithalfwaythroughthebook.Whatawonderfulgift,tohavegivenyourselfthistimetobecomemorepresenttoyourlife.Beforereadingon,takeamomenttogobacktotheexercise“What’sStressingYou?” at the endof the introductiononpage11.Take this opportunity to revisit thestressorsyouwrotedownatthattimeandassesshowyou’redoingwiththemnow.

Trytomakethisamindfulprocess.Beforedivinginwithscoring,takeamomenttobreatheandcheckinwithyourbody.Thentakesometimetothinkabouteachstressorandseeifyoufeeldifferentlyorthesameaboutit.Ifanynewstressorsarosesinceyoufirstdidtheexercise,addthemtothelistandratethemaswell.

Thisinformalassessmentisn’tmeanttoreplaceaclinicalassessment;it’ssimplyintendedtohelpyoudeterminehowyou’refeeling.However,ifmostofyourratingsareextremelyhigh,itwouldprobablybeagoodideatousethisbookinconjunctionwithahealthcareormentalhealthprofessional.

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Throughout this bookwewill continue to offer a progression of formal and informalmindfulnesspracticesthatcanfosteryoursenseofwell-being.Forvariousreasons,itmaybedifficultforyoutodoallofthepractices.Weencourageyoutomakethisjourneyyourownandworkwiththepracticesinawaythatfitsyourlife.Youmayfindthatsomepracticescomplementyourlifebetterthanothers.Youmayalsofindthatyousometimesdon’tpractice,perhapsforseveraldaysinarow.Don’tjudgeorberateyourself.Remember,assoonasyounoticethis,you’representonceagain.Justletthepastbeandinviteyourselftomakespaceforpractice.

In addition to practicing the body scan over the next week, we recommend that you continue topracticemindfulwalkingatleastfivedaysaweek.It’sanexcellentwaytoextendtheapproachesinthischaptertothebodyinmotion.Goaheadandputthesetwopracticesonyourcalendarforthenextweek.Trytopracticedailyorneardaily.Alsoscheduleatimeaboutaweekfromnowwhenyou’llreviewyourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractices

BodyScan

WalkingMeditation

Nowyouhavefiveinformalpracticestointegrateintoyourdailylife.InformalPractices

MindingYourPain

STOP

BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,fillout thefollowinglog.Asyoufill itout,andasyoulookbackoverthepreviousweek’spractice, thinkabouthowyourpracticehasbeengoing.Doyounoticeanypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanuse

whatyoulearnfromthesereflectionstodeepenyourdailyinformalpractice.

6

deepeningyourpracticeIn chapter 3,webegan to introduceyou to the formal practice ofmindfulnessmeditation.Weoutlinedeight attitudes essential tomindfulness practice, introducedmindful breathing, talked aboutwhat to dowhenthemindwandersasitinevitablywill,andgavespecificrecommendationsonphysicalpostureforformalpractice.Theformalpracticeinthatchapterwasfiveminutesofmindfulbreathing.Inchapter5,wefocusedonthebodyscan.Allofthislaidthefoundationforthefocusofthischapter:formalsittingpracticeofmindfulnessmeditation,whichbeginswithmindfulnessofbreathingandgraduallyexpandstophysicalsensations,sounds,thoughtsandemotions,andultimatelychoicelessawareness,alsoknownaspresentmoment awareness.Because extended sittingmeditation can lead to stiffness, this chapter alsoincludesamindfulyogapracticetohelpyouworkoutthekinkswhilealsodeepeningyourmindfulnessofthe body and mind and their interconnections. As you deepen your mindfulness practice with sittingmeditation, you’ll becomemore awareof your thoughts and feelings, and alsomore awareof habitualpatternsofbehaviorthatmaynotserveyouwell.Lookingatyourbehaviorinthisway,withbeginner’smind,allowsyoutoseethatotherpossibilitiesexist—animportantfirststepinchoosingtodosomethingdifferent.

formalsittingmindfulnessmeditationOutwardly, theformalpracticeofsittingmindfulnessmeditation ismuchlike thepopularconceptionofmeditation: sitting in silent contemplation. You’ll soon discover that the practice is quite rich andprofound,asyouturnyourawarenesstotheever-changingnatureofyourexperience.Byfocusingonhowthebreath, sensations, sounds, thoughts, and emotions are continually forming and then falling away, itallows a glimpseof the transitorynature of all things—and thepotential freedom that comeswith thisawareness. As you simply sit with and acknowledge whatever is with beginner’s mind, withoutevaluationorjudgmentandwithoutstrivingforaparticularoutcome,you’lldevelopgreaterequanimity,adeeper capacity for letting be, and, with time and practice, greater wisdom and compassion. Asmentioned, this practice beginswith a focus on the breath and expandsoutward to sensations, sounds,thoughts and emotions, and finally choiceless awareness. Let’s take a closer look at each of thesepractices.

MindfulnessofBreathing

Sittingmeditationoftenbeginswithmindfulnessofbreathing.Bybeingawareoftheshiftingqualityofthebreathasyouinhaleandexhale,youcanlearnagreatdealaboutthenatureofimpermanenceandlife.Muchliketheebbandflowoftheocean’swaves,thebreathisconstantlyinastateofchange,cominginandgoingout.This is apowerful teacher thatunderscoreshoweverythingchanges in life and that it’spossible to go with the flow rather than fighting it. It also brings a recognition that the stronger theresistance, thegreater the suffering. It’snatural togoafterwhatyouwant and try toholdon to it and,conversely,topushawaywhatyoudon’twant.However,thisself-limitingdefinitionoftenfuelsapush-and-pull relationshipbetweenwhatyouwant anddon’twant andcanmakeyou feel restless and ill atease;inshort,itleadstosuffering.Forexample,ifyoutrytoresisttheprocessofbreathing,you’llfindthat discomfort arises almost instantly and can rapidly develop into suffering! Simply beingwith yourbreath as you practice mindfulness meditation allows you to experience firsthand the ever-changing

quality of your experience and helps you open to going with the flow of life with less grasping andaversionandwithagreatersenseofspaceandfreedom.

MindfulnessofSensations

After spending some time with the breath, you’ll expand your awareness to the field of physicalsensations.Thisisdifferentfromthebodyscan.Ratherthanmethodicallygoingthroughthebodypartbypart,youopenawarenesstowhateversensationsarepredominantordistinctineachmoment.Noticingthecomingandgoingofsensationsthroughoutthebodyinthiswaymakesthispracticemuchmorefluidandreflectiveof thedirectexperienceof thepresentmoment.Thehumanbody isadynamicorganismwithsensory receptors that are essentially in a perpetual state of fluctuation, experiencing awide array ofsensations(itching, tingling,warmth,coolness,dryness,moisture,heaviness, lightness,pain,andsoon)thatmaybeeitherpleasant,unpleasant,orneutral. Ifyouaren’t feelinganydistinctsensations,youcanbringawarenesstoanypointsofcontact,suchasyourbodytouchingthechair,yourfeetonthefloor,oryourhandsmakingcontactwithyourlap—whereveryoufeelcontact.Inmindfulnessmeditation,there’snothingtoanalyzeorfigureoutaboutthesesensations.Simplymaintainattentiononthefieldofsensoryexperience,noticingaseachsensationarisesandthenrecedes.Directlyfocusingonthetransitoryqualityofphysicalsensationswilldeepenyourunderstandingofthenatureofchange.

MindfulnessofHearing

Next,you’llextendyourmindfulawareness tohearing.Bylisteningtovarioussoundsriseandfall,youcomeintodirectcontactwithimpermanenceinyetanotherway.Mindfulnessofsoundscanbeveryuseful. As withmindfulness of the breath, most of us can engage in this practice almost anytime andanywhere,sincesomanyofusliveinnoisy,busyenvironmentswheresoundsarealmostalwayscomingandgoing.Ifaparticularsoundispersistentandpossiblyevenannoying,suchasacaralarm,loudmusic,kidsscreaming, traffic,orairplanes, simplybringattention to thesound itselfwithoutevaluation.Onamore elemental level, themind simply hears soundwaves.Auditory phenomena are ever-present; youcannotescapethem.Evenifyouisolatedyourselfinadeepcaveorasoundproofroom,you’dstillhearinternalsoundsofyourpulse,yourheartbeat,orringingintheears.Whateverouraudioenvironment,trynot to judge the sounds as good or bad. Simply notice how sounds arise and recede as impermanentevents.

Asyouturnyourfocustohearing,youcanbegintotransformanyirritationwithsounds.Thereisnoneed to like or dislike them; they’re just sounds.Youmay hear sounds outside or indoors, or as yourconcentration deepens, you may be aware of sounds within the body. All of these are just sounds,appearinganddisappearing.There’snoneedtoanalyzeorfigureoutthesesounds;simplymaintainbareattentionontheever-changingfieldofauditoryexperience.

MindfulnessofThoughtsandEmotions

After meditating on sounds, you’ll shift to mental events (thoughts and emotions) as the object ofmeditation, directing attention to the mind and the thought process itself. As well as seeing andexperiencing thecontentofyour thoughtsandemotions, sometimesknownas the ten thousand joysandsorrows,you’llbegintoseethatthoughtsandemotionsareever-changing,justlikethebreath,sensations,andsounds.Ratherthangettinginvolvedinthecontentsofthemind,youcanbecomemoreinterestedinjustexperiencingtheprocess.Asyoubecomeawareofthestoriesyouspinandthetrapsyoucreate,you

canbegintodisengagefromthem.Mindfulness cultivates the ability to observe and experience thoughts and emotions as they arise,

develop, and recede.There’snoneed to analyze themor figure themout; simplyview themasmentalformationsthatcomeandgo.It’slikelyinginameadowwatchingthecloudsfloatthroughtheskyorlikesitting in amovie theaterwatching the images and sounds changing on the screen. In otherwords, thepracticeistosimplyexperienceandbemindfulofthechangingnatureofmentalformationsthatriseandfallawaymomenttomoment.

Here’sahelpfulmetaphor:Manydifferent typesofstormsarise in theever-changingatmosphereofour planet—occasionally very powerful storms, such as Category 5 hurricanes. Yet even with thestrongesthurricane,theskydoesn’tfeeltheeffectofthestorms.Thevirtueoftheskyisthatithasplentyofspacetoletthestormrunitscourse.Withinthisvastspace,thestormeventuallydissipates.Inasense,mindfulnesshelpsyoudevelopaninternalawarenessasbigasthesky.Bypracticingmindfulness,youcanbegin to watch the storms of fear, anxiety, and other emotions and give them the space they need totransformanddiminish in intensity.Byobservingandexperiencing thoughtsandemotionsandallowingthem to go wherever they need to go, you can come to see them as transient mental phenomena andunderstandthatyouarenotyourthoughts.Yourthoughtsarenotfacts,noraretheyacompletedefinitionofwho you are. Freeing yourself from your own self-limiting constructions will bring deeper levels offreedomandpeace.

ChoicelessAwareness

The last andmost expansive aspect of this practice of sittingmindfulnessmeditation is choicelessawareness, or present moment awareness. In this practice, the present moment becomes the primaryobject of attention.Choiceless awareness invites you to becomemindful ofwhatever is arising in theunfoldingofeachmomentintheendlesssuccessionofpresentmoments—whateverarisesinthebodyandmind, whether sensations, sounds, or other sensory phenomenon, or mental events like thoughts andemotions.Althoughoutwardlyyoumaybeverystill,yourinternalexperiencemaybeverydifferentasyousitbackandwatchtheever-shiftingtidesofphysicalandmentalexperience.

Together,yourbodyandmindarea singledynamicorganism that’s constantly in a stateof change,withinteractionsbetweenstimulifromthoughts,emotions,physicalsensations,sounds,sights,smells,andtastes.Asyoupracticechoicelessawareness, simplyobservewhat’spredominantorcompelling in themindandbodyandbepresenttoit.Ifnothingisespeciallyprevalentandyou’reunsureofwheretoplaceyourattention,youcanalwaysgoback to thebreath,sensations,sounds,or thoughtsandemotionsasawaytoanchorintothehereandnow.

Thispracticeisanalogoustosittingbytheedgeofariver,justwatchingwhatevergoesdownstream,and indeed, it isoneof themost fluidofmeditationpracticesas it reflects theunfoldingofyourdirectexperience,momentbymoment.Sometimestherearesounds,sometimessensations,sometimesthoughtsandemotions.Justsitandwitnesstheseaofchangeinyourmindandbody.Evenifyou’reexperiencingstormsofanxiety,pain,sadness,anger,orconfusion,knowthatbygivingthemspacetheywillgraduallydiminish.

FAQ

Itakemythoughtssoseriously.WhatcanIdoaboutthis?Mindfulness teaches that thoughts and emotions are transitory. Just as physical

sensationsareconstantlychanging,themindalsoisinastateofflux.Begintoobservethechangingphysicalsensationsofsounds,tastes,smells,sights,andtouch,andcometoseethemaswaves—formationsthatcomeintoexistence,risingupandthenrecedingorfallingaway.Thesameistrueofthoughtsandemotions.Manypeoplewhopracticemindfulnessconsiderthemindtobeasenseorgan.Justlikethenosesmells,thetonguetastes,thebodyfeels,theearshear,andtheeyessee,themindthinks.Thisisjustwhatitdoes.Asyoustartto sense and acknowledge the impermanent nature of all things, you’ll come to see thateachmomentgenuinelydoesoffertheopportunityforanewoutlookoranewbeginning.This is a position of immense freedom, and perhaps one of the greatest benefits ofmeditation:thatwebecomelessdeeplyenslavedbythemind.Ifyoucontinuetostrugglewithattachmentoraversiontocertainthoughtsorwithtakingthemtooseriously,sitorlieoutsideandlookupatthecloudsfloatingby.Imagineyourselfastheskyandthoughtsasclouds,andknowthatthoughtscomeandgo,justascloudsdo.

formalpractice:SittingMeditation

Sitinaposturethat’scomfortableyetallowsyoutoremainalert.Bringyourfull,undividedattentiontothis practice as you listen to the audio track or read the following meditation, pausing after eachparagraph, and taking enough time to absorb the practice for forty-five, thirty, or fifteen minutes.Werecommend practicing the full forty-five minutes (track 11) or thirty minutes (track 10). However, ifyou’reshortontime,thereisafifteen-minutepracticeontheweblink(track9).

Beginyourpracticebycongratulatingyourselfthatyou’rededicatingsomeprecioustimetomeditation.Mayyouknowthatthisisanactoflove.

As you begin to stop and become present, become aware of the body and mind andwhateverisbeingcarriedwithinyou—perhapsfeelingsorthoughtsfromtheday’seventsorwhateverhasbeengoingonwithinyourecently.

Simplyallowandacknowledgewhateveriswithinandjustletitbe,withoutanyformofanalysisorevaluation.

Gradually,shiftthefocusofawarenesstothebreath,breathingnormallyandnaturally.Asyoubreathein,beawareofbreathingin,andasyoubreatheout,beawareofbreathingout.

Justbeingawareofbreathingandfocusingawarenessoneitherthetipofthenoseortheabdomen.If focusingonthetipofthenose,feelthetouchoftheairasyoubreatheinandout. If focusing on the abdomen, feel the belly expanding with each inhalation andcontractingwitheachexhalation.

Just live lifeone inhalationandoneexhalationata time.Breathing in,breathingout,watchingeachbreathappearanddisappear.Justbreathing.

Nowgentlywithdrawawarenessfromthebreathandbringitintotheworldofsensationsinthebody.Observingwithoutanyaversionorindulgence,justacknowledgethemultitudeofvaryingsensationsastheychangefrommomenttomomentandletthembe.

Asyousenseintothebody,youmayfindareasoftensionandtightness.Ifyoucanallowthemtosoftenandrelax,that’sfine.Ifnot,justletitbe.

If you’re unable to soften and relax, acknowledge any persisting sensations and givethemspacetodowhatevertheyneedtodo.Simplyallowthesewavesofsensationstoflowwherevertheyneedtogo.

Now release awareness of sensations and bring attention to hearing, observing allsoundswithout aversion or indulgence.Be aware of sound at itsmost basic, fundamentallevel—simplysoundwavesthatyourbodyisreceivingwithitsfacultyofhearing.

Beingawareof soundsat this level, justacknowledge themultitudeofvaryingsounds,externalandinternal,momenttomoment.

Whether the sounds are external or internal, just notice how they are ever-changing,revealing the mark of impermanence. Sounds rise, sounds fall. Hear them appear anddisappear,justsounds.

Now gently shift attention from awareness of sounds to the mind, to thoughts andemotions. Observe the mind without any aversion or indulgence. Just acknowledge themultitude of varying mental formations moment to moment. Like lying in a field andwatchingthecloudsfloatby,watchthemindinthesameway.

Think of yourself as a meteorologist, just watching internal weather patterns withoutjudgment, just being with the way things are. Thoughts and emotions rise; thoughts andemotionsfall.Experiencingthemappearanddisappear,justthoughts,andjustemotions.

Youmaybecomeawarethatthemindhasamindofitown.Itanalyzes,scrutinizes,plans,andremembers.Itcatastrophizes,compares,andcontrasts.Itdreams,blames,andfeelssad,angry,andfearful.Itfantasizesandhaslikesanddislikes.Themindisbusythinkingaboutthisandthat,withthoughtsrising,forming,andreceding.Experiencehowtheyappearanddisappear,noticingthemasjustthoughts.

As you observe and experience your thoughts and emotions, try to avoid falling intothem.Ratherthangettingcaughtupinthemind’straps,stories,andhabits,simplyobservethemdispassionately,letthembe,andknowthattheywillrecedeintime.

At times youmay find yourself caught up in thoughts and feelings, perhapsagainandagain. When this happens, don’t judge or berate yourself. Simply realize that even thisawarenessisawayofreturningtothepresentmoment.Letyourawarenessrecognizethatallofthesementalstatesarefleetingandchanging,onceagainrevealingimpermanence.Onceyoubecomeawarethatyourmindhasgottencaughtupandlostinthoughtsandemotions,inthat very moment you are no longer caught up. Just continue experiencing the changingnature of mind states. You can consider your mind to be like a white-water river—justthoughtsandemotionsrollingonandon…Ifyoubecomefrustratedwithwanderingmind,it’sfinetoreturntothebreathforashorttimetocenteryourself.

Verygentlynow,withdrawawarenessfrommentaleventsandbringyourattentiontothepresentmomentitselfastheprimaryobjectofattention.

Choiceless awareness invites you to become mindful of whatever is arising in theunfoldingofeachpresentmoment,inthebodyandinthemind,whethersounds,sensations,orothersensoryexperiencesoraflurryofthoughtsoremotions.Justsitbackandwatchtheever-shifting tidesofmindandbody.Althoughyoumaybe sitting very still, your internalexperience is quite different. Your body and mind combine to form a dynamic organisminteractingwithstimulifromthesensesandthemind,stimulithatconstantlychanging.

Simply observe whatever is predominant or compelling in the mind and body and bepresent to it. If nothing is particularly prevalent and you’re unsure of where to focusattention,youcanalwaysgobacktothebreathoranyotherobjectasawaytoanchorintothehereandnow.

Thispracticeisanalogoustosittingbytheedgeofariver,justwatchingwhatevergoesdownstream. Sometimes there are sounds, sometimes sensations, sometimes thoughts andemotions. If nothing much is occurring, you can always come back to the anchor of thebreath.Sitandwitnesstheseaofchangeinyourmindandbody.

As you learn to give space to whatever is arising inside with greater equanimity andbalance, you can begin to go with the flow. Instead of fighting or resisting what’s there,you’llcometounderstandanddeeplyknowthatallthingschange.

Even if you’re experiencing storms of anxiety, pain, sadness, anger, or confusion, orperhapsespeciallyatthesetimes,youwillknowthatbygivingthesefeelingsspace,theywillgraduallydiminish.

Nowwithdrawfromchoicelessawarenessandcomebacktothebreath,feelingthewholebody as you breathe in and out. Feel the entire body rising upward on an inhalation andfallingdownwardonanexhalation.Feelthebodyasasingle,completeorganism,connectedandwhole.

Mayyouagaincongratulateyourself forpracticing thismeditationandknowthat it iscontributingtoyourhealthandwell-being.Mayyouknowthatthisisanactoflove.

SittingMeditationJournal

Takesometimetowriteaboutwhatevercameupforyoumentally,emotionally,andphysicallywhendoingthispracticeforthefirsttime.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bob’sStory:RoosterMeditation

Intheearly1980sIlivedataBuddhistmonastery,alongwithmanyothermonksandagroupofsixroosters.Havinggrownupinthecity,Iassumedthatroostersjustcrowinthemorning,atsunrise.Ittooknotimewhatsoevertodiscoverthattheseroosterscrowedalmosttwenty-fourhoursaday.

OnSaturdayswehelddaylongmeditations.Themeditationhallwasonthefirstfloor,andtheroostersoftenhoppedupontothewindowsilltocock-a-doodle-dooalldaylong.Innotimeatall,thisputmeinastateofprofoundanger.AsIwonderedwhytheywouldn’tstopcock-a-doodle-do-ing,Idreamtupmanywaystokillarooster.Icouldsitonit,shootit,poisonit,burnit,cutit,drownit—mycreativitywasboundless.

Finally,onedayIcomplainedtomyteacher,HlaingTetSayadaw,whoscoldedmeandsaid,“Youknownothingaboutmeditation.Theseroostersareheretoteachyou.Hearing,hearing,hearing,anger,anger,anger.Gositbackdownandpractice!”

Astimewenton,thecrowingoftheroostersgraduallytransformedintosoundwaves—nothingmorethanaudiosignalsrisingandfalling.Ofcoursethispracticeisn’teasy,andtothisdayIcanstillbeprovokedattimesbytheroostersthatshowupinlife—realandmetaphorical.Butasone’spracticeslowlygrows,patienceandunderstandingwillsupersedeannoyances.

JUSTDOIT!

Stop right now and listen to whatever sounds are in your environment—perhaps asiren,peopletalking,cricketschirping,ormusicplaying.Noticehowthemindisquicktocategorizeorcreatean image foreachsound, thencomeback tonoticingsoundsas justsounds, and their impermanent nature as they come and go.What is it like to listen tosoundswithout evaluation? Bring this practicewith you into your daily life, setting upsomesortofremindersothatyou’lltaketimetostopandlistentosoundsasjustsounds,withoutjudgment.

yogaandmindfulnessIt’sbeensaidthatyogawasdevelopedthousandsofyearsagoinIndiabymeditatorswhomostlylivedinruralareas.Manyofthemwantedtodevotemostoftheirtimetosittingmeditationpractice,yetaftermanyhoursofsittingstillinoneplacetheyoftenexperienceddeepachesandpainsandcouldhardlykeeptheirminds still. Because they lived close to animals, the meditators began noticing how various animalsstretchedandseemedtobenefitfromit.Astimewenton,themeditatorsbegancopyingtheanimalsandsoon noticed that their bodieswere gettingmore flexible and stronger.They also discovered that theycouldsitandmeditateforlongerperiodswithoutdiscomfort,andthattheirmindsbecamequieterandstillaswell. These are the humble origins of yoga, and even today amajority of yoga poses have animalnames.

Nowthatyou’vebegun topracticesittingmeditation,you toomayfeel thatyouneed tostretchand

moveyourbodytorelieveanyachesandpainsduetosittingstillforextendedperiodsoftime.Plus,yogaisaninherentlymindfulphysicalpractice.Infact,inSanskrit,yogameans“toyoke,”inthiscasebringingtogether thebodyandmind.Andnotonly isyogaanexcellentway tobringmindfulness to thebody inmovement,it’salsoarejuvenatingpracticethatoffersmanyotherhealthbenefits,suchaskeepingagingbones,joints,muscles,nerves,andorganshealthy,supple,andflexible.

formalpractice:MindfulLyingYoga

Mindfulyogainvolvesbringingawarenesstoyourbreath,movement,posture,thoughts,andemotionsasyoupractice.You’llneedtowearcomfortableclothingthatdoesn’trestrictyourmovements.You’llalsoneedenoughspacetodothemovements,aswellasayogamatoracarpetedfloor.Beforeyoubegin,takealookatthefollowingsequenceofillustrationssothatyoucanfamiliarizeyourselfwiththeposturesinthispractice.Foreaseofpractice,listentotheaudiotrack,whichhasthreeversionsofmindfullyingyogapractice: fifteenminutes (track 13), thirtyminutes (track 14), and forty-fiveminutes (track 15). Pleasebeginwithtrack12,whichprovidesanintroductiontomindfulyoga.Alternatively,youcansimplyreadthrough the descriptions of the poses below and then practice based on the text. If you haven’t beenexercisingregularlyoryouaren’tveryflexible,it’sprobablybesttobeginwiththefifteen-minuteversionandworkyourwayup.Listentoyourbody’swisdominthisregard.

AWordofCaution:Everyone’sbodyisdifferent.Someofusmaybemoreflexiblethanothers.Whendoingthispractice,erronthesideofcompassionatewisdom.Trytoworkwiththeseposturesslowlyandmindfully.Andratherthanstartingat110percent,howaboutjust60percentatfirst?It’sbettertobuildupyourpracticeslowlythantopossiblyhurtyourself.Alsonotethatit’swisertogetoutofapostureearlierifit’shurtingthantostayinitlongerandhurtmore.Ifyoufindyourselfunabletodoaparticularposture,pleasefeelfreetoskipit.Youcanconsiderthisayogaposturetoo:thepostureofnotdoingaposeandallowingyourselftofeelandacknowledgewhateveriscomingupforyouinbodyandmind.Inthislight,anythingyoudoordon’tdoispartofthemindfulyogaexperienceifyoubringawarenesstoit.

SupinePose

Liedownonyourbackwithyourarmsbyyoursides,palmsfacingup,andbreathenaturallyforafewbreaths.

SupineFullBodyStretch

Breatheinandsweepyourarmsupalongthefloor,thenstretchthemoverheadwithyourpalmsfacingeachother.Exhaleandsweepyourarmsbackdowntoyoursides.

SupineTwist

Fromthisposition,sweepyourarmsouttoshoulderheight.Bendbothkneesandraisethemstraightup,keepingyourfeetonthefloor,thenexhaleandlowerbothkneesdowntoyourrightside,keepingyourshouldersandarmson the floorand turningyourhead to look to the left.Breathenaturallyand remainpresent,beingmindfulofanywavesofsensations,thoughts,oremotions.Inhaleandreturntotheneutralposition,lyingflatwithbothkneesupandyourfeetonthefloor.Breathenaturally,thenrepeatontheotherside.

SupineFullBodyStretch

Repeatthefullbodystretch,inhalingandsweepingyourarmsoverheadwithpalmsfacingeachother,thenexhalingasyousweepyourarmsbackdownbyyoursides.

LegStretch

Bendyourleftknee,keepingyourleftfootontheground.Keepingyourrightlegstraight,raiseitupwithyourrightheelpointingtowardtheceiling.Breathenaturallyandflexyourankle,pointingyourtoestowardtheceiling,thenrotateyourankleinonedirectionandthentheother.Slowlyloweryourrightlegtothefloor.Repeatthefullbodystretch,thenrepeatthelegstretchontheotherside,bendingyourrightlegandraisingyourleftleg.Onceagainrepeatthefullbodystretch.

SingleKneetoChest

Keepingyourleftlegstraight,exhale,bendyourrightknee,andbringittowardyourchest,graspingjustbelowthekneewithyourhandsanddrawingyourthighclosertowardyourchest.Youcaneitherkeepyourheadonthefloorortuckyourchinintoyourchest.Breathenaturally,beingmindfulofanywavesofsensations,thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.Slowlyreturnyourrightfoottothefloorandstraightenbothlegs.Repeatontheotherside,keepingyourrightlegstraightanddrawingyourleftkneetowardyourchest.Thenonceagainrepeatthefullbodystretch.

PelvicRockandTilt

Bendboth knees and raise them straight up, keeping your feet on the floor. Inhale and press downslightlyonyourtailbone,allowingyourlowbacktoarchgentlysothatyoufeelasmallgapbetweenyourlowerbackandthefloor.Exhaleandgentlypressyourlowerbackdown,flushwiththefloor.Repeatwitheachbreath, rocking and tilting back and forth, beingmindful of anywaves of sensations, thoughts, oremotions…beingpresent.Repeatthefullbodystretch.

BridgePose

Bend both knees and raise them straight up, keeping your feet on the floor and your arms by yoursides.Inhaleandcurlyourspineupoffofthefloor,liftingfirstyourbuttocks,thenyourlowerback,andthen your upper back off the floor. Clasp your hands together underneath your body and stretch themtowardyourfeet,breathingnaturally.Exhale,returnyourarmstothestartingposition,andslowlylower

yourbackdowntothefloor,onevertebraatatime,likeastringofpearlsbeingloweredoneatatime,beingmindfulofanywavesofsensations,thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.

BridgePosewithArmStretch

Repeat the bridge pose, and as you inhale and curl your spine up off the floor, sweep your armsoverheadonthefloor.Asyouexhaleandloweryourbacktothefloor,sweepyourarmsbackdownbyyoursides.Repeatfivetimes.

BridgePose

Repeat the basic bridge pose, inhaling, curling your spine up off the floor, clasping your handstogetherunderneathyourbody,andstretchingthemtowardyourfeet.Thenexhale,returnyourarmstothestartingposition,andloweryourbackdowntothefloor,onevertebraatatime.

RockingBackandForth

Liftupyourkneestowardyourchest,graspyourlegsjustbelowtheknees,andgentlyrockbackandforth.Thisisabeautifulcounterpose,rockingbackandforthandbreathinginandout.Afterrockinginthispositionseveraltimes,keepyourthighstoyourtorsoandextendyourfeettowardtheceiling.Allowyourlegstoseparateandyour thighstodropabit,alongsideyourribsoneitherside,andgentlygraspyour

feet.Breathenaturallyandonceagain rockbackandforth.Thenreturn to the firstposition,onceagaingraspingjustbelowyourkneesandrockingbackandforth.

LegSideStretch

Rollontoyourrightsidewithyourlegsextended,oneontopoftheother.Letyourheadrestonyourright armandplaceyour lefthandon the floor in frontofyour ribs.Breathenaturally, then inhale andslowlyraiseyourleftlegup,thenexhaleandslowlyloweritbackdown,beingmindfulofanywavesofsensations,thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.Repeatafewtimes,thenrollontoyourback,drawyourknees to your chest, grasp your legs just below the knees and gently rock back and forth once again,breathinginandout.Repeatontheotherside.

ProneLegStretch

Rollontoyourbellyandplaceyourhandsbyyoursides.Makefistsandplacethemunderyourpubicboneforsupport,thenliftbothlegsuntilyourfeetareaboutsixinchesofftheground.Breatheinandout,thenreleaseandgentlylowerbothlegsdowntothefloor.Placeyourhandsonthefloorbyeachshoulder,withyourforearmsrestingonthefloor.

ModifiedCobra

Exhaleand raiseyourupperbody, supporting theweightofyourupperbodyonyour forearmsandkeeping yourwaist and legs on the floor. This is amodified cobra pose.Breathe in and out and thenreleaseandslowlyloweryourupperbodytothefloorwithyourhandsandarmsinthesameposition.

FullCobra

Repeatthemodifiedcobra,exhalingandraisingyourupperbody,butthistimecomeallthewayupontoyourhandswhilestillkeepingyourwaistandlegsonthefloor.Thisisthefullcobrapose.Breatheinand out, being mindful of any waves of sensations, thoughts, or emotions…being present. Inhale andslowlyloweryourupperbodytothefloor.

CowPoseandCatPose

Come up on your hands and kneeswith your arms straight and your hands positioned below yourshoulders.Inhale,letyourbellysagtowardthefloor,andliftyourheadup.Thisisthecowpose.Exhaleandroundyourback,curlingyourtailbonetowardthefloorinaposturelikeahissingcat.(Needlesstosay,thisisthecatpose.)Repeatafewtimes,inhalingintothecowposeandexhalingtothecatpose.

Child’sPose

Loweryour torsodownto thefloor,restingyourbuttocksontopofyourfeet,andyourheadonthefloororonyourhands.Youmayextendyourarmsinfrontofyouonthefloororplacethembyyoursidesonthefloor.Breathenaturally.

BirdDogPose

Comebackuponyourhandsandkneeswithyourarmsstraightandyourhandspositionedbelowyourshoulders.Extendyourleftlegoutbehindyoulevelwithyourhipswhileextendingyourrightarmoutinfrontofyouatshoulderheight.Breathenaturallyandbemindfulofanywavesofsensations,thoughts,or

emotions…beingpresent.Returntotheneutralall-foursposition,thenrepeatontheotherside,extendingyourrightlegandleftarm.

SupineFullBodyPoseandStretch

Lieonyourbackwithyourarmsbyyoursides,palmsfacinguptowardthesky,andbreathenaturallyfora fewbreaths.Breathe inandsweepyourarmsupalong the floor, thenstretch themoverheadwithyourpalmsfacingeachother.Exhaleandsweepyourarmsbackdowntoyoursides.

PoseofOpenness

Repeatthefullbodystretchonceagain,extendingyourarmsoverheadasyouinhale.Whenyoubringthembackdown,leavethemoutataboutshoulderheightandallowthemtogentlyrelaxandopenasyouexhale.Takeamoment to feelyourarmsandarmpitsbeingopenand towiggleyour fingersand leavethem open. Breathe naturally, opening your eyes, mouth, and nostrils, feeling them opening. Bringawareness to your ears and their openness to sounds.Gently relax your legs and allow them to open,feeling even the spaces between the toes being open.Deepen your openness to this pose of openness,extendingeventothethousandsofporesinyourskinandbecomingawareofhowthey,too,areallopen.Thisisaverycourageousposeofbeingopentoallpossibilities.

Resthereandreflectforatimeonyourlife.Areyoulivingthelifeyouwanttobeliving?Canyoufeel intowhatevermaybeclosingyoudownandpreventingyoufromlivingfully?Canyoubeopen tofollowingyourheartoryourdreamforyourlife?Breathinginandout,restingandopeningintotheposeofopenness,beingmindfulofanywavesofsensations,thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.

CorpsePose

Nowbring your arms by your sides or place your hands on your chest—whatever is comfortable.Closeyoureyesandbreathenaturally.Thisfinalposeisthecorpsepose,theposeofdeeprelaxation.Justaswemoveinyoga,itisalsoimportanttostopandbestill.Thisisthetimetoassimilateandintegratethemovementsofyourmindfulyogapractice.Justassunlightiscrucialtothegrowthofplants,sotooisthedarknessofthenight.Dormancyandgrowthworkhandinhandtocreatebalance,andsotoodomotionandstillness.Breathinginandout,mayweallbefreeandatpeace,restinginthegraceofthisuniverse.Mayallbeingsbesafeandatpeace.

MindfulLyingYogaJournal

Afterdoingthispracticeforthefirsttime,takeafewmomentstowriteaboutyourexperience.Whatdidyounoticementally,emotionally,andphysically?______________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

habitualpatternsAsyoupracticesittingmeditation,you’llbecomeincreasinglyawareofnotonlythephysicalsensationswithin you and other sensory stimuli, but also your thoughts and emotions. This is among the mostimportant reasons for practicingmindfulness: It allows you to learn aboutwhat’s going on “under thehood” to fuel and drive your behaviors. This is especially beneficial when it allows you to observepatterns of living that don’t necessarily serve your health and well-being or the quality of yourrelationships.

Humanbeingsareoftencreaturesofhabit,andthisisn’talwaysnecessarilyabadthing.Habitshelpus get daily tasks done smoothly and efficiently without forethought or afterthought. But day-to-dayrepetition can also cause us to operate on automatic pilot,which can definitely be counterproductive,especially in relation tostressandanxiety.Whenyou’reoperatingonautopilot,you’reunlikely tosee,muchlesschoose,yourreactionstostressandanxiety.Asaresult,youmayimpulsivelyreactinhabitualwaysbasedonyourpastconditioning.Whenyou’reonautopilot,youmaynotevenrecognizethatthere’sa space between the stimulus and response inwhich you can choose to do something different.Whenpatterns become entrenched, they’re like train tracks, and it’s difficult to get off the line.Mindfulnessoffersawayout.Itwillhelpyouseemoreclearlywhatyou’redoingand,moreimportantly,why.Asyoucultivatebeginner’smind—thecapacitytoseethingsasifforthefirsttime—you’llbeawareofmoreofthepossibilitiesopentoyou.

Here’s an example of how easy it is to become trapped in habitual patterns of behavior: Aftersufferingwitharthritisinoneofhiskneesformanyyearsandlimpingasaresult,anoldermandecidedtogetakneereplacement.Hisrecoverywasslow,andlimpinghadbecomesuchahabitthathecontinuedtowalkpoorly evenoncehewasphysically capableof doingbetter.Overmany longmonths, a physicaltherapistfinallyhelpedhimgetbacktowalkingnormally.Neartheendofhisphysicaltherapy,onedaytheappointmentendedrightbeforenoon,andfewminutesafterthepatientleft,thephysicaltherapistwentout to get lunch.Out on the street, she noticed the patientwalkingwith another person but once againlimping.Dumbfounded,sheapproachedthepatientandaskedhimwhatwasgoingon.Hereplied,“I’mjustwalkingwithmycousinlikeIalwaysdo.”

Sadly, we often create our own limitations through incorrect assumptions and habitual behaviors.Withoutmindfulness,wecanbelikecowsinacorralwithanelectricfence.Atfirstthecowsbumpupagainst the fence and get shocked, but soon they learn to avoid it. At that point, you can shut off theelectricityandthecowsstillwon’tapproachthefenceagain.Freedomiscloseathand,sincetheycouldeasilyknockdownthefenceandescape,butthecowsarenowconfinedbytheirownminds.Doesthissoundfamiliar?

Such is the nature of habitual patterns and fear of change. It’s a sad fact that many dysfunctionalrelationshipscontinuebecausefearoftheunknownisgreaterthanthedifficultyorheartacheofcontinuingwithsomethingfamiliarbutproblematic.Inmanycases,wewouldrathersufferwithwhatweknowthan

facetheunknown.Thechallengeistoexpandourperceptionsandhorizonsandbecuriousaboutwhatsetsoffourtriggersandreactions.

resilienceandstressWhy is it that some people view adversity as a challenge and imbue it with meaning while othersperceive it with trepidation and fear?One key characteristic in this regard is resilience,which helpspeopleseethingsdifferentlyandrespondmoreskillfully.

Severaldecadesago,researcherandpsychologistSuzanneKobasafoundthatstress-hardyindividualsshowed higher levels of control and commitment and willingness to rise to a challenge (Kabat-Zinn1990).Inthiscontext,controlreferstothebeliefthatyoucanhaveaneffectonyourstressandanxiety,and commitment means that you’re willing to give it your best and endure most hardships. Viewingadversityasachallengemeansthatyouwelcomeevendifficultsituations,viewingthemasanopportunityto learn and grow. Similarly, Israeli medical sociologist Aaron Antonovsky studied people who hadsurvivedextremestressanddiscoveredthattheyhadwhathecalledaninherentsenseofcoherenceabouttheworldandthemselves(Kabat-Zinn1990).Thissenseofcoherenceischaracterizedbytheabilitytoviewchallengesassomethingthatcanbeunderstoodandmanaged,andthatcanoffervaluablelessons.

AconcreteexampleisafriendnamedFrank,whocontractedpoliowhenhewasyoungandspentacoupleofyearsinanironlung.Thediseaselefthimalmostacompletequadriplegic,abletomoveonlyhis right foot. Rather than shrinking from the challenge of living a full life, Frank learned to drive aspeciallyequippedvanwithjusthisrightfoot,gotacollegeeducationincomputerscience,andisabletodohisjobbytypingwithamouthstick.Frankfaceschallengeseveryday,sincehecan’tunziphiszipper,feedhimself,clothehimself,orevenscratchanitch.Everynighthehastobeputonarespiratortobreathewhile he sleeps. He says that taking care of him is like taking care of a baby, yet he still has atremendouslypositiveattitudeaboutlife.Whenaskedhowhegottobesoresilient,hesaid,“Idecidedearlyonthatitwasn’tworthmytimetoworry—thatit’stotallyunproductive.Ichosetolookonthegoodsideofthings.”

FrankhasmanyofthetraitsthatDr.KobasaandDr.Antonovskyassociatewithstresshardiness.Heliveswithadeepsenseofcoherencedespitetheconsiderablechallengesandhardshipshefaces.Frankisaninspiration,showingusthateventhegreatestadversitycanbeseenasachallengetoovercome.Takingsteps into the unknown can be frightening, butwhoknowswhat youmaydiscover andhowyoumightbenefitorgrowfromwhatyoulearn?Ifyouholdbackfromlife,youmaymissoutonmanythings.

Useyourmindfulnesspracticetobecomeawareofoldpatternsthatreallydon’tserveyourhealthandwell-being. As you grow in your capacity to see things with beginner’s mind, you’ll open to newpossibilitiesanddiscovernewpathwaystogreaterfreedom.Inherwonderfulpoem“AutobiographyinFiveShortChapters,”PortiaNelsondescribesthewaywesometimesgetstuck,andthenpointsthewaytogreaterawarenessandfreedom:

ChapterOneIwalkdownthestreet.

Thereisadeepholeinthesidewalk.Ifallin.Iamlost…Iamhelpless.

Itisn’tmyfault…

Ittakesforevertofindawayout.

ChapterTwoIwalkdownthesamestreet.

Thereisadeepholeinthesidewalk.IpretendIdon’tseeit.Ifallinagain.

Ican’tbelieveIaminthissameplace.But,itisn’tmyfault.

Itstilltakesalongtimetogetout.

ChapterThreeIwalkdownthesamestreet.

Thereisadeepholeinthesidewalk.Iseeitisthere.Istillfall…it’sahabit…but,

myeyesareopen.IknowwhereIam.

Itismyfault.Igetoutimmediately.

ChapterFourIwalkdownthesamestreet.

Thereisadeepholeinthesidewalk.Iwalkaroundit.

ChapterFiveIwalkdownanotherstreet.

—PortiaNelson,“AutobiographyinFiveShortChapters”(1994,2-3)

explore:UnderstandingYourHabitualPatterns

Spenda little time reflectingonanyofyourownhabitualpatterns thatmaybea result of anxiety.Forexample do you say things youwish you hadn’t because you’re anxious?Do you eat or not eatwhenyou’reanxious?Doyourepeatcertainactionsorotherpatternsoverandovertogettemporaryrelieffrom

obsessivethoughtsoraracingmind?Takeamomenttoexploreanyhabitualpatternsthatcometomind.Ifyou’reataloss,thinkofpeople,food,orwork.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Based onwhat youwrote in response to the previous question, do you engage in certain habitualbehaviorsthatmightbeaddingtoyourstressandanxiety?Forexample,maybeyoustayuptoolateanddon’tgetagoodnight’ssleep.Maybeyoueatunhealthyfastfoodtosavetimeandmoneyorgoouttoeattoooften.Perhapsyou spend toomuchmoneyor spend toomuch timeatwork, at theexpenseofyourhealthandwell-being.Takeamomenttolistanyhabitualbehaviorsthatmightbeaddingtoyourstress,anxiety,orotherdifficultiesinlife.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mostofusarecreaturesofhabit.Somehabitscanbeveryhelpful,likeexercisingregularlyoreatinghealthfully,andsomearen’thelpful,likeworkingtoomuchandnotsleepingenough.Mostofushavejustthissortofcombinationofhabits—somehealthfulandothersthatdiminishourwell-beingandqualityoflife.Bringingmindfulnesstohowyoudothingscanhelpyoumoreclearlyseeyourhabitualpatternssothatyoucanmakechanges.

Beforeyoumoveon,takeafewmomentstoconnectwithyourbreathandmindfullyreflectonwhatyou just wrote, compassionately acknowledging, validating, and integrating what you learned fromthisexploration.

informalpractice:BeingMindfulofHabits

You just spent some time reflectingonandwritingabout someofyourhabitualpatterns.Over thenextweek,make it an informal practice to bemindful of your habits, both those that serveyour health andwell-beingandthosethatdon’t.Noticewhathappenswhenyoubecomemindfulofthem.Canyouseethatonce you’remindful of a habit or that you’re about to engage in it, you havemore choice in how torespond?

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Herearetheformalpracticesfromthischapter.Goaheadandputthemonyourcalendaroverthenextweek.Trytopracticeatleastfivedaysaweek.Youcaneitheralternatethepracticesfromdaytoday,oryoumight combine them, startingwithmindful lying yoga and continuingwith sittingmeditation.Alsoscheduleatimeaboutaweekfromnowwhenyou’llreviewyourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractices

SittingMeditation

MindfulLyingYoga

Nowyouhavesixinformalpracticestointegrateintoyourdailylife.InformalPractices

BeingMindfulofHabits

MindingYourPain

STOP

BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,filloutthefollowinglog.Asyoufillitout,andasyoulookbackover the previous week’s practice, think about how your practice has been going. Do you notice anypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanusewhatyoulearnfromthesereflectionstodeepenyourdailyinformalpractice.

7

meditationforanxietyandstressAsyou’vebeenworkingyourwaythroughthisbook,you’velearnedquiteabitaboutthestressreaction,itsilleffectsonwell-being,andhowmindfulnesscanhelp.You’vedonesomeexplorationofyourownstressorsandhowtheyaffectyourlife,aswellashabitualpatternsthatmaybeexacerbatingyourstressoranxiety. Hopefully this information and exploration hasmotivated you to devote time to the practicesyou’ve learned so far—both informal practices that you can weave into your day-to-day life and theformal practiceswe’ve guided you through, such as themindful check-in,mindful breathing, the bodyscan, and seated mindfulness meditation. Now you’re ready to integrate all of this information,exploration,andpracticeinameditationdesignedspecificallyforworkingwithanxietyandstress.Thispractice combinesmindful breathing, the body scan, andmindfulness of thoughtswith a newpractice:mindful self-inquiry. While all of the explorations and practices in this book will help you developmindfulness and better copewith stress, adding self-inquiry to themixwillmake your practicemoreeffectivebyfocusinginontheissuesandsituationsmostrelevanttoyourlifeandyourstress.

mindfulself-inquiryMindfulself-inquiryisaninvestigationintothenatureofone’sownmindandbeing.Inthecontextofthisbook,thatinquirylooksintophysicalsensations,emotions,andthoughtsthatmaybecontributingtostressandanxiety.Inyourdailylife,youmaybesobusydoingthatyoufeelyouhavelittleornotimeforself-reflection. Yet this exploration is extremely worthwhile, as fears often lie beneath the surface ofawareness.

When you practice mindful self-inquiry, you bring kind awareness and acknowledgment to anystressedoranxiousfeelingsinthebodyandmindandsimplyallowthemtobe.Thismeansstayingwiththosefeelingswithoutanalyzing,suppressing,orencouragingthem.Althoughthismayseemscaryinandofitself,realizethatwhenyouallowyourselftofeelandacknowledgeyourworries,irritations,painfulmemories,andotherdifficultthoughtsandemotions,thisoftenhelpsthemdissipate.Bygoingwithwhat’shappeningratherthanexpendingenergyfightingorturningawayfromit,youcreatetheopportunitytogaininsight intowhat’sdrivingyour concerns.Whenyoubegin tounderstand theunderlyingcausesofyourapprehension, freedom and a sense of spaciousness naturally emerge. In essence, this is a process oflearning to trustandstaywithfeelingsofdiscomfort rather than trying toescapefromoranalyze them.Thisoftenleadstoaremarkableshift;timeandagainyourfeelingswillshowyoueverythingyouneedtoknowaboutthem—andsomethingyouneedtoknowforyourownwell-being.

informalpractice:RAIN

Alittlelaterinthischapter,we’llguideyouthroughameditationforself-inquiryintostressandanxiety.Inthemeantime,youcanusetheacronymRAINasaninformalpracticeforworkingwithmindfulself-inquiry:

R=Recognizewhenastrongemotionispresent.A=Alloworacknowledgethatit’sthere.

I=Investigatethebody,emotions,andthoughts.N=Non-identifywithwhateveristhere.RAINisaninsightfulself-inquirypracticethatyoucanbringintoyourdailylifetohelpyoudiscover

deeperthreadsofwhattriggersstrongemotionalreactions.Throughoutthenextweek,bringrecognitiontoany strong emotion and allow it to be present. Investigate what you feel physically, mentally, andemotionally and seewhere it takes you. The last element, non-identification, is very useful because ithelpstodeflate themind’sstoriesandcultivatestheunderstandingthatstrongemotionsarejustanotherpassingmindstateandnotadefinitionofwhoyouare.It’slikegoingtoamovie,whereyousitbackandwatch the actors play out the drama.By seeing your story as impermanent and not identifyingwith it,you’llbegintoloosenthegripofyourownmindtraps.Thiswillhelpcreatethespaceforyoutobewiththingsastheyareanddeepenyourunderstandingofwhatdrives,underlies,orfuelsyourfears,anger,andsadness.Italsograntsyouthefreedomtolookatthesituationdifferentlyandchoosearesponseotherthanwhatmaybedictatedbyyourstory.

TurningIntoEmotions

Turning into difficult emotions can feel a bit foreign, since our culture so often emphasizessuppressing, denying, or eradicating pain. Isn’t it time to start acknowledging these parts of ourselvesratherthancontinuingtoavoidorignorethem?Ifwelearntoviewthesechallengesasritesofpassageinsteadofrunningawayfromthem,we’llgaintheopportunitytolearnandgrow,andperhapsevenchangethecircumstancesthatleadtodistress.

Haveyoueverwonderedwhyit’scalled“lifeinsurance”whenit’sreallydeathinsurance?Haveyoueverwonderedwhy it’scalled“health insurance”when it’s reallysickness insurance?Thesequestionsmaysoundsilly,buttheyserveasareminderofhowpervasivelythemediaandourcultureshiftthefocusfromdifficult topics.We’resurroundedbymessages indicating thatweshouldstayyoung,haveagreatbody,andturntomedicationsanytimewe’resick,sad,orscared.Whiletakingmedicationcanattimesbevitalforhealthandwell-being,it’salsoimportanttocultivateinnerresilienceindealingwithstress,pain,andevenillness.

Turning into difficult emotions and facing stress, anxiety, or pain isn’t an easy path. It may seemunsafe,andyoumayhavetoovercomeafeelingofunwillingness.Butwhatelse is there todo?Asthesayinggoes,“Youcanrun,butyoucan’thide.”You’relikelytofindthatwhenyoudon’tdealwithyourpain,itgetslarger,andeventuallyitmaygettooheavytocarryanyfurther.Inacollectionofaphorisms,FranzKafkasaid,“Youcanholdbackfromsufferingoftheworld,youhavefreepermissiontodosoanditisinaccordancewithyournature,butperhapsthisveryholdingbackistheonesufferingthatyoucouldhaveavoided”(1946,158).

Bob’sStory:APersonalInquiry

Manyyearsago,Iwasonthetelephoneinmyoffice,talkingwithahospitaladministratoraboutthemindfulness-basedstressreductionprogram.Ifeltthatshedidn’tunderstandoneofmyconcernsandwasn’tbeingsupportiveoftheprogram.Astheconversationwenton,Ibegantofeelupsetandalmostlashedoutather.Fortunately,IlookedatmyclockandrealizedIneededtoendthecallbecauseIhadanappointment.

AftertheappointmentIwasstillupsetaboutthephonecall,soItriedtogroundmyselfby

bringingawarenesstothebreath,butmymindimmediatelywanderedbacktothephoneconversationandgotallcaughtupinthestoryagain.Ibegantofume,thinking,“WhenIgetdonewiththismeditation,I’mgoingtocallherandletherhaveit!”RecognizingthatIhadwanderedoff,Iacknowledged,“Oh,wanderingmind,”butbeforeIknewit,Iwasrightbackthereagain,gettingmadandthinkingabouthowIwasgoingtogetretribution.EventuallyIrealizedthatIwasextremelyangry,perhapsbeyondwhattheconversationcalledfor,andneededtoinvestigatethisfurther.

Ibeganmymindfulself-inquiryintotheangerbysimplyrecognizingandacknowledgingthatIwasindeedveryangry.Itriedtosimplyfeelintotheangerwithoutattemptingtofigureitout.Itwaschallenginganduncomfortable,andmorethanonceIfoundmyselfrightbackinmyreactivestory.Eventually,Ibegantofeelanotheremotionemerging:sadness—abigsadness.Ifeltintothesadnessinthesameway,andintime,itopenedtoamemoryofnotfeelingunderstoodbyotherhospitaladministratorswhiletryingtoenlightenthemaboutmindfulness.AsIstayedwiththefeelingofnotbeingunderstood,Ibegantofeeltherewasmoretoberevealed.Icontinuedfeelingintothepain,andgraduallyadeeperinsightarose.Irecognizedanoldandfamiliarfeelingofnotbeingseen,understood,oracceptedbyothers.AsIfeltintothat,IrealizedjusthowmuchofmylifeI’dspenttryingtogetapprovalorvalidationfromothers.Itwaspainfultorealizethis,butitwasalsotremendouslyfreeing.NowthatIunderstoodwhatwasbeingtriggered,IrealizedthatIdidn’tneedtocontinueorescalatethe“conflict”withthehospitaladministrator.Infact,whenIreflectedonourconversation,Irealizedthatshewasactuallytryingtobesupportive,butmypreconceptionsandhabitualpatternsstoodinthewayofmyseeingthat.

FindingYourHeart

Inmindful self-inquiry, you learn to acknowledge and investigate any feelings you’d like to knowmore about.Though itmaybe challenging, turning toward fears and other difficult feelings can revealhiddenjewels.Acknowledgingyourfearsandinquiringintotheminthiswaywillopenthedoortodeeperunderstanding,andwithit,compassionandpeace.Inherpoem“Unconditional,”JenniferPaineWelwoodeloquentlydescribesthisjourneyandthepotentialitoffersforprofoundtransformation:

Willingtoexperiencealoneness,Idiscoverconnectioneverywhere;Turningtofacemyfear,Imeetthewarriorwholiveswithin;Openingtomyloss,Igaintheembraceoftheuniverse;Surrenderingintoemptiness,Ifindfullnesswithoutend.EachconditionIfleefrompursuesme,EachconditionIwelcometransformsme,AndbecomesitselftransformedIntoitsradiantjewel-likeessence.Ibowtotheonewhohasmadeitso,

WhohascraftedthisMasterGame;Toplayitispurestdelight—Tohonoritsform,truedevotion.

—JenniferPaineWelwood,“Unconditional”(1998,21)

formalpractice:MindfulSelf-InquiryforStressandAnxiety

You can domindful self-inquiry either lying downor sitting up, but if you lie down and find yourselffallingasleep,tryamoreuprightposture.Bringyourfull,undividedattentiontothispracticeasyoulistentotrack16ontheweblinkorreadthemeditationbelow,pausingaftereachparagraphtofullyabsorbthispracticeforthirtyminutes.

Beginyourpracticebycongratulatingyourselfthatyou’rededicatingsomeprecioustimetomeditation.Mayyouknowthatthisisanactoflove.

As you begin to stop and become present, become aware of the body and mind andwhateverisbeingcarriedwithinyou—perhapsfeelingsorthoughtsfromtheday’seventsorwhateverhasbeengoingonwithinyourecently.

Simplyallowandacknowledgewhateveriswithinandjustletitbe,withoutanyformofanalysisorevaluation.

Gradually,shiftyourfocusofawarenesstothebreath,breathingnormallyandnaturally.Asyoubreathein,beawareofbreathingin,andasyoubreatheout,beawareofbreathingout.

Justbeingawareofbreathingandfocusingawarenessontheabdomen,feelingthebellyexpandingwitheachinhalationandcontractingwitheachexhalation.

Justlivinglifeoneinhalationandoneexhalationatatime.Breathingin,breathingout,watchingeachbreathappearanddisappear.Justbreathing.

Nowgentlywithdrawattentionfromthebreathandenterintotheworldofsensationsinthebody.

Scanthroughthebodypartbypart.Asyoudothebodyscan,feelandacknowledgeanysensations.Atfirst,it’simportanttojustfeelintosensationssinceit’ssoeasytogetlostinthoughts. Just ride thewaves of sensationsmoment tomoment. Youmaybecomeaware ofthoughtsandemotionsaswell.Simplynotethemwithoutanalysisorjudgment,andwithoutgettingcaughtupinthem.

Andnowgentlywithdrawawarenessfromthebodyscanasyoushifttomindfulinquiry,investigatinganyemotions,thoughts,orphysicalsensationsthatliebeneaththesurfaceofawarenessandmaybedrivinganxietiesandfears.

Gentlydirectyourattentionintoanyfeelingoffear,anxiety,orotherdifficultemotions.Allowyourself tosense into theemotion,acknowledgingwhat it feels like in thebodyandmind.

Tobeginthisexploration,youneedfirsttocheckinwithyourselfanddeterminewhetheritfeelssafeornot.Ifyoudon’tfeelsafe,perhapsit’sbettertowaitandtryanothertime,andfornow,juststaywithyourbreathing.Takeamomenttocheckinrightnow.Ifyoudon’tfeellikecontinuingwiththeinquirythat follows, listentoyourself.Thismaybeyourwiseandcompassionate mind and heart speaking. Know that you can continue with the inquiryanothertime.Ifyoudon’tfeellikecontinuing,youcannowgotobreathingmeditation.

If you’re feeling safe, bring awareness into the body and mind and begin to allowyourself to feel intoandacknowledgeanyphysical sensations,emotions,or thoughts,Justlettingthembe,withouttryingtoanalyzethemorfigurethemout.

Youmaydiscoverthatwithinthesefeelingsliesawholeplethoraofthoughts,emotions,ormemoriesthatarecausingthefear,anxiety,orotherdifficultemotions.Whenyoubegintoacknowledgewhat hasn’t beenacknowledged, thedoorway into insight andunderstandingopens.Asyouturntowardyouremotions,theymayshowyouwhatyou’reworried,mad,sad,orbewilderedabout.

Youmay learn that the resistance tounacknowledgedemotionsoftencausesmore fear,andthatlearningtogowiththem,ratherthanfightingthem,candiminishtheirpower.

Simply go with whatever you feel, in mind and body, allowing and acknowledgingwhateveryoufeel.Justlettingthewavesofemotions,thoughts,andsensationsgowherevertheyneedtogo.

By acknowledging your fears and other difficult emotions, you may open the door todeeperunderstanding,compassion,andpeace.

Now gently withdraw from mindful inquiry and bring your attention to the mind, tothoughts and emotions. Observe the mind without any aversion or indulgence. Justacknowledgethemultitudeofvaryingmentalformationsmomenttomoment.Likelyinginafieldandwatchingthecloudsfloatby,watchthemindinthesameway.

Youmaybecomeawarethatthemindhasamindofitown.Itanalyzes,scrutinizes,plans,remembers,compares,andcontrasts. Itdreams, fantasizes,andhas likesanddislikes.Themindisbusythinkingaboutthisandthat,withthoughtsrising,forming,andreceding.Watchthemappearanddisappear,noticingthemasjustthoughts.

Think of yourself as a meteorologist, just watching internal weather patterns withoutjudgment, just being with the way things are. Thoughts rise, thoughts fall. Watch themappearanddisappear,justthoughts.

As you learn to give space to whatever is arising inside with greater equanimity andbalance, you can begin to go with the flow. Instead of fighting or resisting what’s there,you’llcometounderstandanddeeplyknowthatallthingschange.

Even if you’re experiencing storms of anxiety, pain, sadness, anger, or confusion, orperhapsespeciallyatthesetimes,youwillknowthatbygivingthesefeelingsspace,theywillgraduallydiminish.

Nowwithdrawfromobservingmindstates,comebacktothebreath,andfeelthewholebody as you breathe in and out. Feel the entire body rising upward on an inhalation andfallingdownwardonanexhalation.Feelthebodyasasingle,completeorganism,connectedandwhole.

Mayyouagaincongratulateyourself forpracticing thismeditationandknowthat it iscontributingtoyourhealthandwell-being.Mayyouknowthatthisisanactoflove.Mayall

beingsbeatpeace.

MindfulSelf-InquiryforStressandAnxietyJournal

Takesometimetowriteaboutwhatevercameupforyoumentally,emotionally,andphysicallywhendoingthispracticeforthefirsttime.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

formalpractice:MindfulStandingYoga

Asa reminder,mindfulyoga involvesbringingawareness toyourbreath,movement, posture, thoughts,andemotionsasyoupractice.Wearcomfortableclothingthatdoesn’trestrictyourmovementsandbesureyouhaveenoughspacetodothemovements.Wesuggestusingayogamat.Beforeyoubegin,takealookat the following sequence of illustrations so that you can familiarize yourselfwith the postures in thispractice.Foreaseofpractice,listentotheaudiotrack,whichhasthreeversionsofmindfulstandingyogapractice: fifteenminutes (track 17), thirtyminutes (track 18), and forty-fiveminutes (track 19). Pleasebeginwith track 12, as a refresher on the basics ofmindful yoga.Alternatively, you can simply readthrough the descriptions of the poses below and then practice based on the text. If you haven’t beenexercisingregularlyoryouaren’tveryflexible,it’sprobablybesttobeginwiththefifteen-minuteversionandworkyourwayup.Listentoyourbody’swisdominthisregard.Inanycase,pleasereviewthewordsof caution in the lying yoga exercise in the previous chapter, so that you practice with wisdom andcompassionforyourbody.

MountainPose

Standuprightwithyourarmsbyyoursidesandpalmsslightlyopen.Don’tleanforwardorbackward,andkeepyourhead squarelybetweenyour shoulders.Distributeyourweight evenlybetweenboth feetandkeepyourknees,hips,andshouldersaligned.Breathenaturally.

StandingFullBodyStretch

Inhaleandraisebotharmsouttoyoursidesandthenupoverheadwithyourpalmsfacingeachother.Gazestraightoutandstretchyourarmsandtorsoup,towardthesky.Exhaleandslowlyloweryourarmsbacktoyoursideswithawareness.Breatheinandout,thenrepeattwomoretimes.

HorizontalArmStretch

Inhaleandraisebotharmsup toshoulder levelwithyourarmsextendedandpalmsfacingupward;alternatively,youcanstartwithpalmsfacingdownandflexyourwristssothatyourpalmsfacestraightout,awayfromyou.Exhaleandslowlyloweryourarmsbacktoyoursideswithawareness.Breatheinandout,thenrepeattwomoretimes.

One-ArmStretch

Breathing naturally, bring your right arm up overhead, stretching towards the sky, as yousimultaneously lift your left heel, keeping the toes of your left foot on the ground. Slowly release andreturntothemountainpose,thenrepeatontheotherside.

Side-BendingStretch

Inhaleandraisebotharmsupoverhead.Lockyourthumbstogetherandexhale.Inhale,standingtalland stretching upward, then exhale and, keeping your torso facing forward, bend to the right side,breathinginandoutandbeingmindfulofanywavesofsensations,thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.Returntoanuprightposition,withyourarmsstretcheduptowardthesky,thenexhaleandslowlyloweryourarmstoyoursides.Repeatontheotherside.

ShoulderRolls

Standing in themountain pose, raise and lower your shoulderswith awareness, circling them firstforward,thenbackward,andthenreturningtoaneutralposition.

NeckStretch

Slowly bring your right ear toward your right shoulder without lifting the shoulder up. Breathenaturally.Repeatontheotherside.

DiagonalNeckStretch

Bringyourrighteartowardyourrightshoulderwithoutliftingtheshoulderup.Keepingyourrightarmbyyourside,openthepalmofyourrighthandandfaceitforward.Dropandturnyourheadtolookatthepalmofyourrighthand,stretchingyourneckdiagonally.Breathenaturally.Returntothestartingposition,thenrepeatontheotherside.Returntothemountainpose.

StandingFullBodyStretch

Repeat the full body stretch, inhaling and raisingboth armsupoverhead, thenexhaling and slowlyloweringyourarmsbacktoyoursideswithawareness.Breatheinandout,thenrepeattwomoretimes.

StandingTwistI

Placeyourhandsonyourhips,inhale,andstanduptall.Exhaleand,keepingyourhipsfacingforward,twistyourtorsototherightandlookoveryourrightshoulder,beingmindfulofanywavesofsensations,thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.Breathenaturally, then releaseandreturn to thestartingposition.Repeatontheotherside.

StandingTwistII

Repeat thestandingtwistonbothsides, this timeallowingyourhipsandlegstorotateandkeepingjustyourfeetstationaryandpointingforward.Releaseandreturntothemountainpose.

CenterFieldPosition

Gently bend your knees and bend slightly forward, placing your hands on your thighs. Breathenaturally.Maintainingthepositionofyourlegsandupperbody, liftyourarmsupoverheadinlinewithyourspine,withyourpalmsfacingeachother.Breathenaturally,thenreturntothemountainpose.

ForwardBend

Inhaleandraiseyourarmsupoverheadinafullbodystretch,thenexhaleandslowlybringyourhandsdowntowardthefloor.Stopwhenyouneedtoinhale,restforabreath,andthenexhaleandstretchfurtherdown.Youmayslightlybendyourknees.Whenyou’redownasfarasyoucancomfortablygo,breathenaturallyforafewbreaths. Inhaleandslowlyreturn to thestartingposition,pausingasyouexhaleandthenreturningtothemountainpose.Repeatthreetimes.

StandingFullBodyStretch

Repeat the full body stretch, inhaling and raisingboth armsupoverhead, thenexhaling and slowlyloweringyourarmsbacktoyoursideswithawareness.Breatheinandout,thenrepeattwomoretimes.

BalancePoseI

For this pose, feel free to hold on to something until youdevelop better balance.Beginning in themountainpose,feelyourbodybalancedevenlyonbothfeet,withyourknees,hips,andshouldersaligned.Feelingyourleftfootsolidlyontheground,bendyourrightkneeandraiseitinfrontofyouashighasyoucomfortably can while maintaining your balance. Breathe naturally, being mindful of any waves ofsensations,thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.Releaseandrepeatontheotherside.Asyoudevelopbetterbalance,youcanraisethekneehigherandextendyourarmsoverhead.

ModifiedTriangle

Starting in themountainpose, rotateyour right footoutwith theheelat thecenterofyour left foot,formingaT.Takeawidestepouttothesidewithyourrightlegandbalanceyourselfinthisposition,with

yourweightevenlydistributedbetweenyourfeet.Breathenaturally.Bendyourrightkneeandrightelbowand bend over to your right side, placing your right forearm on your right thigh. Extend your left armoverhead,byyourleftear,andbreathenaturally.Feelthesymmetryfromtheoutstretchedarmoverheadalignedwithyourstraightleg.Reversethemotiontoreturntothemountainpose,thenrepeatontheotherside.

FullTriangle

Repeatthemodifiedtriangle,butthistimekeepyourrightlegstraightandliftyourrightarmtoyoursideatshoulderheight,thenbendtoyourright,extendingyourrighthanddowntolightlygraspyourrightleg,ankle,orfoot.Breatheinandout,thenextendyourleftarmuptowardtheceilingandturnyourheadandgazeupward.Yourbodyshouldmakealongdiagonallinefromyourleftfoot,alongyourleftside,andup toyour left fingertips.Breathenaturally,beingmindfulofanywavesof sensations, thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.Reversethemotiontoreturntothemountainpose,thenrepeatontheotherside.

BalancePoseII

For this pose, feel free to hold on to something until youdevelop better balance.Beginning in themountainpose,feelyourbodybalancedevenlyonbothfeet,withyourknees,hips,andshouldersaligned.Feelingyourleftfootsolidlyontheground,bendyourrightkneeandliftyourrightfootupbehindyou.Graspyourrightankleorpantcuffwithyourrighthandanddrawtheheelalittleclosertoyourbuttocksifyoucan.Raiseyourleftarmuptowardtheceilingandbreathenaturally.Releaseandbreathemindfullyforafewbreaths,thenrepeatontheotherside.

WarriorPose

Starting in themountainpose, rotateyour right footoutwith theheelat thecenterofyour left foot,formingaT.Takeawidestepouttothesidewithyourrightlegandbalanceyourselfinthisposition,withyourweightevenlydistributedbetweenyourfeet.Breathenaturally.Extendyourarmsfromyoursidesatshoulderlevel,thenbendyourrightknee,aligningitoveryourrightankle,andgazeoutbeyondyourrightarm,keepingyourtorsostationary.Breathenaturally,thengentlyreleaseandreturntothemountainpose.Breathenaturallyforafewbreaths,thenrepeatontheotherside,againreturningtothemountainposeforafewbreaths.

StandingFullBodyStretch

Repeat the full body stretch, inhaling and raisingboth armsupoverhead, thenexhaling and slowlyloweringyourarmsbacktoyoursideswithawareness.Breatheinandout,thenrepeattwomoretimes.

Downward-FacingDog

Bendyourkneesandplaceyourhandsonthefloorsothatyourkneesareunderyourhipsandyourhands are under your shoulders. Inhale and lift your hips and buttocks up to form an invertedV orUshape.Thisposeisstrenuous,soapproachitgentlyandbreathenaturally.Initially,youmayneedtokeepyourkneesslightlybent.Toincreaseyourflexibility,alternatelybringoneheeldownandthentheothertostretchyourlegs.Asyougainflexibility,trybringingbothheelsdowntothefloor.Releaseandreturntothemountainpose.

StandingFullBodyStretch

Repeat the full body stretch, inhaling and raisingboth armsupoverhead, thenexhaling and slowlyloweringyourarmsbacktoyoursideswithawareness.Breatheinandout,thenrepeattwomoretimes.

SittingStretch

Gentlymakeatransitiontosittingonthefloorwithbothfeetextendedstraightoutinfrontofyou.Situpright,liftyourchest,andbreathenaturally.Gentlyrelease.

GroinStretch

Fromthisseatedposition,bendyourkneesandbringthesolesofyourfeettogether,lettingyourkneesfallouttothesides.Slowlydrawyourfeettowardyourbody,keepingthemcenteredandbringingthemasclose toyourgroin asyoucomfortably can, eitherbygraspingyour feet andpulling them towardyourgroin,orbyplacingyourhandsonthefloorbehindyouandinchingyourbodyforward,towardyourfeet.Breathenaturally,beingmindfulofanywavesofsensations,thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.

ForwardBend

Whilestillinthegroinstretch,releaseyourrightlegandextenditstraightoutinfrontofyouonthe

floor,tuckingyourleftfootfurtherintoyourgroinifpossible.Inhaleandextendyourarmsuptowardtheceilingwithyourpalmsfacingeachother.Exhaleandbendforward,extendingyourarmsinfrontofyouandgraspingyourrightleg,ankle,orfoot.Ifyouarestraining,begentlewithyourself.You’rewelcometoeitherbendyourkneeorplaceapillowunderneath it todo this stretch.Breathenaturally.Release theposture,returningtoanuprightseatedposition, thenextendyourleft legstraightout infrontofyouandtuckyourrightfoot intoyourgroin.Repeat theforwardbend, this timegraspingyour left leg,ankle,orfoot.Releaseandreturntoanuprightseatedpositionwithbothlegsextendedinfrontofyou.

SeatedTwist

Keepingyourleftfootonthefloor,bendyourleftleg,raisingyourkneestraightupanddrawingyourleftheelasclosetoyourbodyasyoucomfortablycan.Inhaleandwrapyourrightelbowaroundyourleftknee,placingyourlefthandonthefloorbehindyourleftbuttock,thenexhaleandrotateyourtorsototheleft.Breathenaturally,beingmindfulofanywavesofsensations, thoughts,oremotions…beingpresent.Inhaleandreturntothestartingposition,thenrepeatontheotherside.

CorpsePose

Now lie on your back with your arms by your sides or your hands on your chest—whatever iscomfortable.Closeyoureyesandbreathenaturally.Thisfinalposeisthecorpsepose,theposeofdeep

relaxation.Justaswemoveinyoga,itisalsoimportanttostopandbestill.Thisisthetimetoassimilateand integrate themovementsofyourmindfulyogapractice. Just as sunlight is crucial to thegrowthofplants,sotooisthedarknessofthenight.Dormancyandgrowthworkhandinhandtocreatebalance,andsotoodomotionandstillness.Breathinginandout,mayweallbefreeandatpeace,restinginthegraceofthisuniverse.Mayallbeingsbesafeandatpeace.

MindfulStandingYogaJournal

Afterdoingthispracticeforthefirsttime,takeafewmomentstowriteaboutyourexperience.Whatdidyounoticementally,emotionally,andphysically?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

innerrulesandjudgmentsIt’s remarkable howoftenweoperate frombelief systems filledwith numerous inner rules about howothers,ourselves,or theworldshouldbe.Just thinkof theamountofenergyyouexert trying tochangethingstobethewayyouwantthemtobe.Maybeyoubelievethatit’swrongorunfairthatothersdon’tworkashardasyoudo.Asaresult,youmaybecomeresentfulandangry.Youmightalsostartworkingless,evenifthisisn’tinalignmentwithyourvalues.Ormaybeyouthinkpeopleshouldn’tcutyouoffonthe freeway, and when they do, you tailgate them to show your disapproval, which could cause anaccident.Or,likemanypeople,youmightbelievethatyourpartnershouldknowyourfeelingsanddesireswithoutyouhaving to express them.With time,youmaybecome increasingly resentful ifyour feelingsaren’trecognizedandyourwishesaren’thonored.

Unfortunately,many things are beyond our control, particularly events in the larger world and thebehavior of others. So efforts to change these things often sap our energy for other endeavors andultimately lead todisappointment, increasedanxiety,andevenangst.Make itapractice tonoticewheninnerrulesorjudgmentscomeup.Whentheword“should”comesintoyourmindoroutofyourmouth,

checkintoseeifitreflectsaruleorajudgment.Asyoubecomemindfulofinnerrulesand“shoulds,”youmaybeamazedatjusthowmuchyou’redrivenbythem.Again,don’ttakethisasanopportunitytoberateorjudgeyourself.Rather,realizethatdevelopingthisawarenessisthefirststepinchoosingtorelatetotheworldandyourselfdifferently.

FAQ

HowdoIgetmyselfunstuckfromseeingthingsinacertainway?Sadly,our limitationsareoftenself-created throughourownmisperceptions.Awarenesswillassist

you in breaking out of your habitual conditioning. Until you can see where you are and what you’reexperiencing,youmightnotbeable tomakechanges.Practicingmindfulnesscanhelpyoubreakoutofyour ordinary patterns and wake you from the slumbers of unawareness. If that sounds too abstract,perhapsthisstorywillhelp:Acombatpilotwasonamissionwhenenemygunfirepuncturedhisplane’shydraulicfluidreservoir.Hewasinbigtrouble,sincethismeanthecouldn’topenhislandinggear.Ashewonderedhowhewasgoingtogethisplanedownsafely,hestartedtofreakoutbutthenrealizedhisonlyhope lay in calming his mind. In the silence he discovered an idea. Even though there was no extrahydraulic fluidon theplane,another typeof fluidwasavailable.Heaskedhis squadronof soldiers toplug the holes as best they could, then urinate into the hydraulic fluid tank. This was definitely anunconventionalapproach,butitdidallowhimtoopenthelandinggearandlandtheplanesafely.

Allison’sStory

Allisonbelievedshewasthehardest-workingpersoninthehumanresourcesdepartmentofthelargecorporationwheresheworked.Yetshehadbeenthereforeighteenmonthsandhadneverreceivedaraise.Shewasincreasinglyplaguedbythoughtslike“Ican’tbelievetheyhaven’tgivenmearaise.TheyshouldknowIdeserveit.”Shecontinuedtoworkhard,butallthewhileherresentment,frustration,andbitternesswerebuilding,andshestartedgettingstomachpains.Shebecameincreasinglydistracted,andeventuallythequalityofherworkstartedtoslip.

Onedaywhileshewasouthavinglunchwithacoworker,shecouldn’tkeepherfeelingsinanymoreandsaid,“It’sunbelievablethatnoonehasapproachedmeaboutaraise.Thisisabadsituation.Jerrygotaraisetwomonthsago,andwestartedatthesametime.It’snotfair.MaybeIneedtolookforanewjob.”

Herfriendreplied,“Well,haveyouaskedthemforaraise?That’swhatJerrydid.”Dumbfounded,Allisonreplied,“Askthemforaraise?WhywouldIdothat?TheyshouldknowhowhardIworkandthatIdeserveit.Ishouldn’thavetoask.”

Herfriendreplied,“Ah,theshoulds.Keepthinkinglikethat,andit’sunlikelyyou’llgetaraiseanytimesoon.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”Allisonasked.“Well,let’sputitthisway:Wheneveryouuse“shoulds,”yousetaruleinyourmindandlimit

yourpotentialoryourwayofseeingthings.Maybetheyshouldknowhowhardyouwork,butyourmanagerisapersontoo.Maybehe’shavingdifficultyathomeandisdistracted,ormaybeheseesyouasbeingineffectiverightnow.Ifithassomethingtodowithyourjobperformance,you’dwanttoknowthissoyoucoulddowhateverittakestogetaraise.Whoknows?Butwhatwedoknowarethefacts:Youhaven’tgottenaraiseandyoudon’tknowwhy.Bringingittoyour

manager’sattentionmaygetyouthatmuchclosertogettingaraiseandthatseemstobeyourultimategoalrightnow.”

Allisoninitiallyhadsometroubleacceptingthis,butsheconsideredherfriend’sadviceformuchofthedayandfinallymovedpastthe“shoulds”inhermind.Theverynextday,shewenttoherbossandaskedforaraise.Hethankedherforcomingtohimandapologizedfornotspeakingwithherearlier.Hementionedthathe’dnoticedherworkslipping,buthewashappytoknowthatshewasinterestedingettingahead.Theyputtogetheraperformanceplan,andwithinthreemonthsAllisonwasbackontrackandhadgottenaraise.

explore:WhatAreYourInnerRules?

Explorewhatsomeofyourinnerrulesmightbe.Generally,aninnerruleorjudgmentisafeelingthatyouor someoneelse shoulddo something in a certainway. Itmayalso involve thinking that others shouldknowaboutyourwantsorneedswithoutyouhavingtoexpressthem.Describesomeexamplesfromyourown life where inner rules or judgments led to disappointment or increased anxiety, or perhaps evenplayedaroleinpreventingyoufromgettingwhatyouwanted.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Whenyoulookcloselyattheworkingsofyourmind,youmaydiscoverallkindsofinnerrulesabouthowyou,others,ortheworldshouldbe.Youmaybeamazedatthenumberof“shoulds”youpossessandhow frequently you see theworld in this way.Mindfulness will allow you to see this dynamicmoreclearly.When you recognize that you’re operating under the influence of an inner rule, you have theopportunitytofreeyourselffromthiswayofthinking.

Before you move on, take a moment to compassionately reflect on, acknowledge, and integratewhatyoulearnedinthisexploration.

JUSTDOIT!

Innerrulesneednotbeweightyorhighlyproblematic;theycanalsoextendtominor,day-to-day decisions. By challenging your inner rules in easier, safer contexts, you’lldevelopawarenessofhowtheserulesoperateandbuildconfidenceforchallengingmoresignificantrules.Takeamomentrightnowtomakeaplanforbreakingoutofsomeofyourroutinesandexperimentingwithdoingthingsdifferently.Herearesomeexamples:

Sleepontheothersideofthebed.

Have a different breakfast than you normally do, or check out a cuisine you’venevertriedbefore.

Eatwithyouroppositehand.

Styleyourhairdifferently.

Takeanotherpointofviewfromtheoneyounormallytake.

Imagineyourselfonyourdeathbedmanyyearsfromnow,lookingbackonyourlifeandthinkingaboutthethingsyouwishyouhaddone.Thentrydoingoneofthosethings.

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Herearetheformalpracticesfromthischapter.Goaheadandputthemonyourcalendaroverthenextweek.Trytopracticeatleastfivedaysaweek.Youcaneitheralternatethepracticesfromdaytoday,oryoumight combine them, startingwithmindful yoga and continuingwith themeditation for stress andanxiety.Alsoscheduleatimeaboutaweekfromnowwhenyou’llreviewyourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractice

MindfulSelf-InquiryforStressandAnxiety

MindfulStandingYoga

Nowyouhaveseveninformalpracticestointegrateintoyourdailylife.InformalPractice

RAIN

BeingMindfulofHabits

MindingYourPain

STOP

BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,filloutthefollowinglog.Asyoufillitout,andasyoulookbackover the previous week’s practice, think about how your practice has been going. Do you notice anypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanusewhatyoulearnfromthesereflectionstodeepenyourdailyinformalpractice.

8

transformingfearthroughloving-kindnessmeditationInthischapter,we’llexpandyourmindfulnesspracticetoincludeloving-kindnessmeditation.It’slikeanelixirforthefearfulandoverwhelmedheartandcangreatlyenhanceyourworkwithstress,anxiety,pain,orillness.Bybringingloving-kindnessintoyourlife,you’llgraduallyexperiencedeeperlevelsofloveand compassion. Loving-kindness dissolves barriers of egocentricity, greed, resentment, jealousy, andhatred,creatingmorespaciousnessandfreedominthemindandtheheart.Thisancientpracticeinvolvescultivating compassion and love for yourself and then expanding those feelings out to others in ever-wideningcircles,eventuallyextendingtoall livingbeings.Ifyou’relikemostpeopleinthisfast-pacedworld,youmaytendtoputcaringforyourselflastonyourto-dolist,soyoumayfinditdifficulttobeginbyextendingcompassiontowardyourself.Knowthatitisbothhealingandessentialtodoso.Youcannotfullyextendcompassionandlovetoothersifyou’reunabletoextendthemtoyourself.

Loving-kindness can be defined as benevolent goodwill or altruistic love. It’s a boundless kind oflovethatsoftenstheheartandcanbecomparedtothesun,themoon,orthestars,asitshinesonalllivingbeings without distinction, separation, or prejudice. It is important to note that loving-kindness alsoincorporates other important qualities, including compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. Thehistoryofloving-kindnessmeditationgoesbackmorethan2,500yearstothetimeoftheBuddha.Asthestorygoes,agroupofmonksjourneyedtoaremoteforesttodosomeintensivemeditationpractice.Aftersettingup their forest hermitages, they settleddown formeditation.However, they soonbeganhearingdisturbingsounds,smellingterriblescents,andseeinghorrificghostlyimages,andtheirbelongingsweremysteriouslydisappearingorbeingscattered.Atfirsttheythoughtsomeonewasplayingapracticaljoke,but theyeventually realized thatnoone (at leastnohumanbeing)was responsible.Themonks fled thehauntedforestandreturnedtotheBuddha.WhentheBuddhaaskedthemwhytheycameback,theysaidthattheywerebeingbotheredbyspiritsandcouldn’tmeditate.TheBuddhataughtthemloving-kindnessmeditationasanantidotetofearandtoldthemtogobacktothesameforestandsendloving-kindnesstothespirits.

Asthemonkstraveledbacktotheforest,theypracticedloving-kindnessmeditation.Soontheyweregreetedby those samespiritswhohadbeen so frighteningbefore,butnow theywere transformed intosomethingbeautifulbecauseoftheloving-kindnessbeingsenttothem.Thespiritswarmlywelcomedthemonks,washed their feet, andprepared food for them.Themonks chose to settle in this remote forestsetting,wheretheylivedinharmonywithallsentientbeings,extendingloving-kindnessfarandnear.It’ssaidthatinaveryshorttime,allofthemonksandspiritsattainedenlightenment.

thegreatunnamedepidemic:lackofself-compassionItmaysoundwonderfultopracticeloving-kindnessandfeelallthisloveforyourselfandthenextenditoutward,butwewanttoacknowledgethatthismaynotbeeasy.Youmaynotwanttoadmitjusthowlittlecompassion you have, and you may find it especially difficult to extend compassion to yourself.MeditationteacherandpoetStephenLevineoftensaysthatoneofthemostimportantpathstohealingistoloveourselves(Levine1987).Unfortunately,formanyofusthisisveryhardtodo.Bothofushavespentmanyyearsworkingwiththousandsofpeoplelivingwithstress,anxiety,pain,andillness.Alltoooften,itseems that somuchsufferingcomes from thesimple fact thatpeoplearemuch toohardon themselves.This is truly an epidemic that has never been fully acknowledged or named. In all likelihood, you

probablywouldn’ttreatafriendthewayyoutreatyourself.Foronething,ifyoudid,youmightnothaveany friends. In a pastmindfulness class, awoman reflected on her internal dialogue and realized thathardlyadaywentbythatshedidn’tcallherselfanasshole.Anotherwomanquicklyaddedthatshecallsherselfanidioteveryday,andthenamansaidhecalledhimselfstupidandworthlessonaregularbasis.Whydowesaythesethingstoourselves?

Though it’shard tobesure, it seems that forat leastsome timeearly in life,mostofus feltwholewithinourselvesandconnectedwiththeworld.Observealmostanychildundertwoyearsoldandyou’llseeabeingwhoisreallyfullofhimselforherself.Veryyoungchildrenhaveacertainkindofsovereigntybasedonself-acceptance.Whentheyhavetopoop,theypoop.Whentheyhavetopeeorfart,theypeeorfart.Whenthey’reunhappy,theycry,andwhenthey’rehappy,theysmileandlaugh.Babiesseemtohaveasenseoffreedomandopennesswhenitcomestoself-expression.Sadly,somewherealongthewaymanyof us have learned to not be okay with ourselves. How does this happen? Why are we so hard onourselves?Isthisaproblemofupbringingorculture?Doesitaffectsomepeopleandnotothers?

Itappearstobepartofthehumanconditionthatmanyofusareoccasionallyplaguedwithalackofself-love and compassion. How many times have you told yourself things like “I should have donebetter?”Atonetimeoranother—orperhapsquiteoften—you’veprobablyfeltunsureofyourselfandlessthanconfident.Thefactis,nearlyeveryoneisplaguedbyanasty,small-minded,fearfulcriticthatjudgesthem day in and day out. Loving-kindness meditation is a useful antidote and an excellent means ofcultivatinginnerhealing.Withtimeandpractice,wecanallaspiretoachievegreaterself-acceptance,andevenself-love,assobeautifullydescribed in thepoem“LoveAfterLove,”byDerekWalcott,aNobelPrizewinnerinliterature:

Thetimewillcomewhen,withelation,youwillgreetyourselfarrivingatyourowndoor,inyourownmirror,andeachwillsmileattheother’swelcome,

andsay,sithere.Eat.Youwillloveagainthestrangerwhowasyourself.Givewine.Givebread.Givebackyourhearttoitself,tothestrangerwhohaslovedyou

allyourlife,whomyouignoredforanother,whoknowsyoubyheart.Takedownthelovelettersfromthebookshelf,

thephotographs,thedesperatenotes,peelyourownimagefromthemirror.Sit.Feastonyourlife.

—DerekWalcott,“LoveAfterLove”(1976,74)

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts you can offer yourself is self-reconciliation. Isn’t it time that youacknowledgeyourpastandunderstandthatithasledyoutothispresentmoment?Isn’tittimetoopenyourheart to resolutionandcompassion? It’s important tocomprehend thatallofyourpastexperiences, theskillfulandthelessso,havebeenpartofyourlifeandhavebroughtyouintothispresentmoment.Asyoulookback intoyourpast,use thewisdomofhindsight tounderstandhowyouractionswere sometimesdriven by a lack of awareness and fear. This awarenesswill help you developmore compassion forwhereyouwereandabetterunderstandingofhowyougottobewhereyouarenow.

Asyour loving-kindnesspracticegrows,youcangraduallyexpandcompassion, reconciliation, andpeacebeyondyourself and eventually extend it to all livingbeings, openingyourheart to ever-greaterconnection.AlbertEinstein,knownforhisbrilliantscientific intellect,wasalsoaverywisemystic,asevidencedbythisexcerptfromaletterpublishedintheNewYorkPost(1972,12):

“Ahumanbeingispartofthewhole,calledbyustheUniverse,apartlimitedintimeandspace.Heexperiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest—a kind of opticaldelusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personaldesires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.Our taskmust be to free ourselves from thisprisonbywideningourcircleofcompassiontoembracealllivingcreaturesandthewholeofnatureinitsbeauty.”

formalpractice:Loving-KindnessMeditation

Formal loving-kindnessmeditation isabeautifulpractice thatopens theheart to love,compassion,andempathy.Inthispractice,it’simportanttogetintouchwiththeboundlesslovethatexistsintheuniverseandfirstbringitintoyourownheart.Afterdirectingloveandcompassiontowardyourself,youextenditoutward,firsttothosewhoareeasytolove,suchasbenefactors,mentors,teachers,andotherswhohaveguidedorinspiredyou.Youcanbeginwithonepersonandextendtoothers.Nextyouexpandtonearanddear ones among your family, friends, and community in the same way, and then to neutral people,acquaintances,orstrangers,liketheclerkatthegrocerycheck-outstand.Thenyousendloving-kindnesseventodifficultpeople,includingthosewithwhomyouhaveconflict;thiswillbegintheimportantworkof neutralizing the toxic effects of harboring resentments. It’s nice to close thismeditation by sendingloving-kindnesstothoseexperiencingphysicaloremotionalpainorhardship.Finally,youextendloving-kindnesstoalllivingbeingseverywhere.

Youcandoloving-kindnessmeditationeitherlyingdownorsittingup,but ifyouliedownandfindyourselffallingasleep,tryamoreuprightposture.Bringyourfull,undividedattentiontothispracticeasyoulistentotheaudiotrackorreadthemeditationbelow,pausingaftereachparagraph.Trytopracticeforthirtyminutes(track21).However,ifyou’reshortontime,you’llalsofindafifteen-minuteversiononthe web link (track 20). The web link also includes a forty-five-minute version that incorporates anadditionalmeditationonimpermanenceandloving-kindness(track22).

In loving-kindnessmeditation, it’s traditional to repeatphrases thatexpressyour love,compassion,andwell-wishes.Ontheweblinkandinthetextbelow,we’vesuppliedphrasesthatworkwellformostpeople,butifthesewordsdon’tresonatewithyou,feelfreetomakeupyourown.Alsofeelfreetovary

thephrasesyouusefromonepracticetothenext.

Beginyourpracticebycongratulatingyourselfthatyou’rededicatingsomeprecioustimetomeditation.Mayyouknowthatthisisanactoflove.

As you begin to stop and become present, become aware of the body and mind andwhatever is being carried within—perhaps feelings or thoughts from the day’s events orwhateverhasbeengoingonwithinyourecently.

Simplyallowandacknowledgewhateveriswithinandjust let itbewithoutevaluation,judgment,oranyformofanalysis.

Gradually,shiftthefocusofawarenesstothebreath,breathingnormallyandnaturally.Asyoubreathein,beawareofbreathingin,andasyoubreatheout,beawareofbreathingout.Justbeingawareofbreathing.

Focusyourattentionupon theabdomen, feeling thebelly expandwitheach inhalationandcontractwitheachexhalation.

Justlivinglifeoneinhalationandoneexhalationatatime.Breathingin,breathingout,watchingeachbreathappearanddisappear.Justbreathing.

Nowbringawarenessintoyourchestandheartarea,feelinganysensationswithin.Justallowanywavesofsensationtogowherevertheyneedtogo.

Gently bring awareness into your beating heart and reflect upon how fragile andpreciouslifeis.Theheartisthegatewayintodeepercompassionandloveforyourself,andforallbeings.

All of us live with certain realities that cannot be escaped. From the wondrous andmiraculousmomentwhenyouwereconceived,youbegan the irreversibleprocessofagingand subsequent illness, death, and separation. These are powerful reflections tomeditateupon,fortheyopenthehearttowhatisimportant.

Nowfeelintoyourownpreciouslifewithcompassion,mercy,andlove.Youmayoftenbecriticalorjudgmentalofyourselforotherwisehardonyourself.Youmayfinditeasiertobecompassionate toward others than toward yourself. Many people would hardly want torepeatoutloudtootherswhattheytellthemselves,forfearofwhatotherswouldthenthinkofthem.

Feelintothepowerfulqualitiesofloving-kindnessitself,aboundless,altruisticlovethatcouldbecompared to thesun, themoon,or thestars, shiningonall livingbeingswithoutdistinction,separation,orprejudice.

Bringthisloveintoyourownheart,skin,flesh,organs,bones,cells,andbeing.Mayyouopen to deep kindness and compassion for yourself, recognizing and accepting theimperfectlyperfectbeingthatyouare.

Itmaybeastruggletofeellovingtowardyourself.Workwiththisbyacknowledgingyourchallenges,andthencontinuetoopentodiscoverwhatitfeelsliketohaveanexperienceofloving-kindnesstowardyourself.

Take amoment right now to open to each of the following phrases for a fewminutes,lettingthemsinkintoyourbeing:

MayIbesafe.MayIbehealthy.MayIhaveeaseofbodyandmind.MayIbeatpeace.

Now expand the field of loving-kindness to one or many who are your benefactors,teachers,mentors,andotherswhohaveinspiredyou,repeatingthesamephrases:

Maymybenefactorsbesafe.Maymybenefactorsbehealthy.Maymybenefactorshaveeaseofbodyandmind.Maymybenefactorsbeatpeace.

Nowgraduallyexpandthefieldofloving-kindnesstooneormanywhoareyournearanddearonesamongyourfamily,friends,andcommunity:

Maymynearanddearonesbesafe.Maymynearanddearonesbehealthy.Maymynearanddearoneshaveeaseofbodyandmind.Maymynearanddearonesbeatpeace.

Nowfurtherextendthefieldofloving-kindnesstooneormanywhoareneutralpeople,acquaintances,andstrangers:

Maymyneutralonesbesafe.Maymyneutralonesbehealthy.Maymyneutraloneshaveeaseofbodyandmind.Maymyneutralonesbeatpeace.

Nowconsiderextendingloving-kindnesseventooneormanywhoareyourdifficultones,orenemies.Itmayseemchallengingorevenimpossibletosendloving-kindnesstothisgroupofpeople.With theunderstanding that resentmentshavea toxiceffectonyourownhealthand well-being, begin to neutralize these resentments by sending loving-kindness andcompassion to yourself. Then reflect upon forgiveness and realize that conflict andunkindnessoftenhavetheirrootsinfearandlackofawareness.Openyourheartandextendloving-kindnesstothedifficultones,andthenfurtherextendthewishthattheywillfindthegateway into theirownhearts,gaininggreaterawarenessand transforming their fear intolove.Gentlyandslowlysendloving-kindnesstothedifficultonesorenemies:

Maymydifficultonesbesafe.Maymydifficultonesbehealthy.Maymydifficultoneshaveeaseofbodyandmind.Maymydifficultonesbeatpeace.

Nowtakesometimetoremember those less fortunate,bringing intoyourheartanyoneyou knowwho is experiencing physical or emotional pain. Picture these peoplewho facedifficultyorchallengesexperiencingmorehealingandpeace.

Furtherexpand thiscircleofhealing toallbeings.Mayall livingbeingsexperiencingsicknessinthebodyoranguishinthemindbeatpeace.

Nowsendloving-kindnesstoallwhoarevictimsofnaturaldisastersorwar,andtothosewhoarehungryorwithouthomes.Maytheytoobeatpeace.

Extendlovingkindnesstoanyonewhoisfeelinganxiety,stress,isolation,alienation,orhopelessness,andtothosewhoareaddictedorlostorwhohavegivenup.Maytheytoobeatpeace.

Lettingnonebeforsaken,maythosewhoaresufferinginanywaybeatpeace.Buildthisloving-kindnessenergytobecomeasboundlessastheskyandbegintoradiate

ittoallhumanbeingsandalllivingbeings.Sendloving-kindnesstoalllivingbeings,omittingnone,whethergreatorsmall,weakor

strong,seenorunseen,nearorfar,bornoryettobeborn.Send thisvast love toallbeingsof theearth, thewater,and theair, spreading loving-

kindnessinalldirections:

Mayallbeingsbesafe.Mayallbeingsbehealthy.Mayallbeingshaveeaseofbodyandmind.Mayallbeingsbeatpeace.

Nowextend this love outward,without boundaries or limits, into the solar systemandthenfurther,throughouttheuniverse.Mayallbeingsbeatpeace.

And thenonceagainspread thisboundless loving-kindnesswithinyourselfand then toallbeingsthroughouttheuniverse.Mayallbeingsbeatpeace.

Asyoubegintowithdrawfromtheloving-kindnessmeditation,comebacktothebreath,andsensingandfeelingintothewholebodyasyoubreatheinandout.Feeltheentirebodyrisingupwardonaninhalationandfallingdownwardonanexhalation.Feelthebodyasasingle,completeorganism,connectedandwhole.

Asyoucometotheendofthismeditation,mayyoushareanymeritsyou’vegainedwithallbeings.Mayallbeingsbeatpeace.

Mayyouagaincongratulateyourself forpracticing thismeditationandknowthat it iscontributingtoyourhealthandwell-being.Mayyouknowthatthisisanactoflove.

Loving-KindnessMeditationJournal

Assoonasyoufinishyourfirstloving-kindnessmeditation,writeaboutwhatevercomestomindasyou reflect on your experience. What thoughts, feelings, and sensations arose as you did the loving-kindnessmeditation?Whateffectdidithaveonyou?Howdoesitinspireyou?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

JUSTDOIT!

Takeamomentandreflectonafamilymember,friend,workcolleague,oranyonewhocomes to mind. What would it be like to walk in that person’s shoes for a little bit?Imaginethatperson’shistoryofdisappointmentsandlosses,andalsohisorherhistoryofadventuresandtriumphs.Stepintothatperson’sliferightnow.Youcouldtrythiswithafriend,afoe,orastranger.Whatfeelingsdoyouexperienceinyourbodyandmindwhenyoureflectandconnectinthisway?Canyousensethebondofhumanitythatyoushare?

workingwithresistance:whattodowhenyoudon’tfeellovingIt’s quite common to sometimes not feel very loving while practicing loving-kindness meditation. Inactuality,loving-kindnessmeditationmaystirupdifficultthoughts,emotions,andmemories,andfeelingsof resistanceor resentmentmightariseasa result.This isyetanotherway inwhichpracticing loving-kindness is valuable: It may illuminate that such feelings are present. By becoming aware of andacknowledgingthesefeelings,youcanincludethemaspartofyourpracticeandobservewhetheryoufeelinclinedtomovetowardorawayfromloving-kindness.Allofyourinternalexperiencesareworkableaspartofthepractice.

After acknowledging and observing these feelings, you can use self-inquiry to investigate anyresistanceor resentment.What’sholdingyoubackfromopeningyourheart tocompassionand loveforyourselforothers?This isapowerfulquestion tositwithandinquire into.Youmaydiscoverawholeplethoraofunacknowledgedfeelingswithinyouthatyouneedtoinvestigateandreintegrate.

Extending loving-kindness to difficult people can also be extremely challenging. If it seemsimpossibletosendloving-kindnesstopeopleyou’vehadconflictswith,perhapsit’simportanttoreflectuponhowresentmentorgrudgesaffectyourownmind,heart,andbody.Doyoubenefitinanywayfromholding a grudge?How does your body feelwhen you do this?How does it affect your thoughts andemotions?By inquiring into resentment in thisway, youmaydiscover that resentment has a venomous

effectonyourownhealthandwell-beingandthatanangryorhatefulmindisasufferingmind.Withthisawareness,youcanbegintoneutralizethosefeelings—firstandforemostbysendingloving-kindnessandcompassiontoyourself.

It’sworthwhiletoreflectonforgivenessandunderstandthathurtfulorconflictualactionsoftenstemfromfearandlackofawareness.ZenmasterNormanFisherwroteaninterestingtranslationoftheBookofPsalmsfromaBuddhistperspectivecalledOpeningtoYou:Zen-InspiredTranslationsofthePsalms(2002),inwhichhechangedsuchwordsas“wicked”and“unrighteous”to“heedless”and“unmindful.”Thisputssuchadifferentspinonthings.Ratherthanjudgingpeople,events,orevenyourselfasevilorbad, you can think of conflicts and other difficult interactions as unskillful actions committed whensomeonewas unaware andprobably fearful. In thisway, you canbegin to understand the feelings andneeds behind the words and actions of your difficult ones or enemies. And if you haven’t already,considerthatjustasyouhavealistofthosewhohavehurtyou,youmaybeonotherpeople’slists.Mayweallfindthegatewayintoourheartsandlearntotransformfearintolove.

A story aboutAbrahamLincoln illuminates the power of love:During theCivilWar, Lincoln hadoccasion at anofficial reception to refer toSoutherners as erringhumanbeings, rather than foes tobeexterminated.Anelderly ladywhowasa fierypatriot rebukedhim for speakingkindlyofhis enemieswhenheoughttobethinkingofdestroyingthem.Lincolnreplied,“Madam,doInotdestroymyenemieswhen I make them my friends?” (King 1981, 55). An ancient proverb from the Buddhist text theDhammapadareflectsasimilarsentiment:“Hatredneverceasesbyhatred;itonlyceasesbylove.Thisisatimelesstruth”(Goldstein2003,125).

Loving-kindness is a powerful practice that can transform hatred and open the heart to immenserealmsof joyandpeace.Neverunderestimate thepowerof love. Itcanmovemountainsand transformenemiesintofriends.Perhapsthereisnogreaterhealingthantolearntoloveyourselfandotherswithanopenheart.

FAQ

When I practice loving-kindness meditation, I sometimes experience contraryfeelings,suchasangerandsadness.Asaresult,IfeellikeI’mnotdoingitrightandfeelterribleaboutmyself.WhatcanIdo?

First of all, know that this type of experience is very normal. This practice oftenreveals theplaceswhereyou’reholdingbackor feelingstuck.When thishappens,openyourhearttoself-compassion,evenifyoudon’tfeelit;thisispartoftheworkyoumustdotoopenuptogenuineloveforothers.Asyoucometoappreciateandacceptthatyouareimperfectly perfect, you can extend this attitude to others. Also try to acknowledgewhateveremotionsormemoriesarise—anger, sadness, feelingunsafe,confusion,oranyother difficult emotions—and let them be. In time you will gradually integrate thesefeelingsintoyourheartandexperiencedeeperfeelingsoffreedomandpeace.

explore:IsYourBody-MindHappy?

Bemindfulofhowyouinteractwithyourself.Howoftendoyousendyourselfunkindmessages,suchas“I’mhopeless”or“I’mworthless”?Wouldyouevertalktootherpeoplethewayyoutalktoyourself?Doanyof thesemessages increaseyourstress,anxiety,orunhappiness?Howdoes that feel inyourmind?Howdoesthatfeelinyourbody—perhapstired,tense,orachy?Takeamomenttoexplorewhatcomesupinyourmindandbody.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

InhisbookAnger:WisdomforCooling theFlames (2001),ThichNhatHahn talksaboutwatering theseedsofourownsuffering.Ifyoutendtosendyourselfunkindmessages(asweallseeminglydo),you’veprobably been watering the seeds of your own suffering.What might be different in your life if youstoppeddoingthis?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In day-to-day life, feelings of resentment may arise when you encounter difficult people anduncomfortablesituations.Whatwoulditfeelliketobringanopenheartandbeginner’smindtosituationswheresomeoneispressingyourbuttons?Considerapersonwithwhomyoucurrentlyhaveaconflictordifficultcommunication.Might thatperson’swordsandactionsbeconnectedtochallengesheorsheisfacing?Takeamomenttoexplorethepositivequalitiesofaparticulardifficultpersonandthepotentialreasonsforthisperson’sseeminglyunkindbehavior.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Admittedly,thistypeofexplorationisn’teasywork.Infact,itcanbequitedifficultandhumblingtopurifyyourownmindandheart,but realize that livingwithsuffering,pain,and lackofawareness isamuchmoredifficultroad.Asyoubringthelightofawarenesstoyourowndarkside,realizethateveryonehas an internal shadow or bogeymen, and that this is actually the fertilizer that feeds our growth.Exploring themessages you tell yourself is a powerful first step to greater freedom.With awareness,compassiongrows.Maythelightofawarenessandcompassionsetyoufree.

Before you move on, take a moment to compassionately reflect on, acknowledge, and integratewhatyoujustwrote.

informalpractice:Loving-KindnessinDailyLife

Youcaninformallyextendloving-kindnesstovariouspeopleinthemomentthroughoutyourday.Youmaybesittingwithyourpartnerandchoosetoextendloving-kindnesswishestohimorher.Ormaybeyou’rehavingdifficultywithsomeoneatsomepointinyourday;insteadofreactingwithfear,anger,aggression,or isolation, choose to extend loving-kindness to that person. Or say you’re waiting in line at thesupermarketorpostoffice;youcouldchoosetoextendloving-kindnesstosomeonewhoworksthere.Ifyou’reataballgameorotherpublicevent,youcouldevensendloving-kindnessouttoeveryoneinthecrowd.Thepointisthatyoucanpracticeloving-kindnessinformally—anytime,anywhere.Sosprinkleafewinformalloving-kindnesspracticesthroughoutyourday.Noticewhatitfeelsliketoopenyourhearttoothersandhowthischangesthewayyouthinkandfeelaboutothers,yourself,andthingsingeneral.

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Scheduletheformalpracticesbelowforthenextweek,beingsuretoincludewalkingmeditationormindfulyoga.Trytopracticeatleastfivedaysaweek.Youcaneitheralternatethepracticesfromdaytoday,oryoumight combine them, startingwithmindfulyogaorwalkingmeditationandcontinuingwithloving-kindness meditation. Also schedule a time about a week from now when you’ll review yourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractices

Loving-KindnessMeditation

WalkingMeditation

MindfulYoga

Nowyouhaveeightinformalpracticestointegrateintoyourdailylife.InformalPractices

Loving-KindnessinDailyLife

RAIN

BeingMindfulofHabits

MindingYourPain

STOP

BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,fillout thefollowinglog.Asyoufill itout,andasyoulookbackoverthepreviousweek’spractice, thinkabouthowyourpracticehasbeengoing.Doyounoticeanypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanusewhatyoulearnfromthesereflectionstodeepenyourdailyinformalpractice.

9

interpersonalmindfulnessUptothispoint,you’velearnedmoreaboutintrapersonalmindfulness—beingnonjudgmentallypresenttotheorchestraof thoughts, feelings, and sensationsoccurringwithinyou.This chapter turns the focus tointerpersonalmindfulness—bringingnonjudgmentalpresentmomentawarenesstoyourinteractionswithothers. You’ll learn a bit about how the person you are today may be influenced by early childhoodexperiences, such as your connection or disconnection with your parents or caregivers. Then we’llintroduceyoutothequalitiesofinterpersonalmindfulness,theartofmindfulcommunicationandlistening,andhowtoapplyinterpersonalmindfulnessathomeandatworktoimproveyourrelationshipsbetweenyourselfandothers.

Humanbeingsaresocialanimals,andmostofusspendagreatdealoftimeinteractingwithothers,inall of their individual complexity and uniqueness. Each person you interact with—children, parents,siblings,bosses,friends,colleagues,neighbors,andevenyour“difficultones,”thepeoplewithwhomyouhave conflict or other challenges—provides a doorway into a newworld. To the extent that you feelseparatefromothers,realizethatweallsharethecommonexperienceofbeinghuman.Eachofusisbornintothisworldandaccumulatesstoriesofcourageandfear,joyandsorrow,pleasureandpain,giftsandlosses.However,despitethesecommonalities,peoplecanalsobeanenormoussourceofstressinlife.They can be demanding, pushy, threatening, irresponsible, uncooperative, and insensitive. Sometimes,thoseyou’remostintimatewithorclosesttocanbethegreatestsourceofstress,perhapsbecauseyoufeelmoreresponsiblefortheirwell-being,ormaybetheyknowjusttherightbuttonstopush.

whererelationshippatternsbeginJustasyou’vedevelopeddeeplyingrainedhabitualstylesofthinkingthatcankeepyoustuckinastressreaction, such as catastrophizing, exaggerating negative thoughts or feelings, and blaming, you’ve alsodevelopedhabitualwaysof interactingwithothers.Manyof thesebehaviorsdeveloped in response tosome of your earliest exposure to relationships—interactions with your parents or caregivers.Unfortunately,ifthosepatternsofbehaviorarebasedondysfunctionalparent-childrelationships,thismayresultindysfunctionalrelationshipswithfamily,friends,orcoworkersinyourlifenow.

Forexample, ifyourparentsdidn’tgiveyouagoodmodelforhowtohandleconflict,youmaynothandleconflictresolutionverywelltoday.Whenconflictarises,youmayfeelyou’ddoalmostanythingtotry toavoid theuncomfortableemotions that are inherent inconflict.Perhapsyoudevelopedapassivestyle around conflict, ormaybeyouput others’ needsbeforeyourownor feel incapableof sayingno,leavingyouoverwhelmed,overcommitted,andstressed-out.Ontheflipside,youmayfeelathomewithconflictandconstantlycreateit,eitherbecausethat’sthewayyoulearnedhowtomakeemotionalcontactwithothersorbecauseitgivesyouasenseofpower.Theproblemis,aggressivebehaviorleavesmanyhurtfeelingsinitswake,especiallyifyoutakeadvantageofothersorbullyordemeanthem.It’salltooeasytogetsweptupincyclesofreactivitytothepointwheretherelationshipgetsstuckinadownwardspiral.

Conflictsincurrentrelationshipscanleadtouncomfortableemotions,andthere’sagoodchancethatthe situation could trigger memories or feelings associated with past wounds stemming from old,dysfunctionalwaysofrelating.Whenyoufeeltrappedorthreatened,you’relikelytofallintooldpatternsofreactivitythatyou’verehearsedtimeandtimeagainsincechildhood.Asweseekoutlove,it’shelpful

tounderstandtheinternalbarriersthatmaystandintheway—barriersthatoftenbegintoformundertheinfluenceofourearliestrelationships.Aschildren,wedependonourparentsorcaregiversforsecurityandstability,buttheyaren’talwaysabletotuneintoourneeds.

Where relationship patterns began isn’t pop psychology; it’s based on theory and research.PsychiatristandpsychoanalystJohnBowlby(1969)firstusedtheword“attachment”whenhetheorizedthatchildrenaremorelikelytofeelsecure,connected,andlovediftheirparentsareabletobeattuned,inthepresentmoment, to the child’s internalworldof emotions andneeds. In thedecades that followed,psychologistsstudiedinfantsanddiscoveredthatattachmentstylemayvaryfrominfanttoinfant,andthatwhilesomeattachmentstylesmaybecoupledwithasenseofsecurityandsafety,otherattachmentstylesmay be paradoxically coupledwith insecurity and anxiety (Ainsworth et al. 1978;Main and Solomon1986).Neuroscientistsarefindingthatattachmentstylesalsoaffectthebrain.InAffectDysregulationandDisorders of the Self (2003), psychologist and neuroscientist Allan Schore, Ph.D., focuses on howattachment produces structural changes in the brain during the first two years of life. He says thatinsensitiveparentingcanaffectchildren’sability toregulate theiremotionsandthat theymaycarry thisdysfunctionwiththemthroughouttheirlives.InTheMindfulBrain(2007),DanielSiegel,MD,writesthatwhenparentandchildareattuned,theoutcomeisastateofresonancethatallowsthechildto“feelfelt.”Thisstateofresonancehelpsbuildregulatorycircuitsinthebrainthatsupportthechild’sresilienceandabilitytoengageandconnectinmeaningful,empathicrelationshipslaterinlife.

Whatdoesthishavetodowithyouasanadult?Morerecentresearchhasfoundthattheattachmentstatuscurrentparentshadtotheirownparentspredicts,withhighaccuracy,theattachmenttheirchildrenwill havewith them (van Ijzendoorn 1995).As adults, thosewho experienced insecure attachment aschildrengenerallyhavemoredifficultymanagingtheiremotionsanddealingwiththecurveballsthatlifethrows(ShaverandMikulincer2002).However,it’simportanttonotethathavinginsecureattachmentasachilddoesn’tdoomyouradultrelationships.Evenifyouexperiencedinsecureattachmentasachild,youcanshiftthispatterninadulthood(MainandGoldwyn1998).

Whilemostparentsdothebesttheycanwiththeresourcestheyhave,internalandotherwise,toooftenthere’salackofattunementandresonance,whichleavesthechildfeelinginsecureintherelationship.Forexample, ifyourparentswereemotionallyunavailableasaresultofbeingpreoccupiedwith theirownlivesorstrugglesintheirrelationship,youmayhaveadaptedbydismissingtheimportanceofemotionsandrelationships,tryingnottobedependentonthem,anddevelopinganinternalnarrativethatyoudon’tneed to rely on other people.Or if attunement and resonanceweren’t consistently present during yourchildhood,youmayhaveendedupfeelingconfusedandsuspiciousaboutrelationships.Asanadult,youmayberiddledwithworriesaboutwhetheryourpartnerwill reciprocateyour feelings,oryoumaybereluctanttoengageintimately.Ifeitherofyourparentsactedoutwithfrighteningorabusivebehavior,youmayhavelivedinastateoffear,oftenfeelingcompelledtoflee,yetalsowantingyourparenttosootheyou.Inthiscase,youmaynotonlyfeelasenseofconfusionaroundemotionsandrelationships,youmayevenactasacaregiverwhenthingsgetdifficult,tryingtoforestalldifficultinteractionsbytakingcareoftheotherperson’sneedsatyourownexpense.

Thegoodnewsis,whateveryourupbringingandearlyinfluences,mindfulnessgivesyoutheabilitytorecognize and understand your past by acknowledging and validating your experiences. Thisintrapersonalattunement—attunementandresonancewithyourself—allowsyoutofeelsecureandopentoyourthoughts,feelings,andemotions(Siegel2007,2009).Thisinternalawarenessandresonancewillstrengthenyouandhelpyoufeelsecureenoughtobepresenttoothers’feelingswithpatience,empathy,andwisdom,whetheryou’rerelatingtofamily,friends,coworkers,strangers,orevendifficultpeople.Inthisway,intrapersonalattunementopensthedoortointerpersonalattunementandresonance,whichwillimproveallofyourrelationships.

Elisha’sStory:HidingUndertheTable

WhenIwassixyearsoldmyparentsgotdivorced.Whentheyfirstcameandtoldusthreekidsaboutit,Ijuststoodtherewithoutatearinmyeyebutwithangerinmyheart.Mymomasked,“What’sgoingon,Elisha?Doyouunderstandwhat’shappening?”Iangrilyretorted,“Yeah,whatdoyouwantmetodo,bangmyheadagainstthewallsoI’llcry?”OfcourseIwashurtandangry;myfoundation—whatIhadknowntobemyfamily—wasbeingrippedawayfromunderme.

Istartedactingout.OnewayIdidwasatrestaurants.Itmademeangrythatwewouldspendmoneywedidn’thavetogotoarestaurantwhenIthoughtwecouldjustaseasilycookathome.Whenweleftthehousetogoouttoeat,myfamilywouldhavetodragmetothecarasIpouted,andIspentmuchofthetimeatrestaurantsunderthetableinprotestofspendingthemoney.

Yearslater,IfoundthatwhenmywifeandIgotintoanargument,insteadofbringingawarenesstothesituationandconnectingwithheraroundit,Isometimesreactedbynumbingoutemotionally,cleaningthehouse,turningontheTV,andotherwisedistractingmyself.Ifelthelplessandjustdidn’twanttodealwithit.OnedaywhenIwenttotherapyanddescribedwhathadhappened,mytherapistsaid,“Whenyougetangry,youstillhideunderthetable.”That’showIcopedasachild,andattimesthat’showIwascopingwhenIgotupsetwithmywife.WhenIfinallyrealizedhowmyexperiencesasachildwereinfluencingmymarriage,Iwasmorepresenttothiscycleofreactionandbegantoshiftfromavoidingmypaintoapproachingit.Thisnotonlyhelpedmefeelmoresecure,italsoallowedmetofeelevenmoreconnectedwithmywife.AttimesIstillcatchmyselfhidingunderthetable,butI’musuallyabletoseeitsooner.ThenIcansmileandembracethelittleboyinsideme,andlethimknowthatthingswillbeallright.

qualitiesofinterpersonalmindfulnessEven in the most difficult interactions, where you may feel threatened, angry, and fearful, you cansignificantly improve the relationship by bringing interpersonal mindfulness to the situation. As wementionedearlier,thepracticeofmindfulnessislikecultivatingagarden;certainqualitiesandconditionsmustbepresentinorderformindfulnesstogrow.Inchapter3wepresentedeightattitudesessentialtothepracticeofmindfulness.Similarly, it’s importanttoattendtorelationshipsif theyaretoflourishandbevibrant. And when relationships are strained or difficult, bringing interpersonal mindfulness to thesituationcanpotentiallypreventthemfromwitheringawayorblowingup.

Here are six qualities that we consider essential in cultivating interpersonal mindfulness anddramaticallyimprovingyourrelationships:

Openness. Similar to beginner’smind, this is a qualitywhere you’re open to seeing the otherperson and the relationship as new and fresh, and where you’re open to the other person’sperspective.Beingclosed-offordefensiveisdefinitelyabarrier toanopenheartandmind!Tocultivateopenness,noticeyour first thoughtor judgmentaboutwhatothers are sayingordoing,then imagine it as justoneperspective—one sliceonapie chart, not the entire circle. Imaginefillinginthatpiewithotherperspectives,eachholdingequalvalue.

Empathy. This is a quality of actually identifyingwith another’s feelings—emotionally puttingyourself in someone else’s shoes. The first step is to acknowledge and experience your ownfeelings; only then can you do this with another person. To cultivate this quality, practice

mindfulness of your own emotions, getting in touch with them and then tapping into specificemotionswhenyousensethatothersarefeelingthem.Youmaybeinclinedtotrustyourintuitioninrespect tohowothersarefeeling,andthiscanbeeffective.However, ifyou’reatalluncertain,it’sgenerallyagoodpracticetosimplyask.Ifyoustrugglewithempathy,perhapsitwillhelptorealizethatinourhearts,weallwantcertainbasicthings:tobeaccepted,tobeloved,andtofeelsecure.

Compassion.This is aquality that combines empathywith anunderstandingof theposition theother person is in and a desire to ease the person’s suffering. To cultivate this quality, allowyourselftoimaginethesorrowsandpainsthatthepersonholds.Duringthislife,they’vecertainlyexperienceddisappointments,failures,andlosses,andsomeofthesewoundsmaybesodeepthatthepersonmaynot feel safe sharingabout them. Imagine thepersonasyourownchild, feelingfrightenedandinpain,andconsiderhowyou’dcomforthimorher.

Loving-kindness.Thisisaqualitywhereyoutrulywishanotherwell—tobehealthy,safefromharm, and free from fear. As you worked with loving-kindness in chapter 8, you may haveexperienced that this is easier said than done with your “difficult ones.” To cultivate loving-kindness,againimaginetheotherpersonasyourownchildandconsiderhowyouwouldextendthesewell-wishesforhimorher.Imaginehowyou’dwanttoseethepersonbringhisorherbeingintothisworld.

Sympatheticjoy.Thisisaqualitywhereyoudelightinthehappinessandjoyofothers.It’stheopposite of jealousy, envy, and resentment. To cultivate this quality, imagine the other persongrowing up and reflect on the joy and adventure the person has experienced, along with thecourageandstrengthheorshehasbrought toovercomingchallenges in life.Sympathetic joy ispossibleregardlessoftheperson’scircumstances;simplyrealizethat innerresourcesofjoyareavailabletoeveryoneandextendyourwishthattheotherpersonmightaccessthisjoy.

Equanimity.This isaqualityofwisdom,anevennessandsteadinessofmindthatcomprehendsthe nature of change. Equanimity gives youmore balance and composure in understanding theinterconnectednessof all life.Likemostpeople,youmay treatothersdifferentlybasedonyourperceptionsof them.Youmight treatacoworkerwithcareandbeunpleasantwithapostofficeclerkbecauseyouwereinarush.Realizethatallrelationshipshaveinherentvalue,andthatallhumanbeingsdeservetobetreatedwiththeconsiderationinherentinthefivepreviousqualities.Tocultivate thisquality, imagine theotherperson’s faceas thatofaparent,a friend,a lover,achild,orastudent.Thiswillhelpyouseethepersonassomeonewho,likeallofus,simplywantsandneedskindnessandlove.

explore:CreatingConnection

Creatingconnectionwithothersisaprocess.Imagineapersonyoucareaboutsittingrightinfrontofyou.Goaheadandrereadthedescriptionofeachqualityabove,andafterreadingeachquality,closeyoureyesandimaginelookingatandinteractingwiththispersonwithafocusonthatquality.Whenyou’refinishedwitheachone,writedownwhatcameupforyou.

Openness

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Empathy______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Compassion______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Loving-Kindness______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

SympatheticJoy______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Equanimity______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Holdingthesesixinterpersonalqualitiesinmind—reflectingonthemandcultivatingthemaccordingto your best understanding—will nourish, support, and strengthen your connectionswith other people.Developing these qualities is a way to channel your energies in building stronger and healthier

relationships.Theseattitudesare interdependent;each influences theothers,andbycultivatingoneyouenhanceallofthem.

Beforeyoumoveon,takeafewmomentstoconnectwithyourbreathandmindfullyreflectonwhatyou just wrote, compassionately acknowledging, validating, and integrating everything you learnedfromthisexploration.

mindfulcommunicationCommunicationistheprocessofconnectingwithothersorourselveswithourmindsandbodies,eitherverbally,nonverbally,orboth.You’veprobablyhadcommunicationswithothersthathaveleftyoufeelingconnected,respected,andloved,whileotherinteractionshaveleftyoufeelingdisconnected,disregarded,or frustrated. When you feel threatened, stress and fear often arise, and in an effort to avoid thisdiscomfortyoumayreactinwaysthatdon’tservetherelationship,you,ortheotherperson.Youmaystoplistening,havedifficultyclearlyexpressingyouremotionsandneeds,orfall intoreactivemindtrapsofblaming,criticizing,orjudging,whichusuallymakesothersfeeldefensiveandescalatesthesituation.Asthiscyclecontinues,youcanbecomeincreasinglyfearful,angry,self-absorbed,andfixatedonyourownviewsandfeelings.Resistanceanddefensivenessincrease,empathyfliesoutthewindow,andattunementandresonance,whicharesoimportantforhealthycommunication,seemlikeadistantdream.

Fortunately, you can turn this cycle around by cultivating skills formore effective communication,increasing the likelihood of meaningful and satisfying interactions. As you bring mindfulness tocommunication, paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations, you’ll create the space tointentionally respond to others’ actions rather than reacting to them in habitualways.One of themostfundamentaloftheseskillsistheartofmindfullistening.

TheArtofMindfulListening

Youmayhaveheard thesaying“Weweregiven twoearsandonemouthsowecan listen twiceasmuchaswetalk.”Asakidyoumayhaverolledyoureyeswhenyourparentsonceagainsaid,“Areyoulistening tome?” As kids, many of us didn’t listen, and wemay have resented the question. In adultrelationships,thiscantranslateintocontinuedlackofattention,coupledwithahalfheartedrehashingofthe fewwords that seeped into your ears. In fact, both peoplemay be relating in thisway, leading tointeractionscharacterizedbyfeelingsofdisconnection,frustration,andpain.AsanoldSpanishproverbsays,“Twogreat talkerswillnot travel far together.”Weallwant tobeheard. It’sessential to feelingunderstood, accepted, and loved.Whenwesense thatothersare truly listening,our fearsanddefensestendtofadeaway,pavingthewayforgreaterconnection,empathy,andpeaceintherelationship.

HEARINGVS.LISTENING

Unfortunately,whilemost of us feel likewe’rehearing others,we often aren’t actually listening.Let’s really examine the distinction between hearing and listening.Hearing is a passive physiologicalprocess inwhich your ears take in the vibration of soundswithout deliberate and thoughtful attention.Listening, on the other hand, is an activemental processwhere you intentionally and thoughtfully payattentiontothemessagetheotherpersonisconveying.Assuch, it involvesalsoattendingtocuesotherthantheauditorystimuliofthewordsbeingspoken—cueslikebodylanguage,tone,orfacialexpression.Thismeanshearingisn’tachoice,butlisteningis.

Becausegenuinecommunicationissorewarding,it’sworthconsideringwhywespendsomuchtimehearingwithoutlistening.Thereareanumberofpotentialreasons.Ifyou’relikemostpeople,yousimply

havetoomuchtolistentoinyourenvironment.Indeed,itseemsthatfromthedaywe’reborn,webegintomakemicrodecisionsaboutwhoandwhattopayattentionto,andmanyofthesedecisionsoccurwithoutconscious thought or deliberation.Over time,we settle into a groove andoften choose to listen to themessages that reinforcehowwefeelabout things.Takepolitics, forexample.Whetherconservativeorliberal,mostpeoplelistentomessagesandmediathatreinforcetheiropinionsandexpressutterdisdainfor those that represent“theother side.”Andwhen theydohearmessagespresentedby theother side,theymaynotreallylistentothem.Intruth,relationshipshavealotincommonwithpolitics;theymaybeaprocess of negotiating between conflicting needs, desires, and opinions. And while there are oftenmessagescomingfrombothsides,eachmaynottrulytakeintheother’smessage.

EMOTIONSANDLISTENING

Emotionsalsohaveanenormousinfluenceonwhatwelistentoandhowwelisten.Ifyou’refeelinghappy,you’ll tendtofilteroutunpleasantmessagesandlistentothoseyouinterpretaspleasant.Ontheotherhand,ifyou’refeelingdepressedoranxious,you’lltendtolistentotheunpleasantmessageswhileignoring the pleasant ones.When you’re confronted with a situation that you interpret as threatening,you’relikelytogetstressedandfeelfearoranger.Whenthefight,flight,orfreezeresponsekicksin,yourmindmayjumpintooverdrive.Insteadoflistening,youmaybetryingtofigureouthowtofixthesituationorrunawayfromit,oryoumayfeelparalyzedorfrozen.

Beingmindfulallowsyoutonoticeyourreactionsandshiftbacktothepresent,acknowledgingyourfeelings and entering the mode of being, rather than doing. As you nonjudgmentally approach yourdiscomfortandletitbe,youcanharnessthequalitiesofinterpersonalmindfulness,shiftingtoaplaceofempathy, compassion, and connection to the other person. By bringing intention to listening to others,includinganypainandsufferingthey’reexperiencing,youcanseehowtheirhistoryoflossesandwoundsmayplayaroleinhowtheyreact.Thisallowsyoutorespondwithempathy,acknowledgingthepainthatothersexpress.Bylistening mindfully,you’realsomorelikelytoseeanygapsinyourunderstandingsothatyoucanaskquestionstoclarifyanyconfusion.

Thistypeofmindfulinteractionallowstheotherpersonto“feelfelt,”creatingmoreattunementandresonanceanddissipatingany fearor anger thatmayhavebeen influencing the interaction.Remember,thosewhoareaggressiveoftenactthatwayduetofeelinginsecure,threatened,orfearful.Whenpeoplefeellistenedto,theyfeelmoreconnectedandlessonguardordefensive.

In our workshops we often divide participants into groups of three or four to practice mindfullistening.Theprimaryinstructionisthatwhenonepersonistalking,theotherslistenwithoutinterrupting.Oneparticipant,George,livedaparticularlyhecticlife,jugglingten-hourworkdays,marriage,andthreekids.Heoften reliedonmultitasking tohelphimmanageeverything.Forexample,whenhewasat thedinnertableorhelpingoneofhiskidswithhomework,hemightrespondtotextsfromtheofficetohelplightenhisloadthenextday.This“solution”washavinganegativeimpactonthequalityoftimehespentwithhisfamilyandoftencreatedmorestressanddifficulty.

Afterpracticingmindfullisteninginclass,GeorgewenthomeanddecidedtopracticeitwithhissonAndrew.He turned off his cell phone and simply listened asAndrew told him about a boywhowasbullyinghimandhowafraidhewas.AsGeorgetookthisinwithoutinterrupting,herecalledhowhetoowasbulliedwhenhewasyoungandhowthatfelt.Inthatmoment,henoticedfeelingsofloveandempathyforhislittleboy,andaconnectiontohimthathehadn’tbeenawareofforquitesometime.WhenAndrewfinishedtalking,GeorgesharedhisownstoryandtoldAndrewthathelovedhim.Herealizedlaterthatthiswas thefirst timehehadeverexpressedhis loveverbally.Andrewtearfully toldGeorgehe lovedhim too, and as George held him close, he felt his own tears begin to well up—tears of love andcompassion,andofappreciationforthismindfulandpreciousmoment.

Mindful listening is truly an art, and cultivating it takes practice.With time, you’ll abandon yourhabitual filtersand take indeepermessages thatyouneverknewwere there.Oneof themmaybehowtrulylovedyouare.

informalpractice:MindfulListening

Whensomeoneisspeakingtoyou,seeifyoucanpayattentionandnotinterruptuntiltheotherpersoniscompletelyfinishedspeaking.

Noticewhenyourmindbeginstowanderoff,thinkingaboutwhatyouneedtodolaterthatday,somegrievancefromthepast,thebrilliantcounterargumentthatyouwanttomake,orwhereverelseitmaygo.When this happens, just become aware of it, then intentionally bring your attention back to listening.Remember,whenpeoplefeellistenedto,notonlydotheyfeelmoreconnectedtoyou,theyalsofeellessonguardordefensive.Thiscreates thespaceforamuchmorefruitfuldialogueandconnection. Italsoopensyouuptotakeinsomuchmoreofwhattheotherpersonissaying,sincetheinvaluableresourceofyourattentionisnolongerasdevotedtowhat’sgoingoninyourhead.Indoingthispractice,youmayfindthat you take in much more of life than you used to. See if you can practice this with an attitude ofcuriosity.

Whenthepersonhasfinishedspeaking,takeabreathbeforeyourespond.Remember, youwon’t be perfect at this, so every time you aren’t able to listenmindfully, forgive

yourselfandusethatmomentasaninsighttostrengthenyourpracticeoflisteningmindfully.Youmaydothisagainandagain.

theaikidoofcommunicationMindfulness-based stress reduction programs draw on awareness exercises adapted from aikido, aJapanesemartialartcreatedbyMoriheiUeshiba.Aikido,whichhasbeencalledanartofpeacemaking,isbasedoncourage,wisdom,love,andconnection.InMBSR,anaspectofaikidoistaughttohelppeoplebreakoutofhabitualreactionstothreatening,emotional,orstressfulinteractionandinsteadblendwiththeother’senergyinawaythatreducestheconflictanddoesnoharmtoyouortheother.

It’s often in our most intimate relationships that we are harshest with one another. All too often,peoplelashoutat thoseclosesttothemuntilonedaythepersonbearingthebruntofthiswakesupandsays,“Ican’t take thisanymore. Iwantout.”Whetheryou’re relating toyour intimatepartner,a familymember,afriend,yourboss,orastranger,thereareendlessopportunitiestobeonthereceivingendofacommunication that’shurtfulordifficult toaccept. Ifyou’reoperatingonautopilot,youcaneasilyspinintoa fight, flight,or freeze reaction. If thecycle isn’tbroken,your thoughts, emotions, and sensationsbuildononeanotheruntilyoufindyourselfavoiding,becomingpassive-aggressive,identifyingyourselfasavictim,orevenbecomingdownrightaggressiveandconfrontational.Thiseffectivelyclosesthedoortounderstandingandreconciliation.

Ignoringoravoidingtheattackisapassivestrategythatmayprovidetemporaryrelief,butit’slikelytoincreasetheotherperson’sfrustrationandthereforecomebacktobiteyoulater.Dealingwithothersinapassive-aggressiveway isoftenveryconfusing to themandgenerallyescalates theconflict. It’s alsoimportant tonote thatbysubmitting toaverbalattackandjustallowingothers toget theirwaywithoutstandingupforyourself,you’rebeingpassiveoravictim,andovertimeitchipsawayatyourself-respectandleavesyoufeelinglikeadoormat.Thisisonereasonthepurelyaggressivestrategyoffightingbackis

socommon.Itfeelsgoodtostandupforyourselfbecauseitgivesyouasenseofself-respect.Plus,you’redefinitely connecting with the other person, even if it isn’t in a way that promotes attunement andunderstanding,andwethriveonconnectionwithothers.

In aikido, a specific physicalmovement called entering and blending allows you to respond to anattack with a skillful deflection so that neither you nor the aggressor is hurt. This movement firstneutralizes the aggressive action and then begins to transform it. In the realm of communication, thisapproachoffers an alternative to avoidance, passive-aggression, victimbehavior, andpure aggression.Enteringandblendingincommunicationisamoreskillfulwayofinteractingthatleadstoattunementandconnection.Whileit’sakintobeingassertive,itgoesbeyondthattocreateharmonyintherelationship.Let’stakealookatthespecificsofhowyouaccomplishthis:

Align. In aikido, you start by approaching and entering the interaction instead of avoiding orsubmittingtotheotherperson’sattack.Onewaytodothisisbyunderstandingthattheaggressorisfeelingimbalancedandillatease.Tryputtingyourselfintheotherperson’sshoes,askingyourselfhow youwould feel if youwere in the person’s situation at that verymoment. Considerwhatstrugglesmay have brought the person to this difficult situation.When aligning, it’s critical topracticemindfullistening—notjusttothewords,butalsototheemotionsbehindthem,whichareoften reflected in toneof voice. If you’re unclear about the reason for the attack, sincerely askabout the other person’s feelings and beliefs about the situation. You might say, “I want tounderstand your point of viewbetter. Tellmemore aboutwhat’s going on.”Thiswill providemoreclaritysothatyoucanbetteralignyourself.Italsosowstheseedsofempathy,compassion,andattunement.

Agree.Findingareasyoucanagreeonsupportsthealignment,asbothpeoplebegintolookinthesame direction.Mindful listeningwill help you identify if you have anyworries, emotions, orneedsthatresonatewithwhattheotherpersonisfeeling.Don’tmakethingsupthataren’ttruejusttoputonanappearanceofempathizing;seeifyoucangenuinelyvalidatetheperson’sfeelingsinlightofthesituation.Youmightsaysomethinglike,“I’malsoconcernedaboutourfinances.Beingshortonmoneymakesmescaredandnervoustoo”or“IfIweretreatedthatway,I’dbeangrytoo”or “I’m also disappointed about this situation.” Notice how each of these examples usesstatements startingwith“I.”Remember tospeakonly foryourself.People tend togetdefensivewhentheythinkyou’reblamingthem.

Redirect.Thisiswhereyoubegintomovetheinteractioninamorepositivedirection.Youmightsay,“We’rebothdisappointedaboutthesituation.Whatcanwedotomakeitbetter?”Insteadofbeingonopposingsides,nowthetwoofyouareteamingupandworkingtogethertofindawaytoresolvethesituation.

Resolve. This doesn’t necessarily imply a resolution. In this stage you don’t knowwhere thesituationisgoingtogo,butatleastyou’reconnectedandlookinginthesamedirection.Nowyoucanbeginexploringwhatamutuallyagreeablecompromisemightbe,oryoumight justagreetodisagree.Youmightsay,“IfIateoutless,couldwegetahousekeepersowecouldspendmoretimetogether?”Youcanofferacompromiseforashortperiodoftimeandcommittorevisitingittoseeifit’sworkingoutforbothparties.Ifyou’reunabletoagreeonanything,youmaywanttogobacktoexploringwhattheproblemisandfindthingstoagreeonagain.

Whenyoumakethedecisiontoalignwiththeotherperson’senergy,youmustbecenteredandmindful

ofyourownstate,evenifangerorfearisthere.Onewaytonoticeifyou’rereactingisbypayingattentiontoyourbody.Ifanythingisstiffortense,you’reprobablyreactingtoyourowndiscomfortandtryingtoavoidorignoreit.Usethesephysicalsensationsasacuetoacknowledgewhateverthoughtsandfeelingsarethere,andbringyourselftothepresentbytuningintothebreathasitrisesandfalls.Asyoubecomecentered and present, youmake space to respondmindfully andwith greater flexibility and creativity,ratherthanmindlesslyreacting.Asalways,bepatientandcompassionatewithyourself.Itwilltaketimeandpracticetodevelopyourskillintheaikidoofcommunication.Inthebeginning,youmayfindthatyoucontinuetoreactwithfearoranger.Whenthishappens,letitbeandsimplyinviteyourselftoengageintheprocessofenteringandblending.

It’s also important toacknowledge that sometimespeoplewilldig theirheels in sodeep that therecan’tbearesolutiontotheproblematthattime.Youmaynotevenbeabletoagreeonwhattheproblemis,andyourbeliefsmayseemfundamentallydifferent.Intheend,youmayhavetoagreetodisagree.Ifemotionsaretoohigh,it’sprobablybestifbothofyoutakesometimeandspacetotakecareofyourfearoranger,and thencomeback to the tablewhenyoubothfeelcalmer.Sometimes justknowingwhen tobackawayandwhentomovetowardtheotherpersonisthewisdomneededforahealthyrelationship.Walkingawaycanbeareflectionofhavingtheinsighttorecognizethatatthemomentresolutionmaynotbepossible.

By helping you learn how to align, agree, redirect, and eventually resolve, the aikido ofcommunicationmovesbeyondassertivenessandevenbeyondstandingupforyourselfwithself-respect.Itallowsyoutodiffuseemotionallychargedsituationswhileemphasizingconnection,empathy,compassion,andharmony.

explore:IdentifyingHabitualPatternsinYourCurrentRelationships

Do any of the styles of communication discussed above—avoidance, passive-aggressiveness, victimbehavior, downright aggression, assertiveness, or blending—seem familiar to you? Do you have anyhabitualwaysofreactingwithcertainpeople?Usethespacebelowtowriteaboutanysuchrelationshipsthat come tomind. For example, if you notice yourself falling into victim behavior frequently with aspecificperson,writeabouthowthoseinteractionshappen.Whosayswhat,andwhatthoughts,feelings,andsensationsarise?What’stheendresult?Orifyoufindyourselfbeingaggressiveorassertivewithacertain person, write about that. Getting a bird’s-eye view of your communication styles helps youincreaseawarenesssothatyoucanbegintostepoutofthesehabitualpatterns.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mayyou cultivate the awareness to recognizehabitual patterns that support unhealthy relationshipsandtherebycreatethespacetomakeachange.

Beforeyoumoveon,takeamomenttoconnectwithyourbreathandmindfullyreflectonwhatyoujustwrote,compassionatelyacknowledging,validating,andintegratingwhatyoulearned.

FAQ

HowcanIworkwithmyfearsaboutinterpersonalcommunication?Many of us have fears of not being accepted by others. Thismay happenwhen our

feelingshavebeenhurtorwhenwefeelunseenandunacknowledged.Ittakescouragetoopen your heartwhen you feel scared and unsure of yourself. An important part of thesolution is to spend time honoring, working with, and healing wounds from the past.Practicing mindfulness, self-compassion, and loving-kindness will be very helpful.Perhaps thegreatest key to friendship and connection lies in the ability to deeply listenwithinterest,care,andemotionalresonance.Manyofushaveadeepyearningtobeheard,andoftenoneofthegreatestgiftswecanoffertoothersistolisten.

mindfulnessinimportantrelationshipsInaworldwhereit’ssoeasytofeeldisconnectedanddefended,poet,author,andteacherStephenLevineasks somesearchingquestions:“Ifyouweregoing todie soonandhadonlyonephonecallyoucouldmake,whowouldyoucallandwhatwouldyousay?Andwhyareyouwaiting?”(Jarski2007,123).Whydowewaittoshareourfeelingswiththosewecareabout?Itcertainlydoesn’thelpthat,overtime,wetend to become so absorbed with our own problems and worries that this illusion of separatenesscontinuestogrow.In1951,DavidBohmwroteQuantumTheory,abookthatredefinednotonlythewayweunderstandphysics,butalsothewayweseerelationships.Hesaidthatifyouwereabletoseparateanatomic particle into two subunits and send them to opposite ends of theworld, or even the universe,changingthespinofonewouldinstantlychangethespinoftheother.Sincethattime,thistheory,knownasnonlocality,hasbeenrepeatedlyvalidatedinempiricalstudies,leadingusclosertotheunderstandingthatweareallliterallyinterconnected.Howmightputtingamindfulspinonyouractionsaffectyoureverydayrelationships?

Inourclosestrelationships,itcanbetemptingtocreateasortofbalancesheetwherewekeepscoreofwhohasspenttimelovingandwhohasn’t.Youmightaskyourselfwhetherlovedoneshavegivenyouasmuchasyou’vegiventhem.Itmayseemlikeafairenoughquestion,butitbeginstosowtheseedsofresentmentandseparateness.Ifyoulookatrelationshipsthisway,youmightevenstarttestingpeopleinpassive-aggressive ways to see if they really do love you. Sometimes this leads to the dark side ofcreatingyourownreality:Asyoulookforproblems,youstarttodistanceyourselfemotionally,drivingawedge into the relationship.As you become absorbed in your ownworries and resentments, youmayreactaccordingly,eveniftheotherpersondoesn’tfeelorthinkasyouimaginetheydo.

Mindfulness is the key to turning this situation around. In an interesting approach pioneered bypsychologist James Carson and colleagues (2006), partners in romantic relationships participate in amodified mindfulness-based stress reduction program aimed at developing interpersonal mindfulness

skills. Evaluation of the program indicates that these couples have greater acceptance and happinesswithin the relationship andarebetter able tohandle the stressful situations that inevitably arise in anycloserelationship.Oneobviousreasonforthisisthatmindfulnessfostersempathy,whichleadstogreaterunderstandingandconnection.Whenpeople feelunderstoodandconnected, thewindsof reactivitydiedown.Whenyou’remindfulintherelationship,you’remorelikelytonoticeanyfearthatarises.Withthisawareness, you can choose to open your heart instead of reacting by avoiding, submitting, or fightingback.

If it feels scary to open your heart, know that you aren’t alone.Many people feel thisway, for avarietyofreasons.Maybewhenyouwereachildyourparentsweren’tattunedtoyou;thatwaspainful,and youmay fear that all close relationships will follow this pattern. Or maybe your heart has beenbrokensomanytimes thatyoufearbeingrejectedorabandonedonceagain.Rather thanriskbecomingvulnerable, you avoid expressing love to partners or friends. Fear can block you from having therelationshipsyoutrulywanttohave.

explore:WhyMightYouBeAfraidtoLoveorBeLoved?

Somanyfactorsgointoourautomaticdefensesagainstlovingothersoracceptingtheirlove.Perhapsyourparentsdidn’tacknowledgeyourfeelingsasachild,soyouadaptedbynotconsideringthemimportant.Maybe you’ve been hurt many times before and fear being hurt again. Think of some of your closerrelationshipsandreallyexplorewhatmaybegettingin thewayofbeingmoreopenorexpressinghowyoufeel.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Indoingthisexploration,youmaycometorealizethatthewallsoffearblockthepathtoyourheart.Mayyoucultivateasenseofcompassionforyourselfandknowthatthroughpracticingmindfulness,youcancreatethespaceforthefeartocomeandgoandexperiencethefreedomtoletloveinifyouchoosetodoso.

Beforeyoumoveon,takeafewmomentstoconnectwithyourbreathandmindfullyreflectonwhatyou just wrote, compassionately acknowledging, validating, and integrating everything you learnedfromthisexploration.

mindfulnessinworkrelationshipsEverythingyou’vereadandworkedwithinthischaptercanbebroughtintotheworkplace.Thetruthis,many of us spend the majority of our waking hours at work, and this is where many of our dailyinteractions take place. It’s no secret thatwork can be highly stressful,which canmake you feel less

tolerant of dealing with difficult people. Two-thirds of both men and women say that work has asignificant effect on their stress levels (American PsychologicalAssociation 2004), and stress-relatedclaimsadduptoover$300billiondollarsannually—justforcorporations(AmericanInstituteofStress2009). It seems thatmany people are being asked to domorework in less time, leaving them feelingexhausted,unfocused,unproductive,unhealthy,andburnt-out.

Whenwe get caught up in busy routines atwork, it’s all too easy to go on autopilotwithout evenrealizingit.Sometimesthefocusonproductivityanddeadlinescancauseustoforgetthatthoseweworkwitharehumanandwanttobelistenedtoandrespected.Joe,athirty-two-year-oldsoftwareengineer,isacaseinpoint.Hedreadedgoingtoworkbecauseofthetensionhefeltwithhisboss,whohadgottenintoapatternofnagginghimforend-of-dayreports.Hecompliedbegrudgingly,andeverytimehewascalledintoheroffice, he immediately felt tense and irritated.Althoughhepretended to listen toher, heoftenwhistledatuneinhisheadasshespoketohim.

Eventually, this stresscausedhim tosignup foramindfulnessprogram.Ashebegan toworkwithmindfulness inhisown life,hesawhowhecouldbring thisapproach into theworkplace,and intohisinteractionsand relationshipwithhisboss.Even just this realizationhelpedhimbecomeopen tomorepossibilities as to why she might be irritable. As he considered that she probably had her owndisappointments,losses,andwoundsinlife,shebecamemorehumantohim.Hestartedreallylisteningtoheranddiscoveredthatmuchofwhatshesaidandhowshesaiditconveyedthestressofherjob,andthatwhathehadseenasnaggingwaslessabouthimandmoreaboutfearsinregardtoherownperformance.Thenhedidsomethingcompletelydifferent:Hetoldhisbossthatheadmiredherforbeingabletohandlesuch big responsibilities. She thanked him and then shared that she had been feeling overwhelmed inrecentmonthsbecausehermotherhadbeeninandoutofthehospitalforanaggressivecancer.Joenoticedthathe feltempathyforher,andeven loving-kindness, sohesilentlywishedherhealth,happiness,andsafety.Fromthatdayon,whenhewalkeddownthehalltoherofficehenoticedthathewasn’ttenseandthathisbreathingwassteady.Healsonoticedthatheactuallysmiledatherattimes,andthatsheseemedmorepleasantintheirinteractions.

JUSTDOIT—ORNOT!

JustDoIt:Asmuchaswe’dliketobelievepeoplearemindreaders, this just isn’t thecase. Pick one of the people youmade notes about as you exploredwhy youmight beafraidto loveorbeloved, theneitherget in touchwith thatpersonnoworsetadate toconstructivelyandcompassionatelylethimorherknowyourfeelingseitherinperson,byphone,orbye-mail.Ifyounoticefear,justacknowledgeitspresence,letitbe,andgentlybringyourattentionbacktomakingthishappen.Thiscanbeadifficulttask,sobekindtoyourselfduringtheprocess.Youcandoit!

Just Don’t Do It: Sometimes we need to discern whether or not it’s skillful to seekresolutionwithanotherperson.Sometimesitisn’ttherighttimetotalk,oritmayneverbethe right time to talk. If this is the case, making peace within is what matters most.Understand that resolutioncanoccureven ifyoudon’t talkwith theotherperson; it cantakeplacewithinyourownheart.Takeamomentandreflectonwhetherthecontactwillbebeneficialtoyouornot.

mindfulnesswithdifficultpeopleNomatter howhard you try, some people are just difficult.However, before youwash your hands ofthem,bearinmindthatsomeofthegreatestspiritualteacherswouldtellyouthatdifficultpeoplearethebest teachersofall. If thatseemscounterintuitive,consider this:You’llneverbefullyfree, loving,andflexibleifyoudon’tbecomeintimatewiththediscomfortyou’rereactingto.Difficultpeopleprovideyouwith an excellent opportunity to notice your aversions and develop more expansive and flexibleinterpersonalmindfulness. Consider how youmight use a difficult interaction as an opportunity to beawareofdiscomfortwithoutreactingbyavoiding,becomingpassive-aggressive,feelinglikeavictim,orbeingdownrightaggressive.Youcanhoneyourskills in theaikidoofcommunicationwith thisperson.Indeed,difficultpeoplewillhelpyouexpandyourskillsbypushingyoutotheedgeofyourcomfortzone—a place you might not otherwise choose to visit. Remember, despite our differences, there’s acommonality to the human experience.We allwant to love and be loved.Take a step back fromyourpreconceivednotionsandhabitualreactionssothatyoucanseethispersonasafellowhumanbeingwithwounds,losses,anddisappointments.Viewyourinteractionswithdifficultpeoplenotasanaffliction,butasanopportunitytocultivateloving-kindnessandpracticeinterpersonalmindfulness.Itmaynotbeeasy,butitwillprobablybeextremelyworthwhile.

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Atthispoint,youcanscheduleanyofthemeditationpracticesyou’velearnedinthisworkbookforatleastfivedaysthisweek.Alsoscheduleatimeaboutaweekfromnowwhenyou’llreviewyourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractices

MindfulBreathing

WalkingMeditation

BodyScan

SittingMeditation

MindfulYoga

MindfulSelf-InquiryforStressandAnxiety

Loving-KindnessMeditation

Nowyouhavenineinformalpracticestointegrateintoyourdailylife.InformalPractices

MindfulListening

Loving-KindnessinEverydayLife

RAIN

BeingMindfulofHabits

MindingYourPain

STOP

BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,fillout thefollowinglog.Asyoufill itout,andasyoulookbackoverthepreviousweek’spractice, thinkabouthowyourpracticehasbeengoing.Doyounoticeanypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanusewhatyoulearnfromthesereflectionstodeepenyourdailyinformalpractice.

10

thehealthypathofmindfuleating,exercise,rest,andconnectionInpastchaptersyou’veexploredvariousformalandinformalpracticesofmindfulnessandhowtheycanhelpyoucultivategreaterease,freedom,andpeace,evenwhenyoufacestress,anxiety,andpain.Inthischapter, you’ll learn howmindfulness is vital to living optimally physically, as well asmentally andemotionally.Humanbeingsaren’tsedentarycreatures;we’remobilebipedswithbodiesthatneedtobecaredfor.Thehumanbodyneedsproperfood,exercise,andresttomaintainhealthandwell-being.Andbecausewe’resocialcreatures,connectionwithothersisalsoimportant.

Bringingmindfulnesstoyourlifestyleandphysiologicalwell-beingisanimportantfacetofreducinganxiety and stress. When experiencing stress and anxiety, you may have less energy to take care ofyourself.Perhapsyou’vecome to relyonvariousquick fixes to satisfyyour immediateneeds, suchasunhealthy foods, poor eating habits, not exercising, not getting enough sleep, or not taking the time toconnectwithothers.Though these strategiesmight helpyou cope in the short term, allwill negativelyimpactyourhealthandwell-beingandaddtoyourstressandanxietyinthelongrun.

mindfuleatingrevisitedWedependonfoodtosurvive.Onlyoxygenandwateraremorecritical.Sincepreparingandeatingfoodissuchanessentialcomponentofourlives,whynotbringmindfulawarenesstothis?Theprocessesofshoppingforfoodandpreparingfoodcanbeawonderfulfocusformindfulness.Reallytakeinthecolors,textures, andaromasofdifferent foods.Notice their taste and texture at differentpoints in the cookingprocess.Feeltheutensilsinyourhands,hearthesizzleinapanonthestove,andnoticehowdisparateingredientsaretransformedandmeldedtogetherinthefinaldish.Youmightevenbringloving-kindnesstotheprocess,preparingthefooddeliberatelyandwithlove,andwiththewishthatallwhoeatitwillbesuffusedwithhealth,well-being,andthelovethatwentintopreparingthefood.Somepeoplebelievethatthecook’senergyistransferredintothefood.Whetherornotthisisthecase,whatdoyouhavetolosebytakingthisapproach?Ifnothingelse,itwillhelpyougrowinmindfulness.

Ifyou’relikemostpeople,yourmindisoftensomewhereelsewhenyou’reeating,perhapsfocusedonthetelevision,thecomputer,somethingyou’rereading,theconversation,memories,orthoughtsandplansforthefuture.Youmayhardlynoticethefoodyou’replacinginyourmouth.Asaresult,youmissoutonenjoying the food and may tend to overeat. Eating mindlessly or hurriedly can also cause physicalproblems.Manypeoplewhosufferfromasensitivestomachhavelearnedthatiftheyjustchewtheirfoodlongerandmoreslowly,theydon’texperiencetheintensityorfrequencyofdiscomfort.

Listentoyourbodytonoticewhetheryou’retrulyhungryornot,andifyouare,bemindfulofwhatfoods you choose to eat.Be present to the chewing, tasting, and swallowing, and towhenyou’ve hadenough toeat and it’s time to stop.Alsobringyourawareness towhenyoumaybe inclined toeat forreasonsotherthanhunger.Ifyou’reeatingforemotionalreasons,considerbringingmindfulself-inquirytotheemotions, rather thansoothing themordullingyourselfwith food. Ifyou’reeatingordrinkingforaquickfix—foraboostofenergyortochangeyourmindstateormood,onceagainconsidermindfulself-inquirysothatyoucanunderstandthesituationsandfeelingsthatmayfuelunhealthyhabits.Ifyouneedenergy,perhapsmorerestistheanswer.

Atamorebasiclevel,thebodyiscontinuallyrebuildingitself,andfoodprovidesboththefuelandtherawmaterialsforthisprocess.Lookingatthesituationthiswayunderscorestheoldwisdomthatyouare

what you eat—something to consider when you’re about to opt for junk food or fast food. The bodysimplycan’tdoasgoodofajobinbuildingitselfwhenyouproviderawmaterialsfilledwithartificialingredientsandemptycalories.Therearemanyphilosophiesaboutwhatconstitutestheoptimaldiet,andit’sworthwhiletolookintothisandconsiderthehealthimpactsofthefoodsyoueat.Furthermore,we’reall different. Back in 1956, biochemist Roger Williams wrote a groundbreaking book entitledBiochemical Individuality, in which he put forth the idea that we are all unique, genetically andbiochemically.Assuch,wedifferinanatomyandmetabolism,andinnutritionalneeds.Mindfulnesscanbeextremelyhelpfulindeterminingthedietthat’sbestforyou.Asyoucontinuetopracticemindfuleating,extendyourawarenesstohowthefoodyoueatimpactsyou.Doyoufeelbetterorworseaftereating?Doyouhavemoreenergyorless,andisthatenergysustainedordoesitfizzleoutquickly?Docertainfoodscreate uncomfortable symptoms? Thesemay extend beyond gastrointestinal symptoms. Perhaps certainfoodsmakeyourheartrace,makeyoufeeldizzy,leadtoaheadache,andsoon.

informalpractice:MindfulEatingRevisited

Inchapter1,weintroducedtheformalpracticeofmindfullyeatingaraisin.Inthatpractice,younoticedthefullspectrumofsensoryexperiencesassociatedwithfood—notjusttheflavor,buttheappearance,thearoma, the texture, and even the sound. Now we’ll extend that approach to bringing awareness andappreciationtoallofthepeopleandalloftheprocessesinvolvedinbringingfoodtoyourtable.Beforeyoutakeyourfirstbite,thinkofthefarmers,thetruckers,andthosewhoworkinthegrocerystore.Ifyoudidn’t cook the food yourself, extend your appreciation to the person who devoted time and love topreparingthisfoodforyou.Youcanfurtherextendyourappreciationtothesun,thesoil,thewater,andtheair,whichareallwovenintotheveryessenceofthisfoodandprovidedthefoundationforitsexistenceand your own. There truly is grace in reflecting on food in this way before beginning to eat. Werecommend thatbeforeyou takeyour firstbite,youdevotea fewmoments to the following reflectionsinspiredbyThichNhatHanh(DeerParkMonastery2009):

MayIreceivethisfoodasagiftfromtheearth, thesky,andall thelivingbeingsandtheirhardworkthatmadeitpossibleformetonourishthisbodyandmind.

MayIeatwithmindfulnessandgratitudesoastobeworthytoreceivethisfood.

MayIrecognizeandtransformmyunhealthyhabitualbehaviors,especiallymygreed,andlearntoeatwithmoderation.

May I keepmy compassion alive by eating in such away that I reduce the suffering of livingbeings,preserveourplanet,andhelpreversetheprocessofglobalwarming.

MayIacceptthisfoodsothatImaynurturemystrengthtobeofservicetoothers.

When you’re ready, bring the first bite to yourmouth, open your lips, and take the food into yourmouth. Pay careful attention to what happens next. How does it feel in your mouth? Do thoughts,judgments,orstoriesarise?Ifso,gentlyacknowledgethemthenreturnthefocustothedirectsensationsunfoldingasyoubegintochew.Noticethetaste.Isitsweet,sour,earthy,bitter,orsomethingelse?Isthetexturesmooth,crunchy,grainy,orchewy?Doesthetastechangeasyoucontinuechewing?Noticehowthatfirstmouthfuleventuallydisappears,howswallowinghappens.Justacknowledgethisasitoccursand

letitbe.Consider thishumorous truestoryofHenry,amanwhoused to takeahandfulof raisinsandshove

theminhismouthallatonce.Thiswashowhehadeatenthemallhislife.Whenhewasintroducedtothepractice ofmindful eatingwith a raisin, henoticed the curves and light shining in various areas of anindividualraisinandhowitmadeasquishysoundnexttohisear.Healsonoticedthat theraisinhadasmell.All of thiswasvery interesting to him.Butwhenheput it in hismouth and started chewing it,somethingunexpectedhappened:Herealizedhewasn’tenjoyingthetasteoftheraisin.Althoughhehadspentyearsshovingraisinsinhismouth,mostlywhenhewasfeelingmoody,eatingmindfullyledHenrytotheinsightthathehadneverreallypaidattentiontothetasteofraisins.Intheend,Henrylaughedathisdiscoverythatheactuallydidn’tevenlikeraisins.

Everyonedoesthisattimes.It’samazinghowunawarewecanbeofthefoodwetakein.Bybringingmindfulnesstothefoodyoueat,youcanbegintochoosefoodsthataremoreenjoyableandsupportyourwell-being,andknowthatyou’retakingcareofyourself.

explore:UnderstandingEmotionalEating

Whenyouwereyoung,peoplemayhaveofferedyoucomfortfoodswhenyouweresickorunhappy.YoumaybefilledwithwarmmemoriesofMomorDadservingyouafavoritefoodorsnack.Nowthatyou’reanadult,whenstrongemotionsarise,suchasanger,sadness,anxiety,orconfusion,youmayturntofoodforcomfort.Reflectonhowyourmoods interactwithyoureatingpatterns.Are therecertain foodsyouturn to for comfort? Do you choose different foods depending on whether you’re feeling angry, sad,anxious,orconfused?Writeaboutanyconnectionsyouseebetweenyourmoodsandyoureatingpatterns.Alsoreflectonwhetheryoutendtoeatinresponsetoparticularsituationsorinteractions.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Justreflectingonhowyourmoodmightinfluencewhenandwhatyoueatcanmakeyoumoreaware,inthemoment, ofwhenuncomfortable emotions trigger an urge to eatmindlessly or unhealthfully. In thatmoment, you can choose your response—and as Viktor Frankl suggested, in your response lies yourgrowthandyourfreedom.

Before you move on, take a moment to compassionately reflect on, acknowledge, and integratewhatyoulearnedinthisexploration.

mindfulexerciseHumanbeingsaredynamicorganismsborntomove.It’simportanttohonorthisaspectofyourbeingbyincludingexerciseinyourapproachtoworkingwithstressandanxiety.Infact,physicalexerciseisoneofthebest stress relievers, decreasing thebody’sproductionof stresshormones and increasing levels of

thosefeel-goodneurotransmittersknownasendorphins.Unlessweoverdoit,mostofusfeelbetterafteraworkout. Isn’t it great that you can have funwithmovement and that it’s healthy for you?One simplegoldenruleistomoveeveryday,anddosovigorouslyenoughtoworkupasweat.Sometimesthere’samisconceptionthatmindfulnessmeansalwaysdoingthingsslowly.Intruth,itsimplymeansbeingaware.Youcanwalkslowlyorsprintquicklywithmindfulness.

As mentioned earlier, yoga literally means “to yoke” or “to bring the mind and body together.”Bringingmindfulness to anyphysical activitywill definitely increase the benefits.Bodybuilder,moviestar,andpoliticianArnoldSchwarzeneggerreportedlymaintainedthat“asingle,mindfulrepetitionofanexercise—whenheconcentratedcompletelyonthemovementofaparticularmuscle—yieldedinfinitelybetterresultsthantwentyrepswherethefuturegovernorofCalifornialethismindwander”(MooreandStevens2004,34).YouneednotbeasrippedasArnold,orevenaspiretobe,todiscoverthatbybringingmindfulness toexerciseyoucanmaximizethebenefitsofwhateveractivityyou’redoingandheedyourbody’swisdomaboutoverdoingitorunderdoingit.

Bringmindfulness to any exercise ormovement activity just as you didwithmindfulwalking andmindful yoga. You may discover that you enjoy yourself more when you’re present to your body inmovement.

informalpractice:MindfulExercise

In everyday life there are so many ways to move the body with awareness. You can choose fromstretching,running,yoga,qigong, taichi,swimming,snorkeling,water-skiing,scubadiving, ice-skating,hang gliding, bicycling, rowing, skiing, badminton, lacrosse, gymnastics, snowboarding, canoeing,Pilates, soccer, dancing, football, Ping-Pong, tennis, hockey, hiking, or working out at the gym or thehouse.Thereareliterallythousandsofwaystomoveandstayhealthy.Wewouldlikeyoutopracticeanyform of movement or exercise of your choice throughout the week. And don’t overlook walking. It’ssimple,effective,anddoesn’t requireanyspecialequipmentorentail anyexpense.Plus,youcando italmostanytime,anywhere.

explore:WorkingwithResistancetoExercise

Doyoufindithardtogetupandmove?Doyouresistexercising,evenifyou’vesetanintentiontodosomoreoften?Whataretheobstaclesthatgetinyourway?Reflectonwhatstopsyoufrommovingandtakesometimetoexploreanythingthatcomesupinyourbody,thoughts,andemotions.Conversely,aretheretimesorsituationswhereyoufinditeasiertoexercise,orcanyouthinkofanystrategiesthatmightmakeiteasierforyoutogetmoreactive?Perhapsyou’denjoyexercisingwithafriend,ormaybeyou’dtendtofollowthroughifyoulinkexercisewithanotheractivityyoualreadydo.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Inworkingwithexercise,it’ssometimeshelpfultoaskhowmuchexercisedoyoureallythinkyoucando?Whateverspringstomind,doalittlebitless.Thestrategybehindthisistoallowthemindtoreallybelieveitcandoitandlessentheresistance.

Before you move on, take a moment to compassionately reflect on, acknowledge, and integratewhatyoulearnedinthisexploration.

thegiftofrestNatureteachesusaboutbalance.Eachdaybringslightandeachnightbringsdarkness,andeachfunctionsinitsownwaytosupporttheworld.Iftherewereonlysunlightoronlydarkness,lifewouldn’tflourish.The wisdom of Ecclesiastes 3:1 applies here: “To everything there is a season, and a time to everypurposeunderheaven.”Justas it’s important tomake timeformovement, it’sessential tofind timeforstillness.

It’simportanttoaskyourselfwhetheryoumaybedoingtoomuch.Peoplenewtomeditationoftensaythey frequently fall asleepwhen practicing. Sometimes avoidance is the reason, but inmost cases thecause is fatigue.Whenyoudon’t listen to theneedsof thebody, it’seasy to lose touchwithyourownnaturalcyclesofactivityandrest.Youcanlookatyourmeditationcushionandthinkyoushouldbesittingonittomeditate,butdeepdownawiservoicemaybesaying,“Wouldn’titbenicetoputmyheadonitandsleep?”Mayyoubegintolistentoyourdeepervoiceandrestwhennecessary.Perhapsafteragoodnapyou’llbereadytomeditate.

informalpractice:TheGiftofRest

Useyourdailyscheduleandcalendarnotjusttoplanactivity,buttoremindyourselftodonothing.Whynotschedule“donothing”justlikeyou’dscheduleadoctor’sappointment?It’sveryhealingtosometimesdonothing,gonowhere,andnothave tobe“on”forotherpeople.Doingnothingcantakemanyforms:Youcantakeanap,gotobedearlierorgetuplater,sit inachair, lookoutawindow,bequiet,or liedownandputyourfeetup.Tryturningoffthetelephone,radio,computer,stereo,andalloftheendlessotherelectronicdevicesandsimplyenjoysome time insolitudeandnondoing. Ifyou’d like toconnectwithnaturemore,plantospendanafternoonoutdoors,hangingoutbytheocean,alake,orastreamorinthedesert,themountains,aforest,oranyquietnaturalenvironment.Noticewhathappenswhenyoutakethetimetojustbeinthesesettings.Ifyouhavechildren,seeifyoucangetababysittersoyou,oryouandyourpartner,cantakesometimetodonothing.Youmaybeamazed,buttheworldwon’tfallapartifyoutakeabreak.

explore:WorkingwithResistancetoRest

Doyoufindithardtostopandtaketimetorelax?Doyouresistrelaxingevenifyou’vesetanintentiontodo somore often?Reflect on the obstacles that get in theway of stopping to rest. Take amoment to

explore anything that comes up in your body, thoughts, and emotions. Conversely, are there times orsituationswhereyoufinditeasiertorelax,orcanyouthinkofanystrategiesthatmightmakeiteasierforyoutodosomoreoften?Perhapsyouneedtoaskotherstopitchinandhelparoundthehouse,ormaybeyouneedtoencourageotherstorelaxsothatyoucanfeelmorecomfortabletakingsomedowntime.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Even though it seems antithetical to “do nothing” when our culture tells us to stay active andproductiveatallcosts,allowyourselftothinkofthisasameaningfulandproductiveactivitytobenefityourmentalhealth.Sometimestakingalittletimetorelaxinthiswaymaybeexactlywhatyourmindandbodyarecallingfor.

Before you move on, take a moment to compassionately reflect on, acknowledge, and integratewhatyoulearnedinthisexploration.

connection:wearenotislandsAlthoughwecomeintoandgooutofthisworldalone,mostofusaresocialcreatures,andweneedoneanother to survive. Just look at the world we have created, with endless roads and communicationdevices to connect us, and countless group endeavors, from agriculture to education to science totechnologyandsomuchmore.Humanbeingslooktooneanotherforsupportandinteraction,andtolearn,grow,andsharewitheachother.Andalthoughtheuniverseisvast,itsexpansesremaininaccessible,soatleastfornowitseemsthatoneanotherandourfellowbeingsonthisplanetareallthatwehave.

Oneofthedeepestandmostsatisfyingqualitiesofwell-beingistoloveandbeloved,andinfact,agrowing body of research indicates that love and connection are vital for physical health. Dr. DeanOrnish,thecardiologistwhodevelopedalandmarkapproachtoreversingheartdisease,wroteabookontheimportanceoflovingconnections,calledLoveandSurvival(1999).Inthispioneeringbook,hecitesnumerousstudiesshowingthatbeingloved,givinglove,andconnectingwithotherspromotehealthandwell-beingandcanevenincreaselongevityandresiliencefromillness.Inoneinterestingstudy,residentsinanursinghomewhohadapetorevenaplanttocareforlivedlongerthanthosewhohadnothingtolook after. Other studies revealed that those who had meaningful relationships and felt their life hadpurpose lived longer,andmost importantly,werehappier than thosewhodidn’t.Thesamewas trueofthosewhogavebacktotheircommunityorconnectedwithsometypeofspirituality.

Asyoupursueyour inner journeyofmindfulnessandmeditation,youwill forgeabetterconnectionwithyourself,comingtoseeyourselfwithmoreunderstandingandcompassionandgettingmoreintouchwithyourpurpose,yourpassions,andwhatmakeslifemeaningfulforyou.Thisconnectionwithyourselfis an important starting point and a strong foundation for connecting with others more deeply andgenuinely.

Understand thatconnectionextendsbeyondour relationshipswithour fellowhumanbeings.This isoneofthegiftsoftheloving-kindnessmeditationyoulearnedinchapter8:Ithelpscultivateanexpansive

awarenessandconnectionwithalllivingbeings,andindeed,alloftheuniverse.Andyetthismeditationbeginswithyou—withyourheart,andwithyourplaceintheworld.Weallhaveaplaceinthisworld,andit’swonderfulwhenwecanrejoiceinit.It’snotnecessarytobefamousordosomethingtheworldcallsgreat.Ambitionandthirstingafterachievementandrecognitionareendlessandintheendfeedprideandconceit, leadingtogreatsuffering.Thewaytofindyourpurpose,andtofindpeace, is tolookintoyour heart, as Saint Isaac of Nineveh gently invites us to do: “Be at peacewith your own soul, thenheavenandearthwillbeatpeacewithyou.Entereagerlyintothetreasurehousethatiswithinyou,andyouwillseethethingsthatareinheaven;forthereisbutonesingleentrytothemboth.TheladderthatleadstotheKingdomishiddenwithinyoursoul…Diveintoyourself,andinyoursoulyouwilldiscoverthestairsbywhichtoascend”(Oman2000,251).

informalpractice:MindfulConnection

Humanbeingsaresocialanimals,andthesweetnessofrelationshipswithothersandthelargerworld—indeed, the universe—can nourish our lives. As you deepen your connections, you’ll find increasingdelight in this interplay of giving and receiving. Itmay even becomemysterious as towho is actuallygivingandwhoisreceiving.

Therearemanythingsyoucandotofosterconnection.Trysincerelyaskingafamilymember,friend,oranyoneatallhowheorsheisdoing,andlistendeeplytowhattheotherpersonsays.Everyonelovestobeheardandunderstood—to“feelfelt.”Orpracticerandomactsofkindness towardanyone, includingstrangers.Youmightvolunteertohelpachild,anelderlyperson,oranyoneinneed.Youcanoffertimeandenergytoanorganizationthat’shelpingmaketheworldabetterplace,orsimplyenjoyapet,growagarden,orpickuplitter.Feelthesweetnessofconnectingwiththeworldanditsbeingswithoutwantingorexpectinganythingfromthem.

JUSTDOIT!

Howconnecteddoyou feel to thosearoundyou?Are thoseyou spendmostofyourtime with supportive of you or not?Make a mental list or write down those who aresupportiveof you and findways to increaseyour connectionwith them.You could callsomeonetomakeadateorjusttotalk.Youcouldwritealetteroranemailtoalovedone.Youcouldaska friendor familymember togo forawalkwithyou,oryoumightmaketimetoplaywithachild,takeyourdogforawalk,orpetyourcat.Goaheadanddothisnow,orscheduleinyourcalendaradatetojustdoit!

explore:WorkingwithResistancetoConnection

Eventhoughyoumaylongforconnection,sometimesyoumayfeelinhibitedorresistant.Whatholdsyou

backfromconnectingwithyourself,others,ortheworld?Whenyoutrytoconnect,doyounoticefear?Doyounotice thatyoumakeexcuses to isolateyourself fromothersor from the largerworldaroundyou?Take a moment to explore anything that comes up in your body, thoughts, and emotions. Conversely,considerwhatyoualreadydotoconnectortodeepenyourconnections.Aretherewaysyoucanbuildonthesewaysofconnecting?Howdoyoufeelinyourmindandbodywhenyouexperienceconnection?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One thingweknow is that an important aspect ofmental health is cultivating healthy relationshipswithothers.However,sometimesourownwallsandbarriersgetinthewayofconnection.Mayyouknowthateventheactoftakingthetimetoexploretheprocessofconnectingwithothersisagifttoyourself.

Before you move on, take a moment to compassionately reflect on, acknowledge, and integratewhatyoulearnedinthisexploration.

FAQ

Is theremore that I need to cultivate better living besidesmeditation, healthyeating,exercise,rest,andconnection?

Sometimesyoucanbeburdenedbyatendencytothinkyouneedtodomoreinordertoreach some better place—thatwhatever you’re doing isn’t enough. It’s common for themind to habitually strive to do more and more, and this can be a source of distress.However,theverymomentyounoticethishabityouhavebecomepresentandcanchooseto be mindful once again. Try on the attitude of nonstriving and simply engage withwhatever practice for better living you’re already engaged in.TheBuddha spoke aboutseeing for yourself through your own direct experience what is true and what isn’t. Ifyou’relivingahealthylifestyle,you’llknow;andifyouaren’t,you’llknowthattoo.Trustthewisdomofyourowndirectexperience.

HowStressedAreYou?

Congratulations on making it through chapter 10! Throughout your journey with this book, you’vecultivatedmindfullivingwithavarietyofformalandinformalpractices.Takeamomenttothankyourself

forallowingthisgiftoftime.Whenyoustartedreadingthisbook,youlistedyourprimarystressorsattheendoftheintroductiononpage11andratedtheseverityofthestresstheycaused.Halfwaythroughthebook,youreviewedandrevisedthislistandratedyourstressorsonceagain.Beforemovingontochapter11,whereyou’llcreateaplanforcontinuingyourpracticeofmindfulness, takeamoment torevisit thestressorsyouwrotedownatthattimeandassesshowyou’redoingwiththemnow.

Trytomakethisamindfulprocess.Beforedivinginwithscoring,takeamomenttobreatheandcheckinwithyourbody.Thentakesometimetothinkabouteachstressorandseeifyoufeeldifferentlyorthesameaboutit.Ifanynewstressorshavearisen,addthemtothelistandratethemaswell.

PLANNINGANDREVIEWINGYOURPRACTICE

Atthispoint,youcanscheduleanyofthemeditationpracticesyou’velearnedinthisworkbookforatleastfivedaysthisweek.Goaheadandputthemonyourcalendaroverthenextweekortwo.It’sfinetomixthemupthroughouttheweek.Alsoscheduleatimeaboutaweekfromnowwhenyou’llreviewyourpracticetoseehowit’sgoing.

FormalPractices

MindfulBreathing

WalkingMeditation

BodyScan

SittingMeditation

MindfulYoga

MindfulSelf-InquiryforStressandAnxiety

Loving-KindnessMeditation

Nowyouhaveawidevarietyofinformalpracticestoincorporateintoyourday-to-daylife.InformalPractices

MindfulConnection

TheGiftofRest

MindfulExercise

MindfulListening

Loving-KindnessinEverydayLife

RAIN

BeingMindfulofHabits

MindingYourPain

STOP

BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

MindfulEating

FormalPracticeLog

Eachtimeyoudoaformalpractice,filloutthefollowinglog.Asyoufillitout,andasyoulookbackover the previous week’s practice, think about how your practice has been going. Do you notice anypatternsaboutwhatworksbestforyou?Whatchangescouldyoumaketosustainthediscipline?Atthispoint,youmaywishtomakeseveralcopiesofthelogsothatyoucanuseittorecordandreviewyourpracticeinthemonthstocome.

ReflectingonInformalPractice

Takesometimeeverydaytoreflectonatleastoneinstanceofinformalpractice.Youcanusewhat

youlearnfromthesereflectionstodeepenyourdailyinformalpractice.AswiththeFormalPracticeLog,youmaywishtomakephotocopiesofthisblankformforfutureuse.

11

keepingupyourpracticeCongratulationsonnearlycompletingthisworkbook.Thoughthismayfeellikeanending,it’sreallyjustonestepforwardintoanewwayoflife.Mindfulnessbeginsbypayingcloseattentiontowhateveryouexperience in the here andnow. It’s an unfoldingprocess—just experiencing life onemoment andonebreathatatime.

Throughoutthisbook,you’velearnedavarietyofformalandinformalmindfulnesspractices,aswellaswaysofweavingmindfulnessintoallofthedailyactivitiesofyourlife.Asyoucontinuetopractice,you’llcultivatedeeperlevelsofinsightandcompassionandbeabletoplayamoreactiveandeffectiveroleinthemanagementofyourhealthandwell-being.Payingattentiontothepresentmomentinday-to-day lifeplaysa central role in thisprocess.The sooneryoucan identifyandbemindfulof a stressfulsituation,thesooneryoucandisentangleyourselffromtypicalreactionsandmindtraps.Thiswillopenthedoor to newpossibilities andmore skillful responses.Thebestway to foster this awareness is tocontinue to practice mindfulness, both formally and informally, as much as possible. Remember,mindfulness is always accessible, and in the verymoment that you realize you aren’t present, you’vebecomepresentonceagain;it’sthatsimple.

Thatsaid,acertainamountoforganizationandschedulingcanensurethatyoucontinuetopracticeandgrow in mindfulness. Here are some suggestions for keeping your practice going both, formally andinformally:

Firstmonth.Inthenextfewpages,we’llhelpyouexploreandplanyourpracticeoverthenextmonth. You’ll select formal and informal practices to focus on, schedule your practices, andscheduleyourreview,justasyou’vebeendoingthroughoutyourworkwiththisbook.

Beyond the first month. After one month, feel free to rotate among the practices, choosingwhicheverpracticespeakstoyouonanygivenday.

Workbook review.When you feel ready, go through this workbook again with the attitude ofbeginner’smind.You’relikelytodiscovernewaspectsofthepracticesoranewunderstandingofthematerial.Rereadingthisbookwouldalsobeanexcellentwaytobolsteryourcommitmenttopractice.

Community.Theimportanceofconnectingwithalike-mindedandsupportivecommunitycannotbeoveremphasized.TheResourcessectionofferssomeinformationthatmaybehelpfulinfindinga local mindfulness meditation sitting group. Also consider joining the online mindfulnesscommunityfocusedonthecontentsofthisworkbookatwww.mbsrworkbook.com.

explore:CreatingYourFormalWay

Mindfulness is a personal journey, and some practicesmay resonatewith youmore than others.Readthrough the list of the formal practices you’ve learned in this book, then explore and compare yourexperienceswiththem.Youmaywant toreadthroughyouroldformalpractice logstohelpyoudecide

whichpracticesyou’dliketoemphasize.FormalPractices

MindfullyEatingaRaisin

MindfulCheck-In

MindfulBreathing

WalkingMeditation

BodyScan

SittingMeditation

MindfulLyingYoga

MindfulSelf-InquiryforStressandAnxiety

MindfulStandingYoga

Loving-KindnessMeditation

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Whilemindfulnessmayseem tobesimple,bynowyouunderstand that it’sapractice that requireseffortanddiscipline.It’salltooeasytogetcaughtupinwell-worngroovesandfallbackintorunningonautopilot.Asyoucontinueinyourpractice,mayyouhavecompassionforyourselfwhenyourealizethatyou’ve let time pass without practicing. Remember, in that very moment you are present once again.Choosetoinviteyourselftorenewyourpractice.

settingupyourformalpracticeForthenextmonth,eachweekchoosetwoorthreepracticesandschedulethemonyourcalendar.It’sfinetoemphasizeyourfavoritepracticesorthosethatcomemosteasily,butoccasionallychooseothersthataremorechallengingasawaytocontinuetodeepenandexpandyourprocess.Alsocontinuetoscheduleweeklyreviews.Thismayhelpyoucommitmorefullytoyourpracticeandwillalsoprovidefeedbackthatwillhelpyoudeterminewhichpracticesaremosteffectiveforyouandwhatrhythmbestsupportsyouin reducing anxiety and stress and building compassion. Go ahead and schedule your next week ofpracticenow,beforereadingon.

explore:CreatingYourInformalWay

Inthesamewaythatdoingformalpracticeisapersonaljourney,youmayhaveappreciatedsomeinformalpracticesmorethanothers.Readthroughthelistofinformalpracticesyou’velearnedinthisbook,thenexploreandcompareyourexperienceswiththem.Youmaywanttoreadthroughallofyourreviewsofinformalpracticetohelpyoudecidewhichyou’dliketoemphasize.

InformalPractices

MindfulEating

WeavingMindfulnessThroughoutYourDay

BringingtheEightAttitudesofMindfulnessintoYourLife

STOP

MindingYourPain

BeingMindfulofHabits

RAIN

Loving-KindnessinDailyLife

MindfulListening

MindfulEatingRevisited

MindfulExercise

TheGiftofRest

MindfulConnection

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Opportunitiestopracticemindfulnessareallaroundyou.Byintegratingmindfulnessintoyourdailylife, you can break out of routine and find yourway back intowonder. It can truly turn the seeminglyordinaryintosomethingextraordinary.AsthelateRichardCarlsonsuggestedinhisbookDon’tSweatthe

SmallStuff—AndIt’sAllSmallStuff(1997),you’llfindthatyoumorenaturallystarttobegratefulforthegood times andgraceful during themore difficult times.Mayyou continue to remindyourself to bringmindfulnessintoallofthemanyfacetsofyourlife.

continuingyourinformalpracticeContinue toweave the informalpractices in thisbook intoyourday-to-day life,emphasizing thoseyouresonate with and those that are most beneficial for you, as perhaps revealed by the precedingexploration.Usetheseasabasisforcreatingyourowninformalpractices.Also,bearinmindthatyoucanbringinformalpracticeintoanydailyactivity.Sincewereallyliveonlyinthepresentmoment,whynotbe there for it as fully aspossible?Todo so, simply tune in toyour senses andalsobeawareof anythoughtsoremotionsthatarise.Herearesomeexamples:

Ifyou’retakingabath,noticethetemperatureofthewaterandthefeelingofthesoaporsuds.Beawareof thescents thatsurroundyouandanysounds thatoccur, likebubblespoppingorwaterswishing.Whatdoyousee,intermsofcolors,shapes,andtextures?Doanythoughts,memories,oremotionsarise?Ifso,justacknowledgethem,letthembe,andgentlybringyourselfbacktothepresentmomentofbathing.

Ifyou’relisteningtomusic,hearandfeeltherhythmofthesoundsastheyrise,fall,andchange.Alsonoticeanyphysicalsensations,thoughts,oremotionsthatariseinconnectionwiththemusic.

If you’re with a friend, intentionally choose to listen mindfully. If your mind wanders, as itinevitablywill,justacknowledgethis,letitbe,andgentlybringitbacktolisteningdeeply.

Beawarethatsomeactivitiescanalsodoagreatdealtoalleviatestress.Notableexamplesincludeexercising, soaking in awarm tub, laughing, journaling, yoga,walking, and gardening.A complete listwould be lengthy and it’s also highly personalized. Golf may be relaxing for some and entirelyunappealingtoothers.Somepeoplemayfindmusicrelaxing,whereasforothersitmaybedisruptive.Wesuggestapplyingmindfulnesstodeterminingwhichactivitieshelpreduceormanageyourstressandthenemphasizing those. Then, if you bring mindfulness to these activities, you’re likely to redouble thebenefits.Andasyoumayhaveguessed,wealsorecommendthatyoucontinuetomindfullyreflectonyourinformal practice.Thiswill also helpmaximize the benefits of your practice. In craftingyour ongoingpractice,consideranyofthefollowingactivitiesasanopportunitytopracticemindfulness:

Soakinginthebathtub

Collectingthings(stamps,shells,andsoon)

Sortingthrougholditemsforrecyclingordonation

Joggingorwalking

Listeningtomusic

Laughing

Listeningtoothers

Reading

Crafts(ceramics,woodwork,andsoon)

Spendinganeveningwithgoodfriends

Planningaday’sactivities

Goingtothegymordoingaerobics

Cooking,baking,orpreparingfood

Repairingthingsaroundthehouse

Workingonacarorbicycle

Notingthelovingwordsordeedsofothers

Puttingonortakingoffclothes

Noticingstillnesstheearlymorningorintheevening

Takingcareofplantsoragarden

Swimming

Doodling

Playingteamsports

Flyingakite

Drinkingearlymorningcoffeeorteaandreadingthenewspaper

Knitting,sewing,crocheting,orquilting

Shootingpool

Dressingup

Goingtoamuseumorartgallery

Doingcrosswordsorotherpuzzles

SurfingtheInternet

Watchingacandleorafire

Listeningtotheradio

Goingouttoeatoroutforcoffee

Gettingorgivingamassage

Communicating“Iloveyou”

Skiing

Canoeingorwhite-waterrafting

Bowling

Dancing

Watchingfishinanaquarium

Horsebackriding

Rockclimbing

Doingsomethingyou’veneverdonebefore

Doingjigsawpuzzles

Playingwithpets

Rearrangingfurniture

Goingwindow-shopping

Goingtothebathroom

Takingashower

Cleaninghouse

Foldingthelaundry

Havingdiscussionswithfriendsorfamily

Ridingamotorbike

Makinglove

Singingaloneorwithothers

Arrangingflowers

Goingtothebeach

Notingpositivethoughts

Ice-skating,roller-skating,orroller-blading

Goingsailing

Sketching,painting,ordoingotherart

Doingembroideryorcross-stitching

Lyingdownforanaporjusttorest

Driving

Birdwatching

Flirting

Playingamusicalinstrument

Makingagiftforsomeone

Hikingorgoingforabriskwalk

Writing

Working

Sightseeing

Gardening

Beinginthebeautysalon

Playingtennisorotherracquetsports

Kissing

Watchingchildrenorpetsplay

Goingtoaplayoraconcert

Daydreaming

Listeningtomusic

Refinishingfurniture

Makingato-dolist

Bicycling

Spendingtimeinnature

Eatinghealthfulfood

Eatinggooey,delicious,forbiddenfoods

Takingphotographs

Goingfishing

Thinkingaboutpleasantevents

Stargazing

Beingalone

Writinginajournal

Writingaletterorpersonalemail

Goingonapicnic

Havinglunchwithafriend

Playingcardsorothergames

Seeingorshowingphotosorslides

Washingthedishes

FAQ

Mypracticeisdwindling.HowcanIrevitalizemycommitmenttomeditation?An important part of keeping your practice going is to remain aware of howmuch

better you feel when you practice regularly. Beyond that, have self-compassion andremember, themomentyou realizeyouaren’tpresent,youarepresentandyourpracticebeginsagain.Itmayalsobehelpfultoreflectonthepreciousnessandfragilityoflifeandaskyourselfwhatyou’rewaitingfor.Areyoulivingthelifeyouwanttobeliving?Thisattitude is beautifully encapsulated in the ancient Buddhist language, Pali, with thepowerfulword samvega,which expresses thatwhenyou realize death can come at anymoment,youarecatapultedintorealizingtheimportanceofpractice.Takeamomentrightnow and ask yourself what’s most important to you. If you want to experience morefreedomandpeace,regularmindfulnesspracticeisthekeythatunlocksthedoor.

deepeningyourpracticeWeencourageyou toparticipate inamindfulnessmeditation retreat from time to time.Therearemanypossibilities,rangingindurationfromadaytoaweekendtoaweek,amonth,orevenlonger.Althoughthe everyday practice of mindfulness is key, a meditation retreat is a wonderful complement that canprofoundlydeepenyourpractice.TwowonderfulmeditationcentersthatofferretreatsthroughouttheyearareSpiritRock,inWoodacre,California,andtheInsightMeditationSociety,inBarre,Massachusetts.SeetheResourcessectionforcontactinformationfortheseorganizations.

closingwordsWithinadailypracticeofmindfulness,youcanmorequicklydiscoverwhenyou’regettingstressed,andthusreturntobalancemorequickly.Ifthedayisextremelychallenging,evenoneminuteofmindfulnesscanbringgreaterstillness.Alsobearinmindthatifyou’reoftenoffsomewhereelseinthefutureorthepast,you’llmisssomanywonderfulmoments ineverydaylife.Remember, themainpoint is tobehereandnow,sincethisiswhere,andwhen,lifeislived.

Ourwishforyouis thatyoudevelopasenseofbalanceandmakethepracticeofmindfulnessyourown.RememberViktorFrankl’swords:“Betweenstimulusandresponsethereisaspace.Inthatspaceisour power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth andour freedom” (Pattakos 2008,viii).

Mayyouremembertopracticecompassionforyourself,alllivingbeings,andtheuniverse.

Mayallbeingsbeatpeace.

afterwordHereonEarth,1.8peopledieeverysecond.That’s108deathsperminute,150,000deathsperday,55milliondeathsperyear.Noamountofmindfulnessorstressreductionisgoingtokeepyouandmefromsomedayjoiningthisinevitability.Yetdwellingforatimeinthesoberingreverberationofthesenumbers,this fact remains: today, rightnow, in thisverymoment, youand I are alive!This is abigdeal.Oftenenoughwetakeitforgrantedorsimplyforget.

AMindfulness-BasedStressReductionWorkbook has been a reminder.Over andover again,BobStahlandElishaGoldsteinhaveaskedustorememberthefundamentalrealityofbeingalive.Theyhaveinvitedusintoseeingandhearing,touchingandtasting,smellingandperceivingeveryinstanceofthisonelifethatisourstolive—thisone“wildandpreciouslife”MaryOlivercallsustoremember,thatDerekWalcottremindsusto“feaston,”thisonelife,inallitsunityandmultiplicitythatendlesslyconspirestoremindusofourfundamentalwakefulnessandinnatehumanresourcefulness.

Remindingusofthesethings,thisbookhasbecomeourgoodfortune.Moresobecauseitisrootedinexperience,ithasprovideduswithamethodthathasthepowerandpotentialtocarryusfarbeyondthecompletionof the lastpage. Inpracticingwith thisbook,you’veprobablydiscovered that theworkofawareness is never done. I hope that you’ve become captivated and compelled by the adventure ofmindfulness. This workbook is a worthwhile traveling companion. We can explore and integrate itslessonsforalong,longtimebecauseithasofferedusawell-researchedapproachforlearningtobemorefullyalivetoourselves,tothepeoplewhoshareourlives,andtothewonderandbeautyoftheworldinallitslightanddarkness.

Thisbookislikeawidefieldofacceptanceofferingusplentyofroomtoroamaswelearntobecomemercifully attentive to our reactive habits and conditioned states of mind and body. Such opennessencouragesclearseeing,theemergenceofhonesty,andanembodiedabilitytorespondmoreskillfullytothechallengesofliving.BobandElishahavebeenspaciousandprecisewithus.Theytrustourdepthandbreadth.Insodoing,theyencourageustodiscoverforourselvesVictorFrankl’sinsight:

Between stimulus and response there is a space.In that space is our power to choose ourresponse.Inourresponseliesourgrowthandourfreedom.

Inathousandways,thisbookpointstothatspace.Ourworkisnowbeforeus.

—SakiF.Santorelli,Ed.D.,MAAssociateProfessorofMedicineDirector,StressReductionClinicExecutive Director, Center for Mindfulness in Medicine,HealthCare,andSocietyUniversityofMassachusettsMedicalSchoolWorcester,Massachusetts

resources

mindfulnessaudio

MindfulnessMeditationCDsbyBobStahl

To purchase or listen to a sample of these CDs, visit www.mbsrworkbook.com orwww.mindfulnessprograms.com/mindful-healing-series.html. You can also purchase them atAmazon.com.

OpeningtoChange,Forgiveness,andLoving-Kindness

WorkingwithChronicPain

WorkingwithNeckandShoulderPain

WorkingwithBackPain

WorkingwithInsomniaandSleepChallenges

WorkingwithAnxiety,Fear,andPanic

WorkingwithHighBloodPressure

WorkingwithHeartDisease

WorkingwithHeadachesandMigraines

WorkingwithAsthma,COPD,andRespiratoryChallenges

BodyScanandSittingMeditation

LyingandStandingYoga

ImpermanenceandLoving-KindnessMeditation

MindfulnessDVDbyBobStahl,Ph.D.

MindfulQigongandLoving-KindnessMeditation

MindfulSolutionsCDsbyElishaGoldstein,Ph.D.

FormoreinformationortopurchasetheseCDs,visitwww.mbsrworkbook.com,elishagoldstein.com,ordrsgoldstein.com.Youcanalsopurchasethematwww.amazon.com.

MindfulSolutionsforStress,Anxiety,andDepression

Mindful Solutions forAddictionandRelapsePrevention (coauthoredwith StefanieGoldstein,Ph.D.)

MindfulSolutionsforSuccessandStressReductionatWork

MindfulSolutionsforAdultswithADD/ADHD(byLidiaZylowska,MD)

mindfulnessresources

Mindfulness-BasedStress-ReductionPrograms

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction programs abound throughout the United States as well asinternationally.Ifyou’reinterestedinjoiningaprogramnearyou,checkouttheregionalandinternationaldirectory at the Center for Mindfulness at University of Massachusetts Medical School’s website:www.umassmed.edu/cfm/mbsr.

MindfulnessMeditationCentersandWeeklySittingGroups

To findmindfulnessmeditation centers andweekly sitting groups in theUnited States, consult thefollowingwebsites,whichalsoofferlistsofinternationalmeditationcenters:

FortheWestCoast,www.spiritrock.org

FortheEastCoast,www.dharma.org

OnlineMindfulnessPrograms

Ifyou’reinterestedinjoiningaliveonlinecommunityfocusedonthecontentinthisworkbook,gotowww.mbsrworkbook.com.

If you would like to participate in a self-directed, multimedia, and interactive “Mindfulness,Anxiety, and Stress Program,” by Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein, please go to:www.aliveworld.com/shops/mh1/mindfulness-Anxiety-and-Stress.aspx.

Ifyoucan’tfindalocalMBSRprogramormeditationcenterorgroup,considerparticipatinginanonline mindfulness-based stress reduction program with Steve Flowers:steve@mindfullivingprograms.comorwww.mindfullivingprograms.com.

OnlineMindfulnessClasses:www.emindful.com

MindfulnessWebsites

AMindfulness-BasedStressReductionWorkbookwebsite:www.mbsrworkbook.com

BobStahl’swebsite:www.mindfulnessprograms.com

ElishaGoldstein’swebsites:www.drsgoldstein.com,www.elishagoldstein.com

Center for Mindfulness at University of Massachusetts Medical School website:www.umassmed.edu/cfm

MindandLifeInstitutewebsite:www.mindandlife.org

MindfulAwarenessResearchCenter(MARC)website:marc.ucla.edu

MindsightInstitutewebsite:www.mindsightinstitute.com

www.mindfulnesstogether.com

InsightLAwebsite:www.insightla.org

eMindfulwebsite:www.emindful.com

organizationsandinternetresourcesforstressandanxietyAnxietyDisordersAssociationofAmericawww.adaa.orgThemissionofthisnonprofitorganizationistopromotetheprevention,treatment,andcureofanxiety

disordersandtoimprovethelivesofallpeoplewhosufferfromthem.TheAnxietyPanicInternetResourcewww.algy.com/anxietyThisweb-basedresourceoffersforumsandgoodinformationonanxietyandpanic.Obsessive-CompulsiveFoundationwww.ocfoundation.orgThisisthetopwebsiteforthoroughinformationonobsessivecompulsivedisorder.

additionalreading

MindfulnessMeditation

Analayo,B.2002.Satipatthana:TheDirectPathtoRealization.Birmington,UK:Windhorse.

Bodhi,B.1994.TheNobleEightfoldPath:TheWaytotheEndofSuffering.Kandy,SriLanka:BuddhistPublicationSociety.

Boorstein,S.1997.It’sEasierThanYouThink:TheBuddhistWaytoHappiness.SanFrancisco:HarperOne.

Brach,T.2004.RadicalAcceptance.NewYork:Bantam.

Chödrön,P.2000.WhenThingsFallApart.Boston:Shambhala.

———.2007.ThePlacesThatScareYou.Boston:Shambhala.

Dass,R.,andS.Levine.1988.GristfortheMill.Berkeley,CA:CelestialArts.

Epstein,M.1995.ThoughtsWithoutaThinker.NewYork:PerseusGroup.

———.2001.GoingonBeing:LifeattheCrossroadsofBuddhismandPsychotherapy.NewYork:BroadwayBooks.

Goldstein,J.1983.TheExperienceofInsight.Boston:Shambhala.

———.2003.InsightMeditation:ThePracticeofFreedom.Boston:Shambhala.

———.2003.OneDharma:TheEmergingWesternBuddhism.SanFrancisco:Harper.

Goldstein,J.,andJ.Kornfield.2001.SeekingtheHeartofWisdom.Boston:Shambhala.

Gunaratana,B.H.2002.MindfulnessinPlainEnglish.Boston:Wisdom.

Kabat-Zinn,J.1990.FullCatastropheLiving.NewYork:Delta.

———.1994.WhereverYouGo,ThereYouAre.NewYork:Hyperion.

———.2005.ComingtoOurSenses.NewYork:Hyperion.

———.2007.ArrivingatYourOwnDoor:108LessonsinMindfulness.NewYork:Hyperion.

Kornfield,J.1993.APathwithHeart.NewYork:Bantam.

———.2000.AftertheEcstasy,theLaundry.NewYork:Bantam.

———.2008.TheWiseHeart.NewYork:Bantam.

Levine,N.2003.DharmaPunx.SanFrancisco:HarperCollins.

———.2007.AgainsttheStream.SanFrancisco:HarperCollins.

Levine,S.1989.AGradualAwakening.NewYork:Anchor.

NhatHanh,T.1996.TheMiracleofMindfulness.Boston:Beacon.

———.2005.BeingPeace.Berkeley,CA:ParallaxPress.

Rahula,W.1974.WhattheBuddhaTaught.NewYork:GrovePress.

Rosenberg,L.1998.BreathbyBreath:TheLiberatingPracticeofInsightMeditation.Boston:Shambhala.

———.2000.LivingintheLightofDeath.Boston:Shambhala.

Salzberg,S.1997.AHeartasWideastheWorld.Boston:Shambhala.

———.2002.Lovingkindness.Boston:Shambhala.

Sayadaw,M.L.1965.ManualofInsight,translatedbyS.U.Nyana.Rangoon,Burma:UnionBuddhaSasanaCouncil.Availableatwww.dhammaweb.net/html/view.php?id=2.

Sumedho,A.1995.TheMindandtheWay.Boston:Wisdom.

———.2007.TheSoundofSilence.Boston:Wisdom.

Thera,Narada.1977.TheBuddhaandHisTeachings.KualaLumpur,Malaysia:BuddhistMissionarySociety.

Thera,Nyanaponika.1973.TheHeartofBuddhistMeditation.Boston:WeiserBooks.

Thera,Nyanatilkoa.1959.TheWordoftheBuddha.Kandy,SriLanka:BuddhistPublicationSociety.

Thera,P.1979.TheBuddha’sAncientPath.Kandy,SriLanka:BuddhistPublicationSociety.

Thomas,C.A.2006.AtHell’sGate:ASoldier’sJourney.Boston:Shambhala.

Trungpa,C.2002.CuttingThroughSpiritualMaterialism.Boston:Shambhala.

———.2002.TheMythofFreedom.Boston:Shambhala.

Stress,Illness,andHealing

Bennett-Goleman,T.2001.EmotionalAlchemy.NewYork:ThreeRiversPress.

Benson,H.1976.TheRelaxationResponse.NewYork:Harper.

Bourne,E.J.2005.TheAnxietyandPhobiaWorkbook,4thedition.Oakland,CA:NewHarbinger.

Brantley,J.2007.CalmingYourAnxiousMind:HowMindfulnessandCompassionCanFreeYoufromAnxiety,Fear,andPanic.Oakland,CA:NewHarbinger.

Chödrön,P.1997.WhenThingsFallApart.Boston:Shambhala.

Chopra,D.1988.QuantumHealing:ExploringtheFrontiersofMind/BodyMedicine.NewYork:Bantam.

Cousins,N.2005.AnatomyofanIllness.NewYork:W.W.Norton.

Flowers,S.2009.MindfulPathThroughShyness.Oakland,CA:NewHarbinger.

Frankl,V.2000.Man’sSearchforMeaning.Boston:BeaconPress.

Levine,S.1989.HealingIntoLifeandDeath.NewYork:Anchor.

Moyers,B.1995.HealingandtheMind.NewYork:MainStreetBooks.

Muller,W.1999.Sabbath:RestoringtheSacredRhythmofRest.NewYork:Bantam.

Ornish,D.1983.Stress,Diet,andYourHeart.NewYork:HenryHolt.

———.1995.Dr.DeanOrnish’sProgramforReversingHeartDisease.NewYork:BallantineBooks.

———.1998.LoveandSurvival.NewYork:HarperCollins.

Remen,R.N.1996.KitchenTableWisdom.NewYork:RiverheadBooks.

———.2000.MyGrandfather’sBlessings.NewYork:RiverheadBooks.

Robbins,J.1987.DietforaNewAmerica.Tiburon,CA:H.J.Kramer.

———.2006.Healthyat100.NewYork:RandomHouse.

Santorelli,S.1999.HealThyself:LessonsinMindfulnessinMedicine.NewYork:ThreeRiversPress.

Segal,Z.,M.Williams,andJ.Teasdale.2002.Mindfulness-BasedCognitiveTherapyforDepression:ANewApproachtoPreventingRelapse.NewYork:GuilfordPress.

Selye,H.1975.StressWithoutDistress.NewYork:Signet.

———.1978.TheStressofLife.NewYork:McGraw-Hill.

Shapiro,S.,andL.Carlson.2009.TheArtandScienceofMindfulness:IntegratingMindfulnessintoPsychologyandtheHelpingProfessions.WashingtonDC:APABooks.

Siegel,D.2007.TheMindfulBrain.NewYork:W.W.Norton.

Weil,A.2000.EatingWellforOptimumHealth.NewYork:AlfredA.Knopf.

———.2000.SpontaneousHealing.NewYork:Ballantine.

———.2007.HealthyAging:ALifelongGuidetoYourWell-Being.NewYork:Anchor.

Williams,M.,J.Teasdale,Z.Segal,andJ.Kabat-Zinn.2007.TheMindfulWayThroughDepression.NewYork:GuilfordPress.

MindfulMovement

Boccio,F.J.2004.MindfulnessYoga.Boston:Wisdom.

Cohen,K.1997.TheWayofQigong.NewYork:BallantineBooks.

Conrad,E.1997.LifeonLand:TheStoryofContinuum,theWorld-RenownedSelf-DiscoveryandMovementMethod.Berkeley,CA:NorthAtlanticBooks.

Feldenkrais,M.1972.AwarenessThroughMovement.NewYork:HarperCollins.

Gintis,B.2007.EngagingtheMovementofLife.Berkeley,CA:NorthAtlanticBooks.

Hu,B.2004.WildGooseQigong.DVD.Berkeley,CA:ThreeGeeseProductions.

Iyengar,B.K.1992.LightonYoga.NewYork:SchockenBooks.

Lasater,J.H.2000.LivingYourYoga.Berkeley,CA:RodmellPress.

Poetry

Berry,W.1998.TheSelectedPoemsofWendellBerry.Washington,DC:Perseus.

Eliot,T.S.1963.CollectedPoems.Orlando,FL:HarcourtBrace.

Emerson,R.W.1994.RalphWaldoEmerson,CollectedPoemsandTranslations.NewYork:Penguin.

Hafiz.1999.TheGift,translatedbyD.Ladinski.NewYork:Penguin.

Kabir.2004.Kabir:EcstaticPoems,translatedbyR.Bly.Boston:Beacon.

Kinnell,G.2000.ANewSelectedPoems.NewYork:HoughtonMifflin.

Lao-tzu.1944.TheWayofLife,translatedbyW.Bynner.NewYork:Penguin.

Nelson,P.1993.There’saHoleinMySidewalk:TheRomanceofSelf-Discovery.Hillsboro,OR:BeyondWords.

Oliver,M.1992.NewandSelectedPoems.Boston:BeaconBooks.

Rilke,R.M.2000.LetterstoaYoungPoet,translatedbyJ.Burnham.Novato,CA:NewWorldLibrary.

Rumi.2001.TheSoulofRumi,translatedbyC.Barks.SanFrancisco:Harper.

Ryokan.1977.OneRobe,OneBowl,translatedbyJ.Stevens.NewYork:JohnWeatherhill.

Stafford,W.1998.TheWayItIs.St.Paul,MN:GraywolfPress.

Walcott,D.1987.CollectedPoems.NewYork:Farrar,StrausandGiroux.

Welwood,J.P.1998.PoemsforthePath.MillValley,CA:JenniferPaineWelwood.

Whyte,D.1994.TheHeartAroused.NewYork:BantamDoubleday.

referencesAinsworth,M.D.S.,M.C.Blehar,E.Waters,andS.Wall.1978.PatternsofAttachment:A

PsychologicalStudyoftheStrangeSituation.Hillsdale,NJ:Erlbaum.

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Augustine.2002.TheConfessionsofSt.Augustine,trans.byA.C.Outler.Mineola,NY:DoverPublications.

Bastian,E.W.,andT.L.Staley.2009.LivingFully,DyingWell:ReflectingonDeathtoFindYourLife’sMeaning.Boulder,CO:SoundsTrue.

Baxter,L.R.,J.M.Schwartz,K.S.Bergman,M.P.Szuba,B.H.Guze,J.C.Mazziota,etal.1992.Caudateglucosemetabolicratechangeswithbothdrugandbehaviortherapyforobsessive-compulsivedisorder.ArchivesofGeneralPsychiatry49(9):681-689.

Benson,H.1976.TheRelaxationResponse.NewYork:Harper.

Bohm,D.1951.QuantumTheory.NewYork:PrenticeHall.

Bowlby,J.1969.AttachmentandLoss.Vol.1,Attachment.NewYork:BasicBooksandHogarthPress.

Brefczynski-Lewis,J.A.,A.Lutz,H.S.Schaefer,D.B.Levinson,andR.J.Davidson.2007.Neuralcorrelatesofattentionalexpertiseinlong-termmeditationpractitioners.ProceedingsoftheNationalAcademyofSciences104(27):11483-11488.

Brown,K.,andR.Ryan.2003.Thebenefitsofbeingpresent:Mindfulnessanditsroleinpsychologicalwell-being.JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology84(4):822-848.

Carlson,L.,M.Speca,P.Faris,andK.Patel.2007.Oneyearpre-postinterventionfollow-upofpsychological,immune,endocrineandbloodpressureoutcomesofmindfulness-basedstressreduction(MBSR)inbreastandprostatecanceroutpatients.Brain,Behavior,andImmunity21(8):1038-1049.

Carlson,R.1997.Don’tSweattheSmallStuff—AndIt’sAllSmallStuff.NewYork:Hyperion.

Carson,J.W.,K.M.Carson,K.M.Gil,andD.H.Baucom.2006.Mindfulness-basedrelationshipenhancement(MBRE)incouples.InMindfulness-BasedTreatmentApproaches,editedbyR.A.Baer.Burlington,MA:AcademicPress.

Davidson,R.J.,J.Kabat-Zinn,J.Schumacher,M.Rosenkranz,D.Muller,S.F.Santorelli,F.Urbanowski,A.Harrington,K.Bonus,andJ.F.Sheridan.2003.Alterationsinbrainandimmunefunction

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Main,M.,andJ.Solomon.1986.Discoveryofaninsecure-disorganized/disorientedattachmentpattern.InT.B.BrazeltonandM.W.Yogman,eds.,AffectiveDevelopmentinInfancy.Norwood,NJ:AblexPublishing.

Miller,J.J.,K.Fletcher,andJ.Kabat-Zinn.1995.Three-yearfollowupandclinicalimplicationsofamindfulnessmeditation-basedstressreductioninterventioninthetreatmentofanxietydisorders.GeneralHospitalPsychiatry17(3):192-200.

Moore,E.,andK.Stevens.2004.GoodBooksLately.NewYork:Macmillan.

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Nelson,P.1993.There’saHoleinMySidewalk:TheRomanceofSelf-Discovery.Hillsboro,OR:BeyondWords.

NhatHahn,T.2001.Anger:WisdomforCoolingtheFlames.NewYork:BerkleyPublishing.

NhatHanh,T.2003.CreatingTruePeace:EndingViolenceinYourself,YourFamily,YourCommunity,andtheWorld.NewYork:SimonandSchuster.

Oliver,M.1992.NewandSelectedPoems.Boston:BeaconBooks.

Oman,M.(ed).2000.PrayersforHealing:365Blessings,Poems,andMeditationsfromAroundtheWorld.Berkeley,CA:ConariPress.

Ornish,D.1999.LoveandSurvival:EightPathwaystoIntimacyandHealth.NewYork:

HarperPerennial.

Parks,G.A.,B.K.Anderson,andG.A.Marlatt.2001.InterpersonalHandbookofAlcoholDependenceandProblems.NewYork:JohnWiley.

Pattakos,A.2008.PrisonersofOurThoughts:ViktorFrankl’sPrinciplesforDiscoveringMeaninginLifeandWork.SanFrancisco:Berrett-Koehler.

Powell,T.J.,andS.Enright1990.AnxietyandStressManagement.London:Routledge.

Rahula,W.1974.WhattheBuddhaTaught.NewYork:GrovePress.

Schore,A.2003.AffectDysregulationandDisordersoftheSelf.NewYork:W.W.Norton.

Segal,Z.V.,J.M.G.Williams,J.D.Teasdale,andJ.Kabat-Zinn.2007.TheMindfulWayThroughDepression.NewYork:GuilfordPress.

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Bob Stahl, Ph.D., founded and directsmindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) programs in threemedicalcenters in theSanFranciscoBayArea.A longtimemindfulnesspractitioner,hehascompletedMBSR teacher certification at University of Massachusetts Medical Center and lived in a Buddhistmonasteryformorethaneightyears.BobalsoservesasadjunctseniorteacherforOasis,theinstituteformindfulness-basedprofessional educationat theCenter forMindfulness inMedicine,HealthCare, andSocietyattheUniversityofMassachusettsMedicalSchool.

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and cofounder of the Mindfulness Center forPsychotherapy andPsychiatry.He teachesMBSRandmindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) inWestLosAngeles.HeisauthoroftheaudioCDseriesMindfulSolutions,whichdealswithissuessuchasstress,anxiety,depression,addiction,adultADHD,andsuccessatwork.Heisalsoauthorofpopularmindfulnessandpsychotherapyblogsonwww.psychcentral.comandwww.mentalhelp.net,andconductsworkshops,radiointerviews,andlecturesonthetherapeuticbenefitsofmindfulness.

Foreword writer Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., is author of numerous books, including Full CatastropheLiving;WhereverYouGo,ThereYouAre;andComingtoOurSenses.

AfterwordwriterSaki Santorelli, Ed.D.,MA, is executive director of the Center forMindfulness inMedicine,Health Care, and Society at theUniversity ofMassachusettsMedical School and author ofHealThyself.

Visitwww.mbsrworkbook.comformoreinformation.